Chapter Text
Blitzø sat with his heels up on the edge of the chair, scrolling on his phone and trying not to be noticed. He came to this health center because they had never misgendered him, but that didn’t mean the other patients couldn’t be judgemental pricks. It was bad enough he had to come for his yearly; being here for a frankly terrifying emergency made him feel like he was sitting under a spotlight. The worst part was, he couldn’t really blame anyone for staring, as much as he hated it. It’s not like it was common for a man to be sitting by himself waiting at the ob-gyn. The point was proven when the door swung open to admit a neatly dressed man and Blitzø did a double take. The man was pale, thin, and tall as fuck, and seemed confident in his height, judging by his heeled boots. The short hair combed back in a soft wave was grey, but his face was youthful. Blitzø discreetly eyed him as he spoke to the intake nurse at the window. There was something familiar about him…
Before Blitzø could place it, his name was being called.
He sat on the examination table, curled up in the paper gown, one arm around his knees and the other hand combing through his short black hair. He pulled in slow breaths through his nose and let them leak out his mouth. He rarely felt more exposed and vulnerable than in this office wearing this goddamn napkin.
A soft knock at the door preceded it opening and the doctor stepped in, closing the door behind her.
“Good morning, Mr. Buckzo. How are you doing?”
Blitzø resisted the urge to cuss at her and settled for mild snark.
“Well, I wouldn’t be here if I was doing well.”
She sat down on her stool and opened her laptop.
“Yes, I suppose that’s true. Why don’t you tell me why you’re here, then?”
Blitzø hesitated. It suddenly seemed stupid and he didn’t want to talk about it. But the only thing worse than saying it aloud was having to tell this doctor that he’d just wasted her time.
“I, uh… I was bleeding. Like, in the middle of my cycle. And I know! I know that can be normal. But like… It’s never happened before. Never. I’ve always been super regular. And it wasn’t just spotting either, I know what that is. It was a lot.”
The doctor nodded, making a note on her laptop. She glanced up briefly, but seemed to notice Blitzø wince under her gaze and looked back down at her screen.
“When you say ‘a lot,’ how much are we talking? Enough to soak through a pad in an hour? More?”
“Nah, not that much. Like… normal for regular, uhh… end of cycle bleeding.”
“And how long did this last? Are you still bleeding?”
“No. It was like, two days. Real abrupt, too. I just…” Anxiety squeezed his chest. “I just want to make sure there’s nothing, like… really wrong?”
She offered him a reassuring smile.
“That is a very understandable concern. Did the nurses ask you to leave a sample when you arrived?”
“Uh, yeah.”
The doctor rose and crossed to the door.
“I’ll just go see if we have any results back on that. Sit tight.”
Blitzø sat with nervous energy, tapping his fingers on his knee rapidly. He didn’t have long to wait, though.
When the doctor returned, she held several brochures in her hand. He couldn’t read them from his angle, but he recognized one of the logos.
“All right, Mr. Buckzo, we do have results back, and I want to assure you that what you’re experiencing is very normal.”
“Why the fuck do you have a Planned Parenthood brochure?” he interrupted her.
She looked down at her hand somewhat sheepishly.
“Ah. I apologize; I should have known better. Uh, I have it because… you are pregnant.”
What.
“What?”
“You are pregnant,” she repeated. “What you experienced is called implantation bleeding and it is very normal and not a cause for concern. Now I know this is significant news, so I understand you need some time to absorb it. Obviously, our facility would be happy to provide obstetrics care if you choose, but I also have some brochures here for other alternatives if you would like to consider. Would you like to discuss options? Sir?”
Blitzø nodded numbly, then shook his head and held out a hand.
“Uhhh… just… just the things, I guess. I’ll look at them at home. You’re sure?”
“The test is pretty conclusive.”
He nodded. How could this have happened? He had… shit, he should probably mention that.
“I have an iud,” he muttered.
The doctor looked up at him, suddenly alarmed, then frowned down at her computer.
