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After that travesty of a pool party finally ends, Sand gathers his things as quickly and silently as his trembling fingers can manage, and storms out of the patio of Ray's house, intent on getting out of there. He doesn't see Boeing leave, but assumes he does, since the show is over. He can't look at Ray and he wants to punch something until his hand bleeds. So he needs to leave.
Ray catches him just before the gates, however, strolling out in a loose silk robe, a picture of nonchalance.
"What's wrong?", he uses that flippant tone that pisses Sand off even more, because he can smell the bullshit from here and Ray is not as sleek or calm, or unbothered as he pretends to be.
Judging by the pinched corners of his eyes and strained lines of his mouth, he is just as angry.
Sand wants to laugh at the irony and the fucking audacity, but he swallows it down like he always does - it's a miracle he doesn't have an unlcer by now, from all the shit he's been forced to swallow over the years - he breathes slowly through the nose, until he can form words again and not incoherent angry noises.
"Are you seriously asking me what's wrong? After the bullshit you've pulled tonight? What the hell was that?"
He's surprised at how calm his voice sounds, despite the choice of words.
"You never yell at me, that's why I want you in my life."
Boeing's words echo in his mind, unbidden, and he feels sick, again.
"What was what, Sand?" Ray crosses his arms, raises his chin defiantly, though his voice trembles a little at the end of that question and Sand feels a soft pang of attraction, despite himself.
He wants to wrap his arms around Ray's tense shoulders, to smooth the worry lines between his brows with his lips. To sooth, even though his own anger and humiliation still simmer under his skin.
And that's why Ray's next words are like a slap to the face.
"You like him, don't you? So I dragged him here for you." he says, like he's been doing Sand a favor all this time, goading him into kissing his ex, despite knowing full well how things ended between them.
As if Sand should feel grateful and enjoy being jerked around like a toy, between two overgrown petty toddlers. Like it's not an absolutely fucked thing to do to the person you claimed to 'not be able to live without' some two weeks earlier. Sand tastes bile at the back of his throat.
"I just wanted to join in for a little bit, to see for myself what's so special about him. And I get it! So now you can get back together, don't you like that?!"
Ray's impassive mocking facade cracks halfway through his tirade. His eyes shine with tears and burn with such anger - hurt - fear - hurthurthurt, that Sand is taken aback.
"No, I don't…"
His own voice suddenly sounds small, he catches the moment Ray's lips curl into a rueful smile and he looks away. As if he's already decided everything in his head and Sand all but confirmed it. What the actual hell?!
"That's not what I want! Don't be ridiculous!"
Ray's eyes snap up to his face again, hope flashes in them briefly, but then it's quickly covered by a sarcastic flick of his brow.
"Am I, Sand? I've heard you at the bar. About your shared dream of traveling and visiting the music festivals around the world. So what? Now that he's back and cares about you again, you are going to fuck off into the sunset with him? Be my guest!"
Ray spits the last of his 'blessing' for Sand and Boeing's happily ever after, coated with venom and Sand wants to hit something again. Because this is just plain insulting.
"Boeing cares about no one but himself!"
It hurts to say, hurts to admit that Sand has wasted three years of his life loving, caring and sharing parts of himself with the person who ditched him for a smug rich bastard, like Top. That after everything they've been through, Boeing has explicitly showed him that they were never on the same fucking page about their relationship.
The worst part is that despite Sand doing everything in his power to put his life back together and move on, he still froze, like a deer caught in the headlights, when Boeing appeared in front of him again. His stupid bleeding heart trembling at the slightest hint of remorse in Boeing's voice, fake though it was.
Because if Boeing was not really sorry, if there was nothing good in this man from the start, then that made Sand a pathetic lovesick fool, stupid enough to think that anyone would ever truly want him.
"You knew that he was a piece of shit! You saw right through him, and still pushed for this whole 'pool party' threesome bullshit, why? To test me? To punish me?"
