Chapter Text
“She’s in recovery,” Dr Latham tells Connor the moment he goes outside. “She is still intubated but you can see her now.”
Connor stands up and thanks his superior. He asks how the surgery went and the kind doctor tells him that it went well, with no more hiccups. He goes on to say he also noticed the scars and knows that Connor wants to see if there are more.
“What I don’t understand,” the Chief of CT begins. “Is why she did it?”
The younger doctor looks at him, confusion on his face.
“Her scars,” he continues. “There are also scars on her arms, covered in make-up. It seems that they’re self-inflicted.”
Connor is surprised. He has never known Ava to be the person who will hurt herself. Instead, it will be she who will prevent you from doing something to hurt yourself, to be calm.
“I’ll…,” he falters. “I’ll go and check on her.”
Dr Latham nods and returns to his office.
He thinks on what drove her to harm herself, and why he never saw it, as he walks to the surgery recovery room. When he arrives, he sees Beth hanging the IV bag. He smiles and thanks her for her fast thinking earlier. He knows that the nurse is sometimes wary of her attending but still admires Ava’s work ethics.
Connor goes over to her bed. She seems peaceful but he doesn’t forget what Latham just told him so he carefully turns her arms to see if it’s true. He sees a dozen or more healing wounds on both arms. He traces a couple of them, tears dreading to fall, and somehow, guilt creeps up on him. Why hasn’t he seen this before? What made her do it? Are there any more of these on her beautiful skin? And why did she kill his father?
He caresses her cheek and whispers, “I’m sorry.”
He can’t do much for now; she is heavily sedated to help her recuperate. But he holds her hand and kisses it, as if her physical body will run away from him. He leaves a message on Robin’s phone, telling her what happened and if they can talk in the morning.
Tonight, Connor will stay at Ava’s side. He will take care of her even if she doesn’t realise it.
He never left her side all night. Beth, who rendered overtime just in case, was the one who offered him something to eat. He even slept in the rickety chair that the night nurse brought him. The first time he leaves is when Robin texts him that she is in the cafeteria. He tells the new nurse to call him if anything, absolutely anything, changes.
“So,” Robin starts, obviously amused. “You and Ava, huh? Why didn’t you tell me?”
Connor looks at her and smiles ruefully.
“Because when you came back,” he replies. “We were already broken up.”
“Interesting.”
He laughs a little. Trust Robin to make a situation like this light-hearted. He just doesn’t expect the next question she throws at him.
“Why did you break up?”
Connor honestly doesn’t know if he can answer it now. Maybe if she had asked before, he could have. Now, he’s not really sure of the circumstances. He trusts Robin but he’s not sure how she will take his confession.
“Hello?” Robin waves her hand in front of his face. “Earth to Connor.”
“Sorry,” he blinks, suddenly aware that she is waiting for a response. “I, uh, well…”
Silence. But Robin is considerate and just waits for him to answer.
“I really don’t know how to tell you,” he says.
“Well, then, don’t,” she replies. “If you’re not ready.”
He huffs, frustrated at himself. He really wants someone to talk to right now, find a release. So he gathers the courage to tell her.
“I want to,” he begins. “It’s just…it’s complicated. And I’m not really sure I believe it anymore.”
He looks at Robin’s eyes and he knows she understands. She waits for him to continue.
“My father told me,” he goes on. “Ava slept with him, that she seduced him and she was the instigator, when she asked him to donate for the Hybrid OR.”
Robin blows out from her mouth. It is not the answer she was expecting.
“Wow.”
“Yes.”
Connor puts his head on his hands.
“But seeing her now,” he murmurs. “In that state, with all her scars, I don’t know what to believe.”
Robin reaches out for his hand. She can clearly see that he is confused and devastated at what happened. She knows that he cares for Ava and that she is a good person. The surgeon saved her from being “crazy” a couple of years ago.
“Connor,” Robin says. “Did you even talk to her? Asked her side of the story?”
He fully looks at her.
“Unfortunately,” he replies. “She told me that my father spread rumours about them sleeping together. That’s it.”
Then he remembers something she said days after the gala at the hospital, where he punched his father.
“She wanted to talk about it,” he says. “I told her that it was okay, that I don’t want to hear about it. That my father was a lying prick. She didn’t persist.”
His tightens his hold on Robin, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.
“I believed everything my father said, Robin,” he continues. “I didn’t even clearly state that we are over. I just told her that I don’t believe her and moved on.”
He sniffs.
“It was Ava who gave my father the insulin laced with chromium.”
Robin gasps at the revelation.
“Do you know why she did it?”
“No.”
Connor looks out of the cafeteria window below, at the entrance lobby of the hospital. He sees Crockett just going home and April and Ethan going to work. They don’t yet know what happened last night, what happened to Ava. They don’t know that Ava is in recovery because she tried to kill herself. They don’t know that she is capable of doing that, much more, murder. He doesn’t know that she is. He has always known her as a competitive creature, always wanting to win, but always with a smile on her face when she loses – an admission of defeat. He doesn’t know what brought her too deep down the rabbit hole.
“Robin,” he begins.
“I’m here, Connor,” Robin replies. “Maybe you can to talk to my father. Help you find the release you’re looking for.”
He looks at her. He knows that he does. Dr Charles can help him understand and when Ava wakes up, she will need him, too, even if he has to fight her tooth and nail if she doesn’t, the way they do when they team up for surgeries. He comprehends that he is the one to anchor her up that dark place she is currently in.
“I know,” he declares. “It’s just…it’s too much. I don’t even know what to do. I’m scared. I need her to be okay. I need her to fight. I don’t want to lose her.”
A realisation dawns on him with all of the feelings he’s swirling with right now.
“I didn’t even tell her,” Connor utters. “I love her. Last night, I was holding her heart with my bare hands, I just…”
He cannot continue anymore.
“I know,” is what all Robin tells him.