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Of the many things Chae Songhwa has learned in life, understanding a preschooler's — her own preschooler, especially, magic ways of thinking is truly one of the hardest. Not to mention when it randomly leads her to a puzzling moment of her daughter’s breakdown.
Everything, literally everything, can trigger Lee Eunha to feel upset, sad, or disappointed, and most of the time, it’s not easy for Songhwa to find out the exact reasons behind, even more to help the kid dealing with her predicaments immediately.
And it happens again tonight, right after they finish dinner.
Once her princess themed plate is clear from food, Eunha suddenly cries and folds her arms to bury the bawling noise over the dining table. She sternly refuses to answer the inquiries Songhwa and Uju ask, trapping the three of them in an intense moment of confusion.
To add more crisis, Ikjun, as the little girl’s best handler, is still stuck in the operating room and definitely nowhere to be his wife’s aid.
“If you don’t say anything, Eomma and Oppa will never understand why you’re suddenly crying like this, darling,” she eventually states in a very patient, gentle tone of voice after three questions went unanswered.
Moving her hands to start cleaning the table deftly, she continues, “I’ll give you some quiet time to calm yourself here while your Oppa and I do the dishes in the kitchen. Just call us whenever you feel better, okay?”
Before finally standing up to tail his stepmother into the kitchen, Uju fondly strokes his sister's fine hair with a gentle look in his eyes.
Two pairs of feet root before the sink, the mother-son duo work in great unison to wash and dry all the used tableware. The suppressed sound of Eunha’s sobbing still can be heard even for that extensive distance, providing an inevitable discussion for the olders.
“Eomma, do you think it has something to do with Gomo’s wedding?”
Before responding, Songhwa gives further thoughts to Uju’s question thoroughly. Iksun and Junwan’s wedding ceremony indeed became the major topic to accompany their dinner.
The Neurosurgeon recalls how she told the kids to behave nicely at that very important event, in particular guiding her youngest how to nail her duty as the flower girl smoothly. Nothing went wrong except Eunha’s small complaint for the confusing definition of graceful walking.
“Is it possible if our conversation makes her feel afraid to be the flower girl, Uju-ya?”
“I don’t think so,” the teenager answers in firm certainty, while his hands are busy wiping the washed plates with a kitchen towel. “If anything, it boosted much more confidence in her, Eomma. You know how ecstatic she is to actualize her dreams to be a princess in that role.”
Songhwa nods in easy agreement, and quickly continues to the next assumption, "Then... could it be about the food we ate?”
The boy takes a short silence to think harder.
“Well... we both saw how clean her plate was, right? I guess it’s not because she didn’t like your cooking. In fact, the grilled salmon tasted really really good. I surely remember Eunha also admitted that out loud.”
“Maybe it’s not how it tasted,” she analyzes seriously, feeling challenged to answer their curiosity. “Your sister once cried over scrambled eggs because she realized it’s basically made from very baby chickens. It's not impossible that she felt guilty for eating fish tonight, right?”
Uju heaves a soft sigh, as he finds his mother’s reasoning quite make sense.
“If really so, I’m sure any logical explanations won’t be heard by her. She’ll be too emotionally sensitive over that poor fish by now,” he replies in an equally serious tone. “I guess we can just blame Appa for taking her to the Aquarium last week.”
“...and risk ourselves to face a much worse moment of Eunha’s tantrum for resenting her dearest man,” the older woman responds at once, discouraged. “Aigooo, I can’t believe I really brought a little drama queen to this peaceful family.”
The boy can’t help but laugh at his mother’s plight, obviously amused by her latter remark.
“Our Eunha is only five, Eomma. It’s natural that she’s still learning to express her emotions properly, right?” He defends his younger sibling wisely, in which Songhwa reacts by chuckling as a way of showing her agreement.
There’s a short silence lingering between them for closing their cleaning duty afterwards, before finally, Uju moves closer to engulf Songhwa in a clingy hug.
