Work Text:
The bookstore was quiet this afternoon, the only sound coming from the gentle crackling of Christmas music over the ancient speaker system and the thud of Jungkook’s boots on the hardwood floor. The store was old and never particularly busy, but today had been exceptionally slow. Outside snow was falling, the streets dusted in crystal glitter that reflected the bright sunshine. A perfect day for playing, not shopping. Only three people had walked through the door today; a couple who had looked around and left and the other just someone looking for a bathroom. The store owner, Mr. Cho, had stepped out to run some errands about an hour ago and left Jungkook in charge.
A new shipment had come in the day before, so after adding them all to the inventory Jungkook began unloading the books onto the shelves as well as checking to make sure everything else was in its proper place as he went. He’d always been organized, and his neatness and attention to detail was why Mr. Cho liked him so much. He’d gone through about half the shelves in the store when he heard the telltale ring of a bell as someone walked through the front door. He knew he should probably greet them and see if they needed any help, but one of the shelves in the back was in utter disarray, and he couldn’t bear to leave it in this state. Besides, if the person needed help they could always come get him.
Jungkook pushed the sleeves of his black sweater up to his elbows and pulled half of his hair back into a little bun. Snow may have been falling outside, but the heater was cranked up in the store, and Jungkook had begun to sweat. He looked over the damage in front of him. It must have happened yesterday when he hadn’t been here, and apparently Siwoo hadn’t cleaned it up. Jungkook rolled his eyes, groaning internally at the laziness of his coworker. He began pulling books from the shelf and stacking them on the cart he’d brought with him. He was vaguely aware of the sound of the customer walking around the store, their steps quiet as they softly hummed along to the song playing overhead. There was something familiar about the voice, but Jungkook couldn’t place it.
Jungkook stifled a groan as he realized that somehow someone had placed a book on top of the entire bookcase. It was slightly out of Jungkook’s reach, but he didn't feel like walking to the back room to get the step stool. He rose on the tips of his toes, stretching his fingers as far as he could to try to reach it. The book was mere millimeters from his hand. He hopped a little, slapping at the book and sent it flying to the floor.
Oops.
Jungkook bent to pick the book off the floor, but another hand beat him to it, picking the book up and extending it to him.
“Here you g– Jungkook?”
Jungkook froze. He knew the voice immediately. He slowly brought his eyes to the customer’s face. A face he hadn’t seen for nearly two years. Not since that night. He was staring at Jungkook with wide eyes, mouth slightly open.
“Namjoon-hyung,” Jungkook nearly squeaked. “Um, hey,” he gave an awkward little wave.
Namjoon quickly composed himself, giving Jungkook a dimpled smile. “Ah, Jungkook-ah, it is you! I didn’t know you worked here. How have you been?” he asked kindly.
Fuck. He had somehow gotten even more beautiful in the time since Jungkook had seen him last. His hair was shorter than Jungkook had ever seen it and back to its natural black rather than blond. He was wearing round wire-rimmed glasses and a dark green sweater under a black overcoat. He looked good. Better than good.
Jungkook hated the way his stomach flipped at the sound of his deep voice. He hated the way his eyes were immediately drawn to that pair of plush, full lips. He tried to not remember the way they felt against his own.
He wanted to yell at him.
He wanted to wrap his arms around him and tell him how desperately he had missed him.
He swallowed, returning Namjoon’s smile as he responded. “I’m pretty good. I work here part-time, but I’ve picked up some extra hours while I’m on winter break. How about you? How long have you been back in the city?”
“Ah, I just got in yesterday. Crazy how I only left Seoul two and a half years ago, but I somehow forgot how busy it is.” He laughed but Jungkook could tell it was forced. His words were polite, how one would speak to an old acquaintance, not someone who they had once called their closest friend. But those days were long gone. Jungkook had blown that relationship to pieces.
Jungkook forced a laugh as well. “Yep, it sure is.” There was an awkward pause, neither sure of what to say next. Jungkook kind of wished lightning would strike him in the middle of the store so he could escape this conversation. “So uh-” he started, but Namjoon started speaking at the same time.
“You let your hair grow out,” he said, out of nowhere. His voice was softer, more real.
“Oh. I um. Yeah, I did,” Jungkook said, slightly tripping over his words.
“I like it.”
Jungkook cursed his body as he felt heat rush to his face and butterflies flit through his stomach at the compliment. “Thank you,” he said, looking at the floor, hoping to hide his blushing cheeks from Namjoon. The store suddenly felt smaller, and Jungkook became very aware that they were the only two people inside. When he looked back at Namjoon, the other was no longer smiling. His face had grown contemplative, and Jungkook wondered if he would bring it up now. As anxious as the thought made him, Jungkook knew it had to happen. And after two years of avoiding the conversation, he was ready to talk about it, if only to regain at least a semblance of their friendship.
“So,” Namjoon started and Jungkook held his breath, “you’re going to the party right? At Seokjin and Hoseok’s apartment?” His tone had returned to the polite one from earlier and Jungkook’s heart sank, a wave of disappointment flooding his brain. What would there be to talk about anyway? Namjoon had already said everything he wanted to say that night.
“Yeah,” Jungkook said. “Taehyungie and I might be a bit late, but we’ll be there.”
“Ah, I haven’t seen Taehyung in so long. I’m glad he’s coming too,” Namjoon said, mouth spreading into a smile once more.
An alien feeling began to burn through Jungkook’s chest like fresh kindling. He’d never felt something like this toward Namjoon. Irritation . And something uglier still. Resentment . And suddenly his mouth was opening and words were falling out, but he had no idea where they came from.
“Well, he and I are… together .”
The change in Namjoon’s expression was instant, his face falling, dimples nowhere to be seen.
“You… and Taehyung?” he said, voice low.
Jungkook just nodded.
“You’re together. Dating.” It wasn’t a question. His face was blank and he sounded… odd. He wasn’t jealous was he?
No. There was no way.
A flash of guilt ran through Jungkook’s mind, quick as a strike of lightning. He knew he should stop now, knew he should stop digging this hole, but he couldn’t.
“Yeah, it’s pretty recent, but it’s going really well,” he added.
Namjoon said nothing for a second, his face still holding that odd blank expression. Then he smiled again. “That’s great Kook-ah. You two have always gotten along so well, it makes sense that you would make a good couple. I’m happy for you both.” He sounded sincere.
“Thanks, hyung,” Jungkook said. Another awkward pause followed.
“Right, so, do you think you could help me check out?” Namjoon said, raising a book that he had apparently been holding throughout their entire conversation. “It’s for Yoongi-hyung,” he added. “His Christmas present. Obviously.” He laughed awkwardly, shaking his head. “Sorry, I know you’re busy, I just have some other errands I need to run, so I kinda need to get out of here.” He was rambling now. He always did when he felt nervous, and it had always endeared Jungkook to no end. Why he was nervous, Jungkook wasn’t sure. This entire conversation had been confusing to say the least.
“Oh don’t worry about it,” Jungkook reassured. “It’s literally my job,” he said with a laugh. Namjoon nodded, following Jungkook to the cash register at the front of the store. Namjoon grew quiet as Jungkook rang up the book, only speaking to say “thank you” as Jungkook handed him his bag and receipt. Jungkook knew he should say something. Apologize for… a lot of things.
“Well I’ll see you at the party,” he said lamely instead.
“I’ll see you.” Namjoon smiled weakly and headed for the door.
And then he was gone, and Jungkook felt a hole in his chest open up as he watched the empty door.
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
Two years ago
Jungkook rubbed his hands together as he walked up the outside staircase that led to Seokjin’s apartment. The frigid air burned in his chest as he drew in a deep breath. He admired the little cloud of water vapor that appeared as he let it back out.
He rapped his knuckles against the cold wood, eyes catching the sight of pink bleeding into the black ink that marked his skin. Damn, it was cold. Jungkook had gotten to the party a little early, leaving Taehyung and Jimin, his roommates, behind to come on their own. But there was too much energy buzzing through his brain, under his skin, churning in his stomach. He hadn’t been able to sit in that apartment waiting any longer. He was sure Seokjin wouldn’t mind if he showed up early. He’d practically lived at his apartment last year.
“Jin-hyung, hurry uuup,” he whined through the door. “It’s cold.”
The door opened, but it wasn’t Seokjin standing behind it. Instead Jungkook was greeted by a broad smile framed by two deep dimples set into tan skin.
“Hyung!” Jungkook exclaimed, dropping the presents in his hands and flinging himself into Namjoon’s arms. Namjoon laughed, squeezing tightly around Jungkook’s waist as he lifted him a few inches off the floor in his embrace. Jungkook couldn’t help but bury his face in his best friend’s neck, inhaling the familiar scent of his soap. Clean and warm. Like late summer and the softness of fresh linen. It warmed Jungkook right down to the tips of his fingers where they grasped the fabric of Namjoon’s sweater.
Namjoon set his feet back on the floor and Jungkook pulled back, grinning as he looked up at him.
“You didn’t tell me you were here yet!” he said, slapping playfully at Namjoon’s chest.
“I wanted to surprise you,” Namjoon replied sweetly. It had been almost a month since the last time he’d come to visit. His hair had grown some, black roots showing underneath the honey blond. He was beautiful, radiant like summer sunshine even in the middle of winter.
Jungkook hugged him again, hoping it wasn’t too much as he pressed his face into the expanse of Namjoon’s broad chest. But his hyung just squeezed him again. “Hey there, I missed you too,” he said, laughing lightly against Jungkook’s hair.
I missed you. So much. Jungkook knew he didn’t have to say it.
“Well if you two are done with the love-fest can you please close the door? In case you didn’t notice it’s literally freezing out there,” an annoyed Seokjin called from the kitchen.
Namjoon released his hold on Jungkook, moving past him to close the door. “Sorry, Jin-hyung,” he called back.
“He’s back for two hours and you two are already causing trouble in my apartment again.” Seokjin groaned as he pulled a pan from the oven.
“It used to be my apartment too, you know,” Namjoon protested, pulling Jungkook toward the couch by the hand. Jungkook pulled away, making his way to the kitchen to see what Seokjin had prepared for them.
Seokjin laughed humorlessly, “Yeah until you moved out and left me to deal with this rent on my own.”
“We both know Hoseok is moving in as soon as his lease is up,” Namjoon fired back. Seokjin waved his hand at him in dismissal. Jungkook giggled. He’d missed his hyungs’ silly bickering.
“Hyung, it smells so gooooood,” Jungkook nearly moaned. The counter and kitchen table were covered in delicious smelling food. Heaping plates of different meats, japchae, kimchijeon, and more. And the sweets. He must have been cooking for most of the day. The pan Seokjin had just pulled from the oven was filled with chocolate chip cookies and Jungkook found himself reaching for one, earning himself a swift slap on the back of his hand.
“Yah! No cookies yet. Besides, you’ll burn your mouth,” Seokjin scolded.
“But hyung,” Jungkook whined. “They look so good. Just one?” he stuck his lower lip out, pulling out all the stops to exploit his baby privilege.
Seokjin rolled his eyes. “One. But let it cool off first, you heathen.” Jungkook grinned in victory.
“Thank you, hyung,” he said sweetly.
“Hey!” Namjoon protested from the couch.“You haven’t let me try anything!”
“That’s your punishment for passing out on the couch after promising to help me get ready for this party.”
Namjoon flushed. “It was a long train ride,” he grumbled.
Jungkook took a cookie, waiting until Seokjin turned his back before swiping a second one and wrapping it in a napkin. He joined Namjoon on the couch, putting a finger to his lips as he pulled the cookie from the napkin, handing it over. Namjoon grinned as he took it. He leaned closer to Jungkook, lips almost touching his ear as he whispered in his deep voice.
“This is why you’re my favorite.”
Jungkook tried to hide the shiver that ran through his body at the words. He settled back against the couch, head resting against Namjoon’s shoulder as he smiled.
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
Present day
The rest of Jungkook’s shift passed uneventfully, but he had trouble getting anything else done. All he could think about was Namjoon. He still could barely believe that he had actually been here earlier. That they had laid eyes on each other for the first time in years. Sure, he’d known that Namjoon was invited to the party, he’d been invited last year too. But he hadn’t expected him to show up . He’d made excuses for every group function since Jungkook had returned from America. His usual excuse was that he was too swamped at work to take time off. Which was probably true. He'd always overworked himself. He’d told Jungkook in the past that he felt guilty when he took breaks. That there was always something he could be working on.
But Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault. The others had never said so, but Jungkook felt guilty nonetheless. Seokjin and Hoseok had gone to visit Namjoon in Busan a few times, but other than that none of them had seen him in years. All because of one stupid night.
Jungkook grabbed his coat and scarf from the back room, pulling them on before he stepped into the frosty night air. His apartment wasn’t far, and Jungkook hoped the walk in the cold would give him some clarity. And prepare him for the conversation he was going to have to have with Taehyung when he got home. How would that even go?
Hey hyung, how was your day? Oh mine was fine. Just ran into Namjoon at the store and made up a story about how you and I are dating. Haha funny right?
Goddammit, he thought, rubbing at his eyes as he walked. What had he been thinking? Telling Namjoon that Taehyung was his boyfriend? And who was he kidding? This conversation would not just be between him and Taehyung. Jimin and Yoongi would surely be there as well. Because where there was one, the other two were usually close behind.
