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Eve had practically melted into Suki when the woman had kissed her and told her to ‘believe that she loved her’ Up until that very moment - if she was being honest - she hadn’t. Not really. When Suki first professed her love, standing by the washing detergents and disinfectants in the shop, it had made her day. But in the back of her mind a nagging doubt had lingered – had Suki just said it to keep her quiet? Because in the heat of the moment she had almost told Nish exactly what was going on between them. And that was something Suki had been terrified of. But this, now, this was the real Suki. Admitting she was scared but wanting to commit to Eve anyway. Admitting that she did not know what to do next but promising that they would be rid of Nish. Imploring Eve to believe that she loved her.
The women lost track of time as they held each other. A much-needed reconnection after a truly hellish 48 hours. Breaking the comforting silence between them Eve lifted her head and asked “Can you stay for a bit?
Suki smiled softly and stroked Eve's hair with her right hand. Eve leaned into the touch like a puppy having its ears rubbed. “Yeah...I told Nish I was going for a walk, but I didn’t say how long I would be. If the man’s got any sense, he will leave me well alone.”
“Come here...” Eve smiled and pulled Suki gently towards the sofa. With one hand she straightened the cushions that she had been resting her head on when Suki had first come into the room. She then turned towards Suki and unknotted the belt of her blue woollen coat.
As she shucked the coat from her shoulders and allowed Eve to drape it over the ottoman, Suki looked towards the living room door. “Won’t someone walk in on us?”
Eve shook her head. “Nah...the kids are in bed and all adults apart from me and Stace are in the pub.”
Suki took in Eves slightly rumpled appearance from lying under the blanket on the sofa. Her eyes were so gentle – her soft smile highlighted the fine creases at their corner. Suki’s own smile felt simultaneously heartfelt and odd – should she really be feeling anything even remotely resembling happiness when her son – her rock - was starting a prison sentence that should be hers? But the look on Eve’s face said that she knew and understood her mixed emotions about the day. “Well in that case...” She replied as she kicked off her shoes and climbed onto the sofa.
“We don’t have to ‘do’ anything...” Eve started as she lay on her back next to Suki, who had turned onto her side. As she lifted her arm so that Suki could snuggle into her, she was startled by a light shove.
“Eve!” Suki said over a brief laugh of disbelief. “As if I would ‘do’ anything when Stacey could walk in at any moment!” She gave her love another little shove and then rested her head onto her chest.
Eve looked down at Suki making herself comfortable. She draped the throw over them both. Creating a cocoon. Lying like this had quickly become one of Eve’s favourite things, whether they were naked after making love or resting fully clothed and just ‘being’ together. “Ha-ha!” Her tone giving away the fact that she knew Suki was just trying to lighten the mood. Although feeling she need to clarify, she continued - “I mean – today’s been massive – I just thought we could cuddle for a bit.”
Suki snuggled in closer. Eve stroked her hair and hummed quietly. She quite often did that – the humming – Suki didn’t think she was even aware that she did it. But it was such a quietly contented sound, and it made Suki feel so safe and loved. “That feels so good.” She moaned gently. “I’ve missed you.”
“It’s only been a few days.” Eve tried to affect an air of nonchalance that did not fool either of them.
Suki rubbed her cheek over the soft cotton of Eve’s top and squeezed her waist. An attempt to get impossibly closer. “A few days where I thought I’d lost you for good.” The pain of losing Eve was like nothing she had ever experienced before – she had never been heartbroken, because she had never been in love. The only thing that consoled her was the fact that she had done it for Vinny. To protect him from a potential prison sentence that would kill him. She could not lose another child because of something she had done.
Eve sighed deeply. Smiling as Suki’s head rose and fell with her breaths. She tightened her arms around Suki as she contemplated one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. As she had walked down the hall of the Panesar house – she felt as though her heart had shattered like a delicate glass bauble. And she had left a trail of its pieces glistening in the light. “I hated the thought of never being with you again. But I just couldn’t carry on watching from the side-lines. Seeing what he was doing but not being able to help. And with no hope of us ever being together.” She explained in a voice that carried a lot of remorse.
Suki knew that Eve was painting herself as the villain for walking away but that simply was not true. “I know you were just trying to protect yourself...I’ve behaved selfishly since we got together...”
“Suk...” Eve butted in.
Suki moved her head briefly, so that she could meet the beautiful blue eyes that looked back at her. They held so much love. “No, please, let me finish” She implored. When Eve nodded, she rested her head back in its former position and continued. “I have been selfish...I’m not talking about needing to protect Vinny. It’s all the other stuff. Constantly pushing you away.” She unconsciously rubbed her hands in soothing circles over Eve's tummy. “Pulling you back in after the blessing...Only behaving like a couple behind closed doors. Even when we’re in Leeds...Expecting you to be OK about me still sleeping with Nish...Handing out ultimatums...Not treating you like an equal...” There was so much that she wanted to apologise for. To exorcise from her system. To let Eve know that the future would be different. Unrecognisable once they had got rid of Nish and they could be a couple properly.