Anger and hurt claw at his throat again. Sand watches Ray's face like a hawk for the slightest change, that would explain this batshit behavior. Was it really his insecurity manifesting itself again? Does he honestly think that Sand still loves Boeing enough to come back to him?
Judging by a small flicker of vulnerability that passes over Ray's eyes, his jaw going slack for a moment, before he schools his expression back into flippant calm, that's exactly what he thought. Sand wants to shake him. He can't help an incredulous laugh that slips from his lips.
"He's just my ex. Everyone has a past. You have your own with Mew. Do you still love him? Should I ask you two to kiss, just to check if there's some spark left?"
Sand knows he is spouting nonsense at this point. But he wants Ray to see how ridiculous it sounds. That he and Boeing together are about as compatible as Ray and Mew.
Except Ray doesn't catch on. If anything, his eyes darken further, mouth twists into a frown and he is dead serious, when he says:
"I used to like Mew. I still love him, but as a friend. That's the only thing I'll ever be to him. But this guy wants you back. And I saw the way you two kissed. Clearly, you still have feelings for him."
Ray can't quite hide the bitterness in his voice. Maybe he's finally decided to stop pretending to be unaffected all together.
He steps chest to chest with Sand and stares straight at him, before continuing.
"So, If you're choosing him, kindly let me know. I won't be a third wheel to your perfect couple. I'll give you an out. But if you're choosing me-"
Sand grabs him by the nape of his neck and smashes their lips together, before Ray can finish. He is so fucking tired of this whole pity party, from both of them.
Ray's hands push at his shoulders at first, startled, but then, as if a switch is flipped he lets out the tiniest sob into Sand's mouth, fists at the collar of his T-shirt to get impossibly closer and kisses back with desperate abandon, hot, open-mouthed and full of teeth.Not at all the way he kissed Sand back at the pool.
That kiss felt strained and weary, as if Ray was preparing himself that he wouldn't be able to keep it. And then he went on and took revenge on Sand by making out with Boeing right in front of him.
Sand growls into Ray's mouth, despite himself. Possessiveness was never his strong suit, but right now he's burning with it. He's going to lick Ray's mouth clean of Boeing, if it's the last thing he does. Ray shudders with his whole body and then goes pliant in Sand's arms, only clutching at his shoulders to stay upright.
When Sand is convinced that there are no traces of Boeing left on Ray's tongue, or his own for that matter, only their own taste and heat, he lets Ray go up for air.
"Oh, what a sight he is. " Sand's mind supplies fondly. Panting and flushed, wearing only a silk robe that leaves nothing to the imagination as it clings very pointedly in places.
Ray definitely didn't have time to take a shower if he was able to catch up to Sand. His hair smells slightly of chlorine, but Sand buries his face into the crook of Ray's neck and nuzzles the divot just under his jaw, where a faint sheen of sweat has formed and Ray's pulse is rabbiting beneath the soft skin.
It still smells like Ray. Rich and mouthwatering. He traces the same path with his lips, leaving small bites and soothing them with his tongue right after.
"Sand…please..ple-ah!"
Ray's voice turns into throaty whine, urgent and dazed, music for Sand's ears, that sends another violent wave of heat right to his crotch.
Ray bares his neck for Sand even more, and helplessly jerks his hips against the denim of Sand's thigh. He doesn't say exactly what he's asking for, but Sand is ready to give him everything.
And that's the crux of it, isn't it? There is nothing he would ever deny Ray. He's tried and failed, time and time again. And as pathetic as it sounds from every logical angle, the realization brings Sand a strange kind of peace. He knows how far he is willing to go and for whom. But he also needs Ray to realize that too.
"I choose you, Ray. Of course it's you…I'm sorry, I've made you think otherwise…"
Sand breathes the words over Ray's kiss-swollen lips, cradles his soft face in his own calloused palms and looks at him the only way he knows how - utterly besotted. Which Ray seems to finally notice.
He stills, catching the meaning of Sand's words, but doesn't say anything, a little hesitant, waiting for him to continue.