Jungkook opened the door to his apartment hoping that maybe, just maybe the three of them were at Yoongi’s tonight instead. Unfortunately he could hear the sound of a movie playing in the other room, along with the soft bells of Jimin’s laughter.
Better to get it over with.
He began peeling off his heavy layers at the door, taking his time as he unlaced his heavy boots. At least the heater was working again. His frozen fingers and toes began to warm up and the snow was already melting from his jacket. Water dripped onto the floor, barely audible over the quiet sounds of the movie. Jungkook made a mental note to wipe it up with a towel after he’d had his talk with the others.
He padded to the living room, socks silent on the wood floor. Jimin’s bedroom door was open and from where Jungkook was standing he could peek through the doorway without being seen. The three of them were in Jimin’s bed, faces illuminated by the blue light of the television. Jimin sat with his back against the headboard, Yoongi curled into his right side with his head cradled in Jimin’s lap. It looked like the older boy had passed out, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. Taehyung was on Jimin’s left, also sitting up. One hand was wrapped around Jimin’s waist while the other ran absentmindedly through Yoongi’s hair, long elegant fingers playing with the silky black strands.
Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like an outsider. Like he was witnessing something that wasn’t his to see. It brought a familiar ache to his chest. A hole that had been drilled by want and loneliness and had grown bigger and bigger no matter how hard he tried to fill it.
Seeing them together, like this, brought back memories of when Jungkook had first become friends with Jimin and Taehyung, shortly after moving to Seoul. He had been shy, a first year college student who knew absolutely no one. They were both two years older, Jimin was in the same dance program as Jungkook, Taehyung an acting major with a minor in film. They were already best friends, and although they included Jungkook he couldn’t help but feel a little like the odd one out at times. Especially when Jimin’s boyfriend Yoongi was around.
That was until Yoongi introduced them to the rest of his friends. His best friend and roommate, Hoseok. Hoseok’s boyfriend Seokjin. And Seokjin’s roommate, Namjoon. All three were kind, welcoming the younger boys with open arms, but things with Namjoon were different .
Jungkook still remembered the first time he saw Namjoon. All coherent thought had flown from his brain and all that was left were single words. Thighs. Dimples. Tall. He was achingly handsome, with a smile that made Jungkook’s knees weak and a voice like melted honey. And what made it even worse was that Namjoon was amazing. Kind, funny, and the smartest person Jungkook had ever met. And somehow, he thought Jungkook was cool. Once the initial intense infatuation had worn off, Namjoon became his closest friend and Jungkook his. All six boys had come to reside in Jungkook’s heart, but Namjoon was undeniably at the center.
Until he wasn’t.
And now things were different.
And not just because he'd lost Namjoon as his best friend. But because just recently Taehyung had become something more to Jimin and Yoongi. They hadn’t labeled it, but the three spent nearly all of their free time together, and Jungkook knew what they did behind closed doors. Jungkook knew that they loved him, but he also couldn’t escape the loneliness he felt when he watched them together. Laughing at jokes only they knew, and sharing soft kisses when they thought Jungkook wasn’t looking.
They knew that he knew, but they also didn’t talk about it with him. Which hurt in itself.
Jungkook took a deep breath and walked closer, until he was standing in Jimin’s doorway. The others still hadn’t noticed him. He cleared his throat.
“Ah, hyungs?” he said. Jimin and Taehyung both turned their heads toward him and smiled.
“Hey, Kook-ah,” Jimin said, “I didn’t hear you come in. How was your day?”
Jungkook swallowed, hands fidgeting at his sides as he stood awkwardly in the doorway.
Taehyung’s lips became more downturned as he frowned. “Are you alright?” A lump formed in Jungkook’s throat.
“I–,” he began, but his voice broke.
“Oh no,” Jimin said and immediately held out his arms. “Come here, baby.” He shoved Yoongi off his lap, earning a grunt from his sleeping boyfriend.
“What the fuck…” Yoongi grumbled, eyes still closed.
“Move over,” Jimin hissed. “Jungkookie needs me.”
“Why, what happened?” Yoongi slurred, sitting up and rubbing at his eyes. “Is he okay?”
Jungkook crawled into the bed without hesitation, squeezing himself between Jimin and Taehyung’s bodies. Jimin wrapped his arms around him at once, pulling him tightly into his chest. Jungkook buried his face in Jimin’s shirt and sighed, inhaling Jimin’s sweet, familiar scent. Taehyung settled in closely behind him, running his fingers along Jungkook’s scalp and through the strands of his hair.
“Tell us what happened, Jungkook-ah,” Taehyung said softly, his deep voice soothing in Jungkook’s ear.
Jungkook said nothing at first, focusing instead on the steady rise and fall of Jimin’s chest, the slow drag of Taehyung’s fingertips through his hair. Tension began to slowly ebb from his body and he relaxed in Jimin’s hold.
“Namjoon came into the store today,” he said finally.
Jimin stiffened almost imperceptibly. “He’s in town?”
Jungkook nodded, his head sliding back and forth against Jimin’s chest. He didn’t look at any of them, instead fiddling with a button on the shirt of Jimin’s flannel pajamas.
“Did you know he was in town?” Jimin asked. Jungkook could tell the question wasn’t directed at him due to the slight accusatory tone in Jimin’s voice.
There was a sigh that was unmistakably Yoongi’s. “I knew he was coming for the party, but I thought he wasn’t coming until this weekend,” the oldest replied. “I wanted to make sure he was actually coming before I told you, Jungkook-ah, I’m sorry.”
Jungkook sighed. “It’s alright, hyung. He’s our friend. I’m not upset that he’s here. It’s just–,” Jungkook paused, dreading what came next.
“Just what?” Taehyung asked, hooking his chin over Jungkook’s shoulder.
Dear god, how was he supposed to say this?
“I – I did something stupid. Said something stupid,” Jungkook could feel his cheeks heating. This was humiliating.
“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad. What did you say?” Taehyung asked.
Jungkook shook his head, burying his face into the blanket.
“Jungkook-ah.” Jungkook swore he could hear Jimin roll his eyes. “Jung. Kook. Don’t hide from us. Just tell us.”
Jungkook shook his head again, before pulling the covers completely over his head.
“I mean… is it like what you told him the last time you saw him?” Taehyung said carefully.
“No!” Jungkook squeaked.
“Well then it couldn’t have been that bad,” Jimin said.
“If he doesn’t want to tell us, he doesn’t have to.” It was Yoongi’s voice this time.
Thank you, hyung. Yoongi would never pressure him
“Though it would make things easier if he did,” he added.
Jungkook groaned.
“Would you please come out of there?” Jimin said as he attempted to pry the covers away from Jungkook’s face, but he clung to them for dear life. Jimin huffed.
“C’mon, JK, you know you can tell us anything, right?” Taehyung said softly.
Jungkook nodded. He knew what Taehyung said was true, but it didn’t make it any easier. He took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say.
“I told him I’m dating Taehyung.” He finally managed to get the words out but they were muffled by the blanket so it sounded more like “old hmm day hyung.”
“You what?” Jimin said.
Jungkook repeated himself but the others still had no idea what he was saying.
“I told him I’m dating Taehyung!” he practically yelled.
A few seconds of silence followed, and Jungkook couldn’t bear to pull the blanket back to see their faces. He prayed they weren’t angry.
“Well,” Taehyung said, “I wish you would’ve told me we were dating, I’ve kind of been cheating on you.” He burst into laughter.
Jungkook groaned, flinging the covers off and sitting up to look at Taehyung’s face. “ Don’t laugh at me, ” he whined.
“Why on earth would you tell him that?” Jimin said incredulously. His eyes were wide but he looked
like he wanted to laugh too. Yoongi just stared at Jungkook with his mouth slightly agape, eyebrows creasing in the middle.
“I don’t know, it just came out!”
“Were you trying to make him jealous?” Taehyung asked.
“No! I don’t know. Maybe. I just – I got upset because he was being so nice and seemed so unaffected, and I guess I didn’t want him to think that I’m not over him.”
Jimin raised his eyebrows. He didn't say the words but Jungkook could hear them anyway. But you’re not over him.
Jungkook buried his head in his hands. “Ugh, what am I going to do? I’m going to die of embarrassment when I have to tell him the truth.”
“Wait a second,” Jimin said. “Why do we have to tell him?”
Jungkook looked up into his hyung’s face. He was wearing a devious grin.
“Because…Taehyung and I aren’t dating?”
“Jungkook, this is a golden opportunity. Think about it! Namjoon hasn’t seen you in almost two years. Now he comes back and you’ve not only gotten super hot, but you’ve got a hot boyfriend as well.”
“Jungkookie has always been hot,” Taehyung cut in.
Jimin waved his hand dismissively. “Yes, yes I know! But the longer hair, the tattoo sleeve, the excessive working out-”
“Excessive?!”
Jimin ignored Jungkook. “Maybe seeing you with someone else will trigger something in him. Make him realize he has feelings for you too! And if not, you and Tae can “break up” after the Christmas party, and Joonie-hyung will never have to know.”
Jungkook gaped at Jimin. He couldn’t deny that the proposal excited him. The thought of Namjoon returning his feelings felt like an impossible, unreachable dream. One that Jungkook had yearned for for so long. He could lie and show a brave face, but the others were right. Jungkook wasn’t over Namjoon. And probably never would be. He felt ridiculous for hoping, but it felt better than the alternative that he had been living with for the past two years.
He turned to Taehyung. “Would you be…okay with that?”
Taehyung smiled a bright boxy smile. “It sounds fun! It’ll be like an acting exercise.”
“Taehyung does love some good role playing,” Jimin grinned. Jungkook tried not to gag at the implications of that statement.
Taehyung nodded. “Jiminie’s right. If anything, it’ll make Namjoon see what he missed out on. I like it.”
“Well I don’t,” Yoongi spoke up.
“Of course you don’t,” Jimin huffed.
“I don’t want to lie to Namjoon. I don’t like it,” he said. “And what are you going to tell Seokjin and Hoseok?”
Oh. Jungkook hadn’t thought about that. And from the looks on Taehyung and Jimin’s faces they hadn’t either.
“Seokjin won’t lie to Namjoon,” Yoongi continued, “I can tell you that right now. He’s the only one of us that Namjoon still talks to everyday. They’re still very close.” There was a hint of hurt in Yoongi’s voice. One that Jungkook couldn’t help but feel responsible for. It was a reminder that he’d not only ruined his friendship with Namjoon, but also hurt the friendships he had with all of the others.
Jimin, however, wasn’t giving in. “Namjoon hurt him! And then became distant from all of us. One little lie isn’t going to hurt him. And it won’t hurt the others either.”
Yoongi chewed at his bottom lip. Maybe Jimin had struck a nerve. Jungkook knew Jimin harbored resentment toward Namjoon for what happened, but he didn’t think it was the same for Yoongi. Maybe he was wrong.
Yoongi sighed. “You’ll ‘break up’ as soon as the party is over?”
Jungkook nodded furiously. “Yes, I promise. Please hyung, I can’t bear to tell him that I made it up. It’s humiliating.” He put on his best baby pout. One he knew Yoongi couldn’t resist.
Taehyung grabbed Jungkook’s cheeks, squishing them. “Yoongi-hyung, how can you say no to this face?”
Yoongi groaned. “Fine. But if you keep this going on any longer than the party, I’m telling all of them. Got it?”
“Yes, hyung,” Jungkook said. “Thank you.” He stretched across Jimin to wrap his arms around Yoongi’s neck. “I love youuuu.”
“Ahh hajima! ” Yoongi whined, pushing Jungkook away, but Jungkook didn’t miss the small smile on his face.
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
Two years ago
After dinner and many shots of soju, everyone made their way to Seokjin’s living room to open presents and play games. Taehyung raced to claim the prized plush recliner, nearly tripping over the rug, which resulted in cackling laughter from an already drunk Hoseok. Taehyung didn’t seem to mind though, settling on his throne with a pleased smirk.
Yoongi sat on the couch gesturing for Jimin to take the spot next to him. Jimin, however, walked right past Yoongi, crossing the room to drape himself across his best friend’s lap in the recliner. Yoongi’s face fell before settling into clear irritation. Jungkook assumed they were fighting again, but he didn’t worry too much about it. By the end of the night they were sure to be back in each other’s arms like nothing was wrong.
Hoseok took the seat next to Yoongi instead, and Seokjin settled on Hoseok’s other side, stretching his long legs over both of the other boys’ laps. That left the floor for the last two, but Jungkook didn’t mind. Namjoon sat down first and Jungkook followed, his ass sinking slightly into the plushness of the thick rug.
He was happy to be beside Namjoon. He always was.
”Dinner was amazing hyung, thank you,” Taehyung said, wrapping his arms around his best friend’s waist.
More thank you s rang in from the others, and Seokjin waved them off, cheeks reddening slightly at the praise.
“Ah, I wish Juwon could be here to taste it,” Namjoon said. “He’d love it.”
Jungkook tensed. He’d hope to make it through the night without hearing his name.
Choi Juwon.
Namjoon’s boyfriend.
There was nothing particularly bad about Juwon. Jungkook had met him once, and he was nice enough. Polite. And he seemed to make Namjoon happy. But Jungkook hated him nonetheless. A childish, jealous hatred that burned shame through Jungkook’s insides. But how could he not? How could he not envy the person who got to see Namjoon every day in his new life. Got to kiss him. Hold him. Share his bed.
