Chapter Text
Buzz.
Adrien sighed, squeezing his eyes tighter and sinking further into his mattress. He hadn’t been asleep, not technically, not for a while, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that he was being rudely awoken.
…
…
Buzz.
He hoped it was spam. He hoped he didn’t have to respond. He didn’t know if he could bring himself to talk to anyone right now. He hoped it wasn’t Nino or Marinette. He could probably get away with ghosting just about anybody else.
He didn’t know what to say to them. He never seemed to, anymore.
…
…
Buzz.
What would his excuse be this time? He couldn’t use the ‘nap’ line on Nino again, he’d start to get suspicious. He didn’t remember the last time he’d used it on Marinette, though. It’d probably work on her.
Was it even a lie? Did it still count as a nap if he didn’t actually sleep? Did it count if he stayed there all day?
He didn’t know why either of them were still bothering with texting him. Weren’t they busy? Didn’t they have other things to do? Weren’t they sick of constantly forcing themselves to reach out to him, of pretending like they weren’t better off without him? There was nothing he could provide for them that they couldn’t find elsewhere. There was nothing he offered anymore.
…
…
Buzz.
He swirled his dry tongue around his mouth, blinking his eyes blearily into the dark room. Sunlight poked out from the edges of his closed curtains, burning his retinas and just begging him to recline further into his sheets to shield his face.
He forced his hand out, patting uselessly at his nightstand until his fingers met with his phone. He squinted at the screen as it lit up.
Four new texts. Nino.
Adrien eyed the notifications on his home screen, skimming the contents vaguely to ensure that it wasn’t anything that required any immediate attention. It didn’t seem to be an emergency. He didn’t seem to have been found out.
He didn’t know what he’d do if he had been; if they knew what a mess he’d become, if they knew how quickly and uselessly he’d fallen, if they knew there wasn’t even any reason for it. He didn’t know what they’d do about it, either. He almost hoped they’d hate him— how easy would that be? If they hated him, maybe it wouldn’t hurt them so much to see how pathetic he’d become. Maybe they could move on with their lives and finally leave him behind like they’d always wanted but were too afraid to admit. Maybe then he wouldn’t be holding them back anymore. Maybe then he could—
Ring, ring, ring…
Couldn’t they leave him alone?
Adrien groaned, dropping the phone back onto the surface and pulling the sheets back over his eyes without even looking at the caller ID. He assumed it was Nino, and he hoped it was a simple voice call (he did not want to be seen right now), but he supposed it didn’t actually matter; it wasn’t like he was going to answer it. He didn’t want to have to put on a kind, normal voice for anyone, not now, not today, not when he didn’t feel kind, and not when his new normal wasn’t the one expected of him. He had always been a master at faking it, but lately he didn’t even have the energy for that.
Ring, ring, ring…
He’d make it up to him later. He’d send him a text whenever he managed to find the will to. Maybe he’d even add an exclamation mark. Or an emoji. Maybe then he could come across as nearly typical. Maybe his foggy mind could come up with an excuse by then, too.
Ring, ring, ring…