Sand can't help a small sigh that escapes him and lowers his eyes for a moment. He needs to speak his mind, before they go any further, he knows that, but It feels so…selfish, to dump his own emotional baggage on other people. Especially on people he loves…especially on Ray, who has his own demons to fight.
Vulnerability is hard, it burns his eyes with tears and leaves uncomfortable prickles at the nape of his neck. Ray's warm palm covers the side of his face, making Sand look up at him again.
"Talk to me…please, Sand".
His tone is quiet and imploring, a far cry from where they've started tonight. The urge to point out the irony of Ray actually encouraging proper communication is strong. But Sand squashes it right then and there. This is just a defense mechanism. They need to get better at talking to each other, if they want to make it work, and Sand wants them to work more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. So, he is going to take a step towards that.
"I'm sorry. It's hard. Boeing was…the first serious relationship I've had. The first thing that felt real and permanent, at least for me. For him? I'm not even sure anymore. After he left me for Top, I…I was fucked up."
Sand can feel his throat closing up around the syllables and tries to clear it. The sound that comes out instead is suspiciously close to a sob. Only Ray's hands on the side of his neck and shoulder, ground him enough to continue.
"I began to wonder, maybe it was somehow my fault? That I wasn't good enough for him, or rich enough, or educated, or whatever the fuck else. It was easier to hate Top after what happened, then to hate myself, for not being…more."
'For being a second option'
He doesn't say it out loud, because it's still too soon. They have enough self-loathing between them to go around as it is, no need to add more.
A choked laugh escapes without Sand's permission. He chances a self-deprecating look at Ray, as if to say "I know, pathetic, right?".
Ray's face does something complicated at that. He stares back with shock, that morphs into several different emotions in quick succession and then settles into cold, sharp anger, mixed with disdain. The same look he was giving Boeing in the pool.
Oh-oh…
It's probably not a good idea to have your current boyfriend go to jail for killing your ex. Even if he does sort of deserve it.
"Ray…"
Sand mouths a quiet warning, but Ray just shakes his head in disbelief.
"What the actual hell, Sand?! That asshole isn't worth half your toenail!"
It's a ridiculous over-exaggeration, that only Ray is able to spout with complete seriousness. With confidence.
It never fails to make Sand's insides flutter with giddy excitement and heat. This time is no exception. He smiles and shakes his head with fond exasperation. Now it finally feels familiar, like them.
"You were all but pushing me onto this very asshole less than an hour ago".
Sand means it as a playful jab, his initial anger forgotten, but Ray's face cringes painfully at the reminder and he tugs Sand closer to him once more, crushes him with a hug and mumbles fervently into his collarbone.
"Fuck… I'm sorry. Sand, I'm so sorry. I would rather drink acid, than let him anywhere near you again. It's just…The thought of you still liking him was fucking unbearable," Ray lets out a noise that sounds suspiciously like a sniffle and continues.
"When he called me your 'friend' and you didn't correct him I thought I was going to lose you. So I reverted back to being a jealous prick, without even… I'm sorry…But if you really did have feelings for him, I…"
"What, you'd let me go?"
Sand doesn't quite know how he feels about that. On one hand, this is the most selfless thing Ray has ever said to him. But the other small, secret part of him gnaws on his ribs and wails at the thought of being abandoned, even if it's entirely hypothetical.
Some of it must show on his face, because Ray suddenly draws a sharp breath and only a second later, they are kissing again. Ray's hands are in his hair, and Sand sways forward with a force of it.
They actually stumble away from the cobbled path of the driveway into the rows of trees that surround Ray's house. It's not an easy feat to navigate, when none of them is ready, to break the kiss.
They should probably return to the house and continue there, but Sand's skin is prickling with a need so strong, he is moving on auto-pilot, and he won't put it past Ray to ride him right there out of sheer spite, if Sand were to separate them right now for such a ridiculous reason as public decency.
