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Max never looks at girls the way other boys his age do. When he gets to talk with other boys - which isn’t often, given his father and his racing schedule - they all have things to say about girls and sex. Max just wants to talk about racing. He wonders if he’s gay, but he doesn’t feel anything when he looks at other boys either. Just as well, he can't be a gay driver.
His father is pleased with his dedication to racing. When Max gets a seat with Toro Rosso, he talks about “my boy, Max.” And when Max gets bumped up to Red Bull, his father raves how all their hard work has paid off.
Max goes to the afterparties because he’s expected to. He likes dancing, but he doesn’t like the touching and groping. As soon as he becomes a full-time F1 driver, the offers start coming in. “Come back to my room,” “Let me buy you breakfast – tomorrow,” or the more direct “Can I blow you?” and “Will you fuck me?”
Max doesn’t want to have sex with anyone, so he politely turns them all down until a party after his first-ever win. He’s standing with his father at the bar, and multiple women, each seemingly drunker and wearing less than the last, come up to offer him their ‘affections.’ He turns them down one after the other until his father can’t stand it anymore.
“Jeez, Max, what kind of standards do you have? You’re not looking to marry them; just go get your dick wet!”
“I’m trying to focus on racing,” Max says, hoping that will distract his father.
“Racing will still be there tomorrow! Tonight, you’re a winner! You don’t want people to think you’re a virgin or anything.”
Max winces internally. He doesn’t want his father to ever find out that he’s a virgin – or that he has no interest in changing that fact.
Right on cue, another woman walks up, wearing a shirt that barely deserves the name. She steps right into his personal space and slides her hand around his back. “Wanna celebrate, baby?”
“A bold one! She’d be good for you!” his father yells, clapping him on the back.
“Okay,” Max says to the girl. He doesn’t know what else to do.
They go to the waiting car and Max opens the door for her and gets in after her. He’s not sure what to do – does he give the driver the name of his hotel? He doesn’t want the girl there. But he doesn’t want to go to her place either. He doesn’t want to have sex with her, but he doesn’t think she’ll be satisfied with a signed hat.
While he’s panicking, his phone beeps and a text notification from Daniel pops up on the screen.
Maxy! Where are you? Come join me!
Max looks at the girl, who’s reading over his shoulder. “A threesome? That would be fun.”
Max squeaks. “Sorry, no thank you.” He taps on the driver’s window. “Please take her wherever she wants to go.”
“Good night,” he says to the girl and quickly opens the car door and jumps out. He texts Daniel On my way and flags a random taxi back to the hotel. He’s glad he brought enough cash to pay the driver.
He goes up to Daniel’s room. “Maxy!! The winner!” Daniel says when he opens the door. Max breathes out. Finally, someone who doesn’t want anything from him.
There’s a feast from room service waiting. “I know they never have actual meal options at those parties. Come on, dinner time.”
Max digs in, suddenly starving.
After they finish eating, Daniel puts on a stupid car movie and they make fun of the inaccuracies in the race scenes, sharing a bowl of popcorn between them on the bed.
The day starts to catch up with Max and he slumps down next to Daniel when he gets back from the bathroom, his eyes drifting closed before he forces them open again. The last thing he thinks he remembers is the feeling of a gentle hand stroking through his hair and a voice saying, “Good night, Maxy.”
~~~
Max doesn’t want a relationship, but he sometimes looks at other people in relationships and envies their closeness. He thinks it might be nice for someone to have a special name just for him, like darling or sweetheart, instead of just Max. Daniel calls him mate sometimes, but Daniel calls everyone mate. Not quite the same thing. Sometimes Daniel calls him Maxy; Max tries to store those times in his memory to remember later.
He has no interest in sex, but he thinks the parts after could be nice – talking to someone in bed, falling asleep with someone’s arms around him. He’d have to find someone he could stand being close to for that long, but he imagines it sometimes with an imaginary person. On nights when he’s feeling especially lonely, he pulls the covers tight around his back to pretend it’s someone else’s arms around him while he falls asleep. He tries not to do it too often because it makes him grouchy and out of sorts the next day, but sometimes he can’t help it.
Max still jerks off. Not as often as he thinks the other drivers do, but it’s a nice way to relax. He can’t imagine himself in any sexual situations without immediately losing his erection, but he’ll watch porn and appreciate the action. He avoids watching blowjobs - they just look awkward – he can’t imagine how having something in his mouth like that could be comfortable. And aren't people worried about teeth that close to their dick?? Instead he tries to find non-blowjob porn where the actors seem to have good chemistry. He’s not too picky as to the gender of the people in his porn, as long as they both seem to be enjoying it. He especially likes videos where they keep filming for a while after orgasm and he can see a bit of the after part – the less-sexual touching. The best videos are the ones where they laugh together during the sex and afterwards, although they make his chest ache a bit.
Mostly, he only thinks about sex when other people bring it up. If he had his way, it would never come up, but everyone else seems to care so much and he doesn’t understand why. Maybe he got racing talent, but the trade-off is being broken in this thing that everyone else seems to understand.
~~~
Jos gets Max a hooker for his 19th birthday. “At least you know this whore won’t get pregnant or give you an STD.” Jos looks at the woman. “You are clean, right?”
“Of course, sir. Our agency is very exclusive.”
“Good. Nothing but the best for my son. He’s a bit less experienced than you, and has ridiculous standards, so he might need some encouragement, if you know what I mean.”
“Of course, sir. I can certainly help with that.”
“Good. I knew I chose the right whorehouse.” The woman’s face doesn’t change, but Max cringes at his father’s words.
The door closes behind Jos and the woman comes up to him and starts massaging his shoulders. “Happy birthday, baby. What do you want to do tonight?”
“Umm.”
“Here, let's get more comfortable.”
