Work Text:
Nick:
hey Char
you have band practice tonight right?
meeting the new guy?
Charlie:
hey Babe
yep the new bass player that Trix wants us to try out
they met at a music festival last weekend I guess Trix couldn’t really tell us much about him other than that he plays bass and he’s queer
not exactly looking forward to it TBH
Nick:
oh Darling
wots up?
Charlie:
nothing Just tired from work
Nick:
…
do you promise that’s all?
you know I can’t support you if I don’t know what’s going on
who do I need to intimidate?
Charlie:
as if
ur such a golden retriever
Nick:
Oi!
I thought you liked my golden retriever energy
Charlie:
Oh I do
It’s on my top ten list of favorite things about my boyfriend
Right up there with your rugby arms and your lop-sided smile
Nick:
😍💪🏼😊🐶❤️
Charlie:
It’s really no big deal it's just this new author I got assigned
He seems determined to misinterpret every suggestion I make
And to think manuscript deadlines are negotiable
Because “you won’t actually need to make any changes once you see how brilliant it is so that will save loads of time”
I’m worried I’m gonna get eye strain from the effort to not roll my eyes haha
🙄
Nick:
Oh Char!
Sounds like you need some Daisy cuddles tonight
Charlie:
I’d rather have some Nick Nelson cuddles tonight
But… I have band practice
Hence the mood
Nick:
I ’d rather have your cuddles too
And kisses
👀😚
Charlie:
Hmm… I think that can be arranged
Nick: I will look forward to it
Chalie:
So is that why you texted?
To get me even more frustrated about having to go to band practice tonight?
Nick:
No actually I wanted to see if you could ask Issac to stop by and give Daisy some love tonight?
I can feed her and take her out after school
But since you won’t be home until later I thought I would finally go to the pub after rugby practice
The guys have been bugging me to come out since the season started up again
Charlie:
Sure that’s a good idea
I’m sure Issac won’t mind doing his reading on our couch tonight instead of his
And you SHOULD go out with your teammates
Just don’t get drunk I want you fully alert to de-stress me when you get home… 😜
Nick:
I like how you’re thinking
I’ll stick to just a drink or two
Ciders so I won’t have bitter beer breath.
Charlie:
See… this is why I love you.
Nick:
That and my rugby arms
Charlie:
And the golden retriever energy.
❤️
Nick:
❤️❤️❤️
* * *
CHARLIE
The practice is going… fine.
Tyson is clearly talented. He has solid musicianship and never pushes or drags the tempo (which is Charlie’s pet peeve when working with other musicians). He had even learned all four of the band’s original songs, in just the week since Trix sent them to him, AND added a complementing bass line. Charlie cannot deny that it adds depth to their sound and genuinely makes the songs better.
Charlie should be excited about the prospect of how this new member could elevate the band. He’s not really sure why he’s NOT excited. Maybe it’s the way Tyson had slid his fingers down Charlie’s when he released their introductory handshake, a move that felt inappropriately intimate. Or the way he keeps making intense eye contact with Charlie whenever Charlie taps out the beat for a new song. It sends a shiver down Charlie’s spine, and not in a good way.
But maybe Charlie is just letting his bad mood color his perceptions and he needs to give Tyson a chance. Trix did mention that he was really excited about the prospect of joining an all queer band because his last band had been decidedly not that. Maybe Tyson is just reveling in feeling free to let his gay flag fly. Charlie has certainly met guys like that before. Guys that flirt with other gays just as a social style, not meaning anything by it.
And … maybe Charlie’s blood sugar is low because he was rushed after getting out of work late and he didn’t eat enough before they met up so he’s just being hangry.
As the last chords of the current song fade he sets down his sticks. “Guys, can we take 15? I didn’t get a proper dinner before coming so I need to stop for a snack.”
Sahar and Trix immediately nod and move to grab their own water bottles before slumping onto the faded couch that sits against the far wall of the basement studio space that Sahar was lucky enough to get with her ground floor flat. Charlie’s eating disorder has been so much better the last several years, but Sahar has been around since before his hospitalization in year 11, so she knows just how important it is for him to stick with his eating plan, and Trix was brought up to speed about Charlie’s eating disorder when they started playing together regularly. Both women are quietly supportive, always checking in with him when they have gigs that might conflict with his normal eating schedule and keeping their own bags stocked with some of his safe foods.
