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The day Wally decided to retire, Artemis died. Again. Or, she had just faked her own death for the sake of the mission once again. It was almost a habit at this point, really. The Light comes in with bigger guns than last time, Artemis pulls the pseudo sacrifice play, the team wins, and Artemis comes back to life like it never happened. Sometimes it was another member faking their death, but Artemis had practice.
That never made it any easier on Wally. He’d been watching the love of his life die since they were fifteen. He knew to expect that she’d stand back up, make some witty quip at the enemies’ expense, wipe the blood off her shirt, and all would be right in the world again. Knowing didn’t stop him from worrying that the round wasn’t a blank, that the assassin wasn’t a friend in disguise, or that one too many doses of the formula that he helped create wouldn’t stop her heart for good.
For whatever reason, he couldn’t handle it this time. He almost ruined the mission when he saw her lifelessly hit the ground. She woke up in his arms, confused why he hadn’t stuck to the plan, but her questions were answered with the tears that fell onto the deep red stain that clashed with the green of the arrow on her chest.
So she retired too. They kept the gear, “Just in case,” they’d told themselves. At first it was hard not to reach for the cowl whenever the news spoke of some new villain causing chaos, but every day that they got to wake up and go to sleep, side by side, chests synced in full, life affirming breath, it got easier to watch from the sidelines.
Days turned into months, and soon, it had been a couple years since that day. Seeing their friends and family go out and fight as they once had never got any easier, especially as another hologram was added to the grotto.
Wally would’ve been lying if he said there wasn’t a part of him that was grateful that Artemis retired with him, that it wasn’t her image glowing before the crowd. He knew it was harder for her to put down her bow than it was for him to slow down.
He’d always felt two steps behind when it came to the hero gig. His best friend was the original superhero sidekick. His girlfriend chose to fight the good fight, even when it meant fighting her family. M’gann was probably the most powerful psychic mind out there, and Superboy was, well, Superboy. Kaldur had fallen off the path when he learned about his dad being Black Manta, but he’d lost so much to the life, Wally couldn’t find it in his heart to hate the guy. And all the other members of the team, they had so much power, so much to fight for, and they did it so well.
And then there’s him. Wallace Rudolph West. Kid Flash, when people bothered to remember the name. He blew himself up, along with most of his parents’ shed, to get his powers, using middle school chemistry knowledge and a thrown together recreation of his uncle’s work. Not because he thought he had more to offer the world, but because he was envious of Robin, of The Flash, of the praise they received so publicly. Barry hadn’t even wanted to take him on as a sidekick when he got his powers until Wally annoyed him into saying yes just to shut him up. Not to mention the fact that due to the poorly executed nature of his experiment, he’d never be as fast as The Flash.
It’s hard enough living in someone else’s shadow, but always being just too slow to even see their shadow half the time? That didn’t make it any easier.
He tried to make up for being slower by being smarter, diving headfirst into the books and studying just about anything and everything science. It came in handy with the Red Fiasco back when they were just starting out, but he managed to give himself more of a reputation for being the idiot than the genius. Even now, Artemis still called him Kid Idiot half the time, though there was a lot more affection behind the nickname than when it originated.
Wally remembered the day she joined the team so vividly, probably because he had spent so much time thinking of ways it could've gone differently. He'd never admit it to anyone, but the reason he tripped that day was because he saw her. The blink of an eye was a lifetime to him and that momentary glance he got before tripping over himself had been more than enough for his heart to skip a beat. Seeing Artemis for the first time was so different from seeing M'gann, or any other girl, and that scared him.
Luckily for him, whatever feelings were trying to make themselves known were quickly shoved to the back of his mind when she started teasing him. Feelings were unknown territory, but teasing and banter he could handle.
Or, he thought he could, but for the first time since meeting Robin, Wally had no idea where to start. When it was announced that Artemis was taking Roy's place, Wally chose to focus on that anger of losing a friend instead of whatever else was going on, like the strange fluttering feeling in his gut whenever the blonde girl smirked like she knew something he didn't.
He can admit it, he was an asshole to her at first, but after the first mission and first couple weeks with her around the cave, he found that anger had all but disappeared. Sure, it'd be great to have Roy on the team, but even Wally had to admit that of the two archers, somehow Artemis was less likely to lose her temper, and it wasn't like she was the only one on the team who wasn't forthcoming with personal information. Wally had known Robin for ages and the most he'd ever gotten out of him was that Bats sings in the shower.
Still, he had to keep up appearances, so he flirted more and more with M'gann, in front of Artemis, despite being able to see that Superboy and the martian clearly had something starting to form. Wally was a little disappointed that M'gann didn't like him like that, but the frustration in Artemis' face whenever her attempts to flirt with Superboy failed because he was more focused on M'gann brought a smile to Wally's face. A smile that was quickly wiped away because a certain ninja best friend of his was also a thirteen year old detective, but you didn't need to be highly skilled in that department to see that the vitriol and insults Wally threw Artemis' way were just to get a reaction and her attention.