She moves in front of him and slowly pulls off her top, leaving her in a bra and a very short skirt. Then she reaches out and unbuttons his shirt, sliding it off his shoulders. Her hands go to the zipper of his pants and he freaks out, shoving her away.
She looks startled and a bit scared.
“I’m sorry. Just. Don’t do that. Please.”
“Okay, sir. I won’t do that. What do you want to do?”
“It’s Max.”
“Okay, Max. What do you want to do?”
“Nothing.”
“I’m very good at blowjobs, if that interests you. Or just a handjob, if you want to handle the unzipping part. Or—"
“I don’t want sex,” Max blurts out. “Not with you, not with anyone.”
She looks at him in shock and Max realizes what he just said. To a hooker. Hired by his father. Oh god, his father is going to find out and then the paddock is going to find out and—
Max jumps when a hand lightly taps his arm. She’s… holding out his shirt?
Max snatches it from her and puts it back on. At least if he’s going to face the music, he can do it fully clothed.
When he’s done he looks up and she’s sitting on the bed, fully dressed again.
She pats the bed next to her and he sits down, keeping his distance.
“Hi, Max. I’m Crystal. Have you heard of asexuality?”
“Like amoebas?”
“Not really. In humans, it’s people who aren’t interested in having sex with other people.”
“That’s a thing?”
“Of course. Does that seem like it fits you?”
Max thinks. Could there be a name for what he is, instead of just ‘wrong’?
Max doesn’t realize his face is wet until he feels the bed shift and a tissue box is held in front of him.
“Is there someone you want to call to talk to?”
Max’s first thought is Daniel. But he can’t tell Daniel this.
“No.”
“Do you want to talk to me?”
He finally looks at her, Crystal, for the first time. She looks cold. Max gets up and grabs one of the throw blankets artfully draped over the hotel chair. He hands it to her. “Here. You look cold.”
She looks startled but unfolds it and covers her legs. “Thank you.”
“Can you tell me more?”
“Well, there’s also a split between sexuality and romance. So, people who are asexual can still feel romantic feelings for someone. Or you can not feel romantic feelings for someone. That’s called being aromantic. Have you ever had a crush on someone?”
Max thinks back. “I don’t know. I only ever had time for racing.”
She looks sad for a second, then hides her expression.
“Well, it’s fine if you’re asexual and aromantic, or just one.”
He must look overwhelmed because she says, “You don’t need to know for sure right now. Do you want to watch a movie?”
“Okay.”
She gets up and crawls under the blankets of the bed. “Join me? Just to be comfortable.”
He gets in on the other side and she puts on a movie that Max already saw on the plane.
“Is this okay?” she asks.
Max nods.
He tries to follow the movie but he’s exhausted from the day and the revelations at the end. He’s asleep before the main character is introduced.
~~~
He wakes up to an empty room and panics. He finds the escort agency’s website from a discreet card she must have left on the bedside table, finds her profile on the website, and donates a large tip for a private message – Please don’t tell anyone. He signs it MV.
She messages back: Nothing to tell, MV! You were great! I told your father how much of a stud you were when he asked.
Also, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, babe, and I’ll never tell anyone. No need to give me money and I’ll sign an NDA if you want. Unlike what your father may think, this whore has some integrity.
Max sends a much bigger tip with the message, Thank you. I’m sorry my father called you that.
He gets back a message with a phone number. Text me if you ever want to talk, Max.
~~~
Max wasn't planning on ever messaging Crystal again, but his father keeps forcing women on him at parties, and she's the only one who knows why he doesn't want to sleep with them. He texts her late one night after he's managed to escape yet another woman he only left the party with to appease his father, just wanting some sympathy from someone who understands. She replies with a heart and some words of support and Max goes to sleep feeling a little bit better.
The next party where Jos is drunk and loudly going on about how people will think Max is gay if he doesn’t go home with the women who approach him, an absolutely gorgeous woman comes up to him, playfully strokes his hand and says, “You were great last time, big boy. I’d love a repeat performance from MV.”
“Oh ho, my boy’s got moves!” Jos yells.
Max doesn’t know what’s going on, but he offers her his hand anyway and she takes it, draping herself over his arm. “Let’s go have our own party,” she coos, loudly enough for Jos to hear.
“Get some, Max!” his father yells as they walk away.
As soon as they get into the car, she gives the driver the name of a hotel, lowers the privacy shade, and pulls away from him.
“Hi, I’m Brandy. Crystal said you could use some help with a loudmouth boor.”
“That was my father!”
“Oh. Oops. Still, not wrong.”
Max can’t help it, he laughs hysterically. Brandy looks alarmed, then sympathetic. She puts her hand on his knee, patting it until he calms down.
“So,” she says, moving back to the other side of the car, “Max, what do you do for fun?”
“I race?”
“Outside of that? Read any good books lately? Gone on any adventures?”
So Max tells her about motorbiking on his last vacation and getting up early enough to see the sunrise over the ocean.
“Sounds like fun.” The car stops outside a hotel. “This is me. Do you want to come inside with me? We can get dinner and watch a movie. Separate beds, I promise.”
Max doesn’t know if the driver would report back to his father, and he’s actually enjoying their conversation. “Sure.”
So he follows her up to the hotel room and they order room service and watch Ocean’s 11. They fall asleep in separate beds, just like she promised, and when they wake up, they order breakfast, and he learns that she’s in veterinarian school and met Crystal through the same agency his father found Crystal through.
“It pays the bills, you know? And the hours work well with school.”
Max doesn’t know, but he nods anyway.
Just before it’s time for him to leave, she asks, “Are you seeing your father today?”
“Yes, we are meeting for lunch.”
“Do you want me to give you a hickey? Just on your neck, right here.” She points to a spot on her own neck.
“Nothing else?”
“Nope. Just me sucking on your neck for like 30 seconds.”
“All right.”
She leans in and sucks on his neck. It stings, but Max guesses if it was done in the heat of passion it would be fun. Maybe? He doesn’t get normal people sometimes.
