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There’s no warning, not a quiver in the red string that was once attached to his hand, and then his neck. Not a flicker of colour, the red as vibrant as it had ever been.
Until it snaps.
Remus will never get used to that sensation. The painful snap of the sting as it pings back into him, leaving him without a soulmate. He’s experienced it hundreds of times and it still is agony—painful, terrible agony.
“She’s gone,” he whispers. His soulmate is dead and he doesn’t feel sad, he doesn’t feel anything at all.
The next string starts like any other. It leads from his ring finger into the world and he spends a week just staring at it. How long before it moves from his finger to his neck, when the other person feels that trapped sensation, he wonders? It’s varied over the years, but the string always moves before a decade is up. That’s how long it takes someone to realise the cons of an immortal soulmate.
He can’t grow old with them. He has to start a new life every ten years at the most. He refuses to have children because he doesn’t want them to get his curse. Some walk away at the start and he never sees them again… but some claim they can live this life.
He knows they’ll leave eventually. They all do. They don’t even need to tell him, because the string moves to their necks like a noose, and he just knows . He packs his belongings and says his goodbye and he starts his next life, hoping that they can find their happiness.
It’s not their fault that they’ve gotten him as a soulmate, and he’s destined to be alone.
The string starts to get some traction, moving around, and that’s when Remus knows his soulmate is getting closer. His indecision has led to them seeking him out instead, and he has to wonder what he’s about to face.
He’s been met with eighteen year olds, searching the second their strings appear, and people who have lost their previous soulmates and are ready to move on. Sometimes the person never searches for him, which suits Remus well.
His soulmate hovers nearby for a couple of days and Remus watches the string, feeling more and more guilty. He estimates that they’re in town, waiting to see if he emerges from his house, and he appreciates that they’re respecting his privacy and not turning up at his door, which has happened in the past.
“Excuse me, do you mind if I…” Remus looks up from his laptop, knowing that this is going to be his soulmate. Here it is, the moment where he hurts yet another person.
“Remus Lupin,” he says, holding his hand out, and promptly realises that the man his string is attached to is gorgeous.
“Sirius Black.” Sirius glances towards the chair and Remus nods, moving his drink to the side a little.
“You know why I’m here,” Sirius blurts out, setting his drink on the coffee-shop table. “I followed the string.” He sounds so hopeful, and Remus feels guilty. This man looks to be in his early twenties, which means he’s probably lost a soulmate quickly.
“I know,” Remus confirms.
“Well,” Sirius murmurs, “you seem shy, so let me start and you jump in when you’re good to go. I play the guitar, I teach music on and off, most recently in a boarding school up in Scotland, and—”
“Hogwarts?” Remus blurts out.
Sirius pauses. “Yeah. Why, do you know that school?”
“I taught history there for a few months,” Remus lies. It had been a few years, but he can’t tell Sirius that. “It’s been a while though, how did you like it?”
“It’s a school in a spooky old castle,” Sirius tells him. “What’s not to love? Secret passages, statues, paintings that looked like they could move. I’d love to go back and teach again one day, but there’s a whole world to explore before I do that.”
“A whole world and you’re sat here with me?” Remus asks.
Sirius nods. “Yeah, well, gotta take the chance that…” he trails off, eyes moving across the tablecloth before he reaches for his drink. Suddenly he lifts his grey eyes, meeting Remus’ gaze. “You like history?”
“I do,” Remus insists. “I love all aspects of history, the good and the bad. I can’t get enough information, and I even like to read historical-based fiction, though I find they tend to get information wrong because of their lack of research, which frustrates…” he trails off with a small smile on his lips. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Sirius murmurs. “I wanna learn all about you. Tell me more about your time at Hogwarts.”
It’s not long before the pair are laughing about the castle, comparing stories of their time there, and it’s the most Remus has laughed in the longest of times. He forgets why they’re even there, until the conversation turns away from Hogwarts and its rich history and back to them. Sirius leans in, eyes on their red line, a content smile on his lips.
This is a very bad idea. They’re already getting attached, and it’s best that that doesn’t happen. Remus tries to form the words, struggling to say anything that’ll turn Sirius away, but there’s a loud beep from Sirius’ phone.
Sirius glances quickly at it, before his eyes widen. “Shit, sorry, my brother…” He looks quite helpless. “Can we do this again? Tomorrow, perhaps?”
Remus’ gaze follows the string that slowly drifts up Sirius’ arm. He expects it to wrap around Sirius’ neck, but it doesn’t.
“You wanna see me again?” Remus asks.
“Yeah. You’re my soulmate and… I think this has been a great start.”
The string settles over Sirius’ heart, and Remus stares at it for a long moment. This has never happened before, not a single time, and he’s not sure what to do. All he knows is that he can’t do this in a cafe now.
He needs to break the news in private.
