Chapter Text
Stories have long been told about what people will do for love. Stories of heroes slaying dragons, tales of forbidden romances painfully carried out in shadows, anecdotes of hidden affairs and myths of men who fight in great wars for the sake of love.
But another form of how far one could go was in hidden lies. Men with hidden intentions they not so accidentally forget to mention, girls who avoid the question of questionable relationship statuses, and people who lie to manipulate things in their favors much too conveniently. What are morals when it comes to love? How far will one go if it meant true love with their soulmate? What selfish moves and little added up lies and betrayals will one be willing to sacrifice their moral codes for if it meant a loving pair of arms around their waist and matching wedding bands on their held hands?
In modern society it was an important question, now more than ever. With the available ways to change the game, how do people play? Depending on one's ethics, it's worth telling every lie not even for the love provided, but the body offered up. To others, even if it means no love will ever come, they believe it's better never to break the morals of trust and borders of privacy. Everyone is different, even lovers have the responsibilities of trust and communication and that's really it comes down to. How much do you trust someone you don't know, regardless of what you're supposed to be? How much of yourself do you give? What previous beliefs or codes are you willing to bend? How important is it, and how important are the feelings of a man you don't know, when you can't even ask? At the age of 17, these are questions one must face. Ready or not, it will come. From there, it is the joined decision of one and their hidden other half. It is who both parties are that determines their feelings and their future. Everybody knows that- but that doesn't quite mean everybody knows what to do with it. That doesn't mean everybody is ready for it.
Hajime Hinata was not ready for this. Hajime liked parties, although he wasn't as outwardly enthusiastic about them like Ibuki or into hosting or planning like Sonia and Byakuya. He was pretty extroverted and he enjoyed breaks from staying up late studying for the ridiculous amounts of the work the reserve course gave out to just have fun with his friends. As long as nobody got too excited and accidentally caused a disaster, nobody tried to engage in a drunken fight, and Enoshima wasn't around starting something, he enjoyed going to Hope's Peak parties. Tonight was a little different, though.
For one, even though all of Hope's Peak main course parties were always wild and populated, this particular party was even more crowded than normal. Very few people from the main four classes were missing, the occasion important enough to even drag out introverts and people who disliked parties like Togami (who liked parties but refused to say so because he thought it would make him seem less pulled together and above it all, "all" meaning regular teenage things unbefitting of a Togami,) Maki, who usually only came when dragged by Kaito or another one of her friends, and even Ryota, who was a ball of anxious energy everybody knew would much rather be at home in the safety of his drawings and comforting figure-lined shelves. It was the four main Hope's Peak's classes and three others- a girl named Komaru Hajime had only met a few times, invited due to being close and related to Makoto, the only other reserve course student at the party, Natsumi, due to being related to Fuyuhiko, and then Hajime himself, blood related to nobody, invited because he was a close friend of pretty much the entirety of class 2-B, and well liked by all other students who knew him.
Well, part of that was kind of a lie, so said the mysterious, intimating eyes of the man standing alone against the back wall with a cup Hajime knew he wasn't drinking from, ignoring the girl next to him and scanning the party for someone worth looking at, but nobody knew that but him and he planned to keep it that way, likely till the end of time.
Whatever the reason though, he was here, standing around in his usual white shirt and green tie, letting Kazuichi and Fuyuhiko ramble on beside him about their joint project- a high powered motorcycle with a variety of functions Hajime didn't understand and honestly didn't want to, seeing as it might be used for illegal purposes. Fuyuhiko had always wanted to ride a motorcycle, but he was too small for most of them so when Kazuichi had suggested building him one- he was very interested in the idea and didn't want to ride it himself due to his motion sickness, but didn't want to just build one and then have it be left unused- with a surprising subtly for Kazuichi, Fuyuhiko had excited jumped on board.
The three had grown closer since Hajime was introduced to the group, Kazuichi affectionately dubbing them both his 'soul brothers,' a term Fuyuhiko was surprisingly fond of due to old school Yakuza brotherhood ideals and a term Hajime found to be embarrassingly emotional for him, thinking of it fondly and lovingly, but Hajime had decided to sit this one out. He knew nothing about bikes like the other two did and he figured it would be good to let the two of them do this together, seeing as Kazuichi was very much oblivious to his own sexuality and Fuyuhiko was unquestionably in love with their friend. He knew it was stupid and unlikely, but he hoped maybe one-on-one secret project stuff with Fuyuhiko would help Kazuichi figure himself out a bit. No luck so far, but both boys were clearly very excited about the project, so Hajime was happy.