A bit surprised, the woman tenderly questions, “What’s with this sudden hug for, hmm?”
Still, she wastes no time to reciprocate Uju’s gesture of affections by encircling her arms around his torso, prompting her not-so-little boy to snuggle more comfortably in her embrace. Out of fondness, Songhwa eventually plants a soft kiss over his temple.
“I’m trying to transfer my energy to you,” Uju brightly replies, his voice smiling. “You must be very tired after a busy day at the hospital, and tending to Eunha’s crankiness definitely will require a lot of your patience and sanity. This is the least I can do to help you.”
To say she’s touched by her son’s genuine concerns will be an understatement.
Hence, as a teary smile can’t be stopped from appearing on her lips, Songhwa slightly draws back to look him in the eyes. She suddenly realizes that her little boy has grown much more mature than when he first made her a mother.
“This feels so good,” she sincerely remarks as her dainty fingers move to caress his beaming face in a grateful motion. “Thank you for always being a thoughtful kid, Uju-ya.”
In quick response, Uju shows his mother a radiant smile before ending up lurching himself to her warm embrace once again.
He then slowly swings both of them from left to right while initiating an intense I love you battle confession with her, until finally, it catches them in a round of amused giggles for the realization of their own silliness.
If it’s not for the small figure that stands up near the kitchen’s glass barrier, the two of them might not end that sweet moment so easily.
“Eomma…”
For the shaking call her daughter says from a distance, Songhwa immediately walks towards the little girl right after throwing a meaningful look at Uju. She stops her steps in front of the kid to crouch down, before finally holding Eunha in both hands and prompting her to meet her gaze.
“Do you feel better now, sweetheart?”
Eunha doesn’t say anything as an immediate answer, only a thin layer of tears starts to well up in her eyes again.
To encourage her child more, Songhwa gently moves a thumb over Eunha's knuckles, her sweetest smile adorns the gentle expression of her face.
It’s only after stealing a glance at her brother, the youngest one says in a whisper, “No. Eunha needs a big hug from Eomma to feel better.”
If she catches a hint of jealousy in Eunha’s eyes, Songhwa is fluent enough to prevent her assumption from being shown. Just like Uju has said before, their princess is too emotionally sensitive now, and before the main reason behind it is found, she still has to act extra carefully.
Thus, there’s no time wasted for her to open both of her arms widely, showing her readiness to welcome the gloomy child into her embrace.
“Come here, my dear.”
Without delay, Eunha clings both of her arms around Songhwa’s neck a bit too tightly, as if afraid her mother will disappear if the hold loosens.
To show more of her devotion, the older delicately adjusts their position, rubbing her kid’s back in an affectionate motion.
Even after a while of waiting, Eunha still doesn't seem to have a plan to budge anytime soon, not even to open her lips and give an explanation for her sudden breakdown. Songhwa can even feel she begin to shed tears again in the crook of her neck.
That being so, she quickly decides to stand up with the little girl in her arms, carrying her all the way to the living room.
“Aigo, our baby koala is getting much heavier now,” she heaves a soft huff once both of them get settled on the brown couch, gingerly leaning herself on the backrest as Eunha snuggles further onto her chest. “I guess my old body needs an hour of good massage after this.”
Uju, who takes a seat next to them, immediately shows an alarmed expression of worry.
Placing a palm over his sister’s upper arm, he gently says, “Eunha-ya, how about sitting with Oppa here, hmm? Eomma must be tired after working at the hospital.”
The response comes in a form of upset whimper, as Eunha tightens her hold around their mother in no time. Songhwa merely chuckles, mouthing it’s okay to her eldest while calming her other child with loving back rubs.
“I think I've given you enough time to cry, baby,” she carefully says in the crown of Eunha’s head afterwards, in the softest tone that she only uses with the kids. “Can you try to stop your tears and tell me what’s bothering you now?”
