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‘Good morning, Snotlout.’ Hiccup said as Snotlout entered the room.
The sunlight illuminated the room brightly as everyone inside ate quietly. The tiredness from yesterday’s mission was still present in the air, even if none of the riders wanted to admit it. Viggo’s forces were getting stronger.
‘Morning.’ He responded, still groggy.
He rubbed his eye as he walked towards one of the other exits.
‘Are you… going to join us today?’
Fishlegs perked his head up to look at Snotlout, as if awaiting his answer even if his expression remained the same. The others kept eating, unbothered by Snotlout’s presence.
‘Nah, I'll pass. I wanna get a head start on training today.’
‘Didn’t you say you’d also pass yesterday at dinner?’ Tuffnut asked, waving his fork in the air, nonchalant.
‘And at lunch too.’ Ruffnut added.
Even if Snotlout didn’t want to admit it, he felt a pit in his stomach forming. What he was doing wasn’t wrong, every viking has skipped a meal at least once to get more training in… right?
‘Oh, I'm just not hungry.’ He began staring at the ground.
Snotlout lifted his head to look at the others, who seemed to be intently staring at him as if he had just said the worst thing ever. He suddenly felt really tense and awkward.
Before anyone could say anything, he decided to just leave.
‘And, buh-bye!’ He muttered quickly yet loudly.
He tried to get out of the room as fast as possible without seeming suspicious. Of course, he knew everyone was probably staring at him anyway.
As he made his way towards the training arena, the short viking noticed his head felt a little lighter than normal. He chose to ignore it, however. He couldn’t let anything ruin his training right now, and especially not some lightheadedness. He figured maybe it was due to the fact he couldn’t sleep the night before.
Snotlout trained hard . After a while, he lost count of the number of repetitions he had done. Every muscle in his body felt numb and if it wasn’t for the fact that he trained just as hard as days prior, they definitely would have hurt tomorrow. His hands faintly hurt with any friction at all. His breath was shallow and by the gods was he thirsty. The barrel he was using for axe throwing was barely holding itself together. Snotlout loathed the idea of having to get another.
If he was honest, he didn’t remember the last time he’d trained this hard.
That made his chest slightly ache for some reason.
Slowly, as the others arrived, he started to train less intensely. He wanted to save whatever energy he had left for their sparring session.
After everyone finished warming up, everyone decided on Fishlegs and Snotlout being up first. The two swiftly got into a fighting stance.
‘Three.’
Snotlout tightened the grip on his axe.
‘Two.’
He dug his foot into the floor.
‘One…’
He stared at Fishlegs sharply.
‘Go!’ Hiccup shouted from the sidelines.
The two of them charged at each other like the wind. Snotlout was moving instinctively, not really registering exactly what he was doing.
A small part of him wanted to admit how tired he was. He pushed it down as his arms and legs flung around in fighting motion.
And then he was out. In one moment he was fighting like his life depended on it, the next, he was down on the ground with his axe a good distance away.
‘And Snotlout is out..?’ Hiccup said, confused.
‘What the…’ He said from the floor, head pounding slightly.
He couldn’t believe this, Fishlegs had never beaten him that fast.
‘You all saw that… right?’ Fishlegs shared glances with the others and back at Snotlout.
All eyes fell on him. He’d always liked being in the spotlight, but not like this.
‘Snotlout, are you alright?’ Hiccup approached him, holding out his hand to help him up.
‘Yeah, yeah.’ He flicked Hiccup’s hand away and stood up on his own.
‘I was just… distracted. That’s all.’ He shook his head, as if trying to get any dizziness out of it. ‘Let’s go again, Fishface.’
Determination lit his eyes. He clutched his axe tighter. It stung slightly as his fingers wrapped around but he didn’t mind much at this point.
He wasn’t about to let Fishlegs of all people beat him that quickly.
‘What?’
‘I said, again , Fishface.’ Snotlout glared fiercely. ‘You have a problem with that?’
‘No…’ He mumbled.
‘Then get to it.’ He took a fighting stance.
Fishlegs did the same and the fight began again. This time it lasted longer. He still wasn’t really paying attention to the fight but at least he wasn’t out in ten seconds. After what seemed like forever, Snotlout was able to push Fishlegs into the ground and knock his weapon out of his hand.
A new record for Fishlegs.