He felt a little bad for tuning his friends out a little bit while they talked, but they were more talking to each other half way through anyway and Hajime had a lot on his mind. There was a reason so many of his classmates had gathered tonight under the roof of...one of their friends. Honestly, Hajime wasn't sure whose house this was. Normally parties were hosted by Sonia, Enoshima, or occasionally people like Yasuhiro or Ibuki, but this wasn't one of the usual spots, so Hajime wasn't sure. It didn't really matter, he supposed.
What mattered was the reason they were here, beyond the simple joys or partying and engaging in drinking and sex- the date. Valentines day of their 17th year of life, and the date they were to be connected to their soulmates. For the past 50 years or so, still a relatively new phenomenon, on the Valentine's day of a person's 17th year, every person would be connected to their soulmate for the first time. There was no way to know who they were before then beyond guessing, and even knowing right away could be difficult unless you already happened to be close enough to them to know them entirely.
The way it worked was pretty simple, all things considered. When you had a soulmate, at any point during your life, at any time of any day, even if one had already found and engaged with their soulmate, you could choose to show them a memory. You didn't get to pick which memory your soulmate was given, but it would help them to know you in a way no one else could, to live through your memories, and to hopefully give them clues in order to find one another. Some soulmates took only one or two, but other people spent their whole lives searching. It was a little risky if you had secrets you didn't want anyone to know or if you weren't sure you wanted to be with your soulmate, because not everyone was- soulmates didn't have to mean forever. It didn't have to mean anything if someone didn't want it to. Plenty of people decided they didn't like their soulmates or they loved someone else or that they simply didn't want the same things, or even just weren't interested.
It was risky because for every memory one gave, the next would be deeper. More personal, and thus more likely to let you be identified. It really depended on who you and your soulmate were and what you wanted, what you were willing to give up. There was only one other rule. If one deemed it appropriate, they could steal a memory from their soulmate without their permission. That was a dangerous weapon. It was an invasion of privacy and a cruel thing to do because once a soulmate stole one of your memories, the memory was lost to you. Sure, if you took one early, your soulmate might not lose much- still questionably moral, but not a huge loss. But if you'd been trading memories for a long time, it could be devastating and in some cases, your soulmate might not even know it had happened, at least not until that missing memory caused problems.
Depending on the morality of the person doing it, it could be terrible. For instance, if a woman were to cheat on her husband and he found out and he happened to be quick to anger and just a little immoral, he could steal one of her memories as a form of revenge. If they were married for a long time, it's likely they'd already exchanged many memories so the memory taken would be a big, important one. For instance, the woman could lose the memory of her marriage and be forced to suffer the loss of it, or if the man was angry and immoral enough, it could even cause a glitch- the woman could lose all memory of her best friend, her sister, and the next time she saw her, she'd treat her as a stranger, losing the most important person in her life. Even if not done in anger, whatever the reason, it was a risk and a violation. It was generally frowned upon, so most people didn't do it. Or at least they didn't admit to it.
Other than that, it was usually a mutual back and forth and a special method of communication, even amongst lovers and already married couples. Hajime was excited at the prospect of finding his soulmate and getting to know them, but he was also nervous. What if his soulmate didn't like him? What if they were mean? What if he couldn't find them? Hajime already knew he was going to have a harder time than some of his friends, because he didn't even have the most common clue- gender. Hajime was bisexual, which left the big question of where his soulmate was going to identify. He shared this concern with a few of his friends like Ibuki who was even more broad as a pansexual or Leon, who was also bisexual. Of course, he knew his issue wasn't the bigger one though, and he was grateful for that.
Kazuichi, he and Fuyuhiko had agreed, was probably gay and unaware of that fact, so when he figured out his soulmate was, Hajime was sure, a guy, that was going to be a shock. Fuyuhiko was in the closet so he had that to deal with- people like Byakuya who were Aromantic and didn't have any interest in dating were worried about getting a soulmate and letting them down, Keebo was worried about how his robotic nature would be perceived or if he'd even be given one at all due to that fact, Mahiru and Hiyoko were already in a loving relationship and scared of getting anyone but each other- the list went on. He especially didn't envy the silent loves, like Maki's quiet admiration of an oblivious Kaito or, more close to home, Fuyuhiko's feelings for Kazuichi, who didn't even realize guys were on the table. He knew he'd have to be there to help Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi through that, respectively, and that sounded a little difficult in between meeting his own soulmate, but he'd happily do it. He always wanted to be there for his best friends as well as all his other friends. He secretly hoped his soulmate search wouldn't be too hard. He was very excited to get to know them and he wanted time for his friends, so obviously, finding them fast was a hopeful but unlikely outcome.