Nodding, Eunha slowly draws back to look her mother in the eyes. While her chubby hands move to wipe the tears away from her flushed face, she tries to swallow the sobs that still rise from her throat — to which Uju swiftly reacts by handing the favorite pink bottle of hers.
Much calmer after gulping down some water, she softly calls out, “Eomma…”
“Yes, darling?”
“Do you and Appa love me?”
To say Songhwa isn’t taken aback by that simple question will be a lie.
Her mind briskly wanders to find where that sudden melancholy comes from, to read the situation meticulously and prepare the most suitable answer for her daughter — as this all sounds more serious than her usual random quiz.
Leveling her logic with Eunha’s amazing cognitive skills, she guardedly yet cheerily replies, “Of course! Eomma, Appa, Oppa — everyone loves you so much, sweetheart. As much as...what did you always say to me? To the sun and back?”
“To the moon and back, Eomma,” Uju corrects her at once, chuckling.
“No, it should be to Neptune and back. Appa said Neptune is very very very much further than the moon from our earth,” the young girl argues in an instant, her small lips pouting in obvious discontentment. “Eunha loves Eomma, Appa, and Oppa to Neptune and back!”
“So do we, Eunha-ya,” Songhwa responds patiently, though almost failing to hold back her laughter for Ikjun’s strong influence on Eunha's adorable witticism.
Fingers running in the kid’s soft hair, she continues in a bit more serious tone, “I’m one hundred percent sure we always love each other to Neptune and back. Nothing can change that fact for our family.”
The latter statements alone seem working to mute Eunha at once, and soon after, hesitancy appears all over her restless gestures. Her maternal instinct says Eunha still has something to dispute, but she can also sense the intense fear of hurting her as the dear mother.
Therefore, she quickly takes the initiative to elaborate, “...but if you think there’s something that needs to be questioned about our love, it’s completely okay to tell me. I’ll be all ears for you.”
Songhwa realizes this kind of discussion may still be a bit too heavy for Eunha’s age, but she knows her brilliant daughter already has the ability to follow the in-depth process, though little by little. So, when Eunha seems to take her time to deal with herself, she just patiently waits.
“Who do you love more, Eomma? Eunha or Oppa?”
Still trying to connect these random dots, Songhwa attempts to remain composed. “You and your Oppa are both my dearest children, so my love for the two of you are equal. None will receive less love than the other, darling.”
Before making a voice again, there’s a short silence for Eunha to process the answer.
“If so, why —” she pauses to turn her gaze to the other side of the room, slowly pointing her forefinger to the white cabinet around their dining table. “...why doesn't Eunha appear in your wedding photo?! Why is there only Oppa with you and Appa?!”
That’s when the Oh moment finally hits Songhwa.
Eyes being filled with tears again, Eunha continues, “You said weddings are very important events for adults, and only their loved ones will be invited to come, just like in Gomo's wedding. I don’t remember if I got invited to your wedding, Eomma. You and Appa don’t love me!”
Along with the little girl’s dramatic outburst, Songhwa tries her best to hold back her laughter by pressing her lips tightly.
She can also sense Uju does the same by hiding half of his face on her shoulder, his hand reaching out to Eunha to give her some soothing fondles.
This is absolutely an unexpected problem for the two of them.
“Kids don’t normally come to their parents’ wedding, baby,” the oldest begins to explain, gently and delicately. “In fact, they’ll be born much later after that big event, because babies come as the most precious evidence of a married couple’s love.”
“But Uju Oppa came to your wedding!”
Songhwa still tries to find the most decent explanation when Uju calmly – a way too calmly, states, “That’s because Oppa didn’t come from Eomma and Appa’s marriage. I was born long before they got together.”
Another surprise — a much bigger one, is dropped for Chae Songhwa tonight.
Her eyes widen as she grabs Uju by the wrist, silently begging him to just leave this problem to her. She thinks that it’s still not a matter worth exposing for that truth, that she isn’t ready yet to bear a big change between her children — especially if it’ll hurt her stepson again.
