Chapter Text
After everything went down in that battle where we messed up an entire floor in a pointless fight, destroyed a couple of blocks of one of the city's most iconic places, including stealing the Christmas of the entire population of New York by destroying its Christmas symbol, not to mention sending my mom to jail and having to fight, me with the Kingpin and her with her sister's best friend... Whew.
After covering these little details, I was still digesting the whole situation, sitting in an ambulance, looking at the wreckage I caused, while a too-curious cop and some detective were telling me that I would have to pay for this and that, pointing indiscriminately even at the light of a broken street lamp. I had been not listening to them for about 20 minutes now when my phone rang with her voice... husky, heavy, soft, and even with the softness of irony and mild amusement, it was still too commanding to ignore.
"I don't want that drink, but you and I are having breakfast together now. I'm waiting for you next to that ugly and popular green-colored car. Look to your left. Hurry up." I heard everything, scanning the place she pointed to, and there she was with her green coat that she had left in the elevator.
She came back for the coat... and for me?
"What's up, girl? Who called you?" Clint asked worriedly by my side, seeing me surveying the surroundings. I touched his hand, turning my eyes to him, already feeling my heart race. I don't know why I'm nervous about the call.
"Uhhh... Yelena wants to talk to me..." I said, feeling shy, and he kept looking at me for another minute before grabbing someone's coat from the ambulance and giving it to me.
He lifted us up and began dressing me while issuing small commands. "Make sure not to bring up difficult topics, don't make sudden movements, and stay calm if she decides to end the conversation... She's just like Natasha... widows always flee when cornered, it's instinct... the Red Room conditioned her that way." He said, pulling a hat from the coat pocket to put on my head. He looked like a father getting a child ready for school. "I want you in your apartment by noon, we board at 4 in the afternoon... your mission with your new friend... yeah, bring her home with us. Whatever it takes. You understand? I don't want to lose her too. She needs us. That's why we didn't kill them... you understand? You're her Hawkeye, and she needs you. If she came looking for you here, it's important. They never come back for anyone who isn't important." His final words resonated in my bones. I took a deep breath, hugging my mentor, and looked again to where my widow was waiting for me.
"I will fulfill the mission." I said to him and to myself. He waved, pushing me to go already, and I walked every step, counting my breaths.
She needs someone to support her after everything that happened today. Maybe I need that too.
Clint told me about their fight and how emotional it was. He was thinking of various ways to find her. Now we have the chance... but my mission here was more significant.
I felt touched by her presence from the first moment, even without knowing the whole story or who she was. Our conversation in my apartment only solidified this connection, which became something important the moment she defined who I would be in this story by telling me what my mother did.
Five more steps.
"Hiii..." She said, smiling in the same tone she used at my house, and I smiled back, feeling more nervous.
"Hi... Yelena, right?" I tried her name for the first time in her presence, and it sounded damn good. She smiled with her eyes almost closing at my shy attitude, and I sighed, looking at the street.
Okay.
She needs a friend, not an idiot sighing. You can do this, Kate.
"Yes, I see Barton already told you the gossip, one less awkward conversation for me, come... have you been on a motorcycle before?" She said as we walked down the busy street filled with police cars and onlookers. She was walking briskly ahead of me, and I followed as best as I could while answering.
"No, I haven't even... driven... or... in New York, no one is very interested in having a vehicle, really. I walk a lot... or take the train... and when it's far... taxi... yeah, I take a taxi... but motorcycles... huh... I don't think... I really don't think I know how to do that... I mean... you understand... I..." She slowed her steps when I took a deep breath between the last words.
She stopped, turning completely to me, almost making me run into her. I stopped, organizing myself, and looked closely. She seemed surprised, amused... almost 5 seconds away from laughing at me, and I breathed, feeling even more shy.
"You're still funny, Kate Bishop... but I'll add two more terms... Chatterbox and... cute... stop talking and walk..." She said, holding my hand as we passed a group of people on the street. I couldn’t even breathe, even in gloves, her hands were warm. I let my bare fingers cling to it while she practically dragged me through the streets.
"Where are we going?" I asked as we turned the third time on the same street, it seemed like she was trying to shake off someone, or maybe... She turned, slowing down a bit but never stopping.
"I'm trying to remember where I left my baby... but these streets are all the same... have we... been here before?"
Yes, she was just lost.
I was filled with tenderness for the pout she was making right now. I don't know her, but I'm assuming she's not the type to admit a mistake easily. I approached her and went with my free hand to touch a loose strand of her braid, but she did as in the elevator and slapped my hand, making me widen my eyes and take an instinctive step back. She rolled her eyes and pulled my hand, which she still held, towards her, sighing.
"Sorry, you came too close too fast, I'm not... not good... with touches... your hands are cold..." She said, now holding both of my hands.
Her gaze on our hands together was something different. While she was telling me she wasn't good with touch, and I'll assume again that she's not accustomed to it either, in the past few days, she touched me in many ways, whether in fights or conversations. And right here, she was holding both of my hands as if she wanted to anchor herself.
Clint's instructions sang in my mind, and I smiled at her.
