Work Text:
Cutting off your own leg was a whole lot more difficult than it seems.
Years of losing limbs in skirmishes against the titans and the invading Warriors must have made him forgetful of how sturdy the human body really could be, even without titanic regeneration abilities. It did seem like he and his fellow titan shifters formed a habit of losing limbs, either to the ravenous Pure Titans or in combat with their contemporaries within the Nine.
Still, even with his own superhuman pain tolerance, it hurt like a bitch. It probably didn’t help that it was done with a half-rusted trench knife.
He had intended on being honourably injured on the battlefield while fighting on behalf of Marley in the so-called “War of Middle Eastern Aggression.” After months of warring in the trenches on the Marleyan frontier, it should’ve been easy enough to get himself injured by a stray bullet or artillery barrage. However, even as the glorious battle ended in victory, Eren Yeager was, unfortunately, unscathed.
The same could not be said of his comrades in the 8th Eldian Redemptionist Infantry regiment. Their Marleyan officers had ordered for human wave tactics to be deployed in a mass assault against the Middle Eastern lines. Of course, the lives of mere Eldian devils meant nothing to the top brass, and as such, the rising casualties were ignored.
He and his fellow infantrymen were pulverized by artillery fire as they went over the top of the Marleyan trenches, only to be met by walls of barbed wire that shredded their limbs and tore their flesh down to the bone. Once someone was wrapped up in the wire, they were easy pickings for the enemy machine gun nests where hundreds of Eldians would fall to a single salvo.
But, in his opinion, it was better to try your luck with the barbed wire than attempt to brave the minefields. One wrong step and one of the cruel contraptions would trigger, exploding and almost certainly killing any non-shifter in the process.
Although some survived, they were the real unlucky ones. Mangled and crippled beyond repair (although Marley wouldn’t dare waste valuable medical equipment on lost causes), they were now left alone, defenseless and bleeding out in the barren no man’s land between the trench lines. The officer corps wouldn’t dare to waste their time by authorizing a rescue operation for the dying Eldian devils and the Middle Easterners had a strict policy of taking no Eldian prisoners. To them, who hated Eldians with a fervor that made Marley appear as benevolent overlords, the only good Eldian was a dead one.
Of course, none of this really mattered, since after a few hours of assaults, the Marleyans ordered a general retreat to allow their artillery and Warrior corps to finish off the enemy. His fellow soldiers in the regiments only purpose was to soften the enemy up until victory could be achieved.
Their lives were worthless.
It almost reminded Eren of the Survey Corps, fighting unwinnable battles for a future that seemed nigh impossible to achieve. He thought of this to give him strength to carry on his impromptu amputation.
It certainly did its job. The self-inflicted injuries alongside his stellar performance in the battlefield granted him the luxury of medical treatment. Eren would soon himself on one of the first trains back to the Eldian ghetto in Liberio. It was there that the Marley would lay preparations for their next and final war.
They would declare war on the kingdom of Paradis, and they would find their doom in that war. Before that, however, he would need to recover from his wounds in a local field hospital.
His luxurious treatment was courtesy of Zeke, of course. Most Eldians would still be in the trenches to treat their own wounds with the meager assistance of their understaffed field medic corps. Others, of course, were simply left on the battlefield to die.
Perhaps he went a little too far in some places. Eren doubted that gouging out one of his eyes alongside amputating one of his legs was necessary to appear as a crippled veteran.
It was too late for regrets however, and he had far more deep and troubling regrets than his newfound lack of depth perception. Lying alone on a hospital bed in the middle of night, missing an eye and leg tended to leave one with nothing but their past failures to mull over.
Don’t think about her, Eren. Just forget about her. There’s no more room for doubt anymore.
Turning on his good side, he tried to force himself to sleep and clear his mind. It didn’t work. The quiet of the hospital broken only by the soft humming of the cicadas, the night sky outside the window illuminated by a billion stars and the distant sounds of revelry from the victorious soldiers all reminded him of that night in the refugee camp so many months ago.