Hajime was startled out of his thoughts by a hand thrown over his shoulder on his right, followed by the loud laughter of Kazuichi. “Hajime’s totally got my back on this one, right man?” He asks, looking at him with such confidence that Hajime knows he genuinely believes it and isn’t just begging him to agree. “Yeah, right,” he says, his brain still a little foggy from thinking. It takes a few seconds of blinking for the fog to clear and then his eyebrows furrow, casting a glance over at Fuyuhiko who's standing in front of him, arms crossed and leaning against one of the chairs at the unattended bar this house somehow has.
"Wait, what am I agreeing with?” He asks, looking back at Kazuichi, who pulls away for Hajime to see his face when he gives him a slightly offended look. “Soulmate memories, man! Weren’t you listening?”
Hajime gives a guilty smile, shrugging a little. “Sorry, I was just thinking. What about soulmate memories?”
Kazuichi huffs a little in mostly false annoyance before he pulls back completely to stand more in his line of direct vision by Fuyuhiko, his arm falling off of him as he does. “Fuyuhiko here thinks he should wait at least a day before giving his first one up, wait to see if his soulmate sends one. But I’m telling him you totally have to send one right away! Cause what if you don’t send one but then your soulmate does? Then they might think you suck and they’ll be mad before you even meet them! Besides, it’s good to get right into it! That’s why they let you send one right away, right? You agree, don’t you?” Kazuichi spoke excitedly, as if very passionate about this particular subject- though he spoke about most things that way, if Hajime was honest.
Fuyuhiko scoffed but waited, likely to see if Hajime would agree or not. Hajime hadn’t really thought about it overly. He had planned to send one right away without really thinking about it a whole lot. He didn’t really see why not. Kazuichi’s explanation made a lot of sense too, so he just shrugged a little. “Yeah, I’m gonna send mine right away, I think.”
Fuyuhiko huffed a little, moving his hands to the bar behind him to lean back a bit. “You’re both idiots. That’s the most desperate shit I’ve ever heard. Your guys are gonna think you’re losers.” Fuyuhiko took a quick pause, then added, “Or girls, I guess.”
Kazuichi chuckled beside him, nodding along. “Yeah, man. Don’t forget about me all of a sudden!” Fuyuhiko looked over at Hajime, shooting a look that so clearly meant ‘I was referring to your bisexuality because Kazuichi is most definitely gay’ and Hajime nodded subtly and hoped his eyes conveyed that he understood.
Kazuichi, oblivious as ever, carried on without noticing the silence exchange. “No way man, it’s just polite and respectful to give it up right away, especially if the girl does the same. It shows you care about finding them, and you’re excited to meet up and figure them out. It’s totally the right move!” Kazuichi defended his points, moving his hands animatedly while he did. Hajime could see where Fuyuhiko was coming from, but he honestly thought Kazuichi’s explanation added up pretty well. “Sorry, Fuyuhiko. I gotta go with Kaz on this one,” he agreed while nodding his head in Kazuichi’s direction, earning him an excited yell from Kazuichi. “Hell yeah! Hajime gets it!” Fuyuhiko just rolled his eyes, their golden color looking brighter in the lights of the party, almost like a cats in the right angle. “Whatever, blow your chances right away if you want. I’m gonna wait.”
“Sure man, whatever you want, just don’t blow it yourself by seeming uninterested. I wanna meet the lucky girl my soul bros hearts gonna belong to! Unless we already know her, of course,” Kazuichi said, raising his eyebrows insinuatingly, lightly hitting Hajime’s shoulder with the hand holding a red solo cup full of some kind of brightly colored punch that most definitely had something spiked in it- something fruity, if Kazuichi had managed to snag something he actually liked.
