Chapter Text
He cornered her against the wall and looked into her eyes. He was unable to recognise himself, reflecting a brusque Xiao driven by a feeling that has been troubling him since Lumine's arrival. The kindness and understanding she provided reminded him of a feeling he wanted to bury: longing for companionship. He did not have much of a problem with chance encounters, but when it came to her he could not help but want her around often, it brought back memories of better times that were never to return. Every day he wished hard for the warmth to die out like a fire and for the wind to carry those ashes away, but it was not an easy task, not while she was here rekindling the flames.
Lumine froze, not because she could not free herself, but because she was seeking an explanation for their current situation. She knew for a fact that Xiao had something to express since she had been able to comprehend him effectively for quite some time, and this occasion was no different.
She had decided to visit him that night at the Wangshu Inn, taking advantage of the fact that she had completed some errands nearby earlier in the day. The trust between the two of them was crossing boundaries that neither of them could tell if it was a good idea. Xiao was chained to Liyue for life and Lumine was a traveller who would be lost among the stars once she found her brother. Their paths were designed to diverge and they knew it, but they were unable to come to terms with it.
‘I don't understand what happens to me when I'm with you,’ he stated stoically. ‘I just...’
He lacked the bravery to complete the sentence. Acknowledging that he wished to have her by his side would only complicate things for both of them. The moment he regained his liberty, he was immediately placed back under someone's authority. He had been a servant for his entire life, so he had no idea how to act like a free person, especially not when Zhongli had saved him, and he owed him a debt of gratitude. Lumine deserved to be with someone who could accompany her wherever she went.
The only response he received was her hand on his cheek, gently caressing it. In all this time they had never had such intimate contact. Xiao's expression softened quickly, how long had it been since he had felt affection in such a direct way? It had been ages.
‘Xiao?’ She asked worriedly.
The shy drops trickling from the Adeptus' eyes were evidence enough of his inner collapse. He stopped cornering her and wiped away his tears swiftly.
‘I have to go.’
He was grieving, and he did not want to outwardly express it any further. Lumine hugged him before he could teleport away, because even if he did not say it, she knew they needed it. She grew tired of dodging her emotions, hoping to temporarily appease them enough to have long-lasting tranquillity. She, like him, found the situation painful. They should not have fallen in love when a farewell was imminent.
‘Lumine.’
The desperation and longing were evident in the way he said her name. Xiao dug his finger into the blonde hair and, with his free hand, tenderly traced her waist. The traveller placed her hands on his back and caressed him. They both waited with bated breath, their hearts on the starting line, poised to race as soon as they heard the gun.
They trembled from the breaths that brushed against their necks. They were uncertain about the course of action, as stepping back might engender feelings of rejection. Nonetheless, failing to do so would inflict more harm in the future. The recollection would be indelibly etched in their mind.
Their hearts raced uncontrollably. She believed she could handle it more effectively, but she was extremely anxious. Memories of their journey together flooded her mind as she recalled how he gradually let down his guard and revealed his kindness and unique charm. She felt secure by his side. She had always relied on her own strength and abilities to defend herself, but with him it was different. If she were to stumble, she was sure he would be there to support her.
Xiao gently disentangled from the embrace. Despite feeling nervous, the encounter had given him food for thought and solidified his hazy musings: his feelings towards Lumine were far from equal to the familiar love he had shared with the Yakshas.
He tentatively lifted his hand to Lumine's cheek, as if seeking her approval. She reciprocated and at the same time broke the distance between their faces a little. Xiao was the one who decided whether they would end up kissing or whether he would shatter the idyllic scenario they had created.
They were about to commit an error, and it was an opportune time to withdraw from this madness, but they could not. They had longed for a moment like this for a while. Finally, totally succumbed by temptation, he broke the inches that separated them and kissed her lips. He was completely unaware of how much such a chaste kiss could turn upside down his world. He gained a better understanding as to why humans deemed it particularly special; in his opinion, it was too personal a method to offer to others. He believed that this had established an unbreakable connection between them.
They separated slowly, gazing at each other without speaking. They were both content and sorrowful in equal measure; a lone kiss was not enough to calm their throbbing hearts, but they had to suffice.
'I...'
Xiao halted himself, unable to disclose what he felt. It would have laid down a considerable precedent for when they next conversed. What had happened was a mutual agreement, a non-verbal way in which they made it clear that they were in love, but it would go nowhere because of their circumstances. They were destined to linger forever in each other's memories, even if it meant a relentless agony that would consume them completely.