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Saki ambled, blood dripped and slid down her naked legs, something hurt like never before inside her.
The sidewalk beneath her heels was cold, yet inviting; she wanted to lie down.
Her cries for help went unanswered, she saw the bespectacled man in a suit averting his gaze and walking away. There was no one around, no one witnessed how her life fell apart in an instant, the money for her baby was stolen, her baby was beaten, her clothes ripped, everything hurt so much…
She wanted it all to stop… She just wanted her baby… please…
Steps.
Saki looked up and stepped back — she felt dirty, she couldn’t look at anyone in the eye, she– she–
She couldn’t look away — the man in a suit, jacket open, tie a little loose, holding a briefcase in one hand, and a phone in the other. His amber eyes almost shone behind glasses in the dark street — he stared down at her, gaze sizing her up and down, and his lip curled in a familiar expression — disgust.
Something in his look made her fall to her knees, tears cascading down her face, any strength was gone, she wanted to disappear, wanted the world to forget her whole failed existence — the shame and anger was all-consuming.
Saki bowed with a scream of anguish.
Her voice echoed. The man didn’t move.
Only her sobs remained once her voice cracked, she covered her face and cried.
A sigh. It pierced through everything. Then a–
A pat… On her head. Pat, pat…
“Stand.” The man said with a soft voice… “You’ll bleed to death out here.”
Saki sniffled, her throat and nose almost constricted by fluid, and she looked up, feeling faint. The man’s face was blank, no trace of the disgust from before. His hand was outstretched to her.
She whimpered, her legs wouldn’t listen, she couldn’t move — she didn’t want to grab on to his clean skin and clothes, she was filthy–
The man clicked his tongue, he pocketed his phone and removed his jacket, placing it around her naked body — so warm — and, almost too roughly, he pushed her on her behind and picked her up, an arm underneath her legs and another behind her back without letting go of the suitcase.
He turned his head away, nose crinkling — she was filthy, he didn’t want to touch her either — and began walking, fast.
Saki began to struggle. “W-Wait– Where…?” Her voice faded, she could barely struggle at all. It was exhausting…
“It’s alright.” The man said, glancing at her with narrowed eyes. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
She wanted to believe him, so much… but…
Saki had no choice, whether she bled out in his arms, or he lied about not hurting her… She was too tired to fight the tides…
She closed her eyes.
…
The bed beneath her was like a cloud…
The sheets were soft like silk on her skin.
Saki felt dazed as she opened her eyes to a white ceiling. A red bag hanging on one metal hanger, and another crystalline one on the other side of her bed — a hospital…?
She felt numb in some places…
Looking around, Saki frowned with heavy eyes and a deep sigh. The sheets were a deep, maroon red, the walls beige-white, the furniture was light-wood and modern themed, the windows big, covered by curtains.
The ceiling was higher than most ceilings she’s seen, with a big light that was off yet…
A hospital? No…
Blinking, she had enough sense to check her belly underneath a loose white shirt.
Her baby… she was gone…
The skin was loose from months of stretching.
Her baby was gone… her reason to keep going, was gone…
Everything was gone…
The door opened.
Saki closed her eyes.
“You’re awake, I see.” That voice… She opened her eyes again, and saw that man, in plainer clothes, and a steaming cup of what smelled like tea. She was parched…
But it wasn’t for her, as he took a sip of it himself.
His amber eyes stood out in stark contrast with everything else in him, but he was distinctively Japanese.
He helped her…
She’d asked someone, anyone, to help her… and he did…
The man watched her, face softer than she’d last seen — the look of disgust still appeared in her mind, it was ingrained in there, impossible to forget. She wanted to ask why — why help if she was so filthy to him…?
“You must be wondering why I saved you…” The man said. He walked past the bed with his head lower. By the windows, the couches looked clean and comfortable; he sat down, gaze on the windows.
The city was shiny beyond the glass, barely seen through the curtains…
Saki stared at him, head heavy on the pillow — and how soft it was — it felt like there were tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry…” She found herself apologizing. Did he carry her here…? Geez… “I can’t pay you back, I…”
“Do you think I need your money?” The man asked, glancing at her with a raised eyebrow.
Saki shut her mouth and gulped.
The man shook his head and turned away again. “No, I didn’t take the time to carry you here, bring a physician to deal with your miscarriage, or let you recover in my guest room because I wanted any money…”
He sounded exasperated. Saki felt worse yet. She had nothing to offer, and he knew it.