Jungkook couldn’t stand to think of Choi Juwon. Especially not tonight. Not when he finally had Namjoon beside him for the first time in months. He wanted to pretend, just once, that there was a chance it could be him instead.
“Ah you should have brought him, Joon-ah,” Hoseok said. “I’ve been dying to meet this boyfriend of yours.”
A glance to his left and Jungkook could tell Jimin was looking at him. He refused to make eye contact. He stared at the floor instead, trying to hide the sour feeling in his gut.
Namjoon leaned back on his hands and sighed. “Juwon has a huge project at work right now so he’s been really busy. But he told me to tell you all ‘hello’!”
“You could have met him if you’d come with me the last time I went to visit,” Seokjin teased.
“I’m getting bored,” Jimin cut in. “I thought we were opening presents?”
Jungkook looked at his friend, trying to telepathically send his gratitude at the subject change. Jimin gave him a small smile.
“Jiminie’s right!,” Taehyung agreed.
Other than the food, the gift exchange was always Jungkook’s favorite part of their Christmas parties. It was an unspoken rule not to spend too much on each present, there were seven of them after all, but buying gifts for his friends was something that Jungkook had always enjoyed.
And this year, well this year was special.
Jungkook had spent hours putting together one of the gifts. A scrapbook, filled with memories of his friendship with Namjoon. And with it, a song. Jungkook had learned early on that Namjoon showed his inner self, and his love, through music. He was a writer at heart, and Jungkook had witnessed the way he could turn words on paper into something beautiful. He’d continued to do that in Busan, at the small indie label he’d joined following graduation as a song-writer and producer. Jungkook couldn’t think of a better way to finally confess his feelings to Namjoon than through music.
It had been hard. So much harder than Jungkook imagined. Pulling the feelings that had lived inside of him for years and putting them into words that could properly convey the weight that they held. It took Jungkook months to finally feel satisfied with what he’d written. He threw back what remained of his fourth beer of the night as he realized that Namjoon would finally hear those words tonight. Those years of pining would finally reach their crescendo.
Shit.
Jungkook excused himself to the kitchen for another beer.
They gave their gifts in order by age so Jungkook, as their resident maknae, was always last. He tried to distract himself by focusing on the gifts from his friends, all sweet and special in their own way. His gift from Namjoon was a new camera case and a book of common English phrases.
“For your trip to the States,” Namjoon explained. “I just know they’ll accept you for the program, Kook-ah. You better take lots of pictures for me, okay?” In all the anxiety of preparing his confession to Namjoon, Jungkook had almost completely forgotten about the dance program he’d applied to in America. He was a finalist and was due to find out within the next few weeks if he’d gotten in. But of course Namjoon hadn’t forgotten, he’d always been Jungkook’s biggest supporter in everything that he did.
“Thank you, hyung. I’ll send lots of pictures and treats, I promise.”
“Good. I already miss you too much when you’re a few hours away. I don’t know what I’ll do when you’re across an ocean.”
Jungkook tried not to read too much into the words, he knew Jimin or Taehyung would say something similar, but it felt different when Namjoon said things like that to him. Namjoon didn’t talk like that to anyone else. Didn’t look at anyone else the way he looked at Jungkook. It had to mean something. Didn’t it?
It was only a few minutes later that Namjoon finally opened Jungkook’s gift, his mouth opening in awe as he flipped through the scrapbook.
“Jungkook-ah, you made this? Look at this, it’s so cool!”
Jungkook nodded, cheeks burning as everyone else noticed his gift.
“Why haven’t I ever gotten a scrapbook?” Jimin demanded, leaning over Namjoon’s shoulder to inspect the pages. “I’m your roommate!” Taehyung elbowed him in the stomach, and Jimin dissolved into laughter.
Namjoon ignored them both and pulled Jungkook into a hug. “This is so sweet, Jungkook, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, hyung,” Jungkook said shyly. He’d give Namjoon the other half of the gift later, without everyone listening. In the meantime he nursed another beer, quickly feeling the effects of the alcohol more and more.
He got his chance an hour later, while everyone was playing Mario Kart. Namjoon excused himself to get something from his old room and Jungkook slipped off the couch, following close behind.
“Hyung?” he asked once he closed the door behind them. Namjoon glanced at him as he dug through his suitcase.
“What’s up?”
“I, um–” Jungkook had prepared a little speech but it was hard to remember right now, his brain felt like it was stuffed with jello. “Well, I have another gift for you. It’s a song.”
Namjoon sat on the bed, eyebrows raised. “A song?”
Jungkook nodded. “Can I – can I play it for you?”
“Yes! Please, come sit.” Namjoon patted the bed beside him. “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“ I didn’t want the others to make fun of me,” Jungkook confessed, sitting beside Namjoon, their thighs pressed together.
“I’d never let them laugh at you,” Namjoon said, his voice serious. He squeezed Jungkook’s thigh comfortingly. “You wrote it?”
“Yes. For you.”
“I’ve written songs for other people, but no one’s ever written one for me,” Namjoon said, sounding a little awed. “Can I hear it?”
“O – okay,” Jungkook stammered, pulling out his phone. He pulled up the song, took a deep breath, and pressed play.
It was almost physically painful, sitting there, in silence as Namjoon listened to Jungkook confess his longing and love over simple guitar chords. Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to look at his friend’s face and instead just stared at the floor, his hands clasped in his lap. When it was finally over, he dared to glance toward Namjoon, but his face was unreadable.
“So, what do you think?” Jungkook asked. The words felt heavy in his mouth, like his tongue was too thick. His body felt warm, and his blood buzzed under his skin.
“It’s beautiful.” Namjoon said. “I’m so proud of you.”
Proud? Usually the word would make Jungkook burn with pleasure, but he didn’t want to feel Namjoon’s pride, he wanted him to understand what Jungkook was trying to tell him. And tell him that he loved him back.
“Namjoon-hyung, I love you.” Jungkook tried, reaching for Namjoon’s hand.
“Aw, Jungkook, I love you too.” Namjoon smiled sweetly.
“No, like.” Jungkook tried to speak, but the words all swam through his head so quickly that he couldn’t catch hold of them. He leaned forward instead, meeting Namjoon’s mouth in a soft kiss.
For a moment it was perfect.
Namjoon’s lips were just as soft as Jungkook had imagined they would be, and they tasted sweet, like the soju he’d been sipping at dinner. They moved with Jungkook’s lips in harmony, slow and gentle.
But then there was a hand pressed to Jungkook’s chest and Namjoon was pushing him away and jumping to his feet.
“What – what are you doing?” he demanded, his eyes wide.
“Hyung, I’m in love with you,” Jungkook explained. “It’s what I tried to tell you with the song.”
Namjoon shook his head. “Jungkook– you can’t – you can’t just kiss me like that! I’m – I’m dating someone. I have a boyfriend.”
“I know,” Jungkook said, rising to his feet. He took a step forward, but Namjoon moved out of his reach. “I’m sorry, I just –”
“Just what? What the fuck , Jungkook?” Jungkook flinched. Namjoon had never spoken to him this way. Namjoon was always kind, but with Jungkook it was more than that. He was gentle, sweet. Right now he looked so, so angry.
Jungkook’s vision swam as tears filled his eyes. “Hyung, please, I know you’re with him, but –”
“No, no there is no but . You can’t do this.”
“I’m sorry,” Jungkook gasped as the tears spilled over and ran down his cheeks. . Never had he imagined this is how tonight would go. How could he have been so terribly wrong? He pushed past Namjoon and out of the room, nearly smacking into Yoongi as he turned into the living room.
“Jungkook-ah, are you alright?”
A sob racked through Jungkook’s chest. “Will you please take me home?”
“Of course,” Yoongi said without a moment of hesitation.
The ride was mostly quiet, the only sounds coming from Jungkook’s soft hiccuping sobs. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and when he saw it was Namjoon he wanted nothing more than to pick it up, to hear his hyung’s voice that usually made everything better.
He turned his phone off.
When they got to the apartment Jungkook headed straight for his room, desperate for some space alone to calm down. He curled up in a ball in his bed, the covers over his head. Yoongi, thankfully, understood, waiting nearly twenty minutes before he knocked softly on the door.
“Jungkook, can I come in?”
“Yes.” Jungkook cringed at how pathetic he sounded, even though he knew Yoongi wouldn’t mind.
Yoongi gently pulled the covers back and ran a hand through Jungkook’s hair. “Do you want to tell me what happened?” Jungkook shook his head, and Yoongi sighed. “Okay, well Jimin is on his way with Tae. I told him you were very upset.”
“Okay. Thank you, hyung.”
Yoongi didn’t say anything more or try to force Jungkook to speak. He just sat beside him on the bed, running his blunt nails across Jungkook’s scalp and down his back as he soaked his pillow with silent tears. Jimin and Taehyung got there a few minutes later, both crawling into Jungkook’s bed and wrapping him in their arms.
“I told him,” he whispered. It was all he needed to say.
“It’s gonna be alright, Kookie,” Taehyung said, kissing Jungkook’s forehead.
“We love you,” Jimin added.
Jungkook was quiet for a while, his tears finally slowing to a stop as he laid between his best friends. “I think I’m gonna go to Busan for a bit,” he said quietly. “To visit my parents.”
“That sounds like a good idea,” Jimin said, “Get away for a bit.”
Jungkook nodded and pressed his face into Taehyung’s chest, letting sleep take him.
He left for Busan the very next day, taking the earliest train possible. His eomma was thrilled when he called her on the way, dismissing his apologies for the late notice and assuring him she’d be there to pick him up at the train station this evening. When he’d turned on his phone he’d expected a wave of texts and calls from Namjoon but other than his call from the night before there was nothing.
That hurt more than anything.
Jungkook tried to listen to music as he rode but he found that almost every song reminded him of Namjoon. They’d made so many playlists together and for each other, spent so many nights laying on Namjoon’s floor while a vinyl record spun on the turntable above their heads. Finally Jungkook settled on a simple lofi playlist and closed his eyes, hoping to sleep for the rest of the train ride.
He practically flung himself into his eomma’s arms when she met him at the station, immediately dissolving into tears as she rubbed his back. When they got back to the house she ran him a bath and made him his favorite dinner. She didn’t push him to tell her what was wrong. His eomma had always known him best, and never hesitated to baby him when he came home. His appa came home later than evening after work and when he saw Jungkook he hugged him so tightly that he thought he might burst.
He was glad to be home. To feel loved.
The email came a week later and Jungkook was surprised. He’d forgotten about the dance program again, Namjoon’s gifts left behind in his Seoul apartment.
“I got it,” he breathed from his spot on the couch.
“What was that, darling?” his eomma called from the kitchen.
“I was accepted into the dance exchange program!”
“Jungkook, that's great! I told you, you would!”
It didn’t start for over a month, but Jungkook decided he would leave as soon as possible. It hadn’t been enough to escape Seoul when he knew that Namjoon would be here in Busan soon enough. Here was his opportunity to truly get away. To put an ocean between himself and the source of his heartbreak. He booked a flight for the next week and didn’t look back.
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
Present day
“Are you ready?” Taehyung asked as they walked up the steps to Seokjin and Hoseok’s apartment.
Jungkook nodded. “Ready as I can be I guess.”
Taehyung’s mouth spread into a grin. “Any rules?”
“No kissing me on the mouth.”
Taehyung pouted. “But why? Jiminie and Yoongi-hyung won’t mind. It’s like acting.”
Jungkook cocked an eyebrow. “Jimin is literally the most jealous person I’ve ever met. Besides, I’d rather not kiss my best friend.”
Taehyung huffed. “Fine. What about cheek kisses?”
Jungkook rolled his eyes. “I guess that’s fine.”
They were at the door now. Jungkook took a moment to ground himself. Just one night. A few hours.
“Alright, let’s go.”
Taehyung took his hand and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Seokjin called, and Taehyung pulled Jungkook through the door.
They walked into the living room where most of the others were gathered. Hoseok waved and flashed a wide smile. “Jay-kayyyy! Taehyung-ah! You’re finally here.” He jumped up, coming to hug them both.
“Hey hyung,” Taehyung said cheerily. Jimin and Yoongi were curled up in the recliner. Namjoon was on the couch beside Hoseok, and he was staring at Jungkook and Taehyung’s joined hands.
“Did you lock the door?” Hoseok asked. Taehyung shook his head. “I’ll get it. Oh, and Jin-hyung is in the kitchen.” His eyes fell to their hands and he raised an eyebrow. Jungkook tried not to shrink under his gaze.
“Jungkook, Taetae! You made it!” Jimin called from his perch on Yoongi’s lap.
Taehyung pulled Jungkook toward the couch. Toward Namjoon.
“Traffic sucked, but thankfully my Jungkookie is a good driver,” Taehyung said, wrapping his arm around Jungkook’s waist. Jungkook did his best to smile naturally, but he felt ridiculous. “Namjoon-hyung!” Taehyung added, as if he had somehow just now noticed him sitting there. “I’m so glad you came!”
Namjoon rose to his feet and Taehyung (thankfully) released his hold on Jungkook’s waist to pull their friend into a hug. Jungkook stood by awkwardly, unsure of what to do. Taehyung looked so happy as he squeezed Namjoon tightly and Jungkook was reminded once more of the fact that he and Namjoon’s friendship wasn’t the only one that was severed two years before. Jungkook looked away.