Thankfully, it doesn't take them long to find new perches. Ray walks back first into the trunk of a tree and Sand crowds him against it, carefully placing one hand on the rough bark to protect Ray's head, when he throws it back to give Sand better access to his throat.
Sand zeroes in on his Adam's apple grazing his teeth over the sensitive skin there. The lovely mewling sound that escapes Ray reverberates on his lips and Sand can't resist the urge to leave a mark.
"Sand…!"
He watches the shape of his teeth fill with a bright pinkish hue right under Ray's chin and thinks to himself, " Yes."
It will definitely turn purple tomorrow. Sand can't wait to see. He must spend a little longer than a second, admiring his handiwork, because it gives Ray time to catch his hungry gaze and lift his lips in a smug, cat-like smirk.
"Like what you see?"
There is a teasing challenge in it, but also, a touch of vulnerability, because Ray needs to hear the affirmation. Sand is not always great at telling, he's more of a showing kind of guy, but he will always indulge Ray's genuine affection so, he does just that.
"I love it."
Sand traces his thumb over Ray's cheek just in time to sweep away a tiny bit of moisture from under his eye and kisses him again. It's slower than before, more thorough, gentle. Ray seems to…settle in his arms.
Sand traces a line with one of his hands from Ray's cheekbone to the curve between his neck and shoulder, where skin meets silky fabric of the bathrobe, and tugs at it, playfully.
He's been toying with the idea of loosening it since Ray first followed him here. Those thoughts were marred by anger and bitterness in the beginning, but they were still there.
And now they come back with a vengeance. Now that Sand is free to take what he wants, the idea of a silk robe draped loosely over Ray's shoulders and chest, hanging only by the sleeves and sash around his waist, is at the forefront of his mind. So, he indulges.
Ray trembles slightly at the feeling of his burning skin exposed to the chilly night air, Sand can feel it under his palms. He hugs Ray a little closer to share more of his body heat. His T-shirt seems more unnecessary by the second, but he doesn't get rid of it just yet.
They are still very much outside, even if tucked away neatly, partially covered by the foliage. The main gate is still visible from where they are, they just haven't been paying attention. And public decency is still a thing, even if Ray would probably argue with him right now.
So, Sand holds off on getting naked, as tempting as it is to feel Ray's skin on his. Instead, he indulges a little more, while keeping Ray's mouth busy, by sneaking his hand under the folds of the bathrobe over Ray's partially exposed chest and tracing small circles around his hardened nipple. God, he wants to put his mouth on it. And why not?
He nips gently on Ray's bottom lip one last time for good measure, and while Ray is still a little too dazed to mourn the loss, Sand sets a trail of wet, open-mouthed kisses from his chin to his collarbone to then, finally, his chest.
At the feeling of Sand's tongue around his nipple Ray moans deep and throaty and entirely unapologetic. It does devastating things to Sand's self-control. Whatever is left of it anyway.
He hasn't been paying much attention to himself this whole time, too focused on the addicting sounds of Ray's pleasure, but his jeans feel tight and wet with precome, because he took a swim in the only pair of underwear he had, and later they've been stuffed haphazardly into his bag, when he dressed to leave.
To be fair, his plans for the night didn't initially include this. He was going to return home as quickly as possible, without interruptions and stew in everything that's happened this evening.
Wearing wet underwear was out of the question as well as borrowing a pair from Ray, so going commando was only practical in Sand's mind at the time.
Sand's current mind has to deal with the aftermath of that practical decision in real time. And as much as he wants to draw this out a little longer, Ray also sounds increasingly more wound up from Sand's touch, bordering on desperate, which prompts Sand to get on his knees in front of him and secure his hips firmly with both hands, crowding him further against the tree.
God, he is wet. It could very well be that Ray's trunks still haven't dried from an earlier swim, but Sand also knows that's not all of it. And then his eyes travel downward from Ray's crotch and he sees it. A translucent shiny drop trails down the inner part of his thigh, slow and viscous. Sand's brain fizzles out for a second.
