Chapter Text
So, Dynamight, Red Riot.
Bakugo: Why the fuck does no one ever say my name right? It's Great—
Kirishima: —Ignore him, he skipped breakfast. You had a question for us?
Well... Yes. It's not news that your graduating class is fairly infamous.
Bakugo: -snorts- "Fairly."
Yes, and it's not a secret that most of your classmates are in the LGBT community.
Bakugo: That's an understatement. It's like Aizawa specifically picked us from the fruit bowl.
Kirishima: -fighting off laughter- Katsuki. You can't say that stuff in an interview.
Bakugo: What, that we're fruity? I'm fruity. If people have a problem with it, they can bite my left—
Kirishima: —I am genuinely sorry, we really can't take him anywhere.
Sero: I mean we can, we just don't.
Bakugo: [swear] you.
Sero: Not even if you paid me.
Kaminari: You get used to us.
Do you really?
Shinsou: Unfortunately.
Kaminari: Hey!
Bakugo: We're going to be here forever, what was your question already?
Kirishima: We are three minutes into this interview, dude. Please. -strained laughter-
-accompanied nervous laughter- I was just wondering if you had any tips for other aspiring LGBT heroes, or maybe funny coming out stories?
Sero: We have so many coming out stories.
Shinsou: Shou's was my favorite.
Kaminari: I dunno man, I'm partial to Kacchan's.
Bakugo: [swear] off, you've known you were bi since you were four! You don't get to talk about coming out stories.
Sato: You're just upset because your story was embarrassing for everyone involved.
Kirishima: Why don't we offer advice guys?
Bakugo: It was not!
Ashido: My advice is not to rush yourself into putting a label on how you feel. You're still a kid, your brain isn't even done developing. Hell, ours aren't even done. You can change your mind dozens of times, and you need to know that feeling like that is okay.
Sero: Yeah and not everyone even wants labels. And that's okay too!
Bakugo: Take back that my coming out was embarrassing, it was brilliant!
Ashido: You can change your mind about gender or attraction any time you want to. Never feel like you have to know what's up.
Umm... is he okay?
Sero: Huh? You mean Kats?
Sato: It was embarrassing! I'm not going to lie! Ask Kiri!
Kirishima: Don't you bring me into this!
Bakugo: Don't bring him into this!
Sero: Yeah, he's fine. That's totally normal.
I... are you sure?
Kaminari: Oh yeah! Kacchan's just... what did you call him, babe?
Shinsou: Aggressively Existing.
Kaminari: Yeah! That!
Ashido: Back to the advice. If you ever feel like you need help talking through your feelings, Presentation Micheal has a great non-profit helpline.
I... do you mean Present Mic?
Ashido: That's what I said. Presentation Michael.
Tokoyami: Some jokes are best left to darkness.
Oh... kay?
Shinsou: Yeah, you get used to it, like they said earlier.
Yes, well, I didn't... expect this.
Kirishima: Yeah, sorry about that.
Bakugo: [swearing] be who you are and go for what you want. Or who. Just don't be a creep about it. No means no. Cry about it.
Kirishima: Crying is healthy! Don't let anyone tell you it isn't!
Bakugo: If you cry as much as Izu does, drink water more often.
Izu being... Pro Hero Deku?
Bakugo: You know anyone else who cries at the drop of a [swearing] hat?
Kaminari: Koda when he gets on kitten rescue tiktok.
Bakugo: Snow White gets a pass. That shit's tailored to pull at your [swearing] heartstrings.
Koda: -dry, sarcastic but very quiet- Thanks.
Bakugo: You're welcome.
Shinsou: I came out in middle school, but I didn't tell any of these dip[swears] until, what, second year?
Kaminari: I'm still a little upset about that, not gonna lie.
Sero: You're just mad that he asked me out before he asked you.
Kaminari: I mean, yes, obviously?! I'd been hitting on him since the moment we met!
Shinsou: I thought you were joking, I told you that.
Bakugo: You two have had this argument already, pick something new.
Sero: Heh, I never really had a coming out. Not that I can think of. People just... understood that I don't care?
You don't care? As in you're pansexual?
Sero: Don't care as in I don't have a label. I honestly don't care who I'm with. Sexually or romantically.
Ashido: I'd say I'm pan, but I lean more toward women.
Tokoyami: Remember when you thought you liked men more?
Ashido: I do!
I thought you two were engaged?