She pulls off and admires her work. “Perfect. Your father will love it.”
Max walks to the door. “Thank you. For all of this. Thank you.”
“No problem, Max. People should only have to have sex when they want to.” She nods at him and he walks out the door.
Max stops at the front desk and pays the bill for the room. Then he messages Crystal.
Thanks.
I hope you had a good night, Maxy.
Thanks to you, yeah.
He goes to the escort agency’s website and finds Brandy. After looking up the cost of vet school and the cost of living in Monaco, he sends her a large tip with the note of Thanks, MV. That should let her only have sex when she wants. He also sends a tip to Crystal. He’ll tell his accountant he bought a lion.
His father is delighted with the hickey, raving about his prowess with women. Max eats his lunch and tries to steer the conversation to racing, but inside he’s hiding a smile.
~~~
After that, astonishingly attractive women show up regularly at parties that Max has to attend that his father is at. They comment about his skills in bed loudly enough that his father can hear and wrap themselves around him as they walk away from the party. Then they go to a quiet restaurant, or get room service and watch movies, or on one particularly fun occasion, go to an all-night arcade and play racing games until they’re laughing and accusing each other of cheating as they crash into the walls and set the worst times Max has driven in his life.
None of them make any moves to touch him after the initial pick-up, and Max sends large tips to the escort service each time. He expects his accountant thinks he’s taken up drugs. His father has stopped making comments about him seeming like he’s gay for turning down women and now brags about how much of a stud Max is. Max is relieved that his father is pleased, but is much happier when they discuss racing.
~~~
Daniel is an outlier right from the start. Loud and enthusiastic, he bulldozes his way right past Max’s walls.
Daniel is friendly enough when Max is with Toro Rosso, but then they're teammates and Daniel is everywhere. They get thrown together for teammate videos, hang out regularly on race weekends, kill time together during rain delays, and laugh so much they get banished to their driver's rooms because they're distracting the mechanics.
Max has never known anyone like Daniel. He includes Max in everything, giving Max information on the tracks and the car, as well as tips and tricks for dealing with being in F1 and the media. He could treat Max like a child, given their age difference and Max’s inexperience in F1, but he never does. Instead, it seems like they're friends? Max isn't sure, but he likes it.
Daniel loves to touch people, but Max finds he doesn't mind. Usually he tries to edge away from other people's hands, but he finds himself enjoying Daniel's touches, even returning them, reaching back before Daniel reaches out. Daniel makes sex jokes sometimes, but Max doesn't mind as long as no one is expecting him to have sex. He only tries to set Max up at a party once, and Max's uncomfortable "no, thank you" is enough that he doesn't do it again.
When Max's father corners Max and berates him for his mistakes, Daniel finds Max after and brings him back to his hotel room to order room service and watch terrible movies. Max sometimes falls asleep in Daniel's bed on those nights and he swears he remembers a hand stroking his hair after he falls asleep.
Max is devastated when Daniel announces he's leaving Red Bull. He doesn't understand why, and he doesn't want to lose the comfortable relationship they have, although it's been a lot less comfortable since Baku. Daniel hasn't been his usual cheerful self since that happened, and Max misses him. Once Daniel announces he's leaving, their relationship improves, but Max is sure it's the beginning of the end. When they film their end-of-season goodbye videos, Max manages not to cry until he's back in his room.
Max spends the offseason training, driving on his sim, and hanging out with his family. He spends a few afternoons with Crystal. He doesn't text Daniel and Daniel doesn't text him. If he occasionally falls asleep imagining soft hands running through his hair, he ignores it.
He gets to preseason testing and Daniel greets him with a hug. He's wearing different colours and he looks re-energized. "Hi Maxy! Want to get dinner tonight?"
And just like that, they're friends again. If anything, it's better now, less stressful now that they're not on the same team. They don't spend as much F1-mandated time together, but they meet regularly for dinner, either at restaurants or room service in their rooms, where they fall asleep watching movies just like before. Daniel remains just as friendly and free with his touches as always, and Max is so relieved and grateful.
~~~
It’s just a random Friday, after free practice but before bedtime and they’re chilling in Daniel’s room. Daniel puts on some sport in the background – Max really isn’t paying attention.
Daniel’s shirt rides up when he stretches and Max admires the stretch of skin and idly thinks, I’d like to lick that.
He must look shocked because Daniel says, “Maxy, are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh yeah, just… thinking.”
Daniel flops down on the bed beside him and puts his arm around Max, pulling him closer. “Your car will be fine. I’m sure they’ll find the piece that fell off.”
“Wha—oh yeah, the car. Yeah, hopefully tomorrow is better.”
Daniel must think his answer sounds normal enough because he turns back to the TV, keeping his arm around Max.
Max feels like his skin is buzzing everywhere Daniel is touching. There’s so much contact and Daniel is RIGHT THERE. Max can smell his cologne and—Max is getting hard.
He feels his stomach drop out. He doesn’t know what to do – he’s never gotten hard because of another person before. But he can’t let Daniel realize what’s going on either – Max doesn’t know how he’d explain that he’s getting hard for another person. For the first time. A male person. Fuck.
Daniel shifts next to him and Max needs to leave now. He shoves himself off the bed, immediately missing Daniel’s touch. “Sorry, I have to go. I forgot to tell the mechanics something.” And with that he’s out the door and heading straight for his room, thanking god that he has his own room.
He texts Crystal CALL ME? and then paces around the room in shock. His erection is gone and now he just feels sick.
Two minutes later his phone rings, and he puts it on speaker.
“Hi Maxy! Is everything okay?”
“I got hard and I wanted to lick him!”
“Whoa, Max, slow down. Wanted to lick who?”
“Daniel! Oh fuck, you’re not supposed to know that.” Max is aware that he’s hyperventilating, but there’s fuck all he can do about it.
