Chapter Text
Nicholas D. Wolfwood tasted terrible. He was bitter with a sharp overtone of something sour, and it made Nai all but gag.
"Here! Since you want to act like a child so badly," Nicholas insisted, all but walking Nai back against the kitchen counter as he tried to pull away. He bent at a sharp angle, but Nicholas kept his thumb shoved in his mouth. "I'd offer you candy, but it's important for little kids to take care of their teeth."
Nicholas had been living out of Vash’s bedroom in the Saverem house the second he turned eighteen. His holy pastor of a father had a litany of reasons he had kicked him out, the primary amongst them being him needing to understand adulthood and the callousness of the world—but everyone knew it was really because Nicholas was queer. So Vash and his bleeding heart had offered up part of his bedroom and Nai had offered up his tolerance in favor of Vash's happiness that came about when he helped others. But despite their time together, no matter how much or how little, Nicholas always grated on Nai’s nerves and Nai on his, leaving them frayed and in small pieces.
Nicholas always left his dishes in the sink, he cooked with oil which made the house smell and left a residual film of it on the walls, he tracked his shoes all over the inside of the house, he smoked inside with the windows closed no less, he always smelled godawful between his job and his lackluster hygienic habits, he’d tried to bring stray animals and their filth home, he made noise after nine when Nai had early classes or needed to study, his horrible taste in music was always too loud, he tried to fix his bike in the yard which got oil all over the grass and the noise disturbed the neighbors, he’d sweat right through his shirts and then just leave them on instead of changing, he never made his bed, if he used the last of something he never replaced it or added it to the shopping list, he always left the toilet seat up, he got black nailpolish all over everything, he constantly forgot to not lean all over Nai’s piano, he threw food in the regular garbage instead of a different bag to keep it from smelling, he left his laundry in the dryer to wrinkle.
The list went on and on the longer Nai lived with him. He was agitating in every conceivable way and Nai had no idea how Vash could tolerate him, let alone be friends with him for years.
Nai bit the thumb he’d forced into his mouth with the intent of drawing blood.
Nicholas inhaled sharply, a hiss through gritted teeth, while a jarring, visible shudder went up his spine. Nai wasn't going to bite him hard enough to have his unsanitary blood in his mouth, but he wasn’t above leaving bruises before he all but drank hydrogen peroxide. It just made Nicholas shove his thumb—despite the awkward angle of his hand, despite Nai's teeth, and despite the humiliated burn on Nai’s face—further into his mouth.
"Aw, come on, it ain't that bad," he insisted with the faintest southern drawl, wide o’s and drawn out words while Nai wondered if it was possible to fracture a finger before the skin broke. He didn’t want to adjust the set of teeth marks he was leaving to see if a quicker snap would do the job better. "It's just a couple'a dishes, relax. A guy can't sit for a few minutes after a long ass day and get to 'em a little later?"
Nai released his devastating grip on the counter and shoved at Nicholas' face to try to force him far enough away to make a difference, to make an escape—Nicholas licked him. Nai immediately yanked his hands back, mortified, Nicholas barking laughter. Nai had never bitten anyone a day in his life or had anyone lick him. Even as an infant, his mother had told him he had such a hard time nursing. Even now, people barely got close between what they considered germaphobic tendencies and discrepancies with his peers, that enough of an annoyance to keep almost anyone at bay. But Nicholas was apparently now the horrifying exception.
"Aw, come on, like you mean it. I've dealt with children who put up more of a fight playing than you are right now."
Nai was only a little bigger than Vash. Between his extensive list of college classes, the classical music group he ran for the campus, his managerial day job, running errands, taking care of the house, and catering to Vash, he was consistently busy and lacking time to do more than occasionally use the gym on campus for a run. Nicholas had more time to workout, weight lifting and endurance when he wasn't at his restaurant job he'd had since he was sixteen, no college classes to eat away at his time. So it was a backhanded insult, Nicholas fully aware that unless Nai did something drastic, he didn't stand a chance.
