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Stiles used to adore the idea of soulmates, and was excited together with his mother when his words came in. When the word Sweetheart got inked on his skin seemingly overnight. His mom used to tell him all about it, the lore behind it and the way that people knew they were connected to each other just from the words on their arms.
She’d look at his dad all in love whenever she would talk about it. Clasping her underarm as she did so, the place her own mark was, grinning and pressing up against his dad to kiss him.
It would take a long time, but Stiles realized later that his dad seemed to freeze whenever he ran into them talking about it. Grimacing when the words left her lips and when she came close to him. It took his mom getting sick and dying, and his dad losing himself to hard liquor to catch a glimpse of his father’s soulmark. The word Bastard staring back at him, not an endearment like he had. Or like his Mother had before.
He was 15 when he opened that conversation with his dad, talking about her and what her illness had done to his father.
“I loved her so very much, Mischief, I hope you know that.”
Stiles nodded, feeling heartache start to bloom at his Mother’s nickname slipping from his father’s lips. It felt so personal, and almost as if his dad feared calling him that because it was his mom’s name for him after he hadn’t been able to say his own name as a small child. Mischief had been as far as he was able to go.
“I know, dad, but seeing those words on your arm. I can understand why it was so hard for you to talk about it.
His dad flinched at that, “You saw them?”
“I did…”
The defeat in his father’s eyes was something Stiles didn’t want to see. It hurt seeing that man like that, to see the man that had done everything he could for him and mom be reduced to this. Even after getting over his addiction and sobering up this was something that hurt him still.
“When?”
Stiles sighed, “When I was 12 or 13, when the booze problem was at its worst. You were passed out on the couch and I saw them on your arm. I didn’t know how to talk about it then, didn’t have any tact and didn’t want to hurt you any more than you were already hurting.”
Looking on as his father ran a hand through his hair, “I… I always assumed that we’d split up at one point for her to call me that. But the truth was even worse, losing her like that piece by piece it was somehow even worse.”
Wiping at the tears that were running over his cheeks, Stiles nodded, “I hated that too, losing her like that. She hadn’t been mom for so long when she did die. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you.”
Feeling an arm wrap around his shoulders, Stiles leaned into the embrace from his dad. Letting sorrow out, looking at his own soulmark and fearing what would happen to them too. He was happy it was an endearment but that didn't mean anything. Not when he knew his mother’s had been Lovely , he didn’t know what his soulmate’s said and part of him was scared of what it was.
“I’m scared, dad, that I’ll end up being you in my own pairing.”
The arm around his tightened, “Don’t think like that, son, you’ll have to find that out for yourself and see what it says. Please don’t take us as your example, there are so many good matches out there just assume you’ll be like them.”
Stiles shook his head, “How can I? When I know how it turned out for my parents. No matter what you say, I know how it can go badly and I’m scared of it too.”
Not that long after that talk the whole thing with Scott had happened. As his brother from another mother was bitten and turned into a werewolf he was preoccupied with that. Which evolved into dealing with everything that came with having an active pack and soon an active supernatural community in Beacon Hills brought with it.
He had forgotten all about his soulmate, and didn't want to think about it either. Not when there was more than enough already going on in his life.
At least that was until the pack had been over for a pack night and the subject had been mentioned, making several of his packmates proudly announce they were soulmates.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t happy for them, Erica and Boyd were perfect for each other. Just like Lydia and Aiden were a match made in heaven (or hell, depending on who you asked), even Scott, Allison and Isaac as a rare threeway soulmate bond deserved each other.
Stiles left the room silently, or as silently as he was able to given the number of werewolves present, opening the door to the outside and closing it even while several pairs of eyes followed him.
Sighing once he was outside, Stiles went to the edge of the preserve, there was a monument they had made for those fallen the previous years and for the Hales that had lived here before they were burned alive by Kate and her cronies.
“I didn’t think you’d be out here in these times, sweetheart.”
Cursing under his breath as he startled by the voice next to him, Stiles looked up to see Peter standing there. Their alpha, getting the spark back when Stiles found a way for Scott to give it to someone else, looked at him with something akin to pity in his eyes.
“I truly believed you’d live the concept of soulmates.”
Clutching at the word on his wrist, Stiles hummed, “One would think so…”
A hand on his shoulder had him looking into Peter’s blue eyes, the question in them obvious.
“I… I used to be. But my parents were soulmates, and while my mom’s word from my dad was Lovely, my dad’s was Bastard. It’s what she always called him when she was gone because of dementia. She most likely never realized, but it gave and still gives him, a visual reminder of what happened to her and that hurts.”
Stroking over his own words, Stiles whispered, “I always feared that the same thing would happen to me, and to be fair with the nogitsune thing I almost thought the same thing was happening to me.”
Shaking his head, he continued, “I wouldn’t want to make my soulmate go through that. Not when I saw how it ended for my parents, I don’t want that for my soulmate and me. I liked that the Pack kept my mind off of them. But now that they start talking about it, I don’t think I can join them.”
A loose arm wraps around him, making him lean into the hug being offered.
“I understand that, I… I honestly expected to never see my words anymore after the fire. It was on my bad arm, and while it kept me sane that I still had it, it hurt that I couldn’t see it anymore. The whole stint that took my sanity, the last straw was not being able to remember what it had said.”
