Chapter Text
It takes everything in me just to get up each day
But it's wonderful to see that you're okay
--- Mr. Perfectly Fine, Taylor Swift (Fearless)
"Seungmin-ah! Can you bring some cups of coffee over here!"
"Coming! Just a minute!" Seungmin called out and then smiled to himself, as he poured out coffee in five cups arranged in a circle on a ceramic plate. As he wiped his hand on the front of his apron, he looked up to see Han entering the back room, shaking his head.
"You are always at the beck and call of those women, and they never even pay for anything."
Seungmin rolled his eyes as he pulled out another small plate, arranged the freshly baked cookies and loaded both the plates on a tray.
"They don't have to pay me anything.' He picked up the tray and walked past Han. "And besides, they bring customers. It's good business." He finished with a shrug and walked towards the direction of the women while Han just tsked as he watched his friend's retreat, astounded at the naivety of it all.
Seungmin entered through the arched partition separating his flower shop from the cafe and beamed down at the women sitting around one of the three tables. Setting up a small cafe, albeit with only three tables now, was Mrs. Lee's idea, who had claimed it would be good for business, but Seungmin knew that it was because her group of friends wanted a place to sit and chat with ease. The loud Mrs. Lee, charming Mrs. Park, the two mischievous Cha sisters, and the quiet Mrs. Bang had all been his mother's friends since college. Before his mother's death, these gossip sessions were held around the round table in their living room. Even as a toddler, Seungmin had been a part of these sessions, sometimes dozing off in his mother's arms or staring wide awake as the women talked animatedly about people he didn't know. After his mother's death 3 years ago, he didn't want to see the group breaking up so when Mrs. Lee talked to him about this a year ago, he agreed without a moment of hesitation. He had missed them as much as he missed his mother.
"I hope you didn't wait long." He set down the five cups before each of the women. "Here's your herbal tea, Mrs. Bang. I know you don't like coffee," he whispered the last part as he set down the cup before the eldest woman, who smiled as he sent her a secret wink. He straightened up with the tray in his hand.
"Would my ladies like anything else?"
The women giggled at him and Mrs. Lee, the one nearest to him, tapped his arm in admiration.
"Seungmin-ah. You've grown up to become such a good boy. I hope you know that your Mama is proud." The other women all nodded in agreement and Seungmin sighed deeply, nodding back in return.
"Oh, Seungmin-ah. I forgot to ask, do you remember Seojin? Mr. Suh's daughter who used to live in the house across the road?" Mrs. Cha, one of the the twins, leaned forward to ask.
"Umm...yes? What about her? Isn't she in England, completing her studies?" Seungmin asked with a hint of wariness in his voice as he did not like the direction this conversation was going towards.
"She is back! I just saw her unloading her luggage from the car yesterday, when I was passing through to go to the market!" Mrs. Cha exclaimed loudly, and instantly, a wave of excitement flew through the group. All the women turned towards her, but Mrs. Cha stared right at Seungmin instead of answering the various questions that the women threw towards her.
"Um...that's nice. I guess," he said softly and tried to smile but his eyes started searching for an escape. He looked over at Han standing by the counter and pleaded silently to get him out there, but Han just shrugged with a bemused expression on his face, and went back to spraying water on the lilies kept in a large vase.
"Why don't you meet her? I'm sure she'll be very happy to see you." Mrs. Park joined in, and tried to wriggle her eyebrows at him, hoping he'd get the message. He had gotten it loud and clear the moment this topic had come up.
"I'm sure she is very nice. Anyways, ladies, enjoy your coffee, and let me know if you need anything more." He finished off with a smile and turned to go, when Mrs. Lee caught his hand, and looked up at him with her big, brown eyes.
