Chapter Text
Crash!
Harry jerked in his armchair, alarmed, rapidly blinking in an attempt to shake off the drowsiness enveloping his mind. He looked towards the ceiling, eyes darting over the white painted surface, as if he could somehow see through the opaque surface if he looked hard enough.
He was sure he had heard the sound of glass shattering. He was sure this time. He listened hard, straining his ears to see if he could pick up any more sound through the concrete and plaster.
All that greeted him, however, was a ringing silence.
Slowly, Harry relaxed back into the cushions supporting his back. A puzzled frown was still persistent on his downturned lips. Lately, he’d been hearing things like this too often to be placated by the thought of merely imagining the noise. The first time he’d heard a loud crash, he’d chalked it up to an accident. But then the noises only kept increasing in frequency, to the extent that he heard something concerning almost every other day.
He never heard anything else though. It was always a loud thud or a deafening crash and then… nothing. Despite having thin walls and ceilings, Harry never heard anything else from the apartment above his. No sign of human life, neither a scream nor a yell. Nothing to indicate anyone lived there at all, except for the odd noises.
A loud ringing jerked him out of his ruminations. He fumbled for his phone, unlocked it and accepted the call, putting it on speaker.
“ Prongslet!” Sirius’s loud greeting replaced the unnatural silence and melancholy in his apartment. Harry felt a rush of warmth fill him from head to toe at his godfather’s familiar voice, shaking away the ominous feeling that had enveloped him.
He felt his lips tug involuntarily into a grin. “Hello Padfoot.”
“How’s my ickle baby doing? Uni treating you alright? Don’t miss me too much, do you? But well, of course you do, I’m impossible not to miss.” Harry could almost imagine Sirius’ rakish carefree grin through the phone. He shook his head in fond exasperation.
“I’m alright.” The warmth in his chest condensed to lodge in his lungs, travelling upwards to his throat. “Astonishingly, I do miss you.” Harry answered honestly, surprising himself. He rarely ever indulged Sirius, choosing instead to tease him with indifference to his dramatic declarations.
There was a pause in reply to his uncharacteristic answer.
“I miss you too Prongslet.” Sirius’s voice was soft when he finally spoke, the edges of his tone just a little rough as if something was lodged in his windpipe as well.
Both of them cleared their throats at the same time.
Sirius let out a loud self-deprecating bark of laughter, the sound dissipating all the lingering sadness in the air.
“Look at us two codgers! My God, I need to call Remus otherwise we’ll both be crying like babes by the end of this call. Mr. Moony will put an end to all this emotional nonsense. Oi Remus! Come here, we need you!”
Harry chuckled softly, settling comfortably into his armchair, curling up slightly to accommodate his legs. There was the sound of shuffling around and Sirius’s yelling coming from the other end of the phone before Remus’s warm voice filtered through the static,
“Hello Harry. How are you doing?”
“Hey, Moony.” Harry said affectionately. “I’m good.”
“How was the transition? I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to see you off.”
Harry's lips upturned involuntarily. His heart thudded a little louder in his chest.
"You don’t need to be sorry. I know you would’ve been there if you could’ve. And the transition wasn’t actually as hard as I thought it would be. I’m adjusting well here.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
“Made any friends?” This was Sirius.
Harry’s smile dimmed a bit. “No, not yet,” He shifted slightly, “but it's only been a few weeks,” he hurried to add. “Everyone’s already set into their own social circles, it’s gonna take some time.”
“Of course! It’s only a matter of time! There’s no way they won’t love you, just you see!” Sirius said, false cheer apparent in his voice. Still, Harry appreciated the effort.
“Yeah.” He picked at the fabric of his armchair. Before either of them could say anything at his less than enthusiastic response, he quickly called out to Remus, waiting until Remus made a soft affirming sound before continuing, “How did your job work out?”
“Oh!” Remus’s normally gentle intonations rose to an excited tone. “It’s a fantastic organisation. It’s fully reliant on charity rather than operating on government funds, which gives us more freedom than we would’ve otherwise gotten. Instead of delegating children into foster homes and leaving them to the mercy of the system, the children are provided refuge in homes built within the facility. It’s honestly better than anything I could’ve ever dreamed of. It’s perhaps even better than-” Here, Remus stopped abruptly. Then, with force, he continued, “It is better than my last job.”