He snaps his head back up at the sudden low whine. Sand's fingers have dug into the soft skin of Ray's thighs without conscious thought. He places a soothing kiss on the tattoo just under the waistband and catches Ray jerking ever so slightly under the wet synthetic fabric.
Sand's throat grows drier by the second. He mouths at Ray's tattoo again, dragging teeth over the soft skin and feels his abdominal muscles tense.
"Fuck…Sand, just…"
Ray sounds almost ready to sob and plead. Sand really wants to hear him plead. He does it so prettily.
"What?" Sand's voice is full of gravel and Ray very obviously shivers from it. Yes, just a little push. "Tell me what you need, and I'll give it to you."
He starts very slowly peeling off the trunks and dragging them down Ray's legs. His cock springs up, full and leaking precum. Sand wets his lips on instinct, but doesn't close the distance, just glances up at Ray.
Ray looks about ready to come untouched, when he chokes out his next words, jumbled.
"Your mouth, Sand, please, I need…on me, now!".
Sand wants nothing more than to obey immediately, but he also knows that Ray can be loud, especially when he forgets himself in pleasure. And Sand very much plans on making him forget, but first, some ground rules.
"You have to stay quiet, Ray, okay?"
"Sand…" he answers with a petulant whine, like the cute spoiled brat he is. So Sand gives another small nip to his tattoo and says again.
"Can you stay quiet for me, baby? Promise you'll be quiet for me?"
Ray shuts his eyes tightly, takes a long deep breath and covers his mouth with one hand. Oh, he's so good!
Sand goes down on him, like a man starving. Ray is filling his mouth so well. He expected the taste to be slightly chemical after the pool water, but it's not. At least not for long. After Sand works his tongue around the shaft once, twice, he can only taste the spice of Ray's precum and his own saliva.
He gets into a rhythm, swallowing Ray down, deeper with each pass. He can feel the tip of Ray's cock teasing the back of his throat, when a warm palm settles on his hair. It doesn't push, or tug, just lays there, and judging by the muffled quality of the moans that reach Sand's ears, Ray's other hand stays firmly over his mouth. He is trying very hard to be good for Sand.
Sand hums his appreciation deep in his throat, and Ray's fingers jerk involuntarily, grabbing at Sand's hair, the sting feels good though. So, as a reward he picks up the pace and hollows out his cheeks, enveloping Ray even tighter.
"Sand!"
Ray doesn't stay silent, but his exclamation is more of an urgent whisper, than a shout, so Sand will allow it.
"Mhm?'
He mumbles with a questioning lilt, while slowly sliding his mouth all the way up to the base of Ray's cock and then just as slowly back. Sand feels a little blissed out at the thought of bringing them both pleasure. His own dick is also painfully hard, but somehow in the moment, it doesn't feel as urgent. He slowly opens his eyes, and trains them on Ray to see what he needs.
"Sand, I'm so- I'm so close, please…"
Ray is practically sobbing, at this point. He looks wrecked. He looks…enraptured by what he sees, which is Sand, because he is not looking at anyone else.
"Please let me…let me go. I can't hold it- Sand!"
He sounds delirious with need. Already forgetting the rule, but it doesn't matter. Sand did that. It feels so good to know. He could ride this high to his own completion. But first, he will finish what he started.
Sand traps Ray's hips completely, grabs his ass with both hands, so Ray won't be able to move away even if he wants to and picks up the pace, bobbing his head back and forth, fucking his mouth with Ray's cock until he can feel it pulsing at the back of his throat and tastes come on his tongue. He moans around it, as the hot wave of his own orgasm passes over him.
Ray shudders with his whole body and the only thing that cuts off the scream that threatens to escape is his own wrist that he's biting on. His knees feel like they're about to go out from under him, and Sand is the only reason he is still upright. But it's not gonna be for long.
Sand also feels woozy and unstable, wrung out. There are white spots behind his eyes, when he lets Ray out of his mouth, swallows the last of his come and gulps for air. Finally, he has enough of a mind present to help Ray lower himself on the ground as well, and hug him closer as they both come down from the high.