Looks like the future doesn’t change.
I was so disappointed…
You’re family.
Eren was forced from the chaos that was his inner thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching, easily recognized thanks to his trained senses. From the corner of his eye, Eren could make out the distinct amber light of a night lamp approaching his area of the ward.
That was odd. The nurses should have all finished their rounds that night. His paranoid mind immediately jumped to the possibility of an assassin that somehow learnt of his location and was sent for the purpose of getting rid of the Founding Titan once and for all.
Maybe it was Zeke, off to visit his dear little brother. He did have a strange look on his face directly after the battle. It was ridiculously smug, even by his standards. He had run off to his debriefing after the battle and was still probably speaking to the Marleyan High Command, but still made sure to meet up with him that afternoon to have a short chat and later left, simply telling Eren to “enjoy himself.”
Whatever the hell that meant.
As the lamp grew ever closer, he turned his head to give the impression that he was fast asleep andreached underneath the pillow for his trench knife, expertly smuggled into the hospital just in case.
Mere moments later, Eren’s anxiety was put to rest as the shadowy figure crossed the curtains that separated his bed from the other patients admitted to the ward. He made out the figure of a woman wearing a plain grey dress and pure white apron, marked with a telltale red cross above the insignia of the Eldian star.
Just a nurse assigned to the Eldians. Nothing to worry about.
But Eren was far from relieved. No nurses should be walking the wards this time, and there was something about this one in particular that seemed especially suspicious, even beyond her absurd sense of time. She walked slowly and with a sense of uncertainty and anxiety as though she hadn’t been treating wounded soldiers for months on end in a brutal foreign war.
Her outfit doesn’t suggest she’s a novice or trainee at all.
More so, the mysterious figure was clutching her lamp with both hands as if it were a lifeline, hands trembling. And clearly, she wasn’t ready to reveal herself as she made sure to hide her face, ensuring it remained shrouded by darkness as well as on the same side as his missing eye.
Now he really regretting gouging it out and leaving himself a cyclops.
Still, Eren doubted the mystery woman actually means him any harm, considering judging solely from her body language alone she looked more spooked of him than he was of her. The nurse was simply staring at him while clutching her dim lantern with a trembling hand.
Unwilling to tolerate another second of this odd stalemate, Eren quickly pulled himself upwards, resting his back on his rather hard pillow and craning his neck so he could finally get a good look at the face of his secret admirer.
He really wished he did so slower. She was no nurse at all, and definitely not Marleyan. He knew that face anywhere. A sharply angled, exotic face with raven black hair and onyx eyes to boot. She was the reason for his sleepless night in the first place.
“Eren.”
And of course, that stoic, quiet and unmistakeable voice. The voice of someone who definitely should not be here. He wouldn’t, couldn’t show his surprise.
Gathering his composure, he responded in kind.
“Hello, Mikasa.”
Even with his foresight of the future, she still managed to surprise him. Eren never expected to see any of his old friends on speaking terms, at least before the end, but here she was. It was no surprise she managed to find him. After all, he did communicate exactly where he was through his letters sent back to the Survey Corps. Still, it confused him how easily she managed to locate him.
But then he remembered Zeke’s smug-ass grin earlier and it all made sense.
He’s responsible, as always.
Mikasa must have contacted him using Yelena as an intermediary, and Zeke, being the loving big brother, was all too happy to share their location for a heartwarming reunion.
And now that Mikasa was here, she was seemingly content to just stare at him as though he was some sort of mythical creature (which he sort-of was). But then, she looked down at his missing leg and her frown deepened.
“You’re hurt, Eren.” Mikasa moved a bit closer to him before stopping in her tracks. Seems her frustration with him was fighting her desire to tend to his wounds.
“I’ve had worse. It’ll heal.”
At this point both of them were just dancing around the giant elephant in the room. Thankfully, Mikasa wasn’t having any of the pointless small talk.
