Chapter Text
Fawcett City is really cold in the winter. The streets are icy far before the first snow, and most people stop coming out for around a month or two after it's clear winter has settled.
This winter, Billy had lost the one abandoned place without enough humidity to start gathering frost and had settled for any roof with enough infrastructure to not crumble in his sleep. Fawcett had been demolishing some of the older buildings as part of a metropolitan campaign to make the city more structurally sound. Focused on the "older" part of the city. It had almost no people legally living there. The city intended to use the land to build new buildings and create a more "lively" and "newer" side of Fawcett, with new roads, restaurants, and apartment complexes.
A great idea for encouraging technological and urban design in the less used parts of the city, except... Right up north is where more than 63% of the homeless population of Fawcet lived, and... well, the project was focused on parts closer to the actual city... exactly where Billy tended to stay. This meant Billy had a harder time finding a place to stay without needing to be Captain Marvel for it.
If he was just a couple of years older, he might have been able to shield himself in one of the many homeless or winter shelters in Fawcett. People tend to remember homeless people at this time of year. He has no doubts the shelters would have more than enough space and food, though he doesn't doubt that, by this hour, they are more than full. However, Billy always gets the urge to try and sneak in to shield himself from the cold or, maybe, just get to eat one of the big meals they put together to celebrate the holidays.
It is far too dangerous to go to a shelter. Billy might get sent to the foster system, or worse, the place might get shut down if someone finds out they are helping a homeless 11-year-old.
This year, however, Billy has a new urge. A temptation, if you will.
This year, not only does he have the powers of Shazam, but also the temptation of a room with his name on it. Well- not his name, Marvel's name. His room, nonetheless. With no leaks, frost, or dubious smells.
His room... that they have no use for. While Billy needs to rest and worry about food, Captain Marvel has no use for such things. Maybe that is why Billy resorted to staying around the city and helping people during the holidays. Marvel didn't even argue to rest as he had last year (before he realized how painful the cold could become while on Billy's body).
He doesn't think Marvel is thrilled at being transformed for so long. He can almost feel his division over not wanting him to freeze and thinking it's wrong in one way or another.
...He still liked to hang out at the shelters, if only as Captain Marvel. It was nice to help the people who have helped him without them fuzzing over him as much.
Captain Marvel approached Fawcett City Shelter with a sense of both anticipation and duty. The familiar sight of the modest building, its warm lights piercing the cold, snowy night. Ms. Livy, the kind woman who ran the shelter, was waiting at the entrance, her eyes sparkling with kindness as she saw Captain Marvel's familiar figure. "Welcome back, Captain. It's good to see you," she said with a warm smile.
Captain Marvel nodded and responded, "Always happy to help. What do you need tonight, Ms. Livy?"
"I don't have anything for you to do, Captain. We got a full house, a bunch of people came to help tryna get into Santa's good graces."
Captain Marvel glanced around, recognizing some faces he'd encountered during his visits over the year. He smiled softly, "Maybe I should take a page out of their books."
"Ha! Hoping to get new socks this year, Cap?" Billy smiled softly and looked around, taking in the shelter's atmosphere.
"For all you know, I only own this old thing." He said, motioning to his suit, "I'll be around, just... saying hi. Just call me if you need anything, and I'll go help you."
Livy's eyes locked with his. "Thank you, Captain," as if on accident, or maybe reflex, she said: "I'll get you a plate."
Billy hesitated, "I really don't tend to eat, Ms. Livy."
"We have more than enough tonight, Cap," She insisted. "Why don't you try some of it? You are here a lot."
"No, really. It will be wasted on me," the refusal was just the tiniest bit harder than it was yesterday, tinged bitter with the knowledge he had no way of satiating their hunger when Captain Marvel didn't eat.
She stared a bit and then smiled again.
"Thank you for coming, Cap'n." She said, mumbling a bit. She patted him on the shoulder as she passed by his side.
As the night wore on, Captain Marvel moved among the people in the shelter, offering his assistance with a gentle and reassuring presence. He helped serve meals, welcomed some people, and joked around with regulars.
This type of hero work was always Billy's specialty, where the best of his humanity could shine through, even if it was in the guise of a superhero. He hovered just above the floor, saying hi to the people he knew and falling back into a comfortable routine.
