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“Bones, please, it’s not a big deal. They just sting a little bit.”
“Not a big deal? Jesus, Jim! Would you have even told me if Uhura hadn’t ratted you out?”
“No, I wouldn’t have! Honestly, I didn’t even know they were there.”
“There is blood! Coming through your shirt! How did you not know they were there?”
Jim scratched the back of his head, staring at the bioscanner beeping cheerily next to him. His heart rate, blood pressure, and temperature all looked great. He didn’t have any broken bones. He was in an excellent mood. But Uhura had seen a tiny bit of blood staining his command golds and gasped, “Captain!” loudly enough for the rest of the bridge crew to turn to look at him and voice their concerns.
All, of course, except Mr. Spock, who had refused to turn to see what was happening, staring dutifully into his sensors instead. Jim had deputized him to take the conn and departed for medbay before he could laugh.
Unfortunately, Bones did not think the blood on his shirt was as funny as he did, and he was rapidly running out of excuses.
“Was this from an away mission? Did someone with a grudge come after you in the gym? Let me see , Jim---”
“Bones, stop! It’s fine! I swear, I would have told you if it was serious, and it wasn’t serious!”
“Oh, so you do know where they’re from?”
Jim bit his lip and refused to meet Bones’s eyes. “I don’t know,” he said unconvincingly. Bones planted his hands on his hips, raising his eyebrows.
“Alright, then!” Jim pushed himself to his feet. “Since it’s all fine and nothing is wrong, I’ll just go home and change---”
“Don’t you even---”
Jim tried to duck out of the way, but Bones was faster. He caught the back of Jim’s collar in one hand as Jim twisted away, and with an almighty rending of fabric the damn shirt tore halfway down his back. If he ever met someone from Starfleet Fabrications and Material Construction he was going to have words with them. The number of shirts he had ripped on this mission alone…
Bones stared in disbelief at his exposed back as Jim fought and lost to the rising flush on his cheeks. “So I’ll be going now,” he said.
“Jesus, Jim,” Bones said again, softly. “Someone did this to you.” Bones gently reached one hand up, and the look on his face was so distraught that Jim knew he had to tell him the truth before he assumed something far worse.
“No, it’s not like that. It wasn’t in anger.”
The distress drained away immediately, replaced with suspicion. The extended hand clenched into a fist and was returned to Bones’s waist as the good doctor regarded him with narrowed eyes. Jim’s face burned hotter and he knew he was as red as a summer tomato, but he held eye contact.
“Someone clawed at your back hard enough to break the skin, and it wasn’t in anger,” Bones said.
“That’s correct, doc.”
Bones eyed the scratches on his back --- that Jim truly had not known were there, hadn’t even registered them as painful in the moment--- and then Jim saw, in the dawning shock and amused horror on Bones’s face, the pieces coming together. This wasn’t exactly how he had intended to tell his best friend that he had finally managed to successfully woo his first officer, but the truth will out.
“Well, at least that’s a relief,” Bones finally said. “Whose hands are so damn big?”
“Can I have another shirt, please?”
Bones finally turned away from him, heading towards the storage closet. Jim followed. “I would appreciate your discretion, doctor,” Jim said.
“In what, Jim? Your adventures across the galaxy aren’t exactly a secret. You don’t normally sleep with crewmates, that’s true, but I suppose…”
“It’s not like that this time, Bones,” Jim said.
“Not like that? Who am even I talking to right now?” Bones muttered, pulled a new black t-shirt from a box in the closet, and turned back to him. Then Jim saw Bones’s eyes fixate on his face and shoulders and take him in--- his flushed cheeks, his half-smile, the scratches on his back that had been left by someone with great strength and enormous hands. He grinned wholeheartedly as Bones spluttered.
“Jim Kirk, you did not. ”
“Oh, but I did,” he said, with great delight, and took the shirt from Bones’s limp hands. “And I intend to do it again. And again. Maybe forever.”
“Stop,” Bones said immediately, throwing his hands into the air. “I don’t want to know any more. Matter of fact, I don’t want to think about this topic at all.”
“Are you sure?” Jim teased, following Bones back out into the main Medbay. “I thought you wanted to know what happened. Weren’t you so worried just a moment ago? Can I at least get an antiseptic?”
Bones grabbed a tube of antiseptic from a biobed drawer and threw it at him. “Get out!”
“You’re not going to help me?”
With a withering look, Bones turned to disappear into his office. “Get your boyfriend to do it.”
“Maybe I will!” Jim called, and Bones slammed the door in his face. He was having an excellent day, and it wasn’t even lunchtime. With a spring in his step he departed. Maybe he would call Spock to help with the antiseptic. They were due for a few conversations, anyway.