Chapter Text
Fatefully
Addison
It was never supposed to happen this way.
Seattle is supposed to be temporary. Her stay in the consistently rainy city should be over by now; a quick easy in and then out. With no baggage left to carry, only signed papers that would allow Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery to begin again and for Addison Shepherd to disappear for good.
Yet one case turns into another, one week turns into two, and so forth.
Somehow, Addison finds herself settling into a routine in the last place she expects.
It starts with requesting Meredith Grey, the cute, wide-eyed blonde intern that Derek has been seeing for the better part of three months.
An insistent need to see what drew her husband to the other woman's bedside, besides the obvious betrayal back in New York. A need to be petty and knock the younger woman down a few pegs. After all, Addison knows who and what she is—she’s a force to be reckoned with, an alluring figure, and incredibly sharp. One doesn’t become a double board-certified OB/GYN, subspecializing in maternal-fetal medicine/fetal surgery, a neonatal surgeon (one of the foremost in the country), and a medical geneticist at the age of thirty-five without sacrifice, grit, and determination.
So the digs, perhaps childish do well enough to scratch said itch: “Chin up, Grey. I’m this tough on everyone, not just the women my husband sleeps with.”
Somehow, though Grey takes it all with a grain of salt. The intern doing her best to not let rampant gossip affect her, regardless of who spews it. And despite any personal vendetta, Addison for the most part is an honorable human being. When their patient requests a new doctor because the redhead had to push the blonde’s buttons, she draws a line.
“Ms. Phillips…I lack Dr. Grey’s class and patience, so let me set the record straight. My husband didn’t cheat on me. I cheated on him. So the wronged woman here—Dr. Grey. So, I think you owe her one hell of an apology.”
-
Derek doesn’t make it easy.
“Addison and I are over, Adele…We’re practically divorced…We had adultery, that was enough.”
His constant aloofness is infuriating. It’s worse than the cheating and the moving across the country. It’s how he discards Addison that enflames the neonatal surgeon. It’s what fuels Addison to keep seeking Meredith out, the insistent need to tell her the entire story, not just Derek’s version.
In doing so, Addison’s not sure where the words come from that tumble from her lips: “Really? So you didn’t take him back? Good girl.”
The words are like a purr, green eyes darkening as the blonde shivers minutely even as she walks away refusing to continue to listen even as Addison calls out: “Meredith, sometimes, people do desperate things to attract attention.”
She echoes those same words to her husband later in the day. Explaining and begging him to see that they’re both at fault—that they got busy, distracted, and successful, and that she’s sorry. She’s unimaginably sorry, she misses her husband. She misses her best friend. That she’s willing to leave New York for Seattle if it means she might have a chance at salvaging her marriage.
-
It continues with more rainy days in Seattle and an alluring offer from Richard Webber that she’s not quite sure she’ll take. Instead, she agrees to stay for the month, monitoring the direct follow-up to the T.T.T.S. case and assisting in the O.B. department.
That continuation quickly deteriorates to an annoying situation of Addison watching how her still-husband relentlessly chases his mistress. How he refuses to acknowledge that prior to the lapse in judgment, there were eight years’ worth of marriage, on top of five additional years filled with memories. How his past versions of sweetheart have transformed into hisses of Satan.
Derek makes the situation difficult and painful. Dragging out their humiliation and affairs into the public limelight (because the gossip chain at the hospital is the quickest thing to travel). More times than not, Addison wants to quit. To throw in the towel completely, to hand him the papers and just end it all. Yet, she stays. He might not remember their thirteen years together, but she does and Addison owes her vows and their relationship that much.
-
The only small comfort is that Grey still refuses to go back to him. It shouldn’t bring Addison glee that Derek pines after the petite blonde, but it does. At least this way, no one is getting what they want.
Her time at Seattle Grace allows for the temporary attending to begin to get to know the staff. In her two weeks, she’s began to build a comradery with Preston Burke and a friendship with Miranda Bailey (both formidable in their own way.) She also gets a taste of the interns—specifically Bailey’s group.
They’re a loyal crew, eager to learn and surgery-starved. They’re also an interesting mix, each one of them proving to be competent and passionate, despite only knowing them for snippets of time. It’s clear they each have a path—Addison can call it from a mile away. She’s not psychic, but she has a good gut feeling (it helps that some of them have their specialty—or perceived one—plastered on their face.)
