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Abed was humming Daybreak as he grabbed his messenger bag and clicked open the door, "Bye Annie bye Troy!"
He heard a, "Bye Abed!" and a second "Bye Abed!" and shut the door behind him. He was off to moviegoers night! It was the fourth of July and he'd been invited to a screening of the original Star Wars Trilogy! Usually these things happened in May, but no one was available on May 4th. Instead, everyone was available on July 4th! So instead of celebrating patriotism and devotion to their backwards country, the nerds had decided to celebrate their devotion to Star Wars. He'd invited Troy, but Troy got super weird when he mentioned Pavel was going to be there and ended up being busy anyway due to a dinner with his dad. He'd invited Annie too! She said he knew she's support him in anything, but really didn't want to go. Which was fine, because Pavel was going to be there.
Abed had been spending a lot of time at Pavel's lately. He tended to sleep over and him and Pavel would do anything from keep their distance and watch movies, to cuddle under warm blankets, to have sex. They weren't strictly an item (Abed preferred it that way) but they were close in a way that wasn't platonic. He kept this pretty under wraps from the study group. It wasn't that he was ashamed of his bisexuality, or that he wanted to hide it, but it made everything simpler when they thought he was straight. They already infantized him due to his autism, and if they knew he was bi, -the middle ground between gay and straight where you just "can't decide"- well he didn't want to deal with that. Who would? He knew he was and when you know who you are it's not a big deal to change aspects of that to make others more comfortable.
Pavel didn't live on campus anymore. He'd gotten his own place shortly after Abed and Troy did, but the movie showing was going to be at some other friend's dorm on campus. Abed found himself acutely conscious of his own body and safety as he walked down the dark street towards the school. He hummed Daybreak quieter, feeling more worried about who might be watching.
He checked his phone for the dorm number one last time before he found it. He knocked his fist against the door and took a step back, tightening his grip on his messenger bag, letting his eyes wander to the walls.
Suddenly the door swung open, catching Abed by surprise a bit. It was Pavel! Abed liked seeing the friendly face, especially since this was a new environment.
"Abed!" he said and welcomed Abed inside.
"Hey, Pavel," Abed walked inside. The dorm room was like how one might expect. Pretty messy with a bed tucked to one wall and a bunch of beanbags. There was a couch and a TV which attracted Abed's eyes easily. It seemed Abed was the last one here. Was he late?
"Hey uh-" Pavel knew he had to get Abed's attention first before he started talking or else Abed wouldn't hear him. It was nice to have someone who accommodated for your neurodivergence rather than just complained about it. "I was wondering if we could tonight at some point? There's some things I've been meaning to say."
Abed tilted his head to the side as he often did. He found a lot of autistic people did it. It felt more animalistic than humanistic, but it helped him blend in with the other "normal" humans. "Sure. What do you want to say?" he felt an uncomfortable knot in his stomach, though he wasn't sure why.
Pavel averted Abed's eyes, "Well-"
"Hey we gotta start this movie if we want to get through all three. You guys ready or what?" a man asked. Everyone cheered and told him to put on the movie. Vicki passed out popcorn bowls to people.
"Heyyyy, Rain Man. Good to see you!" the man quipped when he finally noticed Abed. Abed put his hands to his sides and tried to stand as neurotypically as possible. What's that even look like?
"Jesus! Be nice!" Vicki said, whacking his leg. "Sorry, Abed."
Abed shrugged, "It's fine." He felt Pavel's eyes on him as he said that. Pavel was always concerned if he was really fine. He usually was, comments didn't hurt him, but they did make him want to blend in.
Vicki gestured for them to come over, "You guys probably want to sit together, huh?" she said. Pavel and Abed approached as Pavel chuckled.
"Yes that would be right." Pavel grabbed a bowl of popcorn and handed it to Abed to hold before getting a blanket and sitting on the couch. Abed sat next to him, curling his legs to side. Abed felt warm physically and emotionally when Pavel draped the blanket over them. Pavel really knew him and knew what he liked. It was so so so nice to have more than one friend. It almost felt too good to be true!
