Chapter 1: YOLO, Really?
Chapter Text
Life. Surprisingly something each living creature yearns for. And isn't that already a paradox? Something, someone alive... is actually the one craving for it? Holding on to it with bare hands, with bloody fingernails if it has to be, though we long since have it, ever since we took our first breath?
Isn't it rather that we crave those things we don't have? Isn't that why we are hopeful? Because we dare to dream of what we can't have, that seems so far out of reach? Or why we are envious? Craving others' achievements, their success, their money, beauty, fame? Aren't those our dreams? We want what we can't have, but life... we do have. Still we crave it, want to exploit it, so far that it collapses upon itself. We write "You Only Live Once" on our T-shirts, speed down the highways at too high-speed, or go parachuting to give ourselves a kind of reassurance that we are indeed alive, that this thrill, this throb in our chests is real. Even if such a banner is more of a farce.
You only live once. So what?
Does that mean you have to live up to expectations or neglect them? Does that mean that you have nothing to wish for anymore, because all worlds shall end for you once the time comes? Or is it just a reminder for everyone to live from moment to moment, make the best out of it? That is probably what most want to believe, even if that seems rather odd also. Because the feeling, the style, this slogan seems to entail is that you have to live out loud, live wild, don't think about tomorrow, be relevant, make a difference, let it roar.
And that is bullshit.
Yes, you can go parachuting, bungee-jumping, go to concerts, travel around the world, take stupid pictures of you happily smiling into the camera, even when not everything on that vacation was happy, even when only ten percent were. Because you had a fight with your friend just earlier the day, because someone stole your wallet or your purse. Because you had a nasty food poisoning. Still you take that picture, to have something to glue into the scrapbook. You smile even through the pain. Because no one gets out the camera when you cry. You only want happy memories to remember. After all, you only live once. So who wants to remember anything but the great things that went on in your life? Who wants to remember the times you got ditched, neglected, were left behind, hurt, when you lost everything, friends, family, when your life was turned upside-down, when everything you believed in was taken away from you, by the thieves of time and misfortune? So is that slogan not more of a way for us to escape the reality that our lives consist not only of those jumps and concerts, but rather of so many bad memories and pains that we would drown in them if not for those few to pull us through the day? We want to be remembered as the kind of person who "lived" his or her life "to the fullest". We want to be remembered for the good things. Just as we want to remember the good things. Even if that means that a part of us has to die. And we say so while at the same time we wear the banner of "You Only Live Once" – let that part die for as long as the other part of you is still alive. Because life's too short to wallow in self-pity? Perhaps that's valid enough.
However, on a wider page, it's just bullshit also. Because those people who do believe in these words are those who do what was just mentioned, go parachuting, put their lives on the line for a risk, a thrill, to feel alive when being alive, by definition, means no more than that your body and mind are still functioning. And don't they do that also for the things that you don't take pictures of? What you don't put in an album labeled "the most awesome and outrageous things I did in my life that I shall always be remembered for by the rest of the world"? Even if it is as the slogan says and we only live once, then why do we have to live the outrageous life, the one that roars? Why can't we live a silent life? Is that less of a life or does it stand not as true to these words of using the moment? It seems that the only difference is that those who live between those lines are not... remembered. And that is what the "You Only Live Once"-bearers may make them neglect this perspective. Because we want to matter. We want to matter to others. We want this life, if it is indeed the only one we have, to matter, be significant. Because after the page is turned and the book is closed... it's closed.
Because you only live once. There is no other life to fix things, set things straight, do it better, at least according to that slogan.
And isn't that honestly something that should put somebody in a sad mood and not a good one?
We do not just crave desperately for life, but we want it to matter also, as though that was the only thing able to actually make it a life. For as long as we matter, for as long as we are remembered, we are alive, isn't that what some people say? So, by the end of the day, it comes down to what already the first creatures roaming the face of earth fought for – a bloody struggle for survival. For this life. We want to live, and we think or grow up in the belief that our life can only be a life if it matters.
We crave life so desperately that we even take death as a price.
We seem to be just that stupid.
Because you only live once.
But perhaps we are just thinking too far for a slogan that others just put on T-shirts, along the lines of silly jokes, emblems or band names. If so, the question remains, however: Why do we crave life when we have it? Why are all living creatures so desperate to survive and don't just welcome death once he comes, embrace him and let him embrace us? Just where does that desperation come from?
Is it inherent to us living creatures? Or do dead things have the same kind of desperation, as our opposite? Do they have peace where we have turmoil? Knowledge where we have questions? Acceptance where we disbelieve?
Why don't dead things crave to live?
Or do they?
If we gave them a voice, learned to listen – what would they say? Would they beg like us? Please, let us live, please, show mercy! Would those dead things also ponder on how they have to matter to be alive? Or would they ponder on how they once mattered and now no longer or beg us to make them matter again? And if they were, wouldn't that make us ever the cruel? That we still scream for it when we long since have it, while others cry out for it and are not heard because we are simply louder? Because we want to roar? Or does the cruelty indeed stem from the circumstance that even if we are alive, this is not our own doing, but that of some power, whatever the shape, that grants us this faint glimmer of hope to fill our hearts and even allow for the dead matter to dare to hope?
In the end... everything is cruel, seemingly.
Life itself is.
And still, still, we all scream for it, maybe just some louder as others.
We'd die to live...
Because we are actually afraid that we only live once.
That is the endless cycle of life and death, the mill of our fears that we only live once and that we don't matter.
And it goes round and round again...
It is one of these days. These days which absolutely, royally suck. When you think it can't get any worse – and then comes the low below the low. An abyss behind you, an abyss to your sides, and one in front of you. The only thing left to your choice is which one you'd like to jump into. Welcome to the American Dream.
And amidst such abysses stands Josh Levison, or rather, he is crouching on the ground, the first snow flakes biting into his skin along with the gravel of the alley. Not only is he a monster, not only was he forced to leave everything behind, not only is he working in a diner for lousy payment when he actually has a college degree and used to go to friggin' med school – med school! – but now he is getting kicked to the ground by a pair of strangers, for no reason. Yeah, only he seems to get that lucky.
And Josh can't help but ask himself just when does it stop? Just when does the pain finally leave him, allows him to fade away to that blissful state where he sees no more, hears no more, speaks no more... and feels no more?
Maybe Josh should just let them kill him – then this would be over, right? All of it, just over... because it's not like there is much of anything to hold on to, other than life itself. And life, so Josh had to learn the very hard way, can have such a bitter taste that you want nothing but to throw up your guts. So honestly, where is the point in living if you dread your own life?
The brunet man cowers on the ground as white-hot pain explodes in his stomach and face. Maybe Josh should have taken the overdose of pills after all... that would be less painful, that much is for certain. He lets out a groan, partly because of the pain, partly because of the growing annoyance of himself – because he can't even die properly as it seems.
"Marcus!" a voice, deep, imperious, almost like a growl suddenly rings behind them. One of the men, Marcus seemingly, turns his head with a smug smile tugging at his lips, "Whatcha want, Aidan?!"
"Leave him alone already," Aidan, as it turns out, sighs, his voice annoyed. He steps closer, leaving dark footsteps in the light coat covering the street in snow like loose wool scattered over the ground.
"He's a mutt," the man snarls.
"Did he attack you?" Aidan argues sternly. "If not, there's no reason to play around with him."
"You and your fake vegetarianism, it's making me sick, Aidan," Marcus growls, but that is when the raven with spiky hair is right in his face, his voice a snarl, "Get lost. Now."
"Or what?" Marcus huffs.
"If Bishop were to decide between you and me, whom do you think would he choose, huh?" Aidan threatens him. Marcus actually seems somewhat distressed for a moment, but then simply retorts with a sneer, "Teacher's pet."
"Now get lost already," Aidan repeats in a low growl. Marcus, to make his point again, kicks Josh one last time in the midriff, knocking the air out of his lungs, making white dots dance on the edges of his vision, just like big snow flakes.
"Bastard," Aidan mutters under his breath, but Marcus is unimpressed, just flips him the bird and then sets off with his friend in tow. Aidan contemplates to just go with them, but he is pissed at the coven and Bishop anyways, for brushing off his ideas, the ones that grant more humanity in a world where this is a good and as rare as diamonds and rubies. However, that is something no one seems to hear, no one wants to hear, because it's so much easier, so much more fun to go the easy way of giving in to temptation, even if that marks their ultimate doom – something his kind is likely to ignore. Aidan long-since gave up on the idea that he can change the nature of what he is, but he still dares to hope that there is something about how he lives his life, or what's left of it, that he can change for the better and actually make him less of a monster than he is by blood.
He is pulled out of his thoughts at the noise of the guy cowering on the ground as he hacks for much needed air, something Aidan can't deny he envies him for at some point. To breathe. Have a heartbeat. Live. The raven man crosses the last steps over to the brunet and crouches down, "Hey, uhm..."
But before he can even utter an actual word, Josh flinches away from him. That is the moment their eyes actually meet for the first time. Brown pools fade into black pools. Darkness has them both, something the two are instantly aware of as their worlds collide through four dark orbs. There is an odd sense of familiarity in the foreignness they share. Both have this anguish boiling behind their eyelids, an immense fire of passion and passionate hate, resent, but also a small flicker, a white specter of light that leaps out of the darkness, a glimmer of hope, a will to fight, to come out of the obscurity and see the world beyond. Yet, the source remains in the shadows.
"I'm sorry about that... my... brother... he's an asshole," Aidan grimaces with a portion of sympathy in his voice, though he honestly asks himself why it is there to begin with. This is still a mutt, and even if he is not into torturing them the way Marcus is... nature demands that their kinds always end up in this senseless game of cat and mouse, a blood feud reaching so far back that no one can even pinpoint the actual cause of the hatred anymore. As though hatred can simply grow out of habit, that you literally can't smell each other anymore – and that this is enough to justify rage and the want to kill the other. When everyone already forgot why you fight, except for that you fight. Because, to Aidan, that is exactly what war was and always will be about – simply to fight, shed blood.
However, Aidan doesn't feel resent for this one, for some unexplainable reason. Maybe he is just too pissed at the coven and the world to bother about the hatred for a night. Even his kind can show some benevolence, right? That doesn't mean you change sides or play for the different team, you are just... being generous for once. No harm done, right?
Aidan stretches out his hand to the brunet man, but he just flinches away again, holding his stomach against the pain, "Just... l, leave me alone, please."
And Josh could smack himself for actually pleading this guy so pathetically that his voice is sounding as though on the verge of tears. He is a grown man, for goodness sake! He can't cry after something like this. Men suck it up, don't they? Maybe he should have listened to Em after all and put on some muscles. Less brain, more muscles. Then he could stop contemplating about how shitty his situation is but simply go after Marcus and punch him in the nose, even at the risk of ending his own life. However, that is over now anyways. Everything is over and Josh just wants curl in on his side and cry. Just when does the humiliation finally end?!
"Hey, you could show at least some gratitude. I saved your ass, even though that is actually against both our nature," Aidan huffs.
"... w, what?" Josh stammers, staggering to his feet, just to fall back on his knees. Aidan wants to help him, for some reason, but the man brushes him off. For someone who didn't fight back against Marcus at all, he is more of a fighter than Aidan had taken him for, though it was already clear in his eyes. Even if there is pure resignation in his brown orbs, so is an undying will.
"What? Oh, c'mon. You're a mutt, so it's not natural that I make the effort, okay? So stop kidding me," Aidan rolls his eyes. Really, that mutt is testing him, or what is the matter here? He should rather plead for life and run, or at least mumble thank yous... and then run. And even if Aidan understands that the poor guy can't run because his legs won't support him, he can't help but frown at the wolf's confused facial expression. He really doesn't seem to understand the situation here.
"I don't know what you're talking about," Josh brings out, his ribs protesting. Just what does he mean with mutt? And what other kind is there? Josh knows he is a monster, but how would that guy know? It's not that time of the month yet and he didn't transform yet. So what is that guy saying?
"Wow, okay, so you want me to spell it out for you?" Aidan rolls his dark eyes at him. "You as a werewolf shouldn't expect help from my kind. Actually, the reaction you got from Marcus is what you'd usually get from any of us."
"... h, how do you know that I'm a...," Josh babbles helplessly, his eyes so wide that they threaten to fall out of their sockets. Aidan, growing annoyed, simply flashes his fangs at the man, his eyes turning onyx, "Vampire, rivaling race... should ring a bell with you, right?"
"... oh my God, you're a vampire?! A vampire?!" Josh cries out pathetically, his voice betraying him. And he hopes it's not just his voice betraying him, but his senses also, that he didn't actually hear what he think he just heard. Vampires?! Seriously, world?!
"Hey, why don't you scream it a bit louder, I think the guys across the streets haven't heard you yet," Aidan snorts. As if a snake just bit him, Josh tries to rush off, but his legs simply give away and he falls back on the ground, leaving more bruises and abrasions on his already battered body. Aidan, ever the calm, gets up from his crouching position, just to crouch back down in front of Josh, blocking his path another time, holding up his palms in a defensive way, "You don't have to be afraid. I won't do anything to you, alright?"
Josh's breath still hitches, but he makes no attempt to move. His body is refusing to stir at all for some reason. It's as though his body is taking over his mind's command. He just wants to get away from here, but his legs won't move. Maybe Josh should go for some place far away from Boston after all? This is his own personal hell all over again. The guy who ever talked about the rainbow after the storm should better not come Josh's way. He'd just punch him to pulp for spreading such lies.
Rainbows are no more than optical illusions also. They are lies, just as is any wink of fortune that swings Josh's way, as it seems.
"So... the others who just... they too?" Josh brings out. Aidan tilts his head in curiosity. Even though it's clear that the man is terrified, he still seeks information, knowledge. That is a rare feature, or at least it became, so Aidan had to observe over the past too many years.
No one wants to know anymore.
People just try to forget. Not that he is any exception.
"Yeah," Aidan nods eventually.
"... h, how do you know w, what I am?" Josh brings out, his voice shaking more than he wants it to. After all, he is just in the eyes of what turns out to be a vampire – if this doesn't turn out to be some really crazy Halloween joke that's way past Halloween – and still, he feels that almost overtaking urge to ask questions about this dark world, the dark dots that loom around normalcy, the spots in which he lives in a while now. Is there actually someone who shares his pain, if only on a different level? In a different specter of that darkness?
"You smell like wet dog to us," Aidan shrugs, making a face. That is one of the reasons vampires can't stand to be around them for long. The smell is just too disgusting... though this one is at least bathing regularly, because Aidan can't say that it is unbearable at this moment, though the moon is not that far away, so he knows – as a matter of precaution. Because as much as vampires hate to admit it to themselves, a werewolf on a full moon is something that can rip even them to shreds, more likely than they want it to.
"Oh...," Josh grimaces, knitting his eyebrows. Aidan has to suppress a smile at the way he looks now, almost like a teenager suddenly.
"So? What are you doing in Boston of all places? This is like... prohibited area for your kind. We own this place," Aidan grimaces. Because that is something he honestly doesn't get. Werewolves are rather rare around the area because of the vampires having such strong influence. Of course there are exceptions, but usually werewolves know better than to pick bigger territorial fights they know they cannot win – and that is true for this area. This is vampire area. That guy's alpha must truly be an idiot.
"... until a minute ago I didn't even know there was... something else. I thought I was... the only one," Josh admits. There is no point in holding it back anymore, is there?
"... just who the hell is the idiot of an alpha that turned you?!" Aidan shakes his head, but doesn't wait for an answer. "C'mon, let's get you up and to somewhere warm. I mean, I don't need it, but you seemingly do."
"I'm fine, thanks. You... you did enough. Thanks," Josh argues, biting his lower lip.
"I don't bite," Aidan huffs, but then starts to chuckle. "Well okay, I kinda do, but not you. We don't bite werewolves because of the smell."
"It's really enough. You saved me. So please, go back to your family or whatever," Josh argues vehemently. Really, much more of a fighter than Aidan ever anticipated.
"You can hardly stand and I feel benevolent today... and it will piss off Marcus, so that's already a gain," Aidan jokes. Why is he doing this? Why does he bother with this werewolf? Aidan doesn't know. Maybe it's his eyes, or that he seems funny. Maybe Aidan just needs distraction for a night, but... for the first time in a long time, the vampire feels an honest smirk creeping up his lips.
Josh hesitates as the man stretches out his hand to him again, "I'm Aidan Waite. You are?"
Josh puckers his lips, but then actually takes Aidan's hand, "Josh Levison."
Aidan pulls him up without an effort – the guy is really, really strong, Josh has to admit. The vampire smiles at him with a wink, "Nice to meet you, Josh."
"Nice... to meet you, too," Josh grimaces, because he feels cold hands in his, but still warmth creeping up into his body, all the way to his heart for some unexplainable reason.
Maybe he is not alone after all?
And that possibility, that tiny specter of light is so tempting for Josh that he can't do anything but hold on to it, if only for a minute, a second, the blink of an eye. Because then, for this fleeting moment, he wouldn't feel alone anymore, as though the world already excluded him and tossed him in the abyss of no return.
Aidan guides him away from the diner, figuring that Josh probably doesn't want to explain the bruises to his boss, something the younger man gratefully accepts. They settle in a small, shady bar not far away from the diner, choosing a corner so secluded that no one can hear them talking. For a while, the men just look at each other, trying to overcome the tremor filling them at the realization that they are seated next to their natural rivals. Though the rivalry is more on Aidan's part than Josh's, because Josh is too unfamiliar with the situation entirely that he can't develop hatred or rivalry, yet anyways.
Instead, the brunet only feels a tremor of fear and terror rising within him, rocking his chest. If what Aidan says is true... then who tells him that the vampire won't just take advantage of his injured body and simply kill him the first chance he gets? Josh could smack himself for being that easy-believing at times. He believed in fortune once, that he had it, that he was the luckiest man ever, with all prospects in the world, well, that's over in a while now. Josh also believed in God once, but now no longer. Though he would like to, love to, but he can't believe in a God if he allows such pain to happen, whereas Josh can't tell that he's ever done so much bad to deserve so much darkness in his life that it readily devours him in one piece.
"So... how long have you been in Boston?" Aidan asks, seeking to break this oppressive silence looming over them.
"A few months... I don't know. I lost track of time," Josh sighs, shifting his weight from one side to the other.
"Where are you from?" Aidan asks.
"Ithaca, New York," Josh shrugs. "You?"
"Boston original... as in literally Boston original," Aidan smirks.
"... is it true that you like... live so long?" Josh asks in a hushed voice, curiosity winning the battle once again.
"Yeah," Aidan nods. "I'm way past the 200 mark."
"Wow... okay, that's... wow," Josh grimaces, suddenly feeling even smaller and younger than he does anyways. He is normally taken for younger because of his almost boyish facial features, but against Aidan, he is clearly losing the fight of age.
"So you were turned... this year around?" Aidan asks, trying to keep up a more casual tone for good measure. He can hear Josh's heartbeat hammering in his chest so fast and so hard that it drums in his ears in a huge crescendo.
"Yeah," Josh answers, his voice feeble. "Camping trips suck."
"I'm not too fond of them either," Aidan shrugs, a soft smile tugging at his lips. At least Josh didn't lose all his humor and wit yet. Aidan knows how hard it is to come back from resignation once it took a hold of you. Once resignation has you in its cold, ghostly white claws, you are soon filled with remorse and scorn, and with that comes bitterness. And once you are bitter, there is almost no way of escape anymore.
"... so is Marcus your real brother... by blood... I mean... it's all by blood, but...," Josh fidgets for the words, something Aidan finds ever the amusing. Even though the guy was just confronted with the harsh reality of the dark side of society, an even darker kind of society of monsters that live among the normal ones, unseen and unheard, but still he manages a feeble smile and even jokes.
"Not my real brother, no," Aidan lets him know. And that is something he is really glad for. Because that would bind him to the bastard even more than he is anyways, thanks to Bishop. No, Aidan wants to have as little to do with this brother of his as that is possible. They resemble Cain and Abel at some point, or so Bishop told them, though it's not out yet who is who – and who will eventually kill the other, becoming Cain therefore.
"... good, I don't like him," Josh grumbles.
"Me neither. He's like... this cousin you always have to be nice to on Christmas though everyone thinks he sucks," Aidan shrugs, leaning back in his seat a bit. "But I can't just kick him in the ass for nothing. Our father wouldn't like to see that."
"Father?" Josh grimaces.
"Well, uhm... the alpha, the one who's turned us," Aidan explains with a shrug of his shoulders. "His name's Bishop, by the way. Runs the police. So if you're smart, you stay the hell away from him. He is not all too fond of your kind."
"... I will remember that," Josh grimaces. Great, danger and darkness just seems to spring out of its evil germ bud whatever ground Josh dares to step upon. And all Josh wants is peace, silence, and for that constant fear to leave him, if only for a few days until he starts worrying himself sick about the approaching full moon that makes his skin crawl... literally so.
"And your alpha?" Aidan asks, again, purposely keeping his voice at a very casual level.
"... I don't have one," Josh scrunches his nose.
"Of course you have one. Or else you wouldn't go crazy around the full moon," Aidan huffs. "I'm talking about the guy who's turned you, who took you into his pack."
"... there is no pack, just me," Josh shakes his head.
"But what about your alpha, then? Don't you know where he is?" Aidan frowns. "Lost track of each other?"
"... should I know where he is? I mean... that beast just bit me and left me there bleeding on the ground. Why would I actually bother to search for that... thing?" Josh makes a face.
"No, he should be searching you. You see, alphas have that responsibility towards their children," Aidan argues, actually shocked to see a werewolf who got thrown into that cold, mossy, blood-drenched world of darkness without any guidance. Just what kind of an alpha does that? Even Bishop, and that guy is an asshole, took his time to teach Aidan how to live the life of the undead. That is just what an alpha does.
"I'm not his child," Josh argues vehemently, his eyes narrowing with a little part of anger. "I'm my father's child, and that of my mother. Not that beast that bit me and left me to die in the woods, killing my friend and destroying my life."
"... I'm sorry about your friend," Aidan grimaces sympathetically.
"... thanks. I'm, too," Josh sighs, his voice no more than a whisper.
"Well, but you see... for your alpha... turning you was like having a child, as sick as it is, I know. That's the way it goes with them, with us, too. It is their way of having family. And that is why usually the alphas stick around to teach you how," Aidan explains, feeling utterly sad that he has to break those news to the young werewolf. Not only to be thrown into that dark pit, but then to learn that the one who's tossed you in there was actually supposed to hold his hand out to you, thus ultimately neglecting and deceiving you... that's a pain Aidan doesn't even want to imagine. It's enough of a curse to be a monster, but Aidan actually learned to find comfort in the fact that he is not the only one, and that there is someone to talk to, even about such things like blood craving, killing, accidents, a missing heartbeat, loneliness, and the like. However, here sits a poor creature next to him who doesn't even have that tiny comfort of the feeling of not being alone.
"Look, maybe that's true for your kind, or for some others of mine... whatever that is... but to me, it was like that: I went on a camping trip with my fiance, and a couple with whom we were best friends. We heard that noise in the middle of the night, my friend and I went to check, and that was when everything blacked out and there was just pain. And then I woke up as someone flashed his torchlight in my face, with my friend mauled next to me, and me over with blood and teeth marks in my skin. And for the following month I felt remorse and mourned his loss, sat in a diner, minding my own business, and the next thing I felt was this pain inside me that I had to scream. I ran outside and then black again. Only to wake up with a deer now next to me, where once my friend lay beside me, and its blood all over me. Whatever it is that turned me, it never showed again – and I would kill him or her or it if I got the chance to. That thing destroyed my life. That's what it is to me, I want nothing to do with that," Josh explains, his eyes sternly focused on Aidan's.
"... what happened to your fiance?" Aidan asks almost weakly.
"She survived, if that's what you're asking. Other than that... Dunno. I took off, ran away. After I found out... what became of me, I left everything behind... and somehow ended up in Boston," Josh tells him. To be perfectly honest, Boston was by no means a matter of choice, but simply the area where Josh's car ran out of gas – and he had to decide between spending the last bucks on fuel or on a month's rent. Josh decided for the rent... and went from there. For what reason? Josh doesn't know. He just knows that he wanted to take this as a wink of fortune, even if it was surely no fortune that brought him into that situation. It was rather that Josh simply believed that some higher power was telling him to stop – and simply stay. And so Josh did.
He stayed.
"I'm sorry," Aidan says, honestly meaning it. He knows how painful it is to lose one's only companion in life and have all fortune tossed away in your name... drowning in a deep and wild river.
"Thanks," Josh licks his lips. "I'm, too..."
"What about your parents? Do you keep up contact with them?" Aidan asks, with a pang of hopefulness in his voice, but Josh shakes his head, "I cut all ties to my past, other than my name. They don't know where I live. I don't call, I don't write. I don't tweet, something my sister is probably getting worked up over even more than the fact that I'm missing. I don't want to hurt them. I would never forgive myself if I... no."
"Sister?" Aidan grimaces. Josh just shrugs. Aidan throws back his head, looking at the ceiling, "Man... that sucks."
"Yeah, that sucks," Josh sighs. "And you? What skeletons do you hide in the closet... I mean... okay, stupid question, don't answer that."
Aidan shakes his head with a smirk.
"... but maybe you tell me what your hated brother meant by vegetarianism?" Josh asks after a while, blinking at him curiously.
"Well, we need... blood," Aidan shrugs, leaning a little closer.
"Guessed as much," Josh huffs.
"But that means... you know, typical vampire theme with biting someone and all...," Aidan goes on, gesticulating. Josh nods.
"Well, the side effect is that you get kinda... high?" Aidan explains, though he notes with wonder just how easily he tells that someone he doesn't know for more than an hour. And here they are and exchange not only life stories, but also those stories that no one wants to admit, but rather hide in the deep corners of the mind, so far deep down that you hope you can forget about it yourself.
"Oh," Josh blinks at him – and at that Aidan can't help but frown. He honestly expected something else as a reaction. He can tell that this doesn't make Josh more nervous than he is seemingly by nature. He is surprised, yes, but... Josh doesn't judge him, for basically taking drugs. He is not disgusted in any way, just... surprised. And even if this is strange for Aidan, he finds that honestly nice, comforting.
It's odd not to be judged for once.
"And I don't want that anymore. We could take other stuff, like... blood bags. That works. Just that we don't get the funny feelings from it – and that is why no one wants to join. But they don't want to see that this is the best way to keep humanity. They just don't care," Aidan explains with a sigh. Why is he telling Josh again? Aidan doesn't know. Maybe because this guy is also someone unhappy with his curse, someone still fighting?
A brother in misery?
Or maybe he is just too pissed to care?
"... huh, well... that also sucks," Josh smirks weakly. "So to sum it up... both our lives kinda suck."
"You could say so, I guess," Aidan shrugs.
"... that's not exactly reassuring, is it?" Josh grimaces.
"Not really," Aidan shakes his head. No, even if it is indeed a comfort to have someone to share this secret story with, it's not in the least reassuring to know other people in such deep vain also. Because that is a kind of agony you don't wish upon your worst enemy.
"So, what are your plans from now on?" Aidan asks.
"I don't have any plans other than making it to the next day... or not. The time where I dared to make them is long since over for me," Josh shakes his head. He once planned a future, a bright future, but it got all crushed in one instant. So where is the point in future management when you are honestly convinced that there is no future for you?
"Wow, you're not too much into optimism, huh?" Aidan huffs.
"I don't know what would make me optimistic. I mean... I just got the living shit beat out of me because I smell like dog to some people – something I wasn't even aware of... I just learned that even more people fucked up my life... and I am what I am. I honestly fail to see the silver lining," Josh snorts.
"Yeah, I know what you mean... in our kind of situation, who wants to believe in the good, huh?" Aidan exhales, leaning back.
"No one," Josh shakes his head. "Well... what about you? Any plans for the future?"
"At the moment, not really... I just want... away," Aidan admits.
"Away, yeah... that sounds nice," Josh exhales, leaning back. Away, far away, to a place where no one could find him, not even that beast living with him? Yeah, that would be tremendous.
"Well, I guess I will still stick around Boston, but I need to get away from the clan for a while. They are just pissing me off," Aidan grunts.
"Well, stands to reason. You're home here," Josh agrees.
"It's your home now, too," Aidan argues.
"Honestly? I still feel the tendency to just jump into the next-best street and let a car hit me to put me out of my misery," Josh snorts, with a kind of honesty that catches the vampire off-guard. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel at home here. My home is elsewhere, though it is no longer... why am I telling you this again? I'm sorry. You probably don't wanna hear my moping over my screwed-up life. You have obviously enough problems of your own. And by that I don't mean that you... I will just shut up."
"Hey, I didn't mind, okay?" Aidan assures the younger man quickly, hoping that this didn't just end this conversation, because it's about the best conversation Aidan's had... in a way too long time.
"Dude, it's really considerate of you to listen to my crap, but by the end of the day, it's just crap... and apparently from the rivaling species," Josh argues.
"Is overrated in my opinion anyways," Aidan argues.
"Well, I didn't know about this until now, so I can't really tell," Josh shrugs.
"But I can. It's just something you do... out of habit, and I find that stupid, to be honest," Aidan shrugs.
"Well, then you are quite the revolutionist of your group, huh?" Josh exhales, his ribs still protesting against the movement.
"Maybe. Well, when you are around as long as we are, you only have like... phases. Who wants to be a revolutionary all the while? It's just too bothersome," Aidan argues, though he grimaces at his own remark. He just spoke out loud what he doesn't like to admit to himself – just how easy he gives in because it is more comfortable. Shouldn't he rebel all the while if he really believed in something? Shouldn't Aidan stand up for his ideals, and not just make big words for a given time, only to come back to the coven and act as if nothing ever happened? There was a time when he was like that, but somewhere after the 100 years mark, or maybe even before, Aidan lost this fight. He gained fangs, but lost the teeth to bite into that flesh and hold on like a bloodhound. Just what happened to this will he always gave himself credit for?
And why does he call that into question only now that he talks to someone who has obviously no clue what all this is about?
Aidan coughs lightly against the realization bubbling up in his mind, hoping that this will somehow shove it back down, but has to see that it doesn't work. Maybe that's why no one wants to join him on his mission to vegetarianism – because it's obviously just a phase, as is everything? Maybe he is the real poser after all.
"Right," Josh agrees. He wouldn't ever judge anyone for not picking a fight. He is the one to run from any trouble. The werewolf knows that he is. It's just that he sees no point in fighting for something he no longer sees as worth fighting for. Josh just doesn't have the energy anymore. He just wants out, wants over, wants end, this way or another. Whatever it is that he has now, it's not life, is it? At least he doesn't want to believe that life is really only just... a heartbeat.
He would like to believe that there is something, and be it as tiny, that is there beyond the organ beating in his chest. Because that is the only way that the man sitting next to him is, right? He doesn't have a heartbeat. And still, Aidan is alive, at least he is to Josh. So there must be something that reaches beyond the heart and its function to keep your body alive.
But just what is that?
"Wow, when I woke up this morning, I certainly didn't think this would be the outcome," Aidan chuckles.
"Trust me: Me neither," Josh grins, which results in him actually laughing, something Josh can't remember the last time he really did and... meant it. Maybe it's gallows humor, but it feels nice for once to laugh and not feel sadness tugging at you. Aidan joins him. This is just so utterly ridiculous that it's funny again, isn't it? A werewolf and a vampire, sharing a beer in a bar, talking about the downsides of life or the life of the undead. That just sounds like the beginning of a very stupid joke already.
The two continue to sit in silence for a while, both actually finding comfort in each other's presence. They only realize that they spent a few hours there when the bartender tells them that he wants to close. Aidan and Josh exchange a glance, before both smirk, pay the bartender and leave the pub, surprised just how fast time can pass, when they are both so used to it stretching into agonizing eternities.
"Well, ugh, it was nice meeting you, Aidan... and thanks another time for... saving me, you know what I mean," Josh tells him, one arm still protectively clasped over his midsection.
"Hey, now don't be ridiculous. I'll walk you home. After I was so kind to save you, it'd be against the point if I let you get mugged by Marcus another time," Aidan argues, though a part, hidden deep down, just wants to continue this conversation, this sensation.
"He would?" Josh frowns.
"Yep," Aidan nods, not even lying at that point. Marcus is that much of an asshole.
"Oh," Josh grimaces. "But that's not your problem. Really, you did enough, Aidan."
"My home's that way anyways. C'mon," Aidan argues. Josh simply follows eventually. He is too tired to put up a fight, especially over something he enjoys at some point. Contact with another person, with a person who understands this... it's nice for a change. It's something Josh only now realizes he missed. To... have someone... around.
So the werewolf and the vampire trod their way down the empty streets of Boston until they reach Josh's living place, a shabby place, Aidan notes with a grimace. Josh hobbles up the stairs, his head bowed as he fishes for the keys in his pocket. He wants to open the door when his eyes fall on a red envelope attached to the door with tape. The werewolf frowns at the address, but then realization dawns on him. He bangs his head against the door.
"Whoa, what are you doing?!" Aidan gasps.
"God! I will lynch this fuckin' person!" Josh growls, biting his lower lip.
"Josh?" Aidan grimaces.
"Awesome, now I'm not just beaten up and work in a restaurant for minimum pay, no, now I will be homeless within the next couple of days!" Josh mutters to himself, perfectly ignoring Aidan behind him. His point was just proven all over again: whenever Josh dares to see the bright side of life again, and be it the smallest of specters of light, he gets it right back in his face.
"What do you mean?" Aidan asks cautiously.
"This is the notice to quit or whatever. My landlord wants me out. I have a neighbor who parties too hard. Since I work so much, I'm barely at home. He has a key to my apartment, in case of emergency. Turns out he used it to have parties over at my apartment. Police was there, or so I was told. I talked to the landlord and he said he would wait till this is cleared, but that was a shitty lie! Fuck! Because of that bastard I get thrown out! That can't be true!" Josh pouts, knocking his head against the door again. If he had done something wrong, Josh could live with it, but all he did was being a good neighbor, see where that got him? Now he is beat up, a monster, alone and... homeless. Great, just great. Maybe he should just jump off a bridge. Are there good bridges to jump from in Boston? He should definitely check that.
Josh tears the letter off the door and opens it with shaky hands, "Awesome, I have to be out by next month. Tremendous. Just great."
"Wow, that royally sucks," Aidan comments sympathetically.
"Yeah, this sucks," Josh exhales, but then turns to face Aidan almost sheepishly. "But... but that's not your problem, now I let you stand there and... I'm sorry. I... ugh, sorry, good night. Have a nice... afterlife. I just..."
"Josh, calm down," Aidan holds up his hands in the hope this gesture will somehow work as a kind of reassurance for the upset werewolf.
"I suck at giving first impressions," Josh huffs.
"I try to feed on people, I don't think that this is exactly a good first impression either," Aidan jokes, which actually brings Josh to smile again, if only briefly.
"Still, I'm sorry that I... you did so much for me and... I will just stop talking. My head's mush," Josh grumbles to himself towards the end. Aidan glances at the werewolf, then at the red envelope in his hands. Red, like blood. The blood he doesn't want to shed anymore, at least not that way. The promise he wants to make to himself to preserve the last tatters of his humanity. And those red tatters are in the hands of a werewolf Aidan doesn't know, but also a werewolf who managed to make him smile, someone who didn't judge him for his nature, and who didn't judge him for his dreams of vegetarianism, of being able to change. Someone who gives a fuck on the social order outside society, within the dark world no one knows about and those who do know about it, decide not to talk about it. Someone who shares his pain, someone who seemingly understands that life takes more than simply being alive. Not because it should matter to anyone else what they do or who they are, but what that means to themselves. To not just forget, but see, as hurtful as it is. Open one's eyes to reality, no matter how little you may see in that darkness. And that is when Aidan suddenly finds a resolution within him that he didn't think he inherited anymore.
"Hey, Josh?" he begins. The werewolf blinks at him, "What is it?"
"I think I might have a solution to our problems," Aidan goes on, his eyes glistening.
"What? Turn my neighbor?" Josh huffs.
"No, I want to get away from the coven. You have to move out," Aidan explains.
"Yeah, I already got it that our lives royally suck," Josh snorts.
"We two could move in together," Aidan suggests. Josh blinks at him, then at this letter in his hands. However, then his eyes drift back to Aidan – and he sees that the vampire... he means it. Now what the bloody hell?!
"Share an apartment, a vampire and a werewolf," Josh grimaces.
"Why not?" Aidan shrugs. Really, why not? Why not live up to what he once stood for, what Aidan wants to stand for again, a will to keep humanity, his humanity. Be human again and stop being a monster. If he wants to make a change, Aidan has to start somewhere, and he knows that he will always end up in the mill again if he doesn't get away from the coven, from Bishop, from the live-blood.
"... why not," Josh mumbles to himself. Really, why not? Why not finally... live again. Between the lines of darkness that obscure all future plans? Why not be a person again, rather than some shadow cleaning out pans in a shabby restaurant. Why not live a life that is a life again? Or at least hold on to that idea again? Hope? Maybe even monsters are granted to live? Maybe you can live in the silence after all, live with the truth of what they are, but not being forced to hide it to themselves, just the outside world?
Why not?
"I know this comes... out of the blue, but...," Aidan grimaces, but that is when Josh interrupts him, "I'm in... I mean, if you're... serious, then I'm in."
"Okay," Aidan replies, still not quite believing it.
"Okay," Josh answers also, as though that confirmation only labeled it as reality.
Aidan smirks at Josh and Josh smiles back.
A promise made.
And maybe, just maybe... life can start anew.
Maybe you don't only live once.
Or even if you do, you can make it matter, just maybe not the way you expected it to.
Chapter 2: A Chance at Together in the Window
Summary:
Aidan and Josh get to know each other.
Both watch windows - for reasons.
Aidan gets Josh a job.
And other things happen in-between.
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Thanks for reading my story and for sticking around for the next chapter!
So, in this section, we will get a bit more of get-to-know for Aidan and Josh. Obviously, this wasn't on the show like that, just as I changed the pattern of how they met, but I wanted to stress their relationship and I just felt the need to add a bit to that, or else my story, so I fear, won't be where I want it to be. So I hope you aren't angry with me for changing that much already, but I gave the AU warning, right? ^^
Anyways, I hope you'll like it.
Chapter Text
Boundaries are curious things.
They reach all the way from putting up fences around one's home to what came to be called personal boundaries, dictating how you have to act around people, how you have to keep a distance to be... what? Polite? Probably, but then again, one can't help but wonder if it is a good thing to have such personal boundaries.
Because aren't those boundaries keeping us away from... other people? And while we so often seek attention, seek to be close to those people we call loved ones, friends, and family, we hold up our hand and tell others to mind the personal boundaries, mind their own business and keep out of ours, so that they don't ask the hurtful questions, maybe? And that even though we make so much more public about what is private these days. In some sense we really seem to be borderline cases. On the one hand, we want to be left alone, on the other we feel this unexplainable urge to be recognized. We want others to see that we are surrounded by that invisible cloud labeled "personal space" and it seems that the bigger one draws the circle the prouder that person actually is, for claiming that much territory, taking up that much space. And that even though it only means that they are even more lost in that space than is any other person.
Because boundaries are no one-way thing.
Boundaries, fences, lines drawn on the ground, on paper, they always create an inside and an outside. One side that keeps others out, away from you, your problems, those secrets you don't want to share, those moments you would rather forget about. But the other side keeps you trapped in that sphere you created around yourself, ironically so. You build up this shield to protect yourself, just to expose yourself to yourself, and to everything that you bring into that inside world, all your sorrows, troubles, pains.
And in that, you are completely alone. Because you, ever so smart, didn't allow anyone inside, or even if you did, you never let anyone so close to touch that inner core that is so dark that even you, as its creator, are afraid of it. We are alone not because we want to be alone, but because we feel the need to be alone, because we don't want others to see just how alone we are.
Stand tall, be proud, put on a smile, isn't that what some people say as a form of encouragement? Though this seems hardly encouraging. Because that means that you don't just live behind a fence, fighting your own monsters and demons with bare hands and completely alone, but that you have to pretend that this is not so, or that it is anything great?
We seem to be that afraid of allowing other people close that we lose sight of the dangers of being alone. Because we are just so much in love with the idea of boundaries to give us a sense of direction, a frame to place the dangers at its corners in the hope it will take some time for the demons to creep their way into its center.
Yet, there seems to be a way out of that misery, if you let it happen. And only if you let it happen. If you allow a few people into that circle, behind that fence, they may help you fight your demons. The only difference is that you'd have to help the others to fight their monsters, too.
Of course that means a higher risk, because more demons may come your way, but... at least someone has your back. And so some of these boundaries may actually dissolve.
So that you are no longer alone again.
Because the curiously great thing about boundaries is that you can overcome them.
It's funny how things can morph into a single blur, where all past mashes together into odd shapes of light, darkness, and obscure colors.
Because that is the feeling Josh has at this moment. He knows that yesterday he was beaten to pulp by what turned out to be vampires, and now here he is with that other vampire who saved him... in his apartment, well, at least for the rest of the month. They actually spent the rest of the night... talking. Simply talking. As though it was the most normal thing on earth for a vampire and a werewolf to have nonsense chats, and that even though they don't know each other... and that with the prospect of sharing a flat some time in the future.
Because that is the one moment Josh can see quite clearly in front of his eyes. How the raven vampire had asked him to move in together – and how he had accepted, simply accepted, make it truth that neither one is... that alone in the world. And even though it must sound miserable to most other people, Josh counts this along the lines of his happiest moments in... a long time. Way too long time.
After they had made up their mind to actually do this, Josh had simply invited Aidan inside, pointing out that if he wanted to get away from the coven, they could start so now. And Aidan, much to both their surprise, had instantly agreed.
So now, Aidan sits in Josh's worn armchair while Josh is on the small couch and they are busily discussing a movie they both liked for its characters, but not for the plot. How they got there? Neither one has a clue. It's just a blur. A nice blur, really.
"... Hey, Josh, I got a question," Aidan says, tearing Josh out of his musing to fix back on the vampire. He blinks at him curiously, "What?"
"How much do you earn with the job in the diner?" Aidan asks, looking around. Not that money matters to him in any way. Aidan learned over his too-long life that there is little that matters less than those sheets of cotton and paper with presidents on them. They can't buy you your humanity back, they won't comfort you, or help you out, and even if you can potentially buy yourself "friends" for such problems, you know that they are gone the very first moment you don't have the paycheck ready. So where is the point, right?
"... less than I think I deserve for the slave work I do, but... ugh, why asking?" Josh frowns.
"Well, I'm just wondering. The apartment looks like it's not halfway bad... except for the crappy heating, as you mentioned... so you seriously afford it with just this job?" Aidan grimaces. Because he can't really picture that the diner pays him that much to make his living.
"No, ugh, that money is enough to buy food and pay for the plus extra charges, if the owner has the money to pay... my rent comes from working as a cashier and occasionally taking care of the kids in the neighborhood or cleaning houses," Josh explains with a shrug of his shoulders.
"... when exactly do you, you know... live?" Aidan makes a face.
"What do you mean?" Josh frowns.
"Well, you're basically talking about up to four jobs. When do you have time to, I don't know, eat, drink, chill on the couch, sleep?" Aidan grimaces. He could potentially do four jobs with ease because he doesn't actually have to sleep, but Josh, except for that one time of the month is... human, as human as "human" is in their terms. At least on the more functional level, Josh is still in need of sleep and keeping his body functions going, but that seems to be hard when he is... hardly at home.
"I actually welcomed that," Josh admits after a moment of silence. "At first I lived off of my savings. But that forced me to sit here all day long and muse about how shitty my life is, which is why I eventually decided to work again... It kept me distracted."
Distracted from those dark thoughts of how it would be... not to be anymore. Distracted from the thoughts of the life he no longer had. His dreams. His hopes. How they got crushed and tossed into the abyss. Josh rather put up with back sores, sleep deprivation and exhaustion than going over those painful thoughts, each a stab right in his chest. At least he felt alive in that way. Or so he tried to make himself believe, because, so Josh starts to realize, is less of a living than he'd like it to be.
"And you never had the strive for... a normal job?" Aidan asks curiously.
"I thought I would rather do that and stay anonymous. I'm still afraid of... you know what. I thought that if I work in a stable job, I'll end up... liking people and... I feared that if I attach myself to this too much, I will end up hurting those people all over again. With these jobs, no one really cares, well, safe for the children. They are great. I love how they laugh at... everything," Josh explains, a soft smile tugging at his lips. And Aidan can perfectly picture that Josh is great with kids.
Though the vampire notes wonder how easily Josh tells him these things, because it's clear to both of them that neither one has to say anything reaching too far into the inside, to those dark places both would rather leave untouched. Because Aidan can see that Josh actually doesn't... mind to tell him, at least if he reads him correctly, which the vampire thinks he does. At some point Aidan envies Josh for this kind of openness or being able to open up like that. Aidan didn't lose that ability, but he realized that over the past years it became more and more difficult for him. Because there are just so many dark spots in his soul that he doesn't know where to plunge his hands into without being swallowed by it. And a part of him fears that those people who know too much will be consumed by that very same darkness along with him. Yet, now to see someone with an at least about equal share of darkness in his life, Aidan starts to call this position into question. If Josh can do that, he should be able to do the same, right? Maybe that would... help?
Who knows?
"Well, what did you do before... the wolf stumbled into your life?" Aidan questions.
"I went to med school," Josh answers. "Wanted to get my degree and become a doctor, maybe pediatrician, I don't know... I didn't get far because of the wolf, obviously."
"Med school?" Aidan blinks at him.
"I told you, I'm actually not as weak as I may have looked like put against your brother dearest and his pal. Neither am I totally stupid," Josh huffs.
"I never took you for that," Aidan argues more vehemently than he thought he would. And honestly, he doesn't. He saw it in Josh's eyes, this fire, both of will and curiosity, which speaks for someone who wants to see beyond, who seeks knowledge, who isn't satisfied with just the tiny bits of truth. That person can't be plainly dull.
"Thanks," Josh smirks. "... well, if I were to guess, I'd say you're not unfamiliar with that department yourself, huh?"
"What?" Aidan frowns.
"You stitched me up. Not all people know how to do stitches that proficiently. So that means you're probably from the health department also, or you were during your... quite a few years of life," Josh grins. He was honestly surprised that upon entering the apartment, Aidan had immediately asked him for the first aid kit, and didn't waver once when Josh told him that he can fix himself up alright. Aidan had checked him over, stitched the cuts, cleaned out the wounds, put bandages on, and applied band-aids wherever needed in an absolutely expert manner before handing Josh painkillers and a glass of water.
"I work as a nurse in the nearby hospital," Aidan nods.
"Nurse, really?" Josh blinks.
"Hey, nothing against nurses," Aidan argues, but Josh shakes his head vehemently, "They are the people who keep the engine running, I know that. And in my opinion, they don't even remotely get the payment they should get for the work they do."
"Well, then why do you sound so surprised, then?" Aidan argues.
"I just didn't think a vampire would go for a place where there are so many... possibly bleeding people," Josh shrugs. "No offense."
"Yeah, no, I get that. And at some point I always ask myself, but... since I want to come clean, I guess it's a bit of exposure therapy," Aidan smirks softly. "And... it helps me... repent."
And yes, that came out easier than he thought...
"Repent for what?" Josh frowns.
"I did some bad things over the past decades... centuries... because I wasn't always calling for vegetarianism, we get each other?" Aidan admits. He searches the younger man's eyes, seeking his reaction. At some point Aidan is honestly scared that Josh will just poke him with questions about what he did, to then go ahead and decide that Aidan is too much of a serial killer to share a flat with him, but, once again, Josh's eyes hold no judgment. Instead... he nods... in understanding.
"That's great," Josh tells him in a soft voice. Aidan blinks at him.
What?
"Well, I mean, I don't find it great that you... did other people harm, I guess that goes without saying," Josh holds up his hands, making Aidan's lips tug upwards a bit. "But... I find it admirable that you... still want to do something good. Keeping in mind that you want to keep your humanity, I don't think this is far off the mark."
"Thanks," Aidan says, his eyes wide. He never heard someone say it. And far more importantly, Aidan never heard someone actually meaning it. Josh means it. All of it. He means it. Josh is the first person who actually understands his struggle for humanity – and sees that his actions are so intended to keep it – and that this is worth it. For someone who doesn't know the specific troubles of a vampire, Josh seems to have a very fine understanding for Aidan's troubles though, surprisingly so.
"Do you wear pink outfits?" Josh suddenly cracks up, to which Aidan can't help but burst out laughing. Josh joins him, even though his ribs are protesting persistently. He holds his stomach, but never did pain feel this good, really.
"No, navy blue," Aidan brings out, still chuckling, but then turns more serious. "... you could start there also, by the way."
"Huh?" Josh blinks at him, rubbing his hand over his stomach to calm down his ribs.
"Well, you say you are actually into the health department, why not have a stable not-all-to-well-paid job at the hospital?" Aidan shrugs. "I mean, it's not working as a doctor, but... it's also helping people."
"As I said, I don't know about... attaching to places," Josh bites his lower lip nervously, but then quits once he realizes the fresh taste of copper in his mouth – his split lip having reopened thanks to the nervous kink he has.
"Well, it's your choice, but think about it, if we move in together... that means you attach to some place anyways... and in some way... you attach to a person also," Aidan argues, hoping that he doesn't go too far with this yet. Judging by Josh's level of nervousness, the man often reminds Aidan of a deer more than a wolf.
"... you're right," Josh admits. "I'm just... afraid... of that, to be perfectly honest."
"Why?" Aidan asks, his voice soft.
"Well, I told you. I left my family and friends so that I can protect them... from me. Now I'm here and... if I attach too much and I end up hurting people again... or you... I don't even want to imagine what will happen," Josh whispers hoarsely.
"I'm not made of sugar, Josh. And I actually know what you are and what your kind... is. That means that I'm probably one of the few people who know how to stay safe no matter what the wolf may do," Aidan argues. "And with the hospital... if I manage to work there and not go insane, I think you can do it, too... even if some of the staff are... really weird."
"I like weird people," Josh smirks.
"... Birds of feather flock together, huh?" Aidan jokes.
"Oh, shut up," Josh snickers.
"What? You are weird," Aidan argues with a grin. "As am I."
"As was J. M. Barrie," Josh shrugs, looking out the window.
"What?" Aidan makes a face. "The guy who wrote Peter Pan?"
"Hm?" Josh turns back to him. "Yeah, I read that after his brother died in an ice-skating accident, his mother couldn't cope with the loss, so he started acting like him, dressed like the older brother, walked and talked like him, and even whistled like him so that she thought he was still alive. When she overcame depression, she consoled herself with the belief that the dead brother would stay with her forever, a boy who wouldn't ever age... sounds familiar?"
"... how on earth do you come up with that all of a sudden?!" Aidan knits his eyebrows, though he can't help the laughter.
"Well, if you don't find that weird, too, we seem to have very varying definitions of the term 'weird'," Josh shrugs.
"I mean, how do you even know that?!" Aidan blinks.
"... well, I don't know for sure, but I read it on the internet," Josh shrugs.
"Why would you read that?!" Aidan cries out. To the day, he fails to figure why people nowadays are so much into internet and social media. To Aidan, that's just a sick way to escape out of life even more. You don't go out into the world because it's so much more comforting in your own home that you become afraid of the outside world. After all, on the internet, you can be whoever you want. And even if Aidan gets that part of the fancy, because he would rather be someone else at times, too, he doesn't understand that people rather spend their days in front of a blinking device – and not cherish what they have, a heartbeat, a life to live. Aidan is one of the undead, he knows how precious it is to be able to glance into the sun and simply feel the warm tickle on your nose, without having to fear that you get a "really bad sunburn". He knows how precious it is to eat and taste it. To sleep in. Have a family, but not in that electronic world. In the real world, as hurtful as it can be at times.
"... I don't know, I read a lot," Josh shrugs. "And I realized that around the full moon... my mind's kinda hazy and my attention span is... off."
"Well, the wolf gets stronger around the full moon, so that stands to reason," Aidan shrugs.
"Well, so if you notice me drifting off around that time, it's probably because of that," Josh smirks.
"I'll remember that," Aidan chuckles. "Do I get to hit you with a newspaper on the nose, then?"
"You do that once and you're dead, man," Josh threatens mockingly.
"What? I can take on you any time," Aidan argues, joining the joking atmosphere.
"Not on the full moon," Josh smirks.
"We'll see about that," Aidan snorts. There is a moment of silence – and Josh glances out the window, but seemingly only now taking in what is shining through the glass. His expression notably changes at the sight.
"Just how many hours did we spend talking?" Josh mutters with a soft smile.
"What?" Aidan frowns.
"Morning's already rising," Josh explains in a soft voice as he suddenly gets up, even though it obviously pains him.
Aidan grimaces, "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Josh shrugs as he makes his way over to the window, awkwardly sitting down on the sill.
"Then what are you doing?" the vampire questions, already rising from his seat.
"It's about to start," Josh smiles, his eyes fixed on the window. Aidan frowns, but then steps over to the werewolf, following his gaze until they find the still grey street where no cars are riding at the moment.
"What are we looking at?" Aidan asks.
"Just wait," Josh tells him, his eyes still fixed on the street. A few seconds later, the first beams of daylight make their way past the buildings. Aidan already means to make a comment when the light rises a bit higher and hits one of the shops on the other side of the road at such an angle that the glass turns a milky kind of orange which seem to move and almost resonate to the light as shadows from the rooftops are reflected in them also. The mist of the pollution, the smog, which otherwise paints the street a dark shade of grey and black now glistens the honey-like silken glass in dancing shapes, depriving it of all its ugliness, of all its gloom, to give it a quality of pure bliss and beauty. Suddenly, the smog is the driving force of the dance, becomes the outline and not the thick mist that means to obscure all shapes into the unrecognizable.
Aidan glances at the dance of light in a mixture of awe and admiration. It is something so simple, so unimportant, actually, but the vampire has rarely seen something that strangely beautiful.
In all those years he already spent on this planet, Aidan has to admit to himself that he never took the time to actually... search such micro-miracles and perceive them a such. Not even when he was still alive and not undead. Of course Aidan found solace and comfort in the brush of the wind or the rustling of leafs, but not once did he take this moment of searching for a particular moment to happen. He never took the time. Once he was turned, Aidan lost most of his ability to perceive such wonder. Lived the life of the undead, made it from one day to the next. He found the world ugly, as he found his life ugly, his existence, his now race. Aidan doesn't wear sunglasses only for the reason of shielding his eyes off the sometimes hurtful sunlight, but he also did it so the world was shaded, so that it appeared a bit darker, a bit more like himself. And at some point, Aidan thought that all people his kind or of his dark specter would act that way. Especially now that he got to know Josh a bit better, the vampire had most certainly assumed that the werewolf would curse life as much as he does. After all, that is what Josh told him not so long ago. And Aidan hadn't blamed him for it.
Yet, here they stand and watch the dance of shadows and the silk of light in a shady part of Boston where smog is hanging above their heads like a dark halo. And Aidan, not in a million years, so he is sure, would have caught that if not for Josh. And that even though Aidan knows Boston like no one else. There is not a single road he hasn't walked through, not a single alley he didn't set a foot upon yet. However, he always missed... this, for instance.
For someone who says he is so hopeless that he doesn't want to be close to people, it amazes Aidan ever the more that Josh still manages to to find a kind of comfort, a tatter of hope and awe, a bit of magic, in this otherwise dark and unpleasant world, this smog-filled cosmos that otherwise seems to mean Josh so much harm, treating him as an intruder and not a guest, throwing him out with red envelopes.
"It's strange, isn't it?" Josh speaks up, still eying the glass, his eyes suddenly no longer this dark, rich color of brown, but rather hazel, as though the honey-silk-color found its way right into his dark orbs, switching the lights back on. "This place is such a rathole, but... I can't help but find this beautiful."
"It is," Aidan simply agrees, his voice no more than a whisper.
"I watch that every morning," Josh goes on to explain. "... that honestly pulled me through most of my days, which is... pretty pathetic, but..."
"No," Aidan intervenes. "It's not... I... I get that."
"Really? I thought I was just being a lunatic again," Josh chuckles. "I mean, the hell, we are staring at windows at sunrise."
"Well, other people say that someone is pretty, too... and then they are just staring at their faces or bodies, right?" Aidan argues.
"True," Josh agrees with a light shrug of his shoulders.
"You know, I've been to Boston for all my life, but I've never seen something like that before," Aidan admits.
"Well, we have different perspectives, I guess," Josh shrugs.
"But I share your opinion, this is amazing," Aidan smirks. The two continue to watch this little wonder until it ends, simply fades back into smog and unpolished windows. Though, much to Aidan's surprise, he doesn't feel disappointed once it ends, but instead feels a warm sensation in his chest he didn't think was possible anymore. After all, he lacks body temperature, as a vampire.
Josh gets up from the sill stiffly, cradling his side before he trots into the kitchen.
"I would offer you breakfast and something to drink, but I guess that's beside the point," Josh yells over his shoulder. "I don't come to have a bloodbag in my fridge."
Aidan chuckles, tearing his eyes away from the window to join Josh in the tiny kitchen, though he notes that despite the worn furniture, the place is perfectly clean.
"Or do you actually...," Josh asks curiously, to which the vampire shakes his head, "No, we don't. I mean, we can potentially, but we don't taste it anymore... and we kinda have to bring it back up if we actually eat."
"That sounds like the morning routine of most of the anorexic girls back in my High School," Josh jokes.
"Maybe they were all vampires?" Aidan jokes.
"Possible. I thought they had something... predatory," Josh shrugs as he starts to drink a protein shake he took out of the fridge.
"So you just live off of protein shakes?" Aidan tilts his head at the still slightly ajar fridge where he can spot dozens of those bottles, neatly aligned.
"Basically... well, I sometimes cook on the weekends, but I don't have the time during the week because of the jobs," Josh shrugs his shoulders.
"So you are not into cooking, I see. Well, seems to fit with the stereotype of the busy student, or former student," Aidan grins.
"Oh, I can cook really well, that's not it. I just don't get to it," Josh argues. "I love cooking."
"Seriously?" Aidan grimaces.
"What, you, as a nurse, think it's girly to cook?" Josh snorts playfully.
"You just seem so scrawny," Aidan chuckles.
"Oh please, now you almost sound like my mother when I was still a teenager... or well, no, she said that even short before the camping trip," Josh shakes his head, and for the first time he mentions his parents and doesn't feel this heavy burden on his chest that constricts his airways.
It's... okay. For now.
"You know, mothers are always right," Aidan shrugs.
"No point in arguing, at least not when a mother is present," Josh agrees. "But... now back to business here, you are serious about... me working at that hospital?"
"What? Yeah, sure," Aidan blinks. "I know the people, so I can set up a job interview in no time. I bet I can do it today, too. They are always looking for new people."
"You are surprisingly supportive for a vampire," Josh chuckles.
"You don't even know what vampires are like," Aidan snorts.
"True, but I guess I'm about to find out, aren't I?" Josh smirks as he dumps the protein shake bottle into the trash can.
"I guess so," Aidan nods. "Okay, so how about I make some phone calls and see if I can schedule an interview while you... try to look human again?"
"According to what we just learned about each other, neither one of us is exactly human anymore," Josh argues.
"True again, but we can still pretend to be normal most of our time," Aidan chuckles as he takes out his phone. "I'll just go into the living room, alright?"
"Sure... and thanks," Josh says before he walks into the bathroom slash bedroom. Aidan goes back into the living room, one hand on his hip, the other holding the phone to his ear. He spins around on the back of his heel, taking the situation in another time.
At this very moment, Aidan honestly feels the closest thing to human ever since he was turned.
"Ah, Jenny, Aidan here. I think I found you another nurse you may want to hire...," Aidan smirks broadly before he goes on to explain the situation.
As promised, Aidan set up an interview for the day, which is why he is now waiting in front of the private room where Josh and the head-nurse have conversation. And even though Aidan wouldn't ever say it, he is actually anxious, hoping that Josh gets the job. At some point he is really unsure if the injuries to his face won't make it even harder for the werewolf to make a good impression. Because the more the vampire reflected upon the offer, the more of a liking he took to the idea. Aidan gets along with the staff, and most of the female nurses have a crush on him, at least the younger ones, the older ones always say that he somehow has the evil in his eyes, which is probably more true than they could ever think, but Aidan is more on collegial terms with them than on friendship terms. He never goes out to party with them, which is of course also due to his "addiction", and doesn't hang around with them during the breaks. He mostly spends his time alone. So yeah, having someone here who is supposed to be his friend, at least Aidan finds himself hoping that this is be what they will be in the near future, is really a nice prospect.
And honestly, he couldn't care less that his soon-flatmate-and-hopefully-soon-friend is a werewolf.
Destiny is a curious thing – and is sometimes so kind to blur the edges of reality so that you can see its bright colors more prominently, see the true essence.
Aidan is pulled out of his musing as the door opens and Josh steps outside, dances, well, hobbles, given that he still suffers from the kicks he received thanks to Marcus and his friend. However, Josh's face speaks volumes – he flashes his brightly white teeth and his eyes also seem a little lighter.
"So, how did it go?" Aidan asks as the two make their way down the corridors.
"It was absolutely perfect! I mean, at first I thought that I'd get hell for coming to an interview all bruised and cut, but they actually seemed to like it," Josh smirks almost triumphantly. "Even though I ask myself if I would find that good on 'normal' terms."
"What do you mean?" Aidan frowns.
"Well, ugh, they didn't really question my story, so... more generally speaking, any shady person could start here," Josh shrugs, but then his face lights up again. "But who cares, right? I'm hired, so screw it."
"You are exceptionally excited to have a job that mostly involves changing bedpans and diapers," Aidan huffs.
"I don't care," Josh hums gleefully. He honestly can't remember the last time he felt that giddy. Because suddenly his life... it has a purpose again. That he didn't think about that sooner. Josh wanted to become a doctor to help people, not just for the fancy title, the white coat or the money. Josh always hoped that he could make a small change to the world if he could save only a single life with his job. However, when the werewolf happened, Josh lost that perspective, lost that... prospect. He didn't know how he could help people when he couldn't even help himself out of this spot. If you are stuck in a sickness, because that is what the wolf is to Josh, then how do you want to help others, right? However, now that Aidan is in his life, and be it for only just the day it actually is... Josh starts to realize this one thing: maybe he can't cure himself to help people, but someone else may help fix some of the mess so he can help people again. Josh honestly forgot how it is like to have someone support you so that you can move again. And that is why Josh hopes, prays, that this, for once, will hold. That destiny won't be that much of a witch to throw him off-track again. Because for the first time in a felt eternity, Josh feels like his life is gaining direction again, if only to clean out bedpans, if only to have a steady place to turn to, a secured apartment and working place, with perhaps the one person Josh can grow to trust to help him keep it.
"So, when do you start?" Aidan asks.
"Tomorrow already," Josh replies. "Which means I can tell my employers to fuck off, yay."
"I bet that must be satisfactory for you," Aidan chuckles.
"You have no idea," Josh breathes. The two get outside, and Josh notes that for a hospital, this part of the building is really pretty, the richly green grass, the trees, peaceful in its very own way.
"Well, okay, so now, thanks to you, I also have a steady payment for the rent. Now we can think about... searching for an apartment, right?" Josh asks, but then blinks almost shyly. "I mean... if you still want to."
"Josh, I was the one to suggest it, remember," Aidan snorts.
"Yeah, but now you got to know me. I know I'm... nyah," Josh chuckles. There actually was a time when he was more of an outgoing person, but that stopped after the camping disaster, and it died and decayed the night he turned for the first time. Josh knows that he is another person now, though he has not yet determined if this is for good or bad. All he knows is that he became very reserved, mistrusting, skeptical, cynical, silent. At some point he honestly asks himself how it was ever possible that he went to karaoke bars with a bunch of friends, jumped on-stage first and hollered perfectly off-tune, for all to hear, and do the worst dance moves the world has possibly ever seen – and feel amazing as a result and be cheered on by all in the club. Especially since he is now even afraid to talk to people because he can feel the canine bristles of fur throbbing against the inside of his skin. If not for his face still looking the same, Josh is honestly convinced that if he were to run into someone from his past, the person wouldn't recognize him. Who once was an outgoing and hopeful person is now just socially awkward and out of place, in more than one way.
"You are alright," Aidan chuckles. "Or we both are... nyah. I thought we were past this already."
"As you will have to learn about me, I often revisit things and think my head sore about them. I'm more of the brooding type," Josh chuckles.
"Well, no harm in that, I guess," Aidan shrugs. "Anything else I should know?"
"I have OCD," Josh declares with a grimace.
"I bet that makes being a wolf ever the harder," Aidan grimaces, caught between a smirk and eyes full of empathy.
"This put a new level to it," Josh agrees. "So... is that a particular problem for you?"
"Not really. I mean, that means our place will always be clean, right?" Aidan jokes.
"Definitely," Josh nods almost resolutely.
"... then how bad is it? With the OCD, I mean?" Aidan asks. Over the years in the hospital, he has also seen these kinds of people more than once. And some poor devils who cleaned their hands raw or pulled out their hair. He always felt with them, because, so he learned, they very often know what is going on with them, but just can't stop it, which is... on a wider page close to Aidan's problems in some way. He also knows that taking live-blood is wrong, but he ends up doing it again and again. So maybe the blood addiction is his personal OCD, who knows?
"Not that bad, I mean... I just... clean, a lot. And I get bitchy when people leave dirt everywhere," Josh shrugs.
"That diner you worked in is not known to be the most hygienically clean of places. How did you ever make it through?" Aidan asks.
"I still thank the world for those small bottles of hand-sanitizer," Josh shudders.
"I picture," Aidan nods. "Well, to me that is no problem."
"Good, cool... that's... yeah," Josh mutters more to himself than to Aidan. "So, ugh, about the apartment or whatever... I think we should go looking for a place, right?"
"Yeah, that would be the next step," Aidan chuckles.
"Yeah, well, obviously, but I'm just thinking... it'll take a few days, at least, to find something, right? That means we have to think about... how to handle it until we get to move into an apartment," Josh goes on.
"What are you hinting at?" Aidan frowns.
"Well, I'm just... suggesting that... if you want to... you can stay over at my apartment till we have something," Josh goes on. Aidan blinks at him, so Josh explains, "You said you wanted to get away from the coven. And I don't know much, but I guess they will kinda start to talk you out of it if you go back now, right?"
"Sure," Aidan nods. He honestly forgot about that.
"Well, even if I get thrown out by the end of the month, the apartment's still mine for the last few days, so... you could stay there, if you want. Just an offer, all I'm saying," Josh says.
"That'd be great, actually," Aidan admits. "I mean, okay, the apartment is crappy, but... it'll do, right?"
It's odd to realize once again how there is actually still this understanding of mutual help in the world. Aidan helps Josh out with finding a job, Josh helps Aidan out by offering him a roof until they found themselves a place. It sounds probably absolutely normal and unimportant to other people, but for people like Aidan and Josh, this is not something to take for granted. When the world tears so much away from you, when so many people either leave you behind or you leave them behind, it is hard to imagine that there is still the chance of benevolence, good will, companionship, friendship. That you simply help because you want to help and not because you have to.
"It should," Josh shrugs.
"Okay, then I guess we should get some newspapers to go through the flat advertisements," Aidan shrugs.
"... newspaper...," Josh makes a face. "Wow, yeah, that means you're really old."
"What now? People do read newspapers," Aidan argues vehemently.
"Yeah, but when you want to have all offers, you go search the internet," Josh chuckles.
"I bet I can find a better apartment in there than you will on those crap sites," Aidan huffs.
"I bet you won't," Josh snickers.
"Are you challenging me?" Aidan smirks.
"That would mean that you're actually competition," Josh sticks out his tongue.
"For someone who acts like he is totally insecure about himself because of his wild side, you're much into boasting at this moment, huh?" Aidan snorts playfully.
"I just feel incredibly... good today, so I don't care," Josh admits. "Hey, let's make a bet. You take the newspaper, I take the internet, whoever gets the best flat the fastest wins."
"Seriously?" Aidan chuckles.
"Whoever wins gets to choose his room first," Josh offers.
"Fine, know what? Count me in," Aidan smirks. Josh already takes out his smartphone to search for possible apartments.
"Hey, c'mon, that's not fair," Aidan argues.
"That's what the losers always say," Josh laughs, not caring for the blink of an eye how much his ribs hurt at the movement. "And for you, it's a valuable lesson that with the internet, you have the advantage that you can instantly start your search, while you, with the newspaper, will have to wait till you find a store that still has newspapers to begin with."
That is when Aidan nudges him lightly in the side, which makes Josh yelp. The vampire uses the momentum to grab the phone from his hand, walking a bit ahead with a devilish smile flashing over his lips.
"Aw, seriously?!" Josh pouts, holding his side. "That's playing dirty, man."
"That's what the losers always say," Aidan snickers. "You get it back once I have my newspapers."
"But seriously, nudging in the side with bruised ribs is not cool," Josh mutters. Aidan turns around abruptly, his eyes apologetic, "Oh, I'm sorry. I really tried to nudge the slightest I could."
However, that is when Josh grabs his phone back, walking on nonchalantly, "So, to end the fight here, and possible more damage to my ribs, we will wait till we're back in the apartment, deal?"
"Deal," Aidan snorts with a smirk before catching up with the younger man.
"Isn't it odd how we act like already?" Josh chuckles as he stuffs his phone into his pocket. Aidan contemplates for a moment. It's true. They act as though they were college friends or so, people who know each other for half their lives already. Even though they only know each other for a few hours. Yet, here they are, goofing around, joking, and apparently searching for a flat to... live together. This is truly a twisted kind of world.
"It is," Aidan agrees. "But... I don't mind."
"Good, me neither," Josh chuckles.
And so they walk on, feeling like the world is no longer that dark, at least for the day.
The sun bathes the house facades in its warm light, obscuring their outlines. If light can blur these lines, then so they can overcome their boundaries and find a common place among those two personal spaces coming closer.
So they may fight their demons together.
Together. And not alone.
Chapter 3: Lies, Ghosts & Spatulas
Summary:
The boys move into their new home.
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around!
Okay, so this chapter takes up on the pilot, but I have to twist it a bit out of canon by leaving out certain things or putting them in passive voice. But as already mentioned, I want to take what I need – and leave the rest mostly unharmed, so that you aren't too bored.
I guess some of you might ask themselves why I changed their initial meeting, but I wanted to have a stronger co-dependence to build on, and as already mentioned, just repeating the lines from the episode is not too entertaining, at least so in my opinion.
Chapter Text
We're all hiding something, aren't we? From the moment we wake, look in that mirror, all we do is spin our little lies. Suck in that gut, color that hair, twist off that wedding ring. And why not? What's the penalty? What are the consequences, really? "I'm only human," you say, and all is forgiven. But what if some cruel twist of fate makes you something else, something other? Who forgives you then? Every human spends a night or two on the dark side and regrets it. But what if you only exist on the dark side? We just want the same things that you do: a chance at life, at love. We're not so different in that way. And so we try and sometimes fail. But when you're something other, a monster, the consequences are worse. Much worse. You wake up from your nightmares. We don't.
Aidan is speeding down the still empty streets on the outskirt of town as morning rises, his face weary, his knuckles turning white as he grasps the steering wheel even tighter.
What a day, really... what a night? What a life, or rather... existence?
His neck muscles strain to the point that his veins stand out, so the vampire pulls over to the side of the road, hammering his head against the steering wheel, screwing his eyes shut.
And that is when Aidan sees it.
His fault.
The red.
The rush.
The blood.
His shame.
All over again.
Aidan had gone out on a date with another nurse from the hospital, Rebecca. Nice girl, pretty, nice smile, bright eyes, cute laughter. They spent a great evening together. And he felt a little more human. Aidan hadn't gone out on dates in a while. He probably should have left it at that.
He definitely should have.
Because what used to be a nice chat, some gentle touches, an exchange of glances soon led to bed. And before he knew it, Aidan had that familiar rush in his ears, his body, his mind. The world was painted red, a loud humming in his ears, deafening his senses, contours faded into the unrecognizable and he knew no more. Once he came back around, he felt the blood sticking to his skin, serving as the memento of his sin. Because Aidan lost it. Lost it again. Lost what he thought he was able to grab on to again.
His humanity.
And Aidan really thought he was doing well. Especially now that he had something, someone to ground him, keep him away from the rush... it feels even worse than it did before. Because now Aidan didn't just fail himself, which is bad enough, but he failed Josh also. And here Aidan had believed that the guilt he felt over his wrongdoings couldn't be any worse. It is worse now, because... apparently, feeling guilty for failing someone else is so much more painful, such a deeper stab into your chest. This feeling is even worse than was the phone call to Bishop so he helps clean up that mess.
And so Aidan is back to Stone One...
Great.
Just how to tell Josh?
Or not tell him?
Because that would be the option Aidan would favor above all. He doesn't want to have his friend disappointed in him. He doesn't want to... make this real. Or at least any more real than are the fine red lines still under his fingernails. The vampire just wants to shove all of it back into that box he keeps in his dead heart, count it to the other many wrongdoings that piled up over the years and leave it there, shove it deeper, kill it, shoot it, but simply make sure it doesn't come back out. At least that... worked... over the course of the past years. Made him pull through the next day, somehow, anyhow. But now Aidan starts to call that into question. Because he tries to get away from that, yet, he always ends up back in that dark spectrum where he has to call Bishop to help him out, even if he promised Josh, more or less, that he would try to stay away from him and the coven.
Aidan never was delusional. He never thought that it would be easy to be... anything close to human. However, that he suddenly had someone to help him out had actually made him a bit more confident in himself and that he could pull through if he relied on the one friend Aidan actually sees as such these days. And that seems so stupid now. So pointless.
Such a lie.
Even if Aidan had been close to hopeful thanks to his growing friendship with Josh and the growing distance to the coven, another part of him started nagging and bragging, pulling him down by the edges. That he will simply be a disappointment again. Even if Josh's eyes held no judgment when Aidan told him about his past mistakes, the vampire can't imagine that Josh will simply swallow it that he...
Killed. Failed. Again.
Because it's one thing to understand that someone had a rough time in the past which led to bad, bad things, but another to accept that this someone dared to make the same mistake again, even with the prospect of a better life now. Which means that Aidan now has to fear that he might even lose this one constant he wants to rely on – having a place with Josh, having a life that is closer to human than a life in the coven could ever possibly be. And all that because of one moment of weakness. Aidan hates this: That one moment can change everything.
The vampire takes another moment to breathe through the pain in his chest before he enters the road again. After all, he promised Josh to come pick him up after the change. Aidan makes it to the outskirt of the woods, but as he nears the trees, he sees... violet.
Aidan frowns as the specter of violet becomes bigger and bigger, gaining flesh colored tendrils and then a brown... hat, is it? However, as he comes closer, Aidan realizes Josh is that violet blob. A very pissed Josh in a floral pattern... dress. Aidan parks the car next to the werewolf, who hastily gets inside, his eyes sternly keeping away from Aidan. The vampire wordlessly hands him the bag with clothes and Josh starts to tear out clothes other than what he snitched from someone's garden after the change. He somehow ended up in a different part of the woods and couldn't find his clothes anymore.
Aidan then turns around to look at Josh, before he puts on a dark grin, "You little slut."
Josh growls some incoherent curses to himself before he starts putting on a sweater and pants.
"I will burn that thing," he mutters.
"What? The colors suit you," Aidan laughs.
"Shut up," Josh curses. "I hate you."
That is when Aidan holds out a bag with burgers to him. He knows that the werewolf is always very hungry after a change, which stands to reason, of course. A transformation is a great strain on the body, such a strain that it would kill almost anyone else, if not for the enhanced abilities and endurance. So, as a good roommate and for possibly (though not obviously) making up for last night, Aidan decided to bring Josh something to eat before they get to work.
Josh snatches the food from the vampire, still grumbling, "I still hate you."
"... so now what exactly happened to your pants? Because I know that you had them when I dropped you off yesterday night," Aidan goes on. "Or else be sure I wouldn't have taken you."
"You seriously think I'd walk around like that if I knew?" Josh curses. "Though..."
"What? You now come out and say you're a cross-dresser? That is something you should have told me by now, you know?" Aidan chuckles.
Josh lets out a loud cough.
"I told you to chew," Aidan jokes, though his eyebrows furrow in concern as Josh goes on coughing.
"It's not the food," Josh explains. "I think those are my pants."
"... I lost you," Aidan grimaces.
"... I think the wolf... ate my pants," Josh grimaces.
"How would you tell?" Aidan asks
Josh coughs another time, holding his hand in front of his mouth, just to show to Aidan what looks like tatters of jeans.
"Oh," Aidan brings out. Josh already rolls down the window to toss the cloth outside, disgustedly rubbing his palms. He is just always so disgusted with himself after a change. He is over with dirt, he can taste copper on his tongue, and if he gets really lucky, he will spend the rest of the day in the restroom, throwing up the deer he is sure the wolf found. At least that is the most reasonable explanation for the blood he was drenched in... if the deer head next to him was no wink of fate. Though Josh was glad to find the antlers still on the animal's head. It would have been more than hard to bring that back up.
Aidan starts the car, makes a U-turn, and drives back to town.
"I just wanna die right now," Josh sighs, leaning back.
"You can die after the shift, okay? We are working on the same floor. And I won't cover up for you just because you wanna go on moping," Aidan argues.
"Moping? You are kidding me, right? The wolf, which means I... just ate my pants. I literally ate my pants, Aidan. That's not what normal people do. No one does that," Josh whines.
"You know that you're kinda referencing the Simpsons now, right?" Aidan chuckles.
"That was about shorts... and I didn't mean to take it literally," Josh snorts, glancing out the window. As the car picks up speed, the colors of the woods mesh into long stripes of brown, green and black, like long tendrils still eager to cling on to a bit of Josh's skin and pull him back. He hates this feeling. He honestly hates it. Not only is Josh humiliated, dirty, and bloody, but it seems that even though he leaves the woods now, Josh doesn't leave them, really. Because he can't escape his curse. He can't escape the wolf. No matter how far Josh travels, he will always end up in some kind of forest to be the beast. He feels caged in the wide area the forest offers. Josh feels caged because he always has the fear in his very soul that the wolf will leap one step further. Even if Josh was glad when he found a house where he could get... something... to put on, it came to him as a sickening realization just how close he had woken up to civilization, to people. There were just a few miles from the wolf eating a person, a family. Destroying other people's lives.
Obviously, the transformation is the worst part. It hurts, simply hurts when his bones shift, his skin stretches to the point that it should tear, when his organs change shape and position. However, the second worse is this consuming fear before the change that Josh will wake up to a human head next to him in the moss. And the werewolf has no clue how he could ever live on if he, or the wolf, took a life, only because the beast is hungry. Only because he can't control himself. Because the thing is that Josh can't control himself, no matter how hard he tries. And that is the third worse evil. This lack of control, the absolute absence of it. That he can't protect what is dear to him once he is in that state, his humanity.
"I just want a break," Josh brings out, almost whimpering. He grasps the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back tears. Simply one month when he doesn't turn. One month of normal, of no pain, no fear... no trousers trying to come back up.
"Me, too," Aidan sighs, his eyes fixed on the road.
They make their way to the hospital in silence.
There is just nothing left to be said about it.
Some time later, they are in the locker rooms. Aidan is already changed into his navy-blue scrubs and sits on the bench, waiting for his friend to come out. Josh took an extensive shower to get all the blood and dirt off him, but now, so Aidan can hear, the poor guy is hanging over the toilet throwing up his guts. Aidan winces at each heave in sympathy, because he can hear just how painful this must be. Josh flushes the toilet a few times and lets the water run for a long time before he comes outside, still looking a little pale.
"You alright?" Aidan asks as Josh opens his locker to get out the mouthwash and gargles for a certain time before he spits it into the paper cup he has there for that reason.
"Peachy," Josh snorts. "I can't stop thinking about that child's excuse for not doing the homework coz the dog ate it. Just that... this actually happened... though it was my pants."
Aidan chuckles softly.
"Seriously, there were times in my life when I didn't have to bother about that kind of shit. I threw up when I ate something bad, not because a certain canine creature living within me decided to just eat anything that comes its way. I don't have enough mouthwash to get that taste off my tongue, blegh," Josh mutters.
"Being normal would be really nice for a change, I know what you mean," Aidan agrees.
"It would be tremendous, no it'd be a dream becoming true... the problem is that it means that it is just a dream indeed," Josh exhales. "You remember the times when it was still easy to simply... live?"
"Faintly," Aidan replies.
"We just seem so far lost already," Josh sighs, his chest heaving.
"I think we are that far lost already," Aidan corrects him sadly. At least he is.
"Anywho...," Josh says suddenly in a lighter voice, rummaging through his locker. He retrieves a piece of paper he claps against Aidan's chest. The vampire takes the sheet to look at it curiously.
"I may have found something," Josh explains. Aidan skims through the page.
"And by the way, that means I get to choose the room," Josh smirks.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him.
"I found that offer on the internet," Josh shrugs. "And you know as well as me that we have to get out of that provisional apartment we live in right now."
"Hey, it isn't the almost bad," Aidan argues.
"Which part are you talking about? That we have to be out by the end of the week because the landlord is an asshole, the regular pipe bursts, the bunch of cats that decides to scream every damn night, or the suddenly loose floor board that I stepped on and knocked myself out with?" Josh mutters. Really, if not for those windows at sunrise, Josh would despise just everything about that apartment.
"Hey, c'mon, with the cats you are just pissed coz you're a dog. And the floor board was pretty hilarious, totally slapstick," Aidan snickers, though he has to admit to himself that he didn't really manage to laugh at the scene when it happened, but was more in worry about his roommate, who was really out cold.
"Yeah, it was awesome to have the imprint on my forehead for a week. I loved it," Josh snorts. "Or how I was out cold for like... three minutes."
"As you said, it was never intended to be our place. It's just provisional," Aidan sighs.
"Right, so now I'm making loose ends meet. This house might be a good shot," Josh goes on. "And I'm so looking forward that I get to pick rooms first."
"Not that again...," Aidan sighs, slapping his palm against his forehead.
"The bet's still on, after all, it's just provisional," Josh smirks. "And anyways, that's the way losers talk."
Aidan grunts something unintelligible, but then looks at the printout again, marveling for a moment, but then frowns. "Since when do you have this?"
"Huh? I dug it up yesterday once I was off shift," Josh shrugs. "And I already talked to the landlord, his name's Danny, by the way. He said we could take a look at it today already, if we wanted to."
"Why didn't you say anything yesterday, then?" Aidan asks. Because that is at least something worth to tell.
"... I wanted to have something good to say after the change," Josh admits sheepishly. Aidan is torn between the smile tugging at his lips and the sadness in his eyes. Just how little do they have left to look forward to, if only it is to have some good news to tell after going through a night of terror? That just seems so unfair.
"Well, this is good," Aidan then says, purposely a bit more cheerful than he normally would be, clapping the back of the hand against the paper. "It might be our new home."
"Right... so, you're in? I mean, we get off shift at the same time, so I thought it'd be a good time to do it," Josh goes on.
"Sounds alright to me," Aidan agrees as he hands Josh the paper back. The werewolf places it back in his locker, and Aidan notes, but doesn't comment, just how carefully Josh places the paper, so that when he opens it, it is the first thing he sees.
A flash of hope.
"Unless you throw up the rest of your jeans all over Danny," Aidan jokes as he gets up, patting his friend on the shoulder.
"Or if you don't suck him dry," Josh snickers, nudging Aidan away before he walks ahead. The vampire stands there, perplex, torn.
Because what Josh meant as a joke...
Already happened.
"Are you coming or what?" Josh calls over his shoulder, peeking his head back into the locker rooms. Aidan shakes the cobwebs and dark tendrils out of his head before he skips a few steps to catch up to Josh.
"But it's really necessary that we get out of that apartment, or else we'll be squatting in hostels and hourly motels. And I don't know how it is about you, but I like my own bed," Aidan snorts.
"I know that this arrangement now is far from perfect, okay? I would've given you your own room if... that apartment would have more than one room," Josh argues. He honestly pities Aidan that he has to crash on his couch – though Josh offered to take it, since he considers Aidan a guest of the house, but the vampire strongly objected, insisting in turn that this is Josh's apartment.
"You know what I mean. Besides, God! What do you do with a girl if you meet one – and we're stuck in a hotel?" Aidan huffs. "Or worse, in the streets."
He knows that Josh tried to bypass contact with humans outside the working sphere – and that included any romantic relationship whatsoever. At some point, Aidan honestly understood Josh, and especially after what... happened, not long ago... he honestly starts to reconsider his own handling of the situation. Maybe being a monster deems loving someone outside that sphere simply impossible.
Forbidden.
Maybe love is simply not meant to be, for monsters.
"And yet another gentle reminder of how badly my life sucks. Thank you," Josh cries out as they walk down the next hallway. He didn't tell Aidan about this so that he goes ahead and make fun of him, for goodness sake! This is serious! Josh is just so damn afraid of being close to someone that the mere thought of a relationship makes him want to hide somewhere in a dark corner and never come out again. Already befriending Aidan was about the hugest risk he took ever since he was turned, but to be close, be intimate with someone again... even if Josh thinks it may never come to it again, he doesn't need Aidan to belittle the situation. It's bad enough the way it is.
"And for the record, reminding me I haven't had sex in the last two years...," Josh means to say, but then sees a young nurse comes their way, almost bumping into her, so he quickly changes the message. "Total lie."
"Sorry," she mutters, looking a little disgusted.
"No, he is. Please," Aidan argues, and Josh agrees quickly, "I am."
"I'm Aidan," the vampire smirks.
"Hi. Uhm. Cara," she replies.
"Josh," the werewolf smiles at her kindly.
"Are you new here or...," Aidan frowns, but Cara intervenes, "Yeah. I'm actually I'm just filling in for... Rebecca. She didn't show up in ICU, so they called me in."
Josh frowns. Didn't Aidan say he wanted to have a date with her? However, when he searches the vampire's eyes, Aidan quickly glances away, hoping that somehow that will cover up his shame. Josh shakes his head, focusing back on Cara.
"Welcome, Milady," Josh says, badly faking a British accent. It's cute at some point, really, but at another point, Aidan wants to roll his eyes. He wonders how that guy ever got a girl if he is just... that... around women, or people in general.
But the monsters inside of you change you, as it seems. They pull you into yourself until only flashes and speckles of you remain that the outside world can see.
They are all just mere reflections of themselves, of the people they used to be.
"Yeah, I'm actually just looking for the nurse's station. Do either of you know...," Cara asks, so Aidan informs her, "It's second floor, left from the elevator."
"Great. Thanks. It was really great meeting both of you," Cara waves before quickly walking off. Once she is out of sight, Josh wants to ask Aidan about Rebecca, after all, he heard that he was going on a date with her the other night, but before he can get to it, the vampire already took off into one of the patient's rooms. Josh shakes his head. Maybe he just confused the dates, but...
Why did Aidan not look at him, then?
Aidan, for the rest of the shift, tries to stay away from Josh and from that dark box looming above his head. However, nothing seems to be going in his favor. As it turns out, he later on finds Marcus in the hospital, to let Aidan know that Bishop is out to recruit what Marcus refers to as "Big muckety-mucks", people who have more say, more influence, more cash, who grant Bishop even more power than he has anyways. That guy is just so damn avid for power that it makes Aidan's stomach churn painfully. Though it doesn't come to Aidan as a surprise that Marcus now considers himself the second in command, after all, he knows how many years it took Marcus to get his nose firmly inserted up Bishop's ass. The problem is that now Aidan has yet another threat standing between him and his humanity, taking aside what happened the other night, the fact that he is a vampire who relapsed, and that he is now forced into owing Bishop a favor again – and Aidan knows that once the vampire has his hands back on his shoulder, Bishop will try anything to suck him back into that part of Boston, of himself, that he desperately tries to climb his way out of.
Because he doesn't want to go back down that pit of no return.
Once work is over, the two friends make their way to the address of their perhaps-future-home. Of course Josh is overly giddy, forgetting about any kind of... smartness the man surely has most of the time. It's obvious that he likes the house, loves it, really. Because it actually gives him the feeling that this is anything close to a home. Aidan is not too sure about the house – he can already see the load of work it would take to give it a new lease of life, and keeping in mind his credit record, which is crap, that is surely something he would rather not pay too much for. He can't afford that, and doesn't want to. However, he can already see that Josh is literally in love with this house, for whatever the reason now. The problem is that Josh is too busy showing that to Danny, which his against any strategy Aidan laid out to beat down the price. After the tour, the two and Danny are in discussion.
Josh, despite being so clever, doesn't get the message that Danny wants to get away from the house because his fiancée died in there. It never ceases to amaze Aidan that Josh has so much empathy that he even feels along with movie characters and their challenges, but is oblivious to such things when he is not ready for it. And the vampire is ever the less impressed with the news, because it only brings up the pictures of Rebecca. The blood. His shame.
However, Aidan is pulled out of the darkly red-painted world behind his eyelids when Danny drops a certain comment, "Look, you two seem alright, I know the place isn't perfect, but it's- it's a great place, for a couple, it really is."
Josh's eyes almost pop out of their sockets.
"What?!"
Fine, so Josh didn't have sex with women for a while, but that doesn't automatically make him gay, right? Not that he is against it, but... now wait. Does he look...? Is it really that outrageous for two friends to get a house – to be roommates without benefits?
"What?" Danny blinks at him.
"It's ok," Aidan assures him quickly.
Yep, if the conversation wasn't awkward already, it surely is now.
"So... so look, I can come by on weekends and do what fix-up I can. As far as I'm concerned, any furniture in there is yours," Danny goes on, desperately trying to get out of that awkward moment, and all is forgotten once he drops the next part, "And honestly...I don't need a credit check."
Yes! Aidan doesn't care for how crappy this house may be for as long as they can afford it, a place of their own, away from everything that lies in the past, if only for a day.
And just like that... they have the prospect of an actual home.
And if Aidan didn't get the message yet, he surely does after the dumb yet somehow adorable smile Josh flashes at him. The vampire knows just how badly the werewolf wants this, needs this. A home, a place to stay at, settle down. And that is when Aidan knows that he will just keep the box where it is. It's better to have Josh happy. Because then Aidan has at least the faint hope that he can be happy also.
So, by the end of the week, the two men are busy moving out of Josh's former apartment, as he always underlines, to their new house, home, refuge, space of madness and harbor of a kind of normalcy. Josh only takes one moment as they get out the last bit of things to glance through the window another time – because that is the only thing he will ever miss about this apartment, this... life, actually, or whatever you may call it, because it wasn't much of a living, so the werewolf knows now. When Aidan calls after him, Josh doesn't even hesitate to leave, though. The way he sees it, he is done just looking at the light, the hope, the bright side from behind the glass. Josh has to be right out there, or else he'll stare at the glasses forever, hoping that they will somehow reflect the light into him and fix his darkness. Josh is just done being bystander in his own life. And moving out is the first step, well, out.
Currently, the two are carrying a wooden table inside, and for the faintest of moments, it really feels like they are just two roommates moving in together, like two human beings being human, doing what everyone else does, closing one chapter, starting another. The two try to cling on to that feeling more desperately than either one wants to admit.
"Do we still have to get, like, a coffin for you?" Josh jokes as the put down the table in the kitchen. Aidan lets out a dismissive grunt, "I didn't ever."
"So that's just a total myth? I was wondering," Josh smirks as he carefully measures the right angle to set the table, the little perfectionist he is.
"Not a total myth, it's just something that only the real... traditionalists still tend to do," Aidan explains, hugging his chest. It actually came to him as a surprise how easy-going Josh is about many things about his vampirism. Obviously, there are things Josh still gets nervous, freaked, and angry about and there are many aspects he just doesn't understand, but the things he does get are things Josh almost magically seems to understand to twist into normalcy, without even noticing it himself. Because Josh doesn't see that this is anything close to normal yet. Aidan learned that the first time he brought blood to their provisional apartment. When he wanted to put it in the fridge, Josh had already made one space clear for him to put the blood bags there, seemingly knowing that it would be somehow embarrassing for Aidan to ask where to put it. That went without losing a single word on it. And when Aidan drank blood this one morning, from the blood bag, Josh walked in on him, so basically seeing Aidan using blood for the very first time, but instead of freaking out, which was actually the reaction Aidan had anticipated, Josh just moaned that he should please use a mug, just the way you tell kids not to drink from the milk carton directly. So without being aware of it, Josh managed something that Aidan failed to do in years now, to create a bit of normalcy with the smallest of things. And the same is true for these kinds of conversations. Josh just asks, in his almost childishly curious way at times, how it is like to be a vampire, to understand, to get to know. And that still amazes Aidan, to be perfectly honest, because the reaction he usually gets is a "moving away", this awkward trying to bypass the topic, feeling uncomfortable mentioning it. Because this actually seems to make a difference. It's not just pretending that Aidan is not a vampire or that Josh is not a werewolf, it's about trying to make the fact that they are... normal. They pretend to be human to the rest of the world, for everything that happens outside these four walls, but inside, they can be them, and that is supposed to become their new normal. However, at the same time, this brings Aidan's stomach to do backflips, because he sees Josh, sees how hard he is trying, while he knows that there is a boundary he already crossed that goes beyond not using a mug for the blood, about the thing that he fears might make all this collapse.
About his failure.
When Aidan really was just what he is, a damn vampire, needing blood, and taking it because he is too weak to fight his damn urges.
"Okay, I think that works. C'mon, let's get the rest," Josh says, pulling Aidan out of his thoughts. Aidan nods hastily as he follows the younger man back outside to carry in the next boxes and other pieces of furniture. The vampire simply goes with the flow, hoping that this will somehow just put his mind off the obvious. And it actually seems to work when Josh starts his cleaning madness, and by that Aidan really means madness. The werewolf didn't lie about having OCD, that much is for sure. While Aidan busies himself with a newspaper, Josh almost runs round for round around the kitchen table with the mop, cleaning as though there was no tomorrow. That is yet another thing that Aidan finds simply astonishing about his roommate – just how much effort the man puts into the small things, hoping that they somehow make a difference, even it is just a clean home, a squeaky clean home. And so, the two are soon in round two of moving in, putting things up to where they belong, unpacking the smaller things to make this place theirs, after Josh made sure there is not a single bit of dust anywhere, possibly ever again.
After a while, the two settled in a good routine so that Aidan carries in the boxes of smaller things while Josh unwraps everything and puts it in the right places. The vampire doesn't mind, after all, he has enough strength as someone of his species, and he is not all too eager to have Josh rearranging everything he puts around the place. However, this is all safe for his own room, because Josh clearly respects that this is Aidan's realm, which is yet another thing the vampire likes about the werewolf – he is curious, yes, but not nosy. Josh doesn't go through Aidan's stuff and as the werewolf remarked one time, he knows the value of privacy and having some things to harbor, no matter how little they are. So now that they move in, Josh puts whatever box is labeled as Aidan's downstairs into his room, but nothing more.
The vampire lifts up the big empty picture frame that Josh insisted they put up in their home, though he never specified why. Probably something he saw on one of those home channel shows he apparently watches with great passion, so the vampire had to learn, and that does not yet include the cooking shows, and this antiquity show that Josh is literally obsessed with. Aidan made the mistake once to ask him about it. Josh managed to talk about that show for an hour without seemingly taking a breath, though he is not a vampire, all the way from what people sell to what hosts the show already had, all the way to how he loves antiquity, just as his mother did, and so on, and so on. He is really domestic for a formerly nomadic living werewolf, Aidan has to give him that much.
The vampire turns around to ask Josh to hold it, but much to his surprise, the werewolf is fast asleep on the couch. Aidan puts the frame down on the mantelshelf with a face, tossing imaginary paper balls at Josh. Even though Josh has more strength than most people, especially around the full moon, he is still just a human for the rest of the time, and now that the change was only a week ago, it stands to reason that he is, well, exhausted, a sensation that Aidan only rarely feels, and mostly for emotional reasons, or if he gets into a really bad fight with one of his own. At some point Aidan envies Josh for this sensation, because it means you are, well, alive, in this world, not the world where you fight your own blood-drinking kin, but in the world where you buy groceries, have a job, watch TV, play babysitter for the neighbors' kid, where you feel exhausted after a night out with friends, a baseball game, or moving into your new home. That is the kind of exhaustion Aidan finds himself yearning for.
To be exhausted because you are alive.
Not because of fighting the urges of someone undead.
Aidan lets out a sigh as he leaves Josh to his peaceful slumber and simply goes downstairs into his room to unpack his things, trying desperately to cling on to the former sensation, that of a home.
Of hope coming out of the smallest of things.
Later the day, Josh is all the way back to cheerful and overly energized, which he channelizes by... cooking. Since Aidan doesn't eat anything other than blood, he couldn't care less about food, which is contrary to Josh's notion, who is all up for cooking food, talking about food, food, food. Food. He even does those hovering sounds as he maneuvers the food from the pan to the plate. Even when he was still alive and therefore able to enjoy a good meal, Aidan never felt the urge or need to muse over it that much. He was happy if he had something good to eat, and he hated to eat something that was simply disgusting, or not enough, but he never felt passion for cooking food. The way he sees it, it's a generation thing. He comes from a time when most men weren't interested in cooking anyway. So Aidan is torn between somehow finding this... funny... while at the same time it already starts to annoy him. Aidan can't help the smirk when something drops to the ground.
"Well, look at you Julia Child," he snorts, still busying himself with the newspaper. The only thing Josh misses is one of those aprons with ruffles, with polka dots.
"Well, if you are alone in the kitchen and you make a mistake, who would ever know?" Josh smirks as he picks it back up, imitating... Julia Child, not all too well, but... that's just Josh's humor. However, that is when the lights flicker and the two men look around, confused. Josh glances to the entryway where something or rather someone is passing by.
"Someone's in the house," Josh brings out, still staring, but then opens one of the drawers... to bring out a spatula. If Aidan wasn't actually preoccupied with the possible intruder in their new home, he'd probably make a comment now.
"Where?" the vampire questions.
"Upstairs," Josh grits his teeth nervously. Aidan jumps to his feet. Seriously, only they are not only cursed with being not-human, no, they can't even have a house without someone trying to break in the very first day. He expects Josh, plus the spatula, to catch up with him, but the other man actually pulls him back, "Aidan, Aidan, wait, wait, wait shouldn't we... call 911?"
At that Aidan can't help the comment anymore, "You're a werewolf."
Okay, Josh is really domestic for a werewolf, but Aidan honestly thought he'd have... at least a little bit of guts left inside of him not to just be... a sissy.
"Yeah, well, occasionally," Josh argues. Fine, he is this raging canine creature, but only once a month. For the rest of the month, Josh tries anything to stay away from the beast. And it's not like he can just close his eyes, and boom, he is a werewolf eating the intruder. If that ever was the case, and Josh would actually be forced to just turn into a fur-covered anger-monster whenever he is aggravated... he'll just jump off the next-best bridge. That much is for sure. Being a werewolf once a month is bad enough, being on the verge of becoming one in any situation... Josh has honestly no clue how Aidan does it.
And he doesn't want to find out.
But there are more important things, apparently, namely that intruder in their new home.
"Useless condition," Aidan grunts dismissively before he walks upstairs. Josh is short up behind him until they find... a young woman. In their home. Curly, unruly dark hair. Grey, cozy clothes. Slim. Bright, vibrant eyes.
"Oh, ladies and gentleman, the Bobsey twins!" she suddenly cries out, goofing around. "I am God, I am everywhere, I drive all night just to get back home."
The two men stare at her incredulously.
"Are you trying to scare us with Bon Jovi?" Aidan blinks.
"You can hear me?" she asks, her eye widening. This happening. This. Is. Happening.
Someone, finally someone!
"Yeah," Aidan shrugs. This just got a whole new level of weird.
"You went searching for drug change in the wrong couch cushions lady, I'm calling the cops," Josh scolds her. Aidan turns to him, "Josh?"
He can't know. The poor devil knows almost nothing, well, at some point Aidan always wonders if it isn't actually for the best not to know, but that is a talk he'll have to give him.
"What?" Josh stares daggers at him.
"She's a ghost," Aidan explains.
"Shut up," Josh snorts, but then turns to Sally in shock. "You're a ghost?"
That can't be, can it? Only he ends up becoming roommates with a vampire, just to get a house that's haunted, by a ghost, a ghost who likes Bon Jovi.
At some point Josh actually starts to favor the image of her as simply... a drug addict. Because for those you can call 911. As far as he knows, there is no such thing for a ghost. You don't call police, you call... an exorcist? The Ghostbusters? The next thing he buys for the house is a bunch of... wasn't it salt or something? Okay, so the first thing he buys is a book about exorcising ghosts, and then whatever equipment he may need.
Josh searches the young woman's eyes, which are bubbling with sheer enthusiasm, such a strong enthusiasm that she lifts her head, laughing, simply laughing. Because this is happening. This is reality. She is reality again. She is finally... there. It's as though she is finally breathing again, even if she is not. They are seeing her. She is seen. No longer invisible, no longer talking to herself to make the loneliness a little more bearable. People see her, hear her, she has a voice again, a voice that rings all the way back into this world where this was... normal, and by no means a surprise or a special thing. She is... back.
Is that what freedom feels like?
Sounds like?
Looks like? Like two... guys she never met in real life, one armed with a spatula?
And even if it's not freedom, it's so relieving that she can barely believe it.
Josh stares at her as though she was, well, a ghost? He actually thought this was only just a metaphor, but as he had to learn, normal is just no longer on the plate when it comes to his life, or now their life, because it's Aidan's, too. Though he seems much calmer about this. Great, just great. Here he thought he could have slightly normal, but no, they get haunted, by a ghost. And as if on cue, the Lady dissolves into mist, just to come back the next moment.
"Sorry, I still don't totally have a handle on this," she giggles. "I'm Sally, hi."
And with that she poofs away again, yelling, "Crap!" just the way a Lady would.
And so... it's suddenly...
Three.
Chapter 4: We Stumble, We Fall
Summary:
Aidan finds himself back in the grasp of the vampire community.
Josh is with Emily in the basement, on a full moon.
Aidan to the rescue! If he gets there in time...
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around!
Because I made a change in the timeline by having Aidan and Josh live together before they rent this house, I have to make a slight change to the time in this one also, though I don't think that this will mess up everything, so meeting renting the house and now are a bit further apart to be in tune with the full moon again.
Since this chapter, too, deals with the pilot still, I mostly use the original lines (at least I hope I quote correctly here). I do so because I found the episode strong as it is and didn't want to change it, so I want to stress the inner struggles a little more instead, but I will not always just copy the dialogs like that, rest assured^^
Chapter Text
Being normal seems so easy. Because it's, well, normal , right? You get the groceries, you cook in your new kitchen, move out, move in, start a new life, end another. People do that everyday and no one would ever bother to question it.
Until you have to question it.
Until normalcy is at stake – and you'd do anything to simply do these things. Because, of course, you can get the groceries, even as a monster you can. That's no problem, no big deal. As a monster, you can do things just like normal people would.
But that is the crux here.
Just like normal people would.
It's almost the same, but just almost.
When people go shopping, they just don't mind. They don't care about the act. When you as a monster do the same thing, you have all those thoughts nagging at you that mean to viciously drown you in that murky black bog of inhumanity, of monsters, demons of all shapes and not-existent color. But as a monster, you will ask yourself if you pick up apples the wrong way, if people can see it in your eyes, in the way you move, talk. You are just constantly afraid that you'll be caught. That the monster seeps through the pores of your skin and consumes you.
And even if you manage somehow to push those fears out of your head, another fundamental fear remains, is buried deep within you, within your very soul, or what's left of it after the beast had its fun with it. Because even though it is torture to get the groceries, move in, move out, cook food while living with the fear of being discovered, it is living hell to realize that even that decal of a normal life can be ripped away from you.
Just almost is still better than nothing at all, right?
Decals can be nice, too.
So please, please, don't take the groceries, the moving, the cooking away.
Don't leave us monsters with nothing.
So Josh and Aidan met Sally – the Ghost. And apparently, so she revealed to them, she has been around even before they moved in, is apparently the dead fiancée of Danny, is apparently very nosy, but can't actually remember a single thing about how she died, which would help a great deal to make her move on – and according to Josh's wishes away. He knows that he is being rude and selfish in that regard, but the werewolf can't push the feelings aside that his humanity, or the tatters he was able to gather now that Aidan gave him a new perspective, could be ripped away from him again just as fast as he was able to gather them. Josh wants normal, and as a werewolf with a vampire for a roommate, it will surely be enough of a struggle already. They don't need another supernatural creature in the house to throw them off balance.
However, what puts Josh off even more than did Sally's assumption of Aidan and him going "all Twilight on each other", is actually Aidan's attitude towards that... well, problem? Because the vampire obviously doesn't see it as such. He even seems to find this amusing. Because Sally is "not his first ghost". Josh could have smacked him for the dumb smirk, as though it was a great achievement that he already knows that song, but at the same time forgot to ever mention it to his roommate. Aidan had enough time to actually meet a ghost, well, screw Josh for not having been bitten earlier to get a chance to deal around with ghosts to react as appropriately as Aidan did, showing all the ghost-courtesy you seemingly have to pay them.
Josh honestly thought that moving in together, into this house, would be their dream, or attempt to work towards it. It's not like Josh can't share Aidan. They are friends, roommates, so it's not like he gets possessive over him in any way, but Josh is not a very trustful person by nature. That he trusts Aidan is the greatest risk he has taken since... since he proposed to Julia, most likely. Josh wants to dare to trust Aidan, even though he is a vampire, even though they barely know each other. That is what he builds his card house on at this moment. However, Josh just can't afford to lose that also, this last bit of normalcy, this one friend he was able to make ever since his life was turned upside-down and made him the social outcast that he is. Josh doesn't trust people. He grew to be afraid of them because they are the painful reminder for him that he is no longer a part of this. And while he is not afraid of Aidan for some reason, the prospect of a ghost, another entity from this dark world they both try to get away from, gives Josh shivers down his spine. Sally seems likable, even for a peep-ghost, but the werewolf can't say that he really trusts her. Because he can't even trust himself to begin with.
Josh just can't understand that Aidan would seriously risk what they already have, this tiny bud that may bloom to humanity someday, to... what? Josh doesn't even know what Aidan wants with her. Perhaps the vampire is more of a Samaritan after all, someone who picks up strays and gives them a place, as a way of redemption. Though Josh never really took Aidan for the type. And at some point the werewolf sincerely hopes that this is not the state of affairs. Josh wants to be friends with Aidan, and not just... the latest project of showing goodwill, only to move on to the next poor devil who may be in greater need of support.
Josh can't afford to lose more friends, generally lose more than he already did.
So yeah, he doesn't want a haunted house.
So yeah, he just wants to return to being roommates with Aidan, alone.
So yeah, he is selfish, but Josh doesn't really care.
"So you're okay with a ghost living in our house?" Josh questions his roommate as they walk down the corridors of the hospital. This might be his only chance to convince Aidan to rather... get rid of the problem.
"You do realize that technically it's her house," the vampire corrects him. Josh desperately holds back the comment that it's technically theirs, because they pay for it, for goodness sake! Just because she can't move on doesn't mean that this is no longer their place, their home, right?
