Chapter Text
The harsh slap of the sliding doors so early in the morning startled you awake, the faint glow of a candle outside on the engawa uncertain with itself, a flicker in through the pasty white on the doors. Your parents’ hushed whispers grew louder, and you closed your eyes again and stuffed your head under the futon cover.
Their argument was a lullaby- a sad, sad lullaby, and you fell asleep not long after your father’s heavy footsteps grew quieter into the distant nighttime earth, and your mother’s soft sobs faded back into the house.
You woke up again hours later, the sun up, but almost teasingly so. The sky was horribly overcast, fog clinging to even the lower base of the mountains a few miles away from your view. It was a murky morning, gloomy and hazy and dismal.
You weren’t quite sure where your parents were– you knew your father wasn’t home, but it seemed like your mother had left, too. You ate breakfast alone after getting changed and left early for once. The main road had always been an enjoyable walk– so you were sure it would be nice in such unpleasant weather. And it was. It was so quiet and calm, it was almost eery. The gray mist had seeped out through the rice paddies outside the village that lined either side of the road as you inched closer to the mountains, and the farmers were getting ready for their days. They waved to you, surprised to see you out so early. Usually, you would get going hours later, but since you had been alone, there was no point loitering around at home.
Perhaps an hour or so later (you weren’t sure– it was hard to tell time when the sun was covered up so well), you reached the base of the mountain. The large torii gate loomed over you, a little sideways from its old age, wines begging to crawl up it and moss infesting the posts. The slight chill of the morning would rustle the charms tied to it, the old papers swiping gently on the old dark wood and it sounded like someone gliding their fingernails across a wall.
The overcoat you wore was comforting, keeping the chills at bay, though you suddenly wished you were wearing your tabi with the taller wooden geta on your feet, at least you were protected from any puddles that would most certainly get in your way up the mountain. The fog still hadn't let up, clinging to everything in sight and blurring the path in front of you a great deal. It made things hard to see, it was much more eerie than the main road, and you wondered if you’d get any work done at all today.
Occasionally, a rodent would dart out in front of you, startling you each time. They were so silent, but the blur of their brown and grey furs continuously made you feel as if you were being watched. It was so quiet, even for a mountain forest. Hardly any birds were chattering. It was only the faint leaves rustling, and maybe some crickets chirping, but that was it. For once you felt lost.
Continuing up the mountain, things began to look less and less familiar. Were you actually lost? You held your sides to you and carried on anyways, keeping a watchful eye around even though it was nothing but the white mist. You figured you were about halfway up the mountain and it was time for good rest, especially feeling it get a tad colder and the air a bit thinner. It felt like you were in another dimension altogether, sitting down in the dirt and rubbing yourself warm.
After your break, you kept walking up the mountain path, and by now you were absolutely sure this was a new trail. You had started out on the same path you took every week (multiple times a week, even) but somehow, even after all these years, you had found yourself lost on the mountain you knew like the back of your hand. But despite this nuance, you kept going. Eventually, you found yourself standing under another torii gate, bigger than the one at the base of the mountain, and colored a dark red like blood. Beyond the gate was a shrine– it looked a little old, but it seemed like it was kept well and hardly had any signs of weathering despite paint peels and scratches here and there. Some of the stones had cracked and crumbled, but it was in good shape. You weren’t quite sure who the shrine was dedicated to, but surely people visited if it stayed this clean. Just before walking under the gate, you bowed your head.
After some more inspection of walking and looking at not only the garden, but the wooden bridges that went up the mountain and the fairly large two or three-story main building, you decided this shrine had to be dedicated to a god with a bigger name, and not just any old forest deity. However, you couldn't find any bell or offering spot, so it was hard to find out. There were no name plaques or any graves at all. The stone statues were of oni or other gnarly folklore creatures with big teeth and horns.
