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it was always difficult for streber to give in to other peoples' traditions.
since he could remember, his family spent every xmas eve with a seafood feast; bacon-wrapped scallops, oyster stew, shrimp, garlic and cheese biscuits...that was what he knew and loved. even after he stopped believing in santa claus he still made reindeer food, left out nine carrots laid out perfectly in the driveway. he was always allowed to open one or two gifts the night before, his hands covered in popcorn grease and butter from the big batch his dad popped earlier. and the next morning, before anyone else was up, he'd creep out to survey the presents on tip-toe.
that was then, though, and a 'then' that he missed. xmas had lost the magic, and it didn't help that he wasn't a believer anymore, but a big part of it was growing older. and what was worse was that now, he was experiencing firsthand that not everyone celebrated the same way.
streber eyed the cookie cutters sitting on the countertop warily, then glanced up at radford, who was hunched over a mixing bowl. his family barely ever made xmas cookies, with cookie cutters even less. it was six in the morning and radford had dragged him out of bed excitedly - and now streber was finding out this was why. the mixing bowl radford had set out for him was untouched.
"hey, uh...rad?" streber tapped his shoulder.
radford turned around, his hoodie already stained with flour. he looked so happy, which confused streber even further. people actually found joy in baking? "yeah? what's up? aren't you going to make yours?"
streber leaned against the counter and his gaze trailed down from radford's hand, with his chipped-polish nails, to the wooden mixing spoon covered in dough. "this early?"
"uh...yeah! this early." radford set the spoon down and dusted off his hands; when it didn't work, he rinsed them in the sink. "did you not do this growing up?"
"no," streber answered with a slight chuckle. "what, you thought everyone did that?"
"uhhh..." embarrassment and realization seemed to settle on radford's face at the same time. it seemed neither of them had really thought through the 'different traditions' aspect of this holiday. "kinda. i mean, i got used to doing it, that's all! if you don't want to, you don't have to."
it was hard to ignore how he almost seemed to wilt as he said that, and streber scrambled for a way to make him smile again. "i- well, i'm too tired to make cookies-" that was the truth, he was a chronic insomniac, "-but if you want, i can cut the shapes out? i've never actually done that."
as expected, radford immediately brightened again. "sounds good to me! i should have the dough rolled out soon, and then you can cut out the shapes." he opened the jar of cookie cutters and dumped them out onto the counter with a clatter, then turned back to the mixing bowl. sure enough, he rolled the dough out in a pan a few minutes later, then beckoned streber over to use the cookie cutters. streber had picked out a few: a gingerbread man, a tree, and a snowflake. radford piped up again. "what did you do on xmas eve mornings?"
streber thought about it. he and his family had always put more emphasis on the night. "we usually slept in, and when all of us got up, we'd get to work on dinner. we usually stayed in our pajamas till we had to go to..." he winced, not really wanting to say the word. thinking about church made him uncomfortable, and it made him even more uncomfortable when he realized that it probably wasn't morally okay for him to celebrate this holiday after leaving the church. but before he could get too wrapped up in that, something was pressed against his lips - the mixing spoon radford had been using. he glanced up at him, confused.
"no being sad on xmas eve, dude." streber took the spoon from him and started to eat the raw cookie dough that was still on it, while radford put the cut out cookies in the oven to bake. he then turned back to streber with a smile. "so...maybe we should talk about our traditions before i go ahead and force you into mine, yeah?"
he was right. this was tradition, something that comforted streber to the core. even if he "couldn't" celebrate the holiday, they didn't need to call it 'christmas' and that notion in itself made him a little less conflicted. "well, for xmas eve dinner, we'd always have this huge seafood feast!"
"really? my family always made pancakes and bacon," radford mused.
streber pulled the spoon back away from his face - man, was that dough good! he could barely wait to taste the actual cookies (and of course, anything in a fun shape was automatically bound to taste better). "oh! bacon? we always have bacon-wrapped scallops, and my dad always popped our popcorn with bacon grease instead of butter!"
radford's eyes widened at that, and his fists knocked against his thighs in excitement. "bacon grease? that sounds so sick! we gotta do that. and honestly, the seafood thing sounds really good, though i'm...not the biggest oyster fan."
"that's okay. neither am i!" streber snorted, remembering all those times he'd poured the oyster stew down the drain. he hated how it curdled, hated the weird film it left on his tongue. hell, it'd even left a film on the bottom of the sink that he always had to wash out or else it'd congeal and smell really bad the next morning.
"so what else did you do?"
"well, we'd finish dinner and go to...that-"
"-which neither of us will go to, don't worry."
"thanks." streber thought about how his holiday nights went a little further. "uhhh...then my dad would pop the popcorn, then we'd watch a movie. and right before we went to bed we were allowed to open one or two gifts...but...i'm going to be honest, i didn't get you multiple gifts."
"is it cheesy to say that you being here is enough of a gift?" radford fluttered his eyelashes teasingly, just to be met with a shove from streber.
"get outta here with that, i'm lactose intolerant," streber joked back, starting to walk away, but radford tugged him into his arms, hugging him close and smiling against his neck, his warm breath tickling his hair.
"i'm serious, though." radford pulled away from the hug after a moment, just cupping streber's face and looking over him. "i'm so glad you're here."
streber knew he was going to start getting sappy - and it was still only six am! it was way too early for this. he waved the cookie spoon threateningly at radford, warding him off "okay, okay, okay, cassanova, you can stop now. if you're not careful, you'll burn your cookies."
"fair enough." radford sat down in front of the oven, watching the cookies bake.
streber settled next to him soon after, leaning against his side with a soft look. he could feel the heat radiating from the oven, the heat radiating from radford. somehow, radford made him feel warmer than that oven ever could. "how'd you spend the rest of eve?"
"after the cookies, we'd usually watch cartoons until dinnertime. sometimes we'd go on walks around the neighborhood, and sometimes we'll play video games together. we never started dinner until late in the day, 'cause it was nothing fancy. and after dinner, we'd all kinda go to bed one by one - you know, different ages, different bedtimes. sometimes, though, robbie would sneak over to my room and we'd have a sleepover, and we'd sneak down to look at our presents together." radford spoke fondly of his memories, and streber understood why they were so special to him. and while it was hard for him to let go of his own traditions, it was probably just as hard for radford, too. especially with this being their first holiday season living together. probably the best gift they could give one another was the comfort of home.
streber rested his head on radford's shoulder, watching the cookies slowly turning golden brown in the oven. "maybe we can combine our days? we spend some time watching cartoons, then go to the store and get stuff for dinner?"
"aaand popcorn?"
"c'mon, it's you." streber sighed, glancing at radford's braces. they were certainly going to go through a lot, but it wasn't anything they weren't used to - radford had popcorn all the time at work. "of course there'll be popcorn. and a sleepover, actually."
radford clapped his hands excitedly and kissed streber's forehead. streber kissed him on the lips in retaliation, knowing the cookie batter had almost definitely quelled his morning breath. not that radford ever cared.
as hard as the year had been so far, it was almost over - and streber was more than happy to end it on a high note.