Chapter Text
Gölet
My heart and head hurt, my eyes felt like they were dripping with water, my torso felt like it was broken, bruised and battered. I wasn’t supposed to feel like this, like I was in a human’s body. But here I was, half in and half out of the mortal plain of being. Kahin made a sound similar to a gag behind me, it seems the library had a silent affect even over the more loud-mouthed spirits. Wan Shi Tongs’ library echoed our nonexistent footsteps, as though mocking us on our lucid form in this state. Kahin, who was very well travelled, let out a large sigh, followed by a choking noise, a soft laugh and a rather loud yell, sending my senses into a jump as my body tensed at the loud yelp.
“Kahin, warning.” I hissed as a fox fled away from the two of us. A few of Kahin’s mouth curled up. Fuck, I made the crucial mistake with the spirit of the word, I spoke. Before I could stalk away to find Wan Shi Tong, he opened his big mouth. Predictable.
“Oh please, you know what this plain does to me, isn’t that why I got a ban from the mortal realm all those kunen-mo ago? Seriously, a ban, you know that was the first ban I got? if I’m really thinking, I convinced Sacha to make all those tiny trees, and, oh, what are they called now? Bushes, thought it was going to be a waste of water, and Sacha’s time, and her spirit, and Mori had to go and get that round table up and Sacha was wailing and the forest partly died and Hei Bai got so pissed at her cause she let some of his forest die you had just moved around Wù zhǎozé and then you got pissed cause that tree that wraps around the spirit plane, you know the one, you know Sacha, she said that you had moved some of the vine water and that because…” That was the moment I stopped listening. Seriously, fuck this guy, ever since the humans discovered ‘lying’ he’s been an absolute nightmare. Fuck though, he’s a good storyteller, and, well, a mostly good influence. Sharing the stories of the different nations, and ideas and the spread of knowledge reaching others before the scrolls could. But, now I’m stuck with him for the next four nettaiya. Stupid spirits Kahin gets on my nerves.
Wondering the library was dull, but what wasn’t in the mortal plain. My head fluttered with thoughts, and all of a sudden I lurched forward, stumbling were I shouldn’t, spirits don’t fall. Fuck my head hurt. It was happening directly again. That sick humanly feeling I get when I spent time in the mortal realm, it felt like passing trough millions of humans at once, giving me that twist of crushing emotion. Kahin stopped.
“Gölet, is it happening?” I nodded my head in response. Kahin sighed, eyeing me strangely. It was no secret here, in the spirit world, that I was one of the many spirits that couldn’t take being in the mortal realm in our natural form.
(Unless you wanted to feel like your essence was being dispersed, and utterly torn apart, losing your sense of self, the type only immortals and gods tat have seen few to many moons have, before you, yourself, start short circuiting, and your left with a shattered mind and you’re scattered over the world. (yeah, not fun, every single spirits worst fear)).
But unlike the other spirits, I had never taken on a suited mortal form, I’ve only ever looked, twisted myself like this, which in a plain that doesn’t support the lucid type, does a toll if your not careful. Most pickup an animal persona, twining themselves with symbolism and superstitions surrounding the animal. It’s a good guise.
Kahin, the spirit of the mouth, doesn’t feel this affect, most of the more directly human related spirits have no issue existing on all plains of being, but that means more of the human related spirits, like Kahin, are barely heard of. There are scrolls of him down here in the library, that tell amazing tales, (though you could just ask him yourself). But nobody knows the correlation between being able to pass through plains with ease, and being worshipped and known. And if you ask me, and you are not to repeat this to Kahin, he is one of the most important spirits. Seriously, where would the world be without speech?
“Gölet,” He let out ten breathy sighs, “I think you should… do it.” My eyes widen in shock. fuck, was he seriously saying that?
“Seriously?” I ask, shooting him a look. He frowns, his mouths scowling.
“You know how I feel about it, you basically fuck off for half a kunen-mo, and leave me and Shinogu to cover. Not to mention Tui and La get a bit pissy when you don’t show up on your usual pond cleaning duties…”
“We both know I do more then that.” I shot back at him.
Kahin was stumbling over his words, shit. “But if you need, well, that, to be prepared for this, then you need to do it. You know what Agni will say, and, oh, you need to tell Tui and La, don’t worry, me and Shinogu will cover, Gyeolsa will help,” He paused, “No, no this is a good thing, we need footmen for this anyway, now we don’t have to worry about rounding up the Sprites.” He shot me a smile.