"Christ above, the chompers on you are insane, this hurts like a bitch," Nicholas complained, almost casually, like Nai wasn’t so angry he could cry—but he’d be damned if he cried in front of Nicholas D. Wolfwood of all people. He’d rather walk around campus naked for an hour and be arrested for public indecency. "Ya know, Vash told me you used to suck your thumb until you were like fourteen."
Nai all but yelled while he bristled with shame at Vash’s betrayal to private childhood memories, a sawing grind to his teeth. "Ow! Listen, if you shut the hell up for five minutes, I’ll do the dishes all week. If you can make it ten, I will scrub the counters, the sink, and the bathtub and delime the shower head for funsies."
Nai’s body felt like every nerve and vein inside of it had knotted together, no proper signals being sent, cyclical messages of distress, pain, frustration, and exhaustion. He couldn’t think of kicking him in the groin or whipping open the cabinet and smashing his head with whatever he pulled out of it. He tried, panic whiting out any real suggestions, but Nicholas interpreted his silence as agreement.
"Theeeree we go," Nicholas soothed, the violent burn still on Nai's features that made faint Saverem freckles vanish in the heat. Rarely ever did Nai present himself as anything but collected or annoyed. He was perfection in motion, top of his class, an overly competent employee who got handed far more tasks than he should have really been doing. Everyone always thought he was unaffected—even Vash. But he was clearly and visibly bothered, Nicholas clearly soaking it all in.
"Are you just being a cranky shit today cuz you didn't sleep enough?" Nicolas asked, leaning closer, the smell of him reminding Nai of the taste in his mouth. He had term papers due soon and the other manager at his job just stopped showing up with no notice and he had just been informed the piano piece he needed to learn wasn't ready yet. Nai clenched his teeth—
"You gonna pay my medical bills? Real easy to compare bite marks to your damn chompers," Nicholas reminded. Nai eased up; Nicholas let him ease away from the counter a little.
It wasn’t as if Nicholas had set any sort of timer, so he had no idea how long he’d endured this so far. But it lapsed into silence, into Nai fully aware of the weight in his chest that made him want to cry. He’d been bullied as a kid, the same as Vash, but he’d grown distant while Vash had grown friendly.
Nicolas took it upon himself to fill the awkward silence with his talking. He talked about nothing important, nothing Nai would care about. Useless little restaurant drama, how many dishes he had to do during the weekend rush, how they were raising the price on everything just a bit for the year. Nothing that required him to engage with Nai.
Nai took the familiar annoyance he had with Nicholas to correct himself, to swallow down how overtired he was into his usual bored expression. He stood up right, a threat, wanting this weird game to be over. He was taller than Nicholas, both he and Vash were, but given they were both at least a foot taller compared to most of their peers, being only a little shorter was a decent feat for Nicholas. The pressure around his thumb increased, Nai's tongue pressed to the pad of it. His eyes were studying something that wasn't there, thinking far too hard.
What had prompted him to do this? To take up arms against Nai in a way that so clearly made him uncomfortable? He would normally just leave the house, go get drinks with friends or follow Vash out to do something. He would leave Nai in the few hours of conscious solitude he was actually in the house for and only return after he went to bed or at least had locked himself in his room for the night. He was only home for a few hours at a time, easy enough to avoid each other, no rest for the wicked and Nai was always in motion, a shark, where if he stopped he'd die. So now, exhaustion was finally catching up to him, vulnerable between Vash's friend and the kitchen counter. He hadn’t slept well this week. He kept waking up or being woken up or needing to stay awake. He was practically chewing on Nicholas’ thumb in annoyance while staring behind him at his piano, his ear piercings in view.
"…Alright, we can compromise at about seven minutes,” Nicholas offered “I'll go clean everything just like I said I would if you can stay quiet for another three without my fingers in your mouth." Nai bit at him—not hard, but enough to reiterate the teeth marks that were sure to leave bruises, eyes flicking back from his piano down at him.
Nicholas took his thumb back.
