Chapter Text
“...and I’m telling you…” Senior Special Agent Jesse Boone took a deliberately calming breath, already annoyed with how he’d allowed this new FBI Agent to get under his skin. “...Special Agent Bambridge, the intel suggests if we went with your plan half of us and the evidence we need would be blown up in seconds.”
Kai, catching the eye of Jesse, correctly interpreted his subtle head tilt as a prompt to try and find out how Lucy was doing, so he quietly peeled away from the ring of startled and surprised Agents to where Lucy was pacing, tapping her phone against her palm.
“Lucy? Did you…”
“Get hold of Whistler? She’s…” Lucy looked at her phone screen, which had a timer counting down on it, her nervous energy making her doubt her watch was working. “...less than two minutes out.”
“Yeah?” Kai moved a couple of steps until he was in Jesse’s eyeline, giving him a rapid hand signal that Whistler was almost here. “That’s great, but…” He drifted back to Lucy, “...I mean, she’s Whistler and awesome, but…” He looked down at his fellow NCIS agent, seeing her nervousness, nervousness he thought mirrored his own in her eyes. FBI Senior Special Agent Jackson Bambridge the third had only been on the island a month and he’d already managed to piss off pretty much everyone he’d come into contact with, with his bullish, aggressive attitude only getting worse since ASAC Curtis went to the mainland a two days ago.
“Yeah…” agreed Lucy, looking back at the increasingly tense stand-off, wondering why today of all days had to be the day they caught this case. With Curtis off the island, and Tennant literally this moment stood in the witness box giving evidence, Kate had been their only option for regaining control of this rapidly escalating situation. “...this is...” At that precise moment she didn’t really know how to describe the mixture of emotions she was feeling, caught between worry for Jesse, anger at Bambridge’s unwarranted arrogance, anxiety for her girlfriend at having to wade into the middle of this and the fluttering of anticipation low in her gut that this was going to be the moment everything changed.
“Big?” suggested Kai, taking in the massive gathering of law enforcement vehicles and people gathered around the parking lot, testament to how huge this rather small, run-of-the-mill traffic stop check by HPD had quickly snowballed into. And that was before you checked in with CGIS and what they were currently getting into position for around the other side of the island. “Even for Tennant this is…”
“So big,” agreed Lucy, spotting an HPD cruiser arriving at speed, the squeal of brakes and tyres confirming Whistler was, quite literally, ‘coming in hot’.
“Luce?” Kai had finally twigged that maybe Lucy’s nerviness was fuelled by anticipation rather than anxiety, causing him to grin and relax - he didn’t know what he’d missed, but clearly Jesse and Lucy both knew what it was that Whistler was really bringing to this powder keg of a situation. He just hoped that Ernie had Wilbur and or Orville recording this.
“Hmm?”
“Try not to drool.”
Kai laughed as she blindly threw a punch in his direction, dodging just enough that her knuckles brushed against his sleeve but didn’t make proper contact.
“Bambridge!” Whistler’s voice was clear and even, audible to every agent and officer gathered in the parking lot despite her seemingly only using her normal speaking voice as soon as the cruiser door was opened for her, barely waiting until her sneaker-clad foot was on the ground.
“Her name’s Whistler,” said Jesse calmly, turning slightly to make eye-contact with Kate as she, now out of the cruiser, strode across the parking lot, her sneakers and half zipped up FBI windbreaker a different look to the heels and sharp tailoring that he was more accustomed to associating with that particular walk. “Not what you said,” he added mildly, not prepared to repeat the unpleasant language the FBI agent had just used, trusting too that Whistler would be able to fill in the blanks.
“It’s Senior Special Agent Bambridge,” said the furious and frustrated FBI agent, glaring at Jesse and then looking disdainfully towards Whistler, taking in her gym clothes with a rather disgusting leer. “And this doesn’t concern you, Whistler . Go back to your yoga class…”
“That, Agent Bambridge,” said Kate calmly, “makes three things you’ve got wrong.” She looked past him to Jesse. “Senior Special Agent Boone, are you ready to proceed?”