Right?!
"Look, I'm sorry that she died and she never got married and, and she doesn't know how to move on, but seriously, I mean, the whole point of this house was having one place where monsters aren't, where you don't have to apologize or hide or think about what we are. Where we can eat pizza, or pretend to eat pizza, where we can be human for, like, just an hour or two," Josh argues, his voice sadder towards the end than he had wanted to. He doesn't always want to be the emotional sap here.
"And from what I know about ghosts, a ghost isn't a ghost without a reason. Sally, everything she knows about ghosts seems to come from Whoopi Goldberg. She knows nothing, Josh. Would you please give her a chance to find her way?" Aidan argues, because he honestly doesn't get it that Josh is so upset about it. Okay, it's of course always something to process to learn about a new monster species. Aidan give shim that much, but even when Josh learned about his vampirism, Josh quickly adapted to that and curiosity won. What happened to that spirit? And it honestly surprises him that Josh, who even sticks around hospital after his shift to talk to patients who don't receive visitors, is now acting so selfishly when they are having someone in front of them who is facing yet another facet of that darkness. They all just want to move on with their lives.
Why doesn't Josh understand that?
"Where the hell are we?"Josh asks, looking around. Aidan doesn't just play Ghost Whisperer, but now drags him to the weird parts of the hospital, this is really getting out of hand.
"They just cleared this place out for expansion, but that could take years. It's perfect, isn't it? You can change down here," Aidan explains, now with a pang of pride in his voice. The idea came to him a little while ago, and he was honestly proud of himself for the epiphany.
Josh blinks at him incredulously, "Into a crazy person?"
"Step one, we got an apartment, but if you really want to do this, have a chance of having a normal life, you gotta find a reliable way to deal with your transformation. So, Step Two, your own personal...," Aidan explains, and Josh completes in a mute voice, "Cage..."
Aidan grimaces to himself. Maybe the idea was not that great after all, even if the functional aspect surely has its benefits, but the way Josh puts it, it sounds as though Aidan really wants to imprison him for, well, his nature. And that couldn't be further from the truth. The only reason that Aidan ever wasted a thought on this was because Josh complained about being in the woods, digesting deer and bringing it back up along with a pair of pants, and the ever-present fear of coming too close to humans and curse them, too.
"It works though, doesn't it? You could use it for the next full moon," Aidan says nevertheless, hoping that Josh sees the upside of the plan.
"Does it lock?" the younger man questions, looking around. Aidan breaks off the handle and locks the door.
"Try it," he says from the other side of the door. Josh does and in fact it stays shut.
"I can let you out in the mornings," Aidan tells him as he opens the door again. Josh exits the room with mixed feelings. He is glad for the idea, but something just tells him that this may not be the best idea after all...
Josh hastily makes his way to the house, and yes, he refers to it as "the house" until decided otherwise, because it feels less like home ever since... ever since, yes, that ghost showed up in their lives. After all, Aidan even says that it's technically her home.
Maybe Josh should just move out after all.
He might even have to, after what or rather whom he saw during the shift, but at this moment, he can't really decide on anything leading further into the future than a second, because Josh just feels like crying, drinking himself to oblivion, and hopefully falling asleep to forget about all of it by the next sunrise.
"You're home!" Sally exclaims as the brunet werewolf makes his way inside, though he seems to pretty much ignore her, only muttering, "Yep," as he goes.
Sally understands that maybe they didn't have the greatest start, okay, it was the worst start actually, for Josh seemingly. And okay, she may have been a little rude... especially the masturbating to Nova may not have been her brightest moment. Sally gets it. To suddenly have a ghost haunting your house is not exactly what she would picture for her life either, but... but this is her first shot at having interaction with other people again, of getting out of this treadmill, out of this stage of in-between. Even Josh should be able to see that and... well, take some pity? Show some empathy? Is that really asked too much?!
"So, I've been thinking about what you said, you know, and...I think I should try to move on," she hums.
"Great," Josh says curtly. Just why can't she stop talking?! Josh just wants to be alone, alone after... God, no. He just wants to crawl up in his bed, shut his eyes, shut his ears, kill all sound, all the voices in his head.
And suddenly jumping off some bridge seems so tempting again.
"So, I just need you to call Danny, tell him to come over, fix the pipes, and, uh, I'll take it from there," she bargains. Josh is about to leave, but Sally means to block him, "Josh, if you could call Danny..."
The werewolf proceeds into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
"Can it wait?" he asks, trying to keep up a strong voice, though it comes out more croaked than he would like it to.
"It'll take two seconds," Sally bargains. So fine, Josh obviously doesn't really like her yet, but a phone call should me manageable, right? It's not like she is asking him for a séance or so, it's just a phone call. Just a phone call, something that other people, people with a body, do unnecessarily too often anyways.
"I just want to be alone. And see, this is the problem. You're always here, so I can never be alone," Josh tells her. He would feel a lot more empathy for her if not for this overall messy situation, he knows, but right now... he can't focus on her. Josh can't focus on anything. His head hurts so hard that he can feel this throbbing behind his eyeballs, like small hammers relentlessly beating against his eyes, forcing tears out that he tries to keep down.
"Where am I supposed to go?" Sally argues. She told him, right?! She can't go away, no matter how hard she tries. Sally is bound to this house, is woven into its walls, floors, its furniture.
Sadly, this house is her and she is this house.
"I don't know. Beyond? I, I, I don't," Josh stammers. Just away, just... so that he can be alone. There is only so much Josh can take, only so many problems he can deal with... and he is just past his own limits, by far. He can't deal with Aidan's and Sally's problems on tops.
"Yes, please. Like I'd rather be shacking up with a vampire," Sally breaks out angrily, before nodding at Josh's beer bottle. "And, oh yeah, a day drinker. Josh, I was gonna get my Master's, and now I have nothing to read but stupid blogs over your shoulder. I've tried to leave. I don't know how."
Does he seriously think that she wants this? That she does this on purpose? Sally would love to have Danny as her savior, to have him see her, feel her, and not those two other monsters. Because the relief the young woman felt when those two first saw her is now washed away further and further the more she gets into touch with them. Sally honestly thought that they, that this werewolf, would be more willing to help, would understand, but it's seemingly the case that everyone is just too selfish to mind other people and their pains.
Maybe they are not her saviors after all.
"Then figure it out, Sally. Figure it out, okay? Because I," Josh brings out, but then stops himself before sharing yet another secret he is not yet ready for to share, especially not with the house ghost. "My life sucks enough without having to live in your purgatory."
He knows it's mean, he knows that this hurts, sizzles, but... but he can't help himself. Josh is suffocating and this ghost just keeps poking in his side. Josh is just tying to somehow come back to the surface, so he can't really care if he doesn't smack some people across the face as he paddles back up... unless he allows himself to sink and drown.
"You're right. I have stuff to work out," Sally exhales.
"Poof," Josh snorts.
"You don't know how lucky you are!" Sally cries out angrily.
Josh lets out a bitter chuckle, "Lucky. Right, yeah."
He – lucky. Right. Josh and lucky don't go in the same sentence unless lucky is negated. Because only Josh is so lucky to be turned into a werewolf, losing everything he had, everything he worked for, all the people important in his life, ends up with a vampire in a shabby haunted house where a ghost is bugging him out of his mind when he has much more urgent business, greater problems, problems within the problems.
Only he has his little sister walking around the hospital – after he left her in good faith to never see her again. Josh has his past crushing over his present. he is back to his own personal nightmare. Just so lucky is Josh. So no, he doesn't care about Sally missing Danny or making phone calls in her name so that she can have her sweet escape.
"Whatever's going on with you, at least you have the chance to fix it. It's a bad bump on the otherwise ongoing road of your life. I can't do anything. I can't change anything. I can't even drink a beer to make myself feel better. So just go on your pansy-ass mopey kick, but at least have the decency to appreciate that you haven't dropped off a cliff to nowhere," she yells angrily before she dissolves.
"How did you manage to make this about you?" Josh mutters to himself, blinking.
Meanwhile, Aidan is still in the hospital. After he heard from Cara that the police is around asking questions about Rebecca, the vampire decided to quickly make his way into the cafeteria to get over with the "interrogation", which is actually pretty much a farce when there is one human sitting next to a vampire, the vampire. Because he just has to mumble some sweet things so the other man lets it go. Even though Aidan hates manipulation, it has its advantages that their species has the power to compel people – and the other vampire is probably the best at it, which is why Officer Tim soon "decided" to go to the car, firm in the belief that Aidan can't possibly have anything to do with Rebecca's disappearance, which now leaves Aidan with... Bishop.
Because that is just what he needed, even though the younger vampire didn't have illusions about this – he knew this would come eventually, so better get over with it now, right? Aidan simply hopes he can wrap this up quickly, and preferably without Josh's notice. If he wants to have a shot at normal, it is with this werewolf, and there is enough other trouble than the mistake Aidan made with Rebecca.
"Good to see you back, Aidan," Bishop smirks at him as Officer Tim finally heads his ways.
"I'm not back, Bishop," Aidan warns him. No, never again, at least not if he can help it somehow. He now has the prospect of a life that's worth being lived. And that life explicitly excludes the older vampire in all ways possible. And even if Aidan knows that it won't be forever, he shall be damned if he doesn't try anything to have this life, for how many years that is now.
"Really? Coz Marcus said that girl was so torn up, you could read the VIN number off her ribs," Bishop argues.
"Marcus is an ass," Aidan snorts.
"Maybe," the older vampire shrugs, but then puts on this unsettling smile again. "God, Aidan! It's been months."
"I've been busy," Aidan shrugs. Busy getting away from him, busy living, busy... trying to be human, at least.
"I can see that. You look horrible," Bishop nods, now glancing at him with empathy.
"Thank you," Aidan huffs. "Look, I would take it as a personal favor if you would make this thing disappear. Please."
And how much he hates himself for this. Even now that he got away from the coven, away from the den, this man, this godforsaken vampire, manages to pull him back, little by little, again and again. Whenever Aidan makes one wrong move, one bad call, one wrong step, Bishop is already waiting in the shadows to take up on that cue – and do anything to make Aidan stumble and fall, just to pick him back up. That is just the sick game they have played over the last decades. Bishop wants to own Aidan, wants to own his life, his mind.
And sadly, for as long as Aidan makes wrong steps, turns the wrong direction once upon a time, he gives Bishop any chance to start the old game anew. The only way to get rid of Bishop is to either kill him, or to break the habit of... being a monster. That is the only possible way to manage this.
If only either option were that easy...
"I will. Well, I would, but it's not as easy as all that this time. See, coz everybody seems to know that Rebecca had a thing for Aidan, so it's Rebecca and Aidan, Aidan and Rebecca," Bishop assures him. "We'll get through it. We always do. Always will."
Aidan closes his eyes for a moment. He hears this song too often, this siren's song. Because that is what means his downfall each time. Fine, so he isn't alone, because there are other vampires, there is an entire network behind Bishop and therefore behind him, too. And actually, the problem is that this makes it possible that they get through with it – they get through with killing people and covering up the evidence. If you know that you can easily remove the evidence, then where is the point in trying not to do it, right?
So yes, if Aidan ever wants to come clean, he has to neglect them, step out of that comfort zone, he knows it, just that... Just that this is still, in that sick twisted sense, his family. They are the people he calls up if he messes up, because they can deal with it. Because no matter how ashamed Aidan feels for doing the inhuman, for killing, for calling up Marcus or Bishop to clean up his mess, Aidan doesn't want to pay that kind of price, doesn't want to go to prison. He repents in his own way, by helping the sick, but that's just it.
He can't be honest, or Aidan loses that bit of life he has, too.
"I'm not back, Bishop. What happened with Rebecca was a mistake," Aidan warns the older vampire, because he really has no intention to go back. He wants to break away, finally.
Because he now has the prospect of... A new family. One that keeps him human, not a monster.
"Right, happens to all of us. Somewhere between the Tiramisu and the naughty bits, we lose our heads," Bishop smirks. "It wasn't a mistake, Aidan. You're a shark. Be a shark."
"Not anymore," Aidan shakes his head. He once believed in those words, made them his own slogan. He was a shark, a predator. Bishop seemingly doesn't even realize how well that actually fits: sharks are not only dangerous predators who have strong reactions to blood and sharp teeth, but it is that danger of lashing out, of losing it, that makes them so hated in the eyes of most people, and therefore deems them as monsters, even if they may not all be bad on the inside. Because it is... instinct. Nevertheless, Aidan doesn't want this anymore. Because it was a mistake, it is a mistake. And he is done being the shark that either gets ignored or is hated by the world he wants to be part of.
"Alright, Marcus mentioned your little blood-bank diet. How's that going?" Bishop smirks, to which Aidan gets up from his seat – he knows damn well what this is about, and Aidan is honestly fed up with it, but that is when Bishop reveals his other face, the truer face, the one behind the nice smile and words of care, "Sit down! And how many years you played at my feet, and now I don't even get basic common courtesy? Huh?"
Aidan slumps back down in his seat. That is an instinct too deeply embedded into his body and mind. When Bishop orders him to do something using that tone, he means it, means it. Aidan searches the older man's eyes, just to find that fake concern again, "I'm worried about you."
"I'm fine," Aidan snorts.
"Well, you don't look fine," the older vampire argues.
"What do you want from me, Bishop? You want help with your little recruiting plan?" Aidan huffs, changing the topic abruptly.
"Who said anything about recruiting?" Bishop asks innocently, to which Aidan only lets out another huff, "Marcus told me everything."
"Forget about Marcus. What I care about is you," Bishop assures him.
"No, what you care about is control," Aidan corrects him. Because he knows that behind all those assurances of care and love, Bishop is just another bloody bastard who needs others to set his own character, to actually exist. If he didn't have control over others, he would have no control at all, over himself, over his urges. Because he is just a monster also.
"The changes that I've made, the life that I'm trying to live, oh, you can't stand that, can you?" Aidan smirks at him viciously.
"Okay. Would you put yourself in my shoes for a second? You don't call. You don't write. You move in with a werewolf," Bishop argues. Aidan can't keep the surprise out of his face and voice, "How did you know that?"
He didn't tell anyone of the community that he moved in with Josh, he actually didn't talk to anyone, safe for the phone call to have his mess cleaned up, and that brief conversation with Marcus little while ago in the hospital.
"I think you have no idea what you're up to. I think you're lost. I think if you're not careful, you may never find your way back again. And that, Aidan, that worries me," Bishop tells him. Aidan shakes his head to keep the sirens out of his head, so he asks in a low voice, "Is that all?"
He won't discuss that with Bishop, he won't call this new life into question, he won't allow Bishop to dissect it, and far more importantly: to dissect his friend in such a way.
"Would you believe that making you angrier was not the point of all this?" the older vampire asks, to which Aidan replies with a snort, "Bishop, you can forget about it."
He closed that chapter. He started a new one, with Josh.
"Huh, Aidan! It's cold out there without us, isn't it?" Bishop smirks as Aidan gets up to leave.
And the younger vampire tries hard not to nod because no matter how much comfort he finds at home... he fears that the security net Bishop offers him will disappear, and that despite the fact that it means to consume him whenever he falls on it.
Back at the hospital, Josh tries to distract himself with work. Because no matter how much he wanted to just stay in bed or jump off some bridge, he rather puts his frustration, anger and fear to better use. Work. That usually helps. At least all the running up and down the corridors makes the throbbing stabs in his chest obscured by the stitches the hustling gives him. In his frenzy, he doesn't even pay attention to whatever room he enters to work in, until he opens this one door he should have jumped away from. Because Josh just walked in on his sister kissing a girl, no a patient... and so Emily turns around before Josh can mysteriously dissolve into thin air... just how much he envies Sally at this moment.
"Sorry!" he cries out, not knowing what else to say or do. He means to turn away quickly. Maybe she didn't recognize him yet, right?! However, that tiny bit of hope is crushed once she turns to him with huge eyes, "Josh?!"
He really should have stayed home...
And so the two siblings soon find themselves sitting on a bench in the hospital's park, nervously shuffling with their feet, fidgeting for words, for an intro, for something right to say, when in fact there is nothing right to say about it. It shouldn't happen. It shouldn't be that way.
And still it is.
"Where did you go?" Emily asks, taking the initiative.
"You found me. Here we are," Josh shrugs, trying hard not to make his voice quiver.
"I wasn't looking for you. Jackie broke her arm 'shrooming'," the young woman explains.
"Jackie, she's... That's your, uh...," Josh grimaces, so Emily scaffolds, "My girlfriend?"
"Right," Josh nods.
"Yeah," the younger sister confirms.
"And her arm's okay?" Josh asks hesitantly.
"I missed you," she says instead, her voice soft, just as soft as Josh remembers it to be.
"I miss you too," Josh replies, trying hard not just hold her close and never let go again. Because leaving his beloved baby sister was about the worst thing about taking off altogether. Of course he loves and misses his entire family and friends, but Josh and Emily always shared a special kind of relationship, one that he always prided himself with. And she was one of the greatest temptations for him to seek to go back. Josh can't remember how many times he stood in telephone booths or dialed her number on either his house phone or his cell, but once he heard the dialing tone, hung up again. He wanted to say so many things, but couldn't.
"So... ?" Emily grimace, hoping that this will somehow bring her older brother to talk to her, but no such luck, of course. She knows him for just that.
"So... how is everybody?" Josh asks, to which Emily retorts angrily, "Everybody? You mean your family? We've been freaking out for the past two years, wondering if you were dead or alive. Whatever is happening, how can you not say anything to the people who love you?"
"Why would you...," Josh means to say, but then gathers himself again, keep them away to keep them safe, wasn't it? "I told you not to worry about me."
"Oh right, your note. Josh, did you ever think that the one thing not to say to Jewish parents is 'don't worry'?" Emily hollers angrily. He can't be serious, can he? Josh flashes an uncertain smile, but Emily remains unimpressed, "Please. Please, just tell me what's going on with you."
"You wouldn't understand," Josh sighs. He would love to tell her, because she probably believes that he left because he doesn't care about them anymore, which couldn't be further from the truth, of course. He had to leave because he cares. No matter how sick that is in itself.
"Try," she challenges him, but Josh just shakes his head, "You wouldn't. It's complicated."
It's actually quite simple. And therein lies the problem: it's so simple, so basic, so elemental that it hurts even worse. It's not complicated in the sense of "complicated" the way most people understand it. It's not about family feuds, that someone once said the wrong thing at a party. It's not about secret affairs, having a secret bank account, losing one's job. It's not about some illegitimate child, it's about that simple and plain fear that if Josh stuck around, he would have ended up killing his family, his beloved baby sister. That is not complicated. It's simple, just that saying it and explaining it is complicated. Because how do you tell your little sister, that sweetest thing on earth, whom you walked to school, played chaperone for, did tea parties with, that you are a monster, a real one? That you kill, that you are drenched in blood, that you are... no longer human?
"Josh, I'm your sister. I'm genetically inclined to love you unconditionally. But I thought we were also friends," Emily argues, her voice teary. Josh bites his lower lip to the point that he can taste copper. They were best friends, for siblings. Fine, they always buttheaded, but they loved each other, love each other. And to see her hurt makes Josh want to rip out his own heart. It is as she says, they are genetically inclined to love each other unconditionally.
Just that there actually seems to be one condition: Fine, you can love, against all odds, you can love a monster, but that doesn't mean you should. That doesn't mean you must. Emily mustn't love him unconditionally. She mustn't love him, so that she stays away from him. And if that means he has to neglect her... then this is seemingly the price. Because Josh just can't afford to physically lose her to his darkness. Emily is his baby sister. She has a bright life ahead of her. He will not make her a victim of his dark decal-life.
"I'm happy to see you. Believe it or not, I've really... really missed you. But I kind of need you not to tell anyone that you saw me here," Josh tells her, his skin throbbing painfully. It's so much more difficult than the note – because he didn't have to look into those beautiful deep eyes, those eyes obscured by tears, by anger, and sadness.
"What would I tell them anyway? This has been the least satisfying reunion ever," Emily cries out angrily. Josh gets up, "I love you. Okay, Em? Just... I don't know. Just try to remember that."
He loves her so much that he has to hurt her. For as long as he hurts her, the wolf can't. And that even though Josh promised to himself ever since the day Emily was born that he would never mean her harm, but protect her from it. It's just so damn unfair, just unfair. Josh walks away, rubbing his eyes against the prickles of tears.
He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. Is that really asked too much?!
Emily simply remains seated on the bench, wide-eyed.
That is not how she imagined their reunion.
After work, Aidan makes his way back home. He didn't get to talk to Josh the entire day. He didn't even turn up for lunch.
Maybe Josh knows about something about what really went on with him and Rebecca?
At some point, Aidan still negotiates with himself if he shouldn't come clean to his roommate about what happened. He made a phone call to her mother today, to make her stop searching for her daughter, putting up posters in the hope that those sheets of paper will just miraculously bring her back, just that Aidan knows that she won't.
Because she is dead – because of him.
Aidan knows that he can't keep it from Josh for forever. Josh knows that she is missing, and he asked about her on occasion also, though Aidan usually managed to maneuver out of the conversation by turning to another topic. Actually, that Sally turned up worked in Aidan's favor at some point – because it surely kept Josh distracted. However, Aidan starts to realize that he is only repeating patterns by not telling the truth. Isn't that what he tries to get away from, too?
However, Aidan is pulled out of his musing by the siren's voice, as suddenly Bishop appears. "You need to see something."
What?" Aidan asks with a grimace.
"You're a lot sloppier than you used to be Aidan. The girl, they know it was you," Bishop tells him. Aidan stares, but then decides to get into the man's car. Then coming clean to Josh will have to wait until later, well, damn. Yet, much to Aidan's surprise and shock, he soon finds himself entering the blood den, that one place he wanted to stay away from.
"What are we doing here? You told me this was about Rebecca," Aidan demands.
"I took care of that. It's fine," Bishop assures him with a vicious smirk tugging at his lips.
"I can't be here," Aidan grunts. No, he can already smell it, the blood that is actually pumping in veins, is warm, is fresh, and not just this unmoving, cold, bitter-tasting stuff from the blood bags...
Just a bloody addict after all, aren't we, Mr. Waite?
"It breaks me up to see you this way, Aidan. You can understand that, right? I gave you eternal life. I want you to live it," Bishop tells him, but Aidan corrects him, "No, you want me to fall in line."
"I'm not gonna lie to you. I never have. Things are about to change. But that's neither here nor there. What's important is this: Life doesn't have to be so hard. Not for us. Come with me, Aidan," Bishop coos.
And Aidan follows him, no longer feeling his feet touching the ground until he is inside, overwhelmed by the smell of fresh blood so that he gets goosebumps allover.
"Welcome back, Mr. Aidan," the vampire-butler greets him.
He stumbled, he fell... and now Bishop picks him up to bring him here.
It's always the same game, isn't it?
And so Aidan shrugs out of his jacket, the pumping veins singing him a soothing lullaby as he enters one of the small pavilions, offering little privacy for the beautiful "bloodwhore", someone who deliberately offers blood to vampires for the rush, and him as she cuts her wrist open, and therefore cutting Aidan open also. He only sees the blood. His eyes turn black and he gives in to his urges, falling off the wagon once again. Bishop watches bemused. The sirens do their job outright.
At the same time, Josh is facing another demon, however with the same intention, of seeing him fall. Upon Aidan's suggestion, he went downstairs to his own "Cage" to safely get over with the damned transformation. Unbeknown to him, however, Emily followed her older brother downstairs. Josh is about to strip out of his clothes when he catches sight of her, "What are you doing here?"
"What are you doing here?" Emily asks with a grimace. Maybe her brother is into some really kinky stuff after all?! Hanging out in basements, undressing...
"You have to leave! You have to leave!" Josh urges her. Oh God, no, that can't be happening! He sent her away so that this doesn't happen. He allowed her to hate him so that this doesn't come about. God, no, please. Please, just please. Please!
"Two years of nothing, and you can't even talk to me? No way! No!" the younger woman curses.
"No, no, no! Look, look, I'll, uh... I'll come see you. I'll come see you. I promise. I just need to be... I need to be alone right now," Josh stammers. He can feel it. His body itches, burns. He is close to turning. And Emily is still not out of here!
"I know why you ran away, Josh, okay? You think I'm an idiot? Everything was ahead of you, cookie-cutter perfect, just like Mom and Dad. You panicked. I get it. You're not nearly as mysterious as you think you are," she huffs. People get cold feet all the time, even though her brother took it to a new level by staying away for so long.
"All right, I hear you. I really do," Josh mutters closing his eyes. Even though he doesn't. He can hear the howls inside his head, the howls that haunt him ever since he turned.
Please, just please!
"Why punish me? You were my best friend. Why shut me out?" Emily demands.
"Look, Emily, I told you it's comp- It's complicated and," Josh grunts as the pain consumes him, as his body starts to shatter into pieces, along with his soul.
"Are you sick?" she asks worriedly. He seems in pain.
"I'm sorry. Just go," Josh demands, holding his midsection. Why can't she just leave?! Why can't God just make her leave?! Josh doesn't care if he gets mercy, but at least show mercy for her, please!
"What are you doing?" she shrieks.
"You have to go!" Josh growls.
"Josh!" Emily curses, shutting the door.
No way he escapes from her right now.
"Oh no!" Josh cries out.
No way she escapes from him right now.
Josh nervously fumbles for his phone, almost dropping it to the ground as the convulsions shake him. That is his last resort. His last straw. He hears the dialing tone, waits, waits... just where is he?! Aidan should be home by now. He should be home, picking up the damn phone, and even if not, he should answer his goddamn cellphone!
"Come on, Aidan. Please! Please. Ah!"
Why doesn't the man answer his phone, for goodness sake!? Emily's life is at stake! Maybe it was just wishful thinking after all, that someone would come help him when it really counted. He leaves a voicemail nevertheless, before he lets out another grunt as he dials in the next number. If not for the pain shaking him, he would probably see the irony at whom he is calling, after all he said and didn't do.
"Let me help you!" Emily says, trying to get to him, but Josh steps away from her.
"Stay away from me!" he cries out. "You stay away from me."
Finally, he hears the cracking sound on the other end of the line, "Sally. Sally. Are you home? Can you hear me? Please, listen to me. If there's any chance, any way you can leave the house, any way you can find Aidan or find me, tell-tell him I'm in the roo- the room and my sister's here. And the door's locked. He'll-he'll know what that means. Please. Listen, if... Please, if you don't come, if someone doesn't open that door... I will kill her. Sally, please."
If she manages to contact Aidan, Josh will take it all back, call Danny, play Ghost-chaperone, anything. However, before he can go on with his pleading, his transformation gets him back, and he is bound to scream atop of his lungs, Emily calling out to him as he writhes in pain and sheer terror.
On the other end of the line, in the house, stands Sally, her eyes wide. She should have listened to Josh – because that was the trouble that had him so upset that he drank in bright day. That his sister came back. Oh, for goodness sake! And she could have told Aidan when he was home before, because if Aidan knew, he surely would have answered the phone by now. Whatever anger she may have felt for the werewolf, it now morphs into resolution.
Maybe she was blind also, by not seeing the others' pains.
Sally steps over to the door. She has to help, somehow.
Even if they are not the saviors she had pictured... they are her... roommates, right?
Sally concentrates as hard as she can, trying to push down the doorknob, open that door, and get help, but once her hand makes contact with the metal object, her fingers just brush through it.
And not once did she feel as caged as she does at this moment. Because now... life is actually at stake, not hers, but that of another person, of someone who is important to Josh, who is important to her, no way to deny it.
Just where is Aidan?!
Back at the basement, Josh is on the verge of transformation. He rolled on his side in the hope that if he lies still and concentrates, it will somehow keep the transformation from happening. Emily tries to touch him, to offer reassurance, but Josh can do nothing but shove her away. He hates to hurt her, to cause bruises, pain, but it's better than claw marks. Anything is better than claw marks.
"Josh ? You're scaring me," Emily whimpers. Just what his happening here?!
"Just stay away from me!" Josh goes on in his mantra. Stay away from me. I'm a monster. Stay away, stay safe. Please. Please. Please!
"Do you want me to... Can I get you help?" she asks.
"Stay away from me!" Josh yells, growling, covering his already canine hands, trying to hold the claws from extending, trying to contain the beast.
Please, wolf, I know that we are on no good terms, but don't rip apart my sister. Tear me to shreds, but not her. Please, please, please, not her.
Aidan, where are you!?
Aidan falls back on the comfy bed, a wicked smirk tugging at his lips as the blood rushes his system, bringing him back to life, or death, actually, but he doesn't care. Aidan hears nothing, sees nothing, only tastes, smells. He can finally breathe again. The vampire smirks to himself, but then something faint, something so small, actually, starts to fight its way through the red haze inside his head. A sound. His cellphone. His cellphone beeps. Just for how long? Aidan blinks...
Right...
There was something...
There was this outside world, the one outside the blood, the red... wasn't it?
Brown orbs. Red envelopes. Windows at sunrise. Floral patterned dresses. Printouts in lockers. Boxes. A loose floor board. Spatulas. The hospital. A shabby haunted house with the invisible label of "home".
Friends, trying to be... what was it?
Human. Yeah, right...
Josh. Sally. His dream.
And at that thought, Aidan instantly sobers, the onyx, his inner demon, going back into the box. He leaves that small tent, those silky sheets trying to imitate the silk he saw in those windows back in Josh's old apartment, faking hope. Aidan puts his things back on and doesn't even care how disappointed Bishop looks behind the mask of self-consciousness. Aidan sees him saying something, but doesn't hear it.
So Aidan stumbled, so Aidan fell, and Bishop picked him up to here to make him fall again, but Aidan, for the first time, has something to return to, something worth to struggle back to his feet on his own. And so he picks himself back up this time and exits, goes away, without looking back. He will fix this, he will work on this – because with his new life, Aidan thinks he can.
Once he made his way outside, feeling the piercing cold of the night cling on to his skin, washing off the last bit of blood's heat, takes out his cellphone, the little anchor to bring him back to reality. However, he is shocked at what he hears, "Aidan, I'm in the room. It's locked, and Emily's here. If you get this, please..."
Aidan stares, but then simply runs ahead the fastest he can. He can't lose his anchor to his cravings. He can't allow that Josh loses Emily to his cravings.
He just can't afford to lose Josh.
Aidan rushes downstairs to come to the "Cage" he prepared for his friend – and regrets that he ever brought this up. He makes it to the door and opens, only to see Josh cowering on the ground, writhing in pain, and Emily only inches from him, trying to touch him. Aidan doesn't waste just one more second and tears her away from her brother and brings her out of the room, in the same motion shutting that godforsaken door. He barely hears her cries and pleas as she slides down the other wall. Instead, he looks inside, where Josh is now crouching, on the verge of becoming a beast. Their eyes meet. Brown clashes with black, the words left unspoken.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
You came.
I should've come sooner.
In time.
Almost too late.
Aidan watches in sadness and terror as Josh's body is torn to pieces by that evil monster devouring him from the inside out, feeling the werewolf's pain tugging at his own skin.
Did they lose too much?
Is there a home to return to, or is everything over already?
Did they fall too hard?
Are they all just monsters with nothing left?
Chapter 5: Alone
Summary:
Basement-aftermath.
Sally and Josh reconcile.
Rebecca returns.
Josh confronts Aidan - and it doesn't end well.
Notes:
Hello everyone, welcome back to my world of madness! Thanks for sticking around^^
As for this chapter, I incorporated actual lines again, but I also added some things, because I felt like digging into it a bit more. Especially the argument between Aidan and Josh is something I really wanted to elaborate on a little more, instead of just cutting to the next scene.
I want to underline one more time that I do not intend to rewrite all episodes, but I felt like the first two were especially important to get the chemistry set. I'll soon move on to my real slash-and-thus-AU-part of the story.
Chapter Text
After he rescued the young woman from being killed by her own brother, Aidan took Emily to the hospital's cafeteria. Both are nursing a cup of coffee. Emily is still pale and obviously in shock over what she just had to witness, but the vampire is honestly surprised how strong she is. Others would go on screaming, very likely, would ask more questions, but... she seems to be very much like her big brother after all. Surprisingly strong behind the doe eyes.
"... What do you mean, 'He has a condition'?" she asks, still trying to wrap her head around this. One moment she thought she finally got a chance to talk to Josh in private, make him listen to her, the next... Josh just cowers on the ground, writhes in pain and panic, screaming his lungs out... And now she sits here with his roommate, who just forcefully ripped her away from Josh and told her to leave Josh to himself.
"He's your brother. You should ask him yourself," Aidan grimaces, uncertain what to do or say. After the mess that he still finds himself partly responsible for, he doesn't know how far he should go with Emily without risking his friendship to Josh even more.
"My brother had a nervous breakdown and ran away from his family two years ago. He doesn't tell me anything. If he's in some kind of trouble...," Emily says, but Aidan interrupts her, "No, no, no. He's a good guy. He's a great roommate. He's dealing with some stuff, yeah, but... aren't we all?"
Some more than others, right?
"Does he... Does he have any friends?" she asks hesitantly. Aidan blinks at the sudden change of topic, but then gets a hold of himself and flashes a smirk.
"Josh? You kidding me? Yeah," Aidan assures her... even though he knows he makes it sound like Josh has a bunch of friends, even if in fact... the only person who is his friend... may someone he may no longer considers such, right?
"Coz he never really did," Emily goes on. He had some people he hung around with later in med school, but those were mostly Julia's friends. Josh got along with them, even partied with them, or went on camping trips, but Emily knows that her older brother never really had... anyone other than his family and Julia. He never had this special person to share all secrets with, even those that hurt, the person who picked him up after a night out gone wrong, saved him from an awkward situation, protected him against bullies. And that's why Emily still hopes that there is still a friend, the friend, out there waiting for Josh, or rather... no, he shouldn't be waiting for Josh, because he can be really dense at times. He has to come to Josh.
… but who would that be?
"Oh, come on. okay, he's quirky," Aidan smirks. To say the absolute least. Josh has many kinks, some weird, some upsetting, but most of them actually quite charming in their awkward way. Though Aidan is honestly curious in a while if Josh always had those antics or just developed them as a symptom of being a wolf now.
She chuckles, "You think?"
So from the sound of it, Josh was a bit of a weird little bird all along. And for some reason, Aidan finds it strangely reassuring. Because those quirks and kinks made Josh... well, Josh, at least in the vampire's opinion. So it's nice to know that he wasn't mistaken in his perception of Josh. So he wasn't completely consumed by the wolf.
"He talks about you, you know," Aidan says after a while. The young woman frowns at him incredulously, so he goes on, "Um, what he said... was that he always studied so hard learning medicine, how to save a life, but that you were the one who knew how to truly live."
"Did he say that?" she blinks at him. "I... I can't believe my sweet brother went mad. Our mother did, too, you know. Bet he didn't tell you that. Yeah, you wouldn't know it now. She's back on the tennis court-book club-circuit. The incident has been neatly filed away. Just our little family curse."
Aidan tries hard not to actually gape at her. No, Josh had told him many things, but that is something his roommate surely kept from him. When he spoke about his family, Josh only talked about how much it pained him to leave them behind and how great they were, just like you don't say anything bad about... the dead. Perhaps Josh just tried to hold up that picture of a perfect family inside his head?
"I think we're all a little cursed that way," Aidan smirks at her awkwardly. Yeah, they all have a curse, a curse that forces them to tell lies, neglect the people they love, run away, stumble, fall.
"Please. You're hot!" Emily snorts, and that gets Aidan honestly embarrassed, so he quickly changes the topic, "What can I do for you? Can I call somebody?"
"Jackie's waiting for me upstairs," she tells him, but then her features sag. "God, what if he never even gets to meet Jackie? I really wanted to rub it in his face that I ended up with a shiksa goddess."
She gets up and leaves Aidan to his own thoughts. This conversation only made him realize once again that he is not the only one who lost, had to leave things behind.
Aidan is pulled out of his musing, however, once he realizes it's morning again. The vampire sucks in a deep breath before he makes his way back downstairs to where he left Josh to get Emily away from him, and seeing him turn into a werewolf. He cautiously opens the metal door, just to find his friend fully dressed, lying on the ground, staring at the ceiling. At the sound of the door, he doesn't even stir, however. Aidan approaches Josh slowly, not sure how he will react. The vampire expects anything from trying to kill him to simply breaking out sobbing.
Aidan steps up to Josh's head so that he can get into eye contact with his roommate. Once the vampire comes into his sight, Josh's eyes readjust, tear away from the ceiling, to look at him.
"Hey," Aidan croaks. He honestly thought he would come up with something better for an intro, but to see the hurt in Josh's eyes makes him forget almost everything.
"Hey," the werewolf replies, his voice raw from all the screaming. "... where... where's Emily?"
"She said she wants to go back to see Jackie," Aidan tells him. "You didn't injure her."
Josh closes his eyes for a moment as he nods his head slowly. He didn't injure her, maybe, but he hurt her. And that is the one thing he wanted to prevent by running away, cutting all ties.
He opens his eyes to look at Aidan again, "... thanks for... you know."
"I'm sorry that I only came so late," Aidan argues.
"You couldn't know, and it's not like you have to be on demand for for when my sister decides to follow me downstairs to see me when I...," he bites back a sob as the images flood back to him, this absolute terror that drowned him.
"I actually should be on demand, though," Aidan argues, his voice bitter. "After all, I was the one to ponder on how we're supposed to watch out for each other. So you get to be mad at me all you want. You even get a free punch, but just one."
"You're kidding me, right?" Josh huffs. "You saved my sister. It doesn't matter when you did or how you did. You just did. That's all that matters."
Aidan sighs as he sits down on the ground. He then lies down so that his face is on the same level as Josh's, but his feet are facing the opposite direction. He, too, glances at the ceiling.
"I just don't know what to do anymore," Josh admits after a while.
"Trust me, neither do I. So you're not the only one," Aidan exhales.
"I thought that if I stayed away from her, I'd protect her best, but... but I just can't protect anyone, as it seems," Josh mutters, now on the verge of tears again. It just brings back those childhood memories that he desperately tried to forget about.
Josh never was the muscle-type. He was a scrawny, nerdy teenager whose best friend was his baby sister. However, when someone bullied Emily, Josh went through the roof and got into a fight with whoever dared to make his little sister cry, and that even though he very often lost.
One time, a boy in their school who was in Josh's class dared to push her into the dumpsters. Emily had been a crying mess, over with dirt, awful cafeteria food, and a few bruises. Once Josh found Emily, he got the name out of her before running off to find that bastard as he bullied some of the nerds. Josh just randomly jumped the boy from behind, and that even though he was taller by a head at least, and probably twice as heavy as Josh by the time. The guy just tore him off and threw him over his shoulder on the ground, kicking him right in the face. Teachers were already blowing the whistles and yelling at them to stop the fight, but Josh still managed to kick the boy in the groin, leaving him a whimpering mess... and Josh himself a bleeding mess because the kick to the head he received got him by the mouth, so split lip, and bitten tongue. Josh, by no means, won this fight. His parents and the teachers gave him hell for it, because he started, but none of it mattered to Josh for as long as he spent his time grounded at home with his younger sister curled up against his side, holding out cooling bags to him to make up for the mess she got him into.
Even if Josh knew that he couldn't win, he still fought, for as long as it was about Emily. For her, he'd do anything, really. For her, he went as far as to leave her, as twisted and stupid as that may seem to anyone else who is not in his situation. However, this experience made him realize that he is still this nerdy, scrawny schoolboy who pathetically loses to the bully, the monster. And Josh can scratch and claw all he wants, he seemingly can't protect his baby sister from this particular bully because he... is... that bully.
"You couldn't help it that she came down here," Aidan argues, his voice soft.
"Right, I couldn't help it. Because I didn't even pay attention," Josh snorts. "I mean, I always talk about how I ran away from home to protect her from me... just to have her chasing after me in the hospital and almost getting killed as a result. Seriously, this just affirmed me in my belief: I can't protect anyone, so I have to stay away from everyone."
He wipes a lone tear from the corner of his left eye hastily.
Aidan tries hard not to look at Josh at this moment, because then he would probably go ahead and tell the werewolf that he protects better than he thinks. It's because of Josh that Aidan pulled away from that woman back in the den, pulled away from the menacing silky tent, from Bishop. And even though Aidan sees that maybe he'll have to tell Josh eventually, he doesn't see any sense in causing the werewolf any more pain.
"You protect people in other ways," Aidan then says instead.
"In what way? If not for you, the wolf would have done a Little Red Riding Hood vs. the Big Bad Wolf on her," Josh snorts.
"Trust me, you have your ways," Aidan tells him as credibly as he can. Josh turns his head to look at him for a second, but then looks back at the ceiling. He can't see it, not even in the funny patterns the shadows paint in the fluorescent light and the rust of the metal.
"And anyways...," Aidan lightly coughs. "You don't have to protect everyone by yourself, you see?"
"What now?" Josh grimaces.
"You're no longer alone," Aidan tells him simply. At least he wants it to be that way. He doesn't want for Josh to be alone, just like he doesn't want to be alone. He wants to be there for Josh, just as he, unbeknown, served as his savior of humanity back in the blood den.
Josh swallows thickly, trying to hold back the next tears trying to escape his eyes. Right, he is no longer is alone. He was, back in his old apartment. And that scares him. Honestly scares him. Because now he is supposed to take care of people other than himself again, protect them. And Josh, if not only for what happened with Emily in that godforsaken basement, starts to realize that he doesn't really protect anyone, that no matter how much he cares and worries for his friends and family... he just always ends up failing, slips away.
Yet, here he lies on the ground, his new and probably only friend next to him, and Josh just wants to trust those hushed words of reassurance, that he doesn't have to be a monster, that he can protect people, in whatever way that is now that Aidan pictures. He just wants to get lost in that moment, in the graphical patterns of rust at the ceiling.
"I think I owe Sally a big apology," he says after a while, choosing not to comment on Aidan's last words. He doesn't know how to react to that. Being alone means that no harm is done, but being alone is so damn... lonely.
"Why?" Aidan grimaces. This time he turns his head to look at Josh, and the werewolf looks back, "I was awful to her, simple as that. You saw it, you told me so, yadda. It's just that I was so worried that I'd lose this new life, to her. And that's so damn stupid and mean."
"Why would you think that?" Aidan frowns. Josh only gives it a shrug of the shoulders, "When you said that it's technically her house, I just started to call this whole project into question. I mean, it is her house, but if it is hers, so I thought, it can't be ours, too. I just didn't want to lose that... home, all over again."
Aidan honestly never thought about it like that, but now that Josh admits it, his behavior from before the incident makes much more sense. This was supposed to be their sweet escape, their safe haven, and for Josh that seemed especially important, because in contrast to Aidan, he really didn't have a home ever since he ran away. Aidan had at least the other vampires. Josh was alone. And now that they started this project of living together, it doesn't seem farfetched that Josh invested even more than Aidan did. Because he struggled with his fear of being close to people by moving in with the vampire, allowing someone else to be part of his new life. And then all this is turned upside down by a few simple words.
"But it was stupid and I simply overreacted," Josh argues. "It's as you say, Sally needs someone, too. We're all stuck in the same damn boat that's short before sinking."
"Maybe we can bring the boat back to shore after all," Aidan shrugs, faking enthusiasm in the hope that this will somehow cheer Josh up again.
"Might be, I don't know...," Josh sighs, running a hand over his face. He then sits up, hugging his legs against the cold still creeping through him.
"Do you want to talk to her... Emily, I mean?" Aidan asks as he sits up cross-legged, but Josh just shakes his head, "I don't know what I would tell her anyways. I'm not all that good at lying to people. So lying to Emily is even worse. She can read me better than most people."
"You mean lying about your 'sickness'?" Aidan asks.
"I have to lie to her by leaving her in the belief that I don't want to have to do with her. I mean... back in the park, when I talked to her... I tell her the truth one moment by saying just how much I miss her, but in the next I have to tell her to leave me alone, let her believe that I don't care, that I don't want to have to do with her, which couldn't be further from the truth," Josh croaks, and Aidan understands. "I have to be this mean asshole who treats her like... I don't even know."
He rests his cheek on his knees, looking much younger than he actually is, so Aidan notes.
"I just wanna hold her tight... and then the next moment, I would want her to leave the country," Josh admits. "Is that so wrong?"
"No, it's not. I get it," Aidan tells him credibly. "But we can figure this out, I'm sure."
Well, he is not sure if they can, but he wants to try.
That's the whole point, right?
To try?
"For now... I just wanna fix what I can fix, and that's talking to Sally, apparently," Josh says and gets up in the same motion. He can't fix that mess, but another, right?
Aidan follows him.
Maybe they can fix it together after all.
The two make their way home, and yes, Josh wants to call it home for now. They enter, and Sally pops in right in front of them as they cross the threshold.
"You are back!" she yelps. You can see the worry still written all over her features. She thought that after this disaster, the two wouldn't even bother to come back, or well, maybe Aidan would, but not Josh. After all, she just stood by as...
"What is with your sister? Is she...," she asks hesitantly.
"Aidan made it in time, she's... well, you know, but she lives," Josh tells her.
"Oh, thank God," Sally sighs.
"But before we even get to it, I want to say something," Josh goes on, gaining some confidence.
"Okay," the ghost tilts her head to the side curiously.
"I wanted to apologize," Josh explains. Sally blinks at him.
What?!
"I wasn't very nice to you... I mean... I was a total jerk. You are right, and Aidan's also right. You are here, too. You got problems, like us, and by only minding my own business I ignored that I'm not the only one who may be in need of support. So I hope you forgive me," Josh goes on.
"What?! Of course I... I thought you'd be mad at me!" Sally argues.
"Why would I be mad at you?" Josh frowns. "I mean, except for peeping on us and all?"
"Well, I see now that when you came home and I just bugged you with my stuff, you had just seen your sister... so it really wasn't nice of me either to ignore that," Sally explains.
"I guess we all were a little selfish then, can't we agree on that?" Aidan jumps in.
"Forgive and forget?" Josh asks hopefully, to which Sally flashes the brightest of smiles, "Forgiven and forgotten."
A little promise made.
Aidan nods, heading into the kitchen, satisfied.
"So... How are you?" Sally questions. Now that they are, well, friends of sorts again, she still doesn't know if Josh is alright after what he went through.
"Well, I didn't kill my sister...so I guess I can't complain," Josh jokes weakly.
"Josh, I'm really sorry. I tried. I just...couldn't," she brings out. She really wanted to, God, did she want to, but the walls held her in a damn death-grip.
"It's okay," he assures her.
"Really?" she blinks at him, so Josh goes on to explain, "Sure. I mean, I don't even know what I expected you to do."
He frowns when she smiles at him. "... What?"
"Figuring out an acceptable amount of time to pass before I tell you something," Sally shrugs. "Danny's coming over."
"What?" he grimaces. Just how much did he miss?
"And I'm really glad you didn't kill your sister," Sally says another time. Because she really is.
"What?" Josh frowns, but then hurries after the vampire into the kitchen. "Aidan? Aidan, why... why is Danny coming over?"
Aidan points at the sink, which is a bubbling mess, "Sally really, really wanted to see him."
And he wants to have clean water again.
"Sorry," Sally grimaces innocently as she comes into the kitchen, too.
"Okay, am I the only one who thinks that Danny coming over is a tremendously bad idea?" Josh sighs, before he turns to Sally. "What if he sees you?"
"I'll crap rainbows, I swear to God!" Sally cries out gleefully.
"She's a ghost. He ain't gonna see her," Aidan means to assure Josh, but then rethinks. "Well, wait, sometimes they do see them, normal people. But he would have to be, you know, open, mentally."
"Danny's pretty open. He voted for Hillary," Sally smirks.
"It's fine," Aidan assures the werewolf another time.
"Okay, look, if he sees you, if he senses you, do you have any idea what that would do to him? What it would do to us? He could sell the place! He could sell tickets like that guy who saw Jesus on the taco shell! Listen, if he comes, I think that Sally should stay upstairs," Josh argues. He wants to try to be friends with her, too. And that is why he actually fears for her – she shouldn't become some showpiece, right?
However, Sally doesn't seem to realize the implication and only gets angry, "And I think that you don't get a say."
Aidan looks up from his newspaper with a lecturing grimace, so Sally bargains. "Oh! On the stairs. At least!"
Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Sally makes a begging pose, and Josh's heart honestly melts at that. In that way, she is a lot like Emily.
"Top of the stairs. And no peeking!" he tells her. Sally obeys and the boys make their way to the door.
"Oh, just...don't be weird, okay?" Aidan tells Josh, who nods, "Yeah, I got it."
Right... as if.
"You too, Amityville. Top of the stairs," Aidan tells Sally another time. "Everyone just be... normal."
"Got it," Josh agrees.
Just that Josh doesn't get it, possibly ever. At some point, Aidan asks himself why he even asks Josh to act normal. He can ask him to act human, fine, but normal? Josh is just... quirky. And he just proves so in interaction with Danny – he is truly no good liar, talking about lava lamps and faking Irish accents.
However, what gets both men wondering is Danny's behavior. Especially once he starts to question about paranormal activity, if only indirectly.
Josh's curiosity wins by the end and he asks how Sally died, and Danny explains that she fell down the stairs. Aidan, to somehow turn the situation better again, goes ahead to ask about how Sally was like, in the hope that this will cheer her a little up after she had to find out the very hard way how she... disappeared out of the hands of the man she loves,
"Ha! Sally? She was amazing! She was... She lit up the place, you know, everywhere she went! She was the best thing that ever happened to me. But that's for VH1 Behind the Music, right?" is Danny's description, and either man gets it that this is the truth. Even if Sally is now a ghost and can't touch things, she has a spark in her eyes that even the terrors of being dead seemingly can't douse.
After that strange kind of getting together, Aidan soon finds himself confronted with yet another Lilith, another temptation that may make him stumble and fall – Cara. He realized earlier on already that she had a crush on him, but after some nice chat, he finds himself really liking her, too. Or maybe he just wants to get a bit of comfort for himself. Because he still didn't come clean to Josh, or to Sally, to anyone, pretty much. And he doesn't know whom to turn to, if he can't go to Bishop either, which he really can't. And the next problem lies right in front of him also – he drank again, and that means he is now back to Stone One, back to cold turkey.
It had been a throbbing in the throat for a while, unpleasant, but not unbearable, but now Aidan's skin itches, burns. He feels just like what he is – a damn addict. And the problem is that in such situations he is just so weak that the temptation often gets the better of him.
And it does.
Plans of a date with Cara.
While he is trying to get back on the horse.
Just what the hell is he thinking?!
Outside the hospital, Josh is minding his own business, trying to make sense of life again, or not, maybe he is just walking around after all. However, he is pulled out of his musing when he catches sight of...
"Rebecca?!"
He thought she was missing, if not actually dead already. He heard on the news before that if someone disappears that abruptly, chances are not too good that they come back alive. He follows her to a more secluded place, but that is when she catches sight of him, turns around, snarling and, against all laws of physics, pushes him up against the wall, leaving bruises as she goes, her smile vicious and dark, "Did you just wet your pants? A little bit?"
"People are worried you're dead," he croaks.
"There's a search," she agrees, but then her face just falls back into darkness. "Not a very good one. I'm here, geniuses."
Josh can't help but tremble as his blood is running cold, "We should call someone."
"Sure, in a minute. We'll call everybody," she huffs, but then gets closer to him for a second before pulling away with a grunt, "Ah! I can't believe I didn't smell that stink a mile away! Are you a werewolf? Ah, gross! It's in my hair!"
Josh blinks at her. Werewolf? That means, "You're a vampire?"
"Oh, that's right. You live with Aidan. Twisted little halfway house you two are running," she snorts.
"Aidan...," Josh mutters. Aidan and Rebecca. So he didn't just hallucinate this, didn't just imagine. Aidan went on a date with her when he went out to turn in the woods. Aidan was with Rebecca, and the next day she was gone. Aidan was the last person who has seen her.
"Oh, there you go. The wheels click. You're a smart little doggie, aren't you? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" she laughs out madly.
"Aidan did this," Josh says aghast, trying to force the words into his brain to make them reality. Even if he doesn't want to.
Aidan lied to him.
All this time.
"Ooh... You look so surprised," she snickers, but then warns him. "I'd watch myself if I were you."
With that she lets go and disappears out of sight. Josh slides down the wall, the scraping against his skin surprisingly soothing. However, he then pulls himself back up again as anger rises within him. He has to find a certain someone. Maybe he should take a stake along. Josh can spot Aidan in the locker rooms.
"Hey!" the werewolf growls as he approaches Aidan, who makes a face, "Hey. What's wrong?"
"You turned her into a vampire," Josh yells, his knuckles turning white.
"What?" Aidan blinks at the other man incredulously. Just what the hell is he talking about? Aidan didn't turn anyone. What the hell is wrong with him?!
"Don't do that! Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!" Josh curses.
"Josh...," Aidan grimaces, but that is when the name drops like a penny.
"Rebecca."
Aidan looks around to be sure that no one is listening, which only makes Josh's anger rise. Even now he is just trying to slip away. He can't be honest. He can't, even now. "Just... Rebecca's dead."
Aidan is surprised at the dry laugh Josh lets out as a reply.
"Oh..oh...Is that right? I thought she was missing!" Josh snorts. Even now he is feeding him lies. How could he ever believe that...?
"She just jumped me outside!" Josh yells. Aidan blinks. What?! What?! What?!
"You had to turn Rebecca," he shakes his head, his voice quivering.
"Josh...," Aidan holds up his hands soothingly. He wants to explain, but Josh just breaks out again, "Stop lying, Aidan!"
"I swear I didn't know," Aidan argues. He really didn't. He didn't do that. He... he killed her. He didn't. Oh God.
Bishop, this bloody asshole.
"You didn't know what? That you turned her into a monster or that she'd be such a good one?" Josh curses. "No, what's the point of any of this, of playing house, of... of drinking beers, of joining Costco if you're just gonna kill all our friends?"
"Josh, no!" Aidan argues vehemently. He can't be serious, right? Josh won't call this off, will he?
"I mean... that I didn't see it. I should've known the first day we ran into Cara that you... and I bother my head sore about how I mess up everything when in fact it's you who gave up already!" Josh cries out, his arms nervously moving all ways possible.
"I didn't give up! What are you saying?! Look, I relapsed. I ended up killing her. Or so I thought," Aidan means to explain, but Josh only lets out a strangled laughter, "Oh, oops! My bad!"
"You can't even remotely imagine what it's like to be vampire," Aidan argues, now getting angry also. Of course Josh gets to be mad at him for not telling him, but he doesn't know what Aidan goes through to stay clean, to resist. That is a fight he doesn't know, so he shouldn't be pointing fingers!
"Right, I don't! I can't imagine what it's like! But it's not like you tell me what it's like above the level of trivial facts! You don't let me in! You don't let anyone in when it really counts, seemingly!" Josh retorts. No, Aidan doesn't get to be mad at him after what he has done!
"What?! Was I seriously supposed to pick you up from the woods, and then say that we gotta drive back to bury the body? You seriously, seriously, would have been like 'Yeah, alright, Aidan, let's do that. I got a shovel in the trunk,'?!" Aidan snarls.
"No, I wouldn't have been glad to find out, but yes, you should have told me when you picked me up from the woods instead of pretending for all this time that we're doing great, that no one fell off the wagon yet! You should have told me – but far more importantly, you should have let me help! But no, the mighty and the great Aidan Waite is only there to fix other people, or making it look like he knows what is the best thing to do! You don't let me help – and that means that I was really wrong!" Josh argues.
"What now?!" Aidan snorts defensively.
"I thought that I could trust you. I seemingly can't," Josh tells him.
Brown fights with black.
Lightning strikes, but isn't seen.
"Get off your high horse already! I told you that it's not easy for me. I have to fight that every damn second of the day, Josh, okay? Put yourself into my shoes for once!" Aidan narrows his eyes at him.
"I would do it if I could, Aidan!" Josh yells.
"Oh please!" Aidan rolls his eyes. "But now seriously! Since we're all up for blaming each other! You are the one to talk! You didn't check if someone was there before you turned, which is stupid enough! You were awful to Sally for no real reason! You didn't even want to help her until just now! And now you come me with that speech about how you wanna help everyone! All you do is moping!"
And no, he didn't mean it. He doesn't mean it – and honestly, he would rather take it back. It's just that Aidan can't stand it that Josh is accusing him for his nature, for his monster, when both actually agreed in the beginning that they never wanted to do that. Then he just fights back, no matter if he hurts, no matter if he is telling lies. Aidan is just done being the weak one, the one who breaks under the pressure.
"Fine, then maybe I mope, maybe I'm too self-centered when it comes to my own problems, but at least I don't lie to my friends the way you do!" Josh retorts.
"As if you told me everything!" Aidan argues.
"Apparently, I didn't lie about killing another person! Or turning her!" Josh snarls.
"I didn't turn her!" Aidan insists.
"I don't care! You lied to me! All this time! You lied to me, even though I trusted you not to!" Josh argues. He won't bow. Not this time. He was hurt often enough. Josh is just done playing world's punching bag when he actually isn't the one at fault, for once.
"Trust! Please! You say you don't trust yourself coz of the wolf! And now you judge me coz of the fang! That's having double standards!" Aidan retorts, even though he is absolutely not proud of what he then says, "You would have killed your sister, if not for me! So I'm not the only one who fell off the wagon in some way!"
Josh stares at him, eyes wide, mouth wide, breathing hard. Aidan's eyes widen also. He didn't just say that, did he?
"... I don't say I can't trust you coz you relapsed," Josh argues, his voice shaking with cold anger. Aidan is honestly surprised that Josh didn't just jump him for his awful comment.
"That's exactly what you're saying!" Aidan argues nevertheless. He moved into gear now, and he is too damn proud to give up now.
"No!" Josh curses. "I say I can't trust you coz trust is a two-side thing, Aidan! For that, both people have to work for it! But you don't trust me! You don't even trust me enough to tell me!"
"Because I didn't know how!" Aidan replies.
"Anyhow! But you could have said something, anything! But no, you said nothing! And that, Aidan, that's why I can't trust you!" Josh curses, gritting his teeth.
"What?" Aidan grimaces.
"So fine, you relapsed! I seemingly have to accept that you do! Because that is what you are, what I am, too! It's instinct, maybe! But you know what gets me angry?! It's that when it counts, once you're back to your senses, you do what any other damned vampire would do that you say you want to get away from! You cover up the evidence, pretend as though this never happened! Because that was not the vampire inside of you, not that monster. That was you! It was a decision, Aidan. It was your decision to cover it up... or... or... let someone else cover it up, isn't it?" Josh narrows his eyes at him. "... Who helped you?"
"I... called Marcus and... and he and Bishop helped fix it," Aidan admits.
"So, Marcus, the asshole who's beaten me to pulp... and the guy you said about that you just want to stay the hell away from?! Yeah, no, that's of course perfectly reassuring!" Josh growls, his voice shaking badly. "But that proves my point! When you get a chance to, you fall back into pattern! I'm not even talking about Rebecca, but that when you had the choice between... between standing up for what you did, come clean, do what's goddamn human, you calculate, and simply go with what's easiest. You stopped trying the moment you picked up the damned phone!"
"That's easy to say from your spot, Josh, but what else was I supposed to do? Let police get me, throw me into prison?!" Aidan argues.
"Maybe?!" Josh crosses his arms over his chest.
"So what? You want me to turn myself in?! Is that it?! And I thought you were on my side!" Aidan curses. How did they get here?! How did that happen?!
"How do I get to be by your side if you just sneak away?!" Josh retorts, his chest heaving. "How do I get to fight with you when you jump away first chance you get?! Because in contrast to you, I don't just have some fancy number to call to remove the body in case of 'emergency'!"
"Because your curse is another!" Aidan cries out. "You have no idea what I undergo to stay upright, okay?! You have this beast pulling you don't once a month! I have that all the time!"
Josh can't even remotely picture what that is like, really. So he has no ground to accuse him like that.
"You seriously want to take it there?!" Josh growls. Aidan narrows his eyes, bring it on.
"You are right, Aidan! Yes, you are! I have no idea what it's like for you! And maybe I'm too much of a coward to find out!" Josh grits his teeth. "But you know what? You have at least a chance to affect this in some way, if you have enough will, if you struggle hard enough, you can stay clean, you can... not be a monster. But I can try all I want, I can scream, I can meditate, my curse doesn't go away, no matter how much I may want this! You just saw it! I could do all I wanted, I couldn't stop the transformation to save Emily's life! I can't do anything once it starts! I turn into that anger monster without brains and there is nothing I can do about it!"
Aidan just stands there, perplex.
"So yeah, maybe I don't have the most awful curse of them all, maybe I don't match your curse, maybe I wouldn't make it through a single day as a vampire, but... but in contrast to you, I'm trying even though I know that there is no way out for me, even though I know there's nothing I can do," Josh says, now in a mute voice, which only amplifies the bitterness in his voice. "... and until now I actually believed that you were the same, but I was seemingly mistaken."
Aidan just stares at him.
Can they go back, please?
Rewind to when they moved in?
To the night they spent talking about God and the world back in Josh's apartment?
Anyone? Please!
"I never had many friends, you know... but then I met you and... I thought you are my friend, but... you know what? I rather have no friends at all and stay alone than... having a friend who doesn't really want me in his life," Josh whispers. "I think you were wrong about that one thing... I guess I'm alone after all."
Aidan stares as the werewolf leaves the locker room.
Did that just happen?
How did that happen?!
However, Aidan doesn't linger in the moment for long, but instead gets ready to leave, against the stabbing pains throughout his body.
He has some figuring out to do.
Everything else will have to wait until later.
And he seemingly has to do it alone, too.
Chapter 6: Islands
Summary:
Aidan talks to Rebecca.
Josh talks to Emily.
Aidan gives in to temptation.
Josh to the rescue... until Rebecca arrives.
Realizations and decisions.
Notes:
Thanks for sticking around^^
Okay, so here is the other part to the episode.
To the Sally-fans out there, I know that she doesn't get too much space here, but since it is a Josh/Aidan story, I have to leave some stuff out, or else this will be even longer than it is intended to anyways. I love her from the bottom of my heart, but I can't put all emphasis on her on tops.
Hope you'll like it.
Chapter Text
After his argument with Josh, the vampire quickly leaves the hospital, marching down the streets, anger rising all the way from his stomach to his hairlines.
If Aidan already loses the life he wants to live, then he will at least demand some answers before.
So Aidan's first address is the funeral home... only to find his worst fears confirmed. Marcus and Bishop are obviously amused for playing him like that, easily admitting that they did not only turn Rebecca, but also did "well" at manipulating her. Aidan called for a cleanup, not for a screw-up. But that just shows that those men are by no means his friends. And the really asks himself how he ever believed that they were his family.
That he didn't see through this...
Aidan could still mentally slap himself for being that blind, that ignorant. And by the sounds of it, Bishop did a fine job transforming Rebecca even further, into the kind of vampire Bishop prides himself being one. So not only turned, but also turned around.
When they drop the news about where to find her, Aidan has his next address, though, the park. He doesn't even care for what Bishop or Marcus say as he goes. He just has to find her.
Aidan spots her on a bench, watching people, like a cheetah waiting for the antelope. The sight of her makes his knees go weak. The images of her lifeless body are still too fresh in mind, of her own blood she was drenched in, the milky gloss in her eyes. Yet, here she sits, alive, well, undead, but... but it's her. She is no longer dead.
And Aidan is just so sorry that this is so.
"Rebecca...," he mutters as he takes his seat next to her. She turns to him, and it's as though Bishop is looking at him, "You don't look nearly surprised enough to see a girl you left for dead."
"I don't know where to begin," Aidan exhales. Just where do you start? When you should have ended it right from the beginning. Not take the flirt. Turn away. Leave it be. Leave her alive.
Where do you start when everything is over already?
"Try. I've got an eternity," she snorts.
"I didn't want this for you," Aidan tells her. He really didn't. He didn't mean for any of this to happen to her. He liked her, he really did. For that one night he spent with her, he felt a little more human again, a little less dead. He never wanted her to share his pains.
"Better to kill me?" she huffs.
"Rebecca...," the man sighs, his chest feeling as though it was pulled through acid.
"You left me for dead!" she breaks out. Aidan pulls her by the arm, whispering, "Can we walk?"
She gets up abruptly and so the two of them walk through the park, looking almost like normal people... walking through the park. Just that they are vampires, undead, walking through the park. But that's the curious thing. If a place is sunny, if there are children playing and laughing... then who would ever think that the monsters are walking among them?
Those belong in the closet, right?
"I don't do this anymore. I got weak with you," Aidan explains.
"And now I'm strong," she snarls. "You know how terrified I felt when I woke up in that room, their eyes on me? No idea what had happened, where you were, what you were."
"If I had any idea he'd do that to you...," Aidan means to explain, but she interrupts him, "I get what came over you. I've got it. I wanna rip my skin off half the time."
"I know," Aidan nods sympathetically. He can feel it, too, this searing fire that consumes you from the inside.
"But the other half...I feel like a goddess," she smiles suddenly. "So thanks for that. No. Thank Bishop."
"He's got a nice sales pitch," Aidan warns her. "But once the high wears off, it is more gruesome than you could realize."
He knows the game. Because Aidan fell for it, too, way too long. Bishop gave him everything his now vampire system needed, but then he stopped. And that had Aidan begging on his knees for Bishop to take him with him, and make sure the pain stays away...
Give a fix.
That is how manipulation works.
That is how you create your little slaves, your army, who are willing to go to death for just a single crumb of bread, or int his case, a drop of blood.
Rebecca huffs at his warning, though. The male vampire studies her. It's his mistake that she is like this now, no longer this sweet girl he went on a date with, with the nice smile, the deep eyes. Thanks to his mistake, she is now pulled into darkness. It's because of him that she has Bishop's eyes now. And that is when Aidan's determination changes. As it seems, his dream of house is not working the way it should anyways. Josh may never forgive him. So maybe...
"We can go away together, you and me," he tells her. She is his responsibility. He can take care of it. That is something he can manage, right?
"Sure. Bed and breakfast upstate? We'll feed off the leaf peepers," she laughs drily.
"I got you into this, so I could teach you," Aidan offers. He just has to get her out of Bishop's claws, away from this hell. He knows that he sold his soul to that man, but he is not willing to let Rebecca make the same mistake, make her pay even more than she did anyways. Being a vampire is enough of a curse, she doesn't have to be one of Bishop's minion on tops.
"Not sure I want advice from the man who fell off the wagon," she huffs.
"But we can help each other stay strong," Aidan bargains. Maybe that idea is not halfway bad, right? Help each other stay clean?
It's what he wanted to try with Josh, too, but maybe you have to be of the same race, belong to the same group of cursed ones to make it work?
"Please, I already know the best way to keep strong is to feed," she argues, but then grimaces at him. "What happened to you? Bishop told me you were the best."
"I was the worst," Aidan corrects her. This is the time that he would love to just erase not only from his memory, but from earth's memory entirely. He did things that even a million years of cleaning out bedpans won't make up for.
Things that will forever haunt him in his dreams.
"Well, how can you hate it so much? Nothing can kill you," Rebecca shakes her head.
"That's not true," Aidan warns her. Yes, they can die, and he very often wanted to. They die every damn minute of the day, just that there is no blissful afterlife waiting for them in the distance, but simply the same mock of a life for yet another day, just to die again.
"Practically nothing can kill you," Rebecca argues, but then goes on musing. "The volume has been turned up in the world. I really hear what people say, how fast their hearts are beating. I can tell you what's for dinner three streets away. And my body..."
"Yeah, it has its perks. But you have to remember who you were, who you loved," Aidan argues, still hoping to somehow pull her back.
"I was pathetic. I fell into bed with you after two glasses of wine and twenty minutes of swagger. To hell with who I loved. Dad never thought I'd amount to much. Wait till I grab him by the throat and eat his heart out," she smiles evilly. Aidan stops her, searching her eyes, "Listen to me very carefully. You do not wanna do that. You will never forgive yourself."
He knows.
Because he will never forgive himself either.
But... she doesn't seem to care, "All those years I spent being sorry? Think how sorry my sisters will be when I drain their babies lifeless. It'll be the best family meal we've had in years."
She looks at Aidan, at the defeat in his eyes, but doesn't care either, "Ha. What? Jealous?"
He didn't turn her, but he cursed her.
And Aidan doesn't even know how he can pick up the pieces.
Or where to start.
Isn't it all over already?
And while Aidan fights his demons, Josh tries to face his own. Maybe fixing it with Emily to some degree is not as much of a Herculean task as is... whatever it is that is with Aidan. Josh just doesn't want to think about it. About him. About everything. They only started this project of life so little time ago, and they already have enough problems for a lifetime, or two. Josh thought that he finally had a friend, but he is seemingly just unable to find good friends in the first place, and then to keep them.
It's not like he has anyone to really count on, right? At least not anymore.
And so he stands next to Emily, outside the hospital, having conversation, even though he fights any urge not to just run away.
It worked before, for a given time...
"Are you okay?" he asks hesitantly, his brown eyes nervously dancing up and down, right to left.
"Are you? A friend said you had a condition," Emily asks instead. Right, a condition. A sickness, a tumor, something to kill, cut out, burn. Just that this would probably kill him, too... Though Josh starts to care less and less about that.
"Hey, are you... Are you mad at me, Josh?" Emily questions. Josh blinks at her, "What? No."
Why would he be mad at her?
"Then why won't you talk to me? I told you something that I hadn't told anyone. Next thing I knew, you were gone," the younger sister argues. And Josh heart, if possible, sinks even lower, drops to the ground and is run over by a bus. She really thinks that?!
"I'm so sorry," he brings out.
"It's me, Josh. What is such a secret that you can't tell me? I saw it yesterday, didn't I? Or does it get worse?" she grimaces.
"This was a mistake. I should leave you alone," Josh shakes his head. He can't do this. He just can't.
Maybe everyone is alone after all.
He means to go away again, but Emily holds him back, "No. No. We're here. We're talking."
And how much Josh hates himself to see the desperation in her eyes, the desperation he causes her, the pain. So he stays, even if he should be running.
"What did you say to Julia?" she asks.
"Nothing," Josh replies.
"If you didn't wanna marry her and go to med school...," Emily's voice trails off, but Josh interrupts her nervously, "No, no, Em, it wasn't... It wasn't that. Something happened to me."
And that something has fur, howls to the moon, and just fucked up his life.
"What?" she questions.
"It's dangerous, Em. My life...," Josh explains, his voice trailing off. "Yes, it gets worse. It gets much, much worse."
"Look, Jackie and I are going home tomorrow. I'm not letting you leave us again," the little sister tells him. She wants her brother back in her life. Because he is part of her life, and without him, she is just not whole.
"I almost killed you," Josh argues. Why is that child still not scared for herself?! Why does she have to care so much about him, when she should be focusing on living her life, living a happy life?!
"I don't care. Let me help you, Josh. Please, come with us," she pleads him. Josh closes his eyes.
Maybe he should?
It's not like he has a home to return to.
It's not like John Donne was right when he said:
No man is an island , entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls ; it tolls for thee.
Because right now Josh has any feeling that he is an island, an island a storm means to wash away.
After his conversation with Emily, Josh headed home, just to find Danny with Sally, even though Danny was obviously unaware of that, which means that goo is going to come out of the sinks and pipes... for the rest of eternity, maybe, unless Sally gets a handle on this. Though Josh starts to give up on the idea. He can't control his feelings either, and despite the fact that this messes up the house, he starts to blame her less and less for it. Danny leaves with the assurance of getting a plumber, leaving Sally to her misery once again.
Sadly, you can't call a plumber for hurt emotions, for hushing the tears away, the darkness.
And so Josh finds himself consoling Sally.
"I'm sorry. I guess it takes that 'He doesn't even know I'm alive' thing to a whole new level," he grimaces sympathetically.
"Yeah. Maybe I'm not supposed to leave," she shrugs. "Okay. Maybe he couldn't see me, but... he felt something. How could I not pursue that?"
"Because...you're a monster. And he's not. And...Trust me... It ends bad," Josh warns her. Sally shoots him a glance, but Josh knows he is right. "You know, I was engaged."
"You were?" she gapes. Sally didn't overhear that conversation, that much is for sure.
"Yeah. I'll try not to take offense to your extreme shock," Josh snorts.
"And she doesn't know?" Sally asks, her voice soft.
"What would I say? I'm... I'm... What?" he stammers.
A monster?
A werewolf?
Anything but the man you said you'd marry one day?
His tone turns bitter allover once he goes on, "It's a miracle I got her to love me once."
It's a miracle he got anyone outside his family to love him. Until the wolf happened, Josh really thought of himself as the luckiest guy in the world, to have her. Fine, his family was always a little messed-up, but... but he loved them, no matter what. And then he met Julia, this beautiful creature, funny, smart, warmhearted, kind, generous, and she fell for this awkward, but somehow funny dweeb – and for some reason didn't let go. When he proposed to her... Josh honestly thought he was doing everything right in his life. That he was the lucky one. That the years of being awkward and alone finally paid off, if only to wake up next to her for the rest of his life. That was until the others talked him into this stupid camping trip. And after that, he just ran away not only form his family, but also from her.
Some people say that they are rather loved once than never.
Josh is not too sure about that. In that moment, yes, he was the proudest man to have her, but now... now every happy memory seems to be pushed into the moonlight, into a nightsky, and when he pictures himself in it, his eyes turn golden and claws and fur take over.
Should love really hurt that much?
At some point, Josh honestly starts to believe that love is no longer an option for him.
Because you can hardly love anyone when in truth you will always be alone by the end of the day.
"You don't know how she'd react," Sally argues.
"Sally the Ghost. That's asking him to swallow a heck of a lot, don't you think?" Josh huffs.
"I've been dead for six months with no sign of change. If he gets scared... if my feelings get hurt, if a white light appears and I walk into it...what's the harm in trying?" Sally argues. Who knows, right? It's not like she has anything much to lose. It's not like you can die twice, right?
… or can you?
"You really wanna go through the pain... of losing him all over again?" Josh argues, because he can't really recommend it. He sees it with Emily. All the pieces of his heart that he was able to glue back together are shattered into even tinier pieces now that his sister bumped back into his life. Because he knows what this will most likely ebb into: losing again, losing her again. This way or another. And that pain is worse.
"I'm already dead," Sally shrugs.
So really, where's harm done? A heart that doesn't beat cannot be broken anymore, can it?
Aidan, seeing his entire world crumble before his eyes, doesn't worry about falling back into pattern when he enters a bar to spend the rest of the night. Not anymore. He just needs a distraction from the darkness looming above his head, from the loneliness pulling him down. As it turns out, all people he cares about or could care about again, could take care of... don't care about him. So where is the point in trying to prove the opposite, huh?
If Josh already believes that he is no more than a bloody monster, then why not give him a reason to push him over the edge?
And there comes the other Lilith, as though it was a sign of fate. Aidan spots Cara in the crowd, chatting with some friends. Once their eyes meet, she flashes a gentle smile and walks over to him, "Hello."
"Cara... hi. I didn't see you here," Aidan tells her.
"Yeah, I was just over there with my friends. But I thought I'd come over and say hi," she smiles, but then frowns at herself almost embarrassed, "Which I did..."
"Mission accomplished," Aidan grins at her, darkness creeping its way into his eyes.
Always the same game.
The same song.
Bishop is not the only Siren.
"Anyways, I guess I'll just...," she grimaces, but Aidan grins at her, "You know what, I'm sorry. Uhm... Sit and have a drink with me."
He pulls the chair back for her.
"Sauvignon?"
Or an apple as temptation?
Cara smiles at him, visibly impressed, "Yeah! How did you know?"
His little magic trick, the one he traded his soul for.
Aidan hears music inside his head, a strange melody, because normally he always hears the same tune, the Siren's song. Aidan's eyes drift off to the side.
Should he try after all?
Prove people wrong?
Wasn't that what he tried before?
Josh takes out the garbage, trying to do what normal people do... taking out the garbage. He just wants to distract himself with housework. Because that is within the house he still wants to make home, with our without Aidan now. He told him, didn't he? Josh still wants to hold on to humanity, no matter what his roommate may be up to, or down to. Josh wants to be normal, well, as normal as it can get for a werewolf with OCD, stuck in a haunted house.
But he managed alone before, right? It wasn't great, but it worked. He didn't kill anyone then either. And that seems to be the one goal Josh feels like he accomplish.
And Sally is there, too. That is at least something.
Nevertheless, it still pains him to know that the person who was supposed to help him make it more... doesn't want this anymore, or gave up trying.
Josh is pulled out of his musing by the sound of his cellphone. The werewolf shuts the trashcan as he fishes the phone out of his pocket. He glances at the screen – Aidan. That this guy calls after what just went on... unbelievable.
"What?" Josh growls, his voice deep. He would rather just hang up already.
"What, so we're never speaking to each other again?" Aidan argues over the other end of the line, and Josh feels any urge to just punch that dumb smirk he knows Aidan wears out of his face.
"Come to the bar," the vampire then whispers, and Josh can't hear the smile anymore.
"I'm busy," Josh snorts. Busy with life, rings a bell, Mr. Waite?
"Cara's here," Aidan goes on.
"So?!" Josh rolls his eyes. Now that jerk even has the cheek to boast about his conquests – after finding out about Rebecca?!
"So you should come," Aidan tells him.
"Why?" Josh huffs, but that is when the penny drops for him once again.
Seriously, Aidan?
Do you seriously jump in front of a bus to force Josh to save you?!
Panic rises within the werewolf, his voice shaking, "Aidan, no. Just don't!"
"Great. So you'll come, then?" Aidan smiles.
"Just... I'll be right there," Josh replies.
"Good," Aidan grins before he hangs up.
He can be angry with him later, right?
So Josh quickly makes his way to the bar, hoping that he still makes it in time.
Maybe he can stop the bus after all.
Back in the bar, Aidan puts the phone back in his pocket. Cara tilts her head at him, "Who was that?"
"Josh. He's coming over," Aidan tells her.
Your savior, girl... if he comes in time, that is...
"Okay, so, where were we? He asked you if you had anything in red," Aidan grins at her.
"No, seriously. And, um, for those of you keeping track, that was the fourth pair of shoes!" she argues.
"You tried on four pairs of shoes for a man with a shoe fetish?" he snickers.
"Or six pairs of shoes," Cara admits. Why is she saying this?!
"Oh wow! Okay! All right. Well, I gotta give you credit for staying with it," Aidan laughs.
"Oh, why... Why am I telling you this?" Cara grimaces. She is feeling so weird. It's nice, this sensation, but...
"Oh, well, that's my curse. Women like to tell me their most embarrassing stories," Aidan tells her.
Well, it's part of the curse. The funny part of the curse.
Because the rest is just an abyss without a bottom.
"Well, you go. You owe me," Cara smirks, all insecurities leaving her.
"I have nothing that bad," Aidan grins.
I have worse.
The song inside Aidan's head stops playing abruptly at the sound of one particular voice right next to him, "Sure you do."
Rebecca. What is she doing here?!
"Shove over, babe."
"You shouldn't be here," Aidan warns her.
"Oh, hush! She's cute. What'd I miss?" she grins viciously before turning her attention to the young woman flirting with Aidan, "Mmm! Well?"
"I don't know," Cara grimaces.
"Well, let's see. You told your sad little story, right? Now Aidan will tell you his, and you'll laugh and he'll say something self-deprecating. I don't wanna ruin it for you. Let's get on with it already. Am I right? You'll go back to your place. He's selfish that way. And then he'll give you some 'blah-blah-blah' about Byron and his curse," the young vampire explains.
"Rebecca!" Aidan cries out.
"Rebecca?" Cara blinks at her. The girl who went missing?! Wait... what?!
"Oh...I think she's got it," Rebecca snorts sarcastically.
"Leave," Aidan tells her, but the vampire is having none of it, "Hold on. I wanna see her face when she puts it together."
"Um... I really shouldn't have ditched my friends. So I think I'm just...," Cara's voice trails off. Once Rebecca leaves her hand on Aidan, she leaves, to which the female vampire giggles darkly.
"Just go," Aidan tells her. What was he thinking coming here?! Just how many mistakes can you make in two days? How many in a life?
"Come with me. You said it yourself. We can help each other," she pouts.
"I said we can help each other stay clean," Aidan corrects her. She gets closer to him, "Let's get dirty first."
Dirty and drenched in blood – that is what Aidan wanted to get away from, right? If only it wasn't so close...
"Rebecca, look... Okay, I already told you no," Aidan argues, but that only gets her anger flaring, "You screw me. You kill me. You never call. You really know how to mess with a girl's self-esteem. Ugh! I'm bored!"
She spots a guy by the bar and yells at him, "Hey! Wanna get out of here?"
"Uh, yeah," the man smirks.
"Fantastic," she grins, before turning to Aidan one last time, "Bye-bye."
"Wait," he tries to hold her back .
"Why? You want in?" Rebecca snickers.
"You don't wanna do this," Aidan tells the man.
And for once, he hopes the Siren's song will work – to save this man.
"I'm pretty sure I do," the man argues nevertheless. Aidan gets into eye contact with him, his voice deep, "You go back to your friends. You have a drink. You forget about this one."
"Just go home!"
Go home, run, run for dear life, you idiot! You still have it ahead of you!
"Yeah, okay, okay!" the man waves his hands in the air and walks off.
Bullet dodged, but... still a revolver to the head.
Josh finally reaches the bar. His mind is reeling, his heart is hammering in his chest. Is he too late already? God, if something happens to her just because he didn't check if Aidan was up to something...
Maybe he shouldn't have said all those things after all...?
His eyes search for Aidan, but instead, he finds...
"Rebecca!"
Upon catching sight of him, the female vampire grabs him roughly, "Good doggie! Heel!"
He tears away from her as he catches sight of what is even more terrifying than is Rebecca in the flesh, or not... Cara... drenched in blood... that can't be. No.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No.
"Cara. Hey, Cara," he calls out to her as he applies pressure to the seeping wound to her throat. And that is when Aidan appears, "No, no, no, no, no!"
He is next to Josh instantly.
"There's too much blood. There's too much," the werewolf breaks out, his chest heaving. He hates himself that his brain is not working the way it should. He was to med school. He is an orderly. Just why the hell can't he help her?
Useless condition... right?
From behind, Rebecca calls out to them, "Well, someone had to do it, and you were taking your sweet-ass time. Mmm! I highly recommend a bar kill. She was sweet. A little oaky and cheap, but still... best Saturday night I've had in a long time."
"If we don't get help, she's gonna die," Josh tells Aidan.
"Oh, don't look so tragic," Rebecca rolls her eyes, before turning back to Aidan. "Give her a sip. She'll be fine."
Josh blinks at Aidan, "Is that true? Can you save her?"
Does that mean vampires can... help in that way? Heal her?
"It won't be saving her," Aidan shakes his head. It didn't save him back on the battlefield when he was dead and Bishop brought him back, or parts of him. It didn't save Rebecca. This curse doesn't save anyone. It's just a curse.
"Aww...That's right. You prefer to leave your conquests for dead," Rebecca snorts. Josh panics, his eyes wide, "If you can save her... please..."
"I can't! I'm sorry," Aidan tells him.
No, he can't save her. Not anymore.
Josh focuses on Cara as life leaves her. And suddenly he smells moss mixed with blood and sees flashlights behind his eyelids, of his dead friend next to him.
So that is what death smells like.
Later, the two men find themselves back in the hospital, in their spare clothes... because the others were drenched in Cara's blood. Neither one is sure what to say. Here they sit, with an innocent girl's blood on their hands, literally. Just how far can you drop in a week? From the top of the morning to the abyss of no tomorrow.
Eventually, it's Josh who breaks the silence, his voice raw, "So, this is it? It's over, isn't it?"
That must be it, right? They can't continue now that they are over with blood. They will have to sell the house. They will have to go separate ways.
Does he have to get a new identity then? Though Josh finds the idea utterly ridiculous – because who the hell gives a damn on him, right?
Project failed.
Maybe next time.
Or not.
Josh actually did some internet research not long ago.
There are some pretty bridges even here in Boston.
Aidan stares at Josh, but then fidgets around, "No!"
No, it isn't over, or is it? Or does Josh mean to call it all off? The fact that Josh came, now that Aidan is back to his senses, made him hope again that maybe the werewolf didn't give up yet. On this life.
On him.
"They'll trace Cara to Rebecca... and Rebecca to you," Josh argues.
He can hear the storm in the distance already.
"No. We're spread so far. Our networks run so deep. This happens... all the time," Aidan argues, nodding at Bishop, as he roams around the staff, taking statements.
"So that is...," Josh grimaces. He can see the cold in those man's eyes even from a distance.
"Yeah," Aidan nods. "And that's why we call him when something happens."
"To cover it up," Josh grimaces.
"To cover it up, yeah," Aidan agrees solemnly. "So that we can somehow carry on. We fall too often to..."
"Go to prison," Josh nods, a sickening realization spreading throughout him.
"We are in one already, just a bigger cage," Aidan tells him solemnly. Josh nods numbly.
He still understands only little about what it means to be a vampire, but one thing he starts to see clearer is that eternity is a damn long time, a lot of space for error.
"I didn't want this to happen," Aidan whispers.
Josh takes a moment, letting it sink in, and then finds the answer, "I know."
He knows now. Aidan surely didn't want that for Cara. And judging by his expression now, he didn't want it for Rebecca either.
Even if Josh is by no means past this, a part of him feels strangely relieved to see his friend back, not the vampire who gives a damn on everyone, who just covers up the evidence and lies. There is sadness in his eyes, regret. Something that Josh found absent when he confronted him about Rebecca's comeback, what really pushed him over the edge to say all those hurtful things to Aidan. But now... This is the person who held out his hand to Josh when Marcus and his friend beat him to pulp.
Aidan is back.
At the same time, it sets something straight within Josh that he couldn't figure out before. He can't make the same mistake.
He won't.
That's over now.
No more doubts. No more going back and forth, no more walking circles by the bus station to decide whether to jump into the street, hoping to maybe hop on, or otherewise get run over, fast.
Wordlessly, he gets up and walks away from Aidan. He hears no sound, doesn't feel his feet touching the ground until he makes it to the reception where Emily and Jackie are checking her out. Once she catches sight of him, Emily turns to him hopefully, but her features sag at the seriousness in his eyes. He wouldn't look like that if he told her that he'd come back with her, be a family again, be Em and Jo again.
"My life is different now," he tells her with a strangely strong voice. He taps against his chest. "I'm different."
His heart skips to a different beat. It howls to the moon, when it should be beating for her and his family.
"You don't wanna know me. You can't help me. Just leave me alone."
I will save you, no matter the costs.
I won't jump in front of that bus, I won't hop on.
I will find a different matter of transportation, to wherever that is now.
After Josh took off, Aidan got up himself, knowing that meeting up with Bishop is just as inevitable as are the nightmares that will consume him in the near future, haunting him with Rebecca's smile, Cara's smile. And their blood. So much blood.
"Should have turned her, sweet girl like that. And a nurse, no less. That would have been convenient," Bishop tells him once they are alone.
"I'm not interested in making things convenient for you," Aidan tells him. No, that is long since over.
"You and I aren't gonna have a problem, are we, Aidan?" Bishop asks in a soft voice, holding Aidan back by the shoulder.
"Not by me," the younger vampire replies. Aidan wants to get away, now again, but he also knows that he can't cross with Bishop like that.
Or else he will never have a shot at fixing things.
At living.
"I'm afraid I'm gonna need a little bit more reassurance than that," Bishop argues. "What's it gonna be? Us... or them?"
Aidan's body stops moving. He knew that this is what it would come down to eventually. Because if he learned anything from the argument with Josh, then it is that you can't play normal with one family, and have the other clean up the dark messes you leave along the way. You make a choice and you live by it.
At the same time... Aidan is by no means delusional. He knows that the life he lives does not end after a blissfully acceptable amount of time. Because you can't kill what's already dead, if not for a stake through the heart, or a head rolling off the shoulders. Aidan knows that there is no way he escapes Bishop forever, unless he went on a spaceship, perhaps. And even then he couldn't be sure.
They are bound together by doom.
"It was never a question. Not really," Aidan tells him, not looking at Bishop. "Maybe I am sentenced... to a life in hell with you. But here and now...I choose them."
Because maybe one life lived can make up for the next lives of torment.
Because in this life... Aidan doesn't feel as alone anymore, because he has people around him working towards the same goal, not against it.
He still wants to try.
He can still die another day.
Later that night, Josh and Sally watch Aidan sitting on the front steps, consumed by his thoughts, by the regret, the guilt. Josh honestly didn't think he would find himself forgiving Aidan, but...
"I never really thought about it before, how hard he must work every single second of his life... not to be one of them. I guess I just take it for granted he's as good as he is."
Josh sees things in a different light now, or a different darkness, maybe. Aidan was right, he still is. His curse is worse. Because there is not a single moment, seemingly, when he doesn't have to fight his cravings, doesn't have to stand up, stand tall, spit in temptation's face. That experience made Josh realize that he took it too lightly. Aidan really faces the stronger enemy.
He tries so damn hard to be good. And he is so often that Josh honestly forgot just how hard he has to work for that.
"Do you think he should have saved her?" Sally asks hesitantly.
"I think he did," Josh replies.
He saved Cara, as twisted as it is.
Just as Josh hopes that he is saving Emily.
If you really care about someone, you make sure that no more harm is done to them. You make sure that they don't fall into the same holes that you already try to climb out of.
And that means letting them go, sometimes. Swat the hand away. Let yourself fall into the abyss, waving goodbye.
Aidan saved Cara by sparing her the sorrows of being a vampire, by sparing her his own curse.
Josh hopes he saved Emily by sparing her the danger of her brother hurting her one day, making her one of his.
And in that, they don't seem that different, actually.
Josh eventually tears himself away from the window. He walks into the kitchen and fixes a mug he then takes outside. He walks down the first two steps so that Aidan takes notice of his presence, holding out the mug of blood to him. Aidan takes it wordlessly.
Because he understands the message unspoken.
He gives it to him in Aidan's mug, because he still wants to believe or believes that they can work this, being normal, living in a house, drinking coffee or blood from the same mug every morning.
They start over. Back to step one.
Josh gives Aidan his placebo, to help him come clean.
And in that sense, the vampire just realizes again that Josh is... his sober companion.
So yes, they have different curses.
They fight different demons.
But they still work towards the same goal.
Maybe they are no islands after all.
Chapter 7: How to Protect?
Summary:
Ray appears.
No one takes Josh and his werewolf-stalker seriously until Aidan decides to do it after all.
Aidan bitches about patients.
Sally calls Aidan upon his relationship with Rebecca.
Notes:
Thanks for looking into my story!
And as requested, I will now move into my own AU a bit, taking up more on situations of the show, and not just repeating the lines and going into the inner perspective to give it more insight.
I take up on what sparked my interest most, so I skip to episode 4 and 5 in season 1, and bring them together, taking the snippets and pieces that I want most, but twist them for my own evil purposes.
I love AU for that.
Chapter Text
If you want to keep something, you have to protect it. Isn't it like that? The more you value it, the more fences you build, the more weapons you get. You cling on to it with all your might because you can't imagine to be without it. It's a part of you, so deeply embedded into you that tearing it out is like tearing yourself in half.
We hear it in songs humming in the radio, watch it in cheesy romances, read it in cheap love novels.
You are always in my heart.
Always on my mind.
My heart, it only beats for you.
And we think that this is a good protection, because it is so close to us, right? We place those treasures in our heart because we value them that much. They are that important to us that we count them along the lines of our most vital part – our heart, our engine, what keeps us alive.
Makes us human.
Well, welcome to reality!
It's the worst place to hide your little treasures, to protect them.
Why?
Because this protection only works for as long as the threat comes from the outside.
But what if it comes from... within? Ever crossed the mind?
What if the threat goes to sleep right next to where you store your little treasures? Waves it good morning and kisses it good night?
Because, let's face it, we all have our little dark side. No one is innocent. We are all capable of the worst. And that is the threat to our heart, our life, our little treasures. By holding them so close, we constantly threaten to lose them.
The best protection seems to be to push them away, actually. Keep the treasures outside your heart. Watch from a distance. Then your little treasures are only confronted with the outside world, which is bad enough, of course, but at least they are not consumed by your own darkness. They don't have to go down along with your heart, with yourself, thanks to your dark side.
We want to protect, but we can't. And some even less than others. Because their dark side is just so, so strong, has large claws, white teeth, yellow eyes. It's tempting. Pulls you into yourself, consumes you. And sometimes... sometimes that dark side takes over.
Because we are just fed up being weak, longing for our treasures.
Dark sides are little bitches, craving attention, little Sirens in your head.
We feel the rush – because we stop thinking and simply answer this urge, this instinct to protect what is precious to us. The problem is that it makes us blind for reality, once again. We just feel euphoric for this one moment of false victory, but don't see that we are not protecting our treasures anymore, but leave them in the open, in the night.
We don't see that we actually lose.
The dilemma is just that simple: You can't protect yourself from yourself, from your dark side, because tearing it out is even worse than tearing out your treasures. It makes you collapse, die. And if you can't protect yourself, then how do you protect your little treasures in your heart?
So, better brace yourself.
Or maybe, just maybe... one of your treasures has enough courage to come to save you?
But by that time... it might be just too late already.
Josh slowly pries his eyes open against the harsh light evading his eyes. At first everything is a blur, but then he can make out the contours... of... a deer, a mauled, very dead, very mauled dead deer next to him... and blood all over him...
At this point the werewolf reconsiders going back to the basement, even though it was proven to be absolutely not safe – first Emily, and then the vandal he almost choked out in his canine-chaos. Nevertheless, the rusty metal gave Josh a sort of reassurance, strangely so. It was his "Cage" for that fleeting second before the turn. It was a way to contain the beast, keep it locked up, behind electric fences, but high voltage please.
But now Josh feels like he is one step back, maybe even three. The sight of the deer next to him only brings up the flashlights again, the smell of moss and blood, images of his lost friend, his life that died this very night. He is back to "Mother Nature" as Sally commented sarcastically. Though Josh still blames it on setting her up on that blind ghost date with Tony. Because even though she enjoyed his company and the advice later on, the female ghost declared that she is still mad at her two roommates for setting her up like that, even though Josh blames it on Aidan.
It was his idea, after all.
Speaking of Aidan... Josh should better get going to fetch some clothes, preferably his own. Or else the vampire will either give it yet another lewd comment or he won't let Josh in, or so he fears. Aidan likes to humiliate him, a bit, at times... often... At least Josh starts to laugh about it, even if more from embarrassment than anything else.
The young man is pulled out of musing as another waft of decaying deer forces its way up his nostrils, so the werewolf scrambles to his feet, instinctively grabbing for his crotch to cover his manhood. He glances around, still trying to figure out in which part of the woods he ended up in, since that is not where he left off to transform.
Damn, that means his clothes are somewhere, nowhere, everywhere.
Aidan won't let this go. And Josh is seemingly destined to give Aidan new fuel after each turn.
The normal troubles of a werewolf who is stuck with a witty vampire for a chaperone...
Josh sends a silent prayer to heaven that he didn't just end up enacting the Simpsons again, looking around dazed.
"You really don't know a thing, do you?" a voice rings out from not so far. Josh snaps his head around to see a seasoned man with cap and chequered flannel shirt standing there. Just what the hell is that guy doing here, spying on him, while he is walking around in his Adam's costume?!
"I, I, I...," Josh stammers helplessly, his mind deciding not to work for now.
"Here, put on these. That's awkward enough," the man tells him, throwing a duffel at Josh. The werewolf blinks at him, but then decides against declining with thanks because the prospect of clothes is now ever the more tempting. Josh quickly grabs the clothes he finds in them, despite the douchy-ness.
"Who, who are you?" Josh asks hesitantly. He never saw this man before, and it's not like it's usual for some hiker, if he is, to have some spare clothes with him that he willingly shares with someone who walks around in his nudes, next to a dead deer.
So much to how Josh is now to a state of normal.
"The name's Ray," the man tells him. "And ya, pal, don't know a thing of what to do as a wolf, do you?"
"I, I'm...," Josh stammers helplessly once again as the information tries to unfold inside his brain to force the penny over the edge to drop to the ground. However, Ray is so kind to verbalize what the penny means to tell Josh, "I'm a werewolf, too. I've watched you last night. You still got so much to learn."
Great, now Josh can't even use the cage anymore, but also needs a new forest.
It's just getting better and better, right?
Aidan is standing in the kitchen, heating up one of the blood bags. He is still trying to get used to the taste again, or rather lack of it, but it's getting better. After Bishop brought him to take live-blood again, Aidan wanted to spend the next days and nights down in the basement, shivering on the bed. Yet, he didn't – already to prove it to Josh and Sally that he is no bloody addict, or at least not as much. He hopped off the wagon, but the vampire is still eager to jump back on, even if that means some running and falling to the ground. Coming clean is not easy. If so, no one would be addicted anymore, right?
Aidan is pulled out of his musing when Josh storms inside.
"Oh, hey... what are you doing here so early? I wanted to come pick you up?" Aidan frowns. Their usual time is half an hour from now, which is why Aidan went for a little vampire breakfast before heading out. Aidan knows that Josh is still not all too fond of being forced back into the wilderness after the vandal debacle. However, if Josh walks back by foot, it means that something went wrong, majorly wrong. But when doesn't it?
Josh grumbles some incoherent curses, the way he usually does when he is agitated, so Aidan notes. He walks over to the fridge to grab something to drink. The vampire uses the moment to give his friend a quick look-over, his eyebrows knitted, "Why are you dressed like a douche?"
Josh grabs a bottle from the fridge, his fingers tightening around the plastic.
"Because a douche gave these clothes to me. No, wait, a werewolf douche gave them to me," Josh tells him, gritting his teeth. "I mean, here I think that things are panning out, that I'm back to normal again, but then... something like that happens. My life's hell."
And as Josh utters these words, Sally pops in with the same words, just louder, "My life's hell!"
"Oh, hey, yeah, I was just kinda saying that my life's hell, but let's talk about how your life is hell," Josh snorts. By now he knows that Sally, regardless of her humor and great empathy, is a little (big) drama queen.
"What happened?" Aidan asks, turning to Sally. The vampire and the werewolf actually agreed to go for Sally's problems first, if not obviously less severe. The reason is simple – they want to keep the house intact, and when Sally is furious, they have goo in the sink and the bathtub, lightbulbs popping up like fireworks, or the house moving as though it was in a storm. So they could proudly announce that they could take showers without goo for almost a month now. And Aidan and Josh want it to stay that way.
"I just realized that my ex-best friend is a brutal whore," Sally goes on, deciding to plop down on the sink, looking even younger than she does by nature. The two men frown at her.
"I caught Bridget and Danny making out," she translates.
"... and you watched them," Aidan makes a face. He can't imagine that this was a pleasure for her.
"Is not like I wanted to," Sally argues.
"But you do remember that you can just leave?" the vampire makes a face.
"I tried. I went back to here, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it, and then bang, I was back there," Sally cries out. "The whole time."
"That sucks," Aidan grimaces sympathetically. He knows that she is by no means over Danny, and now to have him hook up with her best friend must be torture.
"I know...," she sighs heavily, but then looks at Josh. "Why's Josh dressed like a douche?"
Josh narrows her eyes at her.
"He's met another werewolf," Aidan explains in his name.
"Aww," Sally sighs happily, but Aidan goes on, "Who's stalking him."
"Eww," Sally makes a face.
"Yeah, right, I'm not going over this," Josh grumbles, taking another swig from the juice. "I'm grabbing a shower, and then I'm off to work."
He gets up from the chair and leaves upstairs.
"You think he's okay?" Sally turns to Aidan. Because even if she rewarded the situation with funny faces, the female ghost can't imagine that a werewolf stalker is anything she wants near her roommate.
"Well, honestly, I was surprised that there weren't any other wolves yet. And before I got to know Josh, he never ran into anyone either as far as he told me. Yet, there must be at least one. After all, one turned him, but... I guess it must be weird to just have a wolf stalking you," Aidan replies.
"Stalking in general is not cool," Sally shakes her head.
"Tells me the girl who stalks her former fiancé, as he makes out with her ex-best friend?" Aidan snorts.
"... what should I do?" Sally sighs.
"... relax, forget about it, find composure, focus on something else," Aidan advises her.
"Not everyone has the 200-something years of experience of self-restraint," Sally rolls her eyes. She honestly wonders how he does that at times. There is so much trouble growing beneath their tiny sprout of normalcy that it seems hard to keep upright at times, but Aidan, to her surprise, is usually never wavered by any of it. Maybe you have to be around for so many years to be that... balanced.
"You still got a lot of time to learn," Aidan snickers, to which she rolls her eyes, "Whatever, Aidan."
The vampire flashes a quick smirk before his eyes drift off to the door again. It really bothers him, the thing with Josh. It never occurred to him before, but it might be dangerous with more werewolves around. Josh hardly regained some of his self-confidence over the past time. And that he had to leave his cage again made him by no means more confident in himself. Even though Josh is improving, so to speak, Aidan still knows that much of Josh's distress stems from his skepticism toward the idea of "normal". Yes, the werewolf plays house, but that is within the spectrum of their home, where he is around people he knows by now and dares to trust. Outside... let's face it, more than anything, he's still socially awkward at best.
Even though the Neighborhood Watch idea proved to be a catastrophe, Aidan had honestly hoped that it would help not only himself, but also Josh. So that he can move out of his shell, get in contact with people again, without awkward. However, it seems to be almost symptomatic for the young werewolf that whenever he faces a problem or discovers a deficiency in himself, he is thrown back ten steps, at least. He doesn't feel comfortable again, he flees to home, and doesn't want to have anything to do with the outside world. So a new werewolf in town to turn the OCD wolf will throw him at least a few steps back to home.
After a while, Josh seemingly took extra-time cleaning, he comes back downstairs.
"Calmed down now?" Aidan asks cautiously, testing the waters. He obviously didn't get a chance to talk to Josh about this yet, so he hopes he gets a chance now, or well...
Aidan doesn't enjoy those kinds of conversation, but he sees their necessity.
"Ask me that again once I bleached my brain clean of that experience, that is if I find a way to actually do that without killing me in the process," Josh shakes his head.
"So it's really that bad to you?" Aidan questions.
"No, I find it great to have a werewolf-stalker. That's just what I always wanted for my life, didn't you know?" Josh snorts.
He actually would have taken the Simpsons theme than this here.
"Just saying,"Aidan shrugs.
"Look, I want to have as little as possible to do with wolves or all that other stuff, if I can help it somehow. And now a werewolf-stalker who might start to stalk me for the other time of the months is about... personal nightmare apocalypse," Josh curses. He wants to protect his little home, this bit of normalcy, but a werewolf-stalker is simply... counterproductive to the whole idea.
"... but maybe he can teach you certain things, to handle the situation better," Aidan brings up, ever so cautiously. He knows that this is a very touchy topic.
"I don't trust werewolves," Josh grumbles. Why would he want to be close to a werewolf?!
"... you are one," Aidan makes a face.
"And you really think I trust myself?" Josh huffs. "I don't. At all."
No, he doesn't trust himself, because the wolf is inherently a part of him, as painful as it is. And that part of him almost ripped his sister to shreds, almost strangled a vandal to death.
How would you trust this beast?
How would you trust yourself if you are that beast?
"Josh...," Aidan sighs.
"I don't want to have to do with this guy, I really don't wanna," Josh shakes his head.
"O-kay," Aidan sighs. "But you could at least think about it."
"Can we just go to work, focus on anything but my creepy stalker?" Josh pleads, now using the puppy look on Aidan. Even though Josh is actually an adult, it's for moments such as these when he really looks like a teenager, a child...
"If that's whatcha want," Aidan shrugs.
A child that always gets his way, at least with Aidan.
"Yes!" Josh exclaims.
"Duly noted. Then let's head out to work. Maybe the bedpans will lighten you up again," Aidan jokes, snaking an arm around him as they head to the door.
Curiously, that usually works as a kind of reassurance.
Gestures are funny things.
After shift, the roommates are walking back home.
"God, I hate this evil witch from 205," Aidan grumbles, stuffing his hands even deeper into his pockets.
"Play nice, they are patients with fears and feelings and...," Josh tells him in a humming voice. Because that is one of the first things you get told when you start in the hospital – patients are just scared and that is why they are bitchy at times. You have to pay attention to their needs and wants. Not that this is actually something new to Josh. He honestly does that by nature, at least that is what he got told by the other nurses shortly after he started as an orderly. He has a way with patients, especially with kids.
Even if it's not med school, Josh starts to find himself liking this job, perhaps even more than that. Even though he still often bumps into things or knocks stuff over, he feels much more confident when in conversation with his patients.
They have fears, just like him.
Well, maybe not just like him, but they also have fears, simply heading down another road. Perhaps that is why he is better around patients than other people, even the staff. He is no person of authority and he doesn't have to be one. He simply helps them. He is a supporter, both for the physical and emotional needs, and if it's only to sit with that old granny who didn't have visitors ever since she came to stay at the hospital to talk to her while she enjoys her tea, making it a private tea party. Josh doesn't even care if that means he is ten minutes behind schedule.
Because those ten minutes, maybe, made that woman's life a little better.
Josh knows how hard it is to find light in a place of darkness – and ever since Aidan made it possible for him to get that job, Josh sees this spirit revived to help others fix their darkness. That is within his powers. Having tea and conversation is easy.
About his own darkness... that stands on a different page, of course.
"That witch sold her heart for someone else's firstborn, trust me," Aidan snorts.
"Aidan...," Josh rolls his eyes, but the vampire doesn't listen, "Hell, you haven't been around her yet! She puts wicked to a whole new level."
"It's this Miss Anderson everyone's talking about, right?" Josh asks curiously. Usually it makes the round quite fast what patients are on the "Least Wanted" list. Just as does anything. Gossip is a curious thing, really, unless you are the object of such. Then you hate it with all your heart.
"Who else?!" Aidan snorts.
"... but what did she do to you? You're normally not that... on edge, coz of a patient?" Josh argues. No, Aidan is really great around patients, after all, he has years of experience – and since it his way of redemption, the vampire is really devoted most of the time.
"I can deal with most of them, but this one is just...," Aidan mutters, but that is when his eyes suddenly turn black and his fangs come out. Aidan makes a creepy face, gesturing wildly and doing a few grunting sounds before instantly snapping back to normal. Josh can't help but laugh at that. It's always nice to see Aidan fussing like this, because normally he is always the composed one, in contrast to Josh, which makes the werewolf feel like a child, very often. Yet, this shows that even 200-something years don't cast a portion of child out of even the toughest cookies, such as is Aidan Waite.
"Maybe she's one of your kind after all?" Josh smirks.
"No, that I would know. Coz then, believe me, I would've staked her already. She is a human witch," Aidan snarls.
"We don't stake patients, Aidan," Josh rolls his eyes playfully.
"If she had been a vampire, sure as hell I would have. She is floundering around my hunting grounds. For us that's enough to stake someone," Aidan argues mockingly.
"... right, and after that we can leave town," Josh sighs. "Sleep in cheap motel rooms that you insisted on we had to escape from... all across the country to end up in... Canada... or so..."