"It's okay, I'm sorry for being abrupt. I was just going to fix it..." I said, using my hand still in hers to point to the strand from before. "Can I? It's about to get into your mouth... and I don't know about you, but I puke my guts out with any hair in my mouth, and I... here." I said, using a finger to push it away and tuck it behind her ear.
She never let go of my hand and didn't even move a muscle on her face while I spoke.
"Is that too much?" I asked, bending my knees to be at her eye level. She was just there, looking at me, and I waited for her assessment attentively.
"An alley next to a store with the orange, green, and blue sign. Caribbean music playing." She said softly, as if remembering something, and I breathed five times before understanding.
"Is that where the bike is?" I lowered myself again to her eyes, and she smiled as if I had said the best thing in the world.
"Yes, that's where my baby is... can you take me there?" She asked, still smiling, and I scoffed loudly.
"We've been through this twice already, Yelena. Come on." I said, now pulling her hand to make her follow me. I wasn't walking as fast as she was. I wasn't in a hurry. I have until noon with her.
I wanted her to keep talking, but she seemed distant and lost in thoughts as we walked to the place she mentioned.
Growing up in New York and walking all over the city made me able to locate myself in many places in the city. This was on my mind now because I'm already planning how to work helping make these same streets safer. I want to talk to Clint about it, but I need to really think and organize my life before deciding my future.
"You're not much of a talker, huh?" I said when we were almost reaching the place where the bike was.
"Well... it's not like I have a lot of interactions, you might be the first person I've spoken to directly in months... didn't have a lot of that before, and I don't exactly know how social conventions are..." She rambled, and I looked at her enchanted. She can really ramble. She just left a lot of information and words right here. With me. I'm the first person to approach her.
"Okay, these interactions are quite simple... we don't need to do anything big... Can you tell me what or where you want to eat?" I asked, looking at her whole face, and she sighed.
"I don't really know... I'm not feeling very organized right now... I just wanted..." She wanted closeness. I understood and didn't force anything. I need to control myself here so that I don't invade her space too much.
"Go on... now tell me what you want to eat..." I said, slowing our steps to a slow walk. She can't be rushed.
She looked at me almost surprised, and I encouraged her by squeezing her hand. "I... I... I want the Christmas American pancakes from that famous place... and I want eggs... maybe some sandwiches... and I'd like some slices of roasted ham... pepper jelly... and I... I want milk..." She said, nervously squeezing my hand, and I became curious and stopped us completely.
"Is something specifically making you nervous? Is it me?... or something that's not here right now..." I said, pulling her other hand to me as she did with me. She raised her eyes to me, looked at the street... to our hands... to the sky. I waited for her to gather her thoughts patiently, giving small squeezes to her hands. My hands are cold. The cold is really making me feel the weight of the fight from before.
"It is just that... I don't know how to explain... you spoke exactly like my sister, and it... calmed me... no one gave me many choices before... just like I didn't allow myself to accept many of them..." She said very calmly, seriously, almost solemnly.
So far, the whole image of this woman was that of someone who just had a very heavy moment and was still processing everything. Is she in shock or something?
"I don't want to say a bunch of silly words as you've seen that I'm capable of... and you've noticed that I'm a girl who's really a bit out of some elements of normality... Clint gave me some small instructions about... basically, he told me that you're just like your sister..." I said, smiling.
She looked at me with an almost emotional smile. "He said that?"
Perhaps this would be where I could start my plan to take her with me. I can tell her what I know about her sister, I can say things Clint told me.
"Yes, the instructions he gave me involved measures so that I don't make you nervous and can be able to recognize your... instincts..." I said, looking at the street.
"I want to know about that...Can you explain it to me?" She said, wiping her eyes with the back of her hands, never letting go of mine.
"I can and I will... now... I thought a minute ago that everything you heard from Clint... might somehow have been traumatic, and it's very common for people to feel fragile after something like that... I know this, and I'm talking about it because I'm feeling exactly that right now... I feel restless... I feel nervous... unable to organize my thoughts... is that how you're feeling?" She was looking at me through it all, surprised. I had started to make us walk slowly through the streets again while talking, and she just followed, listening attentively.
"Yes, I think I can relate to the symptoms. Are you also starving?" She said, pouting, and I laughed loudly. I looked at a sign above me, barely containing my amusement and tenderness for her.
"I wasn't until you offered me breakfast, and now you described your food, and I really got hungry... look, here's the place you said you left the bike." I made her look at the sign, and she shouted happily, looking around, finally seeming to have located herself.
"Yay... yes... it's here... now..." She let go of my hand and looked all over the space. I knew she found the bike because she shouted again, completely letting go of me to run to the alley on the other side of the street. I smiled, going to her to see the amazing and shiny bike. She did well to be concerned about losing this. It looks good and expensive.
"Wow, that looks amazing... have you had it for a long time?" I said, touching the panel as she opened the seat and took out some helmets from a small trunk.
"Oh, about a month or so... since I got here... isn't she beautiful?" She said, touching the side fairing affectionately. She seemed very happy, and the flushed cheeks from excitement made me smile.
Yes. She’s beautiful.
"Of course she is... now... can you teach me how to be a passenger on a motorcycle before we get on this?" I said, grabbing the helmet to put it on my head, and she approached to close it on me.