“…I saved you because… I have a… friend.” The man said. “He would’ve wanted to save you, gladly. And he’d have wanted me to save you too… He’s a bit of a hero like that…” He muttered.
Saki’s eyes widened, more tears came, she gulped down the lump in her throat.
“I’m not like him, though…” The man said, almost wistful. “When I saw you bleeding, I thought… all that blood will stain the crosswalk, how disgusting…”
He didn’t look at her, gaze lowering to the cup in his hands.
“I’d rather not have run into you, and I’d rather no one had to see your body if you had died. That friend of mine would be so disappointed…” He said it like he’d merely resigned to this fact.
But it wasn’t sadness, shame, or grief that came to her at that moment, suddenly, no… It was craving.
Saki sat up, and looked at her arm, the sleeve not quite hiding the puncture scars. There was a needle in one arm, for the clear liquid, but her other arm was bandaged. She looked from the near empty blood bag to the man watching her. His eyes were like razors.
“That’s valuable blood, it should have gone to more upstanding people who suffered an accident, I had thought… But you’d have died otherwise…” He sounded sad.
“I’m sorry…” Saki squeaked in a little voice, scratching her arm. That’s all she could say at this point.
The man stood and approached her. Saki leaned back. He lightly grabbed her arm, and removed the needle — Saki was used to the feeling…
She watched as he wrapped the puncture with a bandage, pushing the hanger behind the bed. He went to the other side and took the nearly empty blood pack with a sigh.
He then walked to the desk in front of her bed. He placed the cup and bag down, and she finally noticed her purse sitting there.
He opened it, and lifted a needle and a small bag with white powder from inside. He turned the injection in his hand and approached her bed. The look of disgust was back as he lifted it in front of his eyes. “Is this what you’re craving?”
Saki flinched, eyes on the needle, heart thundering.
“I’ve spared more time for you than I care to admit.” The man said, voice firm — his glare was overwhelming, she shrunk like a scolded child. “And you shall compensate me by not wasting it on this.” His grip crushed the syringe.
Saki gasped under her breath, gawking in shock, a sharp wisp of panic at the sight of plastic shards. The man walked to a door next to her bed.
She whimpered, words trying to escape– “W-Wait–” He voice trembled, she gripped the sheets.
He disappeared inside, and she heard the plastic being torn, its meager remaining contents discarded down the drain — her eyes widened more — more breaking, before it was all tossed in the garbage.
Her breathing escalated. “I– mister, please…! I still can’t–”
He came out of the bathroom with a small garbage bag — the door closed with a bang. “You can, and you shall. I’ll not let you dispense with my kindness by going back to whatever you were doing out there.”
“B-But!” She found herself shouting. “I-I was trying– I want to quit it, but–”
“Then you shall do that.” The man said as he picked up his cup and the emptied blood bag, then walking to the other, furthest door. “You’ll sit here, and endure, until your body rids itself of this filth, it’s the least you should do.” He waved the garbage bag and left the room, the door locking behind.
Saki stared at the door, pulling the sheets off — she wore nothing beneath the long shirt. “W-Wait…” Her feet touched the cold wooden floor, it made her hiss and shiver.
It was starting, she felt it creeping up her spine, the hot flashes on her skin — she tried quitting before, she really did, but…
The pain — the dread, the strong sensation that her body was breaking apart inside and out — it’d get worse — so much worse.
Saki reached the door with shaky steps, and tried the handle, slowly.
It didn’t open. “M-Mister? Mister?! Please–!” She knocked. “Do I have to stay here…?!” Saki cried against the door.
No one answered.
Saki whimpered against the surface, and stepped back, looking around the room, arms wrapped around her middle.
What was she supposed to do…?!
She didn’t know what this man wanted, why was he keeping her locked up? It couldn’t be just to help… No one ever wanted to help… Why would this wealthy man decide to do that and not have anything he wanted out of it…?
Saki rubbed her eyes, ambling back to the bed. She was tired, she desperately wanted to lie down for now…
She laid down beneath the warm sheets again. The whole room was comfortably warm, and nice…
So tired…
Saki wished she could just have ended things already…
…
The plate of food was small. It was set on a kotatsu in the center of the couches by the tall windows.
The man sat on his knees on one side, still in his dress clothes minus the jacket and tie — all clean, no sign of her blood — and gestured for her to sit on the other.
Saki did so, her legs hurt when she did — her entire body ached with a dull, throbbing pain ever since she woke up to nightmares, the night still hadn’t turned day — or was she out cold for a whole day already? Was it longer than a day?
