Chapter Text
The sun had risen, and it was Dazai’s birthday. To say she was excited was not only a blatant lie but the exact opposite. It was not a happy day for her, nor was there something she would like to do to celebrate —or to change her bad mood—. So when Dazai realized that she had an essay to write, due no later than that same day, she hurried to grab her trench coat and went straight to the university library.
When she finished writing the essay and started walking to her apartment, it was already past 7 p.m. Dazai had nothing left to do, but was hesitant to return to her apartment, after all, it was still her birthday.
The sky was in gloomy blue tones, matching her expression. University was the one thing distracting her from today’s date and the messages no one sent. Not that it’s something that matters to her. Dazai couldn’t care less about the empty notification bar, much less about the non-existent incoming calls. She bypassed an empty park, there wasn’t a soul, even though it was a Friday afternoon. Normally there would’ve been children playing, with their parents sitting on the benches. Dazai thanked internally that she didn’t have to watch the scene, although she had already pictured it in her mind.
Half-mind absent, she continued to walk across the park. At the end of the block they had opened new places, most of them to eat. If she was lucky, there could be a new bar around. The restaurants were not full but nowhere near to being empty. Dazai didn’t want a meal anyway. As soon as she reached the corner, the bright orange neon lights caught her attention.
"The Flags"
At first glance it seemed like a normal coffee shop, but from the side window she took a glimpse, and saw bottles of liquor. She was lucky, at least in this matter. The door was silent and slow as she pushed it open and stepped inside. The bar worker didn’t notice Dazai coming in until she heard footsteps.
“Welcome, what can I-” She didn’t get to finish her sentence.
As soon as she turned over her shoulder, Chuuya was stunned. She wasn’t lucky, not even a bit, not at all.
It must be a joke, an awful joke. She thought.
Or else why would Osamu Dazai, her worst nightmare, be sitting across the bar looking at her with a grin? She sat there comfortably resting her head in her hand, staring directly at Chuuya’s eyes. The ginger regained her composure —which she hadn’t lost thanks to Dazai— and put a giant smile on her face.
“What can I get for you?”
“What do you recommend?” She looked behind Chuuya.
“Black coffee.” Dazai scoffed as soon as she heard the fast reply.
“Maybe something with alcohol?”
Chuuya scanned Dazai’s face, looking for the usual smug grin she made whenever they talked or even faced each other, but there was not a single trace of a smile on her face. Neither was there the sarcastic tone Chuuya was accustomed to.
“Irish coffee?”
“Irish coffee.”
They didn’t say a word to each other until Chuuya had made the cocktail and served it to Dazai. She took the cup, gave it a brief look, and then took a sip. She was silent and looked nowhere near like the persona she portrayed at university. That sparked Chuuya’s interest.
“So, do tell me, what is Osamu Dazai doing at a newly opened bar, alone on a Friday night?”
“Better alone than in bad company.” She replied, very quietly. Strangely, quietly considering it’s Dazai.
“That doesn’t apply to you, though.” She was grinning with anticipation for her reaction. But Dazai didn’t bat an eye. That was weird.
“You know me so well, Chuuya.” Another quiet reply, with a trace of sarcasm.
Then Chuuya started to worry. But couldn’t bring herself to ask her anything, after all, they weren’t on good terms and it was mostly —if not completely— Dazai’s fault. Not that they were best friends exactly, but at least they talked. After the incident, they were avoiding —mostly Chuuya— each other. Could someone blame her? Not at all, that was partly the reason why Dazai never told her anything when she yelled at her or tried to annoy her between classes. She had all the rights to do so. They both knew.
“What whisky did you use?” The silence was broken by Dazai, quietly talking, again.
“Why?” She raised an eyebrow, resting her hand on her hip, ready for whatever bullshit she was gonna say.
“Just asking.”
Chuuya saw the bottle, incredulous. Then replied in a not-so-aggressive tone.
“Green spot.”
“It’s good, thanks.”
Now she was spooked. Out of all the times Chuuya had heard Dazai saying “thanks”, she never expected to hear it directed at her.
“Are you already drunk?”
It was an automatic response. She sounded a lot more aggressive than she liked. And Dazai didn’t reply.
“Are you drunk for real?” No reply either. “The Demon Prodigy getting drunk with a single Irish coffee, who would’ve thought?”
“Disturbing your customers is also part of the job? Also, no one calls me Demon Prodigy anymore.” She read the name on the silver plate on her apron. “Nakahara Chuuya.”
“Are you pretending you don’t know me now?” She tried hard to keep a kind, non-aggressive tone, but there was something about Dazai that made her react on the spot, without thinking twice.
“Wasn’t that what you have been doing since the start of the semester?”
“As if you didn’t know whose fault it is.” She muttered. Her first day at her part-time job, and she was already annoyed.