“Max!” The loud yell coming through the phone stops him in his tracks. She’s never yelled before.
“Max, sit down and follow my breathing, please. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. You can do it baby; breathe with me.”
Max sits on the bed and inhales and exhales to her count, clinging to her voice.
“That’s it, Max; you’re doing so well. Just keep breathing with me.”
Slowly, Max can feel his heart rate coming down. He still feels on edge, but the overwhelming panic is gone.
“Sorry.”
“No problem, Max. Happy to help. Now, do you want to talk about it? This person, we’ll call him Daniel? He’s a good friend?”
“You know who he is.”
“Yeah, but we’re pretending I don’t. Also, all I see is your PR stuff. I don’t know how you actually feel about each other.”
“He’s my best friend.”
“And before today, you’d never thought of him that way?”
“No, never! I’d never thought of anyone that way.”
“Max, have you heard of demisexuality?”
"Half-sexuality?"
She laughs softly. "No. It's someone who only feels sexual attraction to someone after they've formed a strong emotional bond with them. It sounds like you might have that with Daniel."
“But... I can’t be gay.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, babe. You couldn’t be ace either, but we don’t get much say in this.”
“But my father will be so disappointed,” Max whispers.
“Maybe it’s time to stop caring what your father thinks about it. It’s your life, Maxy.”
Max is silent for a long minute. “Can I think about that?”
“Of course, babe. I just want you to be happy.”
Then Max realizes a different problem. “Wait, but Daniel’s not gay!”
“Yeah, that’s a potential roadblock. But, Max, I’ve seen how he looks at you when you’re together at press conferences. I’m not sure that’s as much of a problem as you think it is. For now though, just think about what you even want. Jerk off while thinking about him. Enjoy it!”
He sends her a giant tip. He’ll tell his accountant he had a bunch of strippers over for an orgy. His father would be proud.
~~~
So Max follows her advice and thinks about Daniel while jerking off. Imagines kissing Daniel, Daniel touching him, and him touching Daniel. It's the first time he's pictured himself in a sexual situation without immediately recoiling, and it works for him. It works really, really well.
He checks to see if maybe he's normal now and tries to imagine himself with anyone else. His balls nearly crawl into his body in revulsion, and he quickly gives up on that experiment.
He also thinks about Daniel holding him, kissing him, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed. Cuddling with Daniel, coming home to Daniel.
He texts Crystal, Is there something like demisexuality for liking someone?
She replies, Yes, it's called being demiromantic. I have to say, I think you've been romantically interested in Daniel for a while.
Max stares at his phone. Really?
Yeah. The other day wasn't the first time I’ve heard you talk about him.
Oh.
That's not a bad thing, Maxy!
I need to think about it.
He looks up ‘demiromantic.’ Yup, that sounds like him. He's not sure when his feelings for Daniel shifted from friends to more; it was such a smooth shift he didn't really notice. He's always wanted to spend time with Daniel; it's just more intense now.
The sexual attraction is trickier to deal with – he's not used to being distracted by his dick. He's had to excuse himself to go jerk off in the bathroom several times. He suddenly has sympathy for teenagers; at least he doesn't have to deal with acne at the same time. And at least he’s only distracted by Daniel. He can’t imagine seeing things he finds sexy everywhere; it must be exhausting.
He manages to act mostly normal around Daniel and things go back to mostly normal for Max, except he would now like to sleep with – and do more with – Daniel. But Daniel is straight and Max is a Formula 1 driver. Who’s actually doing pretty well with the driving, so Max focuses on that. It’s not much different than before, except now he has an actual person to imagine when he’s alone in bed.
He’s not sure if that makes it better or worse.
~~~
Because Max's luck is like that sometimes, a few months later he finds himself in an interview where he talks about his virginity. He puts on a joking tone, “I was 18, innocent, a virgin,” grinning while shaking his head and inviting everyone to laugh at the ridiculousness of the statement. “I'm still a virgin.” Everyone laughs again and the interview moves on, Max plastering on a smiling face over the unwanted hurt. His secret is safe; he should be happy.
Max walks out of the interview and runs into Daniel. "I heard the interview. A virgin. Nice one, Maxy. I've seen the girls you go home with."
Max wasn't expecting a virginity comment from Daniel and it feels like a punch to the stomach. He doesn't know what his face shows before he tries to cover it with a laugh, but Daniel's expression is shocked.
"Max?"
"Great joke, hey?"
"Maxy?"
"Not here, Daniel."
"Okay. Are you done for the day?"
"Yes."
"Let's go back to the hotel."
Daniel steers him to a car and they're driven back to the hotel. There's an awkward silence in the vehicle the whole time and Max is dreading getting there.
As soon as the door of Daniel's room closes behind them, Daniel says, "You're a virgin??"
"Yes." He waits for Daniel to start making jokes.
"But—how?? I've seen the women you go home with from parties!"
"That was just to keep my father off my back; I never slept with any of them."
Daniel's face darkens for a second at the mention of Jos before he shakes it off.
"Why not?"
Max sits down on the bed with a sigh. "Have you ever heard of asexuality?"
"Like amoebas?"
"That's what I said! No, like a human that's built wrong."
Daniel sits next to him. “Hey, let’s keep the self-deprecating comments to a minimum, shall we? Can you explain more? I want to understand.”
Max tries to explain it the same way Crystal explained it.
"So, you've just never slept with anyone, ever? Really?"
"I never wanted to before.”
“Oh. But you want to now?”
Oops.
"Yeah. There's also something called demisexuality, where you only want to sleep with people after you've formed a strong emotional bond with them. Turns out that's me."
“Ooh, so who’s the lucky girl who’s stolen Max Verstappen’s heart?”
And Max can’t do this anymore. Not with Daniel, the only person Max has ever wanted like this. And even Daniel thinks he’s straight.