The man pinned her hand to the surface before she could eat — “Manners.” He spoke softly, ignoring her whine of pain.
“I’m sorry…” She said, bowing her head.
He seemingly ignored her, still staring.
Saki readjusted, trying to ignore the pain in her spine, clapping her shaky hands together with chopsticks. “Thank you for the meal…”
The man nodded, eyes blinking slowly as he gestured to her plate, permitting her to eat.
His formal demeanor was unnerving, but… he was giving her food… a bed, and a roof… the room was warm due to heating…
She began eating slowly, despite the creeping nausea — his eyes narrowed at her mouth — her lost tooth — it wasn’t sympathy.
Saki stopped opening her mouth so wide to eat.
He ate his slightly bigger meal in silence, watching her every move. Saki did her best. She didn’t want him to be mad and kick her out…
“Yoshida Saki is your name, correct?” The man asked before taking another polite bite.
Saki blinked, and nodded, still chewing. How…
He swallowed his food. “You had no identification, so I had to look it up. You’re 17. Why aren’t you in school?” His tone was stern. It felt like being interrogated by the principal, as if she’d merely skipped class.
Her hands shook, tears returned. “I-I ran… from home…”
“Why?” His eyes narrowed.
She bowed her head further, his small plate empty. “…My father, he… came into my room…” Saki choked. “My mother blamed me… she told me to leave…”
Her father in her room, inside her — it came to mind as if fresh — the desk, scribbled with accusations as if they knew — her mother slapping her–
It’s really only been a year…? Her life went so wrong, so quickly…
“I see.” The man said blankly; she just couldn’t tell if there was any emotion there. “And where did you go?”
“…Hayato…” It hurt to think about him. “My boyfriend… Ex…”
“Did you meet him before or after this?”
“Before…” Before… He was there, where this started, wasn’t he…? How could he abandon her? She thought he loved her…
“Was he a student?”
“No… He was, a grown up…”
“Hm.” The man’s face turned darker, and he stood with a sigh.
Saki chirped in fear, leaning away.
“Don’t worry.” The man settled on the couch behind her, brushing and pulling her hair. “Tell me, from the start, what happened after you met this man.”
“Man…?”
“This Hayato.”
“Uhm…” Saki hesitated. He was brushing her hair with his fingers, it felt nice… “H-He invited me to Karaoke…”
“And you just went, alone, with an adult man.” His grip pulled her hair, as if admonishing her.
“I-I didn’t… I mean…” Saki shrunk into herself. He made her feel like the stupidest bitch on this world.
The man hummed. “Keep going.”
Saki stared at her lap. “We had sex…”
“Why?” Judgment.
“I… I don’t know… He just… gave me a pill…”
Another, quieter sigh — his hand was bundling her hair as if intending to tie it in a high ponytail.
“We hanged out… for a month…” The man’s hands stopped moving her hair. “This girl at school, she… showed me this website, where you go on a date with–”
Shink– something sharp slid through her hair strands, all at once, startling her into silence. “I see.” The man muttered, tossing the blond mane on the table. “Your hair was beautiful, before you ruined it…”
Shame — tears fell at the sight. “T-The boys, t-they had a picture… They… I…” Her shoulders shook, head low. Her short hair hung around her head.
If only she hadn’t gone on that stupid site…
The man pulled her head back by the hair. “I’m not done. Keep going.”
Saki sniffled, hearing more hair being cut. She hoped he wasn’t going to shave her… “They promised…!” She whined, it was her only excuse. “T-They said they wouldn’t show it to anyone…!”
“But they did, is that so?”
“And my friends…!”
“They turned against you.”
“I didn’t know what to do…! I ran back home, and my mom, with my dad–”
“Your father, who molested you…”
Saki just cried. Her mother lied–
Another sigh, fingers brushing her hair.
“She kicked me out!” Saki nearly shouted. “She said she’d be on my side, she’s a liar!”
“Then you ran to where…?”
Saki nodded, sniffling. “I-I went to live with H-Hayato…” She said in a quiet voice, trying not to let her voice hitch.
“What did this man do for a living?”
Saki stopped, blinking. After a moment of silence: “I don’t know…”
The man muttered something behind, it sounded like ‘useless trash, then’. It made her flinch. “I-I’m sorry…” Her voice rasped.
She wanted his forgiveness… even though she never did anything to him.
The hand stopped. “I didn’t mean you.” He said; not kind, but not harsh, just a polite afterthought. “So, if this Hayato wasn’t working, who paid for everything?”