Cristina Yang is relentless, her want for cardiology is well placed. George O’Malley is a little green around the edges, the most of his group, but he’d make a fine general surgeon. Alex Karev wants to be plastics so bad, but in the two weeks Addison has been there, he has a knack for working with others (if only he’d grow up). Isobel “Izzie” Stevens radiates maternal energy, she’d do well in O.B., but also oncology (Addison doesn’t know which way she leans yet.) And Meredith Grey, Meredith Grey is passionate about neurology, but in reality, she could make any specialty work (at least from what Addison observes.)
Between patients and trying to catch Derek for some attempt at civility, Addison watches Grey the most. She shines in a way the attending hasn’t seen in years. The intern sprouts both intrinsic and learned knowledge, a sign of a great future doctor. She even looks in her direction awed following the follow-up of T.T.T.S surgery and a couple of other ones she’s had in her time at the hospital. Lights shining in a blue gaze—full of adoration, praise, and surprise. It’s a power kick for the older doctor. Because Grey is bright—intellectually and personality-wise (annoyingly, Addison begins to see why Derek chases her.)
It’s also her keen observation that tugs at Addison’s navel during her third week drawing her attention away from her charts and towards a very specific intern.
There’s a rowdy patient—shouting as she’s wheeled in with Dr. Bailey attempting to get her interns in line to present. All but one. Grey—from where Addison can see—begins to pale as she slinks behind a hallway door. It’s the first time the redhead sees her back down from a situation, her eyes dulling into grey as the shouts become louder. One persistent chant: “What the hell are you doing here? How many times have I told you not to bother me while I’m at work!”
It’s followed by Yang, “Patient’s name is Ellis Grey,” and O’Malley’s comment: “Meredith’s mother.”
The hallway deafens regardless of Ellis Grey’s screams, but all Addison can focus on is how the blonde disappears and how no one does anything to follow in this instant.
What drives her to track down the distraught intern, the attending doesn’t know. There’s nothing she can quite pinpoint to reason why she of all people is chasing her husband’s ex-girlfriend. But she does, her heels click underneath as she follows the younger woman to the intern’s locker room.
Before the door can fully shut behind Grey, Addison slips in. The blonde paces towards the back breath beginning to hyperventilate, too distracted to note that Addison has turned the lock securing further privacy.
“Come here, Grey,” Addison states, pulling the younger woman closer as she begins to shake. She rests her right hand on Meredith’s chest and does the same with the blonde’s hand toward her own chest. “Match my breath.”
“I ca—,” Meredith attempts to stutter, but she’s cut off by Addison’s glare and tone.
“You can, Meredith,” the attending speaks, drawing in a slow breath. “Just copy me. That’s it, easy. In one, two, three, four; hold one, two, three four; and then out one, two, three, four. That’s it, good girl.”
It takes a few minutes, but Meredith settles, breaths no longer as shallow. Her blue orbs are tinged in red and it makes Addison’s heart twinge.
“You’re okay, Grey,” murmurs Addison, moving her hand away from the younger woman.
It doesn’t get very far. It’s trapped in Meredith’s iron grip.
“Please, don’t,” rasps the blonde desperately, eyes widening in fear.
Nodding, Addison squeezes their hands. “Okay.”
They sit in silence. Addison not quite sure how to broach their predicament; not entirely clear on why she of all people chose to follow the blonde. She doesn’t regret it. Meredith looks terrified and lost. No one deserves to ever look like that.
There’s a cacophony of voices outside. It causes Meredith to shrink into herself even further. Cristina, Izzie, George, and even Alex can be heard outside with Bailey delegating them.
“Do you want me to…” Addison begins to ask, gesturing towards the door unsure of exactly what she is offering to do, but needing Meredith to react.
There’s a fervent shake from the blonde, a tightening of the redhead’s right hand. The attending sighs shifting uncomfortably on the floor. Her dress, not the best outfit for their chosen position—still she stays.
A knock on the door interrupts them. It’s Bailey, requesting to come in.
