Chapter Text
Chapter One
Choi Soobin was twenty-four years old and had been in the film industry for six years as he’d debuted in a web drama when he was eighteen. Even though he wasn’t a well-known or acclaimed actor he had been growing a loyal following steadily and had never found himself short of work since he began.
His fans were very interactive and he’d gained a lot of social media followers through his appearances on variety shows as well as through CF deals. Two back-to-back bit roles in TV dramas secured his star.
The roles that followed were for leading roles, albeit in shallow idol dramas. It was the path he’d been put on and he was quite good at it. You didn’t need to be a magnificent actor to do well in idol dramas as the plots were flimsy. As long as you had some grasp on comic timing and a handsome face you would succeed. Soobin had both.
However, his career took an unexpected turn when his manager, Kang Taehyun, called to ask if he was interested in a film being directed by Go Minhyuk.
Soobin immediately sat up in bed, his blanket falling off his body revealing his toned stomach, his dark hair messy and sticking up every which way. He had been drowsy before, but the question was like a shot of adrenaline and suddenly he was very much awake.
“What?” He croaked out.
This had to be a prank. There was no way Go Minhyuk, king of Korean Independent Films, was asking him to audition for a part. Actors like him didn’t get to be in Go Minhyuk films - they were for actors of a higher caliber and with saner fan bases.
Beside him, Na Inhye rolled over and looked at him with a pout on her pretty face. “What is it?” She spoke in a high-pitched voice that normally Soobin would’ve found cute. But now was not the time.
Putting his finger to his lips he signaled for Inhye to stop talking, so instead she propped herself up, keeping the blanket pulled tight to her own naked chest, and watched as Soobin’s brows furrowed and his hands began to pick at the blanket nervously. He said nothing else for the duration of the call except for murmuring quiet agreements to show he was still listening. When he hung up Soobin flopped backward and Inhye crawled towards him, propping herself on his chest now, she peered down at him, her long black hair tickling his abdomen. Her breasts pressed into his own chest. Any other time Soobin would’ve been able to focus on her, would’ve ignored Taehyun and given in to her. But this was different.
“Is Go Minhyuk offering you a role?”
Soobin grimaced. “So you heard that?”
Inhye smiled and began absently tracing his face with her finger. “How did you get to know him?”
Soobin shook his head and gently eased her off him before sliding out of the bed. It was a fair assumption to make, that he’d networked his way into the role. Realistically it would’ve been the only way he’d ever have been considered for a movie like this, but it still hurt his ego that she was aware he wasn’t talented enough to get an offer like this on his own. He stood there for a moment, before seemingly remembering his own nakedness and awkwardly began shuffling around to put his clothes back on.
At this, Inhye seemed to grow alarmed. “You’re leaving now?”
Soobin nodded absentmindedly. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Inhye, he did. She was gorgeous and had a good sense of humor. Out of the three Instagram models he’d dated since his debut she by far had the best personality. Yet…he could feel himself getting restless the same way he always did around this time.
They were too comfortable together. Nothing felt special anymore. He was bored, but he didn’t have the heart to tell her that. He never had the heart to tell any of them that. Instead, he’d do what he did best. Gradually pull away until they got sick of him and broke things off themselves. He didn’t enjoy it and he was aware on some level that this made him a coward, but by now all the girls he’d dated since debut had spread rumors about him in their circles, girls knew what they were getting into when they started going out with Choi Soobin and that thought absolved him of some (but not all) of his guilt.
“Sorry, but I really need to be alone.” He pressed a chaste kiss to Inhye’s forehead and walked out the door, not even waiting to hear her say goodbye.
It was late and Soobin was wearing a hood so he decided to walk home and let this sink in. Go Minhyuk…he was a big name both in Korea and abroad. In the last year alone he’d directed a large studio film that had topped the domestic box office and the two leads had won awards both at home and internationally.
Soobin pinched himself and let out a quiet yelp. He really wasn’t dreaming. He quickened his pace as his own apartment building came into view. He jabbed the elevator button repeatedly and eagerly stepped inside, looking at his reflection in the mirrored doors.