There was a vile amount of saliva around his bruised finger, Nai tensing up at the sight of it. He shoved him, motions in his body rubber band reflexive. He was aware of how heavy his footsteps were, closing his door quietly. Quiet. Silence. Go away.
"You're welcome!" Nicholas yelled after him while all of Nai’s frustrations caught up with him at once. Class, exhaustion, school, work, knowing he’d need to stay up late again tonight and go to work early tomorrow, that he couldn’t play his beloved piano, being teased and compared to a child. But he didn't have time to cry—he had to work on his term paper.
"Nicholas, how many times must I remind you to turn the lights off if you're—"
"Not in the room, yeah, yeah," he waved him off.
"Did you leave this sitting out? It could attract insects and as much as I enjoy them, I do not enjoy an infestation—"
"Nai I literally left it on the stove to cool and was going to wash it, but passed out on the couch," Nicholas grumbled. "Where you woke me up," he reminded, bitterly.
"Nicholas, close the door when you use the bathroom."
"Nicholas—"
"Oh God Almighty in his glorious kingdom of heaven, if you say my name one more time, so help me I am going to stick my fingers in your mouth again!"
Nai closed his mouth, jaw and all of those pristine teeth he brushed every night snapping closed, the phantom taste of Nicholas against the roof of his mouth.
Nicholas' eyes went wide, visible shock that he hadn’t continued to scold him for something regardless of the threat. Nai quickly retreated to his bedroom. This wasn’t worth it. He just wanted him to clean up after himself and was happy to avoid him. But this was his house, Vash not wanting his half in the will their mother left. So the least he could do was treat it well if he was being allowed to stay.
Nai wanted to slam his door. He always wanted to slam his door when he got this annoyed. He didn’t. He closed it quietly, frustrated.
"Nicholas—"
Wolfwood gave him a thumbs up.
Nai closed his mouth.
Nai adored playing piano. Really, truly he did. The repetition of movement, the black and white keys in rhythmic placement. He loved the sound, the pedals, the deep hums and high ringing. He adored it.
What he didn’t adore was the mistakes he made when playing. He hadn’t memorized this piece yet, hadn’t played it enough. He didn’t have time to memorize it, to sit with it properly and play it all the way through with ease yet.
He’d been too busy and they had given it to him late with the expectation of his usual perfectionism anyway; Nai started over.
It was alright to start over if he made a mistake. His mother had always said as much in her convoluted analogies.
He liked this piece, it wasn’t overly complicated, it just wasn’t familiar. It wasn’t a classic piece, more contemporary, but if he was going to play it in front of people, regardless of if they recognized it and his mistakes or not, it needed to be up to his standards, a play through with every note hit in time.
He didn’t miss, but the timing there was supposed to slow down a little.
He started over.
He was unhappy with it still, even though he was hitting all of the notes. Maybe if he changed something. Maybe if he completely reworked it. Maybe if he played it in a similar way to another piece instead. Maybe if he changed the scale, the pacing, anything. Maybe if he just stared from scratch again.
He started over.
"Nico!" Vash called from his shared bedroom as the door was ripped open and slammed into the bedroom wall. Nai ignored him, starting over again from the interruption—but the interruption turned into invasive behavior as Nicholas grabbed him, one hand to his jaw the other to his throat, and shoved his thumb in his mouth in the same instance, forcing Nai to look away from his sheet music and up to him. Nicholas' sleeves were rolled up, glimpses of his wrist tattoo visible.
"Chill. Relax. It's a song, it sounded fine. You’ve been doing this for three hours.”
Nai had nowhere to go, sat at the piano and back now against Nicholas, once again crowded by him. He was frustrated, violently red in the face, teeth immediately around the offended digit on his tongue that tasted of nail polish remover. He gagged.
Wolfwood pulled his thumb back, removed the hand from Nai’s throat. "Relaaaaaaaxx," Nicholas scolded, all vocal fry and equal amounts of annoyance. "Take a break, play a different song, something."
