Chapter Text
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Hogwarts Academy of Performing Arts and Music
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Shakespeare, First Class, Grand Director, Chf. Musician, Supreme Hamlet Award Holder 7 years and counting, International Broadway Confed. of Acting)
Dear Mr Black,
We are pleased to inform you regarding your recent application that you have a place at Hogwarts Academy of Performing Arts. You have been accepted into our Musical Theatre program, with specialisation in Dance.
You will find a full admission package attached to this admission letter. It includes all the documents needed to follow up the registration. Congratulations. We are looking forward to seeing you. Term will begin on 1st September. We await your letter or E-Mail by no later than 31st July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
Regulus has read over the email more times than he can count, the knot of nerves in his chest tightening every time. When he received it, he read it over once, clicked off the tab and sat on his bed for five full minutes before he registered the words that had been written on his laptop screen. It didn’t feel real. It really didn’t. He thought it was a joke. So he waited. He waited. And when he re-read the email, it started to hit him. He was accepted. He had been accepted. He was actually going.
His mother and father had been pleased, of course. Not proud- they were never proud- but pleased all the same. Hogwarts Academy is a dream come true, as irritatingly cliché as that sounds. So of course his parents were pleased when he told them. Not proud. Pleased. Regulus can live with that.
He sits on his bed once more. He has packed. His room has practically been stripped bare, not that there was much personality to it in the first place. Regulus never liked the idea of his persona being spread out over the walls and floor of a room for everyone (“everyone” being his parents) to see and judge and ask annoying questions about, so he has kept his room depressingly blank and desolate for the eighteen years he has resided there.
Regulus leans over and takes his laptop, opening it and finding the acceptance email. He reads it again, feeling the nerves grow slightly with every word. Soaking up reality. He is actually going to Hogwarts Academy. Which wouldn’t be as much of a nerve-wracking prospect if Sirius wasn’t boarding there as well.
Sirius. His brother. Estranged brother, he reminds himself. The one person who stuck it out with him in the hell on earth that is the Black family mansion. Until he didn’t anymore. Until he left for the very university that Regulus is now admitted to. The university that taught Sirius how to be even more of a drama queen, Regulus thinks bitterly, scrolling through the registration documents attached to the admissions email.
Hogwarts Academy Registration Form
First Name: Regulus
Family Name: Black
Date of Birth: 31 / 12 / 2005
Gender: Male
Current Address: 23-29 Claremont Square, Islington, London, N1 9LX.
Home Phone: ***** ******
Email Address: [email protected]
Chosen Master Program: Dance
Specialisation: Ballet
Regulus sighs. It’s better than Beauxbatons, at least. In a purely academic sense. Hogwarts Academy has turned out more successful actors, dancers and musicians than any other performing arts university in Europe. If he hadn’t been accepted, he would have had to attend the aforementioned Beauxbatons Academy of Theatrical Art. Which would have been much more in his comfort zone due to its location. France. He had grown up there and it made so much more sense to him than England, with its confusing social code and snobbish high society. France makes sense to Regulus. England… less so.
Of course, Sirius much preferred England. He is so different from Regulus, despite their physical appearance, which people have a habit of commenting on. Comparing them. Finding flaws. Blurring them together. Ripping them apart. It was a vicious rollercoaster of being looked at as a lesser version of Sirius, not enough for their parents, then having to be better when Sirius wasn’t around anymore. When he left for the stupid academy.
Regulus’s parents had really taken Sirius’s absence hard. Sirius had always been the heir, the better child- despite his habit of rebelling and making trouble for the family. He was the loud one, smoking and drinking and drawing as much attention to himself as possible. Such a drama queen.
Regulus was quieter. More compliant. He did everything their parents asked of him and more. He was the moldable one. The backup for Sirius, in case he did something that was too… Sirius of him, making him irredeemable as heir. Such as run away to a performing arts uni and cut off contact with the family. Which includes Regulus, apparently. Regulus hates that he wishes Sirius would reach out to him.
Regulus sighs again, shutting his laptop and staring at the ceiling. Pandora should be here by now. She promised she would travel with him. She promised he wouldn’t have to walk into the stupid university for drama queens on his own. So he pulls out his phone and finds Pandora in his messages, typing a short irritated text to her.
Regulus
Where are you?
He sighs, watching his phone impatiently. Pandora is a famously slow replier, because she loses her phone more than three times a day. But then she texts him back.
Dora <3
heading over now, sorryyy :P xxxx
Regulus
How long will you take?
Dora <3
like ten minutes, there's traffic :D xxxx
Regulus
Hurry up.
Dora <3
ur such a dry texter lmao. dw I still love you xxxx
Regulus
Good.