‘See? Just distracted.’ He said, trying to seem nonchalant.
He was still eyeing everyone around him. As the next duo began preparing, Hiccup gave Snotlout a suspicious look but said nothing about the situation. He pretended he didn’t see it.
As the sun rose higher into the sky, all the other riders departed to continue on with their day. All except for Snotlout who remained at the arena, training. He was tired, but he didn’t want to stop. Astrid went to get another barrel before the warm ups, which Snotlout was thankful for. He wouldn’t have to stop just yet.
He threw his axe once more, the steel of which hit dead centre. Snotlout walked over to retrieve it and with a little force, was able to pull it out. He turned around to walk back to the spot where he’d thrown the axe previously and was hit by a gust of wind.
Hookfang was now standing in front of him, hot air hitting Snotlout’s face. He was glad to see him.
‘Hey, Hookfang.’ He said softly, through panting breaths.
The dragon warbled a greeting in response.
‘What are you doing here? You should be in your pen.’
Hookfang nudged his rider’s head upwards. Snotlout looked up at the sun, using his hand so that its light did not directly hit his eyes. It was probably at its highest point. It was noon.
Snotlout lowered his head and turned to face the Monstrous Nightmare.
‘You want lunch, don’t you?’ He said, petting him.
His dragon’s eyes lit up. He heard his own stomach growl loudly at the mention of food.
Not yet , he told himself.
‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’ The black-haired viking said like he was all knowing.
He got on Hookfang’s saddle sluggishly.
A short ride later and the two were back at the stables, where the others were also feeding their dragons.
Snotlout tried to remain unnoticed as he walked inside, still feeling a mixture of shame and guilt from the earlier sparring session.
——————————————
Ever since they came back from Berk two weeks ago, Hiccup knew that something was up with Snotlout. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the one-legged boy practically grew up alongside Snotlout. Even if sometimes he didn’t want to admit it, he knew his friend well. Hiccup knew that something was up with him and he was worried, to say the least.
Since they returned to the Edge, Snotlout was acting odd. He was eating less and less, and over-exerting himself more and more. If someone brought up his unusual behaviour, he would get weirdly defensive.
Hiccup was meant to find out more, he was concerned with his friend, but Viggo's countless fleets had gotten in the way. It felt like every time one was destroyed, two more would appear in its place.
As everyone was having lunch, Hiccup kept a watchful eye on Snotlout. He obviously tried not to be creepy, but he was intent on finding out more. It’d be an understatement to say he was worried.
While eating he caught small glimpses of what the other boy was doing. Most of the time he would poke and prod his food, basically playing with it. Rarely he’d catch Snotlout placing a small quantity of food in his mouth. He was being less participative than usual, his jokes and jabs being much less common.
Something was off, he felt it and he was sure the others did too. Yet he still hadn't confronted him. Anytime the two would be left alone, Snotlout would find any excuse to leave. However, he didn't want to put him on the spot by interrogating him in front of the others. It felt aggressive.
The whole situation was frustrating him.
Fishlegs was sat in between the two. He suddenly stood up quickly, mumbled something about getting more food and then left.
Hiccup saw his opportunity.
'Snotlout, everything alright?' He leaned in, talking in almost a whisper.
'Yeah, why wouldn't I be?' He responded in a regular voice as if the answer were obvious.
He looked back at Astrid and the twins, to check if they were listening in. The twins were talking about covering themselves in Monstrous Nightmare gel and Astrid, as usual, was trying to talk them out of it.
'It's just, well, you've barely been touching your food and much less eating lately and I was just wondering if, maybe, something is bothering you?'
'Pfft, nothing's bothering me. I just haven't been feeling hungry enough, that's all.' Snotlout pushed his plate forward with a sigh. 'In any case… I need to go now.'
He… was not expecting that.
'To do what?'
'Just… something.'
Before Hiccup could ever utter another word about Snotlout’s sudden change in demeanour, he was already well on his way out of the clubhouse.
'Wait! Snotlout…' His voice died out in his throat.
Hiccup's lips turned into a thin frustrated line.
Astrid and the twins turned back to look at him, then, the entrance where Snotlout had just exited. Astrid faced Hiccup with a concerned smile while the twins stayed eerily quiet.
'Snotlout has always been weird with food, just leave him, Hiccup.' Astrid moved some food around with her fork.