Kai was puzzled - while Whistler ‘coming in hot’ was familiar (and a damn sight more impressive when you weren’t her target), her use of Jesse’s full title was…very un-Hawaii of her.
“Yes Ma’am.”
“Ma’am?” Bambridge looked incredulously between Whistler and the dumb Navy Cop who’d refused to step aside - . “I’m the FBI Senior Special Agent, you’re…” His sneer as he took in Jesse’s NCIS logo-ed jacket, cap and bullet-proof vest didn’t surprise or trouble Jesse - he was used to newly transferred FBI agents thinking they’d treat NCIS like amateurs and certainly, in some places, NCIS was very much the junior cousin and underdog of the various Federal Agencies, but here, in Pearl? The FBI played on a level playing-field they shared with CGIS and NCIS.
“The NCIS Senior Special Agent,” agreed Jesse amiably, seeing Whistler sigh and reach for her credentials, preparing to shove it in Bambridge’s face if necessary though she’d hoped her mere presence would see him wind his head in - Curtis had been impressively concise about who was taking the critical decisions in his absence, and as Ernie would say, it started with a ‘W’ and ended with a ‘ler’. “Thing is though, SSA is senior to both of us.”
“SSA?” Bambridge looked around, trying to see who this Navy Cop was talking about. “ASAC’s on the mainland, your SAC’s in court.” And that, thought Jesse, confirmed that Bambridge trying to take over this joint case this morning, just before the raid, wasn’t a coincidence given it was clearly career making, in the worst possible way if they went with Bambridge’s plan.
“Supervisory Special Agent Whistler’s right behind you,” pointed out Jesse helpfully, rather enjoying the complete loss of colour from the obnoxious agent’s face as he looked, properly looked, at Kate’s credentials which she was holding out, using her slight height advantage to good effect.
“Ah, it’s technically ASAC now Jesse,” said Kate apologetically, realising he’d not caught up with the latest restructuring of the FBI’s Hawaii region, smiling at his wink and mouthed ‘congratulations’ when Bambridge wasn’t looking at him.
“She’s the ASAC?” Kai turned to Lucy, wondering if she was as surprised as he was to hear this. “That’s…but…wait, you knew?”
“ One of the ASACs,” corrected Lucy quietly, watching her girlfriend with barely concealed adoration as she sent Bambridge to lick his bruised ego in the comms centre under the close supervision of at least half a dozen other federal agents including Pike from CGIS. Kate was very content working for ASAC Curtis, viewing her own ASAC grading as a piece of federal government red tape and recognition of her years at DOD, rather than being remotely indicative of her FBI career progress. “And of course I knew,” said Lucy, catching Kate’s eye and giving her a wink, it being the marginally more professional alternative to blowing a kiss. “It’s Whistler.”
Flashback to the morning after the party at Tennant's...
“Oh.” Stepping out onto the balcony, Kate froze.
“What?” Feeling Kate’s eyes on her, Lucy turned to look at the blonde, catching her hair with her hand as the breeze tried to mess with it. “I’m wearing panties…” she added, wondering if her standing on the balcony wearing Kate’s black silk shirt and nothing much else was the issue. She’d found it draped over the chair in the bedroom when her question had not only seen Kate get out of bed, but also seemed to signal that she’d exhausted Kate’s capacity for staying in bed now they were awake. Ignoring most of her own clothes, she’d gravitated to the shirt, clearly discarded there by Kate when she’d changed for Tennant’s party.
“Good to know,” husked Kate, her mouth drying out at the helpful additional information, the black silk shimmering and shifting in the warm breeze, at times moulded to Lucy’s incredible body, only to then billow, obscuring and teasing her. Legs feeling rubbery, Kate sank into the cream rattan armchair, immediately regretting she hadn’t gone for the two-seater couch option, presuming Lucy would be sitting on the other chair. “Oh!” She’d not expected a lapful of Texan, but it only took a split second for her arms to move from resting at her sides to wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist, drawing her close and holding her steady as Lucy worked out how to curl up on Kate’s lap, back supported by the chair’s armrest. “Here.” She held out her FBI credentials for Lucy to take, only to snatch it away at the last moment, earning her a pout from her girlfriend who leaned away from her, seemingly withholding snuggles. “No sticky fingers.”
