Chapter 1
Notes:
Eh, Ignore the fact that everyone went to visit Dokja all at once at the end of the novel. HSY and YJH being the first ones to notice is easier to write ;P
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Kim Dokja looked up at them as they entered the room together. He looked… good. He looked like his adult self, though without the muscle mass she’d grown used to seeing him with. A little paler, too. His mouth gaped like a fish. Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk stood, both paralyzed in this moment, in this doorway, as they stared at him. Kim Dokja looked down at his arms, the left of which had an IV in it.
“What… what did you do?” Kim Dokja's voice was weak. Han Sooyung let out something between a scoff, laugh, and a sob as she closed the distance between them. She pulled him into a hug, as Kim Dokja let out a soft sound of surprise. Yoo Junghyuk wasn’t far behind her, and he didn’t hesitate to wrap the both of them in his stupidly muscular arms. Kim Dokja sat frozen for a second, before pulling his arms around them. His hands hesitated above their bodies momentarily, before Han Sooyung felt one of his warm hands on her back. He buried his face in her shoulder, while Yoo Junghyuk laid his own head over Kim Dokja’s. Kim Dokja’s frame shook between them.
“You…” The voice of his freshly revived body was rough with disuse. “You wrote that?” Kim Dokja’s voice was small.
“And distributed it across the worldlines,” Yoo Junghyuk said. “All to bring you back.” His voice was thick with emotion.
“Why?”
Han Sooyung smacked Kim Dokja on the back of the head. The force of the impact was rather reduced, since she only succeeded in knocking him lightly against her shoulder.
“Are you some kind of idiot?” she asked. Kim Dokja had the gall to laugh at her. It came out wet.
“Your clone didn’t stay for long. And it wasn’t you,” Yoo Junghyuk said.
“Sorry,” Kim Dokja said.
“You should be,” she said.
“Oh!” exclaimed Lee Seolhwa’s voice from behind them. “Both of you, step back. I need to look him over first. Then you’ll have all the time in the world.” Her voice was kind.
Han Sooyung grunted at her. After smacking Kim Dokja’s head, she somehow hadn’t let her hand fall back away. It sat on the back of his hair, running the black strands through her fingers almost without her will or conscious thought. She didn’t want to let go of him yet, but he leaned back against his bed. Yoo Junghyuk shoved lightly at her shoulder.
“Let her work,” Yoo Junghyuk said. Han Sooyung reluctantly let go of Kim Dokja and stepped back.
“You’re right, leave it to this idiot to die again as soon as we get him back,” Han Sooyung said. Lee Seolhwa started doing her readings, but Han Sooyung noticed that Yoo Junghyuk was still holding Kim Dokja’s hand. “What are you, shameless or something?” Han Sooyung asked. She grabbed Kim Dokja’s other hand. He made a soft sound: if Han Sooyung was writing this scene, she’d describe it as a mix of a wince and a whimper. She peered at his flushed face. “How long has it been? Wow, you haven’t touched anyone for hundreds, or thousands of years maybe.” She watched Yoo Junghyuk’s hand on Kim Dokja’s flex, at that. Holding Kim Dokja’s hand tighter.
Kim Dokja’s brow and mouth both crinkled, like he wasn’t used to hiding his expressions anymore. Han Sooyung held herself back from letting out a whistle. That meant it had been more. Tens of thousands, maybe. Older than recorded human history, certainly. Han Sooyung didn’t know how to comprehend such an unfathomable amount of time, so she put it out of her head.
“Did you have to say that part out loud?” Kim Dokja asked, in a somewhat delayed response.
“You’re red as hell,” Han Sooyung said.
“You don’t have to be alone anymore,” Yoo Junghyuk said, seriously.
“I wasn’t alone,” Kim Dokja said. Han Sooyung scoffed at him.
“Voyeurism doesn’t count,” she said. His hand was still warm in hers.
“Neither does hitting me on the back of the head tens of thousands of years ago,” announced Yoo Junghyuk. Kim Dokja snorted. He wasn’t looking at either of them, instead tucking his head into his own shoulder. His cheeks were still flushed, and there were tears in his eyes. She supposed he’d probably looked his fill already.
“Yoo Junghyuk, could you go get Aileen?” Lee Seolhwa asked. “His stories… there are too many for me to look over. This is…” Her mouth was set. Yoo Junghyuk look resentfully down at Kim Dokja’s hand.
“I’ll watch him. We’ll have to alternate anyway,” Han Sooyung said. Yoo Junghyuk nodded, before activating Red Phoenix Shunpo and rushing out of the room, refusing to give up any more time than necessary. “He went through space for you, you know.”
“He has grey hairs.”
“And he doesn’t get those till he’s past eighty, I know.” Kim Dokja finally looked up at her. She could see wonder and disbelief beyond the tears in his eyes.
“You do.”
“Ajussi!” Shouted a voice from the doorway. Kim Dokja stared like a deer frozen in headlights as the kids all bundled in at once. Shin Yoosung made it to his side first, with Lee Gilyoung shoving in beside her. Han Sooyung let out a sigh, and backed up so that Lee Jihye, who walked in leisurely, could move in. Hugs and tears were all exchanged, as they told Kim Dokja about the last years with overlapping voices. Whenever one of them faltered, another would cut in, arguing their perspective, adding vital details, or playing up their own role.
“I understand you all missed him,” cut in Lee Seolhwa, “But this is going to have to wait. This is my hospital room, and I’m limiting you all from now on. Everyone out.” At the same time Lee Seolhwa made the announcement, Yoo Junghyuk appeared, with Aileen Makersfield in tow. He glared at Han Sooyung, for some reason.
“Don’t blame me,” she said, nodding at the gaggle of twenty-somethings at Kim Dokja’s bedside, all behaving like they were 15 again.
“How is he?” Yoo Junghyuk asked Lee Seolhwa, ignoring Han Sooyung completely.
“He looks fine, but we need to make sure of that. You’ll get your time later. And in turns ,” Lee Seolhwa raised her voice at the retreating backs of Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, and Lee Jihye. It was amazing how she could command authority when she needed to. Even Yoo Junghyuk nodded, his face twitching, and begun to walk out. He glanced back at Kim Dokja before leaving, who met his eyes for only a moment before they fled away again. In Lee Seolhwa’s defense, Kim Dokja really did look overwhelmed.
“Don’t die while we’re gone,” said Han Sooyung. She closed the door behind her.
“How long before we can see Ahjussi again?” Asked Shin Yoosung. Han Sooyung sighed.
“You have phones, don’t you? Wait for texts in the group chat. We’ll work out a schedule there.” Judging by Lee Jihye’s fervent texting, she was already telling everyone. “And make sure they all know that they can’t just show up here expecting time.” Yoo Junghyuk sat down wordlessly with his back against Kim Dokja’s door.
“Why do you get to decide—” begun Lee Gilyoung, who’d already picked up on the fact that Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk would be the ones deciding who got through the door.
“Lee Seolhwa will be deciding,” said Yoo Junghyuk.
“And Ahjussi?” said Shin Yoosung, uncharacteristically naive. “Not too much, but he should get some say,” she said, less naively. Han Sooyung could see the value calculation going on behind her eyes. Of course Kim Dokja would prioritize her over, say, Uriel. Han Sooyung needed to give the girl more credit.
“Don’t you have homework to do?” Asked Han Sooyung.
“No,” Lee Gilyoung lied, blatantly.
[‘Yoo Junghyuk’ has used ‘Lie Detection Lv. …’]
[‘Lee Gilyoung’ has triggered ‘Poker Face Lv. 3’!]
[Poker Face has neutralized the effect of Lie Detection!]
Everyone gave Lee Gilyoung a withering look. Except Shin Yoosung, who quietly remarked:
“It didn’t call us characters…”
“Go home. We’ll text you,” Yoo Junghyuk lied.
“Do you even have a phone, Master?” Lee Jihye asked. The “Master” somehow sounded much more demeaning than it used to. Yoo Junghyuk scowled at her.
“I do. Now get,” Han Sooyung said.
“It’s always on mute,” Shin Yoosung complained.
“The adults need to talk now.”
“I’m literally twenty-six,” Lee Jihye said.
“You’re not an adult till 83,” said Han Sooyung. Shin Yoosung and Lee Gilyoung squinted, trying to figure out how Han Sooyung was older than that.
“Doesn’t that make you a grandma?” Lee Jihye said. The nerve of this brat.
“No, because you’re not even an adult till you’re 83.” That actually got a laugh out of Yoo Junghyuk. She didn’t need to look to know he was raising an eyebrow at her.
“Shouldn’t it be 81? The math doesn’t check out,” Shin Yoosung said.
“The memories of my clones really start to add up. Hundreds of perspectives, including internally, all added together,” Han Sooyung explained as a reward. 81 was the correct age, without the 1863rd turn or her clone memories. Shin Yoosung could be kind of impressive.
“By that logic, aren’t I older than you?” Said Shin Yoosung, giving everyone a chilling reminder of the effects of disconnected film theory.
“Shin Yoosung can stay. The two of you leave,” Han Sooyung said.
“We’ll be back tomorrow,” said Shin Yoosung, cutting off Lee Jihye and Lee Gilyoung’s protests against Han Sooyung’s decision. “Even if we just drop some stuff off,” she said, before either of her sponsor’s guardians could argue. The kids walked off, chattering like songbirds.
“When the hell did she get so conniving? And don’t say she got it from the 41st turn. This is newer than that.” asked Han Sooyung.
“She takes after her sponsor.”
“Her adoptive father, more like.” Yoo Junghyuk let out a soft hum in response. He leaned his head against the doorway, casting his profile in sharp relief in the harsh synthetic light of the hospital. It was a nice image. Han Sooyung sighed, sliding down against the wall to sit beside him. She grinned at him. “It worked,” she said. He smiled, setting his eyes fall closed.
“You did a good job.”
“We did a good job,” Han Sooyung corrected. She knocked her ankle against his. Normally she’d be happy to take all the credit, but you don’t spend years of your life writing someone, and even more years beside them, to let them self-deprecate. Both of them luxuriated in the aftermath of their victory, grinning like idiots.
“You shouldn’t tell him I helped write it.”
“Why not? Everyone helped write it.”
“You know what I meant,” he said. Han Sooyung laughed.
“You didn’t help any more than he did with his comments on Ways of Survival.” Yoo Junghyuk nodded. “He seemed embarrassed,” she said. He hummed at her.