But Uju, as the impulsive yet super rational teenager that he’s, seems to already grow another opinion in mind. He quietly shakes his head and throws a reassuring smile to his mother.
Squeezing one of Songhwa’s hands in a gentle pressure, he serenely asks his sister, “Do you remember the black and white picture of Eomma’s tummy that Appa put on our fridge door, Eunha-ya?”
Eunha, who’s getting calmer out of confusion, immediately nods. “The nugget picture of me?”
“Eo, that one,” he chuckles, remembering the nickname he gave for Eunha as a fetus. “When I still looked like a nugget, I didn’t sleep in Songhwa Eomma’s tummy like you did. Instead, I occupied someone else’s — Hyejeong Eomma's, tummy, and that’s why I have two mothers now.”
Right after stealing a glance at Songhwa, he adds carefully, “I have Hyejeong Eomma as my biological mother, and Songhwa Eomma as my real mother. That’s the reason why I could attend our parents’ wedding because I became our Eomma’s son at nine, only because of her big heart.”
Songhwa can immediately feel she’s at a loss for proper words, hot tears starting to pool in her eyes. For the following moment, she chooses to be a silent listener to her children’s serious conversation.
“Where’s your first mother now, Oppa?”
“She lives so far away with her new family,” Uju lightly replies as if no more heartbreak comes with that bitter truth. “Really really far away, that I've only been able to talk to her by phone, once a month.”
Eunha frowns. “That’s sad. I would cry every day if I could only talk to Eomma by phone.”
“It’s because you’re a crybaby.”
“I’m not!”
“Okay, then a dramatic baby, that’s it.”
“Oppaaaa!”
In her umpteenth outburst tonight, Eunha is ready to launch a physical action towards her cheeky brother. If it’s not for Songhwa’s deft grip around her plumpy figure, a few irritated rounds of small punches may have landed on Uju's body at this time.
“No violence, darling,” she gently admonishes. “You’re allowed to feel upset or angry, but you can’t do violence to express those bad feelings. It’ll hurt your brother.”
“But Oppa hurted my heart first!” The girl retorts, whining and sulking in a hyperbolical manner, “...and you also break me by defending him like this. I feel like you love Oppa more than you love me, Eomma. It hurts!”
Oh, this little drama queen.
Songhwa doesn’t really know where her daughter learned to reach this level of unrestrained expressiveness, even more with those exceptional ways of arranging assorted vocabularies at her young age.
One thing for sure, first and foremost, she needs to remind Ikjun to stop being a dramatic goofball before the kids — especially with their youngest.
“Okay, I’m so sorry for breaking your heart, baby,” she begins patiently, moving a palm to cup Eunha’s wet cheek, “...but I admonished you because I love you so much. I want my dear princess to grow up to be a sweet, gentle girl, who won’t do any harm to others.”
Eunha gradually becomes calmer at her mother’s explanation.
It’s only after taking a brief look at Uju, she makes a voice again. “I understand. But Oppa needs to apologize too. Teasing a little sister is an ugly deed, Eomma! You definitely don't want to have a bad son too, right?”
For the easy, clever counter-attack from Eunha, Songhwa has no power to hold back her laughter any longer.
“Right. Uju Oppa has to apologize for making Eunha’s heart hurt,” she tosses a subtle code to her son, in which he reacts by chuckling quietly. “I don’t want to hear my kids throw bad feelings toward each other, okay? You both know I love the two of you equally.”
Eunha nods firmly, then turns her bossy gaze to Uju right away. “Oppa, say sorry!”
Instead of complying, the mischievous teenager leans closer to pamper his sister’s face with a kiss — then two, three, and a few more, in an intention to ignite her annoyance.
Eunha irritatedly reacts by squirming out of his hold, managing to hide her face on Songhwa’s shoulder not so long after.