"We just wish the best for you, Seungmin-ah. You've been alone for so long. After what happened with Minho ---
At that moment, the bell above the door jingled, signaling the entry of a customer. Seungmin extracted himself from Mrs. Lee's grasp with a polite 'Excuse me' and tumbled out of the arched door. He clutched the tray tighter to stop his trembling hands, and took a few deep breaths to calm down his heartbeat, which was definitely not at a normal rate at that moment. After a few seconds, he plastered a smile to greet his new customer but was relieved to see that it was just his friend, Felix, who was walking towards him with a whistle. Felix took one look at Seungmin's pale face and the group of women sitting in the cafe and it didn't take him long to piece together what had happened. He bowed down in greeting towards his mother and her friends and then sighed as he walked over to his friend and took the tray out his hands.
"Don't think about it too much. They mean well."
"I know." Seungmin mumbled and walked with Felix towards the counter. Han emerged from behind the counter with a vase of daisies in his hand and looked over at the two of them.
"Yo, Felix! New hair color! Blue looks good on you!" Han whistled as he set down the vase on one of the tables beside the counter.
"Yeah, tell that to my Mum and her group over there." He hooked his thumb towards the glass partition of the cafe, through which they could see the women turning to look at Felix repeatedly and talking with lots of hand gestures. Their voices were muted but their gestures were enough to explain their disbelief. Felix’s mother, Mrs. Lee, was shaking her head in disappointment at Felix and discreetly waving at him to come over and explain his hideous color choice. Felix decided to ignore her beckonings.
"Felix Lee, sparking scandals wherever you go." Seungmin bumped his friend with his elbow and Felix smirked down at him. He was relieved to see that the dark cloud had lifted from his friend's face.
"What can I say? I have to use this handsome face for something," Felix said with a chuckle and Han rolled his eyes in exasperation.
"Anyways, why did you suddenly decide to color your hair? Is there something that we should know, Mr. Narcissistic?" Han leaned forward on the counter and Felix shifted a little under the glare of his narrowed eyes. Seungmin sighed and patted Han on the shoulder as he went towards the back counter which also served as their cafe kitchen.
"Don't grill him, Han. If there's anything going on, I'm sure he'll let us know when he wants. Right, Felix?" He sent a wink and an encouraging smile towards the blue-haired boy as he started arranging the cups and trays. He could hear Han grumbling something in frustration and Felix chuckling deeply in reply while he washed his hands in the basin. His only two friends in the world always seemed to be arguing about something, no matter how small the issue was. His mind wandered off again as he thought about Mrs. Lee's words and he couldn't help but wring his hands harshly in frustration. After more than a year, he thought he was over it. But it seems he was not, since he felt like crying. Again.
Damn you, Minho. Damn you for making me feel this way.
"Felix. What brings you here? Aren't you supposed to be at the University right now?" Seungmin cut through Han's speech about hair dyes giving cancer when he returned back to his two friends.
"Ah, yup. But my advisor took a day off today, and I only had one class to teach in the morning. So I decided to hang out." He grinned wide as he said and he could almost see Han's eyes rolling in their sockets, even though his attention was on Seungmin.
"It seems like we won't be getting many customers today. Do you want me to whip up a cup of coffee for you?" Seungmin asked, since he knew how tired Felix got everyday. His PhD advisor had just approved his thesis proposal a few months back, and he knew that even though it was a cause for celebration, Felix's workload would only increase now.
"Let me do the honors today! For some reason, I'm bursting with energy!" Felix bounced on his feet as he exclaimed. “And it would help me avoid my mother.” He added with a wink and Seungmin chuckled.
"Okay, then. Han, will you take care of the ladies? I'm going to take a look at the flowers outside." He picked up the spray bottle from the counter as Han gave him a thumbs up.
The bell on the front door jingled as he came out of the shop, and he couldn't help but take a deep inhale. Flowers did have a wonderful smell, but staying inside a flower shop the whole day can get suffocating sometimes. The air still had the fruity and earthy smell of flowers, but it was mild enough for Seungmin's headache to dissipate slowly.
I should take walks more frequently. The weather definitely calls for it.
He bent down to water the flowers kept on a shelved basket outside the shop. Daisies on the top, tulips on the bottom. His mother's favorite flowers.