“You know I don’t actually remember anything when I do this, right? None of us do.” Even though Kahin was a pain, being spirit of the mouth meant he always knew exactly what to say. A bundle of knots in my stomach loosened. None of this was right, Spirits shouldn’t feel like this, like humans. I’m letting myself get lost in mortality.
“I’ll remind you.” He said it so firmly I almost believed him. It was the infliction that threw me off. Spirits, by nature, are gullible being, so that’s why Kahin is so ‘dangerous’, he manipulates more than I can imagine, I’m sure I’ve been fed lies too, though I would have no idea what those lies would be. “How long has it been,” he asked softly, “since you went into the mortal realm in that form?”
I reached through my mind to find that last time. I could remember last time so clearly, it was, to me, to that version of myself, one of the best lives I had. It was filled with her laugh and the feeling of humidity, and the coldness of the plants touch, and the warmth of theirs. I really fell into that life, I completely forgot what it was like to be my soul and became lost in the rhythms of humanity. I had completely forgotten myself, and when I returned here, that scared me. This is what I was, a spirit, not human, and no amount of form shifting could change that. But it had in that life, it had changed, and now, remnants of that lifetime, slipped into my conscious, and the human I had forged in that life, screamed and begged me to answer if this was what he always was, a spirit, trying to escape his duties and trick himself and convince the world that he was more then a poised and dutiful spirit, with no sense of authenticity, or self. That version of myself was normally quite wrong about these sorts of things.
“Maybe, two kunen-mo? Maybe three?” I whispered, looking down.
“Three kunen-mo? I’ve got to give it to you, you’ve got resilience, Agni has only been able to make it through longer than you.” Kahin looked at me, his mouths in tight lines. “This is good, we need footmen, this is perfect, but you should go, just to make sure you’ll be ready when it hits. These next human years are going to be the greatest they’ve needed the spirits since last… fuck, I cant even remember, humans are so needy, you know, and if they need us this bad then something going on that will shake us up too. We’ve had the paths closed since the Avatar, now I think it was the first, or the second, wait what was his name, it escapes me at the moment, Wa- something…”
I let out a groan, half of annoyance half because a ripe hit my… gut, maybe? I’m not exactly sure of the human anatomy when I’m not in the human anatomy. I think I was stabbed there in a past form, maybe a two or five ago? Probably five, I had been stabbed a lot in five lifetimes ago, it was a lifetime I remembered distinctly. That version of myself, Ha-Jun was my name then, was usually silent in my mind, I think he might still be in a bit of shock, or denial, or both. Though sometimes, after the other had finished rattling my brain, he would whisper twisted sorts of things in the corner of my mind, he was a version of myself that scared me, he reminded me that even I was not safe from giving into that echo of mindlessness, the one that lizard-sharks have when they operate on instinct alone. The mindless brain of order, and mechanical killing to survive, no emotion, no grief, no thoughts to call their own. That is what I feared about humanity. Their depraved mind, and that’s why I hated going there, I didn’t know what the world would twist me into, I was a product of my environment. I was not my own, I had no control.
“Please, you know I can’t help, humans are useless, to spirits, aside from general maintenance on the ‘sacred spaces.’” I shot Kahin and smirk and he let out a chuckle. “I can’t believe you convinced them all to build those temples for us, I mean, what a waste of material. They know it just has to be practical right, like only the ‘Sages’ and the ‘Nuns’ will be useful, the duties they carry is the only thing we care about, not how they dress or if they create tiny little humans or not,” I snorted “Frankly, I know Tui and La don’t care about the offerings of the water tribes enemies, and Agni said something similar a while ago, you know Tui made me go down there and tell them to cut that shit out, it was making her feel faint. I said it a lot better then that though. You should have seen me Kahin, I was all like ‘Your sacrifice displeases the spirits, alter your mistake, or you will feel the full wrath of La!’” I laughed, “it scared the shit out of them. Now they do some dance ritual instead, which Tui and La both like a lot more.” Kahin beamed at me.
“Is that why your being no fun now? You used it all up with that announcement!?” He smiled, “If I knew you could be lying little trickster, I would have been way more eager to come down to this place with you.”
