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Annie knew she made a terrible mistake in the moment she stepped out of her bike.
If she was being honest with herself, it was a buildup of mistakes and couldn’t blame anyone but herself for agreeing to be friends with the extroverted Reiner and an condescendent Bertholdt. Because of that choice, now she was feets away from their shared house and lousy party. Looking down on her feet, the supposed green grass that once was their place to chat and relax, was now covered in beer bottles, suspicious stains and rests of stomped cigarettes. She could almost feel the ground moving because of the loud music. Breathing in through her nose and accepting her fate, she started walking lazily to the house, getting closer to the burden of handling her both stupid friends.
As she gets closer to the door, she can smell the weed and how noisy it got and she wonders even if she should knock at the door or just enter without warning. Knowing Ymir, she would scream at her either way. So, Annie made a bet. If she knocks and no one hears, she will leave and enjoy her own company in her room. If somebody does listen, she accepts her punishment. Then, she knocks.
A skinny arm was around her and started dragging her around everybody’s attention.
‘’I think someone owes me a little treat!’’ Ymir practically screamed at everyone as they turned around to look at them. Annie almost fainted with all the attention.
‘’Look who’s here!! I told you guys I have my way with words’’ Ymir was too drunk to even properly say something, but apparently good enough to scream and gather curious, lost eyes to look at her.
Annie swayed her way out of Ymir’s grip and then looked for another blonde in the house who was supposed to have her way with Ymir. ‘’Why aren’t you behind Historia like a dog? I imagined you’d be here like a lap dog, with all those guys going crazy with her.’’ Annie asks, grinning at the taller.
Ymir frowned her eyebrows and sighed loudly, and with a shaky voice she responded with a simple ‘’You know, just because the dynamic duo also known as your friends are always plugged together’’, she winks, ‘’Doesn’t mean we also have to be inseparable. We’re two independent ladies.’’
Annie narrows her eyes and waits for a few seconds. She knows those two very well.
‘’She’s mad at me for drinking too much so decided to leave me to think. I think she’s in the kitchen with the Ackerman one.’’
Oh. She 's here?
Annie smiled because that did sound like something Historia would do, ‘’And are you thinking?’’ she smirks just imagining for how long this has been going on. Ymir looked at her like a lost puppy, ‘’I have some thoughts’’.
‘’Oh, I bet you do.’’
That was sociable enough for her so Annie just ran away while Ymir was looking around and thinking, she recognized some faces from her class, Connie was fighting for his life on a beer pong with Sasha by his side, screaming encouraging words at him. From the other side of the room she saw Armin excitedly explaining something to God knows who, with a sleeping drunk Eren by his side and Jean also pretending not to be interested. Apparently everyone was here, but her two idiots. Amazing.
She tried to find a quiet place to stay, maybe call for them, and with everybody mixed together in every little corner of the room, she had no space to slunk in so she walked, and walked. Passing over some passed out drunks, lovers and weirdos sleeping on the floor, she tried not to think about the fact that Mikasa was here. Even Historia being a charmer herself, she knew Mikasa would probably choose to be next to the boys for a while, just in case someone was being dumber than normal.
She finally saw a quiet and darker place to stay, quite away from everyone so she would have some peace of mind and ran to the small area and found herself practically jumping into the comfy sofa, breathing in and out and closing her eyes. She only had to stay in this stupid party for a while, everyone in the world had already seen her on behalf of Ymir so she could use them to let Reiner and Berthold know she fulfilled her bet. And then, she was done for the night.
Ever since so young Annie used to sneak out with Reiner and Berthold, as consequence, she had eyes and ears to anything so she could feel a pair of eyes burning her body. Opening them and looking right to the direction, she barely saw someone. But she did saw something. A black well fitted dress with a generous neckline, a dark heart necklace with a young boy’s face and long fingers with darker undertones painted nails. The cross ring almost made her feel scared to have a crazy religious person next to her, but then, she looked at the other’s face.