"I think they'd give me a medal for that. There's no one capable of liking her, coz she isn't either," Aidan argues vehemently, but then he bows his head. "But sadly, she's human, so I can't stake her without you blaming me for it."
"And because it's morally wrong?" Josh scaffolds.
"That's not out yet," Aidan huffs.
"Well, think 'bout it. For as long as she's human... she will kick the bucket eventually," Josh argues.
"That's the only thing that makes my day. This might be the one occasion I might actually do her the favor of attending her funeral, just to stomp on her grave one last time," Aidan snorts.
"If you keep it up, she might haunt you, though," Josh warns him.
"Don't say that," Aidan lets out a mocking cry.
"Okay, we won't summon Miss Anderson as Bloody Mary. She will die and won't come back to stalk you as a ghost. I don't think Sally would take that kindly anyways...," Josh shrugs. "But seriously, what does she do to make you lose your cool?"
"Uh, everything. She calls everyone awful names that make no sense, throws things, especially bedpans, full bedpans, she's racist, Republican, and so fundamental that fundamentalists would be scared of her, she has the evil eye, her voice is nerve-wrecking, she screams all day and night if she feels like it, accuses everyone of hurting her or sexually harassing her, as if, I mean... who makes out with a rotten steak from 1930-something?! … and, foremost, she won't stop," Aidan rants. "Ever."
"Just sedate her," Josh shrugs.
"... don't tempt me. I am that close to doing it," Aidan warns him.
"Compel her?" Josh smirks.
"Never. I don't want to have any mental contact with her. Then I would need your bleach method to wipe that outta my brain, no thank you," Aidan shudders.
And after the debacle with Officer Garrity, Aidan is ever so sure that he is not meant to compel anyone of that kind. That was yet another mark on his list of wrongdoings, an incredibly long list, written on with blood.
"What does she call you?" the werewolf wonders.
"New one every day. Today it was... Bloody lanky devil-schmuck. I don't even know what she means with that," Aidan gestures wildly.
"... not very specific, but it's still mean," Josh grimaces.
"How comes you got around her so far?" Aidan narrows his eyes at the other man, to which Josh shrugs, "Even the unlucky get lucky once in a while?"
"Yo, kid!" a voice suddenly rings out of one of the alleys. Josh's eyes widen unnaturally at the sound.
Why did he ever say that out loud again?!
Aidan frowns as suddenly Josh's stalker steps out of the shadows of one of the side alleys.
"It's good to see you," the seasoned werewolf smirks. Josh gapes at him, still trying to formulate a response, or utterance in general. His brain seemingly just shuts down whenever he comes face to face with that man. Or wolf.
However, before Josh can even react, the man's head snaps to Aidan, his eyes narrow slits, "Vampire."
"Aidan Waite, pleasure. I guess you are a werewolf, judging by the reeking smell?" Aidan grins at him cheekily.
"Kid, ya seriously tie with a fang?!" the older werewolf turns to Josh with wide eyes.
"I don't think that this is any of your business," Aidan argues.
"And who made ya his voice?" the werewolf snarls, getting right in Aidan's face.
"Again, that's not your concern," Aidan snaps back, not in the least wavered by the man's intimidation. "And anyways, I don't know how it is with your kind, but we introduce ourselves before we accuse one another."
The vampire smirks at him with narrowed eyes.
"The name's Ray," the seasoned werewolf snorts.
"So, Ray," Aidan says, flashing a fake smirk. "It's none of your business. And I think you should better head your ways again."
"What are you doing here?" Josh asks, finally finding his way back into the conversation.
"Toldcha, was lookin' for ya," the werewolf replies with a grin.
"And I told you that I don't want that," Josh tells him. No, after the man was so kind to enlighten Josh not only about the fact that he sucks as a wolf, but also that he's had an eye on him in a while, the younger werewolf decided to get away as fast as he could... which means he ran away, fast.
Josh hoped that Ray got that message, which he seemingly didn't.
Seriously, world? You spare him Ms. Anderson, but send him Ray instead?
Because Josh would rather have taken up with the patient than this fellow.
"Ya just gotta see the greater good here, kid," Ray argues again, but Josh quickly interrupts him, "Josh, not kid, Josh. I'm an adult, thank you. I have a place of my own and I have a job, oh, I even pay taxes, so let's not call me that, shall we?"
"Not much actin' like an adult if ya let a fang speak for you, or friggin' align with one in the first place," Ray snorts.
"That is really not your concern. What I do with my life is none of your business, Ray. I don't know you," Josh argues sternly. And he can't believe that he is actually having that conversation with his werewolf-stalker, when he just wanted to walk home with his best friend, have something to eat, and then maybe enjoy a beer with Aidan while watching a show with him and Sally. Is that really asked too much?!
Can't he have that bit of normalcy he was able to harbor for himself?
Please?
"But we are one of a kind, kid, Josh. Ya gotta see that," Ray argues vehemently.
"That doesn't mean that you can tell me with whom I befriend or not," Josh shoots back angrily.
"Fangs mean trouble. They hunt us, didntcha know?" Ray tells him.
"And we hunt them. I guess this is just natural give and take," Josh replies sternly. "Again, this is my life, Ray. And I wold politely ask you to leave it at that."
"Being around fangs is dangerous," Ray warns him another time, but Josh's patience is wearing thin, as are his nerves. He can feel the prickles of needles against his skin because he feels more and more nervous. Why won't that guy just let go? Why doesn't he just leave him alone in what is supposed to be his life? Is that really asked too much?!
"Look, I appreciate it that you seemingly want to offer me help, but I'm handling about just fine, so thank you, but no thank you," Josh tells him another time, hoping that it will somehow reach Ray this time – and make him leave, but... no.
Of course not.
"Right, ya are handlin' fine. Kid, ya know a shit 'bout what it means to be a wolf, if ya don't even know with whom you should align and from whom you should keep away. Ya don't even know how to turn properly," Ray argues.
"... Well, I still have a lifetime to figure this out, don't I?" Josh snorts.
"But you could learn it from me. It'd make it easier for ya, trust me," Ray tells him, his eyes now almost pleading.
"Why would I trust you? Up until now you just seem to stalk me, okay?" Josh huffs.
"Hey, ya don't own the woods, do ya? I turned also," Ray replies.
"... doesn't matter. Ray, I don't need your help, okay?" Josh tells him defensively.
"Hey, doesn't have to be right now, but, towards the change, is good to be 'round our kind, really. For wolves it's good to be with'em, makes the transformation easier. Believe me. It's just an offer. Just think 'bout it," Ray argues.
"No, thank you," Josh tells him, narrowing his eyes at the other man. "The only thing I'm going to do is to go home, without you, open a bottle of vodka, empty it, start a new one, empty it, and then hopefully be so much out of it that I don't remember any of this."
"Hey, vodka's fine," Ray jokes, but Josh is having none of it, "Without you. This was no invitation, this was a way to tell you to go away, Ray, so please."
Please, please, just please. Why doesn't he just go away? Why doesn't he listen, for goodness sake!?
"Oh, c'mon," Ray throws up his hands in surrender, but that is when the vampire intercepts, "Okay man, I think Josh's made himself clear. How 'bout you lay off, huh?"
"I'm not talking to you," Ray snarls, seemingly thinking that this threat will somehow work on him, but Aidan is not in the least wavered by that man's presence, so he confidently takes another step towards him, "But I'm talking to you. And now we both want you to leave us the hell alone."
"Just sayin', think 'bout it. Our kind has to stick together," Ray says, turning back to Josh, who is busily rubbing his arms with his palms against the sensation of needles poking into his skin. Aidan just needs one god look at Josh to know that he is close to a mental breakdown, so the vampire intervenes another time, stepping between Josh and Ray, blocking his view.
"But your kind doesn't want to stick with you for now, so you better get going," Aidan smirks viciously. "Bye-bye, Ray."
Ray mutters some more incoherent curses to himself before he begrudgingly makes his way past them and away. Josh releases a breath he must have held in ages, leaning forward, both hands on his knees.
He just feels so weak, so helpless in such situations. He doesn't know what to say to make him take off. No, he needs Aidan to fix it for him... but that's what friends are for, right?
Right?
"... I kinda start to get the idea here," Aidan grimaces as he turns back around to Josh, who just manages a throaty huff, "Oh really?"
"So if you go on how I overreact, I will smack you," Josh grumbles.
"No... it's definitely a situation," Aidan agrees.
"Great," Josh cries out, throwing his hands in the air. "At least I have confirmation now that my life is beyond screwed up! And that my stalker is not one of the friendly type! Let us rejoice!"
"Let's just go home," Aidan sighs.
The only remedy he knows always works with Josh.
Bring him home, to the safe haven – then he is soon good again.
"For once I want to just walk home without weird things happening! Is that really asked too much?!" Josh whines. The vampire pats him on the shoulder lightly to push him forward so that he starts moving, "Just walk on."
Josh mutters incoherent curses to himself as he proceeds. Aidan slings his arm around Josh's shoulder to offer a bit of assurance once again, but that is pretty much a lost cause. Once Josh starts fussing, then he fusses. Together, they make their way back to the house.
"Hey, guys. You're late," Sally greets them.
"We ran into Ray," Aidan tells her simply as he takes off his jacket. Sally frowns, so Josh translates, "My douche-bag werewolf-stalker. Honestly, this is hell!"
"What did he want? Did he try to like... nah, molest you or...?" Sally asks with a disgusted grimace, to which Josh cries out in a high-pitched voice, "What?! Gosh, Sally! No! Oh my God, you didn't just say that, did you?!"
Does he really have "weak loser" written on his forehead or what's the matter?
"Hey, you say you have a stalker, I mean...," Sally replies meekly.
"And you think I let someone molest me?!" Josh curses, his voice incredibly high for a guy.
"Well, if it's a bulky guy, you know... you are kinda frail... in some places...," Sally shrugs innocently.
"Let's not talk about the possibility that Josh might be violated by another werewolf, shall we?" Aidan intervenes. No, that is nothing he wants to picture, and surely nothing Josh wants to have inside his head either.
"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Josh brings out, holding his stomach.
"Please use the restroom, though," Aidan snorts. Though he really hopes that Josh won't get sick. The poor devil has enough trouble.
"God, I can't even believe it! Why can't he just shut the hell up about trying to teach me! As though he was some kinda Obi-Wan-Wolf!" Josh cries out, continuing to nervously rub his arms.
"... and you're against that... because?" Sally frowns, to which Josh almost breaks out, "How would I not be against it?!"
"Well, I was just thinking that maybe he could... teach you... be your... Obi-Wan?" Sally shrugs. Josh blinks at her like a fish out of the water.
"You can't be serious," Josh throws up his hands in the air in exasperation.
"Even if I don't like this guy, she does have a point," Aidan argues, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Not you, too," Josh whines. He hoped that at least Aidan would now finally understand why he doesn't want to have anything to do with this person.
"Josh, look. You have to see that as for werewolves, you are in a very unique and bad situation...," Aidan begins, to which Josh rewards him with the best of bitch-faces.
Being a wolf is by definition a bad situation, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Mr. Waite.
The vampire holds up his hands defensively, "It's not about being a werewolf itself. It's about the fact that your alpha left you behind after he turned you, thus didn't teach you how. But Ray might be a good option to get... the information needed for you to have it... easier."
That is a conversation Aidan knows he has pushed away for a longer time now. Especially after Cara's death, it was a tough struggle to find their way back to normal, but now they have a situation, so Aidan has to be that straight with Josh.
That his alpha left him is something that brings clear disadvantages for Josh. He doesn't know how. Of course he is by no means stupid, but there are just things Josh doesn't know, things even Aidan can't teach him. The vampire only knows the most basic things. He knows that wolves turn on the full moon, he knows what they look like. How you can kill them. That they are strong. How they are brought into this world. But after that... it's getting thin.
Aidan wants to help Josh being human, but for their kind of human, they have to help each other live with their curses, and somehow manage to incorporate them into their daily schedule. Yet, Josh persistently tries to push his curse away, despite Aidan's efforts, really, to make the werewolf's curse normal as well. Josh is Aidan's sober companion, and Aidan tries to pay that back by being his wolf companion, pretty much, but beyond a certain level, the vampire just can't help Josh. Because he doesn't know either what it means to be a wolf.
… Just why does this sound familiar?
"I don't want to have to do with any of this for the other time of the month in which I'm still human-ish. I just wanna get over it for that one night, and then try to be my share of human again," Josh shakes his head.
"... we already talked about it that you have to come to terms with your wolf-hood, Josh. There is no point in denying that this what you are," Aidan argues.
"I don't deny it! The hell, I wish I could, but then full moon comes and I howl to it as my entire body throws itself up in the form of that fuzzy something that mauls deer for a snack. I can't deny that this is what I am and I don't even try to, but I don't want to waste any more time of my life on it than absolutely necessary. One night a month is enough. That is time I never get back, so I want to at least savior the rest of my time," Josh retorts.
"Okay, I see, you are agitated now. But maybe you should, in a calm moment, think about whether it might be good to actually think about the wolf some to gain more control. It doesn't have to be Ray, but maybe some other werwolf," Aidan suggests, holding up his hands. Josh hovers into the kitchen and gets out the bottle of vodka, clutching on to it like a baby holds on to its teddy bear.
"You'll seriously drink all that?" Aidan makes a face.
"Just as much as it takes for me to pass out and forget all this, as I said. I have no shift tomorrow, means I'm good to getting drunk my ass," Josh grumbles.
"Fine, but if you drink so much that you get sick...," Aidan warns him, to which the werewolf only takes a swig, "I won't, thanks, mom."
If everyone is treating him like a child already, then he might just as well give them a reason. The young man makes his way upstairs.
"That was... disturbing," Sally knits her eyebrows once Josh is out of eavesdrop.
"Tell me about it," Aidan snorts.
"You meant what you said, right? With Ray?" Sally asks. Aidan flops down on the couch, "I get it why he doesn't want to, but... it's the wolf's nature to be around a pack, or at least to have an alpha for guidance. It is a very special kind of relationship, much like we have it... but... I've never heard of an alpha turning someone and then neglecting his new son, completely. I mean, of course it can happen that they die or that they go separate ways, but normally the alphas stick around in the initial time. As an alpha, it's just your responsibility, I guess."
"So you think he should go for it?" the ghost tilts her head.
"I say I support him if he does," Aidan replies.
"Good point," Sally agrees. That might be the best of options. They stay neutral, like Switzerland.
"What about you?" Aidan asks softly.
"I don't like to, well, share, Josh with someone," Sally shrugs, pulling on her clothes.
"What?" Aidan makes a face.
"He's like this OCD-stricken, psychotic, adorable werewolf-puppy-brother I never had. Plus, I am like that with friends. I don't wanna share them with anyone. I'm quite possessive," Sally shrugs.
Okay, she knows how it's like to have a brother, but Josh really grew on her over the time they now spent together. At first it was tough, until they talked about it. But since then, their relationship really grew and most of the quirks she found annoying before are now adorable in her eyes.
Those two guys, strangely, gave her existence a purpose again.
And that is enough for her to turn protective of either one.
That's how love works... at times.
"Good to know," Aidan makes a face.
"Well, from the description, this guy doesn't seem to be the FurReal Friends type, but... if it helps Josh, you know... it's okay... he's trying so hard," Sally sighs.
"Yeah, he is," Aidan nods. He still finds it astonishing that Josh manages to pull himself back up, after some moping and crying. At some point the vampire even gets the feeling that Josh is trying harder than him. Maybe because he has so much "awkward" to get out of the way before he can even stand up again, but the werewolf is really giving his best. He buys new decoration, furniture, all those unnecessary things that actually seem to make a difference between a house and a home. At work, Aidan is impressed to the day with just how much passion Josh fulfills his duties, especially when dealing with patients. For someone who is so skeptical of life, Josh manages to spark hope in places without lighter.
Just that he doesn't seem to see it.
"Did you hear from Rebecca yet?" Sally asks suddenly, pulling Aidan out of his musing, forcing him to make a face. That has been an ongoing debate between him and her. Sally thinks he is spending too much time with her. Aidan doesn't think so.
A while back, Rebecca showed up on his doorsteps, seeking his help. At first, Aidan just wanted to close the door right in her face. He really wanted to. Because she killed Cara, played with him – and because she threatened and hurt Josh. the vampire saw the bruises. Aidan doesn't take that kindly, Marcus being a living example. However, she went on to talk about how she is just trying to accustom to this mess of a life, afterlife. That she doesn't know where to turn to come clean – because Bishop obviously won't offer any support in that department. She wants to come clean, and not be a ruthless killer without mercy, she said.
And that is when he... gave in, maybe. However, the way he sees it, he just does what he was supposed to do after all. He killed her, which made it possible for her to be turned.
In that sense, he is her alpha, just not by blood. And an alpha has such responsibilities, no matter what species now.
It's as Rebecca said, if not for him, she wouldn't be in that situation. She would still live her life, be happy, but now she is stuck in his darkness. And that, sadly, makes it his business. If she can quit, he can quit, too, and vice versa, right?
Maybe another sober companion is not that much of a bad idea after all. At least Rebecca is now willing to try.
Aidan has to protect her.
Nevertheless, he is aware that neither Sally nor Josh are pleased with his decision, especially since it requires a lot of Aidan's time... and blood deposits. Sadly, she is now on cold turkey, and that means she mostly tosses things around, if she doesn't throw the blood bags against the walls in her tantrum. However, Aidan is still firm in his devotion to fix things. He wants to fix... everything, as far away as it may seem, but Aidan thinks he can. He is better now, no longer shaky hands. Rebecca is back and he can help to fix her... and with Josh... it might be that Ray is the kind of help that is needed to fix Josh also.
With Sally... Aidan doesn't know how to fix that yet, but he figures that maybe she just needs a bit more time to adjust to her situation. She has to find her peace, and that only works if she learns to let go, even of the love of her life. That just seems to be her curse. However, the other two things – Aidan knows he can do it. He just needs time.
"Just saying," Sally says, holding up her hands defensively.
"Thin ice. There are just things you don't understand yet, or ever," Aidan grits his teeth, trying to contain his anger.
"I understand that she is totally clingy," Sally shrugs. Aidan spends less time at home with each day passing, at least that is her feeling.
"Sally, stop," Aidan warns her.
"You know what this is called? Co-dependency," Sally argues. "And I tell you, it's not healthy."
"You know what this here is called?" Aidan copies her tone, before going on in a low voice. "None of your business, even with one semester of psychology at college."
"You just can't admit the truth," Sally shrugs.
"Ah, but you can?" the vampire snorts.
"Whatever, Aidan," Sally grumbles, well-aware that Aidan hints at her not being past Danny, though he is obviously interested in Bridget now.
"I don't mean to be nasty, but this is between Rebecca and I," Aidan tells her, now in a softer tone.
"As I said, I don't think this does you any good, but fine, if that is what you want, then this is what you want. But don't say I didn't warn you," Sally raises a finger at him.
"Noted," he huffs. As if on cue, his phone beeps.
Really?!
"That's her, isn't it?" Sally grins. Aidan gets up, "I'll be back later. You have an eye on Josh for me?"
"I will break the glass if he drinks too much," Sally shrugs.
"Let's hope he knows his own limits, would be a pity for the booze. Was expensive enough," Aidan grimaces.
"Aye-aye," Sally makes a mock-salute.
With that Aidan heads out, even if he is feeling uneasy about leaving Josh after this kind of revelation, but Rebecca needs him right now, too.
She might need him even more, right?
Rebecca doesn't have anyone except for Aidan. Josh has still Sally to keep him company. So what can happen, right?
Fixing things is really not an easy task.
It's damn hard work.
Because you always have to choose at some point, to fully devote yourself.
Aidan just hopes that the part he now leaves in the dark won't get lost too far while he is gone.
But his heart is with them both.
That should be enough.
… right?
Chapter 8
Summary:
Josh is in a bar.
Ray is in the same bar.
They talk.
Vampire brawl leaves Josh in question about himself.
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Thanks for looking into my story, or carrying on with it!
Hereby the second part to this arc. It will take up some more space, because, as already mentioned, I twist those two episodes the way I want and need them.
Chapter Text
A few days later, Josh is sitting at a bar, nursing his beer in one of the lone corners.
He just doesn't know what to do anymore. Ever since the encounter with Ray, Josh starts to call everything into question that he believed was set into stone.
He thought that his home would be something no one could rip away from him, but seemingly it only takes a mauled deer and a guy with douche-bag-clothes to throw you off any ladder you manged to climb the first rungs of.
And sadly, Aidan is not of much help lately, not that the werewolf blames him. Rebecca needs him. Even though Josh is not at all delighted to have her back around after what she did to Cara, the younger man understands that Aidan is, well, trying to fix things. He set her "transformation" into motion. He is just trying to protect her from Bishop and from becoming a sadistic vampire like Marcus is one. Aidan wants to protect someone, and Josh gets that. He wants the same.
He would love to protect everyone, to be perfectly honest.
Josh was and is protective of his sister. He was protective of his family, his fiancée. And he even finds himself protective of both his roommates. He wants to help them, but often just ends up to be the pathetic one in the middle, who mopes about how much his life sucks, and not taking the initiative. Because, let's face it. Sally has to deal with being dead, literally, and being stuck to watch life pass her by. And Aidan has to fight his own cravings while keeping Rebecca clean. And Josh? Josh might have this werewolf-stalker, but the more he thinks about it, the more selfish he feels for neglecting... a chance... of fixing his own mess, so that he doesn't bother the others anymore.
Aidan at least tries to fix his, something that Josh finds himself almost incapable to do, because the mere thought of his wolf, or this certain other wolf, gives him goosebumps, sending little electric impulses right to his pain so that he cringes.
Maybe he is even a bit jealous, of Aidan. Not that Josh would ever admit that out loud to the vampire. Because he surely doesn't envy him for his curse, but... Aidan has a goal now, and that with someone who shares his curse. Josh can't imagine that Ray and he share the same goals. That guy seems to enjoy himself as a wolf too much to bother about humanity.
And that means, once again, Josh is sitting alone in that tiny boat.
Sometimes he really wished he was a bit more like Aidan. He wants something, he sets his mind on it, and gets it. He wants to help Rebecca, so he does it. He jumped off the wagon, he hops back on.
And Josh?
Moping. Brooding. Repeat the process.
The problem for the werewolf is also that he fears that he loses his last bit of protection, now with Aidan less and less around to push those dark thoughts away. Home feels much emptier, now that Sally can transport. So she often ends up with Danny and Bridget because the poor ghost can't stop thinking about it. Again, not that Josh blames her. He sneaks peeks at his objects of desire, too, rather from a distance than from close up. So that means, he often sits alone at home.
Just like it was in his old apartment, his old little life-like existence. Before he started to drown himself in work and a kind of purpose again. He counted cracks on the wall, cried in bed, bought cheap toasters without proper security. Googled bridges in Boston.
It doesn't feel like home anymore. Someone once said that the people in it make it home – and that realization turns somewhat sickening when all people you care about are just... elsewhere, go on, move, while you trod behind, or rather, run circles. Because you just don't know how.
And because you're too damn proud to ask them for help.
Aidan does enough for him, after all. Josh doesn't want to bother him anymore than he did or does anyways. Aidan saved him. That means he is ahead by far.
So now, Joshis sitting alone at a bar, being sorry for himself, thinking about Sally, about Aidan... and Ray. That seems to be just it.
Josh can just escape, run away.
Protect someone else?
Forget about it.
Protect himself?
What the hell are you thinking, little wolf?
Josh wants something, wants to hold it tight, but then holds his hands to his chest, glances at it sideways, and then runs for cover.
Useless condition.
That still goes through Josh's mind, even if Aidan meant it as a joke, it is sadly... true.
He is no wolf, no real one. He is... what Sally says, a "puppy".
But even puppies want to protect their family, or don't they?
"Knew I'd see ya 'round here some time," a familiar voice rings out, once again. Josh almost spills his beer as he is ripped out of his thoughts back into reality... where Ray is standing in front of him once again.
Well, isn't destiny a funny bitch?
"Hey, no offense. This is a public place, right?" Ray grimaces, holding up his hands in defense.
"Yeah, no, is a free country. You can take your beer in whichever pub you want," Josh snorts.
Sadly, he had to go with this pub. From all the bars in town, Josh chooses the one where Ray would show up.
Of course.
"May I?" Ray motions at the seat next to Josh.
"What?" the younger man blinks at him, stunned. "Ugh, yeah, why not...? Or rather... no, don't answer that... it's okay for now."
Ray smirks as he sits down, looking almost triumphant, or is it? Josh can't tell. He can't read that person's facial expressions, can't read this guy at all. Whenever he looks at him, he sees a kind of darkness in his grey eyes, but then... the man is just fog again.
But why does Josh feel such a strange kind of familiarity in his heart?
He runs a hand over his chest absently.
"So, how's it going?" Ray asks casually, taking another sip from his beer.
"You know, the usual troubles," Josh shrugs.
Losing his head.
Losing home.
Losing himself.
He's great. Thanks for asking.
"So, did you think about it?" Ray questions, now with a hint of enthusiasm in his voice.
"... about what?" the younger man makes a face.
"About my offer?" Ray asks, lowering his voice a bit.
"More than I wanted to, like... ever," Josh admits.
Why did he ever invite Ray to sit with him?
Oh yeah, because Josh is no longer supposed to be a lone wolf.
Because he has to start fixing his own messes.
"I see," Ray nods.
"Well, but maybe... and just maybe... we've just had some kinda rough start on this, right? I mean... ugh, maybe we can just... talk?" Josh suggests, honestly surprised by his own initiative.
"That's the spirit I've hoped for," Ray grins, flashing his teeth at him.
"Okay," Josh nods uncertainly, suddenly feeling like a child again.
"Alright, so is there something ya'd like to know 'bout it?" Ray asks casually.
"... how were you... turned?" Josh asks. Maybe he will feel more comfortable once he got to know Ray, right? With Aidan it worked, too. They talked, and that reduced his anxiety.
Talking always helps him, but with no one home... no help there, but maybe this can soothe him in some way, too?
"Huntin' trip gone sideways, pretty much," the older man explains.
"For how long are you, you know?" Josh questions.
"Ugh, ten years, round about," Ray shrugs.
Ten years.
Josh is by year two now and still thinks about those tempting bridges, in the back of the head, even if those images become blurry by the edges now that some light falls into that darkness.
"Shit," Josh mutters.
"I'm fine with it," Ray shrugs nonchalantly.
"You are?" Josh blinks at him. Who would seriously be fine with that?!
"We're stronger, you know. Superior," Ray tells him, his voice suddenly gaining more strength also.
"I don't see it like that," Josh argues.
No, they are weak. Fine, they have a strong body, but they are by no means superior. They are just a bunch of wild animals out for blood, out for meat, things that don't know mercy. They kill themselves on every full moon.
And isn't that truly weak? When you can't even protect your little sister from yourself?
"Ya should. We are enhanced species, kid. More durability, greater strength, we're smarter, faster...," Ray argues, a flicker in his eyes. He motions closer, "We can take on five fangs at a time, if not more, and bite their friggin' heads off if we're into it enough."
"I don't want that," Josh argues.
"Why? I mean, fine, ya have your buddy there. But the others? They're just scum," Ray argues.
"Doesn't give us the right to destroy them," shakes his head.
He really should have just gotten a beer from his own fridge. Within his home.
Why did he leave his refuge again?!
"But they take it to destroy us," Ray retorts.
"I don't believe in the eye for an eye philosophy," Josh tells him. He never saw anything in it, and he stopped completely now that he is with Aidan. Josh knows that the vampire did shady things in the past, even if he doesn't know what that is. However, if he believed in the eye for an eye, it would mean that Aidan would maybe have to die for the people he killed.
And Josh doesn't want Aidan to die.
He needs his best friend around.
"So what? You never felt the urge to get back at those bastards?" Ray argues.
"... even if I did, it wouldn't be justified," Josh shakes his head.
"So no fang's ever laid hand on ya? Then ya are luckier than I thought," Ray snorts.
"I got my fair share, but... I'm past that," Josh admits.
"Who?" the older man asks, or rather... demands. Why is that guy suddenly so agitated? It's not like this is anything to him, right? Why should he care?
And why does he seem so protective, all of a sudden?
"Some from around here. That guy is a bastard... fang... or not," Josh explains.
"That guy's still breathing?" Ray grumbles.
"What? Yes, of course. Well, okay, they are technically not breathing, but... you know, he's still roaming around," Josh grimaces.
"What did he do to you?" the older werewolf asks, no, again, demands. Just the way Josh demanded from Em to tell him who dared to bully her.
"Just beat me up with his friend. Thanks to that encounter I met, Aidan, though. So... ugh... I see the good in it," Josh shrugs.
And that is the truth. If not for... that beat-up, Josh never would have met Aidan. He would still look at hope through a murky window just to see light reflected in another.
"Dontcha have any pride, man? That guy beats ya up and ya just let him walk away with that, no you let him walk with that every single day?" Ray argues.
"Well, yeah. I don't see a problem in this," Josh shrugs.
Even if Josh worries about being unable to protect others, he couldn't care less about "pride" or "honor". Someone who dies proud... is still dead.
"Problem is that this guy might come after ya again and again," Ray tells him, suddenly upset.
"He won't," Josh assures him.
"Ya think that your buddy can protect you from that?" Ray grimaces.
"They are brothers, and Aidan's the big brother, so to speak. So he has some say," Josh replies, though he frowns at himself once the words travel past his lips.
Why is Aidan seemingly always the one to... protect him? Fight his fights?
Shouldn't he fight his own?
"No offense, but that's retarded," Ray snorts.
"... Okay, let's act like this was not offensive," Josh huffs. That guy is plainly rude.
"Lemme explain. Even if I don't trust your dear Aidan, coz he's a fang, but fine, let's take it that he's reliable and wants to protect ya. Fine," Ray says, to which Josh nods, "Yeah."
"... how much of blind faith do you put into him, huh? Even if he's trying all he wants... You really think he has it that much under control? I guess you've seen fangs on rampage already. They're like us on a full moon, no control, just basic instinct, black eyes, fangs and bloodthirst. If the little brother feels like messin' with ya, be sure he'll do it, and he'll get around your dear Aidan. They are sneaky bastards," Ray warns him.
"I can protect myself," Josh huffs.
Or can he?
Past has proven that he can't, right?
"Seemingly not if you rely solely on a fang for help. Ya are right in the danger zone, ya see? By being so close to the fang," Ray argues.
"I will not discuss my friendship with Aidan with you, Ray," Josh tells him sternly. No, there is no way that constant will be shaken, not even by Ray, especially not by Ray. Aidan is the one who brought him out of his own trip to damnation so that he started to embrace life again, or something that is at least life-like. If not for Aidan, Josh would probably be in the streets or in some shabby hotel, trying to kill himself in the bathtub with a toaster. Vampire or not, Aidan is his friend, even though he is not much around lately, but that's beside the point, right?
Aidan set his Stone One, and Josh built on it.
That's all that matters.
All that should matter.
"Hey, I'm just sayin' that maybe you have to consider, ya know," Ray holds up his hands.
"Let's change the subject right now," Josh grimaces. "Or else this conversation is over before it even started."
"Fine, if that's what you want," Ray shrugs.
"So... how do you handle, with, with... everything, life?" Josh grimaces.
"I've got some techniques. I can show you," Ray suggests, his eyes flickering with almost childish enthusiasm. Josh finds himself smirking at the idea.
Maybe Ray really just wants to help?
"I don't know, I'll have to think about it," Josh shrugs. He is skeptical by nature, so he won't just bite.
The only time he did... was with Aidan.
"It'd do you good, believe me. Maybe you'd have enough guts to go against the little brother, then," Ray suggests, but that only gets Josh to reconsider. "What now? You really think I should just... I should just go ahead to the den and beat the living shit outta that guy, for something that I don't even think about anymore?!"
"It'd come as a surprise," Ray snickers.
"That is not the right thing to do," Josh shakes his head.
"Well, you see, what he did wasn't either. And for us... everything's shady these days. We are shady by nature. We exist between the lines," Ray shrugs. And that couldn't be truer, sadly.
"I see that, too, but that doesn't give me the right to just go after him, to go after anyone. Maybe we live between the lines, but that doesn't mean we can just cross them the way we want," Josh argues.
"It's your natural right. It's in us, you see?" Ray argues.
"I don't care for what's my nature," Josh snorts.
"You should, though. Nature tells you what's good and bad for you, kid. And I tell you, it's unnatural what you have with Aidan, no offense, but it's never happened before that those two species teamed up. We just don't. They hate our smell, we hate theirs, we literally can't smell each other. We are both predators operating in the same niche. You know that from biology class, don't you?" Ray questions.
"If two conflicting species seek the resources of the same niche, they will fight over it. This results either in one being cast out to seek other resources and therefore find a new niche, or... extinction of the inferior species," Josh sighs.
"Exactly. Obviously no side's won yet, but we're fightin'. Over centuries now. That's just what we do. We want to keep the niche," Ray smirks.
"But... wolves go after different stuff than do vampires. We...," Josh argues, moving closer. "We snack a deer, vampires suck someone dry if they don't have it under control. We don't have the same niche."
"Fangs turn humans. So do werewolves. We do operate in the same niche," Ray argues.
"Aidan's not like that," Josh tells him sternly. They live in the same niche in harmonic coexistence.
Screw biology class.
"And ya know that guy... for how long? A few months? At tops? How well do ya really know him? Think about it," Ray shrugs.
"Better than you, that's for sure," Josh narrows his eyes at him, even though...
Doesn't he have a point, a small one? Josh only knows Aidan in a short while, but his faith in him is almost endless. He relies on him blindly to help him, which is of course selfish, but at the same time... Can you really trust someone who lived for so long when you only know him for a time that is no more than a blink of the eye for him?
"Point taken," Ray grins.
"I know what I have to know. I know his character," Josh argues, to strengthen his belief again. "He's fighting for the same thing I fight for. We have the same goal. That's all I have to know."
Well... at least that is what Josh calls to mind ever so often these days. Because Aidan is aloof to help Rebecca that he barely gets to see the vampire. And the fact that he sees Rebecca only underlines that Aidan jumped off the wagon not long ago.
Maybe he doesn't know him too well after all.
Josh shakes his head, no. Aidan is his friend. Ray is just screwing with him. Maybe it is the beer.
Or his foul mood.
"Knowing a person's goal is one thing, learning about the means to get there is another," Ray argues. "Might be that your fangy pal tries damn hard, but it's as you say, he's chasing another demon. And that other demon might take over, and leave you as the one to either pick up the pieces... or simply alone."
"... that is not really encouraging," Josh grimaces, to which Ray shrugs his shoulders, "I would love to paint it in prettier colors, but you gotta see... fighting the fang is another thing than dealing with the beast. That guy's roamed the earth in a long time. You are standing at different points."
"That doesn't mean we can't work towards the same goal," Josh argues. They agreed on that before.
Different curses, same will, same devotion, same goal.
Be normal.
Be human again.
"But don't ya ask yourself why that guy didn't manage to... be what you wanna be... for all those years, huh?" Ray suggests.
"What does it matter?" Josh huffs. "It's as you say, we're fighting different demons. While I have to learn to get a handle on this, Aidan is... he's an addict. And as we know from med school, being addicted cannot be cured. You can always relapse. So it stands to reason that even in all the years he's already around, he didn't manage. Because there is no cure for him."
It's a sickening thought, really. Because Josh is convinced that this is something Aidan is all too well aware of. That there is always this sense of foreboding. He can be fine for days, weeks, years, centuries, but then the cravings come, the temptation, and suddenly... suddenly you are back to where you started. You begin with Step One and work your way back up the ladder. Josh knows that this is the one advantage his curse has over that of a vampire – he is cursed once a month, one night of sheer terror, one night of fear, drenched in blood and carcasses, one night of being anything but human. Vampires have to fight that every single second of the day. Every moment, they have to be ready to fight, ready to resist. So yeah, Aidan is an addict trying to stay clean for the longest time, for as long as he can. That just seems to be the state of affairs.
"All I'm saying is that you'd have better chances to gain control if you were with one of your kind, not with one who doesn't even remotely understand what it means to be a wolf," Ray tells him. "It's not natural for us. It's against our nature."
"And even if it were unnatural to cooperate like that, it might be the better option after all. Share the resources, or better... we help each other's extinction. That's what I'd favor above all," Josh tells Ray, who gapes at him, "Ya seriously mean that?"
"I don't say we should kill each other, but... try not to turn more people's lives into hell by turning them, into either one," Josh shrugs. At least that is the perfect dark world he pictures.
Help each other protect the rest of the world against themselves. Let's just all build one huge cage for all monsters, whatever the kind, to get in, shut the doors, and then let nature do the rest. Sounds like a plan, right?
"... never say that around a pack. They will kill ya," Ray snorts dismissively.
"Well, I don't see why I should wish that upon anybody whom I'm supposed to care about, as I should care about someone I turn, as his or her alpha or whatever," Josh huffs.
No, he never wants to become an alpha.
He doesn't want to curse someone with his curse. He wants to shield the world from himself.
Even if Josh doesn't know how.
"Thing is... fangs don't die of natural causes. That means we'd be extinct, they'd keep existing. And that's giving up," Ray explains.
"What does it matter what they do?" Josh shakes his head.
"You don't want to rival to triumph by the end of the day," Ray snorts.
"That's childish," the younger man huffs.
"Ya know what really is?" Ray retorts. Josh cocks his head, so Ray goes on, "To believe in this dreamland where everyone lives happily ever after. This is not a happy ending story. This is bloody survival of the fittest. And trust me, that is something the fangs have long since understood. They know that and act upon it. Even if you refuse to fight, they will. They will crush you and they will have no trouble with it. So, if your life's any dear to you, you should gather the guts to fight for what's precious to you."
"You don't have to extend the fangs or claws for that reason," Josh argues.
Or do you?
"Only way to really protect what's important to you, believe me. The fang won't make the difference between your, well, nice side and that of any bloody wolf. He'll treat you like a dog and kill ya, slowly. Mark my words," Ray warns him. "You have something you wanna harbor. Well, with keeping your feet down, you won't manage once it gets tough. I've been there. Ya have to protect what's dear to you with claws and teeth."
"But that doesn't mean that I have to go see Marcus and beat him to mush," Josh retorts.
"It might eventually. Ya still have family?" Ray nods at him.
"What? Yeah?" the younger man makes a face. What's it to him?
"Fangs have the greatest networks Ya really think that this Marcus will stop short before your dear family? What if he digs up their whereabouts to turn them, kill them? Hm? Ever crossed your mind?" Ray threatens him.
Josh bites down on his tongue hard enough to feel the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He never thought about it, but... fuck, it's true. Aidan's said before that they have this huge network. They have them in important functions, why not some office people who can take a look at such data?
What if not Josh himself harms them, but the vampires?
Why didn't he think about that?!
Stupid, stupid, stupid!
"Hey, I don't say you gotta kill the guy. I mean, I personally would, but... if I were ya, I'd make my point clear that I want them to keep their noses out of my business and away from my family... to make sure they never come close to them again," Ray grins. Josh silences at that, bowing his head, fear tugging at his chest. Why does his heart hurt, suddenly?
"Just sayin'...," Ray whispers. He raises his hand for the bartender for the bill. He puts down a few crumpled dollars before he stands up.
"Where are you going?" Josh asks nervously.
"I will make it clear to them that they should fuck off," Ray tells him.
"What? You want to go to the den? Hey, it's not even moon. They will kill you," Josh exclaims.
"As I said, I'm stronger, even without the full moon," Ray grins self-consciously.
"That's suicide," Josh warns him.
"Sure, alone it is, but... that's just the way it works at times," Ray smirks. Josh puts down a few dollars as well before hurrying after him, "Ray, I implore you, you don't wanna mess with these guys."
"Oh, I so wanna," Ray laughs before entering the street.
And so it's the old game of pulling and pulling away. Josh holds on to Ray, tries to cut him off, but Ray just pushes his past him.
And Josh feels bad for admiring this kind of strength. For being jealous of that man's devotion.
They continue to argue until they reach the den.
"Ray, stop. I beg you," Josh pleads him again, actually pleads him, holds him back, but the older wolf is having none of it, "Kid, that I go in there's decided on. Only question is if you're in, too."
He pushes past Josh.
"What?!" Josh gasps. That guy can't be serious.
"I see," Ray sighs, shaking his head, looking disappointed.
Well, Ray, you may have backed the wrong horse.
Josh, so he himself believes, is just one huge disappointment, so you had it coming.
With that Ray walks past him and enters the den. Josh stands there, perplex.
What should he do?
If he walks away, Ray might get killed.
If he walks in, he might get killed, along with Ray.
No matter what, something bad will happen.
However, before Josh can even contemplate on this, his feet, out of instinct, decide to walk. Josh can't even understand what is happening. He can hear the blood rushing inside his head. His muscles tense. He blinks, only to find himself now inside – just to see Ray pummeling with a bunch of vampires, among them Marcus. Once the ginger catches sight of Josh, he smirks at him viciously, "Now look who's decided to join the party! It's Aidan's bitch! Come here, boy! Come here! Such a dirty little mongrel, aren't you?!"
Josh bites down the comment he would like to throw back, but knows better.
He wants to... protect... Ray. Twisted little world.
He can't protect Aidan.
He can't protect Sally.
Or Em.
Or the vandal.
Or himself.
But maybe saving Ray is within his capabilities?
Josh holds up his hands in defense, his heart hammering in his chest, "Hey, I'm not here to fight. Please, Ray doesn't mean it. He's had too many drinks. Marcus, let him go, okay? He's no competition to you anyways."
"Damn straight he ain't. Ever the more reason to make this piece of trash suffer for being so stupid," Marcus snorts.
"Marcus, listen to reason, please," Josh begs him, but that is when Marcus is already jumping him and punches him violently in the stomach. Josh goes to his knees, gasping for air. He suddenly feels snow flakes biting into his skin again, and gravel...
Will Aidan come around the corner now to tell Marcus to lay off?
Get it together, Josh! You can't always ask Aidan to fix you, can you?!
"I should've killed you last time!" Marcus snarls, kicking him again and again.
No, Josh can't protect himself.
He can't protect anyone.
"I don't understand what Aidan sees in you. You're just his dirty little pet, ya know? Just pathetic," Marcus snarls. And even though Josh knows it's just Marcus, those words sting.
Because they are seemingly true.
"Marcus, I don't want to argue with you. I just want to take Ray away from here. C'mon, he's had enough of...," Josh stammers, but that is when Marcus delivers the next blow, punching him in the face this time, sparking stars in front of Josh's eyes.
Still the same game.
He is on the ground, biting back tears, getting bullied.
And Josh seriously thinks and hopes that someone comes to save him.
Just how pathetic is he?
Still just a teenage boy getting bullied.
How on earth would he protect anyone, right?
"Marcus!" Josh yells.
"What now? Will you fight for him? Puppy love, hm? Or will you just run to your master to fix the mess for you? Huh?" Marcus grins.
Why does everyone think that he is weak?
Yes, Josh is Aidan's friend, and yes, he helps him, but Josh also helps Aidan, right?
Right?!
He is not that weak.
… wolves are strong, or aren't they?
And... Josh is a wolf.
"Kill him already!" Marcus barks at the other men, nodding at Ray.
Birds of feather flock together, right?
Two weird birds in the same niche. Maybe Josh has to protect his for once, and not allow the other to cast him out?
Josh doesn't know why or how, but somehow he gathers all his strengths and jumps Marcus, pummeling him to the ground. His sight is obscured by flickers of white and grey as he brings down his fists on the man, suddenly feeling strong. Like a stronger dog dominating the smaller one.
Maybe biology is right after all?
Josh beats Marcus so hard that the scatters of blood hit the opposite walls, creating odd patterns.
Splish. Splash.
Who is weak now? Huh? Who is weak now?
Stop it! Stop it!
You are better than that...
Or are you?
There is another way!
But who cares?! It works! It works!
Let it go!
Kill him! Kill him!
Both men struggle for dominance, but eventually, Josh is able to hit Marcus in the temple hard enough to knock the vampire out.
Only now Josh starts to hear sound other than his heart beating in his chest, the dark tendrils still dancing in front of his eyes. Josh staggers to his feet, swallowing hard, tasting more copper, tasting shame, "You can let him go now. I don't want any more trouble unless you want it."
Ray fights them off almost gleefully. Josh takes the older man by the arm and pushes him to the exit with a growl before he turns to the other vampires again.
"You should just keep away from us," Josh stammers at the vampires, though he is not sure if it came out as a warning or plea. His voice was shaking too hard.
Josh rushes after Ray, who is leaning against one of the walls outside, gasping for air, looking like he just won a tournament. And Josh would just love to punch that smile out of his face.
Beat! Beat! Beat!
Those red patterns would look good on that wall also, or wouldn't they?
Josh pulls him by the collar, "What the hell were you jackass thinking?!"
Ray just giggles childishly, so Josh holds on even tighter.
Why does Josh do that?
That's not the way he usually acts...
But maybe he should?!
"What's so funny?! They could have killed us?!" Josh curses.
He could have killed them, too!
That's not funny!
"That was amazing. Didn't think you'd have it in you, but you do," Ray smiles fondly.
"I'm not. I just got you out because you are stupid," Josh snarls, his hands suddenly starting to shake.
He never should have done this.
What was he thinking – or not thinking?!
"Really, I underestimated ya, kid! That was fabulous!" Ray snickers.
"Are you, are you insane?! I didn't want this to happen, I was just trying to save your sorry ass for whatever the reason!" Josh curses.
"Coz I'm one of your kind, Josh. We stick together," Ray tells him.
"I never should've come with you," Josh curses, letting go, tears prickling against the inside of his eyelids.
"But you felt it, didn't you? This satisfaction, huh? It felt good, didn't it? And now be honest to yourself. This guy's beaten ya. And now you got back at him," Ray giggles, his features dark.
"Go to hell, Ray. If this has consequences for me, I'll blame it on you, and then I will turn back to you, you get me?" Josh threatens him. Ray wavers his arms in the air defensively.
"I'm off!" Josh curses, screwing his eyes shut. Ray laughs to himself as he disappears into the shadows he came from, his laughter following him in a cruelly loud, cruelly long echo.
Josh stalks down the streets, his breathing still heavy and hitched, the puffs of air turning into white mist against the cold weather of the night. His chest is aching, his body feels feverish. His knuckles pound to unknown rhythms, loud drums.
Just what the hell did he do? Why did he help Ray?
Because he wanted to protect someone for once?
But if that's the price... is that really worth it?
Will that protect his family now?
Or did he just doom them?
Or his other family?
Josh would like to scream, shout, cry, pull out his hairs, despite all the pain he feels. He wants to be consumed by this pain, wants it to numb him. Wipe away the blood still crusting on his knuckles.
He lost to his dark urges.
To the wolf.
Seemingly, Aidan is not the only addict.
Josh may just have found his own little drug.
Because... no matter how paining the guilt...
Fuck, is this euphoria?
Chapter 9: Empty-Handed
Summary:
Aidan drifts deeper into vampire urges, along with Rebecca.
Aidan finds out about Josh's fight with the vampires - and is beyond pissed, just as Josh is pissed at Aidan in turn.
The two constantly fight, so Josh is 'glad' when Ray turns up and is kind to him, by contrast.
Josh invites Ray into the house, without asking Aidan.
And phone calls get in the way of proper conversation.
Notes:
Thanks for sticking around^^
Little warning: I do not necessarily keep in canon timeline here, neither in the scenes, as I already pointed out before, because I mix up episode 4 and 5, which means that some things just play out differently – I love artistic license for that ;)
Chapter Text
Aidan slowly opens his eyes as dots of light dance before his eyelids. At first he can't see a thing. He feels dazed and warm and cold and... everything... and nothing... Aidan blinks a few more times as the first contours become clear, or rather, it is the pressure against his chest that brings him back to reality.
He is sitting in a... bathtub.
And there is blood, everywhere. On the walls, on the awful curtains, on himself, on... Rebecca, who is the weight he felt against his chest.
Just what the hell was he thinking?
Or not thinking?
One moment he was trying to make Rebecca quit blood by offering her blood bags, the next she was in yet another tantrum, tossing it against the wall, cursing, rambling, screaming.
And more than anything Aidan felt shame and guilt for being the cause of her pain. Because he knows what that feels like, how the need tears you apart.
And then... Aidan can only bring back flashes of memories.
Rebecca, begging him not to go.
Embraces without warmth.
Rebecca, on her knees, kissing his hand.
Suddenly a prickle, a small pain, and then this soothing, all too soothing warmth.
She drank him.
He drank her.
What a trip...
But the thing is... it only holds until sunrise, when the light comes back and sheds truth on the shame the shadows concealed for the night. Darkness is their best friend and toughest foe. It covers their wrongdoings, paints them in the same color as the rest, but by sunrise... darkness proves to be no more than a lie.
Rebecca stirs awake, a soft smirk tugging at her lips, "Morning."
"Hey," Aidan croaks.
"That was amazing," she smiles, snuggling closer against his chest. Aidan holds her a little tighter, "But we won't do that again."
"But why?" she asks, her voice still humming as she comes down from the blood-induced high.
"This only makes it worse, the hunger," Aidan warns her. "I never should've... but doesn't matter. This was a one-time-thing."
"Right...," she snickers.
"I mean it, Rebecca," the vampire insists, but Rebecca is still in bloody heaven. She holds on to him a little tighter, closing her eyes, "Just don't leave me."
Aidan lets a sigh before running his hand over head affectionately.
"I won't," he assures her.
It was just once, right?
Josh opens the door to their home, his hands still shaking. He spent hours roaming around the streets of Boston, trying to get his head clear, just that after so many hours in the freezing cold, he deemed this project futile, so now he returns to the one refuge he hopes he still has. Josh just wants to lie down on bed and possibly never wake up again, dream of bridges.
The werewolf peels himself out of his jacket, which hurts incredibly much now that the adrenaline left him. Not that he deserves any better after what he allowed Ray to drag him into. Josh sighs as he finally manages to get the awful material off himself and simply flops down on the couch, closing his eyes. Bed shall be damned. However, the moment he does, he sees the red patterns on the wall again, hears the rush in his ears, tastes copper. He opens his eyes again, gasping for air, but that is when suddenly Sally's head hovers above his. Josh yelps helplessly as he bolts up, though his ribs protest against the movement.
"Josh! What the hell happened to you?!" the female ghost cries out at the sight of her friend, all bruised and obviously hurt.
"It's nothing," Josh grits his teeth, trying to control his breathing.
"That is not nothing," Sally argues vehemently.
"... I did something stupid," Josh tells her. "But it's over now."
"What. Happened," Sally asks in a flat voice. No, she won't just leave it be with halfhearted excuses. Sally has to deal with her fiancé moving on without her, moving forward, moving away, ahead of her, but she won't accept that her new friends, her only flash of hope, also move away from her. She can't just let Josh and Aidan pass her by.
"I got into a fight," Josh admits.
"What? You, in a fight?" Sally grimaces. That seems just so outrageous.
"Yeah, it was... well, Ray was there and... things somehow got out of hand," Josh brings out, not knowing what else to say. And that it is about Marcus is something he just needs more time to figure out how to say... God, Aidan will give him hell for this. Because it's just what he accused the vampire of.
Maybe they are not that different after all.
"Oh my goodness," Sally sighs.
"As I said, it's... it was absolutely stupid and I never should have done it, but... but it was Ray... I mean, he was just drunk and that is when he started to fight. I got dragged into it," Josh goes on. Sally throws her hands in the air in exasperation, "That asshole! Now he drags you into stupid things! It's enough that Aidan does it, but now you, too."
"Sally, please," Josh begs. "Could we just... I just wanna forget about it, okay?"
"Do you need hospital?" Sally asks. "Because then you will call Aidan so he drives your sorry ass over to the clinic."
"No!" Josh cries out, his ribs protesting. He holds his stomach against the pain.
"What?" Sally shakes her head. "I know that you're not too much into interrupting Aidan in his Rebecca-frenzy, but if you're hurt, then yes, he will have to play best friend for once and do the chaperone."
"Please, Sally, just leave him out of this. I...," Josh mutters, eyes wide. "I don't need hospital. And I ask you not to tell him."
"Why. Not," Sally demands.
"Look, I will tell him, but I want to tell him myself," Josh argues honestly. He knows he won't come around this, but he would rather tell Aidan in person than have Sally snitching on him. That only makes it worse. If Aidan is supposed to hear it from anyone, it has to be him. "Please, Sally."
"Fine," she holds up her hands once she sees the sheer desperation in his eyes. "Okay, it can wait, but no later than tomorrow. Because then I will tell him so that he roasts your ass."
Josh nods frantically. He knows that is the best deal he will get when it comes to Sally. "Thank you."
"I think you should better get some rest, then," Sally advises him, her voice softening. "We have some peas in the fridge, right? You know, for the... bruises?"
Josh flashes a smirk at her before he gets up to grab the peas to press against his side. He lets out a hiss, but then finds its cooling effect ever the soothing.
Though he doesn't deserve it.
Josh drags his feet back into the living room to settle back down on the couch, drawing his knees up, facing towards the backrest of the couch. Sally watches him as the werewolf drifts off into restless sleep worriedly, but then pops out of the room, granting him that bit of privacy.
The next day, Josh is at work. Not that he is actually paying much attention to what he does. Ever since he woke up, the werewolf is trying to figure out how to tell Aidan about what he did to Marcus. He even found himself practicing in front of the mirror. Josh sees that he has to tell him. He can't accuse Aidan for keeping secrets and then do the same, or can he?
However, Josh's anxiety fades away with every hour passing in which Aidan just... doesn't show up. And that even though he knows that the vampire should be on the same shift with him. Really, only Josh pulls something stupid, and actually wants to come clean about it – just that the person he wants to confess to is... not there.
So now he finds himself in the locker rooms after one of the patients decided to throw up all over his shirt. That is the great thing about destiny – it gets right back at you when you make just one wrong step and throws it right up in your face.
After cleaning himself up, he walks to his locker to get a new shirt when suddenly Sally pops in next to him, making him jump.
"God, Sally! Seriously?! Guys' locker room?!" he cries out, hastily putting on the shirt.
"It's not like anyone is going to see me," she snorts. "And it's not like this is nothing I haven't seen yet."
"What are you doing here?" he asks.
"Just making sure that you don't chicken out," Sally tells him. "So? How did Aidan take it?"
"He didn't take it at all, because for that he'd require to be present," Josh huffs, unable to hide his disappointment.
"I thought you were supposed to work together today," Sally makes a face.
"Right, supposed to," Josh shrugs.
As if on cue, this is the moment Aidan decides to walk in, still in his casual wear.
"Hey!" he greets them, putting on a crooked smile. He didn't want to skip shift, it's just that Rebecca was pretty much out of it after their private blood feast, so he decided to make sure that she was okay before heading out.
However, once he catches sight of Sally standing beside Josh with arms crossed over her chest, he can't help the frown, "What are you doing here, Sally?!"
"Is that you, Aidan?" Sally narrows her eyes, lifting her head above her head in the way people do to see something in the distance.
"What?" the vampire makes a face.
"Well, I hardly recognize you anymore, after you spent so much time elsewhere, Rebecca-where," Sally snorts.
"Och, whatever," Aidan grunts. Not that again.
"Well, you tell me, you don't know what Josh has been up to lately, have you?" Sally cocks an eyebrow at him. Josh would love to nudge her in the side, really, if only he could.
"Sally!" he cries out, his face still to her.
"... what have you been up to?" Aidan asks as he comes closer, furrowing his eyebrows. That is when Josh turns to face him. Aidan can see the bruises and cuts on his face... and his knuckles are a mess of bruises and chaps.
"Seriously, what have you been up to?" Aidan blinks at him as he takes his seat next to the werewolf.
"My point!" Sally sighs.
Just what the hell did Josh do in one night that Aidan spends elsewhere to end up as such a mess? He takes Josh's hand tentatively to inspect it, but the werewolf snaps his arm away.
"Okay, so could we calm down a bit?" Josh grumbles.
"I'm totally Zen," Sally makes a meditation pose.
"Right...," Josh huffs.
"Did you have that checked out?" Aidan asks with concern in his voice, nodding at his knuckles, fighting any urge not to just take the hand again to make sure for himself.
"It's fine, just bruised," Josh grimaces.
"Why are you bruised, though?" Aidan questions.
"Okay, so... ugh, I did something stupid, or well, Ray did and I just got dragged into it," Josh begins, biting his lower lip. That is not exactly how he had pictured it.
"What? Ray? I thought he was gone?" Aidan grimaces.
"I met him at the bar last night," Josh admits.
"What?!" Aidan blinks at him.
"We talked and... well, he... he was being far nicer than last time. Well, and he got pretty drunk, so, ugh... he was not acting very reasonable... and then he just had to start this fight... and I...," Josh fidgets for the words, but that is when Aidan flips out, "You seriously help him when he starts a fight?!"
"He was outnumbered and it was very dangerous because...," Josh means to explain, and actually say it is about Marcus and his gang, but Aidan just interrupts him again, "Are you out of your mind?! Getting injured like that for what you say is just a weird werewolf stalker?! Where did you leave your brains that night, for goodness' sake!?"
"If you would listen for a second, then...," Josh tries again, but Aidan cuts him off, "Was there police or so?"
"No, but the thing is that...," Josh grunts, his anger flaring. Okay, this is actually worse. Having to come clean to Aidan is one thing, but not getting a proper chance to explain the whole story is even worse.
"Well, okay, I give you that much, Ray really seems to be no good company, so you should really keep away from him," Aidan sighs. "That just proved it."
"Excuse me?" Josh shakes his head. Even if he sees it the same way doesn't give the vampire the right to tell him with whom to hang around with. After all, Josh doesn't say anything much about him seeing Rebecca either – and she killed Cara, let's not forget that.
"What? I just said that...," Aidan means to say, but this time Josh cuts him off, "I know that I messed up by allowing myself to get dragged into that fight, but you don't get to tell me who I meet or not, Aidan."
"Oh, please, now don't be ridiculous," Aidan rolls his eyes.
"It's not ridiculous! I'm coming to you as my friend to tell you about this and you...," Josh grits his teeth, rising from his seat.
"I what? Seriously, if you get yourself into such trouble, be smart enough to call me," Aidan huffs.
"Okay, now you're really being ridiculous! How on earth would I call you when you are over at Rebecca with your phone on silent alarm?! Even if I had dangled from some bridge, you wouldn't have picked up the phone!" Josh curses. At this point, it's not even about what he did or what Aidan did or didn't do, it's about this here – how he acts as the mighty vampire again, the know-it-all-and-better. Josh is not willing to be that man's inferior.
Because, apparently, Aidan can't fix everything.
"C'mon!" Aidan cries out. Josh can't be serious, can he? Now he is the one who did something – and Aidan still gets the whole nine yards?
Aidan doesn't think so.
"What? You don't show up all morning when I wanted to talk to you first chance I got – because you are busy elsewhere, whatever it is that you're doing," Josh snorts.
"You don't want to pick that fight with me, Josh," Aidan shakes his head.
"Right, I don't want to," Josh retorts. "I gotta get back to work."
"Seriously? You start a fight and then you just walk away before we finish?" Aidan curses after him.
"Yeah, right! I just always run away, Aidan! That's just what I always do! Isn't that problem!?" Josh grits his teeth before practically running out of the locker rooms. Aidan turns to Sally, who silently observed this verbal battle with a grim expression, "What?!"
"Do you even realize when you're acting like a total jerk?" she shakes her head.
"What? This time, he was the one who did something, okay?" Aidan retorts. And he actually thought that Sally would be on his side, if she decides to come to the hospital to push Josh's confession.
"Aidan, it's not about that," Sally argues.
"About what is it then?" Aidan knits his eyebrows.
"That you guys just never get it," she exhales.
"What don't I get?" Aidan snorts.
"That your friend came to you to confess something that kept him up all night and made him bother himself sick all day long – because it was a matter of heart to him to tell you in person... and you don't even give him a chance to explain himself," Sally tells him.
"So you're not mad at him?" he huffs.
"Oh, I'm mad as hell because he got hurt, but I also see that Josh never does anything without a reason. So I ask myself why he ever joined Ray in this fight," Sally replies. "And that's what maybe you should be asking yourself, too."
"For what reason?" Aidan huffs. Sally walks past him, arms crossed over her chest, "To see if you're not already part of the problem."
With that she disperses into thin air, leaving Aidan alone in the locker rooms. He growls some curses to himself before getting changed for the rest of the shift.
Later the day, Aidan makes his way down the corridors of the hospital, lost in thoughts, as the conversation of two other nurses gets his attention, Betty and Carla, the gossip girls.
"I tell you, I'm not going back into that guy's room," Betty shudders dramatically.
"You can't just refuse," Carla argues.
"I believe in God and Jesus Christ. And this is the work of the devil himself," Betty shakes her head.
"It's simply a medical miracle," the other nurse shrugs. "That happens."
"That guy should've been dead. Carla, the priest's already given his blessings. And the next day, the man's talking and walking again!" Betty tells her. Aidan cocks his eyebrows – what?
"This can happen from time to time," Carla shrugs.
"Even if so. This guy's creepy. He tried to bite one of the staff, did you hear that?!" Betty goes on, to which the other nurse gapes, "No way."
"Way. I swear to God if not for one of the orderly's intervening, the guy would have bit off the other man's ear or something," Betty tells her, nodding her head frantically.
That is definitely not good.
"Do they have him sedated now?" Carla questions.
"Carla, if the guy comes back from the dead, you really think a bit of sedation will keep him from going berserk?" the older nurse scolds her.
"You're exaggerating," Carla huffs.
"I'm not," Betty insists.
"If that's what you think," Carla snorts. Aidan walks on.
This can't be, can it?
Suddenly someone bumps into him, "Oh, I apologize."
"Oh, ugh, don't sweat it, I wasn't paying attention," Aidan assures the other person out of routine, but then he looks up to see the priest Carla and Betty just talked about, in sutane with glasses and the calm flooding from his eyes, standing in front of him. If Aidan's heart still beat, it would've stopped at the sight – because the vampire can tell other vampires. And that guy is so a vampire.
"Well, I should head my ways. A blessed day to you, son," the priest smiles at him. With that the man disappears. Aidan stands there, perplex. How did that happen?
Damn, Bishop.
How dare he?! He really puts another vampire in his territory to turn others?! Once he is off shift, Aidan will pay that bastard a visit, that's for sure. As he continues his round down the hallways, he almost bumps into Josh. Before the younger man gets even a chance to say something, Aidan drags him into one of the dressing rooms, hastily shutting the door, "We need to talk, now."
He turns back around to face Josh, and both say simultaneously, "The priest is a vampire."
"... you knew that?!" Aidan gapes at him. Josh blinks at him, "I was there when the resurrected patient tried to bite Frank in the head and had to tear the guy off of him. The only one who's seen him was the new priest in hospital. Means he's the only one who could've turned him."
"How long do you know this?" Aidan demands.
"Uhm, maybe an hour or so?" Josh shrugs, hugging his arms.
"Why didn't you tell me right away?!" Aidan questions, his anger short before flaring again.
"We are on shift, so it's not like I can just sneak away," Josh argues. "Plus, I wanted to make sure that no one came close to the room until he was sedated. And that took some, ugh, five orderlies and Nurse Tina."
"Tina, the Titanic?" Aidan grimaces. She got the nickname because she is the "shot queen": she aims, she shoots, she sinks the syringe, every damn time.
"Yep. She gave him the shot. Really, for a guy his sixties and cancer he's really put up a fight," Josh huffs.
"But you're okay? Or did he hurt you?" Aidan asks, concern bubbling over his anger for once. After all, Josh is not in the best disposition after the fight.
"I'm fine. Moon is not too far away, so really, no harm's done," Josh tells him, fighting a blush. "Have you seen the priest yet?"
"I bumped into him outside," Aidan replies.
"What do we do about this?" Josh grimaces.
"I'll talk to Bishop once I'm off shift," Aidan shrugs. Josh bites his lower lip. Right, there was something...
"Aidan, look, uhm, about that fight Ray dragged me into...," Josh makes another attempt, but of course, Aidan doesn't get it that Josh is making an attempt to properly explain himself, "That will have to wait until I have figured out the mess with the priest."
"This is actually important," Josh insists.
"What? That you let yourself get dragged into some stupid bar fight because Ray says so? I don't think this is more relevant than is this situation here," Aidan huffs. "And anyways, I just give you that piece of advice: If Ray thinks it's great to enter a fight, then let him. You normally don't struggle with that."
"What do you mean? That I chicken out?" Josh blinks at him.
"Normally you are sane enough to keep outta that kinda shit," Aidan shrugs. "Yeah."
"You think I chicken out," Josh states. Till last he thought that only the rest believed that this is how he acts, but now that Aidan says it... that really hurts.
"And chickening out is mostly the smartest thing to do. What the hell were you thinking?! Huh?!" Aidan argues, suddenly finding it a much more important topic after all.
"Nothing! I just acted!" Josh exclaims.
"But for whom?! Normally, you would've run!" Aidan argues.
"Maybe I'm just done running," Josh retorts angrily.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him, but Josh shakes his head as he mutters, "Doesn't matter."
At this point, Josh honestly doesn't even care about his mistake anymore, because the person he considers his best friend just delivered a hard jab below the belt. Aidan knows how hard it is for him that he is unable to protect people close to him. He knows, and still he drops comments about how he runs away from any trouble.
Josh ran from his family to protect them, but other than that... no, he is not running away.
At least no longer.
"I got bedpans to clean," Josh grumbles. He means to move past the vampire, but Aidan holds him by the forearm, "The hell you are."
Josh tears his arm off of him, "Stop it, will you? I'm done shitting around like this, Aidan."
"Sally's right. You are not acting the way you normally do," Aidan shakes his head.
"You are the one to talk, Aidan. Seriously, get your own life straight before you poke your fingers into someone else's," Josh retorts.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him.
"Exactly. If you don't see that, then really, you got no right to accuse me. You are not acting like yourself either!" Josh curses, biting back tears.
"What now?" Aidan asks again.
"The Aidan I know would've realized before that I was in a fight. Neither would he spend all his time with a girl who is seemingly so captivating that you don't even show up at work anymore. The Aidan I know gives me at least a chance to explain myself. So really, stop pointing your finger at people when you are the one who's getting fuckin' pointed at already," Josh grunts.
"Och, go to hell, Josh," Aidan throws up his hands in surrender.
"In it right now," Josh yells. With that the werewolf exits, leaving Aidan to brood over what just happened.
Josh stalks down the hallways, one hand clutching at his chest. He wanted to come clean to Aidan, but then he got so angry that he walked out on him.
Great job, Josh.
Great job.
It never felt so difficult for him to talk to Aidan. He can still remember how easily they talked for an entire night and the next morning, about God and the world and back again, even about being monsters. It felt good. It felt right, but now? Now it is as though Aidan disappears in front of his eyes, just as he disappears within himself. Just this morning, Josh hardly recognized himself in the mirror anymore.
Maybe the wolf is taking over after all.
Josh is pulled out of his musing by a familiar figure standing in the lobby. The werewolf blinks twice before he actually believes what his eyes try to tell him. He hurries over.
"Ray, what the hell are you doing here?!" Josh cries out, pulling the man aside.
"I was looking for you," Ray tells him.
"I really thought I was clear last night that I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, okay? I'm in enough trouble because of your jackass move. And coming to my work place is really over the line," Josh tells him sternly.
"I come in peace," the older werewolf tells him, grasping Josh by the shoulder, but the orderly snaps his hand away, "Stay away from me, okay?"
Since when is it so hard to breathe?
"Josh, please, stay," the older man suddenly pleads, holding on to his shoulder. "Lemme explain."
Josh stands for a moment, biting his lower lip, but then turns back around to face the older werewolf, "Alright, explain. Whatever it is."
"I'm really sorry for what happened... back that night," he tells him. Josh blinks – that is actually the reaction he least expected from Ray.
"What? The part where you went in the den like a complete jackass, or when you found it incredibly funny that you screwed up my life?" Josh snorts.
"Both," Ray sighs. "Look, I really thought I was just doing ya a favor. Ya said ya wanted to protect your family and I thought that this would help ya."
"Just that it wasn't really helpful," Josh argues.
"But I wanted to help, believe me, kid. I just saw how upset you were about it. And ya see... I got no one anymore. I got no pack. I'm a tramp, what can I say? But more than anything, I want a pack around me. And I thought that if I helped ya, then... then you would trust me and... we could... help each other," Ray goes on. "I didn't mean it in a bad way."
Josh closes his eyes, because no matter how angry he is at Ray... he understands that. He understands that the other man just doesn't want to be alone anymore. Wasn't that the same spirit that motivated Josh to move in with Aidan? So that he wasn't alone anymore? So he can't blame him for that, or can he?
"I get it, I do, but...," Josh sighs.
"Look, if ya got into any trouble, be sure I'll be there for ya," Ray assures him quickly. "I swear to God if this means any harm done, I will fix it. I just hope that this didn't like... destroy everything. I honestly didn't mean it that way. I just wanna... I wanna care about someone again, but I... took it too far, I guess ."
"Ray, I don't know...," Josh sighs.
"Ya see, we're stuck in the same boat, kid. I don't want it all to go bad coz of one wrong move I made," Ray tells him.
Josh sighs, closing his eyes. Just how can he hate this man to his guts, but then... not?
"I can be your pack, ya know, or we could be each other's. Look out for each other, hm?" Ray tells him. "If ya gimme one more chance, I'll show ya everything I know, so you can protect yourself, so that ya don't hurt anyone anymore. I promise you that much. You just gotta let me."
And aren't those words just too soothing to Josh's pounding wounds?
"Well, I don't know about being a pack, but...," Josh rubs his arms against the cold suddenly spreading throughout him.
"Hey, doesn't have to be now, or so, but... could we at least be... peaceful again?" Ray bargains. Josh finds himself nodding before his brain can even process it.
Maybe it's because it's the first time in a while that he really feels cared for, except for Sally, of course, but honestly? Josh didn't feel like this in a while – to have someone chasing after him just to be around him, even if it's just his creepy werewolf-stalker.
"... okay," Josh nods.
"Great," Ray smirks. "I swear to God, ya won't regret it."
"... well, maybe you can teach me some things," Josh tells him, and Ray's face lightens up at that.
"Sure as hell," the older man assures him.
"Well, then... how about we meet up at your place or so?" Josh shrugs, hugging his arms.
"Well, I'd love to, but I kinda camp... everywhere," Ray shrugs.
"You don't have a place?" Josh frowns.
"Well, not now. I just came here, so I either rent some motel room or camp in the woods," the werewolf replies.
"... wanna come over to my place?" Josh offers, much to his own surprise.
"You're serious?" Ray blinks at him.
"Yeah, sure," Josh shrugs.
"Good, uhm... well, shift goes for another thirty minutes, so...," Josh blinks at him, but Ray holds up his hands, "Cafeteria is over there, right? I'll just wait till you're finished."
"Okay," Josh nods frantically before he heads back down the hallways.
It's actually nice to have someone waiting for him, for once.
Even if it's just a werewolf-stalker.
"Sally! I'm home," Josh yells as he opens the door. Promptly, the ghost pops in, "Josh! There you are... who is that?!"
"Ray – Sally, Sally – Ray," Josh gestures hurriedly, averting his eyes.
"Pleasure, Milady," Ray taps his cap. Josh walks past her, but the ghost pops in right in front of him again, both hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes, "Is that Ray as in Ray the werewolf who dragged you into that fight?"
"Yeah," Josh sighs.
"Why is he in our house? Do I call police now? Or... well, do you call police now and I yell in the background?" Sally grunts.
"I invited him over," Josh tells her, holding up his hands. "He says he can teach me a few things about my wolf... well, I'm taking the offer."
"Josh," Sally warns him.
"It's okay. If he does something stupid, I throw him out, but for now, please," Josh begs her. Sally sighs, but then steps aside.
"Ray? Beer?" Josh asks.
"Sure, would be great," Ray nods. Josh nods back before he hurries into the kitchen. The older werewolf makes his way to the couch and settles down, Sally stalks after him skeptically.
"So... Ray...," she sighs as she sits down next to him.
"Ya are a ghost, right?" he grins.
"Yeah... what's it to you?" Sally grimaces. "... how do you know?"
"I know a ghost when I see one. I've been around long enough that kinda community," Ray shrugs.
"Small-talk aside. So now you listen to me, Ray-Ray. Even if I can't touch things, I will haunt you or something. Josh told me that you dragged him into a fight, so I consider you one of the bad guys until decided otherwise."
"Whatcha mean 'bout not moving things?" Ray blinks at her.
"What? I thought you've been around so much?" Sally huffs. "And now you know nothing about ghosts?!"
"I have, but ghosts can move stuff. They just gotta do it right," Ray shrugs.
"You're shitting me, right?" Sally snorts.
"No, I mean it. Look," Ray argues, fidgeting for his pocket to take out his wallet to put a coin on the table in front of them.
"That's cheap for hooker money," Sally snorts.
"Move it," Ray tells her.
"I can't," Sally argues vehemently.
"You're angry at me. Take that anger to move the coin. Use it," Ray tells her. Sally grunts something to herself before she concentrates on the coin to prove her point, but that is when the coin... moves.
"Oh my God," she cries out.
"Sally! You moved it!" Josh cries out from behind her, with two beers in hand.
"I did...," Sally blinks at the coin.
"You just gotta take all that anger and canalize it," Ray tells her.
"That doesn't mean I like you... but I hate you less," Sally tells him, her eyes still on the coin.
"Thank you," Josh manages to say to the older wolf. He knows how much it means to the female ghost to be able to do that, how much it means to her to be part of this world. Because Josh gets the feeling of being dependent on someone else, how much that hurts, even if for Sally it is far worse.
"Hey, how about you show me your notebooks?" Ray suggests. "Wanna see what you already know, or what's just total bullshit."
Josh swallows thickly, but then nods.
"Sally? You okay there?" Josh asks, his voice still slightly trembling.
"Yeah, yeah, you go...," she whispers, her eyes solely on that coin.
She is back in this world.
She can touch things.
And that means... she can move things.
Maybe even people?
Aidan hurries down the streets, anger boiling within him that he could just rip someone's face off. He just went to Bishop to talk to him about that priest, which turns out to be just another plan of his alpha to turn his little world upside down to force Aidan out of his box of a new life and fall back in line. They had a deal. Aidan has the hospital – and Bishop stays out of his business, but now he sends that priest in to turn rich people, to gain even more influence.
As if being head of police wasn't enough already.
However, not bad enough, Bishop dropped just by the way that two werewolves appeared at the den last night and beat the living shit out of Marcus and his friends.
Of course Aidan laughed hard that it was about Marcus – he loves to see that guy being taught a lesson.
However, that was when it dawned on him just what happened.
Josh wasn't just in a bar fight. He fought Marcus, with Ray.
And here Aidan thought that he was gaining a bit of ground to stand on again, but no, everything is even more of a mess than it is anyways. Rebecca. Sally. And now Josh, too. Aidan could still smack himself for ever suggesting to the werewolf to go with Ray and talk to him. However, the more dominant feeling is that of anger at his friend. Josh is smart. He knows when to stay out of a fight, but he just heads right into the trouble because some person he doesn't even like makes him. He risks everything they worked for, but far more importantly: Josh has been telling lies, all day long. He didn't tell either Sally or him the truth about that incident. That means he's been keeping secrets. And that means whatever Josh said to him during their last argument becomes somewhat vacuous now. Aidan is just so fed up with it. He thought he could rely on Josh to have his back, but no.
He finally comes home and opens the door abruptly, not even caring if he does damage.
"Aidan! There you are!" Sally cries out, still sitting in front of her little magical coin. "Look what I can do now!"
"Where's Josh?" Aidan grunts, because he can't care about that right now. Sally opens her mouth to respond, but that is when... Ray... comes down their stairs, their stairs.
"Oh, hello there," Ray grins at him.
"What the bloody hell are you...," Aidan blinks at Ray, perplex, but that is when Sally jumps in, "Oh, right, I wanted to tell you... about that..."
"Out of the house, now!" Aidan orders. That bastard won't invade their home, no, that's not happening. Not after what he broke loose.
"What? Man, I was just...," Ray frowns at him.
"Get. Out," Aidan narrows his eyes at him. Ray already means to say something, when Josh skips down the stairs, "No, you stay. It's alright."
"What?!" Aidan breaks out.
"Could you leave us alone a sec?" Josh turns to Ray – way too politely to Aidan's liking.
"Sure! Hey, Ghost Lady, want me to show ya some more tricks?" Ray offers. Sally shrugs, "Sure."
The two disappear back upstairs to give the friends some privacy.
"Why is that asshole in our house?" Aidan demands.
"I invited him over, and I offered him to stay until the next moon," Josh declares.
"... ah, great, and I get told so... just now," Aidan huffs. "I mean, it's not like I don't pay rent for this apartment, too."
"He sleeps in my room and I pay for everything he eats or drinks or whatever," Josh argues.
"I don't care about that, Josh! I care about the fact that you grant that man shelter under our roof after he and you went to the den to beat up Marcus and his friends!" Aidan yells. Josh almost stumbles upon hearing that. He knew this would come, but it's definitely not how he had it practiced.
"Do you have any idea what it was like for me to learn it from Bishop of all people?! I stood there like a complete idiot!" Aidan goes on.
"I wanted to explain it to you...," Josh mutters, suddenly feeling so small again, but Aidan is having none of it, "The hell you did! Instead you put all the blame on me! Do you even have any idea what you broke loose with this fuckin' stupid move?! You went against Marcus – that means that the priest is Bishop's way of getting revenge, and that might just be the first step!"
"I tried to protect Ray from getting killed. It escalated. I never meant for any of it to happen, but once I was in there... I... I lost it," Josh admits. "And in the back of the head... I... I said to myself that maybe... maybe it would teach him. I didn't stand up to him back then, and..."
"Just how stupid are you?!" Aidan cries out. "And honestly, I thought you were better than that."
"What now?" Josh furrows his eyebrows at him.
"That you go after Marcus for a simple revenge act... I really thought you were better than that. I took you for smarter and for, well, more human. Maybe I was mistaken with that," Aidan snarls, though the words pain him about as much as they must hurt Josh. He knows that this was too low.
"I'm just done," Josh brings out, gritting his teeth.
"With what?" Aidan snorts.
"I'm done being the weak one. I'm done running away. For once I didn't. And yes, I regret it, and yes, it's wrong, but if it brought anything good, then it is that I'm done running from... from everything," Josh tells him.
"Well, great for you, but couldn't you have had that epiphany a little sooner and still decide against screwing up our life by beating Marcus to pulp?!" Aidan curses.
"I can only say that I'm sorry," Josh tells him.
"Sorry! Sorry! Oh, yeah, that, of course, changes about everything! You screw up our life, but you're sorry!" Aidan throws his hands in the air.
"Well, I seemingly have to find a way to make sure that people like my family are safe from the vampire community!" Josh argues.
"Which you don't accomplish by starting a fight with them," Aidan rolls his eyes.
"Well, at least I'm doing something!" Josh retorts.
"But you're doing it wrong! I told you to stay away from them! I told you to let me handle it," Aidan sighs.
"You? Handle it? Now go ahead kid yourself, Aidan! How would you handle it if you are not even around?!" Josh retorts, his patience finally thin enough to tear. Aidan gets to be mad at him, but he doesn't see what this is actually about. He just doesn't get Josh and his fears – and he doesn't listen, which is even more of a problem.
"You seriously don't get to accuse me after you pulled such a stunt," Aidan narrows his eyes at him.
"I get to accuse you when you pull shit also," Josh retorts. "Don't think I don't realize the shaky hands and sweaty palms, how you skip work to go see Rebecca. Even if I don't know what exactly you two do when you are on your own, I'm fairly sure that some kind of live-blood plays a role in it. So really, don't point fingers at me."
Aidan blinks at him for a second, actually surprised. Even though he knew that Josh as well as Sally were against his project of helping Rebecca, Josh never really commented on it. As Aidan figured, the werewolf just didn't want to have to do with it, or purposely looked away, but now it turns out that he actually observed him.
Josh knows that he didn't exactly stay clean.
"I'm not the only one who's kept secrets. I wanted to tell you back at the hospital, but you didn't give me a chance, but... it shouldn't matter. If Bishop or Marcus come after me... I take care of it myself," Josh shrugs, his voice no more than a whisper.
"With Ray?" Aidan huffs.
"Maybe," Josh shrugs. "Who knows."
"You should keep your feet still, trust me," Aidan warns him.
"No," Josh shakes his head simply.
"What? No?" Aidan makes a face.
"As I said, I'm taking care of it. You don't have to jump in for me like that," Josh replies.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Aidan makes a face.
"This is my thing to do. I never should've burdened you with clarifying things for me when it came to Marcus. Ray is a jackass, but he's right that you can't fight my fights for me," Josh tells him.
"Marcus is no guy you should cross with, Josh," Aidan warns him again. "You don't know what you are up against – so you should really listen to someone who knows. And that's me."
"I'm not weak, you know? I manage," Josh whispers.
"Oh, please," Aidan sighs. Not that again...
"I am not weak, so stop treating me like that, okay? Maybe I'm none of your kind, but that doesn't make me a pathetic wimp who has to ask you for help on any damn occasion," Josh hisses, biting back tears.
He is just done being pushed into that role by the rest of the world.
He acts now. That should count.
"I can't believe this," Aidan mutters. He means to make another comment when suddenly his cell phone beeps.
"You wanna answer that," Josh tells him mutely. "Could be Rebecca."
Aidan fishes his cell out of his pocket to glance at the screen. Josh uses the moment to push past him into the kitchen. Aidan wants to yell something after him, but it's indeed Rebecca, letting him know that she needs to see him now, that it's urgent. Aidan lets out a grunt.
Why is everything crushing down on him?
Everything should be good, shouldn't it?
He has a girl.
He has a home.
Friends – a family.
And still, he is the one empty-handed? That just isn't fair.
Chapter 10: Gluing it Back Together
Summary:
Sally observes with worry how her beloved roommates drift apart.
Aidan starts to realize that maybe he acts more like a jerk than a friend lately.
Aidan fights blood cravings - Ray tries to take advantage of it.
Josh and Aidan take on the priest in the hospital, forcing them to talk at last, but then... interferences once more.
Dinner scene.
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around!
Little warning: I do use the confrontation scene of Aidan vs. Ray to some degree and the family dinner scene by using most of the quotes (I hope I did correctly), but want to shed a different light on them – to bring out the relationship blooming between Aidan and Josh a bit more.
The rest still is roughly oriented towards the happenings in the show, but twisted in another way.
I hope you'll like the last part of this mini arc ;)
Chapter Text
Sally is pacing up and down the hallway. So okay, she tried to be a good ghost. She sees that to move on, she has to learn to let go – and that seemingly means letting go of Danny, the love of her life. Because her life... well, it ended. He was the love of the life that is over now. And if she wants to move on with her life, or whatever it is that she lives now, she can't just always pop in when Bridget and Danny are getting closer. That doesn't help her, it doesn't help them. So she decided to let them live on, together. She honestly, deep down, gave her blessings.
Sadly, this didn't bring her closer to her magical door. Sally didn't see the light, but she felt honestly... relieved, more or less.
It still hurts, of course. Denying it would be a total lie. However, Sally figures that she can put her energy to better use, and that is to fix her new life – the life of a ghostly roommate of a werewolf and a vampire... and sadly... another werewolf. Because that is the crux. Ever since Josh brought in Ray, their tiny bit of normal spiraled down into... distance. Aidan is mad at Josh for what he did. Josh is mad at Aidan for what he said. And that means that Aidan spends even more time with Rebecca, on purpose, so the ghost figures, and Josh spends more and more time with Ray. They go to the woods for training the wolf, or whatever it is that they are training. Sally is bound watching it happen – and that is what really makes her angry and sad.
She just managed not to just watch life pass her by, but she is heading right back in it in her new life with Josh and Aidan. If only those two weren't such bullheads. Instead of talking about it, they distance themselves and no one is willing to give in. Guys are just so dense sometimes. The problem is that she sees especially Josh being dragged into stuff that definitely doesn't do him good, and far more importantly changes him into something she thinks he isn't. The ghost sees that maybe she was actually quite enthusiastic at first when it was about Ray, but that is long since over.
Now she is just worried and angry.
The door opens. Sally whips her head around to see Aidan coming inside.
"Hi," she greets him. Aidan nods curtly as he shrugs out of his jacket, "Hi... where's Josh?"
"Out. With Ray. As always," she exhales. Aidan mutters something to himself before proceeding to the sofa and flopping down on it unceremoniously. Sally joins him, "Can you throw him out for me?"
"Who?" Aidan exhales tiredly. He feels like a truck ran him over. When he isn't trying to get Rebecca to quit using blood, he is fighting his own urges, and if he isn't fighting his own urges, he fights with Ray or with Josh, or both, or he flees to Rebecca – which ends in the same vicious cycle.
"Ray of course," Sally snorts, hugging her arms.
"I thought you liked him so much for showing you those ghost tricks," Aidan huffs.
"That was until he walked down the stairs in this way too short bathrobe and I was that close to seeing that man's nuggets. There are just things a Lady is not supposed to see," Sally shudders. "And anyways, he's bad company. I don't like what he makes... out of Josh. So... couldn't you just like... vampire-shove him out?"
"Hey, I would love to," Aidan shrugs.
"Well, then make up with Josh and then you throw him out together?" Sally suggests. She is just sick and tired of this back and forth between Aidan and Josh. They are best friends, but now they can't stand to be close to each other.
Aidan just glares at her, "I won't go crawling to him after he messed up big time."
"God, Aidan, stop acting like a jerk and see the greater picture," Sally throws her head back.
"What now? He gave me hell last time," Aidan snorts.
"For a damn good reason, by the way, but that's beside the point. But now c'mon, Aidan. You're so old and still you don't know that sometimes the best you can do is to simply apologize, even if you don't think you did something wrong so that you can at least talk again," Sally argues.
"I will not apologize for this. Because I didn't make the mistake," Aidan rolls his eyes, which makes Sally roll her eyes, "Did you just listen to a word I said?"
"Sally, I just want to... catch my breath or whatever," Aidan sighs.
"Well, trust me, you'll keep drowning if you don't do something," she huffs.
"I am," Aidan insists.
"No, you're not," Sally retorts. "Your reaction to this is to keep away. How exactly will that ever help the situation, you tell me? If you keep a distnace, then Josh has no chance to come to you, neither do you have a chance to come to him. That's simple logic, man, even you should get it."
Aidan just shakes his head.
"God, you're such an idiot sometimes...," Sally sighs, but then comes the sentence that actually surprises her, hushed, almost not audible, "Am I really that much of a shitty friend, really?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Sally grimaces. Aidan shrugs.
Well, yes!
"Ugh, you two are acting like complete idiots. The only point Josh gets is that he's at least aware of the fact that he is acting ridiculously. He constantly tells me. You, on the other hand, still think you're the good guy of the game, thus... yeah, you kinda make the shitty friend here," Sally shrugs.
"Well, but aren't I right?" Aidan argues.
"Aidan, it doesn't matter!" Sally cries out. "It's about fixing your relationship with Josh, with your best friend. It's not about who's right and who's wrong! But for that you'd have to jump over your own shadow for once, but no, you just go on taking that energy and use it on Rebecca."
"Just as he uses his on Ray," Aidan retorts.
"This is like talking to two brick walls," Sally cries out. "Look, neither one of us wants Ray around, but the thing is that with this... situation here... we only reinforce it that he stays."
"What now?" Aidan frowns.
"I don't think that Josh will quit Ray. He can't talk to you because you don't talk to each other, and he knows that I'm against what he does with Ray and Ray in general, which is why he is way too often on his training trips with that old man. And that makes Josh's new only option... Ray," Sally explains. Aidan grunts. He knows she is right, but he doesn't like it.
"Yep," she grins.
"I thought that with a best friend I wouldn't have that kinda drama, like really," Aidan leans his head back. No, that is the kind of trouble he expects to have with a clingy girlfriend.
"This is still Josh we are talking about, right? I mean, that guy fusses over dirty dishes, remember?" Sally snorts.
"Don't remind me," Aidan exhales.
"You miss it, admit it," Sally snorts. Aidan flashes a faint smirk, but it soon fades away, "Kinda."
"You just gotta see... I think Josh is just really, really confused. You said it yourself. Josh doesn't want to be a wolf. Now he is suddenly with someone who shows him how amazing it can be to be one. Heck, I'd be confused, too," Sally shrugs. "We just gotta get him back to our side again... I liked Josh the way he was before Ray showed up."
"Me, too," Aidan sighs. "But hey, full moon is close, so maybe this is over soon."
"You don't believe that, do you?" Sally snorts. "... what if he goes with him?"
"What?" Aidan grimaces.
"Never crossed your mind? I mean, even if Josh keeps word and Ray moves on after the full moon... what tells us that Josh doesn't decide to go with Ray and live the life of a tramp werewolf? Ray is constantly talking about forming a pack... with Josh," Sally exhales sadly. "What if he quits... us as his pack?"
Aidan blinks, looking at the ceiling. He honestly didn't consider this option yet, which makes it even more frightening. What if Josh runs away with this man? Leaves them behind?
And suddenly... this is seemingly no longer about their argument. It's something much more important – about their life, their project, their home.
"Very subtle," he snorts, letting out a halfhearted chuckle.
"You guys are my... home now. I don't wanna lose that," Sally whispers. "So you better fix it or I flip a coin at your head."
"I just don't know what to do anymore," Aidan sighs. "I'm trying to fix things, but the more I try to fix, the more cracks appear."
"Well, get better glue," Sally shrugs. Aidan manages a lopsided smile before he gets back up, "Okay, I gotta grab a shower and then head to work."
"So we delay it, again?" Sally sighs.
"I didn't find a good glue yet," Aidan shrugs before he heads upstairs. He makes his way into the bathroom and leans on the sink, his hands shaking.
Withdrawal.
Again, a bloody addict, right, Mr. Waite?
How do you glue that back together?
Aidan comes home in a hurry. It's curious that he is great giving other people advice most of the time, but can't stick to his own. He wants to come clean with Rebecca, but it doesn't work. He falls back into pattern, every day a bit more.
It's long since no one-time-thing anymore.
And that means after the low follows inevitably the high. Cold turkey. Work is excruciating, and even though the personal troubles are just as excruciating, home offers at least the bloody remedy coming in a plastic bag. Aidan strides into the kitchen for his placebo when suddenly that strange, yet so familiar scent hits him. Aidan opens the fridge and rummages through it.
But where is it?
"Where is my blood? Where is my blood?" he yells. Josh wouldn't ever put it elsewhere, right?
"I'm sorry, man, but I had to make room for those beauties," Ray grins at him as he leans against the door frame.
"Where is it?" Aidan demands. That man has tested his boundaries with him in a while now. It's not like Ray is very discreet in his ways, though they seem to be discreet enough for Josh not to catch them. He constantly talks about vampires behind Aidan's back, about how they are truly monsters. Aidan overheard Ray's Siren's songs more than once, and it took him about everything not to just jump that guy and drag him out of the house. However, it was actually Josh who prevented him from doing so – because, regardless of the argument they still have, the younger werewolf is still the one to protect him and always speak in Aidan's defense, that he is different. Not that this is helping Aidan in any way when it comes to his guilty feelings.
"It was an emergency, man, you know. I didn't want my rumpers to go bad," Ray grins at him, but Aidan ignores him. He has to get his blood, now, "Where?"
"It's right on there," Ray hums, nodding at the sink. Aidan is back to his feet in an instant to rummage through the heap of dishes – yet another thing that makes this arrangement ever the more unbearable. Ever since Ray showed up, no one is there to clean, or rather, Josh doesn't have the time to clean. Not that Sally or Aidan really give a damn on it, but it shows that something that was actually quite important to Josh, as someone with OCD, is now lost because Ray simply overpowers him. He makes Josh less Josh – and that is something that makes Aidan furious.
He is stealing his best friend.
Aidan spots one of the plastic bags in the sink... emptied. That bastard is really trying it with all his might, or isn't he?
"I figured you could get some more down at the hospital, you know... or... just jump someone down an alley," the man grins at him. Aidan tears away from the sink with a smug grin, "Full moon is coming soon."
Ray is not the only one who can play this game.
"Yeah, can't wait for it," Ray grins.
"Yeah, it's been great, the help you've been giving Josh, but you will be moving on after this moon," Aidan tells him sternly. Because that is the plan – get Ray out of Josh's life, and then fix all the other messes, but before they can launch that project, that man has to be moved out of the way.
"Yeah, I bet you like that, huh?" the werewolf huffs.
That guy has no idea how much.
"That'd be for the best. Your welcome is wearing a bit thin here," Aidan retorts.
Not that it was ever really there from his side.
"Well, maybe Josh will have some different to say about that," Ray argues.
"Josh will know what's right," Aidan replies.
Well, at least that is what Aidan is counting on – because the picture Sally painted was not exactly boosting his hopes, but... Josh is Josh. He is smart. He knows better than that.
"Who says what's right, huh? Some guy who's actually showing him how to survive? How to thrive? Or some... undead thing that lets him tag along like a pet," Ray hisses, which only fuels Aidan's anger. That man is really pushing the limits. "It's only a matter of time until he realizes and sees you for the leash you are."
Okay, that's it.
Aidan gets right in his face this time, "Oh, you picked the wrong time to screw with me, Ray."
And not just the wrong time. Screwing with him in general is. But the worst thing is to screw with him over Josh. If Ray thinks he gets through with that, he is more than mistaken.
"What are you gonna do? Rip me to shreds in this kitchen and prove to your friend Josh what a murderous scum we both know you to be?" Ray snorts, standing his ground. It just proves Aidan's point. That man just wants to provoke him – and that's it. He means to drive a wedge between him and Josh so that he can win him for himself.
"That's what you'd like, huh?" Aidan grins. "But I don't fall for that cheap kinda trick. You'll have to do better than that, Ray. You won't get me out of my own house – and you definitely won't get me out of Josh's life."
"Is that so, huh?" Ray huffs.
"Yeah, that's so. Because in contrast to you, I really am his friend," Aidan snarls.
"Are ya? I'd doubt that, but even if ya are... I might be his new family," Ray retorts. "I mean, look who's the one he spends time with most these days, huh?"
"You are not his family, get that right out of your head, Ray. You are merely a nice resource of information, that's all you are to Josh," Aidan narrows his eyes at him.
"Well, it's as ya say... in the end, Josh will decide whom he wants to stay with," Ray grins.
"And that won't be you," Aidan replies with determination. They are roommates. They are best friends. Ultimately, Josh will choose them... him... right?
That is when suddenly Josh walks in, looking at the two with furrowed eyebrows, "Oh... hey."
Aidan breaks away from Ray to look at Josh, "Hey."
… and isn't it awful that this is the first actual word, if you can even call it that, that they spoke in a week?
"Kid, good to see ya," Ray smiles at him with fake glee. Aidan would just love to punch him right here for the lie. If only Josh finally saw it. If only Josh finally saw Aidan again.
"Everything alright here?" Josh questions, not looking at anyone in particular. When he looks at Ray, he knows that Aidan is watching him. If he talks to Aidan, then he just feels embarrassed and has to fight a blush. After his argument with the vampire, Josh just doesn't know how to approach him anymore.
So much to the strong werewolf he now wants, maybe, to be.
The way he figures, he will always be a socially awkward werewolf, no matter what.
"Wanna head out?" Ray suddenly asks.
"What?" Josh blinks at him.
"Well, ya could use another round of training. Full moon is close?" the older werewolf tells him.
"You and I got shift tonight, though, remember, Josh?" Aidan argues, and actually more hopefully than he would like to admit to himself, or rather... more competitive as he ever anticipated.
Ray made it a fight over Josh.
And Aidan... joined.
The vampire searches the werewolf's eyes. Josh meets his gaze for a few seconds, but then bows his head, "I can switch with Betty. So, ugh... Ray?"
The older werewolf pats him on the shoulder, "Knew I could count on ya. Then let's go, shall we?"
He pushes Josh to the door already, but not without leaning back once to give Aidan a victorious grin. The vampire just rolls his eyes as Josh is pushed away from him, biting his lower lip.
He lost that fight.
He lost... Josh. To Ray.
And now he fights any damn urge not to lick the sink for the blood.
Yet another fight lost, Mr. Waite.
Aren't we all truly pathetic lately?
Josh is making his way down the corridors of the hospital hurriedly. The werewolf just doesn't know what the hell is happening to him. Ever since the argument he had with Aidan, everything is just a blur. Hurt feelings coupled with the dire need of protection, of warmth and care, seeking closeness while pushing others away. At some point he really doesn't know what he is even doing anymore. Josh wants to be normal, but now that Ray showed him how to be a better werewolf, and after beating Marcus, Josh asks himself if he can ever be normal in the sense of human-normal. Maybe all he can manage is werewolf-normal. And by that is meant being more like Ray.
Aidan told him that it's not healthy for him to suppress this side of his, but Josh feels like a bloody addict ever sine he allowed the werewolf to come to the surface. He follows his dealer, his master, everywhere to show him new tricks. He craves attention like a stupid child waiting for a praise he knows is coming from Ray no matter what, which makes the praises even emptier.
And that even though there is this other part within him that is calling so desperately to simply... go back. To be in that mostly harmonic state where Josh was just this awkward werewolf in the middle of a household of a vampire and a ghost. If only for a short while, Josh felt happy back then, or didn't he? And now? Josh can't really say that he is happy. Even though he jokes and laughs with Ray on occasion, he always feels cold. He doesn't wear long-sleeve shirts only for the reason that he had to cover up the bruises in a while. He feels cold, from the inside. And whenever he is with Ray at home, Josh finds his chest tight to the point that he can hardly breathe. That is not what happiness feels like. It's not the kind of happiness he felt when he and Aidan moved in together.
It was warm – and he could finally breathe again.
But maybe that is the price he has to pay for his family's protection.
Maybe it all comes down to it that Josh has to choose, too. Between his new and his old family. Between the life he once lived and the life that he lives now. Because he still wants to protect the former, or at least part of it. And the wolf may grant him that. What does it matter if he is otherwise unhappy, right? That is what made him run away from his family, from his old life. Josh wanted to protect them, so he ran away, no matter how much that tore him apart. It was the price he paid – and maybe it was this hope of being lucky with Aidan that ultimately marked this as failure.
Maybe his protection only works for as long as he is unhappy.
Maybe he just isn't meant to be happy.
But before Josh can think of anything more, something black scurries in front of his eyes, pulling the werewolf back to the hospital hallways to see the priest roaming around.
Oh right, there was that...
Josh maneuvers a little to the side so that he is out of the man's view – and hopefully out of the man's scent-field, too. The priest looks around, looks for prey, Josh can see it in his eyes. That is definitely not good. So not good. Josh swallows thickly as the man stops in front of a patient's room. He looks to the left, to the right, and then quickly hurries inside. Josh hastily grabs his phone, hospital policy shall be damned, and calls Aidan, the argument shall be damned for now, too.
"Josh?" Aidan frowns as he picks up the phone. "We are on shift, why are you..."
"Room 239, the priest is here. Come, now," Josh brings out, his voice quivering.
"Okay, stay where you are, I'll be there in a minute," Aidan tells Josh, argument perfectly forgotten.
"I'm going in," Josh replies.
"What? No, Josh!" Aidan cries out as he already jogs down the hallways. He would rather run like a vampire, but he really has too much of an audience here. "Wait for me, you hear me! Stay out of that room!"
Josh doesn't have a stake – and that means he definitely shouldn't take on a vampire. Just as he never should take on a vampire in general, but much to Aidan's dismay, he can already hear the steady beep-beep from the other end of the line. He speeds up even more, hoping that he makes it in time.
Josh, meanwhile, gathered all his courage to make his way to the room. He won't allow that this vampire turns someone, not on his watch. Josh is done just standing by when bad things happen around him. That is where he draws the line. If only he had taken a stake along...
Josh opens the door just to see the man looming above the comatose figure of Mr. Hastings, fangs extended, eyes as black as his soul probably is. He is so caught up in the moment that he doesn't even take notice of the werewolf now inside, so Josh uses his chance and simply jumps the guy to tear him away from Mr. Hastings. The vampire lets out a guttural howl before fighting back, snapping his teeth at him like a shark. Josh manages to yank himself and the man against one of the cabinets to keep him from biting him.
"You shouldn't get in my way," the priest warns him as he delivers a jab to Josh's side. The werewolf lets out a yelp, but then kicks the vampire in the stomach. Both roll further over the ground, fighting for dominance, fighting out the blood feud that runs between their races since the early days of their existence. Josh manages to flop the priest down on his stomach to sit on top of him so that he can get a hold of the man's hands, but the vampire pushes him away and into the wall. It's only thanks to Josh's sheer willpower that he manages to hold on to the man's arms as he repeatedly rams him into the wall, but that is when he makes yet another attempt to bite him, so Josh has to release, but that is when finally Aidan opens the door.
"Ah, see who's finally come, too? Wanna have a drink also, my wayward son?" the priest snickers.
"This is your damnation and you know it," Aidan snarls, flashing his fangs and teeth at him as he closes the door.
"Josh? Step back, I'm taking it from here," Aidan tells the werewolf still behind the other vampire in the kindest tone he can muster now that his vampire side is showing. And honestly, Josh is quite tempted to go with the offer, but there is still this voice humming in his ears that he can't let others protect him, or else he won't ever be able to protect others.
Aidan already wants to approach the other vampire, but that is when suddenly Josh makes his move from behind and grabs the priest around the throat with one arm, now having him in the choke, while the other is locking the vampire's arms. The vampire struggles against his hold, trying to ram his teeth into his skin, but Josh holds on as tight as he can, "Let me go, you filthy dog!"
"Aidan! Do something! Now!" Josh yells. He doesn't know for how long he can hold this guy. And that is when his friend forgets about his anger and worry, but instead steps over to the two and grabs the vampire by the mouth, holding it open with a vice grip. Josh watches in a mixture of confusion and terror when Aidan breaks off the man's fangs. The priest lets out an inhuman growl of pain. Josh lets go out of instinct – and because his arms just can't hold on anymore. The vampire means to jump him another time, but Aidan kicks him in the side repeatedly before pulling him up by the collar, "You touch him once, you die! And that's what you can tell Bishop, too. Now get the hell out of here or I will send you to your Lord."
Aidan releases the vampire. He gets to his feet and staggers out of the room. Josh and Aidan stare at each other for a second, the vampire's eyes instantly back to normal. Josh's legs give way and he slumps down against the wall, chest heaving. Aidan slumps down, too.
"W... what... what did you do?" Josh brings out between the gulps of air.
"I took his fangs," Aidan replies.
"What... what does that mean?" Josh asks.
"He can't bite anymore. Fangs don't grow back," the vampire explains.
"... nice trick," Josh manages a crooked grin.
"Not bad yourself," Aidan returns. "That was... reckless, but... damn courageous."
Really, he doesn't know many people who just jump a vampire, even at the risk of getting bitten.
"Thanks...," Josh manages.
"Are you... are you okay? Forgot to ask," Aidan brings out, now feeling guilty that he didn't ask that right away. Josh fought him for at least two minutes all by himself. He scoots closer – and for once Josh doesn't slip away.
"Yeah, just some bruises... and possible nightmare material for the rest of my life," Josh brings out.
"Good," Aidan nods.
"At this point I'm really glad I'm Jewish," Josh jokes. "I surely wouldn't want that as a blessing."
Aidan chuckles, but then his eyes somewhat soften, "I think I get it now."
"What? That I'm Jewish?" Josh makes a face.
"No, what you said during our argument," Aidan tells him.
Sally will have her fun telling him that he told him so.
"What do you mean?" Josh blinks at him.
"I wasn't there for you or your family," Aidan admits.
"You... you looked after Rebecca, and... I get that, too. I never should've accused you for that," Josh sighs.
"Yeah, I looked after Rebecca, but... I really neglected... everything else," Aidan sighs. "If I'm not around, then how would I protect your family against Bishop? You're right... with that, I definitely didn't. For support... you have to be physically present, too, at least once in a while."
"My move didn't help either," Josh shrugs. "If they send the priests after me... I never should've let Ray drag me into this. I risked our life with this."
"I'm sorry," Aidan grimaces.
"I'm sorry, too," Josh agrees. Aidan can't help but chuckle.
"Just how messed-up are we that we need a vampire ambushing a comatose patient so that we finally talk to each other again, you tell me?" Aidan shakes his head.
"We're just that weird, I guess," Josh shrugs with a smirk, but then turns serious. "Aidan, I..."
However, that is when Aidan's cellphone beeps. The vampire curses to himself – why does it have to ring at exactly the wrong moment?! A quick check reveals that it's... "Rebecca, right?" Josh sighs.
"Yeah," Aidan shakes his head. And he really wished it wasn't. Josh was just about to say something, damn.
"Then I guess you should see her," Josh grimaces, but then suddenly lets out a yelp, leaning over.
"Josh?! You okay?" Aidan cries out, hands on Josh's shoulder instantly.
"Yeah, it's... agh, damn, sunset is not far away," Josh grimaces.
"Full moon is tonight," Aidan grimaces. Right, he almost forgot about that. Josh manages a weak nod.
"I gotta go," Josh says as he gets up, holding his stomach. "Ray's waiting for me by the cabin."
And yet another punch right in the gut, isn't it? Just for whom?
"Yeah, ugh, sure, then you gotta go," Aidan makes a face. "Do you need me to give you a ride, or...?"
"No, no, I manage, you go to Rebecca," Josh stammers. "I'm okay."
"Okay, then... ugh... you gotta go to... Ray... but... be safe," Aidan tells him. Josh nods hastily before hurrying out of the room. Aidan stands there for another second. This should be victory, because they finally managed to talk about it, but still, the are pulled away form each other by their counterparts.
Aidan shakes his head before leaving the room, too – because he sees that he has to make some changes if he wants this to work, really work. He hurries to Rebecca, who let him know that she is at the park, as the sun disappears.
"There you are!" she cries out. "I've been waiting!"
"Before we even get started, I have to talk to you," Aidan tells her. He fears that if he lets her go on about blood cravings again, he will lose it. And he can't lose it. Not again.
"What is it?" she frowns.
"I know that I haven't stood up to my word, really," Aidan explains. "What we are doing is wrong. We only make matters worse with drinking each other and with giving in to our cravings."
"I don't care. This is what we are, Aidan. It's the best solution. We both get what we want and need and... no one is hurt. Think about it," she argues vehemently.
"We are hurting others," Aidan insists.
"We don't drink them," she argues.
"Right, we don't drink them, but we spend our days being high," Aidan argues. "And that hurts people close to us."
"What? Your little family home?" Rebecca snorts. "I need you more than they do."
"That doesn't matter, Rebecca. I need them in my life," Aidan replies.
He literally can't live without them.
Without Sally.
Without Josh.
Life without them is no life, not anymore.
And Aidan is done being undead in a bathtub, over with blood.
"Oh, but you don't need me?!" she breaks out.
"What? No, of course I need you, too. I want you in my life, Rebecca, but just not like this. Look, we can come clean, live a fairly normal life. The heck, you could move in with us once we are through the worst," Aidan tells her. That might be the best solution. If Aidan wants to be there for all of them, he just has to bring them together. Under one roof. Their roof. It's not that farfetched, right?