“He was never good at letting other people in." Yoo Junghyuk's expression was contemplative. She smiled. The protagonist had matured a lot, she thought. Their conversation flowed much better than it once did, after so many years pursuing a goal together. Stolen messages shared across twisted worldlines in the margins of their story had brought them closer than years of fighting by each other's sides.
“He might have trouble with us. Not just us, but we’re the only ones who read the whole thing.” No one except Lee Sookyung, Yoo Junghyuk, Han Sooyung, and maybe Biyoo had read the part where the fourth wall ate Kim Dokja’s mother. In this worldline, anyways. Countless people across countless worldlines had read it, in other places. A thought occurred to Han Sooyung, and she briefly activated predictive plagiarism to check it. “Biyoo’s totally in there right now,” she announced. “Lee Seolhwa gave her a pass because she’s more like a stuffed animal than a person.”
“She is his daughter,” Yoo Junghyuk said.
“More than the rest of them?” she asked. He shrugged.
“Biyoo’s more like him than they are.”
That at the very least, was true. A dokkaebi was meant to be an impartial observer, but Biyoo was loved and brought in by the people around her. Still, she must feel some distance from everyone else. She was more like Kim Dokja in that way. Han Sooyung ran over all the thoughts in her head again. She felt mixed about the present surge in magical power, which had been waning since the collapse of Star Stream. Yoo Sangah was surely drowning in paperwork at the moment. Nevertheless, she was grateful for the insights she could get through predictive plagiarism. After some minutes in silence, she let out a frustrated sound.
“I’m missing too much information. We don’t really know what it was like as the Oldest Dream, or what he’s like now. I can only guess at how losing the fourth wall affected him.”
“He might be closer to my age than yours.”
“You caught that too, huh? Sharp.” Yoo Junghyuk sucked at reading people, but after reading her novel so many times, he had a damn good understanding of Kim Dokja. “He won’t like the intimacy.”
“No.”
“We should probably be gentle. I don’t think it’s gonna be like ripping off a bandaid.”
“He’s going to have to get used to people touching him.” Yoo Junghyuk said this without a trace of hesitation or shame. Han Sooyung laughed.
“Neither of us are going to feel bad about that. It’s kind of cute, isn’t it? Looking back on it, the fourth wall probably dulled some of his positive emotions, too. Remember how terrible he was at relaxing?” A shade went over Yoo Junghyuk’s face. “Pretty shit, huh. Being robbed of the full weight of the connections he had, and maybe some of the few creature comforts, too.”
“You sound like an author.” Han Sooyung didn’t think she’d been being that poetic. A small smile came across Yoo Junghyuk’s face as he looked at the ceiling. “It was cute,” he agreed.
Han Sooyung had to muffle her raucous laugh into her fist so the two doctors didn’t come yell at her. She almost wished that Kim Dokja could have heard that one, if only to see the look on his face at the protagonist calling him ‘cute’.
“With his past, though, it makes sense that he wouldn’t like attention, you know?”
“The scenes where he chased off reporters carry more weight when you know that it isn’t the first time he’s had to deal with them.” Han Sooyung nodded. She took a moment to reminisce on how Kim Dokja and she had talked a bit about Yoo Junghyuk as a character, both after he rescued her from the coin farms, and over the comment section as tls123. It was funny how similar it was to her conversation with Yoo Junghyuk now about Kim Dokja.
“Do you think we re-traumatized him?” She asked. It was only half a joke. Yoo Junghyuk shook his head.
“Your story was true.” He said simply. Han Sooyung knew this, and the difference in circumstances couldn’t be understated. But she needed to hear it from someone other than herself.
“Do you think he’ll resent us?” she asked.
“I don’t care.”
“He doesn’t have any ground to stand on with you.”
“Since when do you feel shame?”
“Since when do you understand me so well?” Yoo Junghyuk smiled at her. Han Sooyung felt her heart stray a beat in her chest.
“Didn’t you tell me once that any author shows themself in their work?”
“Trite garbage,” Han Sooyung said. “And you’re not some expert in psychoanalytical literary review, anyways.”
“You aren’t hard to understand.”
“Hey, I contain multitudes!” Yoo Junghyuk gave her a withering look. “Yeah, I realize that means something vastly different when it comes to the three of us.” Han Sooyung waved her hand at him dismissively. “My point still stands.”
The two of them sat there for another few hours, chatting. Some of it was idle, with Han Sooyung catching Yoo Junghyuk up on much of what he’d missed while spacebound. Judging how he’d responded to Kim Dokja, she let their legs and shoulders bump as they sat beside each other. Honestly, it was an odd universe that saddled her of all people with two absurdly ancient touch-starved idiots. And if she took some comfort in the fact that Yoo Junghyuk was real and warm and beside her, that was between her and— and whatever it was that replaced Kim Dokja. They only moved away from the door when Aileen came out to get some equipment to bring in. She stared at them.
“There’s… a waiting room. Right over there.”
“We’re good here,” Han Sooyung said.
“You can literally see the chairs from here.”
“How’s Kim Dokja?” Yoo Junghyuk asked.
“His stories might get more care than yours, but there’s a ridiculous amount of them. Did you know he has one for picking up a pebble? I swear, he gives me a headache just-” Aileen took in the expressions on their faces. “He should be fine. He fell asleep pretty quickly after everyone left, even while we worked with him. He seems exhausted, which is unsurprising. He might be a bit narcoleptic and frail for a while, though…” She stared off into the distance. “Biyoo didn’t have too many answers for the state of things. We’re stable for now, but the way the systems work might change again. We can’t know how that’ll affect him, but as things are, we think he’ll be walking around again with a few days rest. Physically and spiritually, we have confidence. Jury’s still out psychologically.”
“Thank you,” said Yoo Junghyuk. Both of them found the news reassuring.
“I’ll ask Lee Seolhwa if you can come in while he sleeps after we finish going over his stories— or, rather, when the two of us need to go get some sleep. We’re being thorough, and we’re checking everything. Just in case. But we probably want someone’s eyes on him anyways, when we aren’t there.” Han Sooyung loved Aileen.
“Thanks, Aileen.” She walked off, shaking her head at them, and muttering once again about the nearby waiting room.
“You call her by her first name?” Yoo Junghyuk asked.
“She’s not Korean? Why would I call her Makersfield Aileen every time, when that’s not even how she writes her name? It’s the other way around.”
“That makes sense,” he said. She cocked her head at him.
“What, do you want me to call you Junghyuk?” It flowed off her tongue easily. He stared at her thoughtfully, not at all embarrassed. She refused to blush or break eye contact.
“Only if you let me call you Sooyung.” Heat flooded to her face immediately, which was ridiculous. Why on earth did that idea embarrass her? She’d known him for years. They were practically demigods, besides. It didn’t matter that he was older than her, in the scheme of things.
“Hm.” She said. “I’m not used to that.”
“I’ll use it sparingly,” he said. Han Sooyung wondered if she should have just said ‘no’.
The only other person to come by the room, thankfully, was Yoo Mia. She brought Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk bentos. God, she loved Yoo Mia. Han Sooyung was ready to stop crouching outside Kim Dokja’s door like a gargoyle, but Yoo Mia had more sense than her brother. Therefore, Han Sooyung got to sit in front of the door while the two of them went to the waiting room to eat and catch up on what happened in Yoo Mia’s life while her brother was in space.
Though, delightedly, Aileen and Lee Seolhwa went home shortly afterwards and let her sit by unconscious Kim Dokja’s bedside before Yoo Junghyuk came back, so she got to eat a homemade meal and stare fondly at him for a bit unobserved. In Han Sooyung’s book, that was a win.
Notes:
Your comments mean everything to me. IK yoohankim is somehow a minority. So your support is the world.
Chapter 2
Notes:
Cw for Yoo Sangah and Kim Dokja discussing incest in the context of a critically acclaimed Haruki Murakami book. It is brief.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The rotating attention of his companions was a lot for Kim Dokja to deal with. He had opened his eyes to a room full of flowers, which only multiplied as more people found out he was waking up. Almost all of them cried, and he cried any time anyone else did. The first few responded to this with surprise, as they were used to the Kim Dokja who had the fourth wall and didn’t show his emotions so easily. The later ones seemed to expect it. He knew they were talking about how to best treat him behind his back. It sometimes felt like they thought he was made of glass, which he was simultaneously resentful of and grateful for.
Kim Dokja did feel like he was made of glass. Everything was overwhelming. He’d been largely devoid of physical sensation for eons, relegated to experiencing things like food or touch vicariously. Even the feeling of the sheets against his skin seemed overstimulating at times, and occasionally his words would freeze in his throat no matter how hard he tried to speak.
When that happened, most of his companions were chatty enough that he could just plaster on a smile, nod, and maybe pat them on the head, if it was Shin Yoosung or Lee Gilyoung. Biyoo swung by whenever she could, but she was largely occupied with the star stream system. It was really too much work for one dokkaebi, but Kim Dokja didn’t know how to fix that problem. She bore her job with grace, though, and never complained to his face. He thought she didn’t want him feeling guilty, but she couldn’t help that. Neither could he, for that matter.
Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk made sure that he was never alone. Whenever he woke up, if it wasn’t someone else’s time, one of them would be sitting by his bedside.
“It was good,” he said to Han Sooyung one day, just after waking up. He usually dreamed of the subway when he slept, and every time he woke up he thought over the beginning of Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint in order to remind himself that this was real, and not just another dream or fantasy. Lee Seolhwa called it a ‘grounding technique’.
“My book?” Kim Dokja nodded at her.
“Every part of my soul decided it was their favorite novel. Though, none of them had ever read Ways of Survival.”
“You’re not still going on about that garbage, are you? When you’ve read the strictly better version?” Kim Dokja snorted.
“That’s…” he was going to call it an opinion, but that would disrespect everything he and his companions had worked for. Hadn’t he made the ending he wanted to see? And Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint had his favorite characters in it. When he watched Yoo Junghyuk come across Jung Heewon without sparing her a second glance as the oldest dream, it saddened Kim Dokja every time. “True. But ‘better’ doesn’t mean ‘favorite’.”
“You can’t be serious.” He laughed.
“Just kidding, my favorite novel of yours is the one I haven’t read yet. You won’t be sleep deprived this time, right?” It was a lie. WoS would always be his favorite.
“Hrm. I haven’t started it yet. I’m pretty exhausted,” she said. “It’ll have to be action-adventure-fantasy though, right?”
“Maybe you should try slice-of-life. Those scenes were some of my favorites,” Kim Dokja said. It contained the information he couldn’t say. Han Sooyung smiled at him. It was softer than her usual catlike smirk. Kim Dokja looked away, the gesture making his heart rate pick up for some reason.