"Nico stop bullying Nai," Vash demanded. "You know how he gets when he's learning a new piece, come on." The piano sat facing the windows, away from the distractions of the living room—which meant Vash couldn’t see what Nicholas was doing.
"Gimme a minute," Nicholas requested, glancing over his shoulder to Vash.
"Nico—"
"Or five. What do you say Nai? Five minute break?" he asked, looking back down at him.
Nai didn't say anything. The teeth around his finger were still angry, but not nearly as much as the first time. His feelings were clearly far more overcrowded with embarrassment to be as angry as he wanted. If he tried to say anything, Vash would hear and come over no matter what either of them said and Nai couldn't allow Vash to see him like this.
"Yeaaah. There we go. Five minutes. So Vash, tell me about your day," Nicholas prompted.
"I…uh…" Footsteps.
"Over there. Tell me about your day from over there."
"Nico, seriously—"
"He's sitting. He's quiet. He's in agreement he needs a break. Just talk," Nicholas shrugged. Nai was far from being in agreement with this. If he caused too much of a scene, he could see so many ways this would sour or cause issues between him and Vash.
Why didn’t he tell him the first time Nicholas did that?; Why did he tell him in the first place he sucked his thumb as a kid?
Do you want him to leave the house?; Your friend has been nothing but a nuisance and you should be mindful of the company you keep.
What did Nico do earlier to get him so quiet? Did they get closer when he wasn’t looking?; No. Google, define assault.
He didn’t like that Vash was right here. Normally, there was no where else he’d rather have his brother be than by his side. But whatever his face had decided to do with his frustration and exhaustion, he didn’t want Vash to see, least of all Nicholas.
Vash meant the world to Nai because Vash and this house was all Nai had left.
It had been an accident. He had distracted their mom, she ran a red light, the truck took her, their big sister Tesla, and Vash's legs and his arm. Nai had gotten thrown from the car, his right shoulder, collarbone, and four fingers broken, shrapnel in his left eye that made his vision all but non existent, but everything was attached. Nai had been in the passenger seat. Tesla had been in the seat behind their mom, Vash in the seat behind his. They were eleven. Nai had made them crash.
Their father and his family died before then, a plane crash when they were six. They lost their aunt Luida her husband Brad, their caretakers until recently, to a carbon monoxide leak in their house right after they graduated. Another reason Vash had been more than happy for Nicholas’ company, a balm for his loneliness.
Crash, smash, crash. That's what it felt like Nai was on the verge of doing to his poor piano, repetition and ruining things. He couldn't ruin the piece he was learning the way he'd ruined everything else.
"…But that's really it. Has it been five minutes? Can you leave him alone now, Nico?"
Nico pulled his thumb out of Nai's mouth. "Sure." He wiped the spit against Nai's chest, Nai's jaw tense as his eye twitched. "Hope you enjoyed your break, Nai. It's important to take those, you know."
Nicholas went back into their room, Vash went to Nai—Nai got up and went to his room. He didn’t slam his door.
Today had been terrible at work. Monday was always awful, a weekly meeting between him and his superior that without fail he always put off until the last possible second and then always seemed to make Nai feel bad for. He'd ask for the usual details from him, talk over him, scold him for something Nai didn't even know was an issue until that moment, and tell him new things he had wanted Nai to yell at the other staff members for. It would always take an hour longer than it should have, Nai always annoyed that he had to come home later than usual, time eaten away he could have used for something else.
He locked the door behind him, pressing it twice against the wall, as if the lock had anywhere else to go. But he had to be sure. If it was unlocked, something could happen and it would be his fault.
"Hey, Nai!" Nicholas greeted, overly excited, overly familiar. Nai frowned at him, all of the annoyance from the day directed at him.
"Nicholas, I've had a very bad day already. Whatever you ruined or want to ask for will need to wait a moment." Boots off, set in their spot by the door. Socks off, shoved into his right boot and always his right boot if he needed to go back out later that day. Depending on how long his homework took him, he wanted to pick up some minor bathroom necessities.