“Well, it’s not like I was jumping at the opportunity to spend time with gabber mouth here,” I shot him a look when he feigned offence. “Seriously, could you talk any less?”
“And could you be any more stupid? Asking the literal embodiment of talking, to shut up? You should stick to you puddles, pond scum.” Kahins’ eyes lit up as he realized the double entendre. A groan escaped my lips and I tried to shoo him away from my spot on the floor of the library.
“Shut the fuck up Kahin,” I rolled my eyes.
“Do you get it? Pond scum, because that’s part of your duties, and because scum is an insult, do you get it Gölet, do you? I didn’t even get it till I said it, though, that happens a lot, I don’t really need to think before I speak, I often don’t have a lot to say on my own, most of my words are words already being spoken, or ones that have been spoken or one that-“ another movement from an invisible force and suddenly I lurched forward. Fuck, those voices were getting louder now, and I could feel my soul fighting to stay in control. Another lurch. I sat bolt upright as a pain rang through my head, and all of a sudden, my arm felt like it been set on fire, a feeling I was used to three lives ago. Kahin gasped. I dared a look.
Skin. Skin was coating my arm like armor, and I had…nails? Is that what they were called? Or fingers, or was that toes?
“Motherfucker.” I swore and my voice was shaky. Kahins’ eyes darted between me and the arm.
“Can I touch it?” He asked. I held out the unsteady arm.
“Go for it.” He grabbed the arm forcefully and my body shuddered with a response. Weird. A sinking feeling entered in my stomach. I was so dizzy, I needed to sit down, I was already sitting. I wanted to sleep, I was so tired, I wasn’t supposed to get tired, spirits weren’t supposed to get tired. I was falling. I felt myself rock forward, into the dark.
~~~~~~
I wasn’t really aware that I seemed to have moved, that I had gone from being on the floor against the bookshelf, to standing next to Kahin. I took a step away from him, turning slightly towards were I was sitting. It was there, were I had been just moments ago, was Bengt. I shot a sideways glance at Kahin, but his eyes were fixed of Bengt. On the man slumped against the shelfs.
I knew who he was, As much as they like forget me, I don’t forget them. He was a past form. The man I had grown to be in the human realm last time I went there. I remembered what it felt like to be in his body, his mind was my own, separated from the Spirit plain of existence. He was as much me as I was myself. I wasn’t possession. Possession requires that there was a soul in the body already, and implies that Bengt and I were two separate entities, when we were the same thing. No, possession requires a takeover, a capture of the body and gaining control. That was me becoming human. And what was happening in front of my eyes now, well this, this was my unbecoming.
“Wow, nice impersonation Gölet!” Kahin said, a bit breathlessly. That’s when he spoke.
“Where am I! Who,” his eyes narrowed. “What. What are you” he pointed at Kahin. Instead of reacting like any other spirit, (as in snaping at the human with a result of Bengt cowering in such a powerful spirits presence), Kahin laughed manically. I didn’t understand, why was he taking shit from this human?
“Wow Gölet! What a show! Are you still there, or has this conscious taken over?” His eyes were still solely fixed on Bengt.
“Wheres Gölet!? Where am I beast?” he said pintedly at Kahin. the human paused looking around, “Where did you take her? Where is Fēn!?” he tried to surge forward, but his feet were firmly on the ground. He screamed, a pure sound of pain. “Beast, unhand my wife! Fēn! Fēn! Darling! Fēn! Are you there Fēn!” His screams echoed around the library, of course, Fēn did not reply, for she was not, in fact, there. Kahin was practically in tears from laughing so much. Out of seemingly nowhere, a knowledge keeper fox dashed towards the human quickly, stopping right in front of him with a book in his mouth.
“We here at Wan Shi Tong Library ask that you, Bengt, human of the Wù zhǎozé, and, Gölet, spirit, guardian and keeper of the sacred waters of Tui and La, keeper of the Spirit Pools, Estuaries and Tidepools, refrain from yelling throughout this building.” The voice came from the fox, though the mouth did not move. The fox turned to Kahin. “We here at Wan Shi Tong Library ask that you, Kahin, spirit of the mouth and spoken word, refrain from yelling and provoking human attackers in this building.” The fox centered itself between, Kahin and Bengt. “Enjoy your stay in Wan Shi Tong’s Library!” and with that, the fox was gone.