"So you want to play family, with me as your wife and Joshy as your puppy? Just how sick are you?! We are vampires, for crying out loud, Aidan! What you do is not natural!" Rebecca cries out.
"That's what Bishop told you, but it's not like that. Yes, we are vampires, but we don't have to fulfill the cliché. We can be normal, we can be normal together," Aidan insists.
"With a werewolf in tow," she huffs.
"With my best friend in tow," Aidan corrects her sternly.
Josh is his best friend – and even if he is here now with Rebecca, he won't make the mistake to choose her over him. Aidan wants to choose both, but no longer by putting them in different places, but by bringing them together.
"You just don't seem to get it," she fumes.
"I get it that you have those urges. I have them, too, Rebecca. And I know it's hard to fight them, but if we fight them together, then we have better chances, believe me," Aidan insists.
"I don't want to fight my urges! I want to give in to them! I want to suck blood! I want to taste it!" Rebecca snarls.
"No, you don't want that, it's the vampire within you that makes you believe that," Aidan argues.
"No, you don't get it. I won't play this game. I'm a predator, Aidan. You made me one. And if you aren't willing to help me in the way I need it, then I'm better off without you," she tells him.
"Rebecca, now wait!" Aidan says, his eyes wide. He thought that now he could finally fix it. He thought that he finally found the right glue, but that is when she has already taken off into the night, into the darkness Aidan hoped he could keep her away from.
And once again... he stands there, alone, shards in his hands.
The next evening, Josh comes in with two bags of groceries. He puts them down on the counter to lean over the sink, gasping for air as it breaks over him again. At some point Josh is honestly convinced he is just exorcising himself as he looks at the masses of dishes, plates and bloody mugs piling in the sink. Already those platters are a reminder of what he became, of what he almost became again, and what he no longer wants to be. He turns on the water and quickly wipes everything clean, though it won't wash away the shame and dread, he knows that.
But maybe that will help him with his exorcism in some way after all.
"Ah, look, we finally have a kitchen again!" Sally grins from behind him. "Aidan! Come here to look at that! I can see a sink again!"
The vampire appears a few seconds later from his room downstairs, "What?"
"Josh is finally cleaning again!" Sally holds up her hands in mock-victory. She leans a little closer to him, "Found some superglue, I take?"
Aidan decides not to comment, but only smirks at her. However, when his eyes fall back on Josh, he can't help the grimace. It's something in his posture...
"Are you okay?" Aidan asks cautiously.
"What? Yeah," Josh grimaces, but then blurts out. "Can you two leave for a while?"
"Excuse me?" Sally makes a face.
"I, uhm... I kinda need you to leave me alone for an hour, you know, take a walk or whatever, just... not in the house," Josh claps his hands together nervously.
"The hell no!" Sally argues. "I wanna..."
"C'mon, let's go," Aidan suddenly says, turning to Sally.
"But...," Sally stammers.
"Sally," Aidan warns her. The female ghost rolls her eyes, but then trots after the vampire outside. They decide to sit on the stairs.
"Why are we letting Josh throw us out?" Sally asks.
"Because we are nice roommates?" Aidan suggests. "And I don't think he wouldn't ask if not for a reason."
"So you two really finally talked?" Sally asks. Aidan nods, "Yeah, well... kinda... we were... interrupted."
By Rebecca and Ray.
Wasn't that already the irony?
"But we're having conversation again," he goes on.
"True, I saw that," she grins happily, but then lets out a weary sigh.
"How are you taking it? With... with Danny?" the vampire asks. Sally told him this morning that she finally remembers why she died and how she died. She didn't just fall down the stairs. In a fit of jealousy, Danny had pushed her. He killed her. And Aidan surely felt more than just tempted to go over to Danny's to kill the man. He would do that in an instant, but Sally told him that she doesn't want that. That she wants to fight her own fight. And after his conversation with Josh, he starts to get that spirit.
Some fights you have to fight for yourself. Even if you will have to live with the scars.
"I'm working on a plan to screw up his life in all the wrong ways," Sally shrugs.
He will pay.
Now she can move things – and people. And so she will move Danny, just in a different way than she had firstly thought.
"Good," Aidan grins darkly.
The two continue to sit in silence, both wondering what their roommate is up to.
Inside, Josh is fussing around the kitchen. He cooks. Cooking is something he is good at, it's something he knows. Cooking is nice because it follows certain patterns. If you sick to the recipe, you get the right result.
No surprises.
And definitely no earthshaking revelations in a cabin.
He leans over the stove for the sauce when suddenly tears spring to his eyes. His plan is not working, he knows that now.
Josh is no werewolf, not like that.
Maybe all of this is no more than pretending. This house. This home, but Josh made a decision last night, about himself. He is no werewolf. He is not the man he used to be.
He is... Josh. And that means he is a socially awkward werewolf-orderly who puts his energy in little things to maybe make a place a home, by buying unnecessary kitsch and cooking. That is who he is now. And even if... if Ray made him what he is, so he had to painfully learn, Josh wants to use this here, this moment, to set into stone who he is. Because that is what he can still change.
That is what he can fight.
That is what he can protect, with the help of others, of his friends. His new family.
Josh claps his cheeks to bring himself back to the game.
"Right, the chicken," he mutters to himself, wiping the tears away as he checks the oven.
No more steaks in a while, that's for sure.
Josh had a sudden change of diet.
Back outside, Sally and Aidan are still watching the nightsky silently as suddenly the door opens.
"Are you guys coming?" Josh speaks up from behind. The two turn their heads. "Dinner."
Both frown. Dinner? What now? But before they can ask questions, Josh is back inside already, so the two follow.
That they want to see.
"Whoa," Aidan blurts out at the sight of a dinner table with really everything. Josh lights the candles to complete the picture. There are nice plates, the kitchen is clean. The food looks just like out of his cooking magazines... he even brought flowers. Josh is really serious about that dinner.
"You remember that neither one of us actually eats, right?" Sally can't help but say.
"We'll fake it, you know? Do what all those anorexic girls back at my High School used to do, push your food around, nibble, pretend to chew. Whatever. I don't care," Josh explains, clapping his hands together. "We are all sitting down to a hot delicious meal together."
That is the new him. That is who he wants to be.
"Okay," Sally chuckles, still not quite believing it, though she can't help but find it adorable. Because this is... like Josh again, isn't it? He is just the man for the details. Aidan pulls the chair back for her so that she can sit down, too before he takes his seat next to her, facing Josh.
"We have to hang on to some rituals of normalcy," Josh tells them, passing the food around.
That is his new life. His new kind of normal.
Aidan can't help but be amused at the effort and puts some green beans on his plate. He honestly can't remember the last time he did that. The fork in his hand feels so unfamiliar, since it is so used to holding a blood bag. Though he can't deny it feels... nice, actually. More human. He plops one of the beans into his mouth.
"Hm, divine," he says between the chewing. All know it's a lie because he can't taste anymore, but Josh gets the gesture, flashing a bright smile.
They pretend to be normal, but they pretend it together.
Even if it means to just push some food around.
"Thank you," Josh grins. "See? This is nice. It's been... well, never, since we all shared a meal together."
"Right, thanks, mom," Aidan snorts, but that is when Josh's feature sag as he turns to Sally, "Aidan told me. I'm so sorry."
The vampire informed him this morning – and Josh's heart dropped even lower than it hung anyways. He just can't stand it to see his friends hurt, because it's yet another time where he wasn't there for her, couldn't be there for her.
But he is here now, right?
"There's nothing I wanna say," she tells him. There is just nothing to say about it other than what she already told Aidan.
And she would rather enjoy this meal, too, enjoy this slice of life that comes with a slice of chicken.
"Aidan," Josh turns to his roommate to keep the conversation alive somehow. "... How... was work? I didn't see you on the shift today."
Aidan just shakes his head – and Josh fights any urge not to roll his eyes that the man won't play along, but fine. It's his choice. It's not like all family members talk as much as he does while having dinner. His dad never talked much while eating.
"Okay then...," Josh sighs.
"So, what happened with Ray?" Sally now asks, joining the game, but the reply actually shocks her, "Ray is gone."
The message hangs above their heads like a dark veil. What?
Till last they thought that and feared that Josh would say that he'd want to at least meet Ray on occasion, for around the moon.
"Oh, fun tidbit," Josh then goes on. "Turns out that Ray is the one that did this to me. Made me what I am."
He takes a gulp of the wine, hoping that the alcohol will hush the last bit of cold away that comes with the memory.
Ray told him short before they turned. That he was looking for him was really no lie. He has been looking for Josh for two years, ever since he turned him. And how proud he was of Josh for the wonderful wolf he is. So strong. So...
Josh can only remember the pain that tore his body apart and pieced it back together again and again as he attacked the man in revenge for his damnation. He was the one who did this to him, who destroyed his life, his happiness, and then he dares to come after him and say that this is not a curse?! It's a sickness, one that Josh still seeks a cure for.
So yeah, he sent Ray to hell the very next morning. He should have done that long before.
Both Sally and Aidan will be proud that they get to tell him that they told him so.
But Josh doesn't really care. He made a decision. He won't try to be a wolf. He will kill it.
And even if he has no cure yet, he found at lest a remedy.
This here.
This house.
His new family.
"You're kidding," Aidan gapes. That can't be. That man... he... Aidan is missing the thoughts for it. Even if he is happy that Ray is finally gone, it's a sheer nightmare that this man now turned out to be the man who destroyed... Josh. Aidan always considered it one of Josh's greatest challenges not to know his creator, but as it turns out, it's even worse to have your creator coming back after two years to claim stake on your life, pretending to be your friend when he was the one who took your friend away, literally.
Aidan, till last, hoped that Josh found glue for his own shards, so that they could now go ahead to piece it back together – together, but now it seems like Josh's shards are far smaller, so tiny that they pierce right through the heart.
He never wanted this for Josh.
He wants him to be good.
And now this... how can he fix that? Or help Josh fix it?
"Are you okay?" Sally asks worriedly. And here he asks about her well-being. All day long, Josh didn't say a thing. That guy really is a curious case. Always caring about the rest of the world.
"Oh yeah, I'm awesome. I'm incredible. I mean, who wouldn't want to meet their weredad," Josh brings out, making Sally laugh. Only Josh cracks a joke in such a situation.
He turns to Aidan, "Can you pass me the salad, please?"
Can you pass me the new life?
Thank you.
I take it.
I like its taste.
I am myself.
And that means I'm a domestic wolf who makes family dinner no one other than him can really eat or taste.
That means I'm friends with a ghost and a vampire.
That means that they protect me and I protect them.
I'm a werewolf trying to be human.
I'm just me.
And I don't feel cold anymore.
Chapter 11: Love Me Through the Pain
Summary:
Josh has a crush.
Josh asks Aidan for advice.
Josh turns into a silly lovebird.
Aidan finds Bernie - and loses him all too fast.
Josh wants to help, but Aidan won't let him.
Aidan makes one of the toughest choices of his life so far.
Josh comforts Aidan.
Notes:
Okay, so I know that the Ray arc was quite long, given that it was actually just two episodes, but I felt like it was very essential to get the setting right, especially for Josh's character and how he turns from my vagabond to a domestic werewolf. Furthermore, I wanted to have a bit of Aidan's jealousy there, which I think worked well with Ray as his immediate competition over Josh, while at the same time I intended it to set their relationship more firmly. They overcame this by accepting that neither one is weak or needy, even though they depend on each other. After Aidan saved him in my little arc, I wanted it to be a bit more balanced.
And I know that we're already a few chapters into the story, but I want this relationship to develop along the lines of the canon, while making loops here and there when it comes to my own AU. So yes, this is a long way to the slash, but as this chapter hopefully makes clear in the intro – that's what love is all about ;) This takes up where the last chapter left off with, but it's only loosely based on the next episodes. Things just happen the way they do on the series.
So in this chapter, I get a bit of love spread out. Butterflies and werewolf puppies^^
Mini-spoiler (don't like, don't read): I know I changed the ending scene, but I felt it would be more slashy like this.
Chapter Text
Probably all of us still remember the first crush. The first love. First time holding hands.
First kiss.
This magical time when everything was shed into shades of pink, when world seemed a brighter place.
Sparks were flying everywhere.
But that is just childhood, the youth, right? Later on, it's no longer this magical. You have experience, because no matter what, you always end up comparing one partner to the next. And that is what makes it for the first kiss to be so memorable ever so easy. We don't have a chance to compare it, and we don't even try. We put it on a pedestal and claim it to be the one true love. We still think of it as such when it was in truth just a sloppy get-together of lips, sometimes even with unprofessional tongue, behind the school building, down some shady alley, in the grass and you were over with ants as a result.
Just so damn perfect.
And now as the adults we often, sometimes are? Sparks fly, yes, but they often catch fire – and not always in a positive way, because it's not necessarily the fire of passion, but simply... fire. And fire burns, destroys, let's not forget that.
But still, we find ourselves as stupid teenagers or children again, having a total crush, all the way from blushing over squealy voices to sweaty palms and talking gibberish. Because deep down, we still hope we can somehow recreate this one (im-)perfect moment of our youth.
Because we are just that bloody romantic.
TV screwed us with its wrong concept of love with fountains, elevators and love at first sight. That Lady just has to walk past the man of her dreams and she knows, deep down, and bam, is a teen again, getting her first kiss, getting taste of first love all over, the man picks her up, carries her to a better life. Happy Ending.
Just how ridiculous are we?
Those romances mess with us because most of us don't realize that they don't show what's really the problem. Fine, you can fall in love at first sight, but that's so damn easy. It's biology. It's in our genes to seek a mating partner. Society did the rest and put the label "love" on it, when it once was no more than a partnership of convenience. Friends with benefits is no concept that only came about with the sexual liberation these days, it's back to the roots what our forefathers and mothers did all the while. But maybe we are just too far evolved in our social qualities that we can't regard love for something as basic as sex alone. Fine, still, that's what Hollywood does with us. We are always presented with this getting to know bearing the "love label", at least in most of the cases.
How often does a plot summary start with: Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy? Think about it. And even if we don't stick to heterosexual love, it's still the same. One meets the other. They overcome one big dramatic crisis together, and bam, they are ready to live on for the rest of their life together happily ever after.
Again, seriously, people?
Because the hard part is not that cheap drama, it's what the movie doesn't show us, what would come after the closing credits. How those two make it through years of learning everything about each other, when everything is stuck in routine. When the partner gets too thin or too fat or bald or changes the hair color every three weeks so that you don't recognize him or her anymore. Has different friends whom you hate and you know who gossip over you, with your partner. When kids get in the way of any romance, and thus in the way of biological needs, too. When you get a dog to somehow compensate your frustration and that critter just pisses and shits on your new rug.
The real challenge is not to love someone at first sight.
It's about living with that person, and really living with that person 24/7 and not end up killing the partner for his or her antics. For making it through sickness and health, through the vicious cycles of normalcy and boredom, through lack of passion, and yes, through all the hate that you inevitably develop for your partner. Because you hate him for leaving his socks everywhere. Because you hate her for taking that long in the bathroom when you really need to loo and you feel any damn urge to just do what that compensation-critter does all the while and claim that he did it.
Love is fight. Fight your urges to take that knife, fight not to go when you really want to, fight to come back when you don't want to, fight to look the partner in the eye again after he or she made a mistake, many mistakes, cheated, betrayed, searched that tiny spark in another person's arms just to set the real partner on fire. Love is to hold on, to forgive, to stick together even when the world collapses around you.
Crush at first sight, fine, okay, that can happen – and it's great. That is what brings people together.
But true love at first sight really is a myth.
If you love someone, you spend all your time with him or her. Live with that person for half a year and if you can still picture a future together without getting the cooking knife out, if you still think that person is worth the fight, then you have good chances.
Maybe you will have your movie moments even after the closing credits, if you work together, if you fight together to stay to together.
Maybe you don't go down and burn.
But... just maybe.
Josh is... in love, well... maybe. He is not too sure yet, but it feels well like it.
He has a crush, let's go with that for now.
Nora Sergeant.
She is by no means like his fiancée – not that Josh ever plans to say that out loud, though he fears he will now end up doing it because he thought about it... doesn't matter. Nora is a nurse at the hospital, beautiful, smart, strong, but also tough. The first time he saw her... she yelled at him.
So yeah... it's one-sided. Josh sees that, and his futile attempts of a flirt in the cafeteria proved to be just as fruitless as the applesauce they try to sell them as actually containing apples.
However, Josh sees that he might have a chance – and once again, it was nothing he expected. He just went to see some patients, something he usually does. Some of them are just so lonely – and Josh can relate to it. He knows how it tears you apart, and that is why he said to himself that now with the job at the hospital, he would still try to make it better for other people. If only just a cup of tea, a clap on the shoulder, asking about the grandchildren or bringing them a small bouquet.
Josh is a man of details after all. He pays attention to the small things, even if it makes him lose sight of the bigger picture at times.
Well, and Nora caught him talking to one of his favorite patients and of course she was all over him for trying to steal her patients, but this time Josh knew she wouldn't win because all he had to say was that it was his free day – he left her completely speechless, and if he is not completely rusty in reading people, then she was speechless in a positive sense.
So yeah, he has a crush... the problem is... that he has a crush. He didn't live in celibacy for the past two years because he found it funny or enjoyed it. He did it for a reason, so...
How do you get rid of a crush again?
Picturing her in underwear will hardly work... and that's supposed to help against nervousness anyways, though Josh never got that trick. If he pictures all people naked, then he just blushes, wants to turn away, and acts like a stupid teenager. He is not afraid of human anatomy, and he has no trouble seeing a patient naked when treating him or her, but... well, maybe it's a bit of a trauma that he always has to play stripper for his wolf.
So here Josh sits on the couch and thinks what he can do to get rid of this crush, discreetly and politely.
But how do you do that?!
Aidan makes his way home after the shift. He is glad that he is finally good with Josh again, really, he couldn't be gladder to have his best friend back, but ever since his conversation with her, Rebecca remains missing.
Because he misses her.
It honestly hurt Aidan that she took off, after all he tried to do for her. Of course it will always stay between them that he gave Bishop a way to turn her, but Aidan was really trying anything he could to be her the alpha she deserved. He wanted to show her the clean way, the better way, the human way. The hell, he even offered her to move in together, but she just ran away from this responsibility, from him.
She is the kind of love that hurts. For once, Aidan would really like to simply have a simple relationship with someone, but with someone who wants the same, someone who doesn't just take, but also gives. Someone who is devoted to him the same way he devotes himself to a relationship.
That is why he usually ends up with one-night-stands and short romances, taking the threat of blood cravings aside for a second. For as long as it's just about crushes, about liking each other, it's okay. You have sex once, but don't call – no feelings hurt. You take off the next morning, maybe you even have breakfast together. But that's it. That is actually a nice solution most of the time, just that...
just that he really would like to have something real for once.
And he had hoped that he had found it in Rebecca, but that was just an illusion, seemingly.
Maybe his concept of love isn't working out after all.
But where do you find someone that unconditionally devoted to you, when even one of your kind won't stick around?
Aidan shakes his head as he opens the door, finding Josh sitting on the couch. That alone wouldn't be surprising, but it is more of the fact that the TV is switched off, that there are no magazines or books, and Aidan knows that Josh's antiquity show is on now.
It's funny how fast you know about another person's antics when you live together.
"Hey," he greets as he gets out of his jacket.
"Hey," Josh replies, his eyes still fixed on the photoless frame on their wall. Aidan flops down beside him on the couch, "What? Don't you ask me how my day was, darling?"
"Me how my day was, darling?" Josh snorts.
"Ahaha, almost funny," Aidan snorts.
"So, darling, how was your day? Did something interesting happen?" Josh grins, though his eyes are still fixed on the picture frame.
"Not really," Aidan shrugs. "This one patient, Mr. Finnigan, just yelled random sentences at me. I don't know what the hell he wanted from me."
"Oh yeah, he constantly quotes the Canterbury Tales. Every day a new one," Josh nods.
"... how do you know that?" Aidan makes a face.
"I read those stories?" Josh shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "It actually helps if you throw some quote from the tales at him. That usually works for me."
"I will remember that," Aidan nods. Really, Josh is the man for the details. "But you're okay? Or why are you staring at the wall?"
Another antic that Aidan discovered. Josh seemingly likes to just... look at things when he is brooding. He watches windows at sunset, rusty ceilings, walls, empty picture frames, and Aidan caught Josh a few times now when he just sits outside on the steps and watches the stars.
Even if some of Josh's kinks are just quirky, most of them have something... almost magical, at least they have in Aidan's eyes. Josh is the man for the details.
Josh slouches down on the couch with a sigh. Aidan copies his movement almost unconsciously.
"It's about Nora," Josh admits.
"The nurse who thought you were sexually harassing her?" Aidan makes a face. He saw that flirt... even he had to cringe.
Josh nods, "I think I like her... and after I managed not to suck making an impression for once... I think she is at least no longer thinking that I want to sexually harass her."
"Well, ugh... isn't that... good?" Aidan grimaces.
"I guess it would be if I did not turn a furry anger monster once a month," Josh shrugs.
"You won't let that go, will you?" Aidan snorts.
"What?" Josh makes a face.
"I told you before, and by the way, I'm really that much of an amazing friend to even talk about the topic with you like that, but you can have sex without turning a wolf. You know, just don't have sex on the full moon," Aidan huffs. Josh just rolls his eyes, but the vampire ignores it, "I mean, you spent the last two years without any so such contact – and trust me, that's not helping you. You should really... and I can't believe that I'm having this conversation... have a one-night-stand, you know? To get back on the horse... that came out really weird."
Josh chuckles, but soon is back to his brooding face.
"I don't do one-night-stands," Josh argues.
"What? It's damn perfect, especially for a guy like you. No responsibilities, no fear that the girl comes to you on that certain occasion...," Aidan argues.
"But I don't want that," Josh shakes his head.
"Well, then even if one-night-stands are not your thing, even a relationship should be possible. If you like Nora, then... go for it. Just don't see her on the full moon," Aidan huffs.
"I don't want a relationship like that," Josh argues. "I don't want a relationship that's based on lies. And that would be the case. I mean... I can't just be like: 'Hi, my name is Josh. I'm an orderly at the hospital. Oh yeah, and by the way, I am a werewolf. Wanna have a date with me?' So I would have to keep it from her – and that's really no good basis for a relationship."
"You don't necessarily lie to her, you just don't tell her certain things," Aidan shrugs.
"As I said, I like Nora... I think... I... I would like to be... with... her... but how are you with someone if one part is constantly pulling you the other direction? I would always be forced to think about every statement I make, if I make a flaw in my story – and that's the breaking point. I don't want my life to be a story. I want it to be a life, a real one," Josh tells him.
"We're pretending normal all the while," Aidan argues.
"Outside. Here we talk about all this shit, drink blood from mugs and even accidentally turn here on occasion. But in here... we are us," Josh argues. "But if I can't talk about this to her, too, then... then she will always be just one from the outside. How would you have a serious relationship with someone if that's the state of affairs?"
"You're asking questions...," Aidan sighs.
"I'm just... not made for... one-night-stands and short relationships and all that. I'm... I'm... devoted," Josh shrugs.
"W, what do you mean?" Aidan makes a face, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice that Josh just says out loud what he has thought about when he made his way home. And he even feels a little embarrassed at the realization that Josh just, without knowing it, said that he is what Aidan is asking for.
Such a coincidence, right?
... right?
"Look, throughout my life I had three relationships in total," Josh begins.
"That's not how you usually boast about your conquests, man," Aidan snorts.
"And that's not the intention either," Josh snorts. "What I mean to say is that I never do things halfway. The heck, with my first relationship I was together for over a year – and that was the girl I took to Senior prom," Josh sighs.
"Okay," Aidan makes a face.
"I didn't want to just take some girl to prom. I wanted to take my girl to prom. That means I properly courted her since Junior year. That is what I mean. I'm that devoted," Josh explains.
"Goodness sake. If you come me now that you are still a virgin, then...," Aidan grimaces, but Josh interrupts him, fighting a blush, "I lost my virginity at a normal age and the frequency of such activity while in a steady relationship was more than sufficient and... not of concern here."
"It gladly isn't," Aidan rolls his eyes. "But now I'm curious. What happened to your Prom Queen?"
"Well, as I said, first real love and all. We had prom together, graduation, full ride. The problem was that she went to a different college, so we had to go with long-distance relationship," Josh explains. "And at first it really worked out pretty well, you know, phone calls, writing letters and visiting each other... That was until I made a surprise visit – just to catch her with the 'friend' who actually encouraged me back in High School to date her."
"Ouch," Aidan grimaces. That always hurts.
First love can really suck at times.
"I hope you got back at her?" Aidan asks.
"Well, at first I just got back at him... I told his girlfriend. She kicked him in the nuts so hard he was a crying mess for over thirty minutes. That was definitely fun to watch," Josh grins. Aidan chuckles at the picture in his head.
"And the girl?" he questions.
"I signed her up for all kinds of spam so that her e-mail account was flooded with it, and I had jerky delivered to her every day for about a month coz she was strict vegan. Plus, I registered her to some sex toys and sex magazines deliveries...," Josh explains. "Just that I gave them the neighbor's address so that they knocked on her door to give her the stuff."
Aidan can't help but crack up laughing at it.
"She surely had it coming," he grins.
"Oh, she definitely did," Josh agrees.
"What about the second relationship?" Aidan asks.
"That was... the shortest I had and was when I was still fresh in college. It lasted for three months. I broke up with her once I found out that she was stealing my money," Josh shrugs.
"Oh my," Aidan sighs. Josh really seems to be very unlucky when it comes to that. Well, at least Josh has him and Sally now. They won't ever betray him like that.
"It surely was fun to make a call to her mom to tell her that her daughter is probably pregnant with my child and on the run to Mexico," Josh shrugs. Aidan hides his face against the backrest with a grin.
"You really take it serious with getting revenge," he snickers.
"As I said, I took all those relationships very seriously. So it really hurt me to find out that they didn't even care," Josh shrugs. Aidan nods. He gets that. If you invest that much in a relationship, you want your partner to at least try to meet you halfway...
Isn't that also what he thought about while getting home?
Coincidences, so many today!
"The thing is that I am like this in a relationship. I can't go halfway," Josh sighs. "The same with Julia. I mean... I even went to that Spanish course for starters with her."
"Well, learning Spanish is not the almost bad. It's better than a knitting club or so," Aidan shrugs.
"... I had four years of Spanish back in High School, mi español es muy bien, amigo. I did some other things, too, just to spend time with her, joining clubs and all... The hell, I even befriended with all her friends just to be close to her. My friend who got killed by Ray was no one I knew from my High School time. He was the fiancé of Julia's friend. I mean, not that I regret that. I never had many friends to show, and even those I did have were no good friends, but... what I mean to say is that I did that to be with her. I don't do things halfway," Josh shrugs.
"But you're in a new situation now," Aidan argues.
"But I'm still me," Josh argues, well, of course he is changed now, but not everything is. He still likes cooking and cleaning. He still has OCD. He still loves antiquity shows and Star Wars. Even if he is more of a shadow of his former self, he is still part of it.
"Well, then change pattern," Aidan shrugs.
"I can't just change pattern the way I want, Aidan, that's just who I am, I guess. I don't want to have a relationship that's only about that. I mean... okay, let's say I'd go with a loose kind of relationship, this no-strings-attached... how will I ever have someone to be close to if I always end up just having meaningless relationships?" Josh argues.
"Well, ugh... you can be close to me, I mean, to Sally and I and for the rest... hookers," Aidan suggests. And he ist honestly shocked that a part of him seems to mean it more seriously than his joking tone would give away.
"... maybe us monsters just aren't meant to have love," Josh sighs.
"C'mon, that's exaggerated," Aidan argues.
Or is it?
"No, it's not," Josh insists. "I mean, you can seemingly deal with it, but I... I can't. I don't know. We are just different, I guess. Maybe it works between Rebecca and you because you are one of a kind after all."
"Yeah, right... that," Aidan grimaces. He didn't tell anyone yet that Rebecca took off.
"Maybe we should start a date line for monsters, you know? 'Lonely howling to the moon? We can surely find you the right howling partner for intimate times in the woods. Enjoy a star light dinner with raw deer – after the adventure part of the date where you both tear it to shreds. As a special offer we have moss beds, oh yeah, and you will surely enjoy the scavenger hunt for your pants the next morning'!"
Aidan can't help but laugh again, "Wow, that's... we should do that."
"Right. Hey, maybe Bishop would really take a liking to the idea and leave us alone. 'Vampire searches partner for occasional blood feast. Rendezvous point – some dark alley. As a special offer, blood bags are ready and lukewarm for your use in champagne glasses. If you order now, you can also get a double coffin to have it extra-cozy'," Josh goes on.
"We could make some serious money with that," Aidan grins. "But now honestly. You don't have to hang around with a werewolf to be with someone. You hang around with a vampire and a ghost, too. You should really go for it... if you like Nora that much."
"But should I seriously start dating someone who's working with me? I mean... if we break up on not too good terms, I'll be cleaning bedpans for the rest of all eternity," Josh argues, now more practically thinking along the lines of what most normal people trouble themselves with when it comes to love.
"That's the risk you'll have to take, I guess," Aidan sighs.
"So you say I should go for it," Josh grimaces.
"Why does it matter what I have to say about it? If you wanna get laid, then get laid. It's your life," Aidan argues, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. The way Josh puts it, it sounds like he is asking Aidan for, what? Permission?
"I ask you because you're my best friend. Who else would I ask?" Josh replies simply
Who else would he ask?!
Aidan smiles softly, feeling touched by that twisted confession of, well, affection, or at least trust.
And Aidan could always muse at the title as someone's "best friend". It means that you are the number one on someone's list. That you don't come after blood cravings or other people. You are, well, the best. That's nice.
"As your best friend – if you like Nora, go for it. I think you beat yourself up about it enough for the last two years you spent on your own," Aidan tells him, now more seriously, because a part of him is honestly convinced that Josh kept away from love in whatever the form as a sort of punishment. Josh just seems to be that masochistic in that regard. He became something he isn't, which really wasn't his fault, but then he made the decision to leave his loved ones behind – and even if he did it out of love for them, he still blames himself for it and probably thinks that he can't have love when he neglected it before.
"Well, maybe it's just wishful thinking after all. I mean, just coz she doesn't necessarily hate me anymore doesn't mean she'll date me, so maybe it's all for nothing anyways," Josh shrugs.
"With that attitude you'll never have success," Aidan huffs.
"I'm not as self-conscious as you are, I can't help it," Josh argues.
"You don't have to be self-conscious, but at least appreciate yourself. You're a fine guy. You clean and cook – that's what chicks totally dig these days," Aidan smirks.
"I always thought that guys like that about girls," Josh grins.
"TV screwed it up. Now everyone has to be a little Gordon Ramsay," Aidan shrugs. "Believe me, I heard it from the older female nurses – and they always know everything."
"They are like the Moirai from Greek mythology," Josh shudders. "I always fear that when they start to talk about me, I'll just drop dead or something."
"You mean the terrible trio? Yeah, they have the evil eye for sure," Aidan agrees, but then gets up. "Okay, gotta get something to drink."
He walks into the kitchen when Josh calls after him, "Already in the microwave. Should be warm, still."
Aidan makes a face and opens the microwave, just to find his mug readily prepared for him. The vampire frowns before he takes a sip – the temperature should be okay. He walks back, "Why? How?"
"I know what time you're at home. I thought I'd play nice roommate today," Josh shrugs, his eyes already back to the empty picture frame. Aidan joins him wordlessly, sipping his placebo.
Two lovesick idiots, but at least they have each other, right?
A few weeks later, Aidan is now confronted with lovey-dovey Josh. He finally managed to not only ask Nora out on a date, but also to go on a date with her. After all, the first date was a complete mess – thanks to the vampire not paying attention to Emily, who just showed up after she broke up with Jackie, and Marcus attacked her. Till last Aidan feared that Josh wouldn't ever talk to him again, let alone forgive that he let him down like this.
And that is why he was even more surprised to have him coming back home after Josh said he would stay in Ithaca to be with his family. And honestly, Aidan felt bad for actually feeling... good about this. He feared he had lost his best friend, the one constant, his sober companion, but now he is back. It was tough, but Josh seemingly understood that it was not on purpose and that Aidan would do anything to protect him and his family, even facing Marcus if it came to it.
So now Josh is back in Boston, playing the lovebird with Nora. Aidan doesn't begrudge Josh that bit of happiness. He honestly isn't. He is glad that Josh is finally seeing the upside again after he had to come clean to his family, which surely was more than simply traumatic for him. Yet... Aidan can't help but feel a small pang of jealousy, for two reasons. First of all, he is not as lucky in terms of romantic love lately, or love in general. Yes, he had a moment of parental love when Bernie, the neighbor's kid who bumped into his life. Aidan always liked kids – because they remind him of his son. And only God knows how much he misses that certain laugh, those footsteps, those eyes. And Bernie is really a great boy, so great that he outmatched Rebecca when she came back to him, suddenly wanting to pretend house with him together and Bernie, even though that is what made her take off last time. Aidan sent her away. Rebecca just doesn't get it – that sex-tape of her is proof enough... well, but now Aidan wished he had taken Rebecca's offer of having her back in his life, because he is lonely all over again because Bernie got the wrong DVD. Aidan just wanted to give him the Stooges DVD and he ended up with the vampire-porn, which is surely not PG-13 or 20 or 259. And so that little bud withered before it ever got a chance to bloom, leaving Aidan alone, once again. However, there is the number two, too... and that part sees just how much time Josh spends with Nora now. Aidan knows that this shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, Josh is what he says, "devoted" – and the werewolf didn't lie. He cooks for her and takes on the difficult patients in the hospital for her, full ride. What comes as a surprise, though, is that Aidan... misses... the times when it was just them, watching TV, alone in their home. Because now Aidan is stuck watching TV alone while Josh is out. Funny how things turn around at times. So Aidan has no one, except for Sally.
Maybe Josh was right, just not about himself.
Maybe monsters aren't made for love.
And so Aidan finds himself glancing out the window to see Bernie, if only from a distance.
"Doing the Twilight theme again?" Sally's voice rings out from behind him. Aidan whips his head around to look at her, "I'm not that kind of vampire-stalker, thank you."
"Uh-huh," she snorts.
"I would really like to spend time with him, but... well, it just isn't meant to be," Aidan sighs.
"Well, and then of course you're in a foul mood because our puppy is having all the kinky fun," Sally grins.
"Are you hinting at something, Sally?" Aidan exhales, his eyes already drifting back to Bernie.
"All I'm hinting at is that Josh is... not around... and you're lonely," she grins. Aidan chooses to ignore her. She is just being weird again. That ghost just always has to see drama where there is none. TV definitely screwed her. Sally steps over to him to look at the kid, too.
"Is he getting bullied again?" she exhales.
"Think so," Aidan grimaces. "If only I could help him."
"Kids can be so horrible," Sally shakes her head.
"Damn, this is getting too rough," Aidan grimaces, kneading his knuckles nervously.
"Maybe we should call someone?" Sally suggests.
"Who? His mother? She'll hang up immediately and call police – over to our house," Aidan snorts.
"Should I scare them away?" she offers.
"I might take you up on that," Aidan licks his lips. However, before he can say something else, there is suddenly the screeching of wheels, a thud, a roll, and another thud. The two whip their heads around to see Bernie... on the street... bleeding...
"Oh God," Sally stammers, but Aidan is already rushing outside. That can't be. Can't be. Can't be. No. No. No. Just no.
The vampire only realizes flashes around him. He can feel the gravel biting into his skin like a dull ache, but the more prominent sensation is that of skin that is losing its heat, its warmth. Life.
Everything after the terror painted in red are flashes of light, the sound of sirens and then the lack of sound. Of the steady da-dum-da-dum.
Exitus.
Death.
Aidan lost a child all over again.
And still he tries to bring it back.
Pump. Pump. Pump.
Don't go.
Don't leave.
C'mon! C'mon!
Josh sits on one of the kitchen stools, pushing his food around, one hand against his forehead, heavily leaning on the arm.
"What's the matter with you?" Sally asks, who is sitting next to him. "I thought you wanted to go on a date with Nora?"
"I can't go on a date with her after... Bernie," Josh argues, shaking his head into his hand. Sally lets out a sigh.
"I haven't seen him at all today," Josh goes on, putting down the fork. "He didn't even come home to sleep or so... and then... I tried to call him, but he is not answering his phone. I don't know where he is."
"He'll resurface," Sally shrugs. "He always does."
Or does he?
"Yeah, but I don't know what trouble he gets himself into while he is grieving. I mean... Bernie... he won't ever come back. It's only a matter of time. I know what it feels like to mourn the loss of someone close to you, but I have no clue what you do when you see a child and... I won't ever know unless he shows up for once."
"Well, it's hard on him. He really likes Bernie," Sally shrugs. "I guess he just needs some time."
"This is about Isaac," Josh says, clasping both hands in front of his face.
"Isaac?" Sally frowns.
"Aidan's son," Josh explains.
"Aidan has a son?" Sally gasps.
"Had. He died... back in Aidan's... first life," Josh tells her. "That's why Aidan likes children so much. They remind him of... Isaac."
"The poor guy," Sally exhales.
"I just don't know what to do. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't say anything. I mean, I want to help, but... but maybe I spent too much time with Nora so that he thinks he can't talk to me," Josh mutters thoughtfully.
"Hey, you couldn't know, and Aidan surely doesn't blame you for it, Josh, now don't be ridiculous," Sally assures him quickly.
Those two are truly co-dependent.
"He helped me through so much... and all I can do is... I don't know, have phantom pains," Josh shakes his head.
"Don't do that to yourself, Josh," Sally argues. "Once he's ready, he'll come talk to you. You're his best friend. I guess he just has to sort himself out."
"What if sorting himself out means sucking someone dry?" Josh argues. "I mean, not that I'd blame him for... for... being close to the edge of that wagon, but... but I would like to help him, just that I don't know how if I don't even know where. We're trying to keep each other human. That is what this household is about. How do I keep him human if he is not here?"
"He'll be okay," Sally assures him. "Aidan is strong. He knows we have his back."
The music hums.
The drums beat.
Aidan is on the hunt again.
He just has to feel warm again.
Even at the price of humanity.
What is humanity without love anyways?
What a child without life?
Two little snakes roaming around an apple. Pretty girls. Just the right prey for one of the damned.
Fresh blood to counter the one shed on the street.
Aidan doesn't even know what's happening until he is that close to giving in to his dark urges when suddenly there is someone pulling him back.
Josh wouldn't know that he is here, but... no, it's Rebecca.
"You don't wanna do this," she tells him and pushes him away from the girls, from the little snakes. Aidan struggles, yes he wants, yes he needs, but he shouldn't. Mustn't.
But she holds on.
This time, she doesn't let go. She pulls him aside and suddenly this is her again, not that predator who ran away from him, who didn't want to be with him, no, this is Rebecca again, with the soft eyes, the warm eyes. And God knows that this is what Aidan needs now, just as he needs those comforting touches, those hushed little promises that it's not his fault. Aidan would love to drown in this comfort, but something pulls him back.
"You could turn him," comes the suggestion like a stab right in his chest.
No, he can't. He didn't turn Cara. He won't turn Bernie. He can't curse him like that, even if it tears him apart, layer for layer, shred for shred.
For a moment he fears that Rebecca will just go like she did last time, but... but she holds on even tighter, a kiss to the forehead, a gentle gesture, one of care, comfort... love.
Aidan holds on as tight as he can, getting lost in that embrace.
Maybe she can hold the shatters of himself together somehow.
Because she is here.
And that means he is no longer alone in that darkness.
"... Josh?" Nora's voice resonates inside the werewolf's head, but it takes him at least another two seconds for his brain to process the information.
"What? Uhm, sorry, what did you say?" he asks, shaking his head.
"Is everything okay with you?" she asks hesitantly. Nora noticed in the last few days just how aloof Josh was – and that is beside the aloofness he seems to inherit in general.
"What? Yes, I'm great, I'm... I'm sorry," Josh grimaces, his facial muscles flexing between smile and not smile.
"What's the matter, though? I know that something is not okay, or else you wouldn't be with your head somewhere else," she argues.
"Well, ugh, to be honest... it's about... it's about Aidan," Josh admits. "He is having a really rough time. And I just can't seem to break through to him. He didn't show up for work, again."
Josh is honestly at a loss. His friend is only a shadow of himself, so the shadow of a shadow. Josh tries to get through to him, but Aidan either isn't even there to begin with, or if he is home for once, he just says that he can't and won't talk about it. And that is the end of discussion.
"It has to do with the little boy who was brought here after the car accident, right? He was in his room with his mother to talk to her shortly after the boy was brought in," Nora grimaces.
"Yeah, Bernie. Aidan befriended him, so, ugh... yeah, it's tough," Josh replies. "But, ugh, I'm sorry. That is nothing you have to bother with, it's just... I don't know. Want another cup of tea?"
"... sure," Nora grimaces. That just seems to be the thing with Josh. He is kind, generous, talkative, but there is this dark side looming above him, like a mobile, just that lies dangle from it instead of wooden animals, casting shadows over him. And Nora can't shake off the feeling that the same is true for Aidan in some way, too.
Maybe it's the house after all. Maybe it has it's own dark mobile to dangle from the ceiling, creating little shadow monsters on the walls.
Aidan is pacing, his chest a tight knot. How could this happen?!
How could she do that?!
God, no. That can't be.
Just what can he do?!
"Sally! I'm home!" Josh hollers as he comes inside with a bag of groceries. "I need your opinion about something I want to do for Nora and..."
"Aidan?" Josh's almost yelps at the sight of his friend, which is actually a rare occasion these days. "Aidan! Goodness' sake. I haven't seen you since... what's wrong?"
The werewolf hurries over to the vampire, who is on the verge of tears. Aidan flops down on the window sill. Josh blinks at him.
"Did something happen?" Josh asks tentatively. Aidan just nods his head.
How do you say that?
"What happened, then?" Josh questions.
"... Bernie," Aidan brings out.
"Yeah, I know that you are still grieving his loss," Josh grimaces sympathetically. "But ugh... I mean, we can talk about that, you know?"
At that, Aidan lets out a strangled laughter.
"... okay, I don't see how that was funny, but...," Josh mutters, but that is when Aidan manages to speak up, "It's not about morning him. It's about... about that he's back."
"Okay, now you please tell me that you're not pumped up on blood so that you see things not there... or... or is he a ghost now? Oh please no," Josh rambles nervously.
"He is back. Rebecca, she...," Aidan stammers. He doesn't even have the words for it.
"Rebecca? What did she do?" Josh asks, blinking furiously. He always knew, deep down, that she was bad influence on Aidan, but he honestly hoped that she wouldn't go as far as to do anything with Bernie... whatever that is.
"... she... she turned... Bernie," Aidan brings out, fresh tears welling up his eyes. Josh staggers for a second, holding on to the wall for support, "She... she... brought a child back from... I mean... oh God."
First Cara, now Bernie. Just when does Rebecca learn her lesson?! Just why can't she stop?!
"She did it for me. She thought she was doing me a favor. She saw how I... damn," Aidan shakes his head.
"What do you mean?" Josh brings out.
"I was at a bar and I... she was there and she kept me from pulling something stupid... and... and she comforted me, so I told her about Bernie and...," Aidan's voice breaks.
Josh bites the inside of his cheek. Great, if only he had been there to keep Aidan from doing that. Then this surely wouldn't have happened. And it makes him mad, jealous even, maybe, that Aidan's first address, once again, was Rebecca – and even if it was just by chance that she was there. Still. Josh wants to be there for Aidan through this hardship, but that redhead with fangs just always manages to crawl her way back into Aidan's life and mess with it. Because turning Bernie is truly helping no one. Just what is wrong with that girl? Other than being a vampire, of course?
Josh would like to curse at Aidan for bearing his heart to her, but sees that Aidan is desperate, so he can't really blame him. Instead, he means to focus on what is on hand – and that is Bernie.
Oh God.
"O... okay, so... so... h...," Josh sucks in a deep breath. He wants to throw up right now, so badly. He can already taste the bile on his tongue. The acid.
And it burns, burns deep down.
He knows what he is about to say out loud and that in itself is a sin. "How do we... what do we do to... get... get rid of the... problem?"
"What now?" Aidan stares at him. Get rid of the problem? How can he say that about Bernie?!
"You want to get rid of Bernie?!"
"I don't want that, Aidan, but we have think about what to do. We can't let him walk around like that. We have to do something," Josh insists, though he tries to keep his tone calm and soothing. Aidan looks like a wounded animal in a tight corner. And Josh knows that such animals are likely to strike out of their sheer desperation.
"What? So you expect me to just get out a stake and... and...," Aidan shakes his head disbelievingly.
"Hey, now don't look at me like I'm a kind of monster for thinking about it! Aidan, that kid died!" Josh argues vehemently. "He died. That he is back under the living... that simply mustn't be."
"I will not kill Bernie. You can't ask me for that," Aidan grits his teeth. He hoped that Josh would... he doesn't even know what he hoped Josh would do, but surely he didn't think that his best friend would kindly suggest to commit murder – murder Bernie.
"We have to find a solution, Aidan!" Josh cries out. "Bernie is a child, still. That means he has no impulse control. He will bite the first best person he sees!"
"He didn't drink anyone until now," Aidan insists.
"But it's only a matter of time until, Aidan. You know that as well as me. Bernie would be doomed to live with that impulse for the rest of his life. He will be stuck as a child for the rest of his life. You can't want that for him," Josh argues.
"Rebecca and I could teach him, maybe," Aidan argues, not that he is too believing himself.
But sometimes telling yourself a lie is making it a bit more bearable.
It's mean of course, to just push the guilt over to Josh, but Aidan is drowning, so he can't think about how much water he pushes over into the tank Josh is stuck in. He just has to breathe again.
"Aidan, you will have to leave Boston if you want to hold on to that idea," Josh shakes his head. Aidan can't be serious. He can't just take off like that. What will become of... of their house?
Of him?
"I can find a solution for that," Aidan argues.
Even though he knows he can't.
"What if he runs into his mother, his friends? Hm? How will you explain that he is suddenly alive and walking?! Rebecca disappeared! That's why no one asks! But people saw him. His mother saw him die. You were at his funeral, Aidan. And even if they don't find him, the kid will ask to see them! Bernie still remembers his past life. It's not like he woke up without any memory of what once was. Bernie knows his mom – and he knows his mom is not Rebecca," Josh argues.
"You don't understand that," Aidan hisses.
"I understand that you don't want to let him go. I get that, but you have to understand that this is not the life you should want for Bernie. Because it isn't a life," Josh argues.
"So what? What am I to you? If vampires don't even have a life?" Aidan curses, feeling hurt, deep down.
"Now you're being ridiculous. Of course you have a life, with us," Josh tells him. "But Bernie won't. How will you ever make him understand that he can't see his mother? That she will pass before he will? That he is now supposed to call Rebecca momma? That he has those urges within him to kill? That he mustn't kill when he wants to? You said it yourself. Your curse is the worst. It's because you have to fight it every single day for the rest of your life not to fall off the wagon. Do you seriously want to burden a child with that responsibility?"
"I don't want it, but I can't just go ahead and kill him!" Aidan argues.
"Then, then you, ugh... then I have to... I don't know, we just have to do something! And we have to do it now, before he bites someone!" Josh brings out, fighting the next wave of nausea. He never thought that he would have to talk about child murder – and actually suggest it.
"You won't do anything!" Aidan warns him, suddenly to his feet. "You won't touch him. I take care of it."
"Aidan! I'm here to help you, don't you see that?!" Josh cries out. "Let me help you."
"What? So you hold the stake or the shovel?! It's my damn business! You don't want to have to do with it anyways, so why even pretend, Josh?! Huh?! Huh?! You don't know what it's like to...," Aidan bites his lower lip as his voice breaks, shatters.
"Bernie is not Isaac," Josh says. Aidan has to blink thrice before he can even process it.
"Don't you dare even say his name," Aidan growls in a low voice, pushing against Josh's chest, but the werewolf doesn't bow.
"I say his name. Bernie is not Isaac. This is not about your son. It's not some guilt you have to repay for whatever you think you have to pay for Isaac's death. Bernie is his mother's son. He belongs to this time, he belonged to this life. And that life was over the moment that car hit him. He is not Isaac," Josh tells him, trying to keep his voice leveled. He knows that he is not just walking on thin ice with the statement, he is already breaking through the ice cover into the dark waters of cold and no return. Aidan only very hesitantly told him about Isaac to begin with, and that wasn't much. All Josh knows is that he died, that Aidan loved him, and that he still blames himself for his death. Aidan warned him not to bring it up again – because that is one of the topics he just doesn't want to touch. However, Josh thinks he has to, so that Aidan sees it, understands. He is seemingly getting lost in the idea of Bernie as Isaac. Just that "saving" Bernie won't bring either one back. It won't revive Bernie, make him the funny little kid he used to be, who played "Go Fish" with him, who liked the Stooges. And no matter what happens to Bernie in the present, it won't bring Isaac back. That is what Aidan has to understand, right?
Josh doesn't see the fist coming, and he only feels the pain spreading over his face once he hits the ground with a thud. Aidan stands above him, fist still raised, panting as though he just ran a marathon, eyes wide in shock.
He just punched his best friend. God.
Aidan never thought he could. And Josh didn't either.
The two stare at each other, sadness, fury and shock meshing together into an emotion that words can't even describe.
"I'm sorry, I... I gotta go," Aidan mutters, bowing his head as he hurries out the door.
Just why did he have to mention Isaac?
Josh runs a hand over his face, wincing at the electric shocks it sends up to his brain.
Just why did he have to mention Isaac?
After a phone call from Rebecca, Aidan quickly makes his way to the motel where she and Bernie are now living, well, housing. He comes inside to find Bernie and her arguing, screaming, shouting, fighting. He wants blood, the good one, the real one, she can't give it to him. She just as the placebo.
Isn't that all too familiar?
Because it turned out that the warnings were true, so Aidan fears. The two bullies who pushed Bernie around when he was still alive, were now found dead, their throats a bleeding mess.
It doesn't take much to put two and two together.
Despair and frustration lie in the air, even stronger than the smell of blood.
Aidan intervenes as Rebecca gets too rough in her "parenting", in her desperate need and want to make this work somehow. She is trying so hard. Too hard. She never should have done what she did. Rebecca became an alpha way too soon. Not that she ever should have, but Rebecca just doesn't know how to do things herself yet. Caring for another novice is just a Herculean task. It was all too soon.
Rebecca was turned too soon, ripped out of her life.
Bernie was too soon ripped out of his life by a car.
And then too soon made a vampire, at too young age.
All too soon, and still too late.
Aidan would have done better keeping a close eye on her, to keep Rebecca from making this fatal mistake. He never should have told her about Bernie, about his pains. He pushed her, unconsciously, but still. He should have seen it coming and prevented it. He should have listened to Josh's warning.
Should have.
It's always so easy to say that in the retrospective.
But Aidan sees it now. Whatever it is that he pictured he might make work with sheer willpower – it doesn't work. And it won't ever. This is no happy family. It's not even a family. It's just three addicts stuck in a room, caged in it. This is no life – and it won't ever be. They won't ever be a family, no matter how much Aidan loves them both.
So he tells her that he takes Bernie out for a walk, and Rebecca agrees. She has to calm down again.
And Aidan has to do what he should have done ever since he looked back in those child's eyes.
He takes him out into the woods, to hunt a deer, he tells him. Sweet little lie.
Back to Mother Nature.
Back to where you should have gone all along, Bernie.
Back to humanity.
It's silent. Just one sound and then silence again. No thud, no screeching of wheels.
A strange kind of peace.
The woods swallow all sound, readily devour it.
The deer scurries away.
Birds fly into a grey sky and disappear.
Sometimes love is simply not enough to make it a life.
Sometimes you show true love by killing it.
Sometimes you keep someone human by granting them their weakness, their mortality.
Sometimes... all love has to die.
Josh comes home late at night. Ever since his argument with Aidan, he hasn't talked to his best friend. Not that Josh was in the mood to talk anyways. He is not really mad at Aidan for punching him, he really isn't. The werewolf sees that he overstepped a line, or rather stomped on it. He is just sad that he can't help his best friend even in a moment of crisis such as this. Because Aidan just won't let him.
And the new problem? Josh actually bore his heart to Nora about the issue after she saw the bruise on his cheek. Much to his surprise, she got really angry with him because he couldn't go into detail about why Aidan is so distressed or why Josh thinks it's okay that he punched him. She went on about how she doesn't have the feeling she can trust him if he is keeping so many secrets.
So basically, she called it off... maybe. Josh is not too sure yet.
So yeah, maybe a relationship is not that much of a good idea after all.
Isn't that what he feared about all along? That she'd start to ask questions? Questions he can't answer?
That's the thing, seemingly. It always gets complicated after a while – because you have to make choices, and Nora asks him to make choices that he knows he can't make without hurting her or his family, Aidan and Sally. Josh can't just tell Nora about things such as his true nature, or Aidan's, or Bernie's, without endangering them. He can't tell Nora without endangering her.
Monsters really aren't meant to love, seemingly, at least not so close, not so intense.
Monsters seemingly can only love a little at a time, shouldn't get too attached. Then letting it go is not that hurtful, at least for the other.
If you love something, set it free, isn't it?
Josh closes the door behind him, letting out a sigh. He walks into the hallway to catch sight of... Aidan... in the kitchen, face buried in his hands. Josh would like to just go upstairs, but eventually he makes his way into the kitchen. He knows that something is wrong. That something happened. He can feel the ice-cold needles against his skin already. Aidan's facial expression instantly hardens to a mask as he sees his roommate approaching. Josh winces, again, fighting any urge not to run.
But he stays.
"I took care of it," Aidan tells him in a flat voice.
"Bernie?" Josh asks hesitantly. Aidan just looks through him. "I'm sorry."
Aidan blinks a few times, but doesn't comment.
"But it was the right thing to do," Josh says.
"Great," Aidan snorts.
For as long as it was the right thing, it's okay, really?
That you killed a child?
Twice?
"I'm also sorry about the conversation and...," Josh means to say, but Aidan interrupts him, "Don't. Just don't, okay?"
Just leave me alone, Josh. I'm breaking apart, so leave, or else you get caught in the crossfire again.
I don't want to punch you again, but I might.
I'm just in that tight a corner.
Josh licks his lips nervously.
He might get caught in the crossfire again.
Josh would really like to just turn around, go back upstairs and mind his own business.
Just that his business is Aidan's and that Aidan's is his.
Isn't that what family is all about?
"You saved him," Josh whispers.
"I killed a child today," Aidan shakes his head.
"You saved him," Josh insists. "Bernie died back in that hospital, already back when that car hit him. What you saw during the last few days... it was just a shadow, a flicker..."
A nice flicker though, Aidan thinks to himself.
"You did the right thing. And I'm sorry that you had to," Josh says again, putting as much credibility into his words as he can.
"You should better go," Aidan warns him, his voice shaking.
You don't want to see my tears, do you?
Josh sucks in a deep breath before he turns away, but much to the vampire's surprise, no, almost shock, the werewolf doesn't leave the room, but goes to the fridge, gets out a blood bag and pours some of it into Aidan's mug to put in the microwave.
"I would rather be alone now," Aidan tells him, his voice quivering. Josh doesn't say anything, just looks at the microwave until it beeps to get out the mug, walk over to Aidan and hold it out to him.
When Emily was a crying mess after getting bullied, Josh would always prepare her hot chocolate. That always helped her, if only just a tiny bit.
It's the gesture that counts.
The warmth.
That unspoken promise that it will be like that next time, too. That even next time you won't be alone, but will find a bit of warmth handed to you.
Aidan stares at the mug, at the gesture. Josh gives him the placebo, to ease his pain. Josh eventually just puts it down in front of him to take his seat by his side.
The tears come and Aidan can't do anything to hold them back.
He lets go.
And Josh, without holding on, holds on.
Josh is simply there.
He doesn't go away, fights his urge to go away, overcomes it. For his friend.
Josh doesn't try to fix it because he knows he can't.
He simply does what he can do, and that is to offer comfort, give solace.
He stays until the tears dry out – and longer.
He stays through all the pain.
Chapter 12: The Lucky Ones?
Summary:
Josh tries to cope with the feelings of having killed a man while held prisoner by Bishop.
Rebecca returns.
Josh learns about Nora's pregnancy.
Josh comforts Aidan after he killed Rebecca.
Aidan and Celine reunite.
Sally's door appears.
And a vampire flies through the window.
Notes:
Hello everyone, thanks for sticking around!
I think I warned you beforehand that this will be a long fiction because I take up on many instances from the actual show and then turn them according to my mainframe, so those who asks themselves where the actual slash is – it's coming, I assure you! Though I hope I got a bit of... well, love spread, even if they don't see it yet themselves.
I hope I won't disappoint with this chapter. Again, this takes up on the instances of the show, without sticking to original dialog for the most part. I may copy some lines here and there, and I leave other parts out, but generally, I mean to stress the relationships once again.
Chapter Text
Josh sits at the kitchen table, his chin resting on his forearms, lost in thoughts, or rather memories of iron bars, humiliation, and... death. Josh shudders at the mere thought of it. He would rather cave in upstairs a while longer, possibly the rest of his life.
Don't wolves live in caves?
He should look that up on the internet. Then he would have at least a good reason to do that, right? Because it's his nature.
That bloody wolf took a life that night. He took a life that night. A wolf's life, that of a human. Because that is what Josh wants to believe Douglas was and is, or else his damnation is long since decided on anyways. Because Josh still wants to dare to believe that not all of his humanity was lost, was devoured by the wolf.
Even if he doesn't say it out loud to either of his roommates, Josh thinks that he didn't deserve the victory. Douglas was the better wolf. He survived friggin' fifteen years. The fights were his life – and that means, by winning, Josh practically took his life twice. Not only in the literal sense, but also in terms of what was important to Douglas. He had nothing but those fights. Winning was his only upside. And Josh took that from him – and then delivered the final blow, or so he remembers in the haze the wolf creates inside his head. He can only call to mind sensations, odors, a grayed vision, everything else is just a blur, until he came back around and saw Douglas' body next to him. And yes, he was back in the moss again, next to a mauled friend, next to a mauled deer, just that this time, it was a human being that he, not anyone else, but he mauled.
And no matter how much mouthwash he used, no matter how many times he threw up his guts ever since Aidan brought him home, Josh still tastes copper on his tongue, still has death in his nose, this sweet bitter scent of shame. His stomach churns at the memory and in protest. Josh already took something to get his upset stomach to be less upset, but the way Josh figures, that is a lost cause anyways.
That is the moment Sally and Aidan hover into the kitchen. Josh keeps his eyes fixed on the tabletop, "Morning."
"Hey," Aidan says.
"Oh, hey!" Sally greets Josh, offering a gentle smile. The female ghost sits down next to him while Aidan makes his way to the fridge.
"How are you today?" she asks tentatively.
"Peachy," he replies, though his voice is way too hoarse to be even close to peachy.
"So, I take it that you're heading back to work today?" she questions. Even if Sally thinks it's good that Josh managed to get out of his man-cave upstairs, she is honestly not too sure if Josh is ready to get back to "normal", and by that she means being in a place where there is blood and death when on the wrong floor. Josh took it more than hard that he had to kill Douglas. Even all the comforting she and Aidan offered him were only little help for him – understandably so. And once again, Sally silently cursed to herself that she couldn't do what Aidan could – squeeze Josh's shoulder, not even offer him hot beverages or whatever. She stayed, of course, and Sally talked to him when he allowed, but she can't push it away that the female ghost feels so utterly helpless when she can't be of help in the way she used to. It's something so simple, yet so essential to her, still. To touch people. Sally can touch things, some of them. She can even move them, but touching people is yet a hurdle Sally still has to take, as it seems, and until then, she has to hold on with her mind instead.
"Yep," he manages a small nod.
"And you're sure about that?" Sally asks.
"I'm sure that missing out on more days will either get me fired or the rage of the older nurses," Josh snorts, burying his head in the fabric of his sleeves.
"Have you eaten anything, or did you just get cozy with the tabletop?" Aidan asks from behind him. Josh looks up again, but his chin remains on his forearms.
"I take that as a 'no'," Aidan sighs before he steps up behind Josh to put a water bottle down in front of him. Josh eyes it suspiciously.
"Drink it up or else I'm not taking you to work," Aidan warns him before he takes a sip of the blood. Josh lets out a sigh before he takes the bottle and uncaps it to take a sip, making a grimace, "Seriously, with electrolytes?"
"Don't complain, drink up," Aidan scolds him. It's his way of handling his worry, so screw it. Josh is not the only one who can show his caring side when his friend is in need of help and support. It's enough that Aidan didn't manage to spare Josh the fight, but only to make sure that he doesn't have to do it again.
He sold his soul pretty cheap in the end – and even if Aidan doesn't regret for only just a single second that he made that decision to save Josh, he hates it that he didn't manage to save Josh completely. That just seems to be the thing – he can do things for Josh, he can get to Emily when she is locked up with him in the basement, but only once Josh is about to turn, leaving both with those hurtful questions and answers, he can't even keep Marcus away from his ass so that he goes after Emily and the rest of his family.
After their little breakfast, Aidan gives Josh's shoulder a light squeeze before he guides his friend to the car and both get to work.
Maybe it will take his mind off of the obvious after all.
Josh avoids anything and anyone other than Aidan at work. He just wants to see his patients, care for them, care about them, bother himself with other problems than his own. That makes it at least a little easier.
Well, that would be if not for that nagging worry that is pulling him down along with the sadness and desperation he feels. He is worried about Aidan. Because now he is back in the mill, because of him. Because Bishop had to abduct him and force Aidan into making a deal to get him out.
And even if Josh is glad to be out, a part of him feels bad that Aidan had to pay the price all over.
That just seems to be the thing.
Josh screws up or can't maneuver himself out – and Aidan has to come pick up the pieces.
Even if that means trading his soul fairly cheap to Bishop, the little bastard.
Big bastard, actually.
Josh thought that after Ray, he had finally found some courage to stand his ground, but in the end, he is still dependent on Aidan to come save the day, make the deal, seal the deal, whatever. And the problem is that there is really nothing he can do about it anymore. Aidan decided that he wants to make that deal for him, for whatever the reason that is now, and Josh has to watch it happen. He wasn't there when Aidan made the deal – and even if Josh would actually go back to Bishop to undo it, he knows that the alpha wouldn't listen. Why would he? He got everything he wanted. Josh's worst fears were actually confirmed.
Bishop got to Aidan – by going through Josh.
Because Josh is the weak link, Aidan's weakspot. Till last he didn't want to believe it, but it's true. Evidence is on his side. Aidan is back with Bishop. Check. It is because he made a deal with Bishop to get Josh out. Check. In essence that means it is because of Josh. Check. Because he was too weak to get himself out by himself and had to rely on Aidan to set the record straight. Check. Josh is weak. Check. Aidan cleans up his messes. Check. Check. Check.
Darn it.
And Josh doesn't even have the energy to fight this. He is so caught up in his grief and guilt that he can only think about making it through work without hurling up on his guts.
Yeah, pathetic, absolutely pathetic all over. And Josh honestly thought he had grown some tough skin now after he managed to get over Ray.
So much to that.
Always the same game – the same damn mill.
He really should have stayed in that cage.
A part of him is glad that he somehow manages not to bump into Nora. He knows he owes her an explanation. She called a few times as far as he's concerned. They sort of rekindled and wanted to go on a date, but then Bishop got him and put him in a cage.
One moment you're picking corn.
The next you're picking one life over the other.
And then you're picking your own hair in sheer desperation.
How do you explain that without neglecting the most essential part – the murder, the monsters in the closet that forced his hand?
"Hey, yeah, I'm so sorry that I couldn't make it to the date and forgot to call you. But really, I had a good reason. I was abducted by vampires, yeah, imagine that, and they sort of pushed me into a battle of DOA with another werewolf, that's right, I'm a werewolf, too, by the way. And till last I didn't have a chance to pick up the phone. And the reception in that dungeon was about just awful. Well, and after that I was so caught up with the guilt-tripping that I forgot to answer your calls, or well, I just couldn't bring myself to explain, either. So, ugh, wanna go on a date now?"
Right.
So yeah, the same mill, just in a darker part of, what, life?
It's curious how fortune really comes to bite you in the ass over and over. Even if Aidan, not in his wildest dreams, saw this twist coming.
Okay, that he got back with Bishop is of course nothing that comes as a surprise, and even if he doesn't like to admit it to himself, the fact that he is back in the game comes almost natural, more natural than it should. It's like putting on a leather jacket that you wore in years. It might be worn-out at the edges, you may not even like the smell, but it fits perfectly to your body – and that makes it so much more comfortable than it should.
However, what did come as a surprise were two orbs of blue disappointment glancing at him.
Rebecca.
Of all people, Rebecca.
She caught him after Aidan helped Bishop with the Dutch – and said that she is disappointed in him, and she meant it. The thing is... she has a point, if not the point. To hear it from her makes it disturbing on the one hand, but perhaps even more real on the other. Because if even Rebecca sees that he is sliding back into the murky waters of monstrous darkness, then he definitely is, or rather, he already slid most of the way and is only keeping his head above the surface somehow as the rest consumes him.
Just how is it possible that he always ends up playing the same old game, always ends up in the same mill, making the same mistakes, joining forces with the same wrong people?
What was it again?
The definition of madness: To do something over and over and expect a different result.
Let's recapitulate – he is back with Bishop, he is losing it, and even if he went there under the premise to save Josh... he's doing the same things again, making the same mistakes – and still expects a different outcome. However, Rebecca's disappointment makes him realize that this is really the case.
Was there really not another way out of this? Aidan keeps asking himself that question ever since he encountered the female vampire.
Was going back really the only chance to get Josh out of harm's way?
Aidan thought he made the greatest sacrifice by going back to Bishop. After all, he still wants to hold on to the life he has now with Sally and Josh. In a sense, he really wanted to come to his best friend's aid, no matter the costs, but... did he really choose the bargain that cost him everything, or was it just that dark part within him calling out in hunger? Because Bishop is a sure promise of blood, whether you want it or not. Aidan made a deal he thought was the ultimate sacrifice, but it's not like he called Bishop upon it and started a fight. It's not like he went in there with a bomb strapped to his chest, even if that is of course very extreme now, and demanded Josh's freedom. He didn't try to break in to get him out, he didn't jump in the cage to stop this madness.
To his shame, he watched it happen as Josh's wolf ripped Douglas to shreds, was hurt, bitten, scratched, and bit and clawed and scratched back, tasted blood and eventually killed, took another person's life. Aidan had watched – and Josh knew. The vampire didn't miss the fact that the wolf turned away from him after a quick snarl in his direction before he went ahead to battle Douglas. Even if Josh didn't call him upon it after the battle was over, Aidan can still feel the prickles of regret and anger within him.
He had watched it happen. The only thing he did do for Josh was to keep it from happening again. If Aidan had really managed to save him, then Josh wouldn't have been a mess ever since he turned back. Aidan still remembers with a shudder how Josh had been totally apathetic at first, didn't say a word, just stared at the blood in the cage, and later on at his bed sheets after Aidan had brought him home. That held for a while, and all Aidan could do was to sit with him and just... sit. Like Josh had for him after he killed Bernie. Just that it felt very different for Aidan this time, not only because he was not on the receiving end of the comfort, but also because it felt empty in a weird sense. Perhaps it was really because it was Aidan who brought this upon Josh. It was his friendship to him that ever got Josh into that awful position that he really didn't deserve and never should have been in in the first place. When Aidan killed Bernie... that was solely on him. Josh had nothing to do with it that it happened. But with Douglas and the cage... Aidan had his hands in this, and that made his offered comfort for his best friend so empty. How many times did he make promises already that he would make sure that nothing would happen to Josh and his family? That he was not alone in this?
In the end, or so it seems, Aidan just always leaves people alone in their darkest hours, or even if he is there, he is merely a bystander.
He still finds it odd that Josh always keeps pondering on it that he is the weak one. Josh doesn't even know how far off the mark he is with that evaluation. Of them two, Josh is the strongest. Aidan knows that, deep down. Because even if Aidan's "self-sacrifice" looks perhaps courageous at the surface, it's not really. He didn't have the courage to fight Bishop, he never did. And to anyone else it seems to be so obvious that Aidan is not what he appears to be, is in fact not that strong, is actually a disappointment, as Rebecca says. The only one who still sees the good in him, almost unconditionally, seems to be Josh. And as happy as it makes Aidan that his friend still believes in him after all he has done, it makes his stomach churn that there is seemingly nothing that drives Josh away from him.
Because, let's face it – his sister was almost turned because Aidan was too late to intervene, he let it happen that Josh's beloved baby sister was beaten up by Marcus, that Marcus ever got to Josh's family in Ithaca, forcing him to explain to his parents that he is what he is, and now to have him kill a guy, another brother in arms, or fur, and that at the cost of losing the one person Josh says he dares to call his best friend... And add that to the more normal troubles of living with a vampire who doesn't always manage to stay clean and actually ends up killing colleagues or lets it happen that they are killed by his kin. Anyone else would have packed his bags and would have gone his ways.
But not Josh.
He stays.
Even now when it really should be about him, Josh shows concern for Aidan, asks how he is... and to Aidan, that is real strength, a kind of power that he fears he doesn't have, at least not in the way his friend has.
So yeah, Rebecca is perhaps really right about him, about everything.
But then again... what else is he supposed to do?
He can't step back down from the treaty or else Bishop will kill Josh for sure, or even worse, because Aidan knows for a fact that his alpha can do more than just kill a guy, he can make them beg for it like no one else. And Aidan can't let that happen, right? He has to stay. He made a wrong call, maybe, but that doesn't mean he can just run away from the trouble. He has to keep steady and endure.
… right?
Josh finds himself pacing up and down the hallways, counting the tiles, or well, counting them, but then forgetting the number so that he has to start over. Josh grumbles to himself as he starts for the whatever-time that is, because he forgot count of that, too. He really thought that his life was... well, at rock-bottom? At least having escaped the grasp of the evil Vampire King who put him in a cage with one of his kind to rip to shreds is something Josh would dare to say is, accompanied by his state of being a werewolf in general, one of the worst things that can happen to somebody.
But now...
New low. And a low below the low. Just why does he suddenly think back to snowflakes biting into his skin, dark alleys and pain exploding in his stomach? Of abysses and bridges?
But then, once again, Aidan comes into view – the one person he can talk to, the one person who listens to his crap. And this is definitely crap.
"Hey," Aidan greets him.
"Hey," Josh says, still blinking nervously. He doesn't want to just break out with the news, but he fears that whenever he opens his mouth, it'll simply happen, just like he blurted out with Nora. The two wordlessly start to walk down the hallways of the hospital, Josh tagging a little behind Aidan.
Aidan can tell that something is not alright with the werewolf. It's not uncommon to find him pacing – it's something Josh does a lot when he is having one of his moments, and even if he doesn't, Josh stares at things or is pacing. That's just his thing.
"Are you alright?" he asks eventually.
"I'm more concerned about you, really," Josh argues. Aidan holds back the sigh that means to escape his lips. Josh told him more than once that he is against his bargain with Bishop, and Aidan gets it, but there is just nothing he can do to escape it. He just has to sit it out.
"And no, I'm not alright," the werewolf eventually admits. At that Aidan stops.
"Nora is pregnant," Josh says. Aidan stares.
What?
What?
"With... with your...," Aidan stammers wide-eyed, and Josh nods frantically, "I think so. And I'm sure you already noticed, but, you know... that question – the worst thing that you can ask a woman when she announces?"
"Well, you didn't ask her, did you?" Aidan grimaces. Josh can't be that dense, can he?
"That a guy like me could have a kid...," Josh argues miserably.
Okay, scratch that, Josh can be that dense.
"Well, me neither... sheesh," Aidan sighs, turning back to Josh, debating on what to say and how to say it. "Whoa. Ah. Ha. Wow."
That is really the last thing he ever expected to hear, the last thing he ever saw coming. This is just... wow.
"Yeah. Right?" Josh grimaces. "So, what do you think?"
C'mon, Aidan. You are usually the one to come up with a plan. How do you move around this? How do you get the head out of that sling?
Or even if not... a part of Josh hopes that Aidan will now burst out and yell at him for being that stupid to get a girl pregnant in his state. Because he should know better than that. Anyone should know better than that.
So, c'mon, Aidan. Yell, curse! Do something, anything!
However, then comes the reaction that Josh didn't see coming at all, "Congratulations."
Aidan claps him on the arm before turning his back on him and walking ahead, suddenly with a smirk tugging at his lips.
"Congratulations. No, thank you. No. I'm not looking for a cigar, man. I need help, okay? I need, I need... What do I do?" Josh asks again. Seriously, he is coming to Aidan with a problem and he has no better to do than congratulating him for messing up Nora's life on tops of his own?
That's not funny!
"Josh, you do realize that you're freaking out," Aidan shakes his head, now putting on a more soothing voice. Sarcasm doesn't work on Josh, even if Aidan meant the congratulation seriously. However, he hoped that a smile would actually make Josh understand that he is freaking out about the greatest thing on earth, the one thing that may... fix things, at least for Josh.
And he deserves it.
"Listen. This is good. No, this is better than good. This is normal," Aidan explains, now more credibly. Josh simply has to understand that he is having his chance at what they always dreamed of. And as his best friend, it's seemingly Aidan's job to make Josh aware of that fortune. The poor guy is always so dense about such things. As a friend, you have to make him aware of it, or else he won't ever see the broader picture.
"No, it doesn't feel normal. If it were normal, I'd be running around telling friends, family, people in line at Starbucks, and not pacing the hall trying to figure out how to tactfully bring up an abortion," Josh argues, feeling a soft prickle of tears behind his eyelids. This is not normal. He should be happy, and he isn't. And that is what children are by definition, at least in his opinion. They are happiness. And if he doesn't feel happy, but sad, confused, scared, then this can't be good.
Aidan pulls him aside, "Wait a second, you didn't actually have that conversation, did you?"
Even Josh can't be that dense, c'mon!
"No, I didn't. I didn't really have a good follow-up to 'are you sure that's my kid'?" Josh snorts, though even the sarcasm comes out as a cry of desperation. "But it feels wrong. You know what I'm saying, what if it's just like me?"
What if it's a little werewolf cub that will eat its way out of Nora's womb or so? The moment Josh heard the news, a million scenarios, one more gruesome than the next, kept playing through his head. Maybe horror movies screwed him up, but Josh can't help it.
This can't be good. This could be harmful to Nora. And that all because of him.
A child just like him? No, he doesn't want that, for Nora already, and then for the child itself. To have such a poor little innocent creature cursed for his own stupidity? To go through his pains or even worse?
And we are not even talking about how that poor child would maybe also be just as foolish and socially awkward and... with OCD as he is. It's about being a beast, being cursed.
"I don't know. Before you do anything drastic, think about this," Aidan says, gesticulating. "You and me, we agreed to make a go at having a real life."
"Yeah," Josh nods solemnly.
"Right?" Aidan grimaces. Because he now realizes that, despite his happiness he feels for Josh, he knows that he won't ever have that. The only thing he has is... whatever it is. Working for Bishop again, maybe? No, he would rather not, but maybe his new life will be to make sure that Josh has his and profit from it in some way. Aidan wouldn't ever begrudge Josh his bit of happiness. After all he went through, it's all he deserves, but... but it reminds him that his chances are actually long since over, no matter what he agreed on with Josh.
So maybe Josh is not only the strongest, but also the only one with an actual shot at happiness, at a life of his own, something that is almost normal.
Maybe even human.
"I know we did," Josh exhales. A real life, a normal life. With beers and watching TV together, and not of cursing people with his curse, cursing children with his curse.
"There is one of us who's gonna get a shot," Aidan says, now with a sad face. Josh swallows. Maybe it was the wrong idea after all, to talk to Aidan. The poor guy. Now Josh goes on moping about how he has the luck of having a child and... and Aidan just lost one, only just recently. The werewolf would like to mentally slap himself for his foolishness, but before he can say anything else, Aidan disappeared through the next door.
This doesn't feel right.
Aidan walks down the empty streets of Boston, his fingers still twitching, the tears still drying on his pale cheeks.
Just what the hell is wrong with fortune? It seems to be that fortune is just a row of holes you stumble into, each leading you further down to damnation.
Finally their house comes into view. Aidan hurries up the stairs and hastily tries to put the damn key in the lock, which proves to be much more difficult because his hands just won't stop shaking. The door finally opens and he sneaks inside. Aidan debates on whether to look for either of his roommates to talk – because normally, so Josh points out way too often to his liking, Aidan likes to figure things out on his own. He is not the care-share person. He never really was. However, he also had to learn that sometimes it really... helped. So maybe he should... or shouldn't. Aidan walks further into the living room. Maybe it's best to sit down for a while, calm down, and then decide on the route he will now take.
However, he then almost jumps two feet to the side as he catches sight of someone sitting in the dark, or well, it's actually, as it turns out, Josh who is lying with his back on the windowsill, his legs propped up against the frame, glancing out the window. Only now that Aidan jumps does he tear his eyes away from the sky and back into the room, "Oh, ugh... hi."
"Jeez! Do you have to scare me like that?!" Aidan cries out, a hand to his chest.
"... I'm sorry?" Josh shrugs with a grimace. It's not like he set it up as a plot to scare Aidan. He just wanted to think a bit. And looking outside through the glass still helps him. Sally is still recovering after her almost exorcism, so Josh decided to give her space.
… and Grudge-Sally really scares him.
Aidan shakes his head. He shouldn't be surprised by Josh's antics anymore, because he really knows them by now, but they still surprise him for some reason. Maybe it's the persistence with which Josh holds them up even when everything else is so chaotic. Curiously enough, it became a kind of constant for Aidan, if an awkward one.
Josh sits up to lean now with his back against the frame. Aidan gets the nonverbal clue and takes his seat next to the werewolf as he draws his knees up.
"What's wrong?" Josh asks quietly. A good look at Aidan's face, now in the moonlight, tells a dark story. Aidan cried. That can't mean any good. Aidan leans his head back, letting out a shuddered breath.
"Just about everything," he says with a sad smile.
"What happened?" Josh asks again.
"Things went out of hand... with the Dutch and all... Bishop was getting ahead of himself, thought he could take over the world or whatever. And they didn't want that... so it escalated... into a full-blown fight...," his voice trails off.
"But you're okay, or were you hurt?" Josh asks with concern in his voice.
"I'm fine," Aidan assures him.
"Then what went on after that?" Josh questions, his voice no more than a whisper.
"I helped one of them escape. His name's Heggeman. Marcus, the asshole, tried to intervene. Rebecca stopped him. She saved my life," Aidan explains, finding a fresh tear running down his cheek. Josh says nothing, though he already anticipates what his friend is about to say.
Please, no.
"She knew that Bishop would be after her now and... she didn't want to... anymore," Aidan admits. He never thought he'd be able to say it, say it and actually meet someone's eyes, but surprisingly, he can meet those brown orbs.
"She asked me to stake her... and I did," Aidan then says, letting out a shaky breath. His eyes drift to the top of the frame and the small cracks. He is one of those cracks, isn't he? That dark spot that reveals it's true ugly, rough exterior to the rest of the world. He kills the one girl he cared about in a long while, the one girl who pulled him up and down, whose life he ended, three times.
By killing her.
Letting Bishop bring her back and curse her a vampire.
And killing her again.
Really, he never should have gone on that date with her. Then she would still be happy, or at least she would be alive and wouldn't have had that relieved expression on her face as she turned to dust, silently mumbling thank you, and meaning it. Rebecca still had life ahead of her, and Aidan cursed her with his death, a bit of it.
He almost flinches away in surprise as suddenly he feels something warm against his forearm. He blinks twice before he actually comprehends that Josh took a firm hold of him, squeezing his arm firmly, but gently.
How is it possible that Josh freaks over the smallest of things, but not about that? How can someone have so much empathy for a vampire who only seems to disappoint him? Isn't that also madness? Feeling empathy for someone, believing that he will change, against his nature, against his own darkness, and expect a different outcome? Aidan just gave any reason that he is really doing everything the same way again, not listening to warnings, thinking he can fight it all out on his own, only to have people he cares about getting caught in the crossfire.
Are they both simply mad?
"I'm sorry for your loss," Josh says, his voice shaking with unshed tears, but also with a kind of resolution that leaves Aidan bedazzled for a second.
Sorry for your loss?
Not sorry for having been forced to kill her?
Not sorry for having made that decision?
Not sorry for her?
Because Aidan didn't just lose Rebecca, he killed her, he gave her up, this way or another, if she begged him or not... he gave up on her. He killed her.
"Sorry for my loss, really?" he can't help but say. Josh shrugs his shoulders at him, "You loved her. And now she's gone. So I'm sorry for your loss... nothing else matters."
"So you really think it's... okay... that I did? Did I do the right thing?" Aidan asks, blinking at the frame again.
"She asked for it, you said," Josh mumbles.
"That's not the answer to the question and you know that," Aidan argues. "Just because someone asks you for it doesn't make it your obligation and doesn't make it right or wrong either."
"It does matter. She didn't want this anymore. You granted her that wish. And that she asked you for it only speaks for... for her love for you," Josh says in a hushed voice. Aidan glances at him with a frown, "What do you mean?"
"Well, she couldn't do it herself, seemingly. Maybe she was too scared. And from the sound of it, she would have died either way, but then at the hands of Bishop. She turned to someone she could trust. She wanted to die in the arms of the one guy who cared about her when the world already forgot about her. And I... I get that, I guess. She loved you, and that's why she chose you. And you chose to do it because you loved her, too," Josh now whispers, averting his eyes towards the end.
Aidan chooses not to comment, because it's something he wants to believe in desperately, so he rather just stores it inside his heart, no matter how shriveled it is now, and hopes that it stays there. They sit like that for a while, Josh not letting go, again, and Aidan not commenting, again.
"... so... why are you up so late, still?" Aidan asks after a while, his eyes drifting off to the nightsky outside.
"I don't know. I had to think," Josh says, also looking out the window.
"And watching the stars helps?" Aidan whispers.
"It makes it easier," Josh shrugs.
"Yeah? Why?" Aidan questions.
"Stars shine bright. People look up to them in awe. Some even write about them in poems and stories, write songs about them. And in fact, they are just bits and pieces of a cloud filled with gas and dust that will eventually collapse upon itself once it runs out of fuel and overexerts its own resources," Josh explains.
"And how does that make thinking easier?" the vampire frowns.
"If something so small and irrelevant, something that is just a cloud, can have such an impact on us... then maybe we can be more than what we are, too... I don't know, I like that thought," Josh shrugs. He knows that he is just being a lunatic again, but he finds that thought honestly soothing. If a star can make good things happen, then maybe he, the cloud, can make his own fortune work, too, if only until he collapses and becomes a supernova.
"I like it, too," Aidan nods.
They continue to watch the stars.
Josh is still trying to mull everything over inside his head. He somehow managed to make clear to Nora, without telling her his secret, that he didn't believe she cheated on him, but just thought that because of his condition he's unable to have children. It actually seemed to bring him her empathy in some way. Well, so it's looking a little brighter on that side of life, the other is not at all bright. Sally is still suffering after the exorcism – and Aidan suffers because of world's weights on his shoulders and the consuming guilt of having been forced to kill Rebecca.
Josh can't even remotely imagine what Aidan must be going through, and a part of him honestly hopes that he'll never have to find out. The only upside, if you can call it that, he sees is that Aidan didn't completely withdraw. When it happened, he actually talked to him about it, something that is almost a novelty.
"Are you coming?" Nora's voice rings out from behind him. Josh turns abruptly, almost falling over.
"Wh, what? Yes, of course. I'm sorry," Josh mutters, running a shaky hand over his face. Today is the first ultrasound and Nora allowed him to come along. Josh wants to be there for her. After all, he is responsible not only for the child, but also for her. And even though everything was overshadowed by Aidan's revelation, Josh gave a lot of thought to what he said before, about this being a good thing, a chance, and honestly? A part of Josh would like to look forward to having a child.
He loves children, why not his own, right? And he still hopes that there is a future for him and Nora. Maybe, as cheesy as it is, a baby will fix them, too, along the way.
The two start to walk down the corridors.
"How, how are you today?" Josh asks politely.
"I'm good," she nods. "Everything's good, for now."
"That's... good," he grimaces.
"Yeah," Nora sighs.
"Yeah," he swallows thickly.
They make their way to the room where the doctor is already waiting for them. Josh stands next to her, not knowing what to do. He probably looks more than awkward just now, but he doesn't really care.
Because there is suddenly this one moment where his heart stops.
Because he can hear and see the heart of his child. It's beating. That is his child. Alive. It's there. People always talk about how life is a miracle – and Josh knows the very best how true that is, but now... now he gets it that people say so in awe. To see such wonder happen, that is pure bliss. He grasps Nora's hand, and he is glad that she doesn't pull away or gestures him to stop, no, she holds on, her eyes also glistening at the wonder in front of their eyes.
Maybe Aidan was right.
Maybe that's his shot at normal, at getting lucky.
Even if the news that the baby is already further in its development than it should be according to the date it was conceived irritate and worry him, it does not waver Josh's mood much. Now with the sonogram in his pocket, he feels like the richest person on earth.
Aidan walks down the corridors of the hospital at his usual pace. Just as Josh advised him, working really does him good. He can focus on one task at a time and that leaves less possibilities for darkness to come into his way.
And then... out of nothing, it happens.
Just like in Sally's corny romances and romantic comedies. One moment he is a vampire dealing with the death of a partner she suffered at his hand, the next he finds himself staring at the brightest shadow of his past, the one good thing he had other than his wife and his son. The one person that still makes his chest tingle, right where her name is engraved.
Celine.
Aidan never though it'd come to this, that he'd see her again. After all, she took off. Or didn't show up to take off with him. She is older now, of course, and her body is sick with cancer. Nevertheless, Aidan still sees the absolute beauty in her, because it shines from within her, radiates like a small sun. And he could do jumping jacks that she is, amongst a few, not mad at him, is happy to see him, wants to see him, knowing of his curse, knowing of his weakness.
And so he finds himself not only reunited with the woman he once loved like no one else, but also talking about the good times he actually had and almost forgot about. He talks and talks, sitting at her bedside. And for once he doesn't see images of Rebecca dancing before his eyes. There is just her, there is just the good.
Maybe fortune is on his side for once after all.
The three friends are sitting on the floor in their house, almost like a bunch of scouts shuffle around the campfire to sing off-tune. Just that there is obviously no campfire, and gladly no one who wants to join in for an annoying camp song. Nevertheless it bears this romantic kind of charm, has something ceremonial, even if you take the glasses of champagne away.
They took hurdles. They overcame them.
Together.
It's curious that it's exactly those small moments, the private moments that are by no means memorable to anyone else, are the utmost perfect ones of them all, the ones that shine beneath the surface, but then with such radiance, with such strength, that it takes your breath away. And that is especially true for those three. Because they seek normal so desperately that a moment that is by no means grand or ceremonial gets an almost celestial quality. It simply depends on the light that is shed on a situation. And since their lights are no more than small flickers in a grand darkness, they can only bring light to very small rooms, too, like their living room. Their house. That is where their life, as they want to live it, can take place, step into the light of three little candles and shine.
Aidan has Celine back in his life. Something from the past that came back.
Danny is gone for good, he got what he deserved, and Sally feels like she is finally free of the shackles that held her so tightly that she feared she would explode under the pressure. Something from the past that finally disappeared.
Well, and Josh has something new to look forward to. Something for the future.
Obviously, they don't know what will come now. Anything can happen, right? They are proof for it. Three monsters who manage an almost real life, an almost human life, by granting each other their bestiality, their dark side, and through all the bad luck and misfortune, still have something to look forward to – that is certainly nothing any of them saw coming when this household grew to be a household.
"... I'd say, we should toast," Sally smirks, nodding at the glasses. The other two shrug, but then raise their glasses anyway.
"Let's toast to the future. Be it now the chance of a revived romance, getting rid of the old, or having a child," she smiles, her eyes glistening with, well, to put it simple – hope.
"Cheers," the other two say in unison before they take a swig.
Sometimes hope can also taste like a cheap glass of champagne.
"So, Josh, how are things standing?" Sally asks with a soft smile tugging at her lips.
"With the baby? It's healthy, even if... further in its development than could be estimated," Josh shrugs.
"And how is it with Nora?" she questions.
"We are working on it," Josh explains with a crooked smirk. He knows that they still have a lot to work on, a lot to figure out, but he feels... ready for it. He knows he has now two best friends standing by his side, friends who don't let go, friends who are there for him through all hardships, even that of fatherhood.
"And what are your next plans?" Josh asks her.
"I don't know yet. I... I mean, I'm free now, right? The thing with Danny is over and dealt with. And I'm glad for it. Now I just have to sort out the next steps, but I'll come up with something for sure," Sally grins.
"I bet," the werewolf agrees, but then turns to Aidan. "And you? How will you and Celine handle it?"
"We just enjoy the time we have now. I don't want to plan too far into the future," Aidan shrugs. Even if he is glad to have her back in his life, he is by no means delusional. He offered to her already to turn her a vampire so that she doesn't have to die, but she doesn't want it. He gets that, even if it pains Aidan that one of the few women he truly loved in his life is not willing to stay his companion beyond the time of a human life.
"As long as you're happy, I'm glad for you," Josh tells him honestly. Aidan nods in appreciation. Perhaps happiness is really not that hard to accomplish after all.
Josh blinks twice, thrice.
"Uhm... Sally?" he stammers, his eyes still fixed on something behind her.
"What?" she tilts her head.
"Look behind you," he says with wide eyes. She does and there is suddenly a wooden door with a golden shell at the top. Sally stares at it, "Is that..."
"That's your door," Aidan nods with a smirk tugging at his lips. This really must be happiness.
"My... door," Sally brings out, still not able to process these news. That is her door. That means she finished her business, she did her job.
"Wow," Josh breathes.
"Yeah," Sally blinks at it another time.
"Well, ugh... aren't you... going to go now?" Josh grimaces. Not that he wants her to leave, he will dearly miss her, but if there is one thing Josh understood, then it is that you have to grant your friendstheir happiness, even if it makes you shed some tears. If you are a good friend, you don't begrudge them their achievements, but are happy for them, along with them – so that you're happy as well.
"I can't just disappear like that," Sally argues. "I mean, don't we have to celebrate that?"
"I think we did celebrate, just not for that particular reason," Josh smirks.
"He's right. If you're ready, then you should go, Sally," Aidan tells her.
"A part of me honestly doesn't want to go," Sally admits sheepishly.
"What now? That is what you dreamed of," Josh argues.
"I know, but... you're my family now, too, in a weird kind of sense. I don't wanna leave you," she says, making both men chuckle, though both feel touched by her words.
"As your family, we want the best for you, Sally. You should take your chance for as long as you have it," Josh argues. "You deserve it."
"I would so love to hug you right now," Sally pouts. That would make saying goodbye so much easier. She could just hold them tight, feel their warmth, see them smile, feel them smile against her neck, and that would make it all okay and good. She could just go on with her life, could go on with... her afterlife, but now that Sally is just this ghostly entity that can only touch dead things or possess people, she feels a little uncertain about herself. Sally wants to feel them, if only once. One brush over the hand, one kiss on the cheek. Is that really asked too much? She just wants to say goodbye the way she knows it, the way she thinks it ought to be.
"Hey, why don't you just come with me or so?" she suggests, halfway sarcastically, halfway serious. Because a part of her really would like to just take them by the collar and drag them along when she enters her, hopefully, staircase to heaven.
"You know that we can't, right?" Josh argues. As much as he loves Sally, he can't just commit suicide now that he is about to have a baby, right? And Aidan can't just give up on Celine either. Maybe they will join her some day, but surely not today. It's her day, it's her door. And whatever is beyond is solely for her, and not for them.
"Yeah, I know, I know," she sighs, letting her shoulders hang low. "So... I really just go through that door and then I'm... beyond?"
"I guess that's the idea when they present you with a door," Aidan shrugs.
"But I don't know what's beyond," Sally argues.
"No one does," Aidan argues. "That's the whole point."
"Wow," she smiles at the door in awe. Josh and Aidan smirk. Obviously they can't imagine what this kind of relief must feel like, because they are not there yet, but that doesn't mean they can't be happy for her, more than happy.
And then there is the shattering of glass.
Of Josh's favorite window to watch the stars from.
One moment of pure happiness – and the next...
Burning flesh, a growl, and then...
Aidan, on the ground, a stake in his body.
Blood.
Sally screams.
And after that... world's a tremor.
Did you ever have that feeling?
Hope?
Or maybe even better – false hope?
That you think the world's on your side, that everything pans out for once?
That you're the lucky one?
And then... you are no longer.
But here is the thing: In truth, you have never been.
Well, tell you what – don't trust hope. Don't trust yourself that you can ever get lucky unless you are a lucky guy by definition. But if misfortune stands on your front porch more often than the princesses of fortune, then keep the door shut, no matter how sweet the Sirens may sing for you.
Because they tell you lies.
If you're unlucky, if you are cursed... then you are cursed.
There is nothing you can do about it.
You don't get lucky.
That is the vicious game. Misfortune makes you believe that you get a shot at lucky for once, when in truth it just seeks to push you into a deeper abyss, make you hurt more – because it makes you feel the loss of hope, and not just hopelessness.
And that pain is soooo much worse.
Suddenly, your hope crushes like glass, into tiny shards biting into your skin, drawing blood.
Suddenly, all you can do is holding your best friend's hand as he fades away beneath your fingertips and call out his name in your most pure fear, terror.
"Aidan! Aidan! Aidan!"
Chapter 13: Holding Hands
Summary:
Aidan's life is on the line.
Josh tries his best to protect him, even if that costs him a life with Nora.
Josh goes to the basement to fight Bishop - but Sally keeps him from it.
Aidan fights Bishop.
Josh fights his werewolf as Nora appears.
Tragedy strikes.
Josh hits Aidan.
Aidan comforts Josh in the face of the child's death.
Notes:
Hello everyone, welcome back to my world of madness and slow-boiling slash.
Once again, yes, the slash comes slowly and I know that the first chapters partly heavily relied on the canon, but I wanted it like that to build on that as a premise – because I find it really possible that Aidan and Josh can develop a relationship from that all the way up to romance from that starting point.
So please, continue reading, I am getting you there!
Chapter Text
Holding hands.
Back when we were young, we did it for various reason, depending on occasion and the person whose hand we clutched with our tiny little fingers.
The first time was probably when holding on to one of our parent's fingers when still a baby. That is reflex. Babies do that, automatically, they don't even think about it.
But the older we get, the more meanings are put into the reflex, we attach an emotional significance to it, and it becomes a little more each time.
We suddenly grab our parent's hand when we are scared, as a source of comfort and reassurance that this person won't leave us alone, leave us behind.
We grab the hand of our childhood friend as we skip down the streets or make it to the playgrounds. Either because the parents told us to keep each other safe, or because we actually find it swell to hold hands with our best friend. We sing songs, hop around, as though nothing could happen.
We let others pull us forward and away because we trust the person not to let go and lead into the future, maybe even to some unknown adventure.
And once we are no longer kids, we grab hand out of affection. Out of love. We grasp the hand of our loved one. To show intimacy, care. It's suddenly a secret code that may say everything at once or nothing at all. Sometimes we just hold hands because our hand feels cold. Other times because we feel lost and want our partner to give us direction again. It might be just a squeeze or for the duration of a long walk in the park, maybe even falling asleep with the hands still entangled, but it's enough to make our heartbeat rise, makes us know that the other person is there and won't just go. We attach significant meanings to this gesture, because that it what it then became, a gesture, a kind of language that goes without words, a kind of affection that does not need to be uttered.
And it all started with a reflex.
It's an instinct.
It's an instinct to hold on.
Because you don't want that person to leave.
You don't want to lose that person.
Because you can't afford to be without him or her.
The problem is, however, that sometimes you can hold on as tight as you want... and still the person slips away beneath your fingertips.
Josh shifts in his seat, his entire body protesting.
Not that he cares, though.
The werewolf is too preoccupied watching Aidan, or rather watching out for Aidan by staring at the door while he has his friend in his back, the constant dribble of blood from the IV-line the only noise surrounding him. This is just so screwed up. One moment, they were happy, the next... just chaos.
Terror, actually.
He grips the stake in his hand a little tighter at the memory of Aidan writhing on the ground with that damn stake right in his chest.
Damn Bishop.
Damn fortune.
Damn everything.
Is it Monday by any chance? Mondays always suck, right?
Josh blinks again. His eyelids feel as though someone attached metal weights to them. The last time he felt like this was after he was forced to fight Douglas... and the day after he transformed for the first time... and the day of his final exam back in High School, well, not really, but he feels tired, and he should be on alert.
Useless condition.
The werewolf forces his eyes back open, though he finds it more difficult with every time he blinks.
Suddenly there is a noise coming from the door. Josh has the stake at ready as he gets up to strike whatever or whoever might swarm. He will protect Aidan, that's for sure.
"Josh?" a soft female voice rings out. The door opens further to reveal a brunet woman, much to Josh's relief. Not Bishop. Not his men. It's Celine. He lets out a sigh.
"It's okay. We met last night?" she assures him quickly once she realizes his distress.
"Celine," Josh nods his head, but then can't help but sigh again. "Sorry. I'm just a little... I don't know what I am."
Even if he doesn't take it as a philosophical question of who we really are, of identity and soul, Josh has really no clue what or who he is, how he is, even.
Is he human? Is he werewolf?
Is he still together with Nora? Or did the fact that he forced her to help Aidan with bloodbags destroy everything that may have bloomed between them over the prospect of their child?
Is he weak? Is he strong?
Is he doing the right thing or the wrong thing?
Will be continue to be Aidan's friend or did he stop being that one thing he learned to pride himself with over the time they spent together?
The only thing Josh knows is that he hurts, deep down. That his world is crushing before his eyes – and he would just love to close them and simply... sleep. Let world end while he's deep in slumber.
Josh leans against one of the rusty pipes, glancing at his friend again.
"Sorry," he mutters.
Sorry for everything.
Sorry for believing in false fortune.
Sorry for not paying attention to the window.
Sorry for not being any faster, to yank Aidan away, yank Bishop away, kill Bishop, stop this, prevent this.
Sorry for taking your loved one away, Celine.
Sorry for taking that bit of life away from you, Aidan.
Sorry Nora.
Sorry Sally.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
"Go home. Sleep. Eat something," Celine says in a soft voice. She can see that the young man is short before passing out. He surely spent long hours down here, watching over Aidan like a hawk.
The way she figures, you can also measure a man's wealth by his friend's devotion for him. And Celine is glad that Aidan is gifted with such a devoted friend as Josh seems to be one. Because Aidan deserves no less.
"I can't leave him," Josh argues, shaking his head. How could he leave now? How could he leave his best friend alone when his life hangs by the few threads he and Nora somehow managed to weave out of blood and IV-lines?
"You're more help to him rested," she tells him.
"There is things. There is a thing... out there... that wants to kill him. Something you couldn't possibly understand," Josh replies. For someone as soft and nice as her, this really is the wrong place to be at, and surely the place Aidan would want her least at.
Why does he even allow her to see all this?
"Bishop and the vampires," Celine then says, making Josh turn around on the heel to look at her with wide eyes.
She knows?
"I've understood for quite a long time, Josh," she assures him. "But don't worry, I know how to handle Bishop."
She opens her dressing gown to reveal a stake, "Go home."
He starts to get why Aidan is so fond of her, no, loves her. She is soft, but also strong, and is surely more than what meets the eye.
Josh closes his eyes for a moment, then looks back to Aidan's still form. He would rather not leave him – and that is already an understatement. It makes his stomach flip to think about everything that could happen once he leaves. Even if Celine doesn't seem to lack devotion, she is still a sick patient whose body won't stand a chance against any of the vampires out there. Not that he is much more of a match, but at least he is healthy. The vampires could easily get inside the hospital, find the basement, kill Celine, and then finish off Aidan. They could set this whole build on fire. They could burn down their house. And then kill Celine and Aidan. They could take Celine hostage to lure Aidan out. And God, would he be pissed at Josh for leaving her alone so she could get taken. Aidan could still die from the wound he suffered at Bishop's hands. He could gurgle on his own guts and Josh wouldn't know it. An asteroid could hit the hospital. Or earth entirely. The Maya Apocalypse could finally start, even if a little late. If the moment Aidan was staked by Bishop was not proof enough, but it is like that: Everything can happen.
Well, maybe it's just his paranoia or OCD, but... still, everything can happen. You have babies, doors open, doors close, and some are short before losing and you have your foot in the door by just a few inches.
But then again, from a more practical view... Celine has a point, right? Josh honestly feels like he is short before passing out. And then he is of no help either. And he has things to do. He has to look if Sally followed through and finally walked through her door, he has to talk to Nora... he has to get more blood bags, and... and...
"It's really fine, Josh. If something is up, I will let you know," she tries another time. "I can do this, trust me."
"... okay," he sighs. "Yeah, uhm... you're right. I'm no help like this."
"You are help, Josh, but you'll be better help once you had some sleep," Celine argues.
"Thank you," he smiles wearily. It's the first nice thing he heard other than Aidan's voice for the short time he was awake a while back.
"So now, go. I'll watch over him," the woman tells him again.
"Thanks," Josh nods. He turns one last time to Aidan, squeezing the man's wrist once with a grimace, mouthing, "Please don't die," before he lets go and makes his way past Celine to the door.
"I'll be back soon," he says before he leaves the room. Celine takes his seat and turns the chair around so that she can look at Aidan. She pats him on the arm, "Even if you are very unfortunate right now, Aidan, I think you are still a lucky man. You're blessed with a very good friend. So you better wake up to tell him just that."
Josh makes his way down the corridors of the hospital to get to the basement, his movements erratic.
So much to Celine's advice of sleep, food and rest. What he got was chaos, terror, and more chaos.
Josh lets out a sigh as he pushes the door open to find Aidan actually awake and sitting on the old operation table.
"Oh, ugh, hey," Josh says as he closes the door, still surprised to find his friend awake. Even if he knows that Aidan is a vampire and thus heals faster, it still surprises and shocks him that there is this contrast. One moment his best friend is on the verge of death, his eyes already dim, the next, his dark eyes sparkle with life again, and even if Aidan still looks beaten up, he is moving, he is alive.
"Hey," Aidan replies softly, managing a feeble smirk.
"How're you?" Josh asks, worry clutching at his voice, making it croaked.
"Getting better. You know, blood always serves as a good ol' home remedy," Aidan grins at him.
"Now seriously," Josh demands, though his voice lacks the strength to sound angry. He is just tired and... So many other things he doesn't even comprehend.
"It's really fine, Josh," Aidan assures him.
"You almost died," Josh argues, his voice no more than a whisper. Aidan is a vampire, yes, and that means he is strong and heals faster, but even they can die. They can die twice. And that still terrifies Josh so much that his hands instantly tremble at the memory of that one sensation: Holding Aidan's hand and feeling the movement in his friend's limbs slowly subside until there were no longer any. Josh could hold on as tight as he could, could call out as loud as he wanted, and still, he couldn't bring him back with just that. It was the blood that brought Aidan back.
"Yeah, I know," Aidan mutters faintly. He was almost there – and since a long time, Aidan had honestly felt scared for a second. Because there was a time when he really didn't mind, when he welcomed death, actually. However, now he has his friends, and the thought of losing them tears him apart in ways that even Bishop's stake never could. And at the moment he felt life leaving him like a passenger deciding to take another train, he felt nothing but dread and fear to lose them, have them lose him.
It's odd how friends can make you hold on to your own life again, how true it is that they can become your reason to live, your reason not to die. Aidan didn't want to die, not just yet, because he didn't want to lose Sally and Josh, not in that way, at least.
"Where is Celine?" Josh asks, looking around.
"In her room. I told her to get some rest, too, now that I'm no longer... passing out, or whatever," Aidan explains, leaving the offer she made him in hushed voices aside for now. That is nothing he has to discuss with Josh at this moment, really.
"Right," Josh lets out a shuddered breath.
"You look like crap," Aidan then says, making Josh narrow his eyes at him, "Coz you look like the fresh morning breeze? I'm not the one with the tourniquet around the chest, so let's not even go there."
Aidan nods at Josh to sit down next to him, which the werewolf does, if a little hesitantly.
"Did you talk to Nora yet?" Aidan asks after a moment.
"Again, that is not what we should be discussing right now, Aidan," Josh argues, folding his hands in his lap.
"Did you or did you not?" Aidan insists.
"Yeah," Josh croaks.
"And?" the vampire questions. Josh just shrugs at him.
"You know that you can tell me, right?" Aidan grimaces.
"Well, to sum up the gist of the conversation: She wants to keep the baby... but she doesn't wanna keep me," Josh says then, making Aidan stare at him with wide eyes, "What?"
"What? That was everything I expected. Aidan, I asked her to commit a crime for me and then still couldn't tell her what all that was about, but made stupid excuses and more secrets. That is not what someone does who is actually halfway serious about the relationship, especially if that woman is pregnant," Josh huffs.
"It was not your fault. It was coz of me. Look, I could talk to her... to explain this," Aidan offers. He would rather not be the reason why Josh's relationship with Nora ends. Just because his life almost ended doesn't mean that Josh's should or has to, too. Aidan cares too much about his best friend to let that happen.
"You cannot and you will not," Josh argues, suddenly in a very strong voice.
"Josh, this is clearly on my list, I...," Aidan means to say, but the werewolf interferes, "It has nothing to do with that."
"Right," Aidan rolls his eyes. It obviously has to do with it, or else they never would have had such conversation. If not for Aidan, Josh never would have asked Nora to ignore hospital policy and get the blood bags he needed.
"Fine, okay, it has to do with it, but it's just... the last thing that pushed her over the edge. I told you from the start. You can't base a relationship on lies. I thought I could, I really did, for a while, but... but Nora is smart enough to see that this is not doing her any good, neither does it the baby," Josh argues.
"Again, let me tell her that...," Aidan tries another time, but the werewolf is having none of it, "Aidan, it's not about what I asked her for. It's about me asking her for something that was endangering her and that child. And that is something she has any reason to leave me for."
"People make mistakes. I'm... the very best example," Aidan argues.
"I didn't try hard enough," Josh sighs.
"You want to go back to med school to make your doctor to secure a future for her. I think that actually counts as trying hard," Aidan tells him in all honesty. He was surprised when Josh announced that he wanted to try out as doctor again. The vampire was glad for Josh, even if a part of Aidan was a bit irritated, though he never said it out loud. Aidan had always hoped that Josh would eventually find the self-confidence to embrace life in that way again, start with what he left off with, try again to follow his dreams. However, he wanted Josh to do that for himself, and not for anyone else, be it Nora or a child or whoever else. However, Aidan also understood already back when Josh announced his plan that maybe being the family father is now Josh's new dream, and med school just the means to get there, so he was happy for him. However, this act should really count as trying hard.