“Is this what you left the Survey Corps for, just to fight and get injured in this wasteland?” The hurt in her voice was palpable, filling Eren’s heart with a deep sense of shame.
No. It’s too late to turn back now. I’m a dead man walking and she should just forget about me when the time comes.
“Well, the Survey Corps was always meant to go out and explore the world, weren’t they?” He bitterly sniggered at his own terrible excuse for a joke before he could stop himself. And what a world it was. A world where the likes of him were marked for death just by his blood alone. A world where he and everyone he loved could be wiped off the face of the earth and rather than be horrified at the atrocity committed, the people would cheer and celebrate their demise.
He preferred the titans to be honest.
“Sorry, that wasn’t funny at all.”
Mikasa sighed, clearly out of patience with him. Couldn’t blame her. Taking a deep breath and marching over to his bedside, so Eren could clearly see the kaleidoscope of emotions in her eyes.
“Why did you abandon us, Eren?”
She followed him all the way here, she would have the answer for her question.
Not the question she spoke out loud, but her true question. The question unasked but apparent to both.
“Why did you leave me?”
Suddenly it became difficult to continue looking her in the eyes. He tried to turn away in shame, but found he was spellbound. It was terribly ironic in a way, how he who never shied away from conflict before could be so cowardly when it came to her. There was no running away from her interrogation.
Steeling himself, Eren gathered his resolve
Eren would give her the truth. Some of it, at least.
“Marley is going to declare war on Paradis.”
Mikasa’s eyes widened in alarm as soon as Eren uttered those words. That got her attention. Seeing as how she was apparently too dumbfounded for words, Eren continued.
“It’s true. As soon as Marley’s done mopping up what’s left of the resistance here they’re going to drum up support for another invasion to take the Founding Titan and the iceburst stone. They’ll be ridding the world of the hated island devils and securing their own future at the same time.”
“Just like what happened at Wall Maria 8 years ago.” The bitterness and spite against the outside world might as well have been engraved on his very soul at that point.
But then again, considering the history of the Attack Titan, maybe it was.
“Even so, why are you here with Zeke? Is he planning on helping us?” Zeke? Help? His idea of helping sure is unorthodox in that case. Zeke was outright suicidal even to Eren’s superb standards of self-destruction.
“Zeke doesn’t give a shit about helping us. He has his own agenda.” It probably wasn’t the right time to say his plan was to sterilize his entire people and have those all die a slow, miserable death. Better she hear his ridiculous plan straight from the ape’s mouth.
“If you’re wondering if I’ve given up and just being used by Zeke, then don’t worry. I’m just using him. I have no intention of going along with his schemes to the end.
Well, it’s not like his scheme is any better morally speaking.
“But you could have talked to the rest of us! I’m sure with Armin and Hange we could’ve found-“
“Found a way? Last I saw you guys, you were all hiding in the corner while our prospective allies screamed out how much they wanted to kill us!” Eren couldn’t keep the venom out of his voice nor did he even try.
“Or has Commander Hange made some sort of breakthrough while I was gone, some sort of alliance?” It was a low blow. Both of them knew damn well there was no breakthrough or any diplomatic opportunities.
Mikasa was having none of it. Roughly grasping his hand and taking them hers as she was been wont to do where he was behaving extra rebellious, she tried yet again
“Eren, you deserted the Survey Corps. You deserted your friends. You could even be executed for treachery. Don’t you understand how serious this is!?” At this point, Mikasa’s tone was less that of anger and more of desperation. Even after he left her, she still didn’t have it in her to be furious at him.
He didn’t deserve her one bit. Why couldn’t she just see that herself and leave?
Something about holding Mikasa’s hand always helped him settle down. This time was no different. He could no longer stubbornly evade eye contact and pretend the bedside table was so fascinated, especially not after he felt the nervous trembling of her hands and the glimmer of unshed tears in her eyes.
He was responsible for her pain. To his shame, he hurt the person most dear to him yet again. In an instant, the bitterness and spite inside of him evaporated to be replaced by a profound emptiness that Eren could not identify for the longest while.