“I worked…”
“Where?”
Saki shrugged. “…Anywhere… I…”
The man hummed in disapproval. It was unpleasant to hear. “…The money you got, who did it go to?”
“Hayato…”
“And what did he do with it?”
“…Paid rent, bought food… and visited the bar…”
“Bar?”
“He bought drugs there…”
“I see…” The hand pulled her head further back, all the way so she could see his amber eyes upon her. “From who?”
Saki stared, her neck hurt — his eyes… like cold fire… “From… Mr. Obata… at–” The familiar name of the bar came from a whisper.
The man nodded and let go. He cut a few more strands — her hair felt so short… Like a man’s. “…My hair, why…?”
“I saw what you looked like before…” The man muttered, as if he were looking at a dying cat hit by a car. “You looked cute… You’d have grown into a lovely woman. You’ve chosen to ruin yourself instead…”
Saki stared at nothing, feeling more shivers, more pain yet… More shame.
The man stood and gathered the dishes, along with the hair he cut. Some strands were left on the floor as he walked away. “It’s such a shame…” He said.
“H-Hey, mister…! I–” She choked. “C–Could you please let me–” The craving, still–
The man didn’t turn to her. “I do not have any drugs for you.” He said loud and clear, almost spitting the words. “I suggest you lie down and bear it until the craving stops.”
The door closed and locked behind him.
Saki stared, her face scrunched with a grimace, she rubbed her arms — she felt worse all of a sudden…
It was getting worse steadily as well… What should she do…?
…
Saki couldn’t sleep.
The pain was too much.
She hunched over the toilet bowl, throwing up everything in her stomach, which was already little. If it kept going, she was going to die in this room…
She wished she had her fix to make it bearable at least, this was torture…
Saki ambled to the door, knocking once more. “M-Mister…” She whimpered. “Please… Let me go…!”
Everything hurt.
Her skin was clammy, her hands shook, everything she ate came back up, she couldn’t sleep anymore, the little she got only led her back to her to losing her baby all over again.
She just needed a dose — just a little bit– a little fucking bit!
She begged through the door, but no one answered. Maybe the man left, maybe he got tired of her and left her to die…
There had to be a quicker way to do this…!
Saki searched the room, but found nothing helpful. She didn’t know how to do anything remotely useful for herself in this situation.
The bathtub!
Maybe drowning? Would it be quick? She didn’t know, but it was her only way out of here…!
The door — not hers, but another further away. She almost flew to her door, knocking. “H-Hey! Let me out! Please! You don’t have to help me, please just let me oooout–!”
Hard steps.
The door opened suddenly, almost with a thunder, it pushed her back on her bottom, it hurt. The amber eyes greeted her with scorn. “I’ve made an effort here.” He snapped. “Do you want to be ungrateful?!” His fists were clenched.
Saki cowered, almost crawling away. “I-I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She closed her eyes — Hayato’s hand against her face stung so much–
A sharp exhale. “…Why must you make this so difficult…?” The man muttered, almost to himself, a hand covering his face as he turned away from her — and he left again.
Nothing changed. Saki wiped the tears, they wouldn’t stop, and she approached the door — was he leaving again?
If so, she could try the bathtub… She was a burden, clearly… This man didn’t want to help, she was a pest!
Saki covered her face, stifling sniffles.
Noise. A call through a computer, it sounded like. Another voice spoke, in English, and the man replied in kind.
She didn’t know much English; she couldn’t understand any of it.
But the men spoke. The one here sounded quieter, kinder than she’d heard so far. The other one… sounded nicer, warmer, occasionally softer, comforting to listen to… The second one spoke much more than the man who took her here.
They spoke for a long time, there was something soothing about it…
She listened to their voices until some form of sleep came, uncomfortable and short-lived, with the kicks to her belly, just like before.
…
Saki lived in the bathroom now.
More time was spent by the toilet than the bed, hunched over to throw up, or constantly sitting on it with pain in her stomach.
Her body hated her, it wanted her to die — it needed its fix and it wasn’t getting it — it wanted her to die so much, and she agreed.
That man came into the room more. He was quieter, but also calmer. The twitches of disgust on his face appeared whenever he found her in the bathroom, but nonetheless, he helped her take showers, dried her, and fed her on the bed — then helped her back to the bathroom.
He did it like it was a chore.