Bengt’s eyes were wide, and he whipped his head in every direction, as though searching for something. “Where the fuck am I?” this time the human spoke with a whisper. “Where the fuck am I?” Bengt repeated again. Kahin was seemingly very amused by this, smirking at him, which was apparently the wrong reaction, as Bengt started to yell. “WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!” Kahin responded quickly, with a simple,
“What do you think is happening,” as chatty as Kahin was, he had one power over humans that didn’t work on spirits. Getting people to talk. At this, Bengt blinked, the rage visibly dissipating. He cocked his head to the side like a child, as if he didn’t understand what he was hearing. Which would fair, he probably beyond confused with this whole situation. So was I, if I was being honest, and Kahin undoubtedly was as about as bewildered as you could get, he was just a bystander, a third party. This was between me and Bengt.
“I think… I think I’m in the Wan Shi Tong library?” Bengt seemed to ask Kahin. He looked around the room before returning is gaze to Kahin, a blank stare. Kahin gave a nod of encouragement as if to say ‘continue’. “I’m in Wan Shi Tong’s library. And…” he seemed to search his mind for a second. “And you’re Kahin, the spirit of the mouth and spoken word.” He spoke slowly, echoing the words the fox had said. “You’re Kahin. And I’m… I’m…Bengt? Yeah, I’m Bengt, from the Wù zhǎozé. That reminds me, have you seen my wife, Fēn? About this tall, ” He made a gesture to his ears. “Really beautiful, like, stunning, gorgeous really… have you seen her? I told her I would look for her when I got to the spirit world, after… after I died.” He frowned “I died? I did… didn’t I?” his head shook, dropping low so his chin was almost against his throat, neck thing, before immediately perking up again. Humans, so ever erratic. “Why did the fox refer to me twice? Once as myself , the other as…as… Gölet.” He paused, frowning. “I know that name, Gölet.”
“I would hope so, it is your name.”
“No, I’m Bengt.” His frown was turning into a scowl. “I know Gölet. He… he…” Bengt grabbed his head, pulling at his hair. Suddenly, his legs stopped shaking, and he became, well, almost calm. If you could call it that. Kahin and I could both see the anger that pooled under his skin. “Where the fuck is he?” he snapped at Kahin.
“Bengt, I know its hard to understand these sorts of spirit things-“
“Shut the fuck up Kahin,” he said his name like a curse. “Where’s Gölet? Where’s the thing that took my body, and stole my mind? Where is that bastard? I’ll kill him, you know? I’ll kill him for what he did to my life!” He twisted his torso around, a look only an rabid animal can get.
For the first time since I woke up on the other side of the room, since Bengt appeared, Kahin turned to look at me. Not Bengt. He looked at me and I realized, I had lost it. I had lost my body, my physical form to one of the past forms. To Bengt. And now he thinks his entire life he was possessed by an evil spirit, that he had no control his whole life. Which is… well terrifying to even think about really. I had just been watching this whole situation unfold, I hadn’t even said a word. I really was in fucked.
“Listen, Bengt. I get it, not really, it more of a saying really, but Gölet did not ‘possess’ you, and frankly, that’s a really loaded word with a lot of negative connotations to spirits. But he can’t possess himself!”
“What the fuck do you mean?”
“You are Gölet.” Kahin said it as though it was painfully that simple for the human mind to understand. Bengt blinked.
“What?” he hissed.
“You are Gölet, but Gölet isn’t you. Make sense?” Bengt predictably shook his head in dazed manner. Kahin simply sighed. “Gölet.” He spoke slowly, as though he was explaining it to a human, which, shit, he was doing that. “Is a spirit. Spirit lives in the Spirit world. No can go into Material world. Stays here. In spirit world. To go to your world, he changes to a physical body.” Kahin turned to me, “Do you think ‘physical’ is word he’d understand?”
“I know what physical means, idiot,” Bengt spat. “Who are you talking to? Is he there? Is Gölet there?” he turned his gaze roughly in my direction. “Do you hear me Gölet, do you hear me? I’m going to fucking kill you! I’m going to fucking ruin you!” I didn’t know exactly how he planned to kill a spirit with no weapon, but the threat still made me wince. Kahin spoke up again.