“We missed you, hyung,” Taehyung said as he pulled away. He sat next to Namjoon on the couch, pulling Jungkook to sit beside him.
Namjoon smiled sheepishly. “I missed you too. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to visit more.”
“We could’ve visited too,” Yoongi said, voice even quieter than usual. “Sorry, Joon-ah.” Jungkook didn’t miss the way Jimin laced his fingers with Yoongi’s and squeezed them gently at the words.
“Ah, it’s alright hyung,” Namjoon said. “We’re getting older. It’s natural for friends to see each other less.”
“Yeah, but–”
Seokjin cut Yoongi off as he entered the living room, clapping his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Dinner is ready! And there should be plenty for everyone as long as a certain Jeon Jungkook doesn’t steal all the samgyeopsal for himself.” Jungkook couldn’t bring himself to bite back at Seokjin’s teasing and smiled weakly instead. Seokjin nodded at where Taehyung’s hand rested on Jungkook’s waist. “So I guess Jimin wasn’t messing with me. You two are really together?” He sounded skeptical. Jungkook tried not to wince.
Taehyung, however, seemed to be enjoying this ridiculous farce. He squeezed Jungkook into his side. “Why do you sound so surprised? Jungkookie and I have excellent chemistry.”
Seokjin raised his eyebrows, and Jungkook knew they were done for. His oldest hyung had always had the uncanny ability to see right through their bullshit. But Jin just nodded.
“Well just keep your hands to yourself. I already have to deal with one gross couple in my apartment.”
“Hey!” Jimin retorted.
“I think you two are cute,” Hoseok said, smiling. Taehyung beamed. Leave it to Tae to be proud that his hyung approved of his pretend relationship.
Jungkook’s eyes slid to the other side of the couch where Namjoon was sitting quietly, scrolling through his phone. He didn’t seem to even be paying attention to the conversation, let alone be feeling jealous. Jungkook tried not to feel disappointed.
Dinner was surprisingly not awkward, everyone slipping into conversation like old times. Jungkook was glad to see Namjoon and Yoongi laughing together like they used to, the earlier tension nowhere in sight. It wasn’t as hard as he expected to play the part of Taehyung’s boyfriend. Taehyung was naturally very affectionate and did most of the work himself. Jungkook occupied himself by downing copious shots of soju, so much that his head began to spin, and he almost forgot to feel anxious.
Once dinner was over they gathered in the living room to open presents. Jungkook tried not to think about the last time they were all gathered in this room, two years ago. Or what had come later that night. He sat beside Taehyung on the couch, his head on his shoulder, staying quiet through the majority of the conversations. The others let him be, it wasn’t uncommon for Jungkook to retreat in on himself sometimes.
As was tradition, the gift giving went from oldest to youngest. Jungkook thanked Seokjin, Yoongi, and Hoseok for their gifts, but was stunned when Namjoon handed him a wrapped package. He’d gotten him a gift? They hadn’t even been on speaking terms until two days ago.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get you anything,” Jungkook stammered, but Namjoon waved him off.
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it.”
The others dug into Namjoon’s gifts quickly but Jungkook just stared at the package as if it would bite him if he moved too quickly. He slid a finger under the shining silver wrapping paper and carefully opened it. Jungkook blinked. It was a camera. A very expensive camera. One that Jungkook had been dreaming of owning for years. Outside of dance, photography had always been his favorite pastime, and it was his fallback if dancing didn’t work out.
Why the hell would Namjoon buy this for him? Jungkook’s breathing became shallow, suddenly two years worth of suppressed emotions rising to the surface.
“Excuse me,” Jungkook mumbled, rising to his feet and walking out of the room. He was vaguely aware of Jimin’s wide eyes following him, probably debating if he should follow. Jungkook refused to make eye contact, focused on a swift escape. He walked quickly to the guest room, the room that used to be his room, and shut the door behind him. He tried to calm his breath as he paced across the room.
What the fuck.
What the fuck.
He was confused, so confused, but more than that he was angry.
There was a knock at the door.
“Not now Jimin,” Jungkook said, head in his hands. “I—I just need a minute.”
"Jungkook, can I talk to you?”
Not Jimin.
Namjoon.
Jungkook took a deep, shaky breath. “Yeah.”
Namjoon opened the door and closed it behind him. There was anxiety in the crease between his eyes, the tension in his shoulders. Jungkook still knew where to look for it, for Namjoon’s tells. He was worried, so so worried. And still so infuriatingly beautiful.
It made Jungkook angrier.
The alcohol churning in his stomach fueled it. He couldn’t remember ever, ever feeling angry at Namjoon before. Not like this. But as he stood there, looking at him and clenching the camera in his shaking hands he was furious.
“Jungkook I—”
“What the fuck is this?”
Namjoon’s eyes widened. “Wha —”
Jungkook cut him off again. “I said what is this? You — you can’t just show up after two years and give me something like this. What is this supposed to mean?” His words were harsh, striking with a venom that had Namjoon flinching with each syllable.
Namjoon took a deep breath. “I know.”
“What did you think? That you could just show up here and give me this and things would just go back to the way they were?”
"No!” Namjoon said quickly, “Just —”
“Then why?” Jungkook spat. He didn’t know why he was so angry. He hated this feeling. He hated the way Namjoon was looking at him, the hurt in his eyes. There was a small voice in the back of his head that told him to stop, told him to go to Namjoon right now and make things right again. But the alcohol and the anger were louder.
“I know you’re with Taehyung. I just want you to be happy, Jungkook-ah.” Namjoon looked at the floor.
Jungkook laughed coldly. “ Now you want me to be happy? Maybe you should have thought of that before you dumped me as a friend.”
Namjoon’s eyes snapped up. “Dumped you ? You left. Without a word.”
“You lectured me like a child! You rejected me and humiliated me.” Jungkook’s eyes welled with tears and he turned away so that Namjoon wouldn’t see.
“Jungkook.” His voice was softer.
“And — and now you come back here, when I’m happy with someone else, and you give me this and try to confuse me, and it’s — it’s fucked up.” He stammered, trying to control his breathing as the tears began to flow freely. A hand gently gripped his shoulder, but Jungkook shook it off. “You’re a hypocrite. And an asshole.” He tossed the box on the bed and turned around, pushing past Namjoon and out the door as he tried desperately to wipe away his tears.
Jungkook kicked off his shoes by the front door of his apartment and stumbled toward his bedroom. He’d sobered up somewhat on the bus ride home but he still wasn’t back to normal. He at least had the thought to strip off his jeans before flopping onto the bed.
The ceiling began to spin and he closed his eyes, groaning. In the darkness behind his lids, all he could see was Namjoon’s face. That heartbroken face as Jungkook yelled at him.
He felt horrible for making him look like that.
But how had Namjoon expected him to react?
I should’ve let him talk.
I should’ve talked to him two years ago .
Does this mean – does he have feelings for me?
God he looked so pretty tonight.
Jungkook groaned into his pillow. His alcohol-fogged brain wasn’t getting him anywhere useful right now. He dragged himself to the kitchen for a glass of water, retrieving his phone from the pocket of his jeans before he left his bedroom. He had three missed calls from Taehyung and a text that said Please call me.
Shit.
He’d bumped into Hoseok on his way out and had asked him to let the others know that he was leaving, but he felt badly that he hadn’t texted either of his roommates or even Yoongi about where he was going. He tapped Taehyung’s contact name to call him back, which he did after less than one ring.
“Hey,” Jungkook began, “I’m sorry I left I –”
“Jungkook, I messed up,” Taehyung sounded frantic. “Oh god, I’m sorry.”
“Woah, hyung, calm down, what happened?”
“Namjoon saw me with Yoongi-hyung. We – we were kissing, and he saw and he thought I was cheating on you and hyung was cheating on Jiminie, and he got so mad that I had to tell him the truth. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice trembling as he started to cry.
Jungkook’s stomach dropped.
“Shh, it’s okay,” he said, trying to keep his voice level. “Please don’t cry, it’s gonna be okay. Is Yoongi or Jimin with you?’
“Yeah, just a second,” Taehyung said, sniffling audibly.
“Hey,” Yoongi said. “Fuck, Jungkook, I’m sorry. We were on the balcony, and I just didn’t think.”
“Was he mad?” Jungkook asked, voice quiet.
Yoongi was quiet for a few seconds.
“He was furious when he thought Taehyung was cheating on you. But once we told him, he just seemed...sad. I guess. He didn’t say much. Just went to his old room and locked the door. He wouldn’t even let Seokjin in.”
What little was left of Jungkook’s anger completely dissipated, and in its place was nothing but nauseating guilt. He’d never wanted Namjoon to find out like this. Had never wanted him to find out at all, but especially not like this.
“I’m really sorry I put you in this situation hyung,” he said sadly. Yoongi and Namjoon had finally seemed to reconcile and Jungkook had managed to ruin it once again. “You, Taehyung, or Jimin. It was wrong of me.”
“Jungkook-ah.”
“I’m gonna call him and apologize.”
Yoongi sighed. “Okay. We’re on our way home now. Taehyungie had too much to drink and he’s feeling a little um – emotional right now.”
“Okay, hyung.” Jungkook said, his voice growing thick with oncoming tears.
“Hey,” Yoongi said, his voice quiet and gentle, “it’s gonna be okay. We love you.”
“I love you, too. Bye.” Jungkook hung up the phone and began to cry for the second time tonight. He felt like trash. Worse than trash. He’d treated Namjoon horribly tonight. Yelled at him, called him an asshole . And now this. It was like he’d cut open his heart just to pour salt in the wound. Namjoon. His Namjoon. The person he loved most in this world, and he’d been so cruel to him. And pulled Tae, Jimin, and Yoongi down with him.
He had to make it right. He had to.
But when he mustered his courage and dialed Namjoon’s number, still memorized after two years, the call went straight to voicemail. He called again, and once more straight to voicemail.
Please call me, he texted.
I can explain.
Minutes passed. Nothing.
I’m so sorry for the way I acted earlier. Please just call me.
The others walked through the door, Taehyung’s arms draped over Yoongi and Jimin’s shoulders. Yoongi took one look at Jungkook and turned to Jimin. “Jimin-ah, why don’t you sleep in Jungkookie’s room tonight? I’ll take care of this one.”
Jimin nodded. “That sounds like a great idea, hyung. You and Taetae need some one on one time anyway,” he said with a smile.
“Tell Jungkook and Jimin goodnight, Taehyung.”
“Goodnight, Kook,” Taehyung slurred, stumbling into Jungkook’s arms and kissing his cheek. “Love you.”
“Hey, what about me?” Jimin teased.
“Goodnight, Jimin-ah,” Taehyung giggled, kissing Jimin’s cheek as well.
“Come on, baby, let’s go to bed,” Yoongi said, wrapping an arm around Taehyung’s waist. He pecked a kiss to Jimin’s lips and gave Jungkook a smile.
Jungkook knew he should argue. Knew he should tell Jimin he was fine and to sleep with his boyfriends. But his chest felt like it was caving in, and all he wanted was his best friend.
“C’mon, Kookie, let's get in bed. It’s been a long day,” Jimin said, taking his hand.
It wasn’t until after they’d brushed their teeth, changed into pajamas, crawled into bed and faced each other that Jungkook finally broke.
“Hyung–” he started, his voice catching in his throat.
“Come here, baby,” Jimin said, pulling him into his arms. He rubbed soothing circles into Jungkook’s back as he cried.
“I was so awful to him,” Jungkook sobbed. “And now he won’t answer my texts or calls. I’ve really fucked it up this time.”
“It’s gonna be okay,” Jimin murmured. “He’s hurt now, but Namjoon loves you. Even after all this time, I know he does. If you want to save this friendship, I know you can.” He squeezed Jungkook tighter. “And no matter what you do, I’ll be here by your side. I love you no matter what.”
“I love you t–too,” he sobbed, and Jimin chuckled softly.
“Shh, it’s alright, just go to sleep. We’ll figure it out tomorrow.”
Jungkook stood outside of Jin and Hoseok’s apartment, shivering from the cold. He’d woken up that morning with eyes swollen from crying and his head pounding with a hangover. Jimin had still been asleep beside him, face pressed into Jungkook’s back and an arm thrown over his waist. Jungkook had immediately reached for his phone, but Namjoon still hadn’t called or texted.
And so now here he was, at 9:00 in the morning on Christmas Eve, standing outside his friend’s door and terrified to knock on it. He hadn’t told the others where he was going, he knew they would have told him just to wait, to give Namjoon some time. But he couldn’t. He wouldn’t.
He knocked.
God he felt sick.
Seokjin opened the door much more quickly than Jungkook expected. He’d honestly expected him to be asleep. But here he was, awake and seemingly unsurprised at Jungkook’s presence. He sighed as he opened the door wider to let Jungkook inside. He walked into the living room without a word and Jungkook followed solemnly. Seokjin leaned against the couch and looked at him. Waiting.
“Is he here?” Jungkook asked quietly, picking at his sleeve.
“Mhmm. In his old room.”
There was an awkward pause.
“Hyung, I’m sorry.” He felt so small.
Seokjin sighed. “Jungkook-ah, look at me.”