Fuyuhiko looked around with an uncomfortable shift of his shoulders. The implication Kazuichi was trying to hint at wasn't lost on either of them- it had been pretty commonly known for the past year or so that their friend Peko had a rather large crush on Fuyuhiko. She never addressed it though, and though Fuyuhiko was aware, he didn't, either. Aside from Hajime and Hajime suspected, his sister Natsumi, nobody seemed to know Fuyuhiko was gay. He wasn't even totally sure Natsumi knew- or maybe she knew but hadn't exactly actually been told. Hajime wasn't sure. But he knew Fuyuhiko hadn't told anybody in his class, Peko included. It wasn't really that he worried Peko wouldn't accept him, he was more afraid of letting her down. Peko was like a sister to him and he was scared of damaging their relationship. That was lost on most of their classmates though so they, Kazuichi included, all just thought Peko and Fuyuhiko were awkwardly dancing around each other in a weird game of will-they-won't-they. So, Hajime casted what he hoped was a sympathetic look toward their clearly uncomfortable friend while a (to be fair quite possibly tipsy) Kazuichi failed to notice.
"Oh shit, there's miss Sonia! I wanna go say hi before midnight, so I'll be right back, okay? If I don't see you guys until after, good luck!" Kazuichi said with a grin, waving an arm at them before quickly running off into the crowd towards Sonia, Ibuki and Sayaka who were engaging in a conversation over by the dance floor, Ibuki enthusiastically playing the air guitar while Sonia talked and Sayaka hid her giggles behind her hand.
"Do you think he thinks he has a chance?" Fuyuhiko asks with mild amusement after having recovered from Kazuichi's misunderstanding, both watching as Kazuichi joined in the conversation, nodding along with whatever Sonia was saying to Ibuki. Hajime considered it for a moment. It was pretty clear Sonia didn't have an interest in him. He would like to say Kazuichi wasn't quite that stupid, but…
"Yeah, probably," Hajime admitted, letting out a slightly exasperated sigh. “I love him, but he’s kind of-“
”A dumbass?” Fuyuhiko finished, raising an eyebrow at his friend. Hajime chuckled- he and Fuyuhiko had their bluntness in common, he supposed. “I was gonna say dense, but yeah,” he agreed, unable to defend his friend. “No, you’re the dense one. He’s a dumbass.”
“Hey!” Hajime protested, frowning at his friend as if offended. He wasn’t really- he knew Fuyuhiko was right, he could be rather oblivious. They were all intelligent in their own ways but overall Fuyuhiko was the smart one, really. Fuyuhiko just stared at him for a moment and Hajime couldn’t hold his mock offense, letting out a laugh and smiling against his own will. “Alright, yeah, that’s fair,” he gives in, rolling his eyes as Fuyuhiko laughs along with him, walking closer to stand beside him now that Kazuichi’s gone.
Hajime looks out at the party, taking in the lively atmosphere and looking to see which of his friends were in the room. The house was larger than average to a point where it couldn’t really be seen as a house at all so there was a variety of rooms filled, but this room was one of the ones with the most people at the moment due to it being not only where the music was mainly coming from but also where a lot of the remaining alcohol is. It’s too full and large to see everyone there, but Hajime can pick out many of Class 2-B as well as members he’s met a few times from other classes. He can even see a girl he’s pretty sure is Komaru standing with Toko and Hina, the three of them sitting on a couch, Komaru and Hina playing some kind of game with cards while Toko pretends to be uninterested.
“Hey,” Fuyuhiko called, breaking Hajime from his thoughts to focus back in on his friend. “It’s almost midnight.” At his words, Hajime felt an excited tingle up his spine and he pulls his phone out of his pocket- not that he doesn’t trust Fuyuhiko, just to know how close was ‘almost’- and sure enough, the time read 11:58pm. Nearly midnight. He takes in a shaky breath, grateful when Fuyuhiko nudges his shoulder in a way that grounds him. “You nervous?” He asks, somewhere between amused teasing and genuine concern for his friend.
Hajime looked out at the party without really seeing anything and thought it over for a moment. He quickly decided he was- this was the rest of his life, after all, and he did still worry about what his soulmate might be like and if he would even be able to find them, but he was also excited. Even if he had been more nervous than excited, he didn’t want to worry Fuyuhiko unless he genuinely was overwhelmed with fear or doubt.
So, he gave a smile and shifted, rolling his shoulders back to stand up straighter as if to make himself more confident, which worked to some degree, though maybe that had more to do with knowing he had Fuyuhiko’s support, no matter what. He was really grateful for his friends. He turned to Fuyuhiko and offered a sincere smile. “A little, but I’ll be alright. What about you?”