"Sure. Here... you started well... remembered the helmet... always have it snug on your head... well closed..." She said, touching my face to get the straps inside the helmet. The warm gloves are warming me again.
I sighed, looking at her concentrated face and smiled.
Yes. She’s really beautiful.
"And then let's get to the cool part..." She said, putting her helmet back on quickly. "You'll need to hold on tight... you know? Something like holding me with your knees and around the waist... and I need you to remember not to make sudden movements if you get scared when I accelerate... otherwise, you'll pull me, and we'll both fall... it's not an option... so come here..." She said, sitting on the low bike that allowed her to have both feet on the ground. "Get on... now, support both feet firmly here..." She said, touching my legs. "And your hands go here..." She said, pulling my hands to her waist above her thighs. "If you feel the helmet hitting me... lower your hands like this..." She said, pulling my hands to her thighs. I swallowed. That's a lot of touches, but if she didn't seem to mind, I wouldn't either.
"Can you not go too fast?" I asked softly, holding on to her when the engine roared loudly.
"Yes, this first time we'll go slowly, I promise." She said over the noise, turning her face to me.
This first time?... She said as if we were going to have other times...
More enchanted sighs, and we entered the street.
I was shaking. I don't know if from the motorcycle ride or from how at one of the stops we made, she grabbed my two hands and stuck them in the pockets of her coat.
"Leave your hands here... it's cold..." She said softly, and I smiled, feeling the warmth very welcome in my cold hands.
*
"So... are you telling me Barton has a little manual on how to deal with a Black Widow? Was he really close to my sister as he said? Am I not dreaming about this?" She wanted to know before biting into her pepper sandwich. I rolled my eyes at her and the food. She wanted a sandwich with ham, egg, bacon, some avocado, tomatoes... but it became a pepper sandwich the moment she poured half a jar of jelly pepper into it.
"I... I... this really won't make you sick?" I said, pointing to the bread soaked in pepper.
"Ha! You're still with those funny lines, I think I can get used to that..." She said, biting more of the food aberration, and I groaned, both for the way she moaned in appreciation and for the disgust of seeing it spread on her fingers.
"That's disgusting..." I said, biting my own sandwich with a normal presentation.
She stopped chewing slowly to watch me with both elbows on the table. My mom would a.d.o.r.e this woman…
"So, are you going to answer or not? Were they really close? How close were they? He knew something really secret about me and my sister, but that might have been an isolated thing... I don't know..." She said in the same way she spoke to me in my apartment, and I swallowed the food before smiling back.
"All right... so we have food on the table again... we have a slight curiosity... and the topic is a Hawk and a Widow... I'm having déjà vu... you're not going to threaten me again, are you?" I said, imitating her posture. I looked at the jelly on her plate and got curious.
"Just try it once... you know you want to..." She said, dirtying a finger and pointing it at me.
I stood there looking between her and the beautiful finger on her well-kept hand until she impatiently moaned my name. “C’mon, Kate Bishop…”
She just moaned. My name. She...moaned...my...name.
"You're definitely in shock, as we said we are... your movements are slow... your mind is slow... probably your battery is running out... just have the pepper... it will warm you up better and wake you up from this sleep..." She said, pointing the finger closest to me.
She thinks I'm sleepy, but I was in a much more complicated place with my mind. The gutter would seem clean in front of how I imagined I would first go for the finger and then every inch of her body.
Yelena, I know a way to warm up better. Isn't that what you do in extreme cold? You get naked and hug yourselves? I want to. I looked again at the finger, then at her, and then I looked at the entire empty restaurant.
It would be too easy. No one would see us.
This is so wrong.
"Kate Bishop... are you okay?" She said, getting up to sit next to me, and everything got worse. She squeezed herself, pushing me to the corner of the couch. I shrunk, trying to orient myself in the real world again.
"Sorry... I'm really tired... we had a difficult night, didn't we?" I said, pushing her shoulder with mine.
She seemed concerned with her arms encircling me on the couch and the table, and I sighed loudly.
Okay, I need her to be comfortable, none of this attractive and magnetic, flirtatious... who knows what other cheesy adjective could be used here.
Be wise, Kate.
I can just stick with the finger for now, right?
"Come on, let me try the damn jelly..." I said, reaching for her dirty finger to bring it to my mouth, and she waited patiently as I cleaned and released the finger.
I quickly backed away because clearly that was too much, but as this shit burned, I had the perfect excuse to get out of this damn cloud of lust I got into.
This. Shit. Burns.
"Water." I gasped loudly, opening my mouth, and she approached me laughing.
"Hey, breathe. Close your mouth. It's better with your mouth closed. Drink the milk. Come on. Slowly... like this... breathe... let the milk sit on your tongue for a moment and just... breathe... come on, dorogaya , it's just pepper..." She said to me, and my eyes, now filled with heat and nervousness, teared up.
All the kind and calm words left me in a goo ready to be thrown against the wall until I slid down slowly. The Russian word didn't seem to be anything bad, even very affectionate. Gradually, the burning on my tongue and chest diminished, and I sprawled on the couch, feeling even more exhausted but also more awake. It worked as she said.