Jungkook did. He expected disappointment, anger. But Seokjin just smiled at him kindly. When he spoke again his voice was soft. “Yoongi told me why you lied. And as much as I wish you hadn’t done it, I do understand. I know that might surprise you.”
Jungkook’s eyes widened.
“I know it feels like I’m on Namjoon’s side and the others are on yours, but there are no sides. Namjoon is my best friend but so are you. And I’ve watched you both spend the last two years being so incredibly stubborn . And sad.” He pulled Jungkook into a hug, squeezing him tightly. “Now go talk to him. Please.”
“Okay, hyung,” Jungkook whispered, his eyes swimming with new tears. “I love you.”
“Hyung loves you too, Jungkook-ah. No matter what.”
Jungkook knocked on Namjoon’s door softly.
“Come in.”
Namjoon’s back was facing Jungkook when he opened the door. He crouched over a suitcase on the floor, placing a folded t-shirt carefully inside.
“Hyung?” Jungkook said, his voice sounded small.
Namjoon looked up, and his eyes widened in surprise.
“Oh, Jungkook. Hey, sorry I was just packing.” He tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. He looked like he hadn’t slept.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” Jungkook said simply. “Or my texts. I was worried.”
Namjoon looked away. “I turned my phone off last night. I’m sorry.”
Jungkook shook his head. “Hyung, I’m so –”
Namjoon cut him off, rising to his feet. “Jungkook, it’s fine,” he said with a wave of his hand, “ you don’t have to apologize. I get it. You were right, I should never have come here and thought things could just go back to normal. Not after the way I hurt you. It’s only natural you would want to hurt me back.”
Hurt him back? Jungkook shook his head quickly. “No, no! That’s not what this was! I swear to you, Namjoon, I would never try to purposely hurt you. Ever. It’s just –,” he took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, but the words just kept tumbling out like an avalanche. “You came in the store, and you were beautiful and kind and so unaffected, and all I could think was how much I didn’t want you to think that I still hadn’t moved on. And then these words just came out of my mouth, and I don’t know where they came from. I swear. I mean, if I’m honest, there was a part of me that hoped maybe I could make you jealous , but not hurt you. Never. It was the stupid, childish part of me, and I’m so so sorry.” Jungkook tried to catch his breath but a lump had formed in his throat.
Namjoon took a step toward him, hand outstretched as if to comfort him, but stopped. He sighed before sitting on the edge of the bed. “Come sit,” he said, patting the space beside himself. “We need to have a talk that we should’ve had years ago.” So Jungkook sat beside him on that familiar bed. One that he’d spent countless sleepovers in. The one where Jungkook had kissed his best friend and ruined everything. The comforter was the same. A faded pale blue. Jungkook reached for a stray thread and fiddled with it as Namjoon began to speak.
“Two years ago, about a week or so before the Christmas party, Juwon and I had a fight.” He paused. “A fight about you.” Jungkook looked at Namjoon with wide eyes. He was staring at the window, jaw tense as he spoke. “He said that our friendship made him uncomfortable because it was apparently obvious that you had feelings for me.” Jungkook shrank in on himself, mortified.
Juwon knew?
Who was Jungkook kidding, of course he had. Everyone had. Everyone but Namjoon.
“He also felt like I returned your feelings. I told him he was wrong and we were just friends, but he wouldn’t listen to me. He refused to come to the party if you were there and told me I had to choose between you and him.” Namjoon turned toward Jungkook, finally looking him in the eyes. “I chose you.”
‘Why?” Jungkook whispered.
Namjoon gave a sad smile. “Because you were my best friend. And he was being a jealous asshole. But when you kissed me that night, I –” he looked away. “I got angry because I realized he was right. Not just about you, but about me. I did have feelings for you. And I felt so stupid for not having seen it. Not to mention guilty. I was angry at myself and I took it out on you, and I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for waiting so long to try to make things right. And I’m sorry for showing up here and bringing up these bad memories for you. It was selfish.” Namjoon’s voice broke on the last word, and Jungkook could see tears welling in his eyes.
It was more than he could take. It’s not that he’d never seen Namjoon cry, but not like this. It was one thing to cry together over a Pixar movie, but to see the pain written so clearly on his face, pain that Jungkook had helped cause, broke his heart.
“Oh, hyung.” He said, unable to stop himself from cradling Namjoon’s face in his hands and wiping his tears away with his thumbs. He half expected him to pull away, but Namjoon leaned into his hand instead, eyes fluttering shut.“It’s not your fault that so much time has passed,” he said, his own tears beginning to flow. “Like you said, I left. I didn’t even give you a chance to talk to me.”
“No!” Namjoon argued, taking Jungkook’s hands in his own. “Jungkook, I should never have said that. I have never been angry about the program in America. Ever. I was so proud of you for being accepted. I just didn’t know what to do afterward. I told Juwon the truth, that I was in love with you. We broke up shortly after the party.”
That I was in love with you. He said it so simply, like it wasn’t one of the most important things Jungkook had ever heard in his life.
Namjoon still held his hands, his thumbs slowly rubbing over the back of Jungkook’s knuckles. Jungkook didn’t know if he even realized he was doing it. Namjoon continued. “ I guess I just didn’t know how to make things right with you, and then I just didn’t even try.”
“I didn’t either,” Jungkook said quietly.
“I know, but the thing is, when I thought about telling you how I felt it scared me. You’d always placed me on such a pedestal, and I didn’t want to let you down. Or I guess not let you down again. I decided I was going to work on myself and try to become my best self before I faced you again. I’ve been in therapy and I even started going to yoga. Then one day I saw the camera and I had this idea that I’d perform this grand gesture to apologize and confess to you.” he laughed. “It’s funny, I always teased you for being a romantic and now here I am. There was actually an even sappier part of the gift that I left out. Once I um – found out you weren’t single anymore.”
“Hyung–”
“Just let me finish, okay?” There was no irritation in his voice, he was patient as ever.“I was heartbroken when you told me about you and Taehyung, but I decided it was my own fault for waiting so long. I thought if we could at least be friends again I could be happy. And if that’s all you can give me Jungkook, that’s okay. It really is. I just want you back in my life again. I love you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone else.”
Fat tears began to run down Jungkook’s face and he threw himself into Namjoon’s arms. There wasn’t the slightest moment of hesitation before Namjoon’s arms wrapped around his waist, hugging him tightly. “I missed you so much, hyung,” Jungkook said, choking back a sob.
“Shh, I know. I’m sorry.”
“No more sorries.” Jungkook sniffled.
“Okay, no more sorries,” Namjoon agreed.
“You’re really in love with me?” Jungkook whispered against the fabric of Namjoon’s shirt. “Like, like in a boyfriend way?”
Namjoon laughed. “Yes, in a boyfriend way.” He pulled back so that they could see each other again. “I think I always did, but I was too scared to see it. I didn’t want to lose my best friend.”
Jungkook nodded. “I understand. That’s why it took me so long to tell you. And I had to get drunk to do it.”
Namjoon chewed at his lower lip. “You said you didn’t want me to think you hadn’t moved on. But, have you?”
Jungkook shook his head. “Never. It’s always been you. Since the moment I met you.”
Namjoon’s smile was like pure light. He pulled Jungkook back into his arms. “We’ve been really stupid.”
“Idiots,” Jungkook agreed, nuzzling into Namjoon’s neck. It felt like a dream to be here with him. Namjoon rubbed his hands over his back and down his arms, over and over, like he couldn’t bear to stop touching him.
“I want to try Jungkook, if you do. I know we have a lot to work through, and we can go as slow as we need to, but I want to try.”
He was right, there was a lot to work through. And two years lost because of pride and stubbornness. But Jungkook wanted to try too. It was true that it had always been Namjoon for him. And it always would be.
“I do too,” Jungkook said.
Namjoon yawned, and it was only seconds before Jungkook yawned too. Namjoon laughed and it was like music to Jungkook’s ears. He’d missed the sound so much. He couldn’t help but laugh as well.
“I didn’t sleep much,” Namjoon explained.
“Me neither.”
“Wanna, maybe, take a nap?” Namjoon asked. Jungkook didn’t know if he’d ever heard him sound so shy. He nodded and they laid down on the bed, facing each other. Namjoon pulled the blanket over them and reached out with one finger, gently tracing over Jungkook’s face.
“That tickles,” Jungkook giggled.
“You got even more beautiful while I was gone,” Namjoon said, giving Jungkook a dimpled smile. Jungkook blushed.
“So did you. And buff.”
Namjoon burst into wheezy laughter. “You’re still the muscle bunny. Now an even hotter, long-haired, tattooed muscle bunny.”
Jungkook smiled, feeling a bit smug. “You like my tattoos and long hair?”
“Fuck Jungkook, I almost passed out when I saw you in the bookstore. I was most definitely not unaffected.”
Jungkook snickered. It felt so good to talk to Namjoon normally again, even if he wasn’t quite used to the flirting part of it. It thrilled him though, to know that he affected Namjoon in the same way that he’d always affected him.
Namjoon thumbed gently at Jungkook’s lip piercing. “I like this too,” he said, voice low and husky in a way that made Jungkook’s stomach flip. His eyes fell to Namjoon’s mouth.
“Hyung?” he said, licking his lips. “I know we should probably take this slow, but I really want to kiss you.”
“I want to kiss you too,” Namjoon breathed.
They scooted closer to one another , until their mouths were just a hair’s breadth apart. Jungkook tilted his head, eyes fluttering shut as their lips met. Namjoon’s lips were soft and so gentle, slowly moving against his own. Namjoon rubbed his thumb over Jungkook’s cheek. When they parted they were both smiling.
“I love you, Namjoon,” Jungkook said, fearlessly for the first time.
“I love you too, Jungkook,” Namjoon kissed his nose and his forehead and pulled him in close. It wasn’t long before they fell asleep.
“Oh thank god, you’re clothed.” Jungkook blinked with heavy lids as the sound of Seokjin’s voice woke him. For a moment he was confused, unsure of where he was or who was sleeping beside him. The body was far too large to be Jimin’s. And then he remembered. The talk with Namjoon, their confessions of feelings, and the way they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms after they’d kissed.
The kiss.
Namjoon had kissed him. Namjoon loved him.
“Hyung?” Namjoon murmured, not quite fully awake. Seokjin stood in the doorway, arms crossed in front of his chest.
“Jungkook came in here over an hour ago. I didn’t know what you two were up to. But I see everything is fine?”
Jungkook sat up, cheeks burning at Jin’s insinuation. “Neither of us slept well so we wanted to take a nap. Everything is alright now.”
Jin nodded. “Good. Well I made breakfast, if you two would like to join Hoseok and me. Oh, and Jungkook-ah? Jimin called. He was worried because he didn’t know where you went. I told him you were fine but you might want to text him.”
Jungkook nodded. “Thank you, Jin-hyung.”
Seokjin closed the door behind him and Jungkook suddenly felt a little awkward. Earlier he’d been caught up in excitement of hearing Namjoon confess to him and sharing his own feelings, but now the weight of the last two years was starting to pull at him.
“What is it?” Namjoon asked.
“Huh?’
Namjoon sat up as well and tucked a piece of hair behind Jungkook’s ear. “You look worried.” He took Jungkook’s hand and ran his thumb across his knuckles. It soothed Jungkook. Grounded him.
“I guess I’m just worried that it’s been too long. Maybe we’re different people than we were two years ago.”
“Well of course we are,” Namjoon said simply. He squeezed Jungkook’s hand. “But does that have to be a bad thing? Staying the same people our whole lives would mean we’ve never grown. I know we can’t just slip back into the way things used to be. We have to learn about each other all over again. And I’m excited to get to know the new Jeon Jungkook. If you’ll let me.” He smiled warmly, and Jungkook remembered why it had been so easy to fall in love with Namjoon all those years ago.
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” Jungkook admitted.
“We’ll take it one step at a time. And the first is eating breakfast with our friends,” Namjoon said, climbing out of bed, his hand still in Jungkook’s.
“Okay,” Jungkook said. Nothing seemed as scary with Namjoon’s hand in his.
Breakfast was less awkward than Jungkook had expected. If anything Hoseok and Jin seemed relieved that Namjoon and Jungkook were on good terms again. It felt odd to be beside Namjoon after all this time. He was the same in some ways; his wheezing laughter or the way his voice got impossibly deeper when he’d just woken up. But it was also evident that he’d changed. The tension that had been ever present in his body was gone now, replaced with an easy, newfound confidence. He’d confessed to Jungkook once that physical touch and affection intimidated him, that he never felt natural initiating it even when he wanted to. But as they sat at the table eating and talking with their friends, Namjoon’s hand kept finding its way back to Jungkook. His thigh, his hand, even his waist. It seemed so natural, so carefree.
Jungkook sent a text to Jimin while they ate, letting him know that he was okay and he was sorry for disappearing. He promised to explain more later.
“So are you two together now?” Hoseok asked, raising a brow at their joined hands.“Like officially?”
Namjoon looked at Jungkook as he answered. “We’re taking it slow. But I love Jungkook and I have no intention of dating anyone else.”
“ Well, then,” Hoseok said with a laugh. Jungkook blushed. Namjoon always had been a bit direct.
“And you, Jungkook?” Jin asked.
