Chapter Text
Kyoujurou is used to being rejected by prospective mates.
He doesn’t expect much whenever an interested alpha or beta starts making advances on him - not because they won’t be able to satisfy him. No, never.
Instead, it is because he is far past his prime.
All his suitors ask him the same question after a bit of small talk.
“How old are you?” has become such a constant presence in his pitiful love life that he almost wants to leave the answer printed right across his forehead for all to see, if not to spare them the trouble of pretending to have something else to do once they find out.
It always begins in one of three ways: a shy “Hello. If you don’t mind, could I have your number? It’s just that you’re rather handsome.”, a confident “If you don’t have a mate, how about giving me a chance?” or a brazen “You’re totally my type. Let’s date!”
And it always ends in the same way: “Oh! You’re 36? That’s surprising! You don’t look your age…”, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think we’re suited to each other… I was looking for someone around my age. I didn’t think you’d be so much older.” or “That’s a shame… I’d have liked it if you were younger.”
Kyoujurou has spent many a night laying in his comfortable bed, wondering how on earth he had let himself deteriorate so much that even a simple date could end up unsuccessful.
He used to be so full of energy when he was younger. There were so many things he wanted to do.
He wanted to teach! He even reached his lifelong goal of becoming a history teacher at a fairly well known high school in the heart of the city.
His friends always told him that they were drawn to his infectious positivity, even though it was really only a means to cope with losing his mother.
But as the years flew by and he was overwhelmed with work and prioritising his students, he slowly began to realise that his youth was melting away little by little.
It wasn’t necessarily that he became weak and unattractive. If that were the case, he wouldn’t be turning at least a few heads while walking along the streets.
His scent didn’t fade either. It was always present, clinging to him like tightly fitted clothes, hovering around his body like weightless fabric, though he does usually keep his scent patches on for the convenience of his work.
There wasn’t much about him that changed drastically over the years, but once he turned thirty, and was rejected by an alpha for the first time…
It didn’t feel good. Neither the sudden jolt of reality hitting him square in the face, nor the realisation that he has yet to find someone to be a permanent fixation in his life.
And the occurrence persisted, only to increase in frequency as he continued to be on the lookout for a mate.
Truth to be told, he didn’t need to have one. But without a partner, his heats were sometimes unbearable, and it made him wonder how it would feel like if he had someone to coax him through it - take care of him through it - for the rest of his life.
It wasn’t that romance was completely out of the question. With a friend like Uzui, who has three wives on his arms, it was impossible to escape from scrutiny when he had no relationships that lasted more than six months.
His father’s love for his mother is something he always and still holds in high regard. He knew what it was like to be the product of such a bond, and the thought of being able to experience such a phenomenon is, really, the main reason why he doesn’t simply give up at his age.
For Kyoujurou, nearing forty hasn’t hindered any of his body’s functional abilities, but even though he moves around just fine and even keeps up with his thrice weekly gym sessions, there is a gnawing feeling somewhere in the back of his head.
It grates on his nerves often - that little voice that tells him he is far too old to be considered attractive to any person who is looking for a mate.
He never told himself to conform to the traditional alpha-omega relationship, and he’s had plenty of time to experiment with different people and conclude that he doesn’t mind what secondary gender his mate has as long as he loves them. But, beta or alpha, no one would want to have him as a mate.
As a male omega, he numbers one in ten thousand of common folk. And since he spent most of his youth and late twenties teaching and building up his career with little regard for the sheer emptiness of his love life, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that he might be one of the only male omegas still looking for a mate at age thirty-six.
Despite his father’s nagging, he wanted to focus on himself instead of looking for a reliable mate during his younger days. And while he doesn’t regret the choice he made, it’s been far more difficult for him to settle down with a prospective mate for the majority of his thirties.
If there is one thing he - and his body - is fully aware of, it is that his ability to conceive is only going down as he ages.
Most omegas his age would have already had one or two children, whether by choice or duty. It was the same for his mother back then, and it had already been extremely difficult for her to birth Senjurou at the time, even though she was considered young for a mother.
At his age, Kyoujurou can only imagine how unappealing he must seem to alphas who wish to start a family.
He might not be able to conceive, even if they tried hard. Or his pups could develop less healthy than they should be because of his age. The chances of him dying during labour, or being forced to choose between himself and his pups are horrifying situations he wouldn’t dare to wish upon anyone, including himself.
That is why he doesn’t blame his suitors for leaving him hanging. He may still look good to others, but the alphas and betas who have approached him were all younger than him, and thus believed that they would have a better chance of producing healthy pups with someone else.
He gets it. He really does.
He is simply past his prime. It happens to many people, and he shouldn’t feel upset about it.
…Right?
But once in a while, he will pause to rethink it all, and even if he does arrive back at the same conclusion in the end, he cannot help the small twinge of hurt in the corner of his heart whenever he recalls the looks of disappointment on his date’s face when they find out he is older than he looks.