A beautiful pale and soft face stared at her so hard that she felt like she could faint.
‘’You know… Looking so silent, staring at people and wearing all black and being so pale… You could pass as a ghost, from these classic ones, y’know?’’
Hearing nothing coming from the other one, she decided to shut her mouth and stop embarrassing herself.
She didn’t.
‘’Or maybe a Hot Naughty Christian that Peter Steele would sing about it’’ she closed her eyes, cringing badly at her choice of words. What the hell was happening to her mouth? Maybe she should just leave.
A small giggle drew her attention back. That made her laugh?
‘’You’re the one to talk about being pale and staring at people, Annie’’ Mikasa smiled just a bit at her, looking strangely very relaxed and open minded to talk with her. Normally, between the college corridors, she would just ignore her existence. Or just being nonchalant about it. They weren’t friends. It wasn’t personal, at least.
‘’I have to give myself to the role of staring at people with my blue eyes until they are uncomfortable’’
Mikasa didn’t reply, just continued to stare at her, holding a small sheepish smile. ‘’I’m not uncomfortable yet. Try a little bit harder, would you?’’ quips back, and Annie doesn’t hide her playful smile. Maybe it was a good day and the Ackerman decided not to be so boring, it was a rare moment, if the math in her head matches.
‘’Well, you're far away from me. Can’t expect a lot with that.’’ Annie replies easily, looking around the room, glancing at other spaces and noticing it became a movie room. They definitely were making a great use of their money gained from work. ‘’If you wanted to get closer you should just say, you know?’’ Mikasa smiled at her and laughed at her, finding the whole exchange funny to play with. Her hair was up in two pigtails before, but now they faded and she couldn’t care less about the wild look on her now. Annie wanted to touch it, but more than that, she wanted to sink on the floor.
She huffed, ‘’You’re way too mouthful today. I’m not used to that. What they did to you?’’ Her attempt to change the subject was so obvious but at this point, she couldn’t care more, staring at anything but the girl beside her was better than, ‘’We aren’t close, Annie, of course you’re not used to me being… Playful’’ Mikasa threw her whole reasoning in the trash by interrupting her, and after thinking for a few seconds - continuously staring at the blonde - she got up from her seat and got closer.
Just a bit.
‘’And… Hitch and Sasha made some edibles…’’ Mikasa’s words were slowed, paused, the mention of edibles was enough to explain her behavior, she wouldn’t be so jolly with Annie in normal days. ‘’And for some reason you decided to ate it?’’ the blonde asks quickly, taking finally a good look on her, she wasn’t close enough to see the eyes, but everything was looking fine.
‘’I had, scientifically speaking, a peak of curiosity’’
‘’Well, you look fine, at least. Imagine having a bad trip on the first edible ever. Eren would scream at you, kill them and pathetically cry over you…’’ She was just rambling as she shot glares at the dark haired one’s necklace, and would continue to do so. But a weed-influential Mikasa stopped her. ‘’Do you think I look fine?’’ her smile turns big as she asks.
If Mikasa thought she would give that easily she was wrong, she wasn’t Ymir.
‘’Who’s that man in your necklace? I imagined you’d have Armin and Eren on it’’
Beat. Silence.
Did she say something wrong? Was that an old pic of her dad? Idol? What could possibly turn their whole dynamic this night worse, she should smack her face now.
‘’Annie, you don’t know Twilight, the 2000’s classic book and movie written by Stephanie Meyer and directed by Catherine Hardwicke, respectively?’’
Armin and Mikasa did spend a lot of time together this summer, clearly.
‘’No? I mean, I know what it is. I just don’t know anything about it’’
Mikasa stared at her like she had just spit on a Jesus Christ image, in shock and her gray's eyes suddenly shined. ‘’Do you want to know about Twilight and how it changed contemporary pop culture in general?’’ There was a big, beautiful smile on her face, her eyes shining, she quite blush on her cheeks. Annie didn’t want to, but if it means she’d have Mikasa talking to her for so long about something she liked, of course she wants to listen.