It was the same emptiness he felt that day in the refugee camp, when they were so rudely interrupted. Ever since that day, Eren had been desperate to learn what exactly he felt that day. But now at that very instant, he understood.
It was longing.
He wanted to be with Mikasa. Just like an ordinary couple in love, and not as two deeply broken people screwed over by the world around them and time itself. He wanted to go on dates together and cook dinner together and build a new home together and all that dumb sappy shit couples did. As a child, he had nothing but apathy for such things however years spent without a home and fighting for an uncertain future against certain death have left him with a newfound appreciation for the mundane and simple.
But even so, he hadn’t any desire to seek out a relationship with just anyone to fill some sort of void in his life. The opportunities did arise with fellow soldiers and later even flirtatious civilians once he was known throughout the island as a hero, but Eren had always refused.
He recalled the late nights among the cadets, where the boys would always blather on about whoever struck their fancy, or which cute girl they deluded themselves into thinking was flirting with them. Such conversations only elicited scoffs and a roll of the eyes from Eren, but now look at him.
He simply had no interest in anyone other than Mikasa. She had always been his weak spot and now the desire to just abandon everything just so he could simply be with her was driving him mad (or madder, really).
It was impossible to resist the urge to interlock his fingers with hers, as they were wont to do as children when things got tough for either one of them. Mikasa accepted his conciliatory gesture hesitantly, and returned it with a small squeeze of his hands.
A small smile had nearly crept its way onto her mien, before Mikasa seemingly realized she was still supposed to be angry at Eren, and hastily returned to her mask of disdain.
“Mikasa, I know Commander Hange’s trying her best, but we both know nobody is going to help us. The people here would rather see our heads on spikes than to lift a finger to help us and the only person we have to rely on just wants to use us to make herself rich…”
“I need to do something, before Marley decides it would be better if we were all gone…” She squinted at Eren, as if to determine what was going on in his faraway thoughts. His lack of explanations had been making her suspicious of him, and with good reason.
“What are you planning, Eren?”
Eren had no response. What could he even say as a response? “Well you see, I’m planning on carrying out an apocalyptic plan that would see the vast majority of people on the planet, innocent or otherwise, killed until I orchestrate my own demise at your hands that would see the nations of the world unable to wage war against Paradis, position the Survey Corps as well-respected heroes and also apparently put a final end to the curse of the Titans for good?
He could only imagine how well that would go over with her. He simply couldn’t tell her, and not just because he himself would consider his plan lunacy had he not seen the results with his own eyes.
“I…” Eren tried to say something, anything, to try and rebuild the façade of apathy he had painstakingly built up over the last 4 years to no avail. He was so sick and tired of lying to his loved ones, of pretending to be someone else for what he believed was their own protection. He could no long bear the pain of deceiving them.
But at the same time, he wouldn’t dare reveal the truth. To reveal the lengths he would go to, the atrocities he would undoubtedly commit would possibly shatter any good-will Mikasa ever had for himself. It was laughable, how for all his posturing and attempts to shatter the bond between the two of them, now that a perfect opportunity to do exactly that arises, he lacked the will to go through with it.
He feared nothing in the way of physical pain, of the horrors of war and all it brings, but the thought of Mikasa looking at him in disgust, in hate and spite hurt him in a way a knife to the knee or a gouged-out eye never could. All he could muster was a weak non-committal reply.
“I… I can’t say. Not yet.”
“I won’t leave you alone until you tell me, Eren. I’m not going anywhere.” The determination in her eyes was almost frightening. It reminded him of himself whenever the prospect of freedom or vengeance was close.
“I… don’t expect you to. I promise I’ll tell you everything, but just… not yet, okay?” Even to his own ears, he was pleading, but could think of nothing else to say.
He couldn’t hide from revealing the truth forever, but at the very least he could wait until a better time to tell the one he loved most about his scheme.
Silence reigned over the hospital ward, until at least Mikasa responded with a question of her own.
