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Ness wasn't used to the tenderness of a lover's touch. He was used to rough treatment, being used as a toy or treated as a dog, even by the people that swore to love him. It wasn't like he really enjoyed it, but it was the only type of "love" that he knew. The only type of love that was ever given to him. That is, before Karasu appeared in his life.
Alexis couldn't lie and say that he didn't find Tabito annoying at first. The way the boy acted was just enough to make him angry, or at least, he thought he was angry.
It was only when Ness was finally free from whatever he had with Kaiser that he understood. It wasn't Karasu that made him angry, but the way he acted so lovely to people. The way he actually showed that he cared with tenderness and respect, the way he tried to make the people he loved feel good. Ness thought it was unfair that someone like that could exist. Maybe the majority of people were like this, but how could he know? The only person he actually loved wasn't like that, far from the healthy type of lover. If you could even call that man a lover.
When Ness needed someone to be "obsessed" over, when he actually just wanted someone to love him, even if he was the only one actually showing it, Karasu said he was right there. And as if to prove a point, Ness gave him a chance. He didn't think much of what a date with Tabito would be, he expected that the strange way to show love that the raven boy had would scare him somehow and push him away.
But no. Oh, how Alexis was wrong.
The sweetness that the boy used to treat him made his heart beat in a way no one else did. It was like every single love that the magenta boy ever experienced was just violence disguised as love. When he was with Tabito, Alexis was in heaven. For the first time ever, he actually felt loved and appreciated.
He was more than a toy, more than a dog. He was a person, a person that someone was able to love.
When Karasu caught Alexis' lips on a kiss, the midfielder didn't fight against it. He reciprocated the kiss with a passion that he didn't know he had.
Love, was it always like this?
Loving Tabito was different from loving Michael, Alexis thought. Even if he loved both in the same intensity, it would be cruel to both man to say that he loved them the same.
Karasu's love was sweet, calm, respectful, careful and sent Ness to heaven. Everytime their hands touched, every little flirty interaction, it made Ness feel like the two were everything in the world and nothing else could ever matter more than the love they had for each other.
Kaiser's love was painful, possessive, eternal, bitter and made Ness go to hell and come back. It was a shared desire that both didn't know how to act on, leaving it to toxicity and submission. Both could do better, but they never did, because they had been like that for so long that anything else would be too strange to last long.
Ness couldn't see himself with both these types of love. The new, sweet love that he cultivated with his boyfriend and the old, eternal love that he and his emperor had for so long. But this was a rare case where he could never had both, he swore he would never had both.
Alexis started seeing himself as worthy, and this made Michael's love way more painful. He couldn't deal with it anymore, no matter how much he loved him.
It hurt a little, but he knew it was for the better. If he was with Tabito, he would be fine in the end. With his darling, everything would always be okay, and Alexis would never end up destroyed by his emotions.
When he felt careful arms hug him from behind, Ness could just smile when he turned to Karasu.
"Hi, babe" Tabito spoke in a low tone, careful and tender, almost as if his voice was louder, he would hurt Alexis somehow.
"Hello, my darling." Alexis' tone was different, even if it was as low as Tabito's. He spoke in a way his feelings wouldn't become way too much for either of them.
"You look like you're thinking way too much, want to talk about it?"
"No need, I was just reflecting about things. Nothing important."
"Are you sure? You know I am here if you ever need to talk, right?"
"I know. Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"
"Yeah, but it is always good to hear, it helps my ego."
Ness laughed. And, for Karasu, it sounded like an angel. He couldn't help but smile more.
"I love you too, babe."
"I know, my darling, I know. And you don't know how happy I am about this."
Alexis got closer to his boyfriend, moving his body so he could hold Tabito’s face in his hands. Almost as if he was leaning into the other’s touch, Tabito got closer to him, using that opportunity to close the gap between their faces, kissing Alexis.
The magenta boy just let himself be kissed, soon reciprocating the kiss, falling apart in his lover’s touch.
It was almost as if the world stopped and time just didn’t exist anymore, only Alexis and Tabito were real in the whole universe. The midfielder liked that feeling, to be the most important thing in existence to the person who he loved the most and gave a reason for him to exist.
Loving Tabito was something that Alexis didn’t expect to do, but that he didn’t regret one bit. Different from every single other type of love that he felt, it was by far the best, and it might forever be. He could love Kaiser, he could love his brother, he could love his friends. But nothing would ever compare to loving Tabito, the person who gave Alexis’ existence a reason and made it tolerable, made it good.
With Tabito, Alexis liked to be alive. He could see a future. For him, for his darling. To be together for as long as they can, preferring to believe that it would be forever. He felt special, he felt things he couldn’t even put into words.
He could get drunk in this love forever, he could drown in it. His universe was made of Karasu’s love, of Karasu’s touches, of Karasu’s kisses, of Karasu. The raven boy was his favorite person ever, and he doubted he could ever stop being the most special man in Ness’ life.
The midfielder felt himself fall in the mattress with almost no air in his lungs anymore. As much as he wished he could kiss Karasu forever, the oxygen was needed for them to survive, sadly. They parted their lips, breaking the kiss and just staring at each other for a while. Pure adoration in both of their eyes.
So this was what being a person was like. Ness liked it, as long as it was with Karasu.