"Oh it's not that. I actually got you a present, cranky pants," Nicholas purred happily at him. Nai glared with disdain and confusion.
"What co—"
Nicholas shoved something in his mouth, soft plastic—silicone? "Tada! And by the power vested in my father and the ridiculous amount of time I have spent basking in the company of God, I now pronounce you pacified! Get it?" he laughed, amused with himself as Nai realized he'd shoved a pacifier into his mouth.
Nicholas sighed. "Alright, my bad. Damn. I thought it was funny." He hooked his finger into the ring of it—Nai bit it, resistance.
He was always such a fussy baby compared to Vash. He was starving, but wouldn't latch or would spit bottles in favor of crying. When he did finally realize what they were good for, he had used them longer than he needed to and then promptly replaced them with his thumb. Childish desperation in an attempt to self soothe problems he brought on himself.
Nicholas stopped. Stared.
Nai was red.
He was frustrated.
Vash wasn't home.
Nicholas delicately removed his finger from it, awash with realization.
Nai looked away and swallowed, red to his ears, down his neck and into the front of his shirt. Chewing on it made it look like he was suckling.
"…You want that or a teething ring? I didn't buy a teething ring, but if you're just going to chew it, that might be better and less awkward to get your teeth into," Nicholas offered genuinely, the press of the plastic making that more of an ordeal to bite.
Nai didn't answer him. He just stood there, stiff as a board and angry. He got scolded, was now getting picked on in his own home, was behind on learning that piano piece but couldn't even work on it today and still had so many other things he had to do! He wanted to chew this mockery to pieces the way he couldn't with Nicholas' fingers!
"…You wanna sit? I can start this episode over. You see the first five, ten minutes if you want?" Nicholas nodded towards their television. More timers. He didn't have to play this game again.
Nai didn't move. Nicholas sat first, Nai wondering if the pacifier covered the angry trembling of his bottom lip. Nai was quiet micro expressions that were drowned out by micro aggressions, not at all like his overt brother. A nip here, a pick there, and over time no one but Vash wanted to look at him long enough to realize he was always making faces.
"Nai," Nicholas called, Nai's brow furrowing so deeply that even his sneer could be seen from behind the pacifier. Nicholas sighed. "I'm sorry. Okay? You wanna talk? See i—"
Nai shook his head. He was so exhausted from talking to customers, to his boss, to his coworkers. He certainly didn't want to talk to his roommate who had done nothing but harass him lately. No talking. Please for the love of his calloused God, shut up.
"…Okay. No talking. TV?"
Nai's eyes shifted to the other side of the room. He didn't have time for TV. He had to do his homework or go run an errand or just. Anything but entertain Nicholas' bullying.
Nicholas hesitantly reached over and picked up the remote, starting the first episode over. He studied Nai, then looked at the TV, but his focus was still on Nai.
He waited.
Nai's anger gave way to exhaustion, his jaw working at the pacifier. He was already aware his Mondays were the most wasted days of his week because of his boss. He planned around them being that way. He was already so far behind. He could just spend the extra money and doordash himself the things he needed. He wouldn't bother Vash with it. Vash had also mentioned wanting to watch this. Nai wouldn't have time to watch the whole series, but he could tell him what he thought of the first episode, give them something to talk about.
Nai sat as far away from Nicholas on the other end of the couch as he could, the cruel joke still in his mouth. Nicholas leaned against the other arm of the couch, giving Nai more space.
Five minutes.
Ten.
Nai had stopped violently chewing on the pacifier, too worn out to continue. He didn't care much for what was happening in the show so far, but he forced himself to pay attention. If he fell asleep like this, he was sure there would be no end to Nicholas' teasing—which already felt like it had gone too far. But perhaps this was better. Perhaps if he acted like this didn't bother him, all of the joy would be removed from harassing him. Then he wouldn't have to deal with the teasing silicone in his mouth or the cloyingly spongy feeling in the back of his head. Maybe then he could just go back to being Mr. Million-Tasks-And-Just-As-Many-Scathing-Words-That-Cut-Like-Knives.