"But not enough," Josh shakes his head solemnly. He didn't try hard enough, he stopped somewhere halfway in-between again. Isn't it always like that? Josh seemingly always only manages things to a certain degree, but no further. He can pretend house, pretend normalcy, but never really get it, he can be together with Nora, but only for as long as she doesn't know of the darkness surrounding him, he can help Aidan, but not without help from others.
The only thing he seemingly managed outright was the friendship with Aidan, because that is the first real friendship Josh felt he kept with someone other than his younger sister. Not that their relationship is anything close to perfect, but what Josh always cherished about their friendship was that they were so close, really. That they could sit together like that and simply talk, that even the awkward topics were curiously not as awkward, or made him feel less awkward about himself because they were even more awkward. That he could sit with Aidan for hours and simply discuss with him their curses was strangely reassuring and simply close to that other person, because they shared something with each other they dare not to reveal to many other people.
So yeah, one of Josh's greatest achievements is actually this strange kind of friendship with a vampire. That is the only thing he can pride himself with that he managed to almost completion somehow. The rest just seems to be halfway-things.
His friendship with Aidan is the realest thing Josh has.
"You guys just gotta talk, man," Aidan exhales, not knowing what else to say, and feeling bad for it. He would love to give Josh some great kind of advice to fix all that, but how do you fix that, right?
"I don't think there is much to talk about. I'm happy she wants to keep the child. I mean... I just don't know, but... ugh... what do I complain? I was not the one who almost died after being staked by his creator who decided to become undead charcoal," Josh then says, smirking wearily by the end, though the smile doesn't reach his eyes.
"You don't have to joke about this," Aidan tells him seriously, though his voice is rather soft.
"I'm not. I'm actually... very serious, Aidan. What I have to deal with are... stupid personal things. What you have is... real-life existential problems. Those have priority," Josh argues.
"I'm still sorry that... things don't pan out the way they should," Aidan says.
"Thanks, I'm, too," Josh nods sadly.
"What is with Sally?" Aidan questions.
"Still here. Door closed. Petrified... I still fear for the light bulbs," Josh exhales.
"That sucks," Aidan shakes his head. He hoped she had still enough time to cross the threshold. Seemingly yet another thing that he helped screw up. If not for him, Sally would be across now, if not for him, Josh would still be a proud soon-to-be-father who makes presents to Nora and goes to med school. A great friend Aidan is, right?
"That is about the second worse thing about all this," Josh agrees.
"Second?" Aidan frowns.
"You almost dying is definitely the first," Josh shrugs, to which Aidan grimaces.
"This is so messed-up," the vampire shakes his head.
"Yeah," Josh mutters.
"Yeah," Aidan whispers. "Why didn't she come with?"
"I told her to take some time to figure herself out... well, and... you know," Josh shrugs. He would rather not go back as to why he is here alone now. Aidan has enough on mind.
"Josh?" Aidan then says, looking at him sternly.
"Hm?" the werewolf frowns.
"What aren't you telling me?" Aidan asks, looking him right in the eye.
"What?" Josh furrows his eyebrows at him.
"There's something you don't say. Don't even try to deny it. I know you, okay?" Aidan argues. The vampire knows this man better than most people in the world by now. He knows what that certain rise and fall of his voice means, he knows how Josh moves his hands when he is nervous, or when he is lying. And Aidan gets all those signals right now.
"Maybe you're still too low on blood, but... uhm, I don't know what you would possibly mean with that," Josh says, hoping to bypass that conversation.
"The hell you do," Aidan snorts.
"It's really nothing you gotta worry about now," Josh insists.
"Let me be judge of that," Aidan argues.
"There is just nothing to be said, Aidan," Josh shakes his head.
"I get the truth out of you eventually," Aidan warns him.
"We should get you home. I would rather not have someone walk in on us," Josh argues.
"Josh," Aidan grumbles, knowing fully well that his friend tries to escape the topic.
"I'm off shift anyways, so let's just go home," Josh goes on nevertheless.
"Josh!" Aidan tries again, but that is when he is suddenly met by very stern hazel eyes that spark with fire, "Aidan, let's. Go. Home."
Aidan blinks for a second, honestly caught off-guard by Josh's suddenly strong voice. The vampire lets out a small growl, but then goes with it as Josh hands him a shirt and his leather jacket, silently helping him whenever it pulls on the wound and makes it hard for him to move without feeling pain shooting up his spine.
The ride home is silent. Josh gets the things from the backseat while Aidan makes his way up the stairs and opens the door to come face to face with Sally.
"You're back!" Sally says, waving her arms in the air lightly, though the movements look rather tired. She flashes a warm smile, even if that one comes off weak as well.
"Hey, it's good to see you... and I'm sorry that this is so," Aidan tells her with a grimace. She nods at him, now flashing a brighter smile, "It's... okay, for now anyways."
"I should've told you to go sooner," Aidan shakes his head.
"It was my decision, Aidan," the female ghost insists.
"Same thought I had," Josh says as he closes the door. He nods at Sally curtly before he puts the bag down on the windowsill.
"So okay, we're home now. Will either one of you tell me now what the hell is wrong here? Other than... the obvious things?" Aidan says, because no, coming home doesn't make him forget that he has something to get straight with his roommates, though he gets the feeling that Josh is not the only one involved here. Sally lets out a sigh, Josh fusses around with one of the pillows.
"Guys?" Aidan tries again. They can't be serious.
"I need something to drink," Josh mutters. The werewolf walks into the kitchen nervously. Aidan follows him along with Sally. Josh bends down to grab a juice from the fridge and takes a sip.
"So now, either one of you will tell me what the hell is up here," Aidan demands another time.
"It's nothing," the werewolf says.
"The hell it is! You two don't tell me something, I know it, you know it, so why don't we just cut it short and speak the truth, hm?" Aidan argues, his eyes fixed on Josh. He knows that this guy breaks easier than Sally when it comes to these things.
"I told you...," Josh means to say, but Aidan is faster, "And I don't give a damn. Just tell me."
"Well, to cry it out loud, Bishop is actually back and healthy after he sucked some people dry," Josh says, throwing his hands in the air.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him, but then frowns. "I mean... wait, how do you know that?"
"He approached me at the hospital before," Josh replies meekly. It still sends shivers down his spine to think about how that man grabbed him by the throat to deliver the news. For a moment Josh was really convinced that Bishop would just strangle him to death in front of everyone in the hospital, but gladly, he was mistaken. Well, not really gladly, but… doesn't matter.
"Did he do anything to you?" Aidan demands. God, if Bishop laid hands on him then...
"What? No," Josh shakes his head.
"That bastard," the vampire growls. That he goes through Josh to get to him, again, makes him want to punch that man even harder than he wants to anyways.
"What did he tell you?" Aidan questions.
"That he wants to... fight this out," Josh admits. "In the old factory. Man vs. man bullshit."
"Josh!" Sally cries out.
"What? You see that he knows something anyways," Josh argues.
"God, you're such a tattletale," she mutters.
"I kinda expected it that Bishop would do that anyways," Aidan says.
"But Josh and I came up with something," Sally then says, her eyes suddenly sparking with a strange kind of confidence.
"What now?" Aidan furrows his eyebrows at her.
"The full moon is tonight. We will just lure Bishop to the basement in the hospital with Josh in it and he will kill the bastard once he wolfs out," Sally says, clapping her hands together. Josh told her about the encounter, and that is when she made that plan with him. It's the best they can do!
"What?! Are you insane?!" Aidan breaks out. That ghost can't be serious, can she? However, then he whips his head around to Josh even more disbelievingly, "And you seriously agreed to that?!"
"It's the best option. You are in no condition to be fighting, Aidan, face it. You are hurt, you can hardly stand upright, and now you wanna fight Bishop, the strongest vampire we know?" Josh argues sternly. It's not like his reaction was any different when Sally offered this plan, but he sees it, or starts to see it. Aidan can't fight Bishop, or rather... Sally and Josh can't have Aidan fighting Bishop because they don't want to lose him. Sally can't fight him, so Josh will have to. That's what family does, right?
"I will not let you fight him, no," Aidan insists, his voice low.
"Now don't be ridiculous. A wolf is stronger than a vampire when on the full moon," Sally argues.
"Bishop will tear him to shreds before Josh gets to transform, Sally. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is for him?" Aidan retorts.
"I'm stronger than I look," Josh mutters.
"But you are very vulnerable before you turn, Josh. You can't think straight – and I doubt that when you still transform, you'll have the brains or strength to fight him or, God forbid, hold a stake to begin with. There is no way I let that happen," Aidan insists. He can vividly remember the last time he saw Josh tear himself apart to come back as a wolf. That pain is so deep-down that you can't possibly think. It's a beast on the loose crawling out of one's skin. And Aidan is seriously supposed to leave Josh in that state at the hands of Bishop?
It might be that Aidan made some bad calls over the past when it comes to their friendship, but he won't ever purposely endanger Josh like that. There is no way this is happening. No, just no.
"Neither is there a way that I let you fight him," Josh retorts. Is he seriously supposed to leave Aidan in that state he is currently in, just back from the almost dead, at the hands of Bishop for some twisted DOA-vampire-fight?
"That is my business," Aidan argues sternly.
"When do you finally get it that your business is also Sally's and mine, Aidan? We almost lost you. We don't want to have that allover," Josh retorts, anger and sadness rising, driven by sheer worry.
"Well, and I won't allow to lose you because of something I have going on with Bishop. You are about to have a child, Josh, don't throw that all away for... someone who may have lost the fight long since," Aidan argues, bowing his head.
"What?" the werewolf blinks at him with wide eyes.
"You still have all your life ahead of you, Josh. You are my best friend, so I won't let you destroy your future for something from my past," Aidan tells him.
"I told you that...," Josh means to say, but the vampire is having none of it, "This is not up to discussion. Once you see Bishop, you will tell him that I fight him."
"No," Josh shakes his head.
"Yes," Aidan hisses, but then his voice softens again. "Look. This was meant to happen sooner or later anyways. I'm just sorry that it has to be during your time."
"So what? We just let you go off and die?" Josh breaks out, not believing it, still not believing it.
"Yes," Aidan replies before he walks out of the kitchen.
He won't let Josh fight Bishop. He won't make him pay for his crimes. He owes Josh that much.
The werewolf stares at the now empty door frame, glancing back at Sally.
"I'll do it," Josh tells her quietly.
"Yeah," she agrees.
He won't let Aidan fight Bishop. He won't allow that he dies. He owes Aidan that much after all he has done for him.
Josh paces up and down in the Cage, because that is what it is now again. He didn't think it'd be possible that it could be a cage again after Josh actually abandoned it for the sake of safety, but it really feels like a cage again – and he is not yet sure if he finds this intimidating or reassuring. On the one hand, Josh is still not too fond of turning here with all the civilians around and close to his claws, on the other hand he can't push aside this relief he feels that there is a way to shut those doors, contain the beast, or in the current context, two beasts.
And there we go with feeling intimidated again.
Josh is about to fight Bishop – the guy who gives him shivers down his spine only for thinking about him. If not for Aidan, Josh would rather stay up in his room and shake in fear, but… but it's for Aidan, so that is why he tries his best to be brave for once. Maybe it's his very nature that can actually help save his best friend. Josh likes that thought. Normally, the beast only destroys everything he wants to hold close, but now the wolf offers him the chance of protection. And he wants to protect Aidan, he wants to protect his best friend.
It's odd how such decisions make you set your priorities straight. Normally, Josh likes to think everything through. He loves to write schedules, lists, plans. They are neat things. They help organize life, give structure in those places where there is just chaos. He loves to write pro-and-con-lists. Josh also tried with this situation here, and the emphasis is really on "tried". He had to make the choice between the maybe-future with Nora and the child, and the life he now lives with Aidan and Sally. How do you choose between that, right? Josh wouldn't run out of ideas for the upsides of his friendship with his roommates, of this house, of this bit of normalcy while being anything but normal, or even human to begin with. After one hour, Josh knew he wouldn't run short on that side, and that this side surely outweighed any trouble he may have with them or thanks to them. Because they are that important to him. As strange as it is, they became his center in life ever before Nora got her place in it. That might sound cruel in some way, but that is simply a matter of fact. They came first. They made Josh hold on to life again, made him no longer want to jump off some bridge or in front of some bus.
It's Aidan who saved him that night.
It's Aidan who gave him a reason to live again.
You don't just throw that away. You don't just give that up. You don't give such a friend up. You hold on as tight as you can, just as he held Aidan's hand when he was close to dying. That is just what you do. You protect your family. And Sally and Aidan are his family, too, they are his new family. He can't just push them away, as much as he would love to focus on Nora and Nora alone, Nora and that child. He would love to be able to read medical books again, study for becoming a doctor, search for a house for themselves, get a steady job, get settled, but there is this one point on the list that beats any other argument: Life won't be the same without his best friend in it.
And thinking about it, it seems to be much of a lost cause anyways, making those lists, having those doubts. Nora wants nothing to do with him, other than his responsibilities towards the child maybe, so who is he kidding? The future he dreamed about, the dreams he attached to the small sonogram in his chest pocket… even without Aidan's troubles with Bishop, Josh doesn't see that future really coming about. And that is what makes him even more confident that staying in this cage is really the best choice after all.
As much as he loves her, and yes, Josh really loves Nora, even if it may not sound like it, given just how much he puts his friends in front of her, he doesn't see a future for them. And really, he loves her so damn much that it hurts to realize that. It's no longer just stupid crushes he feels, Josh is in love with her. And when Nora said that she is pregnant, and he got over the first shock, Josh suddenly found the prospect of a future in her that made him love her even more than he did anyways. A future together. A new beginning. That is what he dreamed of, but… But again, it won't be a future without Aidan in it, so it has to be. He has to let her go.
Nora is strong, the strongest girl other than Sally that he knows. She will be a good mother, a great one. Nora doesn't lack the devotion. She got out of that horrific relationship with her boyfriend, the bastard who dared to burn her, she holds her ground at work, cuts the ties to Josh to protect the child. Nora will be a perfect mother, with or without him… even if Josh gets the strong feeling that without him she will be much of a better mother than she will be anyways.
So he eventually decided to do what is probably the only right thing to do: Save Aidan, and in a strange way, save Nora, too, by sparing her his messed-up life.
He wrote her a letter to explain everything. It may seem corny in some way, or even old-fashioned, but Josh finds it easier to write his thoughts down than to verbalize them at times. He talks a lot of gibberish in-between so that he can't get the actual message across. And he wants to make himself clear to Nora. No more secrets. No more lies. That is the (last) gift he can and will make her.
"Are you ready for this?" Sally asks as Josh starts to take off his jacket, feeling his skin suddenly crawling all the way up to his hairline.
"N, no, not really, but… ugh, yeah, kinda," Josh mutters, his thoughts jumbling.
"To what I said earlier…," Sally begins, her voice suddenly very grave.
"Yeah?" he blinks at her.
"I was wrong about that one thing. And I apologize for it," Sally then says.
"What now?" Josh frowns at her.
"You are no killer, Josh," the female ghost tells him.
"What?" Josh stares at her with wide eyes. What the hell is she up to again?
"I won't let you become one," Sally whispers. And that is when suddenly things click into place too fast for him to see it coming.
Door is shut.
He is in the cage.
Sally and Aidan plotted against him.
"Sally! Sally! Let me out! Sally!" he yells.
However, she already zaps away and over to Aidan, who is in a warehouse.
"Is he locked in?" Aidan asks, his lip a thin line.
"Yeah. I think he'll never talk to me again after this," Sally grumbles.
"It's better that way," Aidan assures her. "And now you go, too."
"I won't leave you here. It's not like he can harm me anyways," Sally retorts. Aidan must be out of his mind if he believes that he gets to make her lock in Josh, but then stay at home and patiently wait for either one to return.
"Sally," he urges her, but the female ghost is having none of it, "You managed to make me trick Josh, but that's as far as it gets. I stay."
"Fine," Aidan grumbles. He knows he won't convince her. It was enough convincing he had to do to get her into this here.
"Fine," she mutters. Aidan closes his eyes. He knows that this is the best thing to do, but he still hates it that he had to trick Josh like that.
Just as he hates it that he is back to health enough after Celine offered him her life, her blood, so that he could finally get rid of the bastard who destroyed their future together long before this moment, who destroyed Aidan's life right from the start.
It ends tonight.
And that is when he hears footsteps approaching.
It seemingly ends faster than he anticipated.
Josh writhes on the ground, holding his hands to his chest. He would like to fuss about the betrayal a bit longer, but the pain is just too overwhelming. This might definitely be one of the worst turns he has had so far. Josh growls, somehow trying to control his breathing, but that is when he hears something.
The door opens.
Did Sally come to her senses after all? Josh turns around, only to see blonde hair and that is when he knows that it's not Sally. He quickly turns back around, closing his eyes. Count to three, breathe. Breathe. You don't want to turn before her eyes. You can't turn. Please.
"Josh?!" she stammers.
Is he really bound to make the same mistakes over and over?!
First his sister, now Nora. When does this end?!
"Josh! Here you are! Your letter, you…," but Nora doesn't get to finish the sentence, let alone the thought as another shriek escapes the man's lips. He tries to curl in on himself, but the pain is just too much. Nora steps closer. She doesn't know what is wrong here, and she actually wanted to have some serious discussion about leaving a letter like that to disappear out of her life, but it will have to wait if he is in pain, which he obviously is.
"Oh my God. Are you okay?" Nora asks, stepping closer, her hands hovering over his back. It might be that she is mad as hell at him, that they broke up, but… but she can't leave him like this. She has to get him help.
"No," he growls, but then almost cries out as her skin makes contact with his body. He turns around and pushes her towards the door. Josh can't have her in here. She can't. She mustn't. Oh God, please, show mercy. Please show mercy! Make her go! Make her disappear!
"Get out!" Josh growls, cries, shrieks, hopes.
Nora lets out a cry as he pushes her roughly to the exit.
"Get out of here!" he yells.
"Oh my God!" she continues to cry as he manages to throw her out, shutting the door and hurrying back to the center of the room. Nora stares through the small window of the door. So is that what he kept from her? However, that is when his head shoots up and… and, no, that's not his head. That's… that's… a wolf. Oh God. It's… it's a wolf. Josh is… Josh is… what is he? What is all this? What is…?
"Argh!" she cries out as suddenly white-hot pain shoots through her lower abdomen. Nora holds on to her stomach. No, please, not the baby. Not the baby. She brings up one hand to bring it back bloody. Nora cries out in sheer pain, agony, desperation and sadness, her legs no longer supporting her. She goes to her knees and lies on her side. Through the crack below the door Nora can see the canine eyes of this monster staring back at her. She stares on as both scream and shriek.
The terror overtakes them.
They slip away.
Aidan stands in the factory, arms still raised, his breathing heavy, staring at the dust being carried away by the wind as it gathers around his feet. His eyes widen as his brain still tries to process the information.
He managed.
He… he is finally…
He is free.
Beneath his feet is Bishop, or what remained of him.
He killed him – Aidan managed, after years and centuries of slipping and falling behind that man, falling for his schemes, his tricks, his taunts, falling into his waiting arms to pull him down deeper. Aidan managed to step up to him, stand strong – and stand his ground. He won.
"You won," Sally says, still not quite believing it herself.
"I think I did," he mutters, still staring ahead.
"… Congratulations?" she grimaces. Aidan still can't tear his eyes away from the dust. That's just all too unreal. He is free.
Free.
He can't remember that feeling, really. Even when he felt pretty close to it with his roommates at times, Aidan always found that nagging sensation in the back of his head that he was still Bishop's puppet in some way, but… but that's over now.
"I'm free," Aidan mumbles.
"You're free," Sally agrees.
"Dammit," Aidan gapes.
"Yeah," Sally nods her head slowly.
He is free, dammit, he is free.
Josh finds himself sitting with Nora, who is prepped up on the couch with cushions and a blanket. She still absently stares ahead. The young woman listened to everything he said, so now she knows. Everything. It's not like there was much hiding after what she saw, after…
"So… that's what you hid all this time," she mumbles.
"Yeah," Josh nods solemnly.
"I still can't believe it," Nora whispers, her voice raw from all the screaming.
"A part of me still doesn't, and I live it. It takes time," Josh replies. His phone vibrates in his pocket again. He unconsciously pushes it deeper into the denim of his jeans, hoping that this will somehow make it shut up.
"Why don't you answer it?" she questions.
"It can wait," he assures her quickly. Nora looks at him, so he takes out the phone to see that he has a bunch of missed calls from Aidan. That either means Bishop is running damn late… or Aidan actually managed to win somehow. Josh desperately hopes for the second option, but he can't really care about that right now after… after…
God.
"You can check on them if you want," Nora then says, much to his surprise.
"I wouldn't ever…," he means to say, but she interrupts him, "I would rather take a bath anyways, so…"
"Oh, okay, I mean… uhm… I have my phone on me, and I'll be back as soon as possible," Josh stammers helplessly.
"Okay," she nods weakly.
"Okay," Josh whispers. He gets up awkwardly before he makes his way outside. Once he is out in the road, he almost staggers as his legs suddenly turn to goo, but Josh catches himself. The werewolf leans against one of the streetlights for support. He would like to hurl, or well, no, he doesn't really, but… saved by the phone again. He takes the device back out of his pocket.
"Yes?"
"Josh! Finally you answer! Where are you?! You weren't at the hospital?" Aidan questions, worry dripping from his voice like water.
"I'm… doesn't matter. I'm on my way to the house… how… how did it go with… with Bishop, or…?" Josh mutters, his mind already drifting.
"It's over," Aidan confirms. At that Josh actually has to take a moment and sits down on the pavement, not caring if anyone sees him like that.
"Everything alright with you? I heard a thud," Aidan asks worriedly.
"Yeah, yeah, I just… uhm, stumbled. Whatever. So he's… dealt with," Josh brings out.
"Yeah. And you're sure you're okay?" Aidan asks again.
"I'll be over in… ten minutes or so," Josh tells him instead.
"Okay…," Aidan grimaces.
"I'm glad for you, Aidan," Josh whispers.
"Thanks," the vampire replies.
"And the both of you will get hell for this," Josh mutters, fighting the smile as well as the tear that means to escape his eyes.
"I already guessed as much," Aidan chuckles nervously.
Josh gets back to his feet, "See you in a bit."
"Okay, be safe," Aidan nods. Josh hangs up, licking his lips nervously before he starts to make his way back home.
"What is with him?" Sally asks with a grimace once Aidan puts the phone away again.
"I don't know," the vampire shrugs.
"We're so getting hell for this," Sally mutters.
"Yeah, definitely," Aidan agrees.
Sometime later, the werewolf gets home.
"There he is!" Sally warns the vampire, who is already up and at the door. Aidan opens the door for him, "Hey."
Josh studies him, "How badly are you hurt?"
"Just a few scratches to the face, nothing much," Aidan tells him.
"Good," Josh nods. Aidan doesn't see the fist coming, and even if it is well-measured and aimed so that no severe harm is done, it still stings.
"Josh!" Sally yelps as she sees him punching Aidan.
"That was for lying to me and risking your life, you stupid jackass!" Josh says, gritting his teeth, chest heaving.
"Okay… I think I kinda deserved that one," Aidan grunts as he straightens back up. However, to find himself hugged very tightly the next second is something Aidan expected even less than the fist. It takes Aidan a moment to process, but then he holds on to Josh as well.
Sally silently smiles to herself.
"I'm glad you didn't die," Josh mutters.
"I'm too," Aidan whispers.
They have some strange yet reassuring talk about kale and learning Krav Maga after that greeting. And it feels just like what they left off with, when they hopes for babies, old romances revived, and doors to open. They sit in the same spot… and laugh. Just like that.
Aidan still can't believe it. Of course this came with great sacrifice, but he is free, he is free to have such conversation. There suddenly is a future again.
Aidan is pulled out of his musing as Josh gets to his feet all of a sudden, "Uhm, sorry, I'll be right. I just gotta use the bathroom real quick."
He hurries away, making Sally and Aidan frown at each other.
"He doesn't seem okay to me," Sally grimaces worriedly. The change in attitude was too sudden, even for someone as jumpy as Josh.
"Me neither. I'll go check," the vampire agrees, getting up.
"Okay, I'll stay here," the ghost agrees. She knows that Aidan and Josh… share a certain bond that she doesn't. So if someone manages to get to Josh, it's Aidan. She can come in later and save the day some other way, right?
Aidan makes his way up the stairs to find the bathroom door apparently open, but Josh's door open only slightly ajar. And that is when he hears Josh gasping for air, in his room.
"Josh?" Aidan asks, worry rising. He knocks against the door frame, his ear only inches from the door.
"Stay out, please," Josh mutters breathlessly.
"Everything okay in there?" Aidan asks hesitantly.
"Yeah," Josh brings out.
"Can I come in?" the vampire questions.
"No," the werewolf replies, his voice coming out as a high-pitched croak.
"Then something's not okay," Aidan argues.
"Aidan, just leave," Josh mutters. He wants to be alone. He never should have come here. God, what was he thinking? Why is he here? Why is… why is…
"What is it with you?" Aidan asks with concern in his voice.
"Aidan, just go away, please," Josh begs. He just wants to be alone. Why didn't he lock the damn door?
Aidan goes inside nevertheless, to find Josh sitting in front of his bed, arms resting on his knees, which are drawn up. His head hangs in the gap between his legs – and his breaths come out as wheezes.
"Josh?" Aidan asks cautiously, gulping once at the sight of his friend.
"I told you to go away," Josh mutters.
"What's the matter?" Aidan questions softly.
"I just… I just need a moment, so please," Josh stutters, his breath hitched. Aidan still doesn't listen to Josh's pleas, but slowly approaches the younger man. The werewolf trembles and he is suddenly as pale as a vampire and that surely means something.
"Josh? Talk to me," Aidan demands in a soft voice. He crouches down in front of him. "What's wrong?"
"Nora," Josh brings out after a while, almost choking on the words. Can you choke on words?
"What about her?" Aidan frowns.
"… she… she was there," Josh brings out. The words just spilling out.
"What?" Aidan blinks at him. What does he mean? Did he talk to Nora before he turned? Or after?
"In the hospital… down in the… in the… in the basement," Josh wheezes as the images flood him again, drown him.
Aidan stares at his friend with wide eyes. No, that can't be. That simply can't be, "You mean…"
"Yeah," Josh nods his head, not meeting the vampire's eyes.
"So she…," Aidan gapes.
"She saw it and… and apparently… that is such a shocking sight that… that… she…," Josh fidgets for the words, but can't get them right.
"No," Aidan stammers. That can't be. That was not supposed to happen. That was not part of the plan.
"Yeah," Josh argues.
"How is she?" Aidan brings out, trying to keep calm, though he finds it incredibly difficult.
"Making it through…," Josh shrugs.
"And the child…?" Aidan asks, needing to make sure. Maybe he just misunderstood and… but Josh just shakes his head.
Oh. God. No.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Aidan brings out. Why did Josh sit with them and talk nonsense while sitting on the ground? Why didn't he say anything at all?
"I just didn't know how," Josh admits. How do you say that? When you can't even think it?
"God, Josh…," Aidan shakes his head, feeling tears stinging his eyes, tiny little stabs that reach all the way into his heart.
"I… uhm… I offered her to stay over at our place for a while, to… you know… I hope that's, that's okay?" Josh brings out, his voice shaking.
"What? Yes, of course," Aidan assures him quickly. "You bring her here and we help you guys."
"That's not…," Josh means to say, but Aidan won't let him finish, "We will help you, okay? You're not alone with this."
"Okay," Josh mutters. He sucks in some much needed air.
"I guess it just wasn't meant to be," Josh whispers sadly after a while, fresh tears welling up.
"Don't say that," Aidan argues.
"What else am I supposed to say?" Josh huffs. "I'm just that much of a screw-up that… that I can't even manage this."
"That's not true," Aidan replies. "You would've been a great dad."
"Right, OCD-werewolf-dad who…," Josh huffs, but Aidan won't let him go on cursing at himself, "You would have been a. Great. Dad. Don't ever doubt that. I know you. You would have been a good parent for that child. You are… that devoted."
"Thanks," Josh mutters, finding that assurance too soothing, because the hell! He doesn't deserve soothing. He deserves this searing hot pain in his chest. He deserves all of it. He feels on fire, and he deserves it.
"It was an accident," Aidan mumbles. However, before he can go on reassuring Josh again, a much darker thought strikes him, a long tendril reaching up all the way to his chest where the wounds still heal, but suddenly stop.
It wasn't really an accident, was it?
"Oh my God. I sent you down there…," Aidan mutters. He sent Josh to the hospital, not to the woods, where he would have been safe. Where Nora would have been safe. He sent Josh to the basement so that he could trick him, so that he could fight Bishop at the factory. He made it possible that Nora could walk in on Josh.
It was him.
And suddenly… freedom is so very bitter.
Because it always comes with a price.
"It's not your fault," Josh shakes his head. "It's mine."
"No, Josh," Aidan argues, his voice croaked.
"Yeah," Josh mutters. It's his fault. His fault alone. His curse. He brought that upon her. "I wrote her a letter. To explain myself… in case I… in case I die, because I thought that… might happen… if I fight Bishop. She must have seen me when I made my way downstairs. She followed me… like Em back then. It was my fault. Because I felt the urge to relieve myself in that way and make excuses."
"I'm so incredibly sorry," Aidan says, bowing his head. So sorry that words can't describe it. He knows what that pain is like. And he always hoped that Josh would be spared this dread, the most terrible of all feelings, the worst loss of all losses.
"… Thanks," Josh brings out.
There is a moment of silence, but then Josh gasps again as the news break over him another time, drowning him, suffocating him.
His child died.
It died.
He only realizes much later that Aidan holds on to his lower arm to make him look at him.
"Josh? Josh?"
The werewolf still gasps for air. Only now he becomes conscious of how much his body struggles for breath, how he is actually suffocating in this world, and not just in his imagination of dark waves breaking above his head.
"Josh? I think you're having a panic attack. I need you to calm down," Aidan says, now with a stronger voice. Josh's breathing is so fast and so shallow that he might go in shock – and that is when Aidan's medical sense takes over and does what is best for a "patient".
Josh's whole body is shaking, though he feels like he is burning alive. Can you burn alive like that? Vampires can, but then they turn to dust… or stake best friends in the chest.
"Josh? Josh? Focus on me, focus on me," Aidan tries again.
But Josh can't focus. He can't breathe. How do you breathe? How do you breathe when your child wasn't ever granted its first breath?
"Josh? C'mon, you gotta try to control your breathing. Can you do that? Josh?" Aidan asks, trying to keep his own panic in check.
"Okay, Josh, I will try to help you. I will count and you will accustom your breathing to that. On two you breathe in, and then out on four, can you do that? One, two, breathe in, three, four, breathe out. One, two, three, four, one, two, three, four," Aidan goes on, hoping that this will do the trick.
Josh closes his eyes, trying to hear Aidan's voice, but it's so hard. He only hears his heart racing. And Nora crying. And him crying. And the waves crushing.
One, two, three, four. One, two, three, four.
"That's good, you'll be fine. You'll be fine, Josh," Aidan coaches the werewolf through the panic.
Josh suddenly feels something cold against his neck. He looks up to see Aidan pressing his hand in the nape of his neck.
"Cooling helps," the vampire shrugs. "Good to be a vampire for once. Just continue breathing. You'll be fine. I got you."
Aidan grasps Josh's hand with his free own hand while guiding the werewolf's head against his shoulder, allowing him to cry into the fabric of his shirt, while not letting go for a second as the sadness shakes Josh, breaks him, crushes him.
Aidan holds his hand – and won't slip away.
Chapter 14: Bluethroats & Silver Bullets
Summary:
Nora moves into the monster household.
Aidan keeps a distance from Josh, fearing that he can't help him, and also because Josh's child's death revives some bad memories for him. And the vampire community doens't make it any better.
Sally observes Nora's change in attitude (and apparent interest in werewolf-issues) with growing worry.
After Aidan has to ditch Josh to drive him into the woods for the turn, Nora volunteers.
Heggeman appears and goes after Josh.
Josh rips Heggeman to shreds.
They make it home the next day, barely so. Sally and Aidan are worried for Josh, who was injured on tops of everything.
But they are more worried about Nora's... reaction.
Notes:
Hello everyone, welcome to my world of madness!
Alright, so… as already mentioned in the last note, I'm hereby starting to dive into my own AU. Please fasten your seatbelts… or whatever.
*Spoiler-Warning* (don't like, don't read): I make some major changes to Nora's character and storyline. I build on that premise for two reasons: One, I think the show, even if addressed, didn't really stress how much of a psychological toll the loss of the child took on Nora (and Josh), something that I want to dive into a little more. Two, I have greater plans in mind for her, so Nora-fans who read this – I make her appear the way she does now for a reason. Please stay tuned to get to the gist of it. I love her, too! I really do!
Chapter Text
After the horrific revelation about Josh's future broken to tiny little pieces, Aidan and Sally find themselves standing at the window, waiting for Josh to return with Nora.
However, there is also another thing now looming above their heads, or particularly Aidan's head, since killing Bishop seemingly earned him the vampire-jackpot. He is supposed to see Mother soon, the vampire of vampires, discussing the future of the Boston Fang Community, as Sally names it.
And that is exactly what Aidan doesn't need right now. He would rather be steadfast in his support for Josh to help him through this time, but he also knows that disobeying Mother is even more suicide than was to disobey Bishop – and that seemed hardly possible.
The car pulls into the driveway and Josh almost jumps out of the car seconds later to open the door for Nora. Neither of the roommates can help the grimace as Josh guides her up the stairs as a scout helps an elderly woman cross the road – and even more surprisingly that Nora goes with it.
"Alright, here we are," Josh says as he opens the door.
"Hi," Aidan greets Nora with a grimace.
"Oh, ugh, hello," she whispers, not really meeting his eyes.
"I'm very sorry for your loss," Aidan then says.
"Thank you," she replies meekly, blinking at him for a moment.
"I'm too, by the way, even if you can't hear me," Sally grimaces, throwing up her hands.
"Alright, uhm, so do you wanna go upstairs and lie down a bit or watch some TV or whatever? I don't know?" Josh turns to Nora.
"Upstairs would be good," she replies weakly.
"Okay," the werewolf nods. Josh helps her up the stairs without another word.
"Well, that was awkward," Sally throws her hands in the air. "And she couldn't even see me to make it… more awkward."
"Cut them some slack," Aidan sighs.
"They get all the slack in the world for what they went through, Aidan. I just say I find it… weird… how they act," Sally shrugs.
"Yeah, I get what you mean," Aidan exhales.
A short while later, Josh comes back downstairs, still looking like death warmed over.
"She is still not feeling well. The doctor said that's not uncommon," he says almost apologetically. Not that this is really new. Ever since Josh admitted what went on that night Aidan won his freedom while he lost everything, Josh has been apologetic for everything, not only to Nora, but everyone. He even said sorry for just standing in the hallway once.
"Yeah, sure," Sally nods, offering a warm smile. It might be that she is not too sure of how those two act, but her will to support Josh is not wavered by this in any way. If that means to be extra-cheerful for a while, then so be it. Sally is good being overly cheerful!
"Are you coming to work today?" Aidan asks, but Josh shakes his head no, "No, I would rather keep a close eye on her."
"Sure, if that's what you want," Aidan replies.
"I already called in sick for the next couple of days, so it shouldn't bother," Josh agrees.
"Alright," Aidan grimaces. He didn't think Josh planned that far ahead already.
"Okay, uhm… I will fix some tea and so on for her, then," Josh mutters, before he walks off to the kitchen wordlessly. Aidan and Sally shrug at each other.
They just need time, right?
Aidan shakes his head. He still can't believe it. To top all other problems, he now has the prospect of becoming second-in-command to Suren, Suren of all people, to run Boston's vampire community, after they were orphaned… thanks to Aidan, apparently. Sadly, there is no much saying 'no' to Mother – if your life is any dear to you. However, the implication she made about him grooming Suren made Aidan's stomach flip painfully. He had too many tragic relationships on the romantic level, and such match-making is surely not to his liking. He chooses with whom he wants to be together, not Mother. If he wants to be with Suren is something that he has to decide, or well… he would rather decide, because… once again, what Mother says is rule. And obeying the rules the only way of survival.
However, he also tries to see the upshot here: If Aidan does his job outright, then maybe he finally gets the chance to get his will – to be free of that community and live the life he wants to live, with Sally and Josh. If he manages to make Suren stand tall and strong as Boston's new leader, so Mother said, he'd be free to go his ways.
And even if it might be no more than wishful thinking, Aidan starts to like the idea.
"Aidan?" Sally's voice rings out, bringing him back to the living room he is actually in, sitting on the sofa with the female ghost, who is looking at her sternly.
"What?" he blinks at her.
"I asked you a question," she grimaces.
"Sorry, I was distracted for a second. What was it?" Aidan frowns.
"I asked you if you have any plans… for helping Josh?" Sally cocks an eyebrow at him.
"I don't know if there is much we can help him with, Sally. He and Nora need time to figure this out. That doesn't happen overnight," Aidan shrugs his shoulders.
"Yeah, I know that, too, but… you see it, too, don't you?" Sally makes a face.
"What?" Aidan frowns at her.
"She is… weird," Sally sighs. She knows it sounds mean, but… it's just weird to see Nora like this when Sally remembers her as this actually quite outgoing, funny girl who didn't lack the strength or determination. She doesn't judge the blonde woman for it, but… Sally doesn't know how to deal with it.
"Sally, she lost a child. That can lead to severe depression, and in some cases even personality changes, especially in the mother. She gets to go down the weird road for a while without being pulled over," Aidan argues.
"Josh won't go to work in days now. I'm starting to worry," Sally argues nevertheless.
"Give them time," Aidan sighs.
"I am. Look, it's just that, normally, Josh finds it helpful to work, when he's having problems. You know that. It helps him to get his emotions in check, because it's all about routine and so on… but he doesn't do that. Instead, he hovers over Nora and fusses around the house, making me dizzy," Sally replies.
"He is just protective of her. That's normal," Aidan argues, trying not to think back to when he and Suzanna… no, not now.
"Will you talk to him, though?" Sally asks quietly.
"About your worries, no you do that yourself," Aidan snorts.
"No, I mean about… well, losing the child," Sally whispers.
"What now?" Aidan grunts, though he already has the feeling what she means to say.
"You are the only person he trusts who went through something similar. You are the one person he can relate to. And you're his best friend," Sally tries.
"That's two different things, Sally," Aidan shakes his head, folding his arms over his chest.
"Of course it's not exactly the same, but…," Sally means to say, but Aidan interrupts her quite harshly, "That is not happening."
"I didn't mean to make you mad," Sally argues.
"You didn't," Aidan exhales. He knows she doesn't mean that. "Just don't… ask me for this, okay? It won't help him in that way. Let those two handle it their way."
"Fine," Sally mutters.
"Okay, uhm… I have to head to the Halloway Hotel. It'll be late, I guess," Aidan grimaces, getting up from his seat.
"As always," Sally grumbles. Aidan looks at her sternly, to which the female ghost makes a grimace. She then goes on to glance at the TV. Aidan sighs, but then grabs his jacket and the keys to leave. He closes the door. Sally exhales, "Seriously. Why don't you call Suren Rebecca? Then you have the same situation all over, Mr. Waite. Let's see how long you take this time around to figure it out."
Sally watches with growing worry how her roommates are drifting off and on, but a little further away each time. Aidan is very busy with Suren and running the Boston vampires, something the ghost hates to her guts, but knows Aidan can hardly change. Even she gets it that you don't have a tête-à-tête with someone who calls herself Mother and just buries her daughter for disobeying her. So a part of her really gets that, honestly, but… but then she sees Josh and Nora and she would love to just shove Aidan in that direction again, to fix things. She tried again and again to talk to Josh, but he is not listening to her. Even if he is always kind, he pretty much tells her between the lines that she doesn't know what this means, what that is like, and that she thus should keep out of it. And sadly… that is the beating argument here. Sally doesn't know what that is like. She can't offer advice in that certain way. The only one who could is too busy with this stupid vampire hotel. Just why doesn't Aidan see that he is the only one who can pull Josh out of that misery?
Josh still doesn't go to work. He spends his days tending to Nora, or rather, being her little servant. He cooks her food, brings her tea, gets her DVD's and blankets. Not that this is not okay, but… it's just that it's not okay. Nora isn't like herself, at all. She is either pretty much apathetic and just stares into nothingness, or Sally sees the two lying next to each other, Nora holding on like a clingy dog – just to get totally furious moments later, pushing Josh away and throwing accusations like stones. However, Josh, the ever so kind man he is, just endures, holds on, and takes all the blame for it. It's making Sally sick.
And not bad enough, no, there is also this other fear growing within her that is so much worse, actually. She realizes again and again how Nora asks about Josh's wolfhood. Not that this really comes as a surprise. Sally would like to know as well what the hell this is about – if she lost her child to it. That alone wouldn't be upsetting. What is upsetting, however, is that she doesn't just ask out of curiosity, but Sally has the impression that Nora asks… suggestively.
"It makes you strong, right?"
"More endurable."
"So you forget everything?"
"Even vampires can't do harm?"
"You heal yourself faster in that state?"
"I wonder what that feels like."
"I always liked the full moon."
Sally fears that Nora wants to be a wolf, too. And a part of her thinks that she shares that fear with Josh. After all, he makes any effort to paint his wolfhood in the darkest of colors, how painful it is, how much sacrifice it means, how it destroyed his life. Nora lets it go, then, but there is something in her eyes that leaves Sally in doubt about her.
The female ghost whips her head around as she hears footsteps approaching – Josh's, apparently.
"Oh, hey," Sally says, blinking at him.
"Hey," Josh replies weakly, flashing a faint smirk – and how much Sally misses him smirking the way he used to.
"How are you today?" Sally questions.
"Good, thanks. Yourself?" Josh asks, running a hand over his face.
"Roaming around, you know, the usual business," Sally shrugs her shoulders.
"Good," Josh nods.
"Tonight is the full moon, right?" Sally goes on. It became so oddly hard to have conversation with him ever since… it happened. And that even though those two could talk about the most random things for hours. However, at this point, Josh talks almost not at all, if it doesn't revolve around Nora or the usual things of the household. Other than that… he is almost completely silent. He lost his voice.
"Yeah," he nods tightly. Josh would rather take a break from being a wolf for a while, until Nora is better, until… well, honestly, he would love to take a break from this for forever, but if he could choose a time now, it would be this month around.
"Where will you go to turn?" Sally questions.
"To the woods. I would rather not go to the hospital… ever again, if I can help it," Josh admits rather sheepishly, and Sally agrees meekly, "Yeah."
"Yeah," he exhales. They sigh and exhale a lot these days.
"Did you call Aidan so that he gives you a lift?" Sally asks.
"I left him a text," Josh replies.
"That guy…," Sally mutters. Really, he should be sending Josh messages to offer, for goodness sake. Sally gets it that Aidan is busy and that he does that for the greater good, but… but Josh is having such a hard time right now. They both discussed the very night that Josh came clean to Aidan – and simply fell asleep after hours of crying, so Aidan said. Sally and he agreed that they would support him no matter what and that they would work their asses off to make him feel better again. However, the female ghost is under the impression ever the more that she is the only one pulling on that side of the rope lately.
"Well, if not, I will just park my car somewhere further away and then walk, that shouldn't bother," Josh shrugs. He is just done making problems, producing problems, being a failure. He knows that Aidan is busy with the vampires for good reason – and that it might buy him the freedom the vampire needs and deserves, so Josh will be the last to stand in his way.
He stood in too many people's ways lately.
"He should bother," Sally argues sternly.
"Sally," Josh sighs. He knows that she has been pushy about the topic, but he is just tired. He runs a hand over his face.
"I'm just moody," she grimaces, knowing that she gets upset with the wrong address. It's hardly Josh's fault that Aidan is apparently… aloof, again.
Suddenly his phone vibrates. Josh takes it out of his pocket, glancing at the screen, "Ah, text from Aidan. No need to be moody, he can take me tonight."
"Well, at least something," Sally mutters under her breath.
"He has enough crap to deal with when it comes to the clan. You know that this is really nothing he can help," Josh argues. Really, Aidan can count himself lucky that he has such a supportive friend like Josh, Sally thinks to herself. Others would be mad as hell, the hell, she is mad as hell!
"Just as he couldn't help it with Rebecca. Figure the pattern," she snorts.
"It's not like that," Josh argues.
"It's exactly like it," Sally argues, meaning to say something else when suddenly Nora's voice rings out again.
"Josh?!"
Josh almost jumps, looking like a dog who just got caught with the paws in the treat-box to hurry back to the owner.
"Oh, right, the tea," he says sheepishly, before yelling louder, "Coming!"
He turns to Sally apologetically, "I'll talk to you later."
"Sure…," she grimaces uncertainly. And so he disappears with the kettle in hand. Off he is.
Sally is glad that Aidan finally stands to his word. He is sharp on time to take Josh to the woods. The female ghost hopes that this will maybe give them a moment to… talk. After all, that is what she waits for to happen since ever.
"So you don't worry, I have an eye on her," Sally tells Josh, who is nervously looking up to his room where Nora is.
"Thanks," he nods hastily.
"I should be here for the rest of the night, too, so you can turn in all peace… well, however peaceful that is," Aidan agrees, offering an uncertain smile. He knows that he is not exactly being there for Josh the way he had planned, but Suren is really keeping him from doing his work. And once again, if he wants to have any shot of staying with those two, it's this way.
"Right," Josh grimaces as he grabs his bag and jacket. Aidan grabs the keys as suddenly his phone beeps. Sally narrows her eyes, but chooses not to comment.
"Oh shit," Aidan mutters, his eyes widening.
"What now?" Sally grimaces.
"Suren. I told her to keep her hands away from the police. Why doesn't she ever listen?!" Aidan growls at the phone.
"So is it a situation?" Josh frowns.
"I fear she might turn someone," Aidan admits.
"Oh God, seriously?!" Josh gapes.
"I have to stop her," Aidan shakes his head. That woman, really!
"That must be some kind of joke," Sally throws her hands in the air in exasperation.
"Sally," Josh warns her, knowing that she takes all of it as a sign that Aidan doesn't care, though Josh knows that he just has different priorities right now, priorities he honestly accepts. It makes him uncomfortable anyways that people care about him so much.
He doesn't deserve it after all.
"What?! That comes pretty convenient, no?" Sally mutters, crossing her arms over her chest.
"Aidan, if you have to go, you go. I get to the woods myself," Josh assures the vampire.
"I'm really royally sorry," Aidan grimaces, folding his hands as a gesture. He really is sorry. He had it planned. He told Suren that he needed the night off. He did, he tried, but… reality always gets in the way of any good plan, seemingly.
"Just make sure she doesn't do it," Josh nods.
"But who takes you, then?" Sally argues.
"As I said, I'll just go by myself. It should be enough time, still," Josh shrugs.
"I can take you," Nora suddenly says, standing on the stairs.
"What?" Josh blinks at her.
Nora shrugs at him, "I can drop you off."
"You really don't have to," Josh assures her. He would rather keep her away from all of it, the furthest possible.
"It's alright. I wanted to see that anyways," she tells him, making Josh's and Sally's skin crawl.
"What?" Aidan frowns. What is that supposed to mean? However, before he gets to question, Josh takes over again, "Doesn't matter. Go, Aidan."
"Again, I'm really sorry," Aidan apologizes, though he makes a mental note to ask about that later. He rushes off. Sally growls angrily.
"And you're sure it's alright? I can really go by myself, that's no bother," Josh tries another time, but Nora gives a shrug of her shoulders, "It's no bother to me either."
"Okay, uhm… are you ready, then?" Josh grimaces.
"I'll just grab my jacket," she nods, before heading up the stairs again.
"He will get hell for this once he is back," Sally mutters.
"Cut him some slack," Josh whispers.
"I'm cutting everyone slack here!" she growls.
"I'll be back in the morning," he assures her.
"Be safe," she exhales. That is when Nora emerges again and the two leave the house wordlessly, leaving Sally in worry about her family, once again.
This is about the worst déjà-vu ever.
"So okay, uhm… you can drop me off over there. I will walk the rest of the way," Josh tells Nora as they come near the woods.
"Can't I stay?" she asks, her voice even and soft, still lacking the spark of enthusiasm Josh misses so much that his heart tears apart a bit more each time.
"No. That is too dangerous," he tells her with urgency in his voice.
"But..," she means to argue, but Josh won't let her, "I ask you to drive back home, okay?"
"But I would like to see it again," she retorts.
"Why?" he furrows his eyebrows at Nora, who only gives a shrug, "I don't know. That would make it more real, I guess. Last time… it was just… so unreal… like some nightmare. And… maybe it wouldn't be as much a nightmare anymore if I… saw it in a different light."
"It will have to wait. It's really too dangerous, okay? I could harm you in that state, turn you," Josh argues, grasping her hand for a second, but then pulls away sheepishly, fearing her reaction.
"Fine," she says at least, making him exhales with relief, "Okay, then I'll be gone. I love you."
"Bye," she replies, not making any effort to hide her disappointment. Josh grimaces as he exits the car and starts towards the woods. He knows that Nora demands those things more regularly now and it scares him to be honest, but he, just as honestly, doesn't know how to deal with that. Josh can't imagine what she goes through or why Nora does what she does. He would love to help her, but he just doesn't know how.
He just doesn't know anything right now.
Josh looks up to the canopy, finding the rustling of the leaves surprisingly soothing. He takes off his jacket, shuddering as the brisk wind captures him. That is really one of the downsides of turning in the woods – to stand there naked no matter the weather.
Josh closes his eyes, trying to focus on his breathing, on the tingling sensation that he knows will soon turn to pain. However, the pain exploding in his face is nothing he expected. Josh turns around to see someone, an older man dressed in white shirt and black vest and trousers, aiming a rifle at him. It's Heggeman. What is that guy doing here?!
And why the hell is he shooting at him?!
Just when the hell does world stop making fun of him, or having fun at his expenses?! Please!
Josh staggers, trying to walk back, but that is when he feels the familiar pain pulling his feet down.
"Josh?!"
For a moment Josh is convinced that he is back in the basement, hearing Nora call out to him. Can you live through the same hell twice? Why is she here? Why didn't she drive off? Why didn't he go by himself, dammit?!
Josh looks up at her, blue eyes darting through the foliage like little bluethroats.
"Get away! Run! Nora! Run!" he manages to cry out, moving at her to run the opposite direction to get away from Heggeman before he is within range.
Shots ring and Josh feels pain exploding in his arm. He cries out, tumbling to the ground again. Josh glances at his arm, some kind of smoke coming out of the wound, though it's not from the bullet itself. And it hurts.
Damn, it hurts!
What is this? However, before he can worry more about the wound to his arm, the next shots rings out, just that they don't come from Heggeman's rifle, but… his? He left a gun in the car, for cases of emergency. The past taught Josh that such things can be the difference between life and death, because even if the bullets don't kill a vampire, they buy you time to run away – and get a stake. Nora must have found it – and now shot at Heggeman.
"Nora!"
The pain throws Josh to the ground again as his limbs extend, break, mend, reshape. Fur breaks out of his skin, and the wolf howls in his ears. The next things are merely a rush of colors and single frames.
He lunges forward.
More gunshots ring, making the birds flee from the canopy into the night.
Jumping the vampire.
Tearing him to the ground.
Flesh in his mouth.
Blood on his tongue.
Howling to the moon.
Then the two bluethroats staring at him.
Somehow Josh tears away and runs the opposite direction, away from the birds, away from the blue.
After that… darkness.
Sally stands by the window with a grimace. If Josh and Nora are not back soon, she will have to zap to the woods to go look for them herself. She would love to call Aidan or see Aidan, but he told her specifically to stay away from the Halloway Hotel, if not for some case of emergency, because the vampires are still not all too friendly to ghosts.
However, that is when she hears the car approaching. Sally lets a silent sigh of relief as she sees the vehicle pull into the driveway. Yet, that relief is only short-lived as she sees Josh almost falling out of the car, hastily getting to Nora, who is, like him, over with dirt. The two make it up the stairs, halfway staggering. Josh fumbles for the keys, almost loses them, but then manages to turn the key in the lock and brings them both inside.
"Josh?! What happened?! What is wrong?! Can I help?! What's…?" she asks, her voice shaking. Just what the hell is going on here?!
"Let's get you to the couch," Josh mutters to the blonde woman in his arms. He guides Nora to sit on it, kneeling down in front of her, "I'll be right back, okay? Just stay here and… just stay here."
She gives an absent nod, staring ahead. Josh gets up, almost falling to the side before he walks up the stairs, or rather goes on all fours.
"Josh?! Talk to me! Please!" Sally shrieks. Josh throws the door to the bathroom open, crosses over to the toilet and then starts to retch, hard. Sally watches in horror as there is blood coming out of his mouth.
"Oh my God! You need to see a doctor! I'm getting Aidan!" Sally says, but that is when Josh manages to somehow bring out between the heaves, "Wait!"
"What?!" she blinks at him. He can't be serious. He is throwing up blood and she is not supposed to get help?
"'S not my blood," Josh brings out.
"… what?!" Sally frowns. This is not making any sense. Josh goes on heaving again, but then manages to croak, "That is not my blood, but someone else's. The wolf…"
"But…," Sally stammers, but that is when Josh speaks up again, "Go downstairs and keep an eye on Nora."
"But Josh," Sally urges him, but Josh curses at her, closing his eyes, "Now!"
"Okay, okay," she says, holding up her hands.
"Thanks," Josh manages to croak before he goes on retching. Sally zaps downstairs to find Nora sitting the same spot. The female ghost settles down in front of her on the coffee table.
"I know you can't hear me, Nora, but please don't do anything stupid, okay?" Sally grimaces nervously. "Poor dear."
As if on cue, the door opens a few moments later and Aidan comes inside. Nora makes no effort to look at him, but instead stares ahead. Sally lunges up from her seat.
"Aidan! Go upstairs! Josh is sick, and I don't know what else! I don't know what's going on! Help him!" Sally says, not taking a breath just once.
Aidan bolts up the stairs instantly. Sally looks back at Nora and figures that she won't do anything stupid for ten seconds. Because she definitely needs to know what's going on here.
Sally zaps upstairs, too.
"Josh?! What happened?" Aidan yelps as he sees Josh hanging over the toilet, over with mud and… blood. Josh spits another time into the toilet before he leans back to rest his head against the wall, "Heggeman."
"What about him?" Aidan furrows his eyebrows, his brain still not totally catching up.
"He happened," Josh coughs, his mind drifting. He hates the taste of blood. He didn't think that he would ever taste vampire blood. Because normally they just turn to dust, but he can still taste it… that and the deer the werewolf went after once he was finished with Heggeman.
"What now?" Sally blinks at him.
"He was there, last night. He tried to kill me. He fuckin' tried to kill me," Josh mutters.
"That godforsaken son of a bitch," Aidan growls, already meaning to stand back up, "I will tear him to shreds."
"Already did," Josh brings out, fighting the next wave of nausea. "Hence the new toilet décor."
"You killed him," Aidan blinks at him.
"With Nora's help," Josh nods tightly.
"What?" Sally can't help but repeat. Because really – what?!
"She heard the gunshots, ran after me, saw Heggeman, and shot at him to distract him. I turned in the meantime and… well, shredded him," Josh brings out, the nausea washing over him again.
"Did you hunt her, as a wolf?" Aidan asks worriedly, but gladly, Josh shakes his head at that, "She said no. I remember running a different way, too. When I woke up, I was almost on the outskirt of the woods. It took me over half an hour to find back to the car where she slept."
"Why would Heggeman go after Josh?" Sally questions.
"I don't know," Aidan shakes his head.
"God!" Sally throws her hands up. She knew this was going to escalate, though she never thought it would go that far, really.
"Josh! Your arm!" Aidan suddenly yelps. Josh looks at his left arm sluggishly, only now remembering that this wound was still there even after the turn.
"… why do I still have that?" he frowns, blinking a few times.
"He probably used silver bullets," Aidan grunts, muttering some incoherent curses under his breath. Really, if that bastard were still alive, Aidan would kill him again, slowly.
"Seriously?" Josh sighs exasperatedly. Silver bullets, of course. Aidan shrugs.
"I hate this," Josh mutters, leaning against the wall a bit more. Aidan gets up to grab the first aid kit from the cabinet before he kneels down in front of his friend, opening up the buttons of his shirt to get a good look at the wound on his upper arm.
"It's not too deep. I think a thick bandage will do," Aidan tells him, still testing the wound for further damage, feeling phantom pains shooting up his fingertips each time Josh flinches away.
"Just make it quick. I don't want to leave Nora alone for so long," Josh urges him.
"Sally? Could you?" Aidan asks, turning to the ghost. Sally gets the message, though. Even if she would rather stay to have an eye on Josh, she sees that he won't let Aidan treat him in that state, unless he knows Nora is watched.
"Yeah, yeah," she says, zapping downstairs.
"Okay, I will have to clean that thoroughly so that the remaining silver comes out," Aidan tells him.
"Again, just make it quick, please. I don't want her to worry her even more," Josh lets out a shuddered breath.
"Think about yourself for a second," Aidan argues.
"Not now, Aidan," Josh looks at him grimly. That is really not the time.
"I will talk to Mother. I bet she had to do with it," Aidan mutters as he gets out the materials needed to treat the wound properly.
"This must be some sick kind of dream," Josh shakes his head.
"I'm so sorry," Aidan says.
"Just… don't, okay?" Josh grunts. He doesn't want to hear it.
"Okay. That will sting now," Aidan warns Josh before he brings down the swabs on the wound to clean it thoroughly. Josh growls, but holds still, his mind too focused on Nora than on anything else.
"I never should've allowed her to take me," Josh mutters sadly.
"I… should have been there to take you," Aidan argues.
"Did you prevent… what Suren was up to?" Josh asks, needing a short moment of distraction.
"Sadly… no," Aidan admits.
"That sucks," Josh whispers.
"Yeah, neither one was on the winning side that night," Aidan agrees.
"Other than Mother, seemingly," Josh huffs. Aidan finishes the thick bandage around his arm. He would like to tend to it a little more carefully, but he can see that Josh won't let that happen by any means.
"Seemingly," Aidan exhales. "Okay, that should hold."
Josh gets to his feet, almost tumbling over, if not for Aidan holding on to his good shoulder.
"Take a moment," Aidan tells him.
"But Nora…," Josh means to argue, but Aidan tries again, "Just wait for the dizziness to pass, then walk, Josh. Now don't be ridiculous over two seconds."
Josh pushes past him and makes his way down the stairs anyway, leaving Aidan to trot after him, his hands slightly extended to grab for when the werewolf decides to make a small flight down the stairs. Josh halfway staggers over to Nora to take his place where Sally was before, sitting on the coffee table awkwardly. He grasps her cheek with his palm, "You're okay now. I'm so sorry."
"You killed him," she says, not meeting his eyes.
"Yeah," he nods sadly.
"And he was a vampire, you say?" she questions, now meeting his eyes.
"Yes, his name is… was… Heggeman. One of the Dutch I told you about," Josh agrees.
"You killed him," she says again.
"I'm so sorry that you had to see that," Josh closes his eyes, shaking his head.
"Just like that," she tilts her head lightly.
"I had no control," Josh stutters apologetically.
"It took you so little," she whispers.
"I regret it, trust me. I didn't mean to kill him," Josh tells her.
"You were so strong that you just had to jump him and… he was dead," Nora goes on.
"I won't ever let that happen again, you hear me? You are safe," Josh assures her.
"Sure," Nora nods. "Safe."
Josh pulls her close. Nora just leans against him, her eyes some other place. Sally and Aidan watch with wide eyes. Josh doesn't seem to see the actual message here.
Nora liked what she saw.
The only thing Josh gets through his filter of worry, however, is that she is scared and traumatized. And even if she is surely traumatized, she doesn't seem scared.
"I will talk to Mother," Aidan whispers at Sally.
"Okay. I'll keep an eye on the two," Sally agrees.
"Okay," the vampire nods. Aidan walks out without another word.
He has some clarification to do.
Josh holds Nora close, hoping that this will hold their world together.
Chapter 15: Codependency
Summary:
Sally observes with growing worry as Josh and Nora dive deeper into the unhealthy kind of relationship they have.
Aidan tries to keep out of it, until Sally forces him to experience the two first-hand.
Aidan has to realize that he has to act.
Sally finds out about Nora's "research".
Aidan and Sally must decide how they will deal with the information.
How will they tell Josh?
And how will he take it?
Notes:
Hello everyone, welcome back! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
So, we are getting deeper down the AU-hole of no return. As already said before, Nora's role here is much different than from the show – I hope you got the hint what did apparently not happen to her on the full moon… I need it that way for my own evil purposes, just as I need her more like a bit** for now, again, for those reasons. I really have greater plans with her, I do. She won't just stay that forever, rest assured, Nora-fans out there.
Another thing, what I say here about codependent relationships stems from internet research, as does the questionnaire, the link hereby, to bypass any claims of plagiarism or whatever:
mentalhealthamericaDOTnetSLASHco-dependency
Anyways, I hope you'll like this chapter.
Chapter Text
Codependency.
Ever heard of that? If yes, then you are at least conscious of its existence, good for you, then you were at least warned before. If not, you should maybe check if you don't already live it.
For starters, t's a condition that affects a person's ability of maintaining or building up a normal kind of relationship. They are often one-sided, with one partner as the enabler, the other as the enabled.
Enablers can be characterized as people often lacking self-esteem and trying anything to please and help others so that they don't have to deal with their own problems. Some say they find it hard to "be themselves", which can easily lead to addiction, or compulsive behaviors.
It's not like they do it out of malice. The tragedy is that they actually do all that with a bunch of good intentions. They do stuff they normally wouldn't, out of sheer love for the needy counterpart. The problem? It enables them to continue with their ways, no matter how much harm that means to either one.
As the enabler, you want to be needed. You need to be needed to have some kind of sense in life. Your new sense in life is that other person. His or her wellbeing is everything you care for, everything you can even care for.
You spiral down, and if you don't have someone pulling you out, you lose yourself in it, you lose yourself. You don't know who you are anymore. You are suddenly just the means to either cover up for an addiction, or support an addict whatever the form, making you the ultimate addict after all.
Love is your new addiction.
And that is when love twists and turns – and simply hurts.
And you can only hope that there is someone who twists and turns you back and stops the bleeding.
Sally sits on the couch in the living room, cherishing the ease she feels for once as she has the house for herself. Sally just can't take this anymore. It has gone on for felt eternities that Josh entered what she considers a codependent relationship with Nora.
And yes, it might be that she just uses her bit of knowledge from the few semesters of psychology at college or the online sources Sally managed to read after a lot of focusing hard to push the buttons the way she needed them. However, Sally found that funny questionnaire online to find the first clues that her roommate is in such a relationship. She did it with Josh and Nora… and…Let's just say that this questionnaire, however useful it is now, may reveal one thing – that whatever it is that they have is not healthy.
Let's check the list little quick to make the point:
1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments? – Oh yes, Josh does.
2. Are you always worried about others' opinions of you? – Oh yes, Josh is… and even was before, but that's beside the point, because there is just one opinion that matters to him now, a four-letter word. Yes. N-O-R-A.
3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem? – If blood addiction counts, too?
4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you? – Josh said he was bullied as a kid, though that might be a bit farfetched. However, Sally counts it as bullying what Nora does. She can't even tell how many times Josh ran up and down the stairs for some tea or a cookie, like some dog – and not the wolf he actually is.
5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own? – Y-E-S.
6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home? – Josh fusses about it when they change schedule at the hospital, even if for that… Josh would require to be at work, which he hardly is these days, but even at home, he now almost has a mental breakdown when he runs out of tea or biscuits or milk. So yeah, he doesn't like changes.
7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends? – Not too sure about that yet. Because for that those two would have to be apart for more than five minutes.
8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be? – Please.
9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others? – This is Josh we are talking about.
10. Have you ever felt inadequate? – Again, this is Josh we are talking about.
11. Do you feel like a "bad person" when you make a mistake? – For crying out loud, yes.
12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts? – Yep.
13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake? – Well, not really. One for the no-list, yay!
14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts? – Josh surely thinks Nora will jump off some cliff if he is not there, and that even when he just goes to loo.
15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done? – Sally doesn't know, but it's not impossible.
16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss? – Check, though that is understandable after police officers around their playgrounds… are likely to have fangs.
17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life? Yep. Yep. Yep.
18. Do you have trouble saying "no" when asked for help? – Are you kidding?
19. Do you have trouble asking for help? – Again, are you kidding?
20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can't do justice to any of them? – That is surely what he thinks.
"If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency."
Thanks for taking the test.
Josh, you flunked it, or nailed it, whichever way you read it now. You got almost a hundred percent, congratulations, go to therapy.
Of course Sally wouldn't ever say so to Josh, though she fears she might have to be that forceful to make Josh see the truth. Namely, that his relationship is going down the hill the way it is. And that, far more importantly, he is losing himself in it.
Josh doesn't go to work except for a few days to keep the job, and after the incident with Heggeman, he does barely leave the home, if at all, oh yeah, and he also quit med school, by the way.
Med school. What used to be his dream, and suddenly was again. Sally can still remember how shocked she was when he admitted that to her and Aidan. Both tried to convince him to hold on to it again, but Josh just said that he had now new priorities and that they were to make it up to Nora and make sure she is fine.
Just that he fails to see that he is not fine either. And that is truly the dilemma here.
Josh tries to fix someone when he is in ruins himself. Sally and Aidan both tried to talk to him, even if Sally does so more persistently than Aidan. However, Josh just kindly rebuffs them each time. He won't talk about it, he won't talk about his relationship with Nora. He won't talk about the child he lost as well as her.
He doesn't allow himself to grieve, except for the one time he broke down in tears when he admitted it to Aidan. Josh just… survives, somehow. And not very well while at it.
And all that not bad enough yet, but Sally is, once again, furious with her fangy other roommate who is, once again, too busy with vampire things that he is hardly at home. She really doesn't try to play the bitchy one here, but she can't help herself. Sally sees Josh suffering, and how Aidan suffers at seeing Josh suffer, but he won't keep around. And far more importantly, he won't really talk to him. Sally asked him again and again to maybe discuss their experiences of losing a child. She knows that this would help Josh. To… get advice, have someone to talk to who went through similar, but Aidan brushes her off each time, stating that it won't help Josh anyways.
Even if it's mean, Sally already threw it at the vampire several times that he is falling back into old patterns, as he did with Rebecca, not seeing the family problems, but just being there for this girl instead. Because even if he always pushes on how this is his gateway out of the vampire community, even Sally can see that he is in love with her, or has at least a major crush on her, because… well… Sally won't say it or even think it inside her head.
Maybe she is just seeing… ghosts, whatever.
Sally just has the feeling that Aidan should be focusing on the one person he cares about most – and that person is not Suren in her opinion, let's leave it at that.
The last time she addressed the topic, Sally feared for a moment that the vampire would try to exorcise her, really. He left quickly then – and she could hear the trashcans flying around even from the upper story.
So yeah, they are all caught up in some twisted kind of codependency, maybe. Everyone needs everyone. Everyone hurts everyone.
Don't they make one cute bunch?
Well, and then there is this other thing, among the many other things that pile up in their house like tons of trash in a junkyard of problems and hurt feelings: Nora is really not herself. Sally observed it time and time again how she does not only go on musing and suggesting that maybe Josh should turn her, too, so that they can stop worrying about her being turned by him, after all, he barely dares to touch her…or anything or anyone. No, she does more than that. She uses him, and quite obviously so in the ghost's opinion. She accuses him, directly, indirectly, and Nora actually yammers around. Yes, yammers. Sally knows that she goes through hell, but so does Josh, for goodness' sake! She is not the only one who lost that child, something seemingly everyone forgets here. Josh lost that kid, too. And still, she gets to be all mean to him, really awful to him, even pushing him away and around as she pleases… just to be all needy and touchy again. It's making Sally sick.
Just what is she supposed to do? Huh? Sign them up for family therapy?
"Hello? Anyone home?" Aidan's voice rings out.
"Hey," she replies, waving her hand at him lazily.
"Hey," he replies, shrugging off his jacket.
"The lovebirds are out of the nest," Sally tells him as she turns back around. Aidan steps over with a frown, "To where?"
Normally, the two never leave the house, or so Sally lets him know all the while.
"Josh managed to make the Queen go for a walk," Sally mutters, gesturing wildly.
"I told you again and again not to call her like that," Aidan sighs.
"It's not like she can hear me anyways," she retorts. Aidan lets out a sigh as he drops down on the couch.
"Will you talk to Josh?" Sally grumbles.
"I told you…," Aidan rolls his eyes, but the female ghost is having none of it, "I know what you told me, but I don't ask if you do, but I request you to do it, that's a huge difference."
"There is nothing I can do or say. Josh and Nora… they… I don't know," Aidan shrugs.
"That speech about needing time is wearing thin, Aidan. You know that as well as me, so don't make that excuse. Come at least up with something else on occasion," Sally mutters.
"What else am I supposed to say, Sally? They have problems, but that's normal after what they went through. They need time. They need time for themselves," Aidan argues.
"Josh is spiraling down," Sally warns him.
"You are exaggerating," Aidan says, leaning his head back. It's draining to always have the same kind of conversation… apparently with everyone in the house. Josh just talks about Nora or how he doesn't want to talk about anything. And Sally just goes on about how Aidan should talk to Josh, just to repeat the process.
They are so messed-up that words can hardly describe it.
"I'm not exaggerating, for goodness' sake! You'd agree with me if you were around to see it!" Sally curses.
"I am around," Aidan argues.
"Conveniently most of the time when Nora is not around," Sally rolls her eyes. She saw Aidan a few times waiting outside until he saw her going upstairs before he made his entrance.
"Now you're being dramatic again," Aidan grumbles.
"Why won't you talk to Josh about… the child?" Sally asks silently.
"I told you that I don't want to talk about it," Aidan tells her defensively.
No, he doesn't want to revive those demons, won't summon them from the past. They devour him each time, pull him a little deeper into the darkness.
"Josh is your best friend," Sally insists.
"I know that," Aidan argues.
Josh is his best friend, and probably the one person Aidan cares about most, really… if he is perfectly honest to himself. It makes his heart sting each time to see Josh so withdrawn, lacking that spark of enthusiasm, that spark of life in his eyes. His brown orbs grew dull, dusty, even. As though the candles were blown out. It hurts Aidan, but… what is he supposed to do?
"Then why don't you talk to him? As his best friend?" Sally grimaces.
"Because I can't," Aidan tells her again. Just why won't she understand that?
"Can't or don't want?" she narrows her eyes at him.
"Both," he admits.
"Aha," she snorts.
"There are just things I don't talk about," Aidan explains.
"Can't you jump over your own shadow just a little bit?" Sally argues. For a best friend, you even talk about the touchy things, don't you?
"I would love to, but… well, believe it or not, I tried to talk to him about… this," Aidan then says, much to her surprise, "Yeah?"
"Yeah," he huffs, but then whispers, "I couldn't get out the words."
"Aidan…," she exhales sadly.
"I can just say what the truth is. I tried to talk to him, but… this is just something that still hurts me so much… A part of me still thinks that I'm not over this, and my child is dead in a long time, Sally. How would I give Josh any advice when I'm not any better?" Aidan argues, allowing feelings to show for once. He would love to offer Josh advice, but he is afraid of giving the wrong one.
"I don't say you have to give him advice, but just…," Sally shrugs, but that makes Aidan huff at her, "What? Have a cute little care and share moment? That's not how either one of us works, Sally."
"Then how do you work?" she retorts, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"I don't know, just not like that," Aidan grumbles defensively.
"Josh is all into cute little care and share… well, he used to," Sally argues.
"Exactly, he used to," Aidan agrees. Everything is changed now.
"Then can you talk to him about… his codependent relationship with Nora at least?" she mutters.
"I would rather not butt into that," Aidan replies.
"God! Just how much of a wuss are you at times?! You say you can't talk about the child. Fine. I guess I have to accept that, but this is about relationship-shit. You used to talk about that. So now don't come me with trauma. At least not when you actually ogle at dear Princess Suren," Sally breaks out, now her patience wearing thin.
"Thin ice," Aidan warns her, but that won't waver the ghost, "I don't care. I'm a ghost. I don't break into the thinnest of ices. You could at least address that. I tried everything I could to make Josh listen to me, but he won't. You are… you are his best friend, not me."
She bows her head towards the end, making Aidan's heart ache a little.
"He loves you," he assures her.
"But you two understand each other in a way that… only you two can. I don't mind, honest. That's just the way it is at times. You two were teamed-up before I ghosted my way into your lives. Josh trusts you. He is the one person he always turned to for advice, before all this went down. Right now, he doesn't dare to rely on anyone, probably because he doesn't want to bother anyone, as twisted as he is lately. But he relied on you before, so yes, you are the only one who has any chance to make it clear to him that his relationship is by no means healthy, that he is destroying himself, that he only helps Nora spiral down further… that… that… everything goes down," Sally goes on, her voice rising towards the end, the words spilling out like from a waterfall.
"Now you're exaggerating," Aidan mutters. The next thing is what? The Maya Apocalypse?
"I'm. Not. Exaggerating," Sally grumbles, narrowing her eyes at him angrily.
"Sally, Nora lost that child, so yes, she is needy. And Josh is a very caring person, sometimes too caring, I admit, but… that is his way of coping with the situation," Aidan argues.
"She is not just a bit needy. She is… I don't even know what she is. She is awful to him, Aidan!" Sally cries out.
"Again, that is…," Aidan sighs, but Sally cuts him off, "I don't care for what it may be in medical terms. I don't care if she is depressed! Because she is apparently not the only one having problems because of that! Josh lost this child the same way she did, but no one seems to acknowledge that. Josh goes down, Aidan. We have to step up. We have to act."
"We should not," Aidan argues.
"You're so frustrating," Sally mutters.
"I can just say that sometimes… you just have to leave people alone so that they can figure themselves out," Aidan says.
He knows that Sally has a point, even if he doesn't see it as dramatically as she does. He stays away from home and with Suren so that he doesn't have to face this. So that he doesn't have to see Josh like that. And so that he doesn't have to see Nora so threateningly close to Josh when she is just… whatever it is that she is. Aidan hates it to feel like he can't be close to his best friend. He hates it that it turned out to be true that it was Mother who sent Heggeman after Josh to get him out of the way, so that Aidan would focus on Suren.
It's actually curious how Mother and Bishop share that common trait.
And it's even more curious just how many people want Aidan and Josh not to be close to each other.
Why are people obsessing over that so much? They are just best friends, right? And still, both Mother and Bishop tried to have Josh killed only to keep Aidan away from him, because they saw just how much he mattered to him...
So maybe that is also why he keeps away from Josh in that way now. If he keeps away from Josh, he is safe. And Aidan would rather have a distant relationship with Josh until this is all over than no relationship at all. Because Josh was simply furious with Aidan after he admitted that it was Mother who sent for the werewolf. Aidan rarely saw him that angry with him and warned him that this may never happen again, or woe betide him, something the vampire really took to heart.
So yeah, he has mixed feelings. About everything. About this situation, about Mother, about his relationship with Suren, about whatever it is that Nora and Josh have, about Sally, and far more importantly about Josh.
How do you keep your best friend when you have to keep away?
How are you close when you feel like you can't be close? Mustn't, even?
How do you talk when you are afraid of having conversation?
And since when is it is all problematic, again?!
"But that just won't do!" Sally curses.
"I honestly think that you are exaggerating with the urgency to jump into action, Sally," Aidan argues. "I mean, I agree that Josh is not well. He is not in the best of conditions, but… but you simply aren't after such a loss. And with the relationship with Nora… it's natural that it's a bumpy road after what happened. She has a lot to… grasp."
"Like wanting to be turned?" Sally huffs. "I think she wants to grasp that quite badly."
"She is just… curious," Aidan shrugs.
"Oh please. How can you say that with a straight face, I do wonder?" she huffs.
"I think the both of us are interpreting too much into… everything," Aidan argues. Maybe they are just seeing things after all? Maybe the funny feeling in his stomach is no more than… mixed feelings over his vampirism? Maybe it's not even about Josh that he is so upset, or his friendship with Josh, but just… the world bothering him? That's all possible, right?
However, that gets her anger flaring, "Okay, you know what? If you don't believe me, then make yourself a picture of the situation."
"What now?" Aidan frowns at her.
"You normally try to get around those two. Well, if you want to tell me that this is normal, then you have to prove it to me. Spend one entire day with them, if you make it through, and then tell me, honestly tell me that this is healthy, normal, that I'm just seeing things. Then I will shut up and leave you and the lovely couple alone, but I demand that much from you," Sally demands, narrowing her eyes. She is clutching at straws, maybe, but she sees no other way.
"Okay, fine. I got no shift tomorrow, and there is nothing much going on with the vampires. So... let's just get over with it so that your paranoia is duly satisfied," Aidan rolls his eyes.
"Thank you. You are gonna regret all of it, trust me," she warns him.
"Right," Aidan huffs sarcastically.
"Right," Sally mimics him, but with seriousness.
The next day, Aidan is sitting in his armchair, watching TV while Nora and Josh are on the couch. Aidan already had to swallow at Josh leading her down the stairs as though Nora is actually really sick, as in deadly sick, with stroke, cancer, the plague? But... Josh is overly caring and Nora might be a bit needy, as already mentioned, so no need to freak yet, the vampire decided. However, the awkward silence puts even his nerves on edge, and that happens only rarely.
Josh tentatively moves out of his seat. He crouches down in front of her, trying to get into eye contact with Nora, but she looks through him to continue watching the show. Aidan watches from the corner of his eye, but pretends not to pay closer attention to any of this.
"I'll just prep up lunch, okay? Do you need anything or...?" Josh asks her sweetly, but the reply is ever so dry and ice-cold, "You are in the way."
"Oh, sorry, of course. Sure. Gimme ten minutes, then you can eat," Josh says sheepishly.
"You are still in the way," Nora says, her voice flat. Josh closes his eyes briefly before he steps aside. Nora clutches the remote to turn up the volume as Josh starts to work in the kitchen, getting some pots and pans ready. Aidan still pretends to pay attention to the TV show, when in fact he has to try hard not to smack the Lady. Okay, fine, she is having a rough time, but so does Josh, but she... maybe Sally really had a point? Aidan doesn't even want to think about it. Sally being right always has great implications. And those imply... shit. Because that means they have bigger problems after all, that his mixed feelings, whatever the reason, actually revolve around this, too.
After ten minutes, Josh comes back into the living room. He moves to Nora's side so that he is not in the way again. The werewolf makes an attempt to touch her shoulder to get Nora's attention, but she just slaps his hand away with a grim face, making Aidan growl under his breath.
"Dinner's ready. Do you want to eat here and watch your show or do you want to eat in the kitchen?" Josh asks her. Nora gets up from her seat and walks ahead into the kitchen without a word. For a moment, there is actually a flash of hope in Josh's eyes – and Aidan has to swallow down a heavy lump at that. For goodness's sake, he is actually getting into his pants about his girlfriend joining him for dinner. Aidan casually gets up from his seat and makes his way into the kitchen, purposely grabbing a bloodbag from the fridge. Of course this gives him the best opportunity to observe everything without being discovered. Even if at some point Aidan doubts Josh would even take notice of anything going on beside Nora. The werewolf prepares the dish for her with utmost care, sets it down in front of her, turns it a bit, just the way he always does, flashing a hopeful smile at Nora.
"I hope you'll like it. I know last time I put a bit too much salt in it, but, you know...," Josh stammers. She starts to move the food from one corner of the dish to the next and back again.
"It's getting cold, you know, so...," Josh mumbles, but that is when there is suddenly the sound of breaking ceramic echoing through the kitchen. Josh stares at the ground with bewilderment. Nora threw the entire dish to the ground, along with the plastic cup and fork and knife. Being bitchy is one thing, but breaking dishes is not part of the game, the hell, Aidan and Josh paid money for these!
"Hey, it's no problem," Josh soothes her. "That could've happened to anyone. Do you want a new plate?"
"I won't eat that," she hisses, not even looking at him.
"So bad, huh?" Josh grimaces sympathetically. Nora says nothing to that.
"Do you want something else? I still have some...," Josh says absently, but that is when she retorts in a shrieking voice, "I don't want anything else! I don't want anything! And I don't want anything from you! You know as well as me that me wanting something makes you lose it."
Okay, now Aidan would really, really like to smack this girl, hard. He gets it that she is angry and sad, and he would never doubt that, but to treat Josh not only like shit, but also to emphasize that he had to do with the child dying is just mean and awful.
Sally really was right, darn.
Josh is already kneeling on the ground to collect the bigger pieces of the platter.
"I'm taking a shower," Nora declares.
"Okay, ugh, do you need anything for...," Josh stammers helplessly.
"I can do that myself," Nora retorts as she gets up.
"Of course you can. I didn't mean to...," Josh says apologetically.
"Save it. I don't wanna hear it," Nora hisses. With that she walks off. Aidan crouches down next to Josh to help him pick up the pieces.
"I got it," Josh says quickly, biting the inside of his cheek.
"It's okay," Aidan assures him. Josh breathes through his nostrils to calm himself.
"Can I say something about that without you feeling offended?" Aidan asks quietly.
"Nora is having a bad day today," Josh tells him, now almost apologetically.
"She is having a bad temper," Aidan corrects him.
"And she's got any reason to," Josh mumbles, averting his eyes.
"The dish couldn't help it either. It didn't stand a chance," Aidan replies sarcastically.
"I will get a new one," Josh argues. Aidan looks at him, "You and I both know it's not about the dish."
Josh looks at him wearily, so Aidan goes on, "Josh, she knocks your arm away, she accuses you, she breaks stuff..."
"Aidan, leave it alone. As I said, she's having a rough time. And it's not like it's a big deal," Josh argues.
"I think it's accumulating to be one. The little things start piling up, Josh," Aidan warns him.
"She just lost a child. Saw me tear a vampire to shreds. Had to shoot at him before. And you actually ask me to give her hell for... for such trivialities?!" Josh makes a face. Aidan can't be serious.
"No, but you can at least politely tell her that she can stop treating you like shit," Aidan retorts.
"She's got any reason to," Josh mutters.
"No, she doesn't," Aidan tells him in a soft but strong voice.
"Yes, she does," Josh insists.
"Even if she tries to make you believe that, it is not your fault," Aidan tells him, feeling his heart clench. He didn't think it was that bad. He didn't think Josh really blamed himself for it – that much, that it reached so far into his very being.
"Let's not have that conversation, okay? I have to be on shift in an hour," Josh says.
"You actually go to work?" Aidan huffs.
"Aidan…," Josh rolls his eyes.
"What? You usually don't these days," Aidan shrugs.
"You're here tonight, so…," Josh mumbles, not meeting his eyes. "And I got a call that I gotta show if I wanna keep my job, so… paying some duties, I guess."
And only now Aidan realizes how much he misses Josh's eyes, really, the ones that sparkle, but Josh averts his eyes almost all the time.
"When's the last you slept?" Aidan questions.
"Yesterday?" Josh replies.
"You look like a zombie," Aidan snorts.
"And you look like a vampire, so what does it matter?" Josh huffs.
"Josh, you are...," Aidan means to say, but Josh interrupts him, "Having none of it. I don't want to hear it, Aidan. I don't want to have any of this here. I just want to clean this mess up, then grab a bite, possibly take a shower, and then head out to work. That is what my life consists of now. I live from day to day, so please... let me."
"Okay," Aidan says once he realizes the desperation in his eyes. Josh just tries to make it through. It's just survival, no more, no less.
"Thank you," Josh mumbles. Aidan puts the last pieces of the dish into the trash before he leaves Josh to his own business. He straightly maneuvers into his room downstairs – and of course Sally is already awaiting him with a smirk on her face, "So? Still so lovely, that couple?"
"I have goosebumps. And I don't even get goosebumps," Aidan shakes his head, shuddering once to get the goosebumps to retreat.
"That's what I'm talking about," Sally snorts.
"I mean... I give her credit that she's having the roughest of times, but the way she treats Josh...," Aidan shakes his head. He didn't picture it that bad. He honestly thought Sally interpreted too much into it.
"You just wanna slap her, yeah, I know. I tried, sadly... hand went right through her," Sally mutters.
"Yeah…," Aidan exhales.
"So? What are we gonna do about it? Coz if you tell me now that we just sit it out... no longer working," Sally shakes her head.
"Yeah, no, we have to act somehow. The problem is that Josh is literally glued to her. It's a miracle he's heading out to work today," Aidan argues.
"Well, you said it. Josh is out… why don't I play… house-ghost and roam around a bit… through her stuff?" Sally suggests.
"To find what? Skeletons in the closet?" Aidan huffs.
"Something like that," Sally shrugs.
"You gotta be kidding me," Aidan runs a hand over his face. That he is even discussing this with Sally… and actually considering it.
"What would we have from that?" he asks eventually.
"Well, you tell me. I don't buy the whole 'I'm traumatized'-stuff, at least not when it comes to… how she wants to embrace the wolf. After what she saw, she should be afraid. She should be scared, which she isn't. She is hiding something. I just have that feeling, Aidan," Sally replies.
"Fine, you go dig around, but I really doubt that you'll find anything," Aidan shrugs.
Nora is in the bathroom, taking an extensive bath, apparently, as Sally pops into the room, glancing around. Privacy shall be damned, this is important. She makes her way over to the table, to find couple of papers spread out. She glances at them with a frown. After all, Nora normally spends her days staring at things, or being awful to Josh, or watching TV. However, this looks like… some extensive work she did over… how long? Sally's eyes scan the information. Bless her ghost-mojo to be strong enough now that she can move the papers slightly back and forth. Yet, the more Sally reads, the more her discomfort grows. That is not good, not good at all. She bites her lower lip before she instantly pops in back downstairs.
"So? What's the deal?" Aidan cocks an eyebrow at her. "Did you find the skeletons?"
"Nora is tracking down her ex-boyfriend," Sally brings out, her voice quivering.
"What? The bastard who burned her? What would she want with him?" Aidan gapes.
"I don't know. All I can say is that she had those papers laid out in the room and… judging by that... that guy moved to Boston even before she did. She had certificates and everything," Sally explains worriedly.
"She took a spot in Boston to be close to him. She followed him," Aidan shakes his head.
"But it goes further than that. She even has like... bank records and surveillance pictures. It was totally creepy, like total stalker-material. She had maps and God knows what else. I bet there is even more on her computer... what if she has dead kittens' pics on there, too?!" Sally breaks out.
"Seriously?" Aidan rolls his eyes.
"Hey, you didn't see it! It's giving me chills down my spine – and I can't get that anymore since I'm a ghost. But what would she want with that asshole?!" Sally argues vehemently. Even if she hates it how Nora treats Josh, she still took a kind of liking to Nora… before she went kind of insane. Or well, let's say she accepted the blonde woman because she made Josh happy for a given time. And Josh happy is one of the few things Sally really wants in life, but now that is in danger – and that means the ghost is fully up to hate that person to her guts if it comes to it.
"It might be she tracks him down to kill him, or seek revenge some other way," Aidan shrugs.
"Oh my God, so you think that she just got together with Josh because she wants to be close to that guy?!" Sally gapes.
"I take her for many things, but that... no. I don't think so. She doesn't seem the type," Aidan shakes his head. That is too farfetched really, even if everything seems farfetched about this.
"I don't like this, Aidan...," Sally grimaces, feeling discomfort bubbling up her stomach.
"Me neither. All we can do is wait and hope for the best, as much as that may suck," Aidan then says, making Sally cry out, "What? No, we have to move."
"What do you want to do?" Aidan argues, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Tell Josh, confront her, cast her out of the house, something," Sally retorts.
"If we told Josh now, he wouldn't believe us," Aidan argues.
"We can show him the evidence," Sally insists.
"Josh will only see that we went through her stuff and that we had no right, which we really didn't, for the record, or rather... you didn't. You just dragged me into it," Aidan snorts.
"What-ever," Sally huffs, unimpressed.
"That is all Josh is going to see. We could hire a detective to tell him in all detail and he would still believe Nora. Sally, that guy would sell a kidney for her right now, possibly both and his liver, or lung, or heart," Aidan mutters.
"But we can't just leave him in the open," Sally argues vehemently.
"We might have to," Aidan shrugs, but then grimaces. "Unless…"
"Unless what?" Sally blinks at him.
"Unless we make her say it," Aidan then says.
"You think she would confess to him?" Sally grimaces.
"No, but maybe to us, or rather me, coz she can't see you," Aidan shrugs.
"I find that kinda racist, but... Go on," Sally nods.
"What if I confront her about it, try to get her out of her safety-zone, make her mad at me?" Aidan goes on.
"Hey, I like all that. But where's Josh in that alternative?" Sally questions.
"With you, next door. He listens in and hears it from Nora. Then he can't say that we are lying, it will come from her," Aidan grimaces. Not that he likes that option, at all, but… but that is something he has to tell Josh, no way around it.
"But he will try to save her from you the moment she starts getting mad. I mean... you said it, with the kidney and all," Sally bites her lower lip.
"If I argue with Nora, then you have to give it everything you have to keep Josh out of the room until she's admitted the truth," Aidan bargains. He can't do all the work here.
"Great, since I have all the muscles to keep him from it – or an actual body," Sally snorts.
"You have a mouth, and you've never been afraid of using it. So use it. Or else we can forget about it right away. That is the only option I see," Aidan tells her matter-of-factly.
"You really think this will work?" Sally asks hesitantly.
"I don't know, but what I know is that... it can't stay that way," Aidan argues.
"Yeah," she sighs. "The thing is... it will break Josh's heart."
Sally would love to be enthusiastic about being right and Aidan being wrong, but… sadly, she is right. And sadly, that means they have to move and… break that hurt, scarred little heart that means so much to both of them.
"I know," Aidan grimaces, biting his lower lip, his eyes full of sadness. He knows that this is what will be the result. And that's what sucks so much. No matter what they do, they will just end up hurting Josh. If they don't tell him, they allow Nora to continue to hurt and lie to him. If they tell him, they make him see the truth which is just as hurtful. That the woman he loves, the woman he makes so many sacrifices for is lying to him. No matter what, Josh will hurt.
And that... hurts.
Simply hurts.
Some hearts are made of glass. Beautiful to look at, but also very fragile. And once that heart of glass breaks, shatters, it pierces through flesh, one's own, and that of all people close to its owner. And mending it scars all involved.
Mending broken hearts is not easy.
It hurts.
Simply hurts.
Chapter 16
Summary:
Aidan confronts Nora.
Josh confronts the confrontation.
Things don't go as Sally and Aidan had planned.
Josh runs into two purebreds - and brings them home.
Aidan might be jealous.
Josh talks to Nora.
Josh lets his friends now how deeply it hurt him that they tricked him like that.
Notes:
Hello everyone! Thanks for reading and reviewing!
It's time for a little showdown.
And the characterizations of Brynn and Connor are my imagination. If they are OOC to you, then blame it on this being AU ;) Plus, the meeting is also different, for my evil AU-reasons. Stick with me to find out why ;P
I hope you'll like it.
Chapter Text
Confrontations.
The small sisters of fight. The lesser wars.
You confront someone about lies told, mistakes made, promises not kept, addictions, problems, half-truths, all those things we normally try to ignore or bypass, just that we no longer can. We cannot ignore anymore. We cannot look away.
And that is when confrontation happens.
They are the lesser wars. You scream, you fight, you throw accusations, but they usually don't unfold to physical struggle, really. They don't necessarily escalate.
That doesn't mean they do not hurt just as much, though.
Maybe they hurt even more.
Because the truth, apparently, as liberating as it may bet at times, hurts more than does the lulling dull ache of a few lies, or even constructs of lies, whole networks. Because truth hits you right in the face with full force, sits on your chest victoriously as you gasp for air. The weight of the world, the weight of truth, comes raining down on you. Lies have at least the decency to spread the weight along the small networks, the lines woven, and that makes it bearable for a longer time, even if they are just as heavy in the end, if not heavier, maybe even deadlier.
So, confrontations also come with a price. They also come with sacrifice.
The thing is that sometimes… you don't know how great that sacrifice will be in the end.
"Are you ready for this?" Sally asks, looking at Aidan who is busy pacing up and down his room, seemingly counting the steps.
"I would like to say yes, but that would be a lie," Aidan admits. He doesn't want to do that because Aidan knows what it will do to Josh. He sees that they have to break him… maybe to break him free, or at least give him a chance to see the truth, but… they will break him.
And that sucks.
Josh shouldn't hurt. He should get time to heal, but recently… everyone is shooting silver bullets his way, seemingly, unwillingly or not.
"Yeah, I would rather run, too," Sally agrees, letting out a sigh. She knows that she broke this loose, but that doesn't mean Sally likes the prospect of hurting Josh. She actually wants this so that he stops hurting, so that he stops spiraling down, just that the ghost fears that this will be the result nevertheless.
"Well, but there is no running anymore. You said it yourself," Aidan shrugs, looking at her wearily.
"I just hope Josh… somehow takes it not too badly," Sally bites her lower lip.
"I hope so, too," Aidan nods. Maybe that is all they can do – get over with it, and hope for the best… wow, that plan sucks really bad.
"So… do we go now?" Sally asks.
"Yeah, so you know what to do?" Aidan questions.
"Look pretty and distract Josh, got it," Sally says, putting on a fake smile. Aidan rolls his eyes before he walks upstairs, glad to find Nora in the kitchen – just where he needed her.
"Hey," she greets him. Nora is actually having one of her "talkative days", at least that is what Josh said in the morning. Nora is generally fulfilling the whole range from apathetic to happy to sad to furious to totally insane, each day a new surprise.
"Hey… uhm, Nora?" Aidan grimaces.
"Yes?" she turns around, sipping some of her tea, before putting the mug down on the table.
"Can I talk to you?" Aidan begins politely.
"Sure," she nods, if a little uncertainly.
"Okay, I will be direct to you, because seemingly Josh is unable to do it," Aidan grimaces.
"What now?" she narrows her eyes at him.
"I want to know what you are up to," Aidan then says.
"Up to?" she repeats, furrowing her eyebrows.
"Yeah, what is the plan here?" Aidan demands, though he keeps his voice purposely calm. It might be that he wants to lure her out of her defenses to make her admit the truth, but he doesn't want this to escalate if he can help it.
"Plan? I have no clue what you are talking about," Nora shakes her head.
"I think you damn well know what this is about, Nora," Aidan argues.
"Enlighten me," she snorts.
"About the whole scene you give us here lately," Aidan goes on, unwavered.
"Are you insane? I'm just… living here. If you have a problem with that, you should have said so sooner, like… before Josh invited me to stay over," she retorts.
"I have no problem with you living here, but… other problems apparently revolving around you," Aidan corrects her.
"Aha," she makes a face, crossing her arms over her chest.
Meanwhile, Josh comes down the stairs, still toweling his hair, but fully dressed otherwise. He frowns as he hears apparently Aidan and Nora arguing in the kitchen. Josh hoped that this would be a peaceful day for once after Nora was in a really good mood this morning. She talked – and for once not about their problems or being a wolf. He tilts his head as he walks the last steps. He already means to call out to them when suddenly Sally pops in in front of him, making the werewolf jump.
"Geez," he mutters under his breath.
"Josh, you have to listen to me," Sally says, holding her hands in front of her defensively. She knows it's a lost cause – if Josh wants to walk past her, he will just go through her after all.
"Pardon?" he frowns.
"Shht," she hushes him.
"Sally," he mutters in a lower voice.
"Let me explain. There is something you need to know," Sally replies hurriedly. Josh blinks at her. What is she talking about?
"But for that you have to… trust me," Sally goes on.
"Sally," Josh warns her.
"Please. I'm one of your best friends. So, as your best friend, please, trust me. Listen. Don't say anything, just listen," Sally begs him, folding her hands in front of her chest, her eyes so full of pleading that Josh thinks he is really looking a puppy in the eye right now.
"What do you mean?" Josh whispers.
"Just listen," Sally says again.
"But…," Josh means to argue, but the female ghost interrupts him, "Just listen. Please, Josh."
"Fine," he mutters, silently sitting down on the stairs. Sally sits down in front of him.
She just hopes it's for his best after all.
Josh feels as though electric shocks are sent up his spine all the while.
What is Sally up to?
Why does she keep him away from Nora and Aidan?
Why are they arguing?
What is he supposed to listen to?
"… Okay, Nora, you know what? I don't buy whatever it is that you're enacting here," Aidan challenges her.
"What? You seriously think I didn't lose the child but just faked everything?! God, what kind of an asshole are you?!" she cries out.
"No, and for that you're forced to go through this you have all my sympathy, but I'm rather talking about this here," Aidan holds out a few of the papers out to her that contain information about her ex-boyfriend. Nora snaps them from his hand angrily, "You just go through my stuff?!"
Josh jumps to his feet, though silently. At the news of Aidan going through Nora's things, he is determined to end this and demand answers from the vampire, but Sally stands in front of him with pleading eyes.
"I have to...," Josh grunts.
"Please, just listen," Sally begs him.
"Sally," the werewolf threatens her, his voice shaking.
"Josh, listen, I beg you. I know, but... listen," Sally begs him another time. Josh searches her eyes, but then turns away abruptly, unable to meet her teary gaze, and unable to hide his from her. He can't appear weak now can he? So he goes on pacing instead.
"You tracked down your ex-boyfriend all this time. Even when you were with Josh already. I can take that from the printout dates, so don't even pretend that I'm wrong," Aidan snarls.
"You had no right to dig into that," she grunts.
"Maybe I didn't, but why do you go looking for your abusive ex when you have Josh to support you, you tell me?" Aidan argues.
Josh stares at the ground, stopping in his tracks.
Nora is searching for that bastard?
Why?
And how does Aidan know?
"You have no clue what you're talking about, okay?" she snorts, holding out her hand.
"Nora, I know what it's like to feel anger and to not only to want to, but to actually take revenge – trust me, it doesn't get you anywhere," Aidan warns her. He knows how it is like to simply let go of all common sense, and let the darkness within you take over, just so that this searing fire stops... just that it doesn't stop. It still burns, but burns a bit deeper each time.
"I don't care for your opinion, alright?" she hisses. "This is my business and my business alone."
"That would be true if you were alone. But apparently, you live here – with us, with Josh, you know, your boyfriend, the guy who does anything for you to make you happy again?" Aidan retorts, his calm wearing thin. She acts as though Josh isn't even existent, when that guy is literally sacrificing himself for her.
"That has nothing to do with him. It's my business. Josh has no say in this," she tells him.
"He has business in this because you're his business. That is what happens when you're in a relationship, Nora, even you should be able to see that," Aidan argues vehemently, not quite believing what he sees and hears.
"It's my life, my past, I deal with it the way I find right!" she curses.
"But you also have a life with him here!" Aidan cries out. "Nora, you have a shot at a future now, don't you see that? Josh is your shot at a future. You just have to let him be."
Because Aidan knows that Josh was for him. It's thanks to Josh that he actually managed the first actual step away from the clan, away from his addiction, this life. Josh, probably still unknowingly, offered Aidan a future when he had long since given up on himself. And if Josh manages to save his dark soul, then so he can be for Nora – and offer her a future.
"Yeah, I know that," she hisses.
"Oh, do you really? Then how about you constantly questioning about turning you, huh?" Aidan huffs.
Next door, Josh stands there, unable to move, hardly breathing. Sally eyes him nervously, pleading.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles. Josh turns away and starts pacing again.
Why is this happening?
Why don't they just stop?
Josh doesn't want to hear it… just that he wants to hear it.
His mind is reeling.
What is this?!
"What's it to you what I ask him for, huh?" she snorts.
"Nora, you don't know what you're doing to the both of you with demanding that from him. Josh knows what this is – and it's a curse, simply a curse he tries to spare you. Why do you still ask him for it?" Aidan demands, looking her right in the dark brown eyes – and that is when it dawns on him, when it clicks, when the wheels find their place and the machine gets rolling, like an avalanche.
"You want Josh to turn you so that you can get your revenge on that asshole," Aidan states, eyes wide at the realization. He honestly prays that she will deny it, will tell him that he gets it all wrong, but those hopes are crushed at her silence, bowing her head, hugging her arms.
That is the actual deal.
That is… what she is after.
"Nora, you can't be serious," Aidan lets out a shaky breath. Oh, for goodness sake, why did they make this plan again?!
"Nora, you don't want to kill another person – and you don't want Josh to make you a monster so that you manage," Aidan implores her, but that is when she whips her head around to meet his eyes with fire and blazing flames again, "You don't know what I want and it is none of your business what I want or do!"
"It is my business because it involves Josh," Aidan argues sternly. All mixed feelings aside, Aidan is steadfast in that one thing – whatever it is with Josh is his business, his problems are Aidan's problems, and the vampire's problems are that of the werewolf. So if Nora decides to lie to Josh or taunt him into turning her, yes, it's his problem, too.
Aidan closes his eyes for a moment so that he can go on in a softer tone, though, "Nora, you're still in shock after what happened to you. And I know, I really know from experience that your mind leads you to all those dark places you'd never set foot on, usually. But this is wrong. You mustn't do that, not to yourself, and for goodness sake, you can't do that to Josh."
"I'm not insane, Aidan!" she hollers. "I'm not insane! I'm simply out for what is mine! I want my dignity back, my security! I want that bastard to bleed for what he's done to me!"
"And I get that feeling," Aidan tries another time.
"You don't get that feeling! You don't! I'm not you and I'm not Josh!" she sneers.
"Right, coz Josh surely wouldn't do what you bred out inside your brain. So you seriously just want to use him as... as your arms dealer?" Aidan blinks at her. Because at some point he can't believe what he hears and sees. Even if deduction already led him to the point after he and Sally discovered Nora's research, Aidan still hoped that she just did that out of grief, but now it looks like she actually had this plan in the back of the head, at least ever since she learned about Josh's true nature.
Josh stops dead in his tracks. If possible, his shoulders drop even lower, his facial expression looks so painful and tear-stricken that Sally could curl up into a ball on the spot – and not stop crying until next sunrise, maybe.
But it has to be.
… right?
"I have to finish this, alright? Nothing else matters. And you won't stand in my way," Nora snarls.
"What now?" Aidan huffs.
"Are you just going ahead to snitch on me and tell Josh that I'm after my ex? Huh?" she suddenly smirks at him evilly. Aidan stares.
"Who do you think will he believe, huh? You go through my stuff without my permission, and it's obvious that you don't want me here. And who tells him that you didn't just fake it?" she argues.
"You don't mean that, do you?" Aidan blinks at her.
"I'm dead-serious, Aidan. You stick your nose into business not yours and think you can fix everything when in fact you can't fix anything even in your own life. So get off your high horse, will you? You're not the only one keeping secrets. Josh's told me enough of those stories, okay?" she huffs.
"Nora, I'm not trying to act as the virtuecrat here. I know I'm not, but... but this is about Josh. Don't you see what you do to him with this?! With everything lately?!" Aidan breaks out.
"You know a damn. You don't know what I'm going through, okay?" she snarls.
"I know what it's like to lose a child. It's so beyond horrible that words can't describe it. I know how that tears you apart and makes you do things you normally wouldn't. Trust me, I've been there, and I know what it did to me and that I became a much darker me thanks to that," Aidan tells her. "But you have something to hold on to, okay? You have Josh. He sticks to you even when you treat him like shit. He stays with you because he friggin' loves you. That should be enough."
It'd be enough to him.
"It's not!" she yells. "It's not! He's the friggin' reason why I am in this situation, okay?! He had to impregnate me with a friggin' werewolf baby! It's thanks to him that I lost this child!"
"It's not his fault, it's not your fault. It's no one's fault. It just happened, Nora, as sad as that is," Aidan argues.
"You don't know what you're talking about if you actually believe in this shit, okay?" she snarls. "I don't care for how you may think about this! That man destroyed my life and now he tries to fix it! But he can't fix it! I have to fix it! And I will once I get my ex by the balls and finish the business I started long time ago!"
"Nora, don't you see just how hard Josh is trying? You shouldn't do this to him. He doesn't deserve that, okay?" Aidan tells her, meaning it with every fiber of his very being. Josh doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve any of this.
"Do you think that I deserve that?!" she hisses.
"No, neither one of you deserves that, but it doesn't have to be that way, Nora. You can just go back. You still can," Aidan argues vehemently. "You have fortune on your side, trust me."
"I don't want fortune! I just want my fuckin' revenge!" she curses. "You can have Josh! Take him! Whatever! I don't care! I just... have to... do this."
And that is when suddenly Josh stands in the doorframe.
"Josh," Nora breathes, her eyes suddenly wide open and shock taking over all darkness that loomed above her head moments ago.
"Josh, I'm sorry, but...," Aidan means to explain, but Josh interrupts him, "I won't... talk about this. I... I don't have the words."
Josh staggers out of the kitchen, suddenly feeling dizzy, and grips the couch for support. Aidan goes after him. Nora just stares at the ground, still not quite believing what just happened.
"You... set this up," Josh suddenly speaks up, his fingers digging into the fabric of the couch.
He can't believe it, can't believe anything. Is that some sick kind of joke? Not only does he have to deal with losing a child, with Nora's depression, but now... now it's also about betrayal.
Everyone betrayed him.
Betrays him still.
And here Josh believed in those hushed little promises that they work through this together.
That he is not alone.
Josh can take many things, but one thing he hates, truly hates... is betrayal. That is a kind of pain that doesn't wash away, can't be fixed with band-aids. It leaves scars that don't fade. Because it's not just people leaving you behind, not just wrong actions, mistakes, it's turning against you.
"We saw no other way," Aidan tries to explain. He feared for such a reaction, but to see Josh like this now, Aidan regrets that he ever brought up the idea. To see his friend's knuckles turning white, gasping for air because the pain just runs that deep... no, that is a pain so deep in the vampire's gut that he just wants to hold on tight, no matter how stupid that may be.
He wanted to Josh being broken by Nora's lies and attitude, but instead he ended up being the one to crush his friend, snap him into two.
That's just not fair.
It's simply not fair.
"Right," Sally adds.
"I don't care, okay?! You don't just go digging through people's things, you don't plot against them to come clean about something, you don't just keep me next door to listen to this!" Josh brings out, his airways constricting.
Did he unlearn how to breathe?
That would explain why he can't catch his breath, why his lungs are burning?
How do you breathe again?
"She lied to you," Aidan argues, his voice soft. He has to make Josh understand it. They started it, they finish it. There is no middle way, sadly. As much as Aidan would love to path one. He would shovel it free with bare hands, but he can't because someone built a stonewall around the area, keeping him out.
"It doesn't matter! You lied to me, too! About all this! Rather than just telling me, you... you just tell me more lies! All of you!" Josh curses, his chest burning so hot that he grasps it unconsciously.
Is it full moon yet?
Because that is about the level of pain he is currently at.
"You wouldn't have listened," Sally argues.
"Doesn't matter! You had no right to do that. Neither one of you," Josh shakes his head. "I just can't trust anyone anymore, as it seems."
Nora betrays him.
Sally helps Aidan in betraying him, if she wasn't the one to take the initiative.
Everything crumbles before his eyes. His world is shattered to pieces, and still, still those people he trusts, relies on, turn their backs on him.
Did he really do that much wrong in his life or some past life to deserve all that?