Fuyuhiko stopped nudging him and stood beside him quietly for a moment, taking a sip of his drink- he didn’t even bother with the spiked punch like Hajime or Kazuichi, opting instead for straight whiskey. Preferably in glasses or just the bottle, but expected party protocols insisted on the bright red solo cups Hajime has seen at every party he’s ever been to instead. Whether he drank because he wanted to or to have a moment to think Hajime wasn’t sure.
After a moment though, he seemed ready either way. “I don’t know, man. Is it bad to say I hope I don’t find them for a while? Just so I can, yknow…figure shit out first?”
It wasn’t a rhetorical question. Fuyuhiko didn’t often care about what other people outside of his friends thought about him, but some things were too big to be unfazed and the opinions of his friends would always matter. He had shit to figure out, or rather how to let other people know he had those things, and he genuinely wondered if it was shitty to say he hoped it would take time, despite his soulmate's possible wishes. He trusted Hajime’s opinion, and he felt safe enough around him after their almost two years of close friendship to be unusually vulnerable around him, even if it was quiet and easily missed in a way only someone who knew him might pick up on. And of course, Hajime did. He considered the question for just a moment.
Hajime wasn’t one to just blindly say things. He was honest and blunt, often to a fault. Most people were bothered or off put by it, but Fuyuhiko had told Hajime he found it refreshing and admirable. Preferable, even. So, Hajime never hesitated to tell his friend his honest opinions like he sometimes had to with the more sensitive Kazuichi or some of their other friends. “I don’t think so. Some people might say so, but I think only your opinion really matters and they don’t know what you’re dealing with. You shouldn’t feel the need to worry about accidentally coming out or anything before you want to, and honestly, time to adjust to knowing you have a soulmate and learning them slowly rather than all at once makes a lot of sense, even if I’m personally hoping it goes faster. You should do whatever you feel comfortable with. And maybe don’t ask Kaz for opinions without making it clear you're being serious or he’ll say something stupid,” Hajime warned, tone lifting into something lighter at the end, a little pride hitting him when his play at his friend landed and Fuyuhiko chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m not that worried,” Fuyuhiko said in return. His tone was playful, but Hajime could hear the quiet reassurance in it. He’d be okay. At least as long as nothing happened, which Hajime hoped it wouldn’t.
“Alright people, this is it!” The sudden, feminine voice of Miu Iruma called out from her place standing on one of the chairs, the cup in her head threatening to spill whatever was inside over her exposed midriff and thighs, little material in between in class Miu fashion. Hajime wondered briefly if this might be her house or if this was just Miu being Miu. “We only got 15 seconds till midnight so if you wanna do any more slutting around before you're shackled, better do it fast! For those of you who are virgins, this might finally be your ticket to joining those of who know how to take- or give- a good fucking, so you better prepare your asses! I was told that big screen is gonna do a countdown, so let’s hope your inferior brains all know how to count backwards!”
Hajime had run into Miu enough times to be aware of her rather specific way of talking but it was still a little jarring when he was faced with it suddenly, and he fought the urge to point out that he was pretty sure ‘slutting’ wasn’t a word, but he was quickly distracted by her hand gesturing towards a large rectangular screen across the room he’d failed to notice that, moments after her gesture, light up with a ten second countdown.
Before Hajime’s brain could even catch up with what was happening, he heard the unmistakable cheer of most if not all of the room indulging in the urge to follow the numbers down. “Ten! Nine! Eight!”
After the first three, Hajime managed to catch up and he joined in simply because everybody else was doing it- maybe not the best message in general, but it felt right in the middle of this crowd. Party mentality, he supposed.
“Seven! Six! Five! Four!”
It felt good, cheering along with them, enough that he raises his voice to join them properly. It made the nerves in his brain die down, replaced by the rush one got when cheering for the start of a big concert or maybe the days till midnight on Christmas as a big- an undeniably specific kind of joy that felt warm and made everything else fall away and in the moment, Hajime felt ready.
“Three! Two! One!”
After the final word was said, Hajime expected the shouting and clapping off victory, but instead he blinked to find it suddenly silent. He’s not sure why he noticed that first, but he did, and it took a few more seconds for his surroundings to register and once they did, he found himself startled to find the drink in his hand was gone, so were all of the people, and he was no longer at the party. Instead, he was somewhere with walls, floor and ceiling all bright white, like if one were to suffocate themself in a cloud. Hajime turned around to look behind him, but it was just another white wall feet away from him. He quickly noted the lack of doors or windows (and thus no indication of how he got here or, more pressing, how to leave,) and he thought it should unnerve him, but for some reason, it didn’t. Instinct or the high from the cheer of the party, maybe. Hajime turned back around, not entirely sure what to do with all of this, only to be faced with writing he was sure hadn’t been there before on the wall in big black letters. He walked forward without really knowing why since he could surely have read it from there, stopping aways in front of it, pausing again to read the words.