“I’m sorry; I can’t.” He bolts for the door before Daniel can even get up.
He can hear Daniel’s voice behind him, but he’s out the door and down the fire stairs before Daniel can get to him.
He texts Crystal. I told him. It didn’t work. And then turns off his phone. He’s going to go back to his room and cry and sleep off this whole shitty day.
~~~
Max wakes up to gentle fingers running through his hair. The sun is just dipping below the horizon outside, so he hasn’t been asleep long.
“Wha—?”
“So, I got a call from someone named Crystal,” Daniel says.
Max wants to bury his head under the pillow. Turns out this shitty day just keeps on going.
“She asked me if I liked you. I said ‘of course!’ She said ‘as more than a friend’ and it clicked. It’s me, isn’t it? I’m the one you want to have sex with.”
Yup. Nothing but shit all the way down.
Max sits up and shoves away from Daniel, who's sitting next to him on the bed. “I’m sorry, all right? I can’t help it!” Max says, angrily swiping at his eyes. Great, now he’s crying again.
A gentle hand pushes his hand away and wipes away the tears. “Hey, I’m not sorry.”
Max is so confused. “What?”
“I’m not sorry that you like me. I’m sorry for not being clear. I really like you too. Can I kiss you, Maxy?”
“What?”
“I really like you. I’d like to date you. I’d like to kiss you and do other things with you if you want to. But kisses first.”
“Oh. Really?” Max can’t believe this is happening.
“Really. If you say yes, will this be your first kiss?”
Max feels his face burn. “Yes.”
“Yes to it being your first kiss or yes to me kissing you?”
“Both.”
Daniel beams. “Awesome. I can make it a great first kiss. Mine was awful; she was chewing gum at the time. Yeah, it was not good.”
“Daniel, are you going to talk or are you going to kiss me?”
“Kiss you, definitely kiss you.”
He moves in quickly and Max can’t help but jump back, startled.
God, he’s going to scare Daniel away before they even do anything. “I’m sorry; I just wasn’t expecting it. Please don’t go.”
This time Daniel moves a lot slower, bringing his hands up to Max’s face so that Max can see them the whole time. “My bad, darling. I can move slower. No problem.”
Darling. Max might cry again.
“I’m going to kiss you now, okay, Max?”
Max’s face must do something because he can practically see the gears in Daniel’s head turning.
“Or would you prefer darling? Gorgeous? Sweetheart? Beautiful?”
Max brings his hands up to hide his sudden tears.
“I moved too fast again, didn’t I?” Daniel says ruefully.
“No," Max gets out around the lump in his throat.
“Oh.” There’s silence for a few seconds. “Okay, I can work with that. Come here, darling.”
He arranges Max so they’re sitting beside each other on the bed.
“Pro-tip: kissing is nicer when you’re already sitting down. Also, when you’re not crying.”
“I’m trying!” Max sniffles.
“Do you want me to tell you more of my worst kissing stories? Like the time I almost broke a guy’s glasses by being too enthusiastic. He had to go to the optometrist to get them straightened again. Or the time I got a nosebleed when we both turned the same way at the same time? Hard to be romantic when you’re dripping blood and,” he pinches his nose so his voice is squeaky, “you sound like this. Or my personal favourite, when we were really getting into it but we misjudged where the wall was and landed on the floor. Oww, I thought I’d broken my tailbone.”
Daniel keeps talking, telling Max about all the awful kisses he’s had until Max is crying again, but this time with laughter.
“Stop, stop, my stomach hurts,” Max gasps.
“See, Maxy, the bar for kissing is so low. Let’s see if we can make your first kiss better than any of those.”
Daniel leans in slowly and brushes his lips against Max. “Okay?”
“Yes.”
Daniel slides closer to Max, pressing their legs together. He brings one hand up behind Max’s head, drawing him closer.
“Still okay?” Daniel asks, inches from Max’s lips.
“Yes," Max whispers.
Daniel presses his lips against Max’s and Max gasps.
“Darling?”
“Good,” Max squeaks.
Daniel presses his lips to Max’s again and Max presses back. Daniel’s tongue lightly nudges at Max’s lips and he opens them. Daniel deepens the kiss and Max whimpers and the feeling of it against Daniel’s mouth is enough to make him dizzy. Daniel reaches down and brings Max’s hands up to his head and Max buries his fingers in Daniel’s curls while Daniel cups the back of Max’s head again.
Daniel pulls away a tiny bit and Max can’t help the pleading noise that escapes him. “You can do the tongue part too if you want,” Daniel says. “Just copy what I did.”
Daniel presses their lips together again and Max hesitantly sticks out his tongue towards Daniel’s lips. Daniel lets him in immediately and Max tries to copy what Daniel did. Daniel’s hands tighten in Max’s hair and he groans into the kiss. Max pulls back and Daniel’s hands loosen instantly.
“Is that good?” Max asks.
“So good, Maxy. You’re a natural.”
“Oh,” Max says, pleased.
“More?”
“Yes, please.” Max says.
Daniel leans in and kisses him again. They’ve been kissing for a while when Max realizes he’s getting hard. He attempts to subtly raise his knees to hide it, but Daniel stops.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes. Just—” he looks down at his crotch.
Daniel follows his gaze. “Ohh. But Maxy, that’s a good thing, right?”
“Yes?”
“Hey, the only reason you can’t see the same thing with me is because I’m wearing thicker pants. Which are plenty uncomfortable right now, let me tell you.”
“Oh.” Max is pretty sure his face is bright red.
"Do you jerk off?”
“What?? Of course, Daniel!”
“Hey, the internet said not all ace or demisexual people do. I just wanted to check.”
“You looked it up?”
“Yeah. I told you I wanted to understand.”
Max can’t help it; he launches himself at Daniel, hugging him. He can feel Daniel’s surprise, but his arms quickly come up to wrap around Max, patting his back.
