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“Go away,” Jess snaps and turns her back on Sarah Blake. She doesn’t know why she let her brother-in-almost-law convince her this was a good idea.
“Sammy woulda’ liked that one,” Dean had said. It could have just been one of his usual lecherous comments, but it wasn’t, he’d said it with meaning. Jess heard all the layers in it. The permission. And, well, it was for the case, right. But now it isn’t just for the case. The case is over, they burned the doll, the killer kid is gone. Just another day in her adoptive family.
Then Dean, the traitor, has let Sarah into Jess’s motel room. And left them alone. Bastard.
“Look,” Sarah says, she doesn’t leave but she doesn’t come closer either. “I don’t know who they were, and I know I’m not her, or whatever but…”
“Him,” Jess says. Doesn’t even know why she’s saying it, doesn’t know if it matters. But it feels like it might. “His name was Sam.”
She still can’t look at Sarah, with her hazel eyes and that dark hair and strong build. It’s too much. She can’t deal with finding someone attractive like that, not now. Not yet. She can still taste Sarah’s lips on hers, and it tastes like guilt.
Sarah is silent, nothing but breath and patience. Jess runs her hand over the already fading scars on her arms.
“He died,” Jess admits. “Saving me. He died saving me from a fire. He died, and I didn’t. And this- hunting… it’s all I can do, to repay him. I can’t...”
Jess doesn’t know how to finish that sentence. There are too many options for all the things she just can’t do without Sam. Like think, or breathe, or love herself. Or live. Not really. So, so many things she’ll never do right again.
“I’m sorry,” Sarah says. And she sounds like she means it. She’s tough, and smart, and pretty, and kind and all the things Jess likes in her lovers, and all the things she loved in Sam.
“Me too,” Jess says, finally turning to face Sarah again. Now that she’s said it, told someone else, someone who isn’t Dean or her mom. It helps, a little. The tension in her chest has been replaced by a tangible pain and that’s actually better, because at least she can breathe through it.
Sarah takes a step closer, just one, but Jess doesn’t run. Sarah takes Jess’s hand and squeezes it. It’s soft, and warm, and a little bit right. It’s Jess that tugs on the connection. Reels Sarah in closer, and Sarah goes with it. She knows what she’s getting herself into, and getting Jess out of. Maybe that makes it okay?
Dean was right, Sam really would have liked this one.
The second time they kiss it tastes a little bit like salvation.