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Metal shuffled awkwardly between Shadow and Amy, trying his best to not to look at the few people in the store. He was failing miserably and constantly analyzing them in his peripheral vision. He felt his metal joints locking up from his desire to not be seen and to shrink. He had to fight the programming. His janky movements were only drawing more attention to his presence, which was the last thing he wanted. Metal didn’t need to be reminded of how he didn’t belong.
He knew it was weird to see and hear his metallic form tromping about, knew how intimidating it was to look into his red eyes and unmoving face. The lack of expression- or lack of expressions other than anger. He understood that he did not leave a good impression at first glance.
The stares of others made him anxious. More intensely then when he had been on Amy’s apartment for one week. He didn’t like the feeling of being watched. It made him feel vulnerable, like he was in danger. These emotions conflicted with his programming -overriding the logical part that understood he was NOT in fact in danger- and causing his systems to try to manually take over and direct him in another direction or cause him to stand still so he could charge up a laser he no longer had.
This new emotional side he was unlocking was not mixing with his internals, and his body in general. Though he doesn’t think he could go back to the way things were before…
Metal shoved the thought into the quickly growing folder entitled “Existential Musings” for him to puzzle out later tonight, as he usually does. It mostly just involved him dissociating for several hours. He couldn’t really find any answers to his questions. Emotions were so new to him, and so was the idea of… living. He had nothing to compare this too.
But he was trying.
Metal refocused his optics and realized he had been unaware of the stream of time for 6.5 seconds. He was lucky it hadn’t been longer and his programming hadn’t taken over completely due to his anxiety.
Oh yeah. That’s right. He’d forgotten they were in a store. He was being watched. That this was a feeling he could experience despite being a robot. At least he’d somehow managed to put the feelings into words and get a result from Google. Putting a name to the feeling helped, but still.
It wasn’t a great feeling to come back to.
He stuttered and took two brisk steps to regain his position in between Amy and Shadow. He adjusted his audio receptors to tune back into the conversation.
“- did I really have to come with?” Shadow complained as he tilted his head to the right, away from Amy.
Metal tried to catch his gaze, but couldn’t because of the angle of his head.
He felt himself try to lock up again.
“Well, he’s been living with you for the past few weeks so I figured he’d be more comfortable with you around!” Amy responded cheerily and turned to smile at Metal. He perked up and glanced at Shadow again. They locked eyes for a moment. Shadow quickly looked away again and seemed to hunch into himself, his quills blending in with his black hoodie.
A strange jolt went through his system at Shadow’s reaction. He felt… disappointment? Ever since Shadow had opened up to him, and in turn opened Metal’s metaphorical eyes, the hedgehog had been much more reclusive and hostile. Perhaps he didn’t like he’d had (in his opinion) a moment of weakness.
Perhaps he felt ashamed Metal had seen him cry.
“THANK YOU.” He displayed on his screen as he made a quiet chime.
Amy glanced between the two of them inquisitively, but shrugged and smiled.
“But-“ Shadow started again despite the look Amy sent his way. “Why couldn’t we have just googled paint colors? Did we really have to go to the store?”
“Ugh, stop complaining! You haven’t been out in a while, and neither has Metal. It’s good for you boys,” Shadow sighed as she continued. “And no, looking at paint colors on a computer is not the same thing at all!”
Metal quickly pulled up the memory file of his conversation with Amy earlier that morning. She’d asked if he had a favorite color. He said no, because he was a robot. Plus how could one color be better than all the rest?
“Well all colors technically are equal,” she’d told him. “But everyone is different, and are drawn to certain colors over others. Everyone has a favorite color. It’s a childish thing, but I feel like if you could find yours it would really help you.”
She’d implored him to also not search it or pull up a color wheel. The paint section of a store was always magical no matter your age, and it was best to experience it there.
He did as she asked, but it still confused him.
Shadow cringed slightly, and looked down at his shoes. Amy sighed and slowed down to put a hand on his shoulder.
“If it makes you feel better, you can come with when I take Metal to the art museum.”
Shadow perked up immediately and Amy laughed. “And, we can get Starbucks after this.” Shadow smiled and his tail twitched a back and forth a few times before his body posture sunk again, but he kept a small tentative grin on his face.
“…I think we should take Metal to the mall next time.” Shadow offered quietly. Metal looked at him, but the hedgehog didn’t meet his eyes once again.
Amy’s face lit up. “Oh that’s a wonderful idea!” She spun around to look at Metal as she expertly walked backwards. “I am so curious to know what your style is. I have no idea what types of clothes you like. Knowing your personality… probably oversized sweaters.”