“This plan of yours… you’re going to die, aren’t you?”
How did she know? While Eren was stunned into silence, Mikasa continued and as she did, so did her voice raise and grow more and more desperate.
“You are, aren’t you? You’re planning on some suicidal stunt and going far away from us again!? Why!? Why are you so insistent on getting yourself killed!?” Through her anger and exasperation, tears flowed freely, caused by the thought of Eren dying and leaving her behind yet again.
By the end of her little rant, she was in near hysterics, and had his cot not been out of the way, Eren would have been worried it attracted undue attention from the other patients. Still, he couldn’t blame her. For far too long he had been labelled accurately as a suicidal blockhead and none took more umbrage to his antics than Mikasa.
Through it all, her grip on his hand grew so intense he began to believe she would break the bones with her Ackerman strength.
“Mikasa, my hand…” With a gasp and realizing her error, she released her now crushing grasp and made a move to retreat from her closeness to Eren. Before she could, he interrupted her attempt to escape with his own firm grip.
“It’s fine Mikasa. Just calm down and relax.”
“How can I relax, Eren? When I’m about to lose you again…” the Ackerman choked out, burying her face in her scarf for comfort.
“There’s not much time left either way. At best it’s just 4 years until my term expires. We can’t run away from it forever.”
“I don’t care. I can’t bear to see you die an awful death in some awful war.” It would be what he deserved, he was a monster inside and out. It would simply be unfair that a beast like him dies well while the true heroes in the Survey Corps. had nothing to look forward to but being mangled and devoured whole by a Titan.
Not that Mikasa would agree, she always saw the best in him. Even when he himself could not.
“Oh yeah? I wasn’t aware going into an early grave could be anything but awful. What would be a good way to go then, being eaten by one of my best friends so they could carry on the Founding Titan?”
It was a cruel question, Eren knew, but one he considered valid just the same. He wanted his friends to live long, happy lives. Not one where they’d be dead in 13 years to some vile curse.
“I don’t want that either, Eren! You always told us you want us to be safe and happy. I want the same for you. Is… is just living a peaceful life with the ones who love you not enough for you?”
Was it enough? Was it enough to just… live? For as long as he could remember he had always wanted more from life and had received only misery in return. Was he simply destined to be unhappy?
He had been cursing himself for so long for a myriad of reasons; for not being free, for not appreciating his mom enough while he still had her, for not being strong enough to save the ones he loved, for being a monster who would bring ruin to the world.
Was he just born wrong? What a cruel irony, for the one who always claimed everyone was born free to curse his own existence.
“I… I don’t know, okay?”
Mikasa was undeterred by his existential crisis and carried on her questioning
“What do you want, Eren?” Her teary eyes stared unblinkingly at his, desperate for an answer.
“I just…”
Want to be free to see the world, to see the fields of sand and ice, the rivers of fire.
Want you all to be able to live long, happy, safe lives without worry of war or extermination.
Want to wipe this hateful humanity all away for being so cruel towards us.
Want to be with you, to love you and to be able to show you just how much.
“I just want to not be a monster anymore.” Before he could restrain himself and utter some half-truth, the words came out unbidden and with them, Eren could feel his own vision in his remaining eye cloudy with unshed tears. He even shocked himself with his candidness, and Mikasa too, judging by her stunned silence and agape mouth.
“I’m tired of it all. I’m sick of this curse and these politics and this fucking war. I don’t want to d-die, but I think dying for a cause is all I’m good for anyways.” He couldn’t bear to look her in the eye anymore, breaking their staring contest to gaze at the fascinating colour of the bedsheets.
“Eren…” Mikasa wrung her hands, at a loss at what to do or even say. Not that she could even get a word in edgewise.
“Of course I wanna stay with you guys, but I don’t see any way that’s ever gonna happen anymore. So my plan is to just keep throwing myself into this hell and hope somehow the rest of you guys can make it after I’m gone.”