"Josh," the two sigh sadly.
"No, I will just… I need some fresh air. I have to get my head free," Josh shakes his head, straightening back up. Aidan grasps him by the shoulder, but Josh forcefully tears the supportive hand away.
"Just don't, okay?" he mutters, his voice low.
"Look, let me explain it to you," Aidan tries another time, but Josh just shakes his head, "No."
He almost runs to the door and outside. Aidan already means to run after him, but then decides against it. There is nothing he can say to make this better.
Because there are no words to make this better.
The language of pain is one that stands on its own and only understands its own tongue.
A few hours or felt eternities later, the door finally opens, marking Josh's entrance. Aidan is instantly at his feet. He ran circles into the ground, anxiously waiting for his friend's return. He even turned down a few phone calls from Suren, even though Aidan feels any urge to just go away from this situation. The roommate just needs a chance to explain himself to Josh, to set things straight. Aidan can't just leave this in the open – because he still hopes he acted in Josh's interest, in the longrun.
Aidan learned by now that sometimes you have to work through the pain so that you can heal. You cut out the wound that would otherwise kill you, either by blood loss or infection, and then you put the burning poker in the wound to make sure it closes. It's excruciating, but in the end, it saves your life.
However, much to his surprise, Josh is not... the only one coming into their home. Two blond teenagers, maybe a bit older, enter along with the still distressed-looking werewolf.
"Josh!" Aidan exclaims. "... and who are you?"
"Aidan – Brynn, Brynn – Aidan. Connor – Aidan. Aidan – Connor," Josh motions hastily, not meeting the vampire's eyes just once. The two wave their hands at Aidan with a broad (wicked) smirk tugging at their lips. Aidan can't put his finger on it, but something is unsettling about those two, if not already for the circumstance that Josh seemingly picked them up in some bar, at least Aidan can smell the liquor all the way to here.
"JOSH!" Sally yells, first from up the stairs, but then zaps down to the werewolf.
"Hey there, pretty," Connor smirks.
"You can see me?!" Sally blinks at them.
"Yeah, and I surely like what I see," Connor winks at her. Brynn nudges him in the arm with a snicker.
"You're werewolves," Aidan grimaces, now taking in the scent for the first time.
"And you're a vampire. She's a ghost. He's a werewolf... we make one funny bunch," Connor grins. "We should take some pictures!"
"But no flashlights. Or else I get headaches again," Brynn warns him.
"True again," Connor shrugs. "Hey, don't we have some other supernatural creature to join the party?"
"Maybe some witch?" Brynn suggests.
"That sounds like fun. We should definitely try to dig up one of those bitches," Connor agrees. "They usually stay in the dark, too, as far as lore goes."
Sally grimaces at the two. Just what the hell those two strangers doing in their home – making stupid jokes and... being so close to Josh while he gives them the cold shoulder treatment. That just doesn't add up.
"... uhm, Josh? Explanations?" Sally frowns, turning to her friend again, who doesn't reward her with eye contact either.
"Is Nora upstairs?" Josh asks, his voice flat, not looking at either one of his roommates.
"... she went out for a walk...," Sally tells him uncertainly. She didn't expect that for a reaction.
"Good, then let's go upstairs, I show you what I have," Josh turns to Connor and Brynn.
"Awesome!" Connor grins, snaking his arm around Josh playfully. Josh doesn't even care for the gesture. It means nothing to him, nothing means anything.
Aidan bites the inside of his cheek. He definitely doesn't like those two. He really doesn't.
No, he already starts to hate them. They intrude their home, and they are obviously into something bad. Aidan can almost smell it.
"Let's go," Josh mutters to the other two werewolves before he hurries upstairs, desperately trying not to look at either Sally or Aidan. He can't think about them, about this. Because it only makes him lose all hope he ever had. No, Josh wants to hope again, and if those two purebreds are his way to hope again, then he will do that.
Josh guides Connor and Brynn to his room, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat as he goes. He would rather just lie down in bed and sleep this off, but... he can't. He has to act, now. There is no wallowing, no waiting for a better time.
Josh can't continue making it from day to day.
Because today just made him realize he has to fear that there may be no next day – unless he fights for it.
The werewolf retrieves his journals and hands them to Brynn and Connor, who curiously flip through the pages.
"Wow, those are pretty neat, man," Connor grins, pointing at the drawings and tight lines of handwritten notes. "I mean, look at how tiny it is! You see that, Brynn?!"
"Normal people would need a magnifying glass for that," Brynn snorts. "but... we're wolves, so we are so amazing to read it all."
"You got it," Connor smirks, giving her a low five.
"As I said, I'm working on a cure," Josh says, his voice hoarse. "I was as thorough as I could."
"I still can't believe you actually want that," the other man makes a face. "Being a wolf is great."
"It messed up my life, it still does," Josh shakes his head. "I want that thing... just gone."
"Well, even if we don't work towards the same goal, we might still head down the same road for a while," Brynn shrugs her shoulders.
"Right, help us to be wolves for the rest of our lives, we help you... not to take part in that little club anymore," Connor agrees.
"You are serious about that, though? About being a wolf... forever?" Josh grimaces. He can't picture how he would go on if he was suddenly... this beast, for the rest of his life.
"Man, this here is our curse. Walking on two legs, making small-talk, answering the phone, sleeping on a lousy mattress... this life is absolutely meaningless. We want to hunt deer by dawn, sleep on moss, run to wherever and never look back. Because that is us. We are what we are, and us two? We are wolves," Connor tells him.
"This is just our true nature. We want to be what we were destined to be anyways," the sister agrees.
"So you really want to help me figure this out?" Josh asks again. He needs a kind of reassurance. After all, everything else was just smashed into pieces.
"Hey, I'm all up for it. What could go wrong, right?" Connor grins gleefully.
"Many things, trust me," Josh grimaces.
Like your girlfriend lying to you.
Treating you like shit.
Haunting her ex-boyfriend for hurting her.
Like your best friends plotting against her and you to make you "understand", "see the truth".
Lying to you.
Setting you up.
Leaving you in the open.
Closing the case for you.
Everything can go wrong – and you don't even see it coming.
"We go with it either way," Connor shrugs. "We're rather experimental after all."
"Alright, so I'll show you what else I have morrow or so, if that's okay," Josh grimaces.
"Oh, you have more fun stuff?!" Connor cries out gleefully. "Do you also have like... white coat, head mirror and stethoscope? If that's so, dude, I wanna have a picture for later."
"It's where I observe everything," Josh explains, honestly uneasy about... everything, but he doesn't give it too much thought. His entire life is a mess, so it doesn't come to him as a surprise that his skin itches and burns, that his neck muscles strain to the point that he wants to lie flat on the ground until the pain stops.
"Well, fine with us," Brynn shrugs. "You show us all the fancy equipment you have or don't have."
"Okay," Josh nods.
"Alright, well, we're in if you're in... so... I guess would be good to exchange numbers or whatever?" Connor suggests.
"Oh, yeah, right, wait... uhm, I think I have some paper...," Josh grimaces, but that is when Connor simply grabs into his trouser's pocket to fish out Josh's cellphone, typing in his number. Josh almost jumps at the... action, but then figures that those guys really don't care about social convention, so maybe that's why. Nothing wrong with it, right?!
"Okay... there you go," Connor smirks, sticking out his tongue to the side almost like a dog as he saves the numbers to the register.
That is the moment Aidan appears in the doorway, only to see Connor stuffing the phone back into Josh's pocket as though it was the most normal thing on earth. Just what the hell is that guy thinking?!
"Just send us a pretty text so that we got your number, too," Connor winks at him. Josh nods frantically, licking his lips nervously.
"Well, then I guess we're to head our ways again," Brynn shrugs her shoulders.
"Yeah, sure, thanks for... for coming by and ah... I'll talk to you soon," Josh nods. "Lemme... uhm, lemme take you to the door?"
"Oh, no, don't bother, we find the door ourselves," Connor smirks, patting him on the shoulder another time.
"Oh, okay," Josh grimaces. The werewolves then cross the threshold, passing by Aidan as they go. Connor grins at him mischievously as he whispers, "See you around, little Snapper."
Aidan stays in the hallway a few moments longer, trying to calm himself down, but then sends the idea to hell anyways. He enters Josh's room wordlessly. The werewolf purposely turns away from him, though, putting the things away for an alibi.
"Can we talk about this now?" Aidan asks in a quiet voice. He would rather demand some answers, but he knows that he is in no position for that right now. He just hurt Josh, in one of the worst ways one can picture for someone like Josh. Aidan is well aware of the fact that this was plain betrayal to the werewolf, something that he does by no means take lightly. It stands to reason, because Josh is simply no trusting person. He said that often enough. Over the course, he became quite cynical of... everybody and everything. When everything can be ripped away from you like that, it stands to reason, though.
So yeah, Aidan will have to do a bit of crawling and sliding on the knees.
Because, in contrast to a certain blonde woman Aidan would rather not see again, Aidan sees that he hurt Josh and wants to fix it again, even if that means to eat crow. Because he cares.
However, much to his dismay, Josh makes no attempt to reply, but goes on cleaning... even though there is nothing to clean in Josh's room, ever.
"Josh, please," Aidan begs this time. At least eye contact would be nice. How else is he supposed to do what's right and truthfully apologize?
"Whatever excuse you and Sally agreed on, I don't really care, Aidan," Josh then says, still going on with his cleaning.
"We didn't do this so that something stood between you or Nora. It's just that...," Aidan means to explain, but Josh quickly interrupts him, "Oh, please. It was pretty darn obvious even to me that you didn't really want her in the house after some time."
"Josh, neither Sally nor I would ever have tried to get her out only because we are not the best friends. We did that because we feared for you," Aidan goes on, unwavered by the accusations Josh may throw at him, or them respectively. Sally and he agreed that Aidan should go first, because Josh usually listens to Aidan eventually, but the vampire already sees that plan crumble. Josh is by no means understanding his point here.
"What now? That I spent too much time with her?" Josh exclaims.
"No, that she lied to you, that she was tracking down her ex-boyfriend to get her revenge... and dropping just by the way that she doesn't really need you around. We wanted to spare you finding out by yourself only once it's too late," Aidan argues.
"So you think that you saved me from the evil witch, is that it?" Josh snorts.
"We didn't know what else to do. You wouldn't have believed us if we had just told you. Nora wasn't going to tell you. And I still feared that she might push you into turning her so that she gets through with her plan. That was the only option we saw," Aidan argues.
"I don't wanna go over this with you. I see that you seemingly had to find a way to break those news to me, but I also see that you are not okay with how I handle the situation," Josh goes on.
"Yeah, because we're your friends and see that you're perfectly neglecting yourself in her interest," Aidan argues.
"Oh, please. Look... I... I appreciate the concern or whatever, but...," Josh means to say, but the vampire interrupts him, "It's not just concern or whatever, Josh. Sally and I are worried about you. You even dropped out of med school, the thing you said you wanted to cling on to again so that you'd feel more human again, help people."
"People change plans, make new ones. I made a new one," Josh declares.
"You built a new one conveniently around Nora's life," Aidan corrects him.
"Even if so! Sometimes one partner has to step down from his... wishes or whatever. Now it's my turn. She helped you even though she didn't understand what it was about with vampires and werewolves. She dated me even though she knew that I wasn't being honest to her. Nora did many things for me," Josh retorts.
"And I don't say that she didn't. I don't say that she is a bad person, Josh. Believe me that," Aidan tells him. "But you won't ever have a strong relationship if it's just... picking one to be happy. You two gotta do what makes the both of you happy. You can't just throw yourself overboard only so that she stays at the surface."
"In Titanic it also worked," Josh snorts.
"... the guy drowned," Aidan huffs.
"I have a plan, okay?" Josh argues.
"What plan?" Aidan demands. "And now don't tell me that those two werewolves you dug up in the bar are supposed to solve your problems."
"They are the way there. They are purebreds. I talked to them. They are willing to support me in my studies so that I can figure out how to break the curse... or in their case, to find a way to make them wolves. I just... I just pick up on what I forgot about before, Aidan. We said we wanted to be human. That is why we started this. I just start trying to find my way back to that," Josh tells him.
"And that is great, but... why so suddenly?" Aidan grimaces.
"That way I get Nora away from the wolf, easy as that," Josh shrugs.
"What now? According to her own admission, she wants to be one," Aidan frowns.
"Exactly, and that is what I wanna prevent," Josh nods.
"How? Tie her to the bed or what?" Aidan grimaces.
"No, I lift my curse. Once I'm human again, there is no way I can turn her anymore. Then she can stop thinking about it. It won't happen. Then we are just... just two humans... dealing with our problems," Josh replies.
"Josh, really, if it were all for you, great, go for it! But you should want this for yourself, and not just to keep Nora off the cliff. If she wants to jump, she will. You saw it today. She doesn't lack the determination," Aidan argues.
"Neither do I," Josh retorts sternly. "I am determined to make sure that she stays human. That I don't drag her down along with me. That she gets better again. I can fix this, Aidan. I just need... some time and... Connor and Brynn. They might be my gateway back to... back to... normal, I don't know?"
"Again, if it's for you, then I support you, Josh, but please, please, don't get yourself into trouble just to keep her out of it. You saw it with Rebecca and I. I let myself get dragged into the addiction again. You shouldn't make the same mistake I made," Aidan reminds him.
"And I won't," Josh replies.
That is the moment the door opens downstairs.
Sally stands in the hallway, staring daggers at the young blonde as she shrugs out of her jacket.
"You little witch," Sally snarls, keeping her voice low so that Josh can't hear her from upstairs.
"I wish I could just cast you out of the house or so. For hurting Josh, for messing with us! God, I would strangle you if I could," she goes on muttering, directly in Nora's face, but the blonde passes through her, leaving Sally even more angry as she stalks after Nora once she climbs the stairs.
Nora goes to Josh's room, cautiously, testing the waters.
"Hey," she croaks at Josh, whose eyes are instantly on her.
"Hey," he brings out, more shocked than he thought he would be. Now that he looks her in the eyes again... it seems as though all determination is washed away. Josh can't say why, but there is something in her eyes that makes him second-guess himself. Everything.
"I think... I think we have some discussion due," Josh grimaces, before he turns to Aidan. "Would you leave us alone for a while, please?"
"... sure," Aidan makes a face as he begrudingly makes his way to the door. He casts one glance back, shakes his head, but then leaves, closing the door.
"And?" Sally asks. Aidan just shakes his head, nodding at her to follow him downstairs.
"They'll talk now," Aidan grumbles.
"I would rather just have her shut up," Sally mutters.
"Me, too," Aidan sighs. "Me, too."
"Josh, I...," Nora means to say, but he holds up his hands, "Have a seat, please."
Both sit down on the bed, if a bit awkwardly.
"I apologize in Aidan's name that he went through your things," Josh grimaces sheepishly, his hands still slightly shaking.
"Don't bother, like really, don't bother," Nora assures him. "Look, I... I didn't mean things the way I said them, I mean..."
"I know. It was... it was heated. Then you say things differently," Josh agrees.
"Right," she agrees, though she seems taken aback by his reaction. She expected him to be mad at her, not… supportive.
"Right," he exhales.
"So what do we do now?" she questions quietly.
"I... I came up with a plan," Josh says, biting his lower lip.
"Okay," she nods.
"I met someone in the bar," Josh begins, making her look at him with wide eyes, "What?"
"Not like that," he assures her quickly. "They are werewolves, purebreds. They want to help me figure out how to lift the curse."
"I don't get that," Nora grimaces.
"I see now that I got the ideas into your head about... about tracking down your ex-boyfriend," Josh goes on. He understands, he finally does. He is the source of the problem. Nora projected her hatred for him on that guy once again, even if he surely deserves all hatred in the world, but… but she projects it on him because of Josh. He triggered this, or triggered this anew. And that she wants to kill him now as a wolf… that is definitely an idea she got from him.
It's all his fault, easy as that.
"Well, uhm...," Nora grimaces, but Josh holds up his hands, "Let me finish, please. So you see, my plan is actually quite simple – remove the source, remove the problem. I want to lift my curse. Then I don't have to be afraid of turning you anymore. We can... we can get our chance at a future, a normal future."
"You don't have to, for me," Nora argues. "I don't mind that you are… what you are."
"I know, but… but I don't want you as a wolf, Nora. I will give you everything else, I promise you, but I can't give you… that. I can't grant you to be a wolf. I love you too much for that," Josh tells her, grasping her hand awkwardly.
"I swore to myself to never do something like that to someone else. I know what it means to... be that, live with that. The strength might be tempting, I give you that much, but... but it's a curse. And I won't ever curse someone else with this sickness," he goes on. She looks at him sadly.
"Look, what you said down there… and that you kept it from me that you tracked him down even after we were together… that hurt me. It did," Josh admits.
"I'm sorry," she mutters sadly.
"But I will ignore all that if you stop that, and if you stop asking me for turning you. That is the one alternative I can offer you, Nora. I will do anything to make it up to you what I did to you. I will try anything to make you happy again, or help you being happy. Whatever you want. If you want us to move to the countryside or whatever, so we will. I will make that happen somehow, even if not overnight, but… but I will do anything within my powers to make this up to you. Just not in that certain way. That is the one thing I cannot and will not give you," Josh tells her, his voice quivering with a mixture of fear and determination, each feeling fighting for dominance.
"Josh," she exhales.
"I love you and I need you. I want you to stay. That's all I can give you, and the promise that I will try anything to fix this. To fix me so that I can be you the partner that you need, to help you through that low, to... make this up to you. If you give me a chance to, I will do anything, believe me," Josh begs her.
"I do believe you, it's just that...," Nora argues, her voice trailing off.
"I don't wanna lose you, Nora," Josh insists.
"But honestly, Josh, I mean... I get it that I said things that were not okay, but... but I still want to become strong, like you," Nora admits.
"I know, but... but we can't do that. We mustn't," Josh warns her.
"Even if I beg you to?" she asks, her voice no more than a whisper.
"Even if you beg me to," he nods solemnly.
"I think it would make everything easier… for us," Nora argues. "You always tell me no, but… but let me at least explain."
"Okay, I listen," Josh nods. Maybe that was also what led them down that hole – that he didn't listen to her, why she wanted this.
Just how many mistakes is he making lately?!
Stupid Josh! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
"I think it would make things easier. We don't know how long it will take you to find a cure, or if you even find a cure. You could turn me now, though. Then I would be strong, then we could touch each other without fear… we'd be good, too," Nora explains.
"I understand that you feel that way, but I hope you also understand that this is simply a boundary I won't cross. That is where I draw the line, Nora. I won't ever turn someone on purpose. I won't curse the person I love with what I consider a sickness. It's painful and comes with so many sacrifices, Nora. Believe me, you would regret it. And you shouldn't regret anything anymore," Josh tells her, his voice still quivering.
"I don't want to hurt you, Josh," Nora says, her lower lip quivering.
"I know," he nods, biting back tears.
"It's just… I don't know what is going on with me. I'm…," she mutters.
"You hurt, I understand," Josh whispers. Because of him.
"Do you forgive me?" she asks tentatively.
"Yeah," Josh assures her. He pulls her close, needing that little reassurance that there is still a heart beating for him somewhere.
They hold on like that for a while, until they pull away, both letting out a sigh, but then Josh speaks up again, "I need something to drink. I'll be back in a bit."
"Okay," Nora nods her head. Josh makes his way downstairs and over to the kitchen. Sally and Aidan are instantly to their feet. Josh looks at them sternly, "I'm not talking to either one of you."
"Josh, c'mon," Sally cries out exasperatedly.
"No, I mean that. I will… talk to you, eventually… but just not tonight. I feel like I'm about to pass out. I just had that certain heart-to-heart with Nora that I never wanted to have, but… we did. That is enough for a day. I just want to drink something, and then sleep. I can't put up with any of that. Or else I say or do things I'd regret even more than I do anyways," Josh mutters, hastily sipping some of the water.
"But…," Sally wants to object, but Josh doesn't leave her a chance. He holds up his hand, pointing his index finger up, "I will only say that much – I feel betrayed, not just by Nora, but also by you, by you especially. And I will take a moment to… arrange myself with that."
"She lied to you! Not us!" Sally breaks out.
"Sally," Aidan grumbles – that won't get them anywhere, for goodness' sake.
"You made up a scheme to make a mentally unstable woman who just lost a child admit things about herself that she wasn't ready for! Yes, Nora made mistakes, too, but she is not fully there yet. You are, at least you should be. You should be able to rationally decide if something is improper or not. And this was improper," Josh retorts sternly.
"We had to tell you somehow – and we feared you wouldn't believe us if it came… not from her," Sally argues, biting her lower lip.
"I don't give a damn, Sally, okay? I see that you had to tell me in some way, and that there is not the perfect way, but playing us both like that is simply… improper, not alright. You don't do that to people you care about. That is something courtesy even demands. Nora gets to act improperly to a higher degree than you after what she went through," Josh tells her.
"And I agree, but…," Sally mumbles, but once again, Josh is not having any of it, "No, I don't want to hear it. None of it. I already said too much already. I don't want to talk about this now. I don't want to talk at all. I just… I just… I don't know what I want. I just know I don't want this here."
And that is when the masquerade of sheer anger falls and reveals Josh's true state of mind and emotion – pain, sadness, weariness.
"Good night," he says at last, his voice suddenly very hoarse. He turns around and heads upstairs again.
"Josh!" Sally cries out, already meaning to go after him.
"Save it. He won't listen anyways," Aidan warns her.
"That was not what we had planned," Sally says, sinking down on the kitchen counter sadly.
"I know," Aidan sighs.
"I thought he'd be on our side," Sally goes on. She really thought that Josh would see that, after what was actually revealed, but instead… he brings in new werewolves.
"Let's just hope he's more talkative soon," Aidan sighs. He knows that this is not really hopeful or even hope-worthy, but… what else do they have left? That they made Nora say it herself was actually their last trump to make Josh realize that he has to change his plan… just that he actually changed the plan, by making up a new plan to fulfill the one from before. So in the end, they are just where they started with, just with more problems added.
They risked everything, went all-in, but in the end… all lost. Whoever the house is won the jackpot.
Confrontations really always come with sacrifice.
They always come with a price-tag way beyond your pay grade.
Chapter 17: The Colors of Denial
Summary:
The friends talk.
Sally and Aidan are by no means sure if everything is alright again, as Josh says.
The twins come for dinner.
Aidan is not amused.
Nora is fascinated by the wolves.
Josh tries to curb her enthusiasm by offering her alternatives.
Notes:
Hello everyone, thanks for sticking with me^^
I hope you'll like this chapter.
As to Aidan's blood addiction resurfacing, that is once again not in-line with the canon, but since I'm heading for an AU, I take the liberty to have him a bit on edge. Maybe Aidan is just trying to drown his romantic sorrows, hm?
Chapter Text
After yesterday's revelations, the house grew intimidatingly quiet. As though even speaking about it would already turn to escalation. So the "breakfast scene" of all inhabitants of the house puts a whole new level to "awkward". All exchange uncertain glances, nervous coughing, looking away and back again.
Josh picks at his food nervously, even though not much of the eggs and toast make it into his mouth or stomach. No, he rather keeps picking at it. Aidan bites the inside of his cheek – because normally, he and Sally would reward that behavior with a comment, they'd laugh and then… this would likely lead to the clarifying conversation needed to bring the noises back to the house, its own music that lives and dies with them.
Much to everyone's surprise, it's actually Nora who speaks up first.
"I'll go to the supermarket today," she says mutely. "Does anyone need anything?"
"What?" Aidan blurts out.
"I'm getting the groceries today, so if you need anything… say so," she repeats. Aidan bites the inside of his cheek even harder this time. Is that girl serious? After she told him only a few hours back that he can have Josh if he cared about him so much, after all she doesn't need him for her vengeance other than turning her, or so she said, she now starts to act like a "normal" roommate and asks for a shared shopping list?
"No, thanks," Aidan says nevertheless, feeling Josh's eyes poking through him.
"That will give you time to… discuss this," Nora then says, making the roommates stare at her wide-eyed, so she goes on, "I'm not that delusional. I caused… problems between you guys, so you have to… talk about that. So I will get the groceries, now."
Aidan is actually impressed for a moment. He didn't think she'd be that clear today, neither did he expect that gesture, after what she delivered the other day.
"Do you need anything, though, Josh? Now seriously?" she asks, touching his upper arm as she leans over.
"No, just what is on the list anyways," he tells her quietly, flashing an uncertain smile.
"Okay, then I'll be back in an hour or two," Nora replies, returning an uncertain smile, too, before she straightens up.
"Thanks," Josh thanks her.
"No bother," Nora replies. She gets up and grabs her coat before heading out, leaving the three roommates sitting at the dinner table with the almost untouched breakfast in front of them.
"So okay, I'll begin," Sally speaks up. "We're sorry that we forced you through that. I want to say that another time before we go at each other's throats."
"I'm not going at anyone's throat, Sally," Josh assures her.
"Good, would be hard to execute on me anyways," Sally shrugs.
"I told you yesterday already… I just… couldn't talk about this the other night because I had to come to terms myself. I… I gave it some thought, okay, a lot, and… I see that I let myself get dragged down too much. I wasn't of much help to anyone here, especially Nora. So maybe something good came of it after all, because you made me see that," Josh goes on. Sally blinks at him – that was really nothing she ever expected to hear, and she can't fight the cold sensation spreading throughout her. This sounds wrong on so many hidden levels that it makes her stomach flip.
"That wasn't really…," she mutters, but Josh won't leave her a chance to verbalize her concerns, "I know that your actual intention was to reveal Nora's lies to me. I got it, and again… upon reflection, you had a point. You had to tell me in some way… and being honest with myself, I wouldn't have believed you if you had just told me. So it was unjustified that I yelled at you the way I did. After all, you just sought out a way of telling me."
"Josh…," Aidan grimaces.
"However, what I still hold up is that you had all your wits together and in that situation confronted a traumatized woman who definitely didn't. It was unfair towards her, and that is what makes it so hard for me to move past this. Just as did that you lied to me. You set me up in the full intention of keeping this from me. You didn't trust me, and that hurt me. Regardless of accepting your motives and reasons… it hurt me. Because I thought that you trusted me," Josh admits sadly.
"We do trust you, Josh, it's just that…," Aidan means to say, but Josh nods, "You don't trust my judgment lately."
"… admittedly, yeah," the vampire replies. Sally hits him in the arm, actually managing to make contact for once.
"Aidan!" she cries out angrily. That is not exactly good tact!
"What? I'm just being honest," Aidan argues.
"Tact," the female ghost hisses.
"You're the one to talk," Aidan snorts.
"I appreciate it that he's honest," Josh jumps in.
"You guys are weird," Sally sighs.
"So returning to the argument… that you don't trust my judgment, well, I guess I will have to accept that," Josh replies. "I know that I gave you reason to believe it. I wasn't really acting reasonably lately."
"Which is perfectly understandable after what you've been through," Aidan then says more seriously, because even if he really believes that Josh is not himself lately and made a few bad calls, it is all understandable to him in the light of what he had to endure over the past weeks. Then you don't act reasonable. He didn't either.
"Yeah, but… again, if anything good came of it, then it's that I know I have to return to normal, in all ways possible. That means going to work again, not caving in at home anymore, live on or whatever, and then find a cure to lift my curse. That is the new agenda now," Josh then declares with unexpected certainty in his voice. After all, Aidan still has his speech from the other day in mind, how he just tries to survive from one day to the next.
"But that won't happen overnight, Josh. You also need time, don't you see that?" the vampire argues. Because that is the thing – Josh won't cut himself a break in any way, and just pushing all of the sadness away to keep working won't do the trick either. At least Aidan doubts it.
"I gave myself enough time to wallow in self-pity and pity in general. I… gotta work through this. And that is best achieved by picking up where I left off with. I already called work that I'm back to my usual schedule. Nora is supposed to stay home for a while longer because of… well, you know why," Josh mutters.
"Well, I guess I speak in both our name when I say that it's great to hear that you want to get back on track, but… are you really sure you're ready to head back to work and all that just like that? Because… I mean… you went through a lot, Josh," Sally argues, her grimace sad.
"But as you rightly said, that can't go on. I have to… wake up, so… yeah, if you're okay with it, I'd say forgive and forget," the werewolf shrugs, making the other roommates stare at him with wide eyes, "What?!"
"… okay, that came unexpected," Josh grimaces. He thought that this would be the sentence they wanted to hear.
"I honestly thought you'd roast us for this," Sally makes a face.
"And honestly? We wouldn't have blamed you, really," Aidan agrees.
"You were right, simple as that," Josh shrugs.
"And… how is it with you and Nora now?" the vampire then questions quieter, seeing that Josh won't dig further into that issue.
"We talked and… she apologized. She is still… rattled, or whatever," Josh replies, not meeting their eyes.
"Okay, uhm, I will say that now, even at the risk of making you mad at us all over: she didn't just start tracking down that asshole after the… incident. She did so ever since she came here. To me it even sounded like she came to Boston for only just that purpose," Sally argues.
"And that is something we will have to come to terms with, but then again… I kept things from her, too," Josh replies.
"To protect her," Aidan objects.
"Because I was afraid of telling her the truth," Josh corrects him.
"She didn't tell you because she feared you'd stop her," Aidan argues.
"I didn't tell her because I was afraid she'd leave me if she knew. Isn't that the same thing in some way?" Josh shakes his head.
"Not in my opinion," Sally mutters, but Aidan jumps in to put it a little differently, "What Sally means to say… you two are back to the state where you want to stay together? Because yesterday… she kinda implied something else."
And that is the overly nice description when in fact she said that she pretty much hated Josh and really didn't need him at all, other than for turning her.
"She wants to stay, yeah," Josh replies.
"Do you want her to stay?" Aidan questions.
"What?" the werewolf frowns at him.
"There is a difference. I mean… she was the one who made the mistake or told the lie, whatever. So it should be about what you want, not what she wants, primarily," Aidan explains.
"It's what I want, too," Josh says mutely, not meeting the vampire's gaze. He can't, not now.
"Okay," Aidan sighs, not pleased, to say the absolute least. Even if it's awful to think, he would have loved to throw her out for that. Not because he doesn't see that she struggles. He didn't lie when he told her that she has his sympathy, but Aidan is protective of his friends. That woman hurt his best friend, so yeah, he doesn't like her and would rather have her gone, so that Josh can get better, but sadly… that's not up to him to say.
"So did you reach any kind of… consensus about all those other things?" Sally questions.
"My plan's set, and I'll do anything to make it happen," Josh nods.
"So you really think by simply lifting your curse, or tying, and going back to the usual routine you'll solve all problems?" Sally makes a face.
"Not all, but… most," Josh tells her.
"Really?" she cocks an eyebrow at him.
"I want to hope, yeah," Josh agrees.
"So what? You just swallow it all?" Sally exhales.
"Pretty much," Josh shrugs.
"That sounds healthy," the female ghost snorts, making her disagreement no secret.
"Well, this is the best I can do, so, ugh… yeah. I will work on a cure now more intensely. After med school is no longer on the plan, I will actually have the spare-time to do some thorough research… and it's actually getting late and I need to be on shift, and no, this is not just an excuse to get out of that conversation," Josh then says.
"Sure…," Sally mutters.
"We can continue later the day, but, ugh… now I really have to head out," Josh replies apologetically.
"Okay," Sally exhales, knowing that this won't solve any problems either.
"Okay," Josh mutters faintly.
"I'll see you on shift later, then," Aidan says.
"Right," the werewolf agrees. Josh gets up and leaves the kitchen. Soon the two can hear the keys rattling, the rustling of his jacket, door opening, door closing. And… Josh is gone.
"Am I the only one not buying any of this bullshit?" Sally asks.
"Nope," Aidan replies, leaning back in his chair.
"What the hell was that? Or rather… who the hell was that?" Sally shakes her head.
"I'm asking that myself," Aidan sighs.
"Does he really think that… this is great now?" Sally makes a face.
"Honestly? I think he's somewhere back to Denial while at the same time he is into Bargaining," Aidan shrugs.
"What now? The Five Stages of Grief?" Sally furrows her eyebrows.
"Well, even if it doesn't go linear with grief… most of the stuff happens, this way or another," Aidan shrugs. He is not fond of such systems to categorize emotional states either, but… they very often fit, and this situation… they seemingly fit perfectly.
"True again, and… yeah, kinda fits. My brain is confused," Sally mutters. Whatever she expected came about just the other way around. "What do we do now, Aidan?"
"Honestly? I have no idea. I dealt with grieving people before, I was one myself, but… but I guess it's always different when it's…," Aidan sighs, his voice trailing off, so Sally completes, "Your best friend."
"Yeah," Aidan nods solemnly. It would be easier if Josh was just his patient. There is a professional distance you maintain to them, you don't let the emotional troubles too close to you, to your heart, but if it is your best friend… you just can't. At least Aidan can't. Josh is one of the few people he doesn't feel like he has a distance to. Josh talks to him about almost anything, Josh knows him like no one else, and it is also vice-versa. And with no distance between them, Aidan can't build up the professional distance to give well-reasoned advice. He is right in this situation the way Josh is. And that makes it ever so hard to support him. Aidan doesn't know how because he can't pull the focus out to look at it from a distance to see the whole picture. He is bound to look at Josh and see everything through only just that filter.
Maybe they are just all still in Denial.
So, Josh continued with his belief that his new plan, new agenda, will solve the problems he and Nora have. Josh drown himself in new work now. Instead of preparing tea for Nora (even if he still does), he works his ass off both at the hospital and with his studies of lifting the curse.
Oh, that and… socializing with the purebreds.
Actually, Josh develops to be the curious hybrid of an overly working, overly caring, overly trying to bypass all personal problems adult, and a ridiculous teenager. He is constantly texting with the two. The only point Josh gets is that the two always start first, and then he gets dragged into it.
And all that boiled down to them coming over for "dinner".
Dinner. With the purebreds. In a household with a vampire who is now helping run the Boston community. Isn't that joyous?
Currently, he and Sally are in the kitchen. Josh started early in the morning to prepare everything. The dinner table looks like cut out of a magazine and even if Sally can't smell or taste the food, she would take any bet that the whole house smells delicious.
"What will you serve anyway? Raw deer?" she comments, sitting on the kitchen counter next to Josh as he cuts more vegetables into neat cubes.
"Almost funny right there," he huffs.
"Now seriously, what do you serve?" Sally asks curiously.
"Carpaccio and steak, with some normal side dishes," Josh shrugs. He figures that this is something the two will enjoy.
"Raw meat, I knew it," she chuckles.
"Yeah, yeah, we're living clichés," Josh shrugs.
And aren't they really?
"Aren't we all…?" Sally sighs.
"True again," Josh agrees.
Suddenly there is a knock on the front door.
"… they know we have a bell, right?" Sally makes a face.
"Connor says the bell makes him upset. Don't ask me," Josh says, wiping his hands off of a towel, before throwing it on the counter.
"Purebred insiders, fun times," Sally mocks. Josh heads for the door with a roll of his eyes. Connor and Brynn wave at him before heading inside, but then Connor wraps his arms around him, making Josh jump at the sudden action.
"Dude, chill, that's how wolves greet those they are close to," Connor assures him.
"Really?" the other werewolf makes a face. Even Ray didn't greet him like that, ever.
"Well, not really, this is already the human version. We usually…," Connor snickers, sniffing with his nose to make the point, which Josh gets, fighting a blush, "Yeah, no, let's not… have a seat."
Sally mouths "awkward" as the twins drop down on the couch.
"Ah, Tinkerbell, there you are, nice to see you!" Connor greets Sally as she sits down in the armchair.
"Hi," she replies curtly. Connor and Brynn look around, but then pull off their sunglasses.
"Aww, you even thought about dimming the lights, you're so considerate, man," Connor smiles.
"Anything to drink?" Josh asks politely.
"Bowl of water if you have it," Connor jokes.
"Right," Josh rolls his eyes. He heads to the kitchen to bring two glasses of water.
"So… where's the rest of the bunch? I thought we'd have a nice meet-n-greet?" Brynn asks, sipping some of the water.
"Aidan should be here any minute. He had shift before, so…," Josh replies. Sally silently smiles to herself that Josh always ends up mentioning Aidan first, and not Nora.
Just saying.
"Oh, I am looking forward to seeing my little Snapper again," Connor smiles.
"Don't call him that, please," Josh warns him. He knows that Aidan is not too fond of the two, but Connor in general, seemingly.
"What? He has fangs, so he is a little Snapper," Connor shrugs.
"Don't try to argue with him. That is a lost cause anyways, trust me," Brynn says, flipping a loose strand of her hair back.
"I guessed as much," Josh shrugs.
"And what about the lovely fair lady you promised us?" Connor then questions.
"Nora? She should be back soon, too. She had a doctor's appointment before, so… yeah," Josh replies.
"And saved by the bell," Connor grins.
"What?" Josh furrows his eyebrows at him.
"He asks you to get the door," Brynn translates. "He hears them coming."
Josh turns around awkwardly to go to the door, to actually have Aidan and Nora approaching. Curious how well timing can be at times.
"Hi, uhm, Connor and Brynn are already there, so…," Josh grimaces. Aidan grunts something to himself as he makes his way inside. Nora looks rather wide-eyed.
"How was the appointment?" Josh asks politely, his voice lowered.
"Everything's fine, thanks," she assures him, flashing a feeble but sweet smile.
"Good, okay… then let me introduce you," he grins. Josh takes Nora by the wrist to lead her over to the two purebreds.
"Uhm, guys? This is Nora? Nora, this is Brynn and this is Connor," Josh introduces them.
"Pleased to meet you, Milady," Connor drawls, smiling at her broadly.
"Hi," she replies uncertainly.
"Have a seat," Brynn offers.
"Right, sit with us. We have so much catching up to do," Connor agrees. He pulls Nora to sit between them, making her the monkey in the middle. Nora folds her hands in her lap with a grimace. Josh lets out a deep sigh, trying to calm down, and trying hard to ignore the glances he knows he is getting from the vampire. Aidan told him several times that he doesn't think it's a good idea to have the purebreds over, but… Josh knows a thing about two about bargain. He wants something from them, so he has to play nice, even if he personally doesn't really like them. Well, they could be worse, but Connor just makes him uncomfortable, at least more than Brynn. And Josh, generally, tries to stay away from werewolves after his experiences with Ray, but he sees the necessity.
He has a goal after all.
"Okay, uhm… I'll prep up dinner little quick. You guys get acquainted," Josh grimaces.
"Sure, looking forward to it, fabulous," Connor winks at him.
"I told you to stop that," Brynn mutters. "You see that calling him names makes him uncomfortable."
"And I told you that I don't care," Connor retorts.
"Brute," she grumbles playfully.
"So anyways… Little Snapper, it's been a while," Connor then says, turning to Aidan, who took his seat next to Sally, his features unnaturally grim even for his standards.
"Too short a while," Aidan mutters. Sally looks at him, but chooses to ignore the comment for now. She doesn't like them either.
"So how is the vampire business going? It made the round that you're now big in the business?" Connor goes on.
"Who said that?" Aidan narrows his eyes at him.
"We have our ears everywhere," Connor grins.
"Did Josh tell you that?" Aidan demands, suddenly very angry, because Josh is certainly not supposed to tell those two what is going on in the vampire community, or him in general. He wants nothing to do with them.
"No. He doesn't really text personal, as far as I'm concerned. Though I get that. Texts are just so… unnatural," Brynn shrugs.
"Then why do you?" Sally makes a face.
"They might be unnatural, but they are more of the funny department," Connor shrugs.
"Aha," Sally furrows her eyebrows.
"So that's why you're pretty much stalking him with texts, I see," Aidan huffs.
"Aidan…," Sally warns him.
"Leave me be," he grumbles. Sally frowns, but then lets it go. She knows better than to make a scene in front of those guys.
"So… pretty girl, you are Josh's girl, then," Connor says, focusing on Nora instead.
"Yeah?" she frowns at him.
"He surely made a catch with you. I love your hair," Connor grins. "I dig blonds, coz I'm too, you see."
"Connor, you're across the line of gross again," Brynn warns him.
"C'mon, let me have some fun," Connor argues, but then returns to Nora. "So you are one of us, too, right?"
"What? No, I'm… I'm not a wolf," Nora says, and Sally can hear the disappointment all the way to where she is sitting.
"What? Aww, and here I thought that such a pretty girl had to be a wolf. I mean, you have that fire in your eyes," Connor pouts playfully.
"No, I'm… no wolf," Nora repeats. She is no wolf, and she probably won't ever be, not if she wants to stay with Josh…
"Well, if you ever have a change of mind, you know, you can always knock on our door. We love to add new members to the family," Connor grins.
"Yet, that is nothing you should be doing," Aidan warns him.
"What is it to you, little Snapper?" Connor frowns. Aidan narrows his eyes at him.
"Josh is against it," the vampire retorts.
"So what Josh wants, Josh gets?" Connor frowns.
"In that context, yes," Aidan replies sternly.
"Wow, okay, someone's territorial here. And no one asks the pretty Lady?" Connor frowns, turning back to Nora, who replies, "I… he is right. It's a curse."
"Oh, no, sweetie, it's no curse. It's a way of living. It's a way of being alive," Connor corrects her, his voice suddenly very sincere.
"He is right. It might be a curse to someone else, but it has never been to us. We grew up being this way, so it's actually unnatural for us to be anything… but… this," Brynn agrees.
"So purebreds are born that way?" Nora tilts her head at them curiously. Sally fights any urge not to blurt out with some stupid joke to change the subject.
"Yeah, our parents were wolves. When they had us, we came out… as wolves, too, beautiful and strong," Connor muses.
"So werewolf babies are stronger? I mean… isn't it dangerous when the mother is pregnant as a wolf on the full moon?" Nora questions.
"No bother, purebreds are strong creatures, if not the strongest babies of them all," Connor smiles.
"Aidan, I don't like this," Sally says, leaning over to the vampire.
"Have an eye on them," Aidan whispers before raising his voice. "I'll help Josh in the kitchen."
"Sure, do that. Since you can taste so well," Connor drawls.
"Whatever," Aidan mutters.
"He whatever-ed me," Connor cries out, mocking exasperation.
"And I don't give a damn, still," Aidan grumbles.
"So, back to you, beautiful. You're sure about not wanting to be a wolf," Connor goes on, unimpressed by Aidan's behavior.
"What? Yeah, yes," Nora replies sheepishly.
"That's such a pity. We're always looking for people to join our little club," Connor sighs.
"What he means to say… we want to form a pack. A bigger one," Brynn explains.
"And then just be what we are. Live strong, live free, in the wild. God, I can already see it in front of my eyes," Connor goes on, his eyes glistening at the idea.
"Josh said you really want to be that for the rest of your lives?" Nora questions.
"What? Yes. That's everything we ever wanted," Connor nods at her.
"But don't you think you'd miss to… talk, not to have a deer for dinner, live in a house… be… human?" Nora questions.
"Being human is overrated," Brynn snorts.
"Josh says it's painful," Nora argues.
"The turn surely ain't the sugar-coating of the experience, but… well, you see, if we are wolves all the time, then no more turning back and forth," Connor replies.
"Hence, no more pain," Brynn shrugs.
"No more pain…," Nora repeats silently.
No more pain. That sounds nice.
"You see, the pain for us is actually this here. We have heightened senses, hence the sunglasses and... occasional substance use, but that's our little secret... For us, the curse is to have to undergo this here for almost the entire month, for that one night where we can be what and who we truly are, where our senses are in check with the world, where there is harmony," Brynn goes on.
"Back to Mother Nature," Connor agrees. "Back to us."
Meanwhile, Josh is fussing over the food in the kitchen.
"I really think it's a bad idea to have those two over," Aidan says as he enters the kitchen, making Josh jump for a moment.
"They can hear you, you know?" the werewolf then says after he calmed down again, his eyes focused on the steaks.
"I don't care," Aidan retorts, arms crossed over the chest as he steps closer, leaning against the counter.
"What's wrong with you?" Josh asks.
"What's wrong with me?" Aidan grimaces.
"Yes, with you. You seem a bit… on edge," Josh argues. And he wasn't when they were at work, at least Josh didn't get the impression back then.
"Right," Aidan mutters.
"Okay… anyways… why do you think it's a bad idea?" Josh goes with it.
"They are trying to make Nora change her mind," Aidan mutters.
"What?" Josh frowns at him. Aidan shrugs. Josh mutters to himself, but then fixes on him, "Are you high on blood, or what?"
"Not so loud, the wolves could hear you," Aidan retorts mockingly.
"Unbelievable," Josh rolls his eyes.
"What?" the vampire furrows his eyebrows. Josh just rolls his eyes before he walks past the vampire, brushing against his shoulder just slightly. He walks back into the living room, putting on the nicest of smiles, "So? Everything alright here?"
"What? Yes, we were completely enchanted by your girl. She is such a treat," Connor drawls.
"Dinner will be ready in five minutes," Josh says.
"Awesome. I'm craving for some decent food," Connor smiles happily.
"Well, if you want to, you can already sit down at the dinner table and have some of the starters, you know?" Josh offers, hoping that this will actually help to relieve some of the tension – and so that he can have a watchful eye on what Aidan just told him about.
"Even though we don't dig human convention, you are a fine host, man," Connor says as he gets up and grabs Josh in the neck, making the man yelp for a moment, but then Josh regains focus and pulls away, starting towards the kitchen.
"He's always like that, no need to worry, sweety," Brynn tells Nora, patting her on the upper arm reassuringly.
"What?" Nora frowns at her, so Brynn goes on, "Connor gives even less on what is social convention than I do. If he is a bit touchy with your boyfriend, just don't mind. It's his way of building up a bromance."
"Oh, ugh, I don't bother, really," Nora shrugs.
"That's good. Most people don't understand it, you know? When you are a wolf, at least the way we are… then you are just either totally disclosed from the rest of the world, or really close to that small cosmos you do have. Even if he is easily inviting people into his clan. Connor hates it that we are just the two of us most of our time," Brynn says.
"It must be lonely sometimes," Nora agrees.
"Well, obviously, he also wants mating partners and the like," Brynn shrugs.
"What?" Nora gapes at her.
"You really have a lot to learn about wolves, still," Brynn chuckles softly.
"Well, maybe you explain some things to me. I'm… I'd like to know more," Nora whispers.
"That is something we can surely help you with," Brynn assures her with a smile.
"Great…," Nora smiles feebly.
"Great, but for now, let's just eat and have a good time, shall we?" Brynn smiles, pulling her to the dinner table gently.
"Yes, yes!" the other woman agrees. Soon, Josh is done with the prep-up and can serve the dinner, feeling like he finally gains some ground again. Cooking is something he is good at. Now everyone sits at a dinner table and at the dinner table, you have to follow certain procedures. You have to stick to convention in some way. And that is what he needs now, normalcy, however normal this can be with three werewolves, one ghost, a one vampire, and a girl who is still fantasizing about becoming a werewolf.
"You're really domestic for a wolf, you know? I find that curious. Most of the guys we met were rather… moving around a lot," Connor can't help but say.
"I was for a while, but… well, I wanted something steady," Josh replies.
"With your dear Nora, then?" Connor tilts his head at him curiously.
"No, I moved in with Aidan, actually," Josh tells him.
"And they moved in to my house, so that is how we three ended up together," Sally explains.
"And then I got to know Nora, through work," Josh adds quickly.
"I wonder how that worked anyways, I mean… vampire and werewolf?" Brynn frowns. "I mean, we've been all over and under it with rivaling species and all."
"He saved my life," Josh replies simply.
Because that is a matter of fact.
And he won't ever deny that, even if Aidan is not… really with him right now.
"Really?" Brynn blinks at him.
"Yeah, from a bunch of… other vampires," Josh goes on.
"See? That wouldn't have happened if you had a pack around," Connor snaps his fingers.
"Well, I have a pack now, don't I?" Josh argues.
"Not really. Unless Snappy and Tinkerbell turn out to be wolves by any chance. I mean… it's not like I wanna be a hypocrite, but… I just think that a pack is something else than… the people you live with, or even family. I mean, for us, family is the same as pack because we are purebreds, but you mutts have the problem that your pack is something else than your biological family. But a pack is wolves, easy as that," Connor shrugs.
"Well, I like to reserve for myself the choice. I consider my pack whoever I want," Josh replies sternly. It might be that he tries to be extra-nice to those two, but that doesn't mean he accepts that they accuse his family in any way, because that is what they are to him.
"Yeah, no problem with that, pal. It's just my opinion. You don't have to share it," Connor assures him.
"Good," Josh nods.
"So… how is the research going?" Brynn asks.
"I rented a storage room," Josh says, glad for the change of subject. That hits just too close to home.
"What for?" Connor frowns.
"I want to record the transformation, for the research. That will hopefully give me some much needed data about what happens," Josh replies.
"That's why you're the smart one," Connor shrugs.
"Well, if you want to, you can also turn in one of the storages. I can rent more," Josh offers.
"No, no. We rather turn in the woods. Our wolves are very… freedom-seeking," Brynn argues. "We hate walls."
"Because nothing should hold us," Connor agrees, winking at Nora once.
"Sure, well, I understand that," Josh agrees, doing well at hiding his disappointment. He hoped he'd get more data if they also did, but… well, maybe the will change their minds later on. After all, they also want something from him.
The evening goes on rather uneventfully. Gladly, Aidan just chooses to be silent from now on, and Josh makes sure to change the topic swiftly whenever Connor and Brynn try with their wolf-advertisement again.
And so Josh finds himself lying in bed next to Nora, glancing at her with a sigh later the night, feeling her hot breath against his skin.
"I hope it was okay that I had them over," Josh whispers.
"What? Yes, I… I like them," Nora replies sheepishly.
"Good," he nods. He already feared she wouldn't.
"Yeah…," she breathes.
"I was thinking…," Josh begins, making her look at him curiously, "What?"
"Well, I know that I pretty much told you to stay away from anything about the wolf, but… that's no good idea either, because it won't happen overnight that I lift my curse, right? So… and you say you want to learn more about… wolves," Josh goes on, trying to sound casual when in fact he would love to clean the bathroom now to somehow calm down, but he tries not to focus on his OCD, but instead on Nora and how even she breathes.
Little routines calm him, even such things calm him.
"Yeah, I just want to… understand," she admits.
"And I get that, so I was thinking that maybe you'd like to come to the storage with me. I installed a camera. I mean, it records, but I can surely arrange it so that you can watch it live… or not. I don't know, I was just thinking that maybe it'd… well, maybe I'm just seeing things or whatever," Josh tells her.
"No, no, it's… it's a good idea," she assures him.
"Really? I don't want to push you or anything. I just thought that maybe that would make you see my perspective… while also showing you… what it's all about. I mean, the last time you saw me… I killed Heggeman and ran off," Josh replies.
"Yeah," Nora nods.
"Yeah… so, just think about it," Josh smiles at her uncertainly.
"I will," Nora agrees, returning the smile softly, moving a little closer to him.
"Okay," Josh breathes.
Both close their eyes, minds drifting.
Josh hopes that this will somehow make Nora understand that this is nothing she should want. The way he figures, he can talk as much as he wants, but he won't ever make her see the horrors of this condition by just painting them with words. He needs colors to make the painting more expressive, at least that is what he figures.
However, the fear grows steadier and steadier within him that Nora is actually more into pop-culture art, simple advertisements in flashy colors, comic figures.
Because that is the kind of art Brynn and Connor like and advertise, and show her.
Josh just hopes that he can change her taste.
He hopes he can make her let go of the idea and hold on to him.
Chapter 18: Temptation
Summary:
Temptation strikes - mercilessly.
Notes:
Hello everyone, welcome back to my world of slow-boiling slash and other mad obsessions.
Since we are now heading into my AU with larger strides, I made some changes to the canon in terms of the time-frame, too, to give you a fair warning, so that it fits in better with my purposes. Julia doesn't come in here at this point and I have Aidan with Suren for now.
The thing about flower meaning is taken from this website (just so that I don't commit any plagiarism here): theflowerexpertDOTcomSLASHcontentSLASHaboutflowersSLASHflower-meanings
Chapter Text
Temptation.
Life is full of it. Just as it is full of its driving force – cravings, one darker than the other. It's our cravings that lead us to want the forbidden things, the forbidden fruit of the forbidden tree called life.
It seems to be in human nature to want more than what we have, to strive forward instead of being contempt with what we do have, stay in one spot and cherish it. We are vagabonds whose feet are forced by cravings.
Original Sin rings a bell? Adam and Eve had one job, and they failed. Because they had everything in plenty and still wanted more, wanted this damned apple, and that was when God cast them out of the Garden Eden into our world. The world of beasts and monsters, of the dark world no one wants to live in. Some people may even go as far as to blame those two for our world being that bad. Because, if you believe in it, then it's not farfetched to say that if they had stuck to the deal, we'd all live in Garden Eden now, instead of a polluted planet with ozone layers trying to explode, wars, traffic jams, computer viruses and human ignorance. We'd all live in paradise.
Just that… it wouldn't be so. Let's be honest – we would have done the same damn thing. Even if we don't want to admit it, even if we try to tell ourselves how we would have seen through that, how we would have stood strong, we would have done it just the same way. It seems to be the curious case that humans are created weak (be it now God's will or the Big Bang), and that we are bound to fail, bound to fall for temptation. Because we crave. Because we want, want more. What makes us achieve such great things as the Great Wall of China, the Hubble Telescope, democracy is that drive, isn't it? That we want more than what we have? That we struggle against the system? We call it bravery then and admire it.
Doesn't that make little Adam and Eve the first militant and brave opposition to a patriarchal system? Shouldn't we applaud them and not curse or blame them? They gave in to temptation because… it's their very nature. They gave in to their dark cravings. They made a choice to give in, let go – and were punished for it, okay, but… isn't it so that they were free in that moment, for once? Because the Garden Eden… isn't endless, there is some hedge God pushed those two across into this our world, the world of dirt and humiliation, at least the myth sounds like it. And in that sense… isn't the Garden Eden also a prison? A nice prison, admittedly, but still… it has boundaries that hold its inhabitants on the inside. You can't cross it because you don't want to. Maybe the hedges are invisible, but still they managed, or so the myth goes, all its happy inhabitants on the inside, until two human beings dared to trust a snake. So maybe giving in to temptation made Adam and Eve actually… free. Because they made the choice.
Not God, but them.
Not the system, but them.
Because they allowed to be self-determined. To let go.
And isn't that what we all want at times? To let go? To let our instincts and feeling get the better of us? Don't we find that liberating?
And anyways, even if it meant years of punishment for them both, little Adam and Eve got this one thing – the sweetest of all tastes.
Of the forbidden fruit.
Of the forbidden fruit called freedom.
… Right?
The big day, or well, the first day of turning in the storage Josh rented. He just hopes that the werewolf won't destroy the camera right away. He needs information, he needs… something.
Something to hold on to.
Because Josh doesn't feel like he has much to hold on to, even if he has much he wants to hold on to. He wants to hold on to his family, to his normalcy he managed to somehow bring back to the surface, he wants to keep Nora, Sally, Aidan. But Josh has the feeling that they are either drifting away from him… or just out of his grasp.
Aidan is keeping more and more away from home again. After Josh called him upon it that he is using blood again, the werewolf has the feeling that Aidan just won't come home so that he doesn't have to put up with Josh's glances. Even if Josh doesn't even have the intention to. He is not mad at Aidan, he is worried, simple as that. But that is the thing. Everyone seems to misunderstand him lately.
But maybe it's just coz he is not making any sense.
Nothing seems to make sense lately.
At this moment, life consists of confusion.
Chaos.
"Nora?" Josh asks as he comes down the stairs with his bag over his shoulder.
"Yeah?" she says, turning around on the couch to look at him.
"I want to head out soon. So… do you want to come with?" Josh offers.
"Uhm… actually, no," she replies, making him blink at her, "Oh."
"Well, I want to watch it, but… maybe we better watch it together, you know?" Nora then says.
"Oh, alright, sure, that's… that's great," Josh nods hurriedly.
"Well, I can lock you in, too," Sally offers.
"Thank you," he replies.
"No bother, then… how about we… head out?" Sally smiles at him.
"Yeah," he grins at her, but then turns back to Nora. "Okay, I'll see you in the morning then. Have a good night."
He presses a quick kiss to her cheek before he grabs his bag and follows Sally outside.
"I thought she wanted to come along?" she grimaces. After all, that is what Josh has talked about in a while.
"Well, sitting in a dingy storage room to watch some monster video is maybe not the greatest kind of date, so maybe that's better," Josh shrugs.
"If you say so," Sally whispers.
"I guess it was a stupid idea anyways," Josh shakes his head.
Just what was he thinking, right?
"I thought it was really serving the educational process well," Sally argues. When Josh suggested that, her heart almost made a leap – because she felt like this was really something to finally make Nora neglect this jackass idea of being a wolf. She watched Josh turn once, she saw him losing a child to it, so no, that is nothing anyone should want.
"… thanks," he whispers.
"Well, then you show her some other time so that she finally forgets about all that…," Sally shrugs. "Did you hear anything from Aidan?"
"Not really, no," the werewolf replies, making his sadness no secret. He doesn't have to in front of Sally.
"That guy, really," she sighs.
"He's busy with the vampires. And Suren is keeping him up with… a lot of things," Josh shrugs.
"Are you always apologizing for everyone and everything?" Sally snorts.
"This is how I roll," he jokes.
"Ahaha, almost funny right there, Bambi," she huffs, though she can't help the smile.
"Don't call me that," Josh pouts.
"Aidan says everyone calls you that over at the hospital," she grins.
"Which is why I don't like it," Josh grumbles.
"Bambi," she snickers. He shakes his head, but then smiles, too. They make their way to the storage in silence.
"So, after you locked me in, what are your plans for the day?" Josh asks.
"I'll go see Zoe again, you know, ghost stuff," Sally replies. She got to know the nurse a while ago, and she can see ghost. She helped him before, so now she hopes that Zoe will help her… figure out those things she doesn't really dare to say out loud to the rest of the guys.
"Good," Josh nods. "Though we still have some conversation about that due, don't we?"
"Why?" she grimaces at him, feeling uncomfortable.
"There is something you're not saying," Josh shrugs. Sally licks her lips. You can't hide much from Josh, or well, you can hide from him the content maybe, but he knows his friends and how they act.
"It's okay," she assures him. "Ghost stuff."
"Right," he shakes his head.
Drifting away, all in different directions.
"Again, things we have to discuss," he sighs.
"Add it to the list," she shrugs. "It's about time, isn't it?"
"What?" he frowns at her.
"You're itching, I can see it," Sally says, gesturing at his arm, after all, Josh is eagerly scratching his lower arm in a while now.
"Admittedly," he replies sheepishly.
"Well, then go on. I lock you in," Sally says.
"You want to get rid of me that badly?" he jokes.
"You can count yourself lucky that I do. I'm a very busy woman," Sally smiles.
"Thanks another time," Josh smiles at her sweetly.
"No bother, now go on," Sally replies. She is actually glad to finally be able to do such little deeds. It makes her feel needed in some way, and that is nice. It makes her feel more like a human being.
Josh sighs before he walks into the storage room. Sally waves at him before she closes the door, "I hope it won't be too bad."
"Greet Zoe from me," Josh winks at her.
"Will do," Sally nods with a smile. She closes and locks the door, but then whips her head around at a shadow looming in the corners of the hallway, but once she turns… it's gone. Sally shudders. She then zaps out of the storage.
Meanwhile at the house, Nora is reading a book when suddenly there is a knock on the door. She tilts her head, but then gets up and opens, to come face-to-face with the werewolf twins.
"Hello there, sweetheart," Connor greets her, leaning against the door frame casually.
"Hi," she replies.
"It's good to see you," Brynn greets her, too, touching her upper arm with a warm smile.
"Uhm… if you're looking for Josh, he is already to the storage to turn," Nora tells them.
"We actually came for you," Connor argues, making Nora gape at them, "Uhm… but don't you have to be in the woods? I mean… you will turn tonight also, right?"
"We still have some time. The mutts often turn faster than us because they are a little weaker, you see," Connor shrugs.
"Okay…," she nods, visibly confused.
"So? Can we come in?" Brynn ask politely.
"Of… of course," Nora says, leading them inside.
"Thank you, sweety," Connor winks at her, brushing over her back once. Nora walks on to sit in her spot again. Brynn sits down next to her while Connor leans against the backrest of the couch, leaning over.
"So… what can I do for you?" Nora asks.
"Well, the question is what we can do for you," Connor grins.
"Pardon?" Nora frowns. What is that supposed to mean?
"We see a wolf when we see one. And you are one," Connor explains.
"No, I told you…," Nora means to say, but Connor interrupts her, tapping against his chest, "You are one down here."
"What he means to say, we appreciate Josh and we respect him, but we don't share his philosophy. And we think that you don't either," Brynn goes on.
"You won't convince him to turn me," Nora argues sternly.
"And we won't," Brynn replies.
"Then what?" Nora frowns.
"Well, we are wolves, too," Connor shrugs.
"What? You want to turn me?" Nora blinks at them.
"I think you want to be turned, darling. What does it matter who scratches you?" Connor chuckles.
"Josh doesn't want me to become a werewolf. It's… it's dangerous," Nora insists.
"That is what he tries to make you believe? Now that ain't fair," Connor huffs.
"It's not unfair, really, it's just what it is to him," Brynn argues, her voice soft. "For us it's… it's like being unstoppable, unbreakable. It's freedom. Some just can't handle that. He is rather domestic after all."
"So what?" Nora frowns.
"Domesticity binds you. Freedom demands from you that you don't bind yourself to anything too much," Brynn explains.
"You stick together," Nora argues. They bind themselves to each other.
"Because we are a pack," Connor nods.
"Josh is my… pack," Nora argues.
"And do you share his pack?" Brynn questions.
"What?" Nora grimaces.
"Little Snapper and Tinkerbell? Because I tell you, they don't seem to be very friendly towards you. We can sense something like that from miles away," Connor tells her.
"So what? I… I didn't treat him well for a while. And they are very protective of him, that's why they are mad at me," Nora replies.
They have any reason to be mad at her, right?
"See? That's the thing with being human. You always have to make excuses and be sorry. As a wolf, you do what you want, because it's instinct. No one questions you. As a beast… you are free of that. No more being sorry, no more excuses. We are just alive, no matter what anyone else may think or feel or… whatever. We are us, and no one stops us," Connor shakes his head.
"Werewolves can kill people. Wouldn't you be sorry if you killed someone by accident?" Nora argues.
"Dear, we killed before and we still weren't sorry for it," Connor huffs, making the blonde woman's skin crawl, "That is barbaric."
"That is what animals are. Animals aren't sorry for a kill, they are not sorry for death, because they accepted it as part of the nature, of their nature. Animals aren't sorry because they don't have to be. It's natural, not barbaric," Connor retorts. "And anyways, not only animals kill, humans are the greatest killers. And that is, too, very natural. We are all animals in the end."
"Homo homini lupus est, Plautus said it, we live it," Brynn speaks.
"What?" Nora frowns at her, so she explains, "Man is a wolf to his fellow-man."
"In other words, even the humans, or even especially them, are capable of the worst," Connor translates.
"We are all capable of the worst. We are all beasts. The difference is that we are past the point where we are in denial," Brynn says.
"We give in to our urges. It's our nature, so screw it," Connor huffs.
"Survival of the fittest all the same. We are just done being weak. Look at the vampires. They dominate the whole of the Boston community, and do they feel sorry for it? No, and they actually do right at that. Don't you wish for that also? A life of no regrets?" Brynn adds.
"But some things we should regret," Nora argues.
"Not to us, not in our life, no. We are never sorry. What happens, happens. It's nature," Connor shakes his head.
"You know, it's society that tries to make you believe that everything comes with a price tag. In our reality… no. And even if they have a price tag, we just snatch it anyway," Brynn says.
"I lost something to that life, to that… beast. I lost a child to it," Nora argues, her head hanging low, the blonde locks falling over her eyes. She is surprised to have both of them touch her shoulder softly. Then Brynn speaks up in an even softer voice, "Josh said so, and we are really sorry for you."
"But what you might have to see is that… you wouldn't have lost it if you were what you are deep inside, a wolf, a strong being," Connor adds.
"Josh doesn't want me to," Nora insists.
"It's your choice. Your life," Brynn tells her. "Your inner wolf."
"He'd leave me, I think," Nora argues.
"Then leave him first," Brynn snorts.
"What?" Nora gapes at the other woman.
"Don't look at me like that. I live against convention. And I live especially against that system that demands that the man leaves the woman who may have betrayed, made mistakes, even. Why don't we take off before he can break up with us? Why don't we seize the power for once?" Brynn argues.
"But Josh is… he is kind to me. He is good to me," Nora insists, though her words feel so hollow inside her chest.
"And we don't mean to say that he isn't, but maybe… you aren't. And you shouldn't have to feel sorry for that," Brynn argues. "You can be a bad person. You can be a beast. That is up to you to decide. You don't have to be the damsel in distress, or the wife who patiently waiting for her husband to come to fix her."
"Josh isn't acting like that," Nora argues.
"But don't you feel obliged to? Because a woman who lost a child has to weep the loss, but then get back to work and do the chores again? Why don't you just be bitches?" Brynn argues. "Why don't we act unreasonable? Why don't we go mad, huh?"
"We could take you away, no bother," Connor adds.
"Right, no bother," Brynn smiles.
"You come with us and… well, we show you how. You don't have let us scratch your right away, but… we would take you along so that you get a good taste of… freedom," Connor grins.
"We love each other, Josh and I," Nora argues. "I can't just leave him."
"No doubt you love each other, but… sometimes people have to go different directions, for a while. And just imagine. You come back after a while and you are this strong woman, again? Don't you think he'd love you ever the more? It'd be the way it ought to be, maybe?" Connor suggests. "And once again, the far more important question is… how you want to be. If you want to return. Who you want to be, whether you return… or not."
"Josh doesn't want me as a wolf. He thinks it's a curse and he doesn't want to lose me to it," Nora insists.
"But again – it's not about him," Brynn argues.
"So what? We'd just run away and… leave him behind?" Nora shakes her head.
"He won't tag along, that much is for sure," Connor agrees.
"But you said you wanted to help him, with his research," Nora argues. "And now you just want to take off?"
"Well, to tell the truth, we don't think he's getting anywhere with this. And… he was rather… rejecting us lately. We don't like that. We can't have that in the pack," Connor shrugs.
"We hoped that he'd pull in the same direction, you know?" Brynn sighs.
"Fall in line?" Nora huffs.
"That's such a harsh word," the other woman scolds her. "We hoped that if we showed him how to embrace the inner wolf, he'd see that finding out how to become wolves permanently would be much more fruitful."
"More right," Connor smiles.
"Exactly, but… he is steadfast in his belief that he has to lift the curse to be free, when in fact… he is just building the walls of his own prison," Brynn exhales. "But it doesn't have to be your prison, too."
"So what? Just take off without a word?" Nora shakes her head.
"Leave a letter," Connor shrugs.
"Or a note," Brynn smiles.
"Or a text," Connor chuckles.
"Voicemail," Brynn goes on.
"I can't do that," Nora waves with her hands. No, she can't. Josh is a good guy. You don't just do that to someone you care about, right?
"Trust me, sugar, it's easy. And it's better. Or do you want to live in a cage for the rest of your life when you could be… free?" Connor argues.
"Josh doesn't want to hold me down," Nora argues. That man tries anything to help her, anything.
"That is exactly what he does. Out of love, I'm sure, but he wants to hold you down and so he does. He keeps information from you when it comes to the wolf," Connor retorts.
"He invited me to come with to watch it on camera," Nora replies sternly.
"To show you how horrible it is," Brynn smiles at her, her voice suddenly almost soothing, like a mother speaks to a child once it found out that Santa is not real.
"Josh wouldn't do that," Nora shakes her head. He wouldn't play her like that, right? She did, but not him. Josh is the good guy, isn't he? And isn't that why she loves him?
Because he is good… he should be good for her.
Or is he?
"What did you learn from him about the wolf until now, huh? Surely just how terrible it is," Connor snorts. "How painful it is, how it comes with sacrifice, how disgusting it is…"
"Well, that's what it is to him," Nora argues.
"But don't you owe it to yourself to find out for yourself?" Brynn questions.
"That wolf killed our child," Nora repeats.
"Once you are a wolf… that won't happen anymore. You can have a future, even with babies, even with that guy… and his babies," Connor argues.
"If I left now, he'd never take me back," Nora shakes her head.
"If he loves you…," Connor sighs, his voice trailing off.
"Very much," Brynn joins.
"I can't do that to him. I do love him," Nora argues.
"Hey, you don't have to convince us, you know? If you think so, then you think so. If you feel so, then you feel so, sweety. That means nothing to us," Connor shrugs.
And doesn't he have a point?
Why is she constantly repeating that?
It means nothing to them, only to her and him… why does she have to affirm it all the while?
Did it grow so weak that she has to protect it?
"Or is it really that you have to assure yourself, hm? Do you really stay with him because you love him… or because you want something from him? Want that strength? That care?" Brynn argues. "Because that would be just as right."
"I love him," Nora says. She does, she really does.
"But?" Connor questions. Nora lets her head sink again. She massages her hands nervously.
There actually is a "but".
"Well, I won't lie. I… I tried to track down my ex-boyfriend Will after he hurt me, physically. And when it turned out that Josh is what he is… I thought that if I were one, too…," Nora admits, her voice trailing off.
"I knew she had it inside of her, Brynn," Connor grins broadly.
"Yeah," she agrees.
"What now?" Nora looks at them again.
"That is a wolf speaking," Connor tells her with a swell of pride.
"It's bloody revenge," Nora argues. "That is nothing to be proud of."
"Love is bloody, too," Brynn argues.
"It's messy," Connor agrees.
"It's instinct," Brynn smiles.
"It's fight," Connor nods.
"So what?" Nora questions.
"But sometimes it's not… worth the fight," Brynn shrugs.
"Or is he to you?" Connor grimaces.
"Josh?" Nora frowns.
"Yeah?" he shrugs.
"He did a lot for me," Nora tells them. He did everything for her that was within his powers, and he would do even more if he were capable of it.
Well, except for turning her. He said it. He won't ever do that for her.
"Is he worth it to you? Or are you yourself more worth, hm?" Connor argues.
"Because that's okay. You lost something that you held very dear. You lost yourself over that experience. Maybe you really owe it to yourself to come back to yourself, get yourself back, maybe with extended claws, too, because self-love is just as messy, and just as much of a fight," Brynn explains.
"But a fight we would support you with," Connor smiles.
"If you let us," Brynn nods.
"I don't know," Nora shakes her head.
"Think about it. You could be free again, free to be what and who you are," Brynn tells her.
And isn't that all Nora wants now?
Being allowed to be her, and not just the weeping aside to the werewolf she is in love with?
"No walls," Connor muses.
"No prison bars," Brynn sighs happily.
"No storages," Connor goes on in a sing-song.
"No closed doors in the house," Brynn whispers, leaning a little closer, her eyes fixed on Nora, who returns her gaze uncertainly.
"No roommates dictating your boundaries," Connor says, copying his sister's movement.
"No boyfriend telling you what you are to be," Brynn goes on.
"Denying you your wishes," Connor grins.
"And your revenge," Brynn breathes.
"Think about it," Connor chuckles.
"Think about it," Brynn repeats.
"You could come with," Connor offers again.
"That is up to you," Brynn smiles.
"It's your choice," Connor grins.
"Only yours," Brynn nods.
"So? What do you say?" both ask in unison.
"Good morning, sunshine!" Sally says as she opens the door to the storage, making a funny pose. She feels good after she talked to Zoe, and no creepy shadows for the rest of the night. Josh is shouldering his back as the door opens.
"Oh, hey, good morning to you, too," he greets her and steps outside, sucking in a deep breath. He sat there for felt eternities, brooding over his life – and that always leads to the things he doesn't want to think about.
"How was the turn?" Sally asks.
"Okay so far," Josh shrugs. "No deer in the morning is good for a change."
"But was it okay space-wise? I saw the dents in the door?" Sally asks with concern.
"The wolf just has to get used to it," Josh shrugs.
"Yeah, you tame him," Sally winks at him.
"That's the plan," Josh chuckles. "Everything went alright with Zoe, too?"
"Yeah," Sally smiles.
"Good," Josh nods. "Can I… can I ask you for a favor?"
"What is it?" Sally tilts her head.
"I want to talk to Nora another time, in private. So I would politely ask you to… roam around for an hour or two. I'd make it up to you, honestly," Josh bargains.
"What do you want to discuss with her? I mean… without being nosy here?" Sally questions.
"I guess I really have to be more open about me being a wolf and… talking about it. With that idea of having her watch it I wanted to start, but maybe trying to teach her how horrible it is is… counterproductive," Josh explains. "And there are some other things that still need clarification, on theh relationship-level that I won't share for now."
"Oh, sure, no, that's no problem," Sally assures him. "What do you do to make it up to me?"
"We'll see," Josh grins at her.
"Movie marathon of my choice?" Sally suggests.
"We could do that," Josh chuckles.
"Yay!" Sally cries out mockingly. "The good old times."
"Well, if you get Aidan to join," Josh shrugs. Because the good old times were when it was just them three watching a movie together, right?
"I will get him into it, no worries," Sally smiles happily. That sounds perfect. She wants to have one of those perfect makeshift-family-tradition-moments again. She needs a bit of harmony in all that chaos.
"Alright, then we do that," Josh nods.
"Then… good luck with the… relationship conversations," Sally winks at him.
"Thank you. I'll see you later," Josh grins.
"Okay," Sally agrees. Josh shoulders his bag again and heads to the car to drive home. He wants to apologize to Nora for even thinking about using the video tape for his purposes, and ask her for how she wants to handle it in the future. That sounds like a better plan, and much more tactful. Josh stops in town to fetch some flowers, too. He wants to be… romantic again, be a normal couple again, something else he decided on when sitting in that storage until Sally came to open. He doesn't want Nora to neglect her hurt, but he wants to make her happy again. Maybe that will do the trick, right?
Josh buys a bunch of the prettiest red and white chrysanthemums he can find, figuring that a small sign of love, truth, and loyal love are always good for such a conversation to take the right turn. His mother used to say that flowers can help express the words we can't say. He pulls into the driveway soon and strides up the stairs to open the door.
"Nora? Are you home? Nora?"
Josh steps inside and closes the door.
"Nora?"
A white petal falls to the ground.
Sally comes in a few hours later. She figure she'd be extra-nice to the two and grant them enough time to make up… even if the ghost hopes she won't walk in on make-up sex. Sally pops into the hallway, frowning, since the lights are still out, though Josh usually switches on the lamps for the hallway because it's naturally dark there, and, or so he says, to check if Sally didn't already bust them again.
Sally frowns at the sight of a single white petal on the ground, but walks on anyway. She almost lets out a gasp as she finds Josh sitting in the center of the living room, though, gazing at the wall. A bouquet of flowers is discarded on the ground, red petals mixing with white, looking like blood on paper.
"Josh?" Sally asks cautiously as she walks closer, since he still didn't take any notice of her in the room. However, he still won't move.
"Josh? What the hell are you doing on the ground?" Sally asks as she continues approaching the werewolf cautiously, but Josh just shakes his head.
"What happened?" she asks again, though she can feel the pain literally radiating from her friend, which causes her heart to sink. And that is when her eyes catch sight of that ominous piece of paper on the ground. She steps closer and turns her head to read it... but she can't believe it once she read it.
"Oh my God, Josh, I'm so sorry," she breathes. Josh looks at her for a moment, but only a moment.
"Can I do something?" she whispers, to which Josh simply shakes his head. Sally, not knowing what else to do to offer solace, simply sits down next to Josh. She brushes her hand over his, but it goes through him because she can't concentrate hard enough.
Sally won't ever say it out loud to begin with, but she is sad that she was right after all.
She is so, so, so sorry that she told him so.
She wanted to be wrong, she really did.
At least she does so now.
A few hours later, Sally can hear Aidan's car pulling into the driveway, making her heart jump. The female ghost gets silently up, leaving Josh, who is still staring at the wall, to himself to zap outside where Aidan gets out of the car.
"Oh, hey!" he greets her, though he can't help the frown once he sees the worry in her eyes, radiating like falling stars.
"What's wrong?" he asks.
"Everything," she says, biting back fresh tears.
"What?" Aidan blinks at her.
"It's Josh," Sally brings out, his voice quivering.
Just what happens in one day Aidan is not at home, really?!
"What is it with him?" Aidan asks worriedly.
"Nora," Sally says.
"Sally, now say clearly what you want. What is it with them?" Aidan demands. She is not making any sense.
"I will kill her," she growls.
"Sally!" Aidan curses, making her focus on him, so Sally blurts out, "She took off!"
"What?!" Aidan gapes at her.
"She took off! Is gone! Forever! Bye-bye! Arrivederci!" Sally goes on, sadness boiling up to anger.
"Just like that?" Aidan asks, unable to believe it.
"She left a note, no more," Sally shakes her head.
"How is he?" Aidan questions, trying to assess the situation.
"Staring at the wall ever since I got here. I don't know what to do," Sally replies. Aidan nods and hurries up the stairs, the female ghost short up behind her. He opens the door, trying hard not to gasp at the sight of his friend. Even though he can't see his face, he can see the hurt in his posture.
Aidan goes on, without realizing how he steps on the white petal first, and then kicks the bouquet aside, making the petals fly around, like revived by one last spark of life, just to die again.
He bows down once he sees the ominous letter on the ground, picks it up, and reads it.
Josh,
I will stay with Connor and Brynn for a while.
This is not meant to hurt you, but I just need time to figure myself out.
I need time to come back to myself.
And I can't do that here.
I'm sorry.
Don't come looking for me. Don't search me. Please.
Bye.
– Nora
Aidan curses under his breath. He knew it. He knew and he never should have believed that Nora would come to her senses. He knew she meant trouble for Josh ever since… it doesn't matter. Josh needs his support, not his anger over Nora.
Aidan folds up the letter and puts it in his pocket before he approaches Josh.
"Josh?" he says quietly.
He should have been there.
He shouldn't have kept away from home, but the temptation was just too big. To have blood, be with Suren, escape the problems. Escape life. Aidan fled into one of the corners of that little bit of paradise and stayed there, hoping that this would keep him from other temptations, too dark, too obscure to admit them.
Sally, meanwhile, sat down in her spot again, next to Josh, just looking at him quietly.
"She left," Josh then suddenly speaks up, his voice hoarse.
"I know. I'm so sorry," Aidan replies, settling down next to him, too, their shoulders touching.
"I thought… you wanted her gone," Josh argues, not looking at him, though.
"No," Aidan shakes his head. Well, he wanted her gone for Josh's good, but he didn't want her to leave him.
"Really?" Josh grimaces, biting back the tears, still.
"I just didn't want you hurt," Aidan shrugs.
Because it tears him apart to see him hurt.
"Well… mission not accomplished," Josh snorts sadly.
"I'm so sorry," Aidan whispers.
"She won't come back, will she?" Josh questions quietly.
"I don't think so," Aidan shakes his head.
"I brought her flowers. I wanted to… to have a fresh start," Josh says, his mouth flexing to a smile, though his eyes are full of tears not yet falling.
Aidan just looks at him sadly.
"I had hopes," Josh goes on, still so wickedly smiling through the haze of tears. "I hoped that I could fix everything. That I could… keep everything if I tried just hard enough. But she is right…"
"She is not right with leaving you," Aidan argues.
"She runs because she says she can't be herself with me, so yeah, she does right leaving me. I want her happy, don't I? Isn't it selfish then to demand from her to stay with me nevertheless?" Josh argues.
"It's not," Aidan tells him. "It's not selfish."
"It's my fault," Josh replies.
"It's her loss if she leaves you, Josh," Aidan tells him.
"I guess it really was what I said from the very beginning. It just isn't meant to be… monsters and love. We either love too much or too little… and get lost in it," Josh shakes his head, "but it was just so… tempting. Even through all those hardships… love… is… it's nice."
"It is," Aidan agrees, not knowing what else to say.
"And just like that… single man again, alone again," Josh shakes his head.
"You're not alone," Aidan argues.
This time Josh looks at him. Brown orbs fade as they drown in tears, but still they reach out into the black orbs looking back at them, reaching back to them, trying to pull them out.
"We're here. We don't leave," Aidan tells him, and Sally agrees in a soft voice, "Right. We don't leave you, won't ever."
Josh nods slowly, biting his lower lip. Aidan snakes his arm around Josh's shoulder while Sally manages this time to grasp Josh's hand.
And so the three friends glance at the wall in all silence as the darkness starts to dance over the wallpaper, creating little snakes that mock them.
Chapter 19: Blood Sacrifice
Summary:
The Reaper strikes - but with a twist this time.
With a slightly spicy twist.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The funny thing (or is it rather tragic?) about life is that it has seemingly the ability to collapse upon itself without just disappearing into endless ruins. Some beam, some post still stands upright. And even if that beam stands on shaky pillars, it's at least a flash of hope, right?
Well, not that there is much hope for the three roommates ever since… ever. At least it feels like it lasts forever now that they are just bound to be unhappy, finding solace only in not being alone in that unhappiness, in the eternity of unhappiness, but sharing it with lonely movie nights where it's just them, passed over beers without a word, or pre-heated blood-mugs in the microwave.
Happiness in small doses, bearable doses. That is the new agenda now, for Sally, Aidan, and Josh.
And that is already the vast improvement here.
After Nora took off, which was the milestone in Josh's life so far, however painful that was, Sally and Aidan had to watch with growing worry just how far Josh could really spiral down. After all, they thought he was spiraling down when he was tending to Nora in their state of codependency. However, they were proven wrong. There is a bottom below the bottom. An abyss below the abyss, something Josh was aware of in a while, but something that the other two had to accept being the case for the wolf most of his time, actually. And it had started off pretty well. After Josh was in shock in the aftermath of the note and withering chrysanthemums, the roommates couldn't help but gape at Josh the very next morning as he stood in the kitchen, preparing breakfast for himself and placing a mug of blood on the table for Aidan. As if nothing ever happened. Aidan bit back any comment on this being Denial again, and figured that maybe this would actually work best for Josh. Structures help him, why not that structure, right?
Well, the vampire was fundamentally proven wrong once reality decided to deliver yet another blow to Josh's hurt psyche when the nurses at the hospital kept asking about Nora. Even if no one knew about the miscarriage, or her pregnancy in general, all were concerned for her, thinking she was really sick, the poor dear, and asked when she finally returned to schedule. Aidan wanted to strangle the nurses at this moment, but… obviously, he couldn't do that, so he could just glare at them once, and then try to change the topic, if not actually drag Josh away from the scene without a word, leaving the nurses frowning at the two and their odd behavior.
Not that Aidan gave a damn for only just a second.
To him it really was no problem to make a fool of himself in that way for as long as it helped Josh… just that it didn't. Aidan didn't see Josh at lunch and couldn't spot him for the rest of the shift, which stood to reason. After all, Josh had taken the rest of the day off, so the vampire had to learn.
For the record, Josh really didn't exaggerate when he said that he had OCD. Aidan came home to the house smelling of disinfectants, bleach, and fir needle spray – and the apartment so thoroughly cleaned that even the cracks seemed bleached. To the day Aidan asks himself how Josh managed that in no more than a few hours' time. He found his roommate in the kitchen, scrubbing the floor with bleach and a toothbrush – and never did he feel so bad for seeing his friend clean. Because Josh was crying while he did it. Aidan really had to tear the wolf away from the floor until he finally let it go. And once again, it just broke his heart, another time.
That is the thing with hearts, seemingly. They do not just shatter after one mighty blow. The viciousness of heartache lies in that a little piece breaks away, while leaving the other bigger part intact, cracked, but as a whole. And that whole aches for that missing part. If a heart shattered after one strike, into million little pieces, it would be much easier, because the pain would spread, little needles prickling, no more, but… hearts don't break that way. They break away, a little more each time, and leave the heart beating in your chest bleeding and paining so much that you would love to die.
Josh straightly went to bed that day… and didn't come out again.
It took a lot of negotiation and cooing from Sally's side, a lot of talks with Aidan, and a desperate call to Emily to help fix this mess to make Josh see the brighter sides of life again.
Well, so much to how Josh grieved the loss of his companion. After that it went upwards, if only slightly, though steadily so. Actually their kind of normalcy of movie nights and heading to the bar once in a while helped fix him, and in that sense helped fix all of them – because it actually became painfully clear that what Aidan said to Josh before, even if in connection to Nora, was right: All have to be happy to be happy. You can't just have one happy while the other in misery, at least that is how they work.
Yet, even if they achieved a kind of happiness, a kind of peace, they are not in paradise, not even close to the hedge, something especially true for Sally and Aidan these days. Even if they felt a lot of burden taken off their shoulders now that Josh was finally back on track again, they had their demons, too, and they still have them.
Sally is dealing with the Reaper while Aidan now has to come to terms not only with Suren and his raging blood addiction which once again gets frowned upon not only by Sally, but also and especially by Josh. Though his roommate shows more concern than the female ghost and always underlines that he is worried for Aidan to slip deeper.
And then there is Henry. His protégé. The closest thing to an actual son as it can get with vampire families.
Even though Aidan was close to tears of joy once he saw Henry again after their long time apart, it kept nagging at him that he is now with Suren, who used to be Henry's girl a few decades back. Henry had to do what many men say is just within their nature – cheat on the one girl whom he shouldn't cheat on. And that is when it all went down, because vampires are… more aggressive, most of the time, something that Henry sadly ignored. Even if, tragically, it only fell back on Suren, actually, because she was punished by Mother after she killed people as a way of dealing with her problems with Henry, to put it nicely. That was when she was buried and left to dry out like a mummy while Henry had to leave town. So now Aidan is caught between two stools. Henry on one and Suren on the other. He is glad to be with Henry again, but showing with him will get him Suren's rage. And sticking to Suren and making his romance with her visible might cause friction with his protégé and at least half-son.
"… Aidan?" Josh's voice rings out, making the vampire conscious of the fact that he is actually sitting on the couch with the werewolf, who looks at him, the book he reads loosely in his hands. A version of The Red Book: Liber Novus by Carl Gustav Jung. Other people read cheap romance novels or the classics, Josh reads manuscripts of Swiss psychologists. And just as an inside, Josh was really excited once he got it, stating that he read Jung's Black Books with keen interest, and that The Red Book wasn't released until 2009 though it was written way earlier obviously, plus, according to Josh, it is ever so astonishing to read about a psychologist's visions and how he commented on them… yeah, that's Josh.
"What? I mean… what did you say?" Aidan blinks, turning his attention back to the werewolf. He has to stop spacing out that much… or Josh will know little while from now where exactly his mind goes, to where the blood floods.
"I asked what is going on that you drift off so much. That's more of my job," Josh shrugs, winking at him.
Aidan chuckles, "Sorry for occupying your niche, man."
"What's wrong?" Josh asks, now more seriously.
"Vampire business," Aidan shrugs, to which Josh replies, "Since you are a vampire, we will hardly have any business without vampire business in it."
"True again," the vampire has to admit.
"So?" Josh tilts his head at him.
"Well, I told you that I met Henry again," Aidan begins.
"Yeah," the werewolf agrees.
He is not too sure yet what he is supposed to think of this reunion, but who is he to say that it's for bad, right? Henry is Aidan's son, in the vampire sense, and even though he seems to be a jerk, Josh gets it that Aidan cares about him a great deal.
Family does that.
"Well, I'm now trying to find a tactful way to… deliver the news to Suren… and to deliver the news to Henry that I am…," Aidan fidgets with his hands, and Josh gets the message, "With her."
"Yeah," Aidan agrees, now almost sheepishly. For some reason he finds it odd to talk about what he has with Suren – probably because he is still unconsciously fearing that Josh will take it in a bad way. Nora didn't leave him long ago, and it scarred him, so Aidan fears that bringing up his kind of romantic happiness is just unfair in a sense, but Josh seems to be surprisingly cool about it.
"That is… troublesome," Josh nods his head, contemplating.
Well, to tell the truth, Josh is not too sure about Suren either. He just fears that she drags Aidan back to the dark places of vampirisim that he got out of, with all the hard work he put into it. Josh knows how much Aidan struggles to get away from the vampires, from that life, so any threat to that hard work is something that makes Josh's stomach flip. He cares for Aidan and wants him to be happy – and the way he figures, his best friend won't ever be happy if he can't manage to be human most of the time, without having to fear to fall back to addiction. However, Suren seems to be the seductress who might get in the way of that.
Yet… and that is a big 'yet' Josh doesn't say so out loud, because he doesn't want to stand in love's way. He still hurts over Nora, it really tore him apart. Josh doesn't want that for Aidan, at all. So maybe Suren is a threat in some way, but if she makes him happy… the rest should be just details. After all, her feelings for him seem genuine, just as his for her are. Maybe Aidan just needs a good reason to quit, maybe she can be his reason and he hers.
Because, let's be honest, you don't come clean in that way for just your best friend.
You do it out of sheer love.
So yeah, maybe it just takes a bit more time for the two to see that coming clean together is their way to happiness. And that means Josh won't stand in their way, for as long as it doesn't go out of hand, of course.
"Exactly. So? Any advice?" Aidan grimaces.
"That's a tough one," Josh sighs, leaning back a little. "Well… from my perspective, it's always better to tell them before shit hits the fan. So it would probably be better to explain the situation before they just bump into each other in the streets or so… possibly killing each other… literally."
"Yeah, that would escalate," Aidan agrees.
"So… prepare the stage," Josh shrugs.
"But how?" Aidan questions. "I know I have to somehow get him back into the Boston community, so that Suren sees his worth, but… I have no clue how to get there."
"Well, you actually said it. You have to make him valuable for her. Can't he do some… job or service for her, for the community? Something without killing people or sucking them dry, I mean?" Josh frowns.
The usual conversations these days, funny thing.
Aidan contemplates. That is actually… right. He can't kill Henry, so he has to find a way to bring him back to the community. And that is best done by paying some deeds to them, especially Suren.
"Show her how much he is worth… as a vampire, as part of her team," Josh goes on.
"Exactly," Aidan nods, liking the idea. "The other question is how I break the news to Henry about, well, you know."
"Relationship-stuff," Josh agrees. It actually feels good in a way that Aidan even turns to him with such things. Usually it's Josh who… no, it was Josh who fussed over relationship issues and sought Aidan's advice. Because now he is no longer in a relationship and doesn't see it happening any time soon. However, that Aidan, the smart playboy who gets any girl he wants even without compelling her, actually asks Josh, whose history of relationships is… not so bright, makes him proud in a way, or at least… happy. It means Aidan trusts him and his judgment.
He finally does again.
"Yeah," Aidan nods. He is still surprised how calm Josh is about that. Normally, he wouldn't even bother Josh with his stuff, but his best friend is the only one he can really talk to about this. Even if Josh's relationships tend to end for bad, he managed longterm-relationships before, and successfully so. Aidan, at least over the past couple of years, didn't have anything that steady really. Of course there were Celine and Rebecca, but… those were different for many reasons. Other than that, Aidan can't remember any girl he felt close to for a long time. And with Suren, she could be that certain someone, right? So maybe Josh can help.
He trusts him at least not to lie to him.
And he trusts his judgment.
"Well, when it comes to chronology, I would actually go with… Henry first," Josh explains.
"Any certain reason why?" Aidan tilts his head at him.
"Well, to him you just have to break the news that you are sleeping with his ex. To Suren you have to break the news that you are back together with the man who broke her heart and was kinda responsible for her long time six feet under, mingled with Mother-issues," Josh shrugs.
"That is… surprisingly true," Aidan agrees, puckering his lips.
"See?" Josh chuckles.
"Well, I still don't know what to actually say to either one," Aidan grimaces. "Or what Henry can do to prove his worth."
"And that is something I can hardly help you with, I fear. I can just say that telling the truth usually works best. I mean… there isn't much hiding, is there? They are both here, they are both in your life, so… you have to find a common place for them," Josh goes on.
"Aren't we being wise today again?" Aidan grins.
"I'm just having a moment," Josh smirks. Aidan chuckles, shaking his head. Those are the moments that really make his day.
Those are the days that help mend the little shards back to his heart, soothing some of the pain.
It sounded pretty easy, didn't it?
Just have Henry do a job for the vampires outright, some cursing, some yelling, throwing things and accusations, but then… a kind of peace.
That happens on TV all the while, right?
Just that this is not TV. It's reality. As real as it can get. And in that reality the horrors of the dark underworld came about. First, the female vampire wanted to kill Henry along with the other vampires in that house she owned so that they burned alive – gladly something Aidan was able to prevent last second… but… he didn't prevent everything in the end.
Suren skinned Henry alive, to get back at him. That was the price he had to pay for her benevolence. Vampires are just that extreme, as it seems.
Was it really that foolish to believe that the woman Aidan is with would listen to him, would spare his protégé, his other son, would move past her hatred?
Seemingly yes.
And so Aidan now finds himself not sitting between chairs, but just… sitting alone in a dark room, because Josh is not here, apparently off to work and Sally is dealing with the Reaper. Josh did invite Henry inside, if reluctantly, fine, but… after that the other roommates left Aidan to pick up the pieces of his own shattered heart. So now he has to find a way to help Henry. He needs his strengths back or else the younger vampire won't make it through, and even if the older vampire is still mad at Henry for many stupid things he did in the past, for all the betrayals he overlooked, this is his other son.
He reminds him of Isaac all too much to just let him go again.
So Aidan does what years of cultivated vampire traditions taught him, burned into his flesh – he gets fresh meat, fresh blood. Two sacrifices. Two girls… what were their names again?
A bit of charming and a bit of compelling and Aidan is just back in the game Bishop taught him all those years ago, the game he swore he'd never play again, the game he knows has him at checkmate all the time.
Compelling, to Aidan, is like a game, and he is a gamer, an addict who carries his last dollars to the casino for one more roll of the dice, to keep the house, the family. He rolls the dice, knowing that he is usually unlucky. That actually… people died before because he is just not good at compelling, possibly the worst at compelling within the whole vampire community, is something he has to ignore for now. Still Aidan gets the jettons, gets the last bit for his meager money and plays another round of the game that means his damnation.
Because Henry is his family. Because he can't just let him go. He has to save him.
And if the girls get bitten… not much harm is done, right? They like it for the most part. It's like getting high. It is getting high. It is ecstasy, it's thrill, it's a lulling melody, a rush in the ears, the rush of blood.
He just has to watch out, right? Just watch out and… don't let Henry kill them. Then they will just wake up with one hell of a hangover and that will be it. Henry will be back to health, and if not, Aidan can fetch more willing blood slaves. It's like in the den, in the small silky tents that obscured all reality. That should do, right? For as long as it happens behind closed doors or silky curtains, no one has to know… right?
If only Aidan's mind weren't reeling from the blood withdrawal – because there is this taunting voice in his head again that tells him to join Henry in the little feast, to have a bite, have a sip, or two, or three. Ever since the hospital is no longer a safe option to get bloodbags, he is on cold turkey, so maybe that is why Aidan is… so much "on edge" lately, but… that doesn't matter. He has to fix this mess. He has to fix Henry and himself.
Aidan reenters the room, letting out a gasp as he sees how far Henry went with them already, blood freely gushing down the young women's throats.
"Henry, stop it! You're supposed to take just a bit. You'll kill them," Aidan warns him, but Henry seems unimpressed and continues sucking on one of the girl's necks. Aidan pulls her away from him, then, but it seems to be just that movement, just that that tiny rupture to make the whole card house collapse.
"What the hell is going on here?! Hey, you are… oh my God! We have to get away from here! Let me go!" one of them shrieks. Aidan holds on out of reflex.
That can't be.
Why couldn't the compelling succeed for once?!
"You're okay, you just have to be silent," he mutters.
"Help! Help! Anyone! Help!" she cries out nevertheless.
"Shhttt!" Aidan tries to silence them, but the girl is loud, "I won't shhtt! Let go of me! Let go! Let go! LET GO!"
Snap.
Snap.
Thud.
Thud.
What did I do?
What did I do?
What do I do now?
What do I do now?
Aidan watches on in horror as Henry goes on sucking the two girls, the two dead girls, dry, making some comment he doesn't even hear. Aidan covers his eyes with his hands, needing the pressure to keep the tears from falling.
What follows is no more than a haze of colors and the scent of blood… and cardboard boxes.
They move the boxes out of the house, they try to move death out of the house.
But can you?
"C'mon, Aidan, now don't panic, it's…," Henry means to assure him, but Aidan is having none of it, "Shut the hell up, Henry!"
And as if not bad enough, that is the moment Josh approaches.
"Oh, ugh, hello there…," the werewolf frowns as he climbs the stairs.
"Hello," Henry greets him, flashing his usual cocky smile.
"… and you are?" Josh tilts his head, for some reason feeling very cold all of a sudden.
Maybe it's just the cold weather, though.
"Henry. You invited me in, remember?" the vampire winks at him cheekily. Aidan wants to punch him, but the penny drops nevertheless. Josh tilts his head. His eyes drift to the boxes Aidan stands in front of, making a pathetic attempt of hiding them from Josh's view. It takes the werewolf no more than one sniff to know what is in the boxes.
What did you do, Aidan?
What did you do?!
"Well, thanks for having me over, but I have to head my ways. I will see you around," Henry winks at him before taking off, saluting at Aidan as he goes. The older vampire can't believe that this is happening. That this is… reality. He helps Henry by selling his humanity and that guy takes off… and Josh sees it, every single scene, every single moment. He see it. Smells it.
Aidan turns around to the werewolf, but then can't manage to meet the other man's eyes. He knows the judgment leaping out of the familiar brown orbs and he can't take that. He can't take it that he disappointed that way again.
"Is it what I think it is?" Josh asks, his voice shaking cold with anger and sadness. Aidan doesn't answer.
"Because what I think it is… is… that blood bags wouldn't have done the trick for Henry's fast healing… and that means that what I smell in those boxes…," Josh brings out, suddenly short in breath.
"We should go inside," Aidan urges him, noting that people are roaming around the streets. He can't have a scene now, and Josh is about to deliver one, he knows.
"Oh yes! So that others don't know that either one of you…," Josh growls, but Aidan holds on to his arm to make him quiet down, "Josh!"
Josh tears his arm away from him, snarls something under his breath, but then starts to stomp to the door. Aidan follows him. The moment Aidan is across the threshold, Josh is right in his face, leaving Aidan with the doorknob still in hand, "You killed somebody, either one of you killed somebody!"
"It was… an accident," Aidan brings out, though he knows that this came out even weaker than it sounded like inside his head.
"Did that person drop down the stairs or grab into the outlet? If not, it was hardly an accident!" Josh retorts, his brown eyes flashing with sheer fury.
"If you'd let me explain…," Aidan tries, but Josh is having absolutely none of it, "I don't want to hear explanations! There is no excuse for what happened!"
"I know," Aidan sighs regretfully. There are no excuses for that, no way to undo this.
"Who did it? Who of you?" Josh demands, clutching at the last straw he has.
The last straw Aidan has.
If Henry did it, then it would be different, then they could do something, then he could… but… that is when Aidan just shakes his head.
"You…," Josh brings out.
And there goes the last straw.
"I panicked," Aidan brings out, hugging his arms.
"What happened?" Josh demands.
"Well, you saw Henry. He needed… blood. So…," Aidan fumbles for the words.
"You got him some," Josh snarls.
"I compelled two girls to come with. I said it'd be… a party and…," Aidan croaks, but Josh's reaction to it makes him cringe, "Two?"
Aidan just shrugs.
"Two… girls… in boxes… in our house… in this house, you… God," Josh brings out, his voice leaving him. He has one hand against his chest, trying hard to force the next breath out. Aidan can see him struggling and would like to offer comfort, but knows better.
"I just wanted Henry to take a sip and then let go, but the compelling wore off and… and they started screaming and…," Aidan goes on, but Josh intervenes, "What humans do when they are eaten by monsters!"
"It was a reflex. I wanted to let them walk away!" Aidan insists. He really wanted to.
"Reflex?! Are you kidding me?! This is…," Josh means to say, but that is when the lights flicker and they can hear Sally next door… Sally and… Nick…
Okay, so the argument will have to wait until later. The two hurry over to see Sally only seconds from shredding Nick, as it turns out.
"Sally! Stop that!" Aidan calls out to her.
"Sally!" Josh yells.
But she has to kill him, she has to.
Why? She doesn't know.
Sally doesn't know anything.
She should have listened to Stevie and Nick, to everyone apparently. Why didn't she talk to Aidan and Josh? Why did she think that solving the problems on her own would really solve all problems? When she is the one who always ponders on care-and-share?
One moment she is drawing circles of salt on the ground, in a desperate attempt to guard herself against the vicious Reaper, the next Nick intervenes and goes on about how there is no Reaper, but there is, or so she had to learn.
Just that it's not some guy, some stranger from another universe, from another sphere.
It's her.
She is the darkness.
She is the shadow that haunted her.
She was the cursed cat chasing its own tail, biting it, again and again.
And she didn't just bite into her own tail.
It was her.
She killed Stevie.
She killed those other ghosts.
Oh God, she killed them.
She killed.
But the thing is that she can't stop. Her hands won't stop. The power raging within her is too overwhelming. She allowed darkness into her heart and now… there is just nothing left, is there?
"Sally! Don't do it!" Josh cries out. Just what the hell is going on here?!
Shred.
Shred.
What did I do?
What did I do?
What do I do now?
What do I do now?
It doesn't matter. She lets go, succumbs to the darkness.
"Sally?! Sally, hey," the werewolf tries in a soothing voice. Josh steps closer, arms outstretched, but that is when she whips around and means to lunge at Josh, her eyes white in anger. Aidan manages only just in time to pull both of them back and in the same motion grabs a fire iron and attacks Sally with it, forcing her body to disperse.
Sally drifts away.
Sucked deeper into the darkness.
She kills everything she cares for.
She is the darkness.
And in that darkness she will die, won't she?
"What the bloody hell was that?!" Josh mutters as he and Aidan pour salt around Sally's unconscious form.
"I don't know," Aidan shakes his head.
"We have to wake her up again. What's the non-corporeal equivalent of a glass of water in the face?" Josh rambles.
"I don't know. I'm no Ghost Whisperer or whatever," Aidan retorts. That is when Sally rouses, blinking at them.
"Sally? Are you back with us?" Josh asks tentatively.
"What happened?" she blinks at him.
"That's a good question," he chuckles nervously.
"Can you get me out of this? I… this makes me claustrophobic," Sally questions.
"What? Ugh, yes, sure…," the werewolf replies hastily. Josh already means to swipe his hand across the salt line, but that is when Aidan grips his wrists and holds on, "Don't."
"But…"
However, before he can even make his argument known, the house rambles and shakes, Sally's eyes are far away again and her voice resonates through the house in sheer darkness.
What follows is an out-of-the-handbook speech of evil-and-possessed, leaving the two roommates contemplating on the next steps once she is back to the frightening, but not so terrifying state of ghost-coma.
"Okay, now what do we do?" Josh demands, not even caring if he is a little gruff. Aidan said he dealt with ghosts before, so… now would be the time to pop up with his insider-knowledge.
"I don't know, Josh. It's not like I ever… had that," Aidan retorts.
"Oh, great, yeah, double-murder, now Sally as… the Grudge. What comes next? An asteroid?" Josh cries out, throwing his hands in the air.
"I can only say that when it comes to the girls…," Aidan means to say, but Josh cuts him off with a deep hiss, "I don't want to hear it."
"But…," Aidan blinks at him.
"No!" the other man yells. Josh is done hearing excuses, he is done with all of this. Aidan promised him that one thing, and he broke the deal. And Josh never thought that this would be called into question. The house rules weren't hard to follow through, right? Don't kill anyone, unless out of self-protection. What is so difficult about that?
"I'm just extra testy right now," Josh mutters at last, trying to calm down a bit, and that is when it dawns on Aidan, "It's the full moon tonight."
"Yeah. That's not the only reason I'm pissed off!" Josh growls, not meeting his eyes.
"Fine, back to how we help Sally," Aidan sighs.
"Exactly, because otherwise I wouldn't even be talking to you," Josh mutters. If not for her, he'd punch the vampire and then lock himself in upstairs… and possibly never come out again.
Aidan closes his eyes, "What about Zoe? Maybe she can help us."
"She's our only shot, I guess… even if I'm not too sure she'll help us after what Sally… just did," Josh grimaces.
"We won't tell her," Aidan argues.
"Obviously. We just cover everything up," Josh huffs.
"If you want me to tell her the truth, then you have to instruct me how else I would convince her to come along. If not, leave me be, okay?" Aidan retorts, regretting the harsh tone the very next second, but is too proud to take it back.
"I left you be long enough… but you're right… we have to get her here, even if that means lying to her," Josh admits.
So that is the new plan.
Aidan makes his way to the hospital, even if he is short before passing out when confronted with all the blood smell hitting his nostrils with baseball bats. He somehow manages to bring Zoe back to their home anyway. It takes a lot of convincing, after all, Zoe is furious at Sally for the support group she… shredded, but when Aidan says Sally is sick, she agrees to help, if reluctantly. Aidan just hopes that Josh won't see just how much he is "on edge" because of the withdrawal, but then again… for that, the werewolf would have to look at him, which he doesn't. Josh is intently focused on Zoe and Sally.
As it turns out, Sally is seemingly the Reaper, or so Zoe concludes after assessing the situation. So now the task is to bring Sally back, call her back to this their world.
But just how do you reach out to someone who isn't even in the same realm?
Sally sighs as she clicks through website after website. She wants to make connections, meet people, see people, talk, socialize. Isn't that what it's all about these days? Be social? Be seen? Scott would probably give it a roll of his eyes that she is still so eager to be visible in that way. She loves social media for that, while he couldn't care less. Opposites attract, seemingly. And that is why they are together, happily together.
Click. Double-click.
She is still not too sure about moving out, as he suggested. They are just about to get engaged. And she loves the house, but now she is supposed to leave that all behind? Sally belongs here. This is her home, well, even if seeing faces in oven-door reflections is definitely upsetting in some way, but maybe she's just seeing ghosts.
Ghosts! Ha, who'd seriously believe in that kind of stuff, huh?
Click again. Well, hello there… Aidan, from Boston. What do you want? Let's see… oh geez, that one is into fast typing. It's making Sally dizzy in the head. She loves to chat, but not be bombarded with those… weird… messages. She wants to chat, socialize, not meet some sociopath. Sally closes the laptop, fed up with the social media for now.
The friends have to hold on to whatever is steady in that house as it shakes and moves.
"I think this is working! Keep talking to her, Aidan!" she says. However, that is when the rambling stops.
"Darn," Aidan mutters.
Click.
Clap.
Boom.
Doors close, so do the windows.
"DARN!" Josh cries out.
"This is a very strong spirit," Zoe gapes.
"Did she just lock us in?!" Josh cries out. He jumps to his feet. That can't be. That is… why tonight, why not yesterday or tomorrow or… just never?!
The full moon is tonight. He will turn tonight. Trapped in this house. With people. People who can't get out. He will kill Aidan. He will kill Zoe. And that means Sally is damned just as well. This house will become a slaughterhouse tonight, his personal slaughterhouse.
"We can't get out of here," Josh says, his voice shaking.
