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A Mix of Issues

Summary:

An owner of a Terran bar loses what she owns and drunkenly stumbles into the vines of an Owner of an Affini one.

Chapter 1: Scotch on the Rocks

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Give me the nastiest, highest proof alcohol you have, bartender!”

Allie had finally had enough of everything going on. It was quite recent when the Affini Compact came to her home planet and took over…literally everything. And once they did, everything changed. There was no more money, and they could literally just provide anything you wanted. Nothing was impossible, except maybe getting away from the Compact. And despite all the amazing changes, Allie could not acclimate to the new environment. She still instinctively wore her respirator everywhere despite the planet’s new atmosphere being incredibly safe to breathe. It just would not sink in for her, no matter how many Terrans or Affini or whatever told her that she was ok now.

She had wandered into a random bar from off the street. Despite everything, bars were still prevalent and numerous enough to be able to go bar hopping for an entire night. This was her…sixth or seventh bar? She couldn’t clearly remember. This one was called the Lifted Spirits, which was apparently a new hole-in-the-wall since the Compact had taken over. Not like she cared, she just wanted to get plastered and forget most of, if not all of, tonight.

The bar itself was cozy. Soft yellow lights hung from the ceiling, bathing the interior in a comforting glow. Stools of various heights were uniformly placed along the bar and tables, most likely for Affini and Terran alike. Along one of the walls there were hundreds of different types of spirits, liqueurs, and other beverages, many of which Allie did not recognize. Whether that was from the booze or that they were from offworld, she couldn’t say. The rest of the walls were decorated in false stone, giving them a rough but natural appearance. Vines grew up along the stones and across the ceiling before wrapping down around the lights. It gave the place an aged, but homely feel. All in all, it reminded her of the type of bar she wanted to own.

The thing that stood out the most compared to the rest of the bars she visited was the fact that the bartender was an Affini. They were dressed in an old fashioned bartender outfit. A bright, freshly pressed white shirt covered their torso, with their sleeves rolled to show their…wrists. A light grey vest was layered on top of that, buttoned around their waist and slightly tucked into their pure black dress pants. Another vest, this one black, lay on top of that, opened and unbuttoned. The buttons caught Allie’s eyes as they glinted in the soft light, seemingly being made of pure gold. Around their neck was a black and gold striped bow tie, neatly made with a complicated knot holding it together. They were immaculately dressed, and also the first Affini Allie had ever seen wearing clothes.

The physical planty parts of the bartender were even more interesting. Their vines were olive green, despite seemingly having no fruits similar to olives as a part of their body. Vines bundled around four orbs, functioning as eyes, to make a very androgynous face. The eyes themselves were a dark royal blue, working in contrast with the yellows and oranges that filled the surroundings. The top of their head featured a slicked back hair style, the greys and golds of grains creating rows upon rows of delicate hair-like features. Only a single hair fell out of place, leaning forward in front of their face, golden grains blossoming at its end.  Allie’s eyes traced down to their hands, seemingly much more intricate compared to the rest of their body, painstakingly modeled to be able to perform any terran motion with exact precision. The tips of their fingers were the same golden brown as the hair and grain.

The Affini froze and cocked their head at Allie’s request. “Could you…could you repeat that for me dear? I don’t think I heard you right.”

Allie drunkenly scanned the Affini over yet again, her eyes landing on an accessory she missed before. A golden name tag laid upon the breast of the black vest, simply reading ‘Scotch Holiss, Fifth Bloom.’ “I want like…the nastiest shit you have…Everclear! Give me like…a litre of Everclear.”

The Affini looked down with what seemed like concern or pity in their eyes. “Ok Miss. But that’s all you’re getting.” A glass and bottle were placed in front of Allie, the clear odorless alcohol refracting the lights in the bar

“Thaaaank you kindly you weird plant person!” Allie cracked open the bottle and chugged about a quarter of the handle. It went down flavourless and didn’t burn at all, something a sober Allie would most likely have worried about. “You know I've had a hell of a day Scott. Just the fucking worst .”

“Is that so? Do you need someone to lend you an ear of corn?” Scotch, ignoring her misnaming and chuckling at their own joke, put down the glass they were cleaning and leaned over the bar in front of her. “I have all night to listen, and you seem in pretty rough shape.”

“Weeeelllll you see…it’s all this starsdamned war’s fault! With all you planty folk coming in and taking over all these colonies, people were too far up their own asses to realize that we lost the minute you even found us. I didn’t care! I just wanted to run a bar! I loved it. Lotta navy folk came in before y'all took over the place. And I, being the ever adapting bar owner, let you and your florets come in. I’m nice! Most of you are people! But then word got around that I was ‘engaging in unpatriotic acts’ and ‘servicing the xenoweeds, in more ways than one.’ Bullshit! It’s been a fucking month! You all have literally given us everything we could ever want. I don’t even have a peanut allergy anymore! I’ve been eating the shit out of peanut butter, it’s great!” Allie stopped to take another deep swig of alcohol, finishing up half the bottle. “Aaaaaanyways some rebels had issues with this. I’ve been threatened before, it’s no biggy. I’m a big girl and I can handle myself. What pisses me off is that they destroyed my property! Fuckers came in with fire and guns and bats and shit, destroyed the place. Wrote like…’plantfucker’ and ‘traitor’ and ‘scumsucker,’ all that sorta crap. I had heirlooms there. Heirlooms! Had this beautiful handmade shaker kit, my grandfather’s. It was like…a hundred years old. And now it’s gone. All of my life’s work, now up in smoke. And THAT was my morning.” She almost finished off the bottle, slamming it back down on the counter. “So how was your day Scotty?”