Eventually, after several minutes, their position on the ground becomes uncomfortable. Sand's jeans feel even more disgusting than before, even though it's nobody's fault, but his. He needs a shower and they need a couple of rounds in the washing machine.
Ray's state is not much better. His wet swim trunks pool around his ankles and he is visibly contemplating whether to put them on to reach the house, or take them off entirely and just stay in the bath robe that clings to every nook and cranny of his sweat soaked body. He eventually decides to get rid of the trunks. Lucky. If only Sand could do the same to the jeans.
They slowly pick themselves up as best as they can. Sand's knees protest fiercely, and, judging by Ray's face, his are not doing so hot either. They look utterly debauched, stumbling out of the trees, and no passerby would be fooled as to what they've been up to.
Fortunately, this is private property and no one is around to see them. It's good to have a rich boyfriend sometimes. Sand starts to see the appeal of being a golddigger. Or that's just his fucked out brain talking.
Sand lets out a soft chuckle, one that makes Ray look up at him.
"What's so funny?"
Sand wants to point out everything of the above, to make some silly joke, but instead he looks at Ray who is curled securely into his side and who, for the first time that evening, looks well and truly content. And instead of a joke, he strokes the side of Ray's face and gives a soft smile.
"Nothing. I love you. Please, don't let me go."
Ray looks at him with awe, probably at the 'I love you' part, then his brow creases with confusion as if to ask "Why would I ever let you go?" and then, another moment later it seems to click in his head.
Sand waits, carefully holding his breath, as Ray's face hardens once more and a sharp look of determination settles over it.
"You're not going anywhere, and If Boeing even breathes in your direction, I might actually go to jail. For murder."
Sand is too stunned to speak for a moment. He has expected Ray to exaggerate as he was prone to do when angry, but he sounds completely fucking serious. And what does it say about Sand that he feels a familiar flutter of affection at the words?
"What, for a slug like him?" Sand huffs a laugh, playing along "If you do something so stupid, I won't visit you in jail, mark my words."
Ray studies him for a moment, and then gives him the most charming shit-eating grin Sand has ever seen.
"You will. Because you love me. No take backs!"
Sand looks at him with mock outrage and then cracks a smile, despite himself, shaking his head. He leans closer to Ray's ear and lowers his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.
"My feral little prince. What am I to do with you, huh?"
He does enjoy Ray's answering shiver, but doesn't really expect a full blown kiss, when Ray grabs him by the nape of his neck and crashes their mouths together. He can probably still taste himself on Sand's tongue.
When they part, Sand sees the same kind of determination in Ray's eyes, but without the bleeding sharp edge.
"I am as feral as they come, when it's about you." he thumbs gently at Sand's jaw and continues "It's not your feelings I'm worried about. Not anymore. But Boeing has no shame, trust me I know the type."
Sand snorts at that, but lets Ray continue.
"He's gonna come again, and again and not take 'no' for an answer."
"So, what do you suggest?"
Sand hates how his voice grows quiet at the mental picture Ray has drawn. He's right, is the thing. Sand feels a familiar dread cripping up his throat. Ray lets out a soft sound and draws Sand closer.
"Let me help. If you can't deal with him alone, we can deal with him together. I just…don't want him tormenting you for his own amusement. And I'm sorry that I was the one to help him do exactly that tonight."
Sand takes a long, slow breath. Closes his eyes and lets go of the mental image of Boeing that he used to find charming, loveable and real. Then he opens his eyes again and sees Ray, charming, and loveable and real, but in a very different way. He is also flawed, but he doesn't hide it.
He doesn't pretend to be better than he is, but he is also much better than he thinks he is. And more importantly, he loves Sand, instead of only letting Sand love him.
Sand looks at him, remembers where they've started and where they are now, then he leans against Ray forehead-to-forehead and whispers into the air between them.
"Okay…let's do it together."
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Extra: And then they stumble back into the house, take a bath and fuck nasty again :')