She laughed beside me, and I looked at her.
"You're a lightweight with peppers... note to future Yelena..." She said, looking at my whole face.
I showed her my middle finger, hiding in the corner of the couch, and she laughed out loud.
"Don't be like that... let's go... I think the sun will rise in a few minutes..." She said, looking out the window, and I smiled, following her gaze.
Maybe I can show her my city as she asked me.
"Hey, when you said you wanted to know New York, were you serious?" I asked, searching for money in my pockets.
"Of course I was... why? Are you going to take me?" She asked, almost too excited with surprised eyes, and I decided that even if I had another answer, this would have changed it.
"I will... and I'll start..." I found my sweaty cash that I had stuffed in my bra last night, congratulating myself for taking a lot of money from my criminal mother before going out to arrest her, and threw some bills on the table, looking out the window again.
"Okay, I'll go wherever you take me today." She said tapping her fingers on the table, and I smiled.
"Anywhere?" I said, extending my hand. "Do you promise?" I waited anxiously. This would be my chance at some point in the morning when I called her to go with Clint.
"Done." She said, shaking my hand firmly.
*
"Is this really safe? And also, you paid for this, but I could have brought us up here for free." She said, looking at the glass floor below us, and I just smiled.
She's a Black Widow but she's here clinging to my arm with special socks, stepping so carefully that there seems to be a fear of breaking the glass below her feet. I held her hand, squeezing my shoulder, and looked at her whole face carefully. She seemed so young, looking at everything with curious eyes. Everything seemed new to her.
"Hey...now...look at me." I said softly, anxiously waiting for her to look at me. "You're safe here, nothing will happen, and if it does, you're a Black Widow, and I started this week at my new vigilante job. No one can handle us together...I'm here...Okay?" I said to her with all the confidence in the world, knowing that only she could protect us, but I promised security anyway.
She waved playfully at me and looked back at the floor, stomping a few times as if to make sure it wouldn't give way, and then she took her hand off my shoulder and swayed her hips on her feet in an almost funny way. I laughed at her brave attitude and walked to a window in the corner of the room. Transparent floors always made me tremble with fear and at the same time made me feel like I could fly. Summit was the best place to start introducing my home to Yelena, from here, we could see the whole city.
I leaned my forehead against the glass, taking a deep breath as I watched the last traces of night in the city, we still had a few minutes to enjoy the space just for ourselves. I looked for the Widow in the glass reflection, and she was still where I left her.I turned to smile at her charming and enchanting gaze at the silver balls on the ceiling as if she were seeing something incredible. From her amazed air, most likely, she thinks it is.
"Aren't you coming?" I said, offering my hand, and she sighed, scratching her forehead before walking to me.
She looked at the still-asleep city, sighing.
"It's so...big, and it seems so quiet from here." She said, imitating my movement of resting her forehead on the glass. "It feels like we're…flying." She laughed excitedly. "This is sooo cool." She was as excited as I wished she would be when I had this idea. And I want her to be even more.
"Look...it's starting." I said, pointing to the horizon where the first rays of the sun were beginning to appear.
Her accent seemed much firmer just now, as if she was having difficulty using something other than her native language. I smiled at the small words whispered in Russian, which in their short and funny way sounded like swear words.
"That's beautiful...very beautiful...it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." She said, crossing her legs to sit, and I promptly imitated her.
There’s no need for so many words, no reason for me to spoil this with any topic. I just sat there and watched the sun present itself for another day, watched the pretty girl act like a child jumping in place with excitement, and I felt...relieved.
I'm exactly where I should be.
I didn't know what would become of my life, and I had no idea how to start building my future. I just wanted to make sure I would never live a life of lies or watch the world happen through someone else's window. I saw the world through my mother's eyes, and everything was a lie. Now I want to see the world for myself.
"What are you thinking?" I heard her dragging herself to be closer.
"I'm thinking about how no one else will tell my story instead of me..." I said with my chin on my knees, seeking her gaze attentively.
She imitated my position, taking a deep breath as if preparing for something big.
"Oh...I get that...I spent more than half of my life under mind control." She said quietly, and I gasped.
"Mind control? Like one of those ants controlled by fungi?" I said amazed, and she chuckled softly, hitting my shoulder. I groaned, and she smiled.
She looks really pretty, smiling like that.
"Ants controlled by fungi...okay...I think I like your idea...if you understand better that way." She said, shrugging with a mischievous and fun look.
Then she told me everything about what had happened in the Red Room, which, in fact, still existed until she knocked it down. The documents leaked by Natasha a few years ago showed as if it had ended, but no, the organization continued.
"So now you're freeing all of them?" I asked, impressed with everything she was telling.
She not only destroyed everything but also was helping these girls have a better life now.
I was impressed to say the least. I'm not used to talking to incredible girls like this...the college girls with the best laurels now seemed too simple.
"I'm trying...it's not easy…we are the perfect predator that camouflages in any environment and can attack any prey anywhere...it's complicated to pursue and...literally touching one of us is a problem." She said, and I remembered again how I touched her in the last few days in various situations.
"I managed to slap you, does that make me eligible to help you with something like this? I have a lot of money...probably much more than I need...I can help." I said excitedly, and she laughed again, bending over on the floor.