Tokoyami: We are. It doesn't stop the fact my future wife prefers women.
Ashido: Tiddies sexy.
Tokoyami: Agreed.
What would you consider yourself then, Tsukuyomi?
Tokoyami: An abyssal creature of darkness.
A... what?
Bakugo: He's demi-romantic and only attracted to Pinky.
Tokoyami: My heart belongs to one, and that one is my horror queen.
Ashido: You flirt~ -giggles-
Bakugo: Gag me.
Shinsou: I think it's romantic.
Bakugo: You set them up, of course you think it's romantic.
Shinsou: No, I hosted horror movie night and then got food poisoning and they stayed to finish off the marathon. I didn't set them up.
That does sounds... romantic?
Ashido: It was.
Kaminari: Can we talk about how Kacchan came out yet?
Sato: Yes!
Bakugo: No! Let's talk about you, sugar daddy! With your harem!
Sato: Hey! Don't say that like it's bad. I'm just polyamorous!
Kirishima: And we love you for it, dude. Like-platonically.
Jiro: -snorts-
Bakugo: Dude has four partners. It's a harem.
Sato: You're a P.R. nightmare.
Jiro: Listen, were I not a raging member of the CMs, I'd also be dating Riki.
CM's? Is that a new hero group? And what does it have to do with dating Sugarman?
Jiro: Are... are you serious?
... -hesitant- Yes?
Sero: -laughing so hard the director worries about his lungs-
Jiro: I thought it was super obvious that I'm the biggest lesbian the world has ever seen. I got married last year. I'm the only one who is married!
I... what does you being a lesbian have to do with a group called the CMs?
Kaminari: I'm gonna tell 'em.
Shinsou: Don't you dare. I wanna see how long it takes them to figure it out.
Bakugo: Well, since Punk Princess spoke up, why don't you tell us your coming out story?
Jiro: It's not like... special or anything? I thought I was bi until the end of first year. In fact, I thought I had a crush on Denks.
Kaminari: We would have had such adorable kids.
Shinsou: Sitting right here, babe.
Jiro: But then, you know, stuff happened.
By stuff do you mean the war?
Jiro: No, I mean I got hit by an ice cream truck. Of [swearing] course I mean that. -laughter-
Bakugo: I think the truck clipped you on the ear.
Jiro: [swear] off you fruit fly! -more laughter- Anyway, I just realized I missed Mo when it was over.
Ashido: It was so romantic when you confessed to her!
Sato: She was covered in blood.
Tokoyami: She was, such a declaration of true emotion could not have been uttered in any other state.
Bakugo: God you two are weird.
Kirishima: Katsuki.
Bakugo: They are!
Ashido: I mean, he's right. We are.
Tokoyami: Happily so.
Jiro: Anyway, we started dating like a week after I confessed, then got married in spring last year.
Kirishima: It was perfect, I tried so hard not to cry.
Kaminari: He bawled like a baby.
Sero: So did you.
Jiro: Yeah, but other than that, I'd have dated Riki.
Sato: I'm flattered.
Bakugo: What do people see in you, anyway?
Sato: Well, for one thing, I can cook.
Bakugo: And? I can cook, you don't see people flocking to bust down my door.
Sero: Because you're taken!
Kirishima: It's fine, I don't hold it against him.
Kaminari: Because you hold him against you. Somebody high five me! ... Thank you Koda.
I feel like this interview has gone off the rails.
Sero: Oh man, you haven't even interviewed Izu's group yet, have you?
No? Why?
Sero: Well... I'll let you find out.
Sato: I have an agreeable personality, I'm considerate, and I take my partners’ needs into consideration.
Bakugo: Well, somebody had to bag Glasses. Glad it was you and Cheeks.
Kaminari: And Tsu and Yuga!
Sato: We aren't all dating.
Bakugo: Yeah you are?
Sato: I mean we aren't all dating each other. I'm dating Yuga and Ochako and I'm flirting with Tenya. Ochako's dating Tenya and Tsu. Yuga's dating Tenya as well.
Sero: I thought you were dating Tsu?
Sato: She's a lesbian. We're just friends.
That sounds... confusing.
Sato: Not really? Not once you get used to it. But polyamory isn't for everyone, and I don't expect people to understand or accept it. I'm not here to make strangers happy romantically, I'm here to make my partners happy romantically.
Ashido: And, you know, save lives and stuff.
Sato: Yeah and save lives and stuff.