“So, no. To answer your question, I am not happy to die like cattle in some awful war but I’d rather be dead than to watch the rest of you die the same way because I was too much of a coward to finish this for good.”
“I couldn’t stand it if you died either, Mikasa.” Eren added, more softly.
Looking back up at the Ackerman girl, Eren raised his arms and let them fall back down to his lap in resignation. “Well, there you go. If you have any more questions, I’m all ears.”
Mikasa said nothing for what seemed like an eternity. All she did was look at him, look at him as though she were gazing into his very soul. When at last it felt as though he could take no more, she spoke.
“Eren, what am I to you?”
What?
“What?” What the hell is she thinking? There it was again. The determination in her eyes, the terrifying determination. If that’s what the rest of the Survey Corps sees when they look at him then he owes Jean an apology. He really was a maniac.
“You asked me that question months ago, I didn’t get a chance to ask you back, and I don’t think I answered it properly.”
Didn’t answer it properly?
“Mikasa, I…”
He ought to tell her he hates her, that he always hated her. He should be ranting and raving about how disgusting he finds her, so that she would stay away from him forever and to never go near his self-destruction again. He wasn’t worthy of any consideration whatsoever. He needs to cut the bond between the two of them for good before it was too late and he gives in to the growing urge to hold her close and never let go.
Witnessing his apprehension, Mikasa silently rose, smoothed out her skirt and made a move to leave, failing miserably at hiding her disappointment.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to answer. We can talk more in the morn-”
In a single action, that niggling voice in the back of his mind demanding he hurt Mikasa yet again was silenced, this time for good.
“NO!” Scrambling up to his feet (foot) and damn near falling off the bed and bashing his head against the nightstand. Using said nightstand as a balance to limp towards her, he all but begged her to stay.
“Don’t go!” With how close they were now, he could see a spark of… something, in her eyes. Without warning, he brought an arm around Mikasa and pulled her into the most firm hug he had ever given in his life. He inwardly sighed in relief as he felt Mikasa relax into his arms.
It felt right, as though he was made for this.
“Eren, what happened? Are you alright? What’s gotten into you?” A ghost of a smile was forming on her lips, despite the heaviness of their conversation. Good. From now on he wanted nothing but smiles from her. The only tears he would ever tolerate from now on would be those of happiness.
Eren reluctantly pulled away from his bear hug, still keeping his arms comfortably on the Ackerman girl’s upper arm for support.
“You’re the most important person in my life. If something ever happened to you I honestly don’t know what I’d do with myself.
“I wanted you to join the Military Police because I knew you’d be treated well there and safely but honestly, I didn’t want you to be far away from me either. I wanted us to be together forever, even if it was selfish of me.”
“Ever since we were kids, I’ve always loved you.”
Mikasa froze in his arms, as rigid as a statue. Although she dared not move, her eyes widened and colour bloomed on her cheeks. For all he loved her, Eren really wished she’d at least say something and not leave him in suspense after all he confessed.
But it seems that was not to be, as the only answer he received was Mikasa continuing to short-circuit and stare at him in shock.
But then, Mikasa makes some strange, whimpering noise and can’t help the tears rolling down her cheeks once again. Eren couldn’t help feel a tinge of dismay that he made her cry once more, and so soon after he promised that he would make her as happy as he possibly could.
Even worse, this time he wasn’t even sure what he did wrong or how to fix it. Unsure of where to go next or how to deal with the bawling Ackerman, Eren went back to his tried and true hasty apologies, always at the ready for when his reckless ass said something insensitive or outspoken. He quickly released his grip on her arms, to give her as much space as she requires.
“I’m sorry. I probably shouldn’t have sprung this on you so quickly. It’s alright if you don’t feel the same-”
“E-Eren, you damn idiot.” Through her tears and soft hiccups, Mikasa finally managed to find her words. Her cheeks were still puffy and stained with tears, but her eyes shone with a happiness he hadn’t seen since before he deserted his friends. Red lips curled themselves into a bright smile, one she showed off only sparingly and usually only to him or Armin.