“Gölet is you Bengt. When Gölet needs to go the material world for duties, his spirit is placed into an infant that has not yet been seen by the spirit, I mean minutes old. Gölet lives in that body, but he has no memory of his past forms or his ‘life’ as a spirit. Other spirits guide him in these forms to help remind him of his duties. So, while he’s in the material world, he is you. When he returns to the spirit world only after your body, well, dies…he is returned here, his spirit is. And his life of Bengt is compartmentalized in his conscious, so while you think Gölet was ‘possessing’ you. It was you that was parading around pretending to be human, so much, that you tricked yourself as well.” Bengt dropped on the floor.
“I was never real? Is that what you're saying right now?”
“In a sense, you were never a human. But that doesn't mean you never lived.” Kahin said smoothly. “You had a life, didn’t you? You had friends and family, and all humanly things! You did live.” He reassured. Bengt slumped against the wall.
“Why, what did he make me, was I ever even a person? Was I never human?” He sniffled. “What am I?” Kahin turned and shot me a look of pity.
“I don’t think even Gölet knows.” Kahin said softly. Bengt blinked, gazing sadly into Kahin’s eyes.
“I’m tired, Kahin, I just want to see Fēn.”
“Then sleep” Bengt closed his eyes and I saw the opening, I stepped quickly over to him and walked into still body.
~~~~~~
“Hey, Gölet?” someone shook my shoulder. “You feeling like yourself again?”
“Piss off Kahin.” I groaned as my body ached from contorting back to my form.
“Some thanks I get, no ‘Thanks Kahin from stopping my past conscious from killing me’.”
“He couldn’t of killed me.” I scoffed.
“It’s the thought that counts buddy. It’s the thought,” He waved his hand airily. “Has ever happened before? Your other consciousnesses slipping through and taking their physical body back off you?” I stand up against the shelf, groaning slightly from the throbbing pain in my head.
“Never, I’ve heard of it happening though, but that was more like a consensual agreement between conscious and spirit.”
“Gölet, I think you need to go to the material world immediately, imagine this happening in front of Tui and La? Or Shinogu? He’d dob you in straight to Agni and all the high spirits, he has a thing for drama.” I nodded my head slowly.
“Yeah, I have to go…I have to leave, right? I don’t want another repeat of… whatever this was.” I made a sweeping to my body.
“I’ve got this Gölet. Shinogu, Gyeolsa and I have got this. You need to go so we don’t have Bengt repeat, and didn’t you say he’s one of the more…” he paused, as though searching the air for the word. “easy lives you’ve experienced?” I shuddered at the thought of someone like Ha-Jun coming to the spirit world with a physical body.
“Can you get me to Tui and La? I need to get out of this fucking library.”
“Don’t have to tell me twice.” And with that, Kahin linked his arms around my torso and with that, the library slipped away.
~~~~~~
Kahin was doing what Kahin did best, talking. Tui and La were swimming through the milk-colored smoke surrounding us, gliding aimlessly through the fog, creating beautiful patterns and swirls in their wake. Tui and La were creatures of routine, so finding them whirling in tight, controlled circles was really nothing new, but despite this, their curved bodies and polished scales of their form still made my mind feel entranced by the beauty. A rising from my position on the floor, I tried to sit with some level of decorum, which is how Tui immediately knew I needed something.
In the spirit world, there is no real hierarchy of spirits. Yes, some spirits are very much more important than others, but that doesn’t give them innate power over ‘lesser’ spirits. Of course, you know as well as I do that the Humans just love their celestial bodies, so of course Agni and Tui were very high up in terms of worship. Humans also worship the Earthen Spirits, (in their plethora), as well as their Ocean spirit and the many Air sprites. Makes sense right? Humans had the ability to control their elements, particularly these four elements, so of course they’d dedicate so much time and devotion to the ones that ruled their bending. The ones that controlled their great power. Gave them that great power. But though I won’t deny how much of a blessing it is to receive bending in the Material world, I have very often thought that humans do tend to indulge in the awes of this power. Of course, this discovery did come from my own fruition.