“Hey!” Lucy bit her bottom lip playfully, putting her index finger on her girlfriend’s lips, intending to encourage her to be quiet. “My fingers aren’t sticky.” She watched, her eyes darkening as her girlfriend’s lips parted, tongue coaxing the fingertip meant to shush into Kate’s mouth, the blonde’s smirk growing as she swirled her tongue over the tip and lightly grazed the pad with her teeth before releasing it.
“Carry on,” said Kate, her eyes sparkling with amusement despite her cool, ‘Officer Whistler’ voice, the dichotomy between the two making Lucy giggle as she took the badge and once more settled into her girlfriend’s long body. “It’s just a badge Luce…” A badge that currently had Kate’s heart hammering in her chest with nerves, but she’d been determined to keep her promise to Lucy to do things right this time.
“Nu-uh, it’s your badge,” corrected Lucy, examining the FBI gold badge carefully, taking in the similarities with her own - similar weight and size, the almost familiar feeling ridges and edges of the badge’s details - and attempting to memorise the differences, starting with the eagles on the top. “Did you have one at DIA? Wait, don’t answer that if you can’t…” Lucy started to try to turn around, worried she’d already crossed a line and created problems for Kate.
“It’s fine.” Kate gently drew Lucy back into her body, reinforcing her encouragement with a kiss. “And ask me whatever you want to,” she prompted, feeling Lucy’s body still, telling her she wasn’t far off with her guess.
As nervously keen as Kate might be to try to deliver a neatly packaged, rehearsed concise explanation of the major points of her career and how she’d come to have that particular set of FBI credentials, she picked up on Lucy’s own nervous anxiety about learning through such a scripted, composed response. Letting Lucy take control with her questions, picking up the threads that caught her interest and pulling on them? Yes, it could be viewed as a form of test that Kate knew she had to pass as part of the process of fully regaining Lucy’s trust. But Kate saw it was an opportunity to practise sharing details and stories, opening up her compartments and lowering her walls as best she could.
“I will only not answer on grounds of national security.” Others might have added that qualification as a joke, whereas Lucy knew Kate was being literal.
“And to answer your question, yes, I had a badge that I wore everyday before, right when I first started with DOD.” Kate’s simple answer stilled Lucy for a brief second, but before she could resume her ‘don’t tell me anything you shouldn’t’ request, Kate continued. “For about a year when I was in D.C.” She moved her hand from Lucy’s waist to the back pocket of her shorts, extracting a similar looking slim leather case. “This one actually.”
She fumbled a little as she opened it, the leather stiff and dry from age and lack of use. She’d found it early that morning, detouring via the box in the bottom drawer of her home desk to find it on her way back to bed after a necessary bathroom visit. She’d then moved it from its temporary home in her bedside table to her shorts a few minutes earlier.
“I’ve never seen a badge like that.” Lucy looked at the badge first, ignoring the credentials card, its blue on silver looking very strange compared to the gold NCIS and FBI badges she saw daily. “Defence Investigative Service? Do they still exist? Sorry…” She winced, pressing a kiss of apology to Kate’s neck.
She knew Kate was a few years older than her, her move to Hawaii coming after she’d already worked for a few years in D.C. whereas for Lucy, Hawaii was her opportunity to grow and develop from a fresh out of FLETC Junior Special Agent. Most of the time the age difference wasn’t something either of them gave a moment’s thought to, but then there’d be something, like a film’s original release date or a news event that served as a watershed, putting Kate firmly on one, ‘old enough to remember’ side and Lucy the other, ‘too young’ side.
“Nothing to be sorry about, they don’t exist now, not like that. You know them as DCSA.” 'Defense Counterintelligence and Security Agency' and Kate was still struggling to remember there wasn't an 'and' between Defense and Counterintelligence.
“But you’ve still got your old badge? Not a DCSA one?”