Harry smiled, warmth and relief spreading through his veins like sweet nectar. “I’m really glad you like it. You deserve a job that makes you happy.” He tried to bury the negative thoughts that surfaced up like hissing vines, malicious in nature and ringing with ugly guilt.
“Of course he does. Harry, please tell this ridiculous man that he’s fully qualified for his job, and is the best candidate that Albus Dumbledore could have hoped would walk into his office. The man would’ve been mad not to hire you.”
“Of course, Remus.” Harry’s forehead crinkled. “You don’t think they hired you just because of your past do you?”
“Of course I don’t. Sirius is just being dramatic.” Harry relaxed a bit, knowing Sirius's disposition better than anyone, but then Remus continued, “There’s nothing for you to worry about.” And he immediately knew Remus was hiding his true feelings just to spare him worry.
“Remus,” Harry straightened up, “You’re the best teacher we ever had.” He said fiercely. “And I’m not just saying that because you’re my godfather. Everyone loved you.”
“Thankyou Harry. I’ll try to keep that in mind if doubts ever come knocking” Remus sounded warm, voice filled with fondness.
Harry smiled into the phone, wishing desperately for a second that he could see Remus, both his godfathers in front of him.
“Alright gimme back the phone, you’ve hogged it enough. I need some personal time with my godson.” It seemed Sirius’s patience with being a background character had expired. There wasn’t much of it to begin with anyway. Harry could almost see the exasperated eye-roll Remus indulged in. He’d seen it enough in real life to have Remus’s long-suffering expression and Sirius’s resulting delighted grin etched into his brain.
“I’m going upstairs then. Got an early start tomorrow. Don’t let Sirius keep you up too long Harry. You’ve got university tomorrow.”
Harry chuckled at Sirius’s outraged protest at the assumption that he would ever keep Harry up beyond proper hours.
Once Remus had departed, Sirius stayed quiet for a moment. Harry was beginning to wonder if he should ask if something was wrong before Sirius suddenly spoke up.
“Harry.” His voice was filled with excitement.
“Yeah?”
“Jupiter is supposed to be visible today. Go outside and check.”
Ah. So that's what Sirius was doing. Harry looked outside through the small gap between his curtains.
“Sirius, it's cold. ”
“Don’t be a pussy, Harry. Come on, get up. It’s Jupiter, for Merlin’s sake.”
“No.” Harry said stubbornly. “It’s just a planet Sirius. It looks no different than the rest of the stars.”
“Have you ever seen Jupiter before? Sirius demanded.
“No.” Harry sighed, already knowing there was no point arguing with Sirius. Best to just get up and go outside into the freezing, freezing cold all because of his fanatic godfather. He sighed again for good measure, just to let Sirius know just how displeased he was. He was ignored, of course, in favour of a long lecture on planet positions, their influence and the mythology behind them.
Harry yawned pointedly and audibly.
Sirius steamrolled over him pointedly, and Merlin help him , so so very audibly.
“Are you outside yet?”
Harry didn’t deign to respond instead focusing on trying to locate the key to the lock on his balcony window. He hardly ever stepped out of his apartment once ensconced into it, so it was a rare event indeed that he ever had use of his balcony.
Finally he unlocked the window and slid it open only to recoil at the rush of chilly wind that accosted Harry as soon as he stepped out. He hissed at the biting cold. He probably should’ve worn a few more layers.
“ Probably?” Sirius said, exasperated, when Harry voiced this thought out loud. “How will you ever survive without us?” The sentence was cut off abruptly as if Sirius had realised the implications of exactly what he had just said. Another uncomfortable silence threatened to fall on them as Harry tried desperately to figure out a way to answer the question in a way that wouldn’t implicate him.
Because the truth was that Harry really didn’t know how to survive without his family around to hold him together. But it was he who had insisted that he wanted to live alone, and he had sworn to himself that he would not back out of his decision and that was an oath that he was going to stand by no matter what.
So, injecting confidence that he didn’t feel into his voice, Harry said optimistically,
“I’m gonna be fine Sirius. You guys really don’t need to worry.” He hesitated for a second, “I know I told you I didn’t have any friends yet but that wasn’t exactly true. I just didn’t want you to make a big deal out of it. There’s a bloke I’ve been hanging out with nowadays. He’s really nice. So who knows?” Harry said, lying straight through his teeth.
“Really?” There was a fragile hope in Sirius’s voice that hurt Harry like a fist to the stomach.