'Yeah, but not like this.' Hiccup retaliated.
'Do you think it might have been something that happened while we were on Berk?' Fishlegs asked, who recently entered the room.
'That… that actually makes a lot of sense.'
——————————————
They were back on Berk.
Black clouds coloured the sky above him. The village was dark with the exception of a few lit torches and light coming out from a couple of windows. It was late and quiet as they'd just arrived from the Edge which was quite the long trip. Snotlout walked towards his house, hesitating to open the door.
How he hoped his dad wasn't awake.
Pushing the door open, Snotlout saw his dad sitting around their table drinking out of a tankard. He gripped the satchel over his shoulder tight. Spitelout moved his head in the direction of the sound and stood up. He walked over to his son and looked him up and down. Up close it seemed like his cheeks were pinker than usual. He hoped he was just seeing things due to the house being only lit by a couple torches.
His dad stared at him, fixated on a certain spot. Spitelout pinched the skin above his belt tightly.
‘What was that for?’ He asked in the least non-threatening tone he could.
He knew from experience what could happen if he raised his voice any higher than normal at his father.
‘Just as I thought. You’ve gained weight boy-o. And not the good kind.’ Spitelout's voice slurred slightly.
Not this again.
‘Dad, are you drunk?’ He sighed.
He hated having to ask that question.
‘Not important at the moment, is it, boy-o?’
Yup, definitely drunk, Snotlout thought.
He should have been angry. Angry that his father was drunk on the day he knew his son would be back on Berk. Angry that the first thing he did once Snotlout got back was to criticise his son.
But he’d come to expect this behaviour from him. After all, this was nothing short of new.
It still bothered him, sure. But after all these years, it didn’t hurt as much.
At least that’s what he told himself.
‘You’ve been eating too much again and not working out enough.’ Spitelout declared.
‘Dad, I'm tired. I just got back from a day and a half trip. Can we talk about this in the morning?'
He knew his dad was unpredictable when he was drunk, so he didn't expect any answer in particular. Just prayed to the gods he wouldn't get the worst.
'Fine.' Spitelout said after a moment.
Well that was easier than I thought it was gonna be, Snotlout told himself.
'We’ll talk about this in the morning boy-o.'
If you even remember this conversation in the morning, he retorted mentally.
Snotlout glanced at his father one last time before walking towards the stairs, the wooden floorboards creaking beneath him.
'Night, dad.' He mumbled loudly, walking up the stairs.
He heard his dad grumble something he couldn't quite make out. He paid no mind to it and kept walking up the stairs.
The boy walked into his room, seeing it was mostly untouched. He took off his satchel and placed it on his desk. Snotlout remembered the desk having more papers on top of it. Spitelout must have thrown out the ‘useless’ ones. He lamented the disappearance of his writings and poetry for a few moments, he had worked hard on some of those.
Shaking the thoughts away, he moved the satchel to the far end of his desk.
He could unpack tomorrow.
Snotlout went to sit down on the edge of his bed. He sighed, staring at his hands. He clenched his fists and his eyes shut for a second or two. Letting go, he placed his hands on his thighs, contemplating something.
He removed his belt and shirt with relative ease, placing it behind him. He stared down at his arms and then moved onto his stomach. His breath hitched as his hand hovered in front of it.
The boy stared for a while before finally touching his stomach. He poked and moved it around and pinched it lightly. Snotlout did that for about a minute, wondering if it was like that the last time he visited Berk.
Maybe he had gotten sloppy again. He always tended to do that when he wasn't around his dad, anyways.
He sighed.
Turning around, he grabbed his shirt and put it back on. Snotlout left the belt on his bedside table, turning off the torch that lit his room as he did so. He sat back down on his bed, covering himself in his blanket.
He tried not to think about it too hard.
—
He woke up to Hookfang nudging him with his nose, a contrast to the usually aggressive nature of the dragon.
His breath sharpened, realising where he was.
He breathed a sigh of relief.
'Must have fallen asleep or something...' He said, trying to calm himself down.
That memory chased him ever since he returned to the Edge. He wished it would just leave him alone.
Standing up, he was hit with a wave of nausea. He rationalised it by saying that he just stood up too quickly.
This was happening quite frequently lately.
It made sense, at least to him. He hadn't actually been sleeping well ever since they'd gotten back from Berk.