“Eommaaaa…”
As she sees Uju still tries to annoy Eunha even when she already starts to cry again, Songhwa envelopes her daughter in a protective hug and says patiently, “Lee Uju... Can you stop teasing your sister, please?”
A combination of mischievous teenager and melodramatic preschooler is indeed the best way to test her patience — a literal definition of chaos.
Uju grins and obeys to his mother’s order right away. “Sorry, Eomma.”
“To Eunha?”
He wastes no time to move a hand to reach one of Eunha’s wrists, swinging it slowly to draw her attention. Sensing a subtle rejection from her, he sweetly calls out, “Eunha-yaaa~”
Silence is the only response to his first effort, so that Uju delicately leans closer to tuck his chin on his mother’s right shoulder. With Eunha sulking stubbornly on the other side of her, Songhwa is now trapped in between her kids, chuckling amusedly.
Stroking the girl’s hair, Uju tenderly says, “I’m so sorry for teasing you, hmm? I just love to see you sulking at me. It’s very cute.”
Eunha, still in her tear-stricken face, slowly removes herself from her mother’s embrace. She then quietly stares straight at Uju's sincere gaze for several long seconds later, her expression is unreadable.
“Does that make you happy, Oppa?”
“Hmm?”
“Teasing me,” she elaborates in a low voice. “Are you happy to see me getting sulky?”
Not quite following the direction of their conversation, Uju answers in extra carefulness, “I’m always happy to have fun with you, Eunha-ya. And teasing you is one of the many ways to be happy with you, to show how much I love you as a sibling. Do you want me to stop doing it?”
A silence lingers between them after that, as Eunha seems to drown herself in a serious — yet very adorable, contemplation.
“No, I’ll allow Oppa to tease me again, and again, and again. Forever,” she animatedly and confidently decides then. “But... only twice in a month. I promise I’ll try not to cry or get angry even when you do a very ugly deed to me, twice in a month.”
Albeit still confused, Uju no longer holds back his laughter. “Why does it have to be twice in a month?”
“Because I don’t want you to be sad too often,” Eunha reasons innocently, surprising both her brother and her mother. “You can tease me in between your calls with your other Eomma. It will at least make you happy while waiting, right?”
Speechless.
Even on his tiniest hunch, the young man doesn’t expect his sister to bring up their previous topic conversation again, let alone to consider it as a reason to make him happy.
“Eunha-ya, thank you for caring about me,” he manages to make a voice after a while of pause, smiling so serenely. “...but honestly, Oppa doesn’t feel sad about that anymore now. Do you want to know why?”
Receiving an eager nod, Uju continues, “Because having our Songhwa Eomma around is more than enough for me. Most of the time, I even forget that I have another Eomma besides her. I’ve always felt I was born to be her son although so many facts say otherwise.”
Touched by his breathtaking maturity, Songhwa can’t help but reach for Uju's hand and bring it to her lips, trying to stop herself from breaking down in front of her children.
“You are, Uju-ya,” she states in a hoarse voice. “You'll always be my son and we've agreed on this since years ago. I will never care if we don’t share the same blood, or if you have someone else you call your mother.”
As one who can control his emotions well, Uju still can’t help but let a grain of tear escape his eyes, surely for the big amount of love he receives from the girls. He then immediately winds an arm around Songhwa’s torso, to hide his flushed face on the crook of her neck as fast as he can.
Unfortunately for him, Eunha, who still sits on their mother’s lap, manages to catch a glimpse of his very raw emotional state.
There’s no delay for her to exclaim eagerly, “I know it! You are actually a crybaby too, Oppa!”
“Sssh, it’s a secret!” Songhwa responds playfully, one of her hands moving to cradle Uju’s head closer to hers. “Your Oppa only becomes a crybaby with me, Eunha-ya. You can’t tell anyone about this, okay?”
“Even Appa too?”
“Yes, or else, I have to take care of three crybabies,” she answers and Eunha giggles right away.