Love you too.
But not if you’re late.
Dora <3
understood, sergeant reggie. xxxx
Regulus
Good.
Don’t call me Reggie.
Dora <3
sorry, reginald. wont happen again xxxx
Regulus
I hate you.
Dora <3
you love me :p xxxx
Regulus
Are you close yet?
Dora <3
im in claremont square now. this place is bloody depressing xxxx
Regulus
See you soon.
Regulus sighs and shoves his phone back in his pocket before picking up his suitcase and exits his room, not looking back. Part of him doesn’t want to look back at his room. The memories of every locked door, every scolding, they all stay in that room like a suffocating fog. So he exits the room without looking back, heading down the long hallway, determinedly not looking at Sirius’s empty room. Those memories are just as raw. His phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and opens the message quickly. It’s Pandora.
Dora <3
im outside :P xxxxxxxx
Regulus
I'm on my way out.
Remind me to take emojis away from you.
Dora <3
neverrrrr :D :P :)))) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Regulus can’t help a small smile at the corner of his mouth at Pandora’s message. She really does use an ungodly amount of emojis, as well as an obnoxious amount of kisses at the end of every text. Regulus is sure she would even put kisses at the end of a ransom note.
He heads down the large stairs, lugging his heavy suitcase behind him as he makes his way to the drawing room, where both of his parents are sitting, looking as stony and cold as ever as they look up at him when he enters.
“Mamon, Papa. Pandora is here.” Regulus says shortly, swallowing slightly. Talking to his parents always puts him slightly on edge. Walburga, his mother, nods curtly. Orion simply stares back at Regulus silently.
“Make us proud, Regulus.” Walburga says coldly, averting her gaze from him. And that was that. No goodbye, just a command. Or perhaps a warning. It was always hard to tell the difference with his mother. He nods and turns to leave the room before he hears her high, cold voice once more.
“Do not make contact with your brother.”
Regulus freezes for a moment before putting on his smooth, unbothered facade and nodding. “Of course, Mamon. I won’t.” He quickly exits the icy hell that is the mansion’s second drawing room, and makes his way over to the front door, tall and harsh and imposing. He takes one last glance back at the house he has never called home and opens the heavy door, stepping outside and being hit with a cold breeze of August wind.
He sees Pandora’s bright blue car immediately and rolls his eyes exasperatedly at her. She grins broadly, getting out of the obnoxiously painted car and then she runs over to him, her long silvery blonde hair flying out behind her as she throws her arms around him. Pandora is a hugger. Regulus is decidedly the opposite.
“Reginald! Oh my god, you’re alive!” She pulls back, still with that bright smile on her face. Regulus can’t help but smile slightly in return.
“Barely.” He says, walking over to the car and climbing into the passenger seat apprehensively. Pandora is a slightly reckless driver, so he makes sure his seatbelt is on tightly. Dying in a car accident was one thing. Dying in Pandora’s blindingly blue Fiat 500 was another. Barty, for one, would never let him hear the end of it.
Pandora climbs in the driver seat and starts the car with a jerk, starting forward aggressively. Regulus lurches forward in his seat, before turning and raising an eyebrow at her.
“Off to a great start, then.” He comments dryly, folding his arms, partly to make a point and partly to protect his ribcage if he suddenly goes flying forward when Pandora stops at a red light. They speed away from Grimmauld Place, and Regulus glances back one more time before he sighs and watches the road ahead once more.
“So how was your summer?” Pandora asks cheerfully, making a sharp turn out of the street, causing Regulus to almost hit into the window.
“Spectacular.” Regulus says sarcastically, raising an eyebrow again. Pandora gives him an apologetic smile.
“Parents give you a rough time?” She asks, a little more carefully than before.
“I think the acceptance to the academy was a little too familiar for them.” He says flatly. “They think I’ll cut them off like Sirius. So they’re going to call me, like, all the time, and they’ve been tracking my education since day one.”
“You’re eighteen. You shouldn’t need to stay joined at the hip to them.” Pandora says, stopping abruptly at a red light, causing him to start forward again. “Oh, sorry.” She grins apologetically. He pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation.
“I will honestly never know how you got your licence, Dora.” He says, and she laughs, before putting on a mystical expression.
“I have my ways.” She starts the car once more and turns up the music, singing along loudly, making Regulus wince as she sings loudly, “ Slipping through my fingers all the time, I try to capture every minute- ” Regulus turns down the music, raising his eyebrows at her. She rolls her eyes and says, “Oh, come on. You won’t even let me sing Mamma Mia? I have such incredible talent that I have been accepted into a prestigious academy; you need to allow me to practise.”