'Snotlout!' A nasally voice shouted from above. 'We're waiting for you.'
Right.
Today's mission.
What fun that would be.
'Coming!' He shouted back, running towards Hookfang.
—
The mission went fine. Nothing of note happened. Ships were destroyed and dragons were freed.
'You were quite sloppy today, Snotlout.' Astrid said as she hopped off of Stormfly.
Except for that.
‘Seriously?' He asked, unamused.
Snotlout hadn’t even landed yet and Astrid was already criticising his performance.
The nerve of some people.
'Yeah. One wrong manoeuvre and that freeing mission would have turned into a rescue mission.'
'But it didn't, okay?' Snotlout tried defending himself.
'I was wondering, Snotlout,' Fishlegs chimed in, 'Hookfang is super manoeuvrable. You should have been able to dodge most of those arrows with ease.'
Snotlout placed his hand on his left arm in shame. It was bleeding out of two wounds where two arrows nicked him on different occasions. His shirt was beginning to get bloody. He frowned.
He was too tired for this shit.
'Oh, so now everyone gangs up on the Snotman!' He mumbled loud enough for the others to hear.
Astrid sighed rather loudly.
'Snotlout, due to your reckless flying, you could have been shot somewhere fatal! Hookfang could have been shot somewhere fatal!'
'Oh, I'm sorry I don't spend every minute of every waking hour performing little tricks with Hookfang, Astrid. Except wait, I'm not.'
'What did you just say?'
'You heard me, Astrid. Unlike some of us here, I actually have a life that doesn't just revolve around flying on my dragon.'
'Oh really , Snotlout?' She walked closer to him.
' Really. '
He was playing a dangerous game. He knew that all too well.
'Oh. That's funny because all I've seen you do these past two weeks is work out!'
Snotlout exhaled through his nose sharply, fists clenched.
'Are your muscles big enough yet? Are the girls impressed enough yet?' She mocked him.
Almost taking a step back, he gawked at the comment. She really… went there… Snotlout wasn’t exactly sure on how to feel about it. His first instinct was to keep on fighting.
He stepped closer to Astrid.
‘What did you just-’
Hiccup stepped in between the two, pushing them back.
'Alright, alright, that's enough, Astrid.'
Snotlout looked at the riders, unsure of what to say. They diverted their gaze to look anywhere but at him.
Getting into verbal fights with Astrid was one of his least favourite parts of living on the Edge. Apart from the awkward aftermath, the comments they made to each other weren’t exactly very kind. Most of the time, Snotlout regretted the words he’d say to her.
Sometimes he wondered if she regretted them too.
These fights usually wouldn’t affect him that much. After all, growing up with Spitelout was never sunshine and rainbows.
This silence was getting way too long for his liking. Astrid’s comment echoed in his mind, almost as if his brain was taunting him. It didn’t help that his brain was also adding more thoughts of his own.
‘So, none of you are going to say anything?’
Silence.
‘Fine.’
He huffed and turned to the direction of the walkways leading up to his hut. He didn’t have enough energy to deal with any of this right now.
'Where are you going?' Hiccup asked.
'To stitch myself up!' Snotlout shouted without looking back. 'I better not see any of you coming after me!'
'Snotlout!' Hiccup shouted.
The boy kept walking.
Hiccup stared at Astrid, slightly disappointed.
'What? It had to be said. Plus, he started it.'
He just sighed.
‘I'll go talk to him. We can address this whole thing later.’
——————————————
Hiccup slowly made his way towards Snotlout’s hut.
As usual, his mind was blaming him for not talking to Snotlout sooner.
This could have been avoided , his mind said.
He tried to push the thoughts away as he kept walking. Wasting time and energy on useless thoughts served him no purpose. All he could worry about now is the safety and well-being of his friend.
Before long, Hiccup was standing in front of the door of Snotlout’s hut. He breathed in and knocked.
No answer.
He knocked again, this time louder.
‘Snotlout. I'm coming in.’ He warned.
No response.
He opened the door and walked in.
The shorter boy’s hut was neat, especially for someone like Snotlout.
He sat near a small dresser on the left side of the room. A bucket filled with water was near his feet. His face frowned and his eyes looked quite dull. Wounds were still open and bleeding, needle and thread held tightly in Snotlout’s callused and bloody hands.