“Yeah.” He forced himself to smile.
“That’s great! I’m really proud of you, Prongslet.”
Harry swallowed, “Thanks Sirius.” He shifted on the stone cold floor of the balcony then hurriedly replaced his feet back in their previous warm positions.
“Now what did you have to show me, I’m freezing.”
There was a pause and then Sirius asked in a dangerous voice, “Harry, exactly how many layers are you wearing?”
“Uh….One?” Harry winced, as Sirius immediately dissolved into a tirade about how stupid Harry was, and why God, was he blessed with such an idiotic boy as a godson.
Fifteen minutes later, Sirius finally fell silent once Harry was swathed in multiple warm layers from head to toe.
He had now spotted Jupiter, which glowed brighter and bigger than its surrounding stars.
“It seems almost red.” Harry said, eyes fixed on the planet.
“Told you, didn’t I?” Sirius sounded smug.
Harry rolled his eyes, but smiled. “Are you outside too?”
“What do you think?” Sirius began testily, before he was interrupted by Remus's sleepy voice.
“Sirius.” Harry heard Remus say through the speaker, voice faint, probably due to his distance from the phone. Harry shivered, stomach flipping.
“ You’re still on call with Harry? It’s getting late. Harry has school tomorrow.” Remus’s voice was stronger now and all the more disapproving.
“We were just watching Jupiter.” Sirius said defensively.
“It’s okay Rem, I’ve got a late class tomorrow.” Harry interjected, hoping Sirius had him on speaker.
“Oh right, of course. For a second I forgot that you were a university student.” Remus’s voice was clear and loud now. “Be that as it may, Pads, you have to get up early tomorrow and I have an early start too so you won’t be able to rely on me to wake you up when you inevitably sleep through your uncountable alarms.” Remus said, teasing.
“My God, that is such an exaggeration. But fine. I’d better go then, Harry. Prongs is gonna eat me alive if I’m late to the station tomorrow.” Sirius grumbled.
Harry snickered. “Okay. See you this weekend?”
“You bet.”
“Alright. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight kiddo. Love you.”
“Love you too, Pads.”
“ Goodnight Harry.” He heard Remus say.
“Bye Moony.” He hesitated. “Love you.” He cringed a bit at how croaky his voice came out. Sirius was usually the most expressive out of all of them so it was easier with him. But with Remus-
“ I love you too Harry. Take care.” Remus said softly. Tension leaked out from his shoulders.
“Yeah, you too.” He said, and stood still listening to the soft sounds of Remus and Sirius bickering about bedtimes and alarms until he heard the tell tale click of the call ending from the other end.
Harry was left only with the silence of the night and the moon overhead, which was trying and succeeding in outshining Jupiter. Harry snorted at his thoughts. Jupiter, larger than life, and yet-
He rubbed his hands together, preparing to cart himself off to bed. He didn’t finish the sentence in his mind but it lingered there, a soft backdrop to his tired thoughts.
Yet the moon still shone brighter.
He was on the threshold when he heard it. Pausing, Harry tilted his head to the side, trying to hear more. He was sure he hadn’t imagined it. A soft sob, the sound of breath being sucked in wetly.
The quiet sounds of someone crying.
Harry went as still as a mouse. The sound was coming from somewhere above him. He tilted his head upwards slowly.
He was fairly certain the sound was coming from the balcony directly above his own. He couldn’t tell exactly who could be crying, a child or an adult. The sounds were too controlled, too quiet to make that out.
Involuntarily, Harry remembered the crash he’d heard earlier in the evening. It had been an hour or two ago. An uneasy feeling gripped his heart.
He stood there for a few minutes, trying to decide what to do. Granted, there wasn’t much he could do. He didn’t think anyone would appreciate being called out when crying, especially when they were doing it as quietly as they were. And anyway, there could be a million other reasons aside from the one he was thinking of. Yet the unease persisted in his heart. He couldn’t make himself move. He didn’t know what to do.
The decision was taken out of his hands though, when he heard the sound of a window opening and then closing. The noises were gone, their memory dissipated by the wind.
Slowly, Harry unfroze himself and slid his own glass door open. His hands were cold as he brushed his teeth and slid into bed. Thoughts swirled in his head, knocking against each other until finally hours later sleep slid him slowly into unconsciousness.
His last thought was of the moon and soft pathetic little sniffles on an unforgivingly cold balcony in the middle of winter.