Regulus makes a face as if to say ‘tough luck’, before he asks curiously, “What are you taking? At Hogwarts?”
Pandora makes a turn to the left, heading down a winding country road. Never a pleasant experience when added to Pandora’s worrying driving skills. “Musical theatre.” She grins. “Specialising in costume design. I have a Juliet dress that is to die for. What about you?” She glances at him warily out of the corner of her eye, because his parents have inevitably had a large say in his so-called “chosen” subjects.
Regulus sighs and says flatly, “Dance. My parents want me to continue with ballet.”
Pandora nods. "At least they’re not breathing down your neck every step of the way now." She makes another worryingly sharp turn, exiting the perilous country lane onto a B-road. Regulus nods, shrugging.
"Yeah. I might have a look at Music when I’m there, actually." Regulus shrugs again. "Haven't really thought about it."
"You should. I'm definitely doing Music if I can. Though I think I'll spend most of my time onstage. I heard they're doing Phantom of the Opera this year, and if that's true I desperately want to be Christine, though it’ll be hard to get a good part as a first-year."
Regulus nods. Pandora has a certain ethereal glow that would be perfect for Christine. "You’d be good. I'll… I’ll come to your audition if you want." She likes this idea. He does not, but he’ll suffer through it for Pandora.
"Whatever would I do without you, darling Reginald?" She grins mischievously and turns onto another road. Regulus braces himself subtly but firmly against the seat.
"Where did that nickname even come from? It's longer than my actual name." Regulus says, my voice full of distaste.
"It's mostly used to see your disgusted reaction, if I'm being honest." Pandora says cheerfully, humming along to the music. As they speed along down the road in Pandora's violently blue car, Regulus feels more at ease with her. Pandora always makes him feel calmer. She and the rest of his friends are the antidote to whatever deadly poison his parents are.
"We have to find Dorcas when we're there." Pandora is saying, disturbing Regulus's train of thought. "She can introduce us to some people."
Regulus wrinkles his nose in disapproval of this suggestion. "I'm alright, thanks. I’d rather gouge my own eyes out. I only really need to know you and Evan."
Pandora sighs, giving him an exasperated look before saying firmly, "You're not allowed to just sit in your room and only talk to me and Evan for the entirety of uni. It's not good for you."
Regulus groans in annoyance. "You're impossible, Dora." Pandora grins and nods agreeably.
"How’s Evan, by the way?" Regulus asks, changing the subject by asking her about her twin. Pandora glances at him before she shrugs.
"He wouldnt come in my car. His excuse was that it ‘looks like a giant blueberry’. So he’s not changed much over the summer.” Pandora snorts. "And he's meeting us there." She pauses, before she seems to remember something important. "What house are you in, by the way?"
“Which house?” Regulus repeats, confused. “You just picked me up from my house.”
“No, I mean- which Hogwarts house, Reginald?” Pandora says, rolling her eyes at him fondly.
Regulus grimaces at the butchering of his name. He wracks his memory but he doesn't have to look far, having anxiously read over his documents more times than he can count. "Slytherin."
Pandora lets out a noise of frustration. "Ugh, I'm in Ravenclaw. I think Barty's there too, so Evan's going to hate me. I'm literally going to be so lonely, Reg, how can you do that to me?" Pandora sighs but grins all the same. "Evan and Dorcas are Slytherin too. I think we all have roommates, though. Have fun with that."
"I hate that already." Regulus says, but he smiles slightly. “I’m actually glad you're all here with me. Means I don’t have to make new friends.”
Pandora gives him a knowing look. "You just hate people in general."
"More and more every day, Dora." Regulus says flatly. Pandora sighs exasperatedly but she stifles a laugh, making a turn off the motorway onto another B-road, this time closer to the destination. They're been travelling for nearly an hour, and Regulus is insanely tired.
He finds himself thinking about what lies ahead. Hogwarts Academy of Performing Arts. New people (God forbid). Parties (God forbid). Music. Dance. And… Sirius. Sirius, who he had been compared to his whole life. Sirius, the person he was supposed to be like and be better than at the same time. The heir his parents wanted. Accepted into the school just the same as Regulus, spending a full year there without Regulus. He hadn't told Sirius he had been admitted.
The rest of the car ride passes in similar fashion, with casual questions and comfortable silence. It’s difficult to be awkward around Pandora, which is one of the reasons Regulus likes her so much.
When they finally arrive, it is 1:27 pm, and the school gates are tall and intimidating as Regulus steps out of the car, carrying his heavy suitcase in his left hand and feeling apprehensive at best, downright terrified at worst. There are lots of kids milling around the gates, filing in a few at a time and talking in excited voices to their parents and friends, some looking nervous, some looking excited.