“I’ve got granola bars and popcorn in my bag, Charlie. Would you like some?” Trix offers, and then turns the question to the others when Charlie shakes his head and pulls a bag of fruit & nut trail mix from his satchel. Charlie seats himself on a chair near the sofa, popping a handful of trail mix into his mouth and chewing slowly, letting the crunch of the nuts release some of the tension in his jaw. Tyson flips another chair around backwards and straddles it, angling his body and his eye-line directly at Charlie and smiling in a way that sets Charlie on edge again. He is suddenly self-conscious about the way his mouth moves when he chews and he wishes Tyson would look somewhere else other than his mouth. Charlie darts his eyes over to Sahar and she nods imperceptibly, knowing he needs a conversation to divert attention.
She turns to Tyson with a bright smile. “So, Trix said you weren’t really happy with your last band? What was the issue?”
Tyson takes just a fraction too long to redirect his gaze from Charlie’s face to Sahar’s, but responds without any hesitancy. “Yeah. The band weren’t bad guys or anything, and I loved the chance to perform, but the whole vibe was just so straight if you know what I mean?” His eyes dart back toward Charlie with a quirked eyebrow. “Like none of them were my type or anything, so it’s not like I was looking to hook-up with anyone in the band, but the image was just super hetero… so, like, that went for the fans too. Plenty of girls buying us drinks after shows, but no one for me.” Tyson pouts dramatically and throws another glance in Charlie’s direction.
Charlie makes a noncommittal noise and looks down at the snack bag in his hand, making a show of looking for something in particular to pick out of the mix.
“So, what’s the story with Queer Street, then?” Tyson continues, “Do you lot have groupies?”
Charlie’s eyes flick to Sahar’s again and he sees his own discomfort mirrored there, but Trix lets out a raucous chuckle. “I mean, I may have been known to go home with a fan once or twice. Being pan gives me lots of options,” she smirks and wiggles her eyebrows playfully. “I’m not sure how I feel about having competition for the pretty boys, though.”
“Oh?” Tyson’s eyes track back to Charlie again like magnets. “I thought you were gay?” The question is almost accusatory. There’s a beat before he belatedly glances at Sahar, “and you were bi?”
Sahar huffs subtly before replying “I am bi, and I’m also demi. Hook-up culture has never been my thing.”
“oh. Sure, cool,” Tyson shrugs disinterestedly before turning back to Charlie, who is determinedly keeping his eyes fixed on the snack he now has no interest in eating.
“And Charlie boy, there, is basically married to his teenaged sweetheart,” Trix’s teasing voice answers Tyson’s implied question. “So, very gay, but also very unavailable.”
“Wow! Teenage sweetheart, huh?” Tyson’s posture shifts back in his chair, his hands now dangling casually over the chair back as he leans his body away from Charlie. His glance shifts from challenging to speculative. “What, did you two have some passionate reunion after uni, or something? Realized no one could ever compete with your first love?” He is clearly aiming for teasing, but it doesn’t land. It comes off as more scornful than anything else.
Charlie takes a breath to center himself and raises his eyes. The flirting had made him uncomfortable, but the implied derision of his relationship with Nick makes him mad.
“I mean, yeah. I know no one could ever compete with him, but I’ve known that since I was 14. No post-uni reunion necessary since we’ve been together since grammar school.”
“Seriously?” Tyson shifts forward again and now seems genuinely flabbergasted. “What, did you go to uni together or something? Wait, did he follow you to the same school?” A smirk pulls at his Tyson’s lips. “That’s devotion, I guess, although I would personally find it a little needy if someone was that much of a puppy dog.”
The puppy dog comment drives the color up in Charlie’s cheeks. Charlie might tease Nick about being a golden retriever, but he is not OK with some random guy who has never even met Nick making fun of him. “No. We went to different universities. And besides, he was a year ahead of me anyway, so it would have been me following him. But we didn’t like the same schools, so I didn’t. We saw each other on breaks and weekends when we could and had our own uni experiences, but stayed strong as a couple. We made it work.” Charlie snaps his mouth shut. Why is he defending himself to this guy? He doesn’t need bloody Tyson to approve of his relationship with the most amazing man in the universe.