"Josh…," Aidan grimaces at him with a pang of sadness and sympathy.
Yeah, this is a living nightmare, ladies and gentlemen. Sit back and watch.
Sally is watching a movie with Scott, but then she hears someone calling her name again. Just what the hell is wrong with her? Is she really haunted by some evil spirit, envying her for her luck? That is just unfair. And it's… it hurts, in her head. That is… it shouldn't be like this.
"Is everything alright with you?" he asks tentatively.
"I don't know, I just… I… no, I don't think I'm alright. Something is wrong here. I don't know what it is, but… but I'm scared, Scott," she admits.
"It's okay, I'm with you," he assures her. "I won't leave you, you know that."
"Yeah, but I hear those voices. I don't just imagine this," Sally argues. This is not just her imagination going wild again. Something is here and it feels familiar when it shouldn't.
"It's okay, it's all just inside your head. I bet you're just a bit upset about our engagement party and all," he soothes her.
"It's not just that, so listen to me," Sally urges him, but Scott carries on in a soft voice, "Maybe I overran you with moving out and all."
"… maybe, I don't know," she sniffs. "But I'm scared. Deep down. It's… I don't know what's happening to me, Scott! I feel like I see people I think I should know, but I can't remember them. I hear those voices calling out to me! They are here, with me, but I don't know who they are."
She starts to shake in sheer terror. It's as though those voices were messengers, and she just fails to figure what they mean to tell her, but at the same time it terrifies her.
"But you're safe with me, honey. C'mon, let's get you to the bedroom. You are just exhausted. After some sleep, the demons and ghosts will be all gone, trust me," he tells her.
"Please," Sally begs him. Scott holds on to her as tears start to roll down her cheeks, "You are safe with me. I don't leave you. I will keep the voices away, just let me."
She allows him to pick her up and bring her to the bedroom. Sally is just too exhausted, too scared. She loves how he holds on to her, how it feels on her skin.
Touching people is something so little, but she finds it so great… for some reason.
Sally lies down, feeling the soft fabric beneath her and finding it incredibly soothing. She is fast asleep. Sally just hopes she won't have nightmares for once.
"… I would suggest that I merge my mind with hers. Then I can maybe reach through to her," Zoe eventually says after some discussion.
"But that is surely dangerous," Josh argues worriedly.
"It's not like we have much of a choice, Josh," Aidan tells him, but that only gets the werewolf's anger flaring, "Don't you think I know that?!"
He knows it's dangerous! It's obviously dangerous! And it's obvious that they don't have a choice, but… but… you just do that, you ask, you argue, out of care. That woman shouldn't be here. This is not her fight, so that is the least he can do, however little that may be.
"It's okay, I'll do it. I mean… I might get stuck, but… being stuck here is not much of an alternative either," Zoe shrugs uncertainly.
"We somehow have to get her out of the Reaper's grasp… which is her own, you know what I mean," Aidan makes a face.
And that is when Sally's body rouses again. The three back away in shock.
"Well, hello there, I hope you enjoy the party so far," she smiles at them wickedly, her eyes as wide as clouds. "So, to come to tonight's plan, here the menu: You're going to rip each other to shreds tonight. Just a couple more hours and you'll all be dead."
"What? Rip to shreds?" Zoe frowns. Aidan and Josh exchange nervous glances.
"Oh, didn't they tell you yet, poor dear? What they are? Well, it must be hard at times to admit the truth. We all spin our lies, roll the dice, don't we, Aidan, Josh? We lie to people, deceive their hopes… we ignore everyone surrounding us, isn't it like that, Josh? After Nora left you, you didn't care about anyone but yourself, or am I wrong?" Sally goes on, making Josh cringe.
Isn't she right, now demon-esque or not?
He did pay attention mostly to his own problems. Sally and Aidan supported him greatly throughout this time, but did he stand to them? Did he stand to her?
Is it his fault, again?
"Don't listen to that," Aidan tells him in a soft voice. Sally, or the Reaper speaking through her, is just playing with them, because it couldn't be further from the truth what she's saying.
"You should better listen. This escalated because of you, because you let me hop off the wagon all I wanted. You didn't support me when I was in gravest need. You knew something was wrong with me, and still you didn't question, still you didn't ask. What great friends you are, really, huh?" Sally goes on.
"I'm… I tried, Sally. And I'm sorry that I…," Josh stammers, but the ghost cuts him off, "Sorry, sorry, aren't you always sorry? Aren't you both? Sorry for this, sorry for that. How about not making the mistakes in the first place?"
"This is not her talking, Josh," Aidan tries again. He knows it's hard to be confronted with this. He doesn't want to be confronted with the truth either, but it's tearing Josh apart the moment the words roll down her tongue into the world.
"But you're not the only one, little puppy. Maybe you aren't even the worst. You asked once, after all, even if half-heartedly," Sally argues, her gaze fixing on Aidan. "Oh yes, you, my dear Aidan, you could be even worse. Daddy boy gave all his food to his tender, helpless offspring, didn't he? Not even a morsel for himself? Look at you. What a hot mess."
Aidan looks to the side. How does she know that?
Is he that obvious, really?
Aidan doesn't even dare to look at Josh, knowing the judgment he'd get.
"What the hell is she talking about?!" Zoe demands once again, but she is not heard.
"You left me alone in that house, it was you, all this time. You, the monsters you are, you left me. You left me behind, lived on with your lives…," Sally goes on.
"Sally, stop it! That's not you!" Aidan curses.
"Oh, it is me, it was me. Even when her dear Nick…," Sally smiles, popping with her mouth once.
"What about Nick?" Zoe gapes.
"Knick-knack, broke his neck," Sally rhymes with wicked glee in her voice.
"What?!" Zoe cries out.
"And they saw it," Sally snickers, nodding at Aidan and Josh, who are too shocked to hide it from Zoe that Sally is actually speaking the truth.
"What?!" Zoe shrieks, the emotions washing over her in typhoons.
"I will leave you to discuss that for a little while," Sally snickers, and then her lights go out again. She is back to the coma, back to the darkness.
Silence falls again.
It falls upon them.
Sally gets dressed for her engagement party. Just what dress should she wear? She loves to dress up. The greatest thing is to look different each day, to try out different styles, define herself every day anew.
How much it'd hurt her to be forced to wear the same damned dress every single day again, really. Sally rummages through her closet when suddenly she has this rough grey jacket in hands. She strokes her hand across the fabric, taking in its texture and smell. She can't remember buying it, but it feels so familiar.
Why does it feel familiar?
She closes her eyes and suddenly there is white and black dancing before her eyes, like flashes from a Polaroid camera, moving fast forward and away.
Sally shuts the closet, sitting down on the bed.
Who are those two boys she sees all this time?
Where is Scott when you need him?
"Why didn't you tell me?! Why did you lie to me?! She killed Nick! She killed him!" Zoe shrieks.
"She didn't do it out of malice," Aidan says, holding out his hands reassuringly, but Zoe is not in the least impressed by it, "Out of what else? What else do you kill another being for?! Huh?!"
Aidan looks away, feeling the weight of his own shame heavy on his shoulders once again. Isn't she right? Monsters kill. And you kill out of malice. He is a malicious monster.
It wasn't just an accident.
"I won't help a murderer!" Zoe yells. "I won't help the murderer of Nick! Of my friend, of my, of my… oh my God, she killed Nick."
"I don't think you have much of a choice now, Zoe," Josh tells her, his voice almost not audible.
"I have a choice!" Zoe. "I have a choice and I choose not to help that person! Or you! You kept that from me on tops of everything!"
"I know, and we're sorry, but… but Zoe, it's not about what she did or what we did, it's about that you're stuck here with us for as long as Sally is stuck in that mind-world of hers," Josh argues.
"I don't care!" Zoe screams.
"You have to see the greater picture here," Josh argues.
"What greater picture?" she huffs. "Other than that you… help a murderous ghost?"
"The danger you are in," Josh tells her.
"What danger? Other than being stuck here with you two and bad food?" she demands.
"It's more dangerous than that," Josh urges her. "Much more dangerous."
"He's right. And that is why we have to get you out of here. But that only works if you help Sally, so that the doors and windows open again," Aidan agrees.
"What would be dangerous in here?!" Zoe asks again. "You either tell me what exactly gets you so upset or I will just sit here till she gives up!"
"I'm a werewolf and he's a vampire and that's how we can see ghosts," Josh blurts out.
"It's like we're different countries on the same continent," Aidan adds.
"And, and if I'm not far away from here in an hour or so, you will be in mortal danger," Josh stammers.
"Mortal danger. Right," she huffs. Are those guys seriously believing that?
"Yeah, this isn't a joke," Josh tells her.
He wished it were, but it's reality.
"So, so you're going to turn into a wolf and have me for dinner," Zoe cocks an eyebrow at Josh.
"Okay, listen very carefully. He's telling the truth," Aidan tries, but Zoe won't hear him.
It's odd how they usually try to protect that secret, but are now forced to do anything to make that woman understand it, see the truth that this is what they are.
"Oh, of course. Of course it's the truth. You got to be the cool vampire. Everybody wants to be the cool vampire," Zoe snorts.
"You got it!" Aidan replies.
"We're not making this up! I'm not making this up!" Josh insists. That is when the vampire's patience wears thin. Aidan shows his fangs, his eyes flashing onyx.
Holy crap! You're monsters," she gasps.
"Thank you," Josh huffs.
As if they didn't know that already.
"Fine, I will help, I will do it," she says at last. "But after that I don't want to have anything to do with you."
Josh nods. He wouldn't want to have anything to do with them, including himself, either.
"Okay," he replies.
It's their only shot after all. And so Zoe follows through with the plan and mend her mind with Sally's to help pull her out, so that now both women lie on the staircase. Josh jumps to his feet again.
"Josh! Where are you going?" Aidan yelps.
"I have to find a place to turn," Josh replies, heading towards the kitchen. He can't just sit around and do nothing.
"Josh!" the vampire calls after him as he means to follow.
"Really? You're just going to leave Zoe there with Miss Dead by Dawn Swallow Your Soul? Go sit with her!" Josh yells. "I will… I will turn in the fridge. That's it. I will turn in the fridge."
"Josh!" Aidan tries again. His roommate is being utterly ridiculous.
"Stay with her!" Josh curses.
And stay away from me!
Josh goes on to clean out the fridge to stay the night. The storage is not much different, right? Well, except for the space and… the lock… and just about everything else. But that doesn't matter. He just has to do something. He can't help Sally, can't help Zoe, and he couldn't prevent Aidan from breaking the one rule he mustn't break. However, cleaning out the fridge and staying there? That he can do… well, hopefully.
But he can try, right?
"Scott?" Sally says as she approaches her fiancé.
"What is it, honey?" he asks, turning to face her, his face so lovingly that it makes her heart flutter away like a mockingbird.
"I gave it some thought," she says.
"What?" he tilts his head at her curiously.
"About what you said, about moving out," Sally goes on, biting her lower lip.
"You seemed pretty upset," he nods.
"And I was," Sally admits.
"But?" Scott questions.
"But… I guess you're right. We have to move on, right, beyond? Something. I just need you by my side, then the place doesn't matter, does it?" Sally shrugs. She doesn't want to lose him. Why cling on to a place, a thing? Or some shadowy figures reflecting in her kitchen equipment, right?
"I'm glad to hear that," he says, pulling her close.
"So… we start a new life," she smiles at him happily.
"A better life," he agrees.
"Oh, is it really?" she snickers.
"I can promise you it will be wonderfully bright, like your eyes," Scott tells her, before giving her a soft kiss. Sally leans into his touch, into his warmth, his love… and gets lost in it.
Maybe that's what it's all about after all, moving on.
Aidan can't think, can't breathe, can't focus. He only hears that humming song, Zoe's pulse vibrating, fluttering under her fragile skin. Why does it have to be that sweet girl, why does he have to resist the urge when he already lost it?
What do I do?
What do I do?
Just one bite, right? She won't even know, she won't even feel it.
No bother, right?
Yes, bother. Stop it, Aidan. Stop it.
But she…
Stop.
Please.
No.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
Sally can't believe her own happiness. She is with the man she loves, and they'll start a new life. It's like living a dream, or dreaming a life? She is not sure. All her loved ones have gathered to celebrate her happiness, and isn't that what family is all about? Caring and sharing? Sharing happiness?
While at the same time, this fortune feels so… cold. It feels as though she brushes her fingertips over its surface, but then goes right through it without ever making contact. She feels out of place among those people who should be friends, family. Just that they don't feel like friends, family.
She can only vaguely remember them.
What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be somewhere else?
"Sally!"
The young woman turns around to see Zoe approaching, in casual clothes. What is going on here?
"What are you doing here?!" Sally asks, moving closer to her, noting Zoe's distress.
"We have to make it quick, listen to me, Sally, this here is not reality. You got stuck in a dream. This dream. You have to wake up or else bad stuff is going to happen," Zoe urges her.
"What? What are you talking about? I… I can't leave the guests alone…," Sally shakes her head.
"Sally, please. This is an illusion," Zoe tells her.
"What?" Sally blinks at her.
"You are dreaming all this, Sally. You are not engaged to a guy named Scott. All of this is not real. And I need you to come back with me, to reality," Zoe goes on.
"Are you crazy?!" Sally gapes at her.
"No, but you are," Zoe shakes her head.
"Zoe, you're scaring me," Sally says, her voice quivering… because a part of her seemingly wants to believe it, even though the rest of her is screaming 'no'.
"Sally, you are dreaming. You are actually in the house, unconscious, and Aidan and Josh try to wake you up, but… but for that you have to actually wake up," Zoe goes on.
"Aidan? Josh? Who are you talking about?" Sally blinks at her.
"Your roommates," Zoe explains, nervously looking around.
"I never had roommates, okay? I live with Scott," Sally argues.
"Scott is not real. Aidan and Josh are," Zoe insists.
"Then how are you here?" Sally furrows her eyebrows.
"I'm here because I'm a medium. I went into your dream to help pull you out. You have to trust me, Sally! Come with me!" Zoe urges her.
"Sally? What's wrong?" Scott asks as he approaches the two.
"He is not real," Zoe whispers.
"I don't think we invited you, did we?" Scott frowns at her, flashing a smile for only just a split-second, but Sally misses it anyways. Sally's eyes wander between the two.
Who is telling the truth?
Who is truth?
And where is she in that equation?
Josh looks at the fridge with a grimace. The food is gone, he should fit in, but this will hardly hold against his wolf. Maybe if he puts some chains around it? Do they have chains?
He should better check on Zoe and Sally, and then maybe ask Aidan if he knows if they have some… He crosses back into the living room, to see his roommate lingering over Zoe's still form.
Drinking her!
Josh runs forward as fast as he can to tear the vampire away from her, "Aidan! Aidan, stop! Stop!"
He grips him by the shoulder and pulls him away from her, blood still on his lips, his eyes flooded with craze and darkness.
"Are you crazy?!" he curses.
"Let go of me!" Aidan mutters, no longer caring. He lost to humanity the moment he killed those girls, right? So why give a damn?
Damnation, no matter how intense, remains damnation after all.
"What's wrong?!" Josh yells, tearing him away again.
"I just need a little more…," Aidan licks his lips, lunging forward again. One more drop, one more bite, one more body given to him…
"No, stay away!" the werewolf yells. Josh pushes Aidan against the wall, but the vampire turns him around, his face filled with anger and sheer vampire-madness, "If you ever get in my face again, I –"
"What? You'll kill me, huh? You'll kill Zoe? You're gone, man. You started feeding live! You murdered those two girls, those two human beings! Under our roof! This sacred place! Does it stop, Aidan? When does it stop? I feel like I'm the only one trying anymore, like I'm dangling off the cliff by my fingertips and you're up there stomping on them!"
"No! I know! Oh my God, Josh, those two girls," Aidan brings out, his voice breaking. He goes to his knees, his legs no longer supporting him. "What do I do, Josh? What am I supposed to do? I can't survive without blood, I need it. It just slipped out of my control, I thought that I could beat it, that I could be better, but I can't, just can't."
He is too weak. He is just scum on the face of earth. He is a murderer, for nothing.
When he killed Rebecca, he freed her. When he killed Celine, she wanted it, and she would have died little time from now. But those two? He had no reason to kill them, no other reason than that it was not his vampirism, but his darkness that killed them. There are no longer two sides inside of him, one human, one monster, fighting for dominance. He is a monster through and through.
Aidan grabs his head. It pounds so badly, but then he sees Josh removing his watch.
"What are you doing?" he asks, his voice still shaking. Josh extends his arm to him, his features now filled with determination, "I'm holding on, for all of us. Go ahead. Do it."
Sometimes you have to swallow your pride, your anger, your fear. And Josh has to swallow all of it at this moment. Aidan is an addict. And that addict needs a fix. As bad as it is, Aidan won't make it through unless he gets himself a fix. And if Josh doesn't want him to feed on Zoe, he will have to do.
What?! Josh can't be serious, can he?! He can't just… he can't drink Josh! He can't! No!
"No, I can't," Aidan shakes his head.
"I'm kind of out on a limb here," Josh brings out. He can't be serious, can he? He is okay drinking Zoe, but now he hesitates?!
"Vampires don't drink werewolves," Aidan insists.
"Why?" the werewolf demands. What kind of logic is that now?!
"I don't know! Because of the smell?!" Aidan breaks out. How is he supposed to know?!
"Oh, come on!" Josh lets his head fall back. Aidan mentioned it to him, but the vampire should see not only the effort he makes her, but also that it is his only option of a fix.
"I always took the smell as a warning. Either way, it's just something we don't do, we don't ever do, ever!" Aidan argues. That is so deeply ingrained into vampires that they don't even think about it anymore.
"Okay, you know what? If this is one of those vampire Jim Crow laws, you need to get over it. Okay? I have blood, you need blood, and Zoe's not an option, okay?" Josh curses, moving closer, his voice suddenly very soft, after all, you often have to be very careful and nice to patients, and that is how he treats Aidan now, as an addicted patient. "Listen. I'm strong now… right? I can handle it. You need it. You said so yourself. Just do it, man. Do it… Just do it before I change my mind."
Because he feels like just turning away and hiding in the fridge.
Their eyes meet, once again, clash. Aidan is surprised not to find the aggression, the hatred he feared for. There is just determination. Aidan grasps Josh's hand, trying to gather the courage, moves closer, but then moves away again, "Oh no. No."
"Oh, c'mon." Josh cries out, closing his eyes. He can't be serious!
"Just gimme a minute!" Aidan yells.
"I'm gonna change my mind," Josh warns him.
"Gimme a minute!" Aidan screams. He breathes in a few times. That is when his fangs extend, overcoming the smell and he bites down, hard, making Josh flinch.
"Argh, okay," Josh yelps, closing his eyes. This is so, so wrong. Aidan suddenly pulls away, blood tricking down his mouth.
"Like, it just... It tastes different," Aidan brings out, wiping with his finger over his mouth.
"Diff-different, how?" Josh looks at him, somehow disappointed. "Oh, you know what? I just had a bunch of asparagus."
However, that is when Aidan bites him again, making the werewolf yelp, "Ah! Boah!"
This is going to be the weirdest hickey ever known to human history. Aidan pulls away, then, suddenly standing up, fidgeting around, "I need to go. Oh my God."
"Are… are you okay?" Josh furrows his eyebrows, but then lets his head hang low. "Is it bad? It was disgusting."
"No, no, no, no!" Aidan assures him. "It's good! It's good! It's too good. Hoo! It's wow. Ho-ho-ho. I feel, like, this tingling, like this is all of it, everywhere."
Josh studies him with a grimace, "Okay, so we are glad that we drank me."
"And that even though I barely even touched you," Aidan insists.
"Yeah, yeah," Josh makes a face. "You know, that's just…"
However, that is when Aidan suddenly is back to black eyes and extended fangs, approaching Josh with fast strides. Josh is momentarily frozen as the vampire pushes him against the wall he pushed him against before. That is a plot twist he certainly didn't see coming.
"Aidan, that's not funny, okay?" Josh stammers nervously. It takes the werewolf a second to even register that Aidan's hands are roaming over his body, tugging at his… yes, shirt, snaking his hand, yep, under it, hovering over his midsection, earning him goosebumps allover.
"Aidan! Aidan?! Stop that, okay?! You've had enough blood, you…," Josh curses, blushing furiously at the contact, but Aidan continues to suck on the small wound on his arm, his pitch-black eyes filled with something Josh would usually interpret as… lust?!
What the hell?!
Josh tries to push Aidan away, but the vampire is surprisingly strong at the second, the blood seemingly having granted him a boost in energy. Of course.
"Aidan! Aidan! This is me, Josh, you don't wanna…," he brings out, but that is when he feels a prickle against his neck and… yes, Aidan now sucks on his neck, his hands still roaming over his body, seemingly testing the water.
Okay, seriously?!
How is that happening now?!
Josh tries to tear Aidan's hands off of him, but the vampire holds on, like moth attracted to the light. Aidan pushes his body against that of the werewolf forcefully, needing, wanting, breathing against his neck, drawing more blood with each suction, needing that warmth, longing for that blood.
Josh breathes hard, starting to feel dizzy. His knees grow weak, forcing him to sink to the ground, pulling Aidan along with him. Red dots are dancing before Josh's eyes, making it hard for him to focus on anything much but the sensation of blood leaving him, while an intense heat remains. The vampire won't let go nevertheless, if only he grinds harder against the werewolf, his hands tugging at Josh with desperation and desperate need for contact. Josh can feel the ice-cold fingertips against his skin, making him flinch.
"Aidan! Aidan, stop!"
But the vampire is far gone in his… whatever it is. Seemingly Sally is not the only one lost in her own little world. Josh can still feel Aidan's mouth against his pulse, which flutters helplessly. Aidan's mouth moves up and eventually is on Josh's lips. The werewolf tries with all his might to push him away, but vertigo long since has him. He can taste his own blood in his mouth, mixed with Aidan's scent, creating an overwhelming impression for his heightened senses. Josh breathes through his nose, his lips feeling as though sparks exploded upon the skin. It's hot and cold at the same time… and in a way… good? Is it? The dizziness intensifies, the room tilts sideways, shaking any coherent thought out of Josh's head.
Aidan's mouth travels back down to his neck, Josh's goosebumps follow his cold touch.
So that is what it feels like to become a blood-sacrifice for a vampire?
The red dots pulsate before Josh's eyes, warmth spreading throughout him, accompanied by the little prickles of ice-cold needles against his arms and midsection and… wherever Aidan's hand may roam now – because Josh is honestly losing track. The world is a mush of obscurity he can't figure out, other than the red color he can smell, taste, hear rushing in his ears, can see pulsating behind his eyelids.
And awkwardly enough, Josh finds that cold soothing in a way. It hushes some of the heat away, and even that heat starts to have a… thrilling effect.
Damn, is that why girls offer their blood to the vampires? For that thrill? Holy…
Josh blinks a few times, forcing the room to stop spinning. He somehow manages to push Aidan away from him. Josh back away a little, cold and warm leaving him all at once, to leave behind nothing but gaping emptiness and terror, his eyes fixed on the vampire as he shakes his head, the onyx slowly fading away, and with it all the dark, ancient cravings that mark his race as damned.
Aidan blinks, trying to make the black dots go away. The room comes back into focus. He looks around, but then his eyes fall on two brown orbs staring at him… terrified? That is when he takes in Josh's whole appearance. His shirt is opened up at the collar and pulled out of his jeans, revealing some of his midsection, and… there is blood on his neck, cascading down his skin, creating little red snakes down his throat.
Josh has his index and middle finger over his mouth to wipe the blood away, his eyes fixed on Aidan.
"Oh no," the vampire brings out. "I didn't mean to..."
Josh just continues to stare at him in utter shock.
And shock stares back at him.
"Sally! Listen to me! He is fooling you. This is the dark entity we talked about, the dark half that means to overpower you," Zoe insists.
"Don't listen to her, Sally. She is insane," Scott argues.
"Don't you remember Aidan and Josh at all? How they moved into the house? How they… wait, uhm… what was it? Something with… with spatulas?" Zoe goes on, hoping that some small memory might force Sally to actually remember. Sally blinks repeatedly. There was something. Someone holding a spatula and…
"And Nick. Don't you remember what happened to him?" Zoe goes on, her voice shaking.
"Happened to him? He is here, he is just over there," Sally points a shaky finger at Nick, who I cheerily discussing something with his friends.
"Nick!" Zoe cries out. He is here, he is… he is… oh God.
"Nick!" she brings out.
"See? She is just a little lost here," Scott tells Sally soothingly.
"Nick…," Zoe whispers, but then closes her eyes to focus. He died. She killed him, the second time. This is not real. It's not real.
"This is not real," she mutters another time to make it real for herself. "He died. Nick died. Don't you remember that, Sally? He told you, you saw it."
There was water, a lot of it. Not being able to breathe. Suffocating. Why does Sally see those images all of a sudden?
"You remember, don't you?" Zoe argues.
"That can't be," Sally shakes her head. No, it can't.
"It can be, because that is the truth, everything you see here? That's an illusion. What is waiting for you on the other side, where Aidan and Josh wait for you, in the brownstone, holding your hand… that is reality. You just have to wake up to it," Zoe urges her.
"She is crazy, honey. C'mon, let's call a doctor. She should lie down," Scott argues.
"No, now wait. She… she has a point, doesn't she? I mean… I think I remember those guys. I remember those things she says," Sally turns to Scott.
"No, you don't. She is just very convincing," Scott argues. "We should just let her rest a while and I bet she'll be as good as new. I wanted to give a speech for our friends, to announce the happy news."
"What happy news?" Zoe grimaces.
"Well, obviously, that we are engaged and are to marry… and that we'll be selling the house," Scott smiles at her.
"No, Sally! You mustn't do that! Don't you understand?! You are bound to this house. This is a part of you. If you leave this place, you will lose to his darkness. You will die," Zoe cries out.
"Don't listen to her," Scott argues.
"Why are you so persistent that I don't listen to her if it's all fake anyways?" Sally frowns.
"I don't want her to drag you down," Scott shrugs.
"I decide who gets to drag me down, okay?" Sally retorts. She can hear Nick in the distance raising his voice for a speech as Scott's best friend, just that she has a hard time remembering when they met or how they met. When she thinks of Nick now, she only sees water streaming down his face, and then this bright green light and… that darkness within her, the anger.
The party guests are talking, are chatting, living their lives. And she is… next door. Why does that feel so familiar again?
"They need you, Sally," Zoe says.
"Sally, c'mon," Scott urges her.
"Sally!"
"Sally!"
"Cheers, everyone, have a great night!"
Aidan still stares at Josh with wide eyes – and wide eyes stare back at him.
Did that seriously just happen?
Did it escalate that far?
What did I do?
What did I do?! What for God's sake did I do?!
He went after Josh. After his best friend… in that way. Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!
"I, I, I…," Aidan stammers. Josh still stares at him, not knowing what to think or feel or do.
What do you say or think after that, really?
What do you do?
Anyone?
Suddenly a cough rises up Aidan's throat, wracking his whole body. Maybe his body is finally catching up to the shock shaking his heart, but that cough is followed by another and another. And it starts to hurt, hurt really bad.
"Aidan?" Josh brings out, his voice still quivering from distress. "Are you… are you okay?"
Aidan looks at him for a moment, meaning to say something, but that is when suddenly blood gushes out of his mouth and he goes to the ground.
"Aidan!"
Before Josh can even think about the uneasy feeling deep in his stomach, telling him to stay in that corner, back away from the fear, he is hovering over the vampire, who is bleeding from his mouth, his eyes, from everywhere.
"Aidan! Aidan! Can you hear me!? Aidan!"
He grasps the vampire's hand and holds on as tight as he can, out of instinct, maybe, but he doesn't care. He isn't scared for himself now, he is scared for Aidan.
"Aidan! Breathe! Breathe! Aidan! Aidan!"
You creep the shit out of me, but you can't just die on me, okay?!
We had that already. In the same damn room, Aidan! So no, you don't get to die on me again!
Don't die.
Don't die.
I want to kill you first for being that much of a stupid jackass!
Please, don't leave me.
Please don't die.
Sally turns her head. There is this voice again, well, one of the two. He's calling out to… to Aidan. Aidan as in… Aidan from the chat?
"You can hear them, can't you?" Zoe questions.
"What is going on here?" Sally brings out, her voice shaking, her mind fidgeting from one corner to the next.
"They are in trouble. You have to wake up, Sally," Zoe urges her.
"Sally, please, don't leave our guests waiting like that," Scott argues, holding her by the arm.
"Sally, they need you," Zoe goes on.
"You shut up," Scott warns her.
"No!" Zoe cries out.
"Yes," he hisses. Scott suddenly approaches her with fast strides and chokes Zoe.
"Scott! Stop it! Stop!" Sally tries to tear him away, but there is no getting through to them.
"Scott!" she yells, but he doesn't care.
"I ask you again, just come with me and you'll be good," Scott tells her.
"I won't ever be good living under a lie," Sally argues. Because now she remembers. Josh. Aidan. The spatula. The picture frame without a picture. Movie nights. Werewolves. Vampires. The grey sweater. Not being able to really touch people, but in a way, touch deeper, touch their hearts. Laughing with the two. Messing with Josh. Reading newspapers. Celebrating the success of flipping the page on her own.
She remembers now. Everything.
She remembers herself.
"You can just run away with me, from this house, this life," Scott says, still holding on to Zoe as she passes out.
"But I don't want to run away," Sally replies.
"You said you were scared," Scott looks at her.
"And I was," Sally nods. "But now I'm no longer."
"Why?" he questions.
"I think I was just too afraid of not being needed than being alone. Those guys, they need me. This is my place, my home. They are. They are the people I have to return to. And for as long as I have a place to go… how would I be afraid?" Sally shrugs.
"I plead you," Scott says, looking at her now almost sadly.
"No," Sally shakes her head. No, no more lies.
"Sally," he tries again.
"No!" she yells. Scott lets go of Zoe, then, and grips Sally by the shoulders, grey clashes with white and black and… Suddenly she is on top of the stairs, no longer any reception, no more guests, just the staircase.
"Where is everyone?" she asks aghast.
And then… there is her, on the staircase. In that sweater. And there is Zoe, flashing bright while flashing with darkness.
"Oh my God," she breathes. That is what she is, too.
"You can still just turn away. From all the chaos. The blood. You can go with me," Scott tells her.
"You lied to me," Sally argues.
"You wanted to believe it," Scott shrugs.
"But I… I can't leave them. I don't want to leave them," Sally shakes her head.
"Even if they disappoint you again?" Scott questions.
"I disappointed them, too, didn't I?" Sally whispers.
"Again, just come with me, then there won't be any disappointment whatsoever," he coos.
"I don't want to come with you. I want to stay. Just go, go away, and don't ever come back," she tells him, looking the Reaper right in the eyes, looking into her own eyes, actually.
"You say so now," he exhales.
"And I will continue to say so in the future," Sally speaks, feeling determination rising within her like a high tide.
"Are you? It didn't take me much to spin your little world around, did it?" Scott shrugs.
"No, it didn't," she admits.
"Well, so you really think that you can beat me in my own game? In your own game?" the Reaper questions.
"I just try," Sally mutters.
"Sometimes trying is not enough," Scott tells her.
"I will chance it," she shrugs.
"Your choice, or… ours," he sighs.
Her choice.
Her reality.
And suddenly, the violet fades away and there is this oddly comfy kind of brown flooding the house as her eyes open. She gasps for air, just that she needs no air.
No longer.
"Sally!"
She stands up to see Zoe and her roommates. Everything is a mess.
They are a mess… just like always.
"Where's Scott?" Zoe questions, her voice shaking.
"Gone now," Sally says, coming closer to her.
"I need to get out of here," Zoe mutters, already walking down the stairs in a hurry.
"Zoe, wait, I… I have to thank you…," Sally means to say, but Zoe interrupts her harshly, "Save it! You killed Nick! You killed him! You killed everyone! I helped you once, but that was the last token. I don't want you to ever come to me again, talk to me again! I just want you gone, Sally Malik! Stay away from me!"
Sally gapes as Zoe runs out of the house, the doors finally working again. The ghost is in shock because… because she thought that Zoe was her friend and that… no, there was Nick. She killed him. So it's understandable that she hates her.
God, she killed Nick.
Everyone.
Not Scott.
Her.
Another package of guilt she will have to carry, seemingly.
"Sally," Josh breathes, making the ghost whip her head around to face him. Her eyes fall on the werewolf who is now on the stairs, too, looking like death warmed-over.
"What the hell happened here?" she asks, furrowing her eyebrows.
And why is Josh bleeding from… his neck?
"I will explain it to you… later. I… I don't have much time," Josh stammers.
"Full moon," she breathes. Right… even more chaos she almost brought to fully unfold. Josh nods, but then goes on in a croaked voice, "But I… I'm sorry."
"What?" she grimaces.
What in Heaven and Hell would Josh of all people be sorry for when she just shredded Nick, the house… and seemingly even more?
"I wasn't there for you… before. I didn't see just how much trouble you were in, I…," Josh brings out. He has to say that. He has to. She is back and… he just has to.
"Josh, no, it's…," Sally means to assure him, but Josh is steadfast in his need to get that out, "I just want you to know that if I could help you, I would. Anytime."
"I know that," she whispers, looking him directly in the eyes. She knows. She should have seen it all along. They would have been there for her, would have supported her earlier if she had found the strength to trust them. It was her, not them.
That is when she looks past him to see Aidan now sitting, over with blood. She quickly climbs down the stairs, "You look like hell."
"You, you look better," he brings out. Sally looks from Aidan back to Josh, who hugs his right arm with his left, unconsciously running his fingers over the wound on his neck, shuddering as he feels the still wet crimson against his fingertips.
This blood almost killed Aidan.
He almost killed Aidan.
And Aidan almost killed him… maybe.
Josh doesn't know. He just has to get out of here.
"I… I need to go," he says nervously, already hurrying down the stairs again.
"Josh!" Aidan brings out, but the werewolf already hurries out of the house so that he doesn't have to turn in a fridge.
Away, just away.
"What… what happened here, Aidan?" Sally asks, turning to the vampire. Something happened between those two. But what?! What else did she miss?!
However, that is when the vampire is to his feet, if wobbly so, and staggers out of the living room, "Later. I just… I can't. I'm too tired."
He needs to sleep, needs darkness claiming him. He can't. He just can't. No. No. No.
"Okay," she whispers. Aidan limps to his room, leaving Sally to look at the mess, at the chaos she created. However, that is when Scott suddenly stands next to her again.
"I want you gone. I thought I made that clear," she hisses, not even looking at him.
"It's not that simple," Scott shrugs.
"But this is all in my head," Sally argues. It's all just imagination. Zoe said it, didn't she?
"And I can't leave. I'm a part of you. So now, we wait," he tells her calmly.
"For what?" she grimaces, her voice shaking.
"For you to slip. And when you fall...the only one left to catch you will be me," he smiles at her.
"Well, then I guess I should better watch my step," Sally says.
"I will watch it, too, trust me. We'll see each other soon again," he tells her and vanishes, just like that. Sally blinks a few times, a lone tear rushing down her face.
She is the chaos.
She is the catalyst that destroyed.
And the darkness is not gone, it just went to sleep for a while, for however long she manages not to fall for temptation.
Well, isn't that ironic?
Notes:
Hello, everyone! Welcome back and thanks for sticking around!
Okay, this chapter will be a bit lengthy, I know, but I didn't want to chop it down into two chapters. I also jump forward in the canon a bit to move things up a gear. And by that I really mean I move it up a gear in terms of AU-slash-madness. I take up on some original lines (hopefully quoted halfway correctly), but I spin it around mostly the way I want it.
*Mini-spoiler* (don't like, don't' read, or read later): Once again, I have Aidan with Suren now, and Josh and Julia are not getting yet any space here. I have reasons for that, so if you are a fan of her, sorry, but I don't think I will greatly extend on that arc (in an active voice at least), or else the slash will take even longer to really happen than it does anyways.
So anyways, I hope you'll like it. I promise it'll be a bit spicier than earlier chapters^^
Chapter 20: After the Fall
Summary:
Everyone copes with the aftermath of the Reaper incident.
Josh and Aidan are... awkward.
And someone comes back.
Chapter Text
We all did it at least once, didn't we? As little children, seemingly all of us played with something we shouldn't have played with, took something we were told not to touch. Be it an expensive vase, or just an incredibly ugly vase the family is bound to keep because it comes from this obnoxious aunt no one really likes, but still has to take the presents from and actually put them on display – or else the family will suffer her rage. Be it some wall to smudge crayon on. Be it taking the other sibling's toy without asking for it.
We end up breaking it.
Damaging it.
And that left the childish mind with two choices: One, cry, and tell everything. Confess. Cry more. Or two, try to hide the evidence. Because for some reason we hope that by hiding the evidence, we make it not-real again. For as long as no one sees, the vase didn't break, for as long as no one asks, the toy robot is still right in its spot, and even if it isn't, we didn't take it, that much is for sure.
In the end, we are just trying to make ourselves believe that.
Because no matter what, the truth comes out eventually.
Just that Aidan didn't break some hideously looking vase, or stole some favorite toy robot, or got caught with the hands in the cookie jar.
Nope.
He betrayed his friends by giving in to his blood cravings. He helped Henry – to two girls. And ended up killing again. Like a damn monster.
And just like a little kid, he hid the evidence and hoped that no one would see. That this would make it unreal. That some cardboard could keep inside the sin he committed. Just that it's so real that Aidan can still tell the smell, every single picture frame inside his head. And a lot of these picture frames, while blurred at the edges, reveal his greatest wrongdoing of that night… He went after Josh. He bit him, and not at all where he allowed him to. He craved blood, so Josh gave it to him. He coughed up his guts as a result, or perhaps it was just Karma spitting in Aidan's face for what he did. Either way, it served him right.
And now the vampire is in his car, driving along the rim of the woods, trying to spot Josh, despite of the gaping pain still bubbling deep in his stomach. Maybe he should have… not come. Josh surely doesn't want to see Aidan. Okay, that's an understatement. Aidan is probably the one person on earth Josh doesn't want to see right now. And to tell the truth, if the vampire had a choice, he wouldn't want to see himself today either.
Yet, there is no hiding place, no glue to put that vase (AKA their life) back together.
Aidan knows that option two is long since over for him. Josh saw all of it. He sat in the damn front row. Aidan couldn't hide it from the werewolf even if he tried. So Aidan still hopes for option one. Maybe if Josh, the good guy he is, because the hell he is, will give him at least one chance to explain himself.
But how do you explain… any of this? To Josh, of all people?
The werewolf didn't make up many rules when they moved in together. In fact, he was always very conscious of his roommate's struggles and thus kept it very simple, very basic. He stretched the rope Aidan was supposed to balance on at a low level so that he didn't fall too deep. At least that seemed to be the underlying plan when Josh told him that he wanted to make a few rules. And that is why Aidan had readily agreed.
And still, he managed to fail Josh, get thrown off-balance and tear the werewolf along with him.
But no, that's not even the whole problem: To top all that, he didn't just kill, under their roof, and thus broke the one rule Aidan swore to himself he'd never break, no. Aidan gave in to his darkest cravings and was, once again, no more than a bloody fang, out for a bit of blood, a bit of life in crimson.
He went after Josh. He bit Josh – and not where he gave him permission to. At some point, Aidan honestly asks himself how he could lose it that far. He can only remember single frames of what happened once he… took more than he bargained for, but the images he can call to mind still speak a very clear message. He didn't just take a few sucks too many. He didn't just bite down a little higher on the extended hand. Nope. Aidan felt his roommates' pulse flutter under his mouth and got drawn in by it. And suddenly… something very dark took over within him and took… advantage of the situation?
The last he remembers is looking in Josh's wide eyes, in those eyes that used to always welcome him, looking in this fear, this desperation, this shock… and surely disgust as well. The shirt undone and bite marks on Josh's neck, the blood cascading down his skin, the crimson rolling down the ivory, and…
Aidan slaps himself across the cheek to regain focus. What the hell is going on with him?! Is the vampire still that strong within him that his eyes mean to turn black at this second – for the picture of the blood upon his friend's neck spreading warmth throughout him?! He should be afraid – because that is what he is. And disgusted with himself – because he definitely should be. And all his mind is coming up with is to make his mouth water.
Seriously?!
And anyways – really, brain? That blood almost killed him. And still, his body seems to want more of that. How sick is that?
How sick is he?
And just how will he make Josh ever forgive him?
Trust?
Look him in the eye?
And where the hell is he?! Aidan's stomach feels like he'll hurl up blood any minute, so he would really rather head home.
If it still is… that is.
Josh lies in the middle of fallen leaves, spread eagle, glancing up to the surprisingly brightly blue sky and the cotton-candy-like clouds, forming rabbits and wolves on the azure background. Usually, he'd be fussing by now, searching for the cabin and his clothes, but right now, the werewolf can't find the strength to.
Everything melts away the moment he starts to think about last night. The cotton candy rabbits and wolves extend to long sugary threads until they fall from the sky in a huge heap and turn bitter.
And by the way: Oh crap, there was last night.
Just saying.
OH. CRAP.
Josh should have foreseen this. Well, okay, the Reaper was something he didn't see coming, not in that way at least. But the thing with Aidan and Henry… he should have seen that coming. He had a bad feeling, he did. Josh felt it deep in the stomach, a cold pull which whispered in his ear to stay, but the werewolf ignored the warnings his body meant to give him and left Aidan to his own misery.
Just for a split second, Josh made a decision… to have Aidan figure out his own mess. Why? He doesn't even know.
The werewolf just wanted to go to work and… and seeing a skinned person really put him off, so… but that's no excuse. After what happened thereafter, this is really no excuse at all. Aidan needed him and Josh left him to do… the one thing he mustn't.
Aidan killed and his "best friend" didn't stop him.
A great sober companion you are, Josh Levison.
It really seems to boil down to him stopping short when it gets difficult. And that is why Aidan doesn't trust him, trust to tell him beforehand.
Because Aidan seemingly knows that Josh… won't save him.
Because he seems to be that much of a coward.
Useless condition.
The werewolf runs his hand over his face, shielding his eyes. His head is killing him. Perhaps still the aftermath of the vampire venom, or just the next migraine coming on. He pulls his arm slightly away, then, just to glance at the still blood-smeared puncture marks Aidan left on his forearm.
And here goes the final blow he delivered to their friendship. Josh thought that this would help him, that his blood would soothe him, that Josh would be of any help for Aidan, but big nope right there.
Actually, Josh can kill Aidan, as it seems, or rather, his blood can.
He is… poison to Aidan.
Literally.
He is poison to his best friend.
He had to watch him (almost) die, again.
Again.
After it tore Josh apart the last time already, he was right back in this moment, right where Bishop staked his best friend and he held on like some fool, calling out to Aidan in the hope that his voice would miraculously keep the vampire in this messed-up world they call their reality.
And once again, Josh didn't manage to save his friend. Aidan just somehow pulled through and… and didn't go through his door. But it's surely not thanks to Josh.
He almost killed Aidan. Fuck, he almost killed his best friend.
And to top all that, there was this crazy moment when Aidan took over and tried to get under his shirt, or rather, he did, and probably tried to get into his pants as well, or so Josh figures. Bloody kisses were exchanged. And therein lies the problem. Exchanged. He returned a kiss he knows was probably not even intended for him as him, Josh Levison, but just something vampires end up doing when the blood takes over and makes them crazy. If Aidan didn't think Josh was Suren inside his crazy vampire-mind anyways.
Aidan has the excuse that he was out of it by that moment. He had the black eyes. The fangs. He was definitely in the vampire-mood by then.
And Josh was not.
He was conscious, dizzy, dazed, fine, but… there, in a way. Aidan was not. He was somewhere far away inside his head. And still, Josh leaned into that bloody kiss and found some strange kind of pleasure in it.
Just how sick is he?
Is he that desperate for comfort, for a bit of love that he goes with… this?
Josh sits up abruptly, fisting his brown hair so hard that it hurts his scalp. A chill runs down his back, all the way to his toes. Maybe he should get his clothes first and then contemplate on his messed-up state of mind. The brunet stands and hugs himself around the chest against the brisk wind and bites his lip as he starts to walk.
Damn, he usually gets some deer for dinner, but all he can taste at this moment is his blood mingled with Aidan's scent, right upon his lips.
He hurries to the cabin as fast as he can.
But where will he go from there?
Is home still an option?
If it still is… that is.
Aidan usually is a very patient man. He is usually very calm, too. Unless under the influence of his vampirism of course. And now? Now he is a nervous wreck, clenching the steering wheel to the point that he is afraid he will tear it off. There is still no sign of Josh, and Aidan sincerely contemplates on starting to search for him in the woods. It's just that he fears that this will mess up everything even more than it is anyways. If that is even possible. Because, let's be honest: How messed-up can it still get, huh?
He already means to pull over and park the car when suddenly he sees something coming out of the woods.
Josh.
Aidan lets a silent sigh of relief. However, that relief is soon replaced by nervousness and fear. Because that means they will have to meet… and… talk… about this.
Josh looks around, the sight of the street a strange kind of comfort. Because streets are not only a link back to civilization and humanity, but also very neat in structure. Just two ways: back and forth. Just two lanes. No blurred lines. Clear structures. If only his life was such a street. Then he'd know where to go.
He makes the first steps away from the woods when suddenly a car honks. The man is startled, whirls his head around, and in the same motion, his foot catches on some stone Josh didn't see in the high grass. It sends him stumbling and crashing to the ground with a pathetic yelp.
"Crap!" Aidan curses to himself, pulling the car over in a hurry. He thought that honking would be a good idea, but it seemingly wasn't. That surely greatly improved Josh's mood, huh? The vampire hurries out of the car and over to where Josh scrambles back to his feet.
"Josh!" the raven calls out to him as he approaches. The werewolf looks at him, blinking a few times. Aidan comes to pick him up… great. And he makes a fool of himself, falling over like that. Even greater. When does this melodrama cut them a goddamn break, huh?
Aidan holds out his hand to the other man, but to his surprise (or is it shock?) Josh gets up on his own, keeping a safe distance. Aidan knows he can't blame Josh for it, but… he hoped that this wouldn't be the outcome, to be honest. That he can't even stand his touch anymore.
Josh screws his eyes shut for a second. He is too afraid of even touching the vampire at this point. Because he is poison. And a damn fool, too, blushing like a stupid teenager.
"Are you alright?" Aidan asks, his eyebrows furrowed.
"Are you?" Josh asks instead, finding some of his composure again. He wipes a bit of mud he of course managed to land in from his jaw. The werewolf averts his eyes, out of fear that they will reveal more than they should and more than he is able to admit at this moment.
"What?" the vampire frowns. Aidan didn't just kiss the ground, did he?
"Are you alright?" Josh repeats, putting emphasis on each syllable. "You almost died yesterday, not I."
"I… it's fine," Aidan replies, still surprised that Josh even seems to care. He thought he'd be met by the earth mother of lectures the moment he'd see the vampire approach. But now… they are just standing there, shocked, unable to look each other in the eyes.
Broken, but in different places.
"But you?" the vampire asks again.
"I'm okay," Josh tells him, blinking a few times. Aidan tilts his head with a grimace, pointing out matter-of-factly, "You are kinda bleeding."
Josh looks down at himself and then sees the middle-sized gash on his formerly good arm, oozing blood lazily. Awesome. Only he falls over because of a honking car in the face of the one person he can't help but blush at, can't help but look away from – and end up hurting himself in the process on tops of everything. Really, awesome.
"Oh," Josh blurts out.
"We should better clean that and…," Aidan says worriedly, but Josh interrupts him harsher than expected, "No, no. It's fine. I'll do that myself."
Aidan tries his best not to show his disappointment. Josh really doesn't want him anywhere close to him, as it seems.
"I got the first aid kit in the trunk," he says, making an effort to sound casual. Josh nods curtly, following the raven as they make their way to the car. The werewolf bites his lower lip.
What if his blood hurts Aidan again? Josh shudders at the thought. No, until he knows more, he better stays away from the vampire, or he will end up hurting him again. He won't poison him again, that much is for sure.
He can't lose him like that ever again.
Once they reach the car, Aidan gets the first aid kit and Josh starts to treat himself. The vampire watches on, biting his lower lip nervously, fighting any urge not to just take the things from him and patch Josh up himself. Because that is the way it was – and the way it should be. Just that it isn't. Josh doesn't trust him anymore – and he's got any reason to… but… he can't fix that. No bandage will ever fix that.
"How's Sally? Did you talk to her?" Josh asks as he disinfects the gash on his arm, his voice coming out croaked. He'd normally ask Aidan to help with the bandage and all, but at this point, Josh is afraid that he is the embodiment of the vampire pestilence.
"She's… according to circumstances," Aidan replies. "I mean, she still has a lot… to… grasp, I guess. It'll take some time."
"Yeah," Josh sighs as he finishes the bandage on his gash. He looks at his other arm… oh yeah, there was that, too. So why not get over with it, huh? Then he knows he can't spread the evil on his friend upon touch once more.
Aidan looks on with growing nervousness as Josh starts to work on the wounds… he… inflicted. The vampire lets out a small shuddered breath. He hurt Josh not just emotionally, he also hurt him physically. God. Damn.
He punched Josh once – and to the day he feels sorry for it. Now he did that… and Aidan doesn't even know how much more sorry he is about that one.
Josh breathes through his nose once he is done with the cleaning and put a gauze on the puncture wounds. He starts to wrap the wrist, but this is tricky because he can't seem to get a proper start. Others would probably just be done with some messy bandage, but for some reason years of applying bandages and learning it from scratch plus OCD won't let Josh be done with just a loosely fitting bandage.
As if this wasn't awkward enough already.
Josh eventually manages to wrap the wrist good enough to pass. But he still has to seal it. He awkwardly tries to tear the bandage to make a knot, but fails because the wrapping is too close to his wrist. The werewolf already means to just cry out in frustration because of his own inability when he feels the end of the bandage being taken from him. Josh looks at Aidan ripping off the edge and in half to make the knot. The werewolf means to pull away – what if some blood seeped through and…
"I can…," he mutters, suddenly out of breath.
"Just let me," Aidan replies, not meeting his eyes before finishing the knot. Josh grimaces. Aidan's hands seem so different now. Not those desperately roaming hands from yesterday night, but calm and… feathery in touch. He doesn't even feel the pull once Aidan ties the knot. The werewolf shakes his head.
He's being too stupid to be true.
Josh gets out a bigger band-aid to put on the punctures on his neck wordlessly, oblivious to the pained expression Aidan rewards him with. Once it's all done, the vampire packs up the kit and stores it back in its spot without another word.
"… What do we do about… the girls?" Josh then asks. Aidan looks at him in shock.
Oh yeah, there was that, too.
Just add it to the list of his wrongdoings. It's one huge pile anyways.
"The vampires handled… it… after I gave a call," he admits. Josh nods slowly, leaning his head back slightly. The clouds are now thin strips, worn out almost. It's odd how the sky sometimes seems to reflect the people looking up to it.
"… Henry?" Josh croaks.
"I didn't hear anything from him… since," Aidan admits. And for that guy he risked everything. Again. Just to walk out of this empty-handed. Again.
"Without trying to be mean… you seemingly did something wrong in his parenting," Josh blurts out. Aidan manages a crooked smile – because Josh is really right, "Yeah. I guess I should've hit him more often or something… He's a dick."
"Yep," Josh agrees, not looking the vampire in the eye. "… We also have to make sure Zoe is alright. I mean… we have to keep a distance, but… I don't know, maybe she does something to herself and all."
"Yeah," Aidan agrees numbly. He forces out another strained breath before gathering a bit of courage to go on talking in a louder voice, "Josh, about yesterday…"
The werewolf cringes. Just how much does Aidan remember? He hopes nothing at all. He hopes the last thing he saw was… Josh's wristwatch or something. Not that messed-up kiss or his flushed cheeks or… damn.
"It was… messed-up," Josh sighs.
Understatement of the year, but how else do you describe that?
"Yeah, definitely," Aidan agrees. "Anyway… Even though I know it's… nothing… I would like to… you know, apologize, I was… I don't know what I was. I never meant to… And with the girls, I can't even say how sorry I am for this. The girls, they…,"
"Nora."
"Huh? Neither was named Nora, I…," Aidan makes a face. However, that is when Josh jumps off the trunk of the car and simply walks past the vampire. Aidan turns around slowly – and then sees…
"Nora."
Nora stands there, just down the road… as God created her, looking around dazed.
Okay, now seriously, Destiny? What's the problem with you? I make any effort to try to fix this in a way – and you send Nora? Nora of all people? Naked? Like some angel who fell from the sky right to Josh's feet? Do you hate me that much? I want to apologize to Josh and fix my friendship and you send the one person who will create a vacuum around him? So that I probably won't ever have a chance to explain myself? Really?!
Josh walks on, his entire body numb, suddenly deaf in his ears. Her eyes meet his. Blue clashes with brown soundlessly.
"Josh," she brings out breathlessly. The werewolf reaches the blonde woman and instantly strips out of his hooded jacket, holding it out to Nora. She takes it numbly and puts it on. Gladly, it's big enough to cover up the intimate parts.
Josh tries hard not to stare, but he just… he just can't. This is… Nora. Here. At this moment. After all that's happened… here she is…
"N, Nora… what are you doing here?" he asks. "… and where are the twins?"
She shrugs at him, her gestures small, "I left them."
"What?" he looks at her.
"I left them. It's… a long story," she sighs.
"Then… why are you here… and… in the woods and…," Josh mutters, but deep down he knows, deep in his guts he knows. "You…"
"I'm like you now, yeah," she whispers.
"They turned you," Josh brings out.
"I asked Connor to do it," Nora tells him quietly. Josh tries his best to keep his composure. He knew it. He knew it, deep down, but still he hoped that he'd be proven wrong. That maybe she wanted it, but eventually decided not to become a monster like him.
"Wow," Josh mutters, running his hand over the back of his head.
"Our wolves… seemingly didn't meet," Nora whispers, averting her eyes.
"Not that I remember," Josh shrugs.
"Oh yeah, ugh… the wolf seemingly got her claws on my clothes…," Nora grimaces at her own body.
"I guessed as much," Josh blinks at her.
"Yeah," she exhales.
Josh blinks, his mouth standing slightly open. All thoughts just melt away from him at this moment. He can't think of anything else than breathing in and out. This must be some kind of dream – and he'll wake up next to a deer head and blood on his tongue. He secretly pinches the outside of his thigh to the point that he knows it'll leave a bruise.
No, this is actually… happening.
"I reckon you don't have anywhere to stay, do you?" Josh asks before his mind can even contemplate. The words just spill out. Because that seems to be within his reach. That is something he can do – without failing. And that seems to be so much more tempting than longing after all those things and people out of his reach now.
She shakes her head, "I ran away… and… well, back to here, so no."
"Okay, then come," Josh says, nodding at the car in his back.
"I…," Nora blinks at him. "Thank you."
Josh nods curtly before guiding her the way back.
"What happened to you?" she asks, looking at the bandages and band-aids, to which he replies, "Long story, too… and general clumsiness. You know me."
They reach the car, where Aidan still stares daggers at the two.
"Nora," he can't help but say again. This is Nora. In the flesh. Wow.
"Hi, Aidan," she greets him, ducking her head slightly.
"… Nora's a werewolf after she asked Connor to turn her. She ran away from them. I said we take her," Josh says with a blank expression. Aidan's eyes widen.
Okay, what?!
However, the vampire catches himself and replies with a blank expression, "Sure."
He is not the one in the position to give orders. If Josh wants that to happen, then so it will.
The brunet opens the car door for Nora, but then heads to the front of the car without another word and gets inside himself. His head feels like exploding now. Aidan gets into the driver's seat and starts the car. He pulls out into the road.
They drive back to the house in silence.
If it's still home, though, stands on another page.
"Okay, can I just say that once? This is one of the most messed-up days. Ever," Sally says, now that everyone, including Nora, now fully clothed, has gathered in the living room. The others told her about how the blonde woman stumbled… back into their lives, as it seems.
"Yep," Aidan snorts, covering his mouth with his hand, the elbow resting on the armrest of the armchair.
"So… you are a werewolf now, which means that you see and hear me," Sally tilts her head at the blonde woman, who replies, "Yeah. Nice to meet you… like that, by the way. Just saying."
"And what do we do now?" Sally asks to everybody around, though the question clearly refers to Josh more directly. Because Nora left him – with a stupid note, let's not forget. And anyways, there is a huge mess in their house, literally as well as figuratively. So do they really have the power to take in… a stray?
"If you don't want me here, I'll be out at an instant," Nora says, speaking up first.
"I, ugh…," Sally stammers. "I didn't mean to put it like that…"
Though she seemingly was not as subtle as the female ghost she thought she was.
"I'm not stupid, okay? Even though I seem to be kinda crazy for running off with a set of werewolf twins, I understand that knocking on your ex-boyfriend's door after you left him without a word is kinda pushing the boundaries," Nora replies more directly than anyone expected. Josh blinks repeatedly. She seems much more the way he used to remember her before he… destroyed her. There is that fire in Nora's eyes again. The spark he feared he doused and wouldn't ever be able to ignite again.
Sally puckers her lips, looking impressed.
"The thing is that I usually wouldn't bother Josh with this, but I have… no one to turn to. And I know I probably deserve all of it, but… I ran away from the twins after they went rogue. So I saw no other way but to take off in a cloak-and-dagger operation. I spent most of my cash on food and transportation. Well, and then I had to turn and… my wolf seemingly shredded the rest of my belongings," Nora goes on. "As well my clothes. This was not at all like I had it planned."
"That sucks," Sally makes a face.
"Yeah, that sucks pretty badly," Nora exhales wearily.
"What about your family?" the ghost asks. "I mean… they are your family and all."
"I turned twice since I ran away. The first time, my wolf was so much out of control that I woke up only inches from a city. If not for that electric fence…," she mutters, unable to finish the sentence, the shock and fear still evident in her voice. Josh bites his lower lip. He knows that feeling, all too well.
"I see things differently now. And I understand why Josh kept a distance to his family after… he was turned. At this moment, I think I am… too dangerous to be close to them. I fear that I'd do them harm," Nora admits. "While the twins showed me what it's like to be a wolf and how to hunt and all these things… they didn't teach me security management. It wasn't necessary, as far away from the cities as we were at times. Connor was my alpha, but he didn't teach me… these things."
"Wow," Sally mutters.
"And that is also why I wanted to turn to you… even if today in the woods definitely wasn't… so intended. I just made it here in time and had to turn somewhere, so I went to the woods, by the way," Nora says. Josh looks at her, one hand massaging his temple against the migraine building up with every minute passing.
"I hope that you can teach me how… to be a wolf," Nora then says. Josh looks at her with wide eyes, stuttering, "I don't know if I'm… a good address to turn to for that reason."
In fact, he seems to be the lousiest werewolf roaming the face of earth. At least Josh is in his own opinion. He almost kills his friends, neglects other friends, oh yeah, and killed Nora's and his baby with the werewolf curse. He's really no safe bet whatsoever.
"You are the best address to turn to," Nora tells him, now more sternly. "At least for the kind of wolf I want to be. One who tries to be human… and wolf. Find balance."
Just that he lost his balance, was thrown off-balance completely and landed in the mud. Face-down.
"I know I can't demand anything from you. And I won't. However, if you… if you can bring yourself to… help me… I don't know, that'd be… very kind of you. I need help, and I hope that you are still the generous man I know you are and take enough pity in me not to deceive me, against better judgment," Nora goes on. "However, if you don't want to, that's fine. I will go. And I won't ever bother you again. I swear."
"Josh?" Sally looks at him. "Your call. We'll go with whatever you say."
"Yeah," Aidan quickly agrees. Anything Josh wants, Josh gets. And be it his ex-girlfriend. Aidan won't stand in Josh's way to happiness ever again. He did enough.
"… I… I will try my best to help you," the brunet eventually says, biting his lower lip so hard the flesh turns white. "I don't know if I will be of any help, but… I will try."
"Thank you so much," Nora exhales, relief washing over her.
"Please, don't," Josh argues. "Don't… thank me."
"Okay," she nods.
"Alright, uhm… you will crash in my room. I'll take the couch," he goes on. "And no arguing about that point, Nora, so just forget it already."
"Okay," she mutters, taken aback by the sheer generousness she is met with by the man she betrayed. Josh then stands up, wiping his hand over his face. Aidan seems to be the only one to notice the shimmer of tears standing in the brunet's eyes as he goes on with a crooked grimace, "Let's come to… the house rules."
The vampire screws his eyes shut once. The rules he broke.
"The rules apply to all roommates, no matter the race or… monster…. First of all, we help each other wherever we can…," he stops for a moment.
They all broke the rules already, and he foremost, so why is he even repeating them?
Perhaps to remind himself of that promise, renew it in a way.
"We don't judge each other for our monsters," he goes on, his voice shaky.
"If not out of self-defense… we don't hurt or… kill people," Josh swallows. Aidan closes his eyes, trying to push the images of the dead girls out of his mind, but fails miserably.
"We do anything we can to keep this place a safe haven," the werewolf then speaks.
This sacred place… it seemingly isn't anymore. And Aidan knows that he is the one who stomped on it, set it on fire.
"And we do anything within our powers to be… human."
Just that they are probably the worst monsters of them all. At least it damn well feels like it.
"Those are the house rules… easy enough, right?" Josh smiles at Nora crookedly.
Just that they are not easy anymore.
"I'll give my best to stick to them," she tells him, though it's clear that she can tell that there is more to this speech than declaring the house rules.
"Good, okay, I… I will prep up the room a bit and… I will get you my notebooks and all. For study, if you want?" Josh suggests.
"That'd be great," Nora nods.
"Then that is what I do," Josh says, making his way up the stairs.
That is what he can do.
All that is within his powers.
Useless condition.
"So… ugh… what bomb detonated in the living room?" Nora asks after a while of awkward silence.
"I did," Sally shrugs with a grimace.
"And I did," Aidan adds. Nora looks at them, confused.
"I went kinda ghost-havoc because I turned darkside and locked everyone inside… and… ghost-wrecked the house… ugh, it was one weird trip," Sally makes a face, trying to sound casual. In fact, it still shakes her to the core, but Sally oftentimes can deal best with things by looking at them… with a bit of humor.
Sometimes, smiling is easier than crying.
"And I went vampire-crazy," Aidan says mutely. On Josh. However, that is something the two girls don't have to know. That's between him and… Josh. "Blood withdrawal is shit."
"Wow, okay… It seems like I am not the only one pulling crazy stuff lately," Nora manages a feeble smile.
"Yeah, nope, unspoken house rule number six is that we are all crazy shits," Sally puckers her lips. "Thought that shouldn't be anything new to you, I guess. You witnessed us before."
"Well, anyways… I guess Josh's made a case in point: I feel like being productive, so, ugh… do you guys have a broom somewhere? Preferably one that wasn't used by a witch yet or so?" Nora asks.
"You don't have to," Aidan argues. It's their mess.
"Rule number one," Nora replies simply. "I guess that we are each other's messes from now on. At least that is what Josh always used to say. And I guess nothing much has changed about that. If you let me live here, then the least I can do is… well, do part of the cleaning. Why not start right away?"
"I start to like you a little better," Sally teases.
"Sally," the vampire grumbles.
"What? I am a ghost, hello? I haunt people who hurt my friends," Sally rolls her eyes.
"Cut it out," Aidan argues. "That's…"
"No, no, it's alright," Nora argues. Aidan tilts his head at her, so she offers another uncertain, but honest smile, "It is. I get it that there is some animosity, for good reason. However, I am willing to work on this, so it'd be nice if either one of you gave me at least a chance."
The roommates look at her, visibly impressed by her openness and… strength.
"Broom?" Nora asks again.
"I can show you the way," Sally says, getting up. Distraction would be nice. And if she has to get acquainted with Nora again, even though the ghost used to vow revenge for how she hurt Josh, Sally might just as well get started now. It's truce for now.
"I'll join you in a bit," Aidan tells Sally mutely before heading up the stairs. The ghost nods wordlessly. Even though neither one told her about the circumstances of yesterday night just yet, it's no wild guessing that those two still have some conversation due.
"You still got leaves in your hair," Sally tells Nora as she catches back up to her.
"Werewolf style," Nora shrugs. "You should see the squirrel-blood make-up. It's fabulous."
"Eww," Sally makes a face, but then cracks up laughing. "Let me introduce you to our broomstick collection. And yes, collection! Tada!"
"I somehow knew Josh wouldn't have only just one," Nora snorts, looking at them.
"Please, he's got a system for these – and the heck do I know how it works," Sally huffs. "So you pick one and hope it's the right one."
"Eenie meenie miney mo?" Nora grimaces.
"Seems legit," the ghost shrugs.
"Josh?" Aidan calls out cautiously as he knocks on the door to his room, which is opened slightly ajar.
"Yes," comes the reply. Aidan takes it as an invitation to enter, and so he does. The werewolf, as could be expected, fusses through the room, tidying up and changing the bedsheets.
"… We got kinda interrupted before," Aidan begins. "By Nora in her Eve's costume."
"Yeah," Josh puckers her lips, the sheets soundlessly falling onto the bed.
"So… we should… still…," the vampire gesticulates.
"Yeah," the other man nods. "Well, ugh, I don't know what you still remember, because you were obviously not yourself when… well, the vampire took over. So, ugh… yeah, that… that was really not… your fault or anything."
"What?" Aidan looks at him. Is that happening?
"Again, I don't know how much you even remember, so…," Josh mutters.
He just hopes that Aidan doesn't remember that bloody kiss. He prays that this is the part he forgot, was overwritten by blood. Please.
"It's… kinda scrappy," Aidan replies slowly.
"… how scrappy?" Josh asks, trying not to sound curious. He tries to test the waters. Because if Aidan doesn't remember that kiss… that'd be great.
"… Well, like… I don't know… ugh, flashes, you know? It was a kind of… in and out… thing…," Aidan grimaces.
Bad… word choice…
"Yeah, it was pretty messed-up," Josh agrees, coughing nervously, forcing a smile. "But… again… not you, right?"
Or was it? Aidan doesn't know. He just feels like the devil right now, with Nora as the angel. Which only makes matters worse. Because even if he is the devil, Aidan doesn't want to pull Josh down with him to hell. So even if it was him… does that justify to pull Josh down along with him? Because he seems to be that much of a failure lately that Aidan doesn't know how long he'll be able to stay at the surface.
"… I… guess…," Aidan says slowly. Josh nods.
Even if Aidan remembers the kiss – it wasn't him. It was the vampire approaching… prey. And Josh surely won't address that kiss if the vampire doesn't. That man surely has other things on mind than… these conflicting feelings the werewolf seemingly has now. And it's not looking much better on his own side, now with Nora back. So maybe it's really good to just forget that kiss.
Bury it deep in the ground.
"Yeah, so… I think we should agree on that… not… having been… you," Josh brings out.
I was the only one going crazy. You were just vampire-crazy, Aidan.
You got an excuse, at least.
I don't.
Let's just leave it at that.
"I'm still royally sorry that I lost it," Aidan tells him. "I'd never mean to… do you harm, it's…"
"Yeah, sure," Josh replies quickly.
"I really wouldn't," Aidan insists. He has to make Josh understand that. He wouldn't ever intentionally hurt him. That he often ends up doing it is on another page, but it tears Aidan apart in all the wrong ways each time. And that Josh still keeps a distance only makes matters worse. As much as he usually snorts at it, pulling someone into an embrace can very often help say the things words can't. And at this moment, he hardly gets out any words at all.
"I know, Aidan," Josh replies. He knows that Aidan doesn't do things on purpose, not these things. And again, biting and the… kiss… on the vampire's side, were not Aidan's fault, but the vampire-side calling and Josh's fault.
Because he didn't prevent it.
Because he didn't fight back when it mattered.
And then almost killed his best friend with his blood.
"Good," the vampire mutters.
"However, there is something else… we have to address," Josh goes on. He would rather not have this conversation, but that is something he has to know. It's something they have to talk about. Or else… this whole project is pointless anyways.
Aidan grimaces. Yeah…
"The girls."
The vampire swallows thickly.
"I know that yesterday I didn't give you a chance to explain yourself…," Josh exhales.
"And you had good reason," Aidan snorts.
"I know the… facts by now, I guess… I mean, I know what you told me, so I won't ask about… details. I just… I just… I just ask you to answer me truthfully now," Josh goes on, closing his eyes.
"Of course," the vampire agrees. Lying to Josh brought them to this point, didn't it?
"Were you high on blood when you killed them?" Josh asks, not looking at him.
"No," Aidan replies.
"So you were… you," Josh goes on. Aidan has to take a step back, feeling as though someone punched him right in the gut.
"… yeah, I suppose," Aidan admits at last.
"Okay," Josh brings out, starting to feel sick. "So you… decided to have them over… and… then… panicked."
"Yeah," Aidan nods.
"And after that you didn't drink either," Josh goes on. The vampire just shakes his head.
"Why… didn't you… call me? Why'd you… try to hide it… from me?" Josh asks slowly, as though each word was acid on his tongue.
"I didn't want to… burden you with what I did, as… stupid as it is. I thought that if I covered it up, I don't know, I could keep you out of this," Aidan admits mutely. Josh looks to the side. It just confirms what he already knew: Aidan doesn't trust him to let him help.
Well, and after what happened, it seems like this is actually true. He can't help Aidan. He didn't with Bernie, Rebecca, Henry, the girls. Josh ponders on the house rules, but he is the one betraying them all the time.
He really is poison.
"I see," the werewolf says.
Aidan would love to add that he just didn't want to disappoint the one person he cares for, that he didn't want Josh to push him away, make the werewolf hate him. He would like to say these things, but Aidan fears that this is exactly the wrong moment to share that with his best friend. He seemingly doesn't want to talk about the bloody kiss. He wants to put a distance between that… and him.
And so the words just die out, as do the explanations.
They are seemingly not needed. Because it's too late?
"I am sorry," Aidan whispers.
"Well, we can't change it anymore anyways," Josh sighs. "I guess we'll have to deal with it… somehow."
"Right," Aidan agrees. "So… are we… like… good?"
He would like to mentally slap himself for the last bit, for the record.
"Maybe not good, but… according to circumstances, I'd say," Josh replies.
"Yeah, that sounds… more like it," Aidan nods.
"I, uhm… I guess it'd be good to start cleaning the living room, then," Josh blurts out.
"The girls are already working on that," Aidan replies.
"Oh," Josh puckers his lips. "Yeah, then I should better… help."
"Yeah, me, too," Aidan agrees. They smile at each other crookedly. Josh motions past the vampire first, but avoids body contact the best he can. Aidan bites his lower lip, but chooses not to comment.
"It never ceases to amaze me," Sally tilts her head, leaning over the back of the couch.
"What?" Aidan grunts, halfway sprawled over the sofa.
"That this guy usually has to stick to bedtime because he needs his beauty sleep, but now he didn't get sleep in about 60 hours and cleans the friggin' ceiling to the point I think I could see my own reflection if I had one," Sally says, pointing at Josh, who is balancing on a ladder.
"Once you are past the point, you get agitated again, I guess," Aidan sighs. He feels like crap, aside because of obvious reasons. He is drained and feels as though he could sleep for five days straight. At least he would like to. And at this point, Aidan is even too tired to fuss about how Josh deals with his insomnia.
And he'd rather die than tell Josh what to do.
What he wants is what he gets.
It's that easy.
"This starts to make me dizzy," Sally grunts.
"Do what I do: Close your eyes," Aidan exhales.
"You know we are a crazy bunch, right? We just fuss over… cleaning habits… after the havoc we caused… ex-girlfriends coming back… as werewolves… and other stuff," Sally grimaces, her voice trailing off. Nora went out to get something to eat, which left the three roommates to themselves, or rather, Josh to himself and Aidan and Sally watching the cleaning spectacle.
"Thanks for the reminder, Captain Obvious," Aidan snorts.
"And are you two… okay again?" she asks quietly.
"… We are… according to circumstances," Aidan replies.
"Wow, thanks for that precise answer, Captain Mystery," Sally snorts.
"It's difficult," Aidan tells her. "And private."
"Well, and see where keeping things private brought us before," she huffs.
"Can we delay that? Please?" Aidan exhales with hooded eyes. He is not up to this. He really isn't.
"You take the fun out of it, you know?" Sally huffs.
"Just that this is not at all funny," the vampire exhales.
No, scaring your best friend to the point that he doesn't even want to be close to you is definitely not funny. And that you are the reason why he is madly cleaning isn't either.
It's not funny to hurt your best friend and to be unable to help it. Or make it right again.
"Josh? Will you be done any time soon? I still fear that you will fall down and break your neck. And despite the fact that I would enjoy you as ghostly company, I would rather not have you die. Dying while cleaning is lame to write on a tombstone," Sally calls out to the brunet again, who is now even moving while still on the ladder. And while Aidan gives any impression that he is that short before falling asleep, he constantly has one eye on Josh to make sure the OCD wolf doesn't end up falling off the ladder and breaking more than is damaged anyways.
"I won't fall down," Josh exhales, his eyes focused on the ceiling.
"You are a klutz," Sally insists.
"But I've cleaned on ladders since I was a teenager," the young man argues. "One could say I am an expert when it comes to balancing on these things."
"You know that you are compensating, right?" Sally sighs, looking at him with a scold.
"Yup," he replies curtly. He knows he is. It's damn obvious he is. But does anyone expect something else from him? He said he's got OCD, right? And that is what he does when he is stressed-out, agitated, scared, and unable to deal with the world – he… cleans.
"Good," Sally puckers her lips. "At least he is conscious of the problem."
"The good thing about my compensation is that our house will look as good as new once I am done," Josh argues, managing a small smile.
"I think you missed a spot," Sally teases.
"What?" Josh shrieks.
"She's making fun of you. Just go on," Aidan tells him, one hand still resting on his forehead.
Do whatever helps you, Josh.
I got an eye on you in case you fall.
At least I do so now.
Chapter 21: Rest for the Wicked
Summary:
Josh is plagued by nightmares. Aidan tries to help.
Aidan has nightmares - hoping that helping Josh will help him, too.
Cute moments.
Josh and Nora talk.
Nora is uncertain about her standing in Josh's life.
Notes:
I hope Nora-fans amongst you are happy to have her back ;P
Hope you'll like it ;)
Chapter Text
"Okay, I'm heading upstairs. I'm tired as hell," Nora says, getting up from her seat, stretching. They are a few days into living together... and all still try to adjust to the lateset heap of chaos formerly known as their life.
"Sure, good night," the others agree.
"Night," she beams at them before trotting upstairs.
"I guess I'll follow the call," Aidan says with a tight grimace.
"Sure, ugh, good night," Josh replies.
"Good night," Sally says as the vampire disappears to his room. Josh gets up to prep up his "bed" as well.
"Okay, I'll be doing something… other than watching you sleep. I find that creepy," Sally says.
"You used to watch Danny in his sleep," Josh huffs.
"Different story," Sally huffs. "And really? Danny? That's low."
"You know how I mean it," Josh winks at her.
"You can count yourself lucky that you have that adorable smile and the puppy eyes or I would hate you a lot more than I do at times," Sally sticks out her tongue.
"Yeah, I love you, too," Josh chuckles softly, flashing a soft smile.
"Really, sometimes I think I'd get diabetes from you coz you can be so sweet," Sally exhales. "Anywho, night-night."
"Good night," Josh smirks as the ghost disperses to God knows where. Once everyone is gone, his features tighten, though, forcing a shallow breath out of his ribcage. Josh just fears that he will end up staring at the ceiling again. Or rather, waking up with a gasp and then staring at the ceiling out of fear he will go back to the place his mind took him to.
Because he would rather… not. Ever again.
Josh puts on his sleeping shirt and sweat pants before pulling the covers over his head.
Please, just please.
Not there again.
And here he is again.
Josh stands amid the ruins formerly their living room, or rather, he kneels as everything is tainted red around him. The entire room pulsates, distorted in form and shape.
It's hard to breathe.
It's hot and cold at the same time.
His head is swimming… drowning?
"You didn't help me."
"Why didn't you help me?"
"I needed you."
"Why do you keep running away?"
"Where are you?"
"Where?"
"Where?!"
"Help!"
"Help!"
Josh looks around to find the source of the distorted voices resonating in his head. He grips his temples, covers his ears. It's so loud. The voices, they are too loud.
"Please, stop," he whimpers. "Please. I can't take it anymore."
"Neither can I."
"Or I."
"It hurts, too."
"It hurts so much more."
Josh curls into a ball, his forehead resting on the wooden floor. He rocks back and forth, pressing his palms against either side of his head.
"Please, stop," he begs. "Please, I can't. I didn't mean to. Argh!"
However, Josh then feels something wet dropping on his back. He straightens up, still on his knees, trying to detect the source, only to have more liquid dripping down on him, now cascading down his cheeks. Josh slides one hand over the liquid and brings his shaky hand to his eyes.
Blood. This is blood.
Josh breathes hard, tries to wipe it away, but the more he tries to get it off, the more comes out. He frowns. It comes out of… himself?
What?
"Where are you, Josh?"
"I need you."
"I need you now."
"Where are you?"
"Help me."
"Help me!"
He feels some ghostly touch against his cheek.
"Sally?" Josh breathes, seeing her form appearing in front of him in a white light, but then the light dissolves to a white fog. The mist passes right through him, only to come out as dark fog on his back, resembling black wings growing out of his shoulders, pulling out even more life force from his shaking body.
"You left me behind when I needed you most."
"Sally," he begs. "I am so sorry."
"Sorry doesn't help anyone, Josh-y. You keep preaching the house rules and lecture us about them. But you are a wrong preacher, you know? You stick to them only when it doesn't cost you too much. You only help when it's convenient. You left me behind. And it wasn't you who brought me back either. It was Aidan and Zoe.. and myself. You? You just stood by and pitied yourself. Like always. Useless."
Before Josh can even utter a response, the ghost is gone again, the room starting to pulsate and… turn, twist and turn, twist and turn. He is dizzy. His skin feels as though it was on fire. Josh feels sick, but not sick enough to throw up. The werewolf wraps his arms around his head, trying to shield himself from the voices, from the pain, from the burning cold, but he can't move, he can't run away. He is trapped.
"Josh!"
The werewolf looks up to see four bluebirds fluttering by the window, until a wolf with red eyes and black fur appears out of the night and with one mighty bite crushes the quartet between his giant teeth, the blood spattering against the windows. The wolf howls so loud the room shakes, scratching against the wall to get inside.
Josh means to back away, but can't.
A child cries in the distance.
A woman shrieks even further away.
"Josh!"
"Please, just leave me alone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all of it. I am sorry," he whimpers, his breath ragged.
"Josh!"
The werewolf looks up again to see Aidan coming out of one of the dark corners of the room.
"Aidan!" he yelps. The vampire is bleeding from his eyes, his mouth, his eyes completely black, fangs extended, limping like a broken ragdoll.
"You did this to me," the vampire says with a wicked, worn-out smile, spitting up more blood, his eyes opened wide. "It was you. All this time."
"I am… I am so sorry," Josh can't help but repeat, the tears standing in his eyes. He somehow manages to get to his feet and walks towards the vampire. However, that is when the raven man slumps down. Josh catches him, meaning to cushion the fall, but as he lowers Aidan to the ground, the man shrieks in pain. Josh watches in terror as the blood keeps coming out of him and making Aidan bleed even more.
"Oh my God. Oh my God," Josh mutters. "What do I do now? What do I do?"
"Nothing," Aidan tells him simply, coughing up more blood. "Like always… nothing."
Josh watches in even greater horror as more and more fabric of the vampire's white shirt is painted crimson, his entire body convulsing. Josh presses his hands together. He can't do anything for him. He can't help him. He…
"You are the death of me," Aidan tells him, his body no longer convulsing, but getting stiller and stiller and stiller… Josh opens his mouth to utter something, but that is when he feels a cold hand in the nape of his neck, a dead weight pulling him down. His lips crash against Aidan's. Their blood mingles in their mouths. And for a moment the voices are gone. Silence remains. There is just them and that blood. Josh breathes into Aidan's mouth, realizing that smaller breaths come back to him, each time a little less. He tries to give Aidan his breath, but… it doesn't work.
Josh pulls away as Aidan's chest heaves one last time. Then stops.
Everything comes to a halt.
The vampire turns to dust as Josh holds on to him, crying, wailing.
The ashes are blown out of his hands, a faint voice whispering in his ears, "You killed him. You are poison. Yes you are, yes you are."
The werewolf lets his head sink to the ground, his forehead in the dust formerly his best friend and cries, cries out, screams.
This pain is too much to take. Too much to bear.
He suddenly feels a pull on his shoulder. Josh lets out a cry of surprise, thinking to himself that he will die now, too. He closes his eyes.
It's over anyways.
Just get over with it. Then the pain ends and…
"Josh? Josh!"
The werewolf lets out a gasp as though he took his first breath, straightening up at an instant. Only now he becomes conscious of his surroundings… and the firm grip on his shoulder not being that of some vicious creature, but someone familiar… and two orbs darting through the dimmed room, looking at him with concern.
Aidan.
"Wh, what…?" he manages to croak.
"You just started screaming in your sleep," Aidan tells him, still with wide eyes. "I came down to see what's wrong and found you thrashing."
And it scared the living hell out of him, for the record. For a moment he thought his friend was having a seizure.
Josh looks at him, his mind still needing a bit of time to catch up to the information. This is Aidan in front of him. And he isn't dead. He didn't kill him… yet.
"Nightmare?" the vampire asks with a sympathetic smile. To tell the truth, for a moment he thought someone was murdering Josh or so when he heard that scream. Aidan heard Josh cry out in his sleep a few times before, even before this incident. The poor devil often ends up having nightmares as he had to learn, but never did Aidan hear such a scream.
"… I'm sorry I woke you," Josh brings out, slowly moving away from Aidan's grasp a bit, out of fear that he is still in this twisted world somehow – and the vampire will start bleeding from his touch. However, much to his relief… nothing.
"No, no, it's okay, it really is. But are you okay?" Aidan asks, his voice full of concern, noting with a slight grimace how Josh moves away from him again. He probably had a nightmare in which he attacked him again. Way to go, Aidan. You even haunt him in his sleep.
"Yeah, yeah, just… ugh… well, what you said," Josh swallows thickly. "Nightmare. Just… a nightmare."
It was just a nightmare. Nothing more. It wasn't real… Or was it?
"You have a lot of these lately," the vampire makes a face.
"I hope I didn't always scream like a girl and keep you from sleeping," Josh manages a crooked smile.
"No, no," the vampire assures him quickly. Really, only Josh apologizes for having nightmares – as if he could help it.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Aidan asks.
"It's fine," Josh repeats. And this is surely nothing he wants to share with Aidan. He wants to share this… not at all. He wants to take that dream and burn it.
"Is it about… what happened?" the vampire asks cautiously.
"Kinda," Josh shrugs.
Of you dying.
Me killing you.
And everyone else, apparently.
All mingled with the latest scenery of sheer chaos.
"Fuck," Aidan grunts. He is literally giving Josh nightmares. Awesome. How much more pain does he have to give his friend before they finally get a chance to lick their wounds, huh?
"It's just my messed-up head, really. Very often one dreams about what was witnessed before… To deal with it. That means it's no surprise that the latest events are reoccurring… themes," Josh argues, sensing the distress in his friend's voice. He knows that Aidan probably blames himself for the nightmares – because Josh is not the only one who is a master at playing the self-blame-game. And Josh can't have that right now.
Because he really almost managed to kill Aidan… with himself. With his blood.
That is not just some sick dream. That actually happened.
And everything is sealed with a bloody kiss.
Now what is that supposed to tell him?
Freud surely would have his fun with that.
"So you self-diagnosed yourself as not crazy?" Aidan chuckles softly. As a matter of fact he knows that Josh read plenty of books on such topics, just like The Red Book by Carl Gustav Jung he just recently finished. Perhaps Freud is next?
That guy surely would have his fun analyzing monster cravings.
"I am most definitely crazy, but I won't take hostages in a grocery store, wearing a Donald Duck mask, and demand a Lamborghini, five million bucks, and a private jet to Tahiti where girls hand me drinks in coconuts," Josh replies with a shrug.
"Wow, random," Aidan shakes his head.
"As I said, messed-up mind. Don't even bother to make sense of this – it's a lost cause, trust me," Josh says, knocking against the side of his head to underline his point.
But you are no lost cause, Josh. You know that, right?
"… Do you have them, too?" the werewolf then asks, his voice no more than a whisper.
"Nightmares?" Aidan looks at him. Josh nods slowly. The vampire grimaces, contemplating, but eventually admits feebly, "Yeah."
He keeps dreaming about how he killed the girls… and how he went after Josh. Even if most of this "experience" is scattered into fragments inside his head, he gets the bigger picture each time. How he sunk his teeth into Josh's fragile, pale skin and… liked it. How he moved past all the boundaries he swore he'd never cross. He dreams of that kiss and how Josh pulled away from him.
Most prominently, and most feared, are the fragments of Josh's eyes, staring at him as he came back around. The fright. The terror. The shock. The disgust hidden behind the mask of fear. And the disappointment. The disappointment only makes it worse, so much worse.
"That seemingly makes us brothers in arms… or just nightmare buddies. The first one sounds better, though," Josh grimaces.
"Why?" Aidan furrows his eyebrows.
"Brothers in arms have… arms. That means they can do something about it. Nightmare buddies, to me, appears as though they are just bound in the same kind of hell – without any weapons whatsoever. That sucks," Josh shrugs. Aidan shakes his head with a soft smile tugging at his lips, "Yeah, we'll go with brothers in arms, then."
"I won't fistbump to that, though," Josh snorts.
"Thank God," Aidan huffs. "This is so stupid."
"Right?" Josh grins.
"So you are okay?" Aidan asks again. Josh nods, "Yeah, sure, ugh… sorry for waking you, another time."
"It's alright," Aidan assures him. "Okay, ugh… I'll go back to bed then. If something's up…"
"I'll be screaming anyways, as it seems," Josh smiles at him, though he looks defeated. Aidan returns the crooked smile before getting up and turning away, "Night."
"Night."
Hopefully.
Aidan stands in the living room, which is a mess, turning around anxiously. A moment ago, Josh was here with him. He went after him. Kissed him, got under his shirt and tried to hold on and simply close the gap inside of him. Then there were brown orbs of terror and disappointment. And then… a single sound. That of breaking glass.
The entire room shattered to shards, and Josh along with it.
So now here Aidan stands and doesn't know what's going on. He just feels a gaping hole in his chest. He calls out for his best friend, but can't spot him. The vampire can't run around the house. His feet won't move that far. He can only walk circles.
"Josh! Josh! Where are you?!" he yells atop of his lungs.
Aidan hears Josh's voice, or rather, his high-pitched scream from outside. His feet finally decide to move, but not out the door, as he had hoped, but to the window instead. It's pitch-black outside and the vampire can't see a thing. However, that is when one of the street lights goes on, the light not orange but red instead. Josh stands right under it, holding his palm to his neck, a lot of blood oozing from his neck, flowing over his hands, down his shirt.
One of his personal favorites…
Did Aidan bite down that hard? He didn't know he was…
Josh looks pale, as though on the verge of passing out. His eyes are wide. His breath seems ragged.
"Josh!" Aidan calls out to him again. "Please! Listen to me! I am sorry! I didn't mean to! I just… I didn't want this to happen! Josh! Josh!"
The werewolf doesn't seem to hear him, though. He glances around nervously. Is he waiting for something? Or someone?
Some bus to take him away? Or jump in front of?
Aidan slams his fist against the window as hard as he can, but the glass doesn't break.
"Josh! Please! Don't go!" he howls. However, that is when suddenly a shadow lurks about the werewolf, who is oblivious of the threat.
"Josh! Get away from there! Josh!" Aidan yells, banging against the glass again and again, because his feet don't work.
Out of the shadows materializes a man. He grabs Josh from behind, yanks his head to the side forcefully to expose the injured side of the throat. However, the man twists Josh's head with such a force that there is a snap echoing through the empty street. Aidan watches in sheer terror as he sees his friend go limp in the man's arms, who, to make everything worse (if that is even possible), sucks on the open wound a few times before letting go of Josh's body, which sinks to the ground in a bony heap.
That is when Aidan recognizes the hair, the stature.
"Henry," he breathes. At that moment, the man looks up, a wicked, blood-smeared smile on his face. He sticks out his tongue, his smirk only broader, leaving Aidan breathing hard, feeling nauseous, feeling like dying.
Please, just let me die.
There is no sense to live anymore.
Just kill me already, c'mon.
However, the more Aidan looks at his protégé, the more he sees the familiar features… his features.
And then he sees himself standing outside as well as inside.
A mirror of himself.
The only reflection he'll ever see himself in.
Aidan killed him.
Oh God no.
And that is when the glass shatters all over again and Aidan wakes up, sweat-soaked, breathing hard. He sits up in his bed, running a hand over his face. He looks over to the alarm clock Josh gave him a little while ago – because Aidan likely oversleeps and Josh found such a shrill alarm that it woke even the vampire from his sleep and…
Right, Josh is alive.
He didn't kill him.
This was all just a dream.
Aidan lets his head fall back to glance at the ceiling for a moment, trying to find composure again.
He keeps having these nightmares. Josh seemingly was right: They are brothers in arms, but seemingly without arms. Because the nightmare just keeps coming at him again and again, cuts out another pound of flesh and leaves him bleeding on the ground.
However, that is when he hears a scream – and it sounds just like in his dream.
Josh.
Aidan's mind takes a moment to think about it. Is this real now or is it still part of the dream? The vampire pinches himself. Nope, awake. He flips his long legs out of bed as fast as he can and hurries into the living room.
Yet, to his surprise, the sofa is empty, just crumpled sheets messily lying over its edge. Aidan looks around nervously. If he is dreaming this after all, this is really fucked-up. To give him just another version of this nightmare is really mean of his brain.
He moves around – gladly he can, and is not stuck in one spot, at least – and finds the front door slightly ajar. The vampire hurries over and opens – just to find Josh sitting on the steps, his back resting against the railing, beads of sweat glistening on his forehead like crystals. Upon hearing the vampire, the werewolf tears his eyes away from the night sky.
"Here you are!" Aidan breathes, relieved to see his friend… not bleeding, dying, or whatever else. He is okay.
He is alive.
This better be reality now.
"Oh, hey," Josh brings out, his voice shaking badly… as does his entire body, so the vampire notices.
"I heard you screaming, but when I came looking for you, you were just gone," Aidan tells him, making his worry for the other man no secret.
"I needed some fresh air. And then I said to myself that this might help me cool down a bit," Josh shrugs. "Or well… frankly speaking, I just stumbled the hell outside. That this might help came to me only once I sat here."
He just had to run. Like always.
"Yeah, just that you'll freeze to death while you are at it," Aidan snorts, finally getting a chance to calm down a bit.
"Don't use the motherly tone on me, okay? That is… weird," Josh shakes his head. Talking to Aidan always calms his nerves, for some reason. And after he just happened to have the same damn dream again, it is even more of a relief to have the vampire face to face with him.
Alive. Or well, undead.
But here.
With him.
Not gone.
Not burned to ashes.
Not poisoned by his kiss.
"I just care about you," Aidan argues, sounding more earnest than he'd like to. He wants to sound casual, so that Josh doesn't feel even more uncomfortable than he seemingly does anyways, but he can't help himself.
That is the plain truth.
"I know," Josh nods.
Even if he asks himself to the day why the vampire still does so much.
Aidan sits down opposite Josh so that they are face to face, leaning against the other railing. And he has to admit, even for the season being autumn, the small breeze feels incredibly nice.
He looks over to Josh, who has his eyes closed, leaning into the breeze. The beads of sweat shine in the moonlight brightly. In fact, Josh's entire body is illuminated in this strangely wonderful white-blue light, smoothing out all edges.
Aidan shakes his head. This is really no "nice" moment right now. Both just happen to have nightmares and he keeps musing about these things. Just how messed-up is he really?!
"When's the last you've slept through a night?" Aidan asks, not meeting the other man's eyes, trying to focus on something else.
"You know it's kinda pointless to ask a question you already know the answer to. And it's not like I can affect it that I keep having these nightmares," Josh replies, turning to look at the vampire again.
"Well, you don't talk about it either," Aidan argues. It seems to be easier to focus on fixing Josh. Because seeing him broken makes it even worse for Aidan. He can't put himself back together until Josh is at least… at a manageable level of "okay" again. And that involves that the werewolf finally sleeps again. Aidan hears him crying out in his sleep almost every damn night. And while the vampire keeps having nightmares, too, he is more concerned about the dark circles under Josh's eyes, and how he bumps into everyone and everything at work.
Because of him.
"Neither do you," Josh retorts.
"… Touché," Aidan shrugs.
"There's no sense in talking about this, to me. I… it's just stupid nightmares. My mind is simply playing things through and through and… won't cut me a break," Josh exhales.
I have to watch you die, again and again, Aidan. Obviously I don't sleep through a night in all peace for as long as this keeps happening. But I can't tell you that.
"And of course the fact that Nora is now back… doesn't necessarily help. I mean, I am glad she's okay and all that," Josh admits sheepishly, trying to change the subject somehow. "But… well, it's even more complicated than is… everything else."
"Yeah, sure," Aidan agrees. And for some reason, his stomach starts to hurt at that.
"It's just… she's back. And I never thought it'd happen. I never thought I'd see her again. And here she is…," Josh says, nodding to the upper story of the house. "So yeah, that adds the last bit of extra-confusion to my messed-up mind, I guess."
"I bet that brings up some old feelings," Aidan grimaces, trying to act more like Josh's best friend again. He used to give him advice… about these things… right?
God, does his stomach hurt.
"Not really," Josh shakes his head with a small smile.
"Oh?" Aidan tilts his head at him.
"The way I figure, there are no old feelings that just come back to the surface. There are just… feelings. Neither one of us stands in the same spots as before. Not just Nora or I, but also you and Sally. Everyone. Maybe it brings back some memories, or memories of feelings I used to have, but… no, I don't think you can feel old feelings. For that, too much happened in-between," Josh explains.
"You're always getting kinda philosophical when you can't sleep," Aidan chuckles softly. It never ceases to impress him, though. Josh has a view on things that is simply… captivating him. Just like he makes his best friend sit out in the cold in the middle of the night to have conversation. How many people manage that, huh?
"Well, if this keeps going, I might just as well write those thoughts done and try to sell the book to some nonsense publisher. Rest for the Wicked: A Werewolf's Late Night Thoughts. That sounds about just right," Josh huffs.
"The hell, I bet it'd sell," Aidan chuckles. He'd buy it.
"Tell me again once we are broke again," Josh snorts.
"Might happen any minute now anyways," Aidan shrugs.
"Don't remind me. We've got so many other problems than… ugh… finances. This starts to give me migraines, or no, more precisely, it intensifies them," Josh grunts, massaging his temples. Aidan grimaces. Josh swallows aspirin like Skittles these days. Okay, Skittles are a bad example. Because the werewolf always orders them according to color before he eats them, while others just shovel them into their mouths.
One time, Sally and Aidan mixed the Skittles with a bunch of M&M's just to piss him off. The two rolled on the floor laughing at how he fussed over it – and ordered them anyway.
God, how he misses these days.
"Yeah, let's just never think of finances till they mortgage and we are homeless," Aidan gesticulates, rolling his eyes.
"Now don't blame me for it. Your credit, ever since I got to know you, is… crap," Josh argues with a smile.
"Point taken," Aidan grins. He wants to stick out his tongue for a second, but then stops. Because it makes him think back to how Henry… no, not now.
"Okay. Enough of that. I wanna go back inside. I can't feel my butt anymore – I guess that is a sign," Josh grunts, straightening up, running a hand over his lower back and trousers to get rid of the remaining dirt. "And don't you dare give me a dirty look for the comment."
Aidan just chuckles to himself as the two get up and head back inside. Josh sits down on the couch/ provisional bed while Aidan takes the armchair. And since neither one can get himself to sleep, they end up talking about whatever comes to mind.
For a few moments here and there, Aidan feels very reminded of the time Josh and he met – how they easily spent the entire night talking and talking and talking, as if the world didn't matter anymore, or at least not for a few hours. And the vampire only now realizes how much he missed that, how good it feels. It doesn't feel the same, as Josh pointed out, but still it feels nice, comforting, as though they were really just two roommates spending the night because neither one can sleep – and not because both are haunted by nightmares stealing their rest.
Aidan is in the middle of telling some nonsense story about the time he was born in, some anecdote about how life was back these days, after Josh, for some reason, asked about spring season and what plants used to grow in his hometown, when he realizes that Josh dozed off, head lolling to the right side. The werewolf looks surprisingly young when he does that, Aidan can't help but keep thinking.
For a moment, the vampire feels like getting up and heading to his room, but then eases back down in the armchair. He doesn't do the "I watch you in your sleep"-vampire-thing, for the record. He is mostly glancing over to the window… and occasionally checks on Josh. Fine. However, much to his surprise (and joy?), the werewolf remains fast asleep, no longer any signs of distress making his brows furrow.
Is that a coincidence now? That Josh sleeps well that he is here with him – or is it just the fact that he is finally worn out? However, at some point Aidan doesn't even care. Whatever it is, for as long as it helps his friend finally get some rest, he'll give it another try the following night.
Because if there is something he can do for Josh, and be it that little, he will do it. He still has a lot to make up for, so why not this?
And so it happens to be the case that Josh and Aidan spend the following evenings and nights… talking, until the werewolf falls asleep. Aidan then usually heads to sleep in his own room, if he doesn't doze off a few hours here and there. But who cares, right?
It seems to work – which greatly helps Aidan's mood. He finally feels like he is helping his best friend again, after he disappointed him so damn much that words can't describe it. While they are finding their way back to their normalcy after all the recent events, the vampire still knows that they are not back there yet.
Josh still keeps a physical distance. Aidan just hopes that the effort he makes shows Josh that he, well… means it? With making it up to him? Even if then again… how do you make up for something like that? However, what else is Aidan supposed to do? Josh refuses to talk about it – and it's not like Aidan wants to go over it either. He can't say that Josh is unjustified in acting like that either. He's got any reason not to want to be close to him. After all, he overstepped the boundaries by far already.
Perhaps that will help his cause, though.
Because Aidan can't stand it that Josh flinches away from him, or rather, he just can't stand it that there is now a distance, a gap, between Josh and him. Because there used to be none. They were really just that close.
And that is where Aidan wants to be again.
He doesn't want his nightmare to become true.
He can't afford to lose Josh.
So if it boils to spending the nights talking – that is a price he's very willing to pay. In fact, it isn't even much of a price or deed he has to pay, thinking about it. He enjoys it. These nonsense talks. They always have such conversations, but now that they spend really hours talking, the two end up revealing more and more life stories, those small anecdotes and big admissions about kinks and old mistakes. In a strange way it feels like growing closer again, if only to bridge the rift now between them – or so Aidan hopes.
And anyways – Aidan has nightmares less often now, too.
So it's seemingly working, right?
Sally walks through the corridors after she watched the sunrise outside. For some reason she enjoys this particular daily event. Perhaps because she always hopes for a flash of purple in the sky. The female ghost loves purple. It's not blue, it's not dark, it's not too light, it's just rich. A mixture of both the cold and the warm colors. A perfect harmony of two worlds colliding. Like fire and ice. Just that those turn to vapor, but who's playing hypocrite, right?
The female ghost chuckles to herself. Maybe she should be more concerned after all that's happened, after all the chaos she caused or got dragged into unintentionally. And after Nora resurfaced, Sally thought that she'd be about as restless as her other roommates, but for some reason… things don't seem too bad at this second, or at least she wants to believe that there is a chance of a maybe. That maybe they all manage to make this work.
She knows that the Reaper, her dark side, is still looming above her head, but she wants to dare to hope that her friends make it work. If only among them.
Small happiness is happiness, too.
However, there are still quite a few stones between that goal and where they are currently at. Sally knows that Aidan and Josh are especially struggling since her ghost-breakout, and while she accepts Nora's presence around the house by now, her being there surely doesn't help much. Sally knows by now that Josh gave Aidan blood – and that this is a cocktail the vampire should keep his hands away from. Yet, there seems to be more. Josh jumps away from Aidan all the time, looking like a scared deer, while Aidan seems to follow the order "Josh is King of the House" for some reason. To her, they are both heavily into guilt-tripping. While Sally guesses that it revolves around the two girls (because that is surely guilt-worthy), she can't put her finger on that other part underlying their reactions. Or why they seem to feel guilty because of each other.
And by the way, it really sucks that people don't give her all the facts. Although Sally believes that Josh and Aidan don't want to burden her after the Reaper, something she is grateful for, of course, she is also pissed off by it. She wants to help, but doesn't know how. Because they don't let her at a certain point.
Guys…
Sally hopes that if she keeps prodding and probing at Aidan, he will spill eventually. While Josh is usually the more talkative, and thus better address to turn to for information, the poor devil really looks like a walking corps thanks to the insomnia. And since the vampire is hence very protective of him, he tells Sally to lay off each time. So the ghost thinks that Aidan is the better address to turn to after all. He is more open to her now than he used to. They think alike in many regards… and Josh is not the only one who can do the puppy-eyes.
Speaking of the devil… why not pop in and see what her favorite vampire is up to? Sally zaps into his room instantly. She knows he hates it, but that makes it ever so funny to rouse him in the morning. Five minutes early. He really hates her for that. To her dismay, she finds the room empty.
Well, then she will have to bug Josh after all. Sally is bored, for God's sake. So the female ghost zaps into the living room. While she expects the werewolf to be ungracefully spread over the couch and the couch table, possibly revealing his cute little butt, she certainly does not expect… this. Sally tilts her head at Aidan halfway sprawled across the sofa – one arm loosely draped around Josh's chest and shoulders, while the werewolf has his head on the vampire's lap, dozing peacefully. Sally starts to giggle uncontrollably, letting out a girly shriek.
"Oh my God! That is sooooo cute! Why don't I have a camera on me when I need it?!" she cries out. That makes Aidan's eyes open wide. What the hell is going on here? He just wanted to sleep a little longer in that comforting warm… He focuses on Sally, who looks like she is just about to run circles the way comic figures do when they are overly excited. Aidan means to comment, but then realizes that the warmth he pictured in his dream is actually… radiating from Josh, whose chest he has his arm around… on the couch… Oh. Oh.
Aidan pulls his arm away hurriedly, but in the process (and thanks to the awkward sleeping position), he ends up falling off the couch. And since sleep still halfway has him in its claws, it makes him for once clumsy, even as a vampire, so he just lands on the ground with a thud. Sally's laughing only intensifies to the point that tears stand in her eyes.
"That's movie-worthy!" the female ghost smiles over both ears.
"Sally! Shut up! What the hell!?" Aidan yells.
That is the moment Josh comes around, his head hanging halfway over the edge of the couch, now that Aidan is… no longer on it. The werewolf straightens up a bit, looking around dazed.
Josh had a strange dream – and not the reoccurring nightmare he usually has. Thank God.
He was in the woods, about to turn – not that this is a particularly uncommon nightmare for him, it is one of the top three on Josh's list, though the newest one is definitely ahead of this scenario by far. Josh could feel the fur prodding against the inside of his skin painfully, heard his bones starting to shift like broken twigs. He heard the echo of his screams reaching back to him, though his lips were sealed, his voice resonating over the canopy like birds flying away, as though it was not his voice, but an echo from the past. Cold fear clutched at him, so cold that it burned hot against his skin.
Then there were gunshots in the distance, ricocheting against nothingness. He started running then, his feet making the autumn leaves fly through the air like dust. In the retrospective, this might well have been a recollection of the events of Heggeman's death, but Josh didn't know, in the dream, that is. In the dream, he was just scared and ran, ran as fast as his feet would carry him.
So he ran and ran, the cold moist air slapping against his face, until he heard Nora's voice somewhere in the distance, crying out for him, crying for help. Josh meant to run towards her, blinded by the moonlight, when suddenly there was a cliff. His foot slid down, right into the abyss. Josh was already prepared to fall into darkness, when suddenly something pulled him back, holding on to his chest with a cold, but iron-like grip. Josh was pulled back over the rim and fell into the rustling leaves with a thud. The gunshots died out as he tried to catch his breath. And so died Nora's pleading, too. There was suddenly silence, a strange kind of peace lingering in the cold autumn air where a single crimson butterfly flew through the dark mist before the abyss.
What turned out to be an arm was still wrapped around him protectively, and while the lack of temperature would normally have caused Josh to flinch, it actually made him exhale, relax, control his breathing, calm down, ease. However, when Josh meant to turn to see the person who saved him from the fall, in an attempt to thank his savior, the werewolf heard Sally calling out in a shriek and he was ripped out of the woods, through the cracks in the ceiling right back to the living room.
A strange dream, really, but… for a nightmare, with a sort of happy ending, though the happy ending was open. Well, maybe the dream will continue the next time? He had that a few times before, so Josh hopes he'll find out about his dream-mystery-savior, whoever that is.
At least no nightmare of Aidan dying. That's a big, big plus. He can't take much more of that, he fears.
"Sally?! It's still too early in the morning, c'mon," he grunts as he sits up. The werewolf looks to his side to see Aidan maneuvering up from the ground.
"Are you okay?" Josh frowns with concern in his voice.
"Oh, I bet he is…," Sally grins mischievously.
"I will salt those doors, I swear to God," Aidan growls as he manages to sit back down.
"Someone's a morning grouch, as it seems," Sally snickers. "And anyways… how comes you two are…?"
Aidan interrupts her before she can make the next implication, "Neither one could sleep, so we spent the night talking."
"Yeah, I guess we both dozed off somewhere between my time in the diner I used to work at and… Food poisoning," Josh grimaces, rubbing his eyes. "Or that stupid horror movie about… zombies and spiders or something."
"I didn't mean to interrupt the cozy…," Sally means to say, but Aidan interrupts with a sharp hiss, "Sally!"
"What's she talking about?" Josh frowns, turning back to Aidan. Sally means to say something, but Aidan cuts her off before she can even start a sentence, "Nothing."
"Please tell me you didn't peek under the sheets again or something!" Josh whips his head around to the female ghost.
"What?!" Aidan cries out.
"She did that once with me, after it turned out that she can touch certain things if she wants to. So she messed with my bed sheets and I caught her," Josh explains, surprisingly nonchalantly.
"I'm a peep ghost, I confess," Sally grins.
"I will never sleep again, anywhere in that house! God!" Aidan sighs, whipping his upper body into the corner of the couch, looking more like a teenager than a vampire way past the 200-years marker.
"You're just being overdramatic," Sally shakes her head.
"You're being over-nosy," Aidan retorts angrily. "Seriously! I'll sleep with burning iron pokers next to the bed from this day on!"
"Don't go nuclear, okay? Relax, I just said that…," Sally sighs, but once again, Aidan won't let her have her way, "Shut up!"
"Meh-meh-meh," she apes him, gesturing wildly.
"Guys, c'mon, play… nice, whatever," Josh waves his hands in the air.
"Oh, I bet you two played very nice…," Sally grins, only to have the vampire cut her off once again, "Sally!"
"You never let me have my fun, or my pun," Sally mutters.