Jungkook shrank a bit into Namjoon’s side. He knew Seokjin was just being protective of Namjoon but he felt put a little on the spot. He was also a little surprised that his hyung even had to ask. Hadn’t Jungkook made it clear over the years how he felt about Namjoon? Even now, two years later he’d been so hung up on him that he’d made up a story about dating someone else to hide his unyielding feelings. Jimin had said once that Jungkook loved loudly . He supposed that was true. But how could he not?
“I feel the same,” Jungkook said.
“Oh no, they’re going to be even worse than they were before, aren’t they?” Hoseok teased, groaning dramatically. “Staring at each other dramatically with puppy dog eyes.” He pretended to gag.
Jungkook threw a napkin at him.
After breakfast Jungkook decided to head home and was surprised when Namjoon asked if he could come along. “I want to talk to the others,” he explained, and Jungkook agreed that they should all talk. They were quiet for a few minutes as Jungkook drove to his apartment, Namjoon in the passenger seat.
“Should we set some boundaries?” Namjoon asked.
“Boundaries? Like rules?”
Namjoon shrugged. “Kind of. More like guidelines. So we know what the other is comfortable with. I learned all about it in therapy. I think it might be a good idea to set some, especially right now as we’re trying to figure everything out again.” Jungkook had missed the way he talked with his hands. Especially when he was explaining something.
“Okay, that sounds good,” Jungkook said, nodding.
“You go first.”
Jungkook thought about it for a minute. “Maybe we don’t kiss again until we go on a few dates? That way we can focus more on getting to know each other.” And because the more Jungkook was around Namjoon, the less anxious he felt, and the more his body remembered how much he wanted him. Especially now that he knew that Namjoon wanted him back.
“Okay,” Namjoon agreed easily. “That makes sense. What do you say, three dates or so?”
“Three is good.”
“What about hugs and hand-holding?”
“I think that’s fine.” Jungkook wasn’t willing to give up their casual touches.
“Was I being too touchy earlier?” Namjoon asked, worry in his voice. “I’m sorry, I should have asked you if it was okay first.”
Jungkook reached across the center console for Namjoon’s hand. “No, I liked it,” he said, giving Namjoon a reassuring smile.
“Okay, good.” Namjoon smiled back, squeezing Jungkook’s hand.
“Your turn.”
“Okay, no more lies, and no more secrets. From either of us.”
Jungkook tried not to wince. It was more than a fair request. “Absolutely.”
“What else?”
“I can’t think of anything right now. Do we need more?”
Namjoon thought about it. “I think that’s good for now. I do have to go back to Busan the day after tomorrow, unfortunately. I wish we could spend more time together.”
Jungkook tried not to show his disappointment. He’d finally gotten Namjoon back and he was already leaving again. He had an idea. “Maybe I could come down for New Year’s Eve? Eomma has been begging me to come visit. And you and I could hang out.”
“Really?” Excitement was clear in Namjoon’s voice.
“Yeah, I think it would be fun. I’d like to get out of Seoul for a few days.”
“Okay, let’s do it. And in the meantime we can call and facetime, yeah?”
“Yeah, definitely. I’ll call you so much you’ll get sick of me.”
Namjoon scoffed. “That could never happen.”
They pulled into the parking garage for Jungkook’s building and walked to his apartment still hand-in-hand. “Jimin?” Jungkook called as they kicked off their shoes and hung their jackets by the door.
“In here!” Jimin called from Taehyung’s bedroom.
“It’s been so long since I’ve come here,” Namjoon said quietly, scanning the room. “It looks different.”
“Yeah, that’s Yoongi-hyung’s influence,” Jungkook explained, pulling Namjoon toward Taehyung’s room. “He practically lives here now. He built us some new furniture.”
“Who are you talking to – oh. Namjoon,” Yoongi met them in the doorway to Taehyung’s room, his eyes wide.
“Hey, hyung,” Namjoon said meekly. Yoongi backed into the room, and Namjoon and Jungkook followed. Jimin and Taehyung were cuddled on the bed, Jimin wrapped around Taehyung while the latter played on his switch. Their eyes also widened when they saw Namjoon in the doorway. “Hey, Jimin, Taehyung.”
Jimin sat up. “Hyung, hey. What are you doing here?” Taehyung looked like he might cry again.
“I wanted to apologize,” Namjoon said.
“Apologize?” Jimin looked shocked. “For what?”
“For being a dick, I guess. For not texting or calling or coming to visit. You’re all my friends, and I’ve missed you so much.”
“It’s not just your fault,” Yoongi said. “I’m sorry too. And I’m sorry for… this. For lying to you.” Yoongi was always so strong, such a solid force in Jungkook’s life. But right now he looked ready to crumble into the floor, more vulnerable than Jungkook had ever seen him.
“You were just trying to help Jungkook, I’m not angry about that. I was hoping we could put the past behind us and move forward. Like I said, I miss you hyung.”
“I miss you too. We all do.”
Taehyung slipped out of the bed and threw his arms around Namjoon. “Hyung, I’m so sorry,” he said, sniffling. Namjoon hugged him back.
“Tae it’s alright, I told you I’m not mad,” he said, chuckling fondly. Jimin joined in on the hug and pulled them both back onto the bed. Jungkook climbed on top and reached for Yoongi who of course yelled in mock protest but laughed as he was pulled into the puppy pile. The years seemed to melt away and it was the way it used to be, Taehyung and Jimin squeezinging at the others’ sides, everyone squealing in laughter. If only Hoseok and Seokjin could have been there too. Then it would have been perfect.
“Joon-ah, come help me get something from my car,” Yoongi said once Taehyung and Jimin had finally released Namjoon from their clutches. Namjoon followed him, and Jungkook could tell how happy he was to have made up with his friends, especially Yoongi. Jungkook’s heart felt lighter to know that he and Namjoon’s problems weren’t splintering their friend group any longer.
“So,” Jimin said, once the other two had left the room.
“You and Namjoon?” Taehyung added. “We didn’t miss the fact that you two were holding hands when you walked in. Tell us.”
Jungkook blushed. “I’m sorry for leaving this morning without saying anything. And for causing all of this drama.”
Jimin waved his hand in dismissal. “Like Namjoon-hyung said, let’s leave it in the past. Besides, it was my idea in the first place. So tell us, what happened?”
Jungkook told them about his conversation this morning with Namjoon. “We’re going to take it slow,” he said, finishing. “But I guess we’re together. Kind of.” It felt more real now that he’d said it out loud.
“Did anything happen? ” Taehyung asked, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Tae!” Jimin elbowed him in the ribs.
“What? When you and Yoongi confessed your feelings for me, I jumped you on the spot!”
“That’s true, he did. It was some of the hottest s–”
Jungkook groaned. “We kissed okay? But that was it.”
“Tongue?” Taehyung asked, completely serious.
“ Why would you ask that? No, there was no tongue.”
“Lame.”
Jimin shoved Taehyung back into the pillows and they all three began to laugh. “I’m happy for you, Jungkook-ah. And I think it’s smart that you are both taking things slowly.”
“Me too,” Taehyung said. “You both look so happy.”
“Thanks, hyungs.”
“Jungkook-ah, can I talk to you?” Namjoon said as he and Yoongi reappeared in the doorway. “ I’ve gotta go to my parents’ house,” Namjoon explained once they were alone in the hallway once more.
“Oh,” Jungkook said, trying to hide his disappointment. He’d hoped he and Namjoon would be able to spend the day together and talk more.
“Sorry I couldn’t stay longer,” he called to the others. “I was supposed to be at my parents’ house an hour ago. Eomma is blowing up my phone.” He smiled sheepishly.
“That’s okay, hyung, we’ll see you later,” Taehyung said. He, Jimin, Yoongi gave Namjoon hugs goodbye and Jungkook walked with him to the door.
“I can drive you back to Seokjin-hyung’s if you need me to,” Jungkook offered.
“It’s alright, I’ll just take the bus. I’m sorry I have to leave, but I promise to come see you tomorrow, okay?”
“Okay,” Jungkook said, pouting a little.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Namjoon said, laughing. He pulled Jungkook into a tight hug. “I’ll text you later.”
“Bye, hyung.”
“Bye, Jungkook.”
It was only thirty minutes later when Namjoon texted him.
On the bus to Ilsan. Miss you already <3
Butterflies flitted through Jungkook’s stomach and he blushed. He felt like he had when he first met Namjoon. The new crush jitters and excitement. But it was even better.
I miss you too. Have a good visit and tell your parents hi for me
I will :)
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
“Hmm, hand me that light blue,” Jungkook said, holding out his hand. They were sprawled on the living room floor, surrounded by colored pencils. It was snowing outside and an old Bing Crosby Christmas vinyl (courtesy of Taehyung) was spinning on the record player. It had been Namjoon who suggested they sketch together, the way they used to when Namjoon was still in university. Namjoon had never been much of an artist, but he loved art and he loved to watch Jungkook draw. He’d always grab his own piece of paper, but he spent most of their time just watching Jungkook.
“Here,” he said, handing Jungkook the pencil. Jimin and Taehyung had gone to Yoongi’s apartment so it was just the two of them. “So,” he said, laying his chin on his hands as he watched Jungkook shade, “how was it?”
“Huh?” Jungkook had forgotten what they were talking about, too focused on his drawing. He tended to do that, but Namjoon had never seemed to mind.
Namjoon’s dimples popped as he smiled. “California. The dance program? How was it?”
“Oh. That.” Jungkook sighed, and put the pencil down. “It wasn’t what I’d hoped it would be.”
“Why’s that?”
Jungkook felt almost embarrassed to talk about it. Dance had been his dream for so long, and this program was supposed to be his gateway into making it big. It felt like he was letting everyone down when he’d come back disappointed. Like he’d failed somehow.
“The instructors were assholes. And so were the other participants. It just–” he sighed.
“Just what?”
“It just didn’t feel fun anymore,” he confessed, his voice quiet. “It just felt like work. I don’t know if my heart is in it anymore. In dance.” He hadn’t admitted it to anyone else, not even Jimin and Taehyung.
“It’s okay to fall out of love with it, you know?” Namjoon said softly. “You don’t have to feel guilty.”
“It has always been my dream.”
“I know. But maybe you just need some time away from dance. And maybe you’ll fall in love with it again, and maybe you won’t. That’s okay.” He smiled reassuringly. “Whatever you do, I know you’ll be great at it.”
God, Jungkook had missed him so much. He always knew what to say. He knew Jungkook best.
“Thank you, hyung. I’ve been doing a lot more photography lately.”
Namjoon sat up. “Oh really? You’ll have to show me! You’ve always been so good with a camera.”
Jungkook winced as he remembered the Christmas gift. “I’m sorry again, about the gift,” he said.
“No, no, it’s okay. I understand why you reacted that way. I was stupid.”
“You weren’t!” Jungkook protested. The gift had been very sweet, if not a little misguided.
“I was, but it’s okay.” He smiled. “I’d still love for you to have it. If you want it.”
Jungkook picked up his pencil again. “Okay, if you’re sure.”
“I am.”
They drew some more. Namjoon talked about his job and his life in Busan. It seemed there weren’t many employees at the small indie label where he worked and a lot of the responsibility had fallen on him. He confessed that he wasn’t enjoying it the way that he had in the beginning. The label wasn’t everything he thought it was and that they lacked sincerity in their business practices.
“That sounds hard,” Jungkook said.
Namjoon nodded. “It is. I’m just so busy . And tired. And I like Busan but–”
“But what?”
“It makes me miss you even more.”
It was strange to realize that Namjoon had thought about Jungkook often these past two years. That he’d missed Jungkook just as much as Jungkook had missed him.
“Everything there reminds me of you. I feel terrible that I haven’t seen your parents since I’ve been there. They were always so kind to me.”
“When I come for New Year's, how about you come over to their house for lunch or dinner? My eomma would love to see you. She always loved you and kept asking me when I was going to ask you out.” Thank god she’d never said that in front of Namjoon. Jungkook would have died on the spot.
“She did?” Namjoon laughed. “She’s not mad at me?”
“Of course not. She just knows we had a fight and she’s been begging me to make up with you. She’ll be thrilled to know that we’re together now.”
“I’m glad.”
They spent the rest of the evening watching movies while they ate cookies and drank hot chocolate. There were so many times that Jungkook wanted to say fuck the rules and kiss Namjoon silly. He looked so soft and pretty in his sweater and glasses, and then he would raise his hands above his head or bend over to grab the remote and Jungkook would catch a glimpse of tan, muscled skin that he wanted to run his hands over. He knew Namjoon felt it too, could see it in his eyes when they flickered to Jungkook’s lips or raked over the lines of his body.
They managed to behave for the entire evening and then it was late, and Namjoon had to go.
“This was the best Christmas that I’ve had in a while.” Namjoon said, smiling and tucking a stray piece of hair behind Jungkook’s ear. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Let me know when you get on the train and when you get to Busan.”
“I will.”
He pulled Jungkook into his arms and held him for a while, neither wanting to let go. “I love you,” Jungkook whispered.
“I love you, too.” Namjoon kissed Jungkook’s forehead gently and finally let him go. “Sorry, was that against the rules?”
Jungkook grinned. “I’ll allow it.”
“Goodbye, Jungkook. I’ll see you soon.”
“Goodbye, Namjoon.”