“Thank you,” Max whispers.
“No problem, Maxy,” Daniel replies, tightening his arms around Max.
After a while, Max notices something against his leg.
“Is that a phone in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?” Max asks.
Daniel cackles and Max grins. “I’ve always wanted to use that line.”
"Perfect, Maxy, perfect," Daniel laughs.
Daniel shifts Max so Max isn’t pressing against his dick but so Daniel is still holding him.
“So, what, if anything, do you want to do next?”
Max must look confused because Daniel continues.
“You haven’t done anything before, right?”
“No,” Max says, looking down.
Daniel tilts his face back up with a finger under his chin. “Darling, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. I just need the information so I know what experience you have.”
“None. I’ve done nothing.”
“So I get to be your first for everything? That’s amazing.”
“Oh.” Max hadn’t thought of it that way. “That’s not so bad.”
“No; it’s pretty great. So, some options: we could do nothing, and both just go to the bathroom by ourselves for a few minutes to jerk off.”
“What?” Max doesn’t want that. Does Daniel think he does?
“Just making sure you know that that’s an option; that nothing more has to happen tonight. Or any night, for that matter.”
Max doesn’t want the night to end like that. "What other options are there?"
"Well, the next step up would be jerking off next to each other." Daniel looks at Max's face. "Not good?"
"No, it's okay. That sounds fine." Max will take whatever Daniel is offering.
"I'm hoping for slightly better than fine."
"Could there be more… touching?"
"Of course, Maxy! I would love more touching! Would you be comfortable if we took our shirts off first?"
"Yes."
Daniel strips his shirt off and Max quickly copies him.
“Wow, Maxy, you’re beautiful.”
Max can feel himself blushing. He reaches out his hand but quickly pulls it back.
“Hey, hey, what did you want? To touch?”
“Can I?” Max whispers.
“Absolutely, gorgeous. Touch anything you want.”
Max reaches out and lightly touches Daniel’s arm, stroking his hand over the smooth skin layered over muscle. He starts to move towards Daniel’s chest, then stops and moves back to Daniel’s arm.
Daniel takes Max’s hand and places it on his chest. “I’d love you to touch there, Maxy.”
Max runs his hand down Daniel’s chest, then gently runs his fingers over his collarbone.
“You said I could touch anything?”
“Yes.”
Max leans in and carefully kisses Daniel’s collarbone. He looks up quickly, but Daniel is smiling softly at him. “Perfect, darling.”
He kisses Daniel’s collarbone a few more times, then sits back and looks at Daniel.
“Are you comfortable with me touching you?” Daniel asks.
Max nods.
Daniel runs his hands down Max’s arms, making Max shiver.
“Okay?”
Max nods again.
Daniel runs his hands over Max's chest and his palms brush Max's nipples. Max yelps.
"Maxy?"
"Do that again?"
Daniel brushes his thumbs across Max's nipples and Max feels pleasure rush through him. He's never touched his nipples for pleasure before and it feels like there's a direct line between them and his dick. Daniel rubs his thumbs around them, pressing harder, and Max gasps and shudders. Daniel tweaks them gently and Max moans and his hips jerk.
"Sweetheart, you're so hot and I would love to keep doing that until you come, but I don't think you want to come in your pants your first time. But at some point in the future, I would love to get you off just by touching your nipples."
He removes his hands and Max whines, then covers his mouth at making such an embarrassing noise.
Daniel pulls Max's hands down from his face. "Maxy, I love how you react. It's so nice to have such a responsive partner. Please don't be ashamed, baby."
Max looks down. "I'll try."
"That's all I can ask for, darling. Now, back to the sex part. What are your thoughts on taking your pants off?" Daniel asks.
"Will you take yours off too?"
"Do you want me to?"
"Yes."
"Then I will."
Max climbs off Daniel, carefully not touching Daniel's bare skin, and almost slips and faceplants on the bed. Daniel grabs him and steadies him.
"Whoa, Max."
Max wants to crawl into a hole. "I'm sorry."
"Do you want me to tell you stories of all the embarrassing injuries I've gotten while having sex? Fair warning, we'd be here all night."
"No, that's okay."
"All right, but I'm ready with them at any time. Sex is fun, but it's also a bunch of body parts moving together weirdly. All I can say is at least you didn't fall off the bed while you were literally fucking someone. I was lucky I didn't sprain my dick."
Max can't help but laugh. Daniel is so ridiculous.
Daniel offers his arm to help Max off the bed and gets up himself, stripping down to his underwear. Max stares at the revealed tattoos.
Daniel notices his gaze. “You like them.”
Max nods vigorously.
"Awesome. I’d love for you to admire them up-close later if you want.”
“I’d like that,” Max whispers.
“We’ll make a list, darling – tattoos and nipples so far. But back to now, this is personal preference, Maxy, but I like to have sex sock-free. But it's up to you."
Max strips off his pants and socks as well. "I will try this way and see what I think."
"Experimentation! Excellent!"
Max isn't sure what to do next, once his pants and socks are off. Daniel hops back onto the bed and pats his lap. "Come sit here, darling."
Max stops and stares at Daniel, casually sitting in his underwear on the bed.
"Too fast? Come sit next to me and we'll try some mostly naked kissing."
Max sits next to Daniel, but he's not sure what to do with his hands. There's so much bare skin everywhere.
"Maxy? Am I moving too quickly, or is it something else?"
"I just—where do I put my hands?"
Daniel laughs. "Wherever you want, baby." He reaches out and takes Max's hands, putting one on his shoulder and the other on his waist. "There's literally no way to go wrong here, sweetheart. Unless you poke me in the eye, but that's a story for a different night."
Max stares. "How much bad sex have you had?"
"Well, most of that was good sex, just with slight hiccups along the way. What's the saying: ‘You have to break a few eggs to make a cake?'"