Eve butted in once again. Her love seemed determined to flay herself for every past misstep between them. “Suki! Stop! – There is a lot of stuff that has happened lately. And yes, I have had my feelings hurt.” She paused. Suki placed a kiss over her heart. Eve was understating things but the biggest and best thing as far she was concerned was that Suki loved her. Had committed to her. And had made her promises that she seemed determined to keep. “We are starting a new chapter. Ok?” She felt Suki nod against her chest. Her soothing caress continued. Eve felt content - like a cat having its belly rubbed. Any moment now she would start to purr. Pulling her attention back to their conversation - “This is a blank page. We will learn from the past but move forward as partners” When Suki didn’t answer, she prodded her side gently. “Yes?”
Suki once again nodded her head and then looked up at Eve. She moved out of their embrace. The blanket sliding down her back to the floor as she shifted. Eve sat up with her. Complete confusion etched across her face. Suki repositioned herself to sit cross legged in the middle of the sofa. Eve mimicked the pose on the end cushion, facing Suki. Taking hold of both of Eves hands, Suki squeezed. A gentle reassuring smile graced her face, and her brown eyes were filled with nothing but love. She needed to say her piece, because she did not want a doubt left in Eve's head after tonight. She was all in. But she wanted to wipe the old slate clean. “Yes.” She said finally to Eves question. “But I need to apologise first...Please?”
“Well, I know a way you can do that.” Eve leaned forward and initiated a loving kiss. Suki reciprocated for a brief time. Then, before getting too side-tracked, pulled back. She placed a hand on Eve's chest when she moved to chase her lips.
“I’m so sorry Eve.” Suki started sincerely.
Eve decided to play the jester. “What?” She asked with a cheeky smile. “Wasn’t it a good kiss? I thought it was really g...Ouch!” Suki pinched her leg.
“Eve! I’m serious... I am sorry. For everything I have put you through.” She brought both of Eves hands up to her lips in both of hers and kissed the back of each hand lovingly. As she rested their hands back in her lap she began to speak again. “But I promise that we’ll be together...Hopefully before the end of the year.” She fully believed this was possible if the two of them put their heads together. They were intelligent women. Eve knew the law and Suki knew business. And she had not been given the moniker of ‘the master manipulator’ for nothing. Nish was a dinosaur and look what happened to them. Although it would be his arrogance and idiocy that would be his downfall. “I’m going to be brave.” Suki looked into the blue eyes that appeared deep enough to swim in, as she added “I promise my love.”
Eve bit her bottom lip as she grinned sheepishly. “Now that I know you’re committed to us – to me – then I can wait. We are a team now – yes?” She had believed every word Suki had said but that miniscule part of her that thought all this, all her wildest dreams come true, was a little bit too perfect to be real, needed a tiny bit of reassurance that they were now fully in this together.
Suki nodded and gave Eve the best reassuring smile she could muster after a day on an extreme emotional rollercoaster. “We’re a team.” She leaned forward and pecked a kiss to Eves lips. “Equals.” Another kiss. Longer this time. “I love you so much Eve Unwin.”
“I love you too Suki Panesar.” Eve’s repaired heart beat a tattoo as she leaned forward and kissed Suki. Prolonging and deepening the kiss just because she could.
Once their need to breathe had them breaking their kiss, Suki rested her forehead against Eves. “I don’t think I’d have got through today without you.”
Their foreheads remained connected as Eve shook her head, slowly side to side. “You would have. You’re the strongest woman I know.” She pulled back for a second and lifted Suki’s chin up with the index finger of her left hand. She caressed her cheek with the same hand as she spoke. “I just didn’t want you to have to feel the pain of losing your son on your own.”
Suki sighed. Eve saw the mixture of grief and remorse wash over her features. “I put too much pressure on him to be the man of the house – he was just a kid. Doing his G.C.S.E’s – and then suddenly I’m leaning on him to help in the shop, to look after the kids. A large tear ran down her cheek, she did not bother to stop it as more followed its path. “He was more of a father figure than a brother. The others looked up to him. He helped me guide them into adulthood.” She gave a self-deprecating laugh. “Although his methods were gentler than mine.” Anger flashed over her face. Although it was directed at herself. “I stopped him from having his own family because he was helping to raise mine. Helping me build ‘an empire’”
Eve gently wiped the tear stains from Suki’s cheeks as she spoke. “Kherrat’s an honourable man. I know that he has got nothing but respect for you - even if you can be the devil itself when the mood takes you” She smiled to soften the last of her words. She could see how much Suki wanted to believe her. “He certainly doesn’t resent you.”
Suki sighed. She spoke haltingly “Maybe, but he knows how weak I am deep down...That’s why he’s thrown away his chance of happiness, love, a family...He’s thrown all of that away for me...Because I made him grow up too fast.”
Eve moved them to lay back on the sofa. She wrapped her arms around Suki tightly. “Nobody put a gun to his head...And you know, despite what Stacey said at the time - I did not tell him he should hold his hands up to save you.”
Suki gave her a squeeze of reassurance. “I know you didn’t. He’s his own man.” She had taught her son, taught all her children to be independent. She was fiercely proud of all of them. “Nish is pleased he’s ‘out of the way’ He thinks it will bring us closer.” She felt Eve muscles tense up at the mention of her husband. “He’s in for one hell of a shock.”
