Chapter Text
“-I know it’s been a few short months since my last upload, Kittens, but know that complaining won’t do anything to sway me. If you want another upload faster, then get on your knees and beg… How was that?” Byakuya asked, leaning away from the microphone to his producer on the other side of the glass.
“Hot,” the woman said, pink faced. She flipped through the pages on her script and the notes therein. “Let's do one more read of line 43.”
Byakuya turned the pages, finding the right line. He cleared his throat, took a sip of tea, and began. “I suppose you’ve been good…enough. Not exactly stellar but acceptable.”
“Today I will be using my new Despair and Hope palette! Loook! I tooootally personalised all these colours and I’m so happy with how it turned out!” Junko giggled, showing the camera the new array of eyeshadows, with the white half of the packaging containing pastels with names like ‘Sunshine’ and ‘Dewdrop’, and the black half containing darker shades with names like ‘Deadlines’ and ‘Mortality’. “Despair and Hope will drop in five days, guys~! It’s a limited run so pre-order if you haven’t already!”
“Hey, Howdy and Hellooo Watchers and Go Getters~! Today, Sakura-chan will be demonstrating the five-inch punch!” Aoi narrated to the camera, smiling brightly. She turned, pointing the camera at her white haired friend, clad in gym wear. “Sakura-chan, what are the use cases for such an attack?”
“It’s not often a potential attacker will give you the space for an appropriate wind up,” Sakura began, arms crossed. “Nor is it always possible or advisable to throw your arm back, particularly novices who will unknowingly broadcast where they aim and-”
Leon plucked the strings at his guitar, head bopping ever so slightly as he…tried…to keep in time with the beat he was meant to be playing.
Three minutes elapsed, and he was done. He leaned in, checking his phone for the updated view count on his live.
Three congruent watchers. Two of which he was sure was his mom watching on her phone and tablet, going by how he could hear the echo of them playing from his room. Head hung low, he sighed. “Lets try that again,” He declared, ending the live.
He’d try to game the algorithm and add more trending hashtags, even if the tags didn’t align with the music he was playing…
“-all in all, I can’t really recommend Toko Fukawa’s latest novel. It’s rife with trite metaphors, bad pacing, and paper thin characters.” Celeste sighed, very dramatically lifting the book off the stand it had been on during her entire video essay to display the cover to the camera, and dropping it into a bin labelled as ‘paper recycling’.
She continued. “Her attempt at a vampire romance leaves much to be desired, and I really do question why she felt the need to make the…ahem…’hero’ such a ridiculous bastard,” Celeste hummed, head tilting. “Far be it from me to speculate on an author's…proclivities, but it does seem like Fukawa-sensei is a fan of ByakuyASMR, I swear this romance lead is modelled after him!”
“Listen here you goth bitch! If you don’t wanna read an actual dark romance, don’t read a damn dark romance !!” The twin-tailed girl growled, sitting in the passengers’ seat of her mothers car as she ranted to her phone. “If you wanted a vampire to fawn all over the heroine, then Twilight is right there! You entirely missed the point of the story, it’s not meant to have a happy end! Did all the hairspray you used to get those stupid fucking hair spirals fuck with your brain as well as your hair?!”
"W hat’s your opinion on the Fukawa-Ludenberg Drama?” Kiyotaka read off the screen. “That’s a tough one, honestly.”
“Tough?” Laughed Mondo. “What’s so tough about it? Fukawa got her rotten panties into a bunch after a bad review! She’s obviously in the wrong here.”
“I don’t think I see it quite that way,” Kiyotaka said from across the table. “I mean, Celestia did trash her book, and the points she made against it weren’t all that good!”
“What? Did you read Fukawa’s book?” Mondo asked, incredulous.
“I figured it would come up since it got popular, so yes I did!” Kiyotaka said, nodding firmly. “While it’s not exactly my cup of tea, I can see why others would enjoy such a work! The hero being quite the…unaffectionate lead could appeal to certain audiences. It still has artistic merit.”
“Wasn’t that book something like…78% smut by volume? What about that has any artistic merit?”
“Some people like getting right to the point.”
“Yeah, bored housewives maybe.”
“And bored housewives should have media they enjoy too!”
The debate continued on…
“Now, no offence to Miss Maizono Sayaka-sama,” Hifumi said, pushing his glasses up as he faced the good camera on his office desk. “But I really question if she’s the right person to voice our dear Demon Angel⭐Pretty Pudgy Princess in the upcoming Anime Adaptation. I mean, sure she sounds cute , I’ve heard her hit pop songs too! But Demon Angel⭐Pretty Pudgy Princess has more than just cute! She’s layered, with depth . I just wonder if Maizono-sama has the acting chops to do the role justice. I will pray for her and the anime’s success, but my hopes aren’t high. That will be all for today, until next time! Subscribe for more Demon Angel⭐Pretty Pudgy Princess news, opinions and updates! Glitter Shine, Friends! Glitter Shine!”
The video didn’t end there, going to black before a new clip began.