Metal tilted his head. At the mention of clothes, he did a quick scan of the other customers nearby and the outfits Amy and Shadow were wearing today. He hadn’t paid attention to it until that moment, but the hedgehogs outfits completely contrasted each other, which he found mildly amusing.
Amy wore a pink button up shirt tucked into silvery flowing pants, while Shadow was dressed in black boots, cargo pants, and his sweater. Though as Metal scans through his memory, he registers the painting displayed on Shadow’s sweater which he can’t currently see.
Looking it up in his database shows him the painting is called “Woman Facing Left” by Claude Monet. This along with Amy’s earlier statement about the art museum and Shadow’s excitement confirms he must have some sort of interest in it. It’s a surprise to Metal. He hadn’t expected it for some reason. Maybe because he compared himself to Shadow subconsciously somehow, and assumed he wouldn’t see any value in it, like Metal did.
He would have to ask Shadow about that later. He filed it into a folder for imperative questions to ask.
“Amy.” Shadow said gruffly, but his face showed a neutral expression. “You need to start paying more attention to your surroundings or you are going to miss more than just the paint section.” He jerked his head to his right, and folded his arms. “Stop loosing focus.”
Metal glanced over.
Amy rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder as she walked past and towards the wall of colors.
“You just want to be out of here so you can get your iced brown sugar oat milk shaken espresso.”
“You don’t know that.” He replied quickly. “You don’t know me.” She laughed when he said that.
“Yeah, I think I do. In fact I…” she trailed off, her gaze flicking over Shadow’s shoulder.
“What?” He asked, and also turned to look.
Metal hadn’t moved.
There were so many colors.
So, so many.
He had never seen that many blues or purples before. Or green. Or brown even! What would you even paint with these? Where? Why?! Why had he never seen these before? Or maybe… he had but just never payed attention.
“Metal?” Amy’s face appearing in his vision took him out of his stupor, and stepped back.
“Metal? You alright?”
He nodded quickly and his gaze flicked to the enormous wall of colors for a brief moment. Red could be that… dark?
Amy smiled. “Well, go ahead!” She gestured with her hand towards the color swatches. “Get a closer look! You can take them out too. There are multiple of each.”
Metal looked at her, in a way that said “Really?” and with one encouraging nod from her, he raced over. He started with the red. He picked up a swatch, catalogued the color and its name for a few seconds then picked up the next one and did the same. He began to make piles on the ground of each type of color. Though some he had a hard time picking which one they went under, and he found it fascinating.
Shadow and Amy stood off to the side chatting and watching him in amusement, and he asked for their opinion on a particular green and blue pallet that he couldn’t decide on which color it fit under. Shadow had responded with green and Amy had said blue. Metal found it amazing that two people could have different opinions on the very world around them. Both saw it differently.
Seemed poetic in nature. Metal didn’t know he could interpret things like that. He felt very alive, in a new way. It was strange, but it felt good.
As he placed the last greys into their pile, he stepped back to admire his work. He had 9 piles, and a tenth one filled with ones that had… stood out to him in some way. Most of them were filled with colors he hadn’t ever seen before. They had shocked him, and he liked that. The feeling of discovering all these new things…
Before he assumed he knew everything he needed to. His life had been monotonous. Now it was… like how he thought of those colors. Shocking.
He couldn’t find it within himself to call his new life fun.
Metal flinched, going rigid. He desperately wanted to bang his fist against his metal hull but resisted. He turned to look at his companions as he gathered himself. Shadow was leaning against a shelf as he argued about something with Amy. She was sitting on a package of toilet paper she had apparently brought over. It definitely wasn’t in any of the next aisles over. There was a second one next to her, and she kept scooting it closer to Shadow’s leg and patting the top of it aggressively.
Metal made a few chimes and they paused their bickering to look at him. Amy’s face lifted, smiling as though forgetting all her petty annoyance toward Shadow. She stepped over to him and kneeled down.
“Wow, this is a lot.” She stated, admiring his piles of colors. “Have you picked a favorite yet?”
Metal beeped. He sat down and pushed the smallest pile towards her. He clinked his fingers together and looked at her.
“I CANNOT CHOSE ONE. BUT I AM DRAWN TO THESE, THE MOST.” He let out a few beeps as he displayed the text, tracking her eyes as she scanned the words. He found he felt less out of place when pretending he made sounds while displaying words on his screen. He could pretend he was actually saying them.