“Ehhh, I’m more drawn to violence than sappy shit myself. Violence is so much easier to write.”
“Try not being lazy for once,” Kim Dokja said to the woman who worked herself frayed and raw for him.
“Never,” Han Sooyung replied. The dark bags beneath her eyes had finally started going away in the last week. “Except I’m a professor now, you know? Pay me some respect.”
“You teach for an hour three times a week.”
“Lesson planning is hard work.”
“Didn’t you tell me you chose a novel assignment for your students at random once?”
“Tch. A freeloader like you wouldn’t understand,” Han Sooyung said to the man who had worked tirelessly throughout the scenarios and then chose eternal suffering over retirement. “I have a class to get to soon, anyways,” she said, at the same time Yoo Junghyuk opened the door.
“You’re awake,” he said simply. Kim Dokja nodded. Before they could talk more, or the silence could get heavy, a portal opened up in the room, and Biyoo came through as a big cloud of fur.
“I figured it out,” said Biyoo. Kim Dokja thought she had probably waited for the three of them to be in the same place to drop by. “Father’s soul is no longer necessary to power our universe. Somebody else is writing it, and lots of people are reading it. Actually, there are now a lot more of all of us than there were before.”
“What?”
“All those writers we gave manuscripts to are still connected to our worldline. Other ones too, maybe. Every time we make a decision, a new worldline is created. In each universe where people are reading our story though, a new worldline is created every time someone living in one of those worldlines makes a decision. It means that there are an incomprehensible number of random souls reading our story, written the best way that writers throughout the worldlines can manage. The number of readers is constantly increasing exponentially. It’s blurrier than the Star Stream was, so the system is much weirder. It kind of manages itself.”
“Then why isn’t it more unstable?” Asked Han Sooyung.
“My theory is the rule of average. Did you know that if hundreds of people guess how many jellybeans are in a jar, the average across them is very close to the correct answer? Even if they vary wildly and some people are totally wrong, they collectively understand the right number. It’s really interesting. Before this, the universes governed by the system all required administration, and father to watch it as one being. After splitting himself up, and after the novel was spread across the worldlines, we shared the burden of that probability. Han Sooyung, your novel is pretty popular. Father isn’t the only one who read it. This worldline has access to an absurd amount of probability. Even if every one of them lost interest, this universe would still be sustained for millions of years. It’ll die eventually I guess, but the sun will explode first.” All three of them stared at Biyoo in wonder. “I know, that’s why it took me so long to figure out. It’s been quite a bit longer for me, though.”
“Does that… does that mean that the scenarios could come back?” Kim Dokja asked.
“Technically, yes. But if they did, they’d look radically different. Most of the worldlines are relatively similar to this one, and the vast majority of our readers, our dreamers, are human. The overwhelming majority of them are imagining a happy ending for us. That’s the kind of people who like our story. They all, in turn, get a small amount of our probability, since they are collectively aware of the fantasy where they had a part in our story. It’s a completely self-sustaining system. Their probability is much lower than ours, which actually means that it’s much harder for extra dimensional beings to meddle with them. The universe just got a lot more boring, but with a lot more storytelling.”
“Are you saying that we made the universe a better place?” Yoo Junghyuk asked.
“Yeah. There’s still suffering, but it’s because of things like evolution, natural disasters, and the butterfly effects of individuals making decisions. And if you want me to really blow your mind, some people are dreaming about these specific mechanisms and affecting the macro rules of the universe through them right now. As I say this, someone out there is writing it, and someone else is reading it. They might not all be 100% copies, but it’s enough that our story spreads. There might be other swathes of existence that function differently, but those are the ones spawned by worldlines where you three made different decisions. Oh, and even if dreamers started trending towards wanting a story of violence en masse, I have access to enough probability to rewrite the system anyways.”
“It was a really good novel,” Kim Dokja said. His voice was breathless.
“I have to get to class,” Han Sooyung said distantly.
“Cancel it,” said Yoo Junghyuk.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” said Han Sooyung.
“Why don’t I feel more powerful then? My story should make me pretty strong, by that logic,” Kim Dokja said.
“Probability is shared across worldlines now. Your power level is sort of decided by ‘rules’ that already exist. Skills and other remnants of the star stream are now like our natural disasters or evolution. They aren’t as affected by probability. As for stories, the rules governing them have changed along with the whole universe. Just do what Lee Sookyung and Makersfield Aileen say and you’ll be fine.” Biyoo’s explanation was patient. Han Sooyung laughed.
“You’re literally just some guy now,” she said to him.
“I’m still a constellation.”
“Does that distinction matter that much?” Han Sooyung asked.
“Not unless I manipulate the system to let constellations give out stigmas and spectate on people again,” Biyoo answered. “Which I don’t plan to do. I think the Dokkaebi bag should start working again soon, though. I can kind of feel the trend happening, and some of the other Biyoos were showing me how to use it.” That was a mind-blowing idea. Countless versions of Kim Dokja as he was now were out there. Unable to dream. Just… passive observers, now. Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk had given the power to someone else.
“This is going to be hard to explain to everyone,” Yoo Jonghyuk said.
“Let Yoo Sangah deal with it,” Han Sooyung said.
“She’ll be able to say what puts people at ease,” Kim Dokja added.
“I’ll also take her advice for how I influence the system, I think. People are hard. I want Yoo-Sangah’s job to be easy. One of the other Biyoo’s had a whole new system based around self-improvement where people could get food and housing through doing self-care and stuff, created by her readers. She was lucky, she barely had to manage anything.” There was envy in Biyoo’s voice. They all sat in silence, processing her words.
“Is it really okay for things to be this easy?” asked Kim Dokja. They all knew what he meant. He wasn’t talking about Biyoo’s logistical gymnastics, or the burden of administrating reality.
“You know father, this is what a universe looks like when everyone works together and power is distributed more evenly. Instead of one or two people making all the decisions.” Kim Dokja winced. “Which, by the way, you aren’t making any more of. Everyone is sick of you doing that. Seriously, a number of people exponentially growing closer to infinity are sick of you sacrificing yourself.” Kim Dokja doesn’t know how to deal with that. “If you don’t practice self-care, the universe will get violent again. That’s everyone’s job from now on. To be happy.” All three of them sat, stupefied by the overwhelming quantity of information. Han Sooyung got out of her seat.
“I’m going to go teach my class now.”
“Have a nice day at work,” said Yoo Junghyuk. Kim Dokja looked at him like he’d grown a second head. Since when were these two so friendly? It was such a domestic phrase that Kim Dokja’s life flashed before his eyes.
“Thanks,” said Han Sooyung. “See you later.” She put a hand on each of their shoulders in passing as she left. Her eyes were deep in thought.
“I’m gonna go test some things, and talk to Yoo Sangah,” said Biyoo. “I’ll tell her you said hi, father.”
“I should be awake next time she visits. Lee Seolhwa says I’m almost ready for release.” Biyoo nodded at him, and left through a portal.
Kim Dokja was left alone with Yoo Junghyuk. He had a headache, and he closed his eyes to lean his head against his pillow.
“Are you going back to sleep?” asked Yoo Junghyuk.
“That was just… a lot to process,” Kim Dokja said.
“We can sit together in silence.” Yoo Junghyuk pulled out what looked like a new smartphone.
“Thank god.” Kim Dokja closed his eyes and started reading his stories in peace.
~~~
Yoo Sangah was one of the first people Kim Dokja had a real, intimate, conversation with. It was a few days after he first woke up. She sat quietly at his bedside, sipping a coffee while she typed away on her laptop. The afternoon sun hit her hair in such a way that brown hair lit up, framing her like a golden mandala. Her eyes had crow’s feet. Kim Dokja grinned.
“I’m glad I got to see you.” He hadn’t been sure. Yoo Sangah was very important to the new government of Korea, and the world as a whole. She looked up from her computer, and fixed him with warm eyes and a gentle smile.
“I’ve been even busier than usual lately.”
“Sorry about that.” Yoo Sangah laughed.
“It’s worth it. This is better.” Her smile was saturated with an incredible fondness. “I’m glad you’re yourself again.”
“I… never wasn’t.” Kim Dokja didn’t understand which part of the situation she was talking about. Yoo Sangah took a sip of her coffee.
“You were protected, then. I’m glad you’re out of your shell.” She had been inside that shell, once. She had read his story before anyone else had, in a way. From inside the fourth wall. “Even if it’s hard for you. You’re like the rest of us now. You don’t need to be so guarded.”
“It’s… hard.”
“I know. I’m proud of you.” Kim Dokja’s eyes welled up with fat tears. He felt them start to roll down his face, and wiped them away. His words died in his throat.
“I’m happy to just sit with you for a while. I have plenty to do.” Yoo Sangah went back to her work. They sat together for a long time.
“What have you been reading?” Kim Dokja asked. Yoo Sangah looked up with fervor in her eyes. She shut her laptop.
“Did you know that Haruki Murakami survived the scenarios?”
“What? Isn’t he an old man?”
“The ‘writer’ attribute is very powerful, in the hands of someone who can manage it well. He mostly lost memories pertaining to his books.”
“That’s… surprising.”
“His new work is very high concept. I thought Kafka on the Shore was strange.”
“I hated Kafka on the Shore.” Kim Dokja hated that novel even more now. He had read it for school, during his last year.
Yoo Sangah waved a hand at him.
“The oedipal themes are a very uncomfortable thing to read.” The incest made Kim Dokja particularly distraught because he related to a lot of the other parts of the teenage protagonist’s story. Kafka fled his abusive father, took a train to a far-off city, and spent all day reading in a library. Kafka also contemplated the value of killing his father. “But the interrogation of how responsible we are for our dreams and fantasies, and therefore getting caught up in-” Yoo Sangah cut herself off. She made a bit of a face.
The novel was a poor choice of discussion.
“I do understand how someone who wrote Kafka on the Shore could survive the scenarios.” Kim Dokja’s voice was flat. He was thinking about the animal torture scene. He was also thinking about the spirit who finds a prostitute for a man while taking the form of Colonel Sanders (the representation actually made sense as a metaphor for plenty. This irritated Kim Dokja). He thought that someone who came up with that could probably deal with the violence and absurdity of the scenarios. Yoo Sangah giggled.
“Yes, well. He’s writing again. I’ve been working my way through his most recent book.”
“Are you enjoying it?”
“It’s a little trite, if I’m being honest. He’s nearing a century old, now. I think he’s starting to lose his touch. Apparently some of the work he released while we were in the 1865th turn was better, so I’m looking forward to reading the novels I missed.”