He noticed a man nearing his 70s (Elias, Billy reminded him) struggling to get across the people and find a table. Without hesitation, Captain Marvel approached him, offering a friendly smile. "Allow me to help you with that, sir," he said, taking the tray from Eli's hands.
Eli's face lit up with surprise and appreciation. "Oh, you don't have to, Captain. I can manage."
Billy gently guided him with a hand on his elbow. "Nonsense, sir. We're all here to help each other. Let's find you a comfortable place to sit."
They found an empty spot at one of the tables, and Billy helped him settle down.
"You've been here a lot lately, Captain. The cold been treating you alright?" Eli swallowed a spoonful of mushy-looking smashed potatoes as he looked at him.
"Of course! I'm just glad to help," Billy smiled. Sitting criss-cross while hovering in the air, he mentioned: "I don't really feel the cold, sir."
It's actually true, too. Well, not on this form, at least.
"Nonsense, you tryna tell me just that spandex is enough?" He pointed his spoon at him, "Ya ain't that mighty to not be affected by this twisted cold. Even if you can't feel any! You got kids, cap?"
"There is nothing you need to worry about, sir." Billy smiled, trying to not sound impolite while avoiding the question. Elias looked unsatisfied with their answer.
"Oh, stop it with that," he huffed. "You make me feel like I am a step away from the grave... Seeing a young man like you still calling me 'sir'," he said under his breath.
"Of course," he smiled playfully. "Sir."
Elias laughed and pinched his cheek, though the act felt pointless when Marvel was still hovering and invulnerable. "At least ya still act like a punk."
The night went on, and Billy helped some people find their way around the shelter. Even stopped some guy accidentally dropping a pot! Billy felt happy, just drowning in the warm atmosphere and keeping busy. The night was slowing down, so they settled for observing everything, resting near the exit to avoid inconveniencing the people still moving around.
Miss Livy approached him. "Captain, finally leaving?"
"Ah," He looked her way. "No, no. It's still early. I just... felt like looking around a bit longer." He rested his shoulder against the wall. She settled next to him and stared ahead with him.
"People have been asking about you, you know." He stared at her more openly than he should have. Her face didn't give a clue as to where she was going with this conversation.
"Elias was asking me if you had a wife, and some of the younger people were asking if you were staying the night, even." He didn't know what to say.
"Why?" Slipped out of Billy's mouth.
"Well... it is Thanksgiving, y'know? Nobody would have blamed you had you gone home with your... family or whatever. I think they are worried you ain't got another choice but to be here."
"I don't... It's no trouble to be here. I am happy to help where I can."
"It's just... The building won't collapse just because you are not here, y'know?" Billy stared at her, puzzled.
"Look, Captain. It's not that we are not happy to see you, but shouldn't you be cozying up with your family? or friends? Take one day off?"
Captain Marvel smiled softly. With a hint of hesitation, he said, "I'm fine, Livy. It really isn't a problem to help around. I like being here."
She sighed, "And we like having you here, cap."
"Just..." She stared at him in a way that made Billy squirm in place. He felt like she was seeing past the muscles and sharp jawline right into his 11-year-old frame instead of what he knew to be a 20-ish-year-old frame. "Promise me I'll miss you someday, alright?"
Livy left him standing there and started guiding people to the sleeping quarters. Marvel helped speed up the cleaning process. As he finished picking everything up, Ms. Livy ushered Billy out while they promised to stop by tomorrow. Marvel went out into the cold city air, checking for anyone who needed help.
The city was quiet, and the chill breeze rustled his cape. It had been a slow night, but he could almost feel the tiredness seeping into their mind. As he started patrolling the city, he gazed down at the streets below, appreciating the patterns in the light snow that had been permanently dusting the streets.
Maybe, if he wasn't Captain Marvel, he would enjoy curling up on a comfortable blanket or having dinner with a family.
Maybe, if he wasn't Captain Marvel, the idea would be a little bit more appealing, but it's not like Billy could just quit being a superhero to play house.
(Maybe, if he wasn't Billy Batson, he would have found a family far before he became Captain Marvel.)
They cleared their head. Sometimes, it was hard to remember he didn't like his life before Marvel.
It's hard to remember how happy he had been that he could finally make a difference, that he wasn't helpless. Not that they weren't grateful now for everything that changed in his life. But it feels bitter-sweet now that Marvel's wisdom has shown him everything he could have had.