“Shit! You’re telling me you went all through university, living in a different city from your boyfriend, and you… stayed together the whole time? Like, no breaks or anything?!
“Yep.” Charlie pops the “p” passive-aggressively. He’s back to glaring at his mostly-full bag of trail mix.
“And you never… like… you’re not seriously telling me you never had any drunken hook-ups at a party or anything? Like, that’s a fundamental university experience. Do they even let you graduate without that?” Tyson turns his skeptical gaze back to the couch as though looking for support, only to be met with an icy glare from Sahar and an uncomfortable squirm from Trix, who has finally cottoned on to the boundaries this conversation is violating.
“I can assure you that university administrations are actually quite happy to matriculate students who don’t make stupid sexual decisions under the influence of alcohol,” Sahar shoots at Tyson, her normally smooth voice more clipped than Charlie has ever heard it. He takes a breath and feels his shoulders drop just slightly. It helps to have an ally.
“Oh, sure… of course. I was just taking the piss.” Tyson is back-pedalling now, suddenly aware that he might not be making the best impression on his prospective bandmates. Charlie’s shoulders drop a bit more. Maybe they can finally move on from this ridiculously invasive interrogation. He chances a cautious glance at Tyson only to find him examining Charlie with a new expression. Less thirsty now, more incredulous.
“I’m sorry, but… I’m just really struggling to wrap my head around this. Like… you’re in your mid-20s and you’ve only ever had one partner your whole life?”
Charlie rolls his eyes, but decides Tyson isn’t going to drop this so he might as well just get it over with. “I mean, there was one boy I would meet up with and kiss for a few months before I met Nick, but he was a closeted arsehole who treated me like shit, so I’m glad it never went any further than that. Then I met Nick, and he is just the most amazing person in the world, so he was it for me.”
Tyson still does not look convinced. “And you’ve never, like… wondered what it would be like to be with someone else? I mean… doesn’t the sex get a bit… boring?”
Trix’s snort draws all eyes to her. “I doubt it!” She smirks at Charlie, who rolls his eyes, knowing what is coming next. “Not only is Charlie’s boyfriend an absolute SNACK, but he is also so in love with Charlie it’s practically worship. Like… I am perfectly happy with my current life of sexual exploration, but I gotta say… if I ever met someone who looked at me the way that Nick looks at Charlie, I would settle down that day! No one who is THAT excited to please their partner could ever get boring.” She angles an expertly cocked eyebrow at Charlie and winks. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
Charlie has not been enjoying this conversation up to this point, but at the wink he snickers. “Yeah. No. You’re definitely not wrong.”
Trix throws her arms up with something like a victory whoop and Sahar smacks her affectionately but giggles at Charlie and he finds himself grinning back.
“Do tell, Charles…” she teases.
“Absolutely not!” Charlie shoots back in mock offense.
“Awww! Come on, Charlie…” Trix joins in. “You’re the only one of us who is currently gettin’ some on the regular. Let us live vicariously through you.”
“Nope!” Charlie responds with an emphatic shake of his head. “My sex life is no one’s business but mine and Nick’s.” He shoots a pointed look at Tyson, who has the good grace to look abashed. “All I will say is that I have zero regrets. I met my soulmate when I was 14. As far as I’m concerned, I am the luckiest man in the world.” And with that, he tosses another handful of trail mix in his mouth with a satisfied smile.
* * *
NICK
Nick hears an outburst of laughter from the corner booth as he heads back from the bar with his second cider, and he grins even though he hasn’t heard the joke.
This was a good idea. He had forgotten how much fun it can be just to kick back with the rugby lads. Running around and knocking each other over on the pitch is a great release, but it doesn’t provide much chance to catch-up on each other’s lives. He is quite enjoying hearing about office scandals and flat-sharing shenanigans, and it’s good to actually have a chance to get to know the couple of new players on the team this season.
As Nick rejoins the group it is one of those new players, Brent, who is apparently the center of the most recent hilarity. “Come on,” he is protesting. “I can’t be the only one who has crashed and burned when I tried to punch a bit above my level on a club night.”
“Sounds like I missed some good dirt,” Nick chuckles as he settles back into his vacated seat.
