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“Alright, let’s see what we got here.” Crouching, Vic ran his scanner over the still-collapsing, dusty remains of the centaur. “Oh, wow! Clay dust. Ooh, check this out, more clay dust. And – you’re never gonna believe this – even more clay dust.” Switching off the scanner, he rocked back on his heels. “It’s just clay, man.”
“Uh-huh,” said Flash, standing beside the centaur’s still semi-intact hind legs, arms akimbo. “Yeah.”
“This shit’s enough to drive you crazy, huh?” Vic did another pass with the scanner. “There’s gotta be something. Some kind of energy source, right? They cannot just be solid clay.”
“Oh, totally.” Flash was gazing off into the middle distance. “You’re onto something, man.”
Sighing, Vic squinted up at him with his human eye. “Are you even listening to me?”
“Sure, yeah, it’s a big pile of dirt, same as the others.” Flash beckoned him to stand up. “You gotta come check this out.”
“What is it?”
Flash beckoned him again. “Just come look.”
Rolling his good eye, he switched off his scanner and stepped over the decaying centaur. “What’s going on?”
He followed Flash’s gaze. A little way down the dust-strewn street was Shazam. He was standing next to a car that was half-buried in the crumbling frame of a cyclops, holding in his hands – what was that, a car door? Vic watched for a long couple of seconds as he propped the car door back into its frame, and let go, only to grab it as it slipped down and try again.
Leaning in closer, he said to Flash, “What’s he doing?”
“Hm, okay,” said Flash with the air of a museum curator. “I missed the beginning of this, but best as I’ve been able to determine what’s happening here is that he thought there might be someone trapped in that car –” He nodded at it. “Which FYI, there was not. But when he went to check he accidentally ripped the door off, and now I think he’s trying to, you know.” He motioned with both hands. “Slot it back on.”
“Oh.” Vic watched as Shazam lifted the door once again, finally making sense of the odd scene. “Ohh, okay. Yeah. That’s not gonna work.”
“No.” Flash shook his head. “It is not.”
“Should we,” said Vic, “help him?”
“Probably,” said Flash cheerfully.
Wally made no move to do so. Neither did Vic. They stood there, side by side, watching as Shazam made a further futile attempt to re-attach the car door. It thunked back down into the dust. There was distant, muffled exclamation of frustration.
“I, uh,” he said. “Notice we’re not helping him.”
“Nope,” said Flash.
Vic hesitated a moment longer. He stepped forward. “I’m gonna go talk to him.”
“Uh-buh-buh-buh-bup.” Flash put a hand on his chest, stalling him. “Hold the phone, big guy. I wanna see where he’s going with this.”
Vic brushed him off. “I’m going over there.”
He picked his way across the street-turned-battlefield, Flash at his heels. Shazam didn’t seem to notice them coming over, absorbed in his Sisyphean task. Drawing closer, Vic raised his voice and said, “Yo, Shazam!”
Shazam started – an over-exaggerated, dramatic double take of the kind he was prone to – and plastered on his biggest smile. “Oh hey, guys!” he said. “Where’d you come from?”
“Right over there,” said Flash, motioning behind himself.
“You good, buddy?” said Vic.
“Uh, yeah.” Shazam nonchalantly adjusted his grip on the car door. “Just hanging out. You know. You guys okay? You got tossed around a bit back there.”
That last was addressed to Flash, who shrugged. “Just bruises. What you got there, bud?”
“Huh?” Shazam looked down at the car door in his hands, smile growing more fixed by the second. “Oh – nothing – just, y’know, holding onto this. Car door. Cause of.” His gaze wandered. He cleared his throat. “Reasons.”
“That’s cool, man,” said Vic.
“I don’t, uh.” Shazam motioned at the doorless car. “I don’t know how it came off. I just found it lying here.”
“You sure did,” said Flash. He had a pretty shit-eating grin on, below the mask, so Vic opted to jump in.
“Hey – Shazam,” he said. “I’m having some trouble analysing the remains of these, uh – guys – I was wondering if you might have any input?”
“Huh?” Shazam’s gaze had wandered fully up to the sky, like an anxious meerkat checking for predators. “Oh, uh, actually, I gotta run – I have a thing – back in Philly.”
“Yeah?” said Flash. “What kinda thing?”
“Important, uh, magic stuff,” said Shazam. “Magic business. Very important. Very, uh, secret.” He coughed, and motioned upwards. “So I gotta. Get gone.”
It kinda sounded like a lie to get out of sticking around – but with Shazam it was honestly hard to say. He did do all kinds of important magic stuff, as Vic understood it. “Uh, okay,” he said. “Maybe next time.” He reached out his hands. “Want me to take –”
“Oh! Yeah.” Shazam handed over the door. “Thanks so much – you’re a pal.” His feet left the ground, rising upwards, his cape fluttering. “Great to see you guys,” he said. “I mean, not – not great, cause of all the monsters – and the property damage –”
Vic held up the car door. “We get it.”
“Cool,” said Shazam. “Cool, cool, cool.” He threw up a little mock salute, rising higher. “Until next time,” he said; and then in a final whoosh of air and a crackle of lightning, he was gone.
Vic laid the car door carefully down next to the wreck of the car. “Weird dude,” he reflected aloud.
“Weird dude,” Flash agreed.
There was a crunching of footsteps on clay dust and coming light-footed over the top of a nearby truck was the big guy. “Hey, guys,” he said, coming closer. He looked up, squinting, at the sky. “Shazam leave already?”
“Yeah, he had to go do a magic thing,” said Vic.
“He said it was important,” Flash added.
Superman nodded. “That figures,” he sighed. Joining them, he surveyed the scene – the ruined car – the just-barely recognisable shape of the cyclops – and picked up the car door, weighing it in his hands. “Always something with him, isn’t it?”
“He’s got a lot of magic stuff to do, I guess,” Vic suggested. “Busy guy.”
Superman laughed. “Yeah.” Stepping closer to the car, very, very carefully, he slotted the door back into its frame. He made a couple of adjustments, rocking it from side to side. Then, holding up his hands, he stepped back.
The door stayed in place. “There we go,” he said, satisfied. “Much better.” He turned to look at them – and frowned. “Alright, now, what’s so funny?”