Eventually, Addison coaxes the younger woman to stand and they shuffle to the door. If the resident is surprised at their closeness, she does well to hide it. Addison is grateful for the small amount of privacy. She stays as Bailey explains what the day would look like despite Meredith’s protests of “I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine,” Addison interrupts and Bailey shoots her an aggravated and relieved look. “You can say and pretend to be fine, but you’re not, Grey. So, listen to your resident and do as she says. Or I will use my power as an attending and send you home. Understand?”
Blue eyes darken and Meredith huffs.
“I said understand?”
“Yes, Dr. Shepherd.”
“Good, now if you’ll excuse me, I’m needed in the NICU. Dr. Bailey, Dr. Grey.”
-
Working with Derek is uncomfortable, not only for them but for those around them. From the corner of her eye, she can see Stevens shift uneasily as Derek spits out the word honey as if he’s been burned and then follows it by mocking Addison’s preaches regarding responsibilities and vows.
“Derek. I messed up. People mess up.”
Stevens almost looks at her in pity and that’s even worse. She excuses herself after their row continues citing she’ll get started on labs and Addison breathes a little easier. Except Derek’s words turn more venomous and Addison flounders in believing her marriage has a chance of survival.
Green trace his figure as he struts away; his momentary distraction gone. It leaves space for Addison’s thoughts to return to Grey.
I wonder how she’s doing? Addison muses, wondering if the intern sticks to Bailey’s request, the resident having assigned her to scut, or if she breaks the rules as she typically does. Why do I care?
Stevens eventually comes back with the exams. The air is stiff between them, but Addison rolls with it.
“So have you made a decision yet, Dr. Stevens? On whether or not you’re going to hate me? You’re Meredith’s friend and I’m the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’ that ruined her life and cheated on doctor…what do you call him?”
“…McDreamy”
“Right, God…doesn’t that embarrass him?” Addison chuckles, closing the exam file.
Stevens nods, a small twist of lips in her reply. “I think it does.”
“By all rights, you should probably hate me,” the attending sighs, looking into the intern’s eyes. “However, you share a real gift with my specialty. It’d be a shame to not pursue this field more just because you might hate me.”
Together they watch the preemie, both lost in their own thoughts before Addison sighs, telling Stevens it’s best to get reassigned. That it’s a lost cause to think they could save the little girl.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t do more, Addison sighs, finger tracing the preemie’s hand. Maybe you’re the sign, that I can’t do more for my marriage. That fighting won’t be enough.
-
She chooses to leave, makes the decision that Seattle (that Derek) is too painful. Addison is exiting Richard’s office, after informing him that she’ll be on the first flight out the following morning when O’Malley interrupts with information about Ellis Grey. The conversation between Richard and Addison is far from over, so the Chief gestures for her to follow as O’Malley explains the situation.
Addison’s heart begins to sink as the intern explains the older woman’s condition. Her chest aches recalling Grey’s hollow gaze and shallow breath. She stays a step behind them, attempting to give them enough privacy.
That’s when Stevens finds her again, she’s quiet but there’s an urgency in her tone: “Excuse me, Dr. Shepherd, we need you fast…umm, it’s Cristina, one of our interns. She’s collapsed.”
Addison arches her brow and tilts her head. “Why do you need me?”
Stevens pales, her gaze flickering between Dr. Webber and O’Malley before returning to Addison. It clicks at that moment why Stevens sought her out.
“Lead the way, Dr. Stevens,” Addison directs one step behind the blonde, as O’Malley states the obvious. Briefly, the redhead faces her mentor making sure her statement is loud and clear. “This doesn’t change anything, Richard. I’m still leaving in the morning.”
-
If Stevens and Grey looked pale earlier in the day, Yang is entirely ashen. She’s delirious by the time Addison reaches her. Bailey’s at the helm of her bed, holding the intern’s head, asking her questions that Yang is too far gone to answer.
Looking over the ultrasound, Addison groans.
“Shit,” the attending mutters, catching both Bailey and Stevens’ attention. “It’s an extrauterine pregnancy. The tube burst. She’s bleeding out. Stevens book me an O.R. now.”
They move quickly and efficiently. Resuming their positions inside the operating room with Stevens assisting. There’s a tinge of panic in Stevens questions as Addison works. Her hands never stopping, gaze never leaving her patient’s body.