‘Lout, you’re gonna bleed out if you don’t stitch those up.’ Hiccup pointed out.
‘I know.’ He sighed.
Something about this didn’t feel right.
‘Hey… everything alright?’
‘Yeah.’
Hiccup stayed quiet for a second, wondering what to say.
‘Do you… need help with that?’ He pointed to Snotlout’s wounds.
‘I guess that’d be nice.’ Snotlout didn’t lift his gaze from his hands. He seemed almost fixated on them.
Hiccup walked over to him, grabbing the needle and thread gently. Everything about this worried him more and more.
‘You got any clean rags around?’
Snotlout nodded, gesturing at a small red cloth hung over his bed's headboard. Hiccup grabbed it and returned to him.
He quickly dipped the rag in the water, squeezing to get any excess off. Cleaning any blood off of Snotlout's skin gently, being extra careful around the wound. He didn't want to cause him any more pain. He set the rag down on the dresser, grabbed needle and thread, and began stitching.
Rarely grunting, Snotlout occasionally huffed and contorted his face.
Trying to fill the quiet air, Hiccup spoke. 'Do you want to-'
‘If you've come here to just ask about what happened then you can just leave. I don't want to hear it. And I can stitch myself up just fine.’
He continued his work in silence.
They remained like that for a while, before Hiccup mumbled a quiet 'There.' as he finished. He gave one last look at his handiwork, proud.
Having the twins and Snotlout around made his sewing skills increase exponentially. It seems like every other week at least one person would get injured.
‘Thanks.’
‘It's no problem, Lout.’
Hiccup and Snotlout stared at each other for a few seconds.
'I think I'll take my leave now.'
He turned around to walk to the exit before Snotlout spoke from behind him.
'I'm sorry, Hiccup…' He said, guilt colouring his voice.
'For what?'
'I'm sorry I endangered the mission.'
'Snotlout-' Hiccup tried to comfort him.
'I could've put Hookfang in jeopardy.' He kept talking. 'I could have endangered everyone.'
‘Snotlout…’
‘No, Hiccup. Let me speak. Astrid was right. I was stupid.’
He paused, looking down at his hands before clenching them tightly.
'I… I felt nauseous. That's the stupid reason why I wasn't moving as much.' He began speaking quicker. 'I should have told you guys, I should have stayed back. I should have just- done anything than come on the mission. Then all of this-'
Snotlout gestured to his stitched arm with a small sigh.
'All of this could have been avoided.'
Hiccup reached his hand out to Snotlout, trying to provide support. Snotlout stood up before he could touch him.
‘Thanks for stitching me up, but I… should probably go apologise to Hookfang… and Astrid.’
Like usual, before Hiccup could say another word, Snotlout was out of his field of view.
He really needed to talk to him soon.
——————————————
As Snotlout walked towards the stables, the world around him spun lightly. Even if he didn’t lose that much blood, he figured the dizziness was because of it.
His mind swirled with thoughts. The events that transpired earlier looped like a broken record player.
How could he have been so stupid? , his mind berated.
His chest felt tight and heavy, the guilt surrounding what could have happened started to swallow him bit by bit. He could feel his hands shaking as he walked.
Snotlout knew he wasn’t thinking straight, but he couldn’t stop himself from listening to his thoughts.
Eventually, he arrived at the stables. He opened the door to see all the other dragons in their pens except for Stormfly. Astrid was probably out flying. She tended to do that after they fought.
He went to a corner to grab a woven basket filled with fish.
‘Hey Hooky.’ Snotlout said, approaching the dragon.
Hookfang growled softly at him.
‘Yeah, yeah I know, I was an idiot. I'm sorry.’
Hookfang huffed some steam at him, spinning his helmet around. Snotlout let out a small laugh before placing his helmet correctly. He opened the door to Hookfang's pen before setting down the basket and opening it. He slid it towards the Monstrous Nightmare.
The dragon looked at him, unsure, before Snotlout gave him a small nod.
With that he dug his head into the basket and began eating.
Apart from Hookfang, the room was silent. He stared, his mind quickly flashing the thought of a dead Hookfang. He shook it away. Now nor never was the time to think about that.
From the entrance, the faint sound of flapping wings, followed by two consecutive thuds. Snotlout didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. He gave a small, inaudible sigh, mentally preparing.
‘You look pale.’ Astrid commented from behind him.