In one of my past lives, long before Bengt, I was raised in the Southern Water Tribe with six other siblings. Panikpak was my name then, and out of the six of us, four of us had water bending. I was not one of them. I’m never one of them. While they would go off and be educated to the fullest extent of our tribes’ capacity, the non-benders, Qailertetang, my non-bender sister and I would learn the women’s work, with my aunties who were also non-benders. While my prodigy siblings were praised for the innate take of either healing or the fighting katas, Qailertetang and I would get bustled around the village, cleaning and cooking, as my bender sisters “would not have the time after being in the healing hut.” Qailertetang and I would do anything and everything together. We were inseparable, so much so that people often speculated we must bound by our spirit. She and I were perhaps the best thieves in the South Pole, we could get away with anything, stealing preservatives from the storage hut, taking the canoes out at twilight to the dawn, taking fishing supplies, the threads and fabrics from the families bragging about their new tapestries. No body ever suspected us, who would? Just two non-bender sisters who weren’t particularly skilled at anything.
Over the course my years with my little sister, I grew resentment to the tribe, my mother and father, my siblings who could water-bend. One night, when Qailertetang and I had taken the nets and canoe out past the bay’s protective currents, I told her of how I wished I could water bend. Qailertetang just shook her head.
“Panikpak, if you could water-bend, where would that leave me? Puttering around the village all day being the tribes very own maid? At least now I have you with me! You really wish to abandon this?” She gestured to the pillars of ice reflecting the sunset onto the glassy water. Instead of a crips white, the ice looked a soft orange, the sea an odd green. “If you were a water bender you would never get out of Mum and Dads sight. You would spend all day cramped up in the healing huts, and no matter how much Piguttuk taunts me about given a healing education ‘worthy of a royal’ I know she hates being in those boring lessons were they repeat the point over and over again to hide the fact they have not that much to teach anymore. You really want to be trapped in their world instead of your life of independence?”
“No, I mean, just imagine being seen though? Being addressed not as ‘my daughter’ or ‘my niece’ and by my name. Why’d they even give us names if they never use them? The benders get addressed by theirs. ‘ooooohhh, Piguttuk! Come and heal this! Juatan! Patch this Iglu up for me! Bending this! Bending that! Blah blah blah!’ if I had magic water, I wouldn’t be such a show off!” Qailertetang snorted.
“If you had bending you would never shut up! And it’s not ‘magic’, it's waterbending! And it's -.”
“Yeah, yeah, ‘an ancient art unique to our culture’, blah, blah, blah. Look, I'm just saying is that if I had magic powers, I'd still keep a level of my humility.”
“You have humility?”
“Very funny Qailertetang, I’ll have you know I’m only the second-best burglar in the South Pole.” She shot me a confused glance. “You’re the first.” I pointed out.
“Stop it!” she squealed in mock delight “You flatter me Panikpak. But I would be nothing without my grand accomplice! And together we are the greatest Water Tribe’s men the world has ever seen!” with a cry Qailertetang jumped up onto her feet rocking the canoe violently to the left.
“Spirits Qailertetang! Get down! I’m not saving you if you fall. You’ll be on your own!” That was one of the best nights I ever spent with Qailertetang. We laughed and ate our way through the summer evening, wrapped in our parkas and seal-skin tarps. And when we returned in the dawn, trailing behind our catches that had gotten entangled in the nets, predicably nobody had noticed us missing. They never did.
Later that year, I died.
Qailertetang was inconsolable, and she wept and shrieked when they dragged my bloody corpse out of the water. It was a miracle they had even found the corpse; it had washed ashore unexpectedly; the people of the village assumed me to be washed away with the current. I suspect La had something to do with that. They took my body back to the village and performed my rites there, not that I needed them. I wasn’t ever a human soul. Despite myself, I kept watching over Qailertetang. I watched her grow up, get married to a nice boy, have children, grow old, become an elder, teach the children about the spirits. Some nights, I noticed, when her husband was sleeping, and her children were gone, she would wander out to the stone circles where Panikpak’s body was buried. She would put her head down and kneel, her hands placed on her lap. And she would tell Panikpak her stories, ones about her husband’s travels, her children’s quarrels, our siblings bending feats, though she always rubbed that bit in, teasing me about how I never split an iceberg in two.
Later, many years later, Panikpak and I watched as Qailertetang left this world as well, then we left, back to the Spirit world. Panikpak would never see her sister again. Spirits can’t join human souls in the afterlife. Panikpak stayed silent in my conscious after that.