Not once was he interested in her body, nothing in her sparked anything in him — it shouldn’t be a surprise, she was disgusting, especially here, stuck to the toilet, constantly sweating and twitching, whining and crying, missing a tooth and with a man’s haircut.
Saki stupidly offered herself for a fix anyway as he towered above her form, herself prostrated over the toilet like she was chained to it forever now — just anything to ease the pain, she’d do, she’d suck his dick, she’d let him fuck her, all for free, she just needed–
The man’s face immediately contorted with more pronounced disdain — he raised a hand and Saki flinched, but the hit never came; he exhaled heavily out of frustration.
He lowered his hand, shook his head as if thinking she wasn’t worth the energy. “If I ever wanted a prostitute, it wouldn’t be you.” He snapped.
He was right, she wasn’t worth the energy… She wasn’t even worth a fuck, much less money or heroin. “But! I can’t handle this anymore…!” She cried, reaching out to grab him.
Everything in her just felt so awful…! And it got worse and worse!
He stepped out of her reach. “Yes you can. And you should.” The man said, leaving the bathroom and room entirely.
Her breathing escalated, hands pressed against her face, hot and sweaty. Maybe if she searched the room again…
Maybe he forgot a bit somewhere…!
Saki set out to search again; she tried the door; she looked underneath the bed, the couches, the desk, in the drawers, but found nothing!
She needed to get the fuck out of here…! The door was locked– but the window!
Saki approached the glass, it wasn’t possible to open it. It was tough to lift the chair by the desk, but she managed to throw it against the glass — it didn’t break, it only bounced off with a loud thunk.
Saki whined, already exhausted with the exertion, and returned to the door. She called for help until her voice gave.
No one responded.
…
The door opened again…
Saki twitched from her spot, leaned against the toilet bowl after throwing up nothing but water again — she ran to grab the man– “Please! Let me go! I don’t want this anymore! I don’t want your help! I can’t stand it anymore!” She screeched.
The man before her wasn’t the same one.
Wide blue-eyed stared at her. He was taller, stronger, Western blond, his tan was natural and sun-kissed, unlike hers. He said something in English, it sounded sad. He grabbed her hand and patted her head. “There-there, you must be feeling awful. I can help.”
The man who locked her here was behind with an uncertain, sheepish look.
“C-Can you let me have my fix? Please? Just a little bit?!” Saki begged.
The blue-eyed man lifted her easily, like she weighted nothing. “No, I can’t give you more heroin, girly.” He said with a soothing tone. “But I have something else that will help, will you take it instead?”
“I don’t care, just give it to me!” Whatever he had, anything that’d alleviate the pain, she’d take it. “You can have me for free after, okay?! Just–”
He placed her sitting on the bed. “No thanks, I’m good.” He had a plastic bag slung around his elbow, and he took a bottle — pills? “This will help alleviate the pain, okay?” Saki tried to grab it immediately, he pulled away. “Ah-ah! Wait.”
“What is this?!” She cried.
The man smiled with pity. “It’d medication for the withdraw. It’ll take about 20 minutes to take effect, and you won’t need the needle anymore, okay?”
“I can’t…! I’m gonna die! I need–”
The man bent on his knees to face her, one hand holding her face, not harshly. “Listen to me. You’re not dying, your body is trying to readjust to the lack of drugs, and this will ease the pain and the anxiety.” He said and turned back to the other man. “Hey Kiks, how long since you brought her here?”
“About two days.”
The blue-eyed man winced and crouched fully, holding her arm. “Yeah, the worst period is the first 72 hours. Here.” He opened the bottle. “Listen, don’t swallow, got it?”
“Huh?”
He grabbed her face again, still without hurting her. “Put it under your tongue and let it dissolve, don’t chew, don’t swallow, just leave it there, you hear? Otherwise, it won’t work. Open up, aah–” He nudged her to open her mouth and placed the pill, no hint of disgust on his face. “Now close, and leave it there until it’s all dissolved, okay?”
“W-Will t–” She tried to ask.
“Shh, shhh.” The man covered her mouth. “10 minutes or so, no talking.”
Would this help her…? She swallowed without moving the pill from underneath her tongue.
It stayed there dissolving for those 10 or so minutes until it was all gone.
The pain wasn’t gone yet…!
Saki shook her head. “It’s not helping…!”
“You’ll have to wait a few minutes for it to take full effect.” He sighed and stood, talking in English with the other man again, tone quiet.
“M-Maybe if I have more?” Saki glanced at the pills. “Maybe it’s the wrong dosage…?!”