"Oh my god, it's majestic. Breathtaking. Divine." Pandora says, swooning dramatically at the sight of the huge campus buildings. Regulus rolls his eyes.
"We're definitely getting lost." He sighs and checks the documents nestled in his pocket for the billionth time, counting them and checking them all again. Pandora shrugs and grins.
"It would be exciting to get lost in there, don't you think?" She closes her car door and locks it, hoisting her own luggage off the ground and shuffling forward to stand next to him.
Regulus snorts. "No. I would give up and become a ghost or something. Much less effort."
Pandora raises her eyebrows but chuckles. "We would be amazing ghosts together. You would love making children cry with your depressing aura. Come on, let's sign in." She walks lopsidedly over to the gates, lugging her bright blue suitcase along with her and Regulus follows behind her, nervous but too proud to show it.
There is a brown-haired girl with a sharp but friendly-looking face and dark brown eyes standing at the gate, holding a large clipboard. Pandora walks confidently up to her and Regulus follows a little more grudgingly.
"Hi, are you- do we sign in here?" Pandora smiles at the girl. Trying to make a good impression. Should Regulus be doing that? He thinks about it and decides he won't stoop that low.
"Yes, I am. I'm Emmeline Vance." The girl says, smiling back at Pandora with a twinkle in her eye. "And what are your names?"
"Pandora Rosier." She smiles. Regulus glances at the clipboard. Emmeline nods and ticks off Pandora's name on her clipboard before turning to Regulus expectantly.
"Regulus Black." He says, a little flatly. Pandora nudges him, telling him to be nice without words. He rolls his eyes at her. Emmeline crosses his name off and unlocks the gate.
"Welcome to the V.I.P. club, party people." Emmeline says, smiling. Pandora laughs softly, smiling at the brunette, before heading through the gate after Regulus, and they walk down the path towards the collection of large buildings. Regulus does his best not to sigh loudly.
"Right, where are we heading?" Regulus asks Pandora, turning to her for some order in this swarm of new people and awkwardness.
"The Slytherin building is there." Pandora points to a large white building towards the left, which is sporting a large green banner emblazoned with a snake.
"Great." He says, sighing. "Where's yours?"
Pandora points to the tall building next to it, this time with a blue banner with an eagle. "Not sure why there's an eagle when it's called Raven claw but beggars can't be choosers."
"I doubt that whoever built this place was a beggar." Regulus says dryly, gesturing to the ornate entrances and fancy gardens. Pandora chuckles.
There are five buildings in total. The large central building containing a quad in the centre, lecture halls, classrooms, both a large theatre for whole-school performances and a smaller one for classes, a dance studio and a music studio, as well as several practice rooms and random rooms scattered around the building. The other four were the house buildings, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin, where people boarded year-round until they went home for the holidays.
"Wait- does this mean we have to split up?" Regulus realises and turns to Pandora, slightly nervous. She shrugs.
"I'll come with you to get settled in and you do the same for me. Deal?" She says firmly. Regulus sighs with relief and nods.
They make their way over to the Slytherin building, Regulus taking in everything, including the dark-skinned, dark-haired girl with an easy smile and cool elegance. Regulus recognises her from Merlin's Insitute. She hung around Crouch mostly. They'd all gone to school together, following their parents' instructions to become aspiring performers.
"Hi! Dorcas, right? Is this the Slytherin dorms?" Pandora calls out to her and the girl smiles brightly when she sees them.
"Hi, Pandora. Yeah, this is Slytherin." Dorcas gestures to the building behind her. "I've been put on admission duty. It's literally the most boring thing they could have made me do. You're going to love Slytherin, though. We have all the cool people." Dorcas wiggles her eyebrows and grins. Regulus smiles slightly. Pandora sighs heavily, turning to Regulus.
"I wish I was with you." She sighs before turning to Dorcas. "I'm helping Reg unpack but I'll be back out soon. Is that alright?"
Dorcas nods and gestures them up the steps as Regulus and Pandora head through the door into the ornately decorated entrance hall to the Slytherin building. Regulus pulls out his forms and scans them.
"I'm on the fourth floor." Regulus says, groaning in annoyance. Pandora sighs and dumps her bag at the door before helping Regulus carry his unnecessarily large suitcase, with the plan to grab hers later.
They somehow manage to lug the heavy suitcase up the stairs, feeling more drained with every step until they finally reach his room. He fumbles with his key and the door swings open to reveal a fairly large room with one bed on either side. Great. He would be sharing. Regulus dumps his suitcase by the closest bed and flops down onto it. Pandora does the same, breathing a sigh of relief.