As depressing as this story is, it taught me a valuable lesson. Humans are creatures of greed, and they lust for power. They will always situate themselves as close to power as they can, and this is almost always their downfall. The ones that learn this lesson in their lives, are always happier, live more full lives than those who don’t. My family, my tribe in Panikpak’s life, cared for bending because they think bending alone means power. By this association human make, this alone makes them laughable creatures.
Even if I was one of the numerous spirits that care for the world’s waters, I wasn’t well acquainted with the praise we received from the water tribes on the other side. I have to admit, they only ever praise Tui and La. Never me, never Ogawa, not Yeongjang, nor Varṣā, Pado, Ām̐dhī, Salkhi, or any of the water sprite. So yeah, feeling a lot of gratitude over in the Water Tribes.
See, that’s what the Earth and Air folk had down pat, they actually worshipped all the spirits. Not just the supposedly all-encompassing Tui and La. Many humans didn’t even know other water spirits existed. Really only the people from Wù Zhǎozé worshipped more than one water deity, as well as many nature spirits. Actually, they primarily revered Sacha and Myself. Made sense, trees and water.
But even though Tui and La were worshipped far more than myself, it doesn’t give them innate power over me. It does, however, give them a lot more power over the worlds, Spirit and Material. With their influence over the worlds, getting to my new human body is a far easier. So, slowly I sat up, preparing for the impromptu meeting.
“Gölet,” Tui cut through what Kahin was saying. “You’re supposed to be at the Library." I looked at Kahin, my eyes darting between Tui, La and Kahin, trying to figure out what Kahin had already said, and, more importantly, how he put it.
“Didn’t Kahin tell you?” I settled on. Kahin gave me a small nod. Tui, rather unimpressed by this answer, pursed her lips.
“That he did. But you tell me. Why have you arrived here, no less with Kahin?” Her voice was full of ice, not doubt she picked that up from La.
“Tui, La, your bodies are in the mortal world, in your pool.” I mean, technically, it was my pool, you know ‘Gölet, spirit, guardian and keeper of the sacred waters of Tui and La, keeper of the Spirit Pools, Estuaries and Tidepools’ that was me, so the pool, did technically belong to me, but I was more of a maid, who also just so happened to be the landlord. Except I could never really kick my tenets out. But I decided now was not the time to bring that back up. “You preserve your state by living fully in the material world. You know it makes you vulnerable, but because you are such… well known, and powerful and important spirits… you know you’ll be protected. No harm will ever come to you as long as the Northern water tribe stands.”
La watched me carefully, his head seemingly moving to the rhythm of which I spoke. Tui seemed a little less interested, her eyes occasionally darting to Kahin, with just a hint of distrust. Nobody interrupted, so I continued.
“Because you are preserved both in the physical world and this one, you have no problems going between the two. And for Kahin, since he is a spirit born of human development, he doesn’t need a physical form in the material world, because at his core, he is a human…thing, for lack of a better word.” Kahin shot me a look of distaste of my language. I winced and mouthed a small sorry.
“And since you and me are both older than the humans we have no connection when it comes for our creation, we are not tied to the humans in a way Kahin and other human-made spirits do. Because of that, passage from one world to the other is…”, harrowing, excruciating, impossible, “Difficult. Its difficult for me, and many other spirits who do not have physical bodies over in the material world, and while most just stay here and do not concern themselves with the physical world, I on the other hand-”
“Have duties there.” La cut through.
“Have duties there.” I echoed, thinking about the preparation I had to go through with Shinogu, and the ways I helped out with Sacha, Tui and La, with Gyeolsa, how I was the practically the errand boy here, and everyone else’s work became my duties.
“I need a physical body, La, I need a body for myself to act as the soul. Otherwise, without this break, the break for my raw spirit from having to withstand the pressure from the human world. I need a body to have the break from the pressure, otherwise I…” I trailed off, trying not to let them know about the incident in the library.
“You need to leave again, don’t you.” Tui said, it was a statement, not a question. She tilted her head in what could’ve been light annoyance or light amusement. I pursed my lips, my eyes focused on the floor.
“Didn’t Kahin tell you about Bengt?” I started carefully.
“Who,” La started. “Is Bengt?” Kahin and I shot each other a look.
“He’s a past human life of mine, the, uh, last one I had.” I treaded lightly “He made a little surprise appearance at the library.”