She smiled warmly at him. “That’s alright! I don’t have one favorite either. I like red and pink, but I also really like blue.”
“…IS THAT BECAUSE OF SONIC?” Metal asked hesitantly.
She laughed and waved her hand. “No no no, not because of him. Though I get why you would assume.” She stood up quickly and examined the wall. After a few moments, she pulled out two blue swatches of varying hues.
“This one,” she said, pointing to a color labeled Ultramarine. “I really like, because of the subtle purple in it.” Metal studied the color.
“I also like this one,” she pointed to the one below, Midnight Blue. “For the same reason. I think they are really pretty. They remind me of space and of little planet, and also of you.”
“ME?”
“Yeah. Sometimes you look more purple depending on the light.”
Metal looked at her, then at the color. She yelped as he stuck his arm out in a lightning flash as he frantically looked between his metal plating and the color in her hand.
Her flinch caused her to fall out of her sitting position and onto the floor, and she burst into laughter. Metal clawed desperately at the swatch as it was torn away from his vision by her movement. He hasn’t realized she fell until he registered her intense giggles as she wiped at her eyes before sitting up.
Shadow appeared next to them, standing above them with an exasperated look. He sighed, but a subtle smile formed on his face.
Amy giggled and put a comforting hand on Metal’s shoulder.
“I AM BLUE YES?” He asked. She nodded vigorously.
“Yup! You are indeed blue. Just sometimes- like do you remember when you sat on my porch that one day when you were with me?”
He nodded.
“Well that day, at sunset because of the orange light, you looked a little purple. It was very pretty though!”
Metal let out two quiet chimes. He readjusted his position to put a bit more space between him and Amy. He was sharp and pointy. He didn’t want to accidentally hurt her.
“…WHAT ABOUT RED? WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU?”
“Well, nothing really.” Amy said as she fiddled with the quills framing her face with one hand. “It doesn’t remind me of anything, I’m just… drawn to it. I like it… just because.”
Shadow huffed as he sat down beside Amy. He adjusted his legs and interlocked his fingers together as he placed his hands in his lap. He avoided Metal’s gaze.
“…My favorites are green and orange.” He reached out his hand to sort through the piles Metal had made. He pointed to several swatches of dark greens: Carleton Green, Emerald, Forrest Green, and British Racing. For orange, he pointed at Apricot and Safety Orange.
“Green I like because when I was on the ARK, with Maria… we always walked through the artificial gardens and admired pictures of the foliage on earth. She would wrap me up in her games, pretending to run through fields and navigate forests. It was one of her dreams to walk through a forest when she got to earth.”
Metal studies his face carefully. He had access to the secret documents about Shadow from his time with Dr. Robotnik. He’d thought the information might have helped Metal with fighting and defeating the Ultimate Life-form. He knew Shadow and Maria had regular contact but… didn’t know the details of their relationship. Now it was clear they were very close.
Amy gently placed a hand on Shadow’s shoulder as he picked at the edge of the paint swatch.
“I remember when I saw a forest for the first time -when I was working along side Eggman- I wasn’t able to really enjoy it. I was angry and upset, haunted unpleasantly by the image of Maria. Being in the jungle made me feel a blazing pain deep within me. Though at the time I couldn’t remember Maria’s wish.
“But a few weeks after, I was finally able to visit one properly. It was beautiful, and I’ll never forget it.” He kept looking at the color. Amy had slipped her hand into his own and he gripped it tightly. “These colors to me… encapsulates all those feelings. It’s… hard to explain it any other way.” He heaved a deep and heavy breath. “As Amy said, it’s usually just a feeling,”
Shadow continued before Metal could prompt him.
“Like with the orange colors. They make me feel… warm in a way, just by looking at them. They are also calming. Well, for me anyway.” He shakily breathed as he let go of Amy’s hand and a shiver ran through his body. He shook out his hands as his posture relaxed.
Metal gave a slow nod as he processed the information. He turned slowly to his small pile of favorites.
Meaning can be placed on a color… but there can also be no rhyme or reason for one being your favorite. Just a feeling.
He brushed his metallic claws over the dark red one he had first seen, then set it aside. He slowly sorted through the colors, studying each. He realized all the warm colors reminded him of… Eggman. All the blue colors were similarly discarded for reminding him of Sonic, and of himself. Another thought he had already placed in his folder to look over later.
In the end he settled for Glacial Green. He liked the brightness of it, it’s lighter hue. He also liked that it reminded him of nothing. Just a nice color. He picked it up carefully and after a split second of indecisiveness, gave it to Shadow and Amy.
