Chapter Text
(Maya’s Pov)
Not all aspects of my life could go well. There are simply things that do not match. My new job as fire Captain in Station 19 in Seattle, was clouded by the very icy welcomed that I was given.
Let me explain and start at the beginning.
I had been living in New York for five years. Five years since I had left Seattle, escaping Lane, my father, escaping his continued abuse; abuse that I had refused to take up until then.
When I got to New York, I quickly established a routine. I enjoyed my self-care Wednesdays, where for one night I satisfied my needs with any woman or man who turned me on enough, getting one or two orgasms on the way, whom I never allowed to stay the night. I would go for a run every morning at 5:30 a.m. because, even away from Lane, I could still hear his voice in my head forcing me to maintain discipline. I drank my smoothies, worked as a firefighter at Station 54, and went out drinking with my coworkers.
I kept that shallow routine for a year, until a month after a self-care Wednesday with a guy I started to get nauseous, and my breasts started to hurt. A blood test later, I was pregnant.
I started to question everything. ¿Do I wanted to keep the baby? If I keep it, ¿would I be a good mom? It's not like I ever had a good role model. My dad abused me psychologically and my mom never stopped him. Which is why I cut all relationship with them. And my brother, Mason, I didn’t even knew where he was. Last thing I heard; he wasn’t using but was living on the streets.
Since the result came out positive and for three weeks, I thought about it. Everyday I would wake up and immediately repeat myself the same questions over and over. I would get ready for work and kept thinking about the same questions.
I decided to talk with Captain Follet, who was more like a dad/friend than my Captain at this point and I trusted him enough to talk about it. I asked him if, while I decided what to do, I could stay at desk duty; to which he agreed and promised me not to say anything while I figured this out. I would come home and fall asleep with the same questions in my head.
By the fourth week, I decided to visualize it. I imagined myself as a mom, I imagined the baby in my arms, I imagined doing everything opposite to what Lane did, I imagined myself just giving love to this baby. And that's when it hit me. Fears aside, I would do it.
That's how a radical change started in my life. First on the list, getting an ultrasound that confirmed my, by that moment, eight weeks of pregnancy. We coordinated with my OB my care plan, vitamins, job recommendations. I started therapy because if I was going to be different from Lane, I would have to work on it.
Finally, I talked to my Captain and although I had a work plan that was ambitious, he said that this wouldn't take me out of that path, it just would give me more motivation to achieve it. Which, in a way, calmed me down.
Now I would have to solve the guy thing, the father of the baby. The only thing I knew about him was that his name was James, had intense green eyes, he was tall, had brunette short hair and he was a frequent costumer at Old Town Bar, because he was friend with Kenny, the bartender, who was also my friend and saw us leaving together that night. So, I went one night to the bar looking for him, but he wasn't there.
- Hi Kenny, have you seen your friend James? - I asked soon as I get close enough to the bar.
- Hello to you too. How are you? I'm great, thanks for asking – He joked, and I rolled my eyes.
- I'm sorry. I haven't been myself lately – I said with an embarrassed smile so he could see that I wasn’t myself lately.
- It's Ok. I haven't seen him lately, but he will probably be here tomorrow. He asked me a favor and I said that I could help him tomorrow – I started to get nervous because I knew that next day it would be THE day. - Is everything ok? – Kenny saw my nervousness.
I just answered yes and that I would be back next day.
Next day I couldn't help feeling anxious. I ended my shift by 7 pm and went straight to the bar. Soon as I came in, Kenny saw me and gestured toward a table where I saw James. I walked to his table where I saw he was with some friends. Soon as I was close his eyes focused on me.
- Hi! How are you? - He said. I just stood there with my gaze unfocused and my heart beating really hard - You're Maya, right? - And he smiled.
- Yes!... Sorry….Hi… I-..I was looking for you. Can we talk for a moment? - I asked, praying that he wouldn't make any questions at that moment.
- Sure - He looked at me intrigued - We can talk outside if you want. There is too much noise here.
We left the bar and stay stood outside. He was looking for my eyes as if they would tell him what he needed to know, and I was looking everywhere except his eyes. I didn't want him to know how nervous I was.
- Are you okay? – He asked and all I could think about was how much I hated that question that everyone seemed to ask lately – You seem a little...