He was tall with broad shoulders and nicely chiseled cheekbones, a pouty bottom lip, and his largest selling point with his fans by far were his dimples. He realized just how widely he had been grinning since he left Inhye’s place as they were clearly visible, letting out a short laugh in disbelief. He knocked his hood off his head and stepped out of the elevator rushing towards his door. He hurriedly stepped inside and without even bothering to fully move out of the entryway or take his shoes off he called Taehyun back. Leaning against his door as he tried to feign casualness, though he knew Taehyun could probably see right through him. They’d been working together since before Soobin had debuted as an actor. Taehyun probably could read him better than anyone else in the world.
“You said Go Minhyuk wants to make a gay film. Who is he considering for the other role?”
Taehyun was silent for a moment. “He didn’t say.”
Soobin contemplated it for a moment. Go Minhyuk. When would an actor of his caliber ever get a chance like this? “Are there any bed scenes?” Another pregnant pause. “It won’t be a nude one, right?”
Soobin had never had to do any sort of nudity for a camera before, both in his dramas and fashion spreads he’d always been relatively clothed - largely due to the age demographic the content he was making was targeted for. You couldn’t do full-frontal nudity in a drama or magazine meant for middle schoolers.
Taehyun sighed. “I would ask him yourself. He wants to meet you in person.”
***
That was how three days later Soobin found himself in a private room at a cafe sitting across from Go Minhyuk. An untouched mug of Earl Grey tea in front of him as he watched the director puff away at a cigarette.
Go Minhyuk was a middle-aged man, unmarried, and very skinny, with a permanent five-o’clock shadow. And he was short. He looked a little eccentric. Soobin thought it matched his image well.
It didn’t feel like an official meeting. Mostly because the thing Go Minhyuk chose to talk about first was this.
“You know, I was at home visiting my mother recently and she was watching your latest drama. I found myself watching it with her.”
Immediately Soobin felt his ears turn red. “Oh, I’m very thankful.” His last drama had been a high school drama where he’d played a “bad boy with a heart of gold” who ended up with a crush on the “good girl class president”. Very cliche. Very cheesy. He was proud of his work, but it was still embarrassing to know that Go Minhyuk had been watching it while on vacation.
“It was a good watch, I’m serious.”
Soobin didn’t quite believe him. Idol dramas were entertaining sure, but there wasn’t much there besides glorified soap opera plots and K-pop idol cameos.
“Thank you. I know I have a lot of room for improvement.”
Go Minhyuk was still smoking, which would’ve been shocking to Soobin if he hadn’t spent the past 48 hours stalking him online. It was the only major complaint people ever seemed to have about the director - he was never without a cigarette. At this point in the conversation, Go Minhyuk took a particularly long drag before blowing the smoke out of the corner of his mouth. It reminded Soobin of a scene from a film noir he’d watched.
Soobin asked lots of questions about the plot and the character and was slightly frustrated by the mostly vague answers. Wasn’t this film in pre-production?
“This movie I’m making…it’s my friend’s story. I’m still looking for someone to help me write the screenplay. I’ll send you a copy as soon as it’s finished so you can read it over.”
Soobin fidgeted in his seat. “Why-why are you offering me this role?”
Go Minhyuk stared Soobin down. The eye contact was so direct that Soobin found himself shrinking away from it. He knew he had to look ridiculous - a man well over six feet cowering before a man who was maybe five foot eight, but he couldn’t help it. His confident persona was just that - a persona. Most of his hardcore fans had figured out he was a clumsy, awkward, dork - but to the general public he was still considered to be relatively cool, aloof, and suave - like your typical teen idol. “You look like him.” At that, a type of sadness fell over Go Minhyuk’s face. For the first time since their conversation had started, Soobin felt like he could see the director’s age as he noticed the deep frown lines that must’ve been there the whole time.
Soobin had so many more questions but didn’t get a chance to ask any of them as at that exact moment Go Minhyuk’s phone lit up with a call. Soobin froze as he registered the name of the caller ID and watched in awe as Go Minhyuk stepped away to answer. All of a sudden, something in Soobin’s mind clicked and he left the private room in a daze.
Taehyun was sitting in the main part of the cafe nursing a caramel latte when Soobin walked up. Taehyun’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Are you done already?”