The man grabbed the bag and the pills. “No, it’s not. It’ll just take 20 to 45 minutes.”
She shook her head more, almost rocking on the bed. This was still unbearable; it didn’t help at all…! “I just want it to stop…” She cried quietly.
“I know, kiddo…” He petted her, it didn’t help. “It will stop, you just need to hold on for a little bit, okay?”
She didn’t care. She needed it to stop now.
Saki pushed off the bed to run out of the room — there had to be a way out, even if just a knife in the kitchen…!
But she was easily stopped, held back like a child, powerless. “I know, I know…” The taller man held her despite her cries. He just held her, but did nothing else. Until exhaustion kept her still.
She could still cry, though. Nothing else besides that…
Many endless minutes passed. The man who brought her left the room, the other one stayed holding her.
It was warm, nothing like any of the men she’s been with…
“Feeling better? Or worse? Or no change?” He asked suddenly, startling her.
Saki whined. “No… Still feel bad…”
“Then you’ll take another. Just like before.” Again, the process repeated, another pill underneath her tongue. “We’ll keep checking and doing this until you feel better. You should be okay by the end of the day.”
The truth was she felt a little better, but not by much… She wanted the pain to go away completely, though…
He still held her. She felt like a child again… It was nice…
…
It’s been a while since she woke up feeling comfortable…
Saki awoke to noise, eyes still so heavy, and she looked, drowsy, to see the blue-eyed man placing a cup of water on the stand next to her bed. He sat by her side. “Feeling better?”
Saki took stock of herself. The pain was milder; she didn’t feel as awful… She nodded. “A little…”
The man nodded with a kind smile, adjusting his glasses. “You’ll have to keep taking these for a while. It’ll help your brain readjust, and you can go back to living a normal life then.” He gave her another pill. “Same as before, under the tongue.”
She obeyed, staring at his bright eyes. He was so handsome… Much more handsome than any man she’s seen, much more handsome than Hayato…
He was so kind.
“Since you’re feeling better, hi.” He waved with a bright smile. “Name’s Alfred.” He pointed to the door with a thumb. “My buddy there is Yamato. Sorry if he was a little harsh, he’s not very good at this ‘being kind’ or ‘taking care of people’ thing. He’s… always been distant like that. He’s trying, though.”
Saki nodded slowly, pulling her knees close. It reminded her again, her hands wrapping around her belly.
“Kiks told me. I’m sorry for everything that happened to you…” Alfred said quietly.
Saki appreciated the kindness so much, after all these months of people scowling and turning away. Even now, she excepted it, despite the relief…
They’d throw her out, and then… With a roof and a bed, she didn’t want to go back to the homeless camp… It was getting so much colder out there…
She glanced at the bottle. Would she have to work again? For these pills this time?
She looked at Alfred’s kind expression, maybe he’d accept small pay? He’d understand? “I don’t have money… I don’t wanna be kicked out, b-but I can work–”
Alfred patted her head again. “You’re 17.” He said seriously. “You’re a kid. You shouldn’t be doing anything just to have a roof and food. You should be at school.”
“Kid…? B-But…” In what planet was she a kid?
Alfred sighed. “Kiks should be doing this, not me…” He muttered as he stood, taking the bottle — he expected her to steal it, didn’t he…? “Let me know if you start feeling symptoms again. The 2nd day’s dosage works differently. Okay?” He smiled. “And don’t worry. You’ll get better eventually. It’ll be okay.”
He left the door slightly open, not locked at all.
…
“I can’t believe you locked her in there for two days, Kiks.”
“Nhmm…”
Saki stared at her food on the table. The big one between the living room and the open kitchen.
The rest of the apartment was big, it had a spacious balcony, a shiny kitchen, a big living room with a huge TV… It was a richman’s home. The two men sat facing each other, and next to her.
There was so much food, too…!
She felt like her stomach wanted to eat itself, she was starving once the nausea was gone, but she didn’t want to seem gluttonous, her host didn’t seem to like it.
Saki glanced at him, his amber eyes seemed judging as always, waiting to see what she’d pick so he could decide what to think of her choice.
Except… Alfred grinned. “Go ahead! Eat whatever you want. It’s all on me.” There was a lot of meat and potatoes, eggs, and not a lot of green. Alfred turned to Mr. Yamato with a more admonishing look.
Mr. Yamato averted his eyes. “I brought her to my home, I let a physician help, I fed, bathed, and cut her hair.”