- I'm pregnant – I blurted out, interrupting him.
He opened his eyes and held his breath for what it seemed minutes. My heart started to beat more harder, as if it was possible.
- A few weeks ago, I started to feel nauseous and other symptoms – I explained – Which is why I run some tests and my blood test revealed I was pregnant. Last week I did an ultrasound and confirmed that I'm eight weeks pregnant.
- If you've known for weeks, why didn't you tell me sooner? – He said with an angry voice. I could tell he was mad. Did he care?
- Because I was deciding whether to keep it or not – I answered. His gaze changed. It went from angry to expectant. And that was my answer – As long as I didn't know that, I couldn't talk to you.
- And what have you decided? – He asked anxiously
- I'll keep it – And just like that his look changed instantly. He got defensive and started to avoid my eyes.
- I don't want children – He said with an icy voice – I don't want them now nor will I ever want them.
Honestly, his response didn't surprise me at all. I just look at him like he was stating the obvious.
- Well, that's clear – I tried to keep my voice as calm and impartial as possible – I just thought you deserved to know and since I already knew your answer, I would like you to leave your decision in writing and that you waive all rights as the baby's father.
- Just let me know through Kenny when and where I should sign, and I'll be there – And he turned towards the bar leaving me alone outside.
I felt…relieved? I honestly didn't know what to feel. I only knew that my life had completely changed and now I couldn't think selfishly. I would have to start thinking for two. A week later, James signed all the necessary documents and I never heard from him again.
+++++
Two weeks before my due date and without warning, Christian Ezra Bishop came into this world, weighing 7 pounds 4 ounces and measuring 18 inches.
With months of therapy, still with the deepest fear and a long road ahead of me, I looked at Chris in my arms and I knew everything would be fine. I immediately fell in love with his gorgeous blue eyes and his thin light brown hair.
And like that, three years goes by. My life in New York was calm. For the last two years I was a lieutenant at Station 54, I had a village that helped and supported me with Christian and my life would revolve around him and work. A from time to time, I still enjoyed some self – care.
My parents didn't know about Chris's existence. That way I wanted to protect my son from my father. I would never allow someone like him would get near my son and if for that purpose I would have to hide his existence from my parents, I would do it.
Christian was already three years old and had become a restless, intelligent, curious, mischievous, funny, and sensitive child. He is a happy boy. I love his laughter; I suffer with his crying, and I feed his curiosity.
One day Captain Follet called me into his office.
- So, when are you going to apply for the position of Captain? – Straight to the point. I like talking to him.
- Do you think I should? – I asked expectantly.
- You have been a lieutenant for two years. Since you arrived here, you have been one of the best firefighters I got and since Christian was born, you have been even better – His answer surprise me – You have been more careful with your life, less impulsive and more worried for your team. So why don't you try? You would been less exposed to accidents.
- I don't know. What Station have the Captain position open? – I asked
- Here in New York? Right now? None – There goes my chance – But there is one in Seattle, and I thought that maybe you would want to come back now that you have your life more resolved – He look at me sympathetically.
Back to Seattle? The purpose had been to escape from there, to escape from Lane. I couldn't go back now. Much less now that I had Christian to think about. I wanted to keep him away from that toxicity.
- Seattle is not an option for me – I answered lowering my head – You know the reasons why I came here. I don't want my father to know about Chris.
- I know. But I don't want you to lose opportunities because of your father – I looked at him without understanding what he was trying to say – Here in New York there are 254 stations, there are older captains. The chances of you becoming a Fire Chief one day are next to none. In Seattle there are only 33 stations, you could be Captain right now and with hard work, you could achieve your dreams sooner than later.
Was he really telling me all this? His arguments got into my head.
- But I can't expose Chris, I must think about him – Doubts and fears crowded my head. The walls that I had torn down after so much hard work were built anew at the mere mention of returning to Seattle. I couldn't do it.
- Bishop. You've been here for five years. I know you – He looked into my eyes, and I understood that he was speaking to me in his dad/friend mode – You came here with a defiant attitude, you bragged about having won the Olympics with a sprained ankle, closed to any option or resemblance of a feeling. You were and are one of the best firefighters I got, you know how to read the wind, you can evaluate the risks in every fire at first look.