“Believe it or not, I forgot to request it when it changed…” Kate laughed at the look of shocked disbelief on Lucy’s face that gave way to her girlfriend laughing with her.
“Kate Whistler not getting her paperwork filed?” teased Lucy, unable to resist kissing the pulse point on Kate’s neck.
“Hard to believe, I know…” She helped steer Lucy into a more stable position in her lap again, already feeling lighter at how Lucy was taking this in her energetic stride. “It was all happening about the same time the DIA sent me to Hawaii for a week of meetings…”
“Oh. Then.” Lucy’s ears went a little pink as she remembered what else had happened that week Kate first came to the islands. “Wait, you were here as DIA then?”
“Yes.” Kate frowned, wondering why that was even a question that needed asking. “Oh, right. And I was trying,.." she kissed Lucy's forehead lightly, wordlessly pointing out she'd be more successful if Lucy stopped distracting her with the kisses and lazy touches, not actually wanting Lucy to stop, "...to explain what a DIA Intelligence Officer doing with a DSS Special Agent’s Credentials?”
“Baby Kate is cute.” Lucy, now comfortably curled up in Kate’s arms, was happy listening to the story in whatever order Kate wanted to share it while she studied the DSS credentials and badge, which included a not-great picture of a very much younger looking Kate. “Is that why you didn’t request the new badge? Because you were at DIA?”
“Mmm, almost immediately after I’d started at DSS, I was loaned to the FBI for a joint taskforce.”
“What was your first arrest like?”
“A disaster, couldn’t get the cuffs on and ended up thrown through a coffee table.”
“But that’s…” Lucy couldn’t finish that statement, not knowing how to continue. Andrea Medina had been Kate’s first attempt at an arrest as a Special Agent? But that was…recent enough that she’d been half expecting to still see bruises and healing cuts as she kissed her way down Kate’s spine last night.
“Back then it wasn’t that sort of task force assignment,” explained Kate, her voice gentle as she started to stroke aimless patterns across Lucy’s bare shins. “More like what I do with Ernie at the office than what you guys do out in the field.”
She’d been loaned to the FBI by DSS as a liaison on a particularly messy case of corporate espionage with a side of national security complications, something she’d been explicitly headhunted for by her FBI mentor not long after she’d completed her initial training and was starting to earn her reputation at DOD, nevermind within her own particular Agency. It was also the first time in her career she became aware of there being some sort of ‘master-plan’ being sketched out for her by nameless ‘superiors’.
“But as that ended, I was assigned to a DIA project.”
“Yeah?” Lucy heard the clear ‘and that’s not something I can explain for reasons of national security’ and for once wasn’t in the least bit interested in pushing for more details. “I guess I’ve always assumed you’ve only ever worked here and D.C…” Picking up on the total lack of tension in her girlfriend’s body, seeing there was a way to learn about Kate’s time at the DIA while also respecting security clearances. “Did you ever work anywhere else?” She tilted her head back, grinning as she tried to picture Kate in a ten gallon hat. “This is where I learn you worked in Texas and have cowboy boots and a Stetson isn’t it?”
“Would you be turned on if I said yes?”
“In that voice? You could read me the washing instructions for this shirt…”
“It’s dry clean only.” Kate’s brain caught up with itself. “Oh.” She felt the flush of embarrassment, started to mentally prepare for the mocking, but this was Lucy, this was…nothing like any moment she’d ever experienced before, as rather than mock or tease, Lucy just snuggled more deeply into her body, a little sigh that sounded contented escaping when instinctively Kate reached around Lucy’s back and caught hold of her fingers, starting to stroke her index finger with her thumb.
“So, did you ever work in Texas?”
“Mmm…” Kate kissed the outer shell of Lucy’s ear while she worked out how to explain what she could, anticipating her girlfriend’s next question. “No, never even been to Texas and have never worn cowboy boots or a Stetson. As for work I have only been assigned to jobs in D.C. and here, but some of my D.C. work saw me spend some time overseas.”