I watched the whole scene even more enchanted by her.
"What? Am I that bad? Can't money help with this kind of thing?" I continued trying.
"I'm laughing because you really managed to land your hit with a Black Widow...not just any, but the best of them." She said, getting up to sit in front of me. There were no more smiles now.
It was just the deadly look I saw in my apartment for a few seconds while she explained to me how we are made of what we do. I swallowed hard but never diverted my gaze. Just like that day when I thought she deserved the truth or at least respect for the pain of losing her sister, now I also held her gaze.
"Do you think if I wanted to kill you right here...you would have a chance or could touch me again?" She said almost harshly, and I swallowed hard, thinking.
She told me two completely different things here. First, she asked about my capabilities, and then she was just talking about how daring I would be to try.
Obviously, I wouldn't try. And not out of fear, not out of incapacity, but because now I know she's not a threat, maybe the certainty in the back of my mind was much more related to the fact that I don't think she would hurt me even if I tried.
Although... I wanted to test my own theories..
I leaned my head on my knees again and looked at the city bathed in perfectly golden rays. Then, I sought her eyes. Green, but with this light, they looked as golden as the sun. Perfect.
I raised my hand to conduct my little experiment and almost jumped out of my own skin when she didn't move, so I continued, I stretched my entire arm to the same strand of hair that I touched earlier.
She didn't move, she didn't show fear, there was no surprise, no attack in her eyes. I’m right.
"If you wanted to kill me...you would have killed me already, as we've established before...even now...if you really needed to kill me...I don't think I would stand a chance." I touched her cheek now, the one I slapped earlier, and she sighed. This gave me even more impetus for my words.
"The point here is that you don't want to...you sought me out today for a reason...I'm praying it's because you feel safe or comfortable with me...it's just about that...I know it...you know it?" I finished by taking my hand away from her face.
It seemed like she only breathed when I moved away. I watched her entire face and posture relax again, her eyes returned to the calm eyes from before. She didn't answer, just stood up and did again what she did when we arrived.
She just wanted to fly again.
I spent half an hour watching as she practically danced on her feet, whispering the same melody.
"What song is this, Yelena?" I said, reaching for my phone so she could hear better.
" This'll be the day that I die... this'll be the day that I die..." She said the verse from "American Pie" and I watched the whole world spin correctly for the first time in my life when her entire body seemed to come alive under the notes of the music that I let play on my phone.
It was just the two of us here, so she danced like a ballerina all over the space, bouncing while singing the song at the top of her lungs.
I sat and applauded each of the pirouettes she was doing, there was no more fear with the floor. She was just being free right here, and I smiled with my whole face for being able to witness this, better yet, for being the one to provide this for her.
The song repeated three more times until she fell exhausted, lying next to me still in the early verses of the fourth repetition.
"A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile..." She said this verse, looking at the silver balls on the ceiling.
And I was just in a trance observing all of this... this was one of those moments in life that you never forget. I'm sure I'll carry this right here with me until the day I die.
*
"I can't believe you're making me go to Jersey ... you know who I am, woman?" I said in my most elitist tone, the tone that I heard my mother, despite her apparent humility, use in every moment when we referred to Jersey.
"Jesus, who would've thought you're this kind of rich with all that stick up your ass?" She said looking at me horrified, her accent very heavy and offended, like when I slapped her.
I breathed much more upset now, no longer with Jersey but with the possibility that she might see me differently and be upset with me. In the last few hours, she had been looking at me and listening to me as if everything I had to say was an absolute truth, but now she seemed like she wanted to hit me again, and I just gritted my teeth in disgust, walking to the damn ferry.
"Thank you..." She said ironically, passing in front of me, dancing and singing American Pie for the 83rd time or something more. It's 8 in the morning, and we've been at it for two hours, walking from one place to another while I introduce her to the city. The Christmas atmosphere was making her look even more like a happy child.
I wonder how many Christmases she must have had. I bet none. And I really want to give that to her. I just hope she accepts.
We had coffee while walking along the High Line, we walked through a food market where she devoured many fruits, and entered a Vinyl store where she bought some that I recommended. I even gave her a collector's copy of Don McLean's greatest hits, autographed. Her whole face lit up like the Christmas tree I knocked down yesterday.
"Can I give you this as a Christmas present?" I asked carefully, showing her what I found. To my surprise, she accepted and hugged me in the middle of the store. I barely moved, and I'm shaking until now, but I was proud of myself.
I decided to buy a Christmas present for Clint and his family. It wasn't anything grand because I don't have a credit card at the moment, but the wad of cash I have with me would do.
"Come on, I need to find something for Clint and his family." She seemed curious about my words but followed me in. She even gave opinions on what I chose for them, looking at me attentively at every moment.
I was starting to get nervous with these looks, she seemed to want to talk a lot about them, but I avoided it. That will be the last thing, let's first have fun, relax, and then talk about it. If she leaves even then, she'll still have a good memory with me.
*
We entered a bazaar out of her curiosity, and once again, she was all about a new experience. I watched amused as she circled the entire place, choosing things, trying sizes on both me and her. She picked a jacket, some ordinary clothes, and a band T-shirt. She showed me a nice hoodie with a target.