“You didn’t need to cut it…” Alfred tilted his head. “And you still locked her in the room despite her addiction. Heroin isn’t something anyone can quit cold-turkey like this, it’s not a matter of willpower.”
“I realize that…” Mr. Yamato said. “Withdraw would be unpleasant–”
Alfred let out a disbelieving huff.
“But it wouldn’t kill her.”
“It could–”
“At her age, highly unlikely.”
“She’s a kid, Kiks.”
“She’s 17.”
“And that’s a kid. I understand you have a hard time with unproductive citizens, but sometimes, life fucks you hard. It’s not her fault she ended up like this.”
Mr. Yamato narrowed his eyes, then turned to her. “Did anyone force you to do any drugs?”
“Kiks–” Alfred drawled.
Saki shrunk in her seat, out of shame again — she didn’t want to make Mr. Yamato unhappy, it was a stronger feeling than ever. His disapproval hurt… and she shook her head.
“Did anyone force you to ruin your hair, change your skin, or brand yourself with tattoos and piercings?”
Again, she shook her head, gaze down.
Mr. Yamato huffed. “Cruel as it is, the consequences of bad choices aren’t something I can just overlook. Humans make the wrong choices and ruin themselves. I can’t fix every single one of them!” He raised his voice when Alfred crossed his arms.
Alfred took a deep breath. He turned to her. “This man you met, Hayato…” His voice became softer. “How old was he?”
“24…”
“And you were…?”
“16…”
Alfred turned to Mr. Yamato. “It’s not really a choice when a grown-ass loser is dealing with a 16-years old girl, what the hell did she know? Kids her age are dumb and naïve.”
Despite everything, something still triggered. “H-Hayato isn’t a loser…!” She didn’t live with a loser for so many months, she wasn’t kicked out by a loser, she wasn’t…!
“Listen, Saki– Saki’s your name, right?” Alfred leaned on the table, brows dipping. “Let me tell you a little ‘grown-up secret’. Do you know why guys like this Hayato go after young girls like you?” He whispered.
Saki lowered her gaze, she didn’t want to confront him, or glare at him. “He said I was cute…”
Alfred shook his head. “The reason is two. First, because women their age won’t date them. Second,” His words slowed down. “because young girls are easy to manipulate.”
“H-He didn’t lie to me…” Except, he did. Another girl came to his apartment. He was talking to another girl, and called her the moment he kicked out Saki…
As if their months together meant nothing…
Alfred continued, throwing a hand out dismissively. “Women his age wouldn’t date him, because they’re more experienced, they’re not as easy to manipulate, and they can tell he’s a loser. That’s why he went after you. Honestly Kiks, you should be the one explaining this, so the message would really sink in. Look at her, she’s like a wounded puppy, it breaks my heart.”
Mr. Yamato’s lip curled. He looked at Saki right in the eyes. “It’s true.” He said softly. “That man is garbage.”
Her big eyes widened with tears. It felt like it went straight through her brittle heart.
She felt stupid. And it hurt.
Alfred rubbed his eyes. “Also, she shouldn’t have been kicked out of her home at all, someone ought to do something about her piece of shit dad…” He looked at Yamato pointedly.
“Alfred–”
“I’m just saying, it’d be a fun date activity for us.” Alfred smiled with a shrug.
Huh? What did that mean? Saki looked between them, rubbing tears from her eyes. Date? With her father…?!
“You’re not killing anyone, Alfred.”
Alfred rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”
Murder…?!
“Anyway,” Alfred returned to Saki. “None of what happened to you was your fault. None of it, okay? You’re a naïve, stupid kid and some piece of shit adult took advantage of you. I’m guessing you just wanted praise and acceptance, like any normal teen…” He patted her head.
Saki sniffled, trying to hold back yet more tears. “I’m not… I had a baby…”
“You’re just 17, that wasn’t on you–”
Mr. Yamato cleared his throat, cutting him off. “The baby’s death wasn’t your fault. I understand it hurt to lose it…” And he pet her instead. “You can always try again once you’re healthier.”
It was nicer, unexpectedly.
Alfred was kinder and warmer, and yet, Mr. Yamato’s words felt… different… His admonishment hurt, burned — but his kindness…
It was so soothing…
Saki nodded, more tears fell and she rubbed her eyes again. “Thank you…”
Alfred smiled, and said something quietly in English.
Mr. Yamato’s cheeks turned red and he looked away, mumbling what she vaguely recognized as ‘shut up’.
…
Mr. Yamato took all the dishes.