There were some photographs, somewhere, of her time in Afghanistan and from her one trip to Iraq, though you had to know it was her in the pictures. To the people in the pictures, she was the obviously codenamed ‘Officer S----’, an anonymous and unrecognisable figure, stood in the back rows of informal Unit photographs, face completely hidden behind the brown litham scarf she invariably covered her head with every time she went outside, so fierce and sudden were the sandstorms. With her distinctive blonde hair hidden, and body shape distorted by the bulk of body armour, helmet and goggles, the only remaining identification marker detectable from the photograph would then be her height, but by staying in the back row, it was possible for her to disrupt even that.
“...though you can’t tell from my passport.”
Or any of the documentation about her that any of the NCIS team, including Tennant, would be able to access. To this day, most of the people she worked with overseas probably still thought she was CIA even though she’d been there as DIA, and although she never deliberately intended to have people think that, it was a useful misdirect the DIA was always happy to allow, further protecting their various intelligence missions.
“And apart from that first FBI task force when I wore that badge everyday, the rest of the time I just used my DOD ID, and then, I got that FBI one.” She chuckled, remembering her flustered first couple of days in the FBI office here.
“What?” asked Lucy, picking up on the amusement and looking at her girlfriend as she opened up the credentials, finding the pinking cheeks far more interesting than a photo ID. “Did you not look like your photo or something?” She thought back to ‘baby Kate’ on the DSS credentials, opening them up and putting them in her lap alongside the FBI one. “Were your FBI ones made up using ‘baby Kate’?”
“That picture is staying between us…” warned Kate, sounding serious, remembering she didn’t have to be self-controlled, not here, not now, leaning in and kissing Lucy, smiling as her girlfriend responded, extending the kiss and further delaying her explanation. “First day Tennant called me over as FBI, I got to the Base entrance and I had to immediately drive back here.”
“You’d forgotten your gun?” Lucy was still trying to wrap her head around the fact her girlfriend had a gun, well, that and Kate was her girlfriend, but back to the gun…which based on how she’d surreptitiously watched Kate with said gun holstered on her hip, it made sense now, why she’d looked so comfortable with it - it might have been a few years since she’d worn it on a daily basis, and wearing wasn’t the same as drawing and firing, but this clearly wasn’t new for her.
“No, I remembered that, and the badge, but I’d forgotten my base ID.” It was ridiculous really, considering that for the majority of her career, and entire time based at Pearl up to that point, she’d only had a base ID. In fact, her current ID was almost identical in both appearance and access to her previous one, except where once it said Department of Defense, it now said FBI. They’d even reused her DIA photograph.
“Did you have to do the reverse of shame?” asked Lucy, referring to the awkward reversing manoeuvre you had to do if you got up to the security barrier and then discovered you were missing the relevant identification.
“No, I was four cars back when I realised.”
“U-turn zone,” confirmed Lucy, nodding her head in understanding - she was familiar with the reverse of shame, and the u-turn zone, having forgotten her base ID on a few occasions, though the ‘scrappy NCIS agent’ reputation probably made it easier to cope with than Kate’s ‘Officer Whistler’ legacy. “Nice save.”
“Mmm.” Kate’s eyes were focused on the badge that Lucy was holding, waiting for the moment when she moved on from studying the badge itself to reading the credentials.
“You know…” said Lucy conversationally, turning the leather wallet around so the credentials were the right way up for reading when she eventually looked at them, but currently more interested in studying her girlfriend. “...I don’t think I’ve ever seen real FBI credentials before.”
“Huh?” That observation threw Kate for a loop. “You’ve seen mine before and…” Didn’t FLETC have a session on all the federal law enforcement branches that included handouts that had details of all the credentials and identification documents? It had been a while but she was certain she’d spent at least one evening learning all the tiny details like photograph placement (FBI bottom left, NCIS bottom right) and so forth.
“I mean get to open and look at myself, like this,” clarified Lucy, running her fingers over the open credentials again but remaining focused on her girlfriend (that would never get old, would it? She put aside that train of thought for another time, not prepared to let her brain hurtle ahead to what other words could describe Kate), pressing a kiss to the underside of a surprisingly tense jaw. “When I first got mine, I spent ages just looking at them like I couldn’t believe it was real you know?” She was holding Kate’s open credentials in her lap now, but still far more interested in looking up at her girlfriend, finding herself lost in thought about her own journey to this point. “It’s one of those moments when I missed my brothers…” she added quietly, feeling bad as she always did for bringing up her strained family relationships given the brutal way Kate lost Noah.