‘’Of course, I have nothing better to do, so…’’ the smaller one shrugged her shoulders, Mikasa was high, she wasn’t going to talk a lot — unfortunately or not — she would listen.
Mikasa giggles and gets a little bit closer, looking like she was prepared to have this talk with someone for years and finally found the idiot who would listen to her for how long she decided to. ‘’Okay, then, first, I must tell you a crazy internet theory about the 9/11…’’
What?
‘’(...) the creation of My Chemical Romance and finally, the beginning of Twilight, as a book. Of course isn’t true but I have always find it pretty funny.’’
Huh?
✩
Mikasa had patterns. She realized for a while as they were talking, one moment she was very far away, but as she talked about the book and its adaptations (she also learned about a graphic novel, which Mikasa grew to fully collect) she got herself closer to Annie. On the first time, she thought it was just a bliss of moment, but then, by the time the blonde has listen about the aesthetics of the first movie and then how New Moon was her second favorite (apparently because of how melodramatic everything was), Mikasa and Annie were practically sharing the same space. Not being so patient, if Annie says something dumb, Mikasa puts the same space between them. Not that she was noticing all these things at once, of course, they’re just there.
‘’And also I think it is very unfair to criticize Bella’s characterization, you know? At the time Twilight was released we had a lot of female characters who tried so much to break from their humanity and fragility. Not being like the other girls. Bella, even though she dislikes, there’s acceptance in that. I think it is cool to accept the vulnerability in means to trust another’’ As Mikasa continues to explain the whole… Twilight Lore, it’s impossible to not notice such assurance in her voice that spikes a bigger curiosity, is Mikasa training to make an essay about Twilight?
Annie is silent just looking at her face, before so pale, now it shows some reddish color and she’s also sweating. She doesn't stop talking fervently as Annie looks down on her lips. Maybe because Mikasa was the college most famous Goth, to everybody, Annie did expect to see a black lipstick today, but she wasn’t using it, maybe because it would smear on the beer bottle. Or she just didn’t want to use it. Either way, Annie was happy to see the pink on Mikasa’s lips.
‘’On the other hand I do agree we should criticize Stephanie more. But I think this is something for another time. I’m not that drunk or high.’’ She sighs tiredly and shakes her head, looking aery to everything around her, but after a comforting silence, she looks questioning at the blonde. ‘’I know you’re the silent type but the fact you didn’t stop me for those, what, almost four hours? Is definitely something. Don’t you have any questions?’’
Yeah, she did. A lot of them.
‘’Aren’t your throat tired? You spoke more for the whole time I know you’’
Mikasa squints her eyes and stares at her.
‘’Is that all you have to ask? Besides, again, we don’t talk that much, Leonhart’’ Mikasa answers her as she looks down and plays with her necklace. It was expected and she felt cold.
Annie chuckles a bit ‘’That’s fair. But it’s not exactly my fault. I have a good relationship with Armin. We have good hallway talks. And Eren is an interesting colleague at the gym’’ She tries to warm their space, she couldn’t bear being the biggest loser in the room again, but there’s a certain truth in that. They did not talk that much, maybe because of the existing walls between them.
Mikasa sighs and sways away, their bubble finally coming to an end and stares at the rest of the room. ‘’I’m very aware of that. Armin likes talking to you. And Eren is more intense about his training these days, we have now listen him sharing more about the bodybuild world.’’ Annie frowns, she didn’t say anything about that. Probably Reiner.
She realized now their convo (well, she wasn’t talking much) was dissipating and she didn’t want that. Not now. Mikasa was now silent and playing with her clothes and there’s a big space now. ‘’If you were talking about the franchise before, I do have questions, but I think it’s better to watch all of them and you answer me. At least I would have a whole wikipedia with me’’ Annie sneakily tries to accomplish another meeting. Another moment, where they could actually talk. Or maybe listen to the black haired voice more.