“I’m glad you still have time to read.”
“I missed it. Reading.” Of course, she never had time during the scenarios.
“Mmh. Me too. I think.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I want to read Han Sooyung’s next book.” The explanation was not explanatory.
“Let’s read it together. We just have to pressure her into writing it first.” Kim Dokja laughed.
“I look forward to it.”
Notes:
Sorry, Kafka on the Shore is the only Murakami book I've ever read, and that's the only author I remembered Yoo Sangah liking. It's a weird book. It has some interesting things to say, and many of the themes are resonant with orv. I also kind of hate other parts of it, lol. There's a really well-written trans man in it though, which rules.
Chapter 3
Notes:
This chapter is one of the ones I'm most proud of. My Yoo Mia slaps.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Yoo Junghyuk had wanted to ask Kim Dokja what he should do with his life, but in the end, he didn’t need to.
“You know you’re an idiot, right?” Mia asked him. They were sharing lunch at the hospital again. In all of his regressions, she’d never been this rude. She’d never been this old, either, except in his 0th turn, where she grew up in a world where Yoo Junghyuk was married and well-adjusted. “You don’t need to ask him what you should do. You should be my older brother. And his friend. Sooyung-noona’s too.”
“What does that mean?”
“Before, I wasn’t needy enough for you to feel like you had a purpose. Which is good, because I didn’t want to depend on you, and I was sick of you not depending on me once in 1863 turns,” said the youngest transcendent in history. Han Sooyung told him that Mia had trained for months without the star stream’s benefits to ‘be strong enough to break her brother’s legs’. “And you were grieving for him. He’s needy as hell though. Make your purpose caring for people, including yourself.” Yoo Junghyuk stared at her. His Mia was different than every other Mia he’d known. She was her own person. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
“What does that mean.” He said the question as a statement.
“It means: get some hobbies. Cooking still makes you happy, doesn’t it? Since so many people are moving back into the industrial complex, including you, if you want to be a good big brother for once, you have a lot of people you can cook for. And talk to me, for god's sake. If you don’t have a childhood because you were written without one, what does that say about me? I was barely written with a personality, but I came up with one all on my own. Stop forgetting that you have me. You don’t just exist for their sake. You exist for your own.” He sat stupefied.
“When did you get this wise?”
“When you weren’t looking.” That sentence cut to Yoo Junghyuk’s core. “And unlike you, I see a therapist.” Yoo Mia paused. “Sorry, that was mean. I know your traumas are astronomically beyond what most therapists can manage. Still, it wouldn’t hurt. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things while you were in space, and I’m still pissed at you. I understand that you tried your best. But stop thinking of all those dead little girls when you think about me.”
“I already have. You’re your own person.” Mia looked relieved to hear that. Junghyuk really did need to speak to her more. He had always thought of their relationship as one of the solid, stable things in his life. It had its box, which only changed based on whether she was alive or not. It was a greater disservice to her than any time he’d let her die, which he had only recognized before the 1865th turn. She spoke differently now than their conversation then. “I’m sorry, Mia.”
“I’m sorry and?”
“What?” Yoo Junghyuk was confused.
“When you apologize, you’re supposed to say how you’ll change your behavior. It’s not about forgiveness, I forgave you already, but I want to know you’re actually committed to caring about me.” Yoo Junghyuk had faced barrages of arcane missiles less painful than this.
“I’m sorry, and… I will do my best to work on our relationship. And I will speak to you about it.”
“Including your own feelings.”
“Including my own feelings.” Suddenly Yoo Junghyuk felt like the child? He hadn’t felt that way since… well, he couldn’t remember ever feeling that way, actually.
“Good. You better. What kind of room do you want?”
“What?”
“We’re renovating the complex. There’s going to be a whole new residential section for everyone. Well, not everyone. Lee Hyungsung is still in the States. And Yoo Sangah told me to just give her something simple to the side. She’s still really busy. But Lee Gilyoung and Jung Heewon-eonni are having a lot of fun with it. Me too, actually. I think I want to go to school for architecture.”
“That’s… good.”
“Or maybe just interior design. The building planning part is giving us all a headache. We’re hiring people for that.” Why did Yoo Junghyuk feel like he had to deal with less information overload during the scenarios?
“Near yours. And Kim Dokja’s.”
“I knew that already. I’m going to make you two help choose the furniture for one of the living rooms. You’ll share it with Han Sooyung, so if you don’t, it’ll all be way too gaudy for the two of you.” Yoo Junghyuk stared at her.
“Why?”
“Have either of you ever decorated anything?”
“I don’t think so.”
“And don’t you just choose items which have the best stats? I’m forcing you to express yourselves. Everyone else has been great at it, it’s been really fun. I helped Lee Gilyoung find a model maker to make a big Titano sculpture for him. We have kind of a lot of money, you know?”
“Why are the three of us sharing living quarters?”
“Sometimes people want to do different sorts of activities, and there’s more than 15 of us. Having semi-private rooms will let people have some space when they get on each other’s nerves. We want it to work better than it did last time. And it’s not like you’re really sharing living quarters with them— the two of us have a shared space that we go through to reach the rest of the complex. It even has a kitchenette. Everyone has some overlap.”
“You’ve… really thought this through.”
“You should be grateful. Everyone wanted to share a designated room with Kim Dokja. Or be in his suite.”
“Thank you, Mia.” He was thankful. Without him looking, she had put more work into the group than almost anyone. She’d grown up. Mia grinned at him.
“You’re welcome.”
~~~
Kim Dokja almost didn’t recognize Lee Hyunsung. He had a dark tan, and his hair was to his shoulders. He had never seen a Lee Hyunsung that looked even a little bit like this. The man sobbed and embraced him as soon as he walked in.
“I came as quickly as I could. I was backpacking the full west coast of the United States, and I didn’t have cell service.” Was this really Lee Hyunsung? Kim Dokja was kind of shocked.
“The… full coast?” Wasn’t the United States massive? Hang on, wasn’t it destroyed?
“It’s a popular route.” This didn’t answer any of Kim Dokja’s questions.
“The United States.”
“The ocean receded. A lot of trees were still there.” This created more questions. Kim Dokja had a headache.
“What… have you been doing?” Kim Dokja had to ask Lee Hyunsung more questions than anyone else.
“Travelling. I never got to see much during my military service. I like hiking.” It didn’t take too much to get Lee Hyunsung to show him photos from his travels. A lot of them were of trees. What was with Lee Hyunsung and trees? He seemed to know a lot about them. Apparently, he had gotten into carrying local tree identification books wherever he went.
But there were also photos of him with all the friends he made along the way. Lee Hyunsung with American backpackers, Lee Hyunsung with monks at a botanical garden, Lee Hyunsung on an African safari… Kim Dokja was at a loss. It didn’t take too much to get him to talk about all his different experiences, and Kim Dokja passed out as soon as Lee Hyunsung left.
After an indeterminate amount of time, he opened his eyes to Han Sooyung.
“Tiring one, huh?”
“What happened to him?” Hearing this, Han Sooyung burst into laughter.
“It’s weird, right? I never thought about him much, so he actually ended up surprising me. After he and Jung Heewon broke up, he had a bit of a crisis. He wanted to stop living in the past all the time. Some college student told him to go “travel and find himself” and he immediately tried it. He’s had to be bailed out a couple times. He keeps getting taken advantage of. Some things don’t change.”
“I barely recognized him.”
“Lee Jihye told him to grow his hair out and he actually took her seriously. It’s kind of a nice look on him though, isn’t it? He’s apparently pretty popular overseas. Did he tell you about his travel blog?” Kim Dokja didn’t feel horrified. He didn’t. He was just surprised. “His instagram has more followers than Lee Jihye’s. She’s mad about it.” Han Sooyung popped a candy into her mouth.
“I’m going back to sleep.”
Han Sooyung cackled.
~~~
Yoo Junghyuk was going to kill him. It wasn’t the first time Kim Dokja had felt this way, but it was the first time where he didn’t think it would be intentional. The protagonist kept… touching him. In little ways, mostly. A hand on his shoulder, or a brush of fingers on his head. Now, he was holding Kim Dokja’s hand, which he had grabbed idly and without comment while Kim Dokja was reading his stories. Yoo Junghyuk looked at all the lines across his palm, running his fingers along them and the edges of Kim Dokja’s nails.
Kim Dokja felt his face heat up. The awareness of the rest of his body, what he was seeing, and everything which he was thinking about all faded to background noise. His awareness was centered on Yoo Junghyuk’s steady fingers, calloused by years of hard use, running deliberately over Kim Dokja’s hand. Touching him. Kim Dokja progressively grew redder. He allowed this for a minute before the embarrassment got to be too much, and he pulled his hand away from Yoo Junghyuk. Yoo Junghyuk’s brow knit, as he looked up at Kim Dokja with confusion and even a little bit of hurt in his expression.
Kim Dokja grabbed Yoo Junghyuk’s hand, holding it steady so it would at least be a consistent pressure instead of… whatever that was. Yoo Junghyuk let out a soft sound of understanding. Kim Dokja felt his flush spread down his neck. What was he, some kind of blushing virgin? That mental comparison, especially regarding Yoo Junghyuk’s role in that metaphor, made it worse. Nevermind the fact that Kim Dokja actually was a virgin. He could practically hear the fourth wall calling him an idiot.
He spared a momentary glance at Yoo Junghyuk, who was looking at him in idle curiosity.
“What’s- what’s so interesting?”
“Didn’t you do the same thing to me?” Yoo Junghyuk had a point. Any complaint Kim Dokja made was morally bankrupt. The embarrassment he felt was quenched a little by that reminder.
“What was space like?” Kim Dokja blurted. He hadn’t seen that part of Yoo Junghyuk’s life.
“I did a lot of reading.”
“Oh.”
“You’re right. A book does change every time you read it.” Because Yoo Junghyuk had read that belief of his, given to him by his mother, through the words of Han Sooyung. A message that took on a different meaning through each link. A message which Yoo Junghyuk had read repeatedly. Traveling through space on an empty journey.
“I guess I was still keeping you company,” Kim Dokja said. Yoo Junghyuk’s hand was warm in his own.
“Yes. It kept me going.” The parallelism wasn’t lost on Kim Dokja. ”Though, I had Biyoo for some of it. And Han Sooyung’s words. We talked a bit, back and forth through the manuscript.”
“Oh. Just like how I talked with god,” Kim Dokja joked.
“What?”