Try as he might, Wally often would slip up in his mission to keep Artemis at arm's length. Constantly, he'd find himself standing closest to her, trading snide comments at the back of trainings and mission debriefs, or they'd be paired up in training and he'd have to hide that he was impressed with how easily she managed to lock onto a subsonic target and had taken him down without loosing more than a quarter of her quiver.
Of course, these slip ups often led to him doubling down upon realizing who he'd been talking to. He'd flirt with M'gann, reaching levels of obnoxiousness that he could hardly stand himself. The tower of fate and their joyride via "magical" cane brought back that terrifying feeling that Artemis was unlike anyone he'd ever met. It hit him full force when talking to Kent Nelson. This guy knows them for a few minutes and already sees the very connection that Wally had spent so long fighting and denying? He refused to believe it, but there was a lot about that day that Wally didn't understand and chose to ignore, adding his feelings towards "his spitfire" to the list was getting harder, especially when she looked at him the way she did at Kent's funeral. He knew that she probably thought he didn't notice, but it was Artemis, of course he noticed.
Then Bialya happened, their memories got wiped, and he had nothing stopping him this time around. Finding her in the desert when he woke up, carefully carrying her to this random shack to try to keep them sheltered a little, and otherwise keeping his distance from the sleeping beauty until she came to. Waiting for her to wake up was agonizing and confusing because he didn't know anything about this girl, but there was a fire burning under his ribs that told him that whatever happened that brought them here, she was important to him, or would be once he knew who she was. Beautiful, he thought as he stared at her sleeping face, and in the hours that he waited, that's what he called her in his head.
She fought like no one he'd ever seen before, facing down several tanks with a bow and arrow like she did this every day, which if the "my dad probably wants me to kill you" comment was any amount of true, who knows, maybe she does. He still hadn't learned her name, but he didn't care because while on the run from militants, he couldn't think of a name that suited her better than the one he'd given her.
Getting their memories back, feeling her snatch her hand away from his when all he wanted to do was hold on a little tighter, he resolved to shut down whatever made him wish they could go back to nameless strangers. Artemis was Beautiful, and he hated that he couldn't say so anymore.
Everyday it got harder to deny what had been growing steadily since day one, so he found himself bargaining with and lying to himself. He could call her Beautiful in his head, but only following an insult. He could keep an eye out for her on missions, but that was just because she doesn't have powers. If he complimented her, he'd have to go find and flirt with M'gann.
All these little rules kept him safe, but they didn't keep her safe.
The training exercise. The mental mission gone wrong. The first time she died.
It wasn't real, but that didn't mean it didn't hurt. He couldn't care less that he died, he went down fighting like he'd planned ever since that day in the shed, pouring chemicals onto a live electrical source.
He wasn't fast enough, hell, he didn't even move when they saw the alien. That may have been second before forgetting it was fake, but he should've done something, anything, besides standing there as she turned to point an arrow at the alien cannon.
His reaction was…it was a long time coming. He'd only just accepted that he lov- no, liked her. Yeah, he'd finally acknowledged it out loud one night to Robin, and of course the little shit recorded the conversation so Wally couldn't deny it fully. And honestly, he didn't want to deny it, but he had to. He wasn't the type to get the girl. And clearly, he wasn't even the type to try.
So, he screamed, he cried, he hit things. He convinced himself he could save her, get her back, but deep down he knew that Robin wasn't being honest. It was just easier to play dumb, hold onto that shred of hope in his heart, and follow directions that he knew one way or another would lead him back to her. Wally didn't realize how much he wanted to believe in an afterlife until he and Robin got trapped inside the ship.
Opening his eyes to the lights of the cave, seeing the familiar setting, he thought it was a poor excuse of paradise, but as long as he could find her, whatever eternity had in store for him, he'd take it. Pretty immediately he came to the conclusion he wasn't dead because he still had his cast on and it's be a cruel joke if the universe left his arm broken for the rest of time.
Seconds after that realization, he sat up so fast he almost fell off the table he was on, frantic to find Artemis. Someone caught him, someone was speaking to him, but all he saw was that she wasn't waking up. She died first, why was she still asleep, is she actually-
A gasping breath came with wide eyes as she came to, and his heart stopped racing, well for him anyway. Artemis was alive, and once again, he was left with this feeling lodged in between his ribs that everyone saw too much.
The tower of fate, Bialya, and now this. How could he be so stupid? How come he can't keep just one thing hidden? And if he was so bad at keeping these feelings from being seen, then surely she had to know. She knew, but she never changed the way she reacted to him. She still hated him.