"Daisies for new beginnings." His mother tucked a daisy on top of his one ear as he looked down at the flowers scattered on the table. His mother was arranging them inside a plastic sheet, and even though he did not know what she was doing, he loved to watch her work. He was fascinated by the different colors of the flowers, in shades more than he could have ever imagined. There were shades of colors that he had not seen even in his crayon pack, which his mother had claimed contained the largest collection of colors, even though there were only twelve.
"And tulips, for that deep and perfect love." His mother said as she tucked a tulip behind his other ear. "Seungmin-ah, I hope you find the one who is worthy of your tulips and daisies." He laughed because it tickled and his mother laughed in return.
Looking down at those flowers now, he found it hard to believe his mother's words when these two flowers had signified the end of a love that he thought had been perfect. He sighed and started spraying the water on the flowers when after some minutes, he heard footsteps slowly approaching his direction. He looked up to greet the person, hoping that it was a customer, but he stopped halfway when he realized who it was.
"Minho...hyung?"
"Seungmin-ah."
***
Seungmin flinched as Han slammed the tray down on the table, making the cups clatter loudly. The noise seemed to bounce off the glass walls of the cafe. He could feel the stare of the women at the other table as they murmured softly about the man who was currently sitting across him. Han was glaring at Minho, his knuckles white as they tightened around the edges of the tray.
Minho seemed unfazed by all the attention, his eyes fixed on Seungmin.
"Han-ah." Seungmin patted his friend's hand for a moment, and Han tore his gaze away from Minho to look down at him. "I'll be alright. Go help Felix, I'll be right there." Han seemed unconvinced but he reluctantly let go of the tray and started to walk back towards the flower shop. He was almost to the door when he looked back at Minho again with eyes dripping with disgust and gritted his teeth in anger.
"If you even touch a strand of hair on his head, I'll gut you like a fish."
Seungmin could feel the murmurs rising behind him and sighed when Han was finally out of the cafe and the partition closed behind him. For a while, the two of them did not say anything and Minho seemed content to just stare at Seungmin, who was fidgeting with his fingers underneath the table. The seconds turned into minutes and then Seungmin could not take it any longer.
"Why are you here, Minho hyung?" He asked in a voice just above a whisper and Minho seemed a little startled to hear him talk. He had not expected Seungmin to be the first to initiate conversation, and after hearing the sadness in his voice, Minho was fumbling to give his answer, all the practiced words taking wings and flying out of his mind.
"Seungmin-ah....I....I am sorry." He bunched the table cloth in his hands in frustration, trying to find the words to redeem himself in Seungmin's eyes. But then Seungmin raised his head to look at him directly in the eyes, and Minho knew then that everything was lost. The eyes that had once looked at him with love only held an emptiness now. And that was answer enough.
"I understand. Is there anything else that you need? If not, I'll be getting back to work." Seungmin got up abruptly, but before he could leave Minho behind, just as the latter had done a year ago, he felt fingers circling his wrist and sighed internally in frustration at how that simple touch was still able to make his heart beat erratically.
"Seungmin-ah. Please....please… just listen to me. For once. I swear I'll explain it all." Minho was standing up too, and as he loomed over Seungmin by a few inches, he would be lying if he said that he didn't miss Minho all these months. Months spent crying, months spent waiting, months getting over him only for Minho to come sauntering back into his life again and destroy his façade in an instant. It would be so easy to lean into the familiar warmth and comfort, to let the tears spill down his cheeks and show Minho how he had hurt him and let him kiss those tears away as he used to do. But that was a year ago.
"Enjoy your coffee." Seungmin pushed Minho's hand off his wrist with a force that shocked even him and then turned and walked out of the doors, without looking back at Minho's face. He bowed and gave a tight smile to the women as he passed through their table, who started whispering instantly, and when he was finally inside the kitchen at the back of the flower shop, he exhaled loudly.
"What did that bastard want?" Han asked, tapping his foot on the floor with his arms crossed over his chest as Felix came over and handed him a mug of coffee. Seungmin took a sip and shrugged, "He said he was sorry."