‘Send a memory right away?’
Hajime blinked and let the words settle in his mind for a moment before the oblivious conclusion clicked. He knew where he was. He wasn’t really anywhere. His brain, maybe? A space that wasn’t really physical, he supposed. He imagined everybody else at the party, Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi, Sonia and Ibuki, Miu and Komaru and Natsumi and everyone else all seeing the same thing right now, assuming they hadn’t already decided. To be suddenly somewhere else was certainly weird, but any tension he had eased once the idea settled in his mind. This was supposed to happen, so everything was fine. Hajime’s eyes guided themselves down, landing on two different buttons, red and green, respectfully labeled ‘No’ and ‘Yes.’ Hajime glanced them over.
“Huh. Simple enough,” he said to himself, grateful for the fact. It was the obvious question, the one he’d been discussing with Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi just minutes earlier. Did he send his soulmate a memory right away or should he wait?
Hajime thought it over for only a moment, considering his own original thoughts as well as his conversation with Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi. Between his original plan to do so and the still buzzing excited high from cheering with his classmates, it took him only moments to decide. Hajime smiled confidently and moved forward, promptly pressing the bright green ‘Yes’ button.
Hajime is pretty sure only a short time has passed, a minute or two at most, when he wakes up back at the party exactly where he’d been standing when he left, and despite his body having no kind of nausea or reaction, he stumbles back slightly just from the sudden chance. He quickly steadies himself just in time to keep the drink he notices he’s now holding again from spilling and he takes a small sip, just to ground himself to reality a little bit.
He takes a few deep breaths the way he’s seen in movies just to readjust himself and after a moment the minor shock fades and he manages a small smile. It’s started now- he isn’t sure how long it will take his soulmate to get his memory, but surely it will be soon. He wondered when he’ll get his and what it will be like. The memories always start small so it probably won’t be anything special, but Hajime felt it must be a special thing to see someone else’s memories, especially since most people (there were exceptions in which one person had more than one soulmate, but Hajime decided not to needlessly worry about that possibility unless it actually happened,) only ever did it with one other person. Hajime was sure the first one must be even more special than the big ones, in a way. The first clue, the first taste of the future and of the person you were meant for. It filled his heart with a new kind of warmth, and he wondered if his soulmate felt the same when they thought about it. He couldn’t really ask them now, but he would someday. For now, he figured he could ask Fuyuhiko, though. He trusted his opinion.
“Hey, Fuyuhiko, do you think-“ Hajime turned to his friend and cut himself off when he made eye contact with him. Fuyuhiko was standing like normal, if a little weightlessly, but his eyes were different, glazed over with a white film and almost vacant and unfocused, his body still, and something in Hajime’s mind hit the panic button. Had he not been standing, Hajime might worry he was dead. Dead people didn’t stand…right? While he tried to convince himself that they most definitely didn’t, he took him by the shoulders and shook him lightly.
“Fuyuhiko? Hey, Fuyuhiko!” He said, his voice raising when no response was immediately given, not even to tell Hajime he was acting ridiculous. “Hey! What’s wrong?!” He asked worriedly, his eyes wide with concern as he shook his friend harder, making him fall down just a little into his arms. Hajime caught him easily, holding his head protectively while his free hand fumbled for his hand, planning to check for a pulse, when the veil of cloudy haze faded from his eyes.
Fuyuhiko blinked for the first time since Hajime had looked at him- probably a good sign, he thought with hope- and then he startled, flinching in his arms while his eyes widened in surprise. “H-Hey, what the hell?!” He said with alarm, further confused when he realized he wasn’t standing anymore and he couldn’t move back due to Hajime’s hand on his head. Other than his apparent shock though he sounded the same as ever and Hajime let out a heavy sigh of relief, his tense shoulders falling with the movement. “Oh, thank god, are you okay?” He asked, checking him over as if a sudden injury might appear on his body.
Fuyuhiko seemed to have calmed down, raising an eyebrow at him. “Uhh, yeah? Why?”