The blonde starts to get up, with an idea in her mind, Mikasa ate edibles. She’s probably thirsty now. She adjusts her clothes, trying not to look so anxious about her statement earlier. Maybe she was indeed a loser at socials. Mikasa looks up and quizzingly staring at the smaller girl, her gray eyes start to shine again with a quiet smile. ‘’Annie, are you asking me on a date?’’
Oh.
Annie feels her cheeks red, the heat was killing her today, she hopes her bangs hides the warm reddish feeling. ‘’You ate edibles and talked for four hours, you must be thirsty, Ackerman. And luckily, I know how to find water.’’ She starts to leave the room, quickly as possible, and Mikasa follows her lead laughing and very pleasured with herself.’’
‘’I don’t want water. I want milkshake.’’
‘’I know how to make a milkshake, Mikasa.’’
‘’Strawberry milkshake.’’
Annie sighs and scratches her forehead. Is this a normal Mikasa or a high one? Maybe Historia was right about leaving Ymir alone for a while. She looks back just for a few seconds, Mikasa was behind her, smiling vividly and even with all black clothing and the terrible house party lighting, she still shines in beauty. ‘’Then, you will drink a strawberry milkshake’’
Mikasa smirks.
✩
Oddly enough the whole path to the kitchen was quiet. Annie was almost scared that everybody passed out drunk, but as they walked towards the small kitchen — yeah, some of them were passed out, Marco was sleeping in the middle of the house — most of them were sitting next to each other, like a circle. Mikasa stared at Eren growling as people were cheering for him after kissing Jean. The other was interested in watching the floor, covering his face.
‘’Eh, tomorrow he either will pretend that never happened or will have war flashbacks about tonight.’’ Annie shakes her shoulders because knowing him, it would be both at the same time, even if it is impractical. ‘’I’m sure you know more about him than me so, I’ll keep my opinions to myself.’’ She goes straight to the quiet, finally, kitchen and starts searching for all she needs. Where in hell those idiots put the fucking milk?
‘’Give me your opinion, Annie’’ Mikasa sits on the bench next to the table, looking pretty and anxious for her milkshake. The dark haired one is kicking her legs, lazily, resting her head on her hand. Pretty. Annie stops her pursuits of the blender and glances at her… Colleague?
She looks sleepy. God better forbid Sasha and Hitch for making these edibles again. ‘’He will pretend to not remember and after a week, he will give Armin desperate glances and after another week, he will combust. Good or bad.’’ She says with a lazy expression and that causes Mikasa to laugh. ‘’Right.’’
‘’You’re very high’’
‘’I’m feeling relaxed, Annie. After a while.’’ She looks almost sad and Annie wonders how much Mikasa bears on her shoulders. And how much she wishes to share the same burden. But unfortunately, all she can give is a terrible strawberry milkshake. At least something sweet to a bittersweet sleepy Mikasa.
‘’You were here with Historia, right? Do you know where the blender is? And milk?’’
Mikasa pouts and closes her eyes to think and Annie is counting the minutes until she sleeps.
‘’There’s milk down in the fridge. Mina was scared everybody would use pranks so she hid. And behind that little naked little bear is the blender.’’ Annie backs at the bear and sees the small dark blender, thankfully clean and sighs calmly. Good. She grabs the milk and the blender, and searches for the fresh strawberry in the fridge, full of drinks, beers and old food, but finally, the strawberry.
Mikasa jumped out when she was back and Annie realized the other one was looking for the glass. She can walk, barely talk and spits sheepish comments, she’s fine.
‘’Do you want me to cut the strawberries? I’m good at cutting stuff’’ The ravenette was back with only one cup and two straws. Annie blushed, feeling her cheeks getting redder every moment, and then stared at her. ‘’I’m making one just for you.’’ She shakes her head toward the straws. ‘’And no, I’m not letting a high woman cut anything’’ Mikasa rolls her eyes, but with a sly smile on her pink lips. ‘’You’re a sweet tooth, Annie. Let 's share. I’m being good today. And if I cut myself because of my state, you can always drink it.’’ She smirks and winks at her. Annie is feeling warm again.