Eve practically growled. “Nish perceived him as a threat...Kheerat had already wised up to him...And Nish wouldn’t have been able to gain the control he wants over you if Kheerat was standing between you.” Eve took a breath. “Kheerat told me that when they were kids, you were their guardian angel. You ran the business, looked after four kids and did it all on your own. And even though he had helped as much as he could when he was old enough – you were still his rock even now. Your son knew the real you.” She kissed the top of Suki’s head. Once. Twice. Three times. “Nish will never know you like that.”
Suki sighed. Comforted by Eve’s words “I’m worried about Vinny...He is trying so hard to become Nish’s idea of a ‘Panesar Man’...A man worthy of the name...I am worried he’s going to go down a path he will live to regret.” She held on tighter to Eve. The action somehow giving her more strength. “I don’t know how to stop it though...He looks up to Nish.” She said as hopelessness seeped into her voice. “I’m scared I’ll lose him to prison – And I know he wouldn’t cope.” She sniffled quietly. “I cannot bury another son Eve. And I’m scared that that is exactly what will happen.”
Eve stroked Suki’s soft hair, then let her hand drift lower to gently rub soothing circles on her back. “We’ve got to make him see sense then.” She said – feeling like she was stating the blindingly obvious.
“How?” There was a note of despondency in Suki’s voice. Like she had thought about and exhausted all possibilities. She knew Vinny loved her. She knew that he knew that everything that they had had up until a few months ago was because Suki had worked hard for it. She knew that her son knew right from wrong. But she also knew that his need to prove that he was not the runt of the litter – especially after the revelation of Ravi being Nish’s son – ran deep.
Suki had been manipulative. Had sailed close to the edges of the law – and occasionally gone over the line. But she had never involved violence or intimidation. And she had been clever enough not to take on those that she knew she could not beat. But there had been times when she had so skilfully played a person that she had got exactly what she wanted from them and more, and by the end, they had thought it was their idea.
Eve let out a huge sigh as she exhaled. “I don’t know...That’s another plan we’re going to have to come up with.” She continued her soothing trail up and down Suki’s back. Their connection was such that she could almost feel Suki’s fears radiating into her. Vinny not only needed saving from Nish - he needed saving from himself and his puppy like need to please. He was a good kid at heart and for Suki’s sake, she desperately wanted to stop him before he got in too deep and did something that he would live to regret.
For a while, they stayed silent. They just revelled in being close to one another once again. Eventually Suki spoke into the quiet. “I suppose all this planning might mean we need to spend some more time together?” Her voice sounding a little flirty and excited at the thought of being able to see more of her lover.
Eve nodded and a sloppy half smile adorned her face. “It certainly could.” Then her face dropped a little. “Although the only time we have now is in Leeds.”
Suki looked up at Eve. Her head still rested on her chest. “I don’t want to taint our little bubble.” She thought for a moment and smirked. “Although, if the Vic deal comes off, Nish is going to be so busy playing mien host...”
Eve grinned down at her love. Finishing the thought for her. “He might not notice us sneaking away for the odd afternoon?” Eyes twinkling at the thought of them getting to spend more time together.
Suki returned the exuberant smile that was shining down on her. “Exactly.” She confirmed coyly. Biting her lower lip as she spoke. Eve bent down to kiss her. Suki’s breath caught in her throat. The look on her lovers' face was as always one of pure love. Suki often felt worshipped when she was in Eve’s presence. Not just in bed but in the little gestures and looks that came from her during the ordinary minutiae of the day-to-day. And while she had admittedly taken advantage of that before. She vowed to herself that she would never do so again. This was a new beginning – she had finally committed to the love of her life. And while her head was spinning. Her heart was full, and she had never felt more still.
“Fingers crossed Linda can move forward with things soon then ‘ey.” Eve said as she reluctantly pulled out of the kiss.
They both took a moment to consider what kept Linda from moving things forward. They would issue Mick’s death certificate soon. And with that would go Linda’s last hope of her husband returning. They counted their blessings that they were on the verge of a new life together. But for that to happen, someone else’s hope had to die. Although apart from giving them more time together, they could not see how the Vic would play into their plans.
Suki leaned up for another kiss. A connection. A confirmation that they were both very much alive. “I’ll drink to...Oh we haven’t got one!”
Eve smirked. “Is that a hint to go and put the kettle on? She gently nudged Suki to signal that she needed to move, so that she could get up.
As Eve stood up, Suki sat up against the arm of the sofa. Her legs still outstretched. “Go on then” She smiled. Kicking her leg out playfully to try and catch Eve’s bottom with her socked foot. She hoped that she would never take for granted the way Eve was always able to make her feel better. It was not that her thoughts and feelings about what had happened during the hellish day had changed but Eve’s ability to listen and reassure and still inject some humour in the right places made things better. She smiled lovingly at her. And the smile was returned at once. She sobered a little when the next thought drifted to her consciousness. “Then I’ll have to go back I suppose.”