Snotlout turned to face her, surprised to hear slight concern in her voice, especially after a fight.
‘Technically, we’re all pale.’
‘Well, paler.’ Astrid said as she locked Stormfly in her pen.
‘I just lost a lot of blood, Astrid. Obviously I'm not going to have my normal skin tone.’ He shot back on instinct, immediately cringing.
He was meant to apologise to Astrid. Not make the situation worse.
‘Okay, I've seen you lose that amount of blood before and you’ve never looked that pale.’
‘I'm fine, Astrid.’
She placed her hands on her hips. Before she was able to say anything, Snotlout spoke.
‘I… I wanted to apologise, actually. For what I said earlier. I was nauseous and spinning around made me even more so. I didn’t want to admit it, and because of that I endangered the whole group. And on top of that I tried to hide behind insults… I’m sorry, Astrid.’
Astrid’s mouth was open and wide, taken aback by Snotlout’s bout of honesty. She knew from experience that he wasn’t the most honest person and struggled to do so. The blond stayed quiet for a few moments, trying to muster a sentence.
‘I… I guess I'm sorry too, Snotlout. I guess I did cross a line with the comment I made.’
Both stared at the ground awkwardly. Apologising to each other wasn’t a common occurrence and it was always awkward, with this being no different.
‘I'll just,’ Astrid pointed outside, ‘Go now…’
‘Yeah, uh, I'll see you around…’
He watched as Astrid walked out, breathing a sigh of relief.
Gods, that was awkward.
——————————————
A week passed by fast. Without any noticeable incidents, Snotlout’s situation began to slowly quiet down. Hiccup still knew something was wrong because Snotlout began appearing less and less at meals, even more than before. He was pale, he got tired more easily and the dark circles under his eyes definitely weren’t helping his cause.
Of course, just then Johann began being more and more frequent with his updates about Viggo and the opportunities were just too good to pass up. Apart from that, he didn’t know how to exactly confront Snotlout without seeming too… pushy. Confronting in front of the others was a no-go, but confronting him in private… well that came with its own set of issues. Most importantly being that Snotlout was avoiding him… a lot. But the truth was that every second he spent worrying, the worse Snotlout got.
‘Hiccup, I don't think there’s anything we can do. You know Snotlout.’ Fishlegs said as fidgeted nervously with his dragon cards.
The one legged viking sat, arms crossed as the other riders talked about his suggestion to try and help Snotlout.
‘Yeah, if he really sets his mind on something, almost nothing can stop him.’ Ruffnut added, gesturing with her hands.
Tuffnut nodded.
‘Believe me, I know.’ Astrid said with a sigh.
Hiccup sighed, knowing that this is the third time that this conversation has repeated itself this week. This was getting them nowhere and it frustrated him. Something was clearly wrong with their friend and Hiccup had done virtually nothing to help.
‘There’s gotta be something. Anything we can try. We can’t let Snotlout-’
A voice came from behind him.
‘Hiccup, please.’
Snotlout held himself on the wooden pillar by the entrance. And not in the flirty way. His eyes were dark, that was noticeable even from where Hiccup was standing. There was a shortness in his breath.
‘I know I'm incredibly handsome, but please. Refrain from talking about me when I'm not in the room.’
‘Snotlout… hey!’ Hiccup said quickly, trying to hide the fact they were just talking about him.
He started to walk towards them, weirdly stumbling and almost slightly spinning as he did so.
‘Why do I…’
Then, his body went limp, falling towards the wooden floor.
——————————————
Snotlout fluttered his eyes open, the light coming from the door felt too strong. He felt so dizzy and weak, he didn’t want to sit up.
When he touched the floor he realised it was not, in fact, the floor. He was in his bed..? Which meant he was in his hut.
Why was he in his hut?
‘Where am- What happened..?’ He asked, groggy.
‘Look at that everyone, our sleeping beauty has finally woken up.’ Tuffnut said in a joking tone.
Hiccup hit him with his elbow slightly. Tuff gave out a quick ‘sorry’ before rubbing the back of his head.
‘You really had us worried there for a second, Lout.’
He remained confused for a moment, before everything came flooding back to him. He was walking towards the clubhouse, he was feeling dizzy and then he heard the others say his name, though in a muffled sort of way. He stepped inside and then… darkness.
Oh Gods.
He passed out.
