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Doubt

Summary:

He does not doubt his decision. To shut yourself off from the world, to lock yourself in four walls forever, and later, for sure, to meet your demise in them — that's all that will be right. Not a bad list of things he had to do before the story of Tsukinaga Leo came to an end. Yes, the world will lose a great genius in such a pathetic, ugly way. No one will honor him for centuries, create a museum from his native nest, add to textbooks — very soon humanity will forget the one who wanted to become his best friend.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

He does not doubt his decision. To shut yourself off from the world, to lock yourself in four walls forever, and later, for sure, to meet your demise in them — that's all that will be right. Not a bad list of things he had to do before the story of Tsukinaga Leo came to an end. Yes, the world will lose a great genius in such a pathetic, ugly way. No one will honor him for centuries, create a museum from his native nest, add to textbooks — very soon humanity will forget the one who wanted to become his best friend.

Leo follows the room around him with his eyes — he makes sure that he is facing reality, and not another overly plausible nightmare. Lately, no dream is complete without obsessive images, from which the composer wakes up in a sweat somewhere on the floor. And Leo then spends all the strength that he managed to recover during the rest. It's hard to recover — the line between the real and the phantom is erased, leaving behind a feeling of imminent panic.

— Someone..., — Leo mutters to himself one day when Izumi comes to visit him, — It seems to me that someone is constantly watching me…

Leo wonders if he believed him? No, did he at least hear him? Or maybe the voice that once challenged the world has already gone out so much that it is perceived by people as a formless noise?

When there is nothing to occupy his head with, Tsukinaga begins to wonder whose gaze he constantly feels on the back of his head. The mysterious observer seems to be everywhere, but at the same time he does not exist at all. Leo thinks that he is haunted by the souls of those whom he destroyed with his own hands — with these very hands, which are now disgusting to look at, which are riddled with the onslaught of fallen trials, which have forgotten how to compose music.

If he had only lost the ability to speak, it would have been easier. Leo is ready to give everything to be able to compose again. Music gives him a chance to convey to the world any echo of the heart: happiness, grief, doubts. You can put everything into songs without exception, even their very source is inspiration! Now the last threads connecting Tsukinaga with the world are broken — melodies are no longer born from under his hand.

Leo pulls his hand up — there, outside the window, the setting sun appeared. The light is blinding, seeping through the gap between the half-drawn curtains, and the guy falls asleep again, losing track of time.

He dreams of the cursed four walls again, only with the difference that only formless darkness remains around. In the air of the metaphorical world there are gray grains of sand, it seems, ashes. Watching them limply, Leo notices that they all move forward somewhere, to one point, and when they reach it, they begin to lighten. Suddenly his sensitive ear catches the melody, and when the composer raises his head higher, he is blinded by a stream of light, as if by a setting luminary.

A door miraculously appears in front of him, the edges of which blur in the darkness. In the doorway is the figure of an unknown person — a boy, it seems, his age or slightly younger. The young man stands, his posture is perfect, and his gaze is not lost. Purple irises radiate awareness, in addition to blinding light, they are the brightest thing that exists in this fictional brain — inflamed universe.

The stranger is not tormented by doubts when he approaches Leo. He doesn't break eye contact. Did he want to assure the guy sitting on the ground that he was not here to hurt him? Even so, Tsukinaga would not be able to get up anyway — in these dreams his body always fuses with the surface and does not allow him to move, so he used to dutifully observe any horror that the casket of nightmares prepared for him.

The boy sits on his knees in front of Leo, and Leo tries to warn him: “You'll get stuck, you'll get bogged down, you won't be able to get rid of the darkness!”, but he remembers that he has been deprived of a voice for a long time. The violet eyes continue to gaze gently at the person opposite, and their owner approaches to embrace him. Leo's head is empty, a phantom sensation of human warmth burns his skin. A voice is heard.

— You don't need to be afraid anymore. Please return to the light as soon as possible.

The composer shivers all over, too naturally even for a nightmare, and finds himself waking up from oblivion, in his real room. Leo pulls his hand up — there, the rising sun appeared outside the window.

For the first time Leo doubted his decision to stay within four walls forever. All that was spinning in his thoughts was the image of a stranger with shining purple eyes, a young boy who could hear his plea without words and urge him to give the light another chance.

Notes:

I want Leo to be happy I love him so much!! (and then she writes this) (but everything will be okay I'll promise leokasa kiss)