“She’s lost a lot of blood,” answers Addison, hearing the hitch in Steven’s breath. “I’m in control now. She’ll be fine.”
They work in continued silence. Addison focusing solely on Yang and her needs. Stevens hovers, watching and Addison thinks she might win the blonde over (not that it matters, she’s still leaving in the morning.) The door to the scrub room opens and it’s the first time Addison’s gaze strays from the patient. She meets Meredith’s (because after the morning Meredith cannot go back to being solely Grey) ocean orbs; shakes her head minutely even as the intern grabs a surgical mask.
“Dr. Bailey,” sighs Addison, head tilting towards the door.
The resident is one step ahead of the attending, leaving Yang’s side for a moment to intervene. Even with the added distance between the surgical table and door, the sound still carries as Bailey explains why Meredith can’t just walk in. Addison flickers her gaze once as Meredith resigns herself by pulling down her mask.
“We went jogging this morning. I made her jog,” mentions Meredith, her voice purposefully louder so it carries further into the O.R. “There’s no way…now way that I—”
“No,” Bailey interrupts, “it started out this way. Nothing caused it to happen.”
Still Meredith hovers.
“She’s right, Dr. Grey,” Addison echoes, hands still at work. “This wasn’t anyone’s fault.”
Meredith sighs again, trying to walk in. Bailey stands firm, however, and soon enough she ushers her towards the gallery. Their compromise.
As the blonde leaves ocean lock onto forest. A silent oath permeating the air.
I’ll take care of her, I promise, Addison attempts to convey.
-
The pink scrubs are an interesting choice to wear on the NICU floor. Addison can’t decide if she likes or dislikes them, but after Yang’s operation, she doesn’t mind a clean pair. She does miss her blue scrubs, the ones she would wear if she stays in Seattle as a permanent attending. Walking back into the room with the preemie, she’s mildly surprised to find Derek. Her surprise only grows as Derek goes back on his word, guaranteeing an operation if the preemie’s vitals hold and her strength increases.
“You know,” Addison starts, meeting her husband’s eyes for what feels like the first time since coming to Seattle. “The way I see it we could deal with us, in one of four ways. Option one, I could apologize, you could forgive me and come home and we could move with our lives like adults. Option two, I could apologize, you could forgive me, come home, but you could still bring it up to use against me whenever we argue.”
“Are you trying to be funny?” Derek chuckles and Addison takes it as her cue to lean closer.
“Satan has a sense of humor,” husks Addison, watching how Derek’s gaze flickers from her green eyes to her red lips.
“What’s the third and fourth options?” he questions quietly, allowing for Addison to drape herself further into his space.
“Option three, I’ll call the lawyers and have them start on divorce papers and we say goodbye to thirteen years of being together—if that’s what you really want,” she swallows thickly, knowing she would do so if it came down to it. “As for the fourth, I don’t know. All I know is that I still love you.”
She seals her words with a kiss. It starts as a tentative peck, the redhead unsure if he’d reciprocate it. It transitions into a proper kiss when she sees that he won’t pull away. Eventually it ends and Addison sighs as her pager beats.
Yang is awake.
-
“I tried the best I could,” Addison starts to explain, watching over the intern, “unfortunately there was too much damage. I’m sure that Dr. Bailey has already walked you through it, but I am here if you have any follow up questions.”
Yang nods before closing her eyes. It’s a dismissal and if it wasn’t for the knowledge that the younger woman veered on the callous side, Addison would be tempted to create a scene. Instead, she nods and takes her leave.
“If anything comes up, please have someone page me,” Addison states, before turning at the door. “Tomorrow, your file will be turned over to the on-call O.B. I’ll leave my contact information with Dr. Bailey in case you do have any questions.”
It’s silent for a moment, before Addison pushes herself off the doorway.
“Dr. Shepherd,” croaks Yang, stopping the attending once again. “Thank you.”
Addison offers a small smile. “Of course, Dr. Yang.”
-
The morning she is supposed to leave Seattle doesn’t go to plan. Addison is quickly realizing that nothing goes according to plan in the city that constantly rains.
Her snipe-y persona makes a reappearance as she sees Meredith and Derek sharing a tender moment.
“Isn’t this cozy,” she interrupts, smirking at both her husband and his ex-girlfriend. “Can I join in? Or are you not into threesomes.”