"Sorry, my ass. I bet he's lost all his money somewhere gambling or partying and now he has come here for your help." Han was more angry than Seungmin and the latter couldn't help but smile a little as he looked at Han's angry face, his cheeks all puffed out.
"You know Minho hyung doesn't party or gamble."
"Well, why has he come here then? And with that large, stupid duffel bag on top of that? And stop calling him hyung, he is not your hyung anymore!" Han exclaimed loudly and Seungmin flinched a little at the venom in his voice.
"Han, calm down. Why are you yelling at him ?" Felix patted Han's arm to cool him down and glanced briefly at Seungmin.
Are you okay? He mouthed towards Seungmin who gave him a small nod.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell. I'm just so angry at that shitface. I want to dump him and his bag out on the streets where he came from." Han was still fuming with anger, muttering obscenities that would have made all the women in the cafe clutch at their non-existent pearls. Well, except for Mrs. Bang. She had a real pearl necklace which she refused to take off even when asleep.
"It's alright, Han," Seungmin gave Han a smile that he hoped did not betray how he actually felt. "I'm going upstairs for a bit. Will you handle the shop for a while?"
"There are no customers anyway. Except for that waste of space and air."
Seungmin smiled as he started walking up the stairs beside the kitchen, when he popped his head back in to look at his friends.
"Don't forget to charge him for the coffee." And that finally managed to bring a smile on Han's face and he nodded enthusiastically as if charged with holding the fort against an enemy force, while Felix just shook his head and let out a deep chuckle. Seungmin smiled at them and then walked up to the place that for all his life, he had called home.
When he finally plopped his head down on the soft mattress and inhaled the flowery and sweet smell of the freshly-cleaned sheets, the headache raging in his head managed to partially subside. He blinked his eyes a few times and tried to swallow down the lump that was forming in his throat but after a few frustrating moments, he couldn't anymore. And then he cried. For the first time in many months.
He sobbed and sobbed, and sobbed more when he realized that he was making the clean sheets dirty with all his sobbing. Why did that man still has the power to make him weak like this even after all this time? Why was he giving him that power? He hated himself then, hated himself for behaving this way again when he had told himself he was over it, and he was very close to banging his head against the headboard in frustration. Instead, he curled himself onto the mattress, and breathed in deeply a few times until his tears finally stopped flowing.
After a few minutes, he poured a glass of cold water and as he walked around the apartment, he relished in the fact that there was no one to see him like this. But at the same time, that made him feel even sadder. He was performing even for himself, letting himself believe that he was better off alone when in fact, he knew that he was lonely. He had gotten into some major arguments and fights over the past year with Han and Felix when they had tried implying the same but he knew he couldn't deny that anymore. Not after seeing Minho. Not after feeling that touch on his wrist that made his ears turn red underneath the curls of his hair.
God, he really was touch-starved.
As a child, he used to be very clingy. He had read somewhere that a human being needs at least five hugs per day to stay alive, and as a child, it had been his number one mission to complete his set goals for the day. Normally, it had not been an issue for him since his mother showered him with enough hugs and kisses to make up for ten days, but some days, when she used to be really busy with the shop, he went into a near panic-attack when he counted his hugs at the end of the day and they came up short. He remembered tottering down the stairs to the shop where his mother sat arranging flowers for a bulk order, and hugging her tightly before the clock struck midnight. He was afraid he would die or even worse, turn into a pumpkin cart.
"You're a little Cinderella, aren't you?" His mother used to flick his nose every time he expressed his grave concerns about his possible metamorphosis, and he used to proclaim indignantly there was nothing common about him and Cinderella. His mother only used to laugh then, and if only he knew how precious that laugh was he would not have been angry at it.
"Seungmin, are you okay? Can I come in?" He heard Felix's voice from the other side of the door and plastered a wide smile on his face before he opened the door, ready to assure his friend that he was, in fact, perfectly okay.
Apparently, he did not look okay because the moment he opened the door, Felix took one glance at him and rushed forward to envelop him into a tight hug, his wide frame providing him with just the right amount of warmth and coziness that he was craving for. He buried his head deeper into his shoulders and he felt like crying again when he felt Felix patting his hair softly.