As his emotional cry subsides, Uju slowly draws back to join the girls’ talk again. Songhwa immediately helps him to brush the tears trace away from his face and silently mouthing are you okay? — to which he replies in a firm nod right away.
By good fortune, little Eunha adds to their distraction and effortlessly lightens the mood by asking so curiously, “So... how about me, Eomma? Do I also have two mothers like Oppa does? Where does she hide now?”
Songhwa chortles first before answering. “No, you only have this Chae Songhwa as your mother. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”
Before the super curious kid asks for the whys, she swiftly continues, “It’s not easy to grow up with two families, baby. Our Uju Oppa is a chosen kid — a very special one.”
“Then, does that mean Oppa has two Appas too?”
“I have a stepdad, but Ikjun Appa is my only father,” Uju answers lightly, yet firmly. "...and Oh, I also have one half-sibling besides you, a boy. It’s very complicated, right?”
Those are actually statements made for briefly informing his little sister, so that there’s no expectation from Uju to receive a serious response from her.
Hence, he isn’t ready even in the slightest when Eunha suddenly moves from Songhwa’s embrace and throws all her weight onto his lap, even more when she buries her face on the curve of his clavicle.
“Aniyaaa,” she whines in her dramatic manner as soon as the hold around his neck tightens, sulkily and possessively. “We are not half siblings. You are my full brother, Oppa. No one can take even half of you from me!”
Although a bit dazed, Uju reciprocates her hug in a much calmer way.
While inhaling his sibling’s strawberry hair scent, he silently wonders why tonight becomes very very emotional for him — and apparently for Eunha and Songhwa too.
Preventing tears to fall down his cheeks again, the boy eventually chuckles to ask the youngest one in a light-hearted manner, “Yah, this hug is really tight. Do you want me to know that you love me that much?”
Eunha solely nods, not loosening her grip on him one bit.
With a voice muffled over the fabric of Uju’s shirt, she hesitantly says, “Oppa, I can give you as much love as you need as long as you don't leave me.”
“Why do you think I will ever leave you?”
Trying her best to look him in the eyes, she innocently answers, “Because you have another family in a very far away place. Another sibling too.”
Uju’s gesture softens in no time.
“I may have another family, but the real one is here, Eunha-ya. I won’t — no, I can’t go anywhere if that means I have to leave you, Eomma, and Appa forever.”
“There’s a chance your Oppa needs to go far to meet his other family, but I’m sure it’s completely nothing for you to be worried about, darling. We have to believe he’ll always come home to us,” Songhwa adds wisely, reading her daughter’s inner conflict excellently.
Even so, Eunha's brilliant mind seems still unsatisfied with their explanations.
“I don’t understand why Oppa has to have two mothers,” she slowly throws her head back to Uju’s chest, pouting. “How did that even happen in the first place?”
“That’s a very long story for you to understand another day, baby,” Songhwa chuckles, finally giving up on her daughter’s exceptional curiosity — at least for tonight. “It’s getting late. Let's just get ready for bed now, okay?”
“I want to sleep with Uju Oppa!”
The older kid nods in an easy agreement, then turns his puppy gaze on their mother. “Can we sleep with you too, Eomma? In your bedroom?”
In great sync, Eunha shows her adorable begging face, forcing Songhwa to comply with her brother’s request. “Do a video call with Appa too! You said his surgery will be finished at nine.”
“Can I say no?”
“No!”
“No!”
Songhwa laughs cheerily. "Okay, then let's use the bathroom and change into pajamas first. Uju goes there while Eomma helps Eunha in my bathroom, okay?”
“I’ll brush my teeth with Oppa, Eomma!”
“No, you're with me, Lee Eunha. I know you two will only be playing with the water.”
“I promise I’ll stop Eunha if that happens!”
There’s no room for Songhwa to let out another argument even when she knows Uju’s statement’s not going to be true, as the children already run away from her — hand in hand, with giddy giggles.
—fin. ˙ᵕ˙