How did you find out you were polyamorous?
Sato: Google.
Sero: -laughing again-
Sato: No, seriously! Google! I was fourteen and wanted to date everybody, so I looked up if that was normal.
That's really sweet. So in doing research you were able to learn a new thing about yourself and put a name to a feeling you've always had.
Sato: Yup! I'm always down for research.
And Koda, do you have any coming out stories? You've been quiet about sexuality and gender.
Koda: Not... really? I'm focusing more on myself than being in a relationship right now. I've got some questions that I want to keep private.
Bakugo: And they'll stay that way. Anyone tries to force you to say anything else, I'll beat ‘em up.
Sero: So tame. Much whipped.
Bakugo: Shut up.
Kirishima: I didn't really realize I was gay until the end of first year either. I thought I was just... too busy focusing on heroics to find girls interesting, you know?
Bakugo: I [swearing] know, alright.
Kaminari: Yes! The Kacchan coming out story!
Bakugo: Jesus, do you want to tell it at this rate?!
Kirishima: -laughs- Guys, be nice to him!
Sero: No.
Shinsou: I'd rather unalive.
Jiro: No amount of money in the world would make me be nice to this little [swear.]
Ashido: We are being nice!
Kaminari: -cackling-
Tokoyami: It was a dark and stormy night when it happened.
Bakugo: Oh here we go.
Kirishima: I mean, it was.
Jiro: Katsuki had been openly flirting with Kiri for months at that point. It was pretty obnoxious.
Kirishima: Yeah, I was kind of stupid.
Bakugo: Kind of?
This sounds like an interesting story.
Ashido: Oh my god, it really was. So, like, Bakubro had planned this entire, super fancy, hella romantic date right? Candles, chocolate, roses, all that. And he was going to set it all up after he 'got Kiri to say yes.'
Sero: Cringe.
Ashido: Be quiet thot.
Sero: That's your majesty thot to you.
Jiro: Anyway, a bunch of us were waiting out in the hall.
Bakugo: Because you're nosy [swear swearers].
Jiro: And Kiri goes in and Katsuki is trying to be all subtle, and it's not working.
Kirishima: Guys.
Kaminari: No, we're dragging you for filth. We're allowed.
Jiro: Like, listen, at one point Katsuki straight up went, 'Well how would you react if a guy asked you out on a date?' And you [swearing] said—
Kirishima: Noooooo stop!
Ashido: He said 'Guys can like other guys?' Like genuine shock!
Jiro: And then Katsuki shouted—
Bakugo: —I shouted 'What do you think we're doing here, dumb [swear.]'
Kaminari: And Kiri said, and I quote him on this, 'I dunno, dude, just hanging out?'
Kirishima: -from behind his hands as he laughs and turns red- Leave me alone!
That sounds very embarrassing.
Jiro: Oh it got worse!
It got worse?!
Ashido: So much worse! So Kats has had it at that point, and he shouts 'I like you, you idiot!'
Bakugo: That's actually a really good impression of me.
Jiro: And Kiri went 'Aww, dude, you're my best bro too!'
Ashido: And Kats went 'No you moron, like like! As in I'm attracted to you!'
Jiro: And Kiri said 'But that would mean you like dudes.'
Ashido: And Katsuki shouted 'No [swearing swear.]'
Jiro: And Kiri went 'Wait, what?'
Bakugo: And then I shouted 'I'm [swearing] gay' at the top of my lungs right before the power went out.
Sero: And Aizawa kicked in the door at the same time, remember that part!
Bakugo: I, unfortunately, will never forget. I only came out to help my boyfriend come out. Because he's [swearing] stupid.
Kirishima: Babe. That's so romantic and manly.
Didn't he... just call you stupid?
Sato: Oh, that's a term of endearment coming from Katsuki.
That's... a lot to unpack.
Sero: Yeah, we all had to use the date candles because the generator got fried by lightning and Momo was too sick to make us another one.
Kaminari: At least it wasn't my fault that time!
Shinsou: That doesn't make it sound better, baby.
Kaminari: I think it does.
Bakugo: Anyway, do you have any other [swearing] questions, or can we take a lunch break?
I... you know what, let's take a break.
Ashido: Awesome! I'm starving. Fumi, let's go get those blood sausage corndogs you like!
Tokoyami: Of course, my love.
I'll... see you all after lunch.
Kirishima: Yeah, see you soon!
... I do not get paid enough for this.