"I think it's 'make an omelette.'" Max says.
"I know, but I like cake more."
Max laughs again. "Of course you do."
"It's more delicious!" He puts his hand on Max's arm. "So, are you okay with trying some more kissing now?"
Max nods and Daniel moves his arms slowly around Max, making sure he doesn’t startle him.
“You start this time,” Daniel says.
Max leans in carefully. Daniel waits patiently and Max touches his lips to Daniel's. Daniel lets Max lead the kiss, then gently pushes back, showing Max the give-and-take of a good kiss. Max thinks he could kiss like this forever, except for his dick, which is getting quite insistent. Daniel does something wicked with his tongue and Max moans into the kiss and his hips rock upwards before he can stop them.
“Sorry!”
“For what? Maxy, that’s the point. Also, that’s hot as fuck.”
“Really?”
“Really. So hot. So, what do you want to do next? Just keep kissing until we come? Or would you like me to touch you?”
Max hips jerk. “Touch me, please.”
“Underwear on or off?”
“Off?”
“All right.” Daniel helps pull Max’s underwear off. “Oh Maxy, look at you. You’re gorgeous, babe.”
Daniel is just staring at him and Max’s dick is so hard. “Daniel, please!”
“So eager, beautiful.” Daniel wraps his hand around Max’s dick and Max’s hips jerk into the touch. He runs his hand over the head to gather some pre-cum, then slides his hand up and down Max’s dick.
Max moans and he grips the sheets in his hands, trying to hold on for longer than 30 seconds. Daniel keeps stroking and Max can feel his control slipping. It’s so different feeling a hand that’s not his on his dick.
“You’re so hot, baby. You’re going to look so gorgeous when you come. I can’t wait to see it.”
Max whines and his hips jerk upwards.
“That’s it, darling. You’re so close already. Come for me, beautiful.”
Max groans and his head falls back, his hips bucking into Daniel’s hand as he comes. Daniel’s hand keeps stroking his dick until Max whines.
“Fuck, Max, you’re so hot.” Max opens his eyes and Daniel has his other hand in his own underwear.
“Hey, I want to do that!”
“Don’t worry, Maxy. I was just making sure I didn’t come from watching you. It’s all yours, baby.”
He pulls his underwear off and sits beside Max again, his cock hard.
Max reaches out one finger and runs it up the underside of Daniel's dick. Daniel twitches when he touches around the head and Max looks at him.
"You're doing great, darling. Just a bit sensitive there. If you want, you can copy what I did. Just like jerking yourself off, but backwards."
Max carefully wraps his hand around Daniel’s dick and tries to copy what Daniel did to make the slide easier, but Daniel doesn’t leak as much as Max does. Max looks around for a second for lotion, then mentally shrugs and runs his hand over his own dick, gathering up the cum. He wraps his hand around Daniel’s dick again and nods in satisfaction at the improved slide.
“Fuck, Max, did you just—” Daniel’s head thunks against the headboard and his hips jolt up.
“Please do not injure yourself again while having sex, Daniel,” Max says as he continues stroking.
Daniel moans. “Oh shit, and now you’re making jokes. God, you’re hot.”
Max is pretty sure he’s doing something right. He keeps stroking, trying different things. A twist at the end of each stroke makes Daniel jerk and slow, steady strokes make his eyelids flutter. Max uses his other hand to stroke around Daniel's balls and is pleased when a firm touch behind them makes Daniel whine and swear.
He notices that Daniel is digging his fingers into his legs, the same way Max had gripped the sheets, trying to stop himself from coming.
“Hey!” he says, pushing at Daniel’s hand. “Stop that.”
“I’m trying to give you a chance to explore,” Daniel grits out.
“We’ll have lots of time for that in the future. I want to see you come now. Please?”
He accompanies his request with an upwards twist of his hand at the head of Daniel's cock and a firm press behind his balls.
Daniel groans and his hips buck upwards. Max watches his face in fascination as orgasm washes over him. Some of the cum lands on Max’s hand and he raises his hand to his mouth to taste it. Hmm, not awful.
“Fuck, Maxy, fuck,” Daniel gasps, staring at his mouth. “Can I kiss you?”
“Yes.”
Daniel pulls him in so Max is straddling his leg. Max’s dick rubs against Daniel’s thigh and Max moans.
“Maxy, are you hard again?”
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to!” He tries to lift off of Daniel’s leg but Daniel holds him in place.
“It’s a good thing, Maxy! I love that you were so hot from watching me come that you got hard again.” Daniel raises his leg a bit to give Max better leverage to rub against and Max moans again. “Do you think you can come like this, gorgeous?”
Max’s hips jerk at the name. “I don’t know! I can try?”
“All right, beautiful.”
Max’s hips jerk again.
“You like that, hey? Kiss me, sweetheart.”
Max leans in to kiss Daniel while rubbing his dick against Daniel’s leg. He’s too turned on to have as much finesse with the kiss as earlier, but Daniel doesn’t seem to mind. He keeps pulling away from Max for long enough to say something that makes Max’s brain light up, then kisses him some more.
“Look at you, Maxy, you’re so hot,” and “You’re gorgeous, Maxy. Seeing you like this is incredible,” and “God, I’m so lucky,” and “Are you going to come for me, beautiful?”
Max whines. The kissing, the friction, and the words are too much and he thrusts a final time against Daniel’s thigh, coming hard. Daniel holds him up with one arm and reaches out and strokes Max’s cock with the other, dragging out Max’s orgasm. He finally lets go when Max whimpers and tries to pull away, spent.
Max sags back against Daniel’s arm. Daniel grabs a handful of tissues from the nightstand, wiping the cum off his leg and then carefully cleaning Max’s cock. He tosses the tissues to the side and pulls Max around so Daniel is cradling him, his back against Daniel’s upper arm. Daniel strokes his free hand over Max’s chest.
