Work Text:
Eat the straight, eat the rude,
Don’t eat ketchup you stupid fool,
Who dares call me out on murder, who dares call me a psycho?
It's my real estate agent? Oh, don't worry you'll soon be dead.
I will tie you to a tree or turn your brain to sushi.
Oh, Will my pookie, please notice me!
Let me cook Jack for you, and maybe Abel Gideon too?
Will, my darling please notice me~
In the misty night I creep
Kill a guy who needed help from me.
Then I fed him to some guests,
it was something they’d never guess.
I killed a girl named Beverly, cut her up and took her kidney.
I swapped hers out with another dudes, so that you couldn’t tell it was missing.
then I ate it in a pie.
had the brightest twinkle in my eye.
I just love eating people they’re all pigs except for Will my Hunny.
I love to complement sociopaths,
like this one dude who ate these girls.
This other guy used human intestines to make into strings for instruments.
They both got killed. That’s kind of sad but honestly, I don't really care.
I set my baby boy up for murder,
but I was lonely, so I got him out of there.
then I set up this other guy. he looked too much at my Pooks.
so yeah, he went to jail. while I (the real killer) walked around free.
when my babes got out of jail, he was an even bigger hottie.
to be honest I wouldn't hesitate to call him daddy.
Me and my boyfriend killed somebody and then flirted at the crime scene.
our boss knew that we had done it, but he wasn't about to say anything.
me and Will are married,
yes, it is true.
and we are the best murder husbands through and through.