"My god, what do you have in that thing?" She asks, gesturing to the suitcase. "Dead bodies or something?"
Regulus raises his eyebrows, smirking. "Ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies, Dora." He sighs again and stares at the ceiling.
"Right, then. What poor soul is going to have to deal with you and your dead bodies?" Pandora gestures to the empty bed opposite to his. Regulus raises an eyebrow and shrugs.
"Don't know. They’d better not snore or breathe too loudly or anything irritating like that or I will have to add another one to the collection." Regulus lies back on the bed.
"Are you in an emo phase?" Pandora chuckles.
"Make that two extra dead bodies." Regulus says, giving her a pointed look.
Just then, a tall boy with pale blonde dreads and a relaxed expression unlocks the door and enters before stopping and grinning at Regulus and Pandora. Regulus’s face breaks out into a small smile (because that is the extent of his positive expressions, apparently), but Pandora beams brightly at the sight of him.
"Evan!" Evan barely has time to dump his bag on his bed before his sister jumps up from the bed and throws her arms around him, squeezing him almost to death, as is her custom. As mentioned before, Pandora is a hugger.
Evan simply rolls his eyes and hugs her back just as tightly before prying her off him with some difficulty. “All right, Pan, don’t kill me yet, alright?. I just got through the damn door.”
“You betrayed me by not travelling in the blueberry, Ev. I hope you know that.” Pandora nods solemnly and flops back onto Regulus’s bed. “Also, Regulus has now become Reginald. Do with that what you will.”
Regulus gives her another bone-chilling glare, to which she smiles sweetly.
“Golly gosh, Pan, you’ve really gone and done it now.” Evan says with a wicked grin. “Poor Reginald is having a mental breakdown over your harsh comments.”
“Sorry, darling Reginald, didn’t mean to awaken the beast.” Pandora says with a mockingly sorrowful expression.
“I hate you all.” Regulus says wearily.
Evan grins more broadly and gestures to the bed opposite Regulus's. "Too bad. You're stuck with me. Hi, roomie."
Pandora cackles and Regulus groans in annoyance but secretly he's pleased that his roommate is at least someone he knows.
Evan shushes them with a vague wave of his hand. “As well as providing my permanent presence in this room, I have come to deliver a message. As today is move-in day, there’s a party tonight to welcome all the first-years.”
Pandora grins and Regulus shakes his head firmly. “Nope. No party. I’m staying here.” Evan rolls his eyes.
“Regulus, for once in your life, do something reckless and stupid like a normal teenager.” Pandora says, nudging him. Regulus glares at her. She grins at his murderous expression.
“Just come for an hour. Pleaaase, Reg.” Evan asks, batting his eyelashes mock-innocently. Regulus wavers, despite how ridiculous the blonde boy looks.
“The party could be roommate bonding time?” Pandora offers, grinning at Regulus’s look of irritation. She is definitely pushing it, but she’s Pandora. He couldn’t be angry with her even if he tried.
“Yeah, it's perfect .” Evan says emphatically. “Just one hour, Reg. Please?” Evan gives his most charming grin and Regulus feels himself cave. He can pinpoint the exact moment when he realises he is going whether he likes it or not. They have made up his mind for him.
“Fine. An hour. But if people start doing drugs and getting tattoos I’m getting out of there.” He sighs and Evan smiles more broadly.
“Great. I'll pick you all up at seven.” Evan stands up from the bed and theatrically sweeps out of the room, but not before flipping off Pandora, who calls after him, “See you soon, spawn of Satan.”
Regulus sighs at nothing in particular, or perhaps everything, and Pandora nudges him. “It’s just a party, Reg. Is this about Sirius being there?”
It hadn’t even occurred to Regulus that his brother might make an appearance but it certainly did now. This prospect makes the knot in his stomach that has been there for as long as he can remember twist uncomfortably. Sirius is here and he isn’t going anywhere, he reminds himself. Regulus does not want to talk to his brother. Or at least, that’s what he tells himself. That he doesn’t need Sirius’s friendship or love. But deep down, he craves it more than anything. Being locked in that house with his parents, all alone, made him realise just how much light Sirius had shone onto his life. How much he misses him, even now. The realisation had made him feel sick, and it does again now as he thinks of it. That fact that he needs his brother. Much more than Sirius needs him.
Regulus is used to that, at least. Not being enough. Not enough for Sirius to stay. Not enough for him to come back. Not enough to fill the hole Sirius had left behind in his life when he ran away. Not enough to replace his brother in the eyes of his parents.