So he lied, he denied, and he kept his distance. Insults being thrown across the room turned into silently slipping out the door whenever she was around. That original anger, now thinly veiled disappointment, returned in his jests, further driving the wedge between them when he could.
Needless to say, that was only something he could keep up for so long. Too many other conflicts came up, other things drew his attention and took priority over poking fun at the archer. Slowly, he found himself with her, outside of missions, outside of training, with only companionable silence or small conversation taking place. No insults, no over the top flirtations, just teammates, friends even, hanging out, helping each other with homework, that kind of thing. As it turns out, Artemis is an English whiz, and not too shabby at math either. She's certainly not lacking in the science department, but after several late night stakeouts turned into study sessions, she'd help him with his essays and he'd offer his brilliant brain up for her chemistry homework. It just clicked. He couldn't even tell you when exactly it happened, but somewhere between an extra rebreather and countless paper snowball fights, he was undeniably falling harder and faster than ever before.
Of course, the life and relationships of a superhero are never simple. When she purposefully messed with a mission, after he'd come so close to admitting everything he felt to her just hours before in the Bioship. He'd meant it when he said she had nothing to prove, did his opinion still mean so little to her? He hated that look on her face when he yelled at her. For a split second, he wished for her to yell back at him, answer his question with the biting commentary he'd grown so fond of, and yet she backed down, hung her head, and stayed silent.
All signs pointed to him once again having fallen for the wrong person, so to spare him yet another heartbreak, he held onto the hurt, turned it to anger, and let it come out in offhanded, targeted comments. Despite all of that, he couldn't deny why it hurt so much that she couldn't trust him, and he still made sure to keep an eye on her. If asked, he'd say that it was to ensure that she couldn't mess with the mission again, but no one asked, so that lie died before he could let it out.
Finding out about her family was the moment Wally finally let himself say that he loved her. He'd known for ages, but with everything that had happened, he kept finding excuses. No excuse for seeing that the girl you're in love with is a born and bred assassin and only falling farther. He was so proud of her, and now it all made sense.
Kissing her for the first time was like all the stars in the universe going supernova.
—
Losing her for the last time was like being sucked into a black hole. Time stretched out and everything around him was being pulled down with him.
He wanted to kill Kaldur. But first, he was going to murder his best friend. How could Dick do this to them?! He knew why they retired, hell, he almost went with them. And he has the gall to ask her to put on the suit one more time, and he couldn't even keep her safe.
What could go wrong?
Don't say that.
Wally stood outside Wayne manor, banging on the front door. He heard the locks click, and the deadbolt slid back, then the door opened just enough for him to speed inside without slamming the door back in Alfred's face. It wasn't his fault Dick was about to get his ass handed to him, and knowing Alfred, Wally's arrival had been expected and prepared for, if the way he had specifically stood out of the way of the door was anything to go by.
"Master Grayson is in the gym, Mister West, if you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen preparing dinner," a sped up recording played from a device in Alfred's hand, barely registering in the millisecond that Wally was close enough to hear it. He called back a thanks before heading straight for his target.
He had Dick thrown against the mats within seconds. To his annoyance, the younger man seemed unbothered to have just been slammed into by someone going just shy of mach 2. Yes, Wally had done so in a way as to not break his best friend before giving him a chance to say what happened, but he could've at least looked like it hurt a little.
"I take it you heard the news." Dick said calmly.
Fury began overtaking the restraint Wally had, "Heard the news? Heard the news?! How can you say that like Kaldur didn't just kill Artemis?" He yelled in his face.
Dick pushed Wally off of him, way too easily for Wally's liking, "Because, she's not dead. I just couldn't tell you about this beforehand because I knew what you'd say."
"You have one minute before I punch you in the face. Start talking."
Dick explained the plan that he and Kaldur had come up with months prior. Using Kaldur's family connection to Black Manta to infiltrate and take down the Light from within, and how Artemis played into all of it.
"...and when I asked her to come back, to be a part of the plan, I'm not proud, but I told her not to tell you. She didn't want to leave you in the dark, but she knew that it was safer if you couldn't try to talk her out of it or demand to tag along. I promised her I'd tell you as soon as she successfully made it into the ship."
Artemis is alive.
That thought kept ringing through his head, drowning out everything else. He could hear Dick talking again, but he wasn't listening.
Artemis is alive.
"Wally? You listening, dude?"
"Hmm?"
"I said, Artemis was the obvious choice, you know, because she already has experience faking her death," Dick lightly hit Wally's shoulder, attempting to lighten the mood.
Wally met his best friend's gaze, and he huffed out a laugh, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes, “You know, Dick, your parents pick names the same way you pick fights,” his smile dropped, his expression morphing into something devoid of emotion, “with no regard for the consequences.”
The minute hand on the clock moved in sync with Wally's fist.