In front of the others.
Oh shit.
He was not getting out of this easily, was he?
‘You do remember what happened… right?’
‘Yeah.. I, um…’ He said nervously as he sat up.
He scanned his surroundings. Everything in his hut seemed untouched except that now, there were a bunch of people in his hut. A bunch of people who were staring at him.
Staring never meant any good, especially for him.
Gods, how badly he wanted to be invisible right now.
‘Sorry.’ Snotlout said sheepishly.
He didn't dare look anyone in the eye. The feeling of their disappointment was already felt enough.
Hiccup turned around to face the others.
‘I need to speak with Snotlout.’
No one said anything.
‘In private.’
Oh fuck, oh fuck.
His mind was racing, his head filling with all sorts of thoughts about what Hiccup would say to him. None of them were any good.
Everyone nodded and promptly left the room, leaving Hiccup and him alone.
It was very hard not to panic right now.
‘I don't wanna make this any harder than it needs to be, Lout.’ Hiccup sighed.
He sat on the edge of his bed, suddenly grabbing Snotlout’s wrists tightly, yet still being careful not to hurt him.
Oh Gods.
'I want you to look at yourself, Snotlout.'
'I'm incredibly hot, I know .' He said, trying to distract Hiccup.
His thoughts weren’t making any of this better.
'You know I don't mean that. '
'Then what do you mean?' He tried to play it off.
In the end, it didn’t matter how hard he tried to hide his panic or his worries. Hiccup knew him. No matter how hard he tried to hide it (even if he knew he was not doing a good job at it), Hiccup knew he was hiding something. Snotlout didn’t know how he was going to get out of this.
If he even did at all…
‘Let's see… you've barely eaten these past few weeks, you are incredibly pale, thinner than usual and… I dunno… maybe the fact that you passed out.’
‘Minor details.’ He waved off.
Hiccup sighed deeply.
‘Lout… I just want to know. Please.’ He paused, staring intently yet softly into Snotlout’s eyes, ‘What’s wrong?’
As much as Snotlout wanted to lie, to desperately keep up this act of invincibility in front of Hiccup, he knew he wouldn’t believe him. He was too far gone. They both knew that.
So… he explained.
He explained everything that led up to his fainting while still , even then, trying so hopelessly to keep up that veil of invincibility. He didn’t know why he still tried.
Why he still clung onto it like a lifeline.
When he got to the events that transpired at Berk, he broke down.
The veil was gone .
And so was his pride.
He felt so broken and weak .
Yet Hiccup did not mock him or laugh at him like his mind so vehemently said. Instead, he gently pulled him into a hug.
Snotlout was shocked for a second, body going stiff, before eventually he just gave in and hugged Hiccup, tight.
As he sat there in his arms, his mind finally went quiet for the first time in weeks. He just let it all out.
He didn’t know how long he laid there, but he didn’t care. This was nice. It was the nicest moment he’s had in a while.
‘I'm sorry.’ Snotlout mumbled suddenly.
‘For what?’
‘For crying… and for doing all of this.’
He had his moment. And now it was time to pretend this never happened. It would work out better for everyone anyways.
‘Lout, you don’t need to apologise for any of that.’ Hiccup comforted, wiping a tear off of the other's face.
Why did he always try to make him feel better?
‘I fucked up, Hic. This is all my fault. None of this would have happened if-’
‘If your dad wasn’t such a dick.’
For a moment, Snotlout was ready to come to Spitelout’s defence before he stopped himself. He… he didn’t deserve that.
If it hadn’t been for him, none of this would have happened.
Snotlout felt awful for thinking that. For a few seconds. Until something in him told him that it was true even if he did not wish it so.
‘I'm sorry I didn't reach out sooner. I should have told you but what my dad said made me feel so inadequate, I…’
‘Didn’t feel like I could?’
‘Yeah…’ he said sheepishly.
Snotlout dug his face into Hiccup’s arms again. He felt embarrassed to actually admit that to someone.
‘I'm actually so hungry.’ His voice was muffled through Hiccup’s shirt..
‘ Really ? I had no clue.’ Hiccup said sarcastically.
'Shut up, Hiccup. You're annoying.'
'You have told me that before, yes.'
Both sat in silence for a second, before bursting out into laughter.
‘We should probably get you something to eat, though.’
‘Yeah… that’d be nice.’