Regulus has spent the most part of his life pushing others away. It’s an unconscious instinct, and sometimes he is so used to doing it that he does it automatically. A sneer or scowl usually does the trick, and when it doesn’t he uses his words. Words can cut deeper than a knife when used properly, he knows that better than anyone. This almost always works, because of the natural human instinct to shy away from things that cause them pain or distress. He uses this to his advantage as much as possible, because he can understand that kind of pain. He doesn’t understand the pain he feels surrounding the topic of his brother, and he hates it.
And he very much does not want to explain this to Pandora because that would most certainly make her worried for his sanity so he decides to lie instead. Such a productive option.
“No, why?” He asks, in what he hopes is a nonchalant tone.
Pandora looks like she wants to push the subject but then she sighs and gets up to head back downstairs, leaving Regulus’s mind swarming with thoughts of parties and alcohol and his brother and his brother and his brother.
Regulus is not going to enjoy this. Not one bit.
"Coming?" He hears Pandora's voice echoing through the stairwell.
"Yeah." He sighs.
Not one bit.
But at least he's more free than he was in Grimmauld Place. Regulus doesn't find himself being optimistic very often, so he'll take what he can get.
Maybe this year will be easier.
🌺
Lily was in the car when it started.
The arguing.
It wasn't uncommon for her sister to start arguments for no apparent reason, especially with her, but that didn't make it any more welcome.
Petunia is sitting in the car seat beside her, her arms crossed, that pouting look on her face that happens when she's sulking. Again, the fact that Lily sees it so much doesn't mean she likes it any more. Petunia's eyebrows are furrowed and she is determinedly not looking her sister's way.
Lily rolls her eyes, turning her gaze back to the window.
"What was that?" Oh, there it was. She knew this would happen. It always did.
She turned back to face Petunia with a frown. "What was what?"
Petunia glares at her. "You rolled your eyes at me."
Lily stares at her. "You're sulking."
"I am not!"
"You literally are."
Petunia's gaze is icy and Lily doesn't like it. "Why are you such a drama queen?"
"That's fitting, considering where I'm going." She says harshly. She hears her mum sigh in the seat in front of hers and feels a twinge of guilt.
Ever since Lily got the email from Hogwarts last year that she would be attending their school, Petunia hasn't spared her a single kind glance or word. Lily knew this would happen, because her sister has never been the most selfless of people, but it hurt nonetheless. She'd always been passionate about drama, ever since preschool when she used to direct plays for the other kids to put on for their parents. Her whole life had been revolved around a stage, and that infuriated her sister to no end.
Petunia, despite being a perfectly fine student herself, had always been bitter about the fact that Lily seemed to belong on a stage. She shone, and even the fact that Petunia shone elsewhere wasn't enough for her. Lily thinks that Petunia is probably insecure, which hurts her a little, though if she brought it up, it would most likely end in a fight.
Lily's parents were not exactly involved in drama before Lily came along, and so she didn't have many good connections in the acting world. She'd managed to make friends who shared her passion, but she didn't come from an incredibly rich background, so she never had the chance to go to acting school.
Until now.
Lily remembers the day she got her email like it was yesterday. She thinks it was one of the very best and the very worst days of her life.
Lily was stressing, as was her usual mood lately. Why wouldn't she be? She sent her application to Hogwarts School of Performing Arts and Music three weeks ago and they still hadn't taken the time out of their day to bloody reply to her. It's honestly rude, in her opinion.
She'd been working her arse off for a chance like this, and she'd burned out too many times over the last few years for this to mean nothing to her.
She bit her nails anxiously, a habit of hers whenever she was nervous or annoyed. Her nails had bled a lot over the years, especially during exam season. Lily was something of an academic weapon, and she wouldn't let all her efforts go to waste.
Lily, like many teenagers, was determined to achieve her dreams of success. She assumed there were many like her, scattered around her college and high school and even primary school. For Lily, anything less than perfection was a failure. She pushed herself to study harder, sacrificing sleep, entertainment, and even her social life, all for the next 100%, the next 10/10, the next shred of academic validation that she could scrape away from every test, every evaluation, every quiz, every assessment. She left nothing to spare, and she was proud of that.
She'd worked too hard and for too long for this to come to nothing. She'd thrown herself into too many roles and joined too many choirs and bands and rehearsals for this to not work out for the best. She'd tried too much and got too far and burned out too many times and studied for too long and done far, far too much for them to not give her a place.
They'd either give her one, or she'd pry it from their protesting hands.
Lily waited and waited and waited, anxiously refreshing her emails every five seconds in case they'd sent out the email. She got up and walked around her room, putting her hair up and taking ti down and putting it up and taking it down, twisting the long red locks around her fingers and biting her nails and glancing at the screen.
She had to get in. She had to.