"It'll be alright, Seungmin."
"Will it be?"
"Well, I can't assure that it would stop hurting, but I can assure you that it would stop mattering."
Seungmin stepped back to look at him, and wiped his eyes with his sleeves as he looked at the sheepish expression on his friend's face.
"That's from a book, isn't it?"
"In my defense, it is a great book. You should read it sometime." Felix huffed with indignation and that made him laugh a little.
"Is everything okay downstairs though? Han didn't break anything, did he?"
"Oh, yeah! I completely forgot!" Felix grabbed Seungmin's hand and pulled him down the stairs as he explained. "There's this man I found loitering outside the shop a few minutes back, and apparently he claimed to be from some obscure agency. He wanted me to give this to the owner of this 'beautiful and dreamy shop dropped directly from the heavens to bless his soul.' His words, not mine."
He thrust a card towards Seungmin whose eyes widened as he looked at the symbol and the letters stamped on the glossy surface.
"Felix, where is he? Don't tell me you guys scared him off!" He wailed dramatically and rushed down the remaining set of stairs. His eyes landed directly on a man about his age, sitting on one of the far tables of the cafe. He was sipping on his coffee gingerly and tapping his feet with such frequency Seungmin was sure would become the cause of a minor earthquake if not stopped immediately. He glanced briefly in Han's direction, who was in the midst of wrapping up a bouquet for a couple glued to each other and exclaiming over every small addition that Han made to the colorful arrangement.
Halfway to the cafe, he realized that he had forgotten to look for that man in his general excitement and was relieved when he did not see his face among the people inside the glass covered area. He was doubly relieved to find that Mrs Lee and her group had also left, possibly to attend to whatever women in their 50s did in a sleepy afternoon like that, in a town like theirs.
He bowed deeply when he reached the person who immediately stood up and reciprocated the action. They both sat down and the person started tapping his feet again, albeit at a lower frequency than before.
"I'm sorry to barge into your shop uninvited. My name is Jaeyoung. Park Jaeyoung."
"People usually barge into shops uninvited, Mr. Park. It would be very bad for business otherwise. But how can I help you?"
Park Jaeyoung chuckled a little and visibly relaxed. "Please call me Jaeyoung, I'm much younger than you. I am an intern at the SRV Agency as you probably know---" he gestured towards the card that Seungmin was holding in my hands --"and I've been working as a coordinator for a star model for the past three months. We have a photoshoot scheduled this Saturday, and I've been assigned to find a business that could supply flowers for a photoshoot." He said it all in one breath, and let out a huge exhale afterwards, as if glad to get it out of his system.
"I see...but...correct me if I'm wrong, but are you asking me to supply flowers for a photoshoot at SRV company?" Seungmin asked gingerly, afraid of treading the wrong path, and of smashing the flower bud before it even had the time to bloom. Working for a job like that in a huge agency could provide the marketing boost that his business clearly and desperately needed, and Seungmin could literally see the clouds shifting to let the sun beam fall on this angel of a person.
"Yes!" He exclaimed and grasped Seungmin's hands, shaking it in excitement. "I mean, the photoshoot will technically take place at the A Star magazine agency, not at the SRV Company, but yes! Will you do it?" He looked at Seungmin, doing his best to give him the puppy-eyes but with his narrow steel gray eyes, it was proving to be quite difficult.
But Seungmin didn't need any persuading.
"I will! Thank you for this offer!" Seungmin smiled widely at Jaeyoung, who looked like on the verge of tears himself.
"Thank you Mr. Kim! You have no idea how troubled I have been. I spent my whole weekend looking for flower shops all over the city and I was turned down by all of them. ' We don't have enough stock right now. It is not the season for those flowers. We don't have enough workers to supply such a huge amount of flowers.' I was this close to being fired even before becoming a full time employee, but you have saved my life!"
Seungmin realized that he should have probably asked about the logistics of the request before accepting it but, oh well, beggars can't be choosers.
He just has to make it work. Like always.