“Han Sooyung’s pen name, tls123? If you take the characters from the Korean keyboard, they spell out ‘god’.” It’s a pun. You talking with her like that reminded me of when we were pen pals.”
“She is, isn’t she.”
“My pen pal?”
“God.”
“Don’t tell her that, it’ll get to her head.”
“She made the universe.”
“Not all of it. There are others. Not all of them revolve around stories.”
“Universes? She still made ours.” Yoo Junghyuk moved on so quickly from the revelation that there were more universes, which had been made in different ways. Kim Dokja was envious.
“That’s true.”
“She did it for you.” Kim Dokja’s throat closed up. Yoo Junghyuk seemed to understand. He went back to watching cooking videos on his phone.
Kim Dokja let him keep holding his hand.
Notes:
Nothing will ever inspire me more than getting appreciative comments. Pretty much every time I get one, I go back and do some work on the story. I've spent a lot of time on it, so if you are enjoying what I've brought you, it would mean the world to me if you left any comment at all <3 <3 <3
Chapter Text
It took a while for Uriel to come see him. Kim Dokja had been dreading it a little, as much as he wanted to see her. She cheered as soon as she saw him, running in with arms spread wide.
“Uriel.” Gabriel’s voice was stern.
“Oh, oh, right, sorry. Can I hug you?” This surprised Kim Dokja. He nodded shyly. Uriel grinned again, and embraced him tightly.
A little too tightly. Kim Dokja coughed.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to see you! I was on tour. Sun Wukong wants to get a drink with you when you’re out of the hospital, by the way. Abyssal Black Flame Dragon says he doesn’t care, but he obviously does.” So those guys were friends now? Nobody had told him about this.
“No one’s even shown you their music, have they.” Gabriel looked well. Uriel gasped.
“Nobody told you about Uriel Force?”
“They must have been busy telling him about their own lives.”
“Still! Not fair.”
“They did tell me everyone was doing well,” Kim Dokja placated.
“I’m pulling up a performance right now, you have to see it! Just a little!” Uriel proceeded to show him ten full minutes of music.
Uriel Force’s music was a lot. And, really, what was Abyssal Black Flame Dragon even rapping about? Still, it made him happy to see them doing something he never would have otherwise. They had all made new lives.
“Love, don’t you think we should talk to him a bit, too?” Gabriel asked.
“Oh. Duh. I just got excited.”
“It’s nice to see you being excited about your own life.” Kim Dokja said. Uriel smiled at him. Her eyes were soft.
“I never liked being an Archangel, I guess. Losing so many… was still really hard. Eden worked with us in the final turn, but we left them when we came back. And they weren’t ours in the first place. The band… I’m finally having fun. And I’m helping out the other constellations! A lot of them have had a lot of trouble integrating into society. Seeing us helps. And Gabriel is such a good manager!”
“I’m proud.” Kim Dokja was. Uriel hugged him again. There were tears in her eyes.
“We got married a year ago.” Gabriel’s expression was fond. Uriel flushed.
“Oh. I should have led with that.” She looked embarrassed.
“Congratulations.” Kim Dokja smiled a soft smile. He shouldn’t have dreaded this. He liked how Uriel talked enough for both of them. She’d mellowed out a bit.
“It’s going really well! I’m so in love with her, and I hadn’t realized…” Uriel told him all about their budding romance and long, stable relationship. Gabriel seemed to have a good influence on her. Kim Dokja was happy for them, but he felt a sort of wistful sadness, too. He had no idea why.
~~~
Han Sooyung had been right. Kim Dokja without the fourth wall was cute. He’d been cheating the whole time Yoo Junghyuk knew him. Yoo Junghyuk hadn’t let himself dwell on any budding feelings back then anyways, but Kim Dokja’s denial was really beyond comprehension. And Yoo Junghyuk had read Han Sooyung’s 6000 page novel several times. The fact that the man had thought that Yoo Junghyuk was play-acting his distress at Kim Dokja’s death for the attention of constellations was one of the more baffling and infuriating parts of the whole thing. Despite being able to literally read their minds, Kim Dokja had a massive blindspot when it came to other people loving him.
In any case, that barrier was gone now. He tried not to read too much into it. Dokja was dealing with a lot of new or distantly remembered sensations and feelings, and his sensitivity didn’t mean he was particularly interested in Yoo Junghyuk. For a long time, Yoo Junghyuk had resigned himself to the fact that if Kim Dokja had had feelings for him(or Han Sooyung, for that matter, despite how she refused to admit her interest outright), he would know. Or Han Sooyung would. But after several reads and some stolen conversations with Han Sooyung, his perspective became more hopeful. Kim Dokja was one repressed bastard. Just because he hadn’t had feelings for them then(or at least, not ones he would acknowledge) didn’t mean that he didn’t have feelings for them now. Or potential of developing them.
Even if his original belief had been right, though, that would be fine with him. Maybe Kim Dokja just didn’t do that sort of thing. Breaking the Sky Sword Saint had told him that some people were like that, when Yoo Junghyuk first talked to her about his complicated and untouched feelings about gender and sexuality a few hundred lifetimes in. He doesn’t care half as much anymore.
In any case, Yoo Junghyuk was fine if Kim Dokja didn’t love him back in that way. Kim Dokja loved him, and that was more than enough. It was enough to be in his life again. To be by his side, along with Han Sooyung.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Han Sooyung said, pressing a cold drink into his hand. He had been sitting in the waiting room during Persephone’s time with Kim Dokja. “Stop, you’re not very good at it.” Her attempt at ribbing was transparent. She just didn’t want him too deep in his own head.
“I have millenia worth of memories and experience.”
“Which leaves you prone to enormous amounts of overthinking,” said the woman whose entire skillset was based on how efficiently she could perform enormous amounts of overthinking. He raised an eyebrow at her. She moved on without acknowledging him. “Persephone is going to ask if Dokja wants to see his other mother. He’s going to lie and say yes,” she said. “They’re friends now, by the way. Persephone and Lee Sookyung.” Yoo Junghyuk leaned back his head as he processed this. Kim Dokja would know that Lee Sookyung helped write the part where she was in the fourth wall.
“Hm.”
“I don’t think we should interfere, either. But we should give him a bit of space afterwards.”
“He should talk to someone beforehand.”
“Yeah, probably.”
“You’re better at getting him to talk than I am.”
“Not about important stuff. Important stuff sneaks its way into our ribbing, but the reason I can get him to talk is because I can dodge the important stuff. Or let it sit behind the comfortable barrier of ironic humor. Talking indirectly is easier for him.” It was cute how she acknowledged her own deflecting mechanisms openly, when it was through the pretense of Kim Dokja’s issues.
“We can’t all be so duplicitous.”
“That was supposed to be a compliment?” Yoo Junghyuk ignored her, staring off into the middle distance in thought. He chewed at his lip.
“I could bring up something I’m ashamed of.”
“He’d be too stupid to recognize it as an attempt to get him to open up, probably.” Han Sooyung didn’t even need to pause and use predictive plagiarism. Yoo Junghyuk sighed.
“What are the odds they sit together without saying anything?” He asked. Han Sooyung tilted her head.
“Pretty high, actually.”
“Maybe we just leave it then. We have to pick our battles.”
~~~
Kim Dokja sat in his hospital bed, leaning up against the pillows.
“It’s not really therapy,” Lee Seolhwa said. “I’m not licensed in that way. But I assume you wouldn’t want to see a therapist, even if it’s just because of the potential information leak.” Lee Seolhwa had repeatedly stressed that it was vital that he told her every physical sensation he felt, in order for her to evaluate his condition. Everyone kept telling him that it was his responsibility to cooperate with her, and he agreed. It was the least he could do, even if he hated it. This had led to a lot of conversations going beyond just physical sensation, all of which Kim Dokja found difficult.
“No. Yes, you’re right.”
“Your physical makeup is largely dependent on your stories. Aileen and I need to understand your body, mind, soul, and stories, because your health is dependent on all four. I’m not trying to pry into your life, nor do I think I’m capable of understanding everything you’ve been through. But I want you to have a safe and non-judgemental environment where you can speak without worry of me repeating anything. That’s part of this. Everything you say in session will be confidential, unless I think it is of vital and immediate concern to your life.”
“Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk know basically all there is to know about me.”
“And you and Han Sooyung know basically all there is to know about Yoo Junghyuk. That doesn’t mean I’m going to repeat things he told me in confidence, and that certainly doesn’t mean I will go against my clinical ethics for him.” Lee Seolhwa could be pretty serious about her job, couldn’t she?
“Do you think it will help?” His voice was stilted. Lee Seolhwa let out a breath, and looked into his eyes. They were warm, and somehow easier to meet than other people’s. The emotion within them was simple.
“You remember the coping mechanisms I gave you for dealing with overwhelming sensations? I’ll be giving you advice like that, but for communication. I’m going to give you tools you can try to use. I can’t know which ones will work for you, or if you’ll use them effectively.” Kim Dokja nodded.
“I can try.” For Biyoo, at the very least, he could. And the two companions who were ready to tear apart the universe for him.
“That’s all I ask. Is there anything you want to talk about right now?” Kim Dokja thought in silence.
“Why are you doing this?” he asked her.
“I could tell you I care about you and want you to do better, which is true, but more importantly, it’s my job. I am the best equipped person in a position to help someone I believe needs it, and I will always do my utmost to help in those conditions, when it is within my capacity. I am personally invested in you, but that doesn’t matter as much.” Lee Seolhwa might be one of the best people he knows, actually.
“You’re a good person.”
“Thank you. I try to be.” She accepted the comment gracefully. “You’re well-loved. You know that, right?”
“I do.” Kim Dokja was holding back tears at the truth that sentence held. “It wasn’t. It wasn’t my goal.” Lee Seolhwa sighed at him. It was fond, but also sad.
“We know. You wanted everyone to be happy without you, right? Have you accepted that in order to achieve your happy ending, you need to be happy, too?” Kim Dokja nodded mutely. “Good. I’m proud of you for that.”
“I don’t know how to.”
“That’s alright. You’re not the only one. Everyone in your life is willing to be patient with you.” Kim Dokja was crying, now. Lee Seolhwa handed him a box of tissues without trying to touch him. It took another twenty minutes for him to speak again. In that time, Lee Seolhwa sat doing paperwork, telling him to speak up whenever he was ready, and that it would be fine if he just wanted to sit there.
“I wish people would just tell me they resent me.” Lee Seolhwa set down her pen. She let the sentence sit, and Kim Dokja spoke again just to fill the silence. “There’s a lot of things in Han Sooyung’s novel to judge me for.”