It was easier to not miss something you'd never met. It was easier not to miss a family you barely remember. Now... it's hard to remember which memories were his.
Either way, there was no guarantee of how his life would have gone if he hadn't been chosen to be The Champion.
He had been waiting his whole life to make a difference. To stand up against people who step on people weaker than them. He had that chance now. He was not Billy Batson, a homeless pre-teen who defends people from bullies. He is Captain Marvel, Earth's Mightiest Mortal, whose existence makes a difference.
Captain Marvel, who allowed Billy to help Ms. Livy with the shelter and Ms. Bambi to carry her groceries every two weeks without having to see the guilty look in her eyes, who didn't scoff at Billy with disdain for patrolling near the school to keep bullies in check, who understood why Billy worried for the bullies more often than their victims.
Yet...
He couldn't understand why he was chosen as Captain Marvel. What made him a better choice than already established heroes, who could have mastered his powers like second nature?
What gave him the right? What arbitrary decision had made him the champion? Gave him the right to strip away the opportunity from someone else?
Billy slowly lowered into an alley a couple of blocks away from his destiny and detransformed. As he started walking, the cold air seeped into his bones, making him shudder.
Billy didn't feel worthy.
Never in his life had he thought of himself as someone mightier than Superman, Batman, or Wonder Woman. Hell, it was hard to put himself on the same scale even now, after a year of working alongside them. Everyone kept telling him he was worth it as if that implied there was no one else who could have easily done a better job than a homeless 9-year-old.
So... maybe Billy was a little upset about having to choose in the first place.
These were all... new emotions for him, just as new as the list of normalcy he'd skipped out on.
Before long, he was standing in front of an abandoned apartment building. Had Billy been in any other place, he would not have doubted transforming into Marvel and ditching the uncomfortable cold feeling. Billy scurried close to the wall and tried to listen for any sign of trouble, hoping no one had discovered the shady building yet.
As Billy lay down on the floor, he felt restless.
Had Captain Marvel not known the impact he had on people, had Billy not known the effort it took for people to trust him, had he not known how many people prayed on his past incarnations, how many people saw him as a sign...
He doesn't know who he'd be by now if he wasn't Captain Marvel.
Well, that's not true. He would be Billy, right?
Billy scurried close to the wall and tried to listen for any sign of trouble.
He guessed it had to be the holidays making them so desperate to rest. Rest properly, with their human body that could feel the difference after resting. Somewhere nice where the weather didn't wake them up, and the smell didn't take time to get used to.
Billy was.. tired. Hell, Marvel was tired. He might not feel physical exhaustion, but there was so much exhaustion in existing publicly... even as Billy Batson. Not having a place you can call home, not having a place you can do gross, human stuff in. Not have a place where it's not frowned upon to not be so... so composed and polite. They are tired. They were tired of living on the streets, of people frowning upon their manners like they get to choose where they act human. That's without adding the stress of all the other stuff that comes with being homeless or all the people meddling in their life like they are some "pity case" they can take and drop whenever it's convenient.
It's- It's cold in the apartment.
His brain immediately went back to Cyborg.
He... knows Cyborg didn't mean to be weird. He knows he was being friendly. Accepting even, but it still rubbed him wrong.
The whole thing was weird, alright? It made him feel... more disconnected. Like there was something to accept, a reason to hide his identity in the first place.
Except, if he were to be Billy Batson with the Justice League, it would need to be accepted, wouldn't it?
It's not like they don't have groups for younger heroes. They are not shunning him out from hero-ing completely.
But... they are shunning away a part of him.
Maybe, if he was just Billy Batson, he would fit right in with the Teen Titans, or whatever they call themselves now. He is not just Billy Batson. He is Captain Marvel. Has been for a year longer than they have had those groups. It's not like Billy even thought they would create groups for younger heroes in the first place.
Either way, would he fit in? He knows he is 11 just as much as he is timeless. Can he be sure he'd fit in? When Billy is just as much Marvel as Marvel is Billy?
Would he fit in as Billy Batson?
He doesn't know who he'd be by now if he wasn't Captain Marvel.
But he knows he could never be who he is if he was just Billy Batson.
And for tonight, as he lays on the cold, damp floor, Billy thinks being shunned is not as much of a problem as much as it would be to lose Marvel.
God, winter sucked.