“Yeah, no, you can stay in the dark, mate,” Brent responds. “I don’t need to share my humiliation with a bloke who has probably never failed to pull even once in his life!”
“Wot?” Nick laughs in confusion for a second before realizing that Charlie hasn’t made it to any games yet this season, so Brent wouldn’t know about Nick’s relationship status.
He is about to clarify his situation when Brent continues. “I mean, look at you. You are basically built like a Greek God, you’ve got a million-dollar smile and puppy dog eyes, and you’re a fucking primary school teacher, right? The ladies must eat that up!”
“Uhhh,” Nick feels a bit wrong-footed by the extravagant compliments mingled with heteronormative assumptions. While he’s floundering for a response, Otis jumps in. Thank God for old friends who can read him like a book.
“Nah, mate. Nick’s not on the market. He’s been head-over-heels in love since year eleven. They’re like total end game.” Otis smiles with a head nod at Nick before turning to Brent with a mischievous gleam in his eye. “Not that no one’s ever tried to pull Nick on a club night. Those stories are fucking hilarious. Nick’s way too nice for his own good and can never tell when someone’s flirting with him until they try to take him home. Then he gets all flustered and apologetic and fumbles his phone trying to show them pictures of him and Charlie to explain that he’s not available. It’s beyond embarrassing. Nick makes your flame-out look like the king of cool.”
Nick laughs sheepishly along with the group. He would try to defend himself, but he knows it’s true. Charlie teases him about it every time someone tries to pick him up and he doesn’t notice until it is awkwardly obvious.
Brent laughs too, leaning across the table toward Nick and holding out his hand, “Well, now I need to see pictures of this Charlie-angel. She must be a pretty special woman to have had Nelson whipped since grammar school.”
Nick’s smile freezes for just a second. He’s not in the closet in any area of his life anymore, and he would never go back even if he could, but it never gets exactly easy to come out to new people, especially in a context like rugby, where you never know if homophobes are going to assume they are in a friendly environment to air their prejudices. “Ah, no. Not a woman. Charlie is my boyfriend,” Nick emphasizes the last word carefully, holding up his phone to display his lock screen without handing the phone over. The screen features Charlie mid-laugh, his adorable dimples on display and one shiny, dark ringlet falling across his crinkled eyes, just a hint of deep grey-blue visible through the curl. It’s Nick’s absolute favorite picture of Charlie. He glances down and can’t help but smile dopily at the image, even in the midst of his trepidation about how his revelation will be received.
He looks up again with guarded hope at Brent’s next words. “Oh, shit! My bad man. I didn’t realize you were gay, but I shouldn’t have assumed. My twin brother will rinse me for it when I tell him."
"He’s gay,” Brent clarifies, “and he’s always telling me my gaydar is crap despite sharing a uterus with him for 8 and half months.”
This earns laughs and a few murmured barbs from the guys around the table who have clearly dropped their other conversations to listen in on this unfolding drama.
“Yeah,” Nick huffs good-naturedly, pocketing his phone again as he feels the tension release from his shoulders. “No worries, mate. A lot of people assume.” Nick purposely avoids making eye contact with the two other new players on the team this season, not wanting to know if they had assumed as well, or – worse – were bothered by the revelation. “I’m not actually gay, though,” he continues, looking back at Brent. “I’m bi.”
“You’re bisexual?” Brent asks, and head tilts and his eyebrows draw together slightly. “How does that work if you’ve been with Charlie since year 11?”
“What do you mean, how does it work?” Nick feels his posture stiffening again. The table is now silent.
“I mean, did you, like, have a girlfriend before Charlie? Or, like… Otis made is sound like you two are exclusive.” Brent glances at Otis, as though seeking confirmation, but Otis’ eyes are locked on Nick, concerned.
“We are very much exclusive,” Nick growls. “And no, I didn’t ever date anyone before Charlie. I had one underwhelming kiss at a year 8 dance with a girl who’s now one of my best friends…”
“And a lesbian,” Otis chimes in, perhaps trying to lighten the mood. Plus, he never gets tired of teasing Nick about how he turned Tara gay.
“… But,” Nick continues with a mild glare at Otis before turning his narrowed eyes back toward Brent, “that’s irrelevant to my sexuality. I would know I was bi even if I’d never kissed Tara. I can be attracted with women without sleeping with them. My sexuality is about my identity, not who I’ve dated.”