“How so? Is he not just a compartmentalized version of you? As far as I’m aware, he is not his own soul, so who did he come to be at the library?” Tui asked. I grimaced.
“You’re right Tui, he is just supposed to be a compartmentalized version of me. He is not his own soul, but, it seems he has been, well, restless. He, um, managed to slip through to my, uh, well took control of my form and… I was all of a sudden Bengt again.”
“He was out of control, that’s what he was again.” Kahin muttered to loudly to not be intentional.
“Kahin! No, it wasn’t.” I hissed back. Kahin just rolled his eyes.
“Oh please, you had to wait till he fell unconscious for you to renter your own mind!” There was really no rebuttal to that so I stayed silent, and like a child, I glared intensely at the floor, hoping that it would in some way make this any easier.
“I see,” Tui spoke at last. “So, you’re here to notify us of your leave, and, I assume, to help you find a placement?” And there it was, that was the crux of it really. I needed a body, one that the souls and spirits had skipped over, that would otherwise be a stillborn, devoid of any mind, heart and soul. A body, sure, but a soul is a different thing entirely. What humans forget is they don’t have a soul; they are a soul. They have a body. So that’s what I needed.
“Yes, I…I need placing. I need a body.”
“… and Kahin has talked about you becoming a foot soldier for this event? You are aware of the life you’ll live? It wont be easy like your last one, it won’t be one spent in ignorant bliss.”
Her words stung a bit at that, and a worried feeling washed over me, but it wouldn’t ultimately help anything so I ignored the concern. “Yes, we have discussed it.”
“Poor Shinogu, he’ll be left all alone, for the spirit world preparations for the event, you know how dramatic he is about these sorts of things, let’s see if he ever gets over this one” She giggled under her breath, sending bubble into the air. Shooting Kahin a glance, “and really Gölet, bringing all the world’s most talkative spirit to our Pond? Weren’t the water spirits under express instructions not to share this sacred place with anyone?”
“It was kind of an emergency – “
“I won’t tell a soul – “
“No matter,” Tui’s form slowed and changed, now, she looked like a women, draped in sliver robes, her eyes wide, she moved carefully over to me, floating above the ground. She looked too human in this moment, her appearance not the usual hybrid of human and pure spirit form most Spirits have adopted, but instead, so distinctly human, that it was hard not believe she always was.
Tui made her way across to me as her eyes seemingly darted erratically across the space, searching desperately for something. By the time she had reached me, she had stopped.
“There is a boy in the Southern Water Tribe, he was born moments ago. He hasn’t cried, hasn’t screamed. He was born still. He will die in a matter of minutes.” She raised an eyebrow. “Unless you choose now to intervene? Let this soulless body be your host? Or, stay behind, help us.” But I knew she didn’t want me too do that. I would become too unpredictable, dangerously human. she reached out her hand. I looked around. La was still swimming, Kahin was unusually quiet and Tui looked as calm and poised as ever.
“I’ll find you.” Kahin whispered the promise. “You will pull the event off perfectly, don’t worry about me and Shinogu.”
“Trust me, in this life, I’ll forget even your name, or that there is even a spirit in this world! My mind utterly regresses.”
Kahin shook his head defiantly “No. Not this time.” He said it with such forces that I almost believed him. Almost. I turned back to Tui.
“I guess this is goodbye, for now.” Tui smiled.
“For now, but I think you’ll be seeing us a lot sooner than you’d like,” and she let out a laugh, bubbly and sweet, perfect and polite. Before I could question what she meant, she through her head back and her eyes were widened, she peered into the endless mist. “May you live like a human, By the sun. May you love like a human, by the moon. May you learn like a human, By the earth. And may you have the liberty of a human, and have the freedom from the air.” She smiled. “See you soon, Gölet.” And with a light pinch of my cheek and the kindest smile a spirit has had, she turned to leave. Before I could even say a thing of protest from the endearing pinch, I was already falling down.
~~~~~~
I don’t know how long I was in stasis for, sometimes it takes the spirit a long time or no time at all to cross realms, but I know this. My last coherent thought, my last cohesive memory as Gölet, was someone screaming, loud and fragile, I suspect it was me, but besides that. I remember a woman crying, a man scooping my tiny body out of her arms as he whispered, “Welcome home Sokka.” I liked that name.