"This is my Christmas gift for you, little hawk... I heard in some eavesdropping you saying you never miss a target... so it makes sense."
I held the hoodie, looking at the design, and smiled with my whole face at her, even knowing she had been spying on me.
"Thank you, I'll really wear this a lot. Do you have everything you need?" I asked, and she squealed, running to a specific T-shirt. It was so different to see her acting like an ordinary girl. The T-shirt in question had some symbols that I couldn't identify, but she brought it to me. "It's Russian... here it says Ла́йка... Layka... the astronaut dog... you know... now you have something Russian to carry with you wherever you go... they say it brings luck..."
I wasn't even thinking about luck... Russian... dog.
Only the words "To have something Russian to carry with you wherever you go." were pounding in my mind now.
I think I just found out that I would like her to be the Russian item in my world.
"What's wrong? Don't you like it?" She said worried, and I bit my tongue for bringing that look to her.
I quickly jumped to take off my coat and put the T-shirt over my suit.
"Here... I liked it, yes... thank you... I was just surprised... I loved this..." I said pointing to it, announcing that I would hug her too, and she waved, looking nervous.
"Can I or not? I'm just going to hug you if you allow..." I said still with my arm ready for the hug, and she entered my personal space. I hugged her even tighter than the hug she gave me. I sighed into her hair before she brought her arms awkwardly in front of her body to push me away.
I looked at her attentively, and she just whispered a "Too much contact." Going to the cashier to pay for the clothes.
I waited for her anxiously with all the bags, thinking about how I might have done something wrong. My hands were cold from nervousness and the cold. I blew on my hands waiting for her.
"Here, one more gift..." She said seeking my free hand to put a perfect purple glove with skeleton patterns and then changed the bags from hand, putting the second piece. I looked excitedly at the gloves.
"These are the most perfect gloves in the universe, Yelena." And then now I didn't even ask. I just moved to kiss her cheek.
Now she had deer eyes in the middle of a road, and I, right here, had been the truck with my headlight in the form of a kiss.
"Sorry... I... it's just that I loved my gift... " I said shyly looking at the perfect gloves, she just smiled, rolling her eyes.
"Yeah, okay... for now..." She said softly, leaving the store, and I couldn't even breathe.
What does that mean? Like, for now?
I ran to catch up with her, and she was already entering a store... I can't believe I'm going to a tourist gift shop all prepared.
I sighed before entering.
She was looking for various silly stickers. Several for the bike, one for her gun, a patch for her vest... And then she stuck a sticker of a small miniature web on my bow…
What the hell is happening to me? Anything she does now will leave me sighing like this?
I was happy and very excited about the way everything seemed right in this. Everything was perfect... so far. It didn't seem all that good now that she decided we needed to sail.
I took a deep breath as we waited our turn to board the ferry. Many students and workers were in the same line.
"Are you sure this is really necessary?... I mean... it's just Jersey , Yelena..." I pleaded looking right into her eyes. Trying to make her see my displeased soul.
"This is what I want... if you don't want to, you can wait while I go to the other side and come back... I guess..." She said, shifting her eyes to her boots.
Right here... right here was one of Clint's patterns he told me about. I wouldn't see her anymore if she entered this damn boat alone.
So I gritted my teeth and answered what any sensible person would.
"I'll go with you... I'll go anywhere you take me today..." I returned her words to her, and then her whole face broke into the most beautiful damn smile in the universe.
"Promise?" She said, showing me her hand like I did, and I shook it firmly. Because it's very clear here... I don't think I can say no to her.
Shit.
*
She was at that moment enjoying an ice cream that I bought for her. Lips stained with strawberry and pistachio ice cream could only make her the sweetest sight in the world. I smiled to myself, biting into my own ice cream, thinking about how one morning I am behaving like all the lesbian stereotypes in the universe...
I don't even know if she likes girls.
I'm sighing instead of breathing.
I'm planning things.
I'm calling her beautiful and pretty in my mind every 90 seconds.
I want her to hold my hands again.
I've smelled her hair.
I've bought music for her.
I fed her as if it were a date.
I've opened and closed doors gently.
And I'm right here thinking about all kinds of kindness and melting moments I've had for her today while wondering what her lips taste like right now with all these strawberries and pistachios and her.
"I know my face is dirty, Kate Bishop, you don't have to stare at me like I'm a cute and sticky baby." She said, using the back of her hand to wipe herself exactly like a sticky child would, and I laughed out loud, relieved to have been caught staring but that she assumed it was about the dirt and not because I'm a gay mess drooling over her.
"Sorry... it's just that..." I almost groaned when she invaded my space to bite into my ice cream.
"It's gonna fall..." She continued, reaching out to steal from my ice cream while holding my arm.
"You're eating my entire ice cream..." I complained, watching as she literally ate it from my hand, and she just smiled, shoving hers into my mouth.
I widened my eyes at the way my brain seemed to have short-circuited, the proximity, her smell, her gaze, the whole scene, her fingers holding mine... nothing compared when the damn woman let me see her entire pink tongue seeking some lost drop of ice cream on my finger.