“Would you have arrested them?” asked Kate gently, smiling at the mental image of her ‘scrappy NCIS agent’ girlfriend tackling the three six-foot plus twenty-somethings she’d seen in the couple of photographs Lucy had shown her one night, months ago.
“No, but I definitely would have burst into the den during a football game and shouted ‘Federal Agent’. And confiscated Brad’s weed stash, obviously.” Actually, maybe that was a reason to go visit her family sometime, as by all accounts from her very occasional foray onto social media, he was still partial to a smoke, and not the illicit Cubans her father had favoured.
“Obviously,” agreed Kate dryly, then chuckling. “Noah would have loved that…not the weed stash, I mean, I don’t think he ever smoked anything, but the ‘Federal Agent’ bit during the football game…” Kate had never actually thought about how her brother might have reacted to such a prank by her, her own thoughts never really getting past the idea of him watching her graduate from college and grad school. “He’d have loved you.”
“And I love him through your memories of him.” Lucy slipped her hand behind Kate’s neck, coaxing her to lean forwards just enough to initiate and savour a slow, tender kiss, both failing to notice Kate’s FBI credentials falling to the floor. “I’m guessing you couldn’t tell him about your work at DIA?” Kate was still a little dazed from the kiss, and her brain needed a little more help following Lucy’s thought processes than it usually did. “Like how Tennant worked at the ‘State Department’ before NCIS?”
“Oh. Umm. Right.” Kate now understood the question but still looked confused, finding Lucy’s astuteness about what she might or might not be allowed to share with family about her work unexpected given how things were between them when they were together while Kate worked at the DIA. “Yeah, no...” Kate frowned, not liking the ambiguity in her answer. “I mean..” What did she mean?
“You don’t have to answer that, I’m so…” Lucy’s frantic apology was cut off by warm lips pressed against hers.
“Never apologise for asking me about Noah. I just haven’t thought about that before.” Kate kissed confused lips again, partly while she sorted through her thoughts, but mostly because she could, and wanted to. “At the time I was starting there, DIA I mean, all I could think about was how I wasn’t allowed to tell anyone, how it was important I stuck to the ‘work for DOD’ version, though it’s not like I had anyone really to tell, so that wasn’t difficult…” She swallowed, not allowing herself to dwell on what the last ten years or so might have been like if her brother had lived. “...by now he’d probably have been able to know I’ve been at the DIA if he’d stayed in the Marines, but based on what he would have had clearance for when I started out?”
She tried to remember the security classification of that first FBI task force. Would he have even known she was working with the FBI then? She’d have to look it up in the FBI database to be certain, not that it mattered now, but…she blinked away tears at the sudden suckerpunch low in her gut when she realised that even then, right at the start of her career, she’d have been already cast into the shadows of cover stories and half truths that would have seen even Noah kept at a distance.
“Theoretically, he would have known when I completed the DSS Special Agent training, probably just known whatever the DOD explanation for the FBI task force was, then the DOD cover for when I was at DIA. But as it happened, the only people who knew I was at the DIA when I was at the DIA were people I met through work.” It was all a bit academic though, as if Noah hadn’t been killed she’d have probably ended up applying to work at the UN or FEMA…whatever was the total opposite to defence and intelligence.
“So not even your parents knew?” Lucy was familiar with parental disinterest - her own had barely grasped that being a federal agent was different to being a cop, but this deliberate requirement imposed on you by others to not tell your parents who you worked for? That was something she’d known existed, but not actually connected with being a real part of Kate’s life.