He stopped talking trying to put an order to his ideas. I tried to understand what his point was.
- I understand the damage that your father caused you and since the day Christian was born, you have done nothing but undo what he did to you, while you were taking care of yourself, your son and continuing being the best firefighter of the station – My smile got wider – That's why I think you're ready to face your demons and take on new challenges. If you managed to take on the challenge of being Christian's mom, how couldn't you take on the challenge of being a fire Captain?
I laughed remembering those weeks where I practically questioned my entire life. It was true that Lane's demons were still haunting me, and I was still going to therapy to get rid of them. But the Captain was right. I couldn't lose an opportunity because of Lane, couldn't lose my path because of him.
Although I love a good fire, studying them, although I knew all the protocols by heart; in my mind there was always that fear that something could happen to me. I didn't want to leave Christian. The idea of running for the position of Captain in Seattle grew stronger. The position would allow me to be safer, which allowed me to always return to Christian.
- Okay Captain. I'll try – I said to him.
- Perfect. I'll emailed you the info – He said finishing the conversation.
+++++
My afternoon goes by thinking about my decision. The captain had email me the information. The job was Captain on Station 19. I remember that that was one of the best Stations when I leave Seattle, just graduated from the fire academy. I remembered their Captain Pruitt Herrera, who had to prove his worth to the department and he had succeeded at that.
I send in the information and documents needed to apply for the job and now all I had to do was wait. A week later they said that I had to participate in some interviews and that my physical evaluation would be here, in New York.
I heard from Captain Follet that they were asking him for impressions and recommendations. He also told me that the options for the job were two lieutenants from Station 19 and me.
A month after I send my application, I had news. I was the new Captain of Station 19 of Seattle. I had to introduce myself to Battalion Chief Robert Sullivan, in two weeks.
I didn't know if I should feel excited, scare, relieved, worry. I talk to Captain Follet, and I asked him to release me from duty for the afternoon. He agreed. All I wanted to do was to be with Christian.
I went to pick him up at his daycare. I stand outside his room and observe him for a while. I take in his beautiful face, those focused blue eyes while he is playing with a train, the crease of concentration across his brow, that scrunched nose that I know he takes after me, his light brown straight hair, and his little mouth, that right now has his tongue out while he focuses. “He always does that when he's focused”, I laughed at the thought.
How did I manage to create such a beautiful boy? How am I raising such a perfect soul? At that thought, Lane came into my mind. How can anyone hurt someone you love this much? Every thought and every decision I make, is thinking in how much I love Christian and his wellbeing. For example, my main concern about moving to Seattle was his safety. How could any parent act different than that?
As soon as he saw me, Christian run to my arms, as if we didn't see each other four hours ago.
- Hey buddy. How was your day?
- Mommy, don't ever…ever leave me again – I smile at his request, while he hugged me tighter.
- Aw...what's wrong bud? You missed me? – I smile while I hugged him and smelled his hair.
He released me and held my face in his little hands. - So much mommy – He said with a pout while his intense blue eyes studied my face.
- It's okay bud – I held him with one arm and held his backpack in my other arm - We must go because we have to talk.
We arrive at a little restaurant. I seated him in a highchair, and I take a seat next to him, keeping my eyesight to the window while I see people passing by.
I thought about what our lives would be like now. The villa that I had here, I wouldn't have it in Seattle. I had to find a new daycare for Christian, see how to transport our belongings.
But mainly, I had to find a place to live. I didn't want to go back to my old apartment, even though I had rented it. Lane knew that address, and if he found out I was back, he'd be there in no time.
I decided to sell it and the one here in New York. With that money, plus, if necessary, the huge savings I still had left over from the Olympics, I would buy something new. Something mine and Chris's, close to the station and in a good neighborhood.
- Mommy, I want juice – Christian distracted me from my thoughts.
I called the waiter. I ordered an apple juice for Chris, an orange juice for myself and I ordered a small pizza, after all Chris only ate one slice and the rest was enough for me.
When our order arrived and while Chris was eating, I called the realtor who oversaw my old apartment in Seattle and told him my plans. I wanted to sell it at a certain price and buy something new. He said that he would immediately call the tenants and let me know. If they didn't want it, he knew people who would be interested.