“I don’t see any record of that!”
“I got it before I started coming here.”
“That’s no excuse. It should have been noted during exams.” She smoothed her frown away. “But that isn’t your problem. However, I do strongly suggest getting it taken out. I can do it for you right now so you don't have to make another appointment. Regardless of how you choose to handle this pregnancy, it will only interfere and could cause very serious complications.”
“I… uh… I guess?” Everything was happening so fast. He’d come in sure he was just being paranoid and now all this. “Yeah, sure, take it out, if it’s gotta come out.” Better do it now before he came out of whatever shock he was in. Normally, internal exams and the like were enough to put him in a spiral for the rest of the day, but after this news, it seemed trivial.
The doctor assured him it would be quick and painless. It was definitely quick, although he would argue the second point. But at least it was quick, and soon enough, he was alone again, hurriedly pulling on his black jeans and red hoodie. He stuffed the brochures in his pocket without looking at them and left, promising at checkout to call for a follow-up appointment.
Shivering on the walk outside, he pulled his phone out of his pocket. It was really too cold for him just in his hoodie, but he really didn’t want to sit in that waiting room again.
“Hey,” he spoke into the phone. “Uh, because you said you'd give me a ride!? ... You said 'fine,' that means 'yes!' .... Okay, well can you *puh-lease* come fucking get me!? I'm feeezing my balls off. ...It's a figure of speech! ...They’re busy… He’s fucking busy, too! If one of them could do it, do you think I’d have asked you?… Well what the hell am I gonna do now, Barb? I can’t afford a goddamn rideshare…. Guess I’m gonna have to walk to the bus stop. Yeah, thanks for nothing.” He punched the end button and shoved his phone back in his pocket. “Bitch.”
“Excuse me…”
Blitzø whirled around. It was the guy from earlier, with the long-ass legs. Standing next to him made his height impossible to ignore. He was definitely over six foot. Probably 6’4” at least. Blitzø’s own 5’1” felt even smaller by contrast.
“I couldn’t help but overhear… It’s very cold to be walking far. Would you like a ride?”
Oh. That prissy accent jostled a memory loose.
“Uh… sure. Sure, why not?” Was it a good decision? Fuck if he knew. But Blitzø was apparently full of bad decisions, so what’s one more?
The guy smiled and gestured for Blitzø to follow. He led the way to a compact car in gunmetal grey. Blitzø didn’t know much about cars, but it was shiny and looked to be in good condition. The guy unlocked the car and Blitzø let himself into the passenger seat. As the other man sat down behind the wheel, he gave a nervous chuckle.
“You probably don’t remember me, but we met once as—“
“I remember you,” Blitzø cut him off.
“Oh! You do?”
Blitzø raised an eyebrow at him.
“It’s kinda hard to forget when your dad sold you for the day to some rich prick to play with his kid.”
“I didn’t think you would recognize me. I look… very different now.”
Blitzø shrugged.
“Yeah, me too.” There was a beat of silence as they pulled out of the parking lot. “I’m Blitzø now. The o is silent.”
“Oh, all right. The— wait, what o?”
“There’s an o at the end.”
The driver’s brow furrowed in confusion.
“But… Why would you choose to put an o at the end if it’s silent?”
“I don’t fucking judge your name!”
“Oh, I don’t– I’m sorry! I didn’t mean–”
Blitzø ran a hand over his face.
“Relax, I’m not mad. It was a joke. Turn at the light; I’m going to the stop on Cross, not downtown.”
The other man nodded and focused on the road, biting at his lower lip. Fuck, now he’d made the guy uncomfortable. He should say something. And he should stop staring at that lip.
“Uh, so, what is your name, now?”
“Hmm? Oh, I kept Stolas. I do actually like it, and it’s not particularly gendered. It still fits me.” He glanced over his shoulder at traffic and added under his breath, “As an added bonus, it mollified my family, at least for a little while.”