She beamed at him when he did, and eagerly took it. Shadow looked over her shoulder, then nodded sagely.
“This is a great color!” Amy stated exuberantly. “What made you pick this one?”
“…IT DOESN’T REMIND ME, OF ANYTHING. IT IS ALSO… PLEASANT?” He endured a computerized revving sound.
“…you like it because it doesn’t remind you of something?” She asked, confused.
“YES.” Metal replied, this time with no noise accompanying his answer. He did not feel like giving further explanation. Amy shrugged and handed it back to him. Shadow… had a strangely pained expression. It seemed sad but… it was directed towards Metal. He quickly looked down at his color. He didn’t want to think about what Shadow was trying to communicate to him with that face.
“Well!” Amy clapped her hands together. “Time for the not so fun part: picking up all these other paint colors.” She sprang up in a quick bounce and stuck her hand out to Metal. He hesitantly reached out with his own. Her grip was strong, and she pulled him up in one fluid movement. He took one step as he stood to stabilize himself. Shadow pushed himself up all on his own.
Amy bent down and began gathering the swatches in her arms. Shadow followed suit, and Metal copied the movement. The robot moved much faster then the two hedgehogs, already knowing the exact placement for each color. They had a harder time, having to stand back and look around to figure out where a swatch went.
Metal bent down to pick up another color, but stopped. He slowly picked it up and let it linger in his hands. It had undertones of orange, and was bright. He didn’t look at the name.
“What’s that?” Amy asked, peeking over his shoulder.
Metal was silent and still for a few moments. Eventually, he shrugged.
“Is it a least favorite color?” She said.
Metal thought about that.
“YEAH.” He displayed on his screen as he nodded slowly. She probably couldn’t even see the words on his face. He still felt like putting them there though. To state it outloud, or his version of outloud anyway.
Finally, they reached the last color. His favorite color. Glacial Green. He liked the alliteration.
He picked it up and started gently reaching to put it back. But Amy grabbed his wrist to stop him.
“Wait! Don’t put it back.”
He looked at her, confused.
“You can keep it. You’re allowed to take these.” She gestured towards the rest of the wall. Then Amy let go of his wrist and motioned for him to follow her as she walked down the aisle.
Shadow nodded his head in her direction, waiting for Metal.
He looked behind at the walls of color.
He looked down at his new favorite color.
He stepped forward and fell into stride with Shadow. He didn’t look at anyone as they headed towards the entrance. He calculated his steps as he stared at his favorite color. He did not think about being out of place. He did not think about being a robot. In fact…
Maybe he wasn’t.
Still metallic and artificial sure, but he wasn’t quite just a computer anymore was he? Robots didn’t have favorite colors.
But he did.
—————————————————————
After getting drinks, Amy drove them back to Rouge’s apartment. She almost drove off, but Shadow managed to quickly offer her to stay and hang out for the day. She accepted.
Metal stayed outside to wait for her to park her red Kia Soul and walk in with her. Shadow was already sitting on the floor, a pile of blankets surrounding him. Amy flung her shoes off and scurried over. She situated the blankets around her, cocooning herself in fuzzy warmth.
Metal stood by the doorway.
“Metal!” Amy called. “What are you waiting for? Get over here!”
“Yeah.” Shadow said. Metal locked eyes with him. The hedgehog grinned. “You better hurry before a certain someone steals all the blankets.”
“Hey!” Amy wiggled for a solid 10 seconds, freeing an arm just to slap him. Shadow tried his best to stifle his laugh as she continued to flip her hand over his face. She was smiling too.
Metal stepped over, and stopped next to them. Where was he supposed to sit?
His question was answered by a swift tug from Amy, pulling his arm and dragging him over her legs to force him in between herself and Shadow. Blankets were thrown over his head and legs. He carefully dragged them off his head and situated them to wrap around him as Amy scooted closer.
“Perfect,” She beamed, with a smug and satisfied look in her eye. “Now we just need to figure out what to watch.”
“What do you feel like?” Shadow asked as he turned on the TV.
“Doctor Who.”
“Which one?”
“Nine.” She replied. “But start at Dalek.”
Shadow shrugged and did as she asked. He put the remote on the table and leaned back against the couch. The episode played and the hedgehogs chatted and bickered to each other, Amy occasionally babbling on about plot points to Metal so that he could understand.
Smushed between two organic life forms, wrapped in warm fuzzy blankets and surrounded by the chatter of friends, still holding his favorite color…
He felt just a little bit more human.