Chapter Text
Magnus types furiously on his phone as the TV blares behind him about some magnitude 2.2 earthquake nonsense. The ground barely even tremored and all the stations were covering it as if a massive quake killing hundreds had occurred. Maybe he should move away to a place where there were no earthquakes, even minor ones, tornados, hurricanes, monsoons, wildfires, humidity, or anything else like that. Did a place like that even exist?
Probably not, knowing his luck. Magnus probably should have cared about the earthquake but it happened the day he got dumped. Not just dumped but dumped for another person. And not just dumped for another person… but dumped for another person after his now ex had been cheating on him for eleven months. Oh, and apparently, they’re getting married. Isn’t that just fucking swell? Mazel tov.
Camille walks into the kitchen of the apartment they share and she glances at him. “Please tell me you’re not texting Will like some creepy psycho ex-boyfriend.”
“Hey!” Magnus exclaims but doesn’t look up from the phone. “I am the hurt party. He is the creepy psycho ex-boyfriend because he’s the one that cheated like… like a creepy psycho! And yes, I’m texting him right now.”
She sighs and grabs a box of cereal. “I’m not bailing you out of jail. I just want you to know that. If you go to jail, I’m gonna leave you in there for as long as they want you to stay. Why don’t you just leave him alone with his man-ho and maybe one day they’ll both realize what terrible people they are?”
“I don’t care what they do,” Magnus growls when his most recent text is read but the three dots saying it’s being responded to aren’t popping up. “They can go bang on the Eiffel Tower if that’s what gets their rocks off. I only want what belongs to me.”
“What belongs to you? I thought he gave you back all your stuff from his apartment, and that you’ve given back all his crap.”
“He gave me back everything,” Magnus tosses his phone on the table and grabs the box of cereal from Camille. “Everything except the engagement ring I gave him.”
Camille stares at him. “You didn’t tell me this story. I think I’d remember you telling me the two of you were engaged.”
Magnus shovels cereal into his mouth straight from the box. Something Will hated but he doesn’t care anymore. “It wasn’t a particularly long engagement. It wasn’t even really an engagement at all. He told me thank you but he wasn’t sure we were ready to get married yet. He asked if he could think about it for a couple days and he’d give me his answer. I figured I was about to get dumped but not that he was about to tell me he’d been cheating on me for almost a year.”
Camille’s face softens into the Oh, Magnus look. “Oh, Magnus,” He rolls his eyes. How predictable. “At least he realized he would be a massive douche canoe if he continued the relationship after your proposal. He’s still a douche canoe but only slightly less of one than he was before.”
“Oh, he’s a douche canoe,” Magnus picks up his phone and stares at the read message again. “He’s a massive douche canoe. He’s the biggest douche canoe of all douche canoes. I asked him for the ring back and said no.”
The “Oh, Magnus” look turns into the “I’m gonna commit a murder” look. Camille literally snarls. “I’m gonna commit a murder. I’m gonna kill him. I’m going to murder him in the worst way I can think of. What was his reasoning for not turning over the ring other than he’s a gold-digging lying douche canoe?”
Magnus smiles despite the situation. “Thanks, Camille. You don’t need to kill him but if you want to beat him up for the ring, I give you permission. He said he shouldn’t have to give it back because it was a gift. A gift that cost me two grand.”
“He’s probably going to use it to propose to his boyfriend.”
Magnus makes a face. “Please don’t say that. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth and I like that cereal.”
“Sorry,” Camille sighs. “But that’s probably what’s going to happen. Either he’s going to sell it or use it to propose to douche canoe number two. I suppose you could try to take him to court over it but I don’t know how they handle gifts here.”
“I don’t even want to know how much that lawyer’s going to cost.” Magnus gives up and lays his phone down, face down. “I should just let it go. I’m perfectly fine with never seeing him again after this.”
“You’re not acting too terribly heartbroken that you were cheated on and your ring was stolen.”
Magnus shrugs. “I’m sad. I really do love him, but I think we were kind of just… what’s the saying? Going through the motions? It’s corny as hell but it’s not wrong. It’s like we were super into each other, like all over each other, but a couple years in and all of a sudden, we do missionary sex like once every couple weeks. I think the reason I’m not like devastated over this is because I knew it was coming. I didn’t know the cheating was coming but I knew the end was coming. Maybe I’m just not cut out for relationships.”
“Oh, come on,” Camille shakes her head. “You just have bad taste in men.” She looks at the TV behind Magnus. “Holy shit! Did you know there was an earthquake?!”
“Yes, I knew there was an earthquake.” Magnus rolls his eyes and stands up from his seat, grabbing another handful of cereal before he closes it one-handed. “Everyone knows there was a 2.2 magnitude earthquake. No one’s dead. Like thirty people felt the slightest tremor. Isn’t there more important news going on?”
Camille leers at him. “What, like you getting cheated on and dumped by Will, and then him stealing your engagement ring?”
“That is more interesting.”
“I’m no longer wondering why he’d dump someone as amazing as you. You don’t care that there was an earthquake that could have killed people.”
“When has an earthquake that small killed anyone?”
Camille rolls her eyes. “I’m going to look it up just to spite you, Magnus. I swear I will. You owe me a hundred bucks if I’m right.”
“You’ve got a bet.” Magnus starts out of the room. “I’ve gotta get ready for work!”
Magnus shoves his handful of cereal into his mouth as he walks into his room, kicking the door shut behind him. He sits down on his bed and sighs. Camille wasn’t wrong that he wasn’t horribly brokenhearted over losing Will to some other guy. He wasn’t even that upset about the cheating, though the cheating did bother him. Shouldn’t he be outraged over this? Wouldn’t most people at least throw something? Get angry? Shout? Magnus was more pissed about wasting the money on a ring and losing it than he was losing the guy.
That was some fucked up shit and Magnus knew it. Was something in him broken? He does love Will, even if he’s not in love with the other man. It had just felt like, well, they’ve been together a couple years, so it’s time for that next step. Was Will not giving back the ring because he expected Magnus to be angrier or hurt over this?
Was there something wrong with Magnus? They’d been together for a long time. Magnus should be more upset over this. Camille was angrier than he was over this. He appreciated her support but shouldn’t he be feeling what she’s feeling. More so? Maybe something inside of him really was broken. How could he love but not be in love? What if what he thought was love was just like?
Ugh, it’s way too early to be thinking about these weird life questions. Magnus rises from his seat and walks over to his closet. He had to get to work, and he knew just who he was going to turn into a villain when he gets there.