Blitzø snorted. “They didn’t like you being a guy, huh? Yeah, my dad, too. Used to call my best friend the son he never had.” Fuck, why did he say that? The guy was practically a stranger. Just because they’d spent a day together over two decades ago didn’t mean he knew anything about him.
“Well that’s really shitty,” Stolas remarked. “You said your dad? Is the rest of your family—“
“I don’t want to talk about that,” Blitzø interrupted. Shit, he’d been doing that a lot just in this short conversation. He’d always had trouble waiting to speak, but this was ridiculous. Stolas probably thought he was a rude dick. …well, that wasn’t exactly wrong.
Blitzø scrubbed his face with both hands. Fuck, he was tired. He’d been weirdly exhausted all week, actually, and no amount of coffee could— Oh. His hands flew to his abdomen as he suddenly remembered. Oh, right. Shit. Shit fuck. Pregnant. What the hell was he going to do about that? He barely registered Stolas stammering out some sort of apology as he gritted his teeth against sudden tears.
Stolas cast him an alarmed look.
“I am so sorry, Blitzø, I-I didn’t mean to bring up anything painful or-or—“
“Knock it off,” Blitzø hissed, then groaned as the other man let out a small noise of distress. “Knock off the apologies; you didn’t do anything wrong. I just… I got some… news. Bad news? Good? I don’t fucking know. Just…” He sighed. Beside him, Stolas sat stiffly. He didn’t ask, but now that he was thinking about it, the news was burning on his tongue and he had to spit it out.
“Just found out that I’m pregnant.”
“Oh.”
“Unexpectedly,” Blitzø added. “Wasn’t, like… trying or some shit. Actually, actively trying for this to not happen. I don’t…” His voice cracked embarrassingly. “I don’t know what to do.”
The car slowed to a stop. They were at the bus stop. Well. Time to leave this stranger with this fucking bummer of a bombshell. Why the hell did he have to do things like this?
“I guess… Uh… Thanks for the ride? I probably, you know, won’t see you again for another twenty years or some shit, so, hope you have a good life?” He reached for the door handle.
A hand caught his sleeve and he turned to see Stolas leaning towards him with concern.
“Wait, Blitzø. Would you like to… go somewhere and talk? I don’t have anything pressing today, and sometimes it’s helpful to talk to someone who doesn’t have a stake in the issue.” When Blitzø hesitated, he added, “I can even give you a ride home afterwards, if you’d like, so you don’t have to wait for a bus.”
Blitzø let go of the handle and settled back in the seat.
“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good, actually. I could use a coffee. Or, fuck, guess I shouldn’t have coffee now.”
“Oh, I think one cup is fine,” Stolas said as he pulled away from the kerb.
“I’ve already had two this morning,” Blitzø admitted as they drove off.
Sitting across the table from Stolas, blowing on his hot chocolate, Blitzø shifted uneasily. What was he doing? Having a heart-to-heart? Weren’t you supposed to tell your family about this kind of thing before literal strangers?
“So, Blitzø,” Stolas began. “Um… What… what do you do these days? I remember you had grand plans to run away and join a circus.”
Blitzø snorted. He remembered that.
“Yeah, obviously that didn’t happen. I’m a, uh… a PI.”
“A private investigator!? How exciting!”
“It really isn’t. It’s long hours for not enough pay, just waiting to snap some pictures of another middle aged white dude banging his secretary. It’s barely enough to keep the lights on, and I’ve got more employees than I can afford.”
Stolas took a sip of his tea.
“So you’re the boss? That sounds very important.”
“It’s not that big a deal.”
“Running your own business is a big deal!” Stolas insisted. “Certainly a bigger deal than working at the space museum.”
“I’m guessing that’s what you do?” Blitzø asked.
“Yes. The most excitement I usually get is cleaning up sick in the planetarium.”
Blitzø grimaced. “That happen a lot?”
“Mm. More often than I would like, certainly.”
“Why you gotta work there anyway? Isn’t your family, like, loaded?”
Stolas pressed his lips together and glanced away.