Amazingly, she began to giggle quietly and shake her head at him. Great, now he felt even more self-conscious.
Grumbling to himself, averting his eyes and scratching his cheeks in embarrassment, Eren groused, “I’m glad my feelings are a real funny joke to you…”
Mikasa laughed fully then, a light, musical sound that put a smile to his own face, despite his own awkwardness. Eren felt a soft warm sensation caress his cheek. Mikasa had reached out to him.
“They’re no joke, Eren. I’m just so h-happy that you feel the same way…” his flabbergasted eyes snapped back to Mikasa’s smiling, content face. There was no deception in her eyes, no uncertainty at all. His mouth suddenly felt very, very dry.
“B-but that night in Marley, you said that I was family.” Mikasa shook her head.
“I lied. You are family to me, Eren. But you’re so much more than that. You’ve given me so much. You’re my beloved, the one most dear to me.”
He could barely even breathe at this point. It sounded too good to be true; the only thing he can seem to comprehend is Mikasa’s vulnerable face; the entire world outside may as well be dead to him, without fail his body is moving without conscious thought. He unthinkingly reaches out to her with his arms once again, pulling her in close. No one would take this from him. Not Marley, not Zeke, not the titans, nobody. But still, there was something bothering him.
“I don’t get it. Why didn’t you just tell me that back then?” Now it was Mikasa’s turn to be embarrassed, cheeks enflamed and eyes pointedly looking away from his.
“I was afraid. I thought you wouldn’t feel the same…” The absurdity of such a statement forced him to laugh. It was just too goddamn typical of their relationship that both of them would be so deathly afraid of rejection by the other.
Through his mirthful laughter, he countered, “How could I not love you, Mikasa. You’re amazing.” The normally stoic woman, now bashful and blushing, buried her head into his chest and mumbled a muffled, awkward reply. She was so cute.
“What was that, Mikasa?” He asked, no doubt with a shit-eating grin on his face. Reluctantly, Mikasa peeled herself out of his torso and muttered, “I thought you had feelings for Historia. You two always looked like you had fun with each other…”
Historia?
“Historia? She’s a great girl, but she’s not the one I love. She’s not you, after all.” Eren punctuated his words by craning his neck and pressing a chaste kiss to the Ackerman’s forehead, followed by a second kiss to her cheek, drawing a squeak of embarrassment from the object of his affections. It was nice, but Eren, being the greedy man that he was, found himself wanting more.
She whined, “How can you say and do things like that so easily?”
“I’ve always been reckless, haven’t I?”
With furrowed brows, Mikasa stared back at him with fire in her eyes.
“Eren, I can be impulsive too, you know.” Perhaps it was just his nature, but seeing the unspoken challenge in the air, Eren couldn’t help but encourage her further.
Rolling his eyes, he instigated, as he always did, “Really now? Why don’t you show me, unless you’re chicken?”
Was it childish? Yes. Did he care? No.
Mikasa, however, did not take well his grave accusation of her being “chicken”. Pouting ever so slightly, she took the bait. Steeling herself, she got to her tiptoes and swiftly pressed her lips to his in their first kiss.
Mikasa kisses him and Eren’s coherent train of thought was utterly derailed. The two of them were vastly inexperienced, outside of Eren’s memories of the Attack Titan, and it showed. It was a gentle, chaste press of her lips against his, and fleeting; it only lasts mere seconds. Her eyes are a little wider than usual, mouth parted slightly.
Eren feels his mouth upturn in a dumb, satisfied smile. It was a surprise, but definitely a welcome one.
He grinned. “You have no idea how long I wanted that, Mikasa.” Mikasa, breathing a sigh of relief that she didn’t mess it up somehow, smiled a soft smile of her own.
“I have some idea.” Shaking her head, she continued. “But I’m just as happy to see you like this again.”
“Huh? Like what?”
“Smiling. Happy. Just like you used to be. I’m so glad you came back to me, Eren.”