Abed tried to stay as no homo as he could throughout the movie, but by the time they got to the end of the first movie he found that him and Pavel's legs were intertwined with the popcorn in between them. Moviegoer night was always a time where he could be unapologetically bisexual, and he wasn't going to give that up just so he didn't have to answer some awkward questions about his and Pavel's relationship.
After the first movie Abed stretched his arms and yawned. It'd been a long week and this was just what he needed to relax.
As the man went to put the next movie in conversations sprung up as people talked to each other. Homework, Star Wars, and who ate all the popcorn were common topics. Abed felt Pavel staring at him as the others talked and he tried to blend in.
He turned to face Pavel, "You want to say something."
"Yeah."
"You don't have to say it if you don't want too," Abed said. He never wanted Pavel to feel uncomfortable or pressured with him.
"Well," Pavel started, "You and I have been hanging out for a while. We see each other at least once a week, usually more." Abed nodded along as he spoke, "So I was thinking maybe we should start *seeing* each other." Pavel spoke slowly as if unsure of his words and watching for Abed's reaction.
Abed felt his hands go still. What did Pavel just say? As in they would be *dating*? That felt... dating didn't feel wrong, it just felt wrong with Pavel. Abed had never dated a man, maybe this was internalized homophobia?
Abed turned his head and stared at the back of Vicki's head. Anything to not make eye contact with Pavel. Fuck fuck fuck. His brain felt like it was suddenly running at a million miles an hour.
"I mean we don't have too. I just thought it would be nice. We're basically dating anyway-"
"Everyone be quiet it's Star Wars time," the man said, and all conversation suddenly ceased.
Abed wanted to move his legs away from Pavel. Not because of Pavel specifically, but just because he didn't want physical contact right now. He wanted to think but all the textures, sounds, lights, smells- everything felt so enhanced and overwhelming. He found that he couldn't move. He was paralyzed and couldn't even make a face or say a word.
Catatonia-like symptoms weren't uncommon for Abed. That didn't mean he knew how to deal with them though. Usually Troy and Annie knew how to fix it better than he did. He missed Troy so much. He didn't realize he was missing Troy until he couldn't move. Why didn't he try and persuade Troy to come too? He'd given up so easily. He needed Troy.
Pavel was known to get mad sleepy, and even in their awkward state Abed could tell that was happening. At about half way through the movie he felt Pavel's head fall onto his shoulder and stay there. Pavel was cute when he was sleepy, but did Abed find him cute otherwise? He thought so but now that Pavel asked him to actually establish their relationship he couldn't remember. Everything felt so-
Then the fireworks started. Sudden electric bangs of sound that jolted Pavel from his sleep and broke Abed's paralysis completely. He curled inwards and put his hands over his ears trying to block it out. He couldn't tell if he was whining, screaming, shouting or all of the above, but it felt awful. He couldn't stop rocking and he started to feel tears fall from his eyes down onto his arms and onto his pants.
He was definitely whining, but when Pavel placed a gentle hand on his back he was shouting. Pavel stopped doing that and he stopped shouting, going back to whining. Star Wars stopped, but the fireworks didn't. Neither did the smells or other sounds, in fact the other people started to talk more, creating more unnecessary sound.
People were saying his name but even if he could, he didn't want to respond. He wanted to be alone in his misery. A good day had gone bad so easily and now he was- was he having a meltdown? Fuck he was. He hadn't had one in front of this many people in a while.
Someone turned the light on in the dark dormitory and Abed felt a yelp escape his throat. The light didn't go away, and he felt people getting closer, closing in. He felt unsafe and that someone was going to hurt him.
"Just give him space!" he heard Vicki say, and he felt the people back off. He rocked himself back and forth and pulled at his hair, trying to calm down. His whining got quieter and quieter as he got calmer and calmer, though it didn't disappear.
