Work Text:
“I am Groot!” The young tree called out as he walked inside the house and closed the door, carrying a small package.
“Hey, what’cha got there, buddy?” Rocket eagerly asked as Groot handed it over. His expression and tone then turned serious. “Don’t tell me that you used my credit card and went on a shopping spree AGAIN.”
Groot shook his head and shrugged. “I am Groot.” He answered truthfully as Rocket handed the package back to him.
“Well, if you didn’t buy it, I don’t even know what it is, and Gammy, Mantis, Nebula, Kraglin, and Drax don’t buy unannounced items unless it’s Christmas time, then that only leaves…” Rocket surmises as Peter opens the door and walks in before closing it.
“Hey, Rocket, Groot!” Peter greets them as he eyes the box that was still in Groot’s hands. “I see that you got my gift Rocket.” The humie states as Groot handed it back to Rocket. “Go ahead, open it.” He orders as Rocket got out a small Xandarian pocket knife to cut the packing tape. “Shipping it was not cheap, as I had to order it from Earth and have it sent to Xandar, so I hope you appreciate it.” He says as both he and Groot try to stifle their chuckles.
“Quill, is this some sort of joke?” Rocket seethes as Groot and Peter let their laughter explode uncontrollably as Rocket put down the box that had the cutest little cookie jar that was shaped like a raccoon. The angry rodent then got out one of his experimental blasters from its holster and pointed it at Quill. “I SAID ‘IS THIS SOME SORT OF FLARKIN’ JOKE!?’ ANSWER ME!”
“No, no! I just saw it online for sale and thought that you would like when you baked cookies.” Peter begged for his life. “You gotta admit that you make some good chocolate chip ones…”
“Y’know, Star-Munch…” Rocket began as he put away his blaster. “Bribery is one of the few strong suits you have…”
Peter celebrates as he plops a premade cookie dough pouch in front of the rodent. “Yes! Just do me one eensy-weensy favor. Do NOT put any of your so-called ‘Flavor Enhancers’ inside of the mix. Like last time when the last batch had a whole bottle of Ex-Lax mixed in.” Rocket and Groot giggled. “It was not funny. I spent the whole night on the toilet.”
“Alright… I get it. But you gotta admit that was hilarious.” Rocket states as he grabbed a pink bottle from one of the cabinets. “I’ll add in this pink sauce all the humies are raving about over on Earth. It’s better too.”
Peter snatches the bottle before Rocket pours it and reads the label. “Pepto Bismol? In what way is that better? It’s actually worse. I’m going to go pick everyone else up and I expect these cookies to be done. In their original, intended state.”
“Fine, fine. I’ll just add in a little milk, for flavor, ya know? I know that you’re not lactose intolerant. Everyone loves the sweetness of milk.” Rocket then turns to Groot as soon as Peter was out of earshot and whispers “of Magnesia…” Rocket and Groot then share a snicker.
A little while later, Rocket was busy in the kitchen while Groot was in the living room playing with his video games.
“Groot! Come in here, I need your help with something.” Rocket called to his son who lazily lumbered over to the kitchen counter where the raccoon was. “Go ahead, try one.” He offered the treenager a cookie.
“I… I am Groot.” Groot politely declined, knowing his father’s sinister plans. “I am Groot.”
“No, they don’t have anything mixed in. I checked out the dates, they were all expired. Although…” A thought then creeped into the trash panda’s mind. “Hehehe, would be hilarious, but I like sleeping inside on nights like this when it’s cold outside. Just eat a cookie.”
Groot obeyed as his father commanded. “I… I am… I AM GROOT!” He exclaims excitedly with a full mouth as he thoroughly enjoyed the cookie and grabbed another.
“They’re good, right?” Rocket confirms as Groot reaches out greedily for a third cookie. “Slow your roll, gotta save ‘em for the others.” The teen then turned his attention back to his video game in his hand as Rocket situated the cookie jar to where he wanted it.
“I am Groot?” Groot asks as he looked up from his game to see his father climb into the cookie jar before helping himself to another one and as Rocket nestled into the jar before the oven dinged to announce another batch of cookies was finished.
Groot loved the smell of freshly baked cookies and the aroma was too inviting to ignore having yet another cookie as Peter pulled up into the driveway.
“Groot! Quit eating all the cookies and put this lid over my head so that we can prank Star-Munch!” Rocket ordered Groot.
“I am Groot?” Groot asked as he did as he was told and then proceeded to put the new cookie batch onto the platter with the other ones.
“Yeah it’ll be funny.” Rocket answered. “Why you thinking that we’re doing this in the first place?”
“Something smells good!” Peter exclaims as he and the other Guardians entered the kitchen and all of them, except Quill took a cookie. When Peter outstretched his hand, Groot guided it away and towards the cookie jar which concealed Rocket and told him that the “cookies” in that jar were exclusively for him. “Alright Groot, if you say so.”
Like clockwork Rocket sprang up and shouted in a successful effort to scare Quill as everyone erupted into boisterous laughter at the unfortunate humie’s expense.
“Oh my God!” Peter exasperated as he caught his breath. “You almost gave me a heart attack.” Peter stood straight for a moment. “And now I gotta go change my pants.” He stated embarrassingly as he walked away and as a wet and brown spot could now be easily seen on the back of his britches.
“See, Groot? Now that’s what you call PAYBACK!” Rocket declared as he climbed out of the cookie jar and joined the others in their cookie feast as Groot let forth a loud burp.