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
Jungkook checked the time on his phone. His train would be arriving in Busan in about twenty minutes. He checked his hair once more in his front facing camera. It looked the same that it had five minutes ago. He and Namjoon had talked on the phone or facetimed every single day since Christmas. They talked about anything and everything. Simple things like how their day went and what dramas they were watching and deeper things as well. They spent a lot of time catching up since they’d both missed the last two years of each other’s lives. Jungkook realized that Namjoon was different in some ways, but still the same in the ways that counted. He had become an even more amazing person than Jungkook remembered, and Jungkook felt hopelessly in love.
Jungkook’s phone vibrated in his hand as Namjoon sent him a message.
I’m at the station. I know I’m a little early kekeke
Jungkook smiled as he typed a response.
I’ll be there soon!
The last fifteen minutes of the trainride felt like they lasted two hours, but finally the automated voice came over the speakers overhead, announcing their arrival. Jungkook tried to be patient as the crowd of people slowly exited the train and walked up the stairs. It was all worth it when he saw Namjoon waiting for him outside, waving with a big dimpled smile.
“Hyung!” Jungkook dropped his bag and threw his arms around Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon lifted him off the ground a few inches as he hugged him tightly. Jungkook fought the very strong urge to kiss him. It seemed Namjoon had somehow gotten even more handsome over the last week.
“How was the trip?” Namjoon asked, taking Jungkook’s bag in one hand and Jungkook’s hand in the other.
“Eh, it was alright. I tried to sleep, but the guy next to me was snoring so loudly.”
Namjoon laughed. “Well maybe we can take a nap at your parents’ house after we eat.”
“Oh no, I have a whole day planned for us,” Jungkook said, grinning. “No time for naps!”
“Is that so? I thought Jeon Jungkook always had time for a nap,” Namjoon teased.
It was strange to watch Namjoon drive. Jungkook had thought he was joking at first when he said that he’d finally gotten his license last year, but now here he was, sitting in the passenger seat as Namjoon drove them to Jungkook’s childhood home. He thought he’d miss it, driving Namjoon everywhere, but now as he watched him he only felt horny. Namjoon looked hot as fuck as he turned the wheel, his jaw set in concentration. Jungkook didn’t know how much longer he’d be able to follow his own stupid no kissing rule.
“It’s weird to see you behind the wheel,” he confessed.
Namjoon grinned. “It's still weird for me, honestly. It’s funny, the day that I got my license, all I wanted to do was call you and tell you.”
“I understand. When I got into the dance program, even though we’d had that horrible fight, you were the person that I wanted to tell.”
Namjoon squeezed Jungkook’s thigh gently. “Well now we can tell each other every little accomplishment we make. Even silly ones. I want to hear it all.”
“I once finished six packets of ramen in one sitting.”
“You’re incredible.”
Jungkook giggled and took Namjoon’s hand, feeling happier than he had in a long time.
“ Six? ”
“Namjoon-ah, I’m just so glad you came by to see us! Are you eating well? You know you can come by any time, and I’ll cook for you!” Jungkook’s eomma hadn’t stopped fretting over Namjoon since they’d walked through the door. If Jungkook didn’t know any better, he’d think she was more excited to see Namjoon than to see her own son.
“Eomma, he’s eating fine! Look at him.” Jungkook couldn’t stop looking at him. It was truly sinful that someone could look that good in jeans and a turtleneck. The denim clung to his thighs and his ass tightly, as did the turtleneck to his defined chest. Jungkook was grateful when his eomma brought them their lunch, so he could focus on eating rather than the way he wanted to take Namjoon apart.
“You have put on some muscle, haven’t you?” Jungkook’s mother squeezed Namjoon’s bicep, and his ears flushed a deep scarlet. “You’ve always been so handsome, I can’t believe Jungkook didn’t snatch you up sooner.”
“Th – thank you,” Namjoon stammered, hiding his face behind one hand. He looked at Jungkook pleadingly, but Jungkook made no move to save him. The turtleneck was his own decision and now he would suffer the consequences.
“You’re embarrassing the poor boy,” Jungkook’s appa said with a laugh.
The woman clicked her tongue. “He can do with some embarrassment after not coming to see me for two years!” Namjoon flinched, but Jungkook knew his mother meant no harm. She’d always loved Namjoon and had been absolutely ecstatic when Jungkook called her to tell her that he and Namjoon were a couple now.
“I’m sorry,” Namjoon said, hanging his head a bit.
“Ah, it’s all forgiven, Namjoon-ah. I’m just so glad you too worked things out. I knew you would. You were all Jungkook used to talk about in university. Namjoon-hyung this and Namjoon-hyung that.”
“Eomma!” Jungkook protested, but the damage was done. Namjoon was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
“Oh really?” Namjoon teased.
“Oh, yes he did.”
“ Appa!” That traitor!
After lunch dragged on for twenty more humiliating minutes, Jungkook’s father left to run an errand and his mother went to drop off some kimchi stew to one of their neighbors. Jungkook brought Namjoon to his room.
“Your parents are still as sweet as ever,” Namjoon said, running his fingers over the spines of Jungkook’s manga collection. “I don’t know why they like me so much.”
Jungkook smiled despite himself. “They weren’t lying, I used to talk about you all the time. How cool and smart you were.”
Namjoon snorted. “I was never cool.”
“Yeah, you’re right, I was just blinded by your thighs,” Jungkook teased.
Namjoon burst into his loud, hiccuping laugh and Jungkook had to dig his nails into his palms to keep from kissing him.
“What’s this?” Namjoon asked. He reached behind the stack of manga and pulled out a blue leather journal.
Jungkook’s eyes widened. “Nothing!” he squeaked, reaching for the book, but Namjoon held it above his head, his few inches of height gaining an advantage.
“Is this a diary ?” he teased.
“No!”
“It is! Is there stuff about me in it?”
“Give it!” Jungkook screeched, jumping to try and grab the notebook from Namjoon’s hand. Namjoon just laughed, and Jungkook squeezed his sides instead, tickling him. Soon they were wrestling, playing the way they used to, both squealing with laughter.
Jungkook wasn’t sure how it happened but at some point he ended up flat on his back, Namjoon hovering above him and holding his arms pinned above his head. Namjoon’s eyes were dark, and Jungkook’s body went limp as arousal pooled in his belly. He’d never looked at Jungkook that way before. He leaned down so that their foreheads nearly touched. It looked like he might kiss him, and fuck it, Jungkook didn’t care about the rules anymore, he wanted to kiss him too. But Namjoon stopped, maybe for permission or for Jungkook to go the rest of the way, his lips so close that Jungkook could feel his breath.
“I know we said three dates, but you’re driving me crazy,” Namjoon breathed.
Fuck it.
Jungkook pulled Namjoon’s body down on top of his and crashed their lips together. It was nothing like the previous times they’d kissed, those had been slow, sweet. This was hungry and messy, tongues sliding and teeth clashing. Namjoon slotted a leg between Jungkook’s thighs, and Jungkook mewled into his mouth.
Six years of pining and want poured out through Jungkook’s lips and fingers as he kissed the first boy he’d ever loved and slid his hands under his shirt and over the soft skin of his back. He reached a hand between them and palmed Namjoon’s erection over his jeans, making him moan against Jungkook’s neck.
“Can I touch you?” Jungkook asked.
“Please,” Namjoon begged.
They unbuttoned each other’s jeans in a flurry of clumsy fingers and then Jungkook’s hand was closing around the hot skin of Namjoon’s cock. He pumped it a few times before taking it and his own in both of his hands and jerking them off together as he and Namjoon moaned into each other’s mouths. It was dry and a little rough but he didn’t care, not with the sounds Namjoon was making as he thrusted into Jungkook’s fist.
“Jungkook-ah? I’m back. Do you and Namjoon want some hot cocoa?”
Jungkook froze at the sound of his mother’s voice calling from downstairs, and Namjoon squeaked in horror, frantically stuffing them back into their jeans.
“Sure, Eomma, thank you!” Jungkook finally called, hoping she couldn’t tell how breathless he was. He looked at Namjoon and they both burst into laughter, flat on their backs on the floor of Jungkook’s childhood bedroom.
*＊✿❀○❀✿＊*
“God, can you imagine if she had walked in on us? I would have never recovered from that trauma.” Jungkook shivered at the thought. Or maybe from the cold. The sun had set an hour ago and the temperature had dropped quite a bit. Jungkook huddled against Namjoon for warmth as they walked through Haeundae market. They’d spent the afternoon at some of Jungkook’s favorite spots in Busan, starting with the aquarium and ending with fried chicken at a small restaurant that Jungkook had been visiting since the time he could walk.
“To be fair she probably wouldn’t have recovered from it either,” Namjoon pointed out. Jungkook watched in interest as his plump lips formed an o as he blew onto his hands, trying to warm them.
“Here,” Jungkook said, taking both of Namjoon’s hands between his own and rubbing back and forth. He snuck a quick kiss to Namjoon’s knuckles, making him smile. “Better?”
“Yep baby, I’m all fixed now.” He grinned and wrapped his arm around Jungkook’s waist.
Baby.
Jungkook rose onto his toes, pressing a kiss to Namjoon’s lips. Namjoon responded without hesitation, his arm tightening around Jungkook’s waist.
“What was that for?” he asked when Jungkook pulled away.
“I like when you call me baby.”
“Mmm, is that so?” Namjoon said, looking a little smug.
“Yes,” Jungkook pecked one more kiss to Namjoon’s lips, and pointed at a vendor a few feet in front of them. “Do you want to get some hotteok?”
Namjoon bought some for both of them, and Jungkook bit into his greedily, the warm gooey filling warming his mouth and sticking to his fingers.
“Are you ready to head to your house?” Jungkook asked. He didn’t miss the way Namjoon’s eyes were trained on his mouth as he slipped his finger between his lips to suck some of the sticky filling from his skin. “Hyung?” Jungkook asked, grinning a bit.
“Huh?”
“Let’s head back to your house, yeah?”
“Oh, yeah, let’s do that,” Namjoon agreed.
Namjoon’s house wasn’t far from the beach. It was small and cozy, filled with plants and simple wooden furniture. Namjoon gave Jungkook a quick tour and let him set his bags in the bedroom.
“I like it,” Jungkook said.
“It’s okay,” Namjoon said, shrugging. “It’s lonely without roommates.”
“Well, at least tonight you have me,” Jungkook said, winking.
He was mostly joking, but Namjoon pulled him into a hug and kissed his hair. “I’m so glad you’re here, Jungkook.”
“Me too, Namjoon.”
A frown. “Just Namjoon?”
“I thought I’d try it out, now that we’re together. Do you not like it?”
“I just like when you call me hyung,” Namjoon said, suddenly looking a little embarrassed. Jungkook giggled.
“Okay, hyung.”
They sipped champagne from Namjoon’s “fine china” (aka pokemon collectable glasses) while they played a few board games and listened to music. Namjoon had wanted to take a shower shortly after they got home, and Jungkook waited on the couch, trying not to think about Namjoon naked in the next room. He wondered, multiple times, if he should’ve offered to join, but he hadn’t wanted to presume anything. When Namjoon came back out, freshly showered in a t-shirt and gray sweats, Jungkook’s mouth practically watered.
“Wanna play halli galli?” Namjoon asked. “I’m trying to get better so I can finally beat Jin-hyung next time we all play.”
“Sure.”
They had just finished their third game (Namjoon’s first win and maybe Jungkook had let him, but that sweet smile was well worth it) when Jungkook remembered something Namjoon had told him on Christmas Eve.
“What was the rest of the present?”
“Hmm?” Namjoon acted like he hadn’t heard him, but his ears were reddening.
“You said there was another part of my Christmas present, but you didn’t give it to me because you thought Taehyung and I were dating. You never told me what it was.”
Namjoon was definitely blushing now. “It’s dumb,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Please tell me?” Jungkook gave his best pout, one that he knew Namjoon couldn’t resist. “Please hyungnim?”
Namjoon’s face scrunched up as he tried not to smile. “You’re a menace. Fine, I’ll tell you. I wrote a song.”
Jungkook melted. “A song for me?”
“Well technically it’s kind of an album,” Namjoon said, smiling sheepishly. “I’ve written quite a few about you over the past couple years. I put the best ones on a CD and I was going to give it to you.” He frowned as Jungkook giggled into his hand.
“Sorry, it’s just, I wrote you a song so of course you wrote me an entire album. It’s very ‘Namjoon’ of you.” In truth he was touched. No one had ever written a song for him or about him. At least not that he knew of. And Namjoon had written many . Enough to fill a cd.
“Well that’s funny coming from you Jeon Jungkook,” Namjoon said, crossing his arms. “You’re the most competitive overachiever that I’ve ever met.”
“Hey!” Jungkook exclaimed, smacking Namjoon playfully on the arm even though he knew it was true. Namjoon snickered. “So can I listen to it?”
“You want to?” Namjoon sounded shy, as if there was any chance Jungkook wouldn’t love what he’d written for him.
“Of course I want to, hyung.”
“Okay, hold on. It’s in my room.” Namjoon rose to his feet and ducked into his bedroom. A few seconds later he came back out, a CD in his hand.
“Wait, it's an actual CD? Hyung, that’s so cute!”
Namjoon laughed. “Are you teasing me?”
“No!” It was incredibly cute. And romantic.