- Hey bud – I looked at Christian while he ate the little pieces of pizza that were left on his plate – I must tell you something – I took a deep breath – I got a new job.
- You’re not a firefighter anymore? – His question made me laugh. I love the way his brain work, as if changing professions would be that easy.
- Yes, I'm still a firefighter but now I'll be Captain in a new station – I replied.
- What was wrong with your old job? – He watched me carefully, as if at any moment something would fly out of me.
- Nothing, but the shifts were a little too long and I always had to go into the fires. Now I can watch from outside and run the team that will go into the fire – His eyes were shining.
- You won't have long shifts anymore? – Of course, that’s what got his attention – We can sleep together more often? I don't have to sleep at the Station or at Elisa's anymore? – Elisa, his best friend from daycare. Thank God for her mom who became my main support.
- I still don't know how the shifts will be at the new station, I must verify that. But yeah, I'll probably have to work less night shifts – I answered, and his smile matched the sparkle in his eyes, and I knew it was the right decision. Christian was happy – Although I must tell you that we will have to move to Seattle.
- Where is that? – He looked at me curiously.
- On the other side of the country - He looked at me for a few moments, considering my answer.
- Okay mommy – And continued eating and drinking his juice.
I was amazed. He was so smart. He continued as if we didn't just talk about moving to a city at the other side of the country. My son's innocence still amazed me. I wanted to keep it as intact as possible, and I could only do that by protecting him no matter the cost.
- Mommy – Of course he hadn't finished – Will I like Seattle?
- I promise that I will do everything in my power to make it so. We'll have parks near where we can go to play, we'll go to the zoo and the aquariums – He just nodded and keep eating.
Ten minutes later, my realtor called. The tenants had accepted my proposal, so he would take care of the selling. I decided to get an apartment for now, and when we’re more settled, I would get a house. The realtor would send me in the day proposals for a new apartment. I only asked that it was in a good neighborhood, had at least two bedrooms and was near to Station 19.
And like that, in two weeks I prepared my return to Seattle. I found a daycare for Christian, and I promised to go look at it the day before that I should be at the station. I asked for three personal days to prepared everything. I said my goodbyes to my coworkers who, of course, also said goodbye to Christian making him laugh and asking him to be a good boy.
I arrived in Seattle and the apartment I had chosen was much better than the photos. It was light and spacious. It had a master bedroom with a walk-in closet and its own bathroom. It had two other rooms and another bathroom. One of the rooms was just as big as the master bedroom, perfect for Christian's small bed and the pile of toys he had collected in his three years of life, from the numerous gifts from our friends and my coworkers at the station.
The living room was connected to the dining room and the kitchen. The apartment was big enough for us to play and move freely. And it was only a 10-minute walk to the daycare and 15 minutes to the station.
The day before work, we walked with Christian to the daycare. He loved his classroom and his teacher. He introduced himself, spoke calmly and answered all the questions he was asked while he concentrated on the toys he had found. I liked the space. Each kid had their own assigned shelf to put their personal things. The room had toys, books, and drawings everywhere.
It had a huge playground with various games for different ages. According to what the director told me, they used it especially on days when the weather was good in Seattle, so that the children could sunbathe and enjoy the fresh air.
On our way home, we stopped at a park where Christian used up the rest of his energy. By the time we got home, he was totally exhausted. So, I fed him, bathed him and quickly put him to bed. At 9 pm his eyes closed by themselves.
- I love you mommy – he said yawning.
- I love you too bud – I turned off the light and left his room.
I sit on my couch with a glass of whiskey in my hands. An old habit that I pick up from time to time. I had been so busy that the weight of my decision hadn't sunk in yet, until now. I saw Christian happy on his daycare, which was all that mattered to me. Tomorrow I would face the unknown. I had informed myself about the station, I knew who its firefighters and their experience were. I knew there were three lieutenants: Jack Gibson, Andy Herrera and Theo Ruiz.
I remembered Andy from my time in the Academy. She was nice and a little insecure. I remember I had to force her to finish a drill, so the male firefighters didn't have the pleasure of seeing her fail. I thought that it would be nice to see a familiar face in the station. Man was I wrong.
