Work Text:
Quiet…
So quiet…
Why was it so quiet around here? Except for the beeping sound from the medical ventilator. How I hated that sound with every of my fibre of my being."This machine helps the patient to breathe since right now he is physically unable to breathe.",they said, as if I did not know that. More importantly, I hated that machine attached to him, my John. No, not mine, not yet anyway. Despite everyone thinking we were a couple since the beginning, we were not. He and I had not talked about it yet. We were flatmates, friends, partner in crime and more. So much more. I knew. He knew. But we never said a single word about our feeling. And the funny thing was that we had been dancing around each other for so long. I wondered what were we waiting for, maybe some sign of one another to make a move. But deep down I knew we were all afraid. What if things did not work out? What if we ended up being a strangers like many broken relationship out there and lost the friendship we had? That was not worth it. Considering I not the most lovable man, eventually I would upset him over something, make him leave since doing couple things were not my area. That was not acceptable. I would rather not having him than losing him completely.
And with the crazy and hurtful things happened before: the fall plus the whole Mary scenario; I thought John was not ready. He needed time to settle everything down. He had moved back to Baker Street. That was the good thing which meant he had not shut me out from his life entirely. I had been trying to help, all I could, to make things back to normal again, as normal as we could be. I made him tea, which made he genuinely surprised but he did not commented about it, often took him to crime scene even the case which I was able to solve with one glance. After that I took him to Angelo or had some take-out depending on the night. Sometimes I caught him sitting on the armchair, staring aimlessly at the fireplace. I pondered what should I do, I did not liked that look of him but I did not know how to help, I gave up and let him be. He had thanked me for it, said he really appreciated what I had done for him. I would always do anything for him, to make him smile, his happiness was my happiness. On that night, I had said these thoughts a loud by accident. He was stunted, so was I. I had not know what to do next so I had waited for him to say something. I admit that there was some foolishness in me wishing he would smile happily, saying "I love you" and we would kiss like there was no tomorrow. But my world had crashed down when he said:"I don't know what to say… but thank you, Sherlock. I owe you so much."."You owe me nothing, John. That is what friends do.", I said ruefully. "No, I owe you everything, Sherlock.", he smiled. There were many emotions behind his smile: gratefulness, sadness, bitterness and maybe longing. Then he bid good night, left me standing alone in the living room. The next day, we pretended there was nothing going on the last night, went through the day normally. We were good at that, weren't we? Acting like nothing happened.
So life went on, I solved cases, he helped me. Which led to the accident that made him end up at the hospital and right now fight for his life in this sickening room.The case went wrong. It was a simple case, really, the man killed his wife because he wanted to have her insurance money to pay for his debts. What we did not expect was that the murderer had waited and attacked us from behind when we tried to catch him. John lost his balance and fell, his head hit the ground heavily. Taking his chance, the husband seized John's gun, pointed it at me. He was just trying to scare us and escape but in the moment of panic when hearing the siren of police car, he fired. And without a blink, John stepped in front of me to shield me and the bullet hit him. That was the scariest moment of my life. John, in my arm, bleeding so much blood even when I was putting the pressure on the wound to stop the flow.
Surrounding me was the shouting of Lestrade calling the medic.
"John, look at me, please! Look at me! You will be alright! The medic is here! You will be alright!", I said panicking.
"Sherlock…I…", John tried to say through his pain.
"No, don't say anything. You have to save your strength. You have to be alright!".And then John lost his consciousness. "John!No!No!No!John!Wake up, please!John!",I shouted.
"Sherlock! The medic is here. Let them take John to hospital and save him, Sherlock!". Lestrade tried to pull me out so the medic could take John to the ambulance. I followed them, Lestrade did not even stop me, I dared him to. I waited impatiently when John was having the surgery in the OR.
"He will be alright! He is John! He has to be alright! He can't leave like this. He will be alright!", I talked these words to myself countless of times like if I said them enough, he would survive. After what seemed like a century, the surgery was done. The doctor said John's heart had stopped once during the operation. The danger was gone but he said John was in a comma,he did not know when John would wake up. He had done everything he could and now it depended on John. I wanted to kill the doctor, unfortunately Lestrade had made it in time to prevent me. Thanks to Mycroft's power, John was put into a private room, I have not left him since.
---------
"Mycroft visited again. He keeps insisting I need to take a rest, as if I can leave you here. If you wake up and I'm not by your side, then what? He ought to have know this. But when you wake up, because I know you will, and find out, you will be angry. So just so you know, I have eaten and slept when it is needed. See! I'm not isolating myself. I would rather look at you without these machines, they don't look good on you. So, please John! Please wake up! You have slept enough already, even a normal person doesn't need this much sleep. John! Wake up…for me…just one more miracle…please!", said I pleadingly. I grabbed his hand, it was so cold.
Something had happened. John's finger moved, his eyes were blinking, trying to open.
"John…",I said his name hopefully.
John was smiling and I cried.