‘’Of course a vampire fan would be into blood kink. But let’s wait for a movie marathon first.’’ Annie pretends she isn’t affected. Mikasa is being unbearable. But she can get used to it.
Mikasa raises her eyebrows and opens her mouth, but doesn’t say anything. She just smiles.
‘’I’ll be patient’’
Huh?
Annie shakes her head and cracks her fingers, feeling the blood flowing again, she is sweating cold, Jesus Christ, get a hold of yourself. She starts to look after the knife, between the mess they made, she could only think of how much she would force her friends to clean up everything. Mikasa was right behind her, looking like an obsessed ghost after their favorite human and even though she could swear their weird dynamic, she liked it. It suited them. Giving one last look she gives up. No knife.
‘’Do you even know where the knife is? Apparently I can't find anything in this house anymore’’ Annie angrily grabs the milk and the blender as Mikasa giggles behind her, finding the whole situation fun. Annie could eat some edibles too, she thinks. ‘’I told you to let me cut them’’ The taller one shows the knife hiding behind her and snugs the small angry lady to the side, she lines up the strawberries and skillfully starts to cut every little fruit, letting just one with a small cut, to decorate the cup.
Annie glares at her, her smooth movements and how they were right now. There was a spark of domesticity that she couldn’t exactly point, but she could feel. There’s no noisy background, their friends fogging in her mind. Right now, she could only see Mikasa. Annie felt everything, in the pit of her stomach, in the center of her bones, knew it from the crown of her head to the soles of her feet.
And she wondered if Mikasa felt too.
And also hurt but she can only think of how much everything now feels ephemeral. Oh, how much she wanted to be like this forever. The comfortable silence and even Mikasa sly hazy eyes. It was scary.
‘’You’re staring’’
Annie stops and she listens to Ymir angry snarks on the other side of the room. She was back and in a brief moment, everything was gone, but forever in mind. She can listen to her heartbeat in her ears, and she hopes Mikasa doesn’t.
‘’Well, I’m sorry if it’s weird to know you were behind me with a knife’’ She spits a snarky comment, she needed to just make this milkshake, let Mikasa drink it and leave the house. And it was her damn home. Mikasa laughs and grabs the sugar, coating the strawberries with it, she shrugs her shoulders. ‘’I wouldn’t do anything with you. And if I did, you’d dodge. Put the milk inside.’’ She does as she’s told and Mikasa throws everything inside. And starts to mix everything together.
‘’You’re right. I do have a black belt in muay thai’’ Annie knows it’s impossible to hear her with the noise of the blender, but she doesn’t need an answer, she is fine with the silence.
Mikasa isn’t.
She stares at her with a confused face, but doesn’t say anything. She moves her hands to draw Annie closer to her face. And the blonde feels everything all at once, the warmth of Mikasa’s hands in contrast to her cold ones, and every aspect where she feels cold and hard, Mikasa is warm and pliable. Except for her face, Annie’s sure she’s warm there. She repeats what she said next to Mikasa’ ears and she could almost feel her mind imagining a shiver on the dark haired one.
Mikasa doesn’t let her go that easily, she keeps holding her hands but she smiles as she says she’s aware of the black belt. How? Annie doesn't know. She is not very vocal about it. But she lets her. Let her know and feel her chilly hands. And Annie hopes she’s not a burden.
After a few minutes Mikasa finally stops the blender and Annie lets go of her hands, grabbing the cup to fill with the strawberry milkshake and with a pouting face, Mikasa sighs and fills the cup. She jumps to grab the two straws and the lonely strawberry on the bench, decorating like a special chef. Then, she smiles at Annie. ‘’We have the strawberry milkshake!’’
Annie smiles at her.