“I would prefer not to talk about that just now.”
“Right! Right, yeah, no problem.” Idiot. The guy had mentioned not being on great terms with his family. Maybe they had cut him off.
They sipped their drinks in awkward silence.
“So,” Stolas finally said, “about your…” He trailed off, clearly unsure how to broach the topic.
“Getting knocked up?” Blitzø finished. “I just… I never expected it. I had an iud in. Aren’t they, like, almost foolproof?”
“Almost,” Stolas remarked blandly.
“Yeah, yeah.” Blitzø shook his head. “I don’t even know the guy. He was just a bar hook-up. Said his name was Dennis. No idea how to find him or anything.”
Stolas frowned. “You didn’t use—“
“No, I didn’t use a fucking condom and keep your pointy-ass nose out of it.” Fuck, interrupting again.
The taller man pulled back with a quick “sorry.”
Blitzø pinched the bridge of his nose.
“God, what am I gonna tell Loony?”
“Your… girlfriend?” Stolas ventured.
“What?” Blitzø looked up at him. “Fuck no. My daughter.”
“Oh! You have children already!”
“Yeah, just her. Adopted her a little over four years ago.”
“Ah. Well, I’m sure if you explain it carefully—“
“She’s a grown fucking adult, Stolas. I got Loona just before she aged out of the system. Fuck! I gotta stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Fucking… interrupting you.” Blitzø stared sullenly into his cocoa.
“Oh, that’s all right, Blitzø. I should also stop making assumptions about you. I get the feeling you have never been what anybody expects.”
Blitzø looked up at him quickly, meeting his deep red-brown eyes. Something about the way he’d said that sounded like a compliment, and the way he was looking at him… Blitzø wiped a palm on his jeans and broke eye contact, his heart thumping. This was not the time to be thinking about an attractive, tall-as-fuck man.
“I also have a daughter,” Stolas offered. “Octavia. She is nearly an adult herself, although of course, she is still my little girl in many ways.”
“Yeah?” Blitzø felt like he should return a compliment. “I don’t really know you, but, I mean… from what I remember of you as a kid and just from today… I think you’re probably a good dad.”
“Thank you.” Stolas smiled and fuck, it was a pretty smile. “I do hope so. I am sure you are a good father as well.”
“Yeah, I try. Dunno if I do a good job of it. Fucking… barely afford a one-bedroom apartment for us and then I go and get knocked up? She’s gonna tear me a new one, that’s for sure.”
“And you’re sure you can’t find this Dennis to help?”
“Nah. Don’t want to, either. Fuck that guy.”
“Isn’t that what got you into this situation?” Stolas arched his eyebrows.
It took a beat for the joke to register before Blitzø broke into surprised laughter. He laughed longer than it really warranted, until Stolas joined in and their mirth fed off each other before dissolving into suppressed giggles.
“God damn, it feels good to laugh like that,” Blitzø remarked as Stolas dabbed the corner of his eyes with a napkin. He sighed, combing his fingers through his hair. “I really should just go to a clinic and get it taken care of. I can’t afford a baby. I can’t afford to stay home and take care of a baby. I don’t have any place to put a baby.” He began tapping a gentle rhythm on the table. “I don’t know the first thing about raising a kid. Loona was already seventeen when I started with her….I don’t want to be pregnant. What’s that even like? I don’t want to have to go to that office every fucking month or whatever with everyone staring at the fucking pregnant man. I don’t wanna have to stop the T, I don’t want to… to look like a fucking girl again…”
A rustle of movement made him look up. Stolas had extended a hand across the table, open and inviting, with a sympathetic look on his face. Blitzø tentatively slid his hand into it and Stolas squeezed it once.
“That sounds like a lot of things on the ‘cons’ list,” he murmured. “Do you have anything on the ‘pro’s’ list?”
Blitzø closed his eyes and sat for a moment, breathing slowly, feeling the gentle touch of the other man’s hand.
“Yeah. Yeah. I want to keep it.”