I felt on the edge of something I can't even define. I just stood there looking at her, knowing I needed to say something.
"You... you... already... I mean... already... licked a girl before?" I said, feeling myself biting my own tongue hard. Maybe my frozen brain should be giving me some help.
Yelena burst into laughter that made everyone within a 10-meter radius look at us.
Of all the things I could say... was that what I said? Seriously?
I moved away from her with ice cream and my shame, looking away, and she groaned in protest but never stopped laughing.
"What's so funny?" I looked at her with my shaky smile from the previous embarrassment.
"Kate Bishop... Oh... Kate Bishop... you're the cutest woman I've met in a while... so funny... and..." She said sitting upright now, leaning on me to get back to my ice cream. "I haven't licked that many girls... it's been a while... I can say for sure it's been a long time since I licked one as pretty as you..." She said biting into my ice cream now, taking almost everything while getting up from the bench to go away from me.
I sighed, watching her go into the bathroom and buried my face in my hands. Loudly.
She likes girls. And maybe even likes me. She said I'm pretty.
She just flirted with me, right?
Oh. My. God.
No. This is wrong and needs to slow down. I don't know how Clint was involved with Natasha, but I'm sure it wasn't anything dirty because Clint is a family man.
This is one of the points to include in my own list about Yelena. Anything that has a probability of becoming too complicated can and will be.
I can't risk it. She responded to my kiss in a very reactive way. She's not just any girl, and I don't want an involvement like that. I need to fulfill the mission Clint gave me. She is broken, and we need to take care of her.
I can only assume that right now, we are all she has.
*
I was looking at the waves and the movement of the river when she returned. She seemed to have freshened up and was now wearing one of the T-shirts and pants she bought earlier, her hair wet and loose, and I could smell soap.
"Where did you get a shower? I might need that too." I said almost pleading.
"Oh, you want? I paid a guy... come..." She said pulling my hand all the way from where she came before. We entered and went through some corridors until we entered a small room.
"Hey, boy... I brought you another client..." She said smiling at a friendly young man sitting at a simple table.
"You're going to get me in trouble. Come on..." He got up looking tired of Yelena and guided us to some booths. I can't imagine how she convinced him to do this in the first place.
"This is my room, and you can use the bathroom. Have a clean towel in the cabinet. Please don't take too long, if the captain finds out there are civilians here, I'll be fired." He said extending his hand to Yelena, who placed some notes there, thanking him.
Yelena sat in a chair playing with a small phone, and I got ready for a shower.
I started cleaning myself, loving the feeling of a hot shower and being able to somehow get rid of yesterday's fight. It was very good, I still felt completely broken, I took a beating and plenty of hard hits, but now it seemed like everything was more real.
How will it be now that my mother has been arrested? She canceled my cards. I'll need a lawyer when I return from Clint's house. I'll need to organize my apartment... Should I drop out of college or continue? How will the situation with the Kingpin be now? He knows who I am... will it be more dangerous now?
"Is everything okay there, Kate? This is supposed to be a quick shower." Yelena said loudly, pulling me out of my thoughts, and I finished, drying myself, checking my bruises. I'm fine and would be even better when I sorted everything out.
My only mission now is to take care of Yelena... that's what I need to focus on.
I put on the T-shirt she gave me and the hoodie, feeling comfortably warm. I wore my jeans and boots, leaving the small bathroom feeling renewed.
"Here, have this..." She said pointing to a small deodorant.
"My God, did you get everything with this guy?" I asked, using the hygiene item. It was really great to have it now. I would go back home and sort this out, but for now, I gain some extra time.
"Are you okay?" She asked, looking closely at me, and I nodded, leaving with her. I now need to start with the part of the plan where I convince her to go with me.
"I think... we can stop in Jersey for lunch..." I suggested reluctantly, but I needed to sit with her in a safe place for the conversation we would have.
"Oh, really? I thought you didn't want anything to do with Jersey ... But I accept, I'm starving... What do you want to eat? I'll pay." She said smiling while we squeezed into a corner of the boat to get a better view of the waves.
"I can eat anything... I'm not that hungry..." I said quietly.
"Alright... I can have any sandwich with fries... we can just follow the smells in the streets and decide... we have time..." She said happily, and I sighed, thinking that the conversation would have to start now...
"Well... it turns out that I... don't have that much time... and... well... at noon, I need to be back home... I... we... kind of... would you like to talk now about Clint and his family in a very serious way? Can I have a moment of your attention and speak freely about what happened yesterday... and between you two?" I asked, turning to her.
"I want to, I thought you didn't want to, you kind of avoided the topic all morning..." She said almost complaining.
"No, it's because I wanted to first sense your mood, get to know a bit of your behavior so that I could talk about it in a way that wouldn't make you uncomfortable... can you tell me how you feel about yesterday?" I practically begged her.
"I... I think... I don't know, Kate... I feel like I've been deceived into believing that Barton was one thing... but he might very well be another... I don't know how ready I am to talk about yesterday... or about my sister... but I feel like I need to..." She said peeling off some paint from the railing we were leaning on, and I watched with concern as she cracked her knuckles.
That was a sign. She's uncomfortable and might want to get out of this at any moment.