Her parents had sacrificed a lot to help her, their time and their money. Costumes for plays, instruments, dance classes, show tickets to come and watch her act, flowers to throw on stage, acting classes, singing lessons, clarinet lessons, trumpet lessons.
Her parents had worked too hard for this not to happen.
She'd worked too hard for this not to happen.
So it had better fucking happen.
She glanced at the screen again, taking a deep breath before refreshing again.
Nothing.
She frowned. Refreshed again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothing.
Again.
Nothi- wait. Wait.
She leaned closer to the screen. She held her breath, her eyes scanning the too-bright screen. The words make her breath catch in her throat.
Hogwarts Academy of Performing Arts and Music
Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore
(Order of Shakespeare, First Class, Grand Director, Chf. Musician, Supreme Hamlet Award Holder 7 years and counting, International Broadway Confed. of Acting)
Dear Miss Evans,
We are pleased to inform you regarding your recent scholarship application that you have a place at Hogwarts Academy of Performing Arts. You have been accepted into our Musical Theatre program, with specialisation in Vocal Arts.
You will find a full admission package attached to this admission letter. It includes all the documents needed to follow up the registration. Congratulations. We are looking forward to seeing you. Term will begin on 1st September. We await your letter or E-Mail by no later than 31st July.
Yours sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Deputy Headmistress
She couldn't breathe. She felt her hands tremble slightly.
She had actually got in.
They'd picked her. They'd let her in.
She'd been chosen.
They thought she was good enough.
She was good enough.
Lily smiled wider than she'd ever smiled in her life. Her lips hurt from the sheer joy that was painted in messy strokes across her face. Maybe it was stupid, the warm glow she felt in her chest. Maybe it was like something out of a movie, something she would have laughed at when watching it with her parents. Maybe it wouldn't be like she dreamed it would be.
But at least she would have the chance to find out.
They'd given her the chance to find out.
Lily shut her laptop and tucked it under her arm, sprinting out of her room and scrambling down the stairs, her hand on the banister to stop herself spinning into the nothingness in her happiness. She rushed around the corner, hitting her elbow on the end of the banister but she didn't care. She made her way into the living room, where both of her parents were sitting, talking quietly. They looked up at her, at her rosy cheeks and wide smile.
Rose, her mum, raised her eyebrows in amusement. "What happened? You're never this excited to see us."
Lily exhaled deeply. "I got in."
William, her dad, frowned in mild confusion. "You got in what?" Then it dawned on him, and Lily could see her own jubilation reflected in her father's face. She nodded frantically.
"Hogwarts." She said breathlessly, her eyes shining. She tucked her hair behind her ear, askew from her hasty journey down the stairs.
Her mum gasped and her eyes shone. "You got into acting school? Lily, that's wonderful!"
Her parents stood up and enveloped her in their arms. Lily felt herself practically glowing. She pulled away.
"I mean, I'll have to email them back to confirm, but then, yeah. I'll really go." She said, her voice still breathless. All her hard work had paid off. She'd actually done it. She hadn't disappointed her parents. She'd worked too hard and slept and eaten too little but it had meant something. It had gotten her here, and she wasn't about to let go of that. She-
"Go where?" A voice from the doorway. Lily turned and met her sister's eyes. They were suspicious and confused. Petunia was leaning on the doorway, clearly having heard the end of the conversation.
Lily and Petunia had never had the closest sisterly bond, but they'd never hated each other. They mostly just stayed out of each other's way. Lily used to try, of course, to hang around her older, cooler sister, but she was brushed off time and time again until she got the hint. Later, when she complained to her parents, they'd simply said that it's what siblings did, at least until they got older.
Lily didn't know exactly when "older" would be, but she hoped it would be soon. She missed her sister.
She cleared her throat and smiled at Petunia, who looked stony. ""I got into Hogwarts. You know, that drama school? The university?" She grinned at her sister, hoping for her expression to be reflected, just as it had been in her parents' faces.
Instead, she got a cold glare. "Congratulations."
That was it. Petunia left the room and stormed upstairs. Lily parted her lips, about to call after her, to ask what was wrong, but her mum's hand landed on her shoulder. She turned, feeling like she'd been splashed with cold water. Her mother's face was slightly sad.
"Leave it, Lils." Her dad said tiredly. She stared at him. He looked sad.
"Why? She- is this bad? Why-"
"She's not feeling well at the moment, darling." Her mum cut in, giving her a strained smile. Lily couldn't understand why her sister wasn't at least happy for her. She'd partially applied to Hogwarts because she wanted it to bring them closer together. She wanted her sister to be proud of her.
Her dad nodded. "I'm sure she'll come round, and then we can all celebrate together, okay?"