“It might be helpful for you to focus on what actually happened, not on the events in the novel.”
“They’re the same for me.”
“But not for everyone else. Han Sooyung was careful about who got to read which parts, especially after Lee Gilyoung and Lee Jihye stole her laptop.” This got a shocked laugh out of Kim Dokja. He thought over her words, and nodded.
“Yoo Junghyuk and Han Sooyung are different, though. They’ve only criticized me for my… for being ‘self-sacrificial’. But there’s a lot that should bother them.” He thought for a moment. “Yoo Junghyuk especially. Han Sooyung lacks a moral compass. She’ll just—” Kim Dokja cut himself off. He didn’t say that Han Sooyung would find him pathetic.
“They both think of you highly. That’s why they get upset with you.” Kim Dokja let that sentence sit. “Would you like to hear my opinion?” He nodded. “You three understand each other well, but humans are complicated. You can’t assume that they know how you feel, or vice-versa. You have to talk about it.”
“You have to… write on the wall. Even if you think you can’t get through. Jang Hayoung said that to me once. I argued you can’t ever get through that wall, but… so, of course you shouldn’t assume that someone can already see through it?”
“She can be pretty intelligent.”
“She also said you could write it in piss or shit to get the point across.” Lee Seolhwa laughed harder than he’d ever seen from her.
“That- that sounds like her. And that’s it exactly. You need to try, right?”
“I don’t feel ready.”
“But the waiting feels terrible, too.”
“Yes.” Kim Dokja knew that didn’t leave him that much of a choice, but he always had his most reliable tool. Avoidance. “I think I’m ready to be discharged.”
Notes:
Once again, your comments are more motivating than anything in the world to me <3 nothing inspires me more to write.
Chapter 5
Notes:
Weeeelcome back my friends. I had this written ages ago and just went back to editing it. Two years????? It was two years ago I updated this????? Yipes. I'm trying to actually finish my fanfics and not have a couple scraps of half-finished final chapters in my fic document for years later.... even if I'm not really part of the fandom anymore, lol. Next chapter is edited too, so expect it soon!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
With his own room in a weird corner of the industrial complex, Kim Dokja got to run on his own schedule. He still slept a lot, and did his physical (and emotional) therapy diligently. He spent time with his companions, and even went to his mother’s quarters for lunch. Her visits to him in the hospital hadn’t amounted to much. She had invited him out somewhere, but he had texted back that he’d prefer more privacy. Texting people what he wanted was easier than telling them. Maybe Han Donghoon had had the right idea. Kim Dokja wondered how he was doing these days.
She had asked if she could invite Persephone, which he found deeply strange, but Han Sooyung had told him that they got along nowadays. He thought that it would have been awkward, but Persephone’s presence made the atmosphere a lot smoother. She asked his mother prodding questions and pushed her to tell him certain things about her life and the industrial complex, none of which she would have thought to tell him before. He flustered when Persephone had referred to him as ‘our son’, but his mother reacted as if she heard the phrase all the time. Persephone’s teasing was balanced between his mother and Kim Dokja, and he’d never seen her get teased before.
Even when Persephone spoke of heavier things, like their recount of the 1865th turn, she was able to emphasize the underlying optimism and happy ending of events. Queen of the Darkest Spring, indeed. The growth that came from shadow. He promised her to visit the Underworld soon, which had apparently retained its form surprisingly well. Her eyes twinkling, she told him that there had been a lot of changes, but that he’d have to see them for himself.
All things considered, it was in the top strangest experiences of Kim Dokja’s life, but he found that he ended up enjoying it. He needed a full day to recharge, though, and ended up rescheduling plans to look at the newly renovated and in construction parts of the industrial complex with Jung Heewon and Lee Hyunsung. Conveniently, this pushed back his promise to look at furniture with Yoo Junghyuk and Han Sooyung, a task for which he didn’t understand why his presence was needed anyways. Those two were hard for him to interact with, lately. He felt weird about them writing and reading his whole life, sure, but it was more than that. They made him more anxious than other people. Looking into their eyes, or just being in their presence made his heart beat faster. He figured he’d get used to it eventually. Maybe it was just the pressure of what they’d done for him?
This, and his general plan of avoidance, backfired on him terribly when he was accosted in a hallway.
“You’re hiding from us.” Yoo Junghyuk said.
“What are you plotting?” Han Sooyung asked.
Were these two for real? Kim Dokja spared a moment to think about how their mistrust in him was incredibly warranted, and the trauma and tribulations they had gone through to bring him back to them. He then put those thoughts into a box and shoved them away.
“Don’t I have the right to free movement? I’m not a dog.”
“No,” said Yoo Junghyuk. “We want someone to be able to see you.”
“If we put a collar and leash on you, will you stop running away?” Han Sooyung asked. She delivered this with a straight face. “It would look rather cute,” she continued. Yoo Junghyuk let out a thoughtful hum.
Kim Dokja blanched, then quickly turned tomato-colored. He let out a confused wheeze. Yoo Junghyuk raised an eyebrow at him, and Kim Dokja looked away, fighting the urge to squirm. Why the hell did that stupid comment get to him? Kim Dokja didn’t understand. Han Sooyung’s teasing never got to him before, and he had taken pride in that. He knew she was only messing with him, not flirting with him, so why did it impact him like this? And since when was Yoo Junghyuk this variety of asshole?
“How. Do you say things so brazenly.” He didn’t ask her why. He didn’t want to know.
“You’re the one who immediately interpreted it like that,” Han Sooyung said airily. Kim Dokja felt outraged at her shameless bullshit.
“I’m going for a swim.”
[‘Yoo Junghyuk’ has used ‘Lie Detection Lv. …’.]
[‘Han Sooyung’ has used ‘Lie Detection Lv. 10’.]
[‘Yoo Junghyuk’ has confirmed that the statement is true.]
[‘Han Sooyung’ has confirmed that the statement is true.]
“It’s for my physical therapy,” Kim Dokja said with a glare.
“Great, we’ll go with you,” Han Sooyung said, grabbing his arm. Yoo Junghyuk, for some unfathomable reason, grabbed his other one. Alarm sirens blared in Kim Dokja’s head.
“You don’t have swimsuits?”
“Did you forget the interdimensional storage coats we wear somehow?”
“Ah,” Dokja said, desperately trying to think of a way out of this situation. The ways of survival wouldn’t help him here. He almost missed when all the answers to his questions could be found in a file on his cell phone. If he said he changed his mind now, they would know that he was avoiding them for sure.
“We missed you.” Yoo Junghyuk said. To Dokja, this was worse than the dog comment. Yoo Junghyuk delivered the line so straightforwardly and with such confidence that Kim Dokja’s heart broke a little bit for him. Yoo Junghyuk could be direct about simple ideas. Kim Dokja held both of their hands a little tighter and kept walking forwards. His face must have been the color of a cherry at this point, and he couldn’t look at either of them, but he was weak for his protagonist. He did manage a momentary sidelong glance at Han Sooyung’s smug grin, which had no place being there, because she didn’t even do anything.
~~~
Kim Dokja should have just let them know that he was avoiding them. Better yet, he shouldn’t have come back to this worldline at all. At least when he was the Oldest Dream, he could relegate an experience of nudity or sexual nature to some lost fragment of his subconscious, to give them privacy. Now, not only could he not do that, they seemed to be…
Kim Dokja watched the two of them. Yoo Junghyuk was wearing trunks, thank god, but it still left his scarred torso and ripped thighs and calves on full display. The arms of his muscles flexed as he rubbed the sunscreen onto Han Sooyung’s pale back in wide circles. His hands must have been rough against her soft skin, which was largely exposed by a revealing bikini. Kim Dokja had seen Yoo Junghyuk shirtless plenty of times, but he’d never seen this much of Han Sooyung. And anyways, just because he’d seen Yoo Junghyuk shirtless didn’t prepare him for the way his hands moved, strong and confident, or the ease with which he touched her.
There was no denying it. They were showing off. Was it for each other? Kim Dokja never would have guessed, but he supposed that most of Yoo Junghyuk’s love interests had a bit of steel at their core. Han Sooyung was driven, too, even if the rest of her personality checked only the wrong boxes. He could be distantly invested in their budding relationship(and he was, Dokja told himself, wanting his friends to be happy and Yoo Junghyuk to have a happy end), if not for the fact they were right in front of him. Half naked, and wildly attractive. He’d always known they were both attractive, but wasn’t this just obscene? And hadn’t they been touching him too much lately?
A thought occurred to Dokja. With a dawning feeling of horror, he realized that maybe he had it all wrong. Maybe his friends weren’t being particularly flirtatious or sexy, maybe Kim Dokja was just a pervert. Han Sooyung’s bikini was a pretty average one for the current style, and wasn’t it pretty normal to have a friend put sunscreen where you couldn’t reach? His libido seemed more active in the last few weeks than it had been in years. Eons. Was this a side effect of the antidepressant Lee Seolhwa had put him on? How was he supposed to broach this topic with her?
“You’re thinking too much,” Han Sooyung, who was now standing in front of him, said. He’d zoned out again. This was happening more often lately. “You’re gonna get burned. You didn’t come back from the ether with a tan. Let us help with your back.” Shit, Kim Dokja was trapped. She had a point, and he’d now convinced himself that this was a totally normal situation that he was blowing wildly out of proportion. With the air of a man walking up to the gallows, he let out a hum of acknowledgement and turned his back to her.
He very nearly flinched at the sound of the cap opening. Han Sooyung’s small but agile hands started rubbing the cool sunscreen over his shoulders, and he barely managed to quiet what might have been a moan into a mere small intake of breath. God, he was humiliatingly sensitive. She was slow and methodical, ensuring the lotion was fully absorbed by his skin. When Yoo Junghyuk’s hands touched his lower back, he couldn’t help the spasm of a flinch that went through the muscles in his back.
“Shh. It’s just me,” he said soothingly. Somehow, this made everything much worse. It did help him relax the tension in his body, though.
On second thought, why the hell were both of them helping? He didn’t need both of them. Yoo Junghyuk had said that they missed him, but wasn’t this going a little bit too far? One of Yoo Junghyuk’s large, rough hands snaked its way to Kim Dokja’s side, rubbing a calloused thumb over Kim Dokja’s hip bone.
“I’m pretty sure I can reach there,” he said. Surprisingly, his voice didn’t squeak. It was distant, like in a dream, even if it was high and breathless. Maybe this was just a dream.