He had no idea someone as worthless as him could have such an effect on her, just by his presence alone. He’d been such a fool. Quickly moving closer to the girl and erasing what little distance was between the two, he cups her face in his hands and looks upon her with almost pained eyes.
“I’m so sorry.”
“It’s alright, Eren.” It was just like her, to make no big deal of her suffering. He knew it well, he had done the same for years. But no more. He’d tolerate no more of it, from Mikasa or himself.
“No, it’s not alright. I made a promise to you that I would always be there to wrap that scarf around you, and I broke it. Even if I left, I should’ve told you everything so we wouldn’t be apart. I was an idiot.”
He can see her gasp, yet saying nothing, only nodding along with him almost enraptured. He presses onwards.
“But I’m not going to break it anymore. From now on, I promise to be with you until the end of my days, no matter what happens. Through war, peace, anything. I won’t let anyone hurt you, and I won’t let anything tear us apart, even if it’s my own stupidity responsible.”
“I want to be with you, more than anything. So from now on, I’ll stay by your side, for as long as you’ll stay by mine.” He could literally feel the sappiness of his words, his cheeks are probably so red an observer would think he was about to burst into flames.
“So, what do you say, Mikasa?” he finished, quite shakily.
Luckily for him and his dignity, Mikasa didn’t seem to think his little speech was pathetic. On the contrary, she damn near tackles him back down onto the hospital bad, all but throwing herself into his arms.
“I say I love you, Eren Yeager.” She replies before once again leaning into Eren, challenging him to claim her lips once more, a challenge which he eagerly accepted.
“Eren, I really should be going back to the nurse’s dormitories now, I can’t be seen like this…”
Rather unsurprisingly, the two new lovers found themselves lying down on the hospital bed together, bodies pressed against each other. They were both literally and figuratively joined at the hip, Mikasa’s smaller frame nestled comfortably against Eren’s chest while his arms wrapped protectively around her chest, both at peace.
Or, at least, Eren was at peace. Poor, shy Mikasa, on the other hand was mortified and scandalized by Eren’s newfound love for affectionate displays.
He laughed at her newfound reticence. “You’re breaking my heart, Mikasa. After all those embarassing things I said, you’re just gonna leave me alone here?”
“Eren, this is serious! I’m supposed to be a nurse, I shouldn’t be fraternizing with a patient!”
“Bit late for that, I think. Besides, aren’t nurses supposed to help their patients? Just consider this a type of healing. I know I do.”
“What if someone finds us like this, what would they think?”
“Damn, he’s a lucky man?”
Mikasa mumbled something incoherent, as she was wont to do when embarrassed.
“You know, I really don’t see the problem. We used the sleep like this all the time as kids. It’s comfortable, isn’t it? I don’t know why we ever stopped.” “It was… improper.” Oh yes, damn military and their fraternization rules. Well, that didn’t matter now. What would the Paradisian armed forces do, tell their only hope and world-destroyed superweapon he wasn’t allowed to hug the love of his life?
“What was improper was us spending years hiding our feelings from each other. Glad that’s over with.”
“Even still, I shouldn’t be here, Eren. It’s only a few hours until morning.”
“You know, you can leave whenever you want. I’m not even holding you that tightly and you could just use your Ackerman strength to break free.” Eren didn’t need a mirror to see how unbearably smug his face was.
“You actually want to stay here with me, don’t you, Mikasa?”
She grew silent after that, no doubt horrified at the monster she had created. After some time, she twisted her body, but not to rise to her feet and leave his bed. Oh no. Instead, craned herself around so that the two of them was facing one another.
Eren couldn’t help but be amazed at the rosy blush making it’s away all the way up to Mikasa’s ears, and the small pout of embarrassment that made her look outright adorable.
For a moment, they stared into each other’s eyes. After mere seconds, all resistance left Mikasa Ackerman’s body. She sighed, wrapped her arms around him and buried herself into his chest.
“It’s warm.”