Soobin dropped into the chair beside Taehyun and Taehyun glanced around nervously to make sure he hadn’t been spotted. “I’m taking the role.”
They sat in silence as Taehyun finished his latte.
When they were back in the company car and Taehyun had safely parked it in the underground parking deck he turned to look at Soobin in the passenger’s seat.
“Have you thought this through?”
Soobin was staring out the window, tracing shapes on it with his finger. “There’s a bed scene, but there’s no exposure.”
Taehyun frowned. “Still, a film like this might not do well here. And Go Minhyuk is very demanding. You’ll have to block out a whole six months to film. If it doesn’t go well, I’m afraid a movie, even of this caliber, won’t be worth the hit your reputation might take.”
“But it’s Go Minhyuk.”
“I know. If it had been any other director I wouldn’t have even called you about it. I would’ve rejected it on the spot, but I still think you should think it over a little - you only just met with him about it and-“
“And Choi Yeonjun,” Soobin cut Taehyun off and finally looked at him.
Taehyun choked and grabbed Soobin by his shoulders, shaking him a little. “What did you say?”
“It’s Go Minhyuk and Choi Yeonjun.”
“Fucking hell.” Taehyun rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie to show Soobin how the hair was standing up. “I have goosebumps. You can’t be serious. Did he tell you?”
“Don’t you think I should take the role?” Soobin smirked as he took in the way Taehyun’s already large eyes had nearly doubled in size.
Taehyun was well aware Soobin was baiting him and Soobin was well aware he was going to win this one. Taehyun threw open his car door and sighed. “Well, if you have to do a bed scene at least it’ll be one with Choi Yeonjun.” And then he was stepping out of the car and motioning for Soobin to follow.
***
Choi Yeonjun was thirty-four years old. And compared to Soobin he was very much at the top of the entertainment industry. He was handsome and very talented. Respected by everyone. Working as a model for top fashion brands as well as being recognized as one of the top actors in the country, if not the world.
According to a magazine interview, Soobin had read Choi Yeonjun was born to be a star. When he was in front of a camera everyone’s eyes were drawn to him. Even when he wasn’t performing there was just something magnetic about him. And with a single tilt of his head or curve of his lips, he could portray any emotion necessary. A once-in-a-lifetime talent.
He was Choi Soobin’s idol.
The year Soobin had debuted Choi Yeonjun had won two Best Actor awards at two major award shows. It had been for a role he’d portrayed in a movie directed by Go Minhyuk. Soobin had been lucky enough to be able to attend the second of these awards shows in person. He’d been sitting in one of the rows towards the back, but he’d heard Choi Yeonjun’s name get called and then he’d watched as Yeonjun had stood from his spot in the first row and gracefully walked on stage to accept his award.
Soobin’s first impression had been that Yeonjun’s proportions really were no joke. His legs really did seem to go on for miles and his suit jacket had been fitted to perfection, cinching in and exaggerating his tiny waist. He was the epitome of high fashion. The second thing he’d noticed was how eloquently he’d spoken. Choi Yeonjun had only been twenty-eight at the time but he’d spoken with the vocabulary and patience of someone much older. He didn’t stutter or cry or forget who to thank. He even managed to wrap it up before the orchestra played him offstage.
At the time Soobin had never even imagined that one day he’d get the chance to work with Choi Yeonjun, but had begun to hope that one day he would also get the chance to win such an award. To maybe have his name mentioned in the same sentence as his idol’s. Twenty-eight was maybe too young to hope for but he could probably do it by thirty.
Soobin’s alarm blaring pulled him out of his memories as he reached over to turn it off. It had been over a week since he’d met with Go Minhyuk, there was still no script, and it had been a week since Soobin had had a decent meal. After agreeing to take on the role he’d been asked to lose weight to help him appear younger. In the movie Soobin was to portray a teenager which meant he needed to lose some of his more defined adult muscles - he needed to have the awkward bony look of a lanky teenage boy.
His new diet saw Soobin becoming even lazier than normal. He’d always disliked working out, preferring to relax with a book or play games when given downtime, but his lack of calories these days kept him in a constant state of exhaustion - hardly ever getting out of bed and becoming more of a homebody than normal.