She can’t help herself—they make it too easy. Meredith flushes at the comment before taking her leave and Derek rattles. The name Satan leaves his lips and it hurts despite the smirk she portrays because him fighting means some part of him must still care. The next words aren’t as kind as Satan or the allusion to the Wicked Witch.
“Stop being an adulterous bitch,” he spurs and Addison feels her heart crack.
“You’re going to forgive me eventually,” Addison comments, crossing her arms to hide how much his words hurt. “There was a time you thought of me as your best friend, Derek.”
“There was a time when I thought you were the love of my life. Things change.”
Guess it’s really over then.
Tears begin to blur the outskirts of her vision, but Addison holds them back. Shuffling through her bag, she pulls out a blue folder, holding it out to Derek.
“Divorce papers?” his voice is even, yet his face doesn’t match.
“Option three,” Addison chuckles bitterly, before continuing as she hits the elevator button. “Your lawyers said they’re okay. I haven’t signed them yet. The ball’s in your court, Derek. If you sign, I’ll sign them. I’ll sign and be on the first plane out of here.”
“I want you gone. I’ll sign them right away.”
The door opens and Addison is grateful that for a moment her back is completely to him. She turns around as the doors begin to close.
“Derek, have you considered that even if I am Satan and an adulterous bitch, I might still be the love of your life?”
-
It’s easy to tick Meredith off, to manage to get beneath her skin.
“I did two years of genetics research in cystic-fibrosis. I’ve pretty much seen it all, Dr. Grey.”
To watch how baby blue narrow in distrust before widening in surprise as her breath exhales “oh.”
Addison finds extreme amusement in her actions; seeing Meredith blush as she’s corrected in her assumption. Bailey leaves them shortly after wanting to prep her patient herself, while the redhead holds the blonde back on the premise of further questions.
“You don’t have to apologize for assuming this wasn’t a field I had background in,” Addison starts, eyes steady on the films. “It would do you good to explore more than one area though, Dr. Grey. Allow yourself to be challenged and to learn. You’re a good doctor, maybe even the best in your class. The others are good, but you—you have extraordinary in you, if you give yourself a chance.”
From her peripheral, the attending watches how the intern shifts from foot to foot.
“I’m sorry,” Meredith apologizes, hands wringing behind her back. “I just—”
“Dr. Grey,” interrupts Addison, turning to face the blonde. “I’m not here to make your life difficult, regardless of what my husband has or hasn’t told you. Putting that aside, this is a teaching hospital and during my remaining time here, I will do that.”
“Dr. Shepherd—”
“I’ll see you in the O.R.,” Addison dismisses herself, handing over the patient chart to Meredith. “And Dr. Grey, it’s Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd.”
-
Bailey’s patient doesn’t make it.
It hits the resident hard. Hard enough that Addison is at a loss as she watches the younger woman call time of death before meeting Meredith’s gaze.
It’s the part of the job that no one likes to talk about. The one where lives are lost and they realize that in reality they aren’t gods even if sometimes they feel like they are.
Addison sighs watching Bailey scrub out before leaving the room. Meredith takes the sink adjacent to her own as the attending dries her hands.
“It’s hard to accept the end when you’re too close,” Addison mumbles, her fingers twist her wedding and engagement bands as she slips them back on.
The redhead feels the heated gaze land on her rings. She watches the different emotions play out on Meredith’s face, unsure of what to really feel. Addison frowns knowing that there was a time her own feelings could be read like an open book, knowing she’s lost the innocence of love that the blonde is tinged with. The intern didn’t see any of this coming—didn’t expect the attending to come and twist her world upside down. It’s not Meredith’s fault that Derek and her crumbled so.
“Look,” Addison comments, coming closer to the younger woman. “I don’t want someone who doesn’t want me, Meredith. But if there’s the slightest chance that he does. I’m not leaving Seattle.”
Meredith
Addison Montgomery comes in like a hurricane. A beautiful, painfully smart, annoyingly kind, leggy, and fabulous hurricane. Meredith hates it.