“...By the Everbloom, that’s horrendous! Are you hurt? Have you alerted anyone else about what happened? We can make sure those rebels are brought in and taken care of.” Their vines curled with anxiety as they watched the Terran eye the nearly empty bottle with disappointment.

“Aww booooo it’s almost gone! Y’see, I’m fiiiiiiineeee. And I don’t give a fuck about all that bullshit anyways. Cause Scotty, I got something they don’t have. It’s a little something called self respect! I don’t need any sort of ideology or system or pride to be happy. Cause I know who-” she stopped, taking a second to burp, the lingering taste of the sambuca she had earlier coming back up, “I know who makes me happy, and that’s me.” She jabbed her thumb into her chest, laughing about what she was saying. “Ohhh right! I know you but you don’t know me! Allison Lee, fucking uhhh, she/her. Call me Allie. I’m the owner- I WAS the owner of the Main Deck. All the other bars know about what happened so I would be surprised if your Compact didn’t know.”

“Oh dear Allie, we can’t have you like this. I’m going to put out a favor to a friend about these rebels. You finish up the last of your water there and we can talk more after ok?” The Affini backed away from the bar, pulling out a tablet to start typing away on.

“HAH! Dumb plant! I’m drinking Everclear, not water!” She proceeded to swallow the rest of the bottle that was most definitely Everclear. “Delicious! And I, I need to puke. Where’s your bathroom Scotty?”

With a loud sigh the Affini walked around the bar, using a stray vine to flip the sign and lock the door. “Let me carry you to the washroom, Allie. Then we are going to make sure you get some rest. Here, in my hab.” Without even waiting for permission, the bartender scooped up the Terran and started to haul her to the bathroom.

“H-Hey! Shouldn’t you at least buy me a drink first!” Allie laughed at her own joke, feeling the bile rise up in her stomach. “Ugghhh…I think imma make a mess.”

“Petal, you know we don’t pay for anything anymore.”

Allie stared down at the ground as she was being carried. She had had a shit day with most of the other folk she talked to being either ambivalent or pitiful, getting her as many drinks as she wanted without really addressing the underlying problem. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes. “Oh please not now..” She could feel her cheeks getting wet with tears that had started rolling down her face, dripping off her chin and onto the tiled floor beneath her. This random plant was showing her a lot of kindness when they didn’t need to! And when she had been obnoxious the whole time she was here!

She, luckily, didn’t have too much time to think about her situation as she threw up the contents of her stomach, a well placed toilet bowl directly in front of her face as the bartender held her hair back. She continued to sob and vomit for the next few minutes, until she was set down on the cold floor.

Her hand was gently nudged, bringing her attention away from the eventful time she was having to a vines hand hold a glass of bubbly brown liquid.

“Here, it’s ginger ale, drink up.” The affini’s voice was stern, but a lot of care was placed behind the words as they forced the beverage into her hands.

She mumbled “Thanks Scotty…” before gently sipping the drink. It immediately made her feel extraordinarily better, surprising even her. “This is some good stuff…”

“Mhm, should stop the hangover as well. Let’s get you some nightclothes and tuck you into bed, yeah?” Scotch picked up the girl from the ground. “Do you feel good enough to walk?”

“Yeah…I should be ok. Just let me dress myself, ‘kay?”

“Of course, let’s get going then.”

Allie leaned on the vines of the benevolent bartender as they brought her back to a comfortable and safe place to sleep, easily falling asleep once she fell into the soft cozy bed.

Notes:

The Beeple's Knees

2oz (60 mL) Gin
3/4oz (22 mL) Lemon Juice
3/4oz (22mL) Honey Syrup [1:1 water and honey mixed together]

Add to a shaker tin with ice, shake for 8-10 seconds, strain into a cocktail glass.

This drink is, of course, named after our little evolutionary partners, who we have been mingling withfor millenia. Please do not use beeple honey when making this cocktail.

-Scotch

Terran Cocktail History:

The cocktail this drink borrows its name and exact ingredients from is a Terran prohibition era cocktail called The Bee’s Knees. Cute right? Back then, calling something “the bee's knees” meant it was the best, or something special. And when you give this drink a slang name that riffs on the ingredients, you really do have something special! The honey gives it a lovely floral sweetness, the tartness and acid of the lemon balances the honey out, and the gin is the fun part. Oh and you get some of the botanicals of the gin too. Give it a taste at home if you can, but make sure to use some really nice honey. None of that compiled stuff.

-Allie

P.S. Seriously, do not use beeple honey. If you think that's a good idea, well, that's on you.