Thirty-six…, he thinks to himself one day, while he sips at a cup of coffee before school starts. No one in their right mind would want me as their mate.
It is a mantra that he repeats to himself on occasion, when things don’t work out despite his meagre hopes.
And perhaps his circling thoughts did end up affecting his spirit after all. Given how long he’s been trying, it doesn’t surprise him when he finds himself unwilling to reciprocate any interest when someone walks up to him with a smile and sweet words.
Why waste his hope on someone who will most likely leave him for a younger omega?
If before, he was enthusiastic about entertaining possible spouses, he now provides them with half smiles and politely excuses himself from the conversation. It’s easier than feeling hurt when he inevitably gets rejected.
The cycle continues for almost a year, during which Uzui makes many attempts at changing his mind.
He refuses offers to go on blind dates set up for him by his oldest friend, and completely ignores his father’s incessant questions.
He knows his father means well. No parent would wish for their child to end up alone and unable to depend on someone close to their heart. But there are times when he wishes that his father would stop, if only to spare him the frustration that comes with re-realising his utter lack of appeal.
It is a seemingly endless road of hopelessness, and by the time he turns thirty-seven, Kyoujurou has all but cast aside the thought of finding a mate for himself.
But then someone new walks into his life, and suddenly, he isn’t quite sure how to feel anymore.
Meeting Akaza was nothing more than a coincidence. It had been a particularly hot day, and he hadn’t been paying attention. The moment he turned his head to catch a glimpse of the train station he was walking away from, his shoulder collided painfully into someone else, and something cold and wet dripped onto his right side.
At first, he had thought it was blood, and he panicked a little, thinking that he must have run into a child and accidentally broken their nose or something along the lines of that.
But when he turned to apologise, he was met with fluffy, pink eyelashes. They lined wide, golden eyes that Kyoujurou found to be especially beautiful. And then the scent drifted into his nose.
An alpha’s scent - strong but calming. A little tangy, but also sweet, which was a surprise. He had never met an alpha with such sweet base notes in their scent. That was usually the sign of an omega.
It intrigued him in the beginning, because he’s been told by several past suitors that his scent was heavier than most omegas.
“Smells a bit like an alpha, actually.” is what they sometimes say. He won’t deny it.
His scent has always contained hints of rainfall. He smelled less flowery and more citrus most of the time - a refreshing change for some of the alphas he used to date - but it was often tainted by traces of petrichor, the aftermath of a thunderstorm. The earthy scent usually signified an alpha, and it certainly was strange that his was tinged with it.
Regardless, it was the alpha’s scent that pulled him in initially, not that he was planning to do anything further with the knowledge of his sudden attraction. It wasn’t like the alpha would be remotely interested in him.
“I’m sorry about that!” he exclaimed, finding that it was a chunk of ice cream that was stuck to his shirt rather than blood.
The alpha had stared at him for a while, his eyes unblinking for a few seconds, before he regained his senses and shot him a toothy smile.
“It’s fine.” he drawled, in a rather smooth manner that Kyoujurou found charming. “I gotta say, I’m rather glad that it happened. Even if I have just lost half of the money I paid.”
Kyoujurou was speechless at the time, unable to come up with anything to say in reply. But then the alpha handed him some napkins from the ice cream cart in front of them, and he hurriedly tried to wipe away the chocolate stain that was beginning to darken on his shirt.
And perhaps it was the heat of the summer, but when their fingers touched during the exchange of the napkins, Kyoujurou could have sworn that he felt a spark sizzling down his forearm from his palm.
He ignored the feeling back then, content to simply keep the alpha at a distance. But then he introduced himself as Akaza, and helped him get new napkins when they ran out. Kyoujurou paid for a new cone for Akaza, and after being pressed for his number so that Akaza could thank him personally for the treat another time, left the area without thinking too much about what transpired between them.
It was when Akaza called him a few days later to arrange a meeting like he promised he would that Kyoujurou realised rather quickly that the alpha was trying to pursue him.
The moment Akaza let his scent pour out in intervals as they each sat with a coffee cup in their hands, Kyoujurou knew that he had to cut the alpha off before he got the wrong idea.
Kyoujurou wasn’t looking for a mate in Akaza. In fact, he wasn’t looking for a mate at all.
“Sorry kid,” he made use of his best played card as he was getting out of his seat. “I think I’m a little too old for you.”
His first response to Akaza’s interest was rejection, and he expected him to back off in disappointment like many others had. But Akaza was nothing if not persistent.
The alpha tilted his neck to the side to show off his unmarked skin. “Even though I look like this, I’m not as young as you think I am. Give me a chance, Kyoujurou.” His scent grew stronger and more insistent, but only just enough that no one else but Kyoujurou would feel it.
Kyoujurou had to suppress a shiver in the presence of those fragrant pheromones. “Go home, kid. No matter how old you are, you’re going to be disappointed if you expect me to be able to keep up with you.”