“It finally came~!” Hifumi jumped for joy, holding aloft the box in his living room, obviously just picked up from a delivery person. He shuffled over to the stand, putting his phone onto it to steady it. He quickly stepped back, and presented the box, still in it’s packaging. “The Official Demon Angel⭐Pretty Pudgy Princess Festival Figure!! Made with high quality Resin and -” Hifumi slid in close to the camera so only his eyes were visible, whispering into the camera with a giggle. “ Detailed . Panties. Subscribe to my Patreon for the full unboxing experience, hufufufufu~! I’m off to film that now! Lets’ open ‘er up and take a look, Gang!!”
A man’s hands could be seen, flipping cards onto a table. “K1R1G1R1! Welcome to the live! I’m taking fortune requests if you’re interested! First one to donate 10$ takes the next three card flips! …Ope! Seems like Naekoma sniped the spot from you, sorry! Lets do this, Naekoma! I want you to focus real hard on my voice alright, see my hands, memorise the look and texture of them. Close your eyes, envision the back of my cards…”
Flip. Flip. Flip.
“The Lovers and the Ace of Cups?! Congrats, Naekoma, you’re well on your way to a new love interest! And the…eh? Two of my cards got stuck together.”
Hagakure peeled the pair apart, finding nothing particularly sticky binding them. “Weird…Oh, geeze. The Moon and The Devil. Sorry Naekoma, it seems like your future love might not be playing with a full deck of cards. They seem to have some kind of mental issue. And going by how the cards were together like this…seems like your love is hiding something behind their first glance appearance.”
“Hey guys~! The girls and I are getting ready for our first table read of Pretty Pudgy Princess Angel Demon! Ah, this is such a cute anime, I can’t believe I get to play a part in it!” Sayaka squeaked excitedly. “Thank you everyone for petitioning on my behalf when the studio asked you who would best play Princess Piggles! I will do my best to bring her to life!”
“This was a really fun project!” Chihiro giggled, smiling from behind the VTuber Avatar. “Recreating a classic 8-bit game on a calculator was difficult, especially the sprite art, but I’m super proud of the end result!”
“Hey Gramps!” Makoto said into the camera, holding it at arms length as he walked along the road on his way home. “Mom told me to find a way to talk to you, and I know you have trouble doing all the normal stuff since Grandma died and your hearing is going and you refuse to use your cell phone for video calls because it hurts your eyes but somehow the computer and TV doesn’t bother you…Anyway. Uhm…Updates! Mom n Dad are doing good. Dad thinks he’s gonna get that promotion he’s been gunning for, hope that works out well. Mom been…Mom. She started a new project, I think it’s supposed to be a puff ball blanket or something, she made a wood frame that takes up like, half the living room now, so that’s fun. Pochi keeps trying to play with the- Oh right, we got a kitten! We named her Pochi. I know it’s a dogs name but Komaru thought it’d be funny to name a cat like a dog. Pochi likes the yarn project. Komaru’s been…odd, lately, something about a terrible future…? I don’t know, I can’t get into her head. And me…I got my class ranking results a few days ago, I’m ahead of where I was last semester, which just means I’m above the middle of the pack. Mom says I need to study more but I don’t really see the point, I suppose. I mean, average is okay! I’m not setting the curve and I’ll probably never set the curve, but it is what it is, right? I’m doing my best and my best is just av-”
Makoto stopped dead in his tracks, looking away from the camera lens on his phone. “Hold on…” He said, still looking off camera. “Is that…? Pochi!” He turned the camera, showing a fairly small kitten standing on the upper limb of a tree, very clearly frightened. Makoto ran to the tree, paying no mind to where the camera was pointing as he did so.
“Pochi, what are you doing here?!” Makoto fretted, jumping to try to grab the cat. His phone fell out of his pocket, the camera pointing up at him as he scrambled to climb the tree.
Pochi hissed at him, swiping with a clawed paw.
“Ow! Pochi! You gotta stay home! You’re not very big, you know! A hungry owl could come down on you at any minute! Or even a very dedicated seagull! Pochi!!”
Makoto eventually got Pochi, taking the kitten by the scruff, but in his joy he ended up falling flat onto his back, landing on top of his phone with a groan.
He sat up, getting his phone from the ground. “Ough…Anyway, Gramps. This is Pochi. Pochi says hi.” Makoto introduced the kitten, ‘waving’ it’s little paw, only to pause. “...This isn’t Pochi,” he realised, seeing the little toe beans on the kitten he’d been harassing. Pochi’s toe beans were all black, this kitten’s beans were pink. “...I wonder if Mom and Dad would let me keep Not-Pochi…” He said softly to himself, holding the kitten at eye level.
Not-Pochi swatted at his ahoge, deciding that Makoto was not going to eat him and was friendly.
“I’m gonna go beg them, later Gramps!” Makoto said, shutting off his phone camera.
He’d upload it and send the link to his grandfather, who’d inevitably watch it on his laptop.
He wouldn’t bother putting it on private or anything, since his Gramps was probably the only one who’d ever see it.