But then he heard Taehyun burst into his apartment and Soobin was bounding out of bed quickly to join him in the main living area. Taehyun had brought breakfast. A cup of cinnamon-flavored oatmeal and a single hard-boiled egg. Still, it was food and Soobin was not about to pass up a chance to eat.
They settled down at Soobin’s small kitchen table and Soobin immediately began to peel the shell off his egg.
“The script still isn’t out.”
Soobin spoke through a mouthful of egg. “What happened this time?”
Taehyun sighed. “At least try to sound worried. What are we going to do if, at the last minute, we realize we’ve been bamboozled into making a same-sex version of Untold Scandal?”
Soobin snorted into his oatmeal. “He wouldn’t do that. Besides that plot wouldn’t work…at least not in the same setting. I don’t believe there were male concubines anyway. Now if he updated Cruel Intentions…”
It was Taehyun’s turn to scoff. “Still, I’m worried.”
“If Choi Yeonjun is doing it surely it isn’t too raunchy.”
“Choi Yeonjun is already well established in the industry. And he’s married. To a woman. No matter what kind of movie this turns out to be it will not impact him the same way it will impact you. I just don’t want this to undo all your hard work.”
Soobin scraped his spoon along the bottom of the bowl and watched as the oatmeal slowly oozed back into place behind it. “I know,” he spoke softly.
Truthfully, Soobin was worried. This wasn’t a BL drama being made to be put online (he had some friends who had been in those before) which were essentially just female fantasies, clean PG-13 romances with maybe a real kiss and only implied bed scenes. He wasn’t sure how his fans would react. And he was worried about the impact it could have on his career domestically. He was more than aware that the industry and netizens alike weren’t particularly kind to gay people. Taehyun, his own manager, was gay and he knew from drunken late-night confessions that all of Taehyun’s relationships were secrets from his parents because they would never approve. It was a difficult life to live and he was well aware of what some people would imply about him as a seemingly single man willing to appear in a movie like this and the possible negative effects this could have on his career. And he was aware that since Choi Yeonjun was married to a woman he would not face the same scrutiny.
Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to turn the movie down. Even without the script, he had faith that the movie would handle its subject matter gracefully and tactfully and that somehow this would work out in his favor. And it felt important somehow that he do it and do it well. He thought back to middle school and his crush on his friend Huening Kai and how he’d quickly stomped it down when he’d seen how other boys at his school were treated for just “looking gay”, whatever that meant. He needed to make this movie. Because it was Go Minhyuk and Choi Yeonjun. Because he was Choi Soobin and he liked girls and boys…maybe? It’d been a while since he’d crushed on a boy, but he could remember what it’d felt like. It had felt the same - staring across the cafeteria at Huening Kai versus watching Inhye slink towards him in a nightclub. It had felt the same and that had to count for something. But he couldn’t voice that to Taehyun. Not in any certain words. Not when he’d never thought about his own label. Not when he knew Taehyun didn’t mean any harm. So instead Soobin just said, “I think it’ll be good.”
***
Taehyun sent Soobin a documentary about Go Minhyuk’s filmmaking process and Soobin watched it dutifully. But it scared him. Go Minhyuk was very picky. A control freak, type A personality. He would rip you to shreds to get the take he wanted. That part wasn’t what had Soobin scared. Truthfully, the most intimidating thing about Go Minhyuk was he was very honest about when you were doing things wrong, but he would never tell you how to fix it or mention it when you did things well.
He watched as the Go Minhyuk on his laptop screen yelled cut for the tenth time and told the actress he was directing to try again. And once more she got it wrong. The actress was doing her best not to cry, but the tears were still streaming down her face causing her makeup to run. It was hard to watch as Go Minhyuk continued to offer her nothing and instead demanded she go get her makeup fixed so they could keep going.
How would Soobin perform in a setting like that? He had no idea. He paused the video, needing a break, and instead opened Instagram.
He realized a promotional account for the studio had announced his casting in the new Go Minhyuk project. Out of curiosity, he opened the comment section. Everyone was expressing disbelief, even his fan accounts were asking if this was a joke. He left the comments section quickly before he could let it get to him. Instead, he opened the account for the studio to see if any other casting announcements had been made yet, but there were none. It made sense to announce him first after all, he was probably the least-known member of the cast - at least in the actual film circles.