She hates how the older woman sweeps in and takes away the stability she’s been able to build over the past three months. She loathes how her perfect McDreamy (ex) boyfriend hid his wife and won’t sign divorce papers causing the redheaded goddess to permanently move, yet continues to chase her. She hates that she can’t look at Derek without seeing the hurt plastered across Addison’s face. She hates how her heart palpitates when seeing both attendings—hates that he’s still McDreamy and now has a Mrs. McDreamy. She hates how in a matter of weeks everything she thought she knew turns into ashes.
Most of all Meredith Grey hates how she can’t bring herself to hate Addison at all.
“Hi. I’m Addison Shepherd…and you must be the woman who’s been screwing my husband.”
“I was married for eight years, we’ve been together since I was twenty-four. Addison is my family. I’m supposed to end my family in one day by signing papers. A person doesn’t do that. I’m entitled to a little hesitation don’t you think?”
“It’s awful being a grown up. But the carousel never stops turning. You can never get off.”
-
It doesn’t help that Derek keeps asking for her; continues requesting her for his service. It’s not the like the attending abides by her stance on them being over—over and done.
“Either sign the papers or don’t,” Meredith begs, watching how blue eyes narrow at her words. “Either way when it comes to this relationship—I’m out.”
She was clear with her words; let him know where they officially stood.
Derek doesn’t listen. Meredith pretends she doesn’t see Addison falter any time the three of them are in the same room.
She also pretends not to notice how close Addison and Chief Webber are. Nothing inappropriate, Meredith’s seen the interactions—those are similar to her own with Chief. The redhead staying not only means a more demanding O.B. attending, but also an administrator. The blonde won’t deny that that is a small perk, Addison knows how to run a business (not that it’s surprising due to her owning her own practice in New York.) She’s almost as good at it as she is a surgeon.
Another point towards Addison Montgomery—not that Meredith is keeping track.
As if the woman needs to be closer to a god than she already is, the blonde muses.
-
Except Meredith isn’t over Derek like she desperately wants to be. She’s not even remotely close:
“I lied. I’m not out of this relationship. I’m in. I’m so in, it’s humiliating…Your choice, it’s simple. Her or me. And I’m sure she’s really great. But Derek, I love you. In a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window—unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me.”
When he doesn’t show at Joe’s, Meredith feels like the entire world crumbles. Her friends’ pitying gazes do nothing to help; neither does the amount of tequila she ingests.
-
The train crash is a blessing.
Addison finding her, attempting to insert a needle into her arm for the banana bag, not so much.
“You smell like a bar, Dr. Grey,” comments Addison, right hand coming to stop the intern’s attempt. “Stop and let me.”
“I almost had it,” petulantly Meredith groans, but relaxing as soon as the attending inserts it for her. “Thanks.”
The redhead nods moving to step away from the blonde. “Sit, don’t move. You should be good to go in two to three hours.”
“Addison,” Meredith calls, smiling a bit at the surprise in green eyes. “In case you were wondering, I know that there was a train wreck and people were very badly hurt. So before you judge me, I tend to turn into a vapid narcissist when you mix me with alcohol—I thought I’d share.”
The laugh that falls from Addison’s lips is unexpected. “Noted, Dr. Grey. I’ll send one of your friends to check in on you, later.”
-
Derek chooses Addison. Dr. Webber offers the redhead a full-time job. Meredith feels like drowning.
“I’m pathetic,” mutters Meredith, eyes locked on the ceiling of her living room. “I begged him to pick me—so pathetic.”
From her left, Cristina snorts: “No lies there.”
“Cristina!” Izzie exclaims swatting the brunette from the blonde’s other side.
“What? It’s the truth!” Cristina justifies. “Don’t hit me, Barbie.”
“That’s not going to help her,” Izzie comments, hazel gaze coming to Meredith. “She’s a zoo exhibit at the hospital, the least we can do is not encourage her spiral.”
“Exactly, she’s acting pathetic over McDreamy who is a McAss.”
“I can still hear you,” Meredith groans, “you both suck. So much for being my friends.”
“We’re not the one who slept with an attending,” Cristina mentions, “and fell for them.”
“Hypocrite,” Meredith mumbles. “It’ll get better right?”
The half-smile from Izzie does little to ease the storm of nerves.
“God, I really am pathetic.”
“Again, no lies.”
“Cristina!”