“Oh, sure,” Brent stumbles over his words. “I didn’t mean to, like, offend you or anything. I just… I don’t really get it.” He leans forward, earnestness stamped on his features. “Like, how do you know you’re attracted to women if you’ve never been with one? Like, it’s a pretty different experience from what my brother’s told me. How do you know which one you prefer if you haven’t, like… tried?”
Nick closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “That’s not how it works, Brent. Try turning it around. Did you ever wonder how you know your straight if you’ve only ever slept with women?”
“No.... I mean. Shit. I’m fucking this up. I’m not trying to be an arsehole. It’s just,” Brent slumps back in the booth, dropping his head. “I guess… I’ve got some history that makes me suspicious. Or, like, Gavin – my brother - has some history.”
Nick raises his eyebrows to indicate he’s listening, but his posture does not relax.
“So…” Brent takes a breath and looks back at Nick, contrition and pain warring behind his eyes. “Gavin dated this guy for a while who was bi and Gavin fell really hard for him. Like, moving in with him, couples Christmas card, talking about getting a dog together, the whole deal. Then, one day, Gavin gets home a day early from a business trip and finds the wanker in their bed with a woman.”
A murmur goes around the table. Nick hears some mumbles of “that’s fucked up!” and “what a bastard.” But Brent’s eyes stay focused on Nick’s.
“The prick told Gavin that he shouldn’t have been so shocked. That Gavin knew he liked women too and that meant he had some ‘needs,’” here Brent’s lips twist in disgust, “that Gavin couldn’t meet, but that didn’t mean he didn’t still love Gavin. Gavin packed a bag that day and left, but even though he knew it was a bullshit excuse, it really messed him up.”
Nick was silent for a moment, then nodded his head. “I get how that would be traumatizing for you, as well as your brother, Brent. I know a thing or two about what it’s like to watch someone screw around with a person you care about. But Gavin’s ex cheated on him because he’s a douchebag. Not because he’s bi.”
“Right!” Brent holds up his hands as though to show he’s not holding any weapons. “I get that. And it was really shitty of me to make any assumptions, or, like, equate bisexuality with the desire for both kinds of sexual experiences. I’m sorry, mate. I don’t get fuckboy vibes from you. And, besides, it sounds like what you and Charlie have is really special.”
Nick sits back and nods his acknowledgement of the apology. “Yeah. It is.”
“But… have you never been tempted at all to try being with a woman?” another one of the new guys pipes up, before getting smacked by the lads on either side of him, while a third huffs, “For fuck’s sake! Not you too?!” Nick feels a gratifying warmth settle in his chest. He may be the only queer player on their team, but his teammates have his back.
“I just mean,” the guy mumbles, shrinking back into his seat, “aren’t you even a little curious about what your missing? Otis said you get hit on pretty regularly. It’s not like you’ve never had the chance...”
Nick sneaks another peak at his lock screen and smiles, before raising his head. “All I will say is that I have zero regrets. I met my soulmate when I was 16. As far as I’m concerned, I am the luckiest man in the world.”
* * *
When Nick lets himself in the front door of their flat, the first thing he hears are Daisy’s claws scrabbling on the hardwood floors, followed by Charlie’s light chuckle. He offers the puppy a quick pat when she barrels into his legs, but then wraps himself around Charlie as the younger man follows Daisy into the hall. Without a word, Nick nestles his face into the crook between Charlie’s neck and shoulder and sighs deeply.
“Hey, you,” Charlie breathes into his ear, wrapping his arms snuggly around Nick’s waist while Nick grunts a quiet “Hey.” After thirty seconds Charlie goes to pull away, but Nick mumbles something incoherent and snuggles closer.
“I thought you promised you weren’t going to get drunk tonight,” Charlie accuses with a huff.
“Not drunk,” Nick responds, “just recharging.”
Charlie’s expression shifts and he leans just his head back to look Nick in the eyes, concern etched into the dip of his dark brows. “You, ok?”
Nick shrugs and twists his lips into a grimace, unwinding his arms from around Charlie’s shoulders to interlace their fingers and pull Charlie into their small living room. He collapses onto the couch, pulling Charlie onto his lap and burrowing his face into the crook of Charlies neck again. “It’s just… biphobia sucks.”