After traversing up the many steps and wandering around the wooden bridges and walkways, you stood in front of what you assumed to be the main doors. But just before you could do anything, they slid open with a harsh force, revealing a person with cropped white hair and androgynous features. Their eyes, an unnaturally muted pink, were lowered in a fierce gaze.
Their voice was sharp as well–their hands outstretched in attempts at blocking the way into the shrine building. “Who are you?”
“I-I,” you stuttered, surprised and intimidated. “I’m [Name] of the Mori clan..I-, um, I wanted to pay my respects…?” You said, questioning yourself in the heat of the moment.
The white-haired person shifted their head for a second, eyes darting about, and you spotted the ring of muted pink coloration on their hair. They were wearing monk’s clothes, so surely they must stay here. After a second, they stepped out fully and you backed up. They closed the doors behind them and started walking away quickly.
“Follow me. You may pay your respects when my Master returns, but while he is out you must stay outside. Wait here.” They stopped at a side stone staircase that descended back into a fuller portion of the mountain forest and left you alone fairly quickly. It was quiet again, so you took a seat on the craggy stone stairs and leaned against one of the large and heavy komainu statues. Somehow, you found yourself alone again. Maybe not somehow. Perhaps you needed to be alone– so alone you would be.
Even if it was a bit sad.
At one point, you fell asleep. You realized this after waking up with a startle because there were heavy footsteps nearing you, exactly like your father’s footsteps in a drunkard and restless night. It made your posture fix itself and you rubbed your eyelids in a hasty manner. Who was nearing?
The fog was beginning to thin by now, the sun helplessly peeking through, easily it was noon by now. The footsteps continued. They were heavy and big, like a large creature demanding something. Somehow, you were not surprised to see exactly that.
It was substantial in stature, maybe over 2 meters or so, four bulking arms and wide, wide shoulders. A mouth creviced up in the center of its (his?) abdomen, sharp teeth like a wild starved wolf. Was it (he?) a god? A forest deity of sorts? You stood up and stared some more. It (he?) had four eyes, dark red like the torri gate beyond, and black marking that covered his body– ritualistic of sorts, maybe even divine. You figured you were supposed to be afraid, but he (it?) seemed just as curious about you as you were about it (he?).
“Oh, god, where are my manners?” You suddenly blurted, fumbling with yourself and bowing over properly. “Im, uhm, [Name] of the Mori clan. I changed upon the shrine…the Monk mentioned I ought to wait until their Master returned. Is that you? Are you maybe the god of this shrine? That would be quite the chance! But, uhm, if not, perhaps I need to wait more–” your mouth clamped shut at your rambling. You sighed to yourself. This was ridiculous. This thing had almost four of everything– it was (should have been, at least) terrifying (but somehow not really?). Things got stranger by the second when the big man (creature?) started laughing a loud and ambitious laugh. In fact, it flustered you greatly.
“Quite the chatty one you are,” he (he!) said. “Not that I mind. Tell me, how’d you find this shrine?”
“O-Oh, well, uhm, I walked up the mountain?” You were confused, to be honest. It’s not every day you find yourself on a new trail after walking the same one you have for so many years.
“Very well,” he said, and stepped closer, up the stairs until he was two steps below you but still so tall and big and well– you didn’t feel like finishing that thought. “Pay your respects.”
Huh?
“Go on,” he muses. “Pay your respects. That’s what you wanted to do, right, human?”
“To whom?” You say. “Are you truly the god of this shrine?” You ask, bewildered, but curiosity is your plague, and much like a cat, you fall to its depravities.
The four-armed man (god?) nods. A god!
“Good heavens,” you mutter, and swiftly duck your head under. You do exactly what you stated. You offer your respect to this god, and then he carries on like any other day before stopping a few feet behind you, wagging you forward. But somehow that is not strange to you, and you don’t feel belittled in any way. Simply, perhaps, it’s because you are tired of being alone all the time.
If anything, enjoying the presence of a god might possibly fulfill your lonely desires.