“Find me tomorrow when you’re ready,” Remus says. “I’ll be at home. If… if you’re comfortable with that.”
“Yeah, can’t wait. I’ll be there just after lunch.” Sirius stands up, looks at though he’s about to hug Remus, but he stops himself at the last moment. With one last smile, he’s gone.
Remus’ hands shake as he reaches for his laptop, and it’s only when he’s trying to type in his password that he realises that… his string?
It’s not on his hand anymore.
It’s moved.
“Shit.”
Sirius glances around the little flat, taking everything in, and Remus watches him. He takes in the way Sirius’ gaze darts around and the fact that he takes off his boots by the door. The way he reaches out to touch things when he’s examining them, and the curve of his lips when he’s amused.
It’s been two centuries, maybe longer, since his string moved to his heart, and those times have always ended so badly. He’s expecting Sirius to be one of the ones to insist that he’s happy with Remus staying young as he ages, and Remus knows he can’t ask that of Sirius. That he can’t accept that as Sirius’ life.
Sirius is gorgeous, interesting and funny, and he makes Remus feel things he hasn’t in so long. Sirius deserves a real future with someone else.
“You look upset,” Sirius remarks, as he settles on the sofa. “Something wrong? Am I… not what you expected? Is this…” Sirius’ gaze darts down to Remus’ string, and Remus realises that Sirius has only now noticed the shift in placement.
“You’re so much more than I expected,” Remus admits. “But this can’t happen between us. I was going to tell you yesterday, but I couldn’t say it. We can’t, Sirius..”
Sirius slowly nods. “Your string leads to your heart,” he finally says. “Mine too. I think… I think if you’re dead set on this, I’ll respect your choice, but I also think that we should at least discuss this. I think we both deserve a conversation, and a promise to give this proper consideration. That’s all I ask.”
Remus can’t find fault in his request. He’ll keep an open mind, though he’s almost certain he’ll have to turn Sirius away before they get in so deep that he breaks Sirius’ heart.
Remus sinks down onto the sofa.
“Well, you’re not married, at least,” Sirius mutters, eyes moving around the room before returning to Remus. “So, would you rather go first, or should I?”
“I’ll go, if that’s okay?”
Sirius gives a nod, sitting back against the sofa, arms folded.
“You’re not my first soulmate, Sirius. You’re not even the second. I’ve lost count of how many strings I’ve had. Hundreds. The thing is, if we give this a shot —and that’s a big if — then you’ll have a good future with a partner who never changes, never ages, and that’s not fair to you. Trust me, it might seem enough right now, but one day you’ll look at me and realise that I’m not ever going to grow old with you. It might be when someone mistakes me for your son, or your grandson, or…” Remus trails off, shoulders sagging. “That is not the future you want, Sirius. You’re amazing. I’ve only had hours with you and I already see that, and you can find someone to have a real future with.”
Sirius is staring at him, drinking in every word, and Remus doesn’t push him for an answer. He watches the string, waiting for it to move, hoping it does. If it does, it makes this easier. Remus can feel the pain of it all when Sirius leaves, but he can be strong for now. He stands up, on edge, and starts to pace the room, waiting for Sirius to say his piece so this can be over.
“You spend years with them, loving them so intensely, and they age and you don’t care,” Sirius finally murmurs. “Because you love them, even though people stare, but they… they don’t like the staring, they don’t like the visible age difference. They don’t like that you’re not older like they are. They still think of you as someone in their twenties who doesn’t know any better, and then they meet someone else. They all do. Someone who doesn’t care about strings, and…” Sirius looks away, and Remus stills.
It takes a moment, but he sinks on the sofa at Sirius’ side.
“How do you…”
“Well, you’re not the only one, it seems,” Sirius murmurs. “Honestly, I did not expect you to come out with any of that, but you’re immortal. You’re immortal . I knew this would happen one day.”
“You… knew that… I…”
“No, not a single clue until you started telling me,” Sirius blurts out. “But when my immortal brother and my immortal best friend got new strings that pointed to each other, I knew it was a matter of time before it happened to me. Only had to wait two-hundred and thirty-two years, but it happened.” Sirius beams at him.
“You… you’re like me?” Remus feels faint, shocked.
Sirius grins. “Very much like you, my dearest soulmate,” he murmurs, shifting closer. “So, seems like we have extensive pasts to talk about. But I for one am going to be glad to not have to deal with soulmates switching every seventy years. I bet you’re feeling the same?”
Remus nods. “You mean… I get to keep you?” he checks, because he can’t believe it.
“You get to keep me,” Sirius confirms, a mischievous smile on his lips as he twists, and in one swift movement, straddles Remus’ lap. “You won’t be able to get rid of me.”
“Good,” Remus whispers. “Because you’re not going anywhere.”
Sirius laughs joyfully as he eagerly chases Remus’ lips as Remus pulls him closer, and the string between them turns gold.