“Mom’s ‘that’s nice dear, make sure you have time to eat proper dinners or you’ll forget how to cook’ didn’t really open the door for much follow-up nevermind wondering what I actually did for DOD, and Dad…” Kate swallowed, recalling how distant her father had become following Noah’s death, her fingers automatically smoothing Lucy’s hair behind her ear. “...he had always been more engaged and focused on Noah than me, like he didn’t really know what to do with a daughter, nevermind a younger daughter.” A sudden parallel occurred to her. “Total opposite of Jesse and Gracie. Think he’d have had a heart attack if I even suggested father-daughter time, nevermind waiting to hear it could have been a sailing course.”
“So no parental cross-examination about what you did for DOD over Thanksgiving turkey, got it.”
“Back then Dad’d probably remember I worked ‘in government’ and perhaps add that it wasn’t ‘something political thank goodness’ but beyond that?” Kate shrugged, any emotions she still felt about how closed off and distant her parents had become were compartmentalised behind many, many layers of self-preservation. “Mom still gives me a call on Christmas and Thanksgiving. She tells me about the neighbours and some cousins sometimes.” Usually if there’s been any marriages or divorces, plus the occasional birth, but only very occasionally, as if it had been only Noah who might have been able to provide grandchildren.
“Not birthday?” Lucy was trying to remember if she knew when Noah’s birthday was, wondering if there was an unfortunate collision of dates that meant Kate’s was now forever overlooked to avoid a painful reminder of the son lost by parents who clearly put their son’s everything ahead of anything to do with their daughter. “And no cards?”
“Not since I went to college. And before then, all my memories start with Noah singing happy birthday while we ate our cereal for breakfast, or meeting me after school with a cupcake.”
The more Kate elaborated on quite how isolated she was from her parents, the more determined Lucy became to make sure that going forwards, every work move, every surfing achievement, every birthday and anniversary would see her shower Kate with love and appreciation. Her determination, when she was their DIA liaison, that she could cope with whatever the world threw at her on her own, behind a stoic facade that projected how ‘in control’ she was? It was starting to make a lot more sense and leave Lucy with a lingering resentment towards Kate’s parents for making their amazing, incredible daughter think that was how she had to be.
“I did email them my address when I moved here, but I don’t think they’ve ever used it. I haven’t spoken to Dad since…” Kate mentally counted back through the years. “...since I last went home, which was just after I got back from my first visit here.” It was when she’d learned about her father’s Alzheimer's diagnosis that they’d decided ‘not to bother her with’ three years earlier, learned too that he was already experiencing memory loss before the mild stroke that had seen her rush home.
“Not even on the phone?”
“Mom rings me when he’s out…says he’s chopping wood or clearing snow usually.” Kate picked up the increasing tension in her girlfriend, and rushed to defend her parents, childhood instincts tough to forget. “Dad didn’t really do phone call chats even before he was diagnosed…and now…” She buried her face in Lucy’s hair, inhaling the distinct scent of her own shampoo that Lucy had used that morning, smiling at the warm bubble of joy that spread through her at the memory of waking up with Lucy here, with her, curled up in her arms and mumbling ‘I love you but not before 9am’ when she’d felt Kate starting to wake up. “...I wrote to them about my assignment to FBI when I sent them a card for their Wedding Anniversary.”
“When was that?” Lucy thought it a bit strange that, if the wedding anniversary was something to commemorate at all, it was only done with a card and not a call, but she was not going to judge as clearly, Kate’s relationship with her parents was as strained and complicated as Lucy’s was with her own family, if not more so. At least she didn’t have a father whose memories now extended to remembering he had a son but not that he’d died more than a decade ago, whose only reaction when Kate had last seen him in person was to constantly look past her wondering where Noah was because ‘you’re your brother’s shadow’.
“Late April. Noah was a honeymoon baby, so…” Kate searched for the word to describe what that anniversary meant for her parents as Lucy wrapped her arms around her, feeling the need to hug as well as snuggle her girlfriend, a hug Kate was immediately returning as she continued. “...bittersweet I guess? But as difficult as it is to remind them of it because of the connection with Noah, it feels rude to ignore it so…I started sending a card when I was in grad school, like I do for their birthdays.”