"Abed, it's Pavel, did you bring your headphones?" Pavel's voice was gentle, but it didn't feel calming in the slightest.
Abed found himself semi-verbal and made a vague "uh-uh" sound. Pavel went quiet for a bit after that.
Another bang went off and Abed's whining got louder, his hair pulling got tighter, and his rocking got more aggressive.
"How about we go somewhere else? To a quieter part of the school?" he heard Pavel suggest.
Abed took a while to respond but he nodded his head eventually. He felt the couch move as Pavel got up. Abed followed and the two of them went into the hall. The fireworks were still loud there, and they spent a long time walking to find a quiet place, before eventually coming to the conclusion that a janitorial closet would be the quietest. Abed liked tight spaces, so it was a win-win.
They sat on the ground and Abed immediately went back to pulling his hair and placed his head between his knees. With every bang that went off he heard himself whine.
"Can I touch you?" Pavel asked, to which Abed nodded his head hesitantly. Pavel took his hands in his own hands. "It's best if you don't pull your hair so much."
Abed didn't lift his head but he did mumble, "need too."
Pavel was quiet for a moment as he racked his brain for a solution. "What about a fidget? Do you have any fidgets in your messenger bag?"
Abed nodded his head and went to bring up the flaw in Pavel's idea: the messenger bag was in the dorm. But when he looked around he saw that Pavel had brought his bag. This man had thought of everything. He felt his eyes get teary again. "Pavel, 'm sorry. I don't like you how you like me."
Pavel squeezed Abed's hands and smiled. It was a thin smile which Abed had learned was bittersweet. "I know. It's okay."
"Are you sure?" Abed asked tentatively.
"I'm sure."
Abed felt relief course through his veins, before the next bang went off and he winced obviously. Pavel let go of his hands to go into his messenger bag but Abed whined for his hands and Pavel went back to holding Abed's hands, albeit slightly confused.
"'m sorry I ruined Star Wars Night," Abed said. "I didn't mean to freak out. It's just- after you asked me- and everything was so overwhelming- and then the fireworks-"
"You didn't ruin Star Wars Night."
"I don't think the others will see it that way, Abed sounded dejected.
Pavel shook his head, "Well I can't speak for them, but if they do then they're dickheads. They have dicks for heads." Pavel said.
That made Abed's spirits rise slightly, though he didn't physically show it. "Thank you."
"Anytime, man. I care about you," he said.
Abed looked at the ground, "I'm really sorry that I don't like you back. I didn't mean to lead you on."
Pavel said, "You didn't lead me on. We both knew what we were doing. Besides, I'm pretty sure you're like, in love with Troy Barnes."
Abed's eyes went wide, "What?! Troy's my best friend! I would never mess that up."
"You didn't deny that you're in love with him."
Abed stared at Pavel for a moment, "That is... unrelated."
Pavel cracked a smile and chuckled. The two sat like that for a while. Enjoying each others company without talking for a while. It was peaceful, and they were happy. Pavel was still Abed's friend, but he definitely had some things to figure out. Mainly about Troy.
Eventually Pavel would ask Abed if he wanted to go back to the dorm, but Abed said he was just going to go home. Pavel offered to walk him home and Abed accepted.
Abed unclicked his door and entered the apartment. Troy was sat at the counter eating a midnight snack. He glanced at Abed's disheveled appearance, -messy hair, eyes that look like he's been crying, overall tired demeanor- and did a double take. Pavel looked so put together compared to Abed. "Are you alright, buddy?" he asked as Abed made his way for his bed.
"Yes. 'm just gonna go to bed. Goodnight Troy, goodnight Pavel."
Troy looked a bit confused but said, "G'night Abed." he looked to where Pavel was a moment before to ask questions, but Pavel was gone. Abed would spend a lot less time with Pavel after that, both to Troy's delight (he got strangely jealous of Pavel- though he didn't know why) and worry.