Namjoon loaded the CD into his CD player (Jungkook didn’t know people even had those anymore) and pressed play before sitting back on the floor across from Jungkook. The first song was slow, Namjoon’s deep honey voice turning raspy as he switched from a simple rap into soft vocals. Real life Namjoon looked at his hands, his cheeks pink as they listened. The song was beautiful and Jungkook found his own cheeks reddening as he listened to the lyrics. Earnest and sweet, painting a picture of someone that sounded far more impressive than Jungkook thought of himself as being. He crossed the distance between the two of them on his hands and knees and climbed into Namjoon’s lap.
“Is this really how you see me?” Jungkook asked, his voice quiet.
Namjoon nodded, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s waist.“Yes.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“I love you.” Jungkook hugged Namjoon tightly, burying his head in his neck.
The next song was more upbeat, almost a little angry, and Jungkook raised his eyebrows. Namjoon hid his face behind his hands.
“Sorry, but this is the only one like this! I did write some other…not nice ones, but I never saved them.”
Jungkook pulled out of Namjoon’s lap and rose to his feet, arms crossed. Namjoon held his hands out, his lips settled in a pout. “Come back,” he whined.
“Nope! You wrote mean songs about me.” Jungkook stuck his tongue out, and Namjoon stood up as well, pulling him into a hug. He knew Jungkook well enough to be able to tell that he was just teasing.
“I’m sorry,” he whined, squeezing Jungkook and swaying both of their bodies back and forth.
“Hmph.”
Jungkook liked the next song much better. It was another slow song, Namjoon’s sweet breathy vocals playing over simple guitar chords. Jungkook wrapped his arms around Namjoon’s neck and they swayed slowly in the middle of the living room, not quite dancing, but something close to it.
“I was offered a job at a label in Seoul,” Namjoon said softly.
Jungkook looked at him with wide eyes. “Are – are you going to take it?” he asked, his voice small.
“Do you want me to?”
“Of course I do,” Jungkook said. “I miss you. But I only want you to take it if it’s what you want.”
Namjoon cradled his face with one hand. “The label here in Busan, it just doesn’t seem like the right fit for me anymore. I want to be in Seoul. With you.”
With you. Jungkook smiled so wide it made his cheeks hurt. “Okay.”
The music turned into something sexy, Namjoon’s low voice insinuating things that made Jungkook’s stomach flip. Namjoon was so close, his chest pressed to Jungkook’s, his hand firm on the small of his back.
If I could be under your skin, closer than we’ve ever been.
“Hyung,” Jungkook breathed. Namjoon pressed their foreheads together, and their lips were only centimeters apart.
“It’s almost midnight,” he answered. “I’ve never actually kissed someone at midnight before.”
“Me neither.”
“I’m glad it’s you,” Namjoon said, his dimples giving Jungkook butterflies.
Ever since they’d spoken on Christmas Eve, in Namjoon’s old bedroom, it was like a knot in Jungkook’s chest had begun to loosen. It had been there for years , maybe even before he and Namjoon stopped speaking, tightening and making it harder and harder for Jungkook to breathe. And now, as they slowly swayed in Namjoon’s living room, looking at each other with stars in their eyes, Jungkook felt it finally let go, the knot slipping free and flowers growing in its place. If Jungkook had checked his phone he would’ve seen it was only 11:59, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t waiting another second to kiss the love of his life.
“I love you,” Jungkook murmured against Namjoon’s soft lips, unwilling to pull back for even a second as he explored every inch of his mouth with his tongue.
“I love you, too, so much.”
They didn’t stop kissing as they made their way to Namjoon’s bedroom, nearly falling as they clambered onto the bed. Jungkook pressed Namjoon into the sheets, his lips and tongue claiming Namjoon’s jaw and throat. He pulled his shirt over his head and Namjoon did the same, and then they were kissing again, hands roaming over the newly exposed skin. Jungkook’s cock was so hard that it hurt, and he moaned shamelessly when Namjoon slipped a hand between them, palming him through his jeans.
“What do you want, baby?” Namjoon asked as he nipped at Jungkook’s throat, still gently squeezing Jungkook’s cock through his pants.
Jungkook remembered how it felt earlier today, the feeling of Namjoon’s cock against his as they grinded against each other on his bedroom floor. He wanted to sink himself into Namjoon’s heat. If he’d let him.
“Can I fuck you? Please, hyung, please, I want you so badly.” He buried his face in Namjoon’s neck, mouthing at his soft, golden skin. He knew from listening to sex talk in their group that Namjoon primarily topped, and Jungkook had imagined Namjoon fucking him silly more times that he could count, but right now he just wanted to feel him. To make him feel good. “I want to be inside you. I need it.” He knew he probably sounded ridiculous right now, babbling and begging, but Namjoon fucking whimpered , and Jungkook would’ve sworn he felt his cock twitch against his thigh.
“Jungkook-ah, fuck . Here, help me get my pants off.”
He pulled them off quickly, along with Namjoon’s briefs, and when Jungkook finally saw Namjoon naked for the first time he couldn’t stop the pitiful moan that fell from his lips.
“Hyung, you’re so beautiful.”
Namjoon's ears flushed a dark red as he laid bare beneath Jungkook’s hungry gaze. Jungkook ran his hands over Namjoon’s chest and abs, traced his fingers over the head of his leaking cock. He was perfect. Lines of soft muscle and golden tan skin marked with pretty moles. Jungkook wanted to taste every inch of him.
“ You’re beautiful Jungkook,” Namjoon finally answered, tucking a piece of hair behind Jungkook’s ear. He turned to grab something from his nightstand drawer. A bottle of lube. Jungkook set it on the sheets. He’d use it in a minute, but he was going to take his time.
“Take your pants off too,” Namjoon said, his voice a little whiny. Jungkook almost fell off the bed as he rushed to pull his jeans down his thighs, and Namjoon laughed.
“Sorry, just a little excited,” Jungkook said with a grin, settling on his knees between Namjoon’s spread thighs.
“Me too,” Namjoon’s tongue ran over his lips as his eyes raked over Jungkook’s body, lingering a little longer on his cock. “Now hurry up and fuck me.”
Jungkook leaned down to kiss Namjoon once more, tracing the seam of his lips with the tip of his tongue. He kissed a trail down his neck and over his chest, relishing in the sharp intake of breath above him as he sucked one of Namjoon’s nipples into his mouth. Jungkook had always been a little overeager, but he also lived to please, especially when it came to Namjoon so he went slow, flicking his tongue around and over the soft bud, and gently tracing his fingers over Namjoon’s body. Down his torso and across his hip, ghosting over his cock.
“Jungkook-ah,” Namjoon moaned, trying to buck his hips against Jungkook’s hand, but he pulled away. “Don’t tease.”
“Be patient, hyungnim,” Jungkook said with a grin. He sucked the other nipple into his mouth, grazing over it gently with his teeth before finally letting go. He pressed open mouthed kisses across Namjoon’s chest and down his toned stomach. His skin was so soft, smelled so good, so clean. Jungkook could spend all day doing just this, covering him with kisses, listening to his shaky breaths and soft sighs.
“Touch me, please. ” Jungkook had never expected Namjoon to be needy in bed, but he couldn’t deny that he liked it. He teased a little more, nipping at Namjoon’s hips and smooth inner thighs before he finally ran his tongue over the length of his shaft. Namjoon moaned low and deep, his legs trembling as Jungkook finally fit his lips around the head of his cock and sucked. It was thick, filling his mouth deliciously. Jungkook couldn’t help but think about how good it would feel deep inside him, stretching his hole as Namjoon fucked him.
Next time.
Hell, maybe even later tonight. They weren’t going anywhere tomorrow.
He bobbed his head slowly, his own cock becoming almost painfully hard as he listened to Namjoon’s soft moans and tasted him on his tongue.
“Feels so good, baby,” Namjoon’s voice was impossibly deep and unbearably husky, and Jungkook whined around the dick in his mouth as he rutted his hips against the sheets. He pulled off, slowly pumping his hand along the length as he looked up at Namjoon through his lashes.
“Can I eat you out, hyung?”
“Fuck, yeah of course you can,” Namjoon answered. His chest was already covered in a light sheen of sweat and Jungkook felt the urge to lick it from his skin. But instead he pushed Namjoon’s thighs toward his chest until he could see the little brown pucker of his hole. He ran the flat of his tongue over it slowly and Namjoon whined high in his throat, his fingers knotting in the sheets. Jungkook licked over him again and again, moaning in tandem with him as he rubbed his own cock against the mattress. He reached for the lube and slicked up his fingers, pushing two inside of Namjoon slowly. He was so, so tight, Jungkook had no idea how he’d ever fit his cock inside of him.
“Okay?” he asked, kissing Namjoon’s hip.
“Better than okay,” Namjoon answered a bit breathlessly. “You’re so good at this.”
Jungkook’s cock twitched against the sheets at the praise, and he blushed. “It probably helps that I’ve imagined this so many times.”
Namjoon giggled. “I have t – oh, oh .” His eyes scrunched shut and Jungkook knew he’d found that sweet spot inside. He rubbed over Namjoon’s prostate a few more times before slipping in a third finger, making Namjoon mewl. Jungkook realized smugly that he was the only person who got to see Namjoon like this, writhing and whining. The only person to hear Namjoon moan their name.
“Are you ready?” Jungkook asked, and Namjoon nodded, too breathless to speak. His cheeks were flushed and his lips red and swollen. Jungkook kissed them again as he lined his cock up with Namjoon’s hole and pushed in slowly, his breath shuddering in his chest. Despite the prep Namjoon was still so tight , and it had been quite a while since Jungkook had stuck his dick into anything other than the palm of his own hand.
“ Hyung ,” he moaned. “You feel so good, oh my god.” He leaned down so that their chests pressed together and kissed Namjoon deeply, scared if he moved his hips he might come before he’d really gotten to fuck him. “Okay?” he asked again.
“You feel so good, baby,” Namjoon murmured. Jungkook rolled his hips and he gasped, his thighs gripping Jungkook’s waist. “So good, fuck.”
Jungkook felt overwhelmed suddenly as he looked into Namjoon’s eyes and realized that this was it, all those years, pining and yearning and now they were finally here, together. His eyes filled with tears and he buried his face in Namjoon’s neck, hoping he wouldn’t see.
“Baby, what’s wrong?” Namjoon took his cheeks in his hands and forced him to look at him. “Why are you crying?
“Just a lot I guess,” Jungkook said, sniffling and choking out a laugh. “I can’t believe this is real. I’ve loved you for so long.”
Namjoon’s face softened and his eyes looked a little shiny as well. “I know. But it is real. We’re both here and I love you too, jagiya .”
Jungkook melted at the pet name and kissed Namjoon once more. They rolled their hips together, slow and deep, catching each other’s moans on their tongues, more i love you’ s exchanged until Jungkook felt that familiar build up of his heat in his stomach, and he reached between them to pump Namjoon’s cock in his fist in hopes that they could reach their peaks at the same time.
“I’m close,” Namjoon gasped.
“Me too.” It only took two more thrusts of his hips and Jungkook was coming inside Namjoon, and not much longer before Namjoon reached his own peak as well, clenching around Jungkook’s cock as he spilled cum all over his fist.
They kissed until Jungkook was completely soft, finally slipping out. He shifted so that they were lying next to each other, but kept a leg thrown over Namjoon’s waist and his head buried in his neck.
“Was it okay?” he whispered and Namjoon laughed.
“Okay? It was amazing, baby.” He kissed Jungkook’s forehead.
“Have you ever bottomed before?” Jungkook suddenly found himself asking. Namjoon raised his eyebrows.
“I have but only a few times. Why?”
Jungkook shrugged. “When you talked about sex before it sounded like you always topped. And then – nevermind.” He hid his face again.
“Tell me,” Namjoon squeezed Jungkook’s sides and he squealed in laughter. “ Tell meeee. ”
“Okay, okay,” Jungkook smacked Namjoon’s hands away. “You just felt so tight. ”
Namjoon grinned. “Did I?”
“God, yes I thought I was gonna die.”
Namjoon laughed and squeezed Jungkook to his chest. “It’s been a very long time, I won’t lie. Most of my partners have wanted me to fuck them. Not that there’s been many.”
“I kinda wished I’d been the first one,” Jungkook confessed.
“Aww, Jungkookie. It’s alright, you were the best one.”
Jungkook sat up. “Was I really?”
Namjoon smiled up at him. “Absolutely.”
“Good,” Jungkook said, laying on top of Namjoon once more with a smug smile. “Next time I want to bottom though, okay?”
Namjoon rolled them so that Jungkook was underneath him, caged between his arms. He leaned down, running his tongue over Jungkook’s lips. “Next time? Why not now? I’m not tired yet.” He nipped Jungkook’s ear lobe and Jungkook shivered, his cock already filling between his legs.
“I’m not tired either,” he grinned.
When they finally went to bed around 6am, after many different positions and a shower that took much longer than it should have, Jungkook could see snow falling outside, the sun just cresting the horizon. Namjoon shut the curtains and Jungkook curled himself into his warm arms.. “I love you, Namjoon-hyung,” he said, and even though it felt like he’d said it 100 times that night it still made him feel just as warm and happy each time.
“I love you too, Jungkook. My baby.” Namjoon kissed him once more, and they both slipped into sleep as the quiet morning was blanketed in white.