Lucy blinked away tears as she listened to Kate’s matter-of-fact explanation of more of the detail of her relationship with her parents, feeling her heart break for the hurt she’d stoically endured even before this latest blow with her father’s condition. She had already understood that not only had Kate lost her best friend and brother when Noah died, but she now saw that she’d also effectively lost any relationship she’d had with her parents years before her father’s health made any sort of attempt at reconciliation impossible.
“Hey…” Kate squeezed Lucy tight when she felt the wetness on her shirt, letting her know that what was for her a matter-of-fact recounting of history was something her girlfriend found upsetting. “...I got two more congratulations on my transfer to FBI than I did when I transferred to Hawaii.”
“Yeah?” Lucy picked up on the levity in Kate’s voice and tried to smile and share in her girlfriend’s amusement.
“You and Tennant.”
“Well obviously.…wait, didn’t the boys say anything?”
“Not really, and there’s no need to go tell them off either.”
“Fine.” Lucy huffed in mock exasperation, knowing it was probably a little too late to pick them up on their lack of manners. “Wait, how many people said congratulations when you transferred here?”
“Umm…” Kate’s hesitancy saw Lucy shuffle again, wanting to see her eyes as soon as she realised which compartment she’d just opened. “...given most people didn’t know what I did in D.C., nor were cleared to know what I’d be doing here…do superficial remarks about the weather and lei count as congratulations?” For most of the people she worked with, the idea that there were jobs worth doing outside the Beltway was about as probable as them spying for Canada - D.C. people were D.C. people, locked into their own ‘fast track to the top’ tunnel vision plan that definitely didn’t include the West Coast of the mainland, nevermind Hawaii.
“Would I have known?” asked Lucy, the real question ‘did Cara know?’ hanging in the air between them. “I mean, if we had not worked together?”
She’d done a lot of thinking since they’d broken up, fuelling and fuelled by late night internet browsing sessions, trying to understand a little more about the life on the edge of the shadows that Kate’s DIA career had forced her to live amongst. The whole situation with Maggie Shaw had helped Lucy to see that intelligence officers survived through their ability to compartmentalise and separate. She’d started to see that, while DIA wasn’t CIA, the world Kate worked in was coloured with very different shades of grey to Lucy’s world of NCIS, despite their overlapping workloads. It hadn’t made forgetting about how badly Kate hurt her any easier, but it had helped her find forgiveness.
“You are the only person I’ve kissed who knew I was assigned to DIA rather than just at DOD.” Kate’s answer was firm and prompt, not wanting Lucy to have any lingering doubts about her significance to Kate, even then. “And even if I hadn’t been working directly with you, your security clearance means I could have ultimately told you I was at DIA.”
“Wait, I congratulated you didn’t I? I mean, I know you’d already arrived and all but…” Lucy’s brain had stalled at the news that whatever Cara had been to Kate, it wasn’t enough to know the limited truth about what the blonde did for a paycheck. Unsure what to do with this information, an inner automatic pilot that sounded suspiciously like her grandmother kicked in, with a worry that her southern manners had failed her when she’d first met Kate after her transfer.
It took Kate a second to pivot from being prepared to lay bare everything that was the monumental mistake that was Cara to remembering that particular conversation Lucy was clearly thinking of. It was the first time she’d found Lucy by her car at the Base, waiting for her, their conversation stiff and stilted, first week nerves combining with the transition from whirlwind romance to colleagues as she and Lucy both tried to let logic lead their hearts and agree that they’d have a ‘strictly business’ relationship.
“You did, said it had to be a double bonus for getting a promotion and better weather all in one go.” Kate laughed at the cringe on her girlfriend’s face. “I think I asked how you’d known it was a promotion, then said it was just a shame it had been the wrong season to go suit shopping otherwise…”
“...otherwise it would have been perfect. I remember.” Tracking her fingertip over a delicate cheekbone now healed from Andrea Medina’s bruising and along a strong jaw no longer clenched, Lucy shared a secret from that night that she couldn’t stand to keep any longer. “You looked pretty perfect standing there and I wanted to kiss you so badly…”
“Me too.”
“Did I imagine it, or was your lip cut?”