“I’m old enough to date you, that’s all I know.” Akaza threw back at him with a smile.
His canines were large and looked sharp, just like most alphas’ did. The sight did something to Kyoujurou’s instincts.
His inner omega purred at the thought of being marked by those pretty fangs. They would leave a nice, permanent scar on his neck, deep enough to draw blood and make him submit.
Still, he hesitated, wondering if Akaza was only exaggerating when he said he didn’t mind their age gap.
“One month. That’s all I need to change your mind. After that, if you still think we’re not compatible, I’ll give up.”
And Kyoujurou must have been weak that day - starved for something intimate - because he gave in and agreed to a date.
He had thought it wouldn’t last more than once. But after two dates with Akaza, during which he never once inquired about Kyoujurou’s age, a hopeful flame in his chest began to grow, little by little.
It was only on their fifth date that the topic of age really came up.
Having been on the receiving end of Akaza’s incessant flirting for a total of a month, Kyoujurou’s heart had been in his throat when Akaza asked in passing, “How long have you been working at your school, Kyoujurou?”
He had frozen up slightly, before answering with a small smile to hide his anxiety. Such a question was bound to lead to talk about their ages. “I’ve been working there for about twelve years now!”
“That’s a long time for a teacher. And you never changed schools. How young were you when you first started? As far as I know, people usually start teaching when they’re in their early thirties or late twenties at the youngest.”
Kyoujurou had fought the surge of pride swelling up in him back then. He was only slightly proud when he said “I started when I was 25!” with a confidence that made Akaza’s lips twitch fondly at the corners.
“How impressive. You never fail to amaze me, Kyoujurou.”
When conversation turned to something entirely different after that, Kyoujurou began to wonder if, perhaps, his age didn’t matter to Akaza at all.
He had spent so many years wondering what it would be like to have someone who didn’t mind his older age, and he had dared to hope that Akaza was going to be that someone. His nerves faded as more time passed, until he grew so comfortable with knowing Akaza never once brought up their age difference that when he did mention it, he was thrown completely out of order.
“I still can’t believe we’re almost ten years apart. Who would have ever thought that someone as perfect as you would be my partner?”
Kyoujurou had struggled to contain his embarrassment that day, and his heart sang so loudly that Akaza laughed when he felt it beating so fast against his palm.
“Kyoujurou,” he had whispered into his ear after they began to spend time together in each other’s apartments. “You’re my favourite person in the world.”
Back then, those lovely words only served to fuel the disbelief that Kyoujurou harboured in his heart but hid from Akaza. He was happy, really, he was. But he couldn’t help thinking that when they became more serious about each other, Akaza would somehow find him unappealing once the knowledge that he might not be able to start a family with him settled in.
In their two months of dating, during which Akaza only stole kisses from him often and laid with him to cuddle him to sleep, it was all he could think about some days. And while he knew he hid it well, Akaza could always tell - somehow - whenever he felt discouraged. He would coax him to share his worries.
“Tell me. I want to know what you’re thinking.” he would say while mouthing softly at Kyoujurou’s neck, close to his scent glands. It always makes him shiver with need, but he clamped down on the urge to invite the alpha to embrace him.
“Sometimes, you are a hard man to read, Kyoujurou.” Akaza’s golden eyes would rake over every single one of his features. “It drives me mad not being able to soothe your worries.”
And Kyoujurou would feel like crying, because no one has ever made him feel as loved as Akaza does, despite his troubled thoughts.
He doesn’t want to let him go. Ever.
If Akaza ever looks at him with the same disappointment as those people who left him, he thinks he might not survive the loneliness and the sorrow.
His words always felt stuck in his throat when Akaza tried to get the truth out from him, so he avoided thinking about it. He left them forgotten, and instead chose to open up his heart further by offering to share his next heat with the alpha.
It worked well enough to distract Akaza from prying any more, but he could always feel those golden eyes glued to him, studying him to make sure he wasn’t feeling down.
The heat sharing was the most intimately he would be letting another person see him in ten years, and the thought of turning off his mate - no, not mate - was near unbearable to Kyoujurou.
Up until the very first day of his heat, his mind was plagued with nothing but the various ways it could all go wrong. What if he didn’t produce as much slick as he used to? What if he couldn’t take Akaza’s knot, having been unable to keep a relationship going long enough for him to feel comfortable sharing his heat with his partners?
But most frequently of all, circling around the confines of his head, was his fear of being unable to satisfy his alpha.
It was one thing if he felt good, but what if, because of his age, he wasn’t able to do the same for Akaza?
It was only when the beginnings of a fever showed that such thoughts melted away and he started to sweat in his bed. Even though he had already been through so many heats alone and miserable for the majority of his life, this time, it was somehow the worst start to one he had ever experienced.
When he called Akaza for help, breathless and trying not to whine into the receiver, the alpha wasted no time in letting himself in after rushing over to his house.
And it was there that Kyoujurou’s anxieties skyrocketed, much to his dismay.