“So, Maxy, what do you think? Did we beat the time I nearly sprained my dick?”
Max laughs, but he can feel tears springing to his eyes. They’re laughing after sex, and Daniel is holding him.
“Maxy?”
“I’m fine,” Max forces out.
Daniel takes his hand. “Sweetheart, what’s wrong?”
The special name, just for him, breaks through what’s left of his defences. He can feel his lip wobbling as he tries to hold back the tears, but it’s a losing fight.
“Oh darling, come here.” Daniel pulls him in closer so Max’s back is against Daniel’s shoulder, wrapping his arms around Max. Max pulls one of Daniel’s hands up to his face to hold and Daniel strokes his thumb delicately over Max’s cheek. “It’s okay, Maxy.”
“I never thought I’d get to have this part.”
Daniel’s arms tighten around Max and he leans in to kiss Max’s cheek. “You have it now, darling.”
~~~
Eventually they untangle themselves and get off the bed to clean up.
“Do you want me to stay here tonight or go back to my own room?”
Max looks at Daniel, confused and alarmed. “You want to leave?”
“No! I just want to make sure you know you have a choice.”
“Oh. Stay, please?”
“I would love to. Are you okay with me sleeping naked?”
Max blushes. “Yes.”
“Wonderful. You can sleep naked too, if you want, or with clothes, whichever you prefer. Now, is there a toothbrush I can use?”
~~~
Once their teeth are brushed and they’re ready for bed, Daniel slips under the covers. Max hovers awkwardly.
“Wait, you’ve never shared a bed with a romantic partner before, have you?”
“No.”
Daniel takes Max’s hand and guides him to sit down. “Well, there are lots of choices. We can go with the classic spooning; I’m happy to be the big spoon or the little spoon, whichever you prefer. If you’d prefer less touching, we can lie on our sides facing each other.”
Max doesn’t want the second one. “What’s your favourite position?”
“I like it most when I lie on my back and my partner has their head on my chest and I can pet their hair.”
“Can we try that?”
“Sure, Maxy.”
Max lies down and rests his head on Daniel’s chest. “Oh, I can hear your heartbeat!” He moves his head so it’s centered over Daniel’s heart. Daniel runs his hand through Max’s hair, and Max can feel the tension draining out of his body.
"You know, I used to imagine you did this when I fell asleep in your rooms during the movies."
Daniel laughs softly. "Yeah, that wasn't your imagination, Maxy."
"What?"
"You were just so cute. And then I fell for you. And that was the only time I could do that."
"Oh. Well, I liked it."
"I'm glad."
They lie there for a few minutes, Max practically boneless at all the skin-to-skin contact and Daniel’s hand in his hair.
"So, who's Crystal?"
Max groans. “I can’t believe she called you.”
“I’m so glad she did. Who is she, if you want to tell me?”
So Max explains the whole situation, starting with his father's 19th birthday present.
"I wish I could say I was surprised by your father, but I’m not. What a..." Daniel trails off.
"It's okay. It gave me a name for what I am and gave me an option I don't think he ever dreamed of."
Max tells Daniel about the women that would show up at the parties that his father was at, pretend he was a sex god, and then get him out of his father's view.
Daniel is laughing as Max tells the story. "I remember those girls! They were so unbelievably hot, even I was jealous! And of course you ended up at an arcade to race!"
"That was a fun night." Max says, remembering.
"I'm glad you had them to help you."
"Yeah, they're all pretty great. I don't think any of them know any details, but they were very happy to be well-compensated for a night of no sex."
"I'd like to meet this Crystal one day. She sounds pretty awesome.”
"Yeah, she is. I think she'd like to meet you too."
Daniel strokes Max’s hair, then pauses.
"Wait, you said Crystal explained asexuality to you. When did demisexuality come in?"
Max ducks his head into Daniel's chest. Daniel strokes his back in support, and Max explains his discovery and subsequent freakout.
"Ah," Daniel says knowingly, "you were seduced by my raw animal magnetism. It's potent, you know."
Max lightly hits his stomach.
"Hey!" Daniel says, mock-outraged. He thinks for a minute. "Yeah, that explains that day so much better. ‘Forgot to tell the mechanics something,’ my ass. So Crystal helped you?"
"Yeah, she explained that and being demiromantic."
"Which is?"
"It's like demisexuality, but instead of sex, I need a strong emotional connection before I feel romantic feelings for someone."
"And do you, for me?"
"Yeah, Daniel, I do."
"Well, isn't that convenient, because I have romantic feelings for you.”
Max pulls the hand stroking his back to his face and kisses it.
“I’m so happy, darling,” Daniel whispers.
“Me too.”
~~~
Max wakes up far too early and carefully extracts himself from Daniel. He finds his phone where he tossed it and turns it on. There are a bunch of notifications waiting that he ignores, clicking into his thread with Crystal.
Don’t mess with my love life again. Also, thanks. Do you want a boat?
You’re welcome, Maxy. Don’t you dare send me anything for this. You can just call me your fairy godmother.
Thank you. Really.
Max sends her a giant tip anyway and labels it “to my fairy godmother.”
“What are you doing?” Daniel’s sleep-roughened voice makes affection rush through Max.
“Thanking Crystal.”
“Do you think she’d like a boat?”
Max laughs. “She said no. I sent her enough for one anyway.”
Daniel laughs. "Good for her. I wonder how she got my number."
"Probably took it off of my phone one of the times I was with her. I think she saw something like this coming."
Daniel laughs again. "I think I’ll send her a fruit basket. And maybe a car."
He reaches out for Max. "Come back to bed, baby."
Max climbs back into the bed and snuggles into Daniel. Daniel is sleep-warm and his chest is soft under Max’s head, the steady beat of his heart lulling Max to sleep. Just as he’s slipping under, he feels gentle fingers running through his hair and Daniel’s voice saying, “Good night, darling.”