Soobin hesitated slightly before typing Choi Yeonjun’s name into the search bar. He checked Yeonjun’s personal Instagram first. His profile picture looked like a headshot taken by his agency - similar to Soobin’s. His most recent post was a black and white shot of him walking alone through a street in Paris, Celine being tagged in the caption. It was from Fall Fashion Week. It had been about six months since the post.
Soobin’s Instagram account was really only for business purposes. He posted sponsored content, shared photos from set, and promoted the things he was doing for work albeit dramas or photo shoots. The only people he followed were a few colleagues and friends he’d made while acting and modeling. He didn’t post about his private life or follow anyone from his family or close inner circle at all. No following his childhood friends, his sisters, or his parents. He didn’t even follow Inhye out of fear his fans would figure it out and link them together. And he most certainly was not following Choi Yeonjun.
Despite being Soobin’s idol, Choi Yeonjun was not someone Soobin felt the need to incessantly check in on. He followed his career more than he followed the actual man. Yet, today he found himself going through all of Yeonjun’s Instagram posts. Some of them were more personal photos. Photos of him with his friends on a trip in the mountains, a photo of him drinking an americano in a cafe, and a photo of him and his wife, Ryu Lucy, on their wedding day. They were slow dancing and laughing at something. It was the type of photo you expect to see in someone’s private photo album in their home. It made something in Soobin’s chest ache.
Ryu Lucy was a beautiful and well-known actress in Korea. She was very popular because of her face. It was common knowledge that she was considered one of the most beautiful women in the industry and she was devoid of all physical flaws despite never having plastic surgery. She was also well known for being lively and fun during interviews and variety show appearances. On top of all that she was also popular abroad as she was half Korean and half American and therefore had acted in several projects in Hollywood as well, being well-received by American audiences for her down to earth personality.
When it had been announced that she was the one marrying Choi Yeonjun three years prior, netizens had of course mourned as they were losing two great beauties at one time, but the general consensus had also been that they were a perfect match. Two such perfect-looking people obviously made sense together. And that was that.
Soobin had also thought this way. It only made sense for Choi Yeonjun to marry someone as beautiful as Ryu Lucy. They made a lovely couple and would one day have even lovelier children.
The only drawback of the marriage was that Choi Yeonjun made fewer movies, only making one movie in the three years he’d been married.
While Ryu Lucy was beautiful, it was also a well-known fact that she was a very stiff actress and was only ever really cast for her looks and charisma as she was not very talented. It was because of this that Soobin never really followed her works the same way he followed her husband’s. Interested to see if she had also become inactive in the industry since the marriage Soobin looked up her account next to see her most recent photo was actually from the day before and it was a photo of her standing in the middle of Times Square.
Curious if she was there on vacation or to film, Soobin quickly opened Naver and searched her name to try and find any news about her filmography. However, what he discovered instead was a Dispatch article. He clicked on it and was immediately bombarded by photos of Ryu Lucy walking hand in hand into a restaurant in New York City’s Hell’s Kitchen district with a certain French-American heartthrob. And if the article was correct they were not currently filming a rom-com together.
Soobin immediately closed the page. It was just speculation. There was no way Ryu Lucy was cheating on Choi Yeonjun. No way in hell.
***
A month later Soobin received the script. It was a coming-of-age story set across a summer where a young, soon to be, university freshman (Jinyoung) developed a relationship with a recently graduated senior (Minho). The working title of the film was simply “You Know How I Feel, Right?”.
He held the script in his hand and analyzed himself in the mirror. His clothes were much looser on him now, his hair had grown out so it hung down over his eyes completely unless styled differently, and he’d somehow managed to keep the chubbiness in his cheeks despite losing so much weight. He really did look young.
Soobin took the script and climbed into his bed. Soon it would be time to join the crew in Jinhae for filming. All at once it hit him. He was making a movie with Go Minhyuk and Choi Yeonjun. A gay movie. Choi Soobin was going to be in his first ever movie and in that movie, he would be kissing Choi Yeonjun. And not like the chaste brushes of lips he was used to doing for the camera. A real kiss. Maybe he was panicking.