Next day I got up at 5:30 and ran for an hour on the treadmill, taking advantage of Christian's heavy sleep. It was good to be able to run and have a healthy relationship with food, after all these years. Another thing to add to the gigantic list of things that Christian change for me.
I got a shower and cooked our breakfast. I wake up Christian at 7.30 since we had to be at 08.30 at the daycare. So, we started our day calmly.
By 08.20 we were on the daycare.
I walk him to his room, tell him he needs to put his stuff on the shelf that says, "C. Bishop," and watch him walk up to other kids. I watched him for a couple of minutes and decided he would be fine.
- Bud, I must go to work – I crouched down so that my face was at his height – Be good, okay? I'll come pick you up so we can walk back home together.
- Okay mommy. I love you – And my little gent hugs me with all his might.
- I love you too, little one – I kissed his head and let him go back with his classmates.
I walked to the station and went straight to the Battalion Chief's office. Sullivan was waiting for me.
- Good morning, Captain Bishop – He extended his hand. He was a tall man and a little intimidating. I shook his hand and felt the strong shake – Take a sit.
- Good morning, Chief – I took a seat in front of his desk, which allowed me to observe the details in his office. He didn't have a lot of personal belongings, except for a photograph. Watching it closely, it was a wedding picture of him and....Andy Herrera.
- I know you've been informed about the station – Sullivan got my attention back – It's between the top 5 of Seattle stations but, from what I've heard about you, it won't be long to be the best. Right know it has a 7-minute respond. It's okay, but I think it can be better.
- Of course. At my old station we had a response time of 5 minutes - I add - I think it can be done here.
- Good. Now, some things you should know before your shift. You might find a little resistance from the team – Great, I haven't even started my first shift and already have problems – The previous Captain, Pruitt Herrera, was very beloved around here and his daughter, who has been in this station for a couple of years, was one of the options for the job.
Wow…really? I'm just starting, and the team already hate me. It seems that this wasn't a good idea.
- I'm willing to put in the work to gain their trust. After all, a Captain is only good as good the team is.
- Very well, Captain Bishop – He look me at my eyes giving me the trust I needed – The next subject. The closest Hospital is the Grey Sloan Memorial, which is why we must maintain a good relationship with their people. I want you to go over there today and have a meeting with Dr. Miranda Bailey, Chief of Surgery. I've already schedule you an appointment, you must be there at noon.
- Of course, Chief – 8.50 am and this day already seemed tough.
- Today I'll take care of the calls, so you can settle in and stay here while you work on the paperwork on your desk – He said closing the subject – Any questions before you start your first shift?
- Yes Chief. I would like to know how many 24-hour shifts there are weekly and when they are – I immediately thought that I must figure out who to leave Christian with those nights. - It's only two 24-hour shifts. One on Mondays and the other on Thursdays. But you'll begin your 24-hours shifts next week, when you are more settled – He added.
I just nodded while in my head I started to make a list of things that I should take care of this week: Finding nannies, interview them, find the right one to stay with Christian at nights.... this week will be endless.
- If there are no more questions, go to change so you can start your shift – He ended the meeting – I'll see you in ten minutes in the barn. I'll assign the chores for today. Your office is in the entrance of the station. You'll find everything you need there.
I quickly went down to what was my office. I hadn't met any of the firefighters at the station yet, which, after my conversation with Sullivan, I didn't know if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
My office had a desk, which can be adjusted to my height. A shelf next to the door, with folders and documents and another shelf behind the desk. It had a bunk with furniture and access to a private bathroom. In the bunk I found my clothes, of my size and the double bar that I had to put on my uniform. One in each side on my collar.
I quickly changed my clothes and sat at my desk. I still had about three minutes. I watched everything and just breathe. It would really be a challenge, but I wanted it for me and for Christian. I know this move would be good for both of us. I no longer had four 24-hour shifts a week. I could improve my quality time with him. Seattle was a bit quieter than New York, which was ideal for Christian growing up in a less crazy place.
From what Sullivan told me, I started at the station with fewer points. But I would do everything possible to make them respect me and trust me as their captain. After all, I too would have to trust them.
I left my office and went directly to the barn, where Sullivan was already standing. He looked at me indicating that he should call the line up.