She didn't come round.
"You belong there, you know? Always creating problems out of nothing and making them into this big thing. It's ridiculous." Petunia hisses, brushing back her wavy dark hair, something like contempt written on her face. Lily scowls at her. She prides herself on being fairly good-natured, at least most of the time, but this is different. This is her sister.
"Just because you're jealous that I got in doesn't mean you can act like a whiny bitch." She says viciously. Her mum tuts at her and turns around in her seat, her eyes sad and that angry kind of tired that makes Lily uncomfortably guilty.
"Girls, you are grown adults. Stop fighting like immature children."
Petunia scoffs and glares at Lily. Lily glares right back. Her mum is probably right. She's been arguing on and off with Petunia for the past few weeks and her parents are clearly sick of their bickering. Lily can't wait to get rid of the cloud of pain she feels when she's around her sister. There's too much history there, too many years of dysfunction and jealousy for them to simply patch up their relationship.
So she stays silent for the rest of the journey.
When they reach the towering building that is Hogwarts, Lily climbs out of the car and just takes it in.
The rough grey stone of the cobblestone steps leads a winding path up to the main courtyard. The grass is a lush green colour, still vibrant from the hot summer they recently had. The red brick of the four house buildings stood out against the blue sky, highlighting the rough stone of the walls. It feels familiar. It feels like home. Despite having already spent an entire year here, Lily never got over how beautiful this place really was.
Her mum turns to her and gives her a mostly genuine smile. Now that they're actually here, the tension from the car ride is almost gone. Almost.
"Right, then. Grab your things from the back and then we'll say our goodbyes, alright?" Lily nods, walking around their large car to the boot, where she takes out her large red suitcase. She got it when she was accepted into Gryffindor house, and she's had it ever since.
Probably the only reason she made friends with Mary Macdonald is because the girl said that her suitcase matched her hair. They'd began talking and never stopped. Marlene became her friend later on, at the party they'd had. Every year, there's a party to welcome the new first-years, with a different musical theatre theme each year. That was one of Lily's favourite things about Hogwarts. She could be a total nerd about Six and no one would bat an eye.
She swings her blue backpack over her shoulder and stares around at the buildings she's come to call home. Maybe that's stupid, but she feels like she's been here before, in another life. She cuts off the thought. She makes it a point not to feed into spiritual things, because she'd probably start seeing bad omens everywhere and her anxiety would shoot through the roof.
Once she's collected her bags, she kisses her mum on the cheek and gives her dad a hug. Petunia is still sitting in the car, her arms folded like a moody child. Lily sighs and gives her parents another weak smile as they climb back into the car. She waves them off as they drive away, feeling a pang.
Her only sister couldn't even say goodbye.
Brushing it off, she takes a deep breath and walks into the courtyard, her suitcase bouncing up the steps. She walks through tall bushes and along winding paths until he reaches the Gryffindor building. She sees Alice Fortescue perched on a wobbly stool outside the building, twirling a pencil between her fingers. Lily grins when she sees her.
"Hey, Ali!" She calls to her. Alice glances up from where she was staring into space and her face splits into a wide grin. She leaps up off the stool and charges over to her, practically knocking her over as she hugs her. Lily laughs and wraps her arms around the older girl.
"Oh my god, Lily, you have no idea how much I've missed you. I've been stuck here for the last twenty minutes because everyone is bloody late and can't be bothered to get here on time so I can go and take a piss." Alice rambles, tucking a few flyaway strands of fluffy short hair behind her ear.
"I'm sorry, but I have to leave you now... to put my stuff away." Lily says, in the most choked-up, heartbroken voice she can muster, placing a hand on her heart for extra emphasis.
Alice gasps in shock, matching her energy. "Lily, how could you? I have been bored out of my mind, and you dare to give me a taste of freedom with your glowing personality, only to snatch it away? You traitor!"
Lily chokes back a fake sob, sweeping away and heading towards the doors, reaching her hand out to mime clawing her way back to Alice. Alice does the same, her face contorted with mimed pain and anguish. As soon as Lily goes inside, she drops the act and laughs to herself, heading up the stairs. This is how she should feel with Petunia. This is what they should be like, but they're not. The memories of their interactions have always left a bitter taste in her mouth rather than the sweet taste of laughter.
The thought makes Lily feel hollow, not like she lost something, but more like she just recognised the loss of something she never really had.
She pushes open her dorm room door to find it empty. Mary has either left to have a wander around and talk to people, as she so often does, or she hasn't arrived yet. Lily walks over to her bed, her pink duvet cover smiling back at her. She finds comfort in this place, in these people.
Maybe this year will be easier.