Hajime sighed and got up, taking Fuyuhiko’s hand and pulling him up with him. Once they were both safely up Hajime let go and moved back, regaining the space between them. “When I got out of the, uh…place I guess we all went to, your eyes were glazed over and discolored and you weren’t moving or responding to me, so I thought you might be having a medical emergency or something,” he explained, a little embarrassment making its way into his mind now that he knew his friend was safe and he’d overreacted for nothing. But Fuyuhiko was nothing but maybe a little moved by his friend's concern for him and he just smiled at him. “Oh. Thanks, but I’m fine. I guess that means we’ve discovered what happens on the outside when someone sees a soulmate memory.”
It takes Hajime all of five seconds for the implication to get through but the moment it does, his eyes widen slightly and he leans in a little. “Wait, you saw your soulmate's memory? Already?” Hearing the surprise and interest in Hajime’s voice, Fuyuhiko nods and goes to take a sip of his drink before realizing it spilled over the floor when he’d fallen, luckily missing Hajime for the most part. “Oh, sorry,” Hajime adds when he follows his eyes, but Fuyuhiko just shrugs. “I can get another later. Anyway, yeah. I guess he decided to send me one right away.”
”And you didn’t send one, right?” Hajime asks, recalling their earlier conversation. Fuyuhiko offers a nod. “I thought about it but decided against it. I won’t be the only one, I’m sure. I’ll send one soon, just- not now. Maybe I’m trying to delay it, I don’t know.” Hajime hummed in understanding. He understood his hesitancy, but he was glad to know Fuyuhiko’s soulmate was seemingly excited to meet him. He really hoped all his friends got nice, good people who would be for them. He wasn’t sure what the chances of that were, but he chose to believe they were high. Ignorance is bliss, but he tries to think of it more as being optimistic.
“What was it like?” He asks him, curious as to how it really worked. Sure, he was told he was just put into a memory, but it was hard to understand what that really was when he’d never done it.
“Well, it was weird. I was sitting on a bench outside a building I think I’ve seen around town, but I didn’t pay enough attention to place it. There was a vending machine nearby and there was a guy at it. I was looking at the sun. Like, without sunglasses and it was really hot so I’m pretty sure it was summer, so that was really stupid. And then the guy talked to me and when I looked at him he gave me a cold drink from the vending machine. He sat next to me and started talking about something- a video game, I think. I don’t think my soulmate said anything. Then, I was just here again. That was pretty much it,” Fuyuhiko finished, recounting the details while he leaned back against the bar. That made sense. It was a pretty impersonal memory and one that a lot of people probably had many similar moments too. It was a good first memory, Hajime thought.
“Did you recognize the other guy?” Hajime asked, thinking that was probably a good starting point. The building maybe being one in town was a good sign. Tales of soulmates across the world could be difficult, so Hajime had heard. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen him before, but he looked younger than us. Like, young enough that I don’t think the memory was too recent. Middle school maybe?” Fuyuhiko questions aloud, nodding to himself slightly like he agreed with what he was saying now that he’d expressed it out loud.
“It was weird, to be in his body. Like on a personal level,” Fuyuhiko continues, looking over at Hajime, leaning up and tilting his head a little thoughtfully. “His body wasn’t…like mine. Yknow? It felt…different,” he finished, his voice quieting a little as he recalled the feeling, a look of consideration that didn’t quite say what he was feeling on his face.
It took Hajime a second to understand what he meant but once he did, he smiled. He hasn’t really considered that kind of thing, what it would be like to be in a different body that was noticeably different. Of course, there were things like height and birthmarks- which would be a nice indicator, Hajime realized now that he thought about it- to consider that Hajime had neglected to think about, but that wasn’t what Fuyuhiko was talking about.
Fuyuhiko was transgender, a secret shared silently between Hajime, Natsumi and Peko, the latter two due to being either related to him or growing up with him. Fuyuhiko had told Hajime about seven months ago and Hajime had been surprised but immediately accepting of his friend. Hajime could count on one hand the times he’d seen Fuyuhiko cry and that was definitely the most important to him- to them both, he suspected. Apparently he’d had trouble in middle school and he hasn’t told anybody since- not that he didn’t trust most his friends per say, he just didn’t like talking about it and was, he had admitted to Hajime at the time, irrationally scared of what his brain thought of as inevitable backlash and hate. Hajime didn’t have much experience with that kind of thing so he couldn’t entirely say he understood, but he knew what it was like to have irrational fears and deep insecurity around things, even things he couldn’t control, like his status as a talentless person among his talented friends. It had gotten much better over the last two years and he trusted his friends and knew they didn’t judge him, but he still got scared or felt inferior sometimes. Honestly, one of Hajime’s biggest fears was accidentally sharing that particular memory with his soulmate- but it was a pretty important one to him so he doubted he’d need to worry about it for a long time.