"I will grab a shower now. You two talk it out, if that's okay, but no staking or exorcising, please," Josh sighs. "Supernatural catfights are not cool, and prohibited by the house rules."
"I don't guarantee for anything," Aidan replies darkly. Sally narrows her eyes at him mockingly. Josh gets up and disappears from the living room.
"Okay, now what the hell is it with you? I was just making fun of you," Sally huffs, drawing closer to the vampire. This is usually the reaction she'd get from Josh, not Aidan. Aidan is actually too old to fall for her mockery.
"Don't ever mention it to Josh, alright?" Aidan grumbles sincerely. Josh and he were making some kind of progress. And Aidan doesn't want Josh to take full distance again – because that is what he'll surely do if he finds out about this. Josh doesn't want body contact ever since the incident, so really, Aidan wants Josh not to know. At all.
"What was that anyways?" Sally frowns.
"Reflex," Aidan shrugs, making the ghost grimace, "That came out weird."
"Well, frankly speaking, I usually don't sleep right next to my best friend, but…," Aidan gesticulates, and Sally completes, "Girls, lovers, hookers, female vamps, blood whores…"
"Enough already!" Aidan cries out, but then softens his tone. "But… yeah. So this was just… reflex."
"Well, then why are you so upset about it?" Sally shrugs. If that's the deal, then it's actually no big deal, right?
"Josh didn't realize and I want it to stay that way," the vampire replies sternly.
"Why? It was totally adorable," Sally chuckles.
"It was not adorable. It just happened and… whatever. Can we just stop talking about this?" Aidan mutters. He would rather not go over this. He thought he finally had Josh to the point that he didn't feel awkward around him again – but that might well end if Sally doesn't knock it off.
"I fear not. What is it with you anyways? I mean, goodness' sake, Aidan. You gave him a hug before, now you did it in your sleep and you think Josh will believe that you tried to molest him? He might be jumpy at times, and especially these days, but he's not delusional," Sally rolls her eyes, not seeing the flinch it earns Aidan once it is about "molest". Because then there are suddenly the hazy pictures inside his head, clouded by dark urges, when he went after Josh that one night and almost… no, deep in the ground, deep in the ground. That is where it stays. Shovel more earth over it, in a big heap, and let nothing sink through, or come back up.
He can't lose Josh to this.
He can't have it that his nightmare becomes reality. If only the "lesser evil" version, in which Josh just runs away from him and never returns. That mustn't happen. At all.
"I know, alright? But with Nora and everything… let's not make this… weirder than it is anyways," Aidan lies at last. It's good enough, right?
"You're exaggerating," Sally shrugs. It's really no big deal to her. She just makes it big deal to see Aidan squirming around like a teenager who did something naughty, but she is honestly confused at the sudden seriousness, the fear almost. Even if Josh can be awkward about many things, and so touches or physical gestures, especially as of late, Sally doesn't believe that Josh would ever… blame… Aidan for that. Both slept, for God's sake.
"I don't want to chance it, alright?" Aidan insists. "Josh's taking it well so far, with Nora back and all that other stuff. I think that's actually healthier for him than would be OCD-compensation. He finally starts to sleep again – and I would rather have it staying that way."
"I say you're making a big deal out of nothing, but if it reassures you, your secret is safe with me. I won't let Josh know that you are quite the cuddly type," Sally exhales. He really takes the fun out of things. Aidan looks at her darkly for the last part of the comment, but chooses to ignore it for the sake of the promise of the first part.
There is a moment of silence until Sally speaks up again, now more seriously, "And you're sure you're okay?"
"What? Yeah, why?" Aidan furrows his eyebrows.
"You are acting weird," Sally shrugs. "I mean, weirder than usual."
"Whatever," Aidan grunts.
"Whatever it is going on between the two of you, I think you'd be far better off just saying what the problem is… you know, care and share. The stuff Josh would normally lecture us about now…," Sally goes on, her voice humming almost teasingly.
"Do I have to remind you of what happened not long ago? You went ghost-havoc to the point that you were trapped inside your own head – and trapped us in the house as a result; I killed two girls, drank Zoe and Josh, to end up spitting up my own guts; Josh had to go through all that shit – and almost turn in a fridge, only to run into his ex-girlfriend the following day, right after one messed-up turn," Aidan narrows his eyes at her.
"Well, newsflash," she snorts.
"You seemingly tend to forget. Everything here is one huge mess – I just don't want to create more. We should try to repair the damage the best we can for now," Aidan goes on sternly. "And go from there."
"Wow, someone's pessimistic today," Sally huffs, throwing her hands in the air. "And acting like a little bitch."
"This is so kindergarten," Aidan shakes his head.
"Tells me the guy who freaks about a sleepy-hug," Sally counters.
"I hate you sometimes," Aidan grumbles.
"You love me. I'm the annoying sister you never had," Sally snickers.
"The second part is definitely true," Aidan huffs.
"Just always remember, you should better try to have me on your side, or else… many implications are about to come Josh's way," Sally warns him, dancing around mockingly. Aidan grabs one of the couch pillows to press down on his face angrily. It takes him a second to recognize the apparent not-his smell, but Josh's. He inhales another time, taking in the scent.
Since when did Josh stop smelling like dog to him?
Josh comes back into the living room after the shower, toweling his hair. Aidan went in right after him – without a word. The way the werewolf figures, Sally just teased him to the point that he needs to calm down again. And Josh surely won't deny him that. It's enough that Aidan makes the effort to sit with him every damn night so that he gets a chance to actually be tired enough to sleep without the nightmares.
He proceeds into the kitchen. Josh almost runs into Nora, who was just about to open the fridge to fetch something to drink. Regardless of the fact that he knows she is here, he often finds himself forgetting that for a second. He seemingly still needs time to get used to another presence in the house.
"Oh! Oh, I'm sorry," she exclaims upon seeing him. Josh catches himself, pedaling back, looking at her with a slight blush, "No bother. I… well, my mind's not yet used to you being here again."
"Yeah," she replies meekly.
"Yeah," Josh sighs awkwardly. He straightens up again, trying to regain composure.
"Uhm, do you want a coffee? I made some more in case you…," Nora offers uncertainly.
"Yeah, uhm, thanks, that'd be great," Josh nods frantically.
"Well, it's odd to ask you for something that is yours anyways," Nora shakes her head as she walks over to the kettle, now calming down herself.
"You brewed it," Josh shrugs.
"True again," the blonde woman agrees, flashing a small smile as she pours him a cup. Both settle down at the kitchen table. Josh unconsciously leaves an empty seat between them, which doesn't go without Nora's notice, however.
"I'm really sorry that you have to sleep in the living room, I mean… we could still swap and…," Nora means to say, but Josh holds up his hands reassuringly, "I already told you that this is not up to discussion."
Nora smiles at him feebly. Some things just never seem to change. The kindness of that man, for instance.
"I already called the hospital, to see if I can get my job back, but this is obviously not as easy as I thought," she grimaces. Nora honestly hoped that having a fresh start would be easier, but more than one door closed when she left, not all of which she closed by herself. At the same time, she found doors open she feared were sealed forever.
Nora wants to show that she stands up for her word and doesn't just try to take advantage of her benevolent former lover. Because that is not the case. It's really not. She wants to redeem herself, wants to show him that she is no longer this needy woman who, in a moment of sheer blindness, decided that she needed something more than she needed him.
"If you want me to, I can talk to them another time," Josh offers. "Or I bake some pies for the upcoming party. I usually get something for that in turn."
"You don't have to. I mean… I probably should have asked if you are okay with that anyways," Nora grimaces. She didn't even think about it until just now.
"We live together. You think I will have that much of a problem working with you?" Josh can't help but chuckle. Nora shrugs at him helplessly, "Well, work won't be your sweet escape, then."
"It doesn't burden me, if that's what you are thinking. Honestly," Josh assures her, his voice so surprisingly soft that it still makes Nora's skin crawl. And that guy she hurt so badly? Just how far gone out of her mind was she? With a stupid note. A note, everyone! That's about as bad as breaking up over a text-message. Perhaps it's even worse. She doesn't know. No matter how she turns or twists it, it remains: This was a mistake. .
She did harm. She brought chaos to this otherwise harmonic, if dysfunctional, household.
It's odd how you see those things only once you cry to the moon and realize how cold the air is, in contrast to the comforting blankets you could snug under not long ago.
Sometimes you have to miss something to learn to appreciate it.
"So I'll see what I can do," the brunet says, trying to sound casual, but finds it hard. Because honestly? He doesn't know if he is going to be fine with it.
He doesn't yet know where to put Nora.
Does he want her to stay? Or stay away? Does he want her to stay close by? Or rather on the other side of town? In the same hospital, really? Or another?
He wants to offer her help, but how much? And in what ways?
There are so many questions he still has to figure out, so many answers he has to find, that Josh doesn't even know where to start.
And then there are all those other questions concerning his other roommate that Josh feels like he is losing his head already.
"Thanks," she nods appreciatively. There is a longer moment of silence until Josh speaks up again, his voice a little hoarse, suddenly, "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," she nods frantically.
"About… your time with Connor and Brynn, I mean," Josh goes on, letting out a nervous cough. He doesn't want to rush her, but… but there are a few answers only she has the key to – and maybe if he knew those answers, Josh would know better how to answer his own, could unlock some doors inside his mind to relieve some of the tension.
"… yeah, go ahead," she assures her in a strong voice.
No more holding back. No more lies. Because no less does he deserve.
"Running away… with them… or rather, being wolf with them… did it give you… what you sought?" Josh asks hesitantly, not daring to look her in the eyes. It forces all those hurtful memories back into his mind. Of the note, the flowers, his tears. "From the note I took that you… found something with them that you didn't find with me. I would just… like to know if you… got it or not… thanks to this… experience."
Nora looks down.
"You don't have to answer," he adds quickly.
"I do. I already did back then," Nora argues. "I see that now. I owed you an explanation, one I didn't give you. Because that note surely was no explanation for taking off like that."
She shakes her head, "I… I will try to make it understandable, though it's actually… fairly unreasonable. Anyways… it was… it was an attempt to gain back the self-confidence I thought I had lost."
"Lost?" Josh frowns.
"After the child's death, I… I gave up on myself, let's be honest. I let you take care of me and fix things and… just lived into the day. I walked around like a shadow. Not to mention that I became your shadow to haunt you around the house, something I'm sincerely sorry for, by the way. And then when Connor and Brynn talked about how they were free and did whatever they wanted, did what was natural to them… I thought I wanted this, too, to be confident again, feel like me again. I thought that being with wolves… or… being a wolf… would help me be… me, the self-confident me that I used to know and used to like best," Nora explains sincerely. She hoped she would find in the woods what she couldn't find inside herself by the time. She hoped for the moon to clear her mind, pull her out of the darkness, into the soft blue lunar light. Hopes are shaped like that, all pretty and round. Until you live them.
Perhaps dreams really should stay… just dreams.
"Did it?" Josh asks quietly. "Help, I mean?"
"I ran away from them in the end, didn't I?" Nora exhales, looking at him with a grimace.
"Yeah," Josh agrees. So she didn't find what she sought. A part of him feels bad for her, the other is strangely relieved, actually.
"So, just to make it clear: I really meant it back then. It was not because of you or because of something you did that I ran away. It was because I… I was more important to myself than you by the time. It's awful to say, but that's the truth, pretty or not," Nora grimaces.
"I understand that," Josh nods, getting up slowly.
"I thought that I had to put myself first, while at the same time… step out of your shadow, you know, act again, on my own, and not just be… the aside. You protected me. And I thought that this… made me weak, for some reason. And I swore to myself after… Will…," she stops for a moment, swallowing thickly, but then goes on. "That I'd never let someone do that to me again. Or rather, that I let myself do that to myself, if that is making any sense. Because you didn't force me. I just fell back into this routine that I depended on another person and was scared that it'd make me, well, dependent."
She hated that about herself, how she let it happen once that Will got to dominate her the way he did. It took her a lot of time to gain self-confidence after her burned her, but when she started in Boston, in the hospital, Nora felt like she was in a state where she was really strong. Even if that meant acting like a "bitch" at times, it didn't bother Nora for as long as she felt strong. But then Josh bumped into her life, and she was confronted with someone who didn't dominate her, but cared about her so much that she found herself grow soft again. And back then Nora feared that this was equivalent to… being weak again. Nora thought that their love would make it work nevertheless, but… but then all those other crises struck and she felt bound by the love she felt for him, by his kindness, softness. She feared he'd make her soft, too, weak. Too weak to overcome the crises.
And then Connor and Brynn promised her to make her cold as ice and strong again. It was… this tempting reverse-button. Back to the beginning, back to self-confidence. And in that moment of weakness, she took the chance. No matter how foolish that is in reality.
Because in the end, it was the wish for strength that became her weakness. Not the one for softness, weakness, vulnerability.
"I guess I get that," Josh nods, much to her surprise, but then again… why is she surprised? Josh always understood her. He often doesn't understand himself, but he understands others like no one else. He reads them like his books.
"I could still hit myself in the back of the head for the stupidity, though. I mean… I leave that one guy who is kind to me, too kind to me, too good for me, or so I thought. That just seems nuts," Nora shakes her head, hoping that she doesn't go too far with this.
"Well, if you couldn't deal with it. I mean…," Josh grimaces.
"It still didn't justify me or my actions," Nora argues. Josh nods – because he honestly feels the same. He doesn't feel like she was justified in leaving him – like that. Leaving him, okay, but the 'how' actually matters here. How she left broke him, not so much that she left. But Nora left with a note, on the one night where Josh was weak, where he couldn't do anything, was torn to shreds by his inner monster, and she went off with those people Josh made clear he was just seeing for matters of research and otherwise considered dangerous.
"Well, if anything good came of it, it really is that I now… know… that it was wrong. I didn't know back then. I didn't want to see that I was wrong. But I know now what I want, who I am… and where I wanna be," Nora says in a stronger voice.
"Then it's good. Uhm, I'm glad that you… made your peace with it," Josh grimaces.
"Did you?" the blonde woman asks quietly.
"What?" Josh frowns.
"Did you make your peace with it?" she questions.
"That you left?" he asks, to which she nods, so Josh goes on, "Honestly? I guess I did, I mean… there was a lot of stuff going on all at once after you were gone. That distracted me from… most of it,"
He didn't think about her in a longer while. She was just a faint echo in the woods.
Is that the same as making peace with it? Or is it just… forgetting? Like her presence in the house?
"Do you still think about the… child?" Nora asks, her voice no more than a whisper.
"Every night," Josh replies sadly. "You?"
"Every day," she agrees.
There is a moment of silence, neither one able to utter a word.
"Well, uhm… thanks for… for being that open about it. I appreciate it, I really do," Josh says after a while. He takes a mug from the cupboard and sets it down on the counter as he continues to speak, "Well, if anything, I'm sorry that you… had the feeling that you lost that self-confidence. I didn't know that you felt that way."
"It's not your fault," Nora insists. It really isn't. She knows now. It was her who had problems she didn't dare to talk about, even though Nora had any chance to.
"I get that," Josh agrees, walking over to the fridge. Nora's eyes follow him. "It's just that I'm still sorry for it. I didn't know that you felt that way, all I'm saying."
He takes out a blood bag and fills a small amount into the mug. It's far from perfect with the blood supply issue. Josh managed to get a hold on a few bags by making some phone calls to other hospitals, but this is no permanent solution.
Aidan can't survive without blood. And Josh's blood really is no option. That means they have to be very careful. The roommates are still thinking about other options of getting deposits, but nothing sufficient appeared yet. So now, all Josh can do is prepare and serve the rations the smartest way possible – and stretch it the best he can. He really wished he could do more, but again… Useless condition.
Nora watches the odd routine with a mixture of uneasiness and curiosity.
"Well, I guess we both kind of struggled at times with telling what the real matter was," she shrugs, her eyes following Josh with a grimace.
"Very true," the brunet sighs as he closes the blood bag and puts the remains back in the fridge. "It's odd how it is at times. I usually talk about anything, but then there are things…"
"One just can't say, I know," Nora nods.
"Yeah," he agrees. The young man puts the now blood-filled mug in the microwave, starts it, and then settles down in his seat again, taking a big sip from his coffee.
"There's nothing like a fresh coffee in the morning," he exhales, breathing in the earthly fragrances of the blend. That is the moment Aidan comes in.
"Oh, hey," he greets the two with a small grimace.
"You and Sally finished your argument without killing each other?" Josh asks casually – and Aidan couldn't be more thankful that Josh opens up the door to normalcy again, where it's not so awkward, where they can just chat and be best friends. Because that is what Aidan needs.
"Kind of," he joins the mood.
"Good, blood's in the microwave," Josh smirks, nodding at the kitchen device.
"Thanks," Aidan nods casually, taking the mug out of the microwave. He then sits down next to Josh, taking a sip from the at-the-exactly-right-temperature red liquid, as always. Josh once jokingly said that he'd make a good vampire-barista. Aidan doesn't care for the title, he just finds it nice that Josh managed to twist even his addiction (and the issue of missing deposits) into something… normal, for their standards. He wove it into the fabric of their everyday life with ease, blended it into the rest of the cloth so that it did no longer stick out. Others fix dinner for their roommates, Josh fixes a blood mug and keeps tabs on the deposits. He actually makes it that easy. He makes it that normal.
"Where is she, by the way?" Josh tilts his head. After she mimicked the early bird, he expected Sally fussing around them like a bouncy ball.
Aidan shrugs, his mouth still wrapped around the rim of the mug, "I guess I scared her off."
"Hm, I forgot to ask you yesterday," Josh says, lifting the mug of coffee away from his lips to look at the vampire, who cocks an eyebrow, "Yeah?"
"I wanted to know if Mr. Sawyer's surgery went fine. I think I heard that you were on his floor the other day," Josh explains. "I wanted to check in, but I was called off before I got a chance to."
"He's fine. Already up to reading out loud his books no one wants to hear or read. Though I guess that is why you like him," Aidan shrugs. Josh has a vibe with the patients anyways, but especially with the weird birds. He handles them like no other.
"Actually, yeah," Josh agrees.
"Well, it's not like this is anything new. You even care about those patients you hate," Aidan huffs. It never ceases to amaze him how Josh may complain about a particular patient when at home, but when he greets that person in the morning, he is all sunshine and kindness in the world. He never bears grudges. And even when he complains about them, deep down, he has a soft spot for each of his patients. It's a kind of devotion Aidan didn't come across in over 200 years on this planet.
"Hey, now don't accuse me for caring about my patients, alright?" Josh insists.
"There is not a single orderly in the entire world who knows as much about each of his patients, or rather, those in the entire hospital, their families, friends, and still get the job done instead of just having small talk with them," Aidan argues. It was actually a kind of game over at the hospital for a while. The nurses didn't believe that Josh knew so much about the patients. So they would do quizzes on the patients, just to see Josh make a flaw. He never did. Josh doesn't just know the medical history, but also the personal history. Family, friends, favorite color, favorite food, most hated celebrity, birthdays, anniversaries. At some point all ask themselves how Josh can even store so much information. He really has an elephant's memory, which makes him the good orderly he is. Josh always took it to heart that you don't just treat your patients with some band-aid or medicine. You have to see your patients as whole. And, to say it in Josh's words, as he pointed it out to one of the nurses after another quiz won, "People do not just consist of what is written in the reports. Each of us carries a book with his or her history. So the least we can do is to flip through the pages a bit to see where that person came from and where he or she means to go – so we can help them along the way".
"What can I say? I'm good at my job," Josh grins at him.
"You are obsessive," Aidan corrects him.
"I think you're just jealous," Josh smirks.
"Yeah, no, that is your way of dealing with patients, not mine," the vampire huffs. "I think it'll get you into trouble one day because you overwork yourself. You can't treat everyone with equal amounts of care and time. You gotta think about yourself once in a while, too."
Just like you probably put too much effort into me, too.
"I can at least try," Josh shrugs.
Nora takes a long sip of her coffee, trying to chugging down her nervousness along with the brown liquid.
Is that conversation now really about patients, or is it about her?
She fights a blush, but doesn't say anything as the two carry on with their usual chat. And while there is just one seat separating her from Josh, it feels like there are worlds between him and her after all.
Though she is not sure if his best friend is anywhere near Josh's stratosphere either.
At this point, they are all just planets, rotating in space.
Running circles.
Round and round again.
Chapter 22: The Angel and the Devil
Summary:
Nora asks Josh out on a date.
Aidan finds himself in trouble.
Josh to the rescue!
Movie nights and peaces.
Notes:
Thanks for sticking around with me and my slow-boiling slash ;)
I hope you'll enjoy your stay nevertheless.
Chapter Text
"Okay, do you have everything?" Josh asks Nora, shouldering his bag as the two walk downstairs, fully dressed. The full moon is tonight.
"Yeah," she replies hastily. Josh leans over the back of the couch to look at Aidan and Sally as they watch TV.
"Alright, we'll head to the woods. I'll see you guys in the morning," he says.
"Be careful," Aidan nods.
"I will," Josh replies, flashing a soft smile.
"And you're sure I'm not supposed to give you a lift?" the vampire questions.
"We'll be fine, thanks. Have a good night," Josh tells him, before turning back to Nora. "C'mon."
"Bye," she waves at the two roommates on the sofa. After that the two werewolves make their way out of the house, into the night.
"He was unnaturally enthusiastic over a turn in the woods," Sally puckers her lips. She was surprised anyways that Josh wanted to head to the woods, after all, he rather uses the storage for his research and the like, but then Josh went on that it might be for the better not to put Nora's wolf directly into a cage after she is so used to being out in the wilderness.
"You know that he likes to teach people things," Aidan shrugs.
Josh really took it to heart to teach Nora his kind of… wolfhood. Over the last days, he explained to her everything he learned from Ray and Douglas, the tricks he figured out himself, showed her the cabin, and whatever he gathered from his own research when filming himself in the storage. And he seemed actually pretty enthusiastic about it. Aidan would like to say that it didn't bother him, but… for some reason it bothers him indeed.
Whatever the reason may be now.
"And why are you even here?" she frowns then.
"You are being unnaturally impolite tonight, for the record," Aidan snorts.
"No, I mean… Why are you here… alone… with the house ghost…? I thought you had a girlfriend," Sally grimaces. Not that she minds the company, but it's odd that Aidan doesn't see Suren – after he was practically glued to her before.
"It's complicated," Aidan shrugs. To tell the truth, he barely talked to Suren ever since the Reaper incident, or rather, since she skinned Henry… and then the Reaper incident happened. That forced Aidan to set his priorities anew. And now he is here. Because that is his priority. Keeping Sally and Josh is.
"What in life isn't?" she huffs.
"… True again," the vampire is bound to agree.
"So? Why don't we see you going off for Princess Suren, instead of watching the fifth rerun of this movie I know for a fact you hate?" Sally narrows her eyes at him.
"I'm being a considerate roommate?" he shrugs.
"That's what Josh would do," Sally snorts.
"Nice," Aidan grumbles.
"What is it with you and her?" Sally insists. Aidan shrugs.
"You shrugged too much?" the ghost huffs. Aidan shrugs. A. Lot.
"Well, after what happened with Henry, it was somehow different, and then… the Reaper happened… and… well, I just wanted to be… home," Aidan replies truthfully.
"That doesn't mean you can't see her, though," Sally argues. Aidan felt tempted a few times to just call her and ask her to meet. Maybe even pretend that they are just two people getting back together after a fight. He had the phone in hand a couple of times, but always hung up last second.
Aidan doesn't know where to put Suren at this moment – and he is even more unsure about his feelings for her in general. Something broke when she skinned Henry. He saw something very dark in her eyes, something that he fears he can't… help her with.
And then there is Josh and the fact that he is considerate enough and too much of a good guy to give up on his roommate, even though he messed up just about everything they worked for. The vampire just can't seem to focus on anything else but fixing this mess first. Maybe if he and Josh… came to terms… he'd be able to deal with Suren, too, but at this point Aidan would rather hide in the house all the time. If only to have a late night conversation with Josh.
"Well, Suren and I haven't seen each other… for that, in a while, I mean… you know what I mean. We do the jobs we gotta do together, for the vampire community, but it's, well, it's really complicated," Aidan explains with a grimace.
"So you're not dating her," Sally puckers her lips.
"Well, not right now, obviously," Aidan gesticulates. "Or else I wouldn't sit with you here."
"Duh. I mean… generally. Are you two still together?" Sally asks.
"What's it to you?" he frowns.
"I would just like to know," Sally shrugs, doing her best sounding nonchalantly.
"Again, it's complicated," Aidan tells her.
"Are you seeing someone else, then?" Sally asks casually.
"No, I'm seeing no one," Aidan grumbles, feeling uncomfortable about being asked all those personal questions he would rather not answer.
He is still too busy seeing Josh escaping inside his dreams… not that this is something he'd ever say out loud, especially not in front of Sally.
"And here I thought you wouldn't ever make it through a month without a girl by your side. I was fundamentally proven wrong," Sally waves her hands in the air.
"I can live without being in a relationship," Aidan mutters, feeling slightly offended.
And anyways, the one thing he can't live without… well, isn't it obvious that it's not this? But someone who's really too good for him?
"But without sex?" Sally grins at him mischievously.
"We will not have that conversation," Aidan growls, his eyes narrow slits.
"Sheesh," she huffs, not in the least impressed. Aidan tries to focus on the TV again, though he finds it incredibly difficult. Even if Sally doesn't look at him, he knows that she is, inside her head.
"So… to sum it up… you don't see anyone… I don't see anyone… Josh doesn't see anyone…," Sally makes a face. "We are a bunch of losers."
"That is… sadly true," Aidan grins, shaking his head.
"Well, we see each other," Sally shrugs.
"But obviously not for these reasons," the vampire huffs.
"That one time you took Josh out for his birthday?" Sally grins.
"It was his birthday, exactly. So instead of buying him some crap present he wouldn't like anyways, I took him out to have some drinks and something to eat. What do you have creeping around your head, silly?" Aidan rolls his eyes, feeling uncomfortable once again.
"I found it cute," Sally smiles.
"Can't a friend do that without people assuming things?" Aidan sighs, leaning back.
"Not with everything else you do…," Sally whispers to herself.
"What was that?" Aidan narrows his eyes at her.
"Nothing, nothing," she assures him quickly.
"You're weird," Aidan shakes his heads.
"So are you. That is how we roll," Sally sighs.
"Josh?" Nora's voice rings out as she comes down the stairs with a stack of papers under her arm. The werewolf lets out a small yelp of surprise. Nora tilts her head as he stars putting things away in a hurry.
"Are you… okay?" she frowns as she comes closer.
"What? Yeah, yeah, sure, I was just… ugh, doing some stuff," Josh says, licking his lips nervously. "You said you wanted something?"
Nora tilts her head, now standing right by the front of the couch, "… Do I have to do some kinda intervention now?"
"What?" he looks at her. The blonde woman simply points at the corpora delicti – wrapping from syringes and the rubber band still wrapped around his upper arm to find a vein.
"Do you do drugs?" she asks, not sure herself is this intended as a joke or not.
"What?" he looks at her aghast. "No, I was… it's not what it looks like."
"Then what is it for real?" Nora asks. "And if you come me now with that being something private matter or some other lame excuse… I might just as well tell Sally and she'll be all over you."
Josh looks around for a moment, making sure that no one's around. He motions at Nora to sit with him, which she does wordlessly.
"So?" she asks, cocking an eyebrow at him.
"I am… running some tests," Josh says.
"Tests? Are you sick or something?" she asks, now worry in her voice.
"No, no, it's not about me. Well, of course it is, but it's… ugh. It's my blood and…," Josh mutters. Nora taps him on the forearm, "Now in whole sentences so that I understand, please."
"Well, there was this Reaper incident," Josh begins.
"Yeah, I helped clean up the aftermath," she snorts, trying to get the brunet into a lighter mood, but Josh just nods frantically, kneading his hands nervously, "Right, right, sorry. Ugh… so anyways… During that… incident… I… how do I say that now? I gave Aidan blood, my blood."
"You let a vampire drink you?" Nora looks at him. She always knew that Josh would go very far for his friends, but to let a vampire, and be it his best friend in the world, take a bite of him, seems a little bit too far in her opinion.
"I saw no other way. He needed it. I told you about the blood deposit problem at the hospital," Josh insists. "He needed it and I thought that since it was full moon… it'd be a good idea. Or well, a good… plan B, C, D. Whatever. I thought that the fact that I was a werewolf short before turning would actually help in a way."
"I reckon it didn't," the blonde woman grimaces.
"No, Aidan almost died coz he drank my blood," Josh explains, not meeting her eyes upon that admission. It still hurts him too much. "He bled out of… everywhere. For a moment I really thought he was gone this time."
"Oh, wow," Nora blinks a few times, processing the information. "I didn't know that werewolf blood was that dangerous to vampires."
"Neither did we," Josh agrees.
"… Is that why you…," Nora begins, and Josh nods solemnly, "Yeah, I am afraid that I got the vampire pestilence or something."
Even she noticed that Josh, while keeping up an otherwise casual attitude, always flinches away when he gets too close to Aidan. Nora thought that maybe he was mad at him or so, but now it turns out that Josh is seemingly… just afraid that he will hurt Aidan.
"Well, it'd have to be your blood, though, right?" Nora argues in a soft voice.
"That is what I don't know anymore," Josh admits. "I mean, what if it's not? What if this is actually not just about werewolf blood, or drinking it, but also getting it on one's skin? Or what if I somehow got some vampire killer virus? Or it's my part of the werewolf family tree that happens to be the death of Aidan's? Or all vampires?"
He keeps playing this through inside his head. And the more he thinks about it, the more horrifying the options become – and the more he hurts for ever bringing this up. For letting this happen. God.
"I think you are a bit overreacting, Josh," she tries to soothe him.
"I know I probably am, but I… I can't help myself. I just thought that if I ran some tests on my blood, then I'd… have clarity, you know?" Josh sighs, burying his face in his hands.
"Or you could talk to Aidan about the matter?" she suggests, gently patting him on the shoulder.
"That is no option," he replies sternly.
"Why?" she frowns.
"That's really, really complicated," Josh sighs. "Personal stuff mingled with other things."
"Even if so, do you want to wear gloves from this day on?" Nora argues.
"Obviously not. I just… I just wanna make sure. With the tests… I hope I'll… have clarity," Josh exhales.
"Or you just ask him – without the personal stuff," Nora argues.
"Aidan didn't know that werewolf blood was toxic to vampires. How would he know more about it?" Josh replies. "Asking him is actually pointless."
And he just fears that this might actually bring up that bloody kiss.
"Well, you used to preach about honesty and talking about problems," Nora tells him.
"I know, it's just… Consider it something I have to do for myself, okay? I just… I just had to see my friend almost dying… again. He almost died on me… again. And this time I was the cause and… still I couldn't help him. I am really not past that yet," Josh says, his voice suddenly quivering. Nora holds on a little more firmly to offer comfort. It's clear just how much he is still shaken through by this. Nora knows that Josh cares a lot, really a lot, a lot more than most people care about their friends, about Aidan. She can only vaguely imagine how much that must hurt Josh, to go through this. She saw how upset he was when Aidan got staked, when she was no monster yet, just Josh's girlfriend, who took a risk for the sake of the father of her unborn child by getting some blood. While he treated Aidan's wounds, Josh's hands moved with a surgeon's precision, they didn't shake only just once. However, once it was over and they had to wait and see if he'd pull through, Josh almost sank to his knees, shaking violently, before he got a hold of himself and pulled himself back together – to guard Aidan from any vampire coming his way. However, at that one moment he allowed weakness, it really showed just how deeply it hurt him to have Aidan… disappearing from him.
"I picture," she offers. "So maybe it's really for the best to… make sure."
If it helps him calm down – who is she to tell him not to, huh?
"Thank you," Josh mutters, his breath coming out ragged. Nora smiles at him feebly before pulling him into an embrace, "It'll all be fine, I'm sure."
Unbeknown to either one, Aidan just rounded the corner, only to see the two hugging each other. The vampire stopped dead in his tracks, managing not to startle either one.
Perhaps Nora really was the angel sent by heaven to help Josh heal back up again. Perhaps destiny is trying to tell him that… Aidan bites his lower lip, cautiously walking back downstairs, trying not to think of the steps as the staircase leading down to hell.
Josh pulls away from Nora, offering a sweet smile, wiping a sole tear from the corner of his eyes, "Really, thanks."
"We help each other," she grins back.
"So okay, I'll try to act more like a guy now again, and not some crying schoolgirl. So… what are these?" Josh asks, pointing at the papers. Nora smirks at him as she hands the stack over to him, "I looked at some apartments. As I said, while I find it great here, it's definitely getting too crowded. Now that you managed to convince the hospital to hire me again, I thought I'd give it a shot. I wanted to hear your opinion on these."
Josh studies the printouts quickly, "Oh wow, that one is plainly gorgeous. Look at this! The lozenge parquetry is just fabulous! And it's got a bay window, too!"
"… Lo… what?" Nora furrows her eyebrows.
"Lozenge parquetry. The pattern on the floor," Josh explains.
"Oh! Yeah, I… I… sure, that's surely a plus," Nora puckers her lips. "I was more concerned with the space and price, though."
"Those are of course important aspects, too," Josh chuckles softly.
"But I guess this one's high on the priority list, then," Nora winks at him. "But I also liked this one. What do you think?"
"The kitchen looks like crap," Josh comments.
"I don't cook much anyways," Nora argues.
"If the kitchen is no good, trust me, the rest won't either. And just look… okay, I take it back. The living room's got awesome flock wallpaper. The owners surely got taste… just not in the kitchen," Josh argues.
"Flock wallpaper? Are you making fun of me?!" Nora pouts.
"This one's got gesso," Josh grins.
"Guess what – guess no to gesso," she snorts. "No matter what the hell it's supposed to be. And you throw one more of these terms at me and I will sing some song so awfully out of tune that you'll start crying."
"This one looks nice. It has… a small balcony?" Josh offers. She sticks out her tongue before looking at the page as well, "I was thinking the same. And the price seems alright."
They go on talking after that, discussing about apartments and mortgage and all these things.
And honestly? Josh really enjoys himself.
Josh and Nora are on the way back from yet another turn in the woods. And he has to say that it gets easier to turn with her – though the fact that they woke up apart instead of right next to each other naked surely helped a bit to remove some of the awkward feelings. It's… normal, almost, however normal they can get for a bunch of monsters with more than complicated interpersonal relations.
"Josh?" the female wolf asks, making him turn to her, blinking a few times. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure," he nods.
"Well, ugh… I mean… You can just say no if you don't want to, but… well, I was thinking that maybe it'd be nice…," Nora babbles nervously, but Josh intervenes in a soft voice, "Just say it, Nora. It's fine."
"I was thinking that maybe we could… go to this new restaurant downtown. The nurses are musing about it… I mean, you don't have to, unless you want to, but… but I don't wanna go alone and…," Nora shrugs. Josh looks at her, his face a blank slate.
Is that what he thinks what it sounds like? Is that really happening just now?
And should he even be surprised?
"Sounds like… fun," he grimaces at last. She smirks at him faintly. "I mean, it'd be nice for a change to… not cook or have takeaway."
"It must be good. You know how picky the nurses can be," Nora rolls her eyes. That is one of the top topics they discuss. Food, children, parties, more food… and then complain about the patients. Repeat the process.
"Oh yes, they are," Josh nods dramatically.
"So…," Nora tilts her head at him expectantly.
"Count me in," Josh offers a smile. She grins back at him sweetly.
A food date would be nice for a change. And then… well, maybe it grants him a new perspective on things. Josh doesn't know what to make of Nora, what to make of what it is that starts to burgeon between them, or burgeon again, should he rather say?
Perhaps a test is really a good thing.
And food is always good.
And so Josh finds himself a few days later standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom, fixing his attire.
"Getting dressed up for your date, huh?" Sally grins, leaning against the doorframe.
"It's no date, well, it's a date, but it's no date-date. It's a food-date," Josh argues.
"Do you believe that yourself when you say it?" Sally snorts.
"What? Nora and I just go to this restaurant," he insists.
"Right," she huffs.
"Sally," he warns her.
"You dress up, you even put on the cologne Aidan gave you for last Christmas…," Sally argues, her voice trailing off.
"Because I'm going out for a fancy dinner and don't want to be held for a hobo," Josh argues.
"It is a date-date, Josh, face it," the ghost retorts, stepping closer.
"What if it is?" Josh turns to her. "I mean… do you think it's a bad idea?
"It's not about what I think it is. It's about you think it is," she argues.
"What now?" Josh tilts his head at Sally with a frown.
"I just think you should be clear about the expectations you have for that date. Do you want it to be a date-date… or just a food-date?" Sally questions.
"What's it to you?" Josh grimaces.
"I just wanna know if this is… well, the first step of you and her… getting back together," she shrugs.
"It's not, well, I don't think it is," Josh furrows his eyebrows, working on his collar again.
Is it?
"Could you be more exact? I would just like to know if I can continue to bicker about her still or if I have to stop because she is in the girlfriend zone again. I'm just testing the waters," she winks at him.
"We're not back together, if that's what you are asking," Josh replies.
"Do you want to be with her again, though?" the female ghost questions.
"Honestly?" he grimaces.
"Honestly," Sally nods.
"I don't know. I thought it might be a good idea to take… this… date… as a chance to sort myself out. I am… confused, about my feelings, about this situation. Everything…," Josh admits.
He is on an emotional roller -oaster for so long now – Josh needs a bit of clarity or else he'll end up throwing up his guts.
"Yeah," Sally huffs.
"The thing is… with Nora… She is different now, or… more like herself again, and… I start to understand why she did what she did," Josh goes on.
"Now don't tell me that you are totally into forgiven-and-forgotten," Sally narrows her eyes at him.
"That's not the thing. It's just that I… I understand her side. That doesn't mean I accept it. I understand it. Something I didn't do before. And… I can't forget that we had this past together. We were in a relationship. We were in love. We had a child… almost," he licks his lips. "I am just asking myself if I don't owe it to us, I mean, to myself… to make sure that I don't let go of something that actually meant so much to me once."
Sally grimaces. She would like to come up with a good counter-argument, but finds none. The house ghost honestly understands it. She gets it. And she gets it that Josh wants to make sure, has to.
Love is so hard to let go.
And once you do, you should be sure that you don't want it back again.
Because once driftwood is in the current, it drifts away.
"Well, then you should do that," she shrugs. Josh smiles at her with relief.
"Does it look okay?" he asks her, pointing at his clothes.
"Definitely no hobo," Sally says, sticking out her tongue. Josh looks at her.
"You look like a fine gentleman," she thus adds.
"Did you hear from Aidan?" the werewolf asks with a sigh, already sensing the answer.
"Nope," Sally replies, popping the p-sound. Josh grunts as he puts on his jacket.
He observed with growing worry how Aidan withdrew from the household, yet again. At first he thought it was really just because of the Reaper incident. They were all shaken through, but since a few days, the vampire is just constantly roaming around, talking little, and doesn't say where he heads to.
And Josh, ever since, has a very bad feeling that he is somehow the cause of the problem, but doesn't know how to approach the issue. Because he doesn't know what's up with Aidan.
"This guy can be about as frustrating as me," Josh mutters.
"Tell me about it," Sally huffs. "I have to put up with you both."
"I am sorry," he snorts.
"Thank you, Sir," she chuckles softly.
"You know what to do?" Josh looks at her.
"You owe me for this, big, you know that, right?" Sally narrows her eyes at him.
"Of course. You'll get the most stunning violet flower arrangement that money can buy," Josh replies with a smile. "I saw it, it's bombastic."
"It's always nice making deals with you," Sally smiles at him broadly.
"Right," Josh shakes his head.
"Where's Nora, by the way? Don't you head out together?" Sally tilts her head.
"She had to work longer, so she comes there from the hospital. We wanted to meet up at the restaurant," Josh explains.
"I see, well, then you have fun, while I'm off to my duties," Sally sighs in a dramatic voice.
"Thanks another time," Josh flashes a feeble smile at her. He respects that Sally has her own interests and that he can't always demand such things from her, but… there is no other way right now.
"No bother, just don't forget the flowers," Sally winks at him.
"Never," he assures her. Josh makes his way downstairs and grabs the key.
"What? No car keys?" Sally frowns.
"I'll walk," he shrugs.
"What is it with you not taking your car, like seriously?" Sally rolls her eyes.
"Walking calms me down. And I get to clear my head a bit. The night's so nice and bright, why should I miss that? I'm still early, so I rather walk than sitting in a car waiting for Nora to come," Josh explains.
"You're one bloody romantic, you know?" Sally snorts, to which Josh shrugs at her.
"Have a good night. I hope you… well, find out," she tells him honestly.
"Thank you. I hope you won't have to pay your duties for too long," he winks at her.
"Or else he's gonna get hell for it," she warns him.
"Bye," Josh waves at the ghost as he turns to the door.
"Bye," she replies. Josh exits and starts to walk down the road, breathing in the crisp air of the cold night, his eyes fixed on the firmament above him which shines in a million little clouds of light.
Aidan glances up into the night sky, his black eyes only reflecting the darkness of the firmament above him, but not the stars shedding light on it. The vampire shoves his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket.
Is history really just about repetition, he wonders? People sometimes say that history is bound to repeat itself. While Aidan is not too sure about this as a global concept, it seems to fit well into his life, his history, though.
Always treading the same murky waters, falling for the same temptations.
People are creatures of habit, and he seems to be the archetype.
Aidan loses direction, and that is when his dark cravings take over and lead his feet to where he shouldn't be, but still ends up to be. Well, maybe not yet, but… soon enough.
He can hear the music buzzing in the distance, can already feel his fingers twitching at the mere thought of how it'd be like to press his fingertips against a person's pulse, fluttering and hot against his cold and dead skin.
Aidan wants to stay clean. He really does, but… if he doesn't think about how messed-up his life is lately, he can only think of that red liquid.
The vampire sighs, leaning against the rough surface of the building in his back. He mulls this over inside his head again and again. After Sally's ghost coma and the other events related to it, Aidan held on to humanity, to staying clean for… Josh, to be perfectly honest. Because he didn't want to disappoint him, again.
But the way Aidan figures, that is not how it should be. Because chances are good that Josh has to set his priorities differently, and that means they no longer are on Sally and Aidan alone, but also on Nora, much more importantly on Nora… perhaps… very likely so. He saw the way they act together… so yeah.
And anyways, it seems to be the wrong way to try to come clean for someone other than yourself, right? To Aidan, it seems like a burden you put on that person on tops of everything else. That doesn't seem fair towards Josh. It's not his fault that Aidan can't stay clean. It is the vampire's fault, his business. And even though Aidan knows Josh would beg to differ, deep down he knows that he can't rely on someone else to be his reason to hold on to humanity.
Already for the plain fact that Aidan will outlive that reason, whoever that is now, right? And then he'll be alone again.
So he has to be his own reason, no matter how much he'd love to rely on someone else to be his reason. Because that seems, odd enough, easier in a way. Because Aidan likes most of the people other than himself better than, well, himself. He hates himself for many reasons. And that always makes Aidan question if he is even worth the effort, worth to be a reason in the first place.
Josh is worth it, in his eyes, and that makes it so tempting to just go with that. Aidan actually went with that for a while, but… well, things change. People change. Even though the vampire still dares to hope that their friendship will hold for as long as Josh is granted time on earth, it doesn't mean that things will stay the way they are now. Nora is here, and chances are good that she'll stay. And even if Josh does not go with a romantic relationship yet, he will definitely take care of her, unless she dares to betray him another time, something that Aidan actually starts to doubt, given her recent behavior. After all, she is the angel who fell from the sky and made him smile again. Josh might seek another life than movie nights or preparing blood mugs in the morning for a vampire who is about to go darkside.
And maybe he should, too.
And that means… chances are good that Aidan will stand alone soon again, which means that he has to find a way to deal with this, by himself.
As uplifting and comforting as friendships are, they also mean a lot of responsibility. Josh said it once, friendship is no one-sided thing. Both have to work for it, but… well, maybe Aidan's cravings are something they would do better excluding from their friendship entirely. It almost cost Aidan his friendship to Josh once. And he can't have that again.
Ever.
So yeah, maybe that is the one thing he has to get straight himself, in whatever the way now. And get the strength for it through movie nights and bickering at work.
Just why does his stomach keep aching at the thought, though?
Why can't he just be happy for Josh?
Why is he so miserable?
Why can't he get that kiss out of his head? Or the nightmare of Josh leaving him?
And why is he here of all places?
The music hums louder in Aidan's ears.
He can already make out the song, the so old and familiar song.
Just one dance, isn't it? It doesn't have to escalate.
And so his feet carry Aidan forward. To the music. To the beat. To the flutter of a pulse beneath heated skin.
It's like walking on clouds. Clouds leading into a storm.
Josh pulls up the collar of his jacket. Winter is not far away, that much is for sure. And even if he loves the season, Josh now starts to hate it when he has to think about the cold nights in the woods, thanks to the canine creature within him. If only that thing would be so kind to leave his clothes intact. That'd be great. Well, at least there is the cabin. That means Josh doesn't have to do the whole scavenger hunt for clothes anymore. That is definitely a plus. If only a little one.
Josh frowns at himself. That is not exactly what he should be focusing on, right? He should be focused on getting his head clear, making up his mind as to how he and Nora will proceed in whatever they have now. Where he stands, where he wants to be. All the bigger questions are at stake here, in a way… And he is thinking about cabins and missing clothes.
Good job right there, Josh. Good job.
He just hopes that Aidan doesn't do anything he'll regret while Josh is busy doing some personal figuring out. While the werewolf knows how much his best friend struggles, Josh still hopes that Aidan will manage somehow. That guy is so incredibly strong, if there is someone to pull through, it must be him. Aidan beat his own creator. The work he does now is a way to get free from the vampire community. And once that step is done, whenever that is now, Aidan will actually have the freedom he worked for so hard, the freedom he deserves. Josh hopes that once he has it, Aidan can also beat the addiction.
Perhaps Aidan just needs that freedom to find the focus in his life. Because, let's be honest, no matter how much Josh values and cherishes the late night talks and the time they spend together, those short-lived, tiny, unimportant moments won't make the difference, right?
Aidan needs something big, like, well, freedom – however that will be like now, because Josh doesn't know what freedom actually is like, or what it means to a vampire, for instance.
Maybe it even means that Aidan will cut all ties to Boston, have a fresh start? After all, there is so much trauma, so many milestones lying here on the streets of Boston that Josh still has a hard time believing that Aidan seemingly wants to stay. Josh would honestly understand if Aidan came to him one day and said that he had to get away from all this, the town, the house.
Maybe Aidan just has to be free of the Boston vampires, the vampires in general, to see that he actually wants this, needs this, needs a fresh start, a new life.
But… Is it selfish then that Josh fears for that day to come?
Because he would rather not lose his best friend, the first real friend he… ever… made.
Josh shakes his head as, for a brief moment, a crimson butterfly dances before his eyes, but then vanishes back into the night again.
Why is he thinking about Aidan now? Those are things that still lie in the distant future, and he is here not for his future with Aidan tonight, but his with Nora, however that will be like now.
Again, big things to decide, to figure out, remember?
And he thinks about his best friend and his feelings for him.
Josh grunts as he puts his palm over his face.
Good job, Josh.
Good job.
Just have a drink, not a drink from someone, but just a drink, at a bar.
Exposure therapy, right?
You don't want to fall back into old habits. We had it all before. You can't fall out of line again. If you do… Well, what if you do?
Sally will hate you for it and won't stop making comments.
Josh… what would Josh do?
And suddenly there is the red streetlight again.
Aidan grasps the glass in his hand tighter.
He shouldn't have gone here, damn. Why did he go here? If he fails now, Josh might never talk to him again.
He might leave. And then his one best friend is gone forever. Aidan had romantic relationships throughout his life. He had Henry and Bishop, in twisted ways, as his friends, but a best friend? The first real best friend Aidan's had is… Josh.
And that is why he can't afford to lose him.
If only Aidan knew how to move his body without going after that cute little blonde woman to his right, with dimples, a classy black dress with red bolero jacket. She had one too many drinks already. Flushed cheeks. Plump lips. The blood runs faster once alcohol is thrown into the mix.
Coming here really was the worst idea he's had in a while. And he had bad ideas.
Aidan tries to breathe, but finds it hard to focus on anything but the memory of the taste of fresh blood, of only a droplet on his tongue and…
"Hey, are you new here? I haven't seen you before," a female voice rings out, bringing Aidan back to the present situation, so he replies hurriedly, "Oh, uhm… hi, yeah, this is my first time here."
"What's your name?" she asks with a cute smile.
"Aidan. And you?" the vampire replies. Why is he talking to her? He should warn her instead.
"Lori, well, actually it's Lorelei, but I never really liked it," she shrugs.
"What? Lorelei is a very interesting name," Aidan argues with his typical smile.
"You think? It just sounds odd to me," she rolls her eyes.
"It's a name from Germanic mythology, you know?" Aidan goes on.
"Oh, is it really?" Lori tilts her head curiously.
Yes, the woman who sat on a rock in the Rhine River, singing her Siren's song to make men fall in love with her and her voice, just so they rammed their ships against the rocks, killing themselves in the process.
A femme fatale.
So, are you just Lori? Or a full-fledged Lorelei after all?
Do you stand up to your name?
Are you that alluring?
Because the flutter of your pulse surely is.
Sally curses at herself. She lets Aidan out of sight for only five minutes, and that man's vanished. She overlooked with worry how he started talking to that blonde woman, but that alone is nothing to ring the alarm yet. Aidan is a lady's man. And if he is not dating Suren right now, then he might be out for someone new, or someone… for in between. But now they are not in the bar, or are they? Sally grunts, searching for her vampire friend.
"Aidan, don't do anything stupid while on my watch, c'mon," she grimaces, looking around nervously.
What does she do now?!
"It really was a good idea to get outside for a bit. It was getting crowded in there," the woman giggles, taking in the cold breeze of the night.
"Yeah, crowded places suck," Aidan agrees. "Especially if stupid people think they have to start a fight."
"Right?" she beams at him. "I usually don't come here for the happy hour. I don't like it when it's too crowded, but my friends talked me into it. One of them just broke up and all agreed to make her meet new guys. And that means a lot of crowded happy hour for me."
"Well, you do that for friends, right?" Aidan shrugs.
"We're not really close. So I am actually just being polite," she replies.
"But you are friends, you said," the vampire frowns.
"Yes, but loose friends. You know how I mean it. We meet up on occasion, we share a few interests. We have the same friends," the woman explains nonchalantly.
"So more like acquaintances," Aidan grimaces.
"Friends, acquaintances, facebook friends, isn't that all the same? In the end it's just people you know and don't necessarily hate," the girl shrugs.
"Well, then I guess I just have a different understanding of friendship," Aidan puckers his lips. There was a time when he had the same opinion, but that's no longer true, not when he knows that his friends are the center of his entire being. To him, those are the only kinds of friends that are real. And Aidan wouldn't want unreal friends ever again if he can help it.
"Perhaps too narrow? Because we could be friends, too," she suggests with a sweet smile.
"But first we should get a little acquainted, don't you think?" Aidan winks at her. She shoves him in the arm playfully. Aidan chuckles, shadow falling over him like a dark cloak, "You wanna go for a walk?"
"Good idea," she agrees. He takes a hold of her arm and they start to make their way away from the club, out into the night, out into the darkness.
Josh looks at his wristwatch. He is still in time. Good. Did he take everything along? Let's see, keys, yes, wallet, yes, money in the wallet, yes, credit card for when he doesn't have enough cash, yes, ID, driver's license… ugh, OCD is taking over again. He checked that at home, so nothing much will have changed about the content of his pockets, but… OCD has the O for obsessive in it for a reason. Josh claps his hands together to release some of the nervousness suddenly bubbling up within him.
"Josh!"
The werewolf whips his head around in shock at the sudden noise, to come almost face to face with the female ghost.
"Sally! For goodness' sake! Do you have to scare me like that?!" he cries out, grabbing his collar nervously.
"Sorry!" she holds up her hands.
"What are you doing here?! I thought you'd do the watcher, as you promised me," the werewolf narrows his eyes at her.
"And I did, but… I lost him," Sally lets her head hang low.
"What?" Josh cries out. That must be a joke! The one night he has Sally have an eye on Aidan, she lets him out of sight.
"There was a bar fight and that distracted me. Aidan snuck away then," Sally admits sheepishly. It's not like she planned on this.
"He was at a bar?" Josh gapes at her. Really, seriously?! Sally shrugs.
"He shouldn't be around those places when off alone," Josh scolds her.
"I know, but…," Sally bites her lower lip, but Josh interrupts her, "Why didn't you already intervene right there?"
"I thought he just wanted to socialize a bit," the ghost shrugs.
"He has a girlfriend, so he is definitely on the hunt," Josh grunts. "And by that I don't mean a hunt for new friends."
"Well, their relationship is kinda icy, but… doesn't matter. He just had a drink, all by himself, but then he started eye-sexing with a girl, and… well, then the bar fight," Sally explains.
"How long?" Josh demands, pinching the bridge of his nose, already working on a plan.
"Some ten minutes, maybe?" Sally replies. Josh looks at his watch again. He should be by the restaurant now. He should help Nora out of her jacket and ask her how her day was, but… within those ten minutes, Aidan could've done almost anything already. And God knows what happens in the next if he doesn't stop him before it's too late… if it isn't already.
"Where is that bar?" he asks Sally, who tells him, "Close. Just down this road. That's why I came to you. I mean, I can travel around as I want, but I can only be in one place at a time."
"Well, okay, he couldn't have come my direction down this road because I would've seen him. That means he probably went this way," Josh concludes, his mind rambling.
What are you up to, Aidan?
"You are coming with?" Sally frowns. She dared to hope, but that Josh is so fast at ditching his plans for Aidan's sake surprises her.
"What? Yes! Why?!" Josh looks at her. Of course he helps. What else is he supposed to do?
"Nora?" Sally wiggles her eyebrows at him.
"… she'll have to wait, c'mon, let's not lose our time talking," Josh grimaces. Sally nods and the two take off again.
Hopefully it's not too late yet.
"Where are we?" the girl frowns, looking around into the night.
"Hm? I don't really know…," Aidan puckers his lips. He can only listen to her heart beating at this second, so he is not really paying attention to where they are going.
"We got lost. I thought you were a local," she snorts.
"I'm a little… intoxicated," Aidan grins at her. Just not with alcohol, dear. She steps closer to him, taking his hand, but then flinches, "You are ice cold!"
Yes, cold as ice. A predator.
"Yeah, well, that's…," he stutters. She puts his palm between hers, but then moves closer and closer, only inches from his face, "Well, maybe we can warm each other up. It's about winter season, right?"
He leans into the kiss before he can even register the warmth seeping through his body. Aidan can see the clouds arising before his eyes, making his vision darker and darker and darker. He kisses down her neck, feeling the flutter he yearned for.
Just one bite. One drink. One drop.
Fangs extend, darkness takes over. Only inches from damnation.
"Hey!"
The two whip their heads around to the alleyway where someone hurries over to them. Aidan's fangs go back, his eyes returning to their normal color.
"Josh?!" shrieks the woman, much to both men's surprise. The werewolf motions closer, still trying to control his breathing. He made it in time, thank God.
"Lori?!" he looks at her, blinking a few times.
"Wait, you two know each other?!" Aidan gapes. That must be some kind of joke.
"You two know each other?" Lori makes a face, her eyes switching between the two constantly.
"We are roommates," Josh explains.
"Och, Josh, you're a poor sport! You just totally messed up my date," she pouts, perfectly oblivious to the situation she was just in seconds ago.
"You will go home now, Lori," Josh tells her with determination, leaving Aidan only frowning at the interaction between the two.
"What? No," she retorts.
"Yes," he says in a flat voice.
"You don't get to tell me what to do, you know?" Lori huffs.
"I get to because Aidan is actually one of the orderlies at the hospital, too," Josh tells her with a small smirk tugging at his lips. Josh already feared he wouldn't know how to make it clear to the woman why she should stay away from the handsome man she just managed to pick up at the bar, but… well, maybe fortune is actually with him for once, if in a very twisted way, by revealing Lori as Aidan's date.
"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Lori cries out exasperatedly.
"No, I'm not. So now, if you don't want to get yourself into trouble with your dad, whom you know likes me a lot, you will go home, or back to the club, I don't care, but… not with this guy," Josh tells her.
"You'd seriously snitch on me?!" she grumbles.
"Yes, definitely, because you can date plenty of other people, but not the staff treating your father. You know that this leads to trouble. We had it before. So now: Tell Aidan goodbye and go elsewhere," Josh replies icily.
"You are such a spoilsport," she narrows her eyes at him.
"Lori, now," he warns her. Lorelei turns to Aidan another time, "Sorry, but, ugh, well, yeah… my dad doesn't like it when I date people around the hospital, so… I gotta go, I'm sorry."
She plants a sweet kiss on Aidan's cheek, patting against his jacket, obviously leaving her number in his pocket, whispering, "Call me."
"I heard that," Josh narrows his eyes at her. Lori then turns to leave, stopping in front of Josh, sticking out her tongue, "I'll get back at you for this."
"You can try, but you know that I have the threads in my hand, so… just let it go," Josh tells her.
"Is he your boyfriend now or what?" Lori huffs.
"No, but he is just very drunk and acts like a jerk," Josh hisses, narrowing his eyes at Aidan, who looks down like a dog who just got caught tearing up the newspaper, but then the werewolf focuses back on the younger woman. "So now, get going, before I decide to change my mind and tell your dad nevertheless."
"Hey, I didn't know that he is one of the staff," she insists.
"I can tell him the opposite. And you know as well as me that he doesn't trust you after the other debacle three days ago," Josh argues mischievously.
"Ugh, those supply rooms need locks on them!" Lori throws her hands in the air.
"Now, Lori!" Josh warns her. The woman rolls her eyes, but then waves with a smirk and leaves. Aidan still looks after her with wide eyes, just to bring his view back to Josh, who looks more than plainly pissed.
"… How do you know her?" Aidan asks.
"She's the daughter of one of my patients, John Dawson. Lori currently lives with her father, both because she is looking for a new job and because he needs some looking after. Which means that she is at the hospital a lot. The thing is that she has nymphomaniac tendencies, and a fable for two types of guys: the mystery man who is dangerous, or hospital staff. Which makes you pretty much the dream guy… though she is not very picky. She even tried to hit on me at first… Anyways, her dad doesn't want her near nurses or doctors because it's really awkward when you're getting treated in the urology department for testicular microlithiasis, and the same doctor has seen your daughter just down that department as well. That is at least what he says as to why he doesn't want this, other than obvious other reasons," Josh explains. "I caught her making out with the assistant urologist in the supply rooms three days ago… we could throw away like half the material and we had to clean… everything… Her dad was furious. And so was I."
Aidan stares at him, his mind still needing time to catch up with the news, but then makes a face, "Isn't the assistant urologist in our hospital a woman?" he frowns, to which Josh shrugs, "She is, she definitely is…"
Aidan puckers his lips.
"So now that we learned about that – I get to ask you: What the hell do you think you're doing here?!" Josh snarls. Aidan bows his head.
He is really the archetype of an endlessly going on history of repetition. Repetition of mistakes.
"I really just wanted to get a drink at first, but then… it… I lost it, for a moment. I just wanted to… just one drink, I said to myself. I didn't want to do her any harm, I swear to God, Josh!" Aidan stammers. The werewolf is suddenly right in front of him, his posture not in the least aggressive, though, making Aidan frown even more.
"I know that, okay?" Josh tells him in a way too soft voice to be true. He looks up to the stars once, trying to find the right words. "I know that you have a real rough time because of the hospital regulations, but… but why do you still go off on your own in that situation? Why don't you pick up the phone and call me? Tell me that you have the urges? That is the only chance I have to help you, man."
Because he would like it a lot if Aidan trusted him that much again. There was a time when Aidan did, but now? Josh doesn't know if all the stuff he pulled lately, like the bloody kiss, or the fact that he is vampire venom, made it impossible for Aidan to have faith in him to really come to his help.
"I didn't want to bother you," Aidan mumbles feebly.
"Now don't be ridiculous, okay? I'd always come for you, alright? You see, I think we could prevent a lot of drama if you just picked up the phone before… giving in to the urges. I know that sometimes you have to, or can't fight it, but… but if you call me and then go, I have at least a chance to come to your help, Aidan. I can't make the addiction disappear, but I can intervene. For that you have to let me, though. Because sure as hell it would have been more complicated if I hadn't known Lori. And it's mere chance that I made it in time," Josh tells him, his voice strong, but nevertheless soft and caring. Aidan can't even utter the words, or think the thoughts that he maybe should. He just looks at Josh, feeling lost because he feels home in that person standing in front of him.
"I want to help you, but you have to let me. Give me a chance, okay? I know we don't have a solution for the deposit problem yet, but I'm working on it, I am," Josh assures him.
"It's my problem," Aidan shakes his head, but at that comment, Josh's facial expression darkens to an angry grimace, "I played nice until now. I didn't yell or hit you in the face for being that reckless, but if you don't cut that bullshit, I swear to God, Aidan, I will hit you, hard. I think we're past the point where you should always claim that it's your problem. We are each other's problem and our own. Right? You pondered on that yourself, so don't stop short now that it's about you. I am here, or am I not? I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to help you, Aidan. I want to help you, but you have to include me."
He'd always come. Even if he ends up failing, Josh wants to try. He does.
"I'm sorry," Aidan brings out.
"Don't be. Just make sure you damn well call before you do that kind of stuff, then I don't have to bribe Sally into watching you all the while, just so she loses you anyways… where is she, by the way?! I saw her like three minutes ago!" Josh cries out, motioning around.
"You had her watch me? Since when?" Aidan grimaces at him. Josh turns his attention back to him, one hand in his side, "Only sometimes. I just ask her to watch out for you when you head out without giving us the location. I know you, Aidan. You are not at all as mysterious as you give yourself credit for at times. I'm not the only one having certain habits."
"Damn," Aidan shakes his head.
Damn, he almost bit that woman – and damn, does he have good friends. Damn.
"Yeah, damn, but… well, let's not blow this up to much of an issue. You didn't do her harm, so… bullet dodged," Josh shrugs.
"I'm still sorry. I didn't want to… disappoint you," Aidan admits meekly.
"You didn't disappoint me, and even if you did… it doesn't matter. Remember? We don't judge each other for our monsters. That's the way our household works, so you can't disappoint me, really, not when it is about such things," Josh argues in a soft voice. "Look, all I am asking for is that you… let me help you. I can actually do that. Well, sometimes. But I always try, you know that."
"Yeah, I know," Aidan whispers. And he tries the best he can to believe in these words of reassurance. That he is no disappointment, that Josh won't take off, won't leave him because he is a fool, that he can rely on Josh to help him even when he shouldn't.
"So… dare to rely on me," Josh tells him mutely.
"I would rather not rely on you too much. So that I don't always burden you," Aidan grimaces.
"Trust me, I rather rush to your aid after a phone call than searching for you, not knowing where you are and fearing that I come too late. That is much easier for everyone. I thought we agreed on this already," Josh argues.
"Josh…," Aidan sighs.
"I'm your… sober companion. You know how that works, right? You call them when you feel the urge. Do the same with me. I don't just turn away, trust me, no matter if we had some serious argument before or just bitch at each other. The moment you call me for those reasons, I'll always be there," Josh tells him, looking Aidan directly in the eyes. The vampire wipes his palm over his face, hoping that he won't cry right now, because he gets the feeling that he is about to.
"C'mon, let's get you home. There are still two blood bags left, right?" Josh says, hesitantly taking the vampire by the shoulders. He's wearing a jacket, and he knows that he has no scratches or so… so it should be fine. Please let it be fine.
"… you keep tabs on that?" Aidan frowns as they start to walk, pulling Josh back to the present conversation.
"Obviously? I'm your sober companion. That is what I do," Josh shrugs.
That is one of the few things he can do. He is good at that kind of stuff… the rest… we'll see.
"Thank you," Aidan mutters, not meeting the werewolf's gaze.
"You're welcome," Josh whispers. The two start to make their way down the road.
"There you are!" Sally suddenly cries out, popping in in front of them.
"Where have you been?! You were just right behind me when I entered that street," Josh mutters, gesticulating angrily.
"I actually… accidentally followed another couple… who then made out in some alleyway. And it was disgusting, for the record. For a moment I thought he was trying to lick her brain… The guy looked just like Aidan from behind," Sally explains, making a face. "And that means you have to find better pick-up places, by the way… eww… those images…"
"Or better not, c'mon," Josh rolls his eyes.
"What about Nora?" Sally grimaces.
"What?" Aidan asks nervously.
"Doesn't matter," Josh assures him quickly before turning back to the ghost. "I gave her a quick call."
"Classy," the female ghost snorts. Josh looks at her grimly, so Sally holds up her hands in surrender, "I shut up."
"… Wait, you had the date with her tonight," Aidan says, realization dawning on him. Right, he heard them discussing and that is when he just… left. Until now, Aidan wasn't even conscious of the fact that this was one of the reasons why he left for the bar.
"It's fine, Aidan," his roommate assures him quickly.
"You, you should go see her, I can walk home myself," Aidan replies hastily.
Don't go with the devil when you can dance with the angel instead, Josh.
"You almost drank someone, so let's not chance it that you find some person strolling around the streets oh so tempting. I got it covered, okay?" Josh argues.
I got you.
"Josh…," Aidan breathes, but the werewolf just shakes his head, "Just walk on, I'm not accepting 'no' for an answer."
"Listen to the man of reason," Sally hums. Aidan grunts, but then goes on anyway. He suddenly feels warmth that doesn't make him tumble over the edge back to the dark urges. It's a kind of warmth that is simply… warm, comforting.
A warmth that is home.
They soon arrive back at the house. Josh wordlessly guides Aidan to the kitchen and makes him sit. Aidan feels fairly embarrassed by now, but knows that objection is no option.
"Okay, do you need something right away, or do you rather want it heated up?" Josh asks, surprisingly casual. Aidan can't repeat that often enough inside his head. He feels reminded of the night Cara died, or how he drank Zoe. It's the same kind of guilt, but Josh reacted to it differently back then. Just now, he is just helpful and considerate… and all those things Aidan feels he doesn't deserve after he almost broke his promise to Josh all over again.
"I don't feel tingly, if that's what you are asking," Aidan replies. Josh nods, then goes to the fridge to take out one of the blood bags and routinely fills Aidan's mug.
"Josh, you really don't have to," the vampire argues.
"Shut up," Josh almost hums this time.
"My, my, what a night," Sally exhales. "And it's not even started yet."
"Well, it's over for me, that much is for sure," Aidan grunts. Josh offers a small smile before heading to the microwave. Once he is there, the device beeps. Josh wouldn't even need the timer, Aidan knows. At some point he is convinced Josh counts the seconds, already as part of his OCD, well, except for when he is lost in thoughts, of course, but if he is focused on something, Josh is sharp as a knife. He takes out the mug and places it in front of Aidan, "Okay, so you're settled so far?"
"Yes, yes," Aidan assures him quickly.
"Okay, then I'll go call Nora again," Josh grimaces.
"I'm royally sorry," Aidan apologizes.
"Just drink up," Josh tells him sternly, but in a soft voice. He heads into the living room, taking out his phone. Sally sits down face-to-face with Aidan, a smirk tugging at her lips.
"What's so funny now?" Aidan mutters.
"I just find it funny that Josh just practically made you the vampire version of a hot chocolate after you were upset. Sorry," she chuckles. Aidan can't help but grin for a short moment also.
"It's still no joking matter," he argues.
"No, it sucked, let's be honest," she shrugs.
"I really didn't want this to happen," Aidan shakes his head.
"I know," Sally agrees.
"And now I screwed up Josh's date on tops of everything," the vampire grunts.
Good job, Aidan.
Good job.
"Yeah, curious coincidence," Sally says, looking to the side with a smug grin.
"What now?" Aidan narrows his eyes at her. Sally shrugs, not saying anything.
"What?" Aidan asks again.
"Nothing," Sally smiles. "Drink up."
Aidan grunts but takes another sip anyway. That is when the doorbell rings.
"That's probably her…," Sally makes a face. Aidan grimaces.
Josh quickly gets the door. Nora stands on the threshold, in a purple dress with a black woolen coat over it.
"I am sorry that I couldn't make it," Josh tells her. Nora comes inside, shrugging out of her coat. She runs a hand over her eyes.
"Well, ugh, I guess I kinda deserved that one, you know, after I ditched you royally back when…," she replies sadly, not daring to look at him. Josh pulls at her forearm to make the young woman focus on him.
"Nora, I didn't do this to get back at you. Please believe me that much. Look, I was just five hundred feet from the restaurant when Sally surprised me about Aidan's situation," Josh argues. "I wanted to come… I mean, I dressed up, I was ready to go."
"Well, but then you decided otherwise," she shrugs.
"Let's have a seat, okay?" Josh tells her in a soft voice. The two sit down on the couch.
"I decided otherwise because Aidan's situation had priority. He was about to hurt someone. I had to stop him. I couldn't be in both places at the same time, so I had to make up my mind," Josh tells her, looking Nora deep in the eyes in the hope that she will see it in his orbs that he means it. Because he does.
"I do see that, that's not it," Nora sighs. Just that when Josh is to choose between Aidan and her… it's not her…
"I'm still so sorry that I hurt you. I wanted to go on that date with you, I really did. It's just… I have responsibility for my friends. And sometimes that means stepping down from the little personal wishes, for the greater purpose," Josh assures her.
"What greater purpose?" she grimaces.
"Keeping our humanity. That is what this household is all about, I told you. We help each other. We are there for each other. Aidan needed me, so I came to his help. As I said, sometimes it means to just… step back for a moment. I'm sorry that you got dragged into this, but… but I saw no other way," Josh explains.
"Well, you called," she shrugs, though it's obvious that it hurt her. She dressed up, she did her hair, tiptoeing on the uncomfortable high heels. Just to sit in that fancy restaurant alone (because she was stupid enough to come too early, out of worry to run late), wave off waiters for the menu and just sip on that glass of wine that was definitely not worth the money.
"Trust me, you'll get a very fancy dinner from me to make up for this, two, if you want to. It's just that…," Josh replies, but that is when she holds up her hands.
"I get it, Josh," she argues. "They are your friends, and, well… I am…"
He looks at her wearily, "I didn't choose him over you, I just chose a situation over the other. Do you understand that? It's not because I don't care about you. It's neither about me caring about Aidan more or less. It was simply about what situation had priority. And my best friend almost killing an innocent person in blood thirst is actually taking precedence here. But if you had been in a similar situation, I would have ditched Aidan or anyone else to come to your help."
"I understand that, I guess," Nora agrees. Even before she learned about Josh's secret, Nora knew, deep down, that he came with a package, including Aidan and Sally, even if she didn't know Sally by then. She always knew that Josh did not exist alone, at least he doesn't do so anymore, after what he told her about his time on his own after he was turned and was indeed very alone. Ever since he moved in with Aidan, he is… part of something, this house, this household, this family. Nora simply hopes that she can be part of that something, too.
"I really didn't meant to hurt you with this," Josh says another time. "Or at all. I don't want you hurt, believe me. I can't stand it."
"I know that, Josh. You wouldn't ever want to hurt me. Or anyone in general. You are too kind for that," Nora nods. And isn't that the real dilemma here? She knows this guy is too good to be true, too kind to be true. Josh is so kind that he doesn't turn her down when she is no more than a stray who betrayed him, showing up on his doorsteps hungry and in need. Just that Nora would rather no longer be the stray, but something else entirely.
"Thank you," Josh whispers.
"Well, maybe we can go another time," she offers with an uncertain grimace.
"If you want to, of course," Josh nods hastily. "Maybe we should go during daytime next time. Aidan likes to hunt by night."
"You politely ask me to arrange my time management around Aidan's urges?" she grins at him.
"I know it sounds odd, but we arranged our lives around each other's… madnesses. He picks me up from the woods or keeps the other vampires away from me, I play the sober companion… it's a give and take, I guess," Josh chuckles softly. "Nevertheless… the next time we plan that date, he's getting grounded."
"To be on the safe side," she agrees.
"Exactly," Josh nods. "Okay, now that I royally screwed up the food date, you probably haven't eaten either, so how about I fix some sandwiches or so? I can cut them into very small bits, then it looks a bit more like the stuff they sell in the restaurants?"
"Thank you, that'd be great. I'm starving," she smiles at him sweetly.
"Okay, gimme a few minutes," Josh grins. He gets up, patting her on the forearm lightly as he goes before heading into the kitchen.
"Are you guys okay?" Aidan asks cautiously.
"Yeah, yeah, it's fine. I'll just fix something to eat," Josh agrees, already going through the fridge for the needed ingredients. Aidan gets up wordlessly, the mug still in his hand, and makes his way into the living room. Nora tilts her head as she catches sight of him.
"Hey," he greets her.
"Hey," she breathes, looking at him uncertainly.
"Can we talk for a moment?" Aidan asks cautiously, something that really surprises the blonde woman. Aidan usually tried to stay away from her ever since she resurfaced.
"… Sure," she grimaces. Aidan sits down next to her, "I just want to say that I am very sorry for screwing up your date with Josh. It was not my intention, honestly."
"… Okay," Nora makes a face.
"And I assure you I'll do anything to never let that happen again," Aidan goes on with his apology.
"I won't let it happen again either, if I can help it," Nora snorts.
"Good," Aidan nods. She smirks at him faintly.
"I'm really sorry," he tells her another time. He means it, though. Aidan didn't mean for this to happen. Already for Josh's sake.
"Well, you said it, it's not like you did it on purpose or so," Nora shrugs.
"It wasn't planned, no," Aidan agrees. There is a longer pause until the vampire speaks up again, "Nora?"
She looks at him.
"I know that we weren't really the closest friends back when… well, you lived here for the first time," the vampire begins.
"To put it nicely," she snorts. "Though I understand it now."
"Regardless of the stuff that went on by the time… I still had the highest respect for you, as a person. I mean that. And nothing's changed about that. You are… a part of this group, and that's why I feel ever the more sorry for messing up in your life, too," he tells her earnestly. He would like to treat her as a threat or something. Because that means he could blame someone for his inner turmoil other than himself. However, Nora is a considerate roommate who cares a great deal about Josh and them… and who understands their struggles.
She really is the angel here, or maybe she made it back from hell to grow wings again. And he just seems to be the goddamn devil after all.
"I always had respect for you, too, Aidan," she replies just as credibly.
"Thank you," he nods.
"Here come the sandwiches," Josh declares ceremoniously as he comes out of the kitchen.
"Just how fast are you?!" Nora exclaims, looking at the mass of food, and all magnificently executed from the looks of it.
"Training, Nora, training," Josh winks at her. He puts down the plates and the six-pack of beer he grabbed from the fridge. Sally trots after him curiously.
"Well, I would vote for a movie to make at least something of this evening. What do you think?" Josh offers.
"Sounds great," she agrees.
"Aidan?" the werewolf turns to the vampire, who is caught off-guard for a moment. He honestly thought that Josh would straightly tell him to leave them in peace for a while after he royally screwed up… this entire night, but then again… this is Josh.
"I can also head to the room, to give you guys privacy," Aidan offers nevertheless, already out of respect for Nora.
"It's okay," Nora argues. "If you want to, you can stay."
She looks at him, giving a small nod. Aidan takes up on the cue. He gets it, and he is thankful for it. Yeah, she really is the angel.
"Then… I am in for it, I guess," Aidan shrugs.
"Yay! Movie nights are best," Sally cries out mockingly, throwing her hands in the air.
"But I vote against romantic comedies," Josh insists.
"How about The Shining?" Aidan offers.
"I find that racist," Sally pouts.
"Coz it has ghosts in it?" the vampire grimaces. She looks at him angrily.
"It's arguable if there are even ghosts, or if it is just the man's reflections of himself in the mirror," Josh blurts out.
"What now?" the female ghost makes a face.
"You have to pay close attention to it, but…," Josh begins, but Aidan quickly cuts him off before Josh can unleash his movie trivia knowledge, "Not the movie analyst again."
He grunts, slouching down in his seat, "Some movies are simply there to watch, not to dissect, man."
"I don't dissect it, I appreciate this film, by going into detail… even if it is much different from the novel," Josh argues.
"Oh, I totally love that movie," Nora smiles, clapping her hands together.
"Seriously?" Aidan frowns. He never took her for the type, to be honest.
"We once pranked a friend of mine by screaming 'Here's Johnny' and knocking against the door after she was so scared while we watched it that she hid in the bathroom. It was hilarious," Nora snickers.
"That's awful," Josh shakes his head.
"We all laughed, hard," Nora smiles.
"Then let's watch that movie and see if Josh gets to prove his theory, I'd say," Sally grins.
"Don't encourage him," Aidan warns her, but Sally is not really impressed, "What? I wanna know if I have to find this movie racist or not, so you sit back and relax."
Josh starts the DVD and settles down on the couch as well. They ease against the fabric of the sofa as the movie begins.
The four watch the film in silence and… a strange kind of peace.
Chapter 23: What If
Summary:
Josh mourns the loss of his child.
Aidan tries to comfort him, suddenly confronted with his own feelings.
Aidan finds out why Josh kept a distance from him.
Things happen.
Notes:
Hi, everyone! It's me, again. Well, who else would it be, huh?
I hope you'll like this one^^
Chapter Text
Aidan wanders around the living room nervously. Seven strides this way, ten the other, repeat the process. He checks his phone for the umpteenth time. Still no message from Josh. Where is that guy? Normally, the two go to work together. Today, they had the same shift anyways, but for some reason, Josh was gone in the morning. Aidan didn't even hear him leave – and normally, the vampire does, no matter how hard Josh tries not to rouse anyone if he goes by himself. The nurses confirmed that the brunet showed up at work indeed, but Aidan couldn't spot him at all during the shift. Even during the break Josh was nowhere to be seen. And after work was over, Aidan went home by himself, without any sign of his roommate.
So yeah, the vampire is alarmed, okay, he is worried. Let's face it. That, and irritated.
He didn't see Nora around either. He heard her saying something about doing a double shift for some reason when in conversation with Josh the other day, but he never bothered to ask.
The vampire reckons that maybe the two had a fight… or maybe talked to each other to admit their feelings and now both don't know what comes next? Aidan doesn't really know, though a part of him… secretly hopes for the first option. For some selfish reason he'd rather not admit to himself.
Aidan… he wants… he doesn't know what he wants, really. He didn't know in a while. One moment he wants blood. The next a movie night with his friends. Then work. Then a late night conversation with Josh. Then blood again. And then just another private conversation with Josh over Star Wars or the possibilities of alternative universes in science fiction. Or having a beer with him. Going to a bar together, laughing at some drunkards trying to hit on girls unsuccessfully. Watching the stars through their little window together…
Ugh. This is simply no option, when does his mind finally catch on to that bit of information? After everything that's happened, after all Aidan damaged and shattered to tiny little pieces, he shouldn't be thinking this at all, no matter how much stomach ache that gives him.
He plays this through inside his head again and again – the night and the reoccurring nightmare dancing around it. How he took advantage of the situation – hurt Josh, shocked him, and was that close to… not pull away. However, beside the shame he feels for it, there is this one thought drilling holes into Aidan's brain: That maybe it wasn't only the vampire in him who made the advances on Josh.
That something within him meant to approach.
Sought.
Obviously the biting was on the vampire-side, but… There was also… a kiss. Even through the haze of blood-tainted images, Aidan knows that his lips met Josh's that night, seeking… this one person's contact who means the world to Aidan. In a strange and totally inappropriate way, obviously. But still. Something happened that does not necessarily belong to the realm of dark vampire urges. It was this proximity without gaps he didn't want to leave. And before his brain kicked back in, Aidan simply wanted to get lost in that sensation, in that closeness.
And maybe that is also why Suren and he are no longer seeing each other. He always pushed it to what she did to Henry, but… what if it's actually about how this action lead to Josh drifting away from him, having these nightmares surely revolving around the dead girls, too? Not that Aidan blames her, because it was obviously him who did what was done, but… he can't look Suren in the eye without thinking about what happened, what happened with Josh as a result. He can't stop thinking about Josh, at least lately.
Aidan runs his left hand over his face.
What the heck is he thinking, huh?
Josh and Nora belong together. And he belongs to… well, maybe Suren after all, no matter the problems they currently have. That's not out yet. Maybe he just has to move past his issues. She is not to blame for his addiction – or his breakout. She cares about him a great deal. He cares about her a great deal. And even if not… it shouldn't matter.
He can't stay in Josh's way of happiness. Aidan did before. Josh made the decision to stick to him… too often already.
The vampire looks at his phone again, hitting speed dial another time, "C'mon, pick up, Josh."
He looks over to the window, through which only grey light comes inside, creeps along the walls like tendrils. Josh really shouldn't be out there in this kind of weather, no matter if he is a werewolf now or not. It's raining cats and dogs… and hail, and a bit of snow. Okay, it's raining wolves. For the record, Aidan likes the winter season, but he hates the change from autumn to winter. It just feels like the sky is constantly throwing up.
The vampire is pulled out of his musing when he suddenly hears someone messing with a bunch of keys. Aidan grimaces. He didn't hear a car, but he can hear someone dropping the keys… four times in a row. That's surely a new record. He already means to get the door, when it opens, and a soaked to the boot werewolf stumbles inside.
"Josh?" Aidan frowns. The other man turns around lazily, seemingly taking notice of him only just now.
"You smell like a bar," the vampire blurts out – as if the now soaked brown paper bag with bottleneck sticking out was no sign already.
"That could be expected. Coz that's where I came from," the werewolf points out with a shrug. He giggles to himself once, but then starts to shiver, his features sagging.
"I hope you took a cab?" Aidan grimaces, to which the werewolf just blows air through his pursed lips, "Nope. The germs, Aidan, the germs."
"You walked… in that storm. Didn't your mom give you the talk about how it's no good to walk home in such a storm – without proper clothing?" Aidan huffs.
"Is overrated," he snorts.
"Actually it's not. So you'd better change out of these clothes," the vampire tells him sternly.
"… That may be… but first of all I need… ugh… yeah," Josh mutters, moving past Aidan and into the kitchen, leaving puddles behind as he goes. Once Josh is sober again, he'll clean the hell out of that floor, that much is for sure. And he'll hate himself for it. That's set into stone.
Aidan follows the other man wordlessly as he rummages through the kitchen cabinets, until he finds a glass he seemingly deems sufficient, pours himself a generous amount of booze, and downs it in one swig.
"Want something, too?" Josh offers, nodding at the bottle.
"Thanks, I'll pass," the vampire replies.
"Fine with me, means I got more for myself," Josh shrugs before heading back into the living room. Aidan saw his roommate drunk a few times before, but this is definitely new. Normally, Josh is either totally depressed after a drink, while sounding very sober, except for the slur, or he starts to giggle uncontrollably, even when it's not appropriate. However, no matter how drunk Josh is, he usually always pays attention to the house and on not breaking anything, or damaging the floor. That surely means he's had a lot.
The werewolf trots over to coat rack, wrinkles his nose at the piece of furniture, contemplates, then puts down his bottle and the glass – on the floor, and then starts a drunk wrestle fight with his soaked jacket. Aidan would usually find this very funny, just that he doesn't now.
"I know you're dying to make the soaked puppy joke," Josh says as he finally wins the fight and manages to hang up the jacket, messily so.
"Nyah, I'll pass," Aidan replies tightly. Josh chuckles to himself as he kicks off his boots, Josh never kicks them off like that. He then grabs the glass and the bottle and scuffles over to the couch to just flop down unceremoniously, leaving a wet outline of himself on the bedsheet still spread out halfway over the couch – another sign that something is definitely not right about this situation. Josh always makes sure his "bed" is gone the next morning so that others aren't bothered by it when they want to use the couch as a couch.
"I'll get you a towel," Aidan says before heading off. He quickly grabs some towels and a few washcloths before he head back to where Josh is. The vampire unfolds one towel and tosses it over the werewolf's head before settling down next to him.
"Thanks," Josh says, not looking at him.
"It's nothing," the vampire replies, frowning at the sudden change of tone. Because suddenly, Josh sounds hoarse and miserable. A second ago he seemed to tend more towards the giggling department. Something is definitely wrong here.
And that is when he sees it, in Josh's pale, shaking hand.
"Six months on the spot today," Josh says. While the towel shields a bit of his face, Aidan knows exactly the sad smile he has on his lips. He can hear it. "Time flies by and away at times."
Aidan licks his lips. Six months since… since the night he thought he won his freedom. Six months since he killed Bishop. Six months since the sonogram disappeared out of Josh's chest pocket. And now it's back in his hand, soaked by the edges.
Damn, why didn't he remember?
"At first I thought I'd just go to work and then head home and then… I don't know, watch some stupid romantic comedy, to give myself a good laugh at the awful plotlines, but then there was the bar – and that seemed so much more fun to keep the mind off of the obvious," Josh goes on. "I guess I should've done it like Nora. She scheduled double-shift to keep herself distracted."
So that's what they talked about when Nora mentioned the double-shifts…
"Well, then I guess I won't be drinking so much on New Year's Eve," Josh jokes drily. "To compensate, whatever."
"Why didn't you answer my calls?" Aidan asks. "I would've come to pick you, you know?"
He would have kept him company.
He would have tried to help.
Josh ignores the question completely, his mind focused on something entirely else as it appears.
"You ever had that real need to just walk through a storm?" Josh asks him, turning to face his friend, his eyes bleary. Aidan shakes his head, so Josh goes on with a lopsided smile, "You should try it. Is good stuff. I mean, it's technically bad stuff, but… how that cold burns on your skin. And you keep running nevertheless, coz you gotta be somewhere else. It seems closer to life than does strolling in good weather, don't you think?"
He just had to run, run far. And for a moment, Josh wanted to run away. To where? He didn't know, he didn't care. The werewolf just wanted that pain to drown him, the ice and hail to consume him. However, once his finger had gone numb, Josh found himself turning back home. That is the thing: Josh would like to run away at times, to keep others away from his problems, from his pain, but his feet always carry him back home, back to this house, his family.
"I'm so sorry," Aidan grimaces, feeling phantom pains rushing through his fingertips up to his neck. He's seen Josh broken down, he's seen him having a panic attack, he's seen him in pain, but this feels different. Those feelings, those words overflowing with these feelings, are just so raw that it hurts the vampire down to the core.
"I am sorry," Josh insists. "I'm just making a mess of everything. So you see, that is the thing… as it was with the child… I really suck at fixing things. When I try to fix things, they end in chaos."
Or in blood.
"That the child died is not your fault, you know that," Aidan tells him. They had that conversation, again and again. Josh is a man full of surprises, but he is also a man full of self-blame. Sometimes even more than Aidan, and that seems hardly possible.
The werewolf shakes his head. Aidan still won't get it. That it's not just about this, but everything. That Josh is the unrelenting storm to everyone and everything.
Poison.
"Everything I touch with these hands... it breaks apart. It dies. I'm a walking catastrophe," Josh suddenly brings out, waving his hands around before him. His friends keep telling him that he helps fix things, that he helps them, but he doesn't see it like that. Josh only sees how he didn't see Aidan go off for his hunt, let it happen that he got almost killed, sold himself to Bishop, fight Bishop, didn't prevent him from being forced to kill his loved ones, didn't keep him from killing those two girls in their house to save Henry, didn't make it to the date with Nora, didn't keep her safe, didn't keep the baby safe, didn't help Sally with the Reaper, didn't this, didn't that.
He is the one true screw-up in this household.
"No," Aidan shakes his head.
"Yes," the werewolf insists.
"What about Sally and me? We didn't die coz of you, did we?" Aidan argues. At that comment, Josh lets out a strangled laugh, "Right!"
Is he serious? Or just that blind?
"What now?" Aidan looks at him.
"Do I really have to spell it out to you? I thought I was the one dead drunk," Josh snorts, his entire body shaking, though.
"I don't understand what you mean," the vampire tells him.
"I did almost fuckin' kill you, remember? Hm?" Josh looks at him, his eyes wide, clouded by unshed tears. "The Reaper incident – that is when I almost killed you. With… my blood. I. I killed you, almost. I did."
Aidan looks at him, his brain feeling disconnected for a second. What?
"And I keep reliving that. Every single night I watch you die – coz of me. And I can't help it, ever," Josh brings out with so much venom that is only poison to himself.
He seals it with a bloody kiss, each time.
Aidan is simply stunned – the nightmares that made Josh scream and tear apart… they were about his death? And it is his death Josh dreaded? Not the girls'? It was him? Only him?
"It's not just that I killed my own child with my wolf, but I also almost managed to kill you… with myself. I curse all of you," he brings out, his voice shaking. Josh tosses the sonogram back on the table and grabs the glass to down another swig of numbing alcohol. His fist is so tightly wrapped around it that the veins stand out. Aidan stares at him, because there is a change in Josh's posture that sends even more shivers down his spine.
"Life is such a fragile thing, or so I had to realize. Like this here. It seems perfect at the surface, like that glass. But that's just half the truth: It's just as hard as it is fragile. If you smash it against someone's head, be sure he'll bleed. You think you can see through, but in fact, everything is just distorted, an optical illusion. It's beautiful on the outside, but will eventually show the years of use, scratches, and that is when it becomes ugly and you throw it away. And if just the right circumstances come together… if there is just enough pressure, enough blows, a small fissure is enough and it…," Josh grits his teeth as suddenly there is the sound of breaking glass and shards fall to the ground. "Ain't life anything but a heap of shards?"
"Crap," Aidan mutters, seeing the bloody scratches on his friend's palm, oozing blood. Josh looks at his hand, dazed, seemingly only now conscious of the fact that he bleeds.
"Lemme see that," the vampire says, holding out his hand to Josh to inspect the wound, but that is when the other man pulls away anxiously, backing off a little, breathing hard through his nostrils.
"Josh?" Aidan looks at him. He knows that Josh doesn't trust him or allows closer body contact after all he's done, but he should see that now he should better forget about it for a moment. Or is he really disgusted with Aidan that much after all?
"No, stay away!" Josh hisses, suddenly agitated, pulling his hand to his chest. "Don't. Just don't."
He screws his eyes shut as the pictures of Aidan bleeding on the ground come back to him in waves. He really is a walking catastrophe. He's been so careful that none of his blood was anywhere close to Aidan – and now, in that drunken stupor he does that?
Great job.
He wants to run now, back into the storm. Please.
"Josh, I know that you don't like this, but let me have a look, okay?" Aidan bargains, but the werewolf just shakes his head frantically, "I am vampire poison! You idiot! So keep away from me!"
"What?" Aidan looks at him.
"My blood is poison to you, remember? So don't touch me," Josh replies.
Just don't touch me. Stay away from me. I don't want my nightmare to become true. I can't watch you die. Please.
"Your blood…," Aidan stammers, his mind still catching up to that input.
Is that why Josh kept a distance? Because he thinks that he will end up making Aidan gurgle on his own guts again?
"Josh, I would have to drink you for that, don't you think?" the vampire argues.
"How would you know!?" Josh shrieks. "How would you know when you couldn't even tell that this would be harmful to you in the first place!? What if I am the vampire pestilence, huh?! What if getting into touch with my blood is enough?!"
"I treated your wounds before and didn't bleed out of my eyes, did I?" Aidan objects.
"What if it's changed now that you had my blood? Huh? We can't know for sure! I have… I am still running the tests, but this is hard and…," Josh mutters. "I still need more time. So you should keep away from me until then."
"Tests?" Aidan frowns. Josh shrugs, "Blood tests. I thought that maybe I could find out what's the problem with it, with me, but… I.. I don't know yet, so you should better… stay away from me."
Just stay away from me. Please. Please. Please.
Aidan just keeps staring. Al this time he thought that Josh kept away from him because of what he's done. And now… now it turns out that Josh thinks he is the cause of the problem?
"I should just keep away from those people I care about," Josh mutters. "The way I used to. Before I met you. Then Nora would be happy now. And you guys… you guys would be better off without me, too, I think…"
You'd be better off without me.
Aidan narrows his eyes at him, and now speaks more sternly, "Hey, now you listen to me."
Josh turns his head at the suddenly harsh tone in his friend's voice. The towel falls off his head.
"You don't destroy other people's lives," Aidan goes on. "Trust me. And you could never destroy mine."
You save them, Josh.
You save even that shriveled bit of a tainted soul living within that undead body next to you.
You grant hope.
You grant a chance of a maybe.
Of house.
Family.
A home.
"Yes, I could, yes, I already did," Josh snarls. He saw it, didn't he? Back when he still worked his job in the shabby restaurant, when he lived in a separate world and only glanced at hope through a window by sunrise. Josh didn't attach to people and places so that they were safe. And they were, weren't they? Em, Julia, Nora, the child, his family, Sally, Aidan: They were safe before he bumped into their lives, with foolish and selfish wishes of normal, of turning away from the abyss, running from what seems to be his destiny.
His curse.
His shame.
Why does he keep hurting the people he cares about?
Why do people continue to hurt in his presence?
Josh went to med school to fix people, to help them heal, just that it seems that he is tearing open new wounds for those people he calls his friends and family. Or, even if he is not the cause, he has no treatment, no way to soothe the pain, heal that wound, stop the bleeding.
"This is not your fault, Josh. It's never been," Aidan tells him, now in a softer, but resolute tone.
It was his fault. And that Aidan's almost demise caused that much pain in Josh… it makes it ever the more painful for him in turn. That he is, once again, the reason for the pain in his best friend's eyes. The one person whose pains are the worst for Aidan.
Josh looks at him, his entire body shaking violently. Defeat is written all over his face, "This is... this is just... I... I'll just lose everything I have. I know it. I know it in my guts. The day will come and then... then all's gone, all people I care for. I'll lose it, I know it."
He saw it. Again and again. And he saw it ever the clearer at the bottoms of the glasses he drained to numb the pain tonight.
Isn't that what his one good dream tried to tell him, too? In the woods? The gunshots? This abyss, right? At first Josh took it for no more than just a dream, then for some faint hope, actually, of being caught, that someone would hold on. However, now he fears that it was more. That it is way more. A greater kind of truth.
A truth about himself.
That the day will come that Josh will fall into this hole he saw in the imagined woods. That must be the deeper message: The moment Josh is not careful enough, the abyss extends and swallows everything he finds important, every person he cares for. The abyss will readily devour them all, his life and the people in it, and him, too.
That's what it boils down to. What it boiled down to the night Marcus beat him up. The night Aidan came to his rescue.
Abysses.
Just that back then Josh didn't understand that he is that abyss. He is what will tear everything and everyone he cares for down, will drag it into himself, his darkness, his curse.
He is that abyss as well as the hunter, as well as the man running from the gunshots. Perhaps even Nora's cries or the gunshots per se were him all along, too. Josh is all these things, all these people.
He is all that bad.
He is his own threat, the threat to his family and friends, to the center of his very being, his very soul. Josh is the abyss that destroys all he deems important. He is the filter that turns everything bad.
It's him.
It was him all this time.
And it will continue to be him.
"Hey, no, you won't," Aidan argues.
"My family, Julia, Nora, the child... do I really have to go on?" Josh mutters. "Or you?"
"Me?" Aidan grimaces. "Josh, we couldn't know that the blood would do harm. If anything, you tried to help. Other than that – what did you ever do to me?"
Other than saving me?
"Oh, I don't know… how about… telling you to kill Bernie? How about leaving you with Henry at the house so that you even got the chance to kill – though I felt it deep in my guts that something bad would happen? Or how about the time Bishop almost managed to kill you, huh? And why was that? Because you live with me and didn't cut all ties to me when he asked you for it. You could have died that very day, because. Of. Me," Josh growls, his voice full of anguish, full of hurt – a kind of pain Aidan didn't know was ever there in the first place.
Josh almost lost Aidan that day. The werewolf can still feel the sensation as though it happened right at this moment: life leaving Aidan's body, the movement slowly fading away. Him fading away. Josh can still feel it against his fingertips, that very fear. And it was instantly revived when Aidan took his blood and writhed in pain as their tiny world lay in ruins. He watches Aidan drift away again and again – and he fears that the next time, they won't be lucky anymore. That this hand will stay cold and unmoving.
That his nightmare will become reality after all.
"Now don't be ridiculous. Those were decisions I made," Aidan argues. "Especially with Bishop. I made a decision, Josh, to live apart from the coven. Bishop didn't like that, and that is why he went after me. He didn't want to share me and he couldn't stand it that I chose one of the rivaling species of all people to be my roommate and best friend. But it's really not your fault that he went after me," Aidan tells him sternly, but in a soothing tone.
Did Josh really believe that, all this time?
How far from the truth can that guy be?
"If not for you, I'd still tread through the same murky waters and would be no more than a predator, a monster. Okay?" Aidan goes on.
"I almost lost you that day," Josh argues, his voice no more than a whisper.
He loses everything important to him. Already that day should have made it clear to the werewolf. Josh almost lost Aidan. He almost lost his best friend.
And that was not the only time: His own blood almost killed him.
Josh really is the lethal potion to… his own life. To his own happiness.
"You won't lose me. I'll stay," Aidan tells him.
If that really is a comfort… Aidan doesn't know, but… but if Josh wants him to, he will stay, that much is for sure.
"You shouldn't, though. If you know what's good for you," Josh snorts, though that earns him only an angry glare from the vampire, "I know what's good for me, alright? And our friendship's always been good for me."
It's the damn best thing that's happened to him since… ever.
Aidan found in Josh a person he cared about more than himself – he found in him a reason to stay clean, a reason to live, when he deemed himself not worthy enough to be a reason himself. And Josh, for whatever the reason, took that position… and held on.
"How's any of this good?" Josh argues, gesturing around. How is this good? How is him crying on Aidan's shoulder like a child good for when he should support him with his raging addiction? How is it good that they are all monsters?
How is it good that Josh already managed to have Aidan almost killed twice?
Held his hand twice as life left his body?
How is it good that he hurt Aidan more often than he'd like to admit?
Left him behind when he needed him?
How is that good?
How are those feelings good?
How is such pain good that you can't breathe, can't think, can't… just can't?
How can any of the happenings before the abyss be good, if they are doomed to fall down that hole?!
"This is human, Josh. And that's good. You are what keeps us human, Sally and me," Aidan assures him honestly.
"You almost died. Sally was almost gone when in that ghost coma. People around me just end in catastrophe. What if you had died the other time? When you took my blood, huh?!" Josh curses. "What would have been?!"
"… I would have died at least a bit more human than I would have ever before I met you," Aidan replies simply.
"And that's seriously enough to you?! That is enough?! You should crave more! You deserve more, Aidan! All of you do," Josh mutters.
They don't deserve to fall down that abyss. Josh would rather put up electric fences. It's just that his darkness always seems to extend to take down those fences as well to leave the gates open again, for all his friends to walk across and into darkness.
"I made a decision, Josh. For this life. For this life with you, and Sally. A more human life. I made that decision. No one ever forced me. You didn't force me. I wanted it that way. I chose it because I believed that I deserved that," Aidan goes on.
"Deserve what now? A roommate to pull you down with him?" Josh huffs.
A roommate who chickens out? Who is too busy with his own problems? Who is poison to you? Who leans into a bloody kiss not intended for him for sure?
"A roommate who doesn't leave me no matter what stunt I pull, who made this house… home. A sacred place. Who gives me any damn reason to hold on to humanity again. Yes, Josh, you made me crave more, and that more is this here," Aidan says, licking his lips nervously. "I wanted this. I still want it. Every damn day I want this – and nothing else. Even if urges and vampire cravings get in the way… that is what I want. That is the life I want to live. And that's why I won't leave, ever."
At some point, Josh would like to cry now. That'd help, but… the tears just won't come. The words do, but not the tears. The tears flood the abyss instead, into emptiness.
"I can't do this anymore," Josh breathes, burying his knuckles in his eye sockets, needing that pressure.
He can hear the abyss, humming its little tune, its mocking tunes, in his own voice.
You won't save them.
You will lose them.
As you always do.
The child is already here, let's see how long it takes for the rest of your clan to join.
We got a lot of space here.
A lot of space for error.
Your error.
"It's okay," Aidan assures him in a feeble voice, but Josh keeps fidgeting around, his hands trying to find something to hold on to, but fail.
"No, no, no, no," he keeps muttering frantically. The vampire sucks in a deep breath through his nose before he takes Josh by the wrists. The younger man means to pull away, but Aidan holds on no matter what. Josh looks at him in sheer terror as their hands meet, feels the touch, sees his crimson blood leaving marks on Aidan's palm.
What if he…
What if…
But nothing.
"See? Nothing happens," Aidan tells him, his voice no more than a whisper.
You might be many things, Josh, but surely no poison. You are the antidote to all of my diseases.
Josh looks at the blood, his fingers suddenly feeling numb, his entire body feeling limp. He only vaguely registers Aidan pressing a washcloth into his palm to stop the bleeding.
He just sees that abyss before him, taunting him with familiar voices, trying to pull him inside.
Coming closer.
And closer.
And closer.
"Josh?" he hears Aidan say through the haze of voices, but they deafen all other sounds. He can't stop thinking, can't stop anything. This just keeps happening.
Please, just please.
Stop.
I can't take this anymore.
I can't do this anymore.
Just stop.
Cut me a break.
I have to breathe.
Please, let me see a specter of light.
Just one.
Just one star.
Just one milky window by sunrise.
Something, anything.
Just please.
Josh grinds his fingertips into his palm hard enough to force his mind back to the living room, to Aidan looking at him with emotions Josh can't make out. He feels Aidan holding his shoulder, firmly but gently. And it is only in this instance that he realizes the familiarity of that touch. The arm that pulled him back from the abyss in his dream… Josh took it for a foreshadowing of his near future… as a reflection of himself, of his failure of catching himself, but… It wasn't just some ghostly figure, no reflection of himself. It was Aidan. Inside his dream, Aidan saved him from the abyss. From himself. He saved him from falling into it, collapsing upon himself, dooming all the people he cares about, pulled Josh back, held him close, didn't let go when he already told his last goodbyes to the world. Aidan is the person who saved him from loneliness, from this life without strings attached.
And being close to him feels so incredibly right that it should feel wrong again.
Just that it doesn't.
Just like it didn't back when their lips collided…
Aidan means to say some more soothing words when suddenly Josh moves closer to him and presses his lips against his. They breathe into each other's mouths, reaching out, needing, seeking.
Aidan feels just like allowing himself to get lost in that close proximity again. Back when it first happened, it was him who wanted it, needed it, no vampire, no monster, just him. Yet, Aidan pulls away after all to meet Josh's eyes, "Josh, Josh. You are drunk. We should…"
He has to be the responsible one. Or else they will end up doing something they might regret… or rather, it's something Josh will likely regret – and Aidan will regret it that Josh regrets it.
What if his nightmare becomes reality, then?
What if Josh takes off?
The werewolf holds on more firmly to Aidan's hand, leaning closer despite the fact that the vampire seemingly means to pull away.
May I hold on?
May I keep you close?
May I get lost in that touch?
May I allow you to keep me from the abyss?
May I let you be my reason?
Feel safe?
Feel home?
Is that alright?
Is it?
Before either man can notice, their lips are pressing against each other again. All coldness is gone, and is replaced by this soft warmth, this comforting warmth of not being alone in this world, that there is another one to share your happiness as well as your pain and misery.
It feels familiar while strange, something long overdue when in the shadows for felt eternities, like something sacred and forbidden, wrong and right, something in-between.
Aidan hesitates for a second, pulling away again, a soft hand to Josh's heaving chest. The other man tilts his head at him.
"Are you sure you want this?" the vampire asks, breathing hard.
Are you sure you want me? Me of all people?
Last chance to back out, Josh.
Because I don't know if I will resist another time.
The vampire starts to see it now, feels it through the fingertips which warm up against Josh's skin – that this is what he wanted in a longer while, even before Josh offered him his blood. It's just that Aidan couldn't put his finger on it. However, now he can. This feeling of care reaches deeper than friendship, Aidan long since knew that, but... can he actually do that? Josh is halfway out of it, drowned in his sorrows, bedazzled by the memories of his dead child, of the nightmares, his fears and insecurities, mingled with Whiskey and soaked sonograms that used to be in chest pockets as a lucky charm. Even if Aidan may have this urge, suddenly, does it justify to... to take advantage of the situation?
Again?
As he did that night that gave them both nightmares ever since?
Aidan held on tight, too tight, in a blood-craze, but he did, and Josh, rightly, pushed him away.
What if this is the same thing all over?
Does history repeat itself after all?
To test them, test him? If Aidan can resist this temptation? If he can… not be the devil, for once? By making the right decision?
What if this is just a moment that is already starting to falter and break away?
What if they open their eyes to the truth of what just happened?
What if Josh wants to be back with Nora? What if he should be back with the angel instead of the devil?
What if this destroys what they had? This great friendship, this friendship that saved Aidan from the pit of darkness, from himself, over and over again? This friendship that is the world to him?
What if Josh will sober up? Wake up?
What if he just runs away?
What if his nightmare comes now back out of the box and takes Aidan's most important thing in the world away from him?
What if this is...?
"I need you," Josh says, his voice overflowing with so much emotion that it gives Aidan goosebumps.
I need you. I just need you.
And that is when everything just blurs away, all darkness, all what ifs, maybe's, doubts, and insecurities. Aidan leans into that touch, covers that abyss.
The crimson butterflies fly away together in silence.
That arm, that hand, I can't be without, or else my world, my dark world, swallows me.
I can't be without you.
You save me by holding on.
And so I will.
Hold on.
Hold on and don't let go.
Please, don't let go.
For this perfect moment of pure bliss, it's just them. Not Josh and Aidan, but them, a unity. They are a 'we' that all darkness cannot separate. In that embrace, in that kiss, is no darkness, no pain, no sorrow. It all melts away like the first snow that came too early. Aidan simply holds on tighter to Josh, and the other man does the same.
"Not here," both mutter simultaneously as suddenly it dawns on them that they are kissing right in the room where their nightmares keep taking them to.
"My room?" Aidan suggests, breathing hard, and Josh nods, "Just not here."
"Yeah," Aidan nods. Definitely not here. Both get up, their hands entwined, and steal away into Aidan's room – if only for that little reassurance of changing something about destiny, and be it only the location.
Once inside, their lips collide once more, their bodies merge together. Body to body. Heart to heart. They get down on the bed, holding each other as close as they can.
If I don't let go, you cannot leave me.
Both get lost in each other's touch that ushers all darkness away. They simply don't allow any distance between them so that darkness cannot claim them. The abyss has to wait another day, because they hold each other off the cliff, by holding on to each other.
They are each other's saviors.
Unbeknown, but still.
I am here. And if you want me to, I will stay.
I am here, will you stay, too?
Don't let me go.
Don't let go of me.
Hold me.
Don't push me away.
I want you.
I need you.
Sally pops in silently a while later, just about to say something as she catches sight of the very much moving bed sheets – and the very much and very loud grunting and moaning, most prominently Aidan, of course, but also… Josh. She gapes, but then directly pops back out of the room as the two take comfort in each other's closeness underneath the sheets, take comfort in each other's embrace.
In that they are not alone.
That the abyss won't have them.
At least not tonight.