“Oh, Babe! What happened?” Charlie’s fingers come up to wind into Nick’s soft, strawberry blond hair and gently scratch at his scalp.
Nick’s whine shifts to a pleased hum, then he sighs and opens his eyes. “There are a few new lads on the team this year and since you had never come up in passing conversation, they didn’t know about our relationship. I sort of ended up coming out to them tonight and telling them how we’ve been together since grammar school. None of them were like, homophobic or anything, but I got some really inappropriate questions about our relationship, and – sort of – the implication that I would cheat since I’m attracted to women too, and… yeah. Not quite the relaxing pub chat I was hoping for.”
“Ugh! I hate that bi-stereotype. It’s just prejudice. People cheat because they are arseholes, not because of their sexuality!”
“That’s what I said! And then this other new bloke basically suggested that I should try sex with women before I decide I am happy with you. As if the parts would somehow trump the person!”
Charlie smirks wickedly through his eyelashes at Nick. “Clearly, he hasn’t heard the way I make you moan.”
Nick’s cheeks redden and his voice is at least an octave too high when he squeaks back, “I should hope not!”
Charlie giggles, always delighted to get a rise out of his boyfriend, but then his expression shifts to something more pensive. “You know, it’s weird. I kind of had a similar conversation tonight too.”
“Huh?” Nick queries, “Someone at your queer band rehearsal suggested you should try sleeping with women to confirm that you’re gay?”
“No! Eww!” Charlie shudders dramatically. “No, the new bass player just thought it was weird that I’ve never slept with another man. That, like, I couldn’t know what I was missing out on, or whether you are good in bed, because I have no basis of comparison.”
Nick’s question in response comes out as a growl. “Was he volunteering?”
“No, Love! You have nothing to worry about,” Charlie soothes. “Or, at least… I guess he probably was flirting with me a bit at first, and it was kind of uncomfortable….” Charlie feels Nick’s posture stiffen and hurries to reassure him, “and not at all tempting, but as soon as he heard I was in a committed relationship he backed off! It was more than he was like, confused? Like he couldn’t imagine that having only one partner your whole life would be something anyone would be happy with.”
“Right?! That was the vibe I was getting too. And the biphobia was just a really fucked-up way of expressing it. Like, how could I possibly be happy with our sex life because I’ve never known anything different. It’s so ridiculous!”
"I know!” Charlie exclaims, and Nick feels a little thrill at the assurance in Charlie’s voice. He knows there had been a time when questions about his own adequacy as a lover might have gotten into Charlie’s head. “I personally think it’s amazing,” Charlie continues. “I LOVE not having any comparisons. I never have to worry about measuring up to some phantom of your past; and I know that if I want to try something new you won’t be secretly wondering who had done that with me before.”
“Hmm,” Nick murmurs, his face buried in Charlie’s neck again but this time his lips are nipping at the delicate skin there. “I LOVE when you want to try new things.” This earns him one of Charlie’s delicious giggles, but then Nick pulls back to connect their eyes. “I also love that everything has been a new thing at some point in our relationship.” His eyes shine with sincerity and Charlie simply nods, mutual love and understanding shining in both dark blue depths and honey-flecked brown. “I love that we have gotten to discover everything together. That we have been awkward together, and passionate, and everything in between. I love that you know my body as well as I do, and that I have gotten to learn right along with you every kind of touch you like. I think that’s what intimacy should be. Really knowing each other, not just getting off with each other. I honestly cannot imagine EVER wanting to be with anyone else. You are my everything, Charlie.”
“And you are mine.” Charlie’s whisper is almost like a prayer, and they hold each other for a long moment, foreheads pressed together and eyes locked in a conversation that needs no words because it connects their souls. Then, a cheeky glint sparks in blue eyes, and a dimple pops with a smirking smile. “So… what do you say we have some of this world-altering sex that the idiots we talked to tonight can never possibly appreciate because they don’t know the pure heaven of having their soul mate learn them inside and out?”
In answer, Nick tweaks an eyebrow before scooping Charlie up, bridal style, and carrying him to their bedroom as Charlie’s giggle floats down the hall behind them.