Let's slow down.
"Hey... I was gonna leave this to talk about at some point before leaving... but I'll talk now... because I want you to understand everything you want to know about what happened before... okay?" I asked, lifting her chin to look at her.
She nodded sadly, and I approached even more, holding her face in my two hands.
"Yelena... I'm probably going to Clint's family farm today... and the moment he saw you today, he asked me to bring you... but he and I know that you have your own ways of walking through the world and choices... right?" I said looking at the beautiful face, and she leaned more on me, seeming about to break.
Clint's plan is good... but I fear I need to have my own plan here.
"Right, here's what I think... While I really would like you to come with us... I've been getting to know you for hours now, and I know how you feel about not having choices... my plan up to now would be to convince you to come with us to the farm... so that you could meet Clint, know more about your sister... but something changed this morning, and I want to give you choices... more choices than just coming or not..." I was just getting closer and closer every second that she seemed about to cry.
"I'm listening…" she said with a choked voice, making me sure that my plan is better.
"Okay... you promised me this morning that you would go wherever I go today, and I promised you the same thing..." I looked at her and Jersey , hearing her chuckle.
"We've kept our promises so far..." There was a calm, pained tone only in her tearful voice, and I smiled again.
I can and will do this.
"That was Clint's plan... but I think I have a better one... pay close attention, and remember that we can change any part of this as you choose..." She nodded, and I continued.
"Option A, you can come with us to the farm... meet these people who I'm sure want to be your family... or B... you can come with me to the farm... and take things at your own pace, ensuring that we can be two absent visitors there, but we'll have free Christmas food..." She laughed loudly, and I strengthened myself. "Let me finish... don't laugh yet... I have a very good C..." She nodded, and I just took a deep breath to say the part that I would like her to accept most today.
"Okay... and then, option C... we stay here... you and me... we can continue doing exactly what we're doing here... we'll have our Christmas together... we'll eat pizza with the dog... we'll laugh... we'll talk about Natasha and Clint… But you won't get the full story... good... not what you want… But I promise you'll be happy and fed and I'll make you smile... and… That's my plan…" She held onto my hands to shift her weight, listening as if she wanted to steady herself, and when I finished, she sighed.
"Okay... Barton's plan is to have me in his sights to see if I'm okay and get to know me at his farm, in a safe territory for him... quite predictable... but your plan is beyond that... to give me a Christmas and a whole experience, whether here or there... Am I getting everything right?" She asked, closing one eye at me, and I smiled, wiping a small tear that came out of her.
"Yes... in the end... all of this is about you and your choices... you will decide how we do things... The only certainty I have is that you may want to go back to doing whatever you do in the world... travels... deaths... whatever... but this Christmas... I would like you to know, that if you want... it can be spent with me..." I said, fixing the wet hair that the wind was stubbornly messing up.
She took a deep breath a few times, looking straight at the waves, and then she started humming American Pie again.
Maybe that's how she calms herself down. She sighs this song that I can't stand to hear anymore. I scoffed loudly, and she looked at me curiously.
"What?" The look on her face was of concern.
"It's fine, I just think I've had my fill of American Pie for a lifetime..." I laughed, and she took a hand under my clothes to pinch me. I moaned, holding onto her.
"Don't insult the anthem of my existence." She growled, laughing.
"Hey, damn it, don't do that... I'm still sore from yesterday, you pinched exactly on the rib you kicked." I said, lifting the T-shirt and hoodie to see the large purple bruise on me, and she gasped loudly.
" дерьмо . I'm sorry, Kate... I didn't... дерьмо ..." She started to worry, and I smiled.
"I'm fine... it's just part of the job... but then... what do you say?" I asked eagerly, and she looked at me mimicking my position.
"I think Barton was smart to use you as bait for me..." She said smiling, and I shouted loudly, raising my arms.
She accepted. I did it. I'm gonna do this.
"Hey, don't get so excited... I'll go with your stealthier option... I want the stealth mode you mentioned as an option... You and me… hiding from complicated situations at the old man's farm, while having a roof, hot water, and eating for free at Christmas..." She really accepted.
"Alright, and what about your doubts?" I wanted to know.
"Well, one thing I've learned about choices lately is that some choices give you time to think... I don't want to promise big conversations and automatic connection with Barton... I want to go with your way of handling things... slowly and tactfully... I can really use your help not to make the moment there awkward? Can you promise that I can leave whenever I want without causing drama?" Her request was simple, and I would never deny it.
"I promise that a word from you, and both of us leave after Christmas dinner... we'll run away to wherever you need... I promise... I just want to help you right now... I want you not to be alone in this moment that I know was tough for you... and I also want to be able to count on your help... to distract me as you did today... I'm messed up from yesterday... I don't know what I'm going to do with my life... I just don't want to be alone... and I know you don't either... let's go with the simplest... let's help each other have a good Christmas and relax... When was the last time you really slept in a safe place?" I asked calmly, and she let her head lean into her arms, looking at the river.
"I think... I've never been in a real safe place..." The words hurt me, all I could do was hug her while kissing her hair.
I'll be your friend, Yelena, and I'll give you security and everything you need from now on...
I promise...
*