Glancing down, he could see Peter toying with the cuff of his wrist, the place his words were no doubt printed. Or would he not have them anymore now that he came back from the dead?
“I… I remember coming back from the dad and looking at my wrist, grinning so very widely that I had them again. That I could be normal again, when before I always felt like something was wrong with me. But back to what we were talking about, I understand what you’re coming from. It’s never easy, but sweetheart, you’re not alone here.”
Blinking, Stiles looked up into Peter’s eyes, before his eyes made their way down towards the wrist now uncovered to show; Zombiewolf .
It was almost as if time stopped when he saw the words standing there. Licking his lips as he tried to make sense of it all.
The first thing he remembered was that he had let Peter, lost to his insanity, on fire.
“Oh God…”
Feeling his eyes widening, Stiles almost threw himself backwards to be away from Peter, staring at the man with such horror in his eyes that he didn’t know what he needed to do. He had set fire to his own soulmate. Even if the man had survived it, kind of, it felt so wrong. To know that Peter had known this for a while longer, allowing Stiles in his life, in his pack, after everything that he had done.
“I…”
Shaking his head, Stiles turned and ran around the house, slamming the door to the jeep before peeling away with squealing tires, looking back to see Peter, Derek and Scott standing there in his rearview mirror looking after him as he left.
Once home, he turned off his beloved jeep before he rested his head on the steering wheel, hot tears making their way over his cheeks as he cried for the things he had done. He never would expect it to be Peter, felt bad that he had never told him. No doubt because he had been underage when they first met.
A soft knock on the window had him looking up to see his dad standing there. The man came around and climbed into the passenger seat.
“Scott called and explained what Peter told him.”
Hearing his name had Stiles crying again, leaning against his dad’s chest as he sobbed.
A hand running through his hair made him calm down in the end, or that could be the exhaustion from crying like that.
“I’m horrible, dad.”
Noah shook his head, “You are not, son. Peter wasn’t in his right mind back then, he wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you lost in his mind as he had been. No matter how much it hurts, it was something that I think needed to happen.”
It brought a horrified chuckle to Stiles’ lips, “Because that makes it all better.”
The hand in his hair was back, “I didn’t say that. I understand why this is so hard, why you don’t know how to deal with this. But son, you didn’t do anything wrong here, Peter sure as hell doesn’t blame you and neither does the pack.”
Snorting at that, Stiles stops when his dad clicks his tongue like he used to do when he was annoyed by something he did.
“They really don’t, Peter was more worried about why you just up and left. He tied it all together, but his exact words were that he was worried about what this was doing to you instead of dealing with how it had affected him once upon a time.”
Stiles didn’t want to believe that, didn’t know how Peter couldn’t hate him after all that he had done.
“How could he not care, dad?”
Noah sighs again, looking at his own wrist, “Because in the end finding your soulmate can overcome a lot of things. Peter no doubt knew how lost he was at one point. Your actions, no matter how drastic, might have actually saved him.”
Shaking his head, Stiles couldn’t understand that, he didn’t want to see it like that. Not when the worst thing that happened had happened to him, he had in essence killed his own soulmate.
They stayed in the car for a long time, until his dad coaxed him inside. Sitting him on the couch with a cup of tea in his hands. The same tea his mom would usually drink to calm her nerves.
“Take all the time you need, Mischief, but you’re going to need to talk to Peter about this. I understand your reaction, but he’s not making this big deal out of it, so I don’t think you should.”
Drinking his tea and wisely not commenting, Stiles let it all sink in. Let the tea calm him down until he was falling asleep on the couch. He didn’t know how long he was asleep, but he did know that when he woke up that Peter was seated in the armchair next to him. Keeping an eye on him and smiling sadly.
“Hello Sweetheart.”
Shivering, Stiles sat up and looked away, “How can you call me that, still?”
Peter chuckled, “Because I knew that it was the best thing to happen, I didn’t like it. But… I told you it brought my Soulmate Mark back, it brought my sanity back too and that was what I needed.”
Clearing his throat, he continued, “I… I never got to thank you for what you did, for me, for the pack, but thank you. My Sweetheart.”
Stiles didn’t know how to deal with this, “I set you on fire, Peter.”
Peter nodded, “You also gave me my sanity back, gave me a pack and the alpha spark. You were there whenever one of us needed you, took care of the pups when no one could do so. You’re a gem of a person, Mieczyslaw, and nothing you say or think will alter that perception I have of you.”
Tears gathered in his eyes as Stiles looked at Peter, “I hurt you… I don’t want to hurt you again.”
Hushing him, Peter scooted closer, “You won’t… I know you won’t.”
Sniffing, Stiles didn’t know what to do, he wanted this more than anything, but he didn’t know how to let himself have this.
“It’ll be something we can learn together, Sweetheart, we have a lot of time. I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
It took them years, and professional help in the form of a fae psychologist Stiles still saw 20 years after that day. But it was a start, that day, one that led to them being the strongest alpha and emissary pair seen in ages.
Stiles learned to forgive himself, and learned to love himself as Peter loved him.
They had been married for almost 10 years now, looking over their pack together knowing what they would both be willing to do to keep them all safe. Stiles might have trouble with what he did to his soulmate, he would do it all again to someone trying to harm one of his own.