- 19! Line up – I yelled.
I felt the quick footsteps of all the places in the station and I saw them arrive one by one, lining up in front of each engine. As they stand, they looked at me with curiosity mixed with anger.
I had started with the wrong foot here.
- Good morning 19. I introduce you Maya Bishop, she is your new Captain – Sullivan started the introductions – She was a lieutenant for two years in one of the best stations in New York. Her former Captain is considered to be one of the best Captain country wide, so you can only hope to learn a lot from Captain Bishop – I took a deep breath while I watched every firefighter – Just for today, she won't be on the calls but instead I'll be. She will stay at the station for today.
The eyes of every firefighter were focused on me. I could feel the tension around. The feeling in the air was clearly anger. "What did I get myself into?"
- As I name and assign you chores, you'll step forward so the Captain can get to know you – Sullivan looked at the list in his hands – Warren and Gibson – Two firefighters stepped forward – Beanery cleaning – Montgomery and Cutler – Two other guys – Bathroom cleaning.
As Sullivan read his list, I couldn't help but feel the anxiety in me, after all these years, seeing how everyone was looking at me. What Sullivan had told me was an understatement.
- Herrera and Ruiz – Sullivan continued. Herrera looked at me and if looks could kill, I would have already died about five times – Engines cleaning and Hughes – The last girl stepped forward – You're on desk duty.
Hughes just looked at me. Yes, it would be a hard day.
- You're dismissed – Sullivan said, and everyone quickly dispersed to carry out their chores.
I returned to my office. I hadn't even been on shift for 20 minutes and I already had work behind, so I sat down and devoted all my concentration to the documentation that I had to review. Personal days leaves, incident reports, lists of materials.
When I raised my head again, it was already 11.30. "My meeting with Dr. Bailey." I ordered the documents, took my jacket, and left my office. I came face to face with Andy Herrera, while she was talking to Hughes.
- I didn't get a chance to talk in the morning. I remember you from the Academy – I smiled as I spoke to Herrera.
- Great – She looked at me with displeasure and walked away from me. "Perfect", I thought.
- Hughes, I have a meeting at the Grey Sloan. Any urgency, I will have my cell phone with me.
- Yes, Captain – Hughes tried to be nice to me and smile, before Andy got between me and her.
As I left, I heard Herrera making fun of me. I really wouldn't have it easy in this place. I took a deep breath, counted to ten and went on my way.
Arriving at Grey Sloan, I saw a huge building. It looked imposing. As I got closer, I saw many people in scrubs of different colors.
I had about 10 minutes, so I approached the coffee cart, just when a person turns around after paying, colliding with me, and spilling all her coffee on herself.
- Merda! (Shit!) – She said. An accent…Italian? As she stands there, I couldn't help but admire her. She had beautiful, long, brown, and wavy hair. Two very expressive brown eyes and beautiful lips that begged to be kissed. She had a beautiful and sunbathe skin. Round and firm breasts. She was quite frankly gorgeous and sexy.
- Ma stai scherzando? (Are you kidding me?) – Her voice brought me back from my daydream and I don't know what she said, but it wasn't good considering that her angry look threw me off.
Still, I wondered what it would be like having her under me...moaning. I felt her eyes on me, although she clearly had totally different thoughts than mine.
- You should be more careful where you walk – She focused her gaze on me and her brown eyes looked at me with all the hate possible. “I should be more careful where I walked?”
- I'm not the one who should be careful, I just approached the coffee cart – I bite back. Her attitude totally erased my daydream and was replaced by something starting to boil with a known anger in me.
- The least you can do is buy me another coffee – This woman was really crazy, and I just stared at her, not moving an inch. She tilted her head back and rolled her eyes – Why are you looking at me? Go order it!
What the hell? That made me regain my composure. Who the fuck did she think she was?
- I don't have to do anything at all – I was reaching my anger peak very quickly by standing there. My 10 minutes had been reduced, I no longer had time for my coffee, I was having a lousy day, I had my meeting in an office that I had yet to locate, and this woman was getting on my nerves – Now, if you excuse me, I have a meeting to get to and I don't want to be late.
I left her standing there with smoke coming out of her ears and with a tingling feeling in my body that I haven't felt in years.
But I didn't have time for that.