“Just let us take care of you for once.” Han Sooyung said. Her voice was light and plaintive, but there was deep emotion behind it. It made his heart feel cavernous. Kim Dokja started mentally reciting the Ways of Survival as he felt his companions hands start roaming a little bit further.
“Mmf—! I think I can take it from here, thanks,” Kim Dokja desperately covered, after starting with a sound which could definitely be called a moan, but he refused to categorize as such.
“Mmh,” acknowledged Yoo Junghyuk, who kept rubbing the lotion into his skin. Right before Kim Dokja was going to ask what the hell the two of them thought they were doing, they, blessedly, backed off. Deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth, he hurriedly slapped sunscreen onto the rest of his body and jumped into the pool, hiding his blush in the water.
He did his best to ignore them while he did his routine. He hadn’t been lying about the physical therapy, and despite the harrowing beginning to the venture, he really did need to do some boring exercises and stretches. Han Sooyung lounged back on a pool chair with her sunglasses on, while Yoo Junghyuk started swimming laps. On his third set, Kim Dokja reflected that this was actually quite nice. They didn’t really expect him to do anything, they were just happy to… be there, for some reason. It wasn’t that odd, since Kim Dokja felt the same way. It was like being alone, without the pressure of outside eyes or social interaction, but they were doing it together. It almost made the mortifying ordeal of having sunscreen rubbed on his back worth it. He was even starting to regret avoiding them. Maybe they were just teasing him as punishment?
Despite Dokja’s attempts at subtlety, it wasn’t long before the three of them were interrupted. Shin Yoosung, Lee Gilyoung, Yoo Mia, and Lee Jihye all showed up with smiles on their faces. A woman he didn’t recognize but who looked to be in her mid-twenties followed them. Kim Dokja stared at her in confusion, but she gave him a shy little wave. She looked familiar somehow, but it felt odd he couldn’t place her.
“We’ve… never actually properly met,” she said, when they approached the edge of the pool. He felt a buzz along his spine, and felt the bizarre urge to unfurl the wings of his demonic form. “It’s nice to meet you as myself. I’m not sure how much you remember, but my name is Han Daruem.” This was Han Myungoh’s daughter, who had been Asmodeus’ host; and the reason why he hadn’t regressed with everyone in the 1865th turn, instead spending the twenty years in their world-line raising his daughter. This explained why she set Kim Dokja on edge. She was half-demon herself, after all.
“Nice to meet you,” he greeted from the water. After more (exhausting) chatting and pleasantries, Han Sooyung yelled them off so ‘the squid could finish his physical therapy’. Truthfully, Kim Dokja was almost done anyways, but he was thankful for the diversion. He was allowed to quietly observe them while he stretched. The kids could occupy themselves, and quickly begun enjoying their own activities.
They weren’t really kids anymore though. Their bright eyes and childish behavior around him had let him keep thinking of them as such, but Shin Yoosung looked closer to the version of herself from the 41st turn than the little girl he used to know, even if her incarnation body had only been aging for two years since he saw her last. Her eyes were the same, though. Something about the garish color of her bikini irritated him.
When Yoo Junghyuk got out of the water, droplets dripping down his muscular torso as he stretched, the no-longer-kids managed to convince him to grill them some food. Kim Dokja was distracted from the planes of Yoo Junghyuk’s body by the realization that Lee Gilyoung was now taller than Yoo Junghyuk. What the hell had they been feeding him? He was wearing a trendy, sporty swimsuit that was cut at the thighs. Weren’t teenager’s swimsuits too revealing nowadays? Kim Dokja blanched again. What was he now, an old man? His disapproval shouldn’t mean anything.
Yoo Mia might have been the weirdest to see, even though she was wearing a normal one-piece. That is to say, Yoo Mia would be weird for anyone to look at. She had the stature and face of a 14-year old, even if she acted closer to her real age. What was weird was that she was absurdly muscular. The gap between her cute childish face and the body type of an olympic athlete was really too much to comprehend. Kim Dokja went back to swimming, trying to clear his mind of troublesome things.
Jang Hayoung, Jung Heewon, and Lee Hyunsung showed up soon after, and Kim Dokja’s quiet physical therapy quickly turned into an all-out pool party. Kim Dokja was called out for staring when Jang Hayoung took off her shirt, and she snapped her fingers twice in front of his face. Unlike with everyone else, he had, in her defense, been being transparently and incredibly rude in this case. When she visited him in the hospital, she’d been wearing a hoodie. She was raising an eyebrow at him.
“I know I’m hot, but are you for real?” she asked.
“You started hormones?” he responded. She looked surprised, but not unpleasantly so.
“You can tell? Most people assume that I got surgery or used a skill.”
“I was— I have some of the memories of someone who was on E, actually.” He hadn’t talked much about his many lives as fragments of his soul spread across the universe. They didn’t really feel like things that happened to him, and they blended in pretty evenly with the stories he watched as the oldest dream. Most of those memories sat in his subconscious, and only came out when particularly relevant.
“Woah, that’s wild,” Jang Hayoung said. She sat down at the poolside, kicking her feet into the water.
“I’m sorry for being such an idiot,” Kim Dokja said. “I wasn’t trying to be offensive, I just truly had no idea. I said some things that were really insensitive back then. I’m… really sorry.”
“Eh, I was used to it. I hadn’t quite figured out the right language for myself either. And I’ve never been easily offended.”
“Still,” Kim Dokja said. Her lips crinkled into a grin.
“I forgive you. Thank you for apologizing.” The ‘for once’, was left unsaid. She probably found it funny he could apologize for this, but not for his other, objectively more damaging, transgressions.
“Can I ask why you decided on hormones?” Sue him, Kim Dokja was interested.
“Well,” Jang Hayoung said thoughtfully. She stared into his eyes, and Kim Dokja prided himself on meeting them for a few seconds before looking away, embarrassed. She was probably judging what was socially safe to tell him. “I don’t really need to look like a cis woman. Most skills change your features pretty significantly, and I like my face the way it is. Estrogen still changed things a bit, but it’s definitely better than being 15 for the rest of time. Aging would have done that anyways. This feels more natural.” Kim Dokja nodded, glad that he’d passed muster.
“You couldn’t have been sure that skills would last, either, right? By changing things biologically instead of magically, you could be sure it was yours to keep.”
“Yeah, that too.”
It was a really nice conversation, actually. He was never extremely close with Jang Hayoung, so it felt like catching up with someone whose path had simply diverged from his, not like someone he’d abandoned. Even if he had done that, and he’d been remiss in never getting to know her in the first place.
“Hey, does that mean the people who had fragments of your soul were all of different genders and orientations?” Jang Hayoung asked. “What was that like? Do you feel different about things than you did before?” That was… a lot of questions about himself. These ones were easier to answer than the ones about his mental and emotional state, and were exactly the kind of thing Lee Seolhwa wanted him to practice on. He thought for a few moments, while Jang Hayoung waited patiently. “If it’s okay for me to ask,” she added, belatedly.
“It’s… fine. I understand things much better now. Gender isn’t really something I thought much about before.” He thought back to watching Breaking the Sky Sword Saint’s explanations to Junghyuk, which had been left out of Ways of Survival. He didn’t feel comfortable talking about watching that as the Oldest Dream, so he moved on. “In regards to myself it’s… still not something I think about much. I kind of just assumed that everyone accepted the label they were given, and that was it. It’s really weird to realize that most people have a concept of their own gender, even if they still identify with how they were born.” The words came out as he understood them. It wasn’t something he had reflected on until now. Jang Hayoung looked at him curiously.
“Have you heard of the label agender?” Kim Dokja shook his head.
“It’s not something I really care about for myself. I don’t see the point in a label.”
“In the end, it only matters as much as it matters to you. But hey, think on it sometime. Don’t let it just sit in your subconscious.” Kim Dokja nodded, but had no intention to follow through. Jang Hayoung was more mature now, too. She’d grown to be a pretty good communicator.
The two of them were distracted by the all-out water battle beginning at the other side of the pool. It was a good thing Jung Heewon was there, who quickly declared all skill use off-limits when their splash fighting rapidly escalated. Her moral high ground was eliminated by the fact that she had obviously been about to activate Hell Flames Ignition, and that the rule was as much to control herself as the… teenagers? Youths?
“I would have won at that point anyways,” said Lee Jihye.
“And you would have destroyed the pool,” said Han Daruem. “Again.”
“Hey, that was years ago. You were like six,” said Lee Jihye.
“I still remember, though,” Han Daruem said. Biyoo appeared in her humanoid form in a flash of light. She was wearing a swimsuit too, which was a little bit disturbing. She looked like she could be Shin Yoosung’s sister, but she looked a lot more like Kim Dokja than Shin Yoosung. She... really looked like his daughter. It made him feel strange.
He was quickly roped into a game of pool volleyball, and Han Sooyung didn’t defend him this time. Rather, she took the opposing side with a glint in her eyes. Kim Dokja felt fear.
After getting destroyed in pool volleyball(really, how was he supposed to know that Lee Gilyoung was the star of his high school water polo team), Kim Dokja was given little more leniency for his anti-social behavior. Everyone was determined to keep him involved in some way. Han Sooyung and Yoo Junghyuk directed him around and kept them at bay at times, ordering him to help with the food or to bring Han Sooyung a bottled water when he got too overwhelmed. In the latter case, he argued with her to get her own until she guilted him into it. He pettily threw it at her, and she caught it without looking.
It was fun, all things considered. None of it was as quiet and easy as his conversation with Jang Hayoung, but at least no one harassed him for his slightly more frequent than normal bathroom breaks when he needed to go take some deep breaths before returning. He was sure they’d check in on him if he was missing for too long.
He did end up needing to retire earlier than almost everyone else, but he at least waited until Jung Heewon, who needed to wake up for work the next morning, did. He was exhausted. It was a good exhausted, mostly. Though he made some uncomfortable realizations.
He wasn’t that surprised when he realized Han Sooyung was following him.
“What are you, a stalker?”
“Did you only just notice me?” She sounded genuinely surprised.
“I’m tired.” It was the truth. He wanted to rest.
“You’re going to talk to me about it,” she said. She didn’t ask.
“Don’t you already know? Besides, I told you I’m tired.”
“I can guess. Think of it like practice. You’re just a little bit uncomfortable right now, right? Isn’t this easier than talking about the stuff that really matters? And if I let you wait, you’ll decide it doesn’t matter. Then we don’t get any practice.” He looked at her disparagingly. “Hey, I’m good with people now.”
“You mean Junghyuk and I.”
“Nah, with everyone. When I want to be, anyways.”
