Chapter Text
“You have to let Heikki go, Sebby.“ Christian said as he was studying me he was radiating sadness. I didn’t understand why he’d tell me to let my best friend go again. I thought I had made it clear that I wouldn’t switch out Heikki for a new trainer, ever. And as far as I am aware, I am the one who choose and hire my trainer.
“Why?” I asked, looking at Christian. He wasn’t just my team boss, he was like my second father and he always gave me good advice, but lately he had been obsessing over taking Heikki away from me.
“It is time Sebs,” Christian said, trying to catch my hand. I hid them both under the table. Noticing a loose thread on my shirt, I started fiddling with it, ignoring Christian.
“Why,” I repeated after a while. Clearly Christian wouldn’t just leave if I ignored him this time. Maybe if Christian could just explain it properly to me, I was sure I’d understand, but he was always so cryptic or he just straight up lied. Like when he explained that Heikki couldn’t be my physio anymore, that Antti would take over and train with me from now on, but I knew Heikki wouldn’t leave Red Bull, at least not without telling me first.
“You know why,” Christian answered. Clearly he wouldn’t explain the real reason to why he was telling me to fire Heikki. Maybe he knew about our relationship, and he didn’t want it to continue?
“He has a contract out this season, I am not forcing him to stay and he is my employee so why are you all trying to make me fire him?” I hissed, fed up with Christian telling me what to do. I just wanted some peace and quiet, and maybe spend some time alone with Heikki, before the race-weekend got so busy that I wouldn’t be able to catch a break. What was wrong with that?
“Just think about it, okay,” Christian smiled reassuringly, getting up from his seat. He bent down to kiss me on my forehead. Usually he only did that when I was feeling under the weather, but the gesture was always welcome so I just smiled, letting him leave. I had nothing to add to the conversation either way, and I was exhausted.
********
“Sebastian,” Heikki whispered, stroking my hair, having lain down beside me on the bed.
“Heikki, Christian is telling me I have to fire you,” I almost stumbled over the words in my rush to tell Heikki what Christian was trying to make me do. I leaned into the familiar touch, Heikki's presence, as always, calmed me.
“You know if Christian thinks it is for the best that I leave, maybe he is right,” Heikki murmured, squeezing my fingers. His expression didn’t give me any clues on what his thoughts on the matter were.
“I don’t care what Christian thinks is for the best! I don’t want you to leave!” I answered. Pausing for a moment, I looked him in the eyes before I asked him “do you?” studying Heikki’s face for clues that he wanted to leave. Maybe Christian knew something I didn’t?
“I will never leave you, Sebastian,” Heikki said, leaving no doubt in my mind that he was telling the truth. He put his hand on my heart. Kissing me, he smiled down at me as I turned around, repositioning myself so I could rest my head on his chest.
“Promise?” I asked, clinging to Heikki, never wanting to let him go.
“I promise,” Heikki smiled. I listened to his heartbeat, the steady rhythm helping me fall back asleep.
********
“Let him go,” Kimi stated, looking me in the eyes.
“Why?” I asked him, looking into his eyes as he was sitting across from me in my room. He must have snuck into the energy station, he had even changed out of his Lotus gear.
“Antti will take good care of you,” Kimi told me, trying to smile reassuringly, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
“I don’t want Antti,” I stated. I’d never want anyone else.
“I know, but let him try,” Kimi continued. He looked so sad, I couldn’t understand why he would be sad, he had his chance.
“Why?” I asked him, starting to gesture, but my arm was hurting me so I folded my hands in my lap instead, hoping Kimi didn’t notice it. I knew he’d just exploit it on the track. No matter how good friends we were, neither of us would ever be above using each other’s weaknesses as an advantage. I did it when Kimi’s back was hurting, and I am sure he would do it if he knew my arm was killing me.
“It is time,” Kimi explained. He still looked sad, why would he be this sad? He wasn’t the one who everyone kept telling that he had to let the most important person in his life go.
********
“I missed you,” I told Heikki when he walked into my room, moments after Kimi left.
“I missed you too.” Heikki looked at me, his expression making me instantly feel a lot better, my conversation with Kimi all but forgotten. “And I’m sorry I had to leave you.”
“It’s okay,” I told him, and as always I meant it. He sat down on the bed beside me, pulling me to his side and I drifted off to sleep again.
********
When I woke up Mark was sitting in the chair across from me, looking determined.
“Mark,” I looked at my team-mate, wondering why he’d come to my room, again.
“Sebastian, this is enough,” he stated. He didn’t look at me with the same sadness everyone else did, but there was something in his expression I just couldn’t read. Sometimes I missed how our relationship was before multi 2-1, before all the rivalry took over and we couldn’t be civil to each other without a chaperone.
“What?” I asked him, enough winning? Enough beating him on the track? Enough sleep? What the fuck was he up to?
“Heikki is gone,” Mark stated.
“He will be back later,” I told him. I didn’t understand why Mark would care about Heikki’s whereabouts, he had his own trainer and his own friends, he didn’t need mine.
“Sebastian can you tell me where we are?” Mark changed the subject.
“Energy station, obviously ” I stated. It was a stupid question, of course I knew that.
“Sebastian, look at your fingers,” Mark demanded. I put both my hands on the table. What game was Mark playing? Why would he want me to look at my hands, they were mine, I had no need to study them. “What do you see on your left arm, Sebastian?”
“My left arm,” I told him. Mark seemed to deflate a bit by my answer.
“Can you tell Heikki to come back for a bit?” he asked me, changing the conversation again, with what was another insanely stupid question, of course I could.
“For sure, but why?" I asked, growing tired of Mark’s mind-games, but I saw no need to not cooperate just yet.
“I just need to speak to the both of you at the same time, you’ll understand then,” he explained, a hint of sadness in his eyes. Why was Mark sad? I knew he was leaving Formula 1 soon, but why would Heikki have anything to do with that?
“Ok, do you want me to call him?” I asked, getting my phone out of my pocket.
“You do that, Sebastian,” Mark told me. I looked down on my phone, typing in Heikki’s number from memory and dialing.
I can’t answer the phone right now, leave a message after the beep. Heikki’s familiar voice told me. The phone didn’t even ring, so he must have turned it off.
“Heikki’s phone is off, he is probably busy,” I told Mark, refusing to worry about why Heikki would turn off his phone. He always turned it on silent, except when he was flying. Maybe he was leaving me after all? Maybe I wasn’t good enough for him, and Christian, Kimi and Mark just tried to protect me from getting my heart broken?
“Probably. I will see you later,” Mark answered, getting back up on his feet, nodding goodbye before exiting the room.