-
For all their talk Cristina and Izzie do try to help. It’s not their fault that they suck at it because the case they steal to “help” brings her closer to Addison. Meredith wants to kill them for it.
The situation turns worse when the attending holds her back after determining their patient is indeed not pregnant.
“Dr. Grey, a word,” Addison requests, gesturing down the hall.
The blonde meets emeralds before flickering to Cristina, Izzie, and even Bailey’s curious gazes. Reluctantly, she nods before following the older woman down the empty corridor. They walk in silence until the approach the end of the hallway near the empty patient and on-call rooms. Addison pivots to face the younger woman, gaze piercing over red glasses. Meanwhile, Meredith perches herself against one of the walls, not entirely sure what they could possibly speak about.
Addison hesitates for a moment, before speaking: “I’m sorry.”
“What?”
“I forgot what the rumor mill is like here,” the older surgeon explains, hands gesturing to the opposite side of the corridor. “How gossip hungry everyone can be.”
Meredith hums, not entirely sure she believes her. “It is what it is.”
“I’m also sorry about how I introduced myself,” apologizes Addison, pushing an errant strand of hair back. “You didn’t know…I’m sorry that he didn’t tell you about me, Meredith. I’m sorry that you’re the center of all this unwanted attention.”
“Umm…thanks?” Meredith comments, hands twiddling in front of herself. “I think.”
“Meredith, I am sorry about a lot of things, but I’m not sorry he picked me,” her confession is full of conviction that it shatters the intern. “He’s my husband. I’ve loved him since I was twenty-two. I need to make this work. I owe it to my marriage to try.”
You cheated on him. You slept with his best friend. It’s your fault he left, Meredith fumes. Why should you get another chance? You dug your own grave.
“You don’t owe me an explanation, Addison,” the blonde states, anger bubbling in her chest. “I should get back to my patient. If you’ll excuse me, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd.”
Nodding, Meredith slips down the hall sneaking into another empty on call room as Addison’s heels click away in tangent to her own escape.
-
Addison Montgomery is the most confusing human being Meredith has ever met. She’s an enigma, a walking contradiction, and she’s starting to be a permanent fixture in Meredith’s life.
Firstly, the now permanent attending stops requesting her and instead requests Izzie more and more onto her service. “She’s the best in her field, Mer. She has a lot to offer, it’d be a waste if I didn’t learn from her.”
Secondly, she’s become quite close with her resident. Bailey and she sharing laughs and looks that make Meredith want to be part of their little bubble.
Thirdly, it’s almost the like the older woman wants to be in her life. They run into each other in the mornings quite often. Addison slipping out of her car and waving as if they are friends, but they’re not. They’re (reluctantly) friendly at best.
A friend is the blonde that greets the redhead on the catwalk with a tight hug and huge smile. The woman that the attending defends vehemently against their husbands for wanting to save her future by being preemptive. That’s a friend, a friend whom Addison feels comfortable enough to take nude pictures of so that her close friend never stops feeling sexy for her husband.
That’s a friend, not whatever Meredith and Addison have.
No, their encounters are awkward—ergo, they are not friends.
-
Derek wants to be friends.
His want is a stretch, what he really wants is to be close to Meredith again, the blonde can see and sense that from a mile away. What he craves is his ex-girlfriend’s presence, not his wife’s.
Izzie pretty much confirms it: “McDreamy and Satan haven’t had sex yet? Can you believe it? Have you seen her? She’s gorgeous.”
Alex doesn’t help. “I’d bang her the first chance I get. Ow, what, you agree!”
Part of Meredith wants to gloat at the knowledge, but in reality it aches her. This situation is becoming excessively tiring and the intern’s not sure what she can do to continue keeping herself afloat.
-
The case with the waking vegetable patient hits too close to home, but at least it helps with putting distance between Meredith and Derek.
The attending leaving her to drown telling their patient that his life is essentially over. Sixteen years Holden was asleep. His wife moved on. His son grew up. His world changed in a blink of an eye.
Holden reminds her of herself.
How Addison’s arrival skewed everything. Where nothing feels stable anymore. Where Derek is no longer McDreamy. Where Addison is not actually Satan, but a human with feelings. Where the three of them are navigating a turbulent storm.
It’s ironic how Holden reflects a mirror image of her own life. (At least he gets to permanently rest.)