He knew Fuyuhiko experienced a lot of dysphoria- he talked about his issues, that included, with Hajime sometimes, so Hajime had been there for him with a lot of it. He had had top surgery and had been on testosterone for years, but he still had other things to deal with. Hajime knew he was gay, obviously, but hadn’t considered what it would be like for Fuyuhiko to enter the body of a guy who was built differently than him- or, he realizes now, what it would be like if his soulmate ended up being a cisgender girl and he ended up in her body. Based on the slightly red faced look of a mix of contemplation and a small smile on Fuyuhiko’s face, he didn’t think Fuyuhiko had either.
“Oh. I hadn’t thought about that,” Hajime admitted, his voice making Fuyuhiko look back at him and go back into the conversation. “Did you…like it?” Hajime wasn’t sure it was weird to ask, but based on the way Fuyuhiko smiled almost to himself told him it was the right call. He gave Hajime a fond, appreciative look. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “I did. I really did. I don’t think you’d notice it much if your soulmate ends up being a guy, but I think I was hyper aware because of the change. And maybe because I’ve thought about it before, too. It felt…good,” he admits, playing with his hand by moving his thumb across his jeans, hand half in his pocket. “It feels weird to be back in my own body now. I think if I do that too often, it might upset me to be back the way I am, but right now- I guess I never thought I’d get to feel that way so I’m happy.”
Hajime grinned at his friend happily, his heart warm with the look of joy on Fuyuhiko’s face. It was nice to see him so happy while talking about his body, especially since that didn’t happen often, especially not when he thought about what it would be like to be any other way. “I’m happy for you, Fuyuhiko,” he said, putting a hand on his friend's shoulder. Normally Fuyuhiko would roll his eyes and call him sappy or scoff at his hand despite letting it sit there, but now he just smiled. Hajime quietly decided that even if this whole thing went wrong for everyone, he was grateful for this moment and Fuyuhiko’s personal success.
“Guess you didn’t get many clues on your soulmate then? Too distracted?” Fuyuhiko chuckled, shaking his head. “Shit, you're right,” he said, sounding not too bothered by this fact. “Well, there'll be more chances. Next time I’ll try, I guess, ” Fuyuhiko said playfully, gently elbowing Hajime’s side. Hajime joined in his laughter, letting go of Fuyuhiko now. “As long as you eventually send one back, sure.”
“Hey, what about you?” Fuyuhiko asks, raising an eyebrow as he looks over at Hajime, to which Hajime just gave a questioning look. “Me?”
Fuyuhiko laughed again, rolling his eyes playfully. “Yeah, you. You were, uh, back, I guess, before I was. Did you not get one? Your soulmate didn’t send you one?”
Hajime had been so caught up in worrying about Fuyuhiko and then being happy for him, but now that he pointed it out, Fuyuhiko was right. He hadn’t seen anything, had he? “No, they didn’t. I thought maybe it would just take a minute, but if you got yours right away then they probably didn’t send one,” he realizes aloud, earning a thoughtful hum from Fuyuhiko.
“Well, don’t worry about it. I didn’t send one either. Some people are just going about it differently. I’m sure you’ll get one soon,” he reassured him, offering another smile that succeeded in calming the slight raise of anxiety in Hajime’s chest, making it die out quietly.
Hajime took a breath and smiled. “You’re right. Thanks Fuyuhiko,” he agreed easily, earning an earnest nod from Fuyuhiko. And he really did believe him. For as much as Hajime was there for Fuyuhiko, Fuyuhiko was always just as there for him, and he was grateful. Fuyuhiko was right- he himself was proof some people liked to wait, and Fuyuhiko, although someone Hajime could never see himself dating, was a great guy, so it didn’t matter much if his soulmate didn’t want to send a memory right away. Maybe he was shy or nervous. Maybe he just didn’t want to seem eager. Either way, it was fine. Hajime was content to wait. Until then, he could sit here with Fuyuhiko and laugh at each other’s jokes before joining their other friends and enjoying the rest of the party. Tonight only came once, after all.