Saki found herself sitting with Alfred in the living room as he asked her questions about symptoms. “How long do I have to take these?” She asked once the pill was all dissolved.
“Many weeks.” Alfred didn’t smile.
Saki felt a cold shiver, panic rising at the thought. “I-I can’t pay for this…! How can I keep buying these…?!”
“You shouldn’t have to…” He muttered. “But see, after today, once a day is good, it won’t cost that much. There’s also a film that goes underneath your tongue instead, it works better for long-term use. Ideally, you should be at a rehab center with doctors helping you. But…” Alfred sighed deeply. “Treatment for this sort of thing in Japan isn’t great…”
Saki stared. “Rehab… center?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Nobody told you those exist?”
She shook her head.
Alfred still gawked for a moment, before shaking his head as well. “Seriously…” He closed the bottle, putting it back in its bag. “Listen, Saki. Kiks is pretty rich, see?” He gestured around.
Saki looked around, nodding.
“He has the money to help you as much as possible, so, you need to make an effort to get better.”
He looked so serious… “I tried… Before, when I decided to keep…” Her hands rested on her belly; just thinking about Hana hurt so much.
“It’s almost impossible on your own, not to mention, a kid your age, and pregnant…” Alfred said. “But see, Kiks used to be a way crueler person, way worse than this Hayato, or anyone you ever met…”
Worse…? Worse than even them? The ones who stole everything from her?
“I say this with full confidence, believe me. He was evil.” Alfred said, dead-serious, before his face softened. “He’s better now, he’s kinder, but he’s still not quite there…”
The cold amber eyes, the disgust on his face, the disdain for her body…
“I need you to show him that what you went through didn’t break you.” Alfred held her shoulders. “You can recover, and you can be a good, productive person, and raise a good, successful family.”
Saki stared back at this wide, earnest blues. “W-Why me?”
“Because you’re the one he bothered to save.” Alfred said. “You need to prove to him that saving you, and people like you, isn’t a waste of his time and resources. Kiks is a really influential guy, and he needs to understand that young victims like you don’t deserve any of this just because you made some bad choices or followed the wrong person; you deserve support, and kindness, so you can recover and have a good life…!” He smiled. “I’ve been trying to show him that this is worth it, ya hear?”
Saki gulped. “I don’t know… I-I…”
“I know you tried, but you were alone, you just needed help, and now we’re giving it to you!” Alfred clapped his hands together. “You’ll recover, finish school, have a respectable career, meet a decent man who actually loves you, and have an adorable baby and be a good momma. But you have to try first, got it?”
Try…? Again? But– Her breathing escalated.
“He can change, and so can you.” Alfred grinned, his enthusiasm and encouragement so strong, her eyes widened with tears.
The door behind opened, the faint scent of coffee came with Mr. Yamato. “Here, Alfred.”
Alfred changed his demeanor quickly. “Oh, thanks, Kiks, you’re the best!” He stood to take the cup, smiling like the man before him was his world.
Mr. Yamato became redder again, eyes diverging, and lingering on Saki — his expression turned cold immediately.
Standing, he seemed like a tower of judgment, shadowing her, it bathed her in shame, the same that assaulted her whenever she woke up with the garbage, whenever she hid to get her fix — the fear of returning to Hayato without the money — the anxiety of knowing so few men wanted her while pregnant — those cruel people who kicked her and told her to die as they killed her baby despite her cries for mercy — it all weighted like Mr. Yamato’s amber stare.
As if they were all one and the same.
“Hey,” Alfred spoke quietly — the sound made her flinch — it turned Mr. Yamato away from her. “You promised you’d be good, remember?” He leaned close to him.
Mr. Yamato’s face softened, brows tilting like he felt bad for something. “I did… I apologize…”
Alfred smiled and pecked his lips, making Mr. Yamato step back, his whole face deep red. “I-I-I told you not to do this in front of people…!” He covered his face with his arms.
“So stop being mean~” Alfred grinned, “and I’ll stop embarrassing you!” He snickered.
Alfred turned to her as the other man muttered frantically, facing away from them — the blond tilted his head at him, ‘boyfriend…?!’ as if saying ‘See? He’s not all bad’.
If he can change, then so can you.
Saki felt the shivers, the much milder effects; the craving remained.
But it wasn’t unbearable. Alfred said she could do it with help, he wasn’t like Hayato, or anyone she’d met, he wasn’t lying… Maybe she could do this, she could…
Saki pressed her lips and nodded. This time, she could change.
For Hana.