-
As the weeks pass, Meredith really wishes she could hate Addison. But how can she when the attending is responsible for one of the highest-sought-after surgeries with quintuplets—a case she really wants in.
She wants to hate Izzie, lucky her for being on the redhead’s service constantly—for being close enough to the attending to call her by her first name.
She also kind of hates Cristina because Bailey and Derek know about her one-night stand with an erection that just won’t go away.
She does hate George at the moment for calling her out on her shit with Derek.
-
Meredith hates Izzie less when she ropes the group into the quints case, smiling over coffee as she breaks the news.
She hates Cristina more when Derek and she have to cut into her one-night stand; the attending shunning and shutting her out.
She hates Alex when Izzie shows up with red eyes to the quints surgery, watching how the taller blonde shoves her feelings back until after they operate.
She likes Addison a bit more watching her handle the quints case flawlessly; handing over one of them into her arms. But that diminishes when she overhears Addison and Derek talking about their homes in New York. She sort of hates Derek for that too.
She goes back to hating Izzie when the other blonde insinuates she’s a whore.
-
“I don’t tend to gloat, Dr. Grey,” Addison greets, stepping into the NICU room housing the quintuplets. “But I do love it when I’m right.”
Meredith raises her head, retracting her hand from Charlotte’s incubator. Her brows furrow as they take in the slight twist of lips of the older woman. “I’m sorry? I don’t quite follow.”
“You, you have a natural gift when it comes to this,” gestures Addison, drying her hands from the excessive disinfectant. “I saw what you did with Dorie earlier. Bringing the mother in was a smart decision.”
“Even with Charlotte’s lung collapsing?” asks Meredith.
“Even with that,” states Addison, coming to stand next to the younger woman. “You work well, Dr. Grey, even under the pressure. The idea of putting them together not shabby; nice thinking on your feet.”
“Thank you, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd,” murmurs Meredith.
They stand in silence for a moment, taking everything in. If the blonde notices the attending start to shake she does well to keep it to herself. Instead, she leans closer brushing her right hand against the taller woman’s left—a silent invitation. It’s surprising when the older woman takes it.
“Meredith,” swallows Addison, her gaze trained on Emily—the quint with the broken heart. “I’m going to do something. You and the other interns will hate me for a bit, especially Izzie. She will hate it for a long time, but please remember that I am your teacher. And what I do and ask is for your benefit—it’s nothing personal.”
The intern furrows her brows again. “Addison?”
The name feels weird rolling off her tongue not in a bad way, just different. Almost like Derek’s when they first started fooling around, but not quite. The redhead’s name is sweeter.
Their interaction is peculiar—Meredith writes it off as a one-off. A thank you for when Addison intervened during her mother’s diagnosis—a way to be even, for their debts to be settled.
“Just keep an eye out on Izzie,” the attending states, stepping away. “She won’t understand at first, but if she’s as good as I think she is, then it’ll be worth it. Maybe then she’ll accept an apology.”
The ask is still vague enough to leave Meredith confused, but the frown on Addison’s face aches. It’s been sketched on her face the entire day, especially after Addison speaks with Dorie.
“I’ll do my best,” promises Meredith, ocean meeting forest. “But whatever it is, I do believe you are a great teacher. Izzie will come around to it…and I look forward to learning from you in the future.”
The attending forces a smile, it twists the intern’s heart. So before Addison leaves Meredith calls out one last time.
“Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd…blue look goods on you, pink did too, but blue is more fitting for a teacher.”
It’s enough to render a chuckle from Addison, the smile she shoots her much more genuine. And for a moment both women feel their hearts lighten if only for a moment.
“I’m sure they’ll look good on you too, Dr. Grey…goodnight Meredith.”
-
Derek won’t stop looking at her. He finally stops seeking her out, but his puppy dog glances only amount.
His insecurity over Addison drives her up the wall. How can she love him if she can’t trust him? How can she imagine a future with a man who can’t fully commit to making it work with his wife?
As for Addison, how can she fault her as she tries to save what they built over thirteen years? How can she be angry at the woman who shifts her entire world for him? The woman who has been nothing but direct and honest with the blonde since the moment they met.
How can she fault the redheaded attending anything when they’re both drowning over loving the same man?