“Only when you cheat?”
“You’re totally dodging the question.” The two of them came to a communal room in the complex, and he pulled out a chair to sit down with a sigh. He didn’t really want her to know where his current room was, and this was the easiest solution. She sat down with him. Kim Dokja opened his mouth a few times before closing it.
“It’s weird seeing the kids grown up. And I know that… this is ridiculous,” Kim Dokja cut himself off.
“Human feelings are like that. I’m a writer, you know? A character's feelings don’t always make logical sense, but you can still understand them.” Kim Dokja put his head in his hands.
“The kids wearing revealing swimsuits bothers me. I know it shouldn’t! They’re not kids anymore, they’re adults, they should be allowed to do what they want. I’m not some creep either, I know that they should have control of their bodies. But it still bothers me!” Han Sooyung laughed at him.
“You know that’s not that weird, right? A lot of dads feel that way when their kids grow up. Try talking to Han Myungoh about it. It’s not like you’re actually trying to control them, which would be a dick move. It just makes you uncomfortable.”
“I’m not being weird?”
“Kim Dokja. This is, quite possibly, the most normal problem you’ve ever had. That’s why I’m laughing. People have this realization when they’re there the whole time, of course it’ll bother you when it seems this sudden.”
“It’s not like I’m their actual father, except for Biyoo. Even then, I guess…”
“Don’t tell them that.” This got a chuckle from Kim Dokja.
“Maybe I will try talking to Han Myungoh. He raised a polite daughter.”
“Unlike you. Though, I guess you’re one for three? Biyoo is as polite as she should be.” By which Han Sooyung meant that Biyoo was polite to her but not the general public. Which was the opposite of Shin Yoosung.
Kim Dokja laughed. He nodded, making a quiet murmur of assent.
Notes:
Next chapter is going to be a very horny scene, then a quite melancholy one. I hope you enjoy it! Please leave comments if you liked the fic so far :) They make me very happy.
Chapter Text
“That was pretty erotic, huh?” Han Sooyung asked. She’d snuck up on Yoo Junghyuk while he was doing meal prep. He didn’t even look up from the carrots he was slicing. She was sucking on a lemon candy, and the taste mingled nicely with the smells in the air.
“Are you shameless, saying things where anybody could hear?”
“The only person who has Ghost Walk is Lee Jihye, and she’d only be delighted by the information.”
“That doesn’t mean I want her to hear it.”
“Relax, the kids are all at some movie. And they’re bound to find out at some point. I mean, you are in love with him.” The steady chop of Yoo Junghyuk’s knife paused.
“I thought we weren’t talking about that,” Yoo Junghyuk said. The sounds of his knife continued. “And you’re no better, Sooyung.”
“Oi, you’re pulling that on me now?” The corner of Yoo Junghyuk’s mouth quirked up.
Han Sooyung sighed. “He’s really stupid. How do we get him to realize we’re serious? Without scaring him off, I mean.”
“I think we’re pretty close to that already.”
“It doesn’t count if it’s fun. That’s worth it. He’s cute when he’s being teased.” Yoo Junghyuk scraped the carrots into his pot. It looked like a hearty soup.
“You’re direct tonight.” Han Sooyung waved her hand at him.
“I’m always direct, Junghyuk.”
[‘Yoo Junghyuk’ has used ‘Lie Detection Lv. …’.]
[‘Yoo Junghyuk’ has confirmed that the statement is false.]
“Are you shitting me right now?” She couldn’t even react quickly enough to trigger poker face. He just smiled that one sided smirk of his. She wanted to wipe it off his face. Maybe with her face.
She really was feeling direct tonight.
“It… was pretty erotic,” Yoo Junghyuk admitted.
“Thank you! Was that really so difficult?” Yoo Junghyuk let out a long-suffering sigh. “Excellent work with asking if I needed help with my back. That really caught his attention.”
“It wasn’t for him.” Han Sooyung felt a bit of heat come to her cheeks.
“Even better, then,” she said.
She hopped up onto the countertop, half-watching him work as she thought to herself. She waited for him to put the pot on simmer(where it would remain for a few hours), before speaking up.
“Want a piece of candy?” He turned to face her with a furrowed brow.
“Sure,” he said cautiously. She grinned at him, pulling out a piece of candy from its wrapper. Instead of handing it to him, she put it between her teeth. He raised an eyebrow at her, as if asking if this was really the way she wanted this to go. It was, so she raised an eyebrow back. Yoo Junghyuk shook his head slightly at her, but stepped towards her anyway. From her spot on the counter, he had to tilt up his head slightly to get to her mouth.
Their lips met with the taste of lemon. Yoo Junghyuk’s were chapped against her soft ones. He pulled back too quickly. A crunching sound was heard. He turned away with a smile.
“You’re kidding.”
“I’m not making out with you in the kitchen, Sooyung.”
“But you do want to make out with me?” He kept walking, and Han Sooyoung hopped down from the counter. He was walking towards his bedroom. “I liked you having to lean up, though,” she pouted. He turned back over his shoulder to look her in the eyes.
“I’ll have to hold you up then.” She whistled at him.
“You are good. I wasn’t kidding.”
“Just because you’ve written me having-” Yoo Junghyuk cut himself off with a sigh as he opened his bedroom door. “Is that what you want?”
“Do I have to know the answer to that, Junghyuk?”
“What are we doing, Sooyung? What’s our end goal?” he asked. She shut the door behind them. She wondered if Yoo Junghyuk might love her that way, too.
"Haven't we done enough? Don't we deserve to live in the present for once? Stop thinking about the form this will all take. Just be with me. Kim Dokja can catch up when he’s ready. We’ll go insane otherwise." Yoo Junghyuk’s eyes were soft.
“Alright,” he said. Then, he leaned in and kissed her for real. It started with a chaste press of lips, but she quickly licked along his bottom lip and into his mouth. She knew she was a fantastic kisser— she’d been on the receiving end of her own kisses, which also granted her a lot of practice. She just had to remember Yoo Junghyuk liked different things than she did and pay attention to that.
He responded pretty quickly, taking easy charge of the kiss. He found a sensitive spot on the top of her palate, and she let out a soft sound of appreciation. She ran her left hand over his hip, toying with the edge of his shirt, while her right hand spanned across his chest. He let his hands roam slowly and softly, giving her plenty of time to tell him if something was too much for her. It was cute. After letting him explore for a bit, she pulled back.
“Let me lead? You never get that. I’ll make it good for you.” Yoo Junghyuk’s eyes shook.
“Alright.” It was breathless. She smiled at him. This is the way she wanted it.
“Why don’t you sit down? You can lift me up later.” She didn’t tell him to sit on the bed over his chair, but he did so anyways. She hummed at him. “Nice choice.” There was a minute change in his posture at the praise, which Han Sooyung found incredibly endearing. She grinned at him, and took her time stalking over to his bed. His eyes widened slightly. She wanted to eat him.
She wouldn’t be like any of his previous partners. She’d write something new for him, across his skin and heart so he would never forget it. She pushed one knee up onto his bed, throwing the other around his right thigh, and then she was in his lap. She knew her grin was catlike.
“Hello,” she said quietly. She kissed the corner of his mouth before pulling back. His mouth followed hers, and he opened his eyes with a confused look. She gave him a kiss on the temple, then the jaw, then a sharp suck with an edge of teeth to his neck. He moaned at that, surprise evident in the sudden stiffness of his body. He quickly melted as she licked and kissed at the mark in apology, before turning her attention back to his mouth.
She kept her lead in the kiss this time, keeping his head tilted up with one hand on his chin, and kneeling above his prone form to keep him looking up at her. She explored the inside of his mouth leisurely, but with intent, keeping track of every sound and reaction. She pulled back from the kiss, allowing a trail of saliva to connect between them for just long enough for him to see it. His eyes were glassy with pleasure, and even darker than usual. She couldn’t make out the distinction between iris and pupil in the low light coming from the lamp on the desk.
“Good?” She asked. He nodded and leaned in for another kiss. She obliged him.
~~~
Kim Dokja was happy to finally get around to visiting the underworld. Persephone's usual teasing, however, had become a lot more difficult.
“So when are you going to start dating one of them?” Persephone asked. Kim Dokja spit out his drink.
“I’m sorry, I must have misheard you.”
“Oh, my apologies. When are you going to date Han Sooyung or Yoo Junghyuk? Or both of them. Both would be nice.” Kim Dokja’s face was quickly reddening. He was getting tired of this experience.
“I. Hadn’t been planning on it.” He stiffly choked this out.
“Ooh, past tense. Juicy.” Kim Dokja coughed.
“I’m still not.”
“You’ve thought about it though, right?” He hadn’t. But now he was going to.
“No.”
“Oh, there can’t be anyone else. Unless you’re completely uninterested in those things?”
“No.”
“That’s good. I wouldn’t have bothered you about it, but I want a son or daughter in law someday! Or both. I’m glad you’re your mother’s son.”
“Sorry?”
Persephone made a ‘tch’ sound.
“I can’t help that they don’t like me like—” Kim Dokja can’t finish his sentence. His face must have been hopelessly flushed. He felt a fluttering heat in his stomach.
“You’re rather cute like this. You really must have been cut off from your emotions, getting flustered so easily.”
Kim Dokja just nodded. He went back to his meal.
“They think so, too.” Persephone smiles at him. He almost choked.
“Yoo Junghyuk. Does not find me cute.” Kim Dokja barely gritted this out.
“I would bet my throne for it.” Was she for real?
“I don’t want that?” His voice didn’t shake for once. Persephone laughed.
“No, you don’t. You’re so delightfully expressive now. I love watching you come back into yourself again.” Something about that statement struck to Kim Dokja’s core.
“I don’t… know if I ever was.” The statement came out unbidden. “Myself.”
“Would you like to talk about that?” He doesn’t. There’s so much he couldn’t bring himself to say.
“I. I tried.” Kim Dokja’s voice choked up. Why was this so hard? He was talking to the Queen of the Underworld. She should be used to death. But it seemed like the only people who will ever know this fact would be those who read his story themselves. He didn’t want anyone to pity the 15 year old who jumped out a window when they look at him, anyways. And so, instead of talking about his suicide attempt, Kim Dokja moved on.
“All I ever had was Ways of Survival. I couldn’t deal with being a real person.”
“And yet, you are one. Despite your attempts.”
“I. Yeah. I am.” Persephone hugged him. “I am.”
Notes:
I hope you guys like this one!!! There are a few lines of dialogue I'm very proud of. Thank you to all my lovely commenters :)
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