‘’It was my job to supply the milkshake’’ Mikasa is calling her to sit in front of her and she does, doesn’t mean she will drink the milkshake together. Mikasa looks like a little kid with the biggest bag of sweets in front of her. ‘’But it’s cooler if you have nice company’’ and she drinks her mix, eyes sparkling with joy, big smile on her face and red cheeks. Happiness glows in Mikasa, or dare she says it’s the contrary. It suits her.
She looks at Annie and stares at the second straw, squinting her eyes. ‘’Aren’t you drinking too?’’ Annie shakes her head, she would love to have something sweet now, but if she knows a high person, she knows they need to eat. Or drink something. ‘’You need more than me right now, please drink.’’ Mikasa glances at her seriously and once again, groans quietly, rolling her eyes.
Annie doesn’t say anything and lets the ravennette finish the milkshake. They’re once again in their pattern of domesticity and Annie just questions what will happen when they’re over. When Armin comes with a drunken Eren on his shoulder, they will leave, so does everyone in the house and she’s going to take care of her idiots. This moment of peace is just a brief moment, one that she feels like she doesn’t deserve, but she’s going to be selfish and enjoy it. Because that’s what she is at heart. Not Mikasa. She doesn't deserve this sweetness.
Mikasa drinks almost everything. ‘’It’s really good. Congrats, Annie.’’ Annie also didn’t almost nothing. But she takes it. ‘’Thank you’’ and she takes a good look at her, there’s a small piece of pink on her lips, just a bit of the rest of the milkshake. Is it too cliche to tell her that?
‘’There’s a bit of milkshake on your lips, clean it’’ Annie points at her pinkish lips and Mikasa smiles a little bit.
‘’Why don’t you clean yourself?’’
Annie knows what that implies. And she feels like she wants to sink into the floor, her heartbeats got pathetically fast and her hands are sweating now. Again. She gulps and cleans them in her hands on her jeans and then touches Mikasa’s plush lips and cleans what remains of the milkshake. It’s the closest she got since their whole meeting. Mikasa just stares at her and gives her a defeated smile.
‘’Seriously?’’
She’s dumb, she knows it.
Annie hums and looks around the corner of the kitchen, there’s too much mess to look at and looks better than what she’s doing right now. ‘’I wanted to kiss you from the moment you tossed Reiner over Eren. But you’re far too good, Mikasa. And I’m not good at…’’ she gestures at them ‘’At this. I know you and how… Much of a good person you are…’’ Her rambles are stopped when Mikasa, for the first time in the night, says with a clear and serious voice.
‘’I can feel what you’re feeling now, Annie. And you are worth it.’’
She just stares at her and feels how heavy her chest feels, it was always like this? It hurts. Mikasa felt her?
Mikasa smiles and approaches her face next to Annie ‘’I want to kiss you today. And tomorrow. And on the other days you'll give me the pleasure of doing such a thing’’ She is staring closely at her eyes, just enjoying how the icy blue eyes are looking so warmed up now.
Annie doesn't know what to do, but she can only realize how much of a melodramatic romantic Mikasa is. And she smiles. Because she doesn’t feel so heavy, because everything looks right, just now. ‘’You did watch and read too much Twilight.’’ Mikasa laughs and grabs her hands, kissing each knuckle. ‘’I did and I’m a romantic woman.’’’
The blonde flushes hard and she almost wants to knock Mikasa down to make her feel this way. But she knows Mikasa would win, so instead of punches, kicks and a bloody mess (Mikasa would like that) she opens her mouth and closes on the straw, drinking the rest of the strawberry. It is indeed sweet.
Mikasa smiles at her and she’s glowing.
‘’ Annie, were you serious about the movie marathon?’’
Of course she would ask that.
‘’You told me everything in these four hours, but yeah, I was.’’ She listened to a girl talk about Twilight for four hours straight? She did. ‘’Are you asking on a date, then?’’ Annie simply mumbles a quiet yes, their little secret.
Mikasa grins at her but soon enough turns into a big smile.
‘’Great, because I want to kiss you throught the movie’’
Annie can deal with that.