Dazai wasn’t feeling any better either. Trying hard not to show it on her face, she laid down facing the bar, hiding her face between her crossed arms. Chuuya was speechless, she couldn’t understand a thing and neither wanted to. Why did she have to come inside in the first place? This coffee shop was at the corner and besides, there were a lot of other places near to go for a drink. Not only that but did she get drunk on an Irish coffee? That’s beyond weird, it’s bizarre. Chuuya didn’t know Dazai on a personal level, but she never, in her wildest dreams, would’ve thought the brunette could get drunk with a gentle cocktail such as an Irish coffee.
“I’m-” Dazai muttered something Chuuya couldn’t understand.
“Huh?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Now I know you’re drunk .”
“I’m not, just a little sleepy, this position is comfy.” She raised her head to look Chuuya straight in the eyes. “You should try it.”
She gave it a try —it really was comfy. Now both were facing down the bar and their heads almost touching. If the other moved they could feel it, but neither moved. Instead, they talked.
“I’m sorry for that group presentation. I am.”
Dazai talked so softly that it took all the resentment on Chuuya to not tell her it’s fine , because it wasn’t.
“I almost lost my scholarship thanks to that, did you know?”
“I do. Sorry.”
Chuuya sighed, partly annoyed at the brunette but at herself too. Dazai not showing up to that presentation made her get a low grade and it could’ve led to her losing the one thing that allowed her to study at that university. All her efforts from years were almost thrown away because some prick princess didn’t do something as simple as showing up to the presentation. It wasn’t something easy to forgive for her, yet here she was, thinking maybe Dazai was actually sorry and something surely happened to her on that day.
“May I ask the reason?”
“To what?”
“You never showed up, nor sent a message, at least you could’ve sent your part. You did nothing and still got the grade.” Chuuya was getting mad just thinking about it. “All because you have a pretty face and that persona you put on with other people. I don’t get it, isn’t it tiring? Do you ever break? Or is it your real personality? Why would you fake so much, even if you revealed your shitty personality, everyone would still love you for that pretty face of yours.” She was just rambling non-stop until she did, and at that moment she heard a soft laugh.
“Is it funny?”
“A bit.” Dazai raised her head and took a big sip of her coffee. “Do you wanna keep going or can I talk?”
“Go ahead, it's not like anything you said could change how I feel about it.”
“Are you sure?” She smirked. There was the Dazai she knew.
She scoffed, waiting patiently for Chuuya to raise her head. And then spoke.
“That day my mother died.”
Chuuya’s expression dropped. She felt a chill down her spine as her eyes opened with the realization. That fact does change everything, making her resentment towards Dazai nothing more than a trivial matter. She hurriedly changed her stunned expression, trying to adopt a calmer attitude to speak. Nonetheless, Chuuya was speechless.
“I know it doesn’t justify my absence, but since you wanted to know so bad I did you the favor. Now, can I have a whisky on the rocks? Actually make it two.” She changed her demeanor, as if it was nothing.
In an instant she could hide her pained expression to replace it with a riled tone and annoyed attitude.
“Dazai…” She didn’t want to hear sympathy words from Chuuya, or from anyone, so she cut her off.
“It’s fine, but I’m serious about the whisky, though.”
Chuuya nodded as she turned empty minded to make the drink. She couldn’t even fathom how terrible it must’ve been. Dazai failed the class, and didn’t even show up for the entire rest of the semester. When did it happen? Was it the exact same day of the presentation? Was it the week before? Why didn’t she at least talk about it with the group? Chuuya wouldn’t have minded her absence if she knew what Dazai told her one semester late. All the questions popping in her head didn’t matter, even so, she couldn’t get her mind to stop. She handed the drink to the brunette and with nothing else to distract her, she couldn’t help but keep wondering.
How much pain did she have to endure for her loss? Chuuya knew that pain all too well. So the next words left her mouth too soon, without thinking this was Dazai she was talking to.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Don’t be, she was better off dead.”
Chuuya was fed up.
“Wha- Look Dazai, I know you think you have to always portray this high end persona with great control over anything, and everything in their life, but you know it is okay to be vulnerable, do you? You can’t be talking so calmly about something that clearly affected you. You failed the class, and you fell behind a whole year because that class is part of the mandatory courses that are prerequisites for more classes.”
As Chuuya finished speaking, Dazai just took a sip from her drink and smirked, but her eyes shined with bitterness.
“Now chibi, what do you know?”
Chuuya felt exacerbated. She could not believe that was the attitude Dazai chose to adopt. As if she were a fifteen year old who thinks they know all and beyond about everything and everyone.
“More than you would think.”
“Yeah, sure” Dazai took another sip as she gazed up to look at Chuuya, trying to suppress her smile seeing her frustrated expression.
“Okay miss know-it-all, I’m done. Just because I work here doesn’t mean I have to tolerate clients with a superiority complex and an inflated ego like yours.”
“No but, you do have to endure it though, it’s not as if you can just leave your position. You’re the bartender Chuuya~”
“Watch me.” She said, stumping out to the door on the side of the shelf, full of bottles of alcohol.
“No~ who will make me my second whisky on the rocks?”
Chuuya didn’t answer as she was already behind the closed door. In the room were all the ingredients and overall inventory for the shop. It was stuffed to say less, there was no room for her to sit, not even a chair in sight. The redhead walked towards a box in the back of the room. As soon as she sat down on the cardboard box, Chuuya let out a sigh. She was feeling tired. It wasn’t even time for her shift to end, but she was done for the evening. This was not her day. First, she had an annoying essay to finish for one class, and ended up rushing it to not be late to her first day at her new job, to then ran into Osamu Fucking Dazai. Even worse, she feels bad for being mad at her for so long, without even knowing the reason behind her actions. Chuuya knows how hard it is to lose a parent. After all, she lost both her parents in a car accident.
If it wasn’t for her brother… She didn’t even want to think about how her life would be.
It’s true that it was difficult to balance working while studying, but it was the only way Chuuya could have money to spend on herself or materials for class without pestering her brother. It’s not like she couldn’t ask her brother for help, she could . Although, that would always be her last option. She didn’t want to bother Verlaine after all he had done for her. She wouldn’t even be alive today if it weren’t for him, who took such good care of her when their parents died in the accident. Chuuya was fifteen at the time, so Verlaine had to work almost four different jobs to be able to pay for her school. Luckily, she got a scholarship for college. The one she almost lost because of Dazai .
When Chuuya finally decided it was enough, Dazai was nowhere to be seen. Instead, there was a piece of paper with something written in black.
Dear Nakahara Chuuya,
As one would assume, I indeed failed the course in which I lacked participation. I must say, one would’ve thought the solution was to simply retake it next semester, however, it was brought to my attention the existence of a pleasant facility, one that could help me with my studies. I would’ve hoped you knew about the vacation courses, as they are essential to keep waltzing along the frantic rhythm of the melodies of knowledge.
Sincerely and entirely yours, Osamu Dazai.
Chuuya couldn’t help but chuckle, shaking her head as soon as the thought “maybe she’s not that bad after all” crossed her mind.
A week had passed since the conversation they shared at the coffee-sort-of-bar shop, and Dazai had already forgotten all about it. It was Friday once again, and the week went by as fast as the wind blowing the tree’s leaves. When Dazai arrived at her apartment, the last thing she expected was to see Yosano sitting comfortably on her sofa.
“Hey you, had a nice evening at my place?” She said, closing the door behind her and taking off her trench coat.
Yosano smirked, putting down her phone to watch Dazai go to the kitchen aisle to get a cup of water. She couldn’t wait to share some news with her, so she thought it would be a cute little sisterly evening, but Dazai took long enough to arrive so she got bored of waiting and resolved to dozing off on her sofa. But now that the brunette had arrived she couldn’t contain her excitement.
“I have interesting news to break to you.” Yosano said, with an even bigger smirk.
Dazai raised an eyebrow. “Please, do tell.”
“A pretty girl was asking about your whereabouts.”
This wasn’t something out of the ordinary, so Dazai wondered who it was that made Yosano make that scary smiley face.
“And… Do we know her?”
“Oh yes we do… Nakahara Chuuya.”
Dazai choked on her water. She stopped every movement, she stood there dumbfounded, staring at Yosano. Now she knew why she was smirking. She couldn’t stop coughing and Yosano started to laugh.
“I knew it would shock you.” She said with a chuckle.
“I was pretty sure that she hated me with her guts, so yeah”
“Apparently not anymore, either way I gave-” Yosano was cut off by Dazai’s ringtone.
She signaled Yosano to wait as she picked up the phone to answer the call from an unknown number.
“Did you see your mail?” Said the caller as soon as she attended the call.
“And this is…?”
By the little scoff she heard Dazai knew who the caller was.
“You really don’t recognize my voice?” Dazai could see her rolling her eyes. “It’s Chuuya, now please open your mail.”
She didn’t have time to reply as Chuuya had already ended the call. It was a short, precise and concrete call, she wouldn’t have expected more from her.
“Who was it?” Yosano loved to tease Dazai.
“Oh you know…”
Dazai moved from the kitchen to her desk, which was near the couch where Yosano was sitting, and she could feel her friend’s stare as she opened her laptop.
“I’m afraid I do not know” Yosano was smirking
“You should, you gave her my number, didn’t you?”
“So she did call!” She screamed. “What did she say?”
She didn’t reply, instead she focused on her mail. A small smirk began to form at the corner of her lips as she finished reading. The odds were not in Chuuya’s favor, but Dazai saw this as an opportunity to get on the good side of the redhead, not that she cared that much, but it’s always good to have contacts.
“So…?” Yosano asked.
“We have to do an assignment together.”
Yosano was the only one excited about it, except she was not .
“Damn, I thought she had finally fallen to your charms, such a shame… considering you’ve had a crush on her since-”
“Not anymore.”
“Yeah… sure.”
And just like that, Dazai remembered why she never tried to apologise to Chuuya. She knew the damage that she’d done. She couldn’t dare face it. Face her.